Archive: Judge Parker

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Gasoline Alley, 9/7/23

Hey, remember the human baby who was abandoned in the woods and rescued by a talking bear? Well, the bear viciously bared his teeth when he found out that the authorities were coming to arrest the baby and take him away forever! But then he had it explained to him that there are different kinds of “authorities,” and these were the kind that care for children and try to reunite them with their parents. Problem solved! He should go back to doing bear stuff now, I guess.

Judge Parker, 9/7/23

“We’ve been talking about all that nonstop for days! Mostly I wanted to talk about how we were supposed to have sex on the trip but then never did. Anyway, do you have 20 minutes?”

Family Circus, 9/7/23

I really enjoy how contemptuous PJ looks here. He doesn’t know how to talk, but if he did, he would be hissing “Jeffy, you idiot, that cat does not like our house, he is shitting” through gritted teeth.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/5/23

A lot of Beetle Bailey’s M.O. boils down to “We thought of a joke, which of our long-ish list of one-note characters that we’ve accrued over the years can we assign it to?” Reading panel one, I though Rocky, as the camp’s resident rock-and-roll loving bad boy, was a bad choice for this, but once I realized it was about one of the soldiers being rejected by his family and forced to make a home in a cruel institution that doesn’t want him either, I changed my mind, this is a good one.

Dick Tracy, 9/5/23

Look, this may be a “Minit Mystery,” but do we have time to spend a whole strip on some Grade A Wholly Innocent [change this later if necessary –Eds] Beefcake? Yes, yes we do.

Dustin, 9/5/23

“Ha ha, get it? Wait, no, actually, that metaphor doesn’t really make sense. Sorry, I’m still workshopping this bit. Anyway, long story short, you’re dying.”

Judge Parker, 9/5/23

I’m sorry, Gloria, are you keeping meticulous accounting records of a criminal fucking conspiracy?

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Judge Parker, 8/25/23

Look, Sophie, your parents might have accidentally kinda sorta agreed, under a certain amount of duress, to assassinate somebody, OK? So we’re going to need a lot more of the classic “I can dispassionately analyze data and am deeply interested in wars and the surreptitious ways states and state-like organizations enact violence to further their interests” Sophie and a lot less of this modern-day “Oh, boo hoo, I’m capable of forming emotional attachments and I worry about the people in my life” Sophie from here on in.

Beetle Bailey, 8/25/23

Big news! They’re finally sending Beetle into combat! It’s not going to go great, I think everyone pretty much knows in advance.