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Jumble — J’Accuse!

Puzzles, kids’ features, horoscopes and bridge columns (I’m lookin’ at you, Omar Sharif!) too often fly under the radar of the comics snarking community, and spread their poison to impressionable readers with impunity. But when a feature oversteps the boundaries of tolerance and simple decency — well, the time has come for responsible citizens to act.

I speak, of course, of The Jumble.

The Jumble, 6/26/2008, 6/27/2008, 6/11/2008, 6/28/2008

Why The Jumble? And why now? The case is clear:

Unspeakable filth — I don’t care who Gwoin is, or how gluid she may be. The brazen tart should keep her noppil to herself, and stop moonik those poor birds. Oh, and Douot? Your fluent Bulgarian doesn’t confuse us: “Tosop stegak bronca” means “Flip a coin and ride her like a wild horse” in any language!

Reactionary gender politics — Think you can force indebted Japanese women to wear an “Owing guild poplin kimono”? Or steal their guns while you burn their forest enclave in a surprise “Aglow bower forced disarm”? Think again, pal!

Mixed messages — “Good stock” may play on Wall Street, but here on Main Street we get mad when somebody wants “To sock God.” So “Go to docks” — and we’ll be waiting for ya, buddy! And don’t think we can’t see that “Blank joint, grubby cougar” is a direct insult to the comfortable lodgings of our beloved Mary Worth.

Hocke your ungle, rothax unnoib! Let poise queue your varied byword! Frankly, you’re nothing to look at.

Should the race always be to the swift, or The Jumble to the quick-witted? The time has come to raise our voices as one, and cry “No”!

PS. The Lumpies are traveling today — Sunday comics this evening!

– Uncle Lumpy

110 responses to “Jumble — J’Accuse!

  1. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:16 am [Reply]

    Special note: This snark is mostly related to Saturday’s comics. I tried posting around 4, but, well, you probably can guess how well that went.

    First of all, I want to thank Cheech Wizard a couple of threads ago for setting me streaight on the baseball draft. You don’t generally see teenagers playing in the majors, which is why I said they don’t usually draft out of high school. Forgot all about the farm teams, which is really embarassing since I live just a longish walk from the Pawtucket Red Sox’ home field. Well, I’m sure it’s not the last time I’ll be wrong. Onto the snark.

    Friday Curtis: Curtis talks about barber Gunther keeping girly mags around the shop, and his mother encourages him to “play with the cobra”? I had no idea the Wilkinses were so open.

    JP: “I know what you’re thinking. Why not a daily comic strip about a judge? Well, I tried that. Damn secondary characters wound up taking the whole thing over.”

    MW: Hey, you think Mary is going to make like the Crystals and Da Do Ron Ron? [shudder]

    SSmith: “Welp, I tried to get back onner. But she done welded her dang thighs together and kicked me in the nuts.”

    SFx: Bill Griffith gets a rude shock when he sees what the remaining Zippy readers look like.

    H&L: Chip, Chip, Chip. If you paid attention in American Lit, you wouldn’t have to ask your dad for money. When you get your friends to help you paint the house, just charge them each fifty bucks for the privelege, Sawyer-style.

    Garfield: Garfield as a superhero. Who sheds on his sidekick. If you’ll excuse me, I need to repair this gut that I busted laughing.

    9CL: Like the way Janice is staring at Marks crotch for signs of movement until he does a self-conscious cover-up. Maybe “like” isn’t the word.

    C-Shaft: That Freud reference came out of nowhere. Do I want to know what kind of pictures Jeff just saw to make him think of the good doctor from Vienna? No sir, I do not.

    MT: Could we please have a glossary to define the words “interesting” and “action”? Because Kelly is using these words in a way that I truly don’t recognize.

    Marvin: Yes, the Asian baby has made a stack of blocks and called it (almost) a Great Wall. And we are all a little diminished.

    Big Dog: Sir, a better question might be why your wife has black paw prints all over her dress. Read the signs.

    Crock: What the hell happened to Preppie’s arms? It’s like he’s got rags hanging from a broom handle. This is a worse day than usual to bring up his alleged hunkiness.

    A3G: Careful, Margo. The last time a woman like you suggested cake, she wound up getting guillotined.

  2. fuzzmaster
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    Reposted from previous thread, because, well, I want to see if I can make the site crash while I’m in the middle of posting again.

    If we’re talking T-shirts, how’s this for a ‘Let there be cake’ offering?

  3. dyslexic dog
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:32 am [Reply]

    Yesterday’s DtM – Disregarding the not quite right shadow, I find myself obsessing over the seemingly significant electrical cord.

    It is split at the end, giving it the appearance of my old hot dog cooker. Attach screws to each bare wire strand, poke the screws into each end of the weenie, plug in the cord (Make sure you don’t touch the weenie!), and when you see smoke, it’s done. Yum!

  4. Mr. Nice Guy
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    When I raised my voice, it was to cry, “On!”

  5. Wilbur of the North
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:04 am [Reply]

    U. Lumpy…that’s one of your best yet!

  6. Mr. O'Malley
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    Thank you, Pendragon, the “Givney Flip” it is.

    But somehow I seem to remember seeing it in other strips. Here‘s a much more understated example.

  7. Brent
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:08 am [Reply]

    The fourth Jumble’s suggestion that a beautiful woman can live a hidden life as a “Klingon to hoot at” is just more of the Geek Agenda that’s corrupting the youth today. Not to mention the second’s mention of polygamy (“aside” bride”) and the third’s corruption of respectable theatre (sock “Godot”… although, Waiting for Godot with sock puppets would be pretty cool when I think about it).

  8. Mibbitmaker
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    Sunday evening Lumpy snark gives opportunity for early Sunday Mibbit this-thread snark:

    FW: Just another day of stark tragedy in FW.

    FOOB: Li’l Mike (and Liz) were as good an answering service as current Mike is an author.

    FC: Huh-huh-huh-huh! Men are children. Huh-huh-huh-huh…

    S-M: “Next: This space can attrocious pun with the best worst of them!”

    MT: “Only the males have horns… because the males get the most horny!” (*rimshot!*)

    Adam: She might be thinking that it’s Chevy Chase in the shark costume… if it were on land…. Nevermind![/Emily Litella]

  9. Mr. O'Malley
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    I can hardly wait until CLUNE MUPYL takes on the Cryptoquip!

  10. Mr. O'Malley
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    To me it seems almost sacrilegious to hear Popeye talking about a “burger” instead of a “hamburger”. Have we lost our respect for tradition?

  11. In Light Syrup
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:27 am [Reply]

    Here’s my Sunday Comics Snark. I haven’t gotten a chance to look at the serials, yet. Entries about comics are a little out of place in my blog, but I’m tryin’ to get them in there :p. Maybe I need to accompany them w/photos… anyway:

    9CL: Is Dr. Burber wearing a skort?

    I’d vote for Thorax.

    Herman: My grandpa introduced me to Herman and while I don’t have anything in particular to say about it, good or bad, it holds a special place in my heart :).

    Luann: I never made any of those for my parents. Is that bad?

    Marmaduke: Marmaduke is possessed, but you knew that, already.

    Brevity: Cute.

    Momma: I find Momma deeply disturbing. “The Graduate” disturbing, except the young man is her own son. Another thing I find disturbing is that this 18-20-something has the mentality of a 5 year old. After reading Momma, I feel a deep desire to fully cleanse my body, mind and soul.

    FBOFW: I have a really hard time believing that this used to be one of the strips that I was most obsessed with. A good story line, character development, a great amount of drama. Now, look where we are. It’s obvious that she’s getting ready to dismantle the strip, but WHY is it such a freaking agonizingly long, drawn out process?!

    Over the Hedge: The first Faux-Pas I’ve seen in this strip: the cute bunny in the upper LH corner is repeated from the Saturday strip. Maybe he’s just that cute.

    Dilbert: Dilbert is so accurate. I’m very happy about having fled from that world, in hindsight. With that said, though, I’m also happy that I now understand what the heck Scott Adams is talking about, in this strip!

    F Minus: I love the really simple strips and F Minus nails it for me, each time. I also just discovered Shannon Wheeler’s Postage Stamp comics and they are equally awesome. I’ll try and link to them from somewhere, sometime.

    Pearls Before Swine: Another one that is just awesome. I like the strips like this, where they bascially give us minimal Rat. I don’t care for Rat at all. Ratatatat.

  12. NTG
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    Today’s Jumble was the first one I’ve ever managed to solve. Either it was way too easy or that cinnamon bun I was eating jump-started my puzzle-solving ability.

  13. Baka Gaijin
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Slylock Fox: The frog recoils in horror because he’s seen what the destructive terror the duck has wreaked in the past. He’ll wipe that duck-eating grin off that coyote’s face!

  14. rotts
    June 29th, 2008 at 6:12 am [Reply]

    OK – enough of the sexual interpretations of Curtis’ mom’s “Cobra” comment. Obviously, she’s talking about herself: normally a mild-mannered mom, but when aroused, liable to strike like a cobra.

    Sometimes a cobra is just a cobra!

  15. rotts
    June 29th, 2008 at 6:13 am [Reply]

    OOPS, I didn’t mean “aroused” – should have said “irritated”. Must have been a Freudian slip!

  16. Marion Delgado
    June 29th, 2008 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    Apropos of nothing/Margaret, does anyone else agree with me that Josh is wrong about Joey of DtM? He said Joey was “very, very much not punk rock”, but personally, I was not ballsy enough to get into heroin before adolescence. Just saying.

    Rename it Dennis the Quiet Menace. Sex with mom, keeping Joey on the white horse, at some point Dennis gets a hook into everyone.

  17. True Fable
    June 29th, 2008 at 7:36 am [Reply]

    RMMD If you just look at this Sunday strip today without reading any of the dialogue, you see a tangled emotional lover’s spat with a happy ending. Well, happy for Rex that is.
    MW Karen Moy (little minx that she is! and her attempt to make Meddlin’ Mary into some red-hot Jezebel who has all the dignified gentlemen at Charterstone are most of Santa Royale lusting after her, is the most perfect example of forced suspension of disbelief I think I have ever witnessed. Even though we have the Dramatic Yellow and Blue Coloration in the last panel for Mary herself, I just can’t buy the fact that after Mary is such a fucking hypocrite, Jeff’s still trying to crawl back to her. This, after his triumphant searing of her just the other day(s)! Karen, projecting her fantasies for her character, is certainly “dancing with the one what brought her.”
    JP Again, if you ignore the dialogue and just exercise Silent Treatment Comic Theater, then freewheelin’, funlovin’ Judge Parker wears a party under his robe ALL the time, leaving Sam in the last panel to wince painfully as he grabs his nuts protectively and squirms in his chair. Much, MUCH more exciting this way, especially given Sam’s little puckered mouth in the final shot! I think I will employ Silent Treatment Comic Theater on more Judge Parker strips from now on.
    FBoFW Dear Lynnie Baby: You attempts to enlighten the masses who missed your oh-so-wonderful comic strip the first time around, misses on all points by now. Rather than view today’s try with a wry smile over how little kids don’t have much in terms of phone etiquette, instead we the public cringe involuntarily, knowing in the unseen next 30 seconds of these character’s lives, Elly will beat her children unmercifully and make them stand outside in the snow in punishment. See what you have done with our expectations now? Huh?
    Scenes from Suburban Hell Suburban Hell has no Neighborhood Policy Committee, which you might not think would be a Hellish aspect until today, when you think about what third-world conditions Hi has to live next to day in and day out.
    FC You should have kept your mouth shut, Thel. Now you’re going to have to stare at pictures of one-nostriled children following dots and dashes all over a single panel of concrete for as long as you live in that house. Which will be forever since you’ll NEVER be able to sell the bastard now.
    FW Batiuk, you fucking fool. Now that you’ve thoroughly insulted our national mail service, let me introduce you to the term, “Going Postal” because they’re gonna be all up in your ass now.

  18. Baka Gaijin
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    Arlo and Janis: “Bonk!” Ha ha ha ha! I’d gladly headbutt a squirrel and bird!

    Brevity: Just tickles my brain that image does. Yesterday’s strip was hilarious.

  19. John C Fremont
    June 29th, 2008 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    # 18 Baka Gaijin – Yeah, but that Brevity lion is grounding that power line, so he and the birds should all be extra crispy by now. Mmm. Extra crispy lion.

    JP – In the first panel, Sam seems to be doing his Carnac routine, and I approve. But that last panel where Sam is covering his naughty bits with a book while wearing his “Oops!” face just creeps me out. And it doesn’t help that the Judge is saying, “And that’s where you come in.” Ick.

    And why is Ben Gazzara saying, “I named him Hank Austin?”

  20. LurkNoLonger
    June 29th, 2008 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    is it possible to have more than one answering machine per land-line? Because Mary was mooning over Jeff’s last message in the living room, and this time she’s in the bedroom. Just wondering.

  21. LTBF
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    FC-Why do they have a sidewalk two feet from their fron window?

  22. In Light Syrup
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Has mary always spoken to her co-stars through thought bubbles when they are no where in her general vicinity?! It’s WIERD, man…

  23. Baka Gaijin
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    #19 John: Yeah, I thought of that, too, but it’s still funny. Maybe it’s a clothes line. Maybe I need that lion near my car; it’s a bird poop magnet.

  24. In Light Syrup
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    #20: maybe the zoning ordinances are lax in… wherever FC takes place. I’m thinking New England, somewhere.

  25. GarrisonSkunk
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    At least the first Jumble didn’t make a titmouse reference.

  26. survivor
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    THE BLUE-EYED BLONDE LED THE BIRD WATCHERS BECAUSE SHE WAS —

    This one is easy. It’s a pun on the word ‘goose’:

    A NAZI “GOOSE” STEPPER

    THIS CAN RUIN A RELATIONSHIP —

    okay – the expression on the man’s face is key.

    “TRANNY” HANDS

    HER FIANCE WAS QUITE A CATCH BECAUSE HE CAME FROM —

    Notice the female friend looking in disbelief at the smug man’s waist.

    BANG “COCK”

    WHEN THE MAGICIAN MADE HIS BEAUTIFUL HELPER DISAPPEAR, SHE WAS —

    Well, when you’re fired as a magician’s assistant, your best bet is to try prostitution

    TURNING “TRICKS”

  27. LTBF
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    So Judge Parker writes a book and bases one of the main characters on a good friend of his, yet doesn’t tell him until after the book is written?

    I’m sure that is legal, but a little tacky.

  28. Dicky
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    While not exactly a venerated strip in these parts, Spot the Frog by Mark Heath is folding on July 5th according to its Comics.com page and the author’s blog page from a week ago.

    When I first read through it at Chron, I found it on par with Pearls before Swine in that they both often mined the same punny material with an easily recognizable cast of characters that could be called upon if the puns weren’t flowing.

    MC: Is this a reference to “When Harry Met Sally”? Weren’t the interviews of married couples, not just long-term (domestic) partners not necessarily legally obligated to or legally benefiting from each other?

    11, In Light Syrup: That rabbit is shown often. The artist seems to have a set cast of background characters when the main cast is looting or nearby looted trashcans.
    It is a cute bunny though.

  29. Calico
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    So who’s minding the precious writer-to-be and Widdle Wizzy wihle Elly plays in the dirt?
    Instead of putting tacks in the wall, Mike, you should have eaten them. With lots and lots of grease and marshmallow Fluff.

  30. Scranton Scrapple
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Undoubtedly the worst post on this blog ever! Thanks, Lumpy. I’ve been lurking here for years and posting occasionaly, but I’ll never come here again on the off chance that you will waste another minute of my time with cr** like this.

    The posts this week were bad, but I kept giving Lumpy the benefit of a doubt. Now I know, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you must be Uncle Lumpy.”

  31. Niall
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    MC: I haven’t seen When Harry Met Sally (nor will I), but I don’t care – this Sunday’s My Cage is the sweetest dorky thing ever. :)

  32. Wilbur of the North
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:25 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth is a c@#&%t

  33. TeamCorndog
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Jumble + Jabberwoky = this. o_0

  34. LTBF
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    30-Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on the way out.

  35. odinthor
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Spidey — Oh, no. Spidey’s going to defeat the Vulture by giving him the flu. Next he’ll add old wrestling mats to his crime-fighting arsenal.

    JP — “Right-hand man”? {filthy mind ON} Snicker—”right-hand man”! And the “deal” needs to be “solidified”! “And that’s where you come in!” Hey, Judge—does he have to bring the lube, too? Tee-hee. {filthy mind OFF}

    #30. SS — Well, for the record, I thought that Uncle Lumpy’s entry for today was clever and absolutely hilarious.

    MW — Hm. Ron is a local Mover and Shaker, but doesn’t have twenty compliant bimbos scattered across town? Oh, that’s right—this is fiction. Or maybe Mary is . . . number 21!!!

  36. gleeb
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Dick: The electronic bank-watcher’s been sabotaged — by Leonid Brezhnev!

    ‘shaft: Already, we’re deeper into Jeff’s twisted relationship with ol’ Momsy than I want to be.

    Curtis: Why don’t theaters have fried chicken? That would kick ass. Then again, if people drop candy wrappers on the floor, they’d do the same with bones.

    Monty: She skinned Charlie Brown and hung his pelt in the waiting room!

    Phantom: The Ministry of Tourism will be pleased that he’s getting the message out.

    Zippy: Wow, that’s some insightful political commentary! Hee-yuk!

  37. Niall
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    30. Scranton: Uncle Lumpy is not Josh and has a different sense of humour. While I also didn’t care personally for the Jumble snark, I figure it’s only one day, and I have enough patience to wait. Admittedly, I also mostly come here for the other mudgeons, not just the opening post, so the value of the snark post is not as whole as for others who don’t really read the comments.

  38. Tom Bombadil
    June 29th, 2008 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    JP: Just wait until Sam gets to the part of the book where the judge carries on a steamy illicit affair with his right-hand man’s top-heavy red-haired girlfriend. Hey, it’s just artistic license, right?

  39. Poteet
    June 29th, 2008 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy, some of us appreciate your taking over for the Pope in his absence, and I’ve been enjoying your posts. Thank you.

  40. LTBF
    June 29th, 2008 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    I see his Jumble snark as just trying to do something differant rather than the steady diet of gripes we get about the same handful of strips we focus on every day.

    I used to enjoy the Jumble but my paper now sticks it in the classifieds and its too much trouble to look for it. They run a crossword variety of the Jumble on the comics page.

  41. LITTLE A. OF THE GRAND CONCOURSE JUNGLE PATROL
    June 29th, 2008 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Dear Scranton Scrapple:

    I have been reading this blog which I found by accident a couple of years ago with pleasure since that time, and occasionally have contributed comments mostly about Sluggo Smith and Nancy which have (probably with good reason) been ignored. One thing that’s wonderful about this blog is, WE DON’T GET PERSONAL. If you don’t like some of the comments, or Uncle Lumpy, who is funny in his own way, TAKE A HIKE! TAKE A LONG HIKE! GOOD BYE! No need to get personal!

    I guess I just got personal. What I mean is, sometimes we argue with each other on this blog, but we never get mean. We argue, but we never are mean about it. WE LOVE EACH OTHER! WE RESPECT EACH OTHER! That doesn’t meant we all have the same sense of humor. How could that be? That’s impossible!

    Good bye!

    Although I suspect you will be visiting this site from time to time, despite what you just wrote.

  42. Poteet
    June 29th, 2008 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    # 41 Little A. — Thank you.

    DT — If DT were music, it would be the worst elevator music in the history of the world. People would stagger out of the elevators moaning, twitching, and clutching their heads.

  43. John C Fremont
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    Personally, I look forward to the times when Uncle Lumpy takes over because he has a different take on things and gives us stuff like Jumble that we don’t usually see here. It’s a lot like when your parents have to be away and your favorite uncle comes to babysit & he lets you stay up late and watch Monster Chiller Horror Theater and eat ice cream for breakfast. Not to mention that he is chosen by The Pope himself to watch things while he’s gone.

    We love you, Unca Lumpy!!

  44. Red Greenback
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    I think #30 is cheesed off because his (or her) screen name Jumbles to: PLAN SCORN SET CARP.

  45. Trix
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    30…kinda creepy and not funny. Jumble comments from the dear Unc-amusing because it is so not. Get a life, Scranton.

  46. Islamorada Girl
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    #30: You give scrapple a bad name. On the other hand, it is spiced up pig odds and ends . . . . Nah, you give scrapple a bad name. You shame scrapple lovers everywhere.

    Uncle Lumpy is comic gold.

  47. Sargon
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Re: 30: Um…I think that was supposed to be sarcasm? Even if it’s not though, there’s no need to go overboard on the guy.

    …Wow, I delurked for that? It seems hardly worth it now.

    For the record, I thought Uncle Lumpy’s post was brilliant.

  48. monsieurjohn
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth, you two-timing slut.

    There’s something I never thought I’d say.

  49. Light Syrup
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    MC: Is the blue duck bald?!

  50. Tom Bombadil
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    #49: He’s a Bene-”duck”-tine monk. Jumble, you have poisoned my mind!

  51. Light Syrup
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    30: whoa. I think you’re entitled to your opinion, but I also think there’s an unwritten rule about personal attacks on this and most other friendly sites/forums. It’s not cool to be cruel.

  52. Light Syrup
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    50: oh, well, that clears it up.

    44: eeexcellent.

    51: I stand corrected: it is written!

  53. Hank
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    RE: Uncle Lumpy. I hate to say it, but I actually kind of prefer Lumpy to Josh. Lumpy’s snarks are at least as good as Josh’s and Lumpy never fails to post promptly, giving me a new dose of snarky goodness every morning.

  54. queek
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    MC: adorkable WIN!

    GF: trying too hard for the pun again

    PBS: I’d be so much happier with this Sunday’s strip if it didn’t appear to condone gay-bashing.

  55. Baka Gaijin
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    #54 queek: Gay bashing? Where did you get that from?

  56. queek
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    55: the rainbow on the guy’s shirt, mainly. I doubt it was the intent, but still squicked me.

    and, as usual, I posted and then remembered another comment. Loved the Popeye riff in Lio today. :-D

  57. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    The Jumble puzzles have been off my radar so long, I didn’t know they were even still being done. They haven’t changed in their lameness.

    Sunday comics:

    RMMD: Sure enough, the doughy lawyer is displaying the first signs of MRSA. (as seen in Rex land) Not like anyone here didn’t see that coming a couple of light years away.

    Mary Worth: Wow, Jeff. Did you ever think about who else might be listening to your continuous grovelling on the answering machine? Even though I have to cut Dr. Jeff a little slack for not knowing what the mudges know, he keeps falling in my already low estimation of him. Mary herself looks worse by the day. My, have the mighty fallen! That entire interminable flashback of Mary’s childhood was the set up for the current storyline as in “pride goeth before a fall”. Take that platitude, you miserable wretch!

    FOOB: To all of you who feel LJ is wasting strip time by posting the flashbacks, I could not agree more. On the other hand, the flashbacks serve very well in pointing out how delusional Elly is about her past. Her selective memory is quite a feat of mental engineering. The very last panel in the very last FOOB should be of Elly in a mental ward where the coffee glarge foobians discover the last 30 years was all in Elly’s mind where the gentle reader learns that 25 years ago Elly murdered her children and husband as they slept.

    Dilbert: This is getting harder to read as it is way too close to what actually happens at my day job. For the same reason, it stopped being funny a long time ago.

    Dick TracyWhen is this buffoon going to get fired for his incompetence? If the security monitoring system is that important, you don’t let the “janitor” anywhere near it. Is it just me, or is there something rather insectoid about Shirl Locke? She reminds me of the love child of a preying mantis and a grasshopper.

  58. Poteet
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    # 57 Patrick — BWAHAHA! Your proposed ending to Foob would be fabulous. However, the Orthopteran Anti-Defamation League is going to go after you bigtime — better hire a lawyer.

  59. Crankenstank
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    The Jumble seems to have changed authorship and artist recently (I say this as a daily Jumble doer — HIS SECRET SHAME) and the quality of both puzzle and artistry has risen.

    When I’m done solving the jumble, I like to make up a little story involving all the words, and as a bonus, the long phrase. The pithier and more coherent (less forced sounding) the better, and you don’t even have to use alternative anagrams…

  60. Crankenstank
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    #57 – in defense of Scott Adams — I admire his inner Wally in milking his cash cow for all it’s worth for as long as he possibly can. On the Schulz-Watterson scale, he’s now worth nearly 9 Schulzes.

  61. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    #60: I wasn’t attacking Scott Adams so much as finding Dilbert way too close to my daily reality. I can’t watch The Office for the same reason. I used to stop by Donato’s on my way home from work on Thursday nights and they had the show on their TV’s. A few minutes of it was more than enough for me.

  62. Artist formerly known as Ben
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    6/29

    RMMD: Rex’s attempts at veiled threats baffle all in his path.

    MG&G: Someone’s giving “Marvin” a run for its money in yucking up ethnic stereotypes.

    Lio: What’s weird is that this dovetails perfectly into the most recent plot in the actual “Popeye.”

    Broom Hilda: But Gaylord, aren’t you a… I mean, don’t you have…
    Note to all future cartoonists: The vulture is not a flightless bird.

    Marvin: I didn’t realize Josh worked with Marvin’s dad. Awkward.

    Lockhorns: Loretta’s mother is Big Brother.

    SFx: The duck on top looks only mildly annoyed that there’s a wolf slavering after it. Hope it knows something we don’t.

    Pluggers: Also handy in case of abject drunkenness, so he’s kind of like everyone else’s designated driver.

  63. Charles
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    62nd isn’t terrible, but it’s hardly the first comment I could have been, had I seen Lumpy’s very punctual, very timely heads-up. Thanks for getting the site back up, Lumpy! :)

  64. commodorejohn
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Tommie’s Gary-themed interlude isn’t quite as awesome in the Sunday redraw, but I, for one, have no objection to seeing it again.

    BB – I…um…I actually kinda chuckled at today’s Beetle Bailey in a non-ironic way. Should I be concerned?

    Crankshaft – Um…ha ha? …JOHN PAUL II ON A POGO STICK, BATIUK, IS THIS WHAT PASSES FOR FUNNY IN YOUR SICK MIND?

    DT – “Electronic bank watcher.”

    FC – God almighty does Bil look womanly in panel two. Also, KeaneCorp, there are comic artists out there weeping over all that white space you’re hogging.

    FW – Ooh, a post office scene! I bet tomorrow we’ll tune in just in time to watch Crazy Harry earn his nickname by whipping out an AK-47 and shooting up the place. No doubt everyone around Les will be killed, while he is merely debilitatingly injured. Good times!

    JP – Good lord, it’s like meta-meta-fiction. Or some kind of recursive fiction, I don’t know. It breaks the brain to try and untangle it.

    Lio – It goes without saying that Lio is awesome, but today’s is especially so. One wonders if he’ll go into business with Tommie the Tweaker…

    MC – Aw, that’s sweet. Really.

    RMMD – Rex might be a smug bastard, but damned if it isn’t hilarious watching him psyche out Doughy McTort here. Look out, Max, the MRSA’s gonna getcha!

    SF – This is win, Ces.

    SFx – I love that Max is rolling into action on a skateboard. It’s a pity that newspapers are not able to play Huey Lewis and the News’ “The Power Of Love” to complete the image.

    SM – “And this time I’ll clip his wings for good! Since I totally failed to do so last time.”

  65. commodorejohn
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    PV – Ooh, a prejudice storyline! I can’t wait until Bukota has to show the white folk at Camelot how to shoot hoops and breakdance and they all learn to celebrate their differences!

  66. Braniff
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    FC–This may suggest the opening credits for a proposed sitcom based on The Family Circus. “Bil,” said Thel, “Don’t think you’re being a little hard on the Billy?”

    (in reference to a well-known sitcom from the 1950s)

  67. True Fable
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    Has anyone actually tried working Uncle Lumpy’s Jumble puzzles? Because I tried the last one, and the best I can come up with on the ultimate answer is “O Oink Thong”. Hee hee hee. I’m gonna try the other three next!

  68. Orange Doorhinge
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    I had a physic flash! Mary is dumping the Good Doctor for the Appointed Councilman, while rationalizing that Dr. Jeff’s indignation over being dumped is the cause of her dumping. (takes a deep breath) Right!

    Just wait till she sees a photo in the newspaper of the Councilman with a blond hottie! Or two. That’l teach her.

    #30 Rudescrapple: SPPFFFFTTT!

  69. jamoche
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    DT: The janitor unplugged the computer? Oh, *please*. Maybe you could get away with it in the days of mainframes and blinkenlights, but try telling that one today on a computer snark comm like thedailywtf.com and you’ll be flamed to oblivion for stupidity.

  70. kippetje2000
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    Scranton: A place where they occasionaly(sic) spell cazzata with asterisks. I just drove through Scranton and boy was that a waste of my time.

    Brother Lumpy: You are more than a worthy sub for Pope Josh and your choices of snark are impeccable. I’ve tried to bring ‘mudge attention to the Jumble before as I feel it is an overlooked base of both snark and praise (occasionaly). The artist has changed recently and I am disappointed that we seem to be Jumble Bizzarro world lately. And I admit I don’t always ‘do’ the puzzle as I find the artwork lends to the answer without all that book learnin’. Finally, though, I believe that some modern-day working artists secretly have been influenced by the Jumble. Certainly Slylock Fox grew up reading the Jumble and I’m positive that Pluggers and (the late) TDIET gained some respect for the one-panel detectivering that the Jumble encourages. Your posts have been like a #2 pencil. More than just occasionaly, Sharp, full of wit and imagination and offers the hope of more to come. continua così: buon amico

  71. Kumquat
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    #49 – Norm is technically a platypus, not a duck. He shaves his head to avoid the male-pattern-baldness look he would otherwise have.

    No, I don’t think there’s an in-strip rationale for why anthropomorphic animals with fur/feathers all over should have male-pattern baldness.

  72. dale
    June 29th, 2008 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    12-NTG-Jumble
    Try putting the scrambled letters in alphabetical order. I don’t know why it works, but I haven’t missed one in years.

  73. Brick Bradford
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    Every once in a while someone shows they forgot to read the posting and discussion guidelines, esp. #4: “Don’t be an insufferable prick”.

  74. Red Greenback
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: “Star Exclamation point Exclamation point Saturn Cinnabon® star” Yep… that about sums it up in 30 seconds, Bubble Girl.

  75. loudfan
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad some others here have confessed to doing the Jumble. The puzzles have definitely gotten a bit more challenging of late, which is a good thing — in the past, I usually could figure out the answer even without unscrambling the words. I will admit that I didn’t get “Bride Ideas” at all — I thought it was “Bride Aside” and couldn’t figure out what that meant…

  76. Pepperoni Détournées
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    I, personally, LOVE Uncle Lumpy’s snark. I love the novelty of having a guest snarker, Lumpy’s sense of humor, the fact that there’s at least a new post every day (need my fix!), and I love that he lets us stay up late and eat cookies!

    And I’ve never seen Jumble snark. I wouldn’t have thought of that!

  77. bats :[
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    46. I.G.: to say nothing about folks from Scranton!

    57. Patrick re Foob: yes, the past weeks’ worth of FOOB does point out Elly’s little lalaland, but geez, did we need to waste 3-1/2 minutes of LJ’s insight into seeing what most of us have a pretty good idea of?
    (Or does the Sunday strip allow us 60 seconds of insight? That changes things to 4 minutes!)

    62. AFKAB re RMMD: I’m lovin’ Rex right now (even without Andy lurking about). Given a couple more panels, I think his and Max’s discussion would’ve devolved into “I know you are, but what am I?” “Poopoo Head!”, or something similar…

    64. commodorejohn: mr bats :[ has tried to explain “meta” to me, and I just don’t get it (maybe this is why I don’t get metaphysics, either). Nonetheless, I’ve been intrigued by the legal blatherings, even without Gloria punching terrorists and Abby walking around in tight tops, just because the Judge is wearing a Hawaian shirt!
    That’s official mr. bats :[ wear, and I’m going to start looking for similar fabric at Jo-Ann’s and Hancock’s…
    I can only hope the story gets better:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2621607351/sizes/o/

  78. Donald The Anarchist
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    Just want to add my voice to the list of supporters for Uncle Lumpy. I personally don’t think it would be such a bad thing to have a regular rotation of commentators, but it would probably be impractical; this way Josh is able to achieve a certain level of control and consistency. And the comments allow for a pretty diverse viewpoint, so ultimately it’s probably best as is.

    It’s just puzzling to me that, although admittedly the site does generate a certain amount of income, some people seem to think this is a business and customer satisfaction is the goal. Somehow I don’t think Josh is ever going to get rich off this site, and I have no idea if breaking even is even feasible (Technically it’s none of my beeswax anyway.) But just like non-chain bookstores, independent coffee houses, and health food co-ops, the point of the damn thing isn’t to make a profit, and if the people who put in the most time and effort into keeping things running get some recompense, more power to them. Unless someone comes up with evidence that sweatshop labor is being used to produce the snark, the best way to handle your dissatifaction is to stop reading and posting, especially since it provides a forum to express dissatifaction with something that IS mass-produced and, in at least some cases, is labor exploitative. (That would be comics.)

    Of course, there’s also the possibility that Uncle Lumpy has made enemies in his civilian identity and this is the only way they’ve come up with to attack him. In that case, maybe this is one of those things that we don’t WANT to know how far it goes; it would only make us weep.

  79. bats :[
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:41 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and after CC went on its brief vacation yesterday, I ended up venting my spleen on Foob. Only that’s too easy. So I vented my spleen on something similar in preachiness and smuggery:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/2618232351/sizes/o/

  80. FOOBed again
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    What Little A said at @41!

  81. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    #77: bats :[

    I agree the flashback FOOBs are a total waste of time. The only useful purpose for them is at the end, everything that happened was in her mind while she was wearing a fashionable jacket whose sleeves lace up in the back.

  82. FOOBed again
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    I meant “at #41″.

  83. Mibbitmaker
    June 29th, 2008 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    MT: “Only the males have horns…. double the phallic symbols!”

    9CL: Thorax is the most disgusting, period! Not to mention more gramatically screwy than the current president!

    MW: Mary is evil, Dr. Jeff is a weenie, and they’re both so awful, even THEY don’t deserve each other — and they deserve each other, so that’s saying something! …..I think……

  84. commodorejohn
    June 29th, 2008 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    #77 bats :[ – “Meta” is taking things up a level, fiction about fiction (like in Blazing Saddles when the camera zooms out far enough to where the orchestra is visible.) Judge Parker is a story about a crime-fighting judge and his dashing lawyer sidekick, who have recently begun talking about a story about a crime-fighting judge and his dashing lawyer sidekick. I find myself wondering if that crime-fighting judge and his dashing lawyer sidekick will begin talking about a story about a crime-fighting judge and his dashing lawyer sidekick, like that time Mr. Rogers stood next to a TV which was hooked up to a camera pointed at it and blew my six-year-old mind.

  85. Red Greenback
    June 29th, 2008 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Hoo, Mercy!… “‘Coco’ the cabana boy”! bats [: knocks another one out the park(er)! Mmmm, that’s some good ‘shoppin’! Oh yeaahh, now that I’ve regained my composure, I have to give Donald the Anarchist (at #78) big ups and an Amen, brother! for putting into words how I feel about the “Scranton Debacle” and don’t have the talent to wordify.

  86. UncleJeff
    June 29th, 2008 at 5:37 pm [Reply]

    Patrick: I’ve been through the “evil head of HR” part of my work life. Suggestion: get the hell out as quickly as possible.
    Uncle Lumpy: keep up the great work.
    Bats:) Can I be Coco the Cabana boy, too?
    Jumbles: used to do them. Now, I prefer the electronic versions of crosswords. Easier to cheat…er, improve my scores on.

  87. Buck Ripsnort
    June 29th, 2008 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Concerning neither Scranton nor Scrapple, I will say that Unca Lumpy puts something up every damn day he’s here, unlike Josh.

    But concerning UnFunny Winkernutz– Batiuk, could you at least attempt a punchline, instead of just a “life sucks and you’re helpless”? I liked it better when he was making puns about cancer.

  88. bats :[
    June 29th, 2008 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    86. UncleJeff: follow your dreams…if you want to be Coco the Cabana Boy, who has the right to say otherwise?

  89. Wolf Shepherd
    June 29th, 2008 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

    #54 – “I’d be so much happier with this Sunday’s strip [PBS] if it didn’t appear to condone gay-bashing.”

    He said he hates “happy” people, not gay people. He is bashing happy people. I realize that gay no longer means happy, but happy still means happy, doesn’t it? Or has that word been appropriated, too?

    Oh, I bet English is not your first language and you were using one of those internet translation programs. That’s it, isn’t it?

  90. commodorejohn
    June 29th, 2008 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    #29 bats :[ – Oh, fantastic. I only wish that were going to happen in the actual strip.

  91. Wolf Shepherd
    June 29th, 2008 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    Sexual Innuendo Watch

    SF – After daughter suggests that Sally would have been a boring date, Sally responds, “Hey, I’ll have you know I set off a bottle rocket or two in my day.”

  92. Brent
    June 29th, 2008 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    67: The answer to the fourth is: “Nothing to Look at”… or “Klingon to Hoot at” or “Looting to Honk at” if you prefer.

  93. Slylock Foxy
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    There must be something wrong with my brain, but I swear I cannot for the life of me unscramble “UNGLE” in the last Jumble. Glune? Nulge? Unleg? Is “unleg” a word? This word is only five damn letters long and I’ve been looking at it in bafflement for about ten minutes.

  94. Shoshi
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:13 pm [Reply]

    93 Slylock Foxy — How about LUNGE?

  95. Jamus The Bartender
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Hi, folks. Lumpy, I love the tribute to Jumble ™, but Cassandra says that if I even LOOK at the blonde, blue-eyed bird-watcher guide, she’ll rip my lungs out. So I can’t.

  96. rapid turtle
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Foxy: I think the word you’re looking for may be “lunge”

    and with that said, I return- into the shadows!

    and yes, I am still saying this after Shoshi, and probably other people, now. I have to emerge from lurking eventually, I suppose.

  97. Sorako-chan
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    Maybe I’m just slow today, but I understood not a single word you said, Uncle Lumpy.

  98. dale
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:33 pm [Reply]

    93 – Slylock Foxy
    LUNGE

  99. Shoshi
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    Hi, rapid turtle.

  100. Slylock Foxy
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, everybody – I think I must have briefly considered “lunge” and then confusedly thought it wasn’t a word. That always happens to me when I make up too many not-real words when I’m trying to unscramble a Jumble word; the real words start looking wrong to me…

  101. queek
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    89: nope, EFL here. (and I thought about going there for SF, but didn’t. Figured someone would catch it. )

  102. Mibbitmaker
    June 29th, 2008 at 8:53 pm [Reply]

    #77 (bats): Like Commodorejohn said in #84.

    Also masters of “meta”:

    Tex Avery (The wolf literally skids off the film trying to escape Droopy)

    “Duck Amuck” by Chuck Jones

    Moonlighting

    The Hope/Crosby “Road” pictures

    SNL (Belushi: “John Belushi hates the Bees, but he does them anyway!”)

    Burns & Allen TV show (George often “fires” announcer Harry Von Zell)

  103. odinthor
    June 29th, 2008 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    #97. Sorako-chan. — Not to worry. One needs to triangulate between Whimsy, Nonsense, and Punning, which is not everyone’s hocke of tosop.

  104. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    odinthor @ 103: Not everyone’s “choke of stoop”? Huh?

  105. cheech wizard
    June 29th, 2008 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    30/ Scrotum Scrapple: I’ll add my two bits to say that while Josh is the master, Uncle Lumpy is a more than commendable subsitute during the Pope’s vacations and I always enjoy the change of pace he offers – including today’s take on the Jumble.

    As for Scrapple, your four lines of bilge were a bigger waste of time than on all of Uncle Lumpy’s posts put together, so bite me! The guy is providing his own time, for what I suspect is pretty meager compensation, if any, to keep this blog running while Josh is away and all you can do is rag on him? To paraphrase LBTF, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

  106. rapid turtle
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    hey Shoshi. good to join a group that I have seen to be as welcoming as this board. hopefully, next time I’ll have something new and relevant to say. (crosses fingers)

  107. odinthor
    June 29th, 2008 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    #104. TSS-B — Set controls at: Whimsy, 55.0; Nonsense, 102.7; Punning, 1.5.

  108. LUJBEM FEJF
    June 30th, 2008 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Moi?
    Yes! I’ve made the big time. Thanks Uncle Lumpy! I hope you and Josh keep Jumble on your radar. (Careful what you wish for, I guess) I’m trying my best to update the look etc…
    Thanks also Crankenstank, nice of you to notice. Always great stuff here.

  109. Shoebox
    July 1st, 2008 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Speaking as a regular lurker…this post, not to say the entire output of the last week or so, have been most excellent. I like the way Uncle Lumpy changes things up from time to time.

  110. Nil Zed
    July 1st, 2008 at 6:03 am [Reply]

    108 cheech
    Uncle Lumpy babysits because he loves us, nothing more.

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