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Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good week off!

Heathcliff, 12/23/12

Ah, Christmastime … a period of punishment and rewards from a monstrous cat-deity, if I understand the theology properly. And so, just as I will spank you (i.e., not update the site for the next week or so as I make my annual Hanukwanzmas journey, minus the Hanu- part because Hanukkah was super early this year), so too will I eventually give you delicious cheese (i.e., start updating the site on the 1st or 2nd of January or thereabouts, whenever I recover from my holiday stupor and start looking at the Internet again). Until then, enjoy your holidays! Or, you know, don’t, see if I care.

2,026 responses to “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good week off!”

  1. pugfuggly
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    So is this like the president pardoning a turkey at Thanksgiving? Those three get a spankin’ and some cheese, and the rest….

    Have a lovely holiday, Mr Fruhlinger. I will miss your digital presence this coming week.

  2. lynn
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Indeed, enjoy, Josh. Your site is addictive and it’s cruel to leave us hanging for a week. But as for Heathcliff – why do I feel sad for the mice? (If they’re sitting on Santa’s lap, aren’t they children? Don’t hit me anymore, Daddy…)

  3. Clint Brawny
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    What’s the joke, exactly?

  4. lynn
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    @Clint Brawny (#3): Bwaa-ha-ha-ha! A joke? In a comic strip? What a rube!

  5. Renee J
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Is it wrong that my first thought was the mice wanted the spankings?

  6. KreatureFeatures
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: How did they get this comic strip past the censors? All this talk of submitting and accepting entry is getting way too steamy. “If you submit an entry, I’m sure I’ll accept it! All night long. Because your big pink cake is awe-inspiring.”

  7. lynn
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Phantom: “Man with c-3 spinal fracture unlikely to speak much.” – old Bandar saying

  8. Écureuil Écumant
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    9CL: “Because I just caught a whiff of gas.”

  9. lynn
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Renee J (#5): I’m not saying it’s wrong, but it’s certainly enlightening.

  10. Chareth Cutestory
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Josh, as I’ve repeatedly emailed you, just give the admin privileges to the site and I will fill in as a guest editor. Nothing “bad” is likely to happen! I certainly wouldn’t run a fundraising scam. No way! Why are we even talking about such a thing?

    Enjoy your Sinterklaas and Krampus time everyone!

  11. John Weber
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Hopefully all the Curmudgeonits will enjoy my take on Heathcliff.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Ub1CNKoGY

  12. Hibbleton
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:06 am [Reply]

    Heath: I never thought I’d find out what a furry holiday party was like by reading Heathcliff.

  13. Ed Dravecky
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    Wow, Heathcliff is like the worst possible combination of Miracle on 34th Street and Fifty Shades of Grey. How has NBC not made this into an animated holiday classic yet?

  14. KreatureFeatures
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to The Real Mark Trail, because I think that today’s comic strip on the humble burro does a better job of capturing the Christmas spirit than a billion years’ worth of Marvin ever could. (However, I would like to smack the color monkey at Seattle PI who screwed up the burro snout in the first panel.)

  15. Little Blue Bicycle
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    H: Mike Abrams’ cat Sammy of Neptune NJ knows what’s under the tree because Abrams has caged a poor defenseless rodent there. For shame Mike!

  16. Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Hoppy holey daze.

  17. lynn
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    @Raghead the Fiendly Neighbourhood Terrorist (#16): Cavities and nitrous oxide, huh? Same to you, Raggie!

  18. Baka Gaijin
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    What the hell is going on in Mary Worth? A random bunch of poorly-drawn children mill around the cake, afraid they’ll be the one forced to lick it. Eventually someone needs a chock for his boat trailer???

    I always forget, which is the dog and which is the brother in Beetle Bailey? And Buzz the girlfriend? Buzz is the nickname of a ham radio operator or the guy who saws off the cows’ heads at the abattoir.

  19. The Divine O'F
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    Well, with the only really interesting soap story having finished up (JP) and nothing facing us now but interminable cake-contests, pissed off stepmothers, and kidnapper punchings; not to mention the ongoing boring publicist-client-stealing and beach-side CPR/gratuitous bazoom stories, I think I’ll join Josh and stop reading the comics till after New Year’s, except, of course, for Sally Forth and Prince Valiant, which are always interesting and/or hilarious.

  20. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MW: Why does Mary think she wants the recipe, she hasn’t even tasted the cake. To enjoy food there should be a combination of smell, taste and eye appeal. Not just I appeal.

  21. seismic-2
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    MT: Today’s strip will not doubt inspire someone, somewhere, to make reference to the famous heterograph (after all, Mark has often been accused of failing to make the distinction), so let’s just link to it now.

  22. Baka Gaijin
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#Y152): Whizzing Wally could spiff up a lot of strips. Imagine him taking a leak while Mary Worth bloviates.

    @KreatureFeatures (#6): I’m about ready to upchuck that 30 euro salad and pizza I had for lunch after reading your comment. Congratulations!

    @KreatureFeatures (#14): Thanks to you I read a Sunday Mark Trail. Thanks. I didn’t thing anyone could get that many “ass”es on the comics page. I should qualify that: “…the cast of Judge Parker excepted.”

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#20): Mary Worth don’t care about nothing about nothing but bringing more approbation to Mary Worth.

    // If anyone was wondering, that’s a lot for a pizza and salad. For what I got, there should have been a complimentary reach around.

  23. Rusty
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Happy holidays to all, I find it hard to believe that Josh can go a full week without even looking at the internet. Time for a 700 count party.

  24. Ed Bob
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Back in the day, spraying catnip on Marlboro’s was a way to get through the “dry” season which always came around about Christmas time. Or, maybe John Dill of Mary Worth can make “festive frosting” by cleaning out the residue from Bongzilla and spreading liberally on one of his cakes. You know how to make a festive holiday bread? . . .With Dill-dough!

  25. Baka Gaijin
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    I noticed today’s Mark Trail said asses will eat “almost” anything. I’ll bet they put an ass and that big pink Mr. Dill cake in the same room for a day, resulting in an untouched cake and an angry hungry ass. He turned up his nose at the consolation prizes, salmon squares and seafood scampi.

  26. Alice
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Luann: Nancy is nothing if not consistent, refusing to give her son’s partner more than a perfunctory, joyless wave even at Christmas time. Odd, though, that she should resent Toni for making her look old, when–given Evans’s tendency to draw every woman character, regardless of age, as shapely–she could easily compete with her in the “sexy elf costume” category if she wanted.

    Merry Christmas to all those who (unlike me because Jewish) will be celebrating it, and Happy Holidays to everyone else. ?

  27. Alice
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Er, that last character in my post was supposed to be a heart, not a question mark.

  28. gleeb
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Anyone can enjoy peeping at Cassandra Cat’s window. M. le Comte likes a challenge.

    Walker’s Pretend Army Comix: Beetle’s dad is apparently the late Clifton Webb.

    Blondie: And so the Bumsteads were finally bankrupted by the Yule Hut.

    ‘shaft: In case you missed it yesterday, the Crankshaft family enjoy giving the gift of Nazis and rape.

    ‘bean: In Cancerdeathville, however, the season is one of alcohol-related embarrassment.

    H&L: Not a bad way of winking acknowledgment that they’re using the big Sunday strip two days before Christmas.

    Plenty of Parkers: Again, something interrupts a character getting a meal. I’m onto something here.

    Mark: Today it’s all about ass.

    Phantom: If you want it to be quiet, you could take three weeks to anesthetize him.

  29. TheDiva
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Whooo, time for the year-end mega-thread! Enjoy your holidays, Josh!

    9CL: It’s funny because Edda’s stepfather(?) walked in on her having sex right in the middle of his hallway.

    C’shaft: “You judge very properly,” said Mr. Ayers, “and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of punning with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing wordplays proceed from the impulse of the moment, or are the result of previous study?”
    “They arise chiefly from what was passing at the time two years ago,” said Mr. Batiuk, “and though sometimes I amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant puns as may be pulled out of my ass when I’m too lazy to write anything, I always wish to give them as unforced an air as possible.” [*]

    FW: “My uncle Fred’s influence probably contributed to my own problems with alcohol later down the line. Thanks for reminding me, dipshit.”

    Luann: It’s the most Oedipal time of the year….

    MW: So this is all just a cunning ploy by Mary to ride John Dill’s coattails into the cake decorating industry!

    SM: “Oh, if only I had some method of aiming and shooting my webbing at a distance, I could capture that monkey! But as it is, it’s impossible!”

  30. wanders
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Josh, we’ll miss you! Have a great week off. In the meantime, if you haven’t voted for this year’s Mary Worth Worthy Awards, I invite you to visit Mary Worth and Me to cast your vote.

  31. Mibbitmaker
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Heathcliff: mouseochists

  32. Weaselboy
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    “But Mary, how can I be a cake designer? I only have one arm!”

  33. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Well, Santa Claus isn’t a deity, but other than that, yes, monstrous.

  34. Mibbitmaker
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    @wanders (#30): My votes were all in the majority (so far), except for “Performance by Regular Character” (I voted Dawn), and “Best Panel” (me: “Jim ‘Bob’”).

    If anything, MW is funnier with the poll samples than the actual strip on a daily basis.

  35. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    Have a good holiday, Josh! And don’t forget you owe us all cheese. Delicious, real, edible cheese, not any of that metaphorical cheese I’ve heard rumors about.

  36. bbofun
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    ASM- He needs PROOF that the chimp (He has a name! He’s not just “the chimp!” HE HAS A NAME!) is stealing for Kraven? As opposed to striking out on his own?

    DT- SQUEEEEEE! (with apologies to queek)

    SF- Awwwwwww.

  37. Islamorada Girl
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Cake decorating contest for the recently widowed. Mary Worth as your coach/partner in icing art. What could possibly go wrong?

  38. bats :[
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    You think Chanukah was super early this year…wait until next year. It starts the DAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING!!!
    It’s only a matter of time before we see menorahs next to jacob o’ lanterns…doom! DOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

    (Honestly, does anyone recall ever seeing Chanukah that close to Thanksgiving?)

  39. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:20 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t a little flirting–>romantic heartbreak and possibly awesome murder/suicide by elephant moving a little fast, even by comic strip standards?

    Andy Capp: One of my predecessors at my last church was remembered for walking around the parking lot on Sunday mornings. When asked what he was up to, he would reply, cheerfully, “Thinking up a sermon.” He was also known to recycle Robert Schuller sermons. He didn’t last long.

    Apt. 3-G: I have a new theory about this strip: it actually takes place in an alternative-universe 1974 where white people took over New York and pushed blacks and hispanics out to strips like Quincy.

    Bizarro: Fun fact: the gospel of Luke (the only scripture to include an infancy narrative) never mentions any animals alongside the Holy Family, and the “stable” was probably attached to the main house. Also works for Mark Trail. (Bonus fact: the “upper room” we hear about at Eastertime was probably in fact the main level of a house, with the stable being a lower area open to the rest of the house, almost like a loading dock coming off a warehouse. Bonus bonus fact: Santa is fat.)

    Henry: Who sends a kid to play in the snow wearing shorts and a t-shirt?

    One Big Happy: I don’t get it. What does this have to do with Christmas?

  40. Fashion Police
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Taking a week off will at least relieve one of further contact with Dr. Morgan’s hideous shirt. One would thing Mrs. Morgan would take matters in hand, but her taste isn’t much better – except in swimsuits.

  41. Notebooked
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    Today, Heathcliff features both cheese and cheesecake.

  42. Sgt Saunders
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Have yourself a Merry little Christmas, Josh. I suppose we’ll muddle through somehow. But really, thanks for some or most of the biggest laughs of the year. Have a great Christmas week and if you see Marmaduke, well, you’ll know what to do.

  43. This Guy
    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#33): Isn’t he, though? He has the power to observe the behavior of his followers. He has a set of rules enforcing extreme black-and-white morality and gives reward or punishment to those who follow or flout these rules, respectively. He has a particular method for his followers to entreat him for favors and boons. He is traditionally appeased with the sacrifice of the finest fruits of one’s seasonal labor. He has never been observed, but his representatives are highly visible. He is believed to perform miracles. If those aren’t traditional characteristics of a deity, I don’t know what are.

  44. debussy fields
    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    MW– Here’s the dialog from the past several days of Mary Worth, as it was actually written. Usually we read this stuff in small increments and find ourselves in dismay at the tedium of it all. But seen like this, as if it is dialog in a novel, is almost too much to bear. As you read, remember to picture Mary pointing in different directions as she spews her lines, while John continually grips his chin as he begins to realize that Mary might be right! (Also remember that this ain’t over yet; the two of them will go over all these same points at least two more times before any real action takes place. And that “action” will be John getting out ingredients for cake baking in his kitchen.)

    That’s quite an impressive cake you made!

    I confess… It’s a hobby of mine that’s actually more than a hobby!

    More than a hobby?

    Just between you and me…I’ve always dreamed of becoming a professional cake designer! It may seem strange that an ex-hotel manager harbors dreams of being a cake designer…But it’s true.

    It doesn’t have to be only a dream, John.

    Well, it is, and I’m okay with it.

    Why just be okay with it when you can realize that dream? Why don’t you enter the next cake design competition in downtown Santa Royale?

    Oh, no! What chance would I have? A retired hotel manager who designs cakes in his spare time? I can see them laughing now!

    And you’ll be laughing all the way to the winner’s circle! I’ll help you! Submit your entry! I’ll be your assistant for the cake design contest!

    You’d do that for me?

    I’d enjoy it! And I know my way around the kitchen pretty well, so you can rest assured I’ll have your back!

    When you put it that way…

    You have a love and a talent for cake design! Submit your entry to the contest!

    It’s a long shot! I’d probably be the oldest contestant if I get in!

    That doesn’t matter. It’s never too late to be who you really are. You did a beautiful job! It’s stunning! I have to get your recipe! I really do think you should take this further… You’ll be great! Look at everyone’s reaction to your cake today!

    They seem impressed and there’s time now that I’m retired.

    What have you got to lose? The worst that can happen is they don’t accept your entry. But if you’re accepted…we can enter as a team…and I believe we can win!

    Okay, Mary…I’ll submit my entry!

    zzzzzzzzzzzz…

  45. Baka Gaijin
    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#34): Mine were mostly not with the majority. I was sad. Then I looked the pretty pictures and was happy again.

    @debussy fields (#44): Yawwwwn! Cereal box side panels are far more exciting.

  46. seismic-2
    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: The only way I am going to be able to endure this cake-design marathon is if we are promised to get a bowl of rainbow swirl ice cream at the end.

  47. The Ridger
    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    MW: Does Mary think John’s recipe includes detailed instructions for capturing the “stunning” look?

  48. Uncle Lumpy
    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#44):

    Creepy as Mary Worth dialog is, it’s even creepier seeing it acted out. (This is a repost from September, 2006, but I’m guessing most folks haven’t seen it.)

    The actor playing Chinbeard is especially awesome.

  49. Zerowolf
    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Overheard at the Zombie Comics Consortium’s Plotline Development Meeting:

    Voice 1: “A retired hotel manager that designs cakes?”

    Voice 2: “Have any better ideas?”

    Voice 1: “Cake it is.”

  50. Baka Gaijin
    December 23rd, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#46): You do remember that the Girl from Goleta never got the ice cream, right? Mary Worth is just a ice cream tease. Dr. Jeff will verify that Mary’s another kind of tease, too.

  51. Chip Whittle
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#48):

    Creepy as Mary Worth dialog is, it’s even creepier seeing it acted out. (This is a repost from September, 2006, but I’m guessing most folks haven’t seen it.)

    The actor playing Chinbeard is especially awesome.

    OK, I was ready to believe this was from actual Mary Worth strips from May and June 1998, what with the fear about the ethnic dilution of somebody named “Dudley Ford” moving into town, but then they went and said someone heard something by email, and I think we know that’s not possible. Who would have told Mary Worth of the existence of email by 1998?

    But that is a wonderfully Coleman Francis-esque experience.

  52. Braniff
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#38): FC: Billy, forget about spending the $.87 and go a dumpster and get your mommy a pair of Daisy Duke cutoffs or Barbara Eden harem pants. That will make your daddy very hot and happy!!!

  53. Braniff
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Braniff (#52): My mistake–was intended to be an original thought. I apologize.

  54. Zerowolf
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#48): Thanks, Uncle Lumpy, I’d never seen that. Never thought of Mary Worth in the context of creepy avant-garde performance art.

  55. Anonymous
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Blah blah blah stunning blah great blah blah further blah blah Cake Design Competition blah blah we blah team blah blah win blah!”
    John Dill: “Okay, Mary… I submit, I submit! Anything! But, for the love of God, just please stop talking. I can’t take your non-stop nagging!”

    Crankedshaft If you haven’t had enough of this week’s joke, take heart. I’m sure it can be pursued through the rest of the week. Big-haired daughter can respond to Crankshaft’s malaprop [insert "punchline"], Lillian can receive her gift [insert "punchline"], Lillian can open her gift [insert "punchline"], Lillian can comment on her gift [insert "punchline"], Crankshaft can make another pun [insert "punchline"], wedge-headed daughter can roll her eyes and make a response [insert "punchline"], ill-tempered mother can say something mean and bitter [insert "punchline"], put-upon son can display shame and express frustration [insert "punchline"], grandchild can inject hip reference [insert "punchline"], Crankshaft can trigger explosion with discarded wrapping paper [insert "punchline"],…. See there’s a wealth of material left in this dead horse!

    FC That isn’t even enough to buy a condom. And that is a tragedy.

  56. Zerowolf
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Josh has left town and left the liquor cabinet unlocked. It’s a Festivus Miracle!

  57. Zerowolf
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#50): I like to believe that she did get her ice cream.

  58. Baka Gaijin
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#55) on Mary Worth: Chas and Dave have a song to describe Mrs. Worth. You’ll have to subtract all the physical attributes they mention lest the song get icky really fast.

    @Zerowolf (#57): AAHHH! You tricked me! Ice cream is never supposed to be evil but there it is. Just for that, I wish all your future sexual partners have lady bits like Mary Worth’s leathery shriveled up wrinkly dusty cobwebbed bits and if you swing the other way, so much the better.

  59. Zerowolf
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    JP: A Picasso, Sam? I specifically ordered a Rembrandt!

  60. Anonymous
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    Luann Toni has borrowed some clothes from Crystal. And it’s not an improvement.

  61. Amos Snarkadder, known in Sussex
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    One day I’m sure I will crave anonymity. But not today.
    I think my cookies were eaten (and Santa has not been here).

  62. Poteet
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#29): Forget the apology to Miss Austen — apologize to my cat for making me laugh so hard she had to leave.

  63. Shrug, Speaker to Serendipity
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#y136):

    “it could only be better if “The Year Without a Santa Claus” were included (featuring Heat Miser and Snow Miser).”

    How awesome is COMICS CURMUDGEON? It answers questions for me that I had not even gotten around to asking anyone about yet.

    The latest COMING ATTRACTIONS pulp news site, which I read yesterday

    http://www.pulpcomingattractions.com/

    announced the latest addition to the DOC SAVAGE FANTASY COVERS site

    http://www.docfantasycovers.com/

    namely, a phony cover to a non-existant Doc adventure, MISER MENACE (in the style of old James Bama pb covers for Bantam).

    All of the previous phony covers showed Doc menaced by pop culture and/or literary figures I recognized, but this one featured faces that meant nothing to me. I meant to ask on one of my other lists who the heck those Muppet-like antagonists were meant to be, but within 24 hours of my seeing the cover Curmudgeon bats posted a message referring to characters in THE YEAR WITHOUT A SANTA CLAUS (which as it happens I’ve never seen), which sounded like the answer (I googled the names, and of course it was).

    I’m going to start gathering data for my income tax forms in the next couple of days, and no doubt will have some questions. Can I count on bats or other Curmudgeons to answer them for me even before I get around to knowing what they are? That will make a good story!

    The least I can do is return the favor. So, to the ‘mudgeons who will shortly find that they need these answers (you will learn who you are):

    no, he was described as Filipino even before that
    probably not Montague John Druitt after all
    Jose Carreras
    cucumbers
    John William Burgon
    88 years and 20 days

    Enjoy!

  64. seismic-2
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    MW: Now, Mary must meet a widow who’s a retired cake designer with dreams of becoming a hotel manager. It will be the match-making meddle of a lifetime.

  65. Poteet
    December 23rd, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#48): That. Is. WONDERFUL.

  66. Poteet
    December 23rd, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    HEATHCLIFF — I’ve seen some interesting cat-mouse relationships over the years in comics and cartoons, but this one breaks new ground. Thank you, HEATHCLIFF. Soon I want to see a Sunday strip wherein the mice put Heathcliff through sweet, sweet torment using little black paddles while forcing him to sniff catnip.

  67. Poteet
    December 23rd, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Have fun, Josh! And Happy Holiday Stupor!

  68. Poteet
    December 23rd, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#44): Thanks for sacrificing a little of your sanity to bring us that epic. Arrrrgh. I hope this story will at least show us several different cakes so we can have our own contest for Most Really Hideous. That pink number will be hard to beat.

  69. Poteet
    December 23rd, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    PV — What is going on with Sir Roger’s wardrobe?? He looks like an escaped cyclist from TRON.

  70. Northern lurker
    December 23rd, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’d be more intrigued if Mr Dill’s secret desire was to be a lumberjack.
    Oh he’s a lumberjack and he’s okay
    He works all night and he sleeps all day
    He puts on women’s clothing and hangs around in bars

  71. Calico
    December 23rd, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Ed Dravecky (#13):
    Re: Fifty Shades, I was hoping that would be Lillian’s gift, instead of a Larsson novel.

  72. undeadoranges
    December 23rd, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    I don’t read Homestuck, but I noticed that a bit of Homestuck fanart made its may to the Slylock Fox “Your Drawing” section. Apparently the character is named Terezi. Fun times.

    http://nacholatkes.tumblr.com/post/38567590819/breezepelt-someone-drew-terezi-and-its-in-the

  73. Calico
    December 23rd, 2012 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#68):
    Haha, they finally cut into it! It was about a foot high, yet there are teeny tiny little pieces on the plates (the gawkers probably managed to throw most of their pieces away while Mary was meddling John).

  74. Mibbitmaker
    December 23rd, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Merry Christmas, KIDS!
    (it’s a bit of a ways from “comics aren’t just for kids” to “kids of Santa-believing age NEVER read comic strips”)

    BBlues: After, mall Santa went into the back room and blew his brains out with a pistol.

    Luann: “You’re very pretty….. I feel really old now…… STAY AWAY FROM MY SON!!!”

  75. Amos Snarkadder, known in Sussex
    December 23rd, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#29):

    MW: So this is all just a cunning ploy by Mary to ride John Dill’s coattails into the cake decorating industry!

    So it seems. There are at least a couple of twists this seemingly boring storyline could take:
    Mary works her charms “behind” the scenes to rig the judging (just imagine Steve Tyler all up in that) and sabotages the competition’s cakes (running amok with a creme brulee torch, all the sweet green icing flowing down, and a maniacal grin stretched across her face); or
    Mary and John win, but at the awards ceremony she elbows him out of the way to take all the credit, dismissively referring to him as “just some cakesniffer.”
    But, sad to say, I’m sure it will be a triumph and more inspiration for widowed retired hotel managers with secret dreams. Sigh.

  76. Amos Snarkadder, known in Sussex
    December 23rd, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#20):

    MW: Why does Mary think she wants the recipe, she hasn’t even tasted the cake.

    The recipe? For a cake that size, two boxes of Pillsbury Yellow Moist Supreme Cake Mix (there’s pudding in the mix!).

  77. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#25):

    I noticed today’s Mark Trail said asses will eat “almost” anything.

    Only the prehensile asses.

  78. Amos Snarkadder, known in Sussex
    December 23rd, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#39):

    Fun fact: the gospel of Luke (the only scripture to include an infancy narrative)

    Father! Can it be so? *coughMatthewcough*

  79. bats :[
    December 23rd, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Jocelyn Knockersbury (#35): “Remember, when it’s almost cheese, but not quite, it’s Squeezee-Cheez. We’re Beatrice.” — Dot Warner

  80. Zerowolf
    December 23rd, 2012 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#58): Sorry, I couldn’t resist. May this year’s Crazy Curtis Kwanzaa be clown free.

  81. Liam
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    MW-Once you have Mary’s blessing there is no way you can lose.

    MW 2-”And by we I mean me. I’m going to take over this contest and reduce you to assistant.”

  82. Horace Broon
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    BB: If only soldiers were allowed leave or something…

    FW: “Remember when we had a funny strip? Let’s kill it stone dead by interrupting to announce the punchline in advance!”

    PV: Rory is referred to as “her”! The suspense is ruined!

    Zits: Interestingly, Jeremy isn’t portayed as younger in the flashbacks, suggesting that his unaging nature exists in-universe (unlike, say, Bart Simpson, who is always 10, but shown as younger in flashbacks, even if they’re flashbacks to when the show was on the air – in fact he was now “born” more than ten years into the show’s run). So maybe the fact he always gives his parents the same gift is a cry for help: “Why am I still 17? Why does nothing ever change? WHYYY??

  83. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    In the alternate universe where it’s a Christmas tradition to sit on Santa’s knee while telling him all your complaints they’re laughing their heads off at Baby Blues. Meanwhile in this universe we’re just shaking our heads in bemusement.

    Bizarro: For the win. Everything from the words to the art sell the joke.

  84. bats :[
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Serendipity (#63): In case you need to see clips of the original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQBqfSmniVI . Big Bad Voodoo Daddy (a big band) covers the song, too.

  85. Alison
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: “Hey, I know nothing about this subject! How about I team up with you?” Uh, Mary, Mr. Dill is already afraid he’ll look foolish if he enters the cake contest. Working with someone who doesn’t know what she’s doing will make that possibility even more likely.

    “Luann”: This is just yuck. Also, isn’t it a bit late for Brad to be getting a new job as Santa Claus? Christmas Eve is tomorrow, for goodness sakes.

    “Baby Blues”: Wanda is so annoying. And, I see her kids aren’t anywhere in this strip, so does that mean she got in line to see Santa without any kids? I would think security would quietly remove an adult standing in line to see Santa Claus by herself.

  86. Baka Gaijin
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#68): Let’s ponder the opportunities. They’ve already done the snare drum/half barrel pink nightmare. What’s left?
    a. Puce rectangular monolith reminiscent of Charterstone/giant 2×6
    b. Cerulean cones topped with Hershey Kisses inspired by traffic cones/Madonna’s infamous bra
    c. Mahogany cylinder, horizontal with tapered ends that reminds the viewer of, well, you know
    d. White mound of fluff

    @Amos Snarkadder, known in Sussex (#75): I’m intrigued by the Mary-Sabotage concept. Maybe, instead of orange marmalade, Mary could substitute her “famous” seafood scampi, known for its gloppiness and orangeness. Cherry bombs instead of maraschino cherries. She could go the direct route and meddle the table into compliance. That is, push over the judging table sending all the cakes to the ground. Mr. Dill’s, being made of sponge cake and colored plaster of paris, needs only a quick spackle job to be back to showroom condition.

    @Sequitur (#77): Heh heh heh.

    @Zerowolf (#80): Not enough. I may have to send prehensile asses after ya. Some things are not forgivable. Yet.

    @Alison (#85) on Luann: He’s doing a Christmas Eve visit to the kiddies at the hospital, quite unlike Wanda MacPherson’s confessor.
    on Baby Blues: There are a surprisingly large number of women (and men) who want a picture with Santa. Hell, there are a surprisingly large number of people who want pictures of their cats, dogs, and other small mammals with the big guy.

    // White mound o’fluff was what many diners ordered at the fancy restaurant in Austria instead of the chocolate creation the place is known for. I don’t know what it was but damn it was popular, almost a cubic foot of fluff with something else at the bottom. No one got that far. It could have been Swarovski crystals. I try not to eat things that look like Fix A Flat. Or orange glop. Or clowns. Definitely don’t eat clown-shaped things.

  87. Alison
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:46 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86):
    Hmm, okay, I missed that somehow about Brad. Doesn’t make Toni’s costume any less icky though.

    “Adam @ Home”: Your eggnog looks like dog piss, Adam. Just saying.

  88. Mr. O'Malley
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

  89. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Baka Gaijin! Can primal urges overcome phobias?

  90. Peanut Gallery
    December 23rd, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#Y136): That’s funny, the part that scared me was the “We’re Despicable” song. I knew it was supposed to be comic relief, but it was just so grotesque.

    @Mr. O’Malley (#Y145), @Mr. O’Malley (#88):
    Oh noes! The donkey is the one thing I really like about Nativity scenes!!

    @seismic-2 (#21): “And they kneweth not their holes from an ass on the ground.” — Firesign Theatre

  91. Zerowolf
    December 23rd, 2012 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86): “may have to send prehensile asses after ya. Some things are not forgivable. Yet.”

    Prehensile asses? McEldowney and Batuik? No! No! I’ll take Mary’s dusty, leathery labia over that!

  92. Peanut Gallery
    December 23rd, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    Beetle – In the last panel, notice the word balloon immediately to the right of Beetle’s? Private Mime can’t sigh out loud, so he’s using sign language.

  93. Aviatrix
    December 23rd, 2012 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#38): I blame global climate change.

  94. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 23rd, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    whelp, I haz made it to the Yoop.

    as I suspected, the not-so-wicked step-mom is using IE on her laptop. *cries*

    on the plus side, IE9 is clearly better than my IE8, freezing after four open tabs instead of two. my comments will therefore be sparse until I get home after Xmas.

  95. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94): Welcome to the House of Ha HA! We’ll be expecting queek-like entries soon.

    I zipped over to my copy of IE9 (I usually use Chrome) and opened 11 windows with no problems. However, the breeze about chilled me down.

  96. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, known in Sussex (#78): Right. The only two gospels to contain infancy narratives are Luke and Matthew. Isn’t that what I said? ;-)

  97. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, known in Sussex (#78): Also: still no donkeys or sheep.

  98. ZananIV
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    Merry Christmas, Josh! And thanks for running this. You’re the first thing I read most days. =) Enjoy your time off!

  99. cooby
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    My husband had to explain Dilbert to me today.

    Have a nice trip Josh!

  100. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @cooby (#99): Yeah. I would think most guys would have gotten it.

  101. cooby
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    That is just what he said :)

  102. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#88): Me and the pope, me and the pope, that’s what I always hear…

  103. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#44): I’m still hung up on Mary asking Cake Dude for his recipe when the cake hasn’t even been cut yet. Way to phone in the compliments, Mrs. Worth.

  104. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:38 pm [Reply]

    @Atheist amongst the flock (#20): And I see you got to that thought first. :)

  105. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#103):
    I wanna see John and Mary do the boogie thing to Cut the Cake!

  106. Amos Snarkadder, your obedient servant
    December 23rd, 2012 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#96):

    The only two gospels to contain infancy narratives are Luke and Matthew. Isn’t that what I said?

    Yes, of course, father. That is what you said.

  107. greghousesgf
    December 23rd, 2012 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#82): yeah, Bart should be in his thirties by now.

  108. Amos Snarkadder, your obedient servant
    December 23rd, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#88): @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#97):

    You and the Pope!
    Nativity donkeys and cattle are a myth, says Pope
    Nativity panic as Pope rubbishes donkey myth
    What does the Pope’s donkey denial mean for Christmas?

    Ha! The Roman cathedral in Savannah for years has displayed at Christmas a very large, elaborate creche that contains an unusual assortment of attendants at the Nativity, including (as I recall) penguins.
    Hey, in a miracle, anything is possible!

  109. Amos Snarkadder, your obedient servant
    December 23rd, 2012 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#86):

    I’m intrigued by the Mary-Sabotage concept…. push over the judging table sending all the cakes to the ground.

    It may be hard to imagine Mary jumping out of a cake, but I can easily see her jumping into one.

  110. Amos Snarkadder, your obedient servant
    December 23rd, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#48):

    The actor playing Chinbeard is especially awesome.

    I should say so! That’s a young Will Ferrell!

  111. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 23rd, 2012 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    FW: Doesn’t it just figure? The Moores and the Winkerbeans reminisce about old holiday traditions and art styles, but pretty soon they’re back to Funky’s family tradition of alcoholism.

    SFx: The sole and entire object of Count Weirdly’s latest crime was to see Chief Mutt in his underwear. There’s one for the spank bank, I guess.

    S-M:
    Cop 1: Oh, right. I keep forgetting basic details like that.
    Cop 2: That’s cool. The resulting explanations help to keep everybody in the loop.

    MT: Wildlife lore fail! The offspring of a male horse and a female ass is a hinny. A Henny wants you to take his wife, please.

    Popeye: And another thing about these libbers…

    JP: Let’s see. Katherine’s stepson is forbidding her and his father from the wedding for reasons that he still hasn’t made clear. (Will April’s father die any faster if they show up?) Her husband is less interested in her emotional distress than in the five zillionth conversation about his stupid books and the stupid movies they might become. If there was ever a time when I rooted for a privileged white woman to snap and go on a killing spree, now is that time.

    H&J: Yes Jamaal, I’m sure for you it is all about the, ahem, sausages.

    M-Dawg: “Christmas isn’t the only thing coming, babe.”

  112. Uncle Lumpy
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, your obedient servant (#110):

    Aha! Here’s the awesome full 15-minute version.

    On MySpace, no less — even the venue is in character! And Carlos Alora – be still my heart!

  113. Sgt. Stoned
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary is hitting big time on the widower Mr. Dill. Whatever happened to Dr. Whatizface?

  114. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#21): Damn. Somehow I never thought of that one.

  115. Dayani
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#48): I had to come out of lurker status to say THANK YOU! for this wonderful clip. It’s the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten :)

  116. Liam
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Ah c’mon. We gotta eat out of that trough and you have to put your child in it.”

  117. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    @Dayani (#115): Welcome! Now that you’ve changed your “lurker” status to “contributor” we hope to see a lot of you. You won’t be able to stop.

  118. Mars
    December 23rd, 2012 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    I’ve never heard the term “mouser” used outside of Garfield or Heathcliff; I’m going to assume it’s a rural word for a cat bought specifically to keep down the rodent population on the farm.

  119. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

  120. Peter of the Norse
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile in Luann, Mrs. DeGroot has just learned about her hidden lesbian elf fetish.

  121. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#111): JP: yeah, if there’s a reason the Judge and Katherine can’t just fly down to Acapulco, I missed it.

    Heathcliff: OK, so The relationship between Santa and kids is like a predator and its prey, and the victims leave with sore butts. It sounds vaguely familiar.

  122. Peanut Gallery
    December 23rd, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#97): MORE DONKEYS, MULE!

  123. Ukulele Ike
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann Okay, okay, since no one ELSE is admitting it….I think sexy Santa’s Little Helpers are a turn-on.

    And I think this may be the first instance I’ve seen of Toni tarting it up. As long as I’ve been reading this strip (since finding Josh) she’s always been togged out in lumpy slacks and sweaters.

    That being said, Toni doesn’t do Sexy Elf all that well. The skirt and stockings are seriously goofy looking.

  124. Baka Gaijin
    December 23rd, 2012 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#89): I looked at the mouseover. NO! NO! NO!

  125. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#124): But it’s so sexy. It’ll make your libido leap. Do handstands. Wonder flips. Remove the clown right out of youwn.

  126. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#111): I know. I started out this Judge Parker art thinking that Katherine was going to be a royal PITA about this thing, and that’s why Randy wanted to elope, and now I’ve flipped 180 in my sympathies, and am thinking that at this point Katherine should refuse to have anything more to do with Randy, who has been a total jerk to her, for no apparent reason that I can see.

  127. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

    “arc” not “art”. Heh.

  128. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    @Ukulele Ike (#123): Sadly, Toni’s stripey pants-tights things are about the only thing I like about that strip. I find myself abashedly coveting them. (They would make awesome steampunk accessories.)

  129. Calico
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, known in Sussex (#76):
    More like 12 boxes, plus the weird pyrotechnic display on top.

  130. Sequitur
    December 23rd, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#128): I’m thinking the next Phantom’s gonna be a woman.

  131. Aviatrix
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Mars (#118): There’s even lore about being able to tell how good a mouser a cat will be, based on the size of its ears. No word on whether it’s any more reliable than the “size of his hands” metric in humans.

  132. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#126): She definitely comes off as more sympathetic. Whether Wilson knows this or whether he’s Greg Evansing the issue is the question.

  133. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @Dayani (#115): A hearty welcome to the festivities! Per #65, I share your opinion. I especially liked that howling wind effect.

  134. Sequitur
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#133): Oh,yeah. Mary Worth is one howling wind… in a bag.

  135. Droopy Says
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Panel 1: How did the monkey get into the building undetected? How did the chimp get into the building undetected? How do either of them have the brains to find Kraven’s door? Panel 2: Okay, bub, where’s the fire? Seriously, if that ring is on fire, how is a lumbering elephant going to avoid getting burned?

    Flunky whazzabean: Any chance that Masky McDeath will visit them tonight? Or is Skunk-Hair going to engage in some humbuggery with his resident gameplayers?

    Family Circus: No, but it is time to put this strip out to pasture.

    Phantom: Look! Under the lion’s skin! Removed with no knife or bleeding, it’s an electronic thingy that has no electrical connection to the lion’s central nervous system! And the real Christmas miracle is, this revelation wasn’t dragged out another week!

    Mock Travail: Is that a tropical bird in the foreground?

  136. Sequitur
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    9CL: Big ego. Little brain.

  137. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#136): Also, if you’re a cartoonist trying to create a convincing female-lineup tribute to your sexy sexiness, don’t include a cat.

  138. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    FW — Again I wonder how a small-town comics store can support two employees. And then again I decide I don’t care.

  139. Sequitur
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:57 am [Reply]

    GA: Forget the damn bear. That Lil’ Slim creeps me out.

  140. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    GA — And that’s when Boog woke up. Bummer.

  141. Sequitur
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    Popeye – Uh oh. Swee’Pea’s got an identity crisis. So off we go… new (totally nutsoid) adventure.

  142. Droopy Says
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#140): And then the bear woke up, surrounded by four stacks of small bones and suffering from indigestion.

  143. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    9CL: My gosh, the Gary-Stu meter pegged out today, did it not?

    //And we’re the ones who are supposed to be the geeky misogynist trolls?

    ///I do find myself wondering if the last year or so in this strip represents the beginning of some sort of mental breakdown; I don’t remember the sexy-weird stuff here and in Pibgorn being this intense and overt in earlier strips…

  144. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#137): Yes. The cat definitely tips it from pathetic to skeevy, in my book.

  145. Alice
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    9CL: All that’s missing is a caption to belabour the obvious. Say, “By Jove, all of my sexy creations wish to gamahouche me, post-haste!”

  146. Black Drazon
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    The Dick Tracy staff is certainly going to take tomorrow for a DT Christmas Card Greeting, so let’s just hope that Boxing Day comes hand in hand with Honeymoon getting to look at the bombed-out ruins of her grandparents’ home and her mother’s entire civilization. Happy New Year kiddo!

  147. Baka Gaijin
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#140): Who’d want friends like that? And for eternity?

  148. Consul, the Almost Human
    December 24th, 2012 at 3:16 am [Reply]

    PBS: What’s up with the Funky crossover?

  149. Dale
    December 24th, 2012 at 4:46 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL and Bill have managed to change shirts (not with each other) while walking around.

    Shouldn’t Otto and Pals (O&P) be a bit concerned that Bill landed on their beach?
    They were supposed to meet wherever the capture happened.
    Why aren’t O&P waiting there, unless Bill is early?
    Bill has not satisfied his part of the deal. O&P should take whatever contraband he brought to Peaceful Little Island and send him back to get the ransom.

  150. Écureuil Écumant
    December 24th, 2012 at 6:35 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#29): Batiuk: “I always wish to give them as unforced an air as possible.”

    Even Batiuk knows it’s never a good idea to force a fart.

  151. Écureuil Écumant
    December 24th, 2012 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    Archie: Reminds me of my car…

  152. Fourth Bear
    December 24th, 2012 at 7:34 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Yes, Greg is having Christmas in his apartment alone after his mother changed her plans. Your new James Bond, people!

    A-3G redux: I don’t have as much free time to wander around by myself as Greg (incredibly handsome actor in New York City who has just been cast as the James Bond for a new film in 2013) does. Man, what kind of a lazy, crappy publicity agent can’t line up opportunities for Christmas in New York for a major client…

  153. Liam
    December 24th, 2012 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Is anyone else having trouble getting the sites associated with Comics Kingdom to load?

  154. Baka Gaijin
    December 24th, 2012 at 8:17 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#153): No problem here. Could the Mayan Apocalypse be a few days late and starting with the Comics Kingdom?

  155. tb4000
    December 24th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: While normally I would call this a cute fanservice shout out thing, I realized that is in fact Brooke they’re all crowding around in that second panel.

  156. lynn
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    Phantom: wouldn’t this be a good time for whoever is behind all the lion shenanigans to set off that electric shock device?

    Curtis: Wait – Curtis is Catholic? This is going to put a new spin on Kwanzaa.

  157. gleeb
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    Slylock: Because he doesn’t like Shady Shrew. Simple, eh? Anyway, that elephant is distraught. He must have jut mailed something important.

    3-J: And Ari’s latest pick-up scenario falls flat. Can’t you see Greg’s just not into you?

    ‘shaft: First Hi & Lois, now Ed. Does no one in the comix know how to draw curtains?

    ‘bean: Remember, folks, the attitude to have is one of gratitude for your granny-cheating masters. Dammit, Batiuk, I thought we were finished with these two!

    Parkers!: Yes, Katherine, you are the only person who cares.

    Rex: One character had fried clams and one didn’t; one character is cranky and one isn’t. Shouldn’t you have some seafood today?

    Spidey: If Moe the chimp flung poo at Kraveny, would that make him a veterinary proctologist?

    Dick: “Don’t worry, Honey, we’ve cleaned up since you were born.” So, what is it they see? Giant snail stampede?

  158. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#95): no ad-blocker prollyhaz something to do with it.

  159. Mibbitmaker
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Archie: They’re doomed.

    BC: Old fashioned… in the STONE AGE?!!

    9CL: McE sex fantasy, very clean, yet nauseatingly perverse. I mean, what’s our “favorite” pretentious perv going to do with a cat and a judgmental nun?! Read before showering, in any case.
    (I do love the border hold, though)

    Glibporn: Yeah, Brooke….. whatever….

    DT: They’re looking at 9CL.

    FC: My, aren’t we the messianic complex today!

    MW: “From we at Mary Worth, have yourself a boring, drawn-out Christmas, every one!”

    Popeye: ‘Existential Crisis in a Baby Suit’

    MT: …..but nevermind all that. ALL HAIL THE DUCK DIETY…!

  160. TheDiva
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    9CL: Next time Brooke pulls the “my artistic art is not self-gratifying spank material, and how dare you suggest such a thing you perverse beefwit!” card, just show him this strip.

    C’shaft: They’re called curtains. Look into them.

    FW: Remember, this Christmas be thankful for the taskmasters who pay you a mere pittance and work you to the bone!

    Luann: Luann’s just full of generous holiday spirit, unlike that selfish materialistic Tiffany!

    MT: “What kind of stupid plot development is that?”

    MW: “How should I know? Did I mention I’m going to be his cake decorating assistant? I’m so glad I thought of it!”

    PBS: Now see, Batiuk, this is how you handle serious issues in a comic strip right.

    Pibgorn: We interrupt the genie fetish material to give you holiday fetish material!

    SM: Or you know, since it’s Kraven’s trained chimp, it proves it already. But hey, why end the plot three months earlier than you have to?

  161. John C Fremont
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#145): “Gamahouche, Gamahouche, will you do the fandango?”

    (Sorry. I got unstuck in time and was a seventh grader when I made that comment.)

    Phantom- Well this certainly comes as a big surprise, I must say. [/Ed Grimley]

  162. Zerowolf
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary’s styling in her new purple sweatsuit. Meanwhile Dawn Weston is tied up naked in a corner.

  163. Zerowolf
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    FW: Who get’s their leg broken in order to fulfill Batuik’s butchering of a holiday classic?

  164. seismic-2
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    Crank: So, Ed’s bedroom doesn’t have curtains. In that case, I suspect his neighbor’s house has curtains, storm shutters, plywood, corrugated aluminum, and a foot-thick layer of cinder blocks across their windows, to avoid seeing Ed undressed.

  165. wossname
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    MT – Seriously, what kind of bird is that? Without even doing any googling research, I would bet 1 internet there is no bird with a solid black head and a solid cocoa-brown body. Poteet?

    Phantom – Uh, how about a little veterinary first aid here, Ghost-Who-Slices?

  166. lynn
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#162): Imagine this as read aloud by Brooke McEldowney.

  167. Zerowolf
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    Crank-Shaft
    Who’s the lazy fat ass lout
    who won’t pull the shade to keep the light out?
    (Crank-Shaft!)
    You’re damn right
    Who is the man
    that reads seed catalogs in the can?
    (Crank-Shaft!)
    Can ya dig it?
    Who’s the cat who won’t get out of bed
    walks like his ass is full of lead?
    (Crank-Shaft!)
    Right on
    You see this Crank-Shaft is a bad mother–
    (Shut your mouth)
    But I’m talkin’ about Crank-Shaft
    (A grave, we can dig it)
    He’s an uncomplicated man
    that says shit only he can understan’
    (Crank-Shaft)

    Meanwhile that rumbling you hear is Isaac Hayes rolling over in his grave.

  168. Zerowolf
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Someone either needs to do a better job at shading or June needs to do a better job at shaving.

  169. bats :[
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#88): Considering St. Francis of Assisi created the first nativity/”manger” scene, I can’t imagine the good Saint at least not considering tossing in a couple of critters along the way.
    I’m guessing Benedict is just auditioning for the “dog in the manger” position. What a putz.

  170. Zerowolf
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    . @lynn (#166): Only after he had broken out his thesaurus and rewrote the whole thing to eliminate the Dickensonian plebianisms and replace them with pretentious twaddle.

  171. seismic-2
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#168): Perhaps a bigger problem than June’s armpit is that a large iceberg appears to be floating toward the beach. Things certainly have been eventful in Sandy Eggo ever since the Morgans arrived!

  172. bats :[
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#90): re, Mr. Magoo: yeah, the Despicable characters were pretty gruesome: maybe I was too young to realize that they were grave-robbing even before the body was in the grave.
    OTOH, they’re very Dickensian villains, even animated.

    @Amos Snarkadder, your obedient servant (#110): no, really? There is a strong resemblance, but still…

    @Mars (#118): Yes, it’s a generic term for a mouse-hunting cat. Our friends, who are rocket scientists (fer real!) in Mojave CA have “Mouser,” a tuxedo cat who was adopted to keep mice and birds out of the hangar.

    @Aviatrix (#131): huh! How about that?

    @Sequitur (#136): I kinda like this one. I’m also wondering if they’re waiting to kiss him or slap the bejeezus out of him.

    @tb4000 (#155): Just hope it’s the slap-the-bejeezus-out-of-him thing…

  173. bats :[
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Oh! Before I forget (and apologies if anyone has thought of this)…bats :[‘ Big Idea:
    With Cul de Sac in retirement, I like to think that Alice’s little strange friend Dill has grown up to become Mary’s new cake-baking friend Dill.

    Think about it…you know it to be true.

  174. bad lynn
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    Twas the night before Christmas and all through this site
    Curmudgeons were planning to get Phantom-shorts tight.
    Calico’s kittys were done up with care
    In hopes that Queek’s webcam soon would be there.
    The Babe with her bourbon unbuckled and sighed
    Wishing Old Muffaroo would offer her a muff ride.
    When, what to our wondering screens should appear
    But good old Father Dan with a Shrug and a leer!
    “On Raghead, on Liam, on Diva, on Scudder,
    On Rana, on Droopy, and all of you mudders!”
    With a seismic concussion he dropped to the floor,
    Overcome by the (gai)gin, to be heard from no more.
    Yet now, on the rooftop, like some aviatrix,
    We heard someone swearing like cuss-skunk in a fix.
    Then, down the chimney, arrived in a daze
    A man dressed in red, who landed on Chaze.
    “It must be Santa!” sweet Poteet said,
    Though Zerowolf doubtfully shook his head.
    “Whatever can be in that lumpy old sack?”
    “My Kickstarter campaign cash!” he hollered right back.
    Then we heard Josh exclaim, as he drifted from sight,
    “Frank Lee Meidiere, I wish you all a good night!”

    //bad lynn will be spending the holidays with her brother, Bad Ronald.

  175. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    MT: “What? That man is a terrible negotiator. I’m sorry Mark, but you’ll have to go back. It wouldn’t be right for me to take advantage of him like this.”

    FW: In his mind Comic Book John is gloating to the original Scrooge. “Ha, my people grovel much harder than yours. Suck it English Boy.”

    BH: Not everybody even gets a holiday bonus, much less one somehow reminiscent of a falsetto novelty act.

    9CL: Edna is only welcome at this drawing board jam session if she looks like she did in 1943. Sorry, no grannies or fatties.

    BC: Two to beam up? What hapless soul does Santa have in his sack?

    RMMD: Why can’t you take a vacation like normal people? Because when normal people go on vacation other people aren’t rushing to give them free dinners and yachts. If the burden is too heavy for you, plenty of us are willing to help relieve it.

    H&L: 2012 is nearly over and dammit, Hi demands an apocalypse.

    GT: Hey leave the hookups until after the game, ladies.

    Shoe: “No wait, that’s avian flu.”

    PBS: By all that is holy, Pastis’ trip into Chris Ware country has been depressing. Intentionally, I’d guess.

    FC: How long have the Keanes been grooming PJ to be the next Messiah? And should I be scared?

    Momma: It’s irregular to show Santa giving Sonia a booty call, but for me any sexual innuendo that doesn’t involve her children is a relief.

    A3G: Ouch! Ari gets shot down before he can even finish his invitation to a “boy’s night in.”

  176. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#173): I certainly hope Alice Otterloop isn’t the late Mrs Dill.

  177. MySpoonIsTooBig
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    9CL- This (and really whole large chunks of the strip) are made all the more disturbing when you learn that Edda was based off of Brooke’s daughter.

    “/I do find myself wondering if the last year or so in this strip represents the beginning of some sort of mental breakdown; I don’t remember the sexy-weird stuff here and in Pibgorn being this intense and overt in earlier strips…”

    I have to agree with you there. I mean the in-your-face-sexuality has always been there, but there used to be occasional charming moments that made me more forgiving of the strip’s excess.

  178. Majicou
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    Howdy ‘mudges, This Guy here. That nym doesn’t seem as anti-clever as it used to. From this day forth, I shall call myself… the same thing I go by most other places in this crazy Interwebs.

    BC: Is it that the bag needs its own transporter pad, or is it that Santa is too fat for a single annular confinement beam?

    Luann: Wait until she reads the rest of the note: “For my American parents, Mr. and Mrs. DeGroot, and my American sister, Luann.”

    PBS: That was sad, Steph. But still vastly better than Fuckyou Cancerbean.

    R==R: So the funnel cloud of orange hair is genetic. Well, this comic was already a strong argument for culling.

    @bats :[ (#173): That’s a prime example of “Poison Oak Epileptic Trees.”

  179. Sequitur
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#172): 9CL: They will pin the mistletoe to his ass and tell him to kiss it.

  180. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#153): I always have trouble getting the Comics Kingdom comics to load, having a dodgy Internet connection at work. Overall it took a couple of hours to read all the strips I wanted to today.

  181. seismic-2
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#173): We’ll know it’s true if Mr. Dill spends the next months designing his cake masterpiece,and then when he puts it out on the table for the contest’s judging to begin, it is immediately smashed to bits by a projectile fired from a giant trebuchet in Goleta.

  182. lynn
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    I have to say, though I have fallen out of love with ‘Mutts’ (the artwork is great, though), I cracked up at “Meowy Christmas”. Possibly funnier if it had been “Cwistmas”.

  183. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#73): @Baka Gaijin (#86): By the time this story is over, I wonder how many of us will still like cake.

  184. Illustrator Steve
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    MT – “The leader of the kidnappers said they don’t want the ransom money, Bill.”
    “WHAT? After all I went through to raise this stinking money, now you’re telling me they want us to keep it?!”
    “Well, not exactly, Bill. The kingpin said he wants ME to keep all of the money. I guess it’s because I saved his miserable life. As for you, Bill, they want to do a prisoner exchange by keeping YOU and letting me go free with the cash.”
    “WHY would they want to keep ME here, Mark?”
    “Well, Bill, there’s this sweet old man named ‘Pop’ who fishs every day to keep the poor islanders fed. This guy is very important to them but he is very lonely and lives in a one room hut all by himself. The islanders want to provide an adult male companion for him, if you know what I mean, Bill. I stayed with Pop and he is a nice guy but I don’t go in for that kind of stuff, plus I am asexual. The kidnappers seem to think that you will be a better fit for him than I was, Bill. I just hope for your sake that you brought plenty of personal lubricant with you!”
    “THIS is absurd, Mark! I won’t stand for it!”
    “You won’t have to STAND for it, Bill!”
    “But, Mark, I, I, I…”
    “No need to thank me, Bill, just lay back and enjoy adjusting to your new life. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve got to be on my way. Just grab my rod and untangle my tackle for me, Bill while I get the yacht refueled. Then I will leave for my long overdue bonefishing trip! Oh, and a very Merry Christmas to you, Bill! HO HO HO!”
    “(Bill sighs), sigh! Merry Christmas to you too, Mark. …Um, hey, Mark, just one more question, which one of these huts is Pop in?”
    “It’s the hut with the blow-up male doll in the window, Bill. Goodbye!”

  185. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#142): HAR! Poor bear.

  186. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#144): Yep. And from another point of view, it’s the skeeviest-ever version of PYGMALION.

  187. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#147): Let’s hope we won’t have to watch the gleesome foursome frolicking through the napkin sale. Even the junkyard dolts might be better.

  188. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#165): Wondering about that bird is driving me crazy, and of course because the color monkeys are in charge, we have no idea if the coloring is anywhere near reality. That silhouette looks distinctive, but I don’t know tropical birds. I have a couple of wild guesses which I will now waste time by checking out. *pause for googling* Nope, I’m stumped.

  189. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    @bad lynn (#174): Why, thank you! Now I can remind jolly Saint Nick that the old saying is “Sweets for the sweet.” And may you and your bad brother have a wonderful holiday.

  190. StriderGirl
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Dilbert has me totally stumped. Why would a doctor be unable to stop crying? And why would he send his patient a text message about it? I just don’t get it. Is this something to do with American health care? Have I been missing out on a new breed of unpleasant pseudo-medical spam? Gah. Trying to figure it out is taking up far too many of my brain cells today – I need those for other purposes, darn it!

    Help me, Comics Curmudgeon – you’re my only hope!

  191. Zerowolf
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#171): Sort of like how where ever Jessica Fletcher goes there is a murder for which she frames some poor sucker like Slylock Fox does to Reeky Rat which only she can solve.

  192. Zerowolf
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @StriderGirl (#190): I think the joke is that the app developed by the company Dilbert works for is so bad it makes people cry. Not quite sure myself. Did Scott Adams draw the strip and have Bill Griffith write the dialogue?

  193. lynn
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#192): What’s funny is that I didn’t read my Inquirer today, which carries Dilbert, and much as I do enjoy Dilbert, the gag you are describing is in his “Dilbert Gives You The Business” collection from *quite some time ago*. It had something to do with marketing, I think. Will have to look up today’s strip. (You know, seriously, if I had been doing a strip for 25 years, I think I’d want to recycle my old stuff. And then there are people like me who bought all the collections.)

  194. bats :[
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    So, ah…if the Ladies of Brooke aren’t lining up to kiss him, what are they planning to assault him with? Satori has her katana, and Sister Caligula her wooden ruler…

  195. Jamus The Bartender
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Happy Christmas, Josh, and have fun with Amber and the family….we’ll keep things shiny here….all’s well in Curmudgeontown….
    Okay, he’s gone.

    A Writer’s Lament

    At about…oh, five fifteen last night, I came in from yet another twelve hour shift at the restaurant, never mind which one…
    Aw, okay. Paisan’s Restaurant on West Wilson street, tell them Scotty sent you.
    Anyway, I booted up my puter, looked at the ‘Mudgeon site, then promptly drifted off to sleep….sleeping the sleep of the just…..
    **********************************************
    Jaaaaamuuuuusssss……..
    Aw, hell, no….
    Jaaaaaaaaaaamuuuuuuuussss….wake uuuuuuupppppp
    It was that unmistakable scent of brandy, Prairie Farm farmer-raised cream, and catnip and crumpled hundred-dollar bills.
    “Lemme alone, Cassandra…..”
    JAMUS!!
    ( This isn’t real, I tell myself, she’ll go away, I think. But of course, she doesn’t go away….)
    Sigh.
    I look up, and there she is, just outside of my field of vision. Strictly speaking, hearing voices and seeing cartoon cats wearing a bustier with a push-up bra and holding a whip is generally not good. But, same thing used to happen to the guys who wrote The Shadow, Doc Savage, and I believe Alan Moore once met John Constantine in a bar. So, I just go with it.
    “What do you want now, Cassandra?”
    Her costume changes every few seconds. Now, it’s a negligee barely covering her breasts.
    All eight of them.
    She skips over, plops into my lap, punctuating each word as though it were a sentence of it’s own, poking me with her claw.
    Write. Me. A. Story. About. Me.
    Oh dammit to hell.
    “No.”
    Pleeeeeeeeeeezzzeee?
    “I’m tired.”
    Just wun widdle stowwwy?
    “Cassandra. Please. I’ve worked hard all day, it’s Christmas Eve Eve, and I just wanna get some sleep.”
    Now, her outfit changes to a schoolteacher’s outfit, her hair pulled back into a bun.
    YOU haven’t written anything for weeks. The last thing was that “Spinal Tap” riff back in September!!
    It was October.
    WHATEVER!!
    Dammit to hell.
    “Let Bob Weber do something with you.”
    Now her outfit has changed to some hood-rat ensemble, with low rider jeans America’s moms and dads do not approve of.
    Ppphst. Weber hasn’t done anything with me since summer. HE doesn’t love me. He put me on a t-shirt five years ago, and now he doesn’t even call me, he doesn’t write….
    You love, me, don’t you Jamus?
    Aw, c’mon…( schoolgirl outfit now….)
    I’ll make you feel good…..
    OKAY….okay, okay…..i’ll write some stories….
    YAY!!!
    Cheerleader outfit, no underwear.
    Forgive me, ‘mudges. It is Christmas, after all….

  196. Sequitur
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    @StriderGirl (#190): I think the app is for doctors to send the patients. The doctor is crying because the prognosis for his patient is life-threatening and he feels for his patient. However, the app does that, not the doctor. Therefore, there is no real life-threatening prognosis but the patient thinks there is getting the patient worried and upset. A Dogbert joke – ha ha.

    Explaining a joke takes all the fun out of it but it wasn’t a joke before it was explained so no harm, no foul, no joke.

  197. Calico
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#188):
    I know there’s a bird nicknamed “The Buffalo Bird” (Cowbird) with, I think, black feathers and brown head, but they aren’t tropical – they can be a real pain in the ass, esp. for other species Re: laying eggs in other species’ nests.
    I believe they are related to the mockingbird and catbird…?

  198. Shrug, Playing Comics Cop
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    @Twinkles the Elf (#y154):

    “WHERE, I ask you, is the verisimilitude???”

    It was picked up in a routine sweep of the comics pages, found to be without proper papers, and deported back to its home country of Versomiliania.

    // We don’t hold with giving jobs to illegal Versos, when we have so many of our native Rectos out of work.

    ///// (Of course, *some* of our comics are still produced by noted Rectos.)

  199. Shrug, Typing Knowingly
    December 24th, 2012 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#90):

    “And they kneweth not their holes from an ass on the ground.” — Firesign Theatre

    ***************

    I once adlibbed a line in a play about sf fandom (THE MIMEO MAN), claiming that some fan was so ignorant that “He doesn’t know his Asimov from a hologram!”

    /// I thought it was funny. Nobody else did.

  200. Shrug, Crecheing the Party Agaom
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, your obedient servant (#108):

    “Ha! The Roman cathedral in Savannah for years has displayed at Christmas a very large, elaborate creche that contains an unusual assortment of attendants at the Nativity, including (as I recall) penguins.”

    ANNOUNCER: At the tone, the time will be 0:00 on Zero BC/AD. Time for the penguin on your nativity set to explode!

  201. Spotts1701
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    B.C.: Funny, I always thought Santa was a member of the Q Continuum. How else could he do everything in one night?

    Luann: And we’re supposed to root for this insipid little twit why again?

    9CL: Oi! That’s enough of that, you lot!

    PBS: Okay, didn’t see this coming. But on Christmas Eve? That’s cold, man.

  202. KreatureFeatures
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Mark Trail reminds me of this dialogue from the movie Lost In America:

    Albert Brooks: “As the boldest experiment in advertising history, you give us our money back.”
    Desert Inn Casino Manager: “I beg your pardon?”

  203. Buck Ripsnort
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @StriderGirl (#190): No, no– the doctor is crying because of the horrible test results for YOU, the patient. Naturally, you immediately open the link in a cold sweat, aaaaand. . . SPAM!

  204. Will
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Yesterday was the second anniversary of my father’s death. So that’s a little too on the nose.

  205. Baka Gaijin
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#164): What? Ed Crankshaft has no bedroom curtain. That’s practically but not quite as terrifying as a clown college graduation.

    @Majicou (#178) on Rose is Rose: That’s HAIR on the woman’s head? I thought she was insane, wearing a floor mop dipped in cherry Kool-Aid the physical manifestation thereof.

    @Poteet (#183): I’m pre-emptively hating it. No need to wait until the last minute.

    @StriderGirl (#190): Dilbert’s company is sending bogus text messages to people to make them call the phone number versus people ignoring their ads. That’s “effective advertising,” people.

    @Shrug, Crecheing the Party Agaom (#200): I’d go see a crèche with a genuine Penguin Inside.

    @Spotts1701 (#201) on Pearls Before Swine: Tomorrow’s strip could be a Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy. We’ll see.

  206. Jamus The Bartender
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    The Cat And The Curmudgeon
    Waiting For Santa

    Supper and bathtime was finished, and so was the making of some gingerbread men and one hell of a messy kitchen, and now it was time for Ennie The Cat to say her prayers.
    ” …an’ God bless Mommy, and Daddy, and Uncle Dick Tracy, and Uncle Garfield, and Uncle Charlie Brown, and Auntie Ashley Bengal, who totally has a crush on Daddy, but won’t accept defeat and move on…”
    I looked at Cassandra, who responded with a Mona Lisa smile. Kids grow up so fast these days.
    We put the covers over Ennie. “Now, go to sleep sweetie.”
    “…NOT TIRED…”
    Cass stepped up to bat. ” But honie, you have to go to sleep, because Santa’s coming tonight.”
    “REALLY?”
    “Yeah, he rides on his sleigh at night, and gives presents to all the good little boys and girls, but ONLY IF THEY’RE IN BED!! That’s a rule”
    “Your mommy’s right, sweetie. Santa is very strict on that point.” I chimed in.
    So. Ennie pulled her covers over her head real fast. After a kiss from Mom and Dad.
    ******************************
    I went to the attic to run the presents to the Christmas tree. ” Garfield is bringing a bunch of stuff tommorow, he told me, I’ll keep the Big Wheel up here and bring it down after breakfast, there’s no way in hell we can wrap that…”
    I looked around. I seemed to be the only one carrying presents down.
    “Cass?”
    I looked in our bedroom. There she was, wearing one of my old “Cassandra Cat” t-shirts Bob Weber made years back. She looked good.
    SHE was saying her prayers.
    “Bless Mom and Dad, and Jamus, and keep Ennie safe. Amen.”
    Aw, heck. Well, it had been a weird month. I moved behind her and kissed her neck.
    ” I love you baby.”
    ” I love you too, babyboy.” Then she jumped under the covers, slamming her eyes shut. It was eleven thirty.
    I crooked an eyebrow. “Hm. Okay, i’ll bring the rest of the presents down. Lazy…”
    ***********************************
    After doing my Santa bit, I got into my own jammies and joined my lady in bed.
    Kissing her neck, and stroking her back, I whispered, “Someone’s eager to get into bed.”
    She turned around quickly, putting a finger up to her mouth. “SHHHHHHH”, then turned around and went to sleep, even though she wasn’t.
    What the hell, I wondered….
    “You could have just said no…”
    Then she turned around, pointed to the clock, which said 11:42. ” Get to sleep dummy!! He’ll be here in eighteen minutes!!”
    This was weird. Even for Cassandra.
    “Um, who, who’ll be here, sweetie?”
    She looked at me like I was winner of Mister Clueless, 2012.
    “SANTA!!”
    What the hell?
    “SANTA!! You know…”
    I put a hand on her shoulder. This could have been a relapse…
    “Sweetie….Santa’s not real…..”
    She looked at me like I had just left the seat up.
    “Yes. He. Is.”
    “Honey…..”
    She turned around quickly and explained. ” Look. You know how this works, right? Every Christmas at midnight, he comes and brings presents to everyone, you JUST told Ennie. And if he doesn’t show tonight, you are SO not getting sex ever again.”
    I realized then that this must have been one of those things I didn’t understand about Averytown.
    “Sweetie….Santa is just pretend. I mean, it’s a fun kind of pretend, granted, but it’s …it’s like the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny….”
    Her eyes bore lasers into mine.
    “Jamus. One of your best friends is Charlie Brown. You own a bar financed by Garfield. One of your best customers is Dick Tracy, whose been in comic strips before either of us were born. Also, Spider Man and Iron Man like to come in sometimes. NOW, you mean to sit there and tell me…..with ALL of that in mind….that SANTA isn’t REAL??”
    “But…” I said after fifteen seconds.
    “Get to sleep. We’ll discuss it in the morning.”
    It was eleven forty three…
    To Be Continued

  207. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#197): You’re right about the habits of cowbirds, which are members of the blackbird family. Alas, the bird in MT is shaped and colored wrong for a cowbird, so my frustration will continue. Hmmm, lemme try another wild guess *pause for search* It looks kinda like a frigate bird but has the wrong kind of beak. Dang.

  208. Baka Gaijin
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#206): Hmm. I didn’t realize Averytown was on east of me. It’s barely night here.

  209. Poteet
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#205): Per cake, yours is the sane, healthy option. I’m more inclined to eat a lot of cake while I still like it and blame MW.

  210. lynn
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#207): I think “The Frigate Bird” would make a great competing restaurant to the “Bum Boat”. Maybe they would serve cake!

  211. Consul, the Almost Human
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    PBS: By the way, which father is in play here? Canine taken from/estranged from family father or human chain him in the backyard and torment him with negligence and tantalizations father?

  212. Jamus The Bartender
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#208):

    A Writer’s Lament, Cont’

    Hmmmm…
    Oh, hell, don’t start…
    Baka has a point, baby…
    Don’t overthink this, okay? Remember what Joel and the ‘bots said…
    I mean, the time difference is a point….and you make me look sort of stupid….”Of course Santa is real” I mean honestly…
    Look just let me work with this, okay? I promise, it’ll be good…
    I dunno……
    Do you want me to put you back in your cat box? Is that what you want?
    OOooo….he’s so mean……i’ve been a bad girl….
    Don’t mock me…
    Jamus gonna spank me?
    Maybe I should….
    I wish you would. Six months and no appearances….show me SOME attention at least….
    Oh, good gravy….

  213. Amos Snarkadder, your obedient servant
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#167): *applause!*

  214. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @bad lynn (#174): Nicely done!

    PBS: Do you think that Pastis is working out some father issues? This story was touching but pretty darned sad. Please don’t pile on with any rechaining, Stephan. Please.

  215. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 24th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    It’s Christmas-carol season, so I thought I’d take a little trip down memory lane (I wrote this 3 years ago):

    Santa baby, let Mark punch his way free,
    For me.
    been an awful good girl,
    Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

    Santa baby, a Wilbur flashback there,
    With hair.
    I’ll wait up for you dear,
    Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

    Think of all the snark I’ve missed,
    Think of all the comics that I haven’t dissed,
    Next year I could be just as good,
    If you’ll check off my Christmas list,

    Santa baby, I wanna see
    Who Jeff has on his knees,
    Been an angel all year,
    Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

    Santa honey, there’s one thing I really do need,
    Ruby
    The brand-new queen of Queens,
    Santa honey, so hurry down the chimney tonight.

    Santa cutie, and Rusty still underneath that car,
    Har har.
    Floating jackelrod ball,
    Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

    Come and trim my Christmas snark,
    With some out-takes from “I Dressed in the Dark,”
    I really do believe in you,
    Let’s see if you believe in me,

    Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
    Andy.
    Just for mr. 12 oz can & me,
    Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight,
    Hurry down the chimney tonight,
    Hurry, tonight.

  216. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Consul, the Almost Human (#211): Since he escaped from the yard in order to visit his father in the hospital I assumed it was the canine birth father who was dying. You could work it the other way, though.

  217. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#215): Love love LOVE your Eartha Kitt turn. One question, though. Which Jeff was it who had someone on his knees. Mary’s some-may-call-this-life partner? There was probably an event three years ago I can’t think of right now.

  218. Peanut Gallery
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    Popeye – You yam what you yam and that’s all that you yam. Five cents, please.

  219. Mars
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#214): Probably. Every time something is even slightly bothering Pastis, he appears in the strip himself looking sad while Rat insults him. There was that one week where Pastis appeared just to whine that he hasn’t gotten a Reuben award, which I thought was awfully egotistical.

  220. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    MW Awww! That’s so sweet! It sounds like Mary met a boy!

    Luann Kangaroo jerky. Merry Christmas, Luann.

    A3J “My mom changed her plans.”
    Ha! She was kidnapped! No one screws with Aunt Cathy Winwood and gets away with it!

    @Zerowolf (#163):

    FW: Who get’s their leg broken in order to fulfill Batuik’s butchering of a holiday classic?

    It’s the Funkyverse, where no limb goes unsevered.

  221. bats :[
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

  222. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#172): And I think that’s Lindsay Lohan playing Toby.

  223. StriderGirl
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#196): @Buck Ripsnort (#203): @Baka Gaijin (#205):
    Thank you all for explaining!! Now I got it. I don’t want it, but at least I got it.

    It doesn’t seem quite up to Dilbert standards. I think maybe Zerowolf is on to something. @Zerowolf (#192) Ah well, ’tis the season for charity – we’ll assume Mr. Adams merely started his vacation early. Speaking of which, a merry Christmas and/or happy holiday of your choice to you all!

  224. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @bad lynn (#174): *squee*

    *furious applaz*

  225. seismic-2
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#173): Actually, I always speculated that Dil from Cul de Sac grew up to become Dilbert. As a child in Blisshaven Academy, his was always a creative, gentle, free spirit that was forever being infantilized by the hidebound literalist oppression of his brothers and that was reduced to a withered shadow of itself by the tantrums that Alice constantly threw. As an adult in soul-less corporate America, all that remains of that innocent lad is a still-creative but now dispirited shell that is oppressed these days by his pointy-haired boss and that continues to shrivel in the wake of the now even worse tantrums that are thrown by Alice (still!) as they once again all sit around their big table, continuing to do their menial busy work but now abandoning even any pretense that their labors, and their lives, have any meaning. The only escape from the cubicle that has become the repository of Dil(bert)’s crushed psyche is his dream of just once going over to the CEO’s office and thrusting a stick through the mail slot.

    And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!

  226. lynn
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#215): LOL! And the worst part is, I remember all those story arcs! In fact, didn’t some of them just end last month?

  227. Calico
    December 24th, 2012 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#220):
    Greg, when you see a chance, take it!
    ; )

  228. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 24th, 2012 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#217): Thanks! And I think it was Dr. Jeff–maybe the story when he was remembering an old friend of his? The son of the old friend came to visit?

    (I don’t know if I’m more bothered by the fact that I don’t remember it all, or by the fact that I remember some of it. Where’s the key to that damned liquor cabinet, anyway?)

  229. Peanut Gallery
    December 24th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Black Drazon (#146): Gee, I figured that thing they’re looking at on the moon would turn out to be either Jesus or Santa Claus tomorrow.

  230. Liam
    December 24th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Most folks leave the city to the tourists and the people too poor to leave the city. We use this time of the year to bug bomb the entire city.”

    MT-”What? But I have two million dollars here in the hopes that they would kill you.”

    MW-Dill is retired from marriage.

    Crankshaft-Hi and Lois did it.

    FC-I can think of something I would like to put him in and it’s not a manger.

    FW-And sorry but I can’t afford to pay you. I’m barely making enough in this store to pay myself.

    Hi and Lois-”That’s not the Christmas star. That’s the light of the sewage treatment plant.”

    RMMD-We’re the stars of a soap opera comic which means that bad things will happen to us wherever we go.

  231. yaoi huntress earth
    December 24th, 2012 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#143): You obviously never saw the tree torture scene, Hair Fairy getting sliced up (she got better), gun fellatio and Satan taking advantage of Henmyln’s unconscious body in Pibgorn.

  232. Consul, the Almost Human
    December 24th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#214):

    I, too, hope Pastis doesn’t end this with the little dog chained in the yard again. But, I think it’s highly likely that he will.

  233. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 24th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @cheap canada goose jacket (#233): @chilliwack parka (#234): You two seem like you have a lot to discuss with each other, so I’m just gonna leave you to it.

  234. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 24th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @yaoi huntress earth (#231): Ugh, actually, I did; I must have blotted them out. Thanks for reminding me!

    //That said, I do think he’s been increasingly blatant and defensive about it, and the number of overt author avatars has – at least that’s my impression – increased over the years.

    ///I suspect the lack of editorial oversight, plus his decision to insulate himself into a bubble free of all but approving commentary, has encouraged this.

  235. Jamus The Bartender
    December 24th, 2012 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Oh, God, yeah. Wow. Damn. I see what you all mean.

  236. Da Coconino Kid
    December 24th, 2012 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#94):

    as I suspected, the not-so-wicked step-mom is using IE on her laptop. *cries*

    IE exists for one purpose: to browse to the Mozilla site. It would be an act of charity — an out-and-out Christmas miracle — for you to put Firefox on her machine. God bless us, each and every one!

  237. seismic-2
    December 24th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @cheap canada goose jacket (#233): I take it that cheap Canada geese do not have gold Bible-verse bands on their legs? You are to be commended for your noble work of providing jackets for those destitute and heathen birds.

  238. Jane
    December 24th, 2012 at 5:39 pm [Reply]

    Is anyone else moderately disgusted by today’s 9CL? When his work started to take a creepy bent I felt like I was looking through someone’s private porn collection, and wondered how much more upsetting it must be for McEldowney’s wife and daughters. Now he draws himself at the center of attention for all his sexy (okay, sans one) female characters. How is his wife supposed to feel? Fantasize all you want but do you really need to publish your naughty thoughts for all the world?

  239. seismic-2
    December 24th, 2012 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    9CL: In this self-portrait, we see that Brooke is drawing these characters with his right hand. We can’t see where his left hand is, and maybe we should be grateful for that.

  240. Cindy
    December 24th, 2012 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    I am seriously horrified and baffled by Heathcliff… I don’t get the joke. I don’t get the reference. Does Santa customarily spank small children before giving them a treat?? The mice seem to take it in stride, so perhaps there is some tradition I am not familiar with…?

  241. Dale
    December 24th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    The insurance company is going to be more than pissed when it learns Mark Trail is just some guy and not the name of a yacht.

    Seriously, what insurance company pays a claim before the damage even happens?
    ” Flo? Hi. Fine. Look, there’s a good chance I’ll crash my car next Monday night. Send $18,500 right now. If I’m not home, just leave it on the doorstep. It’ll be safe. The paperboy never gets close and the leaf-blower guys wouldn’t recognize a cloth bag with $$ signs on it.”

  242. Liam
    December 24th, 2012 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    9CL-I don’t get it. Of course then I don’t get all the 9 Chickweed Lane comics that I read and frankly I don’t care.

  243. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 24th, 2012 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#230):

    MW-Dill is retired from marriage.

    His wife was laid off.
    Or was that laid out?
    Whatever.

  244. Droopy Says
    December 24th, 2012 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#242): Is there anything to get in 9CL? I mean, that won’t require antibiotics?

  245. Jamus The Bartender
    December 24th, 2012 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    @Jane (#238): I swear to God, before I wrote that “Writer’s Lament” thing, I had NO idea Brooke had done pretty much the same thing.

  246. seismic-2
    December 24th, 2012 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#242): What you are supposed to “get” from 9CL is that this Tijuana Bible comic strip is a work of great genius, an example of the very highest art that attains the rarest and purest form possible, a Platonic ideal of the most noble aesthetic visions to which the human spirit can aspire. If you fail to “get” that, then obviously it’s because you’re a beefwit, and you are unworthy to occupy the same planet as the muse-blessed Brooke.

  247. TheDiva
    December 24th, 2012 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @Jane (#238): When I learned Gor creator John Norman was married, I reflected that sex between the two of them must either be very interesting or completely non-existant, with absolutely no middle ground. I’m starting to suspect the same thing of McEldowney.

  248. bats :[
    December 24th, 2012 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Jane (#238): It’s okay, Jane. Sometimes folks think they really, really are deserving of something, and they really, really get it — and get it in the way they least expect. Heh.

  249. Ukulele Ike
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    9CL: You know, the only character there that I like enough to even consider zorking would be Oognat. The one covered with hair.

    Brooke is probably more of a grudgefucker than I, and is planning on lining ‘em all up.

  250. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#242): There’s a mistletoe above his head; his sexxxaaaay female characters are all gazing at him and it hopefully. ’nuff said.

  251. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 24th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#250): (There is, also, a very weak visual joke about him wanting to take them up on the offer but being intimidated by his disapproving nun character. So this is not only a visual depiction of his sexual preferences and proclivities, but it also reveals that his conscience takes the form of a frumpy religious woman. As I’ve said before, there is a psychology thesis just waiting to be written about his work.)

  252. Droopy Says
    December 24th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#251): Yeah, but who’s crazy enough to study him that much?

  253. tallyHO
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    For those who don’t get the “Heathcliff” gag, indulge my explanation. Granted, this is only an interpretation.

    It is a cat in a santa suit sitting in a customized chair next to a bag of cheese wedges and the mice are willing to march out of their safe zone to indulge him in power fantasies of punishing them for “bad behavior” knowing full well that if they make a show of it for the owner of the house by pretending to leave they will get a wedge of cheese for their time.

    In short, the crassest and most cynical explanation of capitalism is being shown as being alive and well in “Heathcliff”.

    Happy Holidays, Everybody!

  254. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Merry Christmas, mudges, and to all a good night!

  255. Jane
    December 24th, 2012 at 11:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#251): The strip itself seems like a descent into delusion: a sweet comic about childhood and oddball characters becomes a ham handed mix of sex, polemic and repetition. (For those who wisely prefer to avoid the strip, a good example was last week when he had literally the same joke repeated at least four times in a row.) The worst part is that none of it is a quarter as clever as he seems to think. Politicians say one thing and mean another, am I right? And they sure are slimy!

    The change in tone is all the more upsetting to me because in the beginning I really, really liked the strip. It was quirky in a good way and had comparatively great art. Then Edda became a featured ballerina AND perfect classical pianist AND filthy rich lingerie model. The strip incorporated not one, not two but three couples featuring mild-mannered, horribly overwritten (has Amos ever paid Edda a compliment less than two paragraphs long?) dorks at the mercy of sexually voracious Amazons. I don’t know if he gets off on it or just likes to use his comic as a means to vent his desires, but ick.

  256. Uncle Lumpy
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    Hey, Merry Christmas everybody!

  257. Consul, the Almost Human
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    PBS: Nicely played, Mr. Pastis. Be a sport and let him move beyond the chain and post.

  258. odinthor
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    Best pagan yuletide wishes to all from not-seen-much-these-days odinthor (none dare disturb the fabled odinthor sleep)!

  259. seismic-2
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    FC: And in a related story, millions of practicing Christians were converted to Hinduism, Buddhism, and Wicca today after reading the newspaper comics page. Film at Eleven.

  260. Poteet
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Although it’s been said many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you. And yay, the sun really is moving north again. Time for the festive traditional naked Solstice Success dance!

  261. Droopy Says
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:14 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Of course nobody in the audience suspects the tiara is a fake, Kraven. Why should they? You aren’t suddenly playing to the International Union of Keen-eyed Jewelers, are you?

    Family Circus: Look, in the background, one ass is riding another!

    Mock Traval: “GET OUT OF HERE!” What strip better conveys the spirit of the season? And what better gift than a word balloon that speaks its mind through its own word balloon?

    Pluggers: And inside the stable, kneeling at the manger, a Plugger chomps away.

    Shoe: I looked at the cookie bag label and thought it said “Choke-a-lot.” I still want it to say that. Does that make me a bad person or a good ‘mudge?

  262. seismic-2
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    JP: Nice, but I was hoping for Peaches in a pear tree.

    MW: I swear, that turkey has the ugliest head I’ve ever seen. No bird on earth more thoroughly deserved to be roasted, stuffed, and served on a bed of green rocks. Christmas dinner is brutal.

    PBS: His last words were scribbled in the margin of the TV Guide. Surely this is a glimpse of how Spider-Man will leave his final will and testament.

    S4th: Awwwww… [sniff] Now can we catch a glimpse of what’s going on with Sally’s Mom, Gerald, Jackie, and Ralph? Have they impaled one another on the tree yet?

    Zits: And now we see why Jeremy hasn’t come home for the holidays since 1987.

  263. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    @Jane (#255): Be sure to avoid the Christmas Pibgorn, then. Oy.

  264. Baka Gaijin
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:06 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#262) on Mary Worth: Ew. I missed that the first time around. Someone needs to do the same thing to that turkey as they did the “Chinese turkey” in A Christmas Story.

    on Zits: Chad. Chad is the brother who should be named “Chuck.”

    @Jane (#255): Put Family Circus on the DNR (Do Not Read) List. Someone got a messy Dirty Sanchez.

  265. Baka Gaijin
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    Blondie wishes Dagwood would treat her like a stocking and give her a good stuffing.

    The look on Loretta Lockhorn’s face shows she’s considering into which of Leroy’s orifices to lodge that coal.

    Sniff, sniff. Anyone else smell toasted elephant around here?

  266. Baka Gaijin
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:25 am [Reply]

    Geez, Connie Zits. For someone with a degree in child psychology, you don’t know nuthin’ ’bout kids. This is the age when a child naturally wants to start a life of his own outside his family. I wouldn’t be surprised if we soon see Connie trying to shove Jeremy back inside the uterus from whence he came.

    The anti-Connie Zits.

    Who’s that guy in the upper right of Mary Worth? I thought they killed him off. Wasn’t he the one of the guys who either slipped off the boat deck into the Mediterranean or willingly jumped overboard, dolphin style?

    Today’s Luann gets an “Oh, puhleez.” Quill sent the Vegemite as a joke. No Australians actually eat Vegemite, much as no self-respecting Aussie would drink Fosters in an oil can.

  267. Baka Gaijin
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    A big tongue-lolling guffaw to Snuffy Smith.

    Ditto for Dick Tracy.

    Same for The Dinette Set but only for the big heart on the wall.

  268. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:59 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#266): Perhaps the problem is that Jeremy’s older brother has entirely disappeared from existence and she’s afraid it will happen again. (Of course, this degree of extreme clinginess practically ensures it will, but oh well.)

  269. Mr. O'Malley
    December 25th, 2012 at 3:12 am [Reply]

    Well here it is Christmas.

    Here is how a comic strip should celebrate.

    Thanks to all those people who put lights up. In the morning we’ll find out if it worked and the sun is coming back for another year. I couldn’t measure the angle of sunset until today because it’s been raining. But tomorrow — Sol Invictus!

  270. Dale
    December 25th, 2012 at 3:55 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL and Bill should just leave without the money. It’s not theirs and they don’t get to keep it if they do take it back. It belonged to a Very Stupid insurance company. Think of it as a gift to the islanders.

    There is a way out with the money.
    Otto’s wounds are infected and he knows he’s going to die.
    Mark collects his gigantic tackle box (and Andy, the rearguard dog).
    Dump the fishing tackle and cram all the money into the box.
    They calmly walk toward the boat. Bill is empty-handed.
    Mark tells the pirate pals, “Go help Otto divide up the money.”
    Magic happens and Otto dies unseen, but not from the infection.

  271. Mr. O'Malley
    December 25th, 2012 at 3:56 am [Reply]

    Christmas strips:
    Agnes: Cute
    MW: Yeah, well we don’t want anyone at our Christmas dinner who can’t cut up his own turkey because he ONLY HAS ONE ARM!
    Luann: That was very thoughtful of Quill. He could have thrown in some Tim Tams, because the ones that Pepperidge Farm makes are not quite the same as the Australian ones. And maybe some Violet Crumble.
    Note: Do not ever say “Australia’s Favorite Cookie” to an Australian, or violence may ensue. Australia does not have cookies, favourite or any other kind.

  272. seismic-2
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:31 am [Reply]

    Luann: Let’s see – yesterday Luann thought maybe Quill had sent her a ring as a token of his commitment, and today she’s acting all happy with him even though it turned out to be a jar of Vegemite. Of course, this is the same girl who one day was making plans to attend Julliard and the next day seemed quite pleased to study theater arts at the local community college instead. Say what you will about Luann (and Lord knows, we all do), at least she knows how to settle. Her life is one protracted exercise in setting the bar progressively lower and lower. By middle age she will have worked her way down in ambition from “star of the Broadway stage” to “Assistant Overnight Restroom Custodian at Weenie World”. You go, girl!

  273. MISTER Pibb(gorn)
    December 25th, 2012 at 5:12 am [Reply]

    Hey Brooke, I got some mistletoe hanging from my belt, in back, so you can come kiss my ass you beef wit.

  274. Liam
    December 25th, 2012 at 6:18 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-Sounds like you need the help of Mary Worth.

    FC-Uh, Billy. You’ve got a little something on your face.

    FC 2-I’m creeped out by PJ. He looks like he is in the “I’ve just gotten blown” position. Arms behind his head. A big satisfied smile on his face.

    FW-”Who’s that little man in your briefcase and how do we get him out,” Grandpa Funky asks.

    Gil Thorp-Let us interrupt this storyline of basketball and cancer to wish you a Merry Christmas.

    Love Is-Run! She looks demented. What’s in the boxes? WHAT’S IN THE BOXES?

    MW-Nobody can make Soylent Green like Mary can.

    RMMD-Let us interrupt this storyline of cancer and strippers to wish you a Merry Christams.

  275. Liam
    December 25th, 2012 at 6:42 am [Reply]

  276. beltsander
    December 25th, 2012 at 6:47 am [Reply]

    “On this Special Edition of Beetle Bailey, we bring you Santa, who is…oops, sound asleep because it was just too much work trying to turn Camp Swampy into the next Smurf Village. That’s okay, because it is WE, yes WE the undersigned, who bring you JOY…and we do it ALL year long. You hear us? ALL YEAR LONG.”

  277. Liam
    December 25th, 2012 at 6:51 am [Reply]

    Archie-Translation: “Veronica accepts credit cards for tricks.”

  278. Lynn
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:00 am [Reply]

    On behalf of bad lynn and from the bottom of my own pure heart, a merry day to all of you!

  279. Écureuil Écumant
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    MW: Chinbeard needs a refill. Again.

  280. Écureuil Écumant
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Just a couple of hours of daylight left, and Rex and June are still sporting shades. It must be the atropine. Yeah, that’s it … atropine.

  281. wossname
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Merry Christmas to all the Mudgeons who celebrate it, and happy solstice (or whatever pleases you) to the rest!

    JP – Very nice, and a whole lot better than seeing Sam and Abbey and Judge Sr. and Judge Jr. smirking at us. (Altho those who read JP for the boobs will be disappointed.)

    RMMD – Ditto, but substitute “Mark and Cherry and Rusty and Doc” for “Sam and Abbey and Judge Sr. and Judge Jr.” and “giant animals” for “boobs.”

    PBS – Awww. *sniff* Now don’t send him back to be chained up again, Pastis – I’m counting on you.

    MW – Predictable – except for Dawn’s expression of horror. I think she’s forgotten all the Important Lessons Learned from the Jim episode and regressed to “Dave used to eat turkey. Sigh.”

    A broader discussion about MW: OK, current arc, cake, follow your dreams, blablabla. But I would love to see the next arc be something truly different, where Mary has an existential crisis and begins to question all her deeply held beliefs. “What if grieving isn’t the price we pay for loving? What if it’s better to let go of your negativity irresponsibly? What if Camus didn’t really say all those things?”

    So my question to y’all is: Who would be the best candidate to meddle the meddler? Who would get Mary through this? I’ve considered a lot of scenarios, but my favorite candidate is Charley Smith. Thoughts?

  282. Here Come the Judge
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    I’ve just noticed- Kathrine is one of the few women in Judge Parker who doesn’t have breasts that are larger than her head. I guess the Judge likes the scrawny ones.

  283. gleeb
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Beetle: I really don’t know how to interpret this. Have they infiltrated the North Pole? Will they take out Santa Claus? Why is Halftrack chasing Miss Buxley; I though they’d put a stop to that. Weird.

    ‘bean: “Lonely, son? We thought we’d let you talk to a demented old man for a while. See ya!” Actually, it’s just a still photo because Cory lit out for parts less-cancer-ridden when he got leave. He’s no fool.

    Parker: It’s stirring and patriotic to see a Christmas tree decorated with makeshift flags of surrender.

    Rex: Not going with Those Lying on a Sunny Beach Yet Still Complaining was a good choice. But why so militaristic?

    Spidey: Nothing cuts through the holiday treacle quite like a thief breaking a showgirl’s heart.

    Pluggers: …forget to make reservations.

  284. Atheist amongst the flock
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MW: Dawn is flashing back in panel 2 to the episode of Seinfeld in which Kramer used butter while tanning.

  285. Zerowolf
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MW: Wilbur must have been in charge of drinks, because those look like glasses full of mayo.

  286. Zerowolf
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    A3G: Meanwhile Doc Popapillwithus is inviting Greg to sit on his knee. Mmmm spankings and cheese for you bad little boy.

  287. TheDiva
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Merry Merry, everybody!

    A3G: “Actually I’m the only man around here who’s not a nondescript vaugely attractive twenty-something. The fact that I actually have a beard–even a douchey goatee–makes me the best Santa by default.”

    C’shaft: This was more or less me in my college days (except my family wouldn’t wait until noon to drag me out of bed), so I got nothing to add today.

    FW: Funky Winkerbean characters using technology in a positive fashion? It’s a Christmas miracle!

    GT: GAAAAH THE SMUG IT BURNS

    Luann: What’s wrong, Quill, the store fresh out of boomerangs? Also, Luann decides honesty in a relationship is for losers.

    MT: Mark: “Awww, can’t I punch him just once! I’ve rolled up my sleeves and everything!”

    MW: Merry Christmas! Enjoy a glass of potato wine with the deflated turkey and sickly green lumps!

    PBS: *sniff*

    Pibgorn: Could someone please get Brooke a psychiatrist for Christmas?

    SM: “And who do they think they’re fooling? This thing’s obviously plastic!”

  288. Zerowolf
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    FC: Bet PJ will be sorry he got the part of Jesus come Easter…..

  289. Anonymous
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Coffee + Comment of the week = damn, I need a new keyboard! Merry Christmas to the Snark Community. It’s a weird little hobby we have here.

  290. seismic-2
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    MW: On Christmas, Mary honors Dr. Seuss by transforming facially into a Who from Whoville, and then she serves a tribute meal of green eggs and turkey.

  291. Majicou
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Ho ho ho! Merry everyone!

    Luann: Vegemite isn’t a Christmas gift, it’s chemical warfare.

    FC: Christmas means incestuous undertones at the Keane Kompound–but then, so does every other day.

    MW: Whoa, hold up there, Worth. Wilbur Weston isn’t going anywhere near that turkey until you put a slice of bread on either side of it.

  292. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    SM – She’s not crying for lost love. Those are tears of pain as the fire melts that plastic tiara into her scalp.

    FW – Might resonate more if he wasn’t still in basic training. Instead, it is just another unearned moment of pathos.

    Doones – Hey, don’t blame the Athiests for crapping in your manger scene. You Christians do that yourselves: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caganer . Holy shit!

  293. seismic-2
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    FW: On Thanksgiving (wasn’t it?) we saw that Funky’s Dad no longer knows who his son is. I daresay that he therefore most likely doesn’t know who his grandson is either, so today’s scenario is rather less poignant than it initially might seem. Insofar as Grandad is concerned, the Skype call is just video wallpaper, with someone in a green suit saying stuff. However, if it keeps us from being exposed to Les Moore’s Merry Smirkfest (complete with carolers singing “Oh Come Let Us Adore Me”), then I hope this Skype call lasts all week.

  294. bats :[
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    FC: Nothing says Merry Christmas like a Nativity scene with Freddy the Freeloader.

  295. Zerowolf
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    Luann: Know what goes really good with Vegemite? Postum!

    Yes, Postum is back. Sold in 48 stores (only two of which are outside of Utah) and online.

  296. Will
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    PBS: Pastis, you’re killing me.

    Gil Thorp: I hope Coach Kaz got some new pearl earrings for Christmas. He just doesn’t look right without them.

  297. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    ASM: I’m going to Vegas this spring, and I’m wondering if I can get tickets for a show in which a large, bombastic man waves his arms around while a weeping showgirl in a knock-off tiara rides an elephant.

    MW: I’m glad they finally made good use of Aldo’s dessicated torso.

    Merry Christmas, ‘Mudges!

  298. John C Fremont
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Holy crap! For once, Mary Worth is right. Wasabi potatoes would go nicely with turkey.

    Hey, it’s almost Kwaanza! And only 5 more days ’til Yak Shaving Day!

    Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown! God bless us, every nun. Your baby, John Jones, your baby.

  299. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Boy, you can sure tell who’s phoning it in on Christmas. I’m looking at you, Archie Joke-Generating Laugh Unit 3000.

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Lord, really? You just gave up the possibility of a fake-out at least three weeks before this godawful storyline ends? Do it, Sherry! Listen to the voices in your head! Have mercy on all of us!!

    Apt. 3-G: I didn’t think it could be done. How can you possibly suck any more of the life, joy and color out of Christmas for elderly shut-ins? Tell them their grandchildren don’t love them, I suppose. And this.

    Cul de Sac: I could have sworn Alice was opening a “Little Miss FunDy” doll, which is about par for the course in little girls’ dolls. (“Starry-Eyed Bride,” anyone?)

    Dick Tracy: It takes five people to put together this strip?

    Dilbert: Old joke is old.

    The Family Circus: That poor dog.

    The Lockhorns: See, all you have to do is shove it up your -

    Mark Trail: Today’s strip seems to have been put together after one too many eggnogs at the Lost Forest office. Of course, that’s like any other day, but this is a special day of crapulence: Bill introducing himself to Otto, one word balloon telling the other to get off the island, a mustache left unpunched. “More eggnog, Jack?” “No, but I’ll take a line of cocaine if you’re getting up.”

    Pibgorn: Eww. Eww eww eww. Also, not well-done. The “Swinging Seniors” of dirty comics.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Let’s see: “Peace On Earth”? No. “On Earth Peace”? Not that, either. “On Peace Earth”? Maybe. Gosh, I sure hope their radio isn’t broken…

    Scary Go Round: I don’t know any of the albums Shauna and Charlotte are reviewing, and their series is still hilarious. Well done, mate!

    Sinfest: Somehow, the Devil being a brony makes sense.

  300. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

  301. Sequitur
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    …Did you know you’re out of Cheez Doodles?

    Happy Christmas thoughts from the makers of Ziggy!

  302. Sequitur
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Were you expecting beaver under your tree this Christmas?

  303. Liam
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann-”Spread the vegemite thin on a cracker”. Alright after it’s spread on Luann who is going to eat it off of her since Quill is in Australia.

  304. Downpuppy Weatherwax
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#281): I’d like to see Mary start getting responses from an Ask Wendy reader questioning her quote sources.

    After much tussle, it turns out the reader is a bedridden 13 year old girl. Mary goes to meddle her, is roundly rejected. The editor finally wakes up, writes a 3 page correction notice, and turns the column back over to Wilbur.

    Mary takes a job in a bakery, unaware of what’s really in the Special Sugar packages. (Or so she tells the arresting officer.)

    Or something like that. The newspapers that carry the strip must be getting some flack about all the bogus quotes, no?

  305. Sequitur
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    PBS: Actually, that’s not a bad way to go. Lying in bed doing a crossword puzzle then drifting off, slipping away and not come back.

  306. Shrug, Now With Extra Ho-Ho-Ho
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    As our holiday cards last year said, Happy (approximate)–

    Solstice
    Christmas
    Hannukah
    Eid
    Kwanzaa
    Festivus
    Sir Isaac Newton’s Birthday

    to all (select as few or as many from the list as you wish).

    Shrug

  307. Baka Gaijin
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @wossname #281: Ella Byrd. She was such a threat to Mary’s meddle-hegemony Ms Worth had her banished to a unnamed place beyond the gates of Nirvana (i.e. Charterstone).

  308. Sequitur
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Now With Extra Ho-Ho-Ho (#306): ACK! Today is Isaac Newton’s birthday and I didn’t get him anything! The gravity of this situation is enormous!

  309. Calico
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Hope you all are having a nice day!
    We had turkey and goodies and gifts last night, along with a lovely (yes!) cake that my gf’s daughter made – a large red stocking with white trim, with raspberry filling layered inside. It was lovely, and the fondant actually tasted good.
    (I hope Mary isn’t jealous!)
    Today my gf went to be with her 88 yr. old Mom – usually we all go to the resto L’Astral for brunch, but due to her new health issues we decided to cancel. I’m here, hanging out and I promised to clean the kitchen, so there we have it! : )

  310. Baka Gaijin
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @pastordan #299 on Dick Tracy: It takes one to write, one to draw, and three to research every past villian to weave into the storylines.

  311. Calico
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

  312. FOOBed no more
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Merry Christmas to all the Mudges that celebrate Christmas!

  313. bats :[
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#297): well, I didn’t see one, but we were there the week before Christmas, and many shows are “dark” at this time, to allow performers to have a break before the big NYE crowds. (Hey, we’ll be back in Sin City in last April, too!)

  314. UncleJeff
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Merry Christmas greetings to all….
    From Gasoline Alley — well-drawn simple stock greeting.
    From Dick Tracy — weirdly-drawn introduction to the new writing and art staff.
    From Gil Thorp — well, I guess we can permanently write off the two Thorp children now that assistant coach Kaz is now part of the official holiday card. (I was hoping we’d see how Marty Moon is celebrating the season)
    From Tank McNamara — have yourself an angry little Christmas. (How long is this strip going to run now that Jeff Millar is deceased?)
    Judge Parker & Rex Morgan, MD — stock reminders that we have thousands of men and women overseas doing something that we can’t remember what we sent them over there to do. (A real Christmas gift would’ve been June Morgan showing off that scandalous bikini we were told about 6 months ago…or at least a glimpse of the long-lost stepchildren of Sam and Abby).
    From PBS — a bittersweet note on a story that seems to have come out of nowhere with little explanation to the infrequent readers about the little dog.

    Coming up next: two weeks of New Year’s jokes!!!

  315. Sequitur
    December 25th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#311): Someone just hit me in the head with an overripe apple.

  316. Lynn
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#309): Was it woofle jelly cake? Was there razzleberry dwessing?

  317. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    Agnes: Oh please, please, read us Windella’s New Year’s Eve Party of Sadness! Please!

    BB: “We bring you joy all year long.” I think they overestimate their joy bringing capacity.

    Bizarro: One has to admire that level of creative cruelty.

    // Oh, the Duck Who Shall Not Be Mentioned. Bogus quote, I’m pretty sure. What’s with cartoonists and fake quotes?

  318. Calico
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Lynn (#316):
    I don’t think so! : )
    However, there was enough sugar to make the grandkids go meshuga for a while.
    After I stop procrastinating on things I’ll post a pic to Flickr.

  319. Calico
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#317):
    If joy translates to Beetle being beaten to a pulp constantly, then yes, you all bring us joy.
    If joy translates to a General constantly playing golf and getting drunk, then yes, you all bring us joy.
    (Just fill in your own joyous scenario here)

  320. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#181): a giant trebuchet in Goleta

    Not a good band name, but an excellent album title.

  321. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#317): I’ll be damned. The duck’s quote is legit.

  322. Old School Allie Cat
    December 25th, 2012 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Just checking in to report that my parents gave me Archie comics for Christmas. Plus a Betty and Veronica and an Archie’s Pal Kevin. I’m 38 years old. It’s one of my favorite presents.

  323. Liam
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G-”Sorry, Greg, but Ari isn’t going to have any ho ho hoes with him.”

    Beetle Bailey-Quick while Santa’s sleeping run to freedom.

    Blondie-That’s a lot of phallic shaped objects in Dagwood’s stocking. I’m not saying anything but you know.

    Snuffy Smith-Now Maw remember we’re siblings.

    JP-Nothing like holiday greetings from a bunch of people we haven’t seen.

    MW-Wilbur is eyeing the turkey while visions of sandwiches dance through his head.

  324. Lynn
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#322): Don’t worry. I, too, had never been kissed at age 38. You still have your whole life ahead of you. You’ll make it out of mom’s basement one day.

  325. Mike
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    About Beetle Bailey: Yeah, I know…Beetle should have about 5 million leave days by now. Of course, he would if he were in the real Army. Beetle Baily stopped being anything like the army a quarter of a century or more. (retiring vet here….)

  326. Baka Gaijin
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#323) on Mary Worth: You know your Wilbur!

  327. Sequitur
    December 25th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#326): You mean “know” like in the biblical sense?

    GAAA! Brain bleach needed… NOW!

  328. Baka Gaijin
    December 25th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#327): What? No! Ew. Yuck. Maybe this needs more than just brain bleach. Maybe some kind of super kookoo crazy brain bleach.

  329. Marthas Rolling Pin
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    When the Major came staggering in from the Owls’ Club in the wee hours of Christmas morning, he was bearing presents for all the bad little girls and boys of Josh’s congregation. For your Christmas joy or horror:

    A Family Circus Christmas
    For Better or Worse: A Christmas Angel
    For Better or Worse: The Bestest Present Ever

    Disclaimer: The pieces of these Very Special Shows are all floating around in the Internet U-Tubes. The Major just brought them home, and I rolled them up into tidy ordered folders and uploaded them for your delectation.

    Merry Christmas to all and thanks for all the laughs.

  330. Sequitur
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    Fap!

  331. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @bad lynn (#174): Effulgent, dear Lynn. And fulgent, too, and refulgent, likewise.

  332. Arabella
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    I’m a few days late but Happy Solstice everyone! (the all-inclusive holiday)
    And thanks to all here for their good humor, civility, and friendliness. I feel fortunate to be a part of this community.

  333. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    Between Friends: She gets out his old toys because they bring back memories for her? That must mean that as a child she was familiar with these particular toys, and that, in turn, can mean only one thing — they’re brother and sister. Well, the family that lays together, stays together.

    Merry Incestmas everyone.

  334. Mr. Mxyzptlk
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Merry Christmas to all the regulars! You’re so funny, I can’t believe you’re giving it away.

  335. badl lynn
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I get that all the time.

  336. bad lynn
    December 25th, 2012 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    Almost impossible to use this site on dial-up.

  337. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 25th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#236): did and done. Hopefully she likes it. :-) (and yes, folks, I did ask first!)

    I’m back home, with my bookmarks and ergo-keyboard. *happy*

  338. StriderGirl
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:00 pm [Reply]

    @Cindy (#240): Cindy, I think the “joke” in Heathcliff is that a cat who was a good mouser would actually hunt/kill/eat the mice, whereas a bad mouser just gives them a spanking.

  339. Uncle Lumpy
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    The delightful and seductive Aunt Lumpy gave me a copy of Beaucoup Arlo and Janis for Christmas! And a new espresso machine! !!! I am so freaking wired!!!

    !!!

  340. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    MT Gosh, those islanders are so poor that Otto doesn’t have a proper crutch. What is that, some old whale bone?

    MW Too bad Jim couldn’t be there. I guess he’s down at the pier. Hanging out. Stalking Waiting for Dawn.

  341. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#266):

    Quill sent the Vegemite as a joke.

    My guess was kangaroo jerky. And I thought it wouldn’t be a joke.

  342. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#309): the fondant actually tasted good

    A Christmas miracle!

  343. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#341): Kangaroo is actually surprisingly tasty. Sort of in the space between beef and lamb; it’s very good on the grill.

    //And yes, I’m aware that some people might be traumatized at the thought of eating Skippy. This was, however, ranch-raised ‘roo, not a wild ‘un.

  344. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    (Clearly it is time for me to go eat.)

  345. bats :[
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#339): VERY nice! I go mr. bats :[ the first eight volumes/annual collections of “Least I Could Do.” I’ll be very good and not read them until he’s read them, too. :)

  346. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#343):

    … it’s very good on the grill.

    Barbee?

  347. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#343):

    his was, however, ranch-raised ‘roo, not a wild ‘un.

    Wait, kangaroo’s better if you let them get to know you before you kill and grill them?

    I learn something every day.

  348. seismic-2
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#343): To those people who would be traumatized at the prospects of eating a ‘roo-burger, I would just remind them that you never really know, do you?

  349. Calico
    December 25th, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#322):
    That is awesome. I love finding new “old” Archie stories, plus some new ones.
    Merry Archie Xmas! : )

  350. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:03 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#347):

    Wait, kangaroo’s better if you let them get to know you before you kill and grill them?

    I met him on a Monday and fired up my grill
    Da ‘roo done-done-done, da ‘roo done-done
    Somebody told me that his name was Quill
    Da ‘roo done-done-done, da ‘roo done-done
    Yeah, fired up my grill
    Yeah, his name was Quill
    And when I chomped down on one
    Da ‘roo done-done-done, da ‘roo done-done

  351. This comic changed 2321 hours and 34 minutes ago
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    I got some socks!

  352. This comic changed 2566 hours and 48 minutes ago.
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    and a lawnmower!

  353. Mibbitmaker
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    6C: Happy Gender Smug Christmas. What, are they going to make baby Jesus female, too?

    PBS: That was moving. Childrens’ choir singing “Silent Night” on the last live SNL’s cold opening moving.

    MW: Merry Christmas from the Rogues Gallery.

  354. Peanut Gallery
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#295): I liked Postum well enough to drink it for a short time, though I don’t think I ever used up a whole jar. I know it’s supposed to taste sort of like coffee, which is rather significant because I don’t like coffee.

  355. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @bad lynn (#174): Excellent! How did I miss that the first time through?

  356. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#346): Barbie, yes.

    //That spelling conjures up strange images, doesn’t it?

  357. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:38 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#347): Speaking more seriously, there is indeed a quiet effort to encourage people to ranch kangaroos as meat animals. There are a lot of them, they’re easier on the plants and soil than cattle, and they don’t need as much water. The only problem is the aforementioned Skippy factor. Cows just aren’t as cute.

  358. Peanut Gallery
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#299): On RMMD – Rex does not avoid women. But he does deny them his essence.

  359. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    @This comic changed 2321 hours and 34 minutes ago (#351): Being pleased with socks as gifts is a sign that one has become an adult.

    //How mature an adult depends on the silliness – or not – of the socks, of course.

  360. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:41 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#356): Well, yes it does. Tho’ I wasn’t sure how it would be spelled.

  361. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary serves up a Christmas turkey along with all the eggs it ever laid. Paul Simon was right. A mother and child reunion is only a motion away.

    C-Shaft: Crankshaft prepares to wake Mindy up by beating her black and blue.

    Crock: I thought Maggot and Grossie were married, but if she’s his little sister as well? It explains some stuff.

    Archie: “And she’s using them to chop up some primo Peruvian flake.”

    Garfield: Um, what?

    BB: Don’t get them wet and never, ever feed them after midnight.

    Blondie: Dagwood felt like stuffing the stocking with salami. You may be relieved or disappointed that that’s not a metaphor.

    6C: Eh, there may well be an audience for “Jesus Has Two Mommies”, but I see a lot of school libraries banning it.

    PBS: *aw sniff* Made my Christmas.

    FC: Merry Christmas to all, except for Barfy who is rapidly losing the will to live.

    SSmith: Doesn’t it get confusing calling both your mother and your wife “Maw”? Oh right, Hootin’ Holler, never mind.

    SFx: Dawn Weston may forget that life is brutal, but Bob Weber Jr. remembers 365/6 days a year.

    Lockhorns: “You start by shoving it up your ass, haw haw.”

  362. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#357): Wouldn’t you have to build the fences higher too?

  363. seismic-2
    December 25th, 2012 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#357): Well, that plus the fact that since kangaroos are marsupials, the idea of eating one is sort of like eating possum – road kill for Granny Clampett’s stew pot, rather than something one would order in a fast-food restaurant. Well, except for establishments like Weenie World, of course, where ‘roo would be like filet mignon in comparison to the normal rat-meat-in-a bun that forms the staple of the DeGroot diet.

  364. Poteet
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    FC — After reading the comments, I just had to look, didn’t I. *headdesk headdesk*

  365. Mr. O'Malley
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#357): You wouldn’t think kangaroos were so cute if you found a mob of them in your back yard eating all your vegetables. And they are pretty tasty.

    Sheep may be cute too, but that won’t stop me from eating them.

  366. Droopy Says
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    Otto? Tiny Tim wants his crutch back.

  367. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#358): I can see Rex being the type to drink only distilled rainwater and pure grain alcohol.

  368. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 25th, 2012 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

  369. Droopy Says
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#368): I dunno, I’m a bit rusty of Futurama characters.

  370. Droopy Says
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: I was going to wonder how Kraven snuck off-stage in mid-show, while Sobbing Showgirl Sherry and the elephant were leaping thudding clumsily through the ring of fake fire. But now that we’ve added karate chops to the list of things that don’t appear on the Spider radar, I’ll let it pass.

    Spiderdick: If that mask only had breathing holes in it, Parker could have smelled Kraven’s presence.

    Mock Travail: Don’t worry, Otto, we’ll tell those politicians all about you. How many Hellfire missiles do you want delivered?

    Flatulence Aley: Damn, the old hag beat me to it. But she forgot to mention that Boog is fat and stupid, so there.

    Phantom: The lionness is going to be very unhappy when she discovers that Kit stole her vibrator.

  371. Droopy Says
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:26 am [Reply]

    Mary Mirthless: When did Mary get a Midi-Me?

  372. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    S-M — (1) The Spidey-Sense is once again an epic fail. (2) You’d think a superhero would know about using thought bubbles instead of loud announcements to move the story along, although in this case, only the dimmest readers would need any help if they’ve been following the story at all. (3) Kraven smells like a rancid baboon, so Spidey’s nose must be as worthless as his Spidey-Sense. (4) Yes, Kraven, in that outfit you’re as fast as a cheetah and as cheesy as a carnival ride. And please look up “craven” in the dictionary, because you might be surprised. Who picked that name for you, anyway?

  373. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    MW — Look at Toby’s face. She’s thinking “Uh-huh, ‘beautiful’ just like your salmon squares are ‘delicious.’ Right.”

  374. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

  375. Alice
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    B.C.: I’m imagining Hart turning in his grave, screaming, “What! A reference to Christmas, in my comic, that doesn’t heavy-handedly urge all the readers to convert this second? Blasphemy!”

    Luann: For once, I actually empathize with Bernice.

  376. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Kraven, Kraven, Kraven. A rolled up newspaper is a much more effective way to swat a spider.

    To those who wonder why Spiderman couldn’t smell Kraven’s approach: Kraven the Hunter is a hunter. He knows to stay downwind from his prey.

    As one of the Gocomics commenters said, “More like Chester Cheetah. It’s not easy being cheesy…”

  377. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    Arlo is getting ready to ask Janis for anal.

    For Wednesday’s Mary Worth: Apparently the sharpening of the meddle-sense dulls the sense of style.

    Two ugly fathers with attractive children. Will the moral of this Kwanzaa story be, “Two attractive people shouldn’t procreate; homeliness skips a generation?”

    One more thought on Spiderman: As a hunter, Kraven may have masked his odor with something familiar to Spiderman. I’m thinking of Eau d’Comcast or Stink of Failure©.

  378. Uncle Lumpy
    December 26th, 2012 at 2:31 am [Reply]

  379. Inkwell
    December 26th, 2012 at 2:33 am [Reply]

    NOOO! Pastis, you can’t leave Andy in midweek and suddenly shift back to Rat. Yesterday’s comic was the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen*, and you leave it so soon.

    *Mouseover for spoiler.

    If Andy goes back on that chain, Stephan, I’ll murder you.

  380. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    Wake up! Where is everybody? Boxing Day’s begun and you all are missing it.

  381. MWDG
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    MW: A few years back the burtal yet charming lesbian. Terry Bryson joined the cast of Mary Worth as an internet security expert. Apparently Terry and Mary got a little to close …Jeff Corey objected and her storyline has been minimized.

    Now we have John Dill, a grown man who reportly has joined the cast as a “masculine” rival for Mary’s affections … Mr. Dill’s rival is the retired Dr. Jeff Corey. John is a grown man that is retired from some sort of job in a hotel (male escort?.) Now this silly, mincing and,persnickaty sissy is decorating cakes for the Charterstone pool party. Are we supposed to belive this scrapbook making manboy is going to steal Mary from Jeff? I remember when Mary gave a BJ to that councilman and then he dropped her… at least the readers could see reason for her attraction. To top off this whole charade of a story…the cake pictured was despicable.

  382. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:59 am [Reply]

    @MWDG (#381): Good treatise there. It got me thinking. Maybe Mr. Dill isn’t Dr. Corey the Elder’s competition for Mary’s heart and accessory organs. Maybe Mr. Dill is Mary’s competition for Dr. Corey’s heart, etc. but she doesn’t know yet.

  383. Dan K.
    December 26th, 2012 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    Are we supposed to make something of the fact that the only time Heathcliff appears to have a mouth is when he is giving a mouse a spanking?

  384. Liam
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Spiderman-”Now I shall mount you as a sign of dominance.”

    Crankshaft-”Dad, are you talking about the weather man or yourself? You would be much easier to put out of our misery than him.”

    JP-”Oh by the way the producer has bailed on the project and opened a fishing camp.”

    MT-And what is the name of this little island you’re on so I can tell the government which island you are. Are you Cuba? I’ll say that you’re Cuba.

    MW-He offered a cake? All I offered was that virgin.

    MW 2-The Santa Royale Garden Hotel Downtown isn’t that the hotel by the bus station and you pay by the hour?

  385. Mibbitmaker
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    MYSTERY SCIENCE KWANZAA 12-13
    (a.k.a./MST3Kwanzaa)

    (theme, door sequence)

    SERVO (background): “ME NEXT! ME NEXT!!!”

    MIKE (foreground, to camera): “Welcome to the fake Satellite of Love. Our showering unit is getting quite the workout lately…

    CROW: “Go ahead, Servo! (looks at computer monitor) AUGH! Hurry up, bubblegum head!”

    MIKE: “We’ve been making the huge mistake of looking over the last full year of both 9 Chickweed Lane and Pibgorn. I thought it would do something to bolster their vocabulary, and…”

    GYPSY: “Joel wouldn’t do this to them, Mike! You can’t be him. Just be the nice younger brother type to them. That’s your great strength!”

    MIKE: “Yeah, Gyps’, you’re right.”

    CROW (sobbing): “NO!!! NOT the faerie porn! NO-O-O-O!!!”

    GYPSY: “See?”

    MIKE: “I tend to forget how wise you are, Gyp–”

    GYPSY (wandering around, in a sing-song voice):
    “Rich-ard Base-heart! Rich-ard Base-heart!” (leaves)

    MIKE: “Huh. (pause) We’ll be right back.”

    SERVO: “DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THORAX, CROW! CROW!!!”

    (planet logo, into ‘commercial’)
    Continued….

  386. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:09 am [Reply]

    A&J: Arlo is being naughty again.

    AD: fails at being Retail.

    Retail: just fails.

    HotC: little known fact: trolls prefer Philly cheese steak sandwiches over mutton by 2 to 1.

    rIP: the Rowdy Ruff Boys would clean their clocks.

    Lio: Dirty Santa exchanges, that’s how they work.

    NAoQV: *snurk* well played.

    SBp: it’s also what Santa heads to Vegas for on Boxing Day. (after all, “escort, escort, escort” doesn’t roll off the tongue nearly so well.)

    Crank: goes postal, ending the strip like Batty’s last one, in a hail of gunfire at a TV station.

    JUMBLE: goes furry.

    SFx: nautical tails of tentacles and DOOM!

  387. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:10 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . which is tattooed on her lower back.

  388. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    a punny loldog for The Didactic Duo. (gals, this one had me rolling.)

    classic.

    ye godz, 70′s fantasy books.

    a little hug for Poteet. (and copypasta for everyone else, as well. *brainmush*)

    as seen at the start of Miller’s Dark Knight.

    a PSA from bats :[.

    corgi-Gnort.

  389. Anonymous
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    Happy Boxing Day to all the downstairs mudgeons. Hope you get something cool and that can be returned.

  390. seismic-2
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#389): Happy Boxing Day yourself. This year, my money’s on Helena.

  391. Abby, the Wonderdog
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    June is preggers. Now the question is, “Who is the father?”

    Bark! Bark! Bark!

  392. The Ghost of Jarrod
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    Garfield – Today’s “Garfield” is brought to you by 1954. 1954: Because woman, get back in the kitchen and bake me a pie.

    Luann – Bernice and Delta continue to be the only sane people in this strip.

    MT – Right fist o’ Justice launch sequence activating….

  393. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#378): Yes, I see the Curtis Kwanzaa story has another ‘ugly’ theme. Well, it’s nice to see my people get some recognition.

  394. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Not to be vulgar, but what is it with Dustin’s mom’s chest? Does Mr. Kudlick have to hold them up so she can buckle her belt? Three little words: good foundation garments. Please.

  395. Mibbitmaker
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MST3Kwanzaa
    (continued from @Mibbitmaker (#385))

    (Crow and Servo are wet and sobbing)

    MIKE: “Okay, guys, we’re not going to read any more of those two unnerving sex fantasy comics.”

    CROW: “YOU should be taking showers, McEldowney! Cold showers!”

    SERVO (to Mike, calmly): “Y’know, Mike, I’m not sure that robots should be washing in water. Don’t we rust?”

    MIKE: “No more McEldowney, I promise!” (glances) Oh, fine, Dawn and Jim are calling!”

    (to Deep 13)

    DrF: “Oh, deal with it! Life is brutal!”

    TVF: ” *SIGH!* Dave used to shower over 9 Chickweed Lane….”

    DrF: “Snap out of it, Frank! Okay, enough falderal and gobbledegook. Your experiment–”

    (SOL)

    MIKE: “Not now, Forrester! No time! I got an important, Hollywood-based fishing date with Danny DeVito and Sarah Palin!”

    CROW: “I thought it was Roseanne.”

    MIKE: “I dunno, I forget (to DrF) I got no time! I gotta meet them at a pot farm on–”

    (Deep 13)

    DrF: “Hold it! Hold it! You can’t fool me with your subterfuge–”

    TVF: Have you been reading 9 Chickweed Lane for vocabulary lessons too?”

    DrF: “Pibgorn, actually. I’m preparing them for a TRULY fiendish experience to take over the world — or, barring that, the TRI STATE AREA — with, and you stooges up there will REALLY feel the pain!”

    (SOL)

    SERVO (Curly-like): “GnA-A-A-AA!!!”

    (D13)

    DrF: For now, your experiment this year is a black-powerless yawner called ‘Love in the Age of Magic’, which, trust me, is neither love nor magic. Push the button, Frank.”

    TVF: “Aw, I like fishing… and giant purple guys, too! ….uh….. yeah….”

    (DrF glowers at Frank, who pushes the button

    SOLers: “WE GOT COMIC SIGN!!!”

    (Door Sequence)
    (Mike and bots sit down in theater)
    MIKE: “How’d he know about the big purple guy?”

    PANEL 1:
    CROW: “Dear reader?
    MIKE: “More like ‘Dear GOD!’.”
    SERVO: “‘Love in the Age of Magic’. That’s like a U2 song…”

    P2:
    CROW (doing a Dubya immitation): “GERONIMOOOOOOOO!”

    P3:
    MIKE: “I give it a 2.5!”
    SERVO (as Don Pardo): “MAYA RUDOLPH!”
    CROW: “Hiya, Maya!”
    SERVO: “Buzz? Buzz Lightplot, I assume.”
    CROW: Edid?”
    MIKE: “Oh, EdidNOT!”

    P4:
    MIKE: “Plain? Plain father! Plain daughter! Oh, no, is this a rerun?!!”
    CROW: “Don’t think so…”
    SERVO: “At least Maya is supposed to be handsome…”
    CROW: “With that facial hair?! Punch him NOW, Mark Trail!”

    (continued tomorrow…)

  396. gleeb
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    3-G: Oh, Margo, Margo, Margo. What about that nice Greg in 3-J. If nothing else you could rescue him from Ari’s persistent advances.

    Barney Google: He’s in Hootin’ Holler, so he’s never going to read anyway.

    Maya & Edidna: Bush babies are nocturnal. I guess this one is insomniac.

    ‘bean: “Yep, he sent me off hoping I’d be shot. Now all I have to do to get revenge is wait.”

    No More Parker Wedding!: Alan Parker is unable to conceive of anyone doing a thing better than he could.

    Mark: So there will be punching after all. Good.

    Mary: She’s starting to talk up Dill, and Toby couldn’t be more thrilled!

    June Morgan’s Uterus!: Either June’s enceinte or she’s pacing herself for the party tonight. I hope it’s the first, so we can both gauge how slowly time passes in this strip and also so we can get to see the look on Rex’s Face.

    Archie: Veronica, the child of wealth, is enraged at someone not wanting to hold on to money.

    Dick: Maybe you should have checked up on them more often.

    Sports in Milford: They’re a cute couple, and they have in common the fact that neither is good at basketball. It’s a match made in Heaven!

  397. TheDiva
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Boxing Day funnies!

    9CL: I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m sure some sort of psycho-sexual mind game is involved.

    C’shaft: That’s funny, I’ve often said the same thing about you. (Also, Crankshaft believes ritually sacrificing the weatherman will bring about the end of winter.)

    Curtis: Yay, Kwanzaafest! Let’s see…so far this year we have a talking bush baby, a man with a woman’s name and douchey facial hair, and Billingsley pussyfooting around calling someone unattractive (wasn’t the protagonist of last year’s crazy “er, plain” as well?). Promising start.

    FW: In both cases, the departing family member is immediately put out of mind except when they’re trotted out on holidays.

    Luann: God, how bored with Luann do you have to be to be excited to hear about Rosa and Gunther’s relationship non-drama?

    PBS: Sounds better than Transformers.

    SM: So that’s how he got those pants….

  398. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    The best thing about being back in the office on December 26th is that I have a fast enough connection to view the wonderful work of bats:[

  399. Liam
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    Curtis-And by “plain” we mean “ugly” and by “ugly” we mean “so ugly that our artist is unable to draw just exactly how ugly the fathers are they are that ugly” and by “so ugly that our artist is unable to draw just exactly how ugly the fathers are they are that ugly” we mean “our artist didn’t bother coming up with looks for the fathers so we won’t even show them.”

  400. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    MT: Because you the reader demanded it, beard punching in 5, 4, 3…

    Ziggy: Mark Hollis and the rest of the gang in Talk Talk, consider yourselves corrected.

    C-Shaft: Crankshaft apparently thinks that you can affect the weather by killing the weatherman. It’s such a stupid theory that you knew somebody out there had to believe it.

    9CL: I don’t really know why there’s a hopscotch grid leading to Amos’ chair. Given the context I assume it’s some kind of innuendo.

    Archie: Veronica looks unpleasantly surprised that Archie left such a cheap tip, which raises the question of what she thought that centimeter-wide silver disc actually was. A valuable coin from the Austria-Hungary empire?

    JP: Hello, Merriam-Webster? I think we’ve got an illustration for your next edition’s “insufferable” entry.

    RMMD: “Now I’m switching to vodka.”

    DT: No oxygen, no appliance repairmen. This neighborhood has really gone to seed.

    Phantom: Those crazy bastards implanted a vibrator in the lioness. At a certain distance she stops chasing prey and starts moaning suggestively.

    Luann: How bored do you have to be before you actually perk up at the arrival of Gunther? Immeasurably.

    S-M: Congratulations, Kraven. You’re at least as adept and stealthy as falling masonry.

    Lockhorns: Is this the start of the new “Lockhorns without Lockhorns” feature?

    A3G: Here’s an interesting philosophical conundrum. If a Margo screams in boredom and there’s no one there to cower, does she make a sound?

  401. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#397) on SM: I don’t understand your comment. Whose pants?

  402. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#396): Re RMMD: So who do you think the father is? Has June been having long lunches with Count Morgu?

  403. bad lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#400): ” At a certain distance she stops chasing prey and starts moaning suggestively.” –go on…

  404. gleeb
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#402): You remember that officer on he cruise ship that everyone thought Rex was attracted to?

  405. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#401): Hint: Take another look at what Kraven is wearing.

  406. bad lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#402): Well, given the saran wrap bathing suit, I’m seeing a 9CL crossover
    //brain bleach!

  407. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#405): Uh, Kraven caught the elusive Spandex Cheetah?

  408. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    bad lynn is having a bit of a blowout, because she is being retired at the end of this year. It will be nothing but good lynn, holy, innocent, boring lynn, in 2013. We all have sooo much to look forward to.
    //’plain’ child of ‘plain’ parents and my grandparents didn’t look too good either.

  409. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#408):

    It will be nothing but good lynn, holy, innocent, boring lynn, in 2013.

    Uh-huh. And that thing you have for Charles Siebert is strictly platonic, we know.

  410. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#408): well, there’s always black leather masks.

    “It’s just they’re terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future.”

  411. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Go for the wine, Rex! There’s nothing better then getting drunk then going for a swim.

    Glug, glug. Glub, glub.

  412. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#408): Good lynn is bad enough for me. And I mean that in a good way.

  413. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#409): Please don’t take the name in vain! (you should check out the Charles Siebert Appreciation facebook page, I have been updating it somewhat hilariously for each holiday since Halloween.)
    //he is the most wonderful human being, honestly.

  414. Chyron HR
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#394): Hey, I’d hit Ms. Dustin’s Mom like she was the author of Dustin and I was a person with good taste in comic strips.

  415. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#410): I would have exactly that same mustache if I didn’t shave.
    //really.

  416. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#409): I had planned on saving this shocking revelation maybe for New Year’s Eve, but this should be right up your (gasoline) alley, padre. Changed link for this post only. “Mary” is my pen name.
    //I know I’ll regret this

  417. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Catholic girls start way too late, huh.

  418. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    A3G Margo, drunk dialing. Again.

    MW Mary is just infatuated with Mr. Dill: “Mr. Dill used to… Mr. Dill makes… Mr. Dill is… Dill says… Dill was… Dill had… Dill does… Dill does… Dildoes… Dildoes…”

    Luann Luann, the engagement ring was in the bottom of the Vegemite jar. Too bad you threw it away. Too bad it had spoiled during shipment. Too bad all the deGroots ate some of it and came down with enteroinvasive E. coli. Too bad, too sad.

  419. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#418):
    On MW: Mary will soon be saying, “Sigh! Mr. Dill used to make cakes like this.”

  420. Majicou
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    Baldo: Either the newspaper article has a number where you can voice your complaints, or Sergio has the Kennedy Center on speed dial, since (I’m assuming) he does this every year.

  421. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    SM: Spider senses take a Christmas break, but look at the presents we get:

    A Grinning monkey!
    Kraven refers to himself in the third person AND compares himself to a cheetah (in separate sentences).
    Spidermook is doin’ what he does best – taking a quick nap.
    Did I mention the monkey??

  422. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#421): Don’t forget the monkey!

  423. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    MW: Hearing about the problems of Mr. Dill reminds me sadly of Dill from Cul de Sac, a comic that ended way too soon. And yet, here is eternal Mary, still chugging along in endless miasma of minor personal issues built into climax-free stories of interpersonal sap. There aint no justice in the comic world.

  424. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:31 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#417): better Billy Joel too late than Frank Zappa too early.

  425. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#420): I was wondering how lawyered-up the Kennedy Center is and what their likely response will be to the implication of today’s Baldo. Now, *there’s* a phrase I never thought I’d use: “the implication of today’s Baldo.”

  426. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#423): Dustin, Reply All, Argyle Sweater and Mary Worth exist.

    My Cage, O Brother, Cul de Sac and Ink Pen do not.

    life is brutal.

    *cries*

  427. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#422): You KNOW every strip would be better with monkeys in it.

    Hagar: Attack, Vikings! These Englishmen are nothing but simple apes!
    Monkey: Hey, who ya callin’ “apes”?

    Margo: Eric won’t call! Christmas alone is so boring! I’m so glad I have my monkey with me!

    Mary: John Dill used to be a hotel manager.
    Toeby: I loved his resort downtown.
    Mary: But now he wants to train monkeys!

    Luann: I was talking to Quill, and he said …
    Delta: Check out this awesome monkey!
    Luann: No, he said …
    Delta: No, look! It’s a monkey, and it’s infinitely more interesting than you and your iBoyfriend-but-iNot-really-and-you’ll-hardly-ever-see-him-iAnyway.

    Funky: Seems like just yesterday I was sending my parents off to die.
    Les: But now we’re partying with CANCERMONKEY.

  428. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Okay: shouldn’t a chimp have noticed a grown man following him across town? Shouldn’t the citizens of Las Vegas have noticed a grown man following a chimp across town? Shouldn’t the chimp have stopped to eat a banana, fling some feces, or otherwise, you know, act like a chimp? Shouldn’t Peter Parker’s spidersense have started tingling when Kraven sneaked up behind him? Shouldn’t Kraven be on stage? What happened to Sherry? What’s MJ doing to entertain herself while Peter’s away? Why do I read this strip? All of these questions and many more can be answered simply: BRING BACK CLOWN-9.

    Apt. 3-G: Apparently not content to spend Christmas drinking Coca-Cola from a wine glass and wondering if she should paint her robin’s-egg-blue living room (yes), Margo hits upon the idea of a booty call. In a just world, this would result in hilarious sexual comedy. In the world of Apt. 3-G, we’re being set up for Margo to give a bitchy-panting-yet-painless birth sometime in the next thirty years. Frank Bolle will recycle the baby picture.

    Cow and Boy: I really hope the switchover to webcomics will cause Leiknes to play with format. This strip needs whitespace something fierce.

    Luann: Gunther’s shirts are more interesting than the next three weeks of Luann obsessing about Quill and being told that she’s obsessing about Quill. Come to think of it, Gunther’s shirts might be the most interesting thing about this entire strip.

    Mark Trail: I am now accepting friendly wagers on how long it will take to get to beard-punching time. Before Epiphany or after?

    Mary Worth: Lovely cakes, lovely hotels – quaint hotels – beautiful party offerings. Either John Dill is on a deeply moving journey of personal discovery, or he’s Bob Newhart. Possibly both.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: Rex Morgan is Don Draper is America. If only June could sing sexy French pop songs, we’d be in business.

    Slylock Fox: True or false: 1. There are cake-decorating competitions in every downtown. 2. Margo What’s-her-face spends most of her time moping, sulking, and occasionally lashing out at her friends. 3. Mark Trail storylines have existed since before the time of the dinosaurs. 4. Peter Parker has no bones in his body. 5. Luann moons around after boys without stopping to establish her own identity or interests from birth to death, even when she’s sleeping.

    Scary Go Round: Seriously. Shauna and Charlotte just nailed Aimee Mann and Bob Mould. Go read it. Now.

  429. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#419):

    Mary will soon be saying, “Sigh! Mr. Dill used to make cakes like this.”

    Ah, yes! There’s a cruise in her future. Maybe a little island somewhere off the Southern Part of the State for some bonefishing with Pop. That will take her mind off the cake Dill does.

  430. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#426):
    Yah, my local rag replaced Cul de Sac with Big Nate. Big Nate can’t fill Cul de Sac’s very big shoes. Dustbin replaced Daddy’s Home, which was arguably a step up, albeit a minor one.

    I think the decision makers say that there must be a x number of comics aimed at kids, x number aimed at middle age family men, and x at other demographics. Cul de Sac was one of those deceptive comics that you would initially think was for kids, because it starred kids, but it was at its best when it featured subtle digs on modern suburban life. Kids wouldn’t get those.

  431. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    I thought that I had a point to make, but I have proven myself incorrect.

  432. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#418) on Luann: Don’t get my hopes up like that. A mass funeral for the deGroot family could only improve the strip.

    @hogenmogen (#421): When Spiderman catches the simian, will he spank the monkey?

  433. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#427):
    Ziggy: Lady – “Oh! Look at the ugly, hairless MONKEY!”
    Ziggy – “I’m NOT a MONKEY, lady!!”

  434. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MW: “Party offering” is an awkward turn of phrase. I’m imagining that there was some great Tiki idol perched out of the frame, before which many celebratory offerings were made, and burned at sundown while the naitives danced wildly in their garrish tribal dresing while smearing on war-paint. For Mary, the wild dance is a slow two-step, the dress is the ubiquitous sans-a-belt pantsuit and the war-paint is antibacterial hand sanitizer, but still there is the burning wreckage of the monsterous pink cake before the Great God of the Suburban Pool Party.

  435. FOOBed no more
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#399): Didn’t Billingsley do something about “plain” people last Kwanzaa?

  436. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#432): The way it looks, the monkey will spank Spidey.

  437. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#432):

    A mass funeral for the deGroot family could only improve the strip.

    That many cases would be considered an outbreak. At the least we would break out in song and celebration.

  438. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#434):

    I’m imagining that there was some great Tiki idol perched out of the frame…

    Sort of like the giant floating Gina-head? I think a big garish pink cake would make a perfect sacrifice to that.

  439. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed no more (#435): Is once a year too often to remember the ugly? When do we get our own month? How about April: “Ugly Month” right between Women’s History Month and Hispanic History month.

  440. Uncle Lumpy
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed no more (#435):

    Yup:

    Although Nelik was deemed, er, “plain” by others, he very much yearned to be part of the village …

    “Plain” Nelik (shown only in outline) finds gold rock, is thereby accepted by villagers, leaves town/rock in disgust. Villagers kill one another over rock, rat gloats over rock, maribou stork eats rat, Curtis thanks Diane for Kwanzaa book, Billingsley pre-orders mescaline for 2012.

    It’s like the circle of life without all the Disney crap.

  441. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#439): Yes, April for “Ugly Month”! I could bathe every veyne in swich licour. That would make me feel better – licour, and plenty of it.

  442. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    A3G: It’s all a krazy dream. It’s a drug trip through the looking glass. Margo the publicist, doesn’t actually do any public events. Greg, the movie star, doesn’t actually show up to a movie set. Eric, the boyfriend, doesn’t actually spend time with his girlfriend. Professor Snuffleuppagus, the perfessor, doesn’t ever seem to teach a class. NYC, one of the most populous cities in the world, is empty on a major holiday, except for tourists. The furniture, walls and other solid objects whirl about in mad circles, while the people remain motionless. These chic urban sophistocates all dress like 1940s prudes. Black is white, up is down and day is night. Let me out of this bizarro nightmare! Wake me!

  443. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#440): Yeah, mescaline, too, that’s another idea.
    //less than one week of badness left…

  444. Calico
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @MISTER Pibb(gorn) (#273):
    Just saw your comment! Funny shiite.

    And hey, everyone, Happy Kwanzaa! I give you the annual non-John Dill infamous
    K cake by Sandra Lee, wife of NY Gov. Andrew Cuomo:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we2iWTJqo98

    On a serious note, Happy Kwanzaa Mr. Billingsley and family! May your holiday be bright and peaceful.

  445. Uncle Lumpy
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#439):

    … “Ugly Month” right between Women’s History Month and Hispanic History month.

    It’s an odd month that celebrates both Charles II (Hapsburg) of Spain and Billy Bob Thornton.

  446. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @gleeb (#28): “Walker’s Pretend Army Comix” That’s awesome.

  447. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#442): Interesting article in the Philadelphia Inquirer today about the ironic hipster look, described as “what old guys on the subway wear”. “Geezer Style” – hey, male mudgeons, you got it going on! http://www.philly.com/philly/style/20121226_Trending__geezer-style__flair.html

  448. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#442): As In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida plays in the background.

  449. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#445): Well, exactly.

  450. Calico
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#442):
    You can check out any time you like, but you can’t ever leave.
    Why didn’t Margo go see the tree at 30 Rock, or take a carriage ride, or something relatively New Yorky? Oh, right, it’s because she’s Margo, and she needs to get an angry buzz on before she does anything or meddles/snaps at people in her own special way.

  451. Calico
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

  452. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

  453. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#451): R.I.P Lee Dorman. May the Butterfly lead you onward.

  454. KreatureFeatures
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Otto’s two ransom-hungry stooges in today’s Mark Trail bear a remarkable resemblance to the apes in Spiderman. Which begs the question, where’s the third ape/henchman? Stealing Senorita Momjeans coconut tiara, I would guess.

  455. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 26th, 2012 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#426): It’s possible that I could give counterexamples of great and worthy comic strips that are still with us. It’s also quite possible that in doing so I’d be jinxing them. So I won’t.

  456. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Oops, I tripped over a present. Why, it’s a post-Christmas Ripley’s!

    NICK NICORA made the world’s largest cocktail – a 10,500 gallon margarita, at the California State Fair in July 2012!

    Uncle Lumpy was saving it for the ‘Mudgeons to last through the week Josh would be on vacation. It was gone in a day and a half.

  457. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#430): Are you a Boston Globe reader, by any chance? I know the Globe replaced Cul de Sac with Big Nate, not really to my pleasure.

    //I don’t want to hit Lincoln Pierce that hard, since he was one of Richard Thompson’s relief artists when he needed them. But the lack of depth in his drawing does bug me. The more serious problem is Nate himself. He’s obviously supposed to be a Charlie Brown-style everyboy, but in this case the tragic musings come off as whiny most of the time.

  458. tallyHO
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    A3G:
    For Margo, drinking only the fanciest catsup will do.

  459. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#458): If she can wrest it away from Mr. Burns.

  460. FOOBed no more
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#439): Yeah, April for “Ugly Month”! (My birthday is in April, so it’d be appropriate!)

  461. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#450): Doing those things would mean someone would have to draw something identifiable as in New York City. Do you think the artists involved would have that ability?

  462. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    SM: Kraven (and Spider-Man) best be kind to his primates.

  463. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#428):

    Luann: Gunther’s shirts are more interesting than the next three weeks of Luann obsessing about Quill and being told that she’s obsessing about Quill. Come to think of it, Gunther’s shirts might be the most interesting thing about this entire strip.

    Hey, we should change the name of the strip! We can do it, I’m sure an army of ‘Mudgeons can do it! A petition. Cybersabotage. Or just overwhelming, repeated usage.
    “Gunther’s Shirts”

  464. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#463): What a great name for a kletzmer band!

  465. seismic-2
    December 26th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#451): Does the passing of a heavy metal bassist qualify as a major enough loss to the world of music that it will be marked with an In-A-Gadda-Da-Fritzi tribute?

  466. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#463): And every day the camera eye will zoom in on one of the stripes in Gunther’s shirt where the daily comic will be revealed. Such as…

    Gunther: Hey, Luann! Do you know how you can tell I really care?
    Luann: No, Gunther. How?
    Gunther: Because I really give a shirt!
    (hilarious laughter)

  467. Calico
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

  468. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#400): re Crankshaft — As a former meteorologist (an honest-to-goodness AMS-certified, university-degreed, and military-trained meteorologist, as opposed to just a “weatherman”) I can assure you many, many people (not just ‘shaft) think that killing a weatherman will alter the weather in their favor. Just ask the multiple (yes, multiple) brides-to-be that threatened me and my future children when I predicted rain for their wedding days. It wasn’t like I was doing it for fun, people!

    BTW, it rained on my wedding day, too. If I wasn’t going to rent a plane and dump silver chloride all over Kansas for my wife, I probably won’t do it for a perfect stranger either.

  469. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#468): So I take it you don’t wear the slinky cocktail dresses that, for some reason, our weather reporters wear on the air here in the Philadelphia media area?

  470. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#469): There is nothing like watching a weather reporter reporting on snow, ice, etc. in a low-cut, sleeveless, slinky cocktail dress.

  471. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#468): Real meteorologist? So, when’s the next meteor gonna hit.

  472. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#470): All the gals on AccuWeather have butts that pooch out farther than you think they should.

  473. Spotts1701
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#466): Sadly, that would be a better “joke” than we get from Luann on a regular basis.

  474. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#471): :) (Seriously, I get that question quite a bit. So much so that I refer my previous career as “atmospheric physicist” these days. Sounds much more impressive, anyway.)

    My astronomer friends tell me that a lot of “space crap” (their technical term) rains on us every day, so my answer to your question is “now” (and “now”, and “now”, ad nauseum). But don’t worry — most of the stuff that manages to get through the atmosphere is sand-sized or smaller.

  475. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#474): Actually, I know that. I was just being an asshole [grins].

  476. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#472): I thought that was their mike battery pack. Also I get a kick out of the fact that, here at least, they pronounce it “meaty urologist”. Cecily Tynon is anything but meaty.

  477. lynn
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#475): And why should today be different from any other day.

  478. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#472): I’ve noticed that over the years as well. Is there something in the water at State College?

  479. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 26th, 2012 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#475): [grins back] That’s ok. The school kids that I do demonstrations for always seem to ask that, and “when are the space aliens coming?”.

    The older (teen) boys also always seem to ask whether I’ve met [insert name of "hot" weather gal here]. I’ve met several, but most of them aren’t that pretty in person, sans makeup and designer clothes. A couple of them had an exceedingly high arrogance:ignorance ratio as well (especially considering where I met most of them — in “Intro to Meteorology” classes).

  480. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#467): I can’t see this video. Is it that Phil Collins vid with the disturbing Maggy Thatcher and Ronnie Reagan puppets? Not one of my favorites.

    @Sequitur (#472): Whaaaa? Are the Accuweather booties the butt equivalent of the Judge Parkerverse sweater puppies?

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#478): Maybe Accuweather’s going after the Sir Mix-A-Lot demographic. “I like big butts and I cannot lie…”

  481. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#468): Rain on your wedding day? Isn’t that ironic. (I am deeply sorry.)

  482. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

  483. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman thought he could sneak up on Kraven? He who is swift as a cheetah? And who can apparently hear a rambling monologue of Spiderman’s immediate plans? “I am following the chimp to catch him with Kraven! I must sneak up on Kraven and catch him with the chimp! I will find the chimp and Kraven together and spread vicious rumors about the two of them in the tabloids!”

    Little did Kraven know that if he trained his chimp to turn on a TV along the way, Spidey would have lost the trail until the next commercial break.

  484. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#480): I think they must be hiding a nimbostratus or two in there.

  485. hogenmogen
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#468): Just be thankful that they don’t blame you for horrific tornadoes, hurricanes or blizzards.

    “You killed my grandma, you bastard!”

    But, as we are facing a little snow here today, I roll my eyes at how much the weatherpeople are sensationalizing it as if Western Civilization will collapse under the weight of two inches of white. Yes, folks, stock up on milk, eggs, bread and ammo. Gird your loins. Bar your door against roving bands of marauders dressed in Mad Max postapocalyptic garb with war paint, leather and inexplicable arrays of garrish feathers.

  486. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#485): I was in San Diego when the earthquake hit Japan a few years ago. Being jetlagged, I woke up very early and turned on the TV. At every commercial break they told me to tune in to the early news to hear about the “TSUNAMI HEADING OUR WAY!!!ONEONE!!!ELEVEN!!!” For a couple hours I kept hearing about that, wondering if the 10th floor hotel room I was sitting in was safe. At the end of the news they finally talk about the TSUNAMI HEADING OUR WAY. Ron Burgundy said it might be as high as 12 inches, maybe. It’d be enough to knock around boats docked in the marinas, maybe. I put away the surfboard and headed for the breakfast buffet.

  487. Da Coconino Kid
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#345):

    I’ll be very good and not read them until he’s read them, too. :)

    Now *that* is a true gift!

  488. endless sky
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#485): All day on the Weather Channel they’ve been shouting, “Even the malls are closed! You can’t redeem your gift cards today!”

  489. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#468): @Artist formerly known as Ben (#481): I’ve conducted over 1,500 weddings, and the general consensus has always been that rain on your wedding day is good luck. Don’t ask me why.

  490. Spotts1701
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#485): I don’t know about you, but I find it even more eye-rolling when the area in question gets snow every winter. Every year our local weatherpeople go berserk over the first storm of the season that drops a couple inches on the valley floors (including detailed pieces of how roads will be cleared and that it’s important to carry chains when crossing the Sierra Nevada), and every year the rest of the locals go “And this is different than the last 20 years how?”

    But hey, it’s either this or send a couple interns down to the mall to shoot B-Roll of people returning Christmas gifts or blitzing the after-Christmas sales.

  491. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @endless sky (#488): The obvious question is, are the Weather Channel Weather Chicks as bootilicous as the Accuweather Babes?

  492. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#464): Oooh! Thanks for reminding me – I need to get out my klezmer Christmas CD: Oy to the World! by the Kelzmonauts (rarely known as “Gunther’s Shirts”): http://oytotheworld.com/

  493. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#466):

    And every day the camera eye will zoom in on one of the stripes in Gunther’s shirt where the daily comic will be revealed.

    Cool – just stay away from Gunther’s nipples. I don’t read braille.

  494. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#493): “Gunther’s Nipples” is a different comic strip.

  495. seismic-2
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#469): Would it be more nearly appropriate if the weatherbabes wore slinky cocktail dresses embroidered with the solution to that day’s current value of the Omega equation?

  496. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#491): For my money, the local talent (denver market) has them both beat.

  497. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 26th, 2012 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#495): I’m sure that Nehemiah and Pasdordan would ask that the equation be embroidered on the hem of the garment.

  498. Peanut Gallery
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    MW – “Lovely” is the new “brutal.”

    A3G -
    I’d have thought
    That with time
    From Evan I’d hear –
    Not a word.
    I was wrong
    Now I find
    Just one thing makes me forget:
    Ketchup wine
    Stay close to me
    Don’t let me be alone

    RMMD -
    Did you see me restart
    That old lady’s heart?
    Ketchup wine…

  499. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#495): That would best be on the cocktail napkin that is served under one of these.

  500. Liam
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    MW-Dill dabbles in architecture as well as baking?

  501. bats :[
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    Because this “Mr. Dill” might not be such a “lovely” person, after all…

  502. Peanut Gallery
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @FOOBed no more (#435): The Amish are the plain people. These are the “er, plain” people.

  503. Peanut Gallery
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#489):

    the general consensus has always been that rain on your wedding day is good luck. Don’t ask me why

    My theory is that the purpose of this belief is to make the best of a bad situation. They used to say it’s good luck to shake hands with a chimney sweep too.

  504. Da Coconino Kid
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#397):

    9CL: I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m sure some sort of psycho-sexual mind game is involved

    I think the joke is that she drew the hopscotch to imply that his instrument, unlike hers, is “child’s play” — see, it’s funny, because she’s a castrating bitch … er, well …

    (It occurs to me that there might have been an intention to do something with “play (an instrument) versus play (a game)” … but it’s as if the AJGU3000 read a definition of a pun … with the predictable results.)

  505. Da Coconino Kid
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:43 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean: I don’t get it. The last time they stood side by side and waved goodbye was a decade ago? Or, their son has has a terrible accelerated-aging disease, and now they are seeing him off to a home just as they once saw him off to school? ‘Cuz there’s no parallelism, no comment being made, if the two images are different times and different people and different events and different emotions.

    On the other hand, “Bedside Manor” is actually rather good!

  506. them wot sing ChimCheeryChimCharoo
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#503): when you’re with a sweep, you’re in glad company!

  507. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    *haz fond memories of Jillian ‘the Weather Front‘ Barberie, on FoxSports*

    (pic is one deep breath away from nsfw.)

  508. Zerowolf
    December 26th, 2012 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#380): If you’re a Lockhorn, every day is Boxing Day.

  509. Zerowolf
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    MW: Does either Moy or Giella have obsessive-compulsive disorder where in each plotline some fact must be repeated a certain number of times otherwise they’ll be attacked by WOLVES!?

  510. seismic-2
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#505): The Winkerbeans are doomed all to look exactly the same once they reach middle age. Thus, in the scene of Funky’s Dad watching young Funky leave for Kent State and in the scene of old Funky watching his Dad be wheeled back to his cell room in the Westview snake pit rest home, the person doing the watching is identical, whether father or son. It is this all-Winkerbeans-are-one genetic abnormality that explains why the Army was unable to identify Wally from his DNA, and it probably explains Funky’s alcoholism, his premature aging, his father’s rapid onset of dementia, and so much more. The Y chromosome of a Winkerbean is a terrible thing to behold.

  511. Zerowolf
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Ah, Inky Black Ichor of Death, 1978. That was a good year. Nothing but the finest vintage for our favorite succubus.

  512. Zerowolf
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    A Crazy Curtis Kwanzaa: Didn’t we do this “plain” business last year?

  513. bats :[
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @John Weber (#11): Yeah, late to the party, but this was pretty dang funny, even if it dealt with two of my least favorite comic title characters. :)

  514. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#485): Amen. My part of Iowa got several inches of snow recently, and from the weather forecasts beforehand, one would have thought the end of civilization was upon us. Now that the snow is on the ground and it’s cold, the top story on one station tonight is How Iowans Are Surviving The Ghastly 20 F Temps, as if we were all weenies. No wonder Minnesotans make Iowa jokes.

    My other peeve is when TV weatherpeople imply that the only good weather at any time of year is sunny and 70 F or as near to that as possible. Some of us like winter.

  515. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#513):

    …two of my least favorite comic title characters

    That’s to be expected since you are a bat person not a cat person.

  516. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#514): We in North Central Texas got snow yesterday. We got about 5 inches around my homestead. The weather reporters here were all squee about us getting snow and when we got more than predicted it was joy, joy, joy!

  517. Zerowolf
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#485): Oh yes. Quick run to the store get milk, eggs, and bread! Why? Are you planning on making lots of French toast? But, my favorite is the segment where they show up in front of either a Lowe’s or Home Depot and talk about how people are descending on the snow shovels like locusts. Why? Did these people throw away their snow shovels in the spring figuring they’d never need them again?
    We are in New England. It is winter. It snows. File that under the water is wet, fire is hot category.

  518. Government Cheese
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:44 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Someone should rename this strip to “Blueballs Central”.

    Also, something that came to mind (thinking back on the old Berkley Breathed strip “Bloom County) – if someone is a cartoon strip artist, doesn’t it make the artist a “stripper”? Discuss.

  519. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#517): Did these people throw away their snow shovels in the spring figuring they’d never need them again?

    Oh, no. Those are all the people who migrated north from Florida because of the rising sea levels.

  520. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    A red fox just walked through my backyard in the snow. He stopped, looked at me and said, “Hey, dummy. Whatcha lookin’ at.”

    Actually, that’s quite a good looking animal.

  521. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 26th, 2012 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#416): Hmm…Looks interesting…

  522. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 26th, 2012 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#463): Good idea. Also Lynn’s!

  523. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#497): I see your Omega, baby, but where’s your Alpha? Oh, you naughty girl.

    Oh, crap. I just gave McEldowney an idea for a spin-off series on sexy meteorologists…

  524. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#520): Kewl!! Yes, they’re gorgeous. I hope I’ll see one this winter.

  525. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    o dear!

    Poteet, you must squee this.

    a ladybird-mimic spider. Looks like something out of Mario Bros.

    also, it looks good in monster girl format. (sfw, although the Tumblr that it’s on does include nsfw stuff as well.)

  526. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#525): Thank you!! Wow, that is amazing. I’m going to be sharing it.

  527. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#526): *happy dance*

  528. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#527): I just shared it with a friend who is doing research on the spider species of Iowa, and he hadn’t seen it and much enjoyed it so thanks again.

    With the help of these interesting little side journeys, I figure we’ll get to 1,000 posts before The Return of Josh, easy-peasy:-).

  529. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#528):

    With the help of these interesting little side journeys, I figure we’ll get to 1,000 posts before The Return of Josh, easy-peasy:-).

    How far did we get last year? I seem to remember we exceeded 1000.

  530. Uncle Lumpy
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

  531. Droopy Says
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:28 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone else mentioned this good news yet:

    http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/article/1307112–the-amazing-spider-man-peter-parker-dies-in-final-issue-released-wednesday

    Any hope that it will spill over into Newspaper Spiderman? Because if there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s for Dead Tree Parker to win in some strange way

  532. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#528): I do so love being able to find something of interest for people, especially those that I ‘know’ in the online sense. it gives me warm and fuzzies, to be able to find warm and fuzzies (or in your case, room temperature and fuzzy. . . )

  533. bats :[
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    I am very cool with cats, just not stupid comic cats (and there are plenty of very cool comic cats). Just sayin’.

    And somehow, it must’ve been the eggnog or the roast elk (aka, Big Rudolph), because I forget this yesterday…

  534. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#533): Would Fritz be one of those very cool comic cats?

  535. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

    MT: In the background of panel 3, Mark is giving Ava’s right boob a good-bye squeeze, as he awkwardly wishes her and Pop “good luck” knowing that he is leaving with their last hope of salvation. But all Mark can think about now is finding the most expensive pancakes in the world.

  536. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#530):

    1,604

    Well, we certainly have our work cut out for us!
    (And lookit that – we’re almost exactly 1/3 of the way!)

  537. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#532): And I appreciate your room-temp fuzzies (and slimeys and scaleys and, um, cuticleys, so thanks again!

  538. Poteet
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:50 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#533): Nicely done. And I hope to heaven that June isn’t preggers, because you’re right about Rex’s endless whining. Wittle Sawah is more mature.

  539. Zerowolf
    December 26th, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#538): That’s because Sawah is played by a 60 year old dwarf.

  540. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#535):

    But all Mark can think about now is finding the most expensive pancakes in the world.

    Mark can go to England.

  541. Calico
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    @Abby, the Wonderdog (#391):
    Or more like “Who is the mother?”
    Bark back atcha, and meow! ; D

  542. Baka Gaijin
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:15 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#531): The newspaper Spidey could die from remote control poisoning. His death prompts a worldwide recall.

  543. bats :[
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#534): i hadn’t even thought that far back (I was considering Solange and Ludwig), but Fritz is included, along with Fat Freddie’s Cat, who I think is an orange gato, if we absolutely must have an orange cat.

  544. bats :[
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#542): does this mean no more SM? I thought there were different editions, like “Spiderman”, “The Remarkable Spiderman”, “Oh dear God, not another Spiderman”, etc., etc.

  545. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#544): Spiderman Redux!

  546. tallyHO
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    A3G:

    I’m gonna obsess over this strip today (mainly because I’ve forgotten the other ones I read today).

    It dawned on me that Margo’s ruminating while making like a rummy is not unlike the scene where the new Bond James Bond was pacing about his pad debating whether or not to hit the bottle or just gulp it down.

    hmmmmm…..

    Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing I hate worse than remembering recent comic strips like A3G. My preferenece is to (wrongly) predict where the storyline is going (nowhere is too safe of a bet). So, it is odd that I even recalled the installment where Bond James Bond paced about, pouting.

    I’d much rather see Margo tie one on (a bowtie) and march from her lily pad and over to Bond James Bond’s bachelor pad, bang on the door and demand entrance.

    Bond James Bond, ever the workaday lush who prefers peeping through the peephole, stares at Margo who stands there with a bottle in one hand and a swinging, gold medallion in another. Her plan is to drunkenly hypnotize Bond James Bond. He falls straight into her trap and passes out in front of the door.

    That doesn’t stop Our Margo (“Tumble in lockstep, doorhandle mule!”) She barges right in like a ferry hitting an ocean liner (thankfully no limbs are lost and no crotch packages are boinked in ascendance to a helicopter. whew!).

    That’s when what passes for sexual tension in a comic strip blossoms like a blossoming something something and POOF! WHAMMO! Get off da floor, shut the door, it is time for the bad mamba jammo! (or, something like that).

    What will result in this drunken, impassioned tryst? I’m not really sure of anything more than my attention will be divided by the time that occurs. I figure sometime around Easter there will be a “development” in that comic strip.

    Something like, Bond James Bond saying, “Hot cinnamon bun, Margo, my sweet?”
    To which Margo will reply with a stern look on her face and say with as much desire as she is (humanly?) capable of mustering:
    “You are a regular H.R.H. Stuffinstuffer, aren’t you, Mr. Bond?”

    To which he will reply with that droll British wit that is so badly written,” It is a messy job, but, somone’s got to do it.”

    #546 for the win!

  547. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#546): Bravo!

    Now I don’t have to see the next Bond James Bond movie.

    But where was the villain?

  548. Sequitur
    December 26th, 2012 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#547): Wait. Margo is the love interest and the villain!

    A ménage à trois with two. How economical.

  549. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#547):

    Well if you must ask (and you just hadta ask, didn’t ya?)!

    Bond James Bond and Margo will be walking down a sidewalk in Central Park with a Mega-sized Martini Slushy with two straws between them. They will be sipping and stepping in a synchronized styling that is similar to some scene from “West Side Story” The James Bond theme playing in the background.

    Suddenly, the horns will blare!

    An egg like craft will descend down in front of the happy couple. A plank will reveal it is not a door. Steam will spread out hiding the fact that the white, egg-like hover vehicle is not touching the ground.

    Down the short plank will emerge “Aunt” Cathy, aka, Doctor Oh!
    Accompanying her down that short plank will be none other than the man with the gilded suit collection, Evan, aka, Nave, aka, Golddiggity Dundee.
    Doctor Oh! will stroke the nave’s golden mane as she intones that, The egg timer is ringing, Mr. Bond.

    Bond James Bond will furrow his mutli-mugged brow, taking on different faces, panel after panel. He is confused. He is drunk. He ain’t too damn bright!

    But, Margo knows what Doctor Oh! means.

    After all, Margo is a Public Relations Specialist.

  550. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#549):

    “More fingersnaps, mule!”

    The happy (drunken) couple will be sipping and fingersnapping and stepping in a synchronized styling….

    //i almost forgot to add that ^

  551. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#549): & @tallyHO (#550):
    I’m enthralled or maybe it’s this nitrous oxide leak in my CPAP unit.

    Anyway, restitution bon!

  552. Poteet
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    12/27 MT — Well. Umm. Uh-huh. Clearly we’re in some really sorry version of Never-Never Land. If Captain Hook shows up, he’ll be the sanest person in the strip.

  553. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#548):

    Don’t get me wrong, I like the way you are thinking about this.
    Surely, the greater villain in the story would be Margo. But, who really knows what Margo will and will not do?

    Didn’t she choose to go home and surf the internet while her cheek kissing paramour freaked out while his wife simultaneously went through labor AND played horsey in the couple’s living room?

    And, that was just last summer. God knows what she has really accomplished since then. Maybe she over threw some governments while Bond James Bond had a tete a tete with Grandpa Soulpatch?

    If there is one thing I know (and I trust my accountant) it is that no one really knows what Margo Magee is up to.

  554. Poteet
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    MW — Toby is rapidly losing her youthful glow. Listening to Mary while you power-walk, day after day, will do that to you.

  555. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    12-27-12

    MT: What? Those birds are sending us a message!

    Let’s see. U-H-C-V

    Dang birds never could spell a lick.

  556. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#554): Not only that, her face is all askew, like Mary’s.

    They’ve got to find a better artist for this strip.

  557. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    FW: Why does Cayla look like Tom Cruise with long hair in the last panel?

  558. Droopy Says
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Don’t brag, Kraven. If these walls could talk, each brick could make the same boast.

    Les and Lesser: So the kids aren’t coming home for Christmas? Looks like they were bright enough for college after all.

    Family Circus: Rub your ears together, Jeffy.

    Pluggers: Pluggers long for a time when the world was exactly what they wanted it to be, which is why Pluggers suck.

    Mock Travail: Maybe the human rights people could work out an exchange. Some of these people come to the States, in exchange for Trail and everyone from LoFo. We’ll even hrow in Editorbillellis for free.

    Phantom: So what we have is a lionness who has been cut up, starved and repeatedly shocked, then poked and teased by a guy in tights, who left her lying drugged and bleeding on the savannah. Phantom turned into Pibgorn so gradually, etc.

  559. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    @Spotts1701 (#490): When I lived in San Diego, what tended to happen was the local weather people going berserk over winter weather in other parts of the country. It was pretty hilarious.

    //There was also usually at least one piece on “cabin fever” every winter, as experienced by people who were too traumatized by daily rains to go outside, discussion of stores being affected by poor sales due to people not wanting to shop in the rain, etc.

    ///I have no tolerance for the idea that California has no seasons – it does; they just look different than ones in other parts of the country – but even at my most thin-blooded I found a lot of the winter weather coverage to be more amusing/ pathetic than useful.

  560. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:05 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#397): I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m sure some sort of psycho-sexual mind game is involved.

    It’s whiiiiiiiimsical!

  561. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#520): Was it accompanied by a small yellow mouse in a bowler hat? If not, you should be okay.

  562. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#561): Good one. I wish I’d thought of it.

  563. Alice
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    9CL: I wish I could say Isabel’s outfit is unrealistic for a woman classical musician nowadays. I really do.

    Luann: I’m starting to think maybe Gunther should be the one having a long-distance relationship from Australia.

  564. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    Thursday’s Funnies

    Kraven, please don’t be a brilliant supergenius in every aspect of your life except for ridding the world of Spiderman. Remember the KISS principle: Just douse him with catnip before his “performance” with the tigers.

    Helga the Horrible has adopted the cable companies’ scheduling system.

    Soo, in the Kwanzaa-verse, Mary Worth goes by the name of Ms. Yahna, an apt name if ever there was one.

  565. Dale
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:57 am [Reply]

    MARK TRAIL

    What human rights people? What abuse?
    All we saw was several of the locals mention that weren’t treated right by the Big Island thugs.
    This is still somebody else’s country. Mark and Bill probably aren’t even there legally.
    You think Bill checked in with the locals and explained his trip?

  566. Mr. O'Malley
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:02 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#514): @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#559): In California we are usually on the verge of a water shortage. Yet when it does rain the weather people talk about it like everyone was planning a winter picnic. “Well we sure hope the rain doesn’t last too long, we’re hoping to see the sun tomorrow.” You idiots if we don’t get more rain than this we will be back to water rationing is that what you want you morons?

    The other thing that gets me is when people talk about “bad weather”. It’s raining. That’s regular weather, not bad weather. Bad weather is an ice storm or tornadoes. Although the first rain of the season can be tricky with six months’ buildup of oil and rubber on the roads.

  567. Liam
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:05 am [Reply]

    Archie-So where did you take the garbage? Did you pay for the date or did you guys go Dutch? Did you get a goodnight kiss?

    A3G-Well I should hope it’s cold outside. It is winter after all.

    JP-You can avoid that family situation by spending the entire month locked in your office or somewhere writing that script.

    MT-I promise like I promise to take Rusty fishing you’ll get all the help you need.

    MW-Dill’s cake was a giant pink cylinder. Apparently the people at Mary’s apartment complex have low standards when it comes to the way food looks. They’ll be impressed by anything.

    MW 2-Of course Mary is a great baker. She’s the only person who knows how to make an all white pie including the crust.

    Pluggers-Pluggers long for the days when tattoos would identify society’s undesirable elements so you can avoid them.

    RMMD-But the last time I touched you we had our daughter.

  568. Mr. O'Malley
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:08 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#418): I don’t think Vegemite can spoil. And if it did, how could you tell?

    It does get a bit dried out if you leave it unsealed, but in a pinch I think you could probably rehydrate it.

    That probably explains how Mad Max and his buddies managed to survive the apocalypse.

  569. This comic changed 2598 hours and 45 minutes ago.
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:11 am [Reply]

    @http://www.robotmenager.info/robot-menager-kenwood/ (#569): I just wrote something awesome too. It was the funniest lawnmower story you’ve never heard! Where did it go? Wormhole, perhaps? Oh those wormholes. Always cropping up at the worst time, sucking you through a celestial tableau! I’m not typing that again!

  570. Da Coconino Kid
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    @This comic changed 2598 hours and 45 minutes ago. (#570):

    What I want to know is, what is a “robot menager”? Someone who induces automatons to engage in relationships with multiple partners?

  571. Droopy Says
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:14 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#565): The real question is, why is anyone in the Trailiverse talking about human rights? It’s very nice that they’re concerned with our rights, but don’t they have enough problems of their own?

  572. wossname
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    MT – OK, seriously – I think Jackelrod is trying to send us a subliminal message, a cry for help. If you look at those birds kinda sideways (think of the Jackelrod ball as the bottom), they clearly spell out “Ouch.”

    Also – human rights people? Huh? How did we get from “maybe Mark can talk to the White House about our problems” to “the human rights people are coming soon”?

    RMMD – Oh. My. Gawd. I thought y’all were kidding yesterday.

  573. True Fable
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Let the holidays begin! – Curtis has started the annual Kwanzaa story!

  574. bats :[
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#573): JUNE? REALLY?!?!?!?! Aaaaaaaaaargh!

    (OTOH, apparently I was spot-on with the device, aside from not having it in Kit’s hand. :D)

  575. hogenmogen
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    MT: Yes, I promise that I’ll help you. I won’t help you by leaving this suitcase of cash, or even a small part of this cash, of course. Maybe I’ll bring you to the US. Not the whole island, just you. I can barely keep myself employed, so you can live your days as an illegal immigrant picking heads of lettuce or something, very far from this idyllic beach community with all the people you know and care for. Not interested? Oh well, remember that help was offered.

  576. hogenmogen
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:42 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Yes, Rex is very confused, since he hasn’t touched June in years. June can forget about trying to convince Rex that babies come by Stork Express, as he is a doctor… well, he has medical training… well, he knows enough for a public safety announcement.

  577. hogenmogen
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MW: I’m very impressed with Mr. Dill. For a cake that big, he’d need an oven large enough to fit a human being.

    Toeby: …. ???

    MW: Oh yes, the things that Mr. Dill and I can do with a device like that!

    Toeby: Not to change the subject, but why are there so many missing dog posters on this path today?

  578. tb4000
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Rex, you ain’t that baby daddy.

  579. ms. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Oh, naturally the witchy woman gets called “Ms.”
    Phantom: That last panel is calling out to be on a t-shirt. Would love to see what bats:[ would have Walker clutching at.

  580. Mibbitmaker
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    MST3Kwanzaa 12-13
    12/27/12

    P1
    MIKE: “Also developed into a really cool-drawn outline!”
    SERVO: “Looks like a cartoon bubblegum sticker to me, Mike. Wacky Packs….”
    CROW: “Little kids in love? Oh, no, they’re going to be an African ‘Love is…’, aren’t they?! (shudder)”

    P2
    SERVO: “Batiuk wrote this part.”
    CROW: “In big, romantic love as kids, then crybaby adults? The whole worlds going backwards!!”

    P3
    SERVO: “Seven!”
    MIKE: “They looked down at the jagged design element and sobbed.”

    P4
    CROW: Mrs. YAWN-a?”
    MIKE: “No…”
    CROW: “What? Too….”
    MIKE: “Shopworn, Crow.”
    CROW: “Oh.”
    SERVO: “Ms. Yahna IS Mary Worth!”
    CROW: “Figures! A woman calls herself ‘Ms.’ and all the chauvinist pig men call her a witch!”
    SERVO: “ENDORAAAAAAAAAAA….!!!”

  581. The Divine O'F
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    POINT OF INFORMATION
    Attention Uncle Lumpy, or anyone else who follows Dick Tracy: Apparently there was a science-fiction episode somewhere in the last thirty or forty years, involving people who live on the moon, and DT’s granddaughter, who is apparently a moonperson-human hybrid (who is her father? Junior?). Do I need to know any more about this? If so, what? Also, what was the deal a few weeks ago with Walt Wallet and Tracy having known each other back in the day? Walt is now something like 115 years old. How old is Tracy supposed to be?

  582. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Frazz: that’s naughty.

    NAoQV: yay! well played, sir!

    SBp: and the patient wakes up wearing a Cone of Shame.

    Ghost-who-is-confused-by-buzzy-toys.

    RwO: I’ve seen some crunchy baristas, that’s for sure.

  583. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . .as well as the mirror on the ceiling.

  584. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#582): Years and years and years ago, Mad magazine had a parody of “if cartoon characters aged in real life” and the Dick Tracy one was hilarious. It’s been reprinted in several anthologies including a large-format one with all comics parodies.

  585. Anonymous
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#529):

    +1

    (Hope that helps!)

  586. ms. wossname
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#582): I know a little more about this, although I will join you in welcoming authoritative info from a DT expert, and cheerfully admit any errors in my recollection, which are likely.

    Yes, Honeymoon’s parents are Junior and Moon Maid. Moon Maid supposedly died in a car bomb or something a while back, and somebody (Dick? Jr? both of them?) saw her die. But a month or two ago in our time, somebody who looked just like Moon Maid mysteriously appeared on Earth and knocked over Moon Maid’s tombstone (and possibly wreaked other havoc that I’ve already forgotten). I would guess where this is going is that Moon Maid had a twin sister who left the Moon on one of the unaccounted-for space coupes and came to Earth to revenge her twin’s death. Maybe. Something like that.

  587. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:19 am [Reply]

  588. wossname
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#588): I don’t say it often enough, but thank you for the squee!

  589. Mibbitmaker
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:42 am [Reply]

    BBlues:
    The situation says, “I had a bad day, didn’t feel like cooking.” Understandable to say the least.
    But her expression in panel 3 says, “I had a bad day, you DIRTY ROTTEN HUSBAND WHO NOTHING WRONG, PLUS YOU AND THE KIDS LOVE PIZZA, SO THERE’S REALLY NO DOWNSIDE TO THIS FOR YOU, YOU AWFUL, BLAMELESS DOG!!!”

    MW: Toby is Mary Worth’s Mary Worth.

    Luann: Quill is like a still-dating-Dawn-Weston Dave. And it’s no less insufferable.

    S-M, panel 1: Really?! THAT guy’s spider sense is no match for a light breeze!

    S-M: That plan! It’s brilliant! It’s diabolical! It’s…… boring.

    ZtP: American Chopper is now over for good, so –
    PULL THAT FURSHLUGGINER THING, ZIPPY!!!!

  590. Wally Winkerbean
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Wow. A caller ID joke.

    I can’t wait for the texting joke, the e-mailing joke, the Twitter joke, the carrier pidgeon joke, the mailman joke, the pony express joke, the telegram joke, the smoke signal joke, the tell a woman joke, and the cancer joke.

    Hilarity insues. . .

  591. Human Rights People
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Don’t worry. We’ll sort it all out. Rights for the clean shaven and the crusty!

  592. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#589): you are more than welcome, and thanks for saying so!

    you did see the one yesterday for you and bb,u?

  593. l
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    +1

  594. Ned Ryerson
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    @Wally Winkerbean (#591): These dopes probably got duped into paying a premium for this swanky “caller ID” feature on their wireless plan. Yes it requires an expensive setup and the phone must be configured to afford this revolutionary new service! Geez, what a bunch of schmenges!

  595. Charlie Bot 5000 (Mary Worth\'s Robot Neighbor)
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#571): Did somebody call for a Robot Menager?

  596. seismic-2
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    FW: Cayla now looks more nearly Caucasian than at least 60% of all white people do. Les now looks more thoroughly deserving of a kick in the face than at least 99.99999% of all humans do. That is all.

    Nancy: Today’s strip confirms that Fritzi Ritz is not Nancy’s mother. Yeah, I don’t believe it, either.

    RMMD: Rex’s expression of bewilderment confirms that they never got to the chapter on human reproduction in the correspondence course that he took to get his medical degree. This, I believe totally.

  597. wossname
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#593): I did! Thank you for your continued kindness to the Didactic Duo.

    //Now I sound like Fashion Police… or Ask Wendy.

  598. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Sure, we can get to 1000 comments, but let’s do it right, not just pad the numbers out with meaningless entries.

  599. TheDiva
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    9CL: It’s funny because Isabel is performing in her underwear.

    A3G: “Oh really? So that’s why I’m wearing a coat and scarf, and encouraged you to do the same! Thanks, I was wondering about that!”

    C’shaft: Oh Crankshaft, you delightful selfish bastard!

    Curtis: He’s able to wed an age?

    FW: Damn technology allowing The Kids These Day to escape the stranglehold their parents have on their lives!

    Luann: In other news, Gunther is still a socially stunted creep and Luann’s relationship with Quill is still boring.

    MW: “Well, now that you mention it, I could mop the floor with him…” (Also, holiday party? I would have thought Mary Worth would be at the head of the “any and all substitutions of ‘holidays’ for ‘Christmas’ is a war on Christian values and the end of decent society as we know it” vanguard…)

    SM: So spider-sense can be foiled just by being quiet. This actually explains a great deal.

  600. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    MT: The seagulls of the Small Island know all about human rights organizations, which is very cosmopolitan of them.

    MW: Toeby does her best to trigger Mary’s jealousy and megalomania. Carrying coals to Newcastle if you ask me.

    FW: Don’t be so quick to blame Keisha. I’d bet Kent State tracks all the calls from Westview and forwards them to the CDC.

    Archie: There’s being a hoarder and then there’s being attached to the kitchen garbage from four weeks ago. Here’s hoping Archie gets the help he needs.

    BSt: There are some traditions that even Jerry Van Amerongen won’t mess with.

    RMMD: One skill that June has picked up during her x years of marriage is finding nice ways to say “you’re an idiot.”

    H&L: Yeah, you know it will be a long vacation when the kids are quoting old Mountain Dew ads.

    DT: The sight of the violent cop’s granddaughter with pigtail antennae losing her moon family is more devastating than I would have predicted.

    GT: And yet the prediction comes true in an unexpected way as Scott’s teammates tie him up and douse him with gasoline.

    6C: Jessie just got fired, but the good news is that she doesn’t have to work with Amos from 9 Chickweed Lane anymore.

    Momma: What would happen if you dropped an 873-page cookbook on the head of the homunculus who gave it to you? Worth finding out.

    SFx: “Finished? Who are you calling finished? I’m still big. It’s winter that got small!”

  601. gleeb
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Walker’s Pretend Army Comix: Golf joke!

    ‘shaft: Boozy old people are funny!

    Curtis: OK, a witch. Can an insomniac bush baby deal with that?

    ‘bean: Well, if you’d got her to school in time, instead of a month or more late, she’d have more time. And of course, Creepy Les is smirking creepily.

    Parkers: Why do I get the feeling ex-Judge Parker is looking for a, uh, permanent solution to his family problems?

    June Morgan, RN: Well, I don’t know about adorable, but I did enjoy the goofy look on the front of Rex’s head.

    Dick: So, you took a girl up to the Moon just to break her heart. You’re a cold one, Diet.

  602. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#599): meaningless entries, as opposed to…what we usually post?

  603. gleeb
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

  604. The Divine O'F
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @ms. wossname (#587) : Thanks! I spent around twenty years not reading the comics at all (NYT has none, and no Internet yet), so I must have missed that whole thing. Your surmise about the current storyline makes sense. (As much as ANYTHING in DT makes sense.) And Lynn, thanks for your suggestion. I’d still like to know what that Walt Wallet crossover was about. It was never followed up.

  605. A Smirch Unheeded, Deacon
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#604): The Reverend Scudder is right as always.

  606. Chrononhotonthologos
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#603): He means, entries or comments with serious, or unserious, as it were, content, about, stuff. You know. For the kids.

  607. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#578): Oh, Mary wishes she were Nellie Lovett.

  608. hogenmogen
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    FW: Does Les’s smirk mean “Heh heh, I invented caller ID, right after I invented the internet!” Or, does the smirk mean “You’re enraged when the child that you have raised alone suddenly goes off and neglects you but I find that amusing. By the way, we’re about to slide off the road into a tree. Heh heh.”

  609. Ride Dem Haunches
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#599): Right you are, Reverend! And not just using anagrammatic sock puppets for padding!

  610. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Chrononhotonthologos (#607): Oh! Meaningful stuff! I get it now!

  611. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#598): nothing wrong with sounding like Fashion Police. or Master Softheart, amongst other exquisitely polite posters.

  612. Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    Et nos vitare usura externis neque linguae mortui, id est vere iniquum.

  613. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Ride Dem Haunches (#610): I would like you to know that I physically restrained bad lynn from making a comment about the right Rev. Mr. Scudder and ‘padding’ in regards to his person. But I fear that what I am saying now may be somewhat meaningless.

  614. hogenmogen
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    The Amazin’ Kraven stole the jewels that he wanted and now has disabled his foe. Hey, don’t skip town. It’s time to concoct an elaborate and wholly unnecessary mechanism to dispose of Spiderman in full view of the public. Yeah, that’s SURE to work.

    Scotty Evil: What? Why don’t you just shoot him?

    Kraven Evil: Oh, we don’t do that.

    Scotty Evil: Come on! I’ve got a gun in my room. We can shoot him together!

    Kraven Evil: No. Now it’s time to go.

    Scotty Evil: You’re leaving? You don’t want to make sure?

    Kraven Evil: There’s nothing that will go wrong. Move along.

  615. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker (#613): Et cum spiritu tuo.
    //Atsthay all ymay atinlay.

  616. hogenmogen
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    June Morgan: Why can’t we have a normal vacation?

    Rex Morgan: Yeah, next time I’m going to let an old lady die.

  617. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#605): The original Moon Maid storyline represents an interesting side-trip in Chester Gould’s career. It dates to the sixties, which corresponds in comic book (as opposed to newspaper strip) history as the Silver Age. Sci-fi based heroes like DC’s Green Lantern and Marvel’s Fantastic Four had exploded, so it’s not too surprising that Gould wanted in. He decided to phase out references to moon people in the run-up to the Apollo missions, which were about to expose the moon as a big lifeles rock (as scientists had understood it to be for decades, really.)

  618. Cheap Canada Goose Jacket
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Did someone mention needless padding?

  619. hogenmogen
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#600): SM: You don’t know how tempted Kraven was to blurt out “Hey, there’s Spiderman, my arch enemy! Maybe I should attack him and knock him unconscious! I am now approaching him from behind, ready to beat his head!” So he saved it up, played smack-a-spidey, and now it all comes out, long and loud for all to hear. Monologuing and cape-wearing – hasn’t he watched The Incredibles?

  620. Katy Perry
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    @Cheap Canada Goose Jacket (#619): I don’t know, did someone mention needless padding?

  621. E.L. James
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    What’s this about needless paddling?

  622. Illustrator Steve
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    MT – “Pop, I hate to leave you and your friends like this…I would take all of you with me. Surely you must know there’s only so much room aboard a 150 foot luxury yacht. Tight quarters, you know. Although, I suppose we could in squeeze Senora Momjeans. I’m sure you and your friends will understand, Pop.”

    “Gee, thanks a lot for nothing, Mark! Well, it’s been good knowing you, Mark…which means once you leave this island I will no longer know who you are or even remember ever having heard of you! Oh and, Mark, DON’T CALL ME SHIRLEY!”

  623. Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @E.L. James (#622): At least nobody has brought up something totally off-topic, like Otis King cylindrical slide rules.

    // I hate it when that happens.

  624. Poteet
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#566): @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#559): Iowa became part of the biggest drought since the Thirties this past summer, and I knew it was an epic drought when, along about early fall, the TV weather people started occasionally mentioning that we could maybe use a little rain instead of being perpetually happy about the sunshine. It was terrifying.

  625. Shrug, Speaker to Limericks
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#493):

    “Cool – just stay away from Gunther’s nipples. I don’t read braille.”

    “On the shirt of this miserable male,
    Was depicted his famous worm-tail.
    And on his man-boobs,
    For the sake of the rubes,
    Was the same icky image in Braille.

  626. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#616): You will be glad to know that I have recently completed my translation of the New Testament into Pig Latin. Still looking for a publisher, but I hope that soon, native speakers, such as yourself, will be able to read the Gospel in your mother tongue.

    // You’re welcome.

  627. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    To paraphrase the Dalai Lama, “Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like this site. An old day passes, a new post arrives. The important thing is to make your posts meaningful…”

  628. Billy Ocean
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    Suddenly, Life has new meaning to me. There’s beauty up above and things we never take notice of…

  629. Anonymous
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    What’s this I hear of an endless parade of useless comments?

    We do that and nobody is going to ride on the float!

  630. Anonymous
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#627): Et umcay irituspay uotay.

  631. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    Oopsie, 631 was me. Not 630, though.

  632. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Limericks (#626):

    All praise to the ‘mudgeon called Shrug,
    Let the ladies all give him a hug,
    Let us give him mojitos,
    And lots of Doritos,
    For in making of rhymes he’s no slug.

  633. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    If EL James is about to start paddling Katy Perry, this thread looks to be taking an NSFW turn.

  634. Illustrator Steve
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    MT – “When the human rights people get here, maybe they can legally get you into the states.”

    “Not a chance, Mark, the last time the human rights came to our little village Otto kidnapped all of them and held them for ransom, that is until they saved his life and he let them go. Unfortunately, they didn’t get very far once Otto’s gang caught up with them.”

    “WHAT happened to them, Pop?”

    “They joined Otto’s gang and lured unsuspecting people here to be kidnapped by advertising this hell hole as being the best place on earth to go bonefishing!”

    “WOW! That must have been awful!”

    “Not as awful as seeing all of them trying share that one extra cot of mine at the same time. Not a pretty sight, Mark!”

  635. Illustrator Steve
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker (#613):

    Well, you do and you clean it up!

  636. Illustrator Steve
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    MT The holiday season always reminds me of an old friend of mine who was an atheist. He said he gave it up though because there weren’t any holidays!

  637. wossname
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#630): There’s not going to be a float, if past history is any guide. When Josh goes on vacation and doesn’t force blackmail threaten cajole Uncle Lumpy into being officially in charge (i.e. posting every day), historically there has been no float.

    As far as the useless comments meaningless drivel rantings of madmen/women less than stellar posts, we can pace ourselves, if 1000 is the goal. We’re in the 630s now and we have at least four days before Josh returns.

  638. bats :[
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#579): (A) Niki, (B) Toots, (C) Count Morgu (my personal favorite!). Any others?

  639. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#638): This (rambling) is actually kind of fun, though I’m glad it comes but once a year. It’s interesting to note who doesn’t show up. Some are taken up with the holidays, and others, I am sure, prefer our bloviating about the daily comics to our general bloviating.
    //I love the word bloviate.

  640. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#639): Ginger?
    //and may I take a moment of holiday good cheer to tell you what you must get tired of hearing over and over again: you are amazing!

  641. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#640): I love the word bloviate.

    Did you know that is derived from the Pig Latin, “oviateblay”?

    // I love etymology.

  642. Eustace Tilley
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#642): I, too, enjoy studying bugs.

  643. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#642): Oh, istermay udderscay!

  644. Anonymous
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    In the grand scheme of life, all comments here are meaningless.

    Think about it, at some future date if this is the record of what went on in our civilization, we will be remembered as the biggest cosmic joke since the Star Wars Christmas Special.

    Carry on.

  645. Neon Dryers
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#639): Snarky, Bugs, First Mate Guido, Elvis, Cue, Spider, Lee.

    @Ride Dem Haunches (#610): Human Rights for anagrammatic sock puppets!

  646. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#645): I disagree! What we have here is the summit of civilization. References to the classics and to modern culture, humor both subtle and vulgar (just as in the epic works of Homer or Chaucer), and most of all, good cheer and good fellowship among good people. I have so enjoyed following in the footsteps of this wonderful company, witty women and erudite, Latin-spewing onion-belts. Thank you, everyone! Though we are all strangers, we are companions as well.
    //and my personal apologies to istermay udderscay adn issusmay udderscay for the transient actions of bad lynn

  647. bats :[
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#641): aww, shucks…thanks. :)

  648. Calico
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#233):
    So they make jackets for geese now?

  649. wossname
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#647): I agree! This blog is really remarkable for the level of erudition on every subject, and the virtual absence of the kind of nastiness that sullies so many other places on the intertubes. And we aren’t all strangers, although we all started out here as such; quite a few of us have managed to meet over the years.

  650. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#650): Is Scudder nice-looking?
    *hopeful*

  651. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#651): No, no, don’t encourage me. I’m over it now.

  652. Calico
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#480):
    No, it wasn’t Land of Confusion – it was just a copy of the song “Back in NYC” from the Lamb.
    The puppets were pretty weird, I agree.

  653. wossname
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#651): I haven’t met the reverend myself, but you could ask bourbon babe.

  654. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#647):

    The summit of civilizaton? No,
    Decadence is the way we go.
    The barbarian may be at the gate,
    But still outside: dismal thoughts can wait:
    Another mojito, or a clerihew,
    Misquoting Einstein, or Albert Camus,
    Though Josh is away, let us jest,
    For that’s what ‘mudgeons do the best.

  655. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#654): Think of Michelangelo’s David. Now imagine his better-looking older brother.

    // You’re welcome.

  656. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#655): Based on this post, I guess I will have to agree with Anonymous 645 after all.

  657. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#655): A rebours, Mr. Scudder.

  658. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#656): Reminds me of Dave. *sigh*

  659. Spartacus
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    @Neon Dryers (#646): Human Rights for anagrammatic sock puppets!

    My point exactly. Who will speak for the sock-puppets? If not us, when? If not now, whom?

    // I am Spartacus!
    // I am Carat Puss!
    // I am Pastas Cur!
    // I am Cap Tarsus!
    // I am Ass Cup Rat!

  660. The Divine O'F
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#617): Your information on the history of DT is very interesting; thanks! I’d love to hear more from anyone who knows about any aspects of this strip, which is coming to seem more and more fascinating as I learn more.

  661. Rick Astley
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Never gonna give you up!

  662. Calico
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

  663. Calico
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Rick Astley (#661):
    Shit, we’ve been Rickrolled!

  664. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#588): That Pyr is fluffy.

    @TheDiva (#599) on Spiderman: Spidey Sense has atrophied to be less useful than gaydar.

  665. seismic-2
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    MT: When the Human Rights people arrive on the island, they can tend to the few, wounded survivors that remain from the great shoot-out that resulted when the FBI arrived first, to round up the island full of kidnappers and terrorists.

  666. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#644):
    …we will be remembered as the biggest cosmic joke since…
    I sincerely doubt that.

    Stevie “Guitar” Miller has been making dibs on that for decades and surely he will transcend the significance of the “Star Wars Christmas Special” and be seen by future generations as the touchstone by which all cosmic yuk yuks are measured.

    The point being the Christmas special is small beans. What we do just won’t be remembered in a bigger context at all.

  667. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder, amateur nitpicker (#612): What? I’m not an ancient Roman.

  668. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#615): See #667.

  669. Sarah McLachlan
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#666): I will remember you. Will you remember me?

  670. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#668): Oooh, orrysay, uvnorgay.

  671. bats :[
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Neon Dryers (#645): Yow! A veritable who’s who and who’s naughty bits! It’s a freakin’ Parade o’ Possibilities!

  672. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#619): Even announcing loudly would not activate Spidey Sense, nor does an open palm heading toward Spidey’s head. Spidey Sense is about as useful as a dick on Gunther Berger or Brad deGroot.

    @lynn (#639): Mary Worth is the epitome of bloviating.

    @wossname (#649): “Virtual absense of nastiness?” What about all this clown talk? What could be more nasty than that? On second thought, that’s a rhetorical question. No answers needed.

  673. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#655): You stand on a tall pillar wearing nothing but a mischievous smile? PUT ON SOME PANTS YOU PERV!

    @tallyHO (#666): I don’t understand your reference to Mr. Miller.

    @lynn (#670): I don’t understand your moonman language.

  674. bats :[
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#655): with or without a fig leaf? (Hey, details count!)

  675. Mibbitmaker
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    potrzebie

  676. Dale
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @Illustrator Steve (#634):

    MARK TRAIL

    We never saw Mark ask Pops about the fate of previous hostages.

    Violence will occur. Andy will scare the armed pirates into dropping their guns.
    Fists will fly. Is Bill a fighter, or is it all up to Mark?
    Otto will hobble out and hold his erstwhile pals at gunpoint.

    How will Pops, Ava and the kid fit into the boat with Mark, Bill, Andy, Mark’s fishing tackle and unseen duffel bag, and a huge bag of money?
    Simple. The boat got much bigger while no one was looking.

  677. Poteet
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#660): Try some of this, and apologies for the very ungainly link. It’s generous of me to recommend this, since the Little Pineapple story that obsessed me as a child, even though I never found out the ending, is dismissed as “melodramatic fluff.” Well, nerts to you, Mister Sociology!

    http://books.google.com/books?id=K-OCBcT1O4UC&pg=PA129&lpg=PA129&dq=dick+tracy+little+pineapple&source=bl&ots=Ud5kUA0d8H&sig=j3eqf6_-2DY_M4T6talAxVT3DNg&hl=en&sa=X&ei=do_cUNKaLIaC9gTJjoHgDA&sqi=2&ved=0CC8Q6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=dick%20tracy%20little%20pineapple&f=false

  678. Red Greenback
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: For some inexplicable reason, I have a sudden hankering for some Jello pudding pops and a cup full of reazinrizin.

    MT: I’m no geologist ornithologist, but that appears to be a flock of grawlixes.

    Love Is… clothing-optional bathrooming.

  679. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#674): I’m so glad someone is holding up the tradition of bad lynn. Someone other than me, I mean.
    //many good resolutions for 2013

  680. Billy Joe & Bobby Sue
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Steve Miller is a genius! Can you rhyme “Texas,” “facts is,” “justice” and “taxes”?

  681. Picker, Grinner, Lover, Sinner
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    Yeah!

  682. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Let me add my voice to the chorus of those unalterably opposed to making senseless posts for the sole purpose of driving up the total. It’s wrong, I tell you!

  683. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Really, really wrong!

  684. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#667):
    Sorry.

    I told you in Latin, I told you in Dutch,
    I told you in Hebrew and Greek,
    But I wholly forgot, and it vexes me much,
    That German is what you speak.

    Und wir müssen vermeiden, mit fremden oder toten Sprachen, die wirklich ungerecht ist.

  685. Heart Like a Wheel
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    I told you so!

  686. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:45 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#684): ..so denkt ich an mein fernes Lieb…*sigh*
    //all over in a couple more days. Tot. Das Ende.

  687. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#686): I will translate for the ignorant. “Osay enktday an einmay ernesfay iebLay.”
    //multilingual, uni-brain cell.

  688. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#673):

    Mr. Miller declared himself to be a “space cowboy”, didn’t he?

    Who among us or who who has ventured in space has made such a claim, so loudly, so often repeated, soberly?

    //i can’t defend anything I’ve written so far today. i can’t.

    @Sarah McLachlan (#669):

    In theory, maybe I will.

    //indefensible statements are all I’m making today.

    Dick Tracy: hmmm…the Moon Colony has been infiltrated by Cheese Heads. Drunk and Disorderly Cheese Heads!

  689. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    (Possibly he looks like the rear view of Michelangelo’s David. I have heard others refer to him as such. That makes me feel better.)

  690. Hibbleton
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#587):
    A classic that never gets old. I may be the only person who has it on their iphone in a ‘pop’ playlist.

  691. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    I’m talking to myself. That’s a bad sign.

  692. The Mighty Captain E
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    I don’t post as much as I used to, which wasn’t much to begin with (with which to begin?). I thought I would check my key to see if the old car would start. Come on, baby. Ooh, she’s a little slow to get going…. There! Hey, everybody, it still works! Let’s take her out for a spin! Vrrroooommm!!!!
    So, on Christmas Eve I was out strolling with the family and someone bought this folded up stack of paper with printing on it. I didn’t pay it much attention, but happened to glance at it all spread out on the table at home and was shocked to see comics all bunched up on one of the pages! Comics like the ones Josh posts on this site – on paper! What a wonder. They didn’t come with a comments section, so I don’t know how they were supposed to be enjoyed just sitting there all jammed together and unmediated. That was so weird to me, I searched around for a pen and scribbled in a pithy comment in the space at the bottom.

  693. Space Cowboy
    December 27th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    tallyHo: I’m sure you know where it’s at!

    “All you back room schemers, small trip dreamers
    Better find something new to say
    Cause you’re the same old story
    It’s the same old crime
    And you got some heavy dues to pay.”
    Albert Camus

  694. Hibbleton
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    Just to clear things up a few things about Steve Miller:

    Dave Barry as “mister language person”.

    Q. In the song “The Joker,” what is the mystery word that Steve Miller sings in the following verse:
    “Some people call me the space cowboy
    Some people call me the gangster of love
    Some people call me Maurice
    ’cause I speak of the (SOMETHING) of love.”
    A. According to the Broward County Public Library, the word is “pompatus.”
    Q. What does “pompatus” mean?
    A. Nothing. Steve made it up. That’s why some people call him “the space cowboy.”
    Q. …And how come some people call Steve Miller “Maurice”?
    A. Those particular people call EVERYBODY “Maurice.”

  695. Alice
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    On the subject of Steve Miller: what “pompatus” is and how it came to be.

  696. Shrug, Speaker to Human-Like Rites
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#565):

    The “human rights people” in MARK TRAIL who will arrive and make everything better are from the same category as the “officials” in MARK TRAIL who will show up in the forest to untie and arrest the drug dealers who have been left tied to trees. In other words, pixies or magic mice or something.

    “Now I close my eyes real tight
    And I wish with all my might,
    Magic words of poof-poof-snarky,
    Make me not as dumb as Marky!”

  697. Calico
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Sarah McLachlan (#669):
    Ooooooh, I remember
    I remember don’t worry worry worry…

  698. Alice
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Human-Like Rites (#696): A parodic reference to Mary Jane and Sniffles! I must love you now.

  699. bats :[
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    @The Mighty Captain E (#692): As long as you didn’t write, “Love you too kid.”, you’re in good shape. Glad to see you back!

  700. Even Cheaper Canadian Goose Jacket
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Katy Perry (#620):

    It’s because I only have one arm, isn’t it?

  701. Shrug, Crossing You Up with a Fast Joke
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Spartacus (#659):

    “// I am Spartacus!”

    I am SpartaCussSkunk! %$*$#3@*%$+**!!!!!!

  702. Red Greenback
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#638): My guess would be Pus Boy. Wasn’t that roughly a month ago in Rex Morgan-time?

  703. Milli Vanilli
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Billy Ocean (#628):
    Hey, how you doin’ these days?

  704. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    Bright Lynn, dirty Lynn, Lynn oh so demure,
    Her strength is as the strength of ten
    Because her heart is pure.

    Bad Lynn, good Lynn, O Lynn of now and then,
    A better Lynn, resolve to be,
    The New Year comes again!

    Lynn of past times. and Lynn of times to be,
    Our mighty Lynn will still endure,
    Despite calamity!

    Bright Lynn, dirty Lynn, Lynn oh so demure,
    Her strength is as the strength of ten
    Because her heart is pure.

    Albert Camus

  705. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#689): Wow. Am I lacking context for that.

  706. Rufus
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    Tell me somethin’ good.

  707. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    @Alice (#695):

    Now, see, I can learn something new each day.

    I thought he was singing about “pumpin’ moose” love. Blame Classic Rock Radio for making me jaded to diving correct meaning from songs such as that one…

    a song which I thought was called “space cowboy”.

    Now excuse me while I file any knowledge of the song away in the recesses of
    forgetfulness.

  708. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#707):

    sigh….

    divining….divining meaning….

  709. www.easylunchideas.org
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Aѕking questions аге actually nice thіng if
    you are nоt understanԁing аnythіng totally, but this aгticlе offers nice
    unԁerstanding yet.

    Mу web site – http://www.easylunchideas.org

  710. Shrug, Not Mooning Over the Past
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#660):

    What I mostly recall about the DICK TRACY “Moon era” strips:

    The Moon people seemed to eat nothing but Giant Moon Escargot for every meal (extra servings for banquets). I kept thinking they must get sick of that eventually, and if Pizza Hut or McDonald’s had opened a Moon branch they could have cleaned up.

    The Space Coupe operated on magnetism, and as Dick and his fellows were tireless in reminding us every few strips “The nation that controls magnetism controls the universe!” I got very tired of that very quickly. (Besides, 240,000 miles one-way is hardly “the universe,” and I don’t think there was every any talk of taking the Space Couple out beyond the Earth-Moon run.)

    Dick and Diet Smith et al were also very Smug about their “discoveries,” and often broke out into hysterical laughter at the thought of those misguided “scientists” who thought the Moon was lifeless and/or who were wasting their time with space technology that was not magnetism-based. I soon got the creepy feeling that Chester Gould was starting to believe his own scenarios.

    I don’t recall any plot elements that claimed the Moon people and the Earth people had a common ancestor, and yet as best I remember no one seemed surprised at the idea that Junior and Moon Maid proved to be cross-fertile.

    Once Moon Maid was killed off, the Governor of the Moon (her father, I believe) decided Earth people were too violent and declared there would be no further contact between them. Max Collins had taken over the strip from Gould shortly before, and this was obviously his way of getting rid of the last vestiges of the whole stupid plot thread (insofar as this was possible).

    I hated the whole Moon stuff while reading it at the time, but I’ll admit to feeling a little nostalgic as I read the current revival of same in recent strips. This could change.

  711. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    A3G

    Constantinople and Schenectady!

    Mere hours after predicting how A3G should proceed with its Bond James Bond and Margo Magee storyline, they make like Kraven and throw a monkey in the works!

    (that’s so kraven!)

    Instead of Margo being aggressive and pursuing Bond James Bond, he shows up like a Dapper Delightful Dude Decked out in a Scarf and…what’s this?

    Is he carrying a cooler full of Martini Slushes?

  712. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#684): What is it with all the moonman languages tonight?

    @lynn (#687): AAAH!

    @tallyHO (#688): Oh, THAT Steve Miller. Sometimes I think I’m the Pompatus of Love, then I remember I’m Maureeeese!

  713. Velvetone Dillcake
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @www.easylunchideas.org (#709): I hold in my hand, dear, three letters. Three letters from the stages of your fine, fine, super-fine career

  714. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    @www.easylunchideas.org (#709):

    A?king questions ??? actually nice th?ng if
    you are n?t understan?ing ?nyth?ng totally, but this a?ticl? offers nice
    un?erstanding yet.

    No further comment.

  715. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox’s Brain Busting Bafflers

    Anyone who solves it should be able to count that as the pre-pre SAT score.

    (not that it is hard, mind you. it is just a lot to ask for from a comic strip)

    Family Circus

    And, his feet are too cold to walk. Soon his mouth will be too cold to cry for help. Run, Jeffy, Run! Ignore the numbness, little fellow!

    Oh, wait! You can’t hear me, can you? Silly me for not listening to you then.

  716. Difficult, in fact almost impossible lunch ideas
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    Yes, indeed, this a?ticl? offers nice
    un?erstanding yet.

  717. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy
    The Commissioner Gordon look-alike has moose horn shaped eyebrows. Though that is the least weird aspect of this trip to the moon to visit relatives.

  718. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    Popeye

    If Sweetpea nails a diaper on the front doors of the church….!

    This will get weirder before sanity makes a guest appearance!

  719. Abby, the Wonderdog
    December 27th, 2012 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    I think Fence Post Frank was doing more than “post hole digging”.

    Get that barb?

    On a stake?

    Don’t make me picket.

    Bark! Bark! Bark!

  720. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @The Mighty Captain E (#692): Wait, did you see lots of huge bear/dog/man hybrid beasts lumbering around complaining about aches and pains and the costs of medicines and trying to use their iPhones as garage door clickers?

    @Hibbleton (#694): I wrote my comment before I read yours.

    @Red Greenback (#702): PUS boy? I’m glad I don’t follow Rex Morgan.

  721. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#691):

    Bad Lynn is not too thin,
    Nor is she too stout,
    She likes to play the theremin,
    While dancing all about;

    While dancing all about the shore,
    With C. Siebert or A. Camus,
    She says, “Albert is such a bore,
    But what’s a gal to do?”

    “What’s a gal to do?” says she,
    “They both remind me of Dave,
    Examples of life’s brutality,
    To love, I am a slave!”

  722. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#712): What is it with all the moonman languages tonight?

    Tonight? Hey, expat boy, as St. Ronny said, it’s morning in America!

    // Or was that morning-after? Where’s my aspirin?

  723. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#718):

    95 Feces

    //bwahahahahaha

  724. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    MW “You’re a great baker yourself, Mary. Don’t sell yourself short.”
    [Come on, Mary, think! Toby just paid you a compliment. You should return one.]
    “Oh, er, thanks, Toby! And you’re a great… a great… oh… a great… walker! Yes, a really great walker.”

    MT “When the human rights people are here, maybe they can legally get you into the states. You know, to stand trial for war crimes.”

  725. Liam
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:10 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Pregnant but how? We sleep in separate beds in separate bedrooms in separate houses.

  726. Red Greenback
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @www.easylunchideas.org (#709): Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?

  727. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#707): I thought he was the Pamplemousse of Love.

    //That’s “grapefruit” in some languages. It doesn’t make sense. Neither does “pompatus.”

  728. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    Nancy

    I really don’t care too much about this boyfriend who has been out-of-the-picture for, like, 20 lifetimes.

    But, he has been drawn as a short looking guy. And, now that he has a comparison to established character, he looks like he’s being drawn taller. Conversely, Fritzi seems to be drawn with a shorter torso.

    Fortunately, according to the artist’s own words written in the comments section of the GoComics site, he’s still getting use to drawing that old boyfriend.

    I swear when the character was re-introduced, he looked about as tall as Sluggo and Nancy.

    Does any of this matter? In the grand scheme of things, of course not. I’m just trying to add some more comics-centric stuff today.

    And, as I mentioned earlier, nothing I write today on this site is defensible, nor, is any of it that sensible.

  729. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#727):

    Pamplemousse

    I was just joking about “pumpin’ moose” earlier. Believe me, it is a running joke. I’d probably make a joke about Moose-achucetts if it seemed like it would be made funnier in some context.

    But, what you write–in all seriousness– is what I thought the lyrics were. Pamplemousse I couldn’t spell it and everyone else got an alternate spelling—Pompatus— so I just made a joke of it all.

  730. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#568):

    That probably explains how Mad Max and his buddies managed to survive the apocalypse.

    Are you trying to tell us the deGroots will survive the apocalypse? What are they, cockroaches? Our one last hope was that the end of the world would at least include Luann and Brad as fatalities.

  731. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#722): Hey, it was “Morning in America” almost 30 years ago. Maybe America’s hit coffee break time, no?

    @tallyHO (#728): I hope the new artist updates “new boyfriend” like he did to Ms. Ritz. He looks like he should be calling for Phillip Moooreeeeese.

  732. Liam
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    MW-Don’t worry, Toby, Mary will make the contest all about herself.

  733. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    MW: They dragged out last week’s “I’ve always wanted to be a cake designer”-”You should enter a contest and I’ll help you” crapfest for a whole six days. Can they make Mary’s recap to Toeby last five days? I’m thinking yes.

  734. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#726):Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?

    Is that what TKACITD?

  735. Liam
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    MT-We’ll all meet again in “Spaceballs 2: The Search for More Money”.

  736. Victory Garden
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    RMMDad: Through the magic of mathematics, my household figured out how long it took between lunch and dinner (8 weeks), so we’re going to be charitable and say it’s one day per month, which means, I think, it will be another 32 years-plus before June’s spawn shows its face. I will be 67. Sarah will be 5.

  737. Red Greenback
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#734): Tool Kit Air Conditioning Internet Transmitted Disease?

  738. Anonymous
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    +mu

  739. bats :[
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    I really need to get my feces collated (at least I have somewhat less than Swee’ Pea and/or Marvin Luther). So here and here. I was sure I’d already posted the first. Nope.

  740. Milli Vanilli
    December 27th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Velvetone Dillcake (#713):
    Actually, I wouldn’t mind owning a Tiffin Box. Seriously.
    (In India and probably other Asian countries, you can order lunch that arrives in a layered/stacked round metal pail-type box called a Tiffin. The concept intrigues me.)
    However, we are getting a huge snowstorm in QC now, but I have everything to make beef barley veg soup for tonight! Nom.

  741. Calico
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Milli Vanilli (#740):
    Aw, shit, my famous alter ego has been permanently shattered! Moving on to Michael Bolton. : )
    And soup, but no cakes though.

  742. bad lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    @www.easylunchideas.org (#709): Bravo, easylunchideas, for sticking to meaningful posts!

  743. bad lynn, theramin vurtuoso
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

    Oh, that was you peeking in at my window last night.
    //theramin lessons cheap, free to clergy (in my home, evening appointments available)

  744. bad lynn, theramin vurtuoso
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    No virtue, so I am a vurtuoso.

  745. A Midnight Toker
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Damn, sleep in on your vacation and you miss everything!

    I do my postin’ on the run.

  746. seismic-2
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#707): No, “Space Cowboy” was an earlier Steve Miller song. “The Joker” is Steve’s tribute to himself, a compendium of his career to date. Thus, in the first stanza, he references three songs from previous albums, namely “Space Cowboy”, “Gangster of Love”, and “Enter Maurice”. It is meaningful that in this summary of his musical career, he assumes the identity of “the Joker”, since many people do in fact consider it to be something of a joke that he has been able to make a living at this stuff for half a century now, playing one packed arena after another, then get on a big jet aeroliner, take the money, and run. Those people, of course, simply fail to recognize true genius, whether it be for music or for marketing. It’s magic, I tell you. Abracadabra! Here’s to the next half century of copying riffs from all rock guitarists, including yourself. Fly like a beagle, Steve!

  747. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    @Milli Vanilli (#740): I bought one of these. It didn’t come filled with food. I threw it out.

  748. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#721):
    “To love, I am a slave!” Lynn said,
    The theremin I’ll instruct,
    The elements from “a” to “zed”
    For a trifling usufruct.”

    “A trifling usufruct,” she avers,
    “For clergy even less,
    I’m a sucker for a gent who wears
    Ecclesiastical dress.”

  749. Mr. O'Malley
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    “Musa, mihi causas memora, quo numine laeso
    Quidve dolens regina deum tot volvere casus
    Insignem pietate virum, tot adire labores
    Impulerit. Tantaene animis caelestibus irae?”
    - Albertus Camus

  750. bats :[
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#747): I’d take one of those, because the little elephant logo is just so damned cute!

    A friend of mine is on a weight-management program offered by his employer (Kaiser Permanente). Those enrolled did a 5K walk and got a bento set. An empty bento set. What the hell?

  751. Calico
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#747):
    Oh dear.
    However, I think the bentos are a bit different than tiffins, no?
    They both seem like the coalminers’ boxes that would house hot tea on the bottom, with a pasty keeping warm above.

  752. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#746):

    Oh, Salt Shaker Sequel, old chap, you do recognize that Monsieur Miller’s lyrics are silly, yes?

    //i know you do. you are reminding us all of specific examples of absurdity.
    Seriously? It is fly like a ”beagle”? I thought it was like a Smegol.

    Shows ya what I know.

  753. Peanut Gallery
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Not Mooning Over the Past (#710): You’re right, that scenario was absolutely ridiculous. Everyone knows that moon people subsist on Moon Pies!

  754. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#739): You just created a new rock group. Phantom and the Electric Ass.

  755. very extremely bad lynn, theramin vurtuoso
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Mr. Scudder at748 (my home computer will not do ‘reply’): Oh, you doesn’t have to wear your dress.
    //I’ll parafin your theramin ’til you look like a terrapin

  756. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

  757. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Worst thing about my home computer, I have to wait until I get to work tomorrow to see what bats:[ has posted!

  758. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#655): I can attest to the truth of this statement, especially after the Rev, in a fit of high spirits, put on one of those tiny kilts .

  759. lynn
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    bb,u 748: Rats. I wish I hadn’t known that.
    Whatever happened to Chaze? bad lynn wanted a slice of the 60-year old fruitcake he was offering, before she has to leave.
    //yes, she is leaving.

  760. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#758): I didn’t even know “Scudder” was Scottish.

  761. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    @very extremely bad lynn, theramin vurtuoso (#755):

    “Here beside him stands a man, a soldier from the looks of him,
    Who came through many fights, but lost at love.”

  762. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#749): Well, I suppose Lynn has been my muse today, seeing my trifles of poetastry at 654, 704, 721, and 748. But that’s only because Muffaroo’s not around to pick on.

    // I love how his face gets all red at bad meter and skewed rhyme!

  763. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#758): Hey, you said that SD card you sold me had the ONLY copies of those pics, right?

    // Never mix slivovitz with scotch whiskey.

  764. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Growing up in a world where Steve Miller was the Gangster of Love, it all made sense. Then you step back and marvel that someone with a name like “Steve Miller” would be found doing anything but working as a Design Engineer down at the box factory.

    Or, he could work as a Miller, of course. But there aren’t as many of those jobs around any more. And, come to think of it, the local box factory contracts all their box design work to Bangladesh these days. Yes, in retrospect, Gangster of Love was a good career move for Steve.

  765. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#762): Ah! Bad meter and skewed rhyme.

    There once was a seaman named Scudder
    Who accidently broke his own rudder
    He drifted all day
    In a convoluted way
    And then remembered he had an outboard motor, started it up and sailed home
    .

  766. Jamus The Bartender
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Luann: You know what? I’m starting to think that “Quill” is just a figment of Luann’s imagination, and that her family and friends are going along with it so she doesn’t snap or swallow her tounge or something.

  767. Zerowolf
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Just a couple hours ago (two months ago) June is clearly drinking a glass of wine. Now she can’t have a glass because she is preggers. She must have sat on a leaking used condom over at the strippers’ crib.

  768. seismic-2
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#764): Yes, the box designer jobs have all been outsourced to firms in Asia. If a young man were to come to me and proclaim that it has been his life-long ambition to design boxes, I would be forced to crush his spirit and tell him to scale back his ambitions, because there is little likelihood that he will be able to pursue his box-design dream. Thank goodness that at least the cake design industry remains strong here in the USA and is such a vital economic force in the Santa Royale area.

  769. Bad Shrug
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#768):

    “Yes, the box designer jobs have all been outsourced to firms in Asia. If a young man were to come to me and proclaim that it has been his life-long ambition to design boxes, I would be forced to crush his spirit

    So, in that case you would have to tell him to “Get Bento”?

  770. Ride Dem Haunches
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#472): All the gals on AccuWeather have butts that pooch out farther than you think they should.

    Than I think they should? Pish tosh (or tush)! So long as the ladies don’t actually get taller when they sit down, I have no problem with steatopygy, in moderation.

  771. A Smirch Unheeded
    December 27th, 2012 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#768): Yes, the box designer jobs have all been outsourced to firms in Asia. If a young man were to come to me and proclaim that it has been his life-long ambition to design boxes, I would be forced to crush his spirit and tell him to scale back his ambitions, because there is little likelihood that he will be able to pursue his box-design dream.

    There is always room at the top. — Albert Camus

  772. Mongoloid, he was a mongoloid, one chromosome too many
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    Please, substantive posts only!

  773. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#765): Bad meter and skewed rhyme.

    You are too hard on yourself. A Curate’s Egg of a poem. “Parts of it are quite excellent!”

  774. Mr. O'Malley
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Milli Vanilli (#740): We have places here that sell tiffin, but not in the metal boxes. I think the boxes are because in a lot of places in India they have delivery services that will bring a hot lunch to your office.

  775. Zerowolf
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#733): Followed by a week of Toby telling Ian….. It’s going to be at least another week before we get to the cake baking action.

  776. Droopy Says
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Not Mooning Over the Past (#710): I remember seeing a few of the Moon Maid strips when they ran in ’64, and deciding they were a good reason not to readDick Tracy. Looking at that era in the on-line archive last year, I didn’t see anything to change my low opinion of them. Among other things, nothing interesting happened. The science contradicted what was known about the moon, the gloating over the failed Ranger VI probe showed that Gould didn’t bother to read the news (the cause of the failure was no mystery), the “controls-the-universe” talk sounded like the gloating of a Thirties pulp sci-fi mad scientist, and it took close to a year for Tracy and Smith to get back to Earth. Where again, not much happened. I think Gould was betting that nothing would come of JFK’s Project Apollo.

  777. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    From the looks of the cake which wowed the crowd at the pool party, I think there are many principles of box design that would serve Jeff in good steed were he to apply them to his cake design for the Santa Royale Grand Cake-Off.

    Who else will be disappointed if one of the judges for the event doesn’t turn out to be the Condo Association’s own Wilbur Weston?

  778. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#726): Where can I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?

    That sounds like a euphemism for something…

  779. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    @E.L. James (#621): What’s this about needless paddling?

    Must be a Mark Trail reference.

    //I almost typed that as “Mart Krail.” I must remember that one.

  780. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#774): We have places here that sell tiffin, but not in the metal boxes. I think the boxes are because in a lot of places in India they have delivery services that will bring a hot lunch to your office.

    There was a long illustrated feature story on this in the NY Times a while back. Evidently most office workers in Bombay get their lunches this way, so it’s a huge industry. Amazing pics of guys with dozens of tiffin boxes attached to their bicycles somehow.

    // Mumbai? Never heard of the place.

  781. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    @Ride Dem Haunches (#770): Well, so long as it’s in moderation.

  782. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#767): Unexpected pregnancy out of nowhere. Yep. Writer totally ran out of ideas.

  783. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#773): Then deliberately screwing up a limerick can be a good thing.

  784. Vince M
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#678): Reazinrizin? You’re gonna need some raggits and some rolls with that, aah, ahh, ahh!

  785. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#783):
    Then deliberately screwing up a limerick can be a good thing.

    Of course! In fact, I’ll find this on brainyquotes in just a few minutes!

    A limerick screwed,
    Is not so rude,
    And sonnets are marred,
    By many a bard.
    I never wrote a Villonelle,
    That did not distinctly smell.
    So don’t be sad, lad
    O’er a broken ballad.

    Alfred, Lord Tennyson (translated from the French – often attributed to Albert Camus)

  786. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#785): That Albert Camus was a real smart ass.

  787. Uncle Lumpy
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    Fastidious content! I stumbledin on Yahoo and bookmarked your guestbook! http://www.hairchalk.co.uk. Keep up the good work!

    Seriously, what is it about Christmas that brings out such an epic flood of spam?

  788. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Clerihew

    Albert Camus
    Enjoyed sniffing glue.
    He often would fart
    In the general direction of Jean-Paul Sartre.

  789. Zerowolf
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

    “I wish I said half of the shit people quote me as saying.” — Albert Camus

  790. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#789): Is that from the half he did say or the half he didn’t say?

  791. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#789):

    “I wish I said half of the shit people quote me as saying.” — Albert Camus

    You will, Albert. You will. — Mark Twain

  792. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#788): and it smelled of elderberries.

  793. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Another advantage of having your characters flitter betwwen dimensions is the opportunities it provides for gratuitous beaver shots artistic poses.

  794. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#792): Monty Python. The cultural measuring stick of modern society.

  795. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#794): ayup.. (taunting otters.)

  796. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#782): re rex: Worse is the writer’s and artist’s failure to fully exploit explore the possibilities of a building full of strippers, you know, to get a sense of those girls’ lives. We haven’t seen them practicing, or stretching, or getting undressed dressed so it’s difficult to masturbate feel their pain and understand their dreams.

  797. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#793): Mark Trail features gratuitous beaver shots, without worm-holes.

    of course, MT is in an alternative dimension of stupidity, so there is that. . . .

  798. Government Cheese
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’d bet a Hong Kong dollar that Mary will jump out naked from the cake, boobs flapping around like pancakes. That would surely be enough stimulation for the viagra charterstone crowd. Hell, Wilbur may even shit ham sandwiches.

  799. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

  800. Peanut Gallery
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#780): An up-to-date guide for the perplexed antiquarian:

    Bombay -> Mumbai
    Byzantium -> Constantinople -> Istanbul
    Cathay -> China
    Siam -> Thailand
    Ceylon -> Sri Lanka
    “Parts of it are excellent!” -> “This fucking egg’s off!”

  801. Peanut Gallery
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:16 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#800), @Uncle Lumpy (#787): Also, hair chalk -> wig powder.

  802. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    Been a long time gone, Constantinople!

  803. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:22 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#777):

    Who else will be disappointed if one of the judges for the event doesn’t turn out to be the Condo Association’s own Wilbur Weston?

    Well, absolutely. Charterstone’s celebrity gourmand! “I shouldn’t be alive, but I am!”

  804. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#800): Ziggy -> “This fucking egg’s off!”

  805. Zerowolf
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#790): Rumor has it he may have cribbed it from Oscar Wilde.

  806. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:30 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#800): Istanbul (not Constantinople)

    Even old New York was once New Amsterdam.

  807. Zerowolf
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:31 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#782): Next step: Strippers who design cakes but secretly desire to be retired hotel managers.

  808. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

  809. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#805): Oscar Wilde is Monty Python’s older brother.

  810. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#808):

    dratted adult beverages.

    bourbon babe and I disagree.

  811. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    well, just *grawlix*

    RIP, Stormin’ Norman Schwarzkopf.

  812. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#804): Zits: “This fucking eggnog’s off!”

  813. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

  814. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#809): I wish I had said that!

  815. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

  816. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#814): It’s possible Albert Camus said it first.

  817. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#813): exactly.

    not old, prefer classic rock.

    :-P

  818. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 27th, 2012 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#816): Let’s just check brainyquotes. Well, whadda you know…

  819. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#800):

    Ceylon -> Sri Lanka

    Wait a second!
    Does that mean Ceylon Dione –> Sri Lanka Diketone?

  820. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#816):

    Y’know. I’m no stranger to Camus. However, the made-up quote trend that is sweeping the Existentialist Nation just ain’t my thing. Been there, done that*.

    * Comedic Actor, Bill Murray when asked if he planned to star in a sequel of the movie “Groundhog Day”.

  821. Ride Dem Haunches
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    Well here we are, days to go, and almost to a thousand comments! And just like the weathergals at Accuweather, no unnecessary paddling padding.

    // Ontology recapitulates phylogeny, hence callipygy recapitulates steatopygy. That’s just plain good science!

  822. Sequitur
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#820): Camus agrees with you.

  823. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Ride Dem Haunches (#821):

    no unnecessary paddling padding

    that was needless to state.

    // gotta use up those kneeslappers I got for Saturn’s Day.

  824. tallyHO
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#822):

    CaaamoooooOOOOO! [/col. klink]

  825. GrafSpee
    December 27th, 2012 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#814): You will, Oscar…. You will….

  826. Blue Canary in the outlet by the light switch?
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Who watches over you?

  827. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:26 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#777): If Wilber is judging, perhaps Cake Artiste John Dill should consider this approach?

    But with Mary involved, we might get something like this.

  828. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:44 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#766):

    Luann: You know what? I’m starting to think that “Quill” is just a figment of Luann’s imagination…

    There’s an app for that.

  829. Baka Gaijin
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#766): Quill. There’s an App for That! When you think about it, it works. Quill’s responses via the computer/phone are rather Siri-like.

    @Mr. O’Malley (#774): Yes. Delivery by small engined motorcycles or bicycles if too far to walk the lunches there.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#780): I wrote my comment before I read this one. Here’s new content: Add South Korea to the list of tiffin countries.

    @Government Cheese (#798): AAAAHHHHH!!!!!

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#828): Argh. I can’t get a break here.

  830. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#820): Isn’t “Groundhog Day” its own sequel?

  831. Poteet
    December 27th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    RMMD — My hearty congratulations to the lucky turkey baster.

  832. Poteet
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @diets That Work for women (#831): I don’t expect to see you on the float, but I gotta admit your comment is rather amusing.

  833. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    JP: It’s a shame there’s no possible middle ground between a huge blow-out wedding and not inviting your parents!

  834. Droopy Says
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:19 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: So Spiderdick is in a position to get the full force of Kraven’s unwashed armpits? In some weird way, the readers win this round.

    Les and Lesser: Don’t worry, Fishface, you’ll see plenty from your daughter when she graduates, can’t find a job and moves back in.

    Pluggers: Pluggers don’t fold sheets, they cut eyeholes and wear them.

    Flatulence Alley: If Slim isn’t slim, why is Chubby, chubby?

    Family Circus: Dolly? Put a sock in it.

    Mock Travail: “Funny thing,” Editorbillellis explains to the insurance company, “But when I offered them the money, they told me I could keep it if I just took Trail off their hands.”

  835. Poteet
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    MW — I don’t know of any municipality in my area that has a cake-design contest. I feel so deprived.

  836. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#835): First you need to take a class.

    Then you go here.

  837. Poteet
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    CRANKSHAFT — That’s an odd way to put it — “the country” and “the woods,” not “our place in the country” or “our woodlot.” Why do I suspect this jolly couple, whoever they are, just drove out to some random patch of woods, trespassed, and cut and stole that tree? Paranoia, I suppose, because I own a patch of woods. That looks like an oak tree, too. Grrrrrr.

  838. bats :[
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#808): true. Or in the words of Geoffrey Peterson, “Balls.”

  839. Poteet
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#836): Wow, I had no idea there were so many cake-decorating classes in Iowa. Thanks for the revelation! I do know that many of the people who enter Iowa State Fair food contests are seriously crazed. Mary and Dill better stick to Santa Royale and stay away from the Fair or they’ll get their cake-decorating asses whupped.

  840. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#839): IOWA! First in caucuses! First in cakes!

  841. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#838): That was extremely hilarious! Now I’ve got to reattach my ass. I laughed it off.

  842. Alice
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:15 am [Reply]

    New day, new comics, same ol’ snark bait…

    9CL: Okay, what exactly is Isabel meant to be doing in the third panel? Curtseying? Sitting on an imaginary stool? Getting herself off? –No, wait, that would be McEldowney who’s doing that, with his free hand.

    Luann: I actually chuckled at Bernice’s line, but then the comic had to run the joke into the ground within the same damn panel. Although I suppose there’s some entertainment value in speculating on whether Rosa’s line is unironic and naive (like the GoComics commenters), or subtly mocking.

  843. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:17 am [Reply]

    @how to lose 10 pounds in a month by running (#842): This indeed is the place to take updated from most up-to-date information!

  844. seismic-2
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    FC: We always knew this day would come. Dolly tells Thel that when she gets older, she will ask Thel to teach her how to tuck socks.

  845. Da Coconino Kid
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:15 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#748):

    I am seriously deficient in my knowledge of light-verse forms — what’s the one where the last line of one stanza forms the first part of the first line of the following stanza?

  846. Da Coconino Kid
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:18 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#800):

    Burma => Myanmar -> Burma => Myanmar -> Burma => Myanmar ->

  847. Merry
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:26 am [Reply]

    Ha ha, it’s funny because Isabel’s a whore! Every other character is allowed to have a voracious sexual appetite because they’re in super special perfect amazing true love, but Isabel only likes sex so she’s filthy. Of course.

    I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that a twentysomething in 2012 doesn’t have a cell phone or computer but tosses around the names of 40s burlesque dancers. After all, everyone in Brooke’s universe has an encyclopedic knowledge of sex-related anything, obscure historical minutiae, and the “Highly Selective Thesaurus for the Extraordinarily Literate”.

  848. Liam
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:31 am [Reply]

    FC-Mommy will teach you how to break balls.

    Gil Thorp-That’s the sound of Mary Worth arriving in your comic to break you out of that depressing funk you are in.

    JP-Will your wife take it standing up?

    MT-And that was the last time the islanders ever saw Mark. They would never hear from him again or of his promise to help.

    MT 2-”Ava, I hate to leave you and your son but I have a wife and ‘child’ of my own back home that I have to be negligent towards.”

    MW-”I want him to win so much I sabotage the other entries so Dill can win.”

    RMMD-”Two positive tests before we left and again after lunch and a sensible dinner.”

    Archie-If it’s for Archie I would go to the sympathy cards.

  849. John C Fremont
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:53 am [Reply]

    @Red Greenback (#726): At Ralph’s Vegetarian Poodle Clipping. I understand they also have easy lunch ideas. At least, that’s what that Camus guy said.

    @Mongoloid, he was a mongoloid, one chromosome too many (#772): Are we not men?

    Phantom – Don’t worry, Kit. Charles Atlas says he can give you a real body.

  850. Da Coconino Kid
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:17 am [Reply]

    So now I’ve been reading about double dactyls and double amphibrachs — that stuff’s hard!

    Dawn Weston, a virgin,
    has hair like a wig and
    inexplicably she
    always chooses to

    walk down by the old pier,
    hold hand with her new beau,
    explaining it’s just what
    her Dave used to do.

  851. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:21 am [Reply]

    Loweezy, Jughaid is waiting for action to occur in Spiderman. He’ll be there a long time.

  852. Da Coconino Kid
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#850):

    By the way, if you, like I, are unfamiliar with double amphibrachs, mine above is a total fail, because of the way it requires the emPHAsis on the wrong sylLAble:

    Dawn Weston, a virgin,
    has hair like a wig and
    inexplicably she
    always chooses to

    walk down by the old pier,
    hold hand with her new beau,
    explaining it’s just what
    her Dave used to do.

  853. Droopy Says
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:36 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#846): They change the name
    .
    And mess up the map.
    .
    It’s a crime and a shame
    .
    That makes a man snap.
    .
    Myanmar Shave.

  854. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:40 am [Reply]

    Yesterthread I noted in jest Ms. Yahna was Mary Worth. Today, Friday, I’m not so sure. Causing hysterical amnesia in young men by “spending the night” with her, I can believe it. Selling the attractive ones into the sex slavery, I can believe that too. Being an excellent baker in her own right, not so believable.

    Poor Lio. He ate a Mary Worth fruitcake. I’m a little surprised there’s not a spleen or any of his other entrails in the pile of puke.

    Judging by the orgasmic look on Luann’s face, I know where Toni’s left middle finger is.

  855. Da Coconino Kid
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    I think I’d better stick to verse forms I can actually handle …

    Though lynn admires
    Scudder’s mind,
    She’d like to get
    A little behind.

    Burma Shave

  856. Da Coconino Kid
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#853):

    *standing applause*

  857. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    Subtle there Kraven. No one will ever guess you’re “accidentally” feeding Spiderman to the big cats.

    Luckily for Peter Parker, his camera has functional Spidey Sense and will record Spiderman’s rescue by an attractive showgirl, a damned dirty ape, or an inanimate carbon rod.

  858. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:18 am [Reply]

    @Alice (#842): Re: 9CL

    I think the technical term for her maneuver is “the pee-pee dance”, favorite of people waiting in line outside a public restroom.

    As for Gypsie Rose Lee: At some pont, you need to haul out your cultural references and re-examine them for relevance. There comes that sad point where you recognize, for example, that “the Fonz” has never been relevant to anyone currently under the age of 30. However, when your cultural touchstones haven’t been relevant since your grandmother was putting the moves on German POWs … you really need to get out more.

  859. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#845): I am seriously deficient in my knowledge of light-verse forms — what’s the one where the last line of one stanza forms the first part of the first line of the following stanza?

    I dunno — It struck me as a cute idea, and I went with it. I think I must have seen it somewhere, but, who knows, maybe I just invented it. Clement Wood doesn’t show it in his list of forms in his Rhyming Dictionary.

    Ok, unless someone can show prior use, I’ll claim it as my own. I shall call it the Scudder™! Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!

    // Ha! Fame and fortune are mine at last!

    // Serious props for your experimentation with dactyls and anapests, and such-like exotic beasts. I can’t keep an iamb going consistently, myself, so I admire your courage.

  860. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:04 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#859): Anyway, here is the complete, corrected Lynn Song, in my new, patent pending verse form, the Scudder:

    Bad, bad Lynn is not too thin,
    Nor yet is she too stout,
    She likes to play the theremin.
    While dancing all about;

    While dancing all about the shore,
    With Siebert or Camus,
    She says, “Albert is such a bore,
    But what’s a gal to do?”

    “What’s a gal to do,” says she,
    “They remind me both of Dave,
    For that is life’s brutality,
    To Love, I am a slave!”

    “To Love, I am a slave!” Lynn said,
    “The theremin I’ll instruct,
    The elements from “a” to “zed”
    For a trifling usufruct.”

    “A trifling usufruct,” she avers,
    “And for clergy even less,
    I’m a sucker for a gent who wears
    Ecclesiastical dress.”

    “Ecclesiastical dress,” says Lynn,
    “Is fine, but when removed
    While dancing to my theremin,
    The result is much improved.”

  861. Mibbitmaker
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:14 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#800):

    Constantinople not — Byzantium
    Constantinople not — Byzantium…

    Nope — just doesn’t have the same ring to it!

  862. tb4000
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    RMMD: “Are you SURE? I mean, I haven’t fucked you since the Nixon administration, and even then that was just me rolling over in my sleep.”

  863. bad lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Zits: Smooth, Jeremy, real smooth. You make my moves look subtle.
    //clock is ticking for bad lynn

  864. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    PBS: Yes, I struggle with this heartbreaking issue, too.
    //I have decided that in the new years, I will be wishy one day and washy the next!

  865. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#860): *blush blush blushity blush*
    //Don’t make me go all Gunther on you.

  866. bad lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Curtis: This is exactly how I celebrate Kwanzaa at my hut*.
    //*in the Bandar language

  867. Mibbitmaker
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    9CL: Brookeland (or is it McEldowneyworld?) is the only place where a female pianist has to do vagina warm-ups before playing.

    S-M: And that’s when the act went all to hell.

  868. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#820): Everyone here goes on and on about Camus; I think we need camusflage. What I wish is that someone of you learned mudgeons would explain Proust to me. The man writes a book with Tom Perdue in the title but there isn’t any character named Tom. It seems we are supposed to research for Tom Perdue, is that it? “Too existential for me.” – Albert Einstein

  869. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#855): I seem to have become the butt of jokes here.

  870. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:57 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#859): “your experimentation with dactyls and anapests” – I hear they have antibiotics for that now.

  871. Thorax
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#867): Re: 9CL

    And it isn’t as if she needs them! I left there just before she went on stage and, trust me, it was plenty warm already!

  872. Abby, the Wonderdog
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Most people don’t wait three months between taking prenancy tests. At this rate, June will be giving birth on August 21, 2016 at 12:15.35 P.M..

    That is my guess for the official Curmudgeon Morgan Baby Pool.

    Enter now and be eligible for fabulous prizes!!! No purchase required, may be void in some States. Only one entry per mult.

    Good Luck!!

    Bark! Bark! Bark!

  873. gleeb
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Curtis: It’s a bizarre exercise in eugenics! Well, more like cacogenics.

    ‘bean: Creepy Les knows you can’t expect your daughter to return your calls. You have to make the extra effort of tapping her phone and stalking her.

    Sam’s Coffee Time: Alan Parker knows Catherine, has the scars, can hear the screams every time he closes his eyes. For God’s sake, do as she wants!

    Phantom: “Device that hurts the Phantom is soon kicked into a tree.”*

    Spidey: Come on, Jameson, put two and two together.

    *Old Jungle Electricians’ Saying.

  874. bad lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#864): Millions of grains of sand in the world, you’re such an ugly b–ch
    //Beach! What were *you* thinking?

  875. Mibbitmaker
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    “It’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide.” — Albert Camus

    “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” — Albert Moocow

  876. The Divine O\'F
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:07 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#677): WOW, Poteet! Thank you! This is fantastic stuff! (I mean in a good way, though also literally). I missed a lot more of DT than I’d thought. I have no memory of Little Pineapple. My clearest memory is the Model story, which broke my heart. And now I find out it occurred when I was only nine years old! I can STILL see Model, who was kind of a role model for the teenager I would become. I have to quit reading now and go to my volunteer job leading a bird walk, but I’ll get back to it later. I’m up to the 1970′s. BTW, I had a Sparkle Plenty doll–did you?

  877. The Divine O'F
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, Not Mooning Over the Past (#710): Thanks, Shrug. I’m still reading the great link Poteet posted, but you’ve reminded me that I MUST have read at least some of the moon stories, because I clearly recall “The nation that controls magnetism controls the universe!” But I have no memory at all of the story lines. Boy, talk about your trip down memory lane. DT rocks!

  878. Hibbleton
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Ouch! June is smoking today.

    JP: “Ouch! My boob dipped into the mug of hot coffee again.”

  879. Calico
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#774):
    Yes, I saw that concept on one of Ramsay’s shows – can’t recall exactly which one, but the food looked mighty good.

  880. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#869): ” I seem to have become the butt of jokes here.”

    Be orgulous.

    Callipygy is basic to all culture. — Marcel Proust

  881. bad lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:22 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#880): I learned the delightful Greek-rooted words for describing rear ends by reading the National Review during the Bella Abzug years. Whatever we may think of Buckley’s politics or personality, he sure knew his words.
    //Don’t let them immanentize the eschaton!

  882. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    @bad lynn (#881): Heh heh, that was actually good lynn, as you should be able to tell by the well-reasoned thought processes.

  883. Mibbitmaker
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    MST3Kwanza 12-13
    December 28, 2012

    P1
    CROW: “Carlos Santana had extraordinary guitar powers and he used them in ‘Evil Ways’ … and other songs, too.”

    P2
    SERVO: “Uh-oh! Wall o’ text!”
    CROW: “Wallow text.”
    MIKE: “All the Kwanzaa stories are getting hung upon looks! If Billingsley wants to show Kwanzaa to be shallow, that’s on HIM.”
    SERVO: “Looks like she violently pulls their teeth out! See? Four of them!”
    CROW: “Aw, she just erased their memories out of spite!”
    SERVO: “She kept the handsome ones for herself. Saucy minx!”
    CROW: “Omigod, she’s a Burber!”

    P3
    SERVO: “Aaaaaaaaaand…. nope! Still drowning in words!”
    CROW: “She’s kinda like Droopy.”

    P4
    CROW: “Tears for Fear.”
    SERVO: “Hey, he looks kinda plain-looking to me! What’s she woried about?!”
    MIKE: “Well, there’s that memory-erasing thing…”
    SERVO: “That figures!”
    CROW: “This is turning into a hard-to-follow indie film with a long title starring Jim Carrey!”

  884. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Lio proves A&J’s point.

    R&R: yup. pretty much works that way.

    Bizarro: featuring a monster-boy.

    Zits: *implied furious masturbation*

    MG&G: /facepalm.

    RwO: well, that was straight and to the point.

  885. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . .just a jump to the left.

  886. hogenmogen
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Considering that this strip turns each day into 4 months, I calculate that June will give birth in 2102. In the meanwhile, feast your eyes on that awesome body, because it’s going to be bloating for the rest of our lifetimes.

  887. hogenmogen
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Kraven: Hey, folks, I know that I ran out on your in the middle of my show, but here I am! And, I’m back with a chained human being dressed head to toe in latex, for all you kinksters out there. Heh heh. In addition to kidnapping, I’m going to step up to murder in public. Oh, and I’m going to have to kill all you witnesses, too. Just thought of that. Anyway, enjoy the elephant act!

  888. Dennis Zager
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#886): In the year 2525…

  889. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

  890. hogenmogen
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#878): “June is smoking hot today.”

    If June is pregnant, she shouldn’t be smoking anything.

  891. Rocky Stoneaxe
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    HAPPY 90th BIRTHDAY, STAN LEE (B. DECEMBER 28, 1922)!!!

  892. hogenmogen
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Zager (#888):
    In the year 2198
    If our progeny can wait
    Til that awful, fateful date
    They may find

    In the year 2199
    The Morgan baby is doin’ fine
    June named her Caroline
    And that story line
    Took yet another wasted lifetime woah-oh…

  893. TheDiva
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#858): Also, Gypsy Rose Lee does have that musical based on her life–the one that gets revived every time a famous Broadway actress of a certain age wants to make a Tony awards bid–so the reference isn’t completely obscure. Of course most people probably would have said “Jenna Jameson” or a similar reference, but we all know that Brooke’s creatures of Pure Art, despite spending every moment of their existence thinking about, engaging in, and inspiring thoughts of sex, are simply too cultured to waste their time with beefwit pornography.

    9CL: Also, protip to Brooke: that’s not a sexy pose. That’s the pose of a woman who’s counting the minutes until she can race to the drugstore for some Monostat.

    A3G: “Can we go watch it inside now? I didn’t bring gloves or any head covering and my extremities are getting numb.”

    Curtis: Should I be reading anything into the fact that the protagonist for this year’s Kwanzaa Krazy bears an uncanny resemblance to Barak Obama?

    FW: Les smirked to himself. He’d succeeded in separating Cayla from all outside influences. Now the soul transference could begin, and soon he would have his beloved Lisa back.

    Luann: Rosa, I know you’re thrilled that at least one person has a more pathetic relationship than you do, but still…don’t encourage her.

    MW: Kind of like how it’s in a cat’s nature to toy with its prey, mangle it beyond repair, then abandon it for dead…

    SM: I’m not sure what this “stunt” Kraven has planned is, but it obviously involves Spider-Man lying there and doing nothing so it should be right up the couch-crawler’s alley.

  894. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#829):

    Quill’s responses via the computer/phone are rather Siri-like.

    Or maybe something out-of-date, lo-tech and appropriate for Luann:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Headroom_%28character%29
    (You can see a resemblance?)

    Argh. I can’t get a break here.

    We were both channeling Gunther.

  895. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#892): LOL! We are certainly bursting out with all kinds of artistry in Josh’s absence! I feel like Caedmon before his divine inspiration, or an attendee in old Hrothgar’s aula.
    //hrothgar the horrible?

  896. hogenmogen
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    I’m usually a Phantom fan, but if this qualifies as a “shocking” plot twist, he’s moving into Spiderman territory.

    I read a sci-fi story about a guy who was being contained with one of those shocker things. He reasoned that the device responded when it went out of range of a homing device. So he circled the perimeter of his range and estimated where the center should be. He found the home unit and disabled it. Phantom shouldn’t kick that shock thing away. He’ll need it.

  897. Jule Styne
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#893): re: 9CL, “ya gotta have a gimmick.”
    //also wrote the music for Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol.
    ///Meaningful enough?

  898. E.L. James
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#896): “Phantom shouldn’t kick that shock thing away. He’ll need it.” My point exactly.

  899. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft — At least Ed performs his own yard maintenance. The damn yuppies next door didn’t even bother to shovel their walk, even though their neighborhood is crawling with old, decrepit people just waiting to fall and break their hips.

    At least Crazy Harry won’t have to deal with it.

  900. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    MT: As Mark prepares to leave a lumpy bearded guy brandishes a shotgun. That’s some subtle foreshadowing right there.

    MW: Mary’s emphasis on “I want him to win the contest” is absolutely delectable. I can hardly wait to see what kinds of sabotage she carries out on the other contestants. Stink bombs? Roadkill dropped into the batter? The possibilities are endless.

    WofI: Closing for repairs changes the laws of physics, apparently.

    9CL: Amos, that had better be a Burber-approved hard-on you’re squeezing between your thighs.

    BC: The saddest part is that the homo floresiensis emigrated all the way from Indonesia for this helper gig.

    GA: This could be Clovia’s big chance. Dare Cousin Chubby to get in a cage match with Slim’s mother. Either way that’s one problem solved.

    H&L: Chip has made a good start towards affecting hipster detachment, but he needs to keep his eyes from springing open like that.

    Shoe: “No but seriously, back off by about five hundred feet or my lawyer will make life very difficult for you.”

    SSmith: Jughaid is so idle that he has cobwebs growing on him. Hell, in the syndicated strips he could be Spider-Man.

    M-Dawg: Trust me, dear, you don’t want them back.

    H&J: Oh sure you don’t need the scooper now. But in the early days of the friendship…

    A3G: I really hope that Greg can score with his publicist here. I mean, that’s sort of the minimum expectation on the new James Bond, isn’t it?

  901. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#891): He’s 90? Gee whiz! Comics been very, very good to Mr. Lee!

  902. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#878):

    RMMD: Ouch! June is smoking today.

    But that’s terrible! Cigarettes are much worse for the baby than that wine would have been… Oh, I think I may have read you wrong.

  903. Liam
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    MT-”Ava, it never would have worked out with us. After awhile I would become neglectful of you and your son. I would stop caring about you and would come up with off the wall excuses to not play with your son.”

  904. hogenmogen
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Luann: All she talks to her friends about is her iBoyfriend. So what does she talk to her iBoyfriend about?

    I wonder if Quill dialed up a few phrases and let a program randomly text them to Luann, so he doesn’t have to deal with her constant whining.
    *Qwill, I’m so mad at my friends!
    >She’ll be apples, luv.
    *They keep telling me that I’m boring!
    >Sometimes we all feel a little nicki-noo
    *Especially Delta. She thinks Gunter and Rosa are cool. Can you imagine?
    >Those people who bother you aren’t in the full quid.
    *And since Gunther finally got a girlfriend, he thinks he’s all macho.
    >They’ve all got tall poppies syndrome, trying to take the mickey out of ya.
    *Come on, his shirts are still all plaid!
    >Oi! Merry Christmas at ya!
    *Yeah, we covered that days ago.
    >Like a two bob watch.
    *I don’t know what you mean.
    >>>Random Aussie Phrase Generator syntax err line 9360<<
    *Qwill? Qwill??

  905. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    A3G Yeah, I see this coming – Margo and Greg will cross paths with Aunt Cathy and Evan. Showdown on Seventh Avenue.

    MW Mary Worth’s Nature. Let’s work with that, shall we?
    “It’s your nature to help people. And by ‘help people’ I mean, of course, to intrude in their lives in unwelcome and controlling ways, not respecting their preferences or desires.”

    FC Wow, kids these days and their aspirations! That’s what makes me hopeful for the future. When we’re retired and depending on them for a variety of basic services, Dolly will be there with us, forming our socks into balls.

    MT What heartfelt goodbyes. Please, let’s have some action, some beard punching before I tear up.

    Luann Nineteen hours of non-stop celebration on her cell phone with Quill – is Luann up for that? Is her father up for the international calling charges?

  906. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#887): The best part is all the audience members who then go, “Oh. Well this is definitely going on my comment card.”

  907. Shrug, Sri Lanka Out His Dignity for a Bad Pun
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#819):

    “Does that mean Ceylon Dione –> Sri Lanka Diketone?”

    Yes, and I hear that her records are Sri Lanka like hotcakes!”

  908. hogenmogen
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    MW: Wow, that’s a pretty detailed application for entry to a baking contest. On page 3(a) it reads:

    i) Category of the entry (Appetizer, Entree, Dessert) Circle one.
    ii) Approximate weight of the finished product _____lbs
    iii) Will your entry require any special services, such as electric outlets?
    iv) Are you a professional chef, or can we make fun of your previous career?
    v) Have you ever had blackouts or missing hours from your memory?
    vi) What is your security clearance?
    vii) Do you like anal?

  909. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#905): “Margo and Greg will cross paths with Aunt Cathy and Evan” – change partners and dance.

  910. seismic-2
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    SM: I’m waiting for the show’s big finale, where Kraven smashes the showgirl’s famous jeweled tiara, revealing it to be paste, and then rips Spidey’s mask off, revealing him to be the show’s janitor. Yessir, folks who buy tickets to a Kraven show really get top value for their entertainment dollar!

  911. Erato, Muse of Romantic Poetry
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#859):

    “I can’t keep an iamb going consistently, myself.”

    Hey, sorry, Dude, but it happens to all guys sooner or later. Really. It’s O.K. Let’s just cuddle with a limerick or two until you feel better.

  912. Tom the Sailor Man
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Haven’t posted in a while, but de-lurking just to say…wow, I finally made it through all the comments so far.

  913. Tom the Sailor Man
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:24 am [Reply]

    Oh and I’m glad to see that all the comments are substantive – you know, no filler or anything just to get to 1000 comments.

  914. Tom the Sailor Man
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    And how about that June Morgan, huh?

  915. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#912): Wow! People actually read this stuff? Who knew!

  916. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Erato, Muse of Romantic Poetry (#911): I’m ok with that.
    //*blush*

  917. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#916): It’s like reading Tristram Shandy for the first time.

  918. Tom the Sailor Man
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#915):
    Hey – it beats working on the last Friday of the year.

  919. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#918): tell me about it.

    *cries*

    *shuts off browser to get ready for work*

  920. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#918): I shouldn’t admit this but, when you see a lot of posts from me, I am at work. At home, every time I post I get kicked out of the site and have to reload it. Which, with all these comments, can take a while. On the other hand, I would do well to learn to keep my thoughts to myself. My father used to say to me, often, “Nobody likes a wise ass” and I have found this to be true. Except here, maybe.

  921. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#908): 3(g) Will you have assistance?
    i. Name of assistant __________
    ii. Age of assistant ___ (approx.)
    iii. Qualifications of assistant (check all that apply)
    _ Rosebud arranger
    _ Fondant fondler
    _ Meringue meddler
    _ Filling fiddler
    _ Sappy scribbler
    _ Busy body
    _ Bloviating biddy

  922. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    ASM: Say what you will about the idiocy of this strip, it is a nice touch to have the showgirl brushing away JJJ’s cigar smoke in the first panel. (Never mind that most places in Vegas are non-smoking now….)

    MT: How is Mark going to help the islanders? He said he might get Pop to the US—is he just going to import these folks one by one? Or does he know a fellow at the State Department (cut to standard shot of office with desk and filing cabinet, Mark chatting with a khaki-clad bureaucrat)?

  923. Tom the Sailor Man
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    @lynn (#920): “Nobody likes a wise ass”

    If this were universally true, this site would not exist.

  924. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#921):
    iv. Relationship to assistant:
    __spouse (non-deceased)
    __offspring
    __parent
    __sibling
    __other family member (please explain below)
    __close friend
    __acquaintance
    __friend of a friend
    __friend with “benefits”
    __neighbor
    __lover
    __ex-lover ((sigh))
    __future sex partner
    __dominatrix
    __hell if I know; she’s just started bugging me until I agreed to do this

  925. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#918): @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#919): @lynn (#920): I browse the site during my lunch break (which can be sort of dangerous when I have a mouthful and I read a really hilarious comment). But if I post a comment, I use my phone. That presents some obstacles and it takes longer (e.g., I can’t reply – at least not without a lot of extra work to manually enter the codes; ideas anyone?; is there an app for that?).

  926. Anonymous
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    .

  927. Anonymous
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    The empty comment tells of the infinite snarks of the lotus flower.

  928. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: Today is Stan Lee’s 90th birthday. It’s probably not a good day to write to him and let him know how much his most famous creation sucks, is it. Because he does. He sucks hard.

    Apt. 3-G: Love is … not wearing a hat or gloves in the snow. Also, sleeping around when the underling you’re dating doesn’t call.

    Arlo and Janis: Actually, I think we now know what killed Arlo. Come to think of it, The Amazing Spider-Man would be much better if it involved fruitcake.

    9 Chickweed Lane: Admittedly, a blend of Victor Borge’s act and Charo’s, I would watch.

    The Family Circus: “Sure, Dolly. Hey, Billy, come here!” “Yes, Momma?” POW. “See?” “Moan…why God, why?” “Shut up you, or you’ll get another one.”

    Mark Trail: It’s a testament to this strip that a bunch of half-starved peasants trapped on an island with gun-toting lunatics are as happy to said goodbye to Mark as we would be, two mill, yacht, and all.

    Mary Worth: Oh dear God, please tell me that John Dill has both arms. I’m not sure how much more batshittery I can take from this strip.

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: I could have lived a long and happy life without that shot of June’s taint. Of course, I also could have lived a long and happy life without knowing that she’s been stealing samples from Rex’s fertility clinic.

    Scary Go Round:

    C: I reckon dads like H-B-O, it features swearing, action and boobs on display.
    S: That is probably the story of the recording of this disque.

    Snerk.

  929. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#923): It is universally true with the exception of this site, which is why I spend so much time here.

  930. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    All right, light-verse aficionados, here’s a question I’ve been meaning to ask for a while now: can anyone teach me/steer me to a resource to learn how to write in meter? Haven’t done it since high school or college, I think, and I sucked at it then, but I’d like to pick it up now.

    Of course, I’d also like to touch my toes, and that doesn’t seem bloody likely, either.

  931. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#928): “Because he does. He sucks hard.” – and you are aware of this how, exactly?
    //don’t tell me. I’s a good gurl, I am.

  932. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#930): Parking meter or postage meter?
    //translation for Baka Gaijin: ‘metre’

  933. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#932): I’ll take “parking meter” for $500, Alex.

  934. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

    Pointy birds
    Pointy birds
    Oh, pointy pointy!
    Anoint my head
    Anointy-nointy!
    Charles Baudelaire

  935. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#894): Max Headroom has far too much personality to be any one character in Luann.

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#900) on Mary Worth: Yes, stink bombs AKA “salmon squares.”

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#905) on Luann: Who has a cell phone with a 19 hour talk time? It must be as big as the Motorola Tough Talker.

  936. Government Cheese
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    Luann: So what is Luann doing with that phone, exactly? How are these romantic encounters taking place? And I can only imagine what the data overage bill must be.

  937. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#921): Rosebud arranger? During Aldomania Mary snipped the heads off the roses a la Morticia Addams. Oh, so that’s how she’s going to help Mr. Dill: denude the other cakes of their frosting roses.

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#925): I’ll try to dial back the humor for the sake of your nutrition.

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#928) on Arlo and Janis: Spidey Sense is worthless against fruitcake. And falling bricks. And backhands to the back of the head. To sum: Spidey Sense is worthless.

  938. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    i cut a fart into the air
    it came to earth i know not where
    it left a stain on my underwear
    i will not pout i will not swear
    ’cause spidey sense
    does not detect
    the scent of flatulence
    not yet
    i’ll work on that
    i’ll try, i’ll howl
    to hone the sense
    that smells for foul
    but wait, if accomplish this
    i will not stand
    my comic strip

    ~peter parker

  939. Gringo
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Sexy Rexy, MD: June’s preggers? Congrats! Who’s the father?

  940. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#939): Nonono, don’t start that one up again!

  941. Hibbleton
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    FC: Ball socking, nut cracking, whatever you call it, Dolly is a bitch.

    Rose=Rose: When I see someone drunk in the woods, I let them be, too.

  942. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 28th, 2012 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#926): That time of the month already?

  943. Hibbleton
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Marm: Let it go, girl. Think of all the real animals he would instead be killing whilst he tears apart your stuffed animal collection.

  944. Anonymous
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#942):
    ;

    (After my funkectomy for my colon cancer)

  945. Liam
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    RMMD-Are you sure? I mean the last time we had sex our daughter was born.

    MW-And all the while Dill’s left hand is busy with his frosting bag.

  946. Liam
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#939):

    I say the gardener. Do they have a gardener?

  947. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Archie: Seems more like a set-up for a joke than an actual joke. Unless the joke is that the store has a greeting card section that’s so huge you don’t know where to start. Although that’s not really a joke either.

  948. Calico
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#902):
    I’m surprised she drank that wine at all in the clam shop, being a nurse.

  949. Old Folkie
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    There was a yenta from Charterstone
    Who was a meddling old crone
    A busybody from birth
    Bugging all she was Worth
    Her advice was bad to the bone.

  950. Abby, the Wonderdog
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    June didn’t get her garage cleaned very well last month.

    Bark! Bark! Bark!

  951. Old Folkie
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#853): Wonderful! still laughing…

  952. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#937):

    I’ll try to dial back the humor for the sake of your nutrition.

    No problem with the nutrition, it’s the choking hazard. Aspirated cauliflower.
    This site really should come with a warning label:
    “This blog is not a toy.”
    “Don’t snarf and snark.”

  953. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#946): They have Frank, the fence guy. That’s as close as they come to yard help in their neck of the woods.

    That’d be cool, if you think about it.

  954. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#952): ‘Comics Curmudgeon’ warning label: Caution, may cause drowsiness. Do not peruse while operating a motor vehicle or heavy machinery. This Product may contain nuts.

  955. Calico
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#953):
    Could it possibly be the Wilbur-esque brother of Berna, the newly minted millionaire?

  956. Calico
    December 28th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#955):
    Oh, and Bring Back Chef Tito! That is, if he’s not dead.

  957. Brother of Berna, Wilburesque
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#955): What makes you think it wasn’t Berna?

  958. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Brother of Berna, Wilburesque (#957): Oh, please. Not this again.
    //I say it’s ‘Henry’. He’s keeping his mouth shut about something.

  959. Droopy Says
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    Okay, so what will be the next unexpected twist in the Spiderdick “story?” Spiderdick breaks his chains just before the elephant can trample him? Showgirl Sherry reveals that she snuck into the museum earlier and swapped the real and fake tiaras? I’m betting that this elephant is a relative of the one that almost stomped Parker in the Clown-9 arc, and he’s in a very bad mood: “You dirty rat! You webbed me little brother!” Spiderdweeb tries to escape the chains, only to discover that he has the proportional strength of a spider (a creature with eight thin, fragile legs).

  960. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#954):

    This Product may contain nuts.

    And sock balls. Lots of sock balls.

    Okay, time for true confessions: Who comments while intoxicated (CWI)?
    (Actually, rather than making confessions, it’ll be more fun if we make unfounded accusations!)

  961. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#955): Berna’s brother would be alright, as Rex could get another free boat out of the deal. But Rex Jr. in a trucker’s cap would be so much cooler.

  962. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#960):

    …it’ll be more fun if we make unfounded accusations!

    I remember someone tried that in 6th grade. Got the crap beat out of him.

  963. bad lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#960): I’ll have you know that I have never been impoxiplated, my good man.
    *hic*

  964. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#875): “It’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide.” — Albert Camus

    Classicists will recognize this as a tribute to St. Augustine, describing his wayward youth in Confessiones.

    Stultus ad corrumpendum lictor cum falsare pecuniam.

  965. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#960): And silde rules. Lots and lots of slide rules.

  966. Poteet
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O\’F (#876): You are extremely welcome! As a child, I was only able to follow DT when we visited my grandparents in Ohio (our paper didn’t carry it), so I missed most of the old storylines. Where should I look for the Model story in the book? I had no idea that Sparkle Plenty dolls existed, and now that I’ve looked them up, I can see the appeal.

  967. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    **AccuWeather Booty Update**

    I think someone at AccuWeather must be reading this blog. I notice that the gals are not doing a full 90-degree side turn but only about a quarter turn and sweeping their arm out farther to point to the weather map. I also notice they’re slipping a bit on their dialogue as if they are trying to be cognizant of their position and not focusing fully on what they should be saying.

  968. hogenmogen
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#947): I thought today’s Archie was supposed to be a visual joke, but the AJGLU3K Dialogue Driver didn’t sync with the AJGLU3K Art Driver. Maybe what was missing would be actual signs for what section Betty and Veronica were in, like “Sympathy” “Birthday” “Christmas” whatever, but that wouldn’t have been funny, either.

    Maybe “Birthday – friend”, “Birthday – romantic”, “Birthday – funny”, “Birthday – serious”, “Birthday – from all of us”, etc. Yeah, now that I put like, 30 seconds thought into it, I’ve improved the strip 1000%. It only leads one to wonder why the AJGLU3K couldn’t pull together that kind of RAM. No, on second thought, it only leads one to wonder why I spent an additional 29.5 seconds thinking about “Archie”.

  969. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#964): Oh, sir, I wish to return your kind and flattering attention.

    I hide myself within my posts
    which, posted in this place,
    May make Scudder feel for me
    Almost a phoniness.

    I hide myself within my posts
    That, haply, I confess
    Might soften Scudder and perchance
    Curb his outspokenness.

    //I never flirted with anyone in my entire life before and will never do so again, but I will always keep a warm place in my heart for you, sir.
    ///it really was your mind, sir. I had no interest in that picture that bb,u passes around.

  970. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#969): Hystoria calamitatum. Or in my case, hysteria calamitatum.

  971. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#960): And clerihews. You won’t find a website on or off the Internet more infested with clerihews than this one.

    @Sequitur (#967): Sir Mix-a-Lot doesn’t approve.

  972. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#967): I wonder if they feel creepy, knowing you are watching them so closely?

  973. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#968): Now that’s what I call a substantial post. In fact, I can’t really think of any other adjective to describe it, at all.

  974. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#968): I think you’re right about the signs missing. However, the signs should read, “Jackass”, “Idiot”, “Shlemiel”, “Dolt”, etc. Veronica wouldn’t know where to start.

  975. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#972): Yeah. I notice things. ~grinz~

  976. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#971): Sir Mix-a-Lot is weeping bitterly.

  977. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:47 pm [Reply]

    A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
    The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
    Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things;
    Some shall be pardon’d, and some punished:
    For never did a story make me shudder
    Than this of lynn and Reverend Scudder.

  978. Peanut Gallery
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#868): “Too recherché for me.” — Frank Pepperdine

  979. Majicou
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#867): I believe medical professionals prefer to use the term “Kegel exercises” over “vagina warm-ups.”

  980. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#977): I am almost afraid to stand alone Here in the comics curmudgeon website; yet I will adventure.

  981. Peanut Gallery
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#677): Quoting from the first linked page of that book:

    all comic strips, including those like Dick Tracy, which feature very melodramatic, depressing, and violent themes are by definition somewhat “comic” in nature.

    Obviously the writer never saw any of Batiuk’s dreck. Hidebound literalist! I can feel myself being infantilized already…

  982. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 28th, 2012 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#971): Many would be intimidated by all the clerihewligans running rampant on this site.

  983. lynn
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#982): Seal up your mouth of outrage for a while, Till we can clear these ambiguities and clerihews.
    //never thought I’d be able to use that line.
    ///did you ever wonder what Will would yell out the window in heavy traffic? Would it have sounded like this?

  984. Majicou
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    SMBC: I sincerely hope Mr. Weiner never uses his powers for evil.

    xkcd: Same goes for Mr. Munroe.

  985. UncleJeff
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: “Hwaack!” ??????
    I agree with Mopey the Kid — What is going on?
    Is Mom having a violent attack vomiting attack? Has she pulled out a pistol for a little end of the year suicide/homicide? Is she whacking herself with a branch?
    Hwaak! Aaaah!

  986. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#962):

    …it’ll be more fun if we make unfounded accusations!
    I remember someone tried that in 6th grade. Got the crap beat out of him.

    Yikes! I… uh… I think I meant “unbridled assignations.”
    Not that there is anything like that going on here.
    *coughlynncoughscuddercough*

  987. Clara Hughes
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Why is everyone talking aboot me, eh?

  988. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#923): So, steatopygea is the condition of having a fat ass. Callipygea is having a beautiful ass.

    My guess is that a “wise ass” would be “sophiapygea”.

    // Great name for a band, or greatest name for a band?

  989. Helen Clark
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

  990. Helen Clark
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

  991. Calico
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @Brother of Berna, Wilburesque (#957):
    Oh, my.
    Or, it could have been the drunk dude who fell down the stairs…before he fell, of course.

  992. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Helen Clark (#989): You go, girl!

  993. Calico
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    @Helen Clark (#990):
    *exhales*
    ; )

  994. Da Coconino Kid
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#930):

    Sorry, I don’t know of any resources; I’m a complete autodidact at this.

    I admit that last night when I was reading about the double dactyl, I briefly toyed with the idea of setting up a spreadsheet with columns to show where the stressed syllables should be. (Double dactyl has a particularly rigid set of rules, and so could almost be made to work this way.)

    What actually helped was reading examples — after a few, my brain started falling into the rhythm. (Hmm, did I just cross over into the “posting while intoxicated” thread?)

  995. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Helen Clark (#989): Somehow, I knew you’d make your presence known today.

  996. Anonymous
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    +1

    Here’s to cheap victories.

  997. seismic-2
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#930): can anyone teach me/steer me to a resource to learn how to write in meter?

    Yes. Write in the yard, and multiply by 1.09361.

  998. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

  999. Tom the Sailor Man
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#988):

    Perhaps a band made up of ex-Accuweather weather girls?

  1000. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#979): I’ve got to remember that!

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#982): And yet I persevere on until I find next bijou Apartment 3-G bòn mót.

  1001. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    I’m the milleni-comment!

  1002. Old School Allie Cat
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    FW – So, is Keisha pregnant, chlamydia-ridden, failing out of college or all of the above?

  1003. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Top Ten 2012
    Speaking of Helen Clark…
    Shouldn’t we be recalling our Top Ten for 2012?
    Top Ten Mary Moments
    Top Ten Trail Treasures (no, not Treasure Trails – that’s much different)
    Top Ten Luann Lunacies
    Top Ten Three-G Thrills
    Top Ten Google Glimpses
    Top Ten Funky Failures

  1004. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#930): can anyone teach me/steer me to a resource to learn how to write in meter?

    Clement Wood’s Rhyming Dictionary has an introductory section of more than 100 pages explaining the nuts and bolts of the craft, including meter (iambs, trochees, dactyls…) and forms (sonnets, villanelles, sestinas…). It is a pretty decent rhyming dictionary as well. (Though nowadays I prefer the Penguin R. Dict., just for the rhymes, because it is better indexed, although it does NOT have the technical stuff that Wood’s intro has.)

    You can get a used copy at Amazon for $2.20. This is a newer edition than I have, so they may have fixed the indexing thing. Anyhow, I don’t see how you can go wrong at that price.

    // Mr. Wood grew up a few miles from Scudder Manse, so naturally I can vouch for his family and character. As a fellow clergyman, I know that will be important to you.

  1005. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1000): Congrats for being #1000! For your accomplishment I present you with this plaque!

    Okay. It came off my teeth. But still, that’s one fine accomplishment!

  1006. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    @Old School Allie Cat (#1002): She and summer seem to be riding the bench with much more muscular girls getting playing time.

  1007. The Divine O'F
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O\’F (#876): Sorry you didn’t have a Sparkle Plenty doll. I’m sure you would have loved her as much as I loved mine. Mine came with a bright blue jumpsuit. According to the references in the material you linked to, Model was the main story in 1952. I’m going to see if I can find the link to that part of the book. That story really got my little pre-pubescent juices flowing, I can tell you. It should be interesting to revisit it from the perspective of early old age.

  1008. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#1003): I’d nominate Dawn lying on the couch watching Game of Thrones and muttering “life is brutal”; Wilber nearly falling off the boat; Bubba and his chainsaw; Conrad the house skunk; the supposed pop star with a frame around her neck, going VIRAL; and Rusty almost getting to go fishing with Mark (that could be all 10 items on that top-10 list, actually).

    sigh…. Dave used to make top-ten lists…..

  1009. Old School Allie Cat
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#1006):

    Surely you don’t mean to imply Keisha’s going to start juicing? Although, that would explain the full throw rug of chest hair she was sporting at Christmas… but is there something about ‘roids that makes you avoid phone calls? Maybe, using Occam’s Razor, we find that Keisha’s not taking Cayla’s calls because Cayla is a pain in the ass?

    Of course, if it’s steroids, Keisha can borrow Occam’s razor to shave her balls.

  1010. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1008): COTW, if we have one.

  1011. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1001):

    Wouldn’t that be the kilocomment?

  1012. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1008):

    … the supposed pop star with a frame around her neck, going VIRAL…

    Ah, “Queen Bee.” How could I forget her?! I sure hope she makes a comeback – perhaps as the new resident in Apartment 3B.

  1013. Shrug, Bard Out of His Mind at Work
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#977):

    OOh, I know that quote! It’s from ROMEO AND BAD LYNN, THE PIRATE’S DAUGHTER!

  1014. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    Mark and the gum wrapper of doom, featuring a bear, was pretty good.

    Speaking of Mark, tomorrow the big showdown between Mark and Bluto and his gang begins! I predict that Otto, who has fallen hard for Mark, will heroically intervene, dying to save his soul-mate. Mark will escape, and never give any of those people a passing thought again. “How many pancakes can I buy with two million dollars?” he thinks.

  1015. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1005): And the great thing is, we reached that plateau without resorting to cheap tricks like useless or silly posts.

  1016. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Or gimmick posts.

  1017. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    We can all take some pride in that!

  1018. The Divine O'F
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet: I answered you at #1007, but it directed the answer to me, so you may not see it. Gah.

  1019. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    2000 by 2013!

  1020. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Love is…..kicking each other in the crotch.

    Glibporn – Looks like the Genie is get’n some!

  1021. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: Curse those beef wits who in their prudery infer sexual content in these timeless works of art!

  1022. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

  1023. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

  1024. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#1015): At least not useless and silly posts that were used as filler to up the comment total.

  1025. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    In Search of Lost Clerihews

    Marcel Proust
    Liked to get juiced,
    But he’d really get babblin’
    At the smell of a madeleine.

  1026. Zerowolf
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    @Tom the Sailor Man (#999): The Weather Girls? Here you go! and Perfectly Safe For Work and Baka Gaijan.

  1027. Zerowolf
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    MW: Is anyone else having trouble with Comics Kingdom? All I get is a circle icon that goes around and around and around and never stops going around and around. Or is this the new Mary Worth: Digital art but just as pointless and boring as ever?

  1028. Poteet
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#1018): I found what’s below, but can’t find an image of Model anywhere. I can see why this story was so upsetting. *sniff*

    http://dicktracy.info/comic-strip/other-characters/model-jones/

  1029. Sequitur
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#1027): Your browser may be stuck. Try refreshing your screen. Or that may be the new Mary Worth in its stripped-down, simplified form.

    That Comics Kingdom loads a ton of crap on your screen and sometimes that includes the comic.

  1030. Poteet
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#1018): Per #1028, it’s impressive to see how much drama took place in just a few weeks of Fifties DT. In that same period of time, Mary would have had one long eyeroll-inspiring conversation with Toby followed by mutual partaking of some kind of unidentifiable unappealing alleged food substance.

  1031. tallyHO
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1030):

    “Mary Worth” is an endless cycling of incomplete thoughts.

  1032. Zerowolf
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: The “What the Fuck?” look on Lillian’s face says it all. I had to laugh. Damn you Batuik!

  1033. Zerowolf
    December 28th, 2012 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    GT: Run, a giant duck has escaped from Mark Trail!

  1034. tallyHO
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#1033):

    Here’s to the Ultimate ShowDOWN with Maramaduke (pun intended)!

    hm.

    People would watch that if it were a TV show, wouldn’t they?

  1035. Dale
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#1014):

    MARK TRAIL and Bill should keep the ransom money.
    Some insurance company was stupid enough to hand over $2M without even seeing an invoice from the kidnappers. Bill delivered the ransom. Mark is returned.The deal is done.
    The chief kidnapper gave $2M to Mark or Bill or Mark and Bill. It’s a gift.
    Worst case – it’s taxable and they each keep only $600K.

  1036. Zerowolf
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1029): Thank you.

    @tallyHO (#1034): “Reality TV” has proven people will watch anything.

  1037. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#1035): Seems plausible. Do insurance companies pay off ransoms? Ok, I suppose you can get insurance for anything. I don’t think they could expect an invoice or a receipt, though.

  1038. Zerowolf
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    Luann: A romantic evening with Quill? Setting the phone to vibrate I take it.

  1039. Mibbitmaker
    December 28th, 2012 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1008): But Dave still does Top Ten Lists!

    ….Oops, sorry. Wrong Dave.

    *sigh* — I remember when Dave used to say “hyp-mo-tahzed”….

  1040. Baka Gaijin
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1005): Oh, thanks. You shouldn’t have. Really. You shouldn’t have.

    @Zerowolf (#1026): Talk about bootilicious!

    @Zerowolf (#1038): Eww.

  1041. TheDiva
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn: If and when Brooke does commentary on this story, I have no doubt the comments on this installment will be entirely devoted to how Drusilla and That Yellow Bastard slamming groin-first into one another with her legs spread-eagle like the Seal of the United States is not in any way sexual, because Dru is positioned six inches too high for sex to be physically possible, and anyone who infers anything naughty from the position is a dirty perv and also needs anatomy lessons. And then he’ll go into a diatribe about the various merits of the ladies’ costumes.

    (And speaking of diatribes, the new Know the Score is up! You’ve probably heard there’s this musical Les Miserables in theaters right now, and you may have heard a lot of opinions on it–well here’s mine!)

  1042. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#1039): DedBob still says “Bob-mo-tized!”

  1043. Alter Ego
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#1006):

    She and summer seem to be riding the bench

    Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

    @Old School Allie Cat (#1009):

    Surely you don’t mean to imply Keisha’s going to start juicing?

    Or is that what the kids…

    Oh man, now I’m picturing Keisha putting a bunch of carrots and oranges and celery and stuff into a blender… mmmm… such a wholesome image. You didn’t suppose I was thinking something salacious, did you?

  1044. Majicou
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    I don’t know what you people are talking about with Crankshaft. As far as I’m aware, he’s been continuously bitching about some kid cutting his lawn poorly for the past few months.

  1045. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

  1046. Peanut Gallery
    December 28th, 2012 at 8:55 pm [Reply]

  1047. Liam
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft-Even in the dark or in twilight I could the difference between a pine tree and the tree these people got.

    MT-Upon arriving home Mark forgets about his island friends as he is pulled into some new adventure.

    MW-It’s not what Dill said to Mary it’s what Mary said to Dill as she forced Dill into entering the contest.

  1048. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 28th, 2012 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1004): Thank you and everyone for your help! I’m on the way to creating long- and short-meter hymns!

    But of course, here’s what first came to mind this morning:

    There once was a man of Nazareth
    who took on a job most hazareth;
    He came down to earth for all to save,
    but his lambs found him most un-suave,
    and he went back to Dad afraid he hadn’t passed the shibboleth.

  1049. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#1045): Awwwww!

    @Liam (#1047): MT-Upon arriving home Mark forgets about his island friends as he is pulled into some new adventure immediately compelled to find a reason not to go fishing with Rusty.

  1050. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @hogenmogen (#896): Do you remember the name of the story? I have a slight fondness for those sorts of stories; the one I remember in particular was one about some aliens who captured a human being for their zoo, and were appalled to discover how tricksy a human could be in trying to escape captivity. Eventually their captive ended up eating a hole in the cell by vomiting on it repeatedly, and made off by stealing a spaceship he’d somehow persuaded them to teach him how to use, leaving the erstwhile captors to lament that there was no way they could have anticipated that these human creatures would be able to produce hydrochloric acid!

  1051. bats :[
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#1042): Yay, Dedbob! (Gimmee a quarter.)

  1052. bats :[
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#1046): that…thing…in Panel 1 ain’t too convincing as a hand, either.

  1053. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#1052): If it is a hand, it has six fingers, too.
    Well, at least it’s continuity.

  1054. FOOBed no more
    December 28th, 2012 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#1027): I always have trouble with Comics Kingdom, no matter what broswer I use. I finally gave up on it.

  1055. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:32 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#1048): Religious limericks? By Jove, I think you’ve got something there!

    // But shibboleth? Not, perhaps, the mot juste, poetically or theologically. But for a first effort… Never mind. I recommend more slivovitz. As always.

  1056. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#1046): Thanks! I was worried about the term “juicing”. When I was a kid, it meant getting drunk on wine. It has acquired other meanings, I see.

  1057. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1055):
    There once was a Reverend named Scudder
    Who could make up slant rhymes like no other.
    It was said his slide rule
    Was the family jewel—
    Just ask his wife, or his mother.

  1058. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 28th, 2012 at 11:48 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#1048):
    How about this?

    2 Kings 2, What Can Ya Do?

    Elisha was mighty in prayers,
    Although he lacked cranial hairs,
    42 kids filled with hate,
    Mocked his bald pate,
    And were mauled to death by she-bears.

  1059. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    A prophet, the name of Mohammed
    Said that all non-believers were damned
    I won’t finish this rhyme
    Cause I fear it’s a crime
    And I don’t want a fatwa on my head

  1060. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    how do u fix your name on here,mine is stuck with / these things an won’t delete ???

  1061. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1057):

    Twas brillig and the slithy toves.
    Did gyre and gimbal in the wabe,
    Unbuckled were the borogroves,
    And likewise Bourbon Babe.

  1062. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1057):
    There is a fine babe named bourbon
    Who lives a life that’s quite urban
    But she travels with Lacey
    To meet ‘Mudgeons prima facie
    And we all love her, I’m certain. <————–(A Garrison Keillor type rhyme)

  1063. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#1059):

    The Hindu gods are usually blue
    And often have more limbs than me or you,
    But I must eschew Hindu belief,
    Because I prefer chewing beef,
    And cannot give up barbecue.

  1064. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Rex Moron Medical Disaster – If I were you Rex, I’d bang your hot wife again!

    // Where are my meds?….

  1065. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1057):

    Heh BB,U every been to New Orleans French Quarter? Party City USA!

  1066. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:46 am [Reply]

  1067. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:49 am [Reply]

  1068. Majicou
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    There once was a man, McEldowney,
    With the biggest swelled head in the county.
    He told a critic: “You jerk!
    There’s no sex in my work!
    It must be all the beefwits around me.”

  1069. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1062):
    Everybody love BB,U!

  1070. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    To the Person at #1060.

    This came up before, though I don’t remember quite what caused it. It’s a WordPress issue. Make sure you don’t use slashes or ampersands or other non-standard symbols in your name as WPr can misinterpret them as some sort of HTML code to go ape-shit.

  1071. Majicou
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:06 am [Reply]

    Double dactyl:

    Higgledy piggledy,
    Brooke McEldowney (um)
    Foolishly tried to claim
    His thoughts were pure.

    This sort of risible
    Hypermendacity
    Does him no favors, I’ll
    Tell you for sure.

  1072. Droopy Says
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: Hey, lookit the mahooters on that chick!

    Les and Lesser:We all feel the same way, Fishface, but you married the boy.

    Flatulence Aley: Scancarelli doesn’t have a sense of humor, does he? That’s got to be why he churns out these annoying non-characters like Chubby. “Get off my lawn, you gosh-dang joke-telling kids! T’ain’t nothin’ funny about people with a sense of humor!”

    Pluggers: There’s a Spiderman joke in here, struggling to slip the surly bonds of mediocrity.

    Mock Travail:
    O Clip-Art Boy with tiny hands,
    who boldly shoots the breeze,
    your xeroxed stance and too-tight pants,
    have caused our hearts to freeze!
    With your heart so cold and lust for gold,
    there’s one fact you cannot see.
    So listen well as the truth is told
    about how stupid Trail can be.

  1073. Droopy Says
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Um, Kit? Did you know that Aesop got the story of Androcles straight from the lion’s mouth?

  1074. yaoi huntress earth
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#1041): That and an excuse on how he can’t draw asses.

  1075. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:48 am [Reply]

    PUT DOWN THAT SPATULA, NORLEEN!!

  1076. Alice
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s child is full of snark…

    9CL: Amos, Amos, Amos. Her performance would only be “suspenseful” if there were any doubt in anyone’s mind as to whether your life, and those of everyone you know, were continuing its descent into “classical music = SEX BUT NOT PORN YOU BEEFWITS” monotony.

    Luann: The title character is beginning to resemble Betty Cooper in that ever-so-memetic story in which she posts giant photos of Archie all over the house.

  1077. Pamster
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:29 am [Reply]

    I’ll apologize in advance if others have commented on this, but WTH is with the 5? 6? more? weeks of everyone in Rex Morgan making him a hero for saving someone from a basic heart attack or stroke or whatever it was? Isn’t that his job??? And he’s shocked that his wife is pregnant??? Because the morning puking wouldn’t be a clue? And she decided to cut off drinking after three positive pregnancy tests??? Did they decide to leave Sarah at home alone for this trip, because, really I think she’d handle it better on her own.

  1078. Dale
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1037):

    MARK TRAIL

    This is one of the problems I’ve had from the beginning.

    IF you could get ransom insurance on a person, how would you prove that the person exists and has been kidnapped?

    Mark Trail? Ok. What’s he do?
    Writes for a nature magazine? Get out of my office, Editor Ellis?

    What is Mark Trail’s REAL name?

  1079. seismic-2
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    @Dale (#1078): What is Mark Trail’s REAL name?
    Samuel Langhorne “Fists-o-Justice” Inclemency

  1080. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:10 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#1050): Good grief — I was just thinking about that story yesterday. He didn’t throw up, however. He sucked on the bar using the acid in his saliva to work through it (the aliens also kept him alive long past his normal best-before date). I remember that at the end the aliens were going through everything the human had done and kept thinking, “But we could have done that,” but the point being that they wouldn’t have thought of it.

    I can’t remember the name of the story, but it was in a collection called “Apeman, Spaceman.” I was reading it when my wife went to hospital to have the twins, and in all the commotion never got to finish it.

    Damned twins.

  1081. Mibbitmaker
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:19 am [Reply]

    Up due to a furshlugginer cold, I’ll do some initial commentary, but other strips and the MST3K immitation will have to wait for a more-traffic time later this morning.

    JP: “Avery is our kinda guy: rich, white, and goofy.”

    FW: “…I know I’m a waste of everyone’s time”, Les said, not in sorrow, but with astute observation.

    S-M: He is a bug!

  1082. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:34 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Snark begins…

    Oh noes. I think I figured out how Spidey’s going to get out of this one: This Spidey Suit is made by Clown-9 Industries. Hold my hair, I’m going to barf.

    You know, Mr. Dill, there’s an option other than public cake decorating for a man with a dead wife or independent income: hookers and blow!

    If I were eating at a diner and the guy behind the counter had a hurricane-sneeze like Jamaal, I’d be gargling with amoxicillin and trying to induce vomiting.

  1083. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:49 am [Reply]

    I’m lost. Are these masked crusaders going to rob the fake Wells Fargo wagon in order to be, um, to prove, ah, to make a sexy fetish video? Help me out here.

    Mr. and Mrs. deGroot, to your list of preparations for Luann’s Super Special Telecommuting New Year Celebration (SSTNYC), add copious quantities of barf bags, the super strong, super sized Hefty brand. Accept no substitutes.

    I call Shenanigans on Pluggers. The #1 strip breaks most rules of Pluggerdom, including spending money, knowing about technology invented post-Watergate, and doing something he hasn’t done daily for the past four or five decades.

    I call Shenanigans II on Pluggers: A Plugger would keep reorienting the tin foil on his TV’s rabbit ears until he received Columbo reflected back from outer space from the original broadcast.

  1084. Mibbitmaker
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:02 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#1042): Sounds like something this guy would say in his annoying local commercials.

    First/second blush, DedBob seemed like a cross between a 1985 Letterman catchphrase and a precedent of Geoff Peterson. Did dig further, though.

  1085. Liam
    December 29th, 2012 at 6:20 am [Reply]

    @\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\(#1060):

    You are obviously a spambot so you’ll get deleted.

  1086. Liam
    December 29th, 2012 at 6:33 am [Reply]

    FW-”I’m just going to have to increase your ‘medication’ so you’ll keep loving me and never leave me.”

    JP-He was your guy until he abruptly retired to own a fishing resort.

    Archie-”How much do you think he’ll give me for you?”

    Sally Forth-”Just keep holding me until the erection goes down.”

    MW-Enter the contest so Mary can upstage you and make the contest all about her.

  1087. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:06 am [Reply]

    Where is everyone? Is there a brunch that I wasn’t invited to? I’ll just sit here in the corner eating wet cigarette butts.

  1088. Old Folkie
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    H&L: Either Thirsty has made a fire pit in the middle of his living room, or he has a wood stove the size of a Hummer…
    RMMD: “Yes dear, I know a good doctor – you know Dr Benson in the office next door, right?”

  1089. gleeb
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    3-G: A chance to see someone act like an idiot and embarrass himself? Of course, Margo’s in!

    ‘shaft: Now show us the poor bastard Ed’s throwing that thing at.

    Curtis: Nice idea, Buzz. What did you think was going to happen? The witch would say, “Hmm, no Maya, just a perfectly ordinary pile of leaves on a bed.” This is why bush babies are not known as Nature’s Tacticians.

    ‘bean: Don’t worry, Cayha, the imaginary talking cat will be there as well. And as ever, the Deadwife.

    More Avery?: “He’s our kind of guy; a rich idiot who tosses cash around like it’s water. Bring a bucket.”

    June Morgan, RN: OK, you two, break it up. We don’t want her to become double pregnant.

    Dick Tracy or, Moon Tease: Oh, great. These folks. You know, I’m starting to feel the same way Broadway Bates does about the pajama police patrol.

    Thorp: His kid brother has been reincarnated!

  1090. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:45 am [Reply]

    A&J: does light meta SO well. *golf clap*

    SBp: SQUIRREL!!!

    Blondie: is set in New York?

    JUMBLE: obvious “Hotel California” ref doesn’t fit.

    MG&G: /fail.

    RwO: yay big dogs!! *squee*

    Retail: why store associates should be allowed to have Tasers.

  1091. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Love Is. . . . non exclusive, and still by the hour.

  1092. Hibbleton
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    PBS: Pig didn’t just say what I think he did, did he!?

  1093. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    the best part about this is that I know what anime it is from.

    bebbeh gliders. *brainmush*

    corgsqui from Wisconsin.

    and the Corgis from Mars.

    lookit dat face! (The Daily Puppy, Golden/Pyr mix.)

  1094. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:08 am [Reply]

  1095. John C Fremont
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#1041): Geez, because of you I actually want to see Les Miserables. I – I never thought I’d say that.

  1096. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#1084): for a fuller idea, try here if you have half an hour to spare. (check out just before 4:40 for the Bob-Mo-Tized bit.)

  1097. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#1071): Well done!

  1098. The Divine O'F
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1028): Thanks for finding what you did, Poteet. I vaguely remember the deathbed scene in the hospital. My nine-year-old self took it all very seriously then. I seem to recall that Model wore her bangs in an unusual fashion that I tried to emulate, but I may be confusing this with a different character in another comic strip. Re your further post–even today DT moves much faster than the other soap strips. And is much, much weirder.

  1099. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#1072):
    There’s witty, then there’s Whittier.

  1100. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    @Liam (#1085): A spambot? Ok. I didn’t bother to click through.

    // There really is some kind of WordPress slashy HTML issue, though. Does anyone remember what it was?

  1101. Shrug, In His Combined Reference Librarian and SF Fan/Collector Modes
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @Frank Lee Meidere (#1080):

    I had a vague memory that the story you recalled might be “Cage a Man” by F.M. Busby (who later turned it into a novel of the same name), but the Busby story isn’t in APEMAN, SPACEMAN:

    http://www.philsp.com/homeville/isfac/t88.htm#A1943

    Apeman, Spaceman ed. Leon E. Stover & Harry Harrison (Doubleday LCC# 68-14170, 1968, $5.95, 355pp, hc); Anthropological Science Fiction

    11 · Foreword · Carleton S. Coon · fw
    13 · Introduction · Leon E. Stover & Harry Harrison · in
    20 · Neanderthal · Marijane Allen · pm The New York Times, 1956
    21 · Throwback · L. Sprague de Camp · nv Astounding Mar ’49
    42 · Apology for Man’s Physique · Earnest A. Hooton · ar
    45 · The Renegade · Lester del Rey · ss Astounding Jul ’43
    61 · Eltonian Pyramid · Ralph W. Dexter · ms The Scotsman Oct ’52
    62 · Goldfish Bowl [as by Anson MacDonald] · Robert A. Heinlein · nv Astounding Mar ’42
    94 · The Second-Class Citizen · Damon Knight · ss If Nov ’63
    102 · Culture · Jerry Shelton · nv Astounding Sep ’44
    121 · The Man of the Year Million · H. G. Wells · ss Pall Mall Budget, 1893
    127 · 1,000,000 A.D. · Anon. · pm Punch, 1893
    128 · In the Beginning · Morton Klass · ss Astounding Jul ’54
    142 · The Future of the Races of Man · Carleton S. Coon · ar, 1965
    152 · The Evolution Man [from What We Did to Father] · Roy Lewis · ex London: Hutchinson, 1960
    157 · The Kon-Tiki Myth · Robert C. Suggs · ar, 1960
    165 · A Medal for Horatius · William C. Hall · ss London: Armada Jan ’55
    171 · Omnilingual · H. Beam Piper · nv Astounding Feb ’57
    212 · For Those Who Follow After · Dean McLaughlin · ss Astounding Jul ’51
    227 · A Preliminary Investigation of an Early Man Site in the Delaware River Valley · Charles W. Ward & Timothy J. O’Leary · fa
    237 · Body Ritual Among the Nacirema · Horace M. Minor · fa American Anthropologist Mar ’66
    243 · The Wait · Kit Reed · ss F&SF Apr ’58
    259 · Everybodyovskyism in Cat City · Lao Shaw · ss
    261 · The Nine Billion Names of God · Arthur C. Clarke · ss Star Science Fiction Stories #1, ed. Frederik Pohl, Ballantine, 1953
    268 · Peanuts · Charles M. Schulz · ct, 1964
    270 · The Captives · Julian Chain · nv Astounding Jan ’53
    292 · Men in Space · Harold D. Lasswell · ar
    298 · Of Course · Chad Oliver · ss Astounding May ’54
    311 · Afterword · Leon E. Stover · aw
    352 · References Cited · Misc. · bi

    The earlier story someone asked about (in which a pain-inducing “invisible dog fence” sort of thing is a feature of the prison from which the protagonist escapes) reminds me a little of “The Winner” by Donald Westlake, which shares that premise — but I think the resolution in the Westlake story differs. Still, just in case, some sources for it:

    The Winner, (ss) Nova 1, ed. Harry Harrison, Delacorte 1970

    Science Fiction, ed. Sylvia Z. Brodkin & Elizabeth J. Pearson, McDougal, Littell & Co. 1973
    Another Tomorrow, ed. Bernard C. Hollister, Pflaum 1974
    Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow…, ed. Bonnie L. Heintz, Frank Herbert, Donald A. Joos & Jane Agorn McGee, Holt, Rinehart & Winston 1974
    Nova 1, ed. Harry Harrison, Robert Hale 1976
    Earth in Transit, ed. Sheila Schwartz, Laurel-Leaf Library 1976
    Dark Sins, Dark Dreams, ed. Barry N. Malzberg & Bill Pronzini, Garden City, NY: Doubleday 1978
    Mysterious Visions, ed. Charles G. Waugh, Martin H. Greenberg & Joseph D. Olander, St. Martin’s 1979
    Science Fiction, ed. Sylvia Z. Brodkin & Elizabeth J. Pearson, McDougal, Littell & Co. 1979
    Hallucination Orbit, ed. Isaac Asimov, Martin H. Greenberg & Charles G. Waugh, Farrar, Straus and Giroux 1983

  1102. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:51 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1100): slashy HTML?

    Ginny/Luna, iirc.

  1103. bats :[
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Oh, in case you missed the last Friday of the year.

    And in case you’re looking the last Saturday square in the face…

  1104. Sequitur's Answer
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:15 am [Reply]

  1105. Sequitur\'s Answer
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    I think it generates backslashes with apostrophes.

  1106. Sequitur\\\'s Answer
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    Over and over again. (Okay. I’ll stop this now.)

  1107. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Back to normal. (Whew!)

  1108. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    S-M — Kraven would be committing murder in front of the audience, elephants step over inconvenient objects like we do…oh what’s the use. We need a general shortcut all-purpose ditty called “How Many Ways Is This Stupid?”

  1109. TheDiva
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    @John C Fremont (#1095): My work here is done. (Fair warning, it is definitely a Marmite experience–I know several people who hated it at least as much as I loved it. But you’ll never know until you try.)

    And now for Saturday funnies!

    9CL: I don’t know what it says about Brooke that he dresses his female characters in daring, figure-flattering clothing and then feigns embarrassment when one of them threatens a boobie slip. I’m sure there are long psychological terms for it, though.

    A3G: Her ears are freezing, so she wraps the scarf….around her neck. Yeah.

    Curtis: “Oh no, the evil witch with God only knows what unholy powers has summoned you to her hut from whence few ever return! I know, we’ll throw some big leaves on top of you–that will fool her!”

    Maybe one of the values of Kwanzaa is blindingly stupid ideas…

    FW: “I’m going to spend New Year’s Eve dancing with the ghost of my dead wife anyway, so you go on and do whatever.”

    Luann: You do realize Quill will experience New Year’s Eve several hours before you, right? (Why do I get the sinking feeling that’s going to be the “hilarity ensues” twist?)

    MT: Oh no, an even more evil pirate! You can tell because he has a full beard instead of a mustache!

    MW: So don’t give up on your dreams–just put them off until you’re old and alone and everything else that has given joy and meaning to your life has gone!

    SM: So what, are elephants kind of like Spider-Man kryptonite or something?

  1110. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1087): They’re all recovering from a wild Friday night of poetry writing—makes the French Quarter look like a Charterstone bridge night!

  1111. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1108): Only Sheldon Cooper could figure out a number that large.

    @TheDiva (#1109): Elephants, televisions, his wife’s advances…

  1112. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, In His Combined Reference Librarian and SF Fan/Collector Modes (#1101): “Apeman, Spaceman” had a Peanuts cartoon? Wild.

  1113. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1108): Do you think an elephant wouldn’t take the opportunity to deliberately step on Spider-Man?

    You know how it is with elephants and spiders.

  1114. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur’s Answer (#1104): Ah! That was what it was. Thx!

  1115. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1110): In case anyone was wondering, the wet cigarette butts were delightful. Menthols have that piquant, après-breakfast flavor so popular this time of year.

  1116. Nehemiah Scudder's befuddlement
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1107): Wait a sec. Could you explain that to me again?

  1117. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    A3G: The new James Bond is going to a soup kitchen on Christmas to help feed the homeless. You know, a good publicist might be able to do something with that….

    ASM: Watching a bound, limp man just lie there as an elephant steps on him? That’s entertainment!

    JP: So what does it say on Sam’s mug? “The World’s Smuggest Lawyer”?

    Curtis: I’m a good reader, but try as I might, I can’t make sense of this sentence: “We’ll cover you head to toe in elephant ear plants on the floor away from your bed.” Does the Kwaanza Kraziness affect syntax, too?

  1118. Nehemiah Scudder\'s befuddlement
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:36 am [Reply]

  1119. Nehemiah Scudder\\\'s befuddlement
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder\’s befuddlement (#1118): And could you put it into Latin – I’m more comfortable with that.

  1120. Nehemiah Scudder\\\\\\\'s befuddlement
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

  1121. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1117): Exactly. A good one. That’s how Moy and Giella are screwing with the readers.

  1122. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    A3G — The snow indicates a temp of below 32 F, so the word for this underdressed pair is “nitwits.”

  1123. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    Evernay indmay.

    // On the way to 2000!

  1124. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:39 am [Reply]

  1125. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1123): So the apostrophe causes first one slash, then three, then seven. What kind of series is that?

  1126. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Agnes: I had thought that the art of the weird snowman cartoon had left us when the Blessed Watterson retired. Praise Cthulhu, I was wrong!

    Archie: Unusual shape to Mr. Andrew’s car. Is that an AMC Pacer? Gremlin?

    BB: Thank Jupiter he was able to join the Army and get away from all that senseless violence! // I think someone forgot to put a joke in this strip.

    Blondie: The writers haven’t been to a movie theater lately. Donald Trump couldn’t afford to buy that much soda pop and food.

    Nancy: Another 365 days of relentless, saccharine glurge!

  1127. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1125): fibostrophe series?

  1128. Peanut Gallery
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    JP – “He’s our kind of guy! Clueless and easily taken advantage of.”

  1129. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    FW — Given a New Year’s Eve choice between “anything else” and “spending the evening with Les and the woman dumb enough to marry him,” I’d say the girls have chosen wisely.

  1130. Merry
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#1068): Bravo. Love it.

    Is 9CL even syndicated any more? The books all appear self-published. Maybe publishing companies are reluctant to affiliate themselves with nonstop porn and 45-degree word bubbles next to Garfield.

  1131. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1129): Having just read GA, I hereby modify “anything else.”

  1132. Calvin\'s Cardboard Box
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur\’s Answer (#1105):

    It’s a real pain to have to keep taking the backslash out, especially if you preview, edit, then re-preview. I don’t know why I don’t just leave out the apostrophe, I guess I’m just too possessive.

  1133. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    MT — “NOW GIVE ME THE BAG! Just to make sure no one gets hurt, however, I’ll point my gun in a direction that makes no sense whatsoever.”

  1134. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1055): Sorta what I thought. But I didn’t want to go with “death,” which left me basically “heth,” and that just wasn’t kosher.

  1135. TheDiva
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1129): I’m convinced the “plans” the girls have are of the “washing hair and sorting socks” variety.

  1136. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:06 am [Reply]

    MW — “Up until now I’ve been secretly baking and decorating cakes and admiring them and photographing them and then eating them all by myself, but I should have known that couldn’t last forever. *sigh*”

  1137. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#1135): You’re probably right. Exposure to Les has likely given them a new perspective on what it takes to make a nice evening.

  1138. Peanut Gallery
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1083): (On Dick Tracy) I’m pretty sure it’s one of those scenarios where the alleged criminal group turns out to consist entirely of CIA and FBI infiltrators, informing on each other’s fake plots that they’ve entrapped each other into.

  1139. Mibbitmaker
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    MST3Kwanzaa 12-13
    12/29/12

    P1
    SERVO: “Plus they were sad they were deprived of any really bizarre Kwanzaa stuff.”
    CROW: “Yeah! This is it?!”
    SERVO: “With all that sobbing, they’re getting all silhou-WET!”
    MIKE: “No, Tom!”
    SERVO: “Sorry.”

    P2
    MIKE: “Great, the would-be Pogo cast-off character has an idea!”
    CROW: “Wonderful! The non-nocturnal bush baby is also certifiably insane!”

    P3
    SERVO: “….And underlining the wacky idea in the previous panel.”
    MIKE: “She’s mocking it, really!”
    SERVO: “Damn that Ms. Yamaha!”

    P4
    MIKE: “Lesson is: if evil scumbag witches want to steal you and/or your memory, you’re just doomed. Give up![/NatLamp's 'Deteriorata']”
    CROW: “Hey, what does this Yahna witch really represent?”
    SERVO: “Well, I’ll say she’s really Vlad Putin and that crappy adoption policy.”
    MIKE: “My thesis is BURBER WOMEN WISH THEY WERE HER!!!”
    SERVO: “About now, Edidna is thinking, ‘Bush baby stew!’.”

  1140. Calico
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:17 am [Reply]

    @Pamster (#1077):
    Widdle Sawah (aka Weng Weng) is with Heather, their uber-rich friend who once brained a villian with a cast iron frying pan. Really.

  1141. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#1138): I could follow that storyline.

  1142. Les Moore Fan Club, LLC
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:40 am [Reply]

    CAYLA, YOU INSUFFERABLE BITCH!! The Unmitigated Gall!! You are the luckiest woman on God’s green earth to be married to Les! And you continue to insult and demean him. Why did you marry him if you can’t stand to be with him??

    Oh, Les. My heart aches when I see how she treats you, Things would be so different with me. I’d LOVE to be alone with you on New Year’s Eve, just us two in our own little world. Well, I know you might want to have a picture of dear departed Lisa with us. But that’s OK. I’m sure I could eventually make you forget her, once I learn all the “little things” she used to do for you. It would be like she was back with you again. Please think about it, and make your escape from this hell in which you’re trapped.

    As always,
    Susan Smith, President

  1143. Nehemiah Scudder's punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    What happens if you use the HTML code for apostrophe instead of a literal apostrophe?

  1144. Nehemiah Scudder\'s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:51 am [Reply]

  1145. Nehemiah Scudder\\\'s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    @Calvin\’s Cardboard Box (#1132): The Cardboard Box of Calvin?

  1146. Peanut Gallery
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1067):

    It’s like infinity only finite.

    That’s going on my list of great CC epigrams, alongside Uncle Lumpy’s “sentience doesn’t help.”

  1147. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Maybe the HTML code for right single quote? &rsquo;

  1148. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:58 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1147): That’s the ticket!

    // Look upon my work, Ye Mighty…

  1149. The Divine O'F
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1148): Please tell me how to do this.

  1150. Peanut Gallery, Hidebound Literalist
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1125): If you really want to know… each term is the previous term times 2 plus 1.

    The rule is, apostrophes get changed to an escape sequence of \’, and slashes get changed to an escape sequence of \\. So on each step the slashes get doubled, plus a slash is added for the apostrophe.

  1151. Peanut Gallery, Hidebound Literalist
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1117):

    try as I might, I can’t make sense of this sentence: “We’ll cover you head to toe in elephant ear plants on the floor away from your bed.”

    It’s deuced awkward, all right. But given the knowledge that there is a plant with large leaves called an “elephant-ear plant” (hyphenation would have helped!), I parse it as, “We’ll put you on the floor, away from your bed, and cover you head to toe in elephant-ear plants.”

  1152. Peanut Gallery
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1145): “Small House of Uncle Thomas”?

  1153. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:16 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the highlights of 2012! Remember Dilbert’s inflatable coccyx? Here’s a limerick I only now have found the courage to post:

    A professor of hermaneutics
    Had an inflatable coccyx.
    His proof of God,
    Was notably odd,
    And involved the invention of Spandex™.

  1154. Majicou
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    A strip-maker known as Greg Evans
    Thought the status quo nigh unto heaven.
    And his musings on sex
    Left the ‘mudges quite vexed
    ’till they all cried out “What are you, seven!?”

    /*
    An alternate last 3 lines could be:

    Though his characters cried:
    “Our advancement’s denied!”
    He just turned that shit up to eleven.
    */

    @Baka Gaijin (#1111): [S-M] Well, I’m sure it’s not THAT complicated, although you’d probably have to use up-arrow notation.

  1155. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#1149): Serious? In the name box, substitute the code &rsquo; for your apostrophe.

  1156. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery, Hidebound Literalist (#1150): Stop infantilizing me!

    // I suspected that was the case. Thanks for confirming it.

  1157. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#1154): Applause!

  1158. lynn
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Keep an eye on the Sunday strips for a Stone Soup/Mark Trail crossover.

    Meanwhile, today’s zombie Peanuts: hugs from a warm lynn, one cent. No takers?

    //”she walks in ugly like a fright”

  1159. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Hi & Lois –Take One

    After discovering that Thirsty McGlugglug is going to burn firewood this Winter, Hi provides his lovely wife….uhhhhh….Lois….Lois…. with a witty barb at the absent Thirsty’s expense.

    ahem:

    Hi: Get Ready for “Smoke Season”.

    This answer perplexed me. So, I consulted with a noted professor, Dr. A.S. Phixiation, a world renowned expert on “smoke seasons”.

    I couldn’t understand a word he mumbled, he was so stoned.

    As the day goes on, I will try and figure out the mystery of Hi’s comment.

  1160. popamatic
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1087):

    Now you’re just clowning around.

  1161. seismic-2
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    GT: Leukemia victim “Jaybird” has come back as a peacock. 2013 hasn’t even started, and already we have the worst GT story line of the year.

    Crank: Ed goes bowling on an ice-slick sidewalk, falls down, breaks his hip, and is shipped off to a nursing home. 2013 hasn’t even started, and already we have the best Crankshaft story line of the year.

    SM: I’m not even going to bother to designate this utter nonsense as the stupidest Spider-Man story line of the year, because we all know it won’t be.

  1162. KreatureFeatures
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    It’s impressive the way Mary Worth started with a lame premise, and yet grows lamer still with each passing day.

  1163. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1159): I think it means that Hi is about to take up smoking. But only for a season.

  1164. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth

    Mary Worth seems to have inspired the Euphemism of the Day:

    Now, Mister Pistachio Mustachio realizes it is his time to show his “cakes to bigger audience”!

    We’ve all met guys who believe that doing just that will allow them to hook up with women who like to meddle. Or, who like getting money stuffed in their crotches. (right?)

    For you see, one of the unspoken secrets of Charterstone–next to the rule about how no one discusses Kite Club–is that there is a space that is set aside for strip teasing. This should come as no surprise to anyone. After all, this comic strip has teased people with the threat of being interesting for over “60-something” years now.

    Mister Pistachio Mustachio will apply the frosting and let his “cakes” swing to the delight of the ladies of Charterstone!

    Excelsior!

  1165. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1163): Wait! Wait! Seasoned smoke! Perfect for the winter BBQ!

    // I wish Dr. A.S. Phixiation would wake up.

  1166. Calico
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1163):
    So is this the great sequel to the great novel Stone Season?

  1167. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1164):

    //
    actually, now that I consider what I wrote, while I have met women who were strippers (outside of their workplace), I don’t believe I ever met a guy who was a stripper. That’s something a dude would brag about, after all. Or maybe not. I dunno.

    The thing is Charterstone is so freakishly weird, you know, whatever. There could be super limber septuagenarians who do gymnastics on walkers, while nekkid. It could explain the brisk walks Toby and Mary take several times a day. Get some fresh air, go back in for more “cake contests”.

  1168. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation #1153: Rumor has it the Accuweather Girls have non-inflatable coccyxes (coccyxi?).

  1169. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1167): Although I didn’t meet them in person, this past season of Amazing Race had two just delightful Chippendales dancers as racers—cute as could be, and they just seemed like the nicest guys.

    In other words, exactly what you would not expect from a Charterstone stripper.

    I can accept the idea of “cake contests”; I’m having more trouble with the nekkid salmon-dip wrestling.

  1170. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Funky Wrinkledbean

    Panel Two: The Cry For Help!
    Panel Three, left side: The Face Saving Move
    Panel Three, right side: The Face Cutter-Offer Psycho Dude.

  1171. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO #1164: Long-form COTW material if we had that award this week.

  1172. Zerowolf
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    FW: I know let’s surprise them by going to the same club, Les Bo’s.

  1173. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled #1169: Stuffing salmon squares into a man’s thong would be an instant wang shriveler if not wang decapitator. Then again, most of the cast of Mary Worth is a wang shriveler.

  1174. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#1166): Hi is just trying to be his name.

  1175. Zerowolf
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Margo loves the homeless, especially if they are braised in a delicate wine sauce.

  1176. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:06 pm [Reply]

    Progress: incremental.

    Oh Rex: an M.D.’s wife ought not
    with their client list commingle!

    Get too near June and her dingle
    with cold medical thingle,

    you’ll soon find yourself single,
    and why you just shouldn’t call it a “twat.”

  1177. Liam
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    Blondie-Blondie wishes she could get a foot long.

  1178. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1169):

    I’d be lying if the fact that Chippendale dancers are real doesn’t seem odd to me.

    I know “Chippendale” is some sort of furniture, right? And, as a younger dork, I knew early on that it also signifies two, annoying but humorous Disney Chipmunks, Chip and Dale. But, I’ve only seen Chippendale dancers on TV.

    There’s seems little reason to consult with either Wikipedia or with Dr. A.S. Phixiation’s colleague, Professor of Scantilycladology, Dr. Yoo Hu Woohoo.

    //i’m sorry. i don’t really believe i have a point to replying to this with what I was writting. So, i’ll end on that note.

    No. Wait! I have no clue WHERE Chippendale dancers dance!

    When I was a wee lad, I guessed they danced on tables or other furniture. As I got older still, I thought they danced with Chipmunks in their shorts. As I got older still, I never regretted one moment spent watching “The Love Boat”. As I got older still, I began forgetting what I was getting at, my points…. Nowadays, I get interrupted everso often and find that the train has not only left the station but that my boxcar of thoughts is no where to be seen.

    //again, after being interrupted twice I have no idea why I initially brought up any of this. haha. so, take that, Comment Thread That Is Too Long And Rambling!

  1179. The Divine O&rsquoF
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1155):

    Thank you, but as you can see, it didn’t work. I do not speak html.

  1180. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1178): No, no, you make perfect sense. If you take a chip out of a dale you may get an artesian well. Great for breaking the ice at parties!

  1181. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Okay.

    My point was going to be that I am uncertain if the Chippendale dancers are supposed to dance at one place, like, a club in some big city somewhere.

    If there were a club named “Chippendale’s” then that would make sense. Yet, I’ve only seen these (purported) dancers of delight as “guest stars” on TV shows.

    Is being a Chippendale Dance like being a Playboy Bunny? Is it a Union thing? Or is it a Franchised Outfit (where a guy can pay some home office for that collar and bowtie and just start taking their clothes off for money!?)

    Why this perplexes me so, I am unsure.
    In one way, the “Mystery of Hi Flagston’s Smoke Season, smoke session” is less urgent now than it could be. Why? I just can not even imagine a strip club for women. It seems like these Chippendale Guys are probably hired like people hire clowns for a party (phone interview, audition, uncomfortable awkward moments when asked if they can “fill out” paper work.)

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1169): Let me ask you this:
    Did they both look the same? Other than seeing Chris Farley on TV doing a comedic take on Chippendale Dancers, everyone I’ve seen (somehow, in my memory) looks the same, like a well-oiled Ted McBufferthanme.

    //i’m sorry. i’m being kind of a goof for trying to see how much i can write about this. only 95.5% of what i wrote is unvarnished truth. hahaha.

  1182. Magic Hobo
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1087): mmmmmmmmm…wet cigarette butts.

  1183. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

  1184. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    @Magic Hobo (#1182):

    smoke not the butts in the urinal, for they are soggy, and hard to light.

    Camus the Grey.

  1185. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    @Magic Hobo #1182 : Yes, delightful. All the flavor, none of the disapproving looks.

  1186. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    December 29th, 2012 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1181): Well, there is a Vegas show, of course (tiara and elephant not required). They do all kind of blend together, despite small differences in appearance.

    The two guys on Amazing Race had the same name, almost (James & Jaymes), but looked different. (And no, they didn’t wear their little bow ties all the time—although they did break them out to good effect for one challenge.)

  1187. bats :[
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t realize that at least one Chippendale dude does the Parade in the Sky at the Rio, too. We go there to knock people over and grab cheap Mardi Gras beads from them. :D

  1188. Uncle Lumpy
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @KreatureFeatures (#1162):

    It’s impressive the way Mary Worth started with a lame premise, and yet grows lamer still with each passing day.

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again — never, ever attempt to out-lame Mary Worth.

  1189. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O&rsquoF (#1179): You didn’t put the semicolon in. All HTML codes begin with an ampersand and end with a semicolon. So, type exactly:

    The Divine O&rsquo;F

    WordPress will render that as The Divine O’F

    This Wikipedia article has a useful list of the named entrys. So take the name, such as “pound” or “copy”, put an ampersand in front and a semicolon after it, like &pound; or &copy; will give you £ and ©.

  1190. Uncle O’Lumpy
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O&rsquoF (#1179):

    Hee! You forgot the semicolon — “&rsquo;”!

  1191. Da Coconino Kid
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O&rsquoF (#1179):

    Looks like you lost the semi-colon after the “o”.

    (All “HTML escapes” start with an ampersand and end with a semi-colon.)

  1192. lynn
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle O’Lumpy (#1190): I kind of like ‘the divine &rsquo”, it has a kind of exotic, flying-spaghetti-monsterish look to it.

  1193. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Pibgorn – This is the second time in the past few months that Brooke has recycled that famous old trope of “man goes flying through the air and accidentally lands in a vagina”.

  1194. Uncle Lumpy
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    &When you write using HTML;
    &There isn’t a thing you can’t spell;
    &Put the ampersand first;
    &(Just the way we rehearsed);
    &And a semicolonic farewell;

  1195. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: Buzz the Bush Baby is gonna get this Kwanzaa tale turned into a Pixar movie if it kills him.

    MW: “Maybe now is the time for my cakes to be seen by a bigger audience.” I’ll take “thought balloons that would be more fun in Rex Morgan, MD” for $400, Alex.

    C-Shaft: Hopefully this strike will loosen up the snow on the bowling pins enough so that the neighborhood cats trapped within can escape.

    9CL: The drawing board of Brooke McEldowney, where Beethoven meets beatin’ off.

    JP: “He thinks he’s a great negotiator, but really he just says yes to every ridiculous thing. You’ll love him.”

    RMMD: It’s funny because June says she knows one of the best doctors and Rex thinks she’s talking about him.

    H&L: The same punch line can be used when Chip gets his home growing kit.

    GT: Rod Whigham has been pestering Neal Ruben to give him some exotic wildlife to draw, because everybody else gets to. Finally Ruben just gave in.

    FC: “Then Apruary, then Mayuary, and soon the whole year’s gone. This is the rest of your life, mommy! Isn’t that great?”

    S-M: So the audience gets spattered with Spidey guts, they file a class action suit against you and the casino, and the black market profits from the tiara all go toward settlements. Solid plan, Siegfried.

    H&J: Usually Rev. Croom is around to whack these religious relativists in the head, but he had other business today.

    OBH: Transformers, more than meets the eye.

    A3G: Psst, Margo! That’s not where your ears are. You haven’t donated grey matter to Lu Ann by any chance, have you?

  1196. Da Coconino Kid
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @lynn (#1192):

    <b>rsqo</b>, <b>rsqo</b> burning bright
    Tag-emboldened in my sight
    What standardizing committee
    Defined thy foul asymmetry?

  1197. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Zerowolf (#1175): True dat! In fact the only gift that Margo has kept from her stepmother is that “To Serve Man” cookbook.

  1198. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1113): Good point. For all we know, that elephant has been paid to step on Spider-Man, or has come to know what Spider-Man is like from all his poop-sweeping and out-loud griping. Either way, stepping on him would make sense.

  1199. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#1161): Re GT: Don’t judge until Jaybird the Reincarnated Peacock is recruited as the Milford team mascot. Or failing that, dinner.

  1200. Da Coconino Kid
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#1194):

    First off — this is f’in excellent

    But … I wanted to read this one to Mrs Kid … and then it hit me how much context these few lines are embedded in … do y’all realize what twisty passages (all alike) we’ve travelled to get here?

  1201. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

  1202. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#1186): Wait wait wait. Was that the “Jaymes” of “Bartles & Jaymes,” the packaged wine cooler pioneers?

  1203. bourbon babe, un’buckled©
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

  1204. seismic-2
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    JP: “He’s our kind of guy – a big fan of D-cups. I’ll just have Gloria Sanchez deliver the contract to him, and he’ll sign over 120% of the movie’s gross along with ownership of his private jet, his house and car back in Hollywood, and his kidney and liver just in case you ever need a transplant.”

  1205. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#1195): H&J: Usually Rev. Croom is around to whack these religious relativists in the head, but he had other business today.

    I think non-theists would be offended by the twerp’s “blessing” as well. Polytheists too. Why should one be restricted to choosing just one god’s divine care? How patronizing! Perhaps the atheists, and polytheists, and Rev. Croom’s myrmidons could join forces in fustigating the nincompoop.

    // I’d help, but I’m exhausted from fighting the War on Christmas right now.

  1206. bourbon babe, un’buckled©
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1205): Are you Roland Hedley IRL?

  1207. Shrug, Speaker to Historic Comic Revisionism
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#1109):

    “SM: So what, are elephants kind of like Spider-Man kryptonite or something?”

    It’s a little known fact (translation: I just made it up) that in the original script for the Spidey origin story in AMAZING FANTASY #15 it was going to be an elephant that accidentally fell into the radiactive area without anyone noticing and then bit Peter Parker before dying (without anyone noticing).

    At last our pachydermic pals would have their very own super-hero: The Amazing Elephant-Man.

    But Lee and Kirby changed their minds at the last moment and altered the Marvelous McGuffin to a puny spider instead. Elephants, who never forget, have also never forgiven the insult and have had it in for Spidey ever since.

    /// Some other rejected possibilities: Stink-Bug, Dodo, Tapeworm.

  1208. Droopy Says
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    So Kraven plans to conceal the theft of the tiara by having his elephant stomp Spiderdick in public, then pinning the blame on Showgirl Sherry. Okay, all we need a is panel where a nightclub worker tells the manager “This wasn’t in the rehearsal!” and the manager says “So what, Kraven’s a great showman!” Which will make it all right in the Spiderverse (a form of poetry without rhyme or reason).

  1209. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, un’buckled© (#1203): Ñöthîng lîké a ñew töy to play wîth, is théré?

  1210. Uncle Lumpy
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#1200):

    … do y’all realize what twisty passages (all alike) we’ve travelled to get here?

    Well, sure. But it wouldn’t be a problem if the goddamn Thief didn’t keep moving my stuff.

    Hey, Thief — GET SCREWD

  1211. Da Coconino Kid
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Historic Comic Revisionism (#1207):

    /// Some other rejected possibilities: Stink-Bug, Dodo, Tapeworm.

    Ah, if only they *had* rejected them! I’m afraid those qualities are only too-much on display in every lousy panel.

  1212. Uncle Lumpy
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    Spoiler alert: put the stick in the bag so it doesn’t puncture the raft on your way to wave it at the rainbow and get the gold.

  1213. Shrug, Working for Peanuts
    December 29th, 2012 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1112):

    ” “Apeman, Spaceman” had a Peanuts cartoon? Wild.”

    Yes — it’s the one where Sally Brown is planning a book report on “Peter Rabbit” and gets very Deep about its hidden meanings; she says with this she hopes to “uncover some new truths about our culture” and Charley Brown replies “I think you already have.”

    But after looking through the anthology twice I don’t find a story matching the plot Frank Lee Mediere remembered. Next to dig out my copy of the short story version of “Cage a Man” and see if maybe that was it after all…

  1214. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Droopy Says (#1208): THAT’S the big plan? All the pieces fit. It has to be the plan. I’ll continue treating Spiderman like The Dinette Set: ignore the words, look at the backgrounds for the ridiculous.

    @Uncle Lumpy (#1212): One of those wet cigarette butts must have been “off.” What are you talking about?

  1215. Artist formerly known as Ben
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1205):

    I’d help, but I’m exhausted from fighting the War on Christmas right now.

    And if I may I’d like to congratulate you on dodging Roland Burton Hedley’s camera crews.

  1216. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#1215): You wouldn’t believe it! Damn Fox guys were everywhere!

  1217. Uncle Lumpy
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:14 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1214):

    Zork, referenced in #1200 and #1210.

  1218. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1209): yup.

    (note, the above link could be considered nsfw, unless intended for novelty purposes.)

  1219. Dale
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1205):

    Which side are you on?
    Are you a “Christ-er” or an “X-er”?

  1220. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:20 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, un’buckled© (#1206): Under which king, Bezonian? speak, or die.

  1221. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    How I long to see you stomping!
    A spider-wuss must feel your weight;
    Save me from this awful hate!
    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    How I long to see you stomping!

    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    You give us so much crushing!
    Sherry the showgirl’s heartbroken;
    Spider-man the creep you must flatten!
    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    You give us so much crushing!

    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    How lovely are your toenails!
    Not just Peter you must do in;
    Kraven and J. Jonah Jameson!
    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    How lovely are your toenails!

    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    how bloody has God made you!
    Arise, fulfill your destiny!
    Avenge Clown-9 we all prithee!
    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    how bloody has God made you!

    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    Your bloodlust shines not blandly!
    Free us from boring comic strips
    And lame-oid superhero drips!
    Oh pachyderm, oh pachyderm,
    Your bloodlust shines not blandly!

    All right, I’ll stop now.

  1222. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#1219):
    Number Six: Whose side are you on?
    Number Two: That would be telling. We want information… information… in formation.

  1223. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    Please to note: my parody of “O Tannenbaum” doesn’t make significantly less sense than the original.

  1224. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1222): You are not a number! You are a free punctuation!

  1225. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#1221): Great Zeus! Does that go to a tune? Do you have the ukelule chords, or would it be better on a theremin?

  1226. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1225): It should scan (poorly) to “O Christmas Tree,” which I believe is best accompanied by a mint sauce.

  1227. bourbon babe, un’buckled©
    December 29th, 2012 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Historic Comic Revisionism (#1207): I was just beginning to imagine a fabulous plot in which the villain, Stink-Bug, is vanquished by our spidery hero—and then I remembered that our spidery hero is Spider-Man, which means that he’d just end up wearing that stink and sulking, while Stink-Bug buzzes away, triumphant.

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#1221): Excellent!

  1228. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 29th, 2012 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Pamster (#1077): The morning puking thing is less a sure thing than you might think. One, it’s Rex Morgan. A certain amount of daily puking is liable to happen just on that basis alone.

    //More seriously, pregnancy-related nausea and vomiting can run the gamut from occasional mild nausea through non-stop barfing, and in any case, if June’s not had the official confirmation yet, it’s probably still early enough in the pregnancy that “morning” sickness hasn’t shown up yet.

    ///That said, she’s been showing an awful lot of energy for a pregnant lady.

  1229. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 29th, 2012 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, In His Combined Reference Librarian and SF Fan/Collector Modes (#1101): Thanks!

    //Those particular “hats” you’re wearing at the moment are quite dashing. (Lots of librarians and sci-fi/fantasy folks in my crowd.)

  1230. Poteet
    December 29th, 2012 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#1228): I’m assuming the baby will be a boy because that’s what I’d expect in RMMD, and if so, there will be a small male child who somehow resembles Rex. The mind reels.

  1231. Mr. O’Malley
    December 29th, 2012 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    When I first selected my mudgeonym we didn’t have the apostrophe problem. Then I think there was an update to WordPress and it started. But even so, there was one old computer at my work that still didn’t give the problem. Then that computer got upgraded and that was that\!

    Let\’s try that new solution.

  1232. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 29th, 2012 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1230): My brain is now bent. Ow.

  1233. The Divine O’F
    December 29th, 2012 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    Okay, let’s fire it up: @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1189): Thank you! It worked! Yay!

  1234. The Divine O’F
    December 29th, 2012 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    Uncle O’Lumpy: Where have you been? I still want to know what was the deal a few weeks ago with Walt Wallet making a cameo in Dick Tracy.

  1235. Downpuppy Weatherwax
    December 29th, 2012 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Speaker to Historic Comic Revisionism (#1207): Sadly, it devolved into the Man Elephant, a bald engineer with extensive ear hair who invented a suit & got beat up by the She Hulk.

    http://connect.collectorz.com/comics/database/savage-she-hulk/17-106191

  1236. Aviatrix
    December 29th, 2012 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1167): I met one last summer. I went to a (non-stripping) show he was in a couple of weeks ago, and then we all ended up going to his burlesque show later. Stage name: Saucy Jack. I have his souvenir fridge magnet.

  1237. Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation
    December 29th, 2012 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

  1238. Aviatrix
    December 29th, 2012 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#1195): Ben you’re an artist with integrity, bringing your A-game to a demonstration match, especially the MW one.

  1239. Old School Allie Cat
    December 29th, 2012 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#1236):

    I may have been to a bar in New Orleans where they have men who dance on the bar in their tight underwear.

    They might also have shown me their “andouille sausage” for the price of tucking a dollar or two into said underwear.

    But if Mr. Cat asks, I’ve never been to the Corner Pocket. What kind of woman do you think I am!?

  1240. seismic-2
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1167): That sort of thing is outside my bailiwick, but not surprisingly it falls squarely within that of John Waters.

  1241. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#1236):
    Ha!
    So they do exist, do they?

    That’s funny. I hadn’t even contemplated that they would have stage names. But, why not. Amazing.

    I’m sure Charterstone’s version of a burlesque show might be a secret indulgence for Chinbeard Tobyswife–one way or the other, either a dollar tucked or taken.

    It might explain why he doesn’t say much when he joins Mary and Toby in their power-talking, stroll down Charterstone Lane.

  1242. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1202):

    (i know there is a joke in replying to what you wrote. this is the best i can do though:)

    Bartle & Jaymes?
    Aren’t they the ones who promised to make no wine to be drank before nine A.M.?
    //they were missing out on the breakfast crowds!

  1243. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft loves his new bowling ball so much he’s wrecking it by rolling it repeatedly on concrete. You kids better hope he doesn’t love you.

    love is… …some flowers. Fred Basset is yawning.

    Marfield – The dog’s right. You’ll still be two next year. Now go ahead and ask him about the year after that, and the ten years after that. You’ll still be filling Pampers when you’re a legacy strip and your drawing style has changed.

    Nancy – And now the “love is” characters are snickering.

  1244. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man – I go out of town, leaving Spider-Man attempting to capture an ape in a museum, and when I come back he’s chained up unconscious with an elephant about to step on him. It never fails.

    Tom D. Bug – It’s Everett True! Hey!

    @Nehemiah Scudder’s punctuation (#1209): You got to mix them up, she showed? me” how. to mix! them( up,. and now; I can! mix up all kinds” of punctuation, in! my writing? There, are lots! of rules? to lern; but Im gettin’g them in my head.

  1245. bourbon babe, un’buckled©
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#1244): I love that short story!

  1246. Jamus The Bartender
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: You know what I think? I think that Luann has crotchless panties in that little pink bag next to the party favors, that’s what I think. And she’s going to use them. On Skype. Good Lord that’s filthy.

    9CL: Now, I gotta say, whenever Brooke isn’t being “scandalously naughty” like he is today, sometimes he shows real chops here. Not today of course, but sometimes.

    Rex Morgan: Well, June’s preggers. That’s good news, I guess…..wait, wouldn’t she have had to bump uglies with Rex or someone? Maybe it’s one of those hysterical pregnancies. Well, we’ll see. In about three years or so.

    FC: Home schooling on the Keane Kompound. Tonight, Jeffy has to recite all twelve months before he gets fed. He might get a dinner roll, but that’s all.

  1247. Liam
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

    MT-”Actually I was thinking you would let me run away from here.”

    MW-”Maybe Mary is right”? Mary is always right. How dare you question the great and powerful Mary Worth.

    A3G-”I wouldn’t miss someone making a fool of themselves.”

    Spiderman-”Eat your heart out, Gallagher. You can smash things with your sledgehammer but I’ve got an elephant to smash things.”

    RMMD-That’s good that you know a good doctor, June. Any doctor has to be better than the one you are married to.

  1248. Uncle Lumpy
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#1244):

    You got to mix them up, she showed? me” how.

    All you really need is the punctuation mark! This is widely known! Check Mary
    Worth
    or any of my posts!

  1249. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 29th, 2012 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    FC “Marchuary? Marchuary? What the… oh, never mind…. But that does remind me of something I need to arrange for Granny Keane. Thanks, Jeffy!”

    MW I hope you’ve signed that in blood, John Dill. Because no one backs out on Mary Worth. You’re in this for the long haul.

  1250. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#1109):

    MT: Oh no, an even more evil pirate! You can tell because he has a full beard instead of a mustache!

    Hence the ultimate evil of Wolfman.
    (Will he be appearing soon in an upcoming Mark Trail?)

    @TheDiva (#1135):

    I’m convinced the “plans” the girls have are of the “washing hair and sorting socks” variety.

    Maybe someone finally taught them how to make “sock balls.”
    (Okay, it was an easy C in a jock class at Kent State.)

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#1221):
    O Pasdordan, o Pasdordan,
    How we love to read your rhymings!
    In dactyls and iambs, meters and yards,
    You delight in sacrament and words!
    O Pasdordan, o Pasdordan,
    How we love to read your rhymings!

  1251. seismic-2
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: June thinks she’s pregnant, but she hasn’t been tested for sure? Then she had better quit her job and get on a plane to Vienna, fast.

    While she’s gone for the next few days (10 months in RMMD time), we can try to figure out who the father is. As best I can recall, the last person to paint June’s garage and basement (and we all know what that means!) was Tony “Toots” the jazz musician, who really dug whales. Maybe now he is out in San Diego working on musical accompaniment for the Shamu show at Sea World, and since June enjoyed a really long lunch while Rex was becoming a local hero, maybe one thing led to another and…

  1252. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#1244): Muffaroo! You’re back! You’ve no idea (I hope) the nasty things I’ve been saying about you while you were gone.

    // Oh wait. Can he scroll back thru old posts like I can? Crap.

  1253. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, un’buckled© (#1245): Got me. “Flowers for Algernon”?

  1254. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#1250): <<blush>>

    BTW, I’m keeping the “Pasdordan” for a while. I think it suits me, who is almost – but not quite – a pastor…

  1255. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#1254): Father, once a pastor, always a pastor!

  1256. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#1254): You’re welcome.

    O Pasdordan! my Pasdordan! the frightful verse is won;
    The rhyme has weather’d every rack, the meter is undone.

  1257. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#1255): Yes, or as they used to say where I used to work, once a technical supervisor, always a technical supervisor.

    // Or was that, once a supervising technician… ?

  1258. seismic-2
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#1254): There is no such thing as a (past)²or

  1259. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    Buddha, sitting neath the Bo,
    Cast his thoughts on what was so
    And what was not
    And, time forgot,
    His mind soon cried “nirvana ho!”

  1260. Nehemiah Scudder
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:18 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#1259): heyho! Seriously not bad. Unfaint praise!

  1261. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1257): Supertechnical vision?

  1262. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 29th, 2012 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#1251): I think she said she took the test three times. June may be many things, but she’s at least smart enough to know to pee on a stick.

  1263. Baka Gaijin
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#1217): That’s like before my time, dude.

    @tallyHO (#1242): Uh, I dunno. That was a long time ago, between Zork and The Stone Temple Pilots.

    @Jamus The Bartender (#1246) on Rex Morgan: Hysterical pregnancy? Sounds like a Connie Zits ailment if ever there was one. Oh wait, she’s the hysterical post-partum. Very post-partum.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1253): A Cask of Amontillado.

  1264. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#1262):

    Pee on a stick
    Pee on a stick
    Let the urine tell you
    If you’re preggers or zip

    That’s right. Urine has all the answers to mankind’s ultimate questions.
    Urine is comforting and soothing.
    Urine knows how you feel and can help you cope.

    This is brought to you by the Urine for a Better America Association.
    We now return you to your regular snark.

  1265. tallyHO
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#1263):
    That was a long time ago, between Zork and The Stone Temple Pilots.

    That sounds about right.

    I just can’t remember what their catchphrase was so I went with one I remember. As far as I know, Orson Welles said the one I was playing off of.

    Not that a matters a lot.
    After all, now we have Wine-In-A-Box!

    Let’s see, should I get another wine rack?
    Nah! I’ll just stack these on the counter top! Esh a reg’lar ol’ Dionysian pyramid!

  1266. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    And to answer someone’s previous question…

    Yes, I am drinking and posting. I can multitask.

  1267. capt k\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:56 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin\’s Cardboard Box (#1132):i got slaz thinks in name spot when cat stepped on key and they will not deleat really this is not spam bot so how to clear them is my problem

  1268. Sequitur
    December 29th, 2012 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

  1269. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:00 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#1252): I saw some comments. Not sure if they were the really bad ones, or just run-of-the-mill kind of stuff. So many comments to look through, even when I focus mainly on ones from today (fast becoming yesterday).

  1270. Frank Lee Meidere
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, In His Combined Reference Librarian and SF Fan/Collector Modes (#1101): Huh. I was positive it was in Apeman, Spaceman. Thanks for looking that up. It was definitely APEMAN, SPACEMAN that I was reading when the twins were born, but I must have read the caged man story in something else. Looking at the list of stories in that book, though, makes me realize how much I missed by not finishing it. That’s a bit depressing.

    More depressing, however, is seeing all those classic authors’ names and realising just how many of them are now gone from the world.

  1271. tallyHO
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1266):

    No one should tsk tsk tsk you if you can task task task.

  1272. driving test adelaide
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    This is the second time I’ve been to your site. Thank you for sharing more details.

    [Look, I'm not even a spam "bot" -- just the girlfriend of this loser in Adelaide trying to pretend he's got a "business" as a driving instructor when all he really does is sit on my couch all day playing Call of Duty and yelling at me because we're out of beer. And so I ask him how he's supposed to be a driving instructor with that DUI on his record and he says shutup bitch that was on a skateboard like that even matters. And now he's on that damn smartphone I bought him at 3:00 in the friggn afternoon and says his bowling with some c*nt in San Diego and you woun't belive the overcharges and it all goes on my bill. So I guess I'm saying just click, OK? Maybe you need to drive in Australia sometime or maybe you're a little cute and you don't mind a tubby and I can lose this guy?]

  1273. Sequitur
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1271): Did you know that if you look at the universe through a glass of scotch and water that the universe laughs at you?

    HEY! Spam @1272. That just seems so wrong.

  1274. Majicou
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    You know… it says in Brooke McEldowney’s Wikipedia article (which I’m fairly certain he’s still fuming about not being allowed to edit) that he studied the viola at Julliard. If that’s true, it explains almost everything–his attitude is merely years of built-up resentment at all the viola jokes.

  1275. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    Zarathustra (Zoroaster)
    Said ” Don’t be an evil bastard!
    Promote the Good!
    Live as you should!
    And you will avert disaster.”

  1276. Daring Do
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    @Merry (#1130):

    My local paper sent it into the Classifieds gulag, segregated from the rest of the comics with only the Jumble and Monday Monster crossword as its companions.

  1277. Aviatrix
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:39 am [Reply]

    Okay, Luann, what’s the conflict here? She can stay up late on the 30th to see the New Year in with Quell, then get a good night’s sleep and go out with her mates on the 31st for the New Year in her own time zone.

  1278. Aviatrix
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#1274): Are you starting a rumour that the article is locked because Brooke McEldowney couldn’t stop padding it out with pretentious twaddle, or is that simply common knowledge?

  1279. tallyHO
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1273):

    When it comes to looking at the universe, even when sober, I do not know which way to look.

    So, it is best to use a glass of Scotch?
    I’ll try that.

  1280. Red Greenback
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    @driving test adelaide (#1272): Morgan Freeman was great in… um, you.

  1281. Sequitur
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    12-30-2012

    9CL: Hey! Where’s the cat?!

  1282. Sequitur
    December 30th, 2012 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Blondie: Dagwood comes out of the closet.

  1283. seismic-2
    December 30th, 2012 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1273): Looking at the world Through the Bottom of the Glass

    I just had to mention that, since Mike Auldridge, who famously played the well-known Dobro finale on that tune and so many others, died today (Dec 29, 1 day before his 74th birthday). The resonance of the Dobro (the steel-topped guitar that is held horizontally and played with a slide) is what puts the twang in hillbilly music, and Mike Auldridge did it best. R.I.P., Mr. Auldridge.

  1284. Poteet
    December 30th, 2012 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    A3G — Given what we’ve seen of Evan lately, I think the box contains the severed head of Aunt Cathy, with “MARGO YOU’RE NEXT” scribbled on the forehead.

  1285. Poteet
    December 30th, 2012 at 1:39 am [Reply]

    MW — Have we ever been given any hint as to the size of Santa Royale? How many cake decorators can it support, I wonder? And what’s with the two extra sheets of paper next to the entry form? Has he written out his last will and testament because he plans to jump off the top of Charterstone if he doesn’t win?

  1286. Droopy Says
    December 30th, 2012 at 1:49 am [Reply]

    Abusing Spiderman: Unconscious, wrapped in chains and lying on the ground, Spiderdick is now poised to let somebody else resolve the story.

    Les and Lesser: Some scars last forever, which just proves that Creepy forgot his safe word.

    Spiderdick: Suddenly and without foreshadowing, Showgirl Sherry’s sorrow turns to rage! Without any experience at handling elephants, she causes Khyber to turn and charge at Kraven! Spiderdick spends a week wondering if he can break his chains and web the rampaging elephant as its speeds across the tiny stage! Just as he gets a web-shooter free, Moe the Chimp shoots Kraven! Then the audience yawns, scratches, and waits for Liberace to star his show. Yes, Liberace is dead, but so is this strip.

    Pluggers: It’s funny because Pluggers have seen The Music Box a dozen times and still don’t get it.

  1287. Poteet
    December 30th, 2012 at 1:51 am [Reply]

    S-M — First, it’s kinda weird that Kraven is flashing and gloating over the stolen tiara right there on stage, and second, the tiara he’s flashing doesn’t really look like the one Sherry is wearing, and third, they are both remarkably ugly tiaras. And seeing the giant eyes and nose on Kraven’s jacket clinches it — he has the stupidest outfit of any S-M villain I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something. And I bet his face is tired and his teeth are sore, what with the constant grimacing and clenching.

  1288. tallyHO
    December 30th, 2012 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1287):

    yeeah. I am sort of surprised that it was not a gilded, diamond encrusted codpiece that Kraven stole.

    If you are gonna boost something and show it off…And, you know. Who’s gonna take it from him once he puts it on? Ladies who attend Chippendale shows? Definitely not the cops or Spidey-Man.

    I mean I could see Spidey contemplating snatching the codpiece, with his web slinging ability, of course. But, even aiming would be mui awkwardo. (pardon my french).

    So, I gotta say that it seems like The Kraven Codpiece would be either a Showstopper or a Party Starter. Win-Win for Kraven. Awkward for Spidey. Exciting for Kraven’s Showgirl Friend. A Challenge of a Lifetime for the Chimpanzee lucky enough to snatch it in the first place. (seriously, give him or her a tiara for the successful endeavor!)

  1289. lynn
    December 30th, 2012 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Today’s (Sunday’s) Get Fuzzy: oh, to see bats:[ ‘shop the Mark Trail fist o’ justice into the panel where Satchel slugs Bucky.

  1290. tallyHO
    December 30th, 2012 at 2:10 am [Reply]

    Apt Threeeee
    Geeeeeeeeeee

    Okay, i willfully accept that Dick Van Dyke might leave Margo a colorful present for New Year’s Eve. It is kind of cliched, don’t you think?

    But, the many faces of Bond James Bond is throwing me for a loop. One second he’s that guy, the next he’s someone completely different. Maybe Margo gets the good meds. And, maybe BJB gets better ones.

    But, day-yum!

    //seriously though, I guess I skipped a day because I didn’t ….WhhhuuuAAAAAA?

    That last panel is an ADDITION to the week’s (boring as hell) storyline (lies, all lies!)????? And here I thought the Sunday strip was a recap for those too…er….uh…choosy to choose to avert their gaze that way. The same way I do when I find out what the Girls of That Special Apartment are doing with their Cosmopolitan….
    //aw geez. Sobering up. Must stop rationalizing the nimbleness of my fingers!

  1291. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 30th, 2012 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    Spidey: Kraven wondered, too late, if having a famous superhero crushed by an elephant on stage was really the best way to make sure no one asked questions about what happened.

  1292. Alice
    December 30th, 2012 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#1274): @Aviatrix (#1278): I checked what appears to be the entire edit history of the Wikipedia article. It appears that the only times the article was protected, it was due to vandalism sprees by individuals who, given their use of terms like “Pibporn” and “Nazi pornography,” were clearly not McEldowney trying to turn the article into hagiography. Oh well. He’s done, and will continue to do, many other egotistical, narcissistic and creepy things for me to point and laugh–or shudder–at.

  1293. squeeks
    December 30th, 2012 at 2:58 am [Reply]

    Rare poster, occasional lurker, brought forth in the annual mega-post for one reason only:

    While stuck at an airport, I attempted to amuse myself by reading 9 Chickweed Lane for the first time in a few years.
    It… has absolutely no semblance of entertainment value. Like, none. Nothing funny, wry, witty, cutting, or even vaguely silly. Not even particularly interesting art more than once a week, which I swear used to be its redeeming feature.

    So I swapped over to Luann.
    …not really an improvement.

    And thus, listening to yet another delay announcement, I realized why it was I cut those comics out of my daily rotation, and that absence does not, in the case of line drawings and dull writing, make the heart grow fonder, or even more tolerant.

  1294. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    December 30th, 2012 at 3:09 am [Reply]

    @squeeks (#1293): But…he’s using the break between panels as part of the drawing! It’s transgressive! It’s daring! It’s…not funny or entertaining. Good point.

  1295. tallyHO
    December 30th, 2012 at 3:17 am [Reply]

    @squeeks (#1293):

    I don’t get it either.

    On one hand, what I’ve seen is bold because out of the maybe three weeks’ worth that I’ve read in the past year, there were maybe two or three that have words. So, that’s bold. However, I apply that same standard to “Henry”–a wordless comic about some bald kid who seems to have both a hard knock life and a penchant for revenge against those who slight him– then I reluctantly say that I “get” “Henry” as being “good”.

    That’s where the other hand comes in. I don’t “get” “9 CL”. It is like those two times this year I flipped through multiple installments where me choosing to read between some set-up and long before some punchline. It just made so little sense.

    That’s why I don’t get how people go on about it. There’s so little to go on about. But, I’m sure it is me who doesn’t understand it. It is darned surprising that it is published somewhere, that’s for sure.

  1296. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 30th, 2012 at 3:20 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#1264): Urine for it now, my friend…

  1297. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    December 30th, 2012 at 3:25 am [Reply]

    @Poteet (#1287): This was the first time I noticed the eyes on Kraven’s get-up. So… he’s wearing a giant lion head type thing? Yeesh.

    //It says something about me that I was able to buy the idea of a guy wearing fur epaulets and leopard pants and a strange vest, but the idea of him wearing a virtual lion head with the leopard pants bugs me.

    ///And don’t get me started on the zebra wristbands!

  1298. Baka Gaijin
    December 30th, 2012 at 4:44 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Strips

    Dagwood’s totally gay for peach pie. Cherry pie, not so much.

    And just in the nick of time, Mark Trail unleashes the Right Fist o’Justice on Kraven “The Semi-Bearded” Hunter. What? Like he’s going to return to the Lost Forest with the couple mil.

  1299. Baka Gaijin
    December 30th, 2012 at 4:47 am [Reply]

    Ha ha. Pluggers are too cheap to hire delivery for large items.

    A few moments after this Pluggers, Walgreens sells the last 2 trusses it has in stock.

  1300. Baka Gaijin
    December 30th, 2012 at 4:55 am [Reply]

    Today’s Archie wasn’t funny today, nor was it funny last decade, nor the previous decade, nor even in the Eisenhower Administration when it first ran.

    Oooo! Tension in Dick Tracy!

    Tell me again, why is Slylock at Mrs. Hippo’s? She took care of the “crime” herself. Is he there to arrest her for trespassing on Slick Willy’s yard to [spoiler ahead] unplug his saw? [end spoiler alert]

  1301. Baka Gaijin
    December 30th, 2012 at 5:15 am [Reply]

    Mr. Dill reminds me of an apple. A winesap. Maybe not so much the “wine” part.

    Calling Slylock Fox: Solve the mystery of how Mary Worth’s left hand got on her right arm in the throwaway panel.

    I can’t remember. Is Zits illustrating the reverse Elektra Complex or the reverse Oedipus Complex?

    Today’s Dennis the Menace wasn’t funny today, nor was it funny last decade, nor the previous decade, nor even in the Eisenhower Administration when it first ran.

  1302. Da Coconino Kid
    December 30th, 2012 at 5:37 am [Reply]

    I don’t wish to be morbid … but …

    A number of times recently, someone or other has written, “Dingo would have said …”. I kinda took a sabbatical from Mudgeonland for a while, so all I know is that he was part of the scene back then, and he isn’t now. If I went back to the right archive page, would I find a tearful post from a friend thanking the mudges for easing his final days? Or did he merely find a more productive use for his time?

    (Can I blame these thoughts on the impending ‘Auld Lang Syne’? … I sure hope so…)

  1303. seismic-2
    December 30th, 2012 at 5:46 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#1302): Sad to say, you would find just such a notice here and here. Should auld acquaintance be forgot? In this case, I daresay it will not be.

  1304. Baka Gaijin
    December 30th, 2012 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#1303): I’d forgotten about the Gil Thorp other-dimensional punch. Now I’m smiling.

  1305. Droopy Says
    December 30th, 2012 at 5:59 am [Reply]

    What holds up the tiara? It’s Showgirl Sherry. What holds up Showgirl Sherry? An elephant. What holds up the elephant? Spiderman. What holds up Spiderman? Sorry, pal, it’s stupid all the way down.

  1306. Ratiocinator
    December 30th, 2012 at 6:39 am [Reply]

    Slylock: An unlimited supply of free walnuts send Slick Smitty into a frothing rage, apparently.

    Spider-Man: “Lots of performers have died onstange — but LITERALLY?” Wait, Spidey isn’t the performer here. Kraven is. The only conclusion we can draw from this is that Newspaper Spider-Man is retelling the classic “Kraven’s Last Hunt” story from the Spider-Man comics of the late ’80s, with the notable difference that in this version Kraven will commit SUICIDE BY ELEPHANT!

    Funky Winkerbean: “What? No Les, I totally remembered the lesson from high school. The lesson was that I’m CARELESS. CARELESS!”

  1307. lynn
    December 30th, 2012 at 7:12 am [Reply]

    @squeeks (#1293): You went from 9CL to Luann? Did you strip a gear in your brain? (Wouldn’t it be fun if Evans and McEldowney switched strips? Why, no, it wouldn’t.)

  1308. lynn
    December 30th, 2012 at 7:13 am [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#1295): See, I think of ‘Henry’ as old-timey Lio.

  1309. lynn
    December 30th, 2012 at 7:16 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#1306): You would commit suicide by elephant, too, if you were stuck in the ASM comic strip.

  1310. Liam
    December 30th, 2012 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    FW-Tell us about your high school scars, Les. I’m hoping you have some good physical scars to show us as well as emotional scars.

    MW-Mary will just this as an attempt to upstage Dill and make the contest all about her.

    RMMD-Sorry, June, but the sex of the child is determined by the father’s sperm.

  1311. Da Coconino Kid
    December 30th, 2012 at 7:27 am [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#1303):

    Thanks, seis

    sniffffffffffff

  1312. Baka Gaijin
    December 30th, 2012 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    Damn, I should have paced myself. Now I’m out of wet cigarette butts.

  1313. Jocelyn Knockersbury
    December 30th, 2012 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    In before 2013 and suicide by elephant.

  1314. Chyron HR
    December 30th, 2012 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    JP – “Abbey, this mug concerns me. Were you aware that Sophie is the World’s Best Dad?”

  1315. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    December 30th, 2012 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Jeremy’s Mom wants to get it on.

    Sarah don’t you see, his first time should be with me.

    I know it must be wrong, but please help me bone my son.

    (with apologies to Fountains of Wayne)

  1316. John C Fremont
    December 30th, 2012 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    A3G – “What’s in the box, Even?! What’s in the effing box?!”