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Sad discovery: I have so many opinions about Momma characters

Momma, 12/14/12

I was trying to figure out a “Francis is secretly blowing people for money down at the bus station” joke here, but then decided that wouldn’t be true to his character. Not because he’s unshakably heterosexual or anything, but because he’s notoriously lazy. Francis doesn’t do anything with the word the “job” in it, and fellatio takes a dedication to craft and an interest in other people that he’s simply never demonstrated.

Pluggers, 12/14/12

The first rule of senior plugger fight club is: you do not talk about senior plugger fight club, because the details are all hazy, because of the encroaching senility.

Judge Parker, 12/14/12

“When I married your father, and you were 12 and I was 15, I thought, ‘I can’t wait to see that young man walk down the aisle.’ That isn’t creepy at all!”

160 responses to “Sad discovery: I have so many opinions about Momma characters”

  1. lorne
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Actually, I can’t find an explanation for a “job-hunting trousers worn out at the knees” joke that isn’t filthy in some way.

  2. pugfuggly
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Momma By the look on her face, Momma’s already figured out the blowjob angle. Not that she thinks he’s blowing guys to get a job, more likely he’s going down on that old security guard at the Cineplex so he can see a matinee.

    JP Two clean-cut white people in white shirts in a sterile tiled kitchen bereft of any signs of actual food. In a thousand years, when the Smithsonian does an exhibit on life in the 21st century, this is going to be the diorama they use for ‘American Wasp’ .

  3. Oregonian
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    My job-hunting trousers are worn out at the zipper.

  4. Chip Whittle
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:39 am [Reply]

    Curtis just watched “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” for the first time? What, was Curtis’s Dad figuring this kid was a vaguely annoying smear that’d go away if he ignored it long enough, and he only just gave up? Wait, that fits. Maybe Curtis’s Dad takes his parenting advice from Mark Trail.

  5. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    GT: Did I miss a throw-away line stating Fowler’s problem, or is Gil Thorp engaging in some kind of anti-dramatic irony where all the characters know something that the reader doesn’t?

    MW: “Tours of duty”? Christ, she’s not about to flashback to Tet ’68 is she?

  6. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    RMMD – June: “Yes, accepting handouts when you are down on your luck makes you a loser. On the other hand, accepting handouts from the less fortunate, while you are independently wealthy, makes you the world’s biggest winner! For example, I just accepted a free meal from a struggling restaurant owner as a reward for watching my husband give CPR. I could have easily afforded to pay for the meal, but I didn’t, because of the principle of the thing. I even stiffed the waitress – no doubt a single mom who struggles just to feed her children – just to rub it in! 15% of free is still free! Did I mention we own three boats, two of which were gifts from people who have wanted a boat all their lives but now will never be able to afford one? Oh well, I’m off to SeaWorld. We have free tickets! Good luck with the cancer!”

  7. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    A3G-Anything outside of New York City Margo looks down upon. Even certain areas of New York City she looks down upon. There is a five block radius around her apartment which she thinks is alright.

    Spiderman-”Throw my feces at Curly.”

    Crankshaft-I like the stories where the women are washing cars and they start kissing each other.

    Crankshaft 2-Oh! Biblical times beastiality porn.

    FW-”I wouldn’t trust those two dead eyed morons near books. They would probably think they are food and try and eat them or try to fuck them.”

    Gil Thorp-Hey give your wife some of that optimism. I think she can handle a big load of it especially a big load of it on her face.

    JP-I always pictured you as a bride looking so lovely in your wedding gown.

    Love Is-Squeezing her shoulder since that is the only thing that can be squeezed.

    MT-You should have let Otto die, Mark, then you would be king of the island. Of course you would probably still hold yourself hostage.

    MW-At some point in the middle of reading this rambling diatribe the person who just wanted some simple advice has hung themselves.

  8. Chip Whittle
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Grin and Bear It shows off what zany topical fun you get by trying to do political humor on a 10 week lead time.

  9. hogenmogen
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    RMMD: June is pretty forward for knowing this cancer chick for what, a half an hour? Because she participated in the gift of making a banana smoothie, she now feels comfortable asking this girl about her money situation? In any good porn flick, the bonding would be displayed in June throwing that purple bathing suit over the deck rail on to the boardwalk. In RMMD, we get a financial counseling session.

  10. Hibbleton
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    A3G: Aptly, Tommie plays air harmonica while humming The Streets of Loredo.

  11. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth-This is Ted’s way of saying he’ll beat his father with a two by four.

    Pluggers-”Or it could have been when my wife beats me.”

  12. Chareth Cutestory
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Today’s joke premise is about older people who can’t account for the multiple bruises on their bodies. Totally wholesome, totally normal, and nothing to bother speaking to some dumb silly doctor about!

  13. Chip Whittle
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Piranha Club: “Have you ever tried to milk a *urk* walrus?” “No, I usually leave him alone, dear.”

  14. pugfuggly
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    A3G “Mr Ruby is taking me to Dallas! He says he has a few friends in Chicago who have a ‘job’ for him to do. Sounds fun, right?”

    FW So his full nickname is ‘Crazy Classic Rock’? You know what, as long as he shuts up about his shattered dreams, he can call himself Augustus Bonaparte Pillsbury III.

    MT “And what about the giant man-eating flying fish surrounding the island?”
    “You’ll have to talk to Neptune about that one…”

    MW Did Mary just get back from the medical marijuana dispensary? She’s rambling on like an aging hippie…

  15. hogenmogen
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Begging people… NOT to hire you? Do you really have to engage in heavy self humiliation when there are a hundred qualified applicants for an average low-skill position? Unless he’s really into humiliation, but doesn’t want to pay a pro to do it to him.

  16. Doctor Handsome
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Yeah, Josh is right. Francis wouldn’t even wear his knees out praying for a job.

  17. pugfuggly
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Cetacean Love Buzz (#5):

    MW: “Tours of duty”? Christ, she’s not about to flashback to Tet ’68 is she?

    Mary was in the Army Nurse Corps in the ’60s until she wore out the knees on her nursing trousers.

  18. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#7): Crankshaft-I like the stories where the women are washing cars and they start kissing each other.

    Crankshaft 2-Oh! Biblical times beastiality porn.

    Like the stories where the two women are washing their camels and then they start kissing each other? Then the camels join in. “One hump, or two? I’m a dromedary, but I can swing either way!”

  19. Papa
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    Momma has never had to get on her knees for a job. She is always eyes to eye with her boss.

  20. some guy from jersey
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#4):

    You know, if they are going to make this claim in print “It is often called, “The Thinking-Man’s Strip,” for its’ witty approach,” maybe they shouldn’t make it possessive?

  21. hogenmogen
    December 14th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    JP: I marvel at the fact that in such a palacial kitchen, the island is half the size of mine at home. They must need the extra space to house the proverbial elephant in the room.

    Invisible pachyderm: Katherine, the mother of the BRIDE gets bossy about the wedding AND you’re not Randy’s mother. La la la… no one is listening! I know who will win every NFL game in advance, who really shot JFK, a cure for cancer and a workable plan for peace in the mideast, but go ahead and ignore me, Katherine! La la la!

  22. Doctor Handsome
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Hey, fuck you! My unexplained injuries are because I’m a blackout drunk, not some asshole plugger!

  23. Chip Whittle
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    Spider-Man: I enjoy how Peter’s decision to “keep to the shadows up here” is depicted by having him be the brightest, most visible, most attention-gathering object against the vast wall.

  24. TimP
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    JP – What is going on with Katherine’s arms in P1 and P2? Is she folding herself up into an origami shape representing guilt and disapointment?

  25. Pozzo
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Okay, “Pluggers” is coming closer to admitting that it’s a Jeff Foxworthy rip-off. All they have to do now is change “…you’re probably…” to “…you might be…”

  26. Squeak
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    Mama’s kitchen and Katherine’s kitchen are the same size.

  27. Weaselboy
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    MW: So at the end of each storyline, are we going to be treated to a week’s worth of Mary composing her Ask Wendy column by cutting and pasting from bartlettsquotations.com? Congratulations, Mary. You’ve made me actually miss the Chartestone pool parties.

  28. Doctor Handsome
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:18 am [Reply]

    “Francis, how come you have specific ‘job-hunting trousers’ in the first place? How many interviews did you have to botch before they stopped just being your nicest pants?”

  29. Marc
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    9CL- If Brooke was going for sexy with whatever it is that nameless chick just did with her mouth, it came out completely the opposite. That was terrifying.

    A3G- So yep, Lu Ann is being sent away for a few months because they still haven’t come up with any ideas of how to incorporate her into the story line. They seem to have given up or totally forgotten about the “Greg and Lu Ann tour the city and could be dating” sidebar.

    Mark Trail- “That’s swell Otto, you are a thief and a kidnapper but you are a man of your… SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP! What is that giant flying fish circling the island?”
    “Senor Trail, THAT giant flying fish is the reason that we are cut off from the main island.”

    Mary Worth- Maybe it’s just me, but from the look in Mary’s eyes in panel 2, it looks like she’s having a stroke. Of course if that is the case, it still doesn’t seem to be stopping her endless nonsensical rambling.

    Luann- “Stupidity has a knack of getting its way.”- Albert Camus
    And holy shit is this stupid.

    Luann2- I’m trying, and I don’t know why, to figure out what the hell is going on with Rosa’s pants. Is she wearing tight jeans that are intentionally too short with socks pulled up underneath them? Why am I even bothering with that aspect of today’s strip, it’s probably the least stupid part.

    Funky- Because I’m sure a part time job sorting books at a comic book store that never has any customers is going to leave you much better off financially than the goddam pension, severence, and unemployment that you are apparently refusing to take.

    Archie- So this strip originally ran in 1991 I take it. It’s funny because Jughead thinks he’s Kevin Costner.

    Cranky- Haven’t quite kicked that illiteracy fully yet, have ya Ed?

  30. hogenmogen
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    The first panel of A3G is actually from Tommies point of reference. I think I need to shower now to scrub off this sudden, overwhelming sense of boredom.

  31. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Luann – Rosa is making the first move, so by the usual logic of Luann, this means that she’s a slutty slut who deserves to be threatened with rape, amirite, guys?

    Rip – If you’re a fan of Mark Trail, right now Rip Haywire is more Mark Trail than Mark Trail is, and he’s Mark Trail.

    MT – “You know, it’s not so much my friends as my mercenaries that will make this decision, Trail.”

    A&J – I really have loved this entire week of strips. That is all.

    Momma – I’m sorry, I didn’t get past “Job-Hunting Trousers.” Here in the real world, they’re called “nice pants.”

  32. hogenmogen
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    JP: Don’t you need a witness to a marriage? That is, unless Randy figures that as a justice of the peace, he can simply perform the ceremony himself.

  33. Doctor Handsome
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    “I knew you might be upset about this, Katherine, but… the perspective in this room is totally fucked, if the cupboards are supposed to be perpendicular to the floor.”

  34. mojo
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    MW: So, yesterday Mary Worth implores us to recognize our negativity and let go of it. Today she tells us life is “a tour of duty” to “fight sorrow”. I imagine tomorrow’s platitude will be “What you most criticize in other people is what you yourself are often guilty of.” Only without the hanging preposition ‘cuz, like, um, she’s a professional writer.

  35. hogenmogen
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Luann: I can see that Gunther’s arms went rigidly at his side at Rosa’s advance. That’s in character for him. Not shown is what’s normally in character for a 17 year old boy is another appendage suddenly going rigid.

  36. hogenmogen
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Momma: Don’t worry, Francis, no one would hire anyone who wears a tie with a rugby shirt.

  37. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Hellen Clark’s cat.

    Movie sequel that I would go see.

    The Daily Puppy is a kewt lil husky.

    corgi haz a disappoint. (what, no gravy?!?)

    corgi’s gotta dance. (even when asleep.)

  38. seismic-2
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Momma: No, no Francis – you’re supposed to say, “I have no idea… could’ve been when I was cleaning out the gutters, or changing the oil in my truck, or…”. Momma is a Senior Plugger, so she’ll buy it.

    Pluggers: Dominatrix Myriam Woods of Fort Worth, Texas has a whole list of responses prepared for her clients to give when they’re asked where the bruises came from.

    JP: Good job on the guilt trip, Katherine. Really dig it in deep there. Work it like a claw.

    FW: Let’s see – these are the books that Crazy has maintained in pristine condition and that he has spent the last several months sorting and arranging? Yep, we’re really going to need to hire someone to grade and catalog them before we can sell them, especially considering how knowledgeable and ultra-discriminating the customers are who frequent Komix Korner.

    Pibgorn: Brooke confirms just what we had always suspected about how he reviews his strips, to insure that they maintain the very highest standards of artistic taste.

  39. Greg
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    I can see the movie now: The Traveling Slackerhood of the Job-Hunting Fellators. You know, with the characters wearing magic trousers. Box office gold!

  40. Perky Bird
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    If you ever wondered what it would have been like if the Cylon Hybrid in had uttered only platitudes and random selections from “Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations,” just read Mary Worth.

  41. Charlene
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:35 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#2): The turquoise tiled floor is pure 1950s, surely?

  42. hogenmogen
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    A3G: Does this mean another 6 month absence for Luann? Does this mean a new story line involving Margo’s biological parents while leaving the previous one completely unresolved? Does Tommie realize that she’s eating an imaginary sandwich?

  43. Dood
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Are we embarking on a plot that’s completely devoid of a money angle? Weird. At least we’ve still got a strong probability of perkiness.

  44. Mibbitmaker
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Momma: “Please don’t hire me”, begged Francis to the personnel manager, “I’m a stereotype of the unemployed, all lazy and work-averse, and you don’t need someone like that in your employ! Trust me.”

    Pluggers: Unexplained bruises… all over your body? Omigod, Courtney Love is a Plugger?!!!

    JP: “I really wanted to see your guilt trip — uh, uh, I mean — your trip to the alter!!!”

  45. Here come the Judge
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Momma: I doubt that Francis actually has to beg anybody not to hire him. Not hiring Francis would be the basic instinctual response of any sane business owner.

    Judge Parker: I gotta say it- Randy is being kind of a dick here. I guess he has to fill in while Sam is off doing whatever he’s doing. Peaches, maybe? Anyway, somebody has to maintain the level of smug dickishness required by the syndicate.

  46. tb4000
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    9CL: Uncanny valley as the artwork gets at times, I do confess I like the detail in that third panel of Isabel.

  47. Alice
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Luann: Gunther actually manages to pleasantly surprise me in the first panel by actually acting confident and doing something useful. Then he blows it in the second panel by acting as though he’s been flash-frozen. And the cosmic ballet of futility goes on.

  48. Alice
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    I used “actually” twice. Bluh.

  49. teenchy
    December 14th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Pluggers: Senior pluggers may suffer from acute myelogenous leukemia, but don’t wish to trouble their families about it as the cost of treatment would likely bankrupt them.

  50. Doc Handsome
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#22): I probably should’ve capitalized “plugger” there, to clarify the context.

  51. Not Just Any Dipstick
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#48): Be glad. I tend to repeat entire discussions. Well, my side anyway. Be glad. I tend to… Wait, did I write that??

  52. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Momma: Sonia, don’t ask questions when you’re not prepared to hear the answers.

    MT: Otto’s still keeping his eyes on the prize, I see. It shows discipline, but also increases the chances of Mark eventually knocking his mustache for a loop.

    MW: Mary blathering vague nonsense into Microsoft Word has replaced the Charterstone pool party as the standard plot transition device. It is not a welcome change.

    WofI: Yes, go ahead and give the Evil Lawyer ™ a heart attack. I’m sure he doesn’t have any litigious relatives or anything.

    Crock: The camel in the waiter getup is more anatomically impossible than anything he might want to do to Grossie.

    BC: “Modern birds—whatever modernity means in this context—evolved from dinosaurs, which are manifestly still around. Hell, I could use a good cup of joe myself.”

    Garfield: It’s always been one of Liz’s secret fantasies to watch a man make out with his chunky cat. The girl gets more and more interesting all the time.

    DT: “I’ve got a car with a big trunk that will hold the loot AND your cold dead body.”
    “What was that last part again?”
    “… What last part?”

    GT: “Ooh, I love it when you bukkake optimism all over the press.”

    Luann: Gunther and Rosa have to get married now, right?

    M-Dawg: The dude never heard a thing until it was too late. This is why they hate the helmet law.

    A3G: Tommie hid the bong from her off-panel hit just in time, but her lungs are still filled with smoke.

  53. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @Here come the Judge (#45): Re JP: Yeah, if you’re gonna elope, elope. Deal with the consequences – I’ll explain that word later, Randy – down the line. Don’t be a wimp about it.

  54. Mikey
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    MT:
    Tan Doc: Mark risked his Life to save you Otto!
    Otto: Meh…
    MT: An impressive 7 for the Passive Animal Count today
    MW: Dear Wendy, thanks for answering my letter, but I really just wanted to know how to get mayonnaise stains out of my green sweater.

  55. TheDiva
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    JP: Anytime anyone says “why should I be upset?” in this context, they’re almost invariably upset.

    Pluggers are domestic abuse enablers.

  56. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    FW – Sheesh, we are running through most of the annoying tropes of this strip just for this one storyline. Now we have the “character takes minimum wage, part-time job at a marginal business in order to solve their money problems”.

    Admittedly, every single inhabitant of Westview is an avid collector of Sequential Art Graphic Novels (“Comic Books”, if you are a hidebound literalist). But, this seems to be a buyer’s market given the number of collections being offered up for sale this year alone. How does Tommy Two-Tone here manage to afford more than a few weeks of pity work at minimum wage for 20 or so hours a week before he has to admit that there really isn’t enough to do to keep Crazy on staff? Will he have to move downstairs and join the crowd working at Montoni’s in order to make his car payments?

  57. Ryan O'Soress
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: “I’ve been looking forward to your wedding since you were a boy, and even though it looks like I am lasciviously rubbing each of my tits as I contemplate sex with someone not twice my age, I’m really just performing my weekly self-mammogram.”

  58. bats :[
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Marc (#29): re 9CL: I think it’s “Disgusting Tongue Display Friday” in both 9CL and Pibgorn.

  59. TheDiva
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    9CL: Yep, gaping Hell maw, just as expected.

    A3G: Didn’t Margo devour her parents?

    C’shaft: I’m pretty sure the overlap of sacred and secular Christmas has never, ever included a mall Santa reading the Nativity story, but hey, it’s your weak set-up for your even weaker malapropism.

    Curtis: Maybe if you didn’t feed him insanely surreal Kwanzaa stories every year, he would have a better appreciation for the classics. (Speaking of, it’s almost that time of year…)

    FW: Hey everybody, Crazy Harry got a low-paying temporary job! It’s a Christmas miracle!

    Pibgorn: Is…is this actually a moment of self-awareness from Brooke? Maybe the Mayans were right…

    SM: What a tweeest! [/Shamaylan]

  60. Froggy
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#14): MW: And we all know that marijuana is just a gateway to harder stuff, like serious psychedelics. Let’s see if Mary now goes all middle Beatles on us, with Wendy referring to a “magical mystery tour,” and how we can get by with a little help from our friends. Here’s another clue for you all: the walrus is Wilbur.

  61. Mibbitmaker
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brooke finds female monsters sexy, especially when it involves creepy-bizarre sets of teeth and cruel behvior on the ladies’ part. WOW, WHAT A SURPRISE.

    FW: Great, now Batty’s ruined classic rock for me, too!

    MW: Um… why is “Pait it Black” by the Rolling Stones suddenly playing…? (1987 TV reference)

    Glibporn: A troll named Brooke drew something really gross enough to cause a good comic strip reader like me (or, in Brookese, a “beefwit”) to say, “EWWW, gross!” Actually, non-trolls have a better word for it: “repulsive”!

    RMMD: All that surviving while not dying and everything! What a loser!

  62. bats :[
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    I’d like to think the senior Plugger is suffering from MRSA, but xkcd (or whatever the hell it is) is preventing me from copying today’s strip. You’ll have to imagine the mashup yourself. :/

  63. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#17): “Sometimes, when our problems just seem ‘too beaucoup’ handle, the best thing to do is look that Alabama Blacksnake we call life right in and eye and say, ‘Me love you long time.’

    Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
    Wendy.”

  64. Mibbitmaker
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    “Paint it black”, I mean.
    SEE what Batty did?!

  65. nescio
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Momma: To stay in character, Francis engages in “passive anal intercourse,” not “blow jobs.”

    Pluggers: Fur doesn’t bruise. This idiot is obviously a sloppy grape jelly eater.

  66. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    I’m currently overwhelmed with end-of-semester grading, and normally I’d look to the comics for a bit of relief, but the writing in this week’s Mary Worth is enough to drive me, weeping, into the syntactical arms of eighteen year olds.

  67. Cloudbuster
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    9CL: I know I’m not the first to say this today, but goddamn that mouth was terrifying!

  68. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    A Plugger’s idea of a speedball is putting confectioner’s sugar in their insulin shots.

  69. Cloudbuster
    December 14th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    ASM: As I’ve said before, a chimp smart enough to execute a major jewel heist without supervision has got to be worth a fortune! Forget the stupid tiara!

  70. Cloudbuster
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    FW: “I’m going to pay you to grade and catalog the books I just bought from you.” This means.

    1. Skunkhead ripped Crazy off on the price.
    2. The economics of this situation don’t add up at all.
    3. Batiuk is an idiot.
    4. All of the above.

  71. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#67):

    “If sex isn’t a terrifying and emasculating journey down a gaping maw into the uncanny valley, then you aren’t doing it right!” – Woody Allen

  72. Horace Broon
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    A3G: Now, by “mom”, does Luann mean the maid Margo’s dad knocked up, and whose continued relationship with the man she finds highly distasteful, or the emotionally-distant woman who raised her, and recently had her attempted murder of Margo’s dad while hopped up on prescription meds hushed up? Either way, this is clearly going to be the best Christmas ever!

    ASM: You’ve got to give Stan Lee props; it must be very hard to come up with a plot twist that was blindingly obvious and, at the same time, is flabbergastingly stupid.

    S4th: “Why do you always do what your wife wants, instead of doing what we want?”

  73. HAnzMFG
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    So he goes around job hunting begging people to NOT hire him? The only possible reason I could think of as to why he’d even put in the effort is so he’s not completely lying to his Momma about putting zero effort into finding a job. Turns out he’s putting negative effot into it, which is an amazingly self-destructive concept.

  74. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#66): well, THAT mental image went south in a hurry. . .

    (bb,u as Juliette Burber?)

    if you’re still weepy, here iss a loldog ready to be of comfort and listens.

  75. Sequitur
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    @Cloudbuster (#70): I guess #4 is the correct answer but #3 could be used with any FW list and be correct.

  76. Dartpaw86
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    You’re a Plugger if you’re so sloven and unkempt that you catch the Black Plague.

  77. HAnzMFG
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    I think today’s Pibgorn is evidence that Brooke has finally snapped under the weight of his own pretentious self-portrayal in his comics. I’m picturing a Fight Club-esque schizophrenia, where he’s not fully aware that he’s not only the smug bespectacled guys, but also the woman torturing ‘troll’ who shockingly still has some standards. At this point, he’s arguing with himself, discovering how depraved his behaviors are, and judging himself for what he fetishizes. I think he needs some help, or he might become a danger to us all.

  78. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#14):

    A3G “Mr Ruby is taking me to Dallas! He says he has a few friends in Chicago who have a ‘job’ for him to do. Sounds fun, right?”

    Fantastic. I’m kicking myself for not thinking of that one.

  79. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Dartpaw86 (#76): “Mr. Plugger, I said ‘buboes,’ not ‘Bubbas,’ but yes, you have those too.”

  80. bbofun
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    ASM- Moe knows EXACTLY what to do while Kraven’s doing his show. He puts on his fanciest coat, and goes to IKEA, becoming a media sensation!

  81. Voshkod
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    If you can’t explain your STD to your wife without using the term “trousers worn out at the knees,” you may be a Plugger.

  82. Sequitur
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Ziggy borrowed Francis’ pants and had to make a hole in the knee for looking through.

  83. Snarkotix Addict
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    MW – “Friendship is one of the strongest weapons we have against despair.”
    Wallis Simpson, Duchess of Windsor, And All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt, 1949

  84. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    Luann-”Even though I’m not hugging you back I am giving you a standing ovation in my pants.”

  85. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    MW-Even that monitor is bored to tears. Look at how it is slowly trying to escape.

  86. Snarkotix Addict
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    A3G – Tommie gets such a cute smile right before she vomits.

    Crank my shaft – What’s truly awful about this is not the stupid attempt at humor, but the sad look on the kids’ faces.

    FW – Yeah, the company store. Crazy will spend his entire minimum wage earnings on more crap, buying his stuff back.

    MT – I want some of that Otto power.

  87. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Pluggers-It could have been from that guy I was killing. He really put up a struggle.

  88. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    MW-”Life is a tour of duty”. Sounds like Mary has been watching a war movie marathon.

  89. Cloudbuster
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#74): The period had barely appeared on my screen before the “Hot for Teacher” video started playing in my head.

  90. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#86): re ‘shaft — Did Tom B forget that Ed was once functionally illiterate? This is more insulting and sad than funny.

  91. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#74): Can that pup take my place as one of my Mary Worth‘s 14 loyal readers until this week is over?

  92. Snarkotix Addict
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @#90 Al, CSJP
    I missed that Ed and literacy story. You’re right – either he’s semi-literate, or just mean.

  93. Ez-92
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t “senior plugger” just a bit redundant?

  94. Fats Pinto
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    This Momma strip probably ran last year with Francis’s word bubble saying “It’s the latest style! I bought them today for only $200!”

    If it didn’t run last year, it will run next year.

  95. Calico
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#91):
    A gift of song for you (SFW) BBU! Good luck with your new tenants.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsOlHrxgpAg
    (Poor kitty)

  96. Red Greenback
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: He looks like Sassy’s grandpa.

  97. Chip
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    “Dear Wendy:

    I need your advice on a delicate matter. I used to write a daily advice column. I needed to take some time off for personal reasons, and I asked a “friend” (we’ll call her “Margie”) to fill in for me. She now just writes paragraph after paragraph of smug, pompous platitudes, in reply to a question no one asked! I need to know how to get her to stop and let me take it back over. Do YOU have any advice for me?

    Sincerely,

    ‘Walter’”

  98. Anonymous
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @Froggy (#60): goo goo goo joob

  99. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    MW-”Life is a tour of duty. Whether you volunteered or were drafted it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’re there and you’ll be there until the job is done. You go out on patrol looking for the enemy one day. You don’t find them but they find you. A furious fire fight erupts. You watch your buddy, who the night before was telling you about the girl back home he plans on marrying, get cut down. The fight is so fierce that eventually you have to call the choppers for an evac. Eventually you return home and you go to your buddies hometown. You meet the girl he was going to marry. You keep the silent promise you made to marry her in honor of his memory. The two of you have a kid that you decide to name after your buddy. Life is rather difficult at home. You act like everything is okay but it’s not. You look at your infant and you break down crying and every night you shut your eyes you go back to that place.” Mary writes as she silently hears the choppers thundering in the back and her advice column suddenly takes weird and dark turn.

  100. Calico
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that Pluggers is pretty disturbing. Looks like his veins are simply shutting down.

    Josh, your earlier Lockhorns diatribe and today’s Momma comments are awesome. Keep it going!
    “Dedication to craft” – snerk!

  101. Grrg
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    Bruises? I know Plugger Kaposi’s Sarcoma when I see it.

  102. Calico
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#99):
    She was Born in the USA
    She’s a cool rockin’ Mama in the USA!

  103. Perky Bird
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    @Grrg (#101): With a Plugger, wouldn’t it more likely be just plain old mange?

  104. pugfuggly
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Charlene (#41):

    I don’t think the colour pallet of JP allows us to distinguish between the creamy pastels of the 50s and/or 70s and the cool blue tones favoured today, but I think we can agree that is does have the look of lifeless sterility, which is the cornerstone of all WASP decor.

    @Froggy (#60):

    Here’s another clue for you all: the walrus is Wilbur.

    And Dawn is in the sky with kites! Actually, I’m starting to wonder if all that curative kite-flying was just a cover to go smoke a blunt in the park. Hey, it helped me forget my first girlfriend….

    @Cetacean Love Buzz (#63):

    The editors of the Santa Royale Gazette start to become concerned when Mary responds to a record 22 letters in a row with “Just keep on trucking, man!”

  105. Cetacean Love Buzz
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#99) & @pugfuggly (#104): “Life can be hard sometimes, hard like a Mickey Mouse watch, and all you can do is hide that uncomfortable piece of metal up your ass for two years if that’s what it takes. You have to think about one shot. One shot is what it’s all about.

    I am reality,
    Wendy”

  106. greghousesgf
    December 14th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

  107. Droopy Says
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Flunky: The cruelty peaks when Crazy discovers the huge mark-up he has to place on each of his old comic books, and then has to watch Pedo Guy sell them–secretly, and strictly for cash that the IRS never sees–to rich collectors who make furtive visits to his shop after-hours. After which the boss orders Crazy to buy his own pens to do the marking-up.

    Luanacy: This socially-awkward Gunther stuff only works if it turns out that Gunther was so abused as a child that he doesn’t know how to deal with girls. Even then, it only works if Evans realizes abuse isn’t funny, and saying “Evans realizes” kills the whole idea, doesn’t it?

  108. Calico
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#104):
    Like a skiing Edwina (Jen Saunders) in “The Last Shout”, I think Wilbur and Dawn go kite flying with a soundtrack of “Good Morning Starshine.”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmZqb2VVc48

  109. Dale
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    FUNKY -

    What happens when Crazy discovers that one of the books he sold is worth more than John gave him for the whole lot?

  110. Mr. Grumpy
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#6): Thank you for this! That was hilarious!

  111. Calico
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#109):
    Than, and only then, will the AK-47 come out.

  112. Steve
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    S-M/MW: Today, Mary inspires Kraven to befriend the sad-looking janitor who’s been glaring at him all week. “You know what to do,” Kraven tells the chimp. “Find the janitor and cheer him up. When I’m done with my show, the three of us will go out for drinks and karaoke.”

  113. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#95): Oh dear—like I don’t have too much of a tendency to anthropomorphize the critters around me already! =-)

    @Calico (#100): Agreed on Josh’s comments today—well done!

    @Liam (#99): Excellent! I would say that shows a certain, um, dedication to craft.

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#107):

    Even then, it only works if Evans realizes abuse isn’t funny, and saying “Evans realizes” kills the whole idea, doesn’t it?

    It is one of the universe’s foundational truths that Evans realizes nothing.

  115. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#113):

    It’s not my fault that the writer is comparing life to being in a war and saying ‘tour of duty’. I spent my lunch hour running the whole thing through my head.

  116. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Momma-”Yep. I expended more energy getting out of work and staying out of work than I would use actually working.”

  117. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#116): I expended more energy getting out of work and staying out of work than I would use actually working.

    Must be a Zits cross-over. That is typical teenager behavior.

  118. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#111): Which, I still contend, will be ironically shipped to Crazy Harry via FedEx or UPS.

  119. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#117): also Wally from Dilbert.

  120. Calico
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#111):
    And as of now I shall not talk of weapons here for a time, ironically or unironically.

  121. Dale
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#118):

    It wouldn’t be ironic. Unless the rules have just been changed, you can’t (may not) send firearms via USPS. UPS was the carrier of choice. Don’t know about FedEx.

    Also, an AK-47 is an automatic weapon. Their are licensing issues and you need someone with a Class III FFL to receive it.

  122. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Froggy (#60):
    And we all know that marijuana is just a gateway to harder stuff, like serious psychedelics.
    More often than not, it is the gateway to slacker deli sandwiches.

  123. Peanut Gallery
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    MT – I think I’ve finally cracked the code of Otto’s bizarre thought processes.

    “Otto! Make sure Mark Trail doesn’t leave this room until he’s ransomed.”
    “Not to leave the room even if he’s ransomed.”
    “No, no. Until he’s ransomed.”
    “Until he’s ransomed, I’m not to enter the room.”
    “No, no, no…”

  124. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#120): Yeah—terribly unfortunate timing, huh? And “snarking” feels just a little off right now.

  125. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    I for one welcome a Magee Family Christmas. A solid week of Margo and two older Magee’s communicating solely by doing wacky hand gestures as time slows to a crawl is a great way to end the year.

  126. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Archie: I guess it’s silly to point out that Jughead would not me allowed to wear his modified inverted fedora in costume.

    Bizzaro: Mysterious ways, eh? The Deity picks football winners, everybody knows that. But God doesn’t pick election winners, just candidates. I believe people who say God told them to run. Why would they lie? Curiously, those people usually lose. All part of His Plan, I guess.

    Gil T: A big load of, “optimism”? Righto. // Reminds me, I’ve got to work a couple of bags of optimism into my garden this weekend.

  127. Peanut Gallery
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#66): You can’t hug a child with syntactical arms.

  128. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#126): …Jughead would not BE allowed…

    // must… find… antidote…

  129. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#127): You can’t hug a child with syntactical arms.

    But the poor children with syntactical arms are the ones who need hugs the most!

  130. pugfuggly
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#122):

    And pie! Plate after plate of delicious pie, served with tiny forks. And ice cream! Rainbow swirl ice cream! Oh, god, I’m going to go to the diner right now….

  131. Uncle Lumpy
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#125):

    I’d enjoy a Magee Family Christmas with Margo, Gabriella, Roberta, and Martin breaking furniture over one another in a sad little mental-hospital visiting room upstate.

  132. Peanut Gallery
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#131): And razzleberry dressing.

  133. bats :[
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#132): I just watched my new DVD of Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol! Woo hoo! That scared the poop outa me when I was little…

  134. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#124): I know what you mean. The news came in the middle of Hax chat. Hard to continue with life’s pettier problems.

  135. bats :[
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    And I think we ought to contact BSPCA ASAP for what Kit’s been doing to that poor lioness…

  136. seismic-2
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#122): Yes. It is a sure indicator that someone is smoking his body weight in marijuana daily when he dresses like a hobo tramp, eats one Reuben sandwich after another all day long, and listens to tapes of Tommie Thompson singing her latest compositions.

  137. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 14th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#121):
    CLERK: You want a Class III FFL, for a fully automatic weapon?
    CRAZY HARRY: Yes, please.
    CLERK: Full name?
    CRAZY HARRY: Harry Klinghorn, but everyone just calls me “Crazy”.

    That would be an interesting conversation.

  138. MySpoonIsTooBig
    December 14th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Luann- I decided that when I’m Dictator-For-Life, I will permanently ban any and all media where hot chicks get all lubed up over nerdy, unappealing author avatars.

    Zits- Ditto for the phrase “chick flick”.

  139. Peanut Gallery
    December 14th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#133): It’s always terrifying to hear, “We’re rep-re-hensible. We’ll steal your pen and pencible.”

  140. This Guy
    December 14th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Snarkotix Addict (#86): [FW] Probably most businesses in Westview operate on the truck system, because it’s cruel and heartless and nearly unheard-of in the present day. Batiuk certainly spends each day loading sixteen tons, and I don’t mean coal.

  141. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 14th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#127): if the arms are asyntactical, you can, but the hug is a bit off-center.

  142. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#130):

    Mmmm. Diner Pie!
    I don’t mind ifIdo!

    What makes Diner Pie so special is a mystery to me. I’ve been to restaurants where I never considered desserts at all. But somehow at a diner a slice of pie is an okay delight.

  143. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#131):

    Those extra names…did you just make them up or does Margo indeed have relatives who’ve appeared in the strip?

    A sister? For some reason, I would think a sister of the Great Margo Magee* would be married to a bull fighter. Not a bull rider, a fighter who brags telling questionable anecdotes about bare-knuckle boxing bulls, while sitting on a stool, and….**

    *that song! Fa La La lalalalalala Fa La La lalalalalala
    **you see where I’m going with that

  144. Sequitur
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#142): Zippy the Pinhead syndrome.

  145. Uncle Lumpy
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#143):

    Martin Magee is Margo’s father; Roberta “Bobbie” Magee (neé Merrill) is her adoptive mother; Gabriella (lastname?) is her birth mother, the vaguely ethnic maid of the Magee household. This willl get you started; work forward or back.

  146. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#136):
    Waitasec! Hold the phone! Stevie Wonder just called to say he loves you!

    Were Tommie’s musical stylings ever described?
    Like was she the New Dinah Shore
    or the New Yma Sumac
    or the New Edie Brickell
    or the New Josephine Baker
    or the New Zoo Revue
    or the New York Old Yeller
    or the New New Katchoo
    or the New and Improved Old Fashioned Noontime Oldie “Afternoon Delight” Singing, Mini-skirt Swinging, Boots Made For Walking Wearing Retro Nouveau Knowing Same Old Same Old Tommie Thompson Singing So and So?

  147. Inkwell
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Geez, I’m a senior Plugger and I’m not even out of college yet.

    There’s nothing left. I’m going to go shoot myself.

  148. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    MW-In my tour of duty, my life, I would like to call in an airstrike to rain down napalm.

    A3G-I would like to think that Margo’s parents are dead and this is Lu Ann’s way of telling Margo to go to hell.

    Blondie-I ate there one time and I was disappointed to find that their hobo stew was just regular stew and not hobos.

  149. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-It looks more like he can’t clean properly than getting mysterious bruises.

  150. seismic-2
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#146): Let’s put it this way: Tommie Thompson’s songs are to music what Lu Ann Power’s paintings of flowers are to fine art. ‘Nuff said.

  151. Droopy Says
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#135): BWAHAHAHAHA! That should be the first mash-up COTW!

  152. Liam
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Momma-What I want to know is why is he begging people not to hire him. He should lie to Momma and say he spends all day looking for a job when in reality he is hanging out in the library.

  153. Droopy Says
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    Momma: Francis has just realized that the maternal-unit will always think the worst of him, so he tells her what she wants to hear. “Yeah, momma, unemployment is below zero percent and I have to work to avoid a job.”

  154. seismic-2
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Momma: “Honest, Momma, I’ve been begging for a job. Why, I was even willing to work for an animal act in a Las Vegas show as a janitor sweeping up the stage full of elephant, tiger, and chimpanzee poop, but they went and hired some guy who was even lazier and dumber than I am.”

  155. Marc
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#153): RE: Momma- It’s like Waylon Smithers once said: “What’s wrong with this country? Can’t a man walk down the street without being offered a job?”

  156. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#145):
    Jumpin’ Criminy Christmastime Special, Batman!

    Hm. This bears fruit to my theory that Arnold Schwartzenegger’s decision making abilities were predetermined by stuff so simple that we all overlooked it and accepted it as genius that he’d boink his maid and father another child whom his family just accepted as the maid’s son.

    It all makes sense now. (not that I cared before now but this new information sheds a light on the situation).

    Sooooo, there was a time when Apt. 3G flirted with 5 panels? Amazing.
    Even more amazing is the look on Young Aristotle’s face in the last panel of that strip.

  157. tallyHO
    December 14th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#150):
    LuAnn’s a painter?

    Ooh la la, Sass On!

    Though……..
    flowers, eh?

    Somehow that is the logical course for a visual artist character in this strip:
    a painter of still life.

  158. Alison
    December 14th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    “Rex Morgan”: Yes, more of this. I want June to sit there squirming uncomfortably for as long as possible as she hears about how people who take handouts really suck. I want her to hear a whole lecture about how bad it is to accept free things. I want her face to get more and more red and for her to mumble, “Ummm….” when Delores says, “So, you agree that taking free stuff is bad, don’t you?” I want her to flee the room in tears of shame and then I want her to call Rex and scream at him that Delores has shown her the light and that he’s a greedy pig who needs to give back his free SeaWorld tickets!!! …But I know all that will happen is June will pretend she is listening to the silly poor person, and then go trolling around to see if she can find somebody to give her a free dinner and then maybe some free tickets to a movie for later.

    “Baby Blues”: I find it very tiresome how every strip involving children stretches out the tired old “Look, our bratty kids are behaving themselves for once!” joke for most of December.

  159. Sgt. Stoned
    December 15th, 2012 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    MW: Isn’t it about time that Wilbur took back his column? At least we didn’t have to read his hackneyed shit.

    Momma: Maybe Francis is giving blow jobs at the bus station for free, begging not to be paid because the pleasure he derives from it is enough.

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