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The lost season of The Wire

Archie, 1/30/13

OK, when it comes to “what year are the Archie reruns from, and what weird violence has been done to the text and art to make them seem vaguely contemporary,” I … I don’t even know anymore? Like, obviously there’s some kind of chronological discontinuity going on here, or else why would Veronica, in a public place, call Archie “on his cell” from what appears to be a wall-mounted pay phone? And yet nothing about the joke makes sense if Archie doesn’t have a portable phone-type device on him. My guess is that in the original version of the strip Archie had a pager, which puts the date probably in the late-ish ’90s. Because there was this whole trend of kids having pagers then, right? Am I remembering that correctly? Or maybe Archie is a drug dealer? And this is why Reggie didn’t sell out Archie immediately, as he normally would, because now he and Archie and Jughead are in a drug gang? The least terrifying drug gang in America?

Gil Thorp, 1/30/13

Have you ever looked at your hand? Like, really looked at your hand? Like, really examined all the weird nubs and fleshy protuberances, and imagined high-fiving someone with an identically freaky hand, big paws just slapping all meatily together, and gone into a gibbering fit where you want nothing so much as to saw your hands off at the wrist, so you never have to look at them again?

354 responses to “The lost season of The Wire

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:27 am [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean Diff’rent Strokes

    All this hopeful talk can only mean one thing…
    QUICK, SOMEBODY CALL A PRIEST!!!

    (If that happens, Batiuk will undoubtedly find a way to work Bing Crosby’s Father O’Malley or William Christopher’s Father Mulcahy into the storyline!)

    @Da Coconino Kid (#y356): @sighing maiden, still sighing (#205): Oddly enough, my mental image of ol’ Neh is (a somewhat more manly) Father Mulcahy from M*A*S*H. Maybe it’s just the circular spectacles, but I think there’s a similarity between Whorf and Mulcahy.

    Speaking of Lt. Father Francis John Patrick Mulcahy, the actor who played him on M*A*S*H — William Christopher — now appears as Father Tobias on Days of Our Lives. (I’m beginning to sense a pattern here!)

  2. sully
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    Poor Archie. Can’t he pleasure his ‘friends’ orally under the table without being pestered by yucky girls?

  3. gleeb
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Piranha: Baka Gaijin will never know Doris’ love.

    ‘shaft: Ed can’t imagine a world, even a simulation of one, where trains don’t end up in fiery crashes at the bottom of ravines.

    ‘bean: Cancerdeathville, where Hope itself comes to die.

    Beetle: It’s a castration joke!

    Drivers’ Dinner: Wonder why he’s dying in Mexico? Didn’t she already say it’s a tumor? Or am I getting my medical catastrophe comix mixed up

    Phantom: Oh, no! He saw the lion you left in an open cage in broad daylight right in front of your trailer!

    Chuckle Bros.: Bleeding-edge humor, as fresh as newly-baked bread.

    Dick: You have failed to make me interested. What happened to the Moon? Hell, what happened to the mudlarkers’ box o’ confession? What connection does Sweatstain have with it? All you leave me with is this: who plays baseball in the snow?

    Free Range: People don’t want to be reminded of the destructive power colonialism had on centuries-old cultures, leaving behind nations without the cohesive power of tradition? No, I guess people don’t want to be reminded of that.

    Thorp: The Peacock’s power is triumphant! Just better keep this paganism under Cortez Beecher’s radar.

    Mary: Exciting measuring action!

    Mark: Dude, you put that exciting of a fish on your van, you gotta expect a little attentiion.

    Nancy: It’s a pity their arms are too short to reach across a table.

  4. Ratiocinator
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    I did look at my hand like that, actually, but my thoughts proceeded along a different path. See, I realized that my fingers do, in fact, fing.

    9CL: There are no applause sound effects. Logical conclusion: Edda sucks.

    ASM: While I will grudgingly acknowledge that crushing the mugger’s gun is the opposite of the patheticness we’ve come to expect from Peter here, I love the incredulousness of his first question. “You gave me a ride–so you could ROB me? I’m SHOCKED! This has to be the first time in the history of the human race that somebody has preyed upon a hitchhiker!”

    FW: “Asking about a full recovery? Any question that even vaguely hints at optimism is just going to make the universe angry again! Stop saying things like that! Do you want him to get CANCER too?!”

    Garfield: This superhumanly fast turtle will either become our saviour, or our iron-fisted overlord.

    JP SAM: Well, I wonder why he’s living in Mexico!

    ABBEY: And I maintain that the far more important question is why he’s dying in Mexico!

    SAM: Living!

    ABBEY: Dying!

    SAM: Living!

    ABBEY: Dying!

    SAM: Well, either way, he’s doing it in Mexico, and I think that’s weird.

    ABBEY: And what he’s doing is DYING!

    SAM: No, LIVING!

    (A full transcript of this until the end of the argument would undoubtedly break the comments section, so I’ll stop here.)

    Pibgorn: Drusilla says “I may vomit.”

    I’ll give Pibgorn a pass today, because a setup like that is just too easy.

    RMMD: Snark mode off today; I really do feel bad for Delores, and Rex is actually handling things pretty well, for now.

  5. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    A3G-If the fire is really hot and it is in Margo’s room shouldn’t she be dead and a burnt pastel colored corpse.

    A3G 2-”I even spent some time put some pajamas on you and fixing your makeup.”

    DT-Why are those kids playing in a vacant lot when there is a perfectly good cemetery they could play in?

    FC-Let’s see what sort of note you play when we flay that flesh from your body and use your skin to make a new drum skin.

    FW-Hope is on life support? I thought Hope left Westview years ago never to return. Maybe Hope tried to return one night under the cover of darkness and got beaten and robbed at the bus station.

    FW 2-Your dad’s name is Hope? That’s a girls name.

    MT-”I’m taking a picture of your van in the hopes that it will cause you to attack this annoying little troll that has been following me around instead of attacking me.”

    Love Is-We know what sort of button he wants to be pushing.

    MW-Oh look somebody else brought their meddling mentor along with them too.

    MW 2-And in the back we have Mary’s doppelganger. Is she a good doppelganger or a bad doppelganger?

  6. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    Archie Another anachronism: a teenaged girl wants to go to the opera, which I think dates this to the nineteenth century?

    GT You know at Jefferson if they’re unhappy with the game, they’ll throw car tires out onto the court. No joke!

  7. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    JP-If there is a story then call Mark Trail. He’ll be interested in any story that will take him away from the family he doesn’t love.

  8. Mumblix Grumph
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:36 am [Reply]

    Look at the striped outfit Veronica is wearing. Did she just escape from jail? That would explain her being the only teenage female on Earth without a cell phone. And where can I download Archie’s bitchin’ Beep Beep ring tone?

  9. wossname
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    A3G – Bolle, exhausted from the exertion in panel 1 of drawing (a) physical action and (b) the bottom half of a person, just can’t manage the “flames” concept in panel 2. “What the hell is Margaret demanding now? I’ll just draw some horizontal wavy lines.”

    DtM – Mr. Wilson’s mouth is closed. Dennis’ is open. I conclude that Dennis is delivering the line in anticipation of Mr. Wilson’s impending death and funeral procession. Menace level – moderate.

    A&J – I don’t get it. All I’m seeing here is “my, my, things have changed, the old days were better” – a punchline I’d expect from Crankshaft or Pluggers, but not here. Therefore I must be missing something.

  10. Chareth Cutestory
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Gil Thorp: Let’s get you caught up to speed on Gil Thorp: Mia Paige and Scott Fowler have been falling in love, all while trying to track down an elusive peacock wandering around Milford. It is supposedly good luck. Oh, and also Scott thinks its his reincarnated dead brother. Sounds crazy? Not so much when you see that Scott is a kinesthetic psychic and the merest high five will cause his eyeballs to white over.

  11. Norm
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    ARCHIE: The original gag was with a beeper. How many cel/smartphones ring with “beep-beep-beep?

  12. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Frazz: Caulfield is a little young for Dilbert jokes.

    Dilbert: Engineers don’t do rhetorical.

    R&R: C&H did it first, but I don’t mind this so much.

    Lio: *snap*snap*

    SBp: just think how many cartoonists would be out of a job if it wasn’t for the Pearly Gates trope.

    Bizarro: so THAT is where the Edda-corn went.

    FW: who the F* is Hope? we’re talking about your Dad, idiot.

    GT: now with 9CL hand jive!!!

    JP: the local tequila is the answer to both panels.

    JUMBLE: “sweet ass” matches the spaces, but not the art.

    Mutts, 6Cx: technology /facepalm.

    OBH: better than hedgie cheerleaders.

    RwO: *gigglez* See, folks, this is how you do a tech joke.

  13. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Love Is . . . in-call.

  14. Amos Snarkadder
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:44 am [Reply]

    MW – And they’re off! I am astounded that people would sit in an arena for six hours watching other people bake cakes. It’s like the Ring Cycle, but without music. Or action. Or costumes. Or intermisions. Or interest.
    //Imagine Mary as Brunhilde… hmmm… immolation scene… oven…

  15. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Phantom: that last panel is the most expressive dom/sub artwork I’ve ever seen in a daily comic.

  16. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    A3G Greg and Margo stood outside on the cold street, watching the building burning slowly but inevitably to the ground. “Hey, didn’t you have some roommates…?” Greg remarked, to no response.

    FW Darrin’s making a Westview Salad: that’s romaine lettuce and tomatoes with a dressing made of Xanax and bourbon.

    MW You know, I think there’s a reason that Iron Chef never had a baking component. Chopping, sauteing and grilling can all be exciting. Beating eggs, sifting flour and waiting for the over to preheat…..not so much.

    MT “HEY, TRAIL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY SWEET DECAL DESIGN?!”

  17. Ranger
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    JP: I wonder why no one is caring in the United States?

    Pibgorn: Finally, someone in this strip is in agreement with me. Thanks Dru.

    Drabble: Go Ralph. That couch will be infinitely warmer than next to that cold hearted hag. Bring Wally up there with you.

  18. KreatureFeatures
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    MT: Aha! It turns out that “Rod Bassy” is an anagram for “Yard Boss” and … I got nuthin’.

  19. Bob Montana's Ghost
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    You can even tell from the apeech baloon in panel two that it was originally beeper. Look at the space.

    Too much for the word “cell” and just right for “beeper”.

    You know, when I take my meds as directected, I don’t see things like this.

  20. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    JP – Panel 1. Sam: “I’ll bet there’s a story there”. Abby: “You can bet on it!”

    Suggested Panel 2: Sam “I will bet on it, you can bet on THAT”. Abby: “I bet you will, you will bet on it, you bet!”

    Except – why would he bother to bet on it? When you make a bet, you put up some of your own (or borrowed) money, and get a payout if you win the bet. However, if you are Sam Driver, you don’t need to make a bet, you just sit back and wait for someone to give you a payout after the event.

    The better bet would be: How much longer after the “story” is revealed will it take for it to be resoved without effort or further conflict? One strip? Surely not an entire week, but we may have to wait overnight for the “Oh, nevermind, the problem went away by itself” cliffhanger.

  21. Mibbitmaker
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Also, Mr. Christopher played a marine a few times on Gomer Pyle, USMC. Not the army, but….. I sense two patterns here….

  22. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    I laughed at Dilbert today. Doonesbury, too. Maybe I’m just in an unusually humorous mood. Imagine, laughing at comics! What’s the world coming to!

  23. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    I haven’t commented on Piranha Club for awhile (mostly out of
    deference to Baka Gaijin), but his wife’s fetish for Ernie’s “sexy” clown wig
    has taken this strip to a whole new level of craziness:

    http://www.seattlepi.com/comics-and-games/fun/Piranha/2013-01-30/

  24. Joe, the Upper-Evergreen Guy
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    Gloomy Deatherbean: ……..aaaand the march of the ghouls continues…

    Luann: This stupid Brad/Toni asexual “tee-hee-hee” arc, now, after that idiotic, non-climactic, unrealistic arc of Ann Eiffel just walking off the job. Why do I even fucking bother with this shit??

    MT: “Rod Bassy”. HA!!! There’s more sex in Mark Trail than Luann!

    Marvin: That was SO totally a stupid Funky-joke.

    SixChix: Yep. The ‘ol heart-ripper…..

    Love is…: Hoping that stalking bastard goes away.

  25. Dennis Jimenez
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    Stop picking on Archie -I mean the Opera! That’s hilarious!!! And Jug has Pat Boone’s white buck shoes – a slacker like him – classic Archie madcap!

    Compare this to GT, where they don’t even know that the high-five has been long ago replaced by the fist-bump – oh, how lame can you get….

  26. Amos Snarkadder
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    MT – Oh, no! The fishing contest is in Centerville. And Rod Bassy thought Mark Trail was a pain in the ass. Just wait until Crankshaft shows up.

    FC – One Note Jeffy.

  27. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    FW: Hope isn’t dead, it’s…. oh who am I kidding? This is Westview. Hope’s mother had an abortion.

  28. MISTER Fogarty
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    What is the over/under on the possibility that there will be a major fire (at Weenie World one would hope) and Bwad has to how up in his turn out gear with his coming out face on.

    Hilarity results.

  29. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:09 am [Reply]

  30. LP2004
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#20): With your suggested Panel 2 for JP, you’re getting awfully close to inviting a plagiarism lawsuit from Pete Townshend.

  31. Ranger
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    MT: Rod & Catfish sounds like a bad FM morning show.

  32. Dono
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft is 118 years old and this is the first time he’s ever seen a model train layout. Man, that’s good writing.

  33. Ratiocinator
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    @Norm (#11): Relevant to the discussion of ring tones.

    (And my phone is like that guy’s, I’m a tad embarrassed to admit. Partly because I feel like if I were to hear any one song whenever my phone rang, I’d end up getting sick of it and a song that I once enjoyed would be ruined.)

  34. Dennis Jimenez
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#33): Would Archie’s ring tone be “Sugar-Sugar?” Cuz that would be awesome!!!

  35. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    I can’t decide what the point of Pluggers is. Pluggers are so stupid that they think tropical animals live in temperate England or that they don’t know how to type “gecko habitat” into a search engine. There they go using their willful ignorance and obstinate opposition to any kind of technology as some kind of smug badge of honor. Oh, now you know where geckos live, Mr. Dog. And you didn’t have to resort to finding it out on that damned internet! I suppose that makes your knowledge better somehow? Would it be even more valuable if it were learned from a hand written encyclopedia, as that Gutenberg fellow and his bland printing press just takes all the style out of this wholly useless tidbit of information.

    And don’t YOU start, plugger chicken lady. You just happened to see a Geico commercial the other day where the gecko lizard mentioned his hometown, so don’t act like you know all this amazing stuff.

    Arrogant, anthropomorphic assholes.

  36. teenchy
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    GT: Okay, assuming that the little explosion lines radiating from their apparently-attached-at-the-shoulder (at least for that panel) hands represent sound waves, what do those lines represent when they radiate (as they most frequently do in GT) from their eyeballs?

  37. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:16 am [Reply]

    @LP2004 (#30): you’re getting awfully close to inviting a plagiarism lawsuit from Pete Townshend

    Who?

    I’m not worried about any stinkin’ lawsuits, I’m busy drinkin’ myself blind to the sound of old T-Rex!

  38. Doctor Handsome
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    “Cell” isn’t short for “cellular phone” here, guys. She’s calling Archie’s place of imprisonment. The beeps tell her his phone-activated shock collar is still functioning, still keeping him down there on the floor like the animal he is.

  39. Cleve Barrister
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:17 am [Reply]

    MW- What would make this “worth-while” would be if the losers all get thrown in the oven

  40. Pozzo
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    Cell phone, pager — screw that. What I want to know is: what is Jughead drinking? Is Riverdale the last bastion of Yoo-Hoo?

  41. Horace Broon
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    A3G: “‘Greg kicks open the door’?” Frank Bolle seethed, “An action pose and a below-the-waist shot! Well, we’ll see about that; I’ll draw Greg falling over backwards and pretend it’s a shot of him kicking the door down! Mwahahahaha!”

    ASM: So when MJ’s under threat he’s all “Oh, man, how can I save the woman I love without giving away my secret identity?” but when someone pulls a gun on him he doesn’t think twice. Our hero, folks!

    (Luckily his secret identity is safe: “You … you took pro-active action to stop a crime! Whoever you are, you can’t be Spider-Man!”)

    MT: “My ownership of the van with my name painted on the side is a private matter!”

  42. Doctor Handsome
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:24 am [Reply]

    My takeaway from Gil Thorp: Even the rare girl who’s OK at sports is way better at “feeling” than math.

  43. Not Worth It
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Archie – Yeah, it was a beeper. They didn’t even bother/know to replace the “Beep Beeps” with music notes. The laziest “update” ever.

  44. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    @Mumblix Grumph (#8): Yeah, when I read this, my immediate thought was “When was the last year when spoiled rich girl Veronica could have NOT had a cell phone?”

  45. Cocktails_365
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    “Hope isn’t dead, but it’s on life support.” I’m pretty sure all Westview graduates are required to get that tattooed across their back upon matriculation. http://safr.kingfeatures.com/idn/ck/content.php?file=aHR0cDovL3NhZnIua2luZ2ZlYXR1cmVzLmNvbS9GdW5reVdpbmtlcmJlYW4vMjAxMy8wMS9GdW5reV9XaW5rZXJiZWFuLjIwMTMwMTMwXzUyNS5naWY=&tok=d9ab3b5a2898a1c589c4a14a4b3370e2

  46. Clint Brawny
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    The onomatopoeia is “beep beep”, so it probably was a pager/beeper.

  47. TheDiva
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Archie: It’s funny because chicks dig arty stuff, and guys will go out of their way to avoid arty stuff (unless they think they might score afterwards). Tomorrow: men like sports, women don’t like sports.

    GT: Wonky Twin Powers Activate!

  48. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Robber-Man — Apparently, the right to bear arms doesn’t stand a chance against someone with the proportionate strength of a spider. (Where’s the NRA when you need them?)

    “With great power there must also come great responsibility.”

  49. tb4000
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    Archie: I think the beeping does work because a lot of hipster types tend to use old school ringtones in an ironic manner. Mr. Andrews unfortunately is an irony unto himself though.

  50. TheDiva
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    A3G: What are they going to call the strip while the fire damage is repaired.

    C’shaft: “Is this that ‘fun’ thing? Cause I don’t do that.”

    FW: “Much like everybody in this town.”

    Luann: And once again, Luann sees women as this bizarre alien species to be simultaneously worshipped and feared.

    MT: So that’s it! He fishes with his van! Or…something…

    MW: Aaaaaand…GO! Slosh that sugar into the cup! Squish those eggs over the bowl! Move, move, MOVE!

    Phantom: If a masked man wearing purple spandex walked into my office, “He saw the lion outside” wouldn’t be the first of my worries.

    Pibgorn: And it’s official, Brooke isn’t even trying to conceal his intentions anymore.

    Pluggers: “Then why does the TV gecko speak with an English accent? Lies! My life is a pack of lies!” *sob*

    SM: So apparently Spider-Man can only do super-hero type things if nobody’s around to witness him. Kind of like that guy in Mystery Men who could only be invisible if nobody was watching.

  51. Nick
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:58 am [Reply]

    Such computer errors are well within the established literature on computerized humor. Most likely the AJGLU believes Phone and Cellular Phone to be irreducible synonyms(see: http://arxiv.org/pdf/0711.3197v1.pdf ). It is easy to see how this would occur: most text search results for phone seem to be cellular phones, while the image results seem to be landlines.

  52. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    That’s not what Margo was wearing when she went to bed, but then again, that’s not what Greg was wearing when the fire woke him up. Maybe Greg was replaced by Scott Gaines or Alan or some other interchangeable A3Guy. He’s a famous actor, he’s likely to have a stunt double.

  53. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Sick Chix — Rina Piccolo’s audition strip for Love is…

    http://www.seattlepi.com/comics-and-games/fun/6Chix/2013-01-30/

    More heart and less clothing, Rina!

  54. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#50): “A3G: What are they going to call the strip while the fire damage is repaired.”

    Easy. “9 Chickweed Lane”

  55. Dood
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    The question is, can the Milford lady cagers ride the peacock all the way to the playdowns?

  56. Justin
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    What really dates Archie here is the fact that Veronica actually has his number memorized.

  57. Dennis Jimenez
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#43): So, Archie is a Miami Vice era drug dealer – now this strip is starting to make a lot more sense….

  58. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    Arch: Cell phones were probably more popular than pagers even in the late 90s. If it were the late 90s, maybe the opera in question would be Rent, the rock opera. In that case, Archie’s fear of attending would be attributed to his strange attraction to Angel, the homosexual transvestite with AIDS.

  59. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Crushing a pistol with your bare hands doesn’t give away his identity? Like he could be some other super hero with less name recognition. “Yeah, I’m … uh, Hitch… Hitchhikerman! My special ability is … my opposable thumb… SUPER opposable thumb!”

  60. Mibbitmaker
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:16 am [Reply]

    GT, meta: Uh…. no, Josh, I haven’t….. (pause, forced smile, sloooowly walking away backwards….)
    GT: Having said that… yeah, those are some hideous mitts there. Luckily, the guy in the next panel doesn’t have that problem.

    MT: SUSPICIOUS MUCH, BASSY?

    FW’s been on life support for 21 years — or would be if supporting the living was the least bit relevant to the diseased Funkyverse.

    ReFOOB: ROD!!! (not Bassy)
    Shrill, but I agree with the larger point.

    Luann: We’re already “outgunned”, Brad. They’re called “boobies”.

    Glibporn:
    “I may vomit”. Welcome to being a McEldowney comic’s readership, Drewsilly!

    No, in the Brookeverse, succubussing is more pretentious.

    The usual nauseating stuff, but at least 9CL was good today (a Burber needs some major humbling once in a while).

  61. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#35): Your comment did suggest an answer to a question I had. What started this? The argument or discussion between Mr. and Mrs. Plugger must have begun when they saw a Geico commercial.

    “Is that an English accent? I think that’s an English accent.”
    “It can’t be. Geckos aren’t from England.”
    “If they are not from England, why does the little guy have an English accent?”
    “Quick! to the World Book!”

    // It explains it. It doesn’t make it any less dumb.

  62. mvg
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    sully (2): “Poor Archie. Can’t he pleasure his ‘friends’ orally under the table without being pestered by yucky girls?”

    Yes, I’m sure this isn’t what Reggie was expectig when Archie claimed he could drink him under the table.

    JP: Maybe April’s father is B. Traven.

    S-M/MT: OK, time for a vote for today’s dumbest criminal. Is it:

    ( ) Rod Bassy in ‘Mark Trail,’ for his subtle, defensive shouting whenever the journalist profiling him asks a question or takes a picture. “HEY, ARE YOU ACCUSING ME OF CHEATING? WHY DO YOU WANT A PHOTO OF MY CUSTOMIZED VAN?!”
    -or-
    ( ) Nameless Ne’er-do-well in Spider-Man, whose masterplan is to get rich by robbing people so penniless they’re reduced to hitchhiking.

    ( )

  63. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#47): Wonky twin powers – activate!

    “Form of… a 7ft center!”

    “Shape of… a sports announcer with a goatee!”

    “You could have been anything, and you chose Marty Moon?”

    “I was under PRESSURE! The 7ft center thing was already taken!

  64. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    HEY, TRAIL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TAKE PICTURES OF MY MANLY PHYSIQUE, NOT SOME DAMN ARMY SURPLUS VAN!!

  65. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#61): I assumed it was an Aussie accent, but I’ll casually and smugly drop the fact that I don’t watch TV, so I don’t hear the accent often.

    I’m like Steve the Cyclist of PBS, except with me it’s a lack of doing anything that makes me better than the rest of humanity.

  66. Old Folkie
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    Aagh! The children of A3G’s blue people have not only invaded Sally Forth, but now Frazz!
    JP’s author must be listening to “My Mexican Home’ by John Prine…

  67. Mibbitmaker
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#47): re: Archie: That comment can loosely apply perfectly to today’s Hi & Lois as well. To like book clubs requires one to be female, and a man needs the cliched and condescendingly-named “man cave” to escape. And, usually, sports is involved, too.

  68. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#60): MT: SUSPICIOUS MUCH, BASSY?

    I’m sure there’s an excellent reason for the tinted windows on Rod’s Bassmobile. (Other than: “Elrod’s too lazy to draw the interior!”). Maybe Rod doesn’t want people to see him and his BFF Catfish slapping the bass*.

    *Sounds worse than it is. On bass guitar, “slapping” usually refers to a percussive playing technique most commonly used in funk, disco, soul, jazz, Latin, pop, and many other genres. (That last part according to Wikipedia…)

  69. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#65): The original GEICO ads with the gecko were voiced by Kelsey Grammer.

  70. Marc
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    9CL- If this were anybody but a Burber that sucked at playing piano that much, they’d be getting pelted with a barrage of rotten vegetables.

    A3G- So throught this little fire twist, we’ve learned that Greg was concerned enough about his appearance that he had to get fully dressed before attempting a rescue. We’ve also learned that Margo can change into pajamas in her sleep.

    Mark Trail- What are you doing Trail? Stop taking pictures of my van, it’s done nothing illegal. Are you accusing me of growing marijuana plants in there? Are you also accusing me of abducting young women? Well you can’t prove that Trail!

    Mary Worth- How little of a life do you have to have to buy tickets to watch a cake baking contest? If I wanted to be bored into a coma, I’d just go to Westview and think a happy thought.

    Funky- That arsenic laced soup oughta put you guys out of your misery pretty soon.

    Luann- Brad’s interest in women’s makeup is pretty disturbing. Personally, the thought of watching a girl apply makeupnot only sounds insanely boring, but is a turnoff. But we all know that Bwad is one fucked up individual.

    DTM- I know it’s Mr. Wilson who is supposed to be talking, but that would be way more menacing if it was Dennis telling the old man that he can’t wait for him to die.

  71. Urban Garlic
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    My guess for Archie is that, in the original, he was just hiding under the table, and there was no pager or cell phone at all.

    Veronica assumed he was at home, and went to the pay-phone to call his home, but from her new vantage point near the wall, could now see him crouching down there.

    Snap, forsooth!

  72. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    The Amazing Spider-Man: We could calculate the force required to rip apart a semi-automatic pistol like so much cardboard, and why it is that Peter couldn’t beat Kraven with such strength, but that would take away from more important questions like how much they’re paying Supreme Court justices that Antonin Scalia apparently needs a sideline in desert stickups.

    Apt. 3-G: Looking at Greg’s stumpy little legs and delicate little feet, I can’t help hearing him cry “Margo!!” in a faint, high-pitched, flutey voice. Well, congratulations on becoming the first-ever midget James Bond, anyway.

    Bizarro: Who else immediately had this film clip come to mind?

    Dick Tracy: Kids spontaneously play baseball? With snow on the ground? Quickly, Pond, the ALGJU 3000′s time distortions are spreading!

    Hi and Lois: I’m wondering how Trixie knows that steak is something to be desired. Either Lois is the worst mother ever, or Trixie is hiding a dark secret.

    Judge Parker: I dunno. Maybe he likes Mexico?

    Luann: Worst. Foreplay. Ever.

    Mark Trail: STOP TAKING PICTURES OF MY CHURCH YOUTH GROUP, TRAIL.

    Mary Worth: This is what happens to your brain on speed. The purple and blue shirts, I mean. The extreme baking just comes from being a retiree with too much time on your hands.

    One Big Happy: Admittedly, an owl at the Superbowl would be an improvement.[*]

    Pibgorn: …Aaaand Drusilla says what we’ve all been thinking, for years.*

    Rex Morgan, M.D.: That’s what they say, he said with a soft chuckle, as he reached for his belt buckle.

    *You might say that since I’ve only been reading Pibgorn for less than a year, I’m not entitled to make this joke. On the contrary, I blame the strip for all manner of nausea, whether or not I’ve been reading it. Something this stupid can drag you down simply by existing, whether or not you have direct contact with it.

  73. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Luann – As people have noted, this is clearly leading to some kind of emergency where B-Wad has to run off to a fire, or at least to mop the floor of the firehouse so the real firefighters won’t slip, while still wearing the makeup. Hilarity will, of course, fail to ensue.

    Today makes it clear, though, that it isn’t a case of Toni pushing the idea on B-Wad. The Wad is actively pursuing the idea of putting on Toni’s lipstick.

    At least we have the answer to the question of what the two of them do on the rare occasions when they are alone together. Just what you would expect of a couple in their 20s. She puts makeup on him and they giggle about it, leading up to a pillow fight. Then, she pegs him.

  74. Government Cheese
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Luann: Fragrances? What’s going on here (other than Brad’s Blueballs)?

    MW: What this plotline needs is a competitive villain like Bill Murray in “Kingpin”. Someone who can taunt Dill and Mary as they try to take the prize. However, in such a plotline, Mary would get punched in the boob by a mafioso character.

  75. But What Do I Know?
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    MT — Having been born after 1975, Rod Bassy really does have no idea what Mark is doing with that strange thing in his hand. . .

    JP — “Are you repeating my words just to annoy me?

    “Are you repeating my words just to annoy me?

    SM — Tearing the end of the pistol off isn’t going to make the bullet any less lethal at that range. . .

  76. Shrug, Coming Across and Getting Down With It
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#y281):

    Back in high school I had a teacher who claimed one of the “rules” for doing crossword puzzles was that once you had written down one answer, every subsequent answer you committed to paper had to intersect with one already on paper — in other words, you could start anywhere but having done so, you could not “skip around.”

    I’ve never encountered any one else who insists on this method, but having been inculcated early, I’ve almost always done that myself. Which means that on tougher crosswords, like late week NY TIMES, I find myself doing a lot of answers in my head until I can get to the point where I allow myself to write one down. Which in turn got me in the habit of doing large chunks of crossword puzzles in my head (yay for short term memory), so for easier puzzles I try to do the whole thing that way.

    Nothing let developing a skill set that irritates your spouse, causes strangers to assuming you are lying, and has essentially no actual real-world utility, all at once.

  77. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#74): What this plotline needs is a competitive villain like Bill Murray in “Kingpin”.

    I just saw that movie over the weekend for the first time!

    We could have the big reveal that John has a rubber hand, and that this is why everyone is so afraid he will drop the cake. He has his moment of triumph when he is able to carry the cake successfully across the room, but still loses out to Bill Murray due to the fact that a two-layer pink cake with pink frosting has nothing to do with the theme of the contest. Later, Mary grifts Bill out of the reward money, and they use it to bail Randy Quaid out of jail – again!

  78. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    “Hope isn’t dead but it’s on life support” – Camus, right?
    //Edward Albee?

  79. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    Not to state the obvious, but Greg Evans seems fixated on reluctant males being pursued by aggressive females. Wish fulfillment? Is this a common male fantasy?

  80. Droopy Says
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick has spider-strength. The driver, presumably, doesn’t. So when Spiderdick twists, squeezes and pulls the pistol, how does the driver keep his grip on the pistol? Has Parker just stumbled across Muggerman, who was bitten by a radioactive joy buzzer? Or is this really a set-up for Candid Camera?

  81. Alter Ego
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    Basic love is… answering the door naked.

    Advanced love is… showing up at her door naked.

  82. Shrug, with a Chaser
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#y322):

    I thought a “pop psychologist” was someone who deduced your personal problems by observing what sort of soda you drank.

    // If so, I don’t think I ought to admit to an adolescent fondness for Squirt.

  83. Dennis Jimenez
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, with a Chaser (#82): Dr. Pepper – Pop Psychologist – Office Hours – 10-2-4….

  84. Austria
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    Arch: Last time I remember beepers being relevant was when I was, like, 8. My dad had one for his job. I can say for sure that nobody my age wanted a beeper. Can’t speak for high schoolers, though.

    FC: Oh gosh, I’m actually stifling my laughter. Jeffy’s FACE. That angry squint is the best.

    FW: This constant depression used to be mildly amusing. Now it’s just annoying.

    GT: I don’t really follow this comic. Are those men or women?

    H&L: AAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHH! KILL IT WITH FIRE! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!

    PBS: Neighbor Bob sure is tiny.

  85. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#79):

    It is the very common “nice guy” delusion, where the woman will pursue a man because they recognize that he is a Nice Guy. The Nice Guy must be too shy, or too nice, to reciprocate, which leads to the type of plot dead ends for which this strip is famous. The Nice Guy is also not required to actually display any signs of being nice, the fact that they self-identify is enough.

    “Luann” specializes in the sub-genre of “best friend” nice guy, the common fantasy where the hot girl who would never give you a second look as a romantic parter, but learns to confide in you about their struggles with their “bad guy” boyfriend, suddenly realizes – OMG! The person I’ve been waiting for has been right here all along! Listening to me, advising me, CARING about me! All just based on a forelorn hope of someday getting into my pants when I have a fight with my real boyfriend! So, not really interested in me at all, or really a Nice Guy, just some horny loser with no idea how to approach a woman honestly!

  86. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#83): “Diet Dr.” Pepper treats eating disorders.

  87. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#85): Ah. I have not observed any of these nice guys IRL. Perhaps they are all in Canada, demonstrating things to Aviatrix?

  88. Brick Bradford
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Been awhile, hasn’t it?
    A3G Didn’t he put Margo to bed fully clothed? Who put her in her nightgown? Continuity people!
    Archie: Riverdale has an opera house?

  89. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Archie: Would be more enjoyable if Reggie or Jughead were lolling around in unfocused sexual pleasure while Archie was under the table.

    MT: Paparazzo Mark is going to be the punchee this time. When this story is filmed Rod Bassy will be played by Sean Penn. (Old reference, I know.)

    MW: No Mary, stop! This is the cake decorating contest. The breakdance competition is next week!

    FW: “Of course that’s what everyone says about everything, so take it with a grain of the salt that will eventually give you a massive coronary.”

    Popeye: That was just a gentleman’s C+, though.

    JP: This whole screenwriting thing is so easy even Alan Parker can do it, so Abbey is scripting a spaghetti Western.

    RMMD: “Well I do like boy scouts, but let’s move onto another subject.”

    GA: These two would make a cute couple, with their matching linguistic impediments and all. Well, they’d make a couple, give me that.

    H&L: Oh my God! Is Trixie going to be drawn as an ogre from now on?

    Phantom: “No flop sweat, try to remain calm. I know. Tell the purple guy that the lioness is our surprise birthday present to him.”

    DtM: Ruthie in One Big Happy the other day told Avis that by the time she (Ruthie) was old, she (Avis) would be dead. So Dennis, you have a new menacing coach.

    A3G: Greg lets his foot do the work of a fire ax. This is more like it, 007.

  90. Rip Houndstooth, Man Of Action
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#27):

    With a coat hanger. In the alley behind Montoni’s.

  91. geogreg
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    MT: “HEY, TRAIL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking a picture of the fish on the side of your van. Then, I’ll use Photoshop to make it appear as though I caught the fish with Rusty. The picture will be useful when Child Services comes poking around again. When Rusty starts complaining that I never take him fishing, I’ll have ‘proof’ that he’s lying. Ha ha! Poor Rusty!”

  92. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:51 am [Reply]

    @Brick Bradford (#88): Margo’s clothes do what she expects of them. If she wants her blouse and slacks to turn into a nightgown, they’ll find a way to do it.

  93. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#85): It occurs to me that I have known lots of women who do this (hang on as some guy’s friend, hoping). Does this have a name? Other than ‘stupidity’? Has it ever worked? (If this is a fantasy for both men and women, does this mean we actually think about things somewhat the same way? In my early feminist days, I thought, no difference between the way men and women think. These days, I have moved past “Mars” and “Venus” to, maybe, “Mercury” and “Alpha Centauri”)

  94. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    @Dennis Jimenez (#83): @Shrug, with a Chaser (#82): Dr. Pepper – Pop Psychologist – Office Hours – 10-2-4…

    Dr. Pepper TEN is Bo Derek’s favorite soft drink.

    “It’s Not for Women. Unless you’re Bo Derek.”

  95. Inkwell
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: No snark today. I just like that the little boy is taking life in the hellish anthro dimension so well, even though his buddies are all about to turn around and start eating each other. What a swell kid!

  96. Shrug, Rounding Third and Being Thrown Out at Home
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#72):

    “Kids spontaneously play baseball? With snow on the ground? Quickly, Pond, the ALGJU 3000?s time distortions are spreading!”

    I assumed they were hipster kids playing IRONIC baseball, hoping for the video to go viral.

  97. geogreg
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    B.C.: A trust fall joke? I seem to remember seeing those on sitcoms in the 1970s. Timely!

  98. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#72):

    Apt. 3-G: Looking at Greg’s stumpy little legs and delicate little feet, I can’t help hearing him cry “Margo!!” in a faint, high-pitched, flutey voice.

    Really? I imagined it as more of a ‘Braveheart’ kind of yell, as in “You can take my life, fire, but you’ll never take my MARGOOOOOOO!

  99. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#85): I see you’ve been talking with mollificent. ;-)

  100. Shrug, with a Public Service Message
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    RED MEAT today is only 1/2SFBG (mention of fighting clowns, but no actual images).

  101. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#93):

    It occurs to me that I have known lots of women who do this (hang on as some guy’s friend, hoping). Does this have a name?

    I think the ‘ friend zone‘ is the modern expression

  102. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#98): Well, Braveheart was played by Mel Gibson, who has stumpy little legs and delicate little feet, so point in your favor, I think.

  103. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

  104. Dartpaw86
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    You’re right, I mean it doesn’t make any sense that Archie would have a cell phone but not Veronica, who is the richest most spoiled girl in the entire city.

  105. Majicou
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#103): Still one of the most tragic webcomic installments I’ve ever seen (most of the rest are also xkcd.)

  106. Gringo
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#23): Ernie just hasn’t been the same since they renamed it Piranha Club and shifted the focus to Uncle Sid.

  107. I speak Jive
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#61): I recall a Geico commercial which addressed the gecko’s accent. He was at a meeting, and one of the participants spoke to him in a fake British accent. Another participant said that she thought he was Australian. The gecko replied that he was actually from —- (cut). I’m ashamed that I remember this so clearly.

    Mary Worth – Why is Dill measuring dry ingredients with a liquid measuring cup? I know that this has been discussed here before.

    Pluggers – According to his encyclopedia, the President is Harry Truman.
    P.S. – How many people here know how to spell “encyclopedia” thanks to the original Mickey Mouse Club?

  108. Gringo
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    @mvg (#62): Maybe April’s father is B. Traven

    And he’s living in the Sierra Madre!

  109. Poteet
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    ARCHIE — Even if Veronica wanted to go to an opera, which is mind-boggling, it’s unlikely that she would refer to “the opera” unless she goes to operas regularly, which is even more boggling. I understand the need for an activity that she would want to go to and Archie wouldn’t, but the tired old cliche “shopping” would have made more sense.

  110. astroboy
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    The pager phenomenon was in the early 90s. I know because I was a store detective at that time and we all used them.

  111. Poteet
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    GT — All that sweat is drawn with relative elegance, especially for GT, but I still say ewww.

  112. Dale
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    ARGYLE SWEATER

    A Helen Keller joke?
    If you want to be tasteless, but really up to date, try thalidomide.

  113. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    @Austria (#84): re GT: both.

    white guy is the vanilla swirl in black girl’s cone, today’s strip shows the girls team playing.

  114. Amos Snarkadder
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Toni & Brad (aka, “Toad”) have assumed their favorite sexual position – facing away from each other at an angle so that their erogenous zones are safely inaccessible. In other words, a nonsexual position.
    //Brad thinks a “reach around” is a sandwich at Weenie World.
    ////Since TJ hired Gunther, it is.

  115. Uncle Lumpy
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Coming Across and Getting Down With It (#76):

    … once you had written down one answer, every subsequent answer you committed to paper had to intersect with one already on paper — in other words, you could start anywhere but having done so, you could not “skip around.”

    Well, yeah — otherwise it’s just a guessing game.

    … I find myself doing a lot of answers in my head until I can get to the point where I allow myself to write one down. Which in turn got me in the habit of doing large chunks of crossword puzzles in my head …

    I thought that was more or less the point of crossword puzzles.

  116. Jerry Fox, from Cleveland
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#35): All Pluggers strips boil down to one joke “Pluggers are old.” That’s all there is to it. It isn’t that they’re stupid or smart, rural or urban, conservative or liberal. It’s simply that it’s fun to mock the elderly. No more, no less.

  117. Poteet
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    LUANN — The worst part is knowing that this episode is supposed to be endearing. BLEEAAARRRGH.

  118. terrapin
    January 30th, 2013 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft: “Well, for starters, a conscience, a sense of whimsy, anything resembling good manners or social skills, deodorant I’m guessing…”

    JP: “I wonder why he’s dying in Mexico. I also wonder why we’re not out buying something. Why aren’t we out buying something?”

    Luann: For the love of God, Greg Evans, get help!

  119. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Special offer!

  120. AhClem
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    MW – Although we can only see a few audience members in the first panel, there are undoubtedly tens of thousands of people who stood in line for days outside the Santa Royale Arena, hoping to get tickets for the best seats.

    I want to see the rabid fans who are stripped to the waist with pink body paint, waving “Team Worth!” pennants and wearing beer hats loaded with cans of cake frosting.

  121. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#114): Brad thinks a “reach around” is a sandwich at Weenie World.

    Brad also thinks you can get a “swirlie” at Baskin-Robbins.

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#116): @Hogenmogen (#35): All Pluggers strips boil down to one joke “Pluggers are old.” That’s all there is to it. It isn’t that they’re stupid or smart, rural or urban, conservative or liberal. It’s simply that it’s fun to mock the elderly. No more, no less.

    Don’t forget, Pluggers are also cheap and lazy. Those are both qualities that aren’t necessarily age-related.

  122. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#87): I used to play the Nice Guy card, but I couldn’t be bothered to stalk these women for years until they finally went through a string of assholes and relented for me. That’s an elaborate way of saying that I wasn’t getting any.

    In college, a friend had sudden success with the ladies. He said the only people who get laid are the genuine super nice guys or total dicks. He decided being a dick was the easier of the two options. He even went so far as to join a fraternity.

    I dropped the Nice Guy act eventually. What pushed me over the edge was a party where there got to be a sort of a group debate on men vs women. I was squarely on the pro-feminist side, and there was a jerky guy who insisted that a woman’s place was in the kitchen blah blah blah. Pop Quiz: Who went home with a chick on each arm and who passed out drunk and alone? So no more Nice Guy act, but I can’t muster up enough ambition to be a total dick, either.

  123. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#101): Well, well, live and learn! “Penalty box of relationships,” LOL!

  124. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

  125. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Jerry Fox, from Cleveland (#116): Pluggers are old! Hilarious! Hey, I have an idea for a new strip. It will be about a big dog. The dog is really big! Ha ha!

    Mutts is making me vomit this week with its pathetic attempts at a punchline. He’s a groundhog – but he knows about FACEBOOK!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

  126. AhClem
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#72):

    Apt. 3-G: Looking at Greg’s stumpy little legs and delicate little feet, I can’t help hearing him cry “Margo!!” in a faint, high-pitched, flutey voice. Well, congratulations on becoming the first-ever midget James Bond, anyway.

    I haven’t been able to view this strip yet, due to various firewalls and such. Does Greg have legs and feet growing out of his upper back, or has A3G taken the unprecented step of showing things below the waist?

  127. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119): Okay, I laughed.

  128. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#109): Why did he say that he would go and then wuss out? Wassup wit dat?

    Unless, he was under the table giving head to Reggie. That would make sense.

  129. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#107): I measure dry ingredients with a liquid measure and vice versa, all the time.
    //What the hell do you care, you won’t be eating anything I cook.

  130. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#65): @I speak Jive (#107): Well, yes, it is supposed to be an Australian accent, of some sort, because geckos are from Australia, I think. Let me check my World Book encyclopedia and get back with you.

  131. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @astroboy (#110): I used a pager for work up until about 2004 or 2005. Finally couldn’t replace it because no one offered service.

  132. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    JP: Strangely, the answer is the same for both questions.

    “Why is he living in Mexico?” He really, really likes Mexican food.

    “Why is he dying in Mexico?” He really, really likes Mexican food.

  133. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#114): Ahem…I beg to differ about the possibilities here…(brain bleach, please!)

  134. Downpuppy, Forever
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#72): We need to preserve today’s A3G. When future generations ask “Why didn’t they ever show characters from the navel down?”, we just point them to this sub-Elrodian clip art, & nod sadly.

  135. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#122): But was the jerk who went home with two ‘chicks’ EVER SEEN AGAIN?
    (my sympathy to you, however, you poor dear.)

  136. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    MT: This WOULD make a good PICTURE.

  137. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#126): BELOW THE WAIST. What is this world coming to?

    Come to think of it, given how awkwardly Greg’s legs are drawn, the strip’s reluctance to go down south has nothing to do with prudery and everything to do with technical skill.

  138. Downpuppy, Forever
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#126): The Washington Post has the soap strips – just click on something when the ad starts – http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/comicsadp/comics.html?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.washingtonpost.com%2Fwp-srv%2Fartsandliving%2Fcomics%2Fking_apartment_3g.html%3Fname%3DApartment_3-G

    & be prepared to see more truth than one should have to.

  139. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, Forever (#134): See my comment below yours. How right you are, my friend, how right you are…

    Wait, future generations are going to give a crap about Apt. 3-G? We barely give a crap about it!

  140. Poteet
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    A3G — Weirdest fire ever.

  141. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

  142. Chip Whittle
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: So a Plugger can just look in the encyclopedia and find the reassuring statement, “geckos are not found in England”. This has me wondering what reassuring statements the Plugger Book Encyclopedia feels worth printing. “No, you can’t contract ‘sexting’ over a land-line phone”? “If you mumble enough nobody will catch on you don’t know the lyrics to any song besides ‘Happy Birthday To You’ or ‘Having My Baby’”? “That jackanapes of a squirrel shall get his comeuppance, I promise you”?

    I guess I also wonder how worried they were about finding geckos in England. Is it some kind of phobia about what might happen if they try an episode of this Downtown Abby all their ungrateful kids are talking about?

  143. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Next week on Archie: Archie, Reggie, and Jughead litter the streets of Riverdale with pre-paid cell phone SIM cards they’ve used and discarded in their constant battle to avoid going to the vacants opera.

  144. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    For those of you engaged in the interesting dating discussion, may I direct you toward the benefits of celibacy.
    //note the interesting position of commenter #130 betwixt 129 and 131. Si-i-i-i-igh. No, no more of that.

  145. AhClem
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    @Downpuppy, Forever (#138): Washington Post, Seattle PI, Chron — It doesn’t matter; I always get the same “Unauthorized Request! Invalid Domain ()” message for many of the comics. It has something to do with our firewall at work. I will check it out later from home.

  146. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#112): Argyle has been scraping the bottom of the barrel for along time now. What next, booger jokes?

    // No, wait, dead baby jokes! Those were big when I was in Jr. High.

  147. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#146): “a long” — Hey, what’s this button down here labeled “Preview”?

  148. Freakin Hemingwad
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#146): Once he ran out of Gary Larson’s ideas…

  149. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#117):

    …this episode is supposed to be endearing.

    Is that what you got from today’s “Luann?” I thought it was morons attract morons.

    Or is it morons write about morons?

  150. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: That’s some awesomely bad perspective in panel 1, with those enormous cabinets hanging over the heads of the other contestants like the sword of Damocles. Mary and John are drawn like they’re on a raised dias to keep in tune with Mary’s elevated sense of self worth. Or is the floor itself curved? As if they are in a rotating space station? Is the very fabric of the Universe curving to accommodate the sheer cosmological importance of the SANTA ROYALE CAKE DECORATING CONTEST? Yeah, we’ll go with that.

  151. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#144): friends with benefits >>> benefits of celibacy.

    imho.

  152. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

    @astroboy (#110): The only folks I know who still use pagers are doctors and police officers. I’m told that the reason is for security, which is nonsense because alpha-numeric pages are easy to intercept and decrypt compared to cell text messages.

    My church used to use simple numeric pagers for our nursery. Restaurant-type private pagers couldn’t get through the brick walls of our buildings, but POTS pagers could.

  153. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#129): The measurements are the same. The liquid measure cups just make it easier to see when you have a partial cup. Sometimes the liquid measure cups’ measurements stop short of the top so you don’t have to fill completely to the brim to get what you want. Liquid measure cups also are designed for pouring more easily. But a liquid cup is the same volume as a dry measure cup.

  154. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Wait a sec. It’s a lizard and it’s talking! Who cares about the accent! It’s friggin’ talking! It should be walking into Nehemiah Scudder’s bar!

    Wait! It’s a dog and a chicken and they’re talking!

    They should all be walking into Nehemiah Scudder’s bar!

    A gecko, a dog and a chicken walked into a bar…

  155. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#122): I stopped being dateless at about 24, when I finally realized that woo&screw is simply a numbers game, and that the worst thing a woman can do to you is say “no” to your advances.

    I’ve even read an article that went so far to claim that your standard pickup line could be “Hey, you wanna screw?” and 1-in-30 would say yes. Pretty good odds, I think.

  156. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#153): aren’t cup measurements different in Japan?

    *looks innocent*

  157. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:36 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#151): Do you mean “>” in the mathematical sense, or is this some obscure emoticon or html thing?

  158. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#156): Since Japan is on the opposite side of the world from me, I suppose that the cups must have some device to keep the contents from falling out.

  159. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:38 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#154): Oh, don’t get him started.

  160. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#156):

    You’re not talking about measuring cups, are you.

  161. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#102):

    Well, Braveheart was played by Mel Gibson, who has stumpy little legs and delicate little feet, so point in your favor, I think.

    In that case I look forward to Greg calling Margo ‘sugartits’ in tomorrows strip.

    @Lumaca Morente (#123):

    Most of the time when I hear about the ‘friendzone’, its in reference to frustrated young men who don’t understand why their female friends aren’t having sex with them when they’re such ‘nice guys’, somehow without realizing that their misogynistic attitudes don’t make them all that nice after all.

  162. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#155): Is a woman that would say “Yes” to “Wanna screw?” really someone that you’d want to be with? Are you sure she wouldn’t charge you for it afterwards?

  163. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#156): Ok, now I get it.

    Sigh. I’m always the last to know.

  164. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    Love Is-Ringing her bell.

  165. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    Gil Thorp-And in the back on the bleachers Darth Sideous/Palpatine and Yoda are waging an epic battle for the fate of the galaxy.

  166. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Sarge has been banging Beetle’s sister.

  167. Poteet
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#14): Wait a minute. I was very slow on the uptake. This contest really does involve a huge audience sitting around for six hours while the cakes are actually made? Instead of the already-made-and-decorated cakes being brought to the contest and then judged, like every other cake contest I’ve ever heard of?

    Be very grateful, Archie, that Veronica wants to take you to an opera and not this contest. By the way, isn’t the town named after Mary Herself? Doesn’t the name kind of translate to mean a royal female saint?

  168. bbofun
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers- The question is- in a world (feel free to read this in full-on “movie trailer guy” voice) populated by anthropomorphic talking animals, wouldn’t the Geico commercials feature a REAL talking gecko? And, if so- WHY IS HE USING A FAKE ENGLISH ACCENT? [DUN-DUN DUHHHHHHHH!]

  169. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Archie-And twenty years down the road this will be changed to a tracking chip she shoved up his ass one night.

  170. Majicou
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#107): I remember that Geico commercial oddly well, too, but it’s because I kept thinking how stupid it was that that lady thought the world’s most Londoner lizard could be from Australia. These are not hard-to-distinguish accents (not for native English speakers, anyway.)

    I still have trouble picking out different accents in Japanese, unless they’re incredibly exaggerated. One of my Japanese teachers was from Osaka and tried to demonstrate Kansai dialect for us, but it’s still tricky.

  171. bbofun
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#167): The cake contest in Mary Worth is based on the televised contests on Food Network (Food Network Challenge, Last Cake Standing, The Great Cake-Off, etc.). Whether or not contests like this existed before they came along, I haven’t the slightest, but nowadays, this is the norm.

  172. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#162): All I know is that, once I realized reality, that it didn’t take very far into the 1:30 ratio before I met and married my wife of 16 years. I think it was 3 “asks” in a month, with 2 accepting.

    This, after being dateless for most of high-school and college. AND, she (my wife) was/is way out of my league. “Never hurts to ask” (politely, of course) is the advice I now give to love-lorn teen boys.

  173. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#155): That’s what you call ‘dating’? Boy, I really am not missing anything. IMHO.

  174. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#172): Please tell me that she responded favorably to you asking her out, not to your “let’s screw”.

  175. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @geogreg (#97): I’m sure Community must have done a trust fall joke at some time, albeit with Abed fourth-walling about how trust falls were a staple of sitcoms in the seventies.

  176. pugfuggly
    January 30th, 2013 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#167):

    And that’s just one of the great events taking place this year at the Santa Royale Thunderdome. In March there’s the Sweater-knitting competition, in June they’re hosting the tri-county Essay Writing contest, and the ever-popular Orchid Growing playoffs from July until the following summer.

  177. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#174): Yes, I was more polite than that. But I’m still a firm believer in the 1:30 ratio.

  178. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#177): What is the ratio, in the 30 attempts, of slaps/punches/police being called?

  179. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#176): Don’t forget the So-Cal Cup and Ball Quarterfinals.

  180. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#168): You should do the Political Attack Ad voice.

    This gecko pretends to be from Merrie Old England, but who is he, really?? Geico gecko: true lizard or impostor salamander??

    I’m plugger chicken lady, and I approve this mess-of-eggs.

  181. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#173): From your POV, I suppose not. From my POV, I got really tired of being home alone on Friday nights while the “playas” had a different woman every night of the week. The only difference (that I can see) is that they asked, and I didn’t.

  182. tallyHO
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    @Old Folkie (yikes yesterday#362):
    Jonah was swallowed by the whale, not Job.
    Gulp!

  183. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#172): Your wife of 16 years? How old were you at the time? Even in Kentucky, we’ums gots laws agin’ that.

  184. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1) said Re: FW— “All this hopeful talk can only mean one thing…
    QUICK, SOMEBODY CALL A PRIEST!!!”

    Relax, Rocky.
    Remember, in FW it’s not over until the Death Cat purrs.

  185. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @tallyHO (#182): The book of Job did have a completely out of place detailed description of a bizarre leviathan that never existed with torches for teeth, amongst other things.

  186. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#178): You have to understand… the “wanna screw” article writer was probably a little over the top(and probably resulted in a few slaps to the face during research). But my basic thesis (politely asking, and not being afraid of rejection) still holds out.

  187. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#159): @Sequitur (#154): Oh, don’t get him started.

    Parson Tuttle, Reverend Croom and Sister Steven walk into a bar…

  188. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#160): well, they are cups that measure, and have like sizes and stuff.

    *innocent Rusty look*

    (oh wait, that’s the concussed goblin look.)

    (same thing, really. . . . )

  189. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#183): We were 24 and 19 when we met, and 27/22 when we married.

  190. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#184): Death Kitty, Gloom Kitty, dark ball of wangst. .. .

    *goes searching for a rhyme. . . .*

  191. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#183): 16 would be legal in a lot of states for marriage.

    no video-taping the honeymoon though.

  192. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#181): I would say they had a different woman every night because no one could stand them for a second night. This, too, would result in some lonely feelings eventually, no?

  193. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#184): Relax, Rocky. Remember, in FW it’s not over until the Death Cat purrs.

    Well, can we at least call the Priest Cat?

    http://cdn.mdjunction.com/components/com_joomlaboard/uploaded/images/priest_cat.jpg

    He puts the “cat” in “Catholic”!

  194. Hogenmogen
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#177): I think a 1:30 ratio of “Wanna screw?” is a bit generous. Also, you’re forgetting “A Beautiful Mind” where Russel Crowe recognizes the inter-dependency of actions and reactions. If there are 30 women in a bar, and you get turned down by the first woman, your chances are not 1:29, nor are they 1:30. Because no one wants someone else’s cast off, you’re damaged goods. By the time you’re shot down 5 times, you may as well try the Nice Guy schtick.

  195. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#191): ah. apparently only with parental/judicial approval.

    *learned something today*

  196. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#144): I’ve been celibate for the whole 27 years I’ve been alive, and I’ve yet to discover these fabled “benefits” of which you speak.

  197. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#196): Good for you! Where were you when I was 27? (not born yet. Sigh.)
    Do you have any STDs? Any unwanted offspring? Bunny-boiling angry ex coming after you? No? Now, what was your question again?

  198. Notebooked
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    How is Archie crawling? How is Jughead sitting? How is that table standing up? Veronica, you have bigger problems than Archie’s wacky escaping hijinx. Do you know where your feet are right now?

  199. tallyHO
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#185):

    bizarre leviathan that never existed with torches for teeth,

    Mouth burn, Heart burn.

    The book of Job sounds even more horrifying every time hear about it.

    //though I will probably laugh all day long at the fact I confused Jonah and Job. That’s just ridiculous. And, yet, it doesn’t matter much.

  200. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#197): No, but neither do my parents, and I have it on good authority that they’ve had sex a few times…

  201. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#200): Perhaps they are monogamous. Since you asked them about their STDs, I’m sure you will be comfortable asking them about that, as well.

  202. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#200): I’m sorry for being so snarky. What I’m saying is, it’s not the be-all and end-all of life, and you, I hope, have many, many years ahead of you. A person who’s had relationships and had them break up is probably just as lonely, and maybe feels crappier, than the person who’s had none. I’ve enjoyed my life and have gone quite a bit more time than you! On the other hand, I don’t understand how this is for guys; a bigger deal, obviously.

  203. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Death kitty, gloom kitty, living aint the answer.

    Gloom kitty, death kitty, cancer cancer cancer.

    *returns the stage to those with talent*

  204. bats :[
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#69): I much preferred those.

  205. sighing maiden, still sighing
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

    Now I am worrying about commodorejohn’s well-being. Geez. I think I’ll sign off now.

  206. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#202): ‘Salright. I’m right there with you on the idea that random hookups at bars and parties is not the only or the best way to go about it; I’m just saying that lack of complications ain’t the same thing as benefits by a long shot.

  207. bats :[
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#119): Delores: “Yeah, what’s so special about them?”

    I’m at a loss to doing a mashup with FC, but DANG! Does Jeffy look sinister! Tomorrow: Mommy: “No, we’ve only just had boys. No girls. Especially no girls with harmonicas.”

  208. Government Cheese
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#77): So in that universe, would Wilbur be Bill Murray?

  209. CanuckDownSouth
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#171): although they are mixing up the cupcake-type challenges where you *can* bake, cool and decorate in a pretty short time (and they do rate the taste in the ones I’ve seen) and the over-the-top cake challenges where it’s hours of sculptural assembly of prebaked sheets and edible decorative items. No baking, no tasting for those. Not that the pink monstrosity would be competitive in either venue.

  210. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    @MISTER Fogarty (#28): I was a first responder once, and we had a call out during an end-of-year gala. I’ve never looked so sharp in a jumpsuit and boots.

  211. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#207): Well, Jeffy is holding the drumstick upside down in his left hand which means he has it in weapon mode instead of drum-playing mode (lift the left arm and stab).

  212. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#54): How awesome would it be if Margo, Tommy and Luann had to stay with other cartoon characters while their apartment was repaired!

  213. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    @Marc (#70): Admission is free. The audience consists of homeless people glad for a place to sit down out of the weather, and hoping for free cake. But uh, not that pink one, please.

  214. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#212): I’d put them in Sherman’s Lagoon. Currently there are three vacancies there.

  215. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#212): They could replace Delta, Bernice and Luann. Bonus: Luann wouldn’t have to learn to respond to a different name, which might be too complicated for her to master.

  216. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#212): There will also be an empty cage available in Phantom. I assume.

  217. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Coming Across and Getting Down With It (#76): I use your teacher’s rule for crossword puzzles. But I cheat if the puzzle is hard. And you’re not alone doing them in your head. Blind people do. I knew someone who made audio recordings of the newspaper, for the blind, and he said he got complaints when he started because he left out the crossword puzzle. Try that!

  218. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#210): @MISTER Fogarty (#28): I was a first responder once, and we had a call out during an end-of-year gala. I’ve never looked so sharp in a jumpsuit and boots.

    Aviatrix, is that you?

    http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives/494/ww201may1972.jpg

  219. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#208):

    I’d hate to waste Bill’s talents in a Santa Royale production. This is more along the lines of something that should go to (ugh!) Jim Belushi.

  220. Government Cheese
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G: So is that smoke in the background, or Game of Thrones battle banners?

  221. AhClem
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Coming Across and Getting Down With It (#76): I approach crossword puzzles in a similar manner. I do them in ink, so it helps to rough out sections in my head before committing them to paper.

    From some of your earlier comments, I’m guessing that you live in the Twin Cities. Are you entering the contest in St. Paul this weekend?

  222. KreatureFeatures
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Dood (#55): Nice work.

  223. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#87): My research has revealed that most apparent nice guys (e.g. ones who walk you home to your dorm after a late night class but make no attempt to invite themselves in or ‘try’ anything) are just regular horny guys with no idea what to try. Jerks are regular horny guys who ‘try’ something inappropriate.

  224. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    @Lumaca Morente (#93): The women who hang on hoping and the men who are jerks are both victims of the same gap in perception. The women who appear to the men to be giving no evidence of their interest are actually displaying that interest at the maximum intensity the woman can without feeling like a slut. She will then spend hours talking to her girlfriends wondering why you completely ignore her overtures. Meanwhile a guy who isn’t capable of perceiving the level of interest the woman demonstrates certainly isn’t able to quantize his own actions so finely. So he makes one step towards the woman and immediately comes off as a massive jerk.

  225. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#224): So he makes one step towards the woman and immediately comes off as a massive jerk.

    After striking out, they then go home and immediately come off of a massive jerk.

    Circle of life.

  226. Government Cheese
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Calvin’s Cardboard Box (#219): I agree. However, I think Jim Belushi would be better suited as Aldo or a really surly version of Chinbeard.

  227. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#218): Why yes, but I thought I had my hair up. I guess those bobby pins came out fast.

  228. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @Government Cheese (#226):

    I’d give that role to the more-talented less-talented brother of a 1970s SNL star – aka Brian Doyle Murray.

  229. Peanut Gallery
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    DT – “We know a remote farm in Lincolnshire, where Mrs. Buckley lives. Every July, peas grow there.”

  230. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#5): Come on, it’s Margo. She doesn’t really come alive until you reach the melting point of tantalum. (And I had the exact same thought about Dick Tracy but they are playing with bats and balls, and they’re serving as an example that all poor children are not hooligans).

    @wossname (#9): Today’s A3G is like one of those 9CL panels where you have to turn it sideways to make it make sense. It only looks like the flames are horizontal because you’re holding it the wrong way up.

    @Nick (#51): Archie: The AJGLU has recently had “cellphones” added to its database of thngs that could be funny, but its definition of “telephone” still only contains data on payphones and home landlines. You may laugh, but it’s quite a sophisticated AI when you consider that it almost never shows someone making a payphone call from their own home.

    @pugfuggly (#6): I was so excited and stunned by the cellphone in Archie that I totally missed that one.

  231. Mikey
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark thought balloon: “Sniff…Sniff…Hmmm, Either Cherry’s in that van or he’s hiding bass in there!”

  232. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    SM: Wow! Peter Parker just developed super powers! He must have been pooped on by a radioactive elephant.

    Crankshaft: I love the look of joy on the train enthusiast’s face in the second panel. I hope this basement is lead-lined.

    Jumble: Awesome. I’m not sure if I’m looking at SLINABE or someone simply drawn with OGUMBAIUS DREENG but overwrought puns should be inclusive. Carry on.

  233. Calico
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Not the least terrifying drug gang – they look innocuous, but are actually complete monsters, esp. Jughead (refer to Bill Elder’s “Starchie” parody)

  234. Calico
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1):
    Wait, wait – are there still a few soaps on TV? Days and GH?

  235. Anachrosaurus
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    MW: So if they’ve making the cake entirely on-site, why the long, grueling cake-carrying work-outs??

  236. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    @Anachrosaurus (#235): It’s for the cake relay race portion of the competition.

  237. Lumaca Morente
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#224): You have probably done a better job at describing the mismatch between men and women than, oh, I don’t know – Philip Roth?

  238. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#232): Peter Parker just developed super powers! He must have been pooped on by a radioactive elephant

    Unfortunately, the super powers developed in such circumstances usually turn out to be pretty shitty.

  239. greghousesgf
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#233): I remember that, it was hilarious.

  240. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#233): Not the least terrifying drug gang – they look innocuous, but are actually complete monsters, esp. Jughead (refer to Bill Elder’s “Starchie” parody

    I could see 1940s Jughead as the head of a drug ring:

    http://ak.buy.com/PI/0/500/223077587.jpg

    Incidentally, the “S” on his shirt stands for “smack.”

    @Calico (#234): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#1): Wait, wait – are there still a few soaps on TV? Days and GH?

    Not so many in the US of A, but soaps still seem to be popular south of the border and overseas.

  241. SF_Reader
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

  242. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 30th, 2013 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#122): To me, the key is to reach a point where an “act” no longer applies; I don’t want to play games, and I want someone who’s mature enough to be himself, and if it works out–if it “clicks–great, and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t. Doesn’t say anything about either party involved, except that they didn’t belong together.

    I must say that maintaining that attitude at 52 is much easier than it would have been at 32. Is he smart, snarky, nice, funny, educated (and not needy or desperate)? Great–let’s give it a try. And if it doesn’t work out, I’ll end up being fine.

    Oh, and as for celibacy and the benefits thereof: In my experience, having sex is easy; having a relationship is the tough part.

  243. I speak Jive
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

    @sighing maiden, still sighing (#129): @Hogenmogen (#153): The volume is the same, true, but when you use a liquid measuring cup for dry ingredients or vice versa you may not get an accurate measurement. Measuring cups for dry ingredients are made so that the flour, sugar, whatever can be leveled off with a knife, insuring an accurate measurement. If you measure liquids in the same measuring cup, the liquid will come to the top of the cup and may spill over. This isn’t a big deal in everyday cooking. However, in a cake competition an inaccurate measurement may result in a bad cake, so they should be using the correct type of measuring cup.

  244. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    A3G: If, heaven forbid, I’m ever in an apartment that’s burning up because someone planted a bomb in my closet, I hope to god that any rescuer takes the time to put on a decent pullover sweater and cuffed slacks.

    I do wonder what Fashion Police has to say about the appropriate attire for fire rescues. I’d probably be okay with something like this.

  245. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    @Anachrosaurus (#235) asked: “MW: So if they’ve making the cake entirely on-site, why the long, grueling cake-carrying work-outs??”

    Those cake-carrying work-outs are symbolic of John’s sexual attraction to Mary. He really wants to lay ‘er, but of course, it won’t pan out.

  246. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    @SF_Reader (#241): Some of it is language drift, but whoa! I find it hard to believe most of those writers and artists didn’t know exactly what they were doing, and then high-fived one another when it got past the radar. You have to help me though, what is the innocent meaning for #17?

    @I speak Jive (#243): Is there any reason at all not to have sifted and measured the dry ingredients before the competition? Or do they not get to bring their own ingredients?

  247. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:10 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#245): And when John loses the competition, that will just be the icing on the, well, you know.

  248. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#247): Beauty of nature? Weirdly disproportionate spatula? Nipples?

  249. Gringo
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#245): Thanks to your pun-ultimate sentence, Batiuk is now furiously scribbling notes for future dialogue in Funky and Cranky.

  250. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#232): SM: Wow! Peter Parker just developed super powers! He must have been pooped on by a radioactive elephant.

    Over in Mark Trail, Catfish and Rod Bassy possess the same schtik as Zan and Jayna (a/k/a The Wonder Twins). Whenever they do a fist bump, their special
    abilities kick in:

    “Powers — activate! Form of a beer geyser, shape of a penis head fish!”

  251. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#247) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#245): And when John loses the competition, that will just be the icing on the, well, you know.”

    Yeah, that will really make him ganache his teeth.

  252. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    MW-I can see what they mean by the contestants being young. There is a gray haired person back there you has to be at least five years younger than Mary.

    Crankshaft-”And there is the part where I ram two trains together. I also have this little plastic female figure that I run over.”

    A3G-”It’s okay, Margo. You won’t horribly burn due to all the alcohol that is currently in your body.”

    Spiderman-Now the driver shall be the one digging the shallow grave instead of Peter.

    FC-Here learn to play this harmonica. I have a feeling you’ll be needing to know how to play one where you’re going to end up later on in life.

  253. Anonymous
    January 30th, 2013 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    A SLYLOCK puzzle about measuring.

    Why don’t 4 cups of flour equal 1 quart?

  254. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#253): Because four cups is slightly less than a litre and a litre is slightly smaller than a quart. I know the first because there are cups marked on the back of my measuring vessel and I know the second because our milk jugs got slightly smaller when we went metric, way back before I was allowed to pour my own milk.

    No clue what Slylock Fox cares about it. Also if he’s banging the measuring cup on the table he’s getting more flour than the recipe calls for, because they want sifted flour. Does anyone still sift flour and spoon it carefully into the measuring cup? Even Mary Worth isn’t doing that.

  255. Alfred E. Neuman
    January 30th, 2013 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    @Gringo (#249) said: “@Alfred E. Neuman (#245): Thanks to your pun-ultimate sentence, Batiuk is now furiously scribbling notes for future dialogue in Funky and Cranky.”

    Mea Culpa! That’s an unintended consequence for sure.
    At least he’s furiously scribbling over his strip, unlike Evans and McEldowney, who are furiously [insert self-pleasuring verb of your choice here] over theirs.

  256. Dale
    January 30th, 2013 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#254):

    253 was mine. Been getting power hits.

    A liquid quart is smaller than a liter, but a liter is smaller than a dry quart.
    If you measured out 4 cups of flour, you wouldn’t have a dry quart.

    posting real quick before power goes out again.

  257. commodorejohn
    January 30th, 2013 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#252): “You know how to play a harmonica, don’t you, Jeffy? You just-”

    No, no, I can’t finish that. I’m sorry.

  258. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#207): That’s a GOOD idea, as our friend Mark would say. I could have put that balloon where the Wilson& box is.

    I am not strong enough to do a FC mashup. The thought of looking at the strip long enough to finish it gives me the pip. Or as old man Hamlet put it in somewhat different circs:

    Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,
    Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,
    Thy knotted and combined locks to part
    And each particular hair to stand on end,
    Like quills upon the fretful porpentine

    // Quite a fellow for a turn of phrase, old Ghost Hamlet.

  259. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    MW: So this contest is taking place in a facility constructed especially for that purpose, although those giant cabinets overhead will interfere with the audience’s vision lines. Also, why are they using a CCCP1 mini-cam to record the “action”? You have to give that audience props, though, if they’re willing to sit through six hours of watching mixing, baking and decorating. I suppose, like NASCAR races, it’s worth it to see the wrecks and the inevitable carnage.

  260. Poteet
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    @Hogenmogen (#128): Maybe Archie found out the details only after saying “yes”? As in “We’re going to see TOSCA. It’s about this singer who stabs a guy and watches her lover get shot to death and then throws herself off a prison roof. Our chauffeur will pick you up at seven and you should be home by eleven or so. Wear your best suit. It’ll be a blast!”

  261. Poteet
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    @bbofun (#171): I’m behind the times because I don’t have cable or satellite. Do those contests last for several hours in real time?

  262. MWDG
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    MW: Perhaps while the cakes are baking in the oven the “bakers” will have a dance-off or a nude pose off?

    It would be great if audience members could heckle and belittle the bakers. Imaging Mary and John are put before the audience and they yell:

    • “Get off the stage you MFing corpses!”
    • “Look it is the old hag that killed Aldo”
    • “What was it like to bake for Abraham Lincoln you GD witch?”
    • “Go back to hotel managing you GD Trannie!”
    • “Look its Dawn Weston’s pimp!”

  263. Dale
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:19 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#254):

    Slylock keeps showing up in grade school classrooms and asking questions.
    Do people invite him? Does he get paid?

  264. Poteet
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#176): Wow, that’s what I call a venue!

  265. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#263):

    Slylock keeps showing up in grade school classrooms and asking questions.

    Slylock figures, “AH! School! That’s how you learn stuff.” He never went to detective school. He’s not a real detective. He found his costume in a thrift shop.

  266. tallyHO
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    @MWDG (#262):

    That would be the icing on the cake!

    //straight face

  267. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#254): @Dale (#256): A liter is larger than a US quart, but smaller than an imperial quart.

    1 liter = 0.879877 imperial quarts
    1 liter = 1.05669 US quarts

    // Now, when converting liters to litres, multiply by one. Litres to liters, divide by one. (I like to write this on my hand in Sharpie when cooking.

  268. tallyHO
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#247):
    Dang it!

    Dang! Dang! Dang!

    I started to to type and stopped. I said it would be going waaay too far. They expect more of me than to write something like that. They would judge me like Slylock Fox judging everybody!

    But, I typed it anyway. With the caveat! You went the cheekier route.
    I took the cliche most taken, head first, irony dampened, sprinkled with sprinkles!

    Why didn’t I just read what had been posted since last I checked?

    Ag
    O
    Ny
    !

    From this moment on I will avoid full-on cliches. Never again will I post something just because to do so is a piece of cake!

  269. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#y357): @Rocky Stoneaxe (#311): Then who is the brother between David and Robert.

    According to the internets, actor John Carradine had six sons: David, Keith, Robert, Bruce, Christopher and Dale. I don’t know who’s the oldest (or youngest). If that’s important for some reason (like settling a bar bet), you could always look them up at one of the movie sites.

  270. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#269):

    Thanks for that bit of info. I didn’t know John Carradine had six sons. I only knew of the more famous ones; David, Keith, Robert.

  271. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    @Dale (#256): A quart of milk is absolutely, definitely bigger than a litre of milk. We had a nifty little box with a handle on it it to hold the 2 quart milk carton and when the country went metric the new 2L cartons were the same height but fit too loosely in the zarf for it to work. This is a strong memory, because being allowed to pour my own milk on my cereal was a big deal for me, and having to do it without the handle meant I had to put up with adults pouring it for longer. And they did it wrong.

    Why the heck do you have different quarts for liquids and solids? Isn’t the quart a measure of volume? Do you have a third quart for measuring gases? What do you measure Silly Putty or squished marshmallows in? Maybe way back then Canadians used the same quart, the big one, for everything, because that would make sense. If you have two units of measurements that are different, you have to give them different names. Crazy Americans. No wonder foxes have to solve all your crimes.

    //Zarf is a word I learned from Reader’s Digest about the same time I learned to pour my own milk. It’s a “handle for a handleless coffee cup” but I think one should be allowed to have a milk zarf.

  272. Old Folkie
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:55 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#233): One of many great memories from 1950s MAD!

  273. The Ridger
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    In Archie, Reggie didn’t sell Archie out because he was hoping Veronica would ask him to the opera, thus giving him a bigger advantage in the Lodge Sweepstakes (since he’s taking her to the dance, per yesterday).

    In Mary Worth, I’m fascinated by that team at the last table. They seem to have a plate and some flour on their table, and nothing else.

  274. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#244): win. win with thoughts of Hannalore and pictures of beagles.

  275. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:01 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#267): So there’s three kinds of quarts? Imperial quarts, American dry quarts and American wet quarts? Or are American wet quarts the same as Imperial quarts?

    Your conversion table may be working for now, but it will change in a few years. The US board of weights and measures will look at international trade statistics and say, “We will now move this country into the 20th century and switch to the metric system. First question: what size should an American liter be?”

  276. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Death Kitty, Gloom Kitty, little ball of hate,
    Gloom Kitty, Death Kitty, left Westview too late.

    Death Kitty, Gloom Kitty, ebil little berk.
    Gloom Kitty, Death Kitty, coming with a smirk.

    *bows to avoid cabbages*

  277. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    According to Simple English Wikipedia, yes, there are three different quarts: The imperial quart is 1.1365225 litres (exactly); the US wet quart is 0.946352946 litres (exactly), and the US dry quart is 1.101220943 litres (exactly)

    WTF?

  278. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#121):

    Brad also thinks you can get a “swirlie” at Baskin-Robbins.

    BWAHAHAHA!

    @Poteet (#167):

    This contest really does involve a huge audience sitting around for six hours while the cakes are actually made?

    And no bathroom break for the contestants. I hope Mary and John have taken their detrol.

  279. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    In unrelated news, TV’s Gomer Pyle, 82-year-old Jim Nabors, wed his long-time male companion.

    This is not funny or barely newsworthy. I just wanted the chance to say…

    “Well, gaw-aw-aw-aw-lee!”

    To dream the impossible dream…

  280. Majicou
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#279): Pyyyyyllllle! Mazel tov!

  281. Morgan Wick
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Is it me, or does it seem like this Gil Thorp storyline seems like something you’d see in something like Highlights magazine or Kid City?

  282. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

  283. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    @Alfred E. Neuman (#245):

    Those cake-carrying work-outs are symbolic of John’s sexual attraction to Mary. He really wants to lay ‘er, but of course, it won’t pan out.

    “Icing the body geriatric…”

  284. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#277): Here’s how I think it went down. The Americans destroyed their Imperial Reference Quart either as a gesture of defiance against the monarchy or because of a firearms accident, and in order to promote trade among the states, they had need for a new one. It didn’t matter if it was exactly the same as the Imperial quart, because they didn’t intend to trade with anyone else anyway. They made a basket and declared it the new official quart measurement. That worked great, but a basket isn’t that great for liquids, so someone made a metal quart container. He did this by filling the basket with water and pouring the contents into a metal bucket, and marking the level. Unfortunately some water leaked through the basket so the volume of liquid was a bit less than the official quart. They didn’t notice until they’d already made lots of official gallon buckets, so it just stayed that way.

  285. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:32 pm [Reply]

  286. Morgan Wick
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    @Doctor Handsome (#38): COTW material right there.

  287. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, Coming Across and Getting Down With It (#76): @Aviatrix (#217): @AhClem (#221):
    I’d never heard about always connecting the first answer to an intersecting answer, but it seems it would be more efficient. I skip around when I hit a dead end. Or if they are easy enough, fill in the periphery first, or other patterns. I used to always do them in ink (which required thinking ahead to the next clues, and solving a few words in my head), but then I thought that by doing them in pencil and guessing more freely, I could do them faster, even with corrections.
    //And, although I am right-handed, I’ve started working crosswords with my left hand, but that is another story.
    ////Ooh, I feel the OCD flaring up again.

  288. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#279):

    It’s newsworthy because it proves that Jim Nabors is still alive. I thought he died a few years ago.

  289. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#287): Left-handed! That is totally going to be my new thing.

  290. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#284): The odd thing is, that all the traditional U.S. units of measurement are defined in terms of SI (that is, metric) units, and have been since 1876 (or around then, my plugger’s World Book encyclopedia is downstairs). Thus, a U.S. inch is exactly, by law, 2.54 centimeters (except in land surveying, but let’s not go there).

    We’ve been on the metric system for well more than a century, and most of us don’t know it.

  291. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:02 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#276): Cool. Is that the new one by Death Cabbages for Kitty?

  292. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#288): that was pretty much the queeksgirl’s response.

    “He’s still ALIVE???”

  293. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:05 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#289): You never know when you might lose your right arm.
    Just ask Becky.

  294. Liam
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    Archie-By cell Veronica means the terrorist cell Archie belongs to. Al-Qaeda is so desperate for people that it has lowered it’s standards.

  295. Peanut Gallery
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#14):

    I am astounded that people would sit in an arena for six hours watching other people bake cakes.

    Hmmm… Do we get to lick the bowls?

  296. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#278): @Poteet (#167): And no bathroom break for the contestants. I hope Mary and John have taken their detrol.

    I think it depends on what they’re wearing under their clothing:

    http://www.dmponline.com/images/items/pictures/70.jpg

  297. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#295):

    Do we get to lick the bowls?

    Yes, if you can manage to get there before Wilbur.

  298. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#284): I figured that either there was a rigorous series of tests, computing exactly how much the air in an uncompacted quart of flour expanded the dry quart, or at some point somebody had two containers and and said “Yeah, they look about the same.”

  299. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder, CQB (#291): my cabbages!!!

    (I want to go on record that in the annals of obscure character cosplay, the above is awesome beyond words imo.)

  300. Amos Snarkadder, CQB
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#296): *snicker*
    With all that heavy lifting, someone’s bound to spring a leak.

  301. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#279): In unrelated news, TV’s Gomer Pyle, 82-year-old Jim Nabors, wed his long-time male companion.

    About time Gomer made an honest man of Vince Carter. It was Sgt. Carter, wasn’t it?

  302. Peanut Gallery
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug, with a Chaser (#82): That’s all right; let’s just have a look at your current list of favorite sodas. You’ve got Slice, Crush, Jolt, Mug… No, I don’t see any red flags there…

  303. Unistrut
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

    Okay. This is odd, and sorta relevant to our interests:

    http://www.oobject.com/category/15-papua-new-guinean-superhero-war-shields/

    It says “superhero”, but they’re pretty much all one of our favorites: The Phantom!

  304. Mr. O'Malley
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

  305. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#289): It feels like somebody else is doing them.

  306. debussy fields
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    Rocky Stoneaxe (y321): “As one Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve fan to another, how do you know John Dill’s likeness isn’t based on that of Harold Peary?” From one Jolly Boy to another, perhaps you’re right.

  307. Right Venerable Pasdordan
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m going to have to rethink that whole Gomer Pyle joke

  308. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    Count Weirdly’s amazing holodeck this Sunday was apparently not the first time he’s used it on Slylock and Max after drugging them. I found this preserved on Something Awful comments. The strip is from 2008.

  309. Jason1981
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:51 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Wow, Spidey actually DOES know how to use his powers to fight crime! But we all know the mugger’s still going to kick his ass anyway.

  310. $$$Westview Oncologist$$$$$
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:54 pm [Reply]

    Archie- Archie Andrews—Worse drug dealer since Nammond Brice.

  311. I speak Jive
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:56 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#246): I’m sure that the competition posted rules concerning ingredients and preparation. I don’t know how it usually works. In this one, it looks like they have to do everything at the site. John seems to be pouring that flour rather frantically – getting flustered to the point of an anxiety attack won’t help things. But at least they practiced moving the cake.

  312. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    @Unistrut (#303): I love folk art. The shields remind me a little of this
    Popeye figural carving:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/debbiesphotoshop/3792067005/in/faves-judibird/

  313. Peanut Gallery
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#246):

    You have to help me though, what is the innocent meaning for #17?

    My best guess is it’s supposed to mean rock-hard muscles. In other words, he’s a tough guy.

  314. Peanut Gallery
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#267):

    Now, when converting liters to litres, multiply by one. Litres to liters, divide by one.

    Consarn it! I thought metric was supposed to be easy!

  315. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:10 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#312): I just came across another superhero figurehead. But it’s one that doesn’t exist in the real world:

    http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/1093/116262-18525-109120-1-wonder-woman_large.jpg

  316. Peanut Gallery
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#271): I’m pretty sure that the “dry quart” is used only for measuring certain specialized things, like farm produce. The Wikipedia article on “quart” shows the dry quart in relation to things like pecks and bushels, which are not everyday measurements for non-farmers. (And it doesn’t mention any such thing as a “dry cup.”) In sets of measuring cups for regular kitchen use, 1-cup measures designed for solids and liquids are the same volume. (At least, I’m sure mine are, because I tested them!)

  317. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#307): I’m going to have to rethink that whole Gomer Pyle joke…

    Just a bit of levity to loosen up the congregation before you get in to the “ye miserable crawlin’ worms” part of the sermon? Clever!

  318. tallyHO
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:28 pm [Reply]

    The Phantom, some video feature from the BBC on his enduring popularity. Or, on how he is enduring.

    Oh! I’ll fess up! I didn’t bother to watch it.

    “Appealing”? Me preparing an orange to be eaten is more appealing than that comic strip.

    It just doesn’t cut it for me. But that is just me.

  319. Nehemiah Scudder
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:30 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#314): Now, when converting liters to litres, multiply by one. Litres to liters, divide by one.

    Consarn it! I thought metric was supposed to be easy!

    Pro-tip: On your slide rule, set the index (the “1″) of the C scale directly above the index of the D scale. That way you can read “liters” on the C scale, and directly convert them to “litres” on the D scale.

    // Oh. Wait. Is it the other way around? Minced oath!

  320. A Smirch Unheeded, Deacon
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#317): Reverend Scudder! “Levity” does not come before “Leviticus”, not in my dictionary, anyway!

  321. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @Unistrut (#303): The original series Star Trek episode, “A Piece of the Action” suddenly seems a little more plausible. I love that the Papua New Guineans recognize a good myth when they see one. Cool to see both English and PNG pidgin in use.

    //A fictional account of a less successful (but way funny) transcultural myth transplant.

    @Peanut Gallery (#316): I thought it was going to be like ounces and fluid ounces, for which I have a conversion chart on the side of my fridge. I’m never sure which kind of ounces to assume are in use for things like hummus and ice cream.

  322. Dale
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#316):

    Right. My Slylock knew that. If you measure out 4 cups, you get 1 U.S. liquid quart.
    The person measuring flour is not going to buy that as 1 quart.

    The Imperial gallon is 20% larger than the U.S.
    Imperial pint : US pint :: 20 : 16 ounces.
    Imperial ounce = .96xxxx US ounce.

    Do you want Slylock to visit your school?

  323. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @Right Venerable Pasdordan (#307): One little technical problem with that joke. Bunny was Sgt. Carter’s gal. Gomer’s gal was Luann Poovey.

    //Rats. Why do I know so much about Gomer Pyle?

  324. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:55 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#316) & @Dale (#322): You two seem to contradict one another. Are the measuring cups for liquids and solids the same or not? Fight about it for me, please.

  325. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#323): I thought Gomer was just a funny name you used to insult people with, before you were allowed to use words like “dickhead.”

  326. Aviatrix
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#308): If I were a crazy person, I would release a healthy polar bear on the Antarctic coast, along with a film crew to record the subsequent penguin carnage.

  327. Sequitur
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#325): *bing* You are correct madam!

    //And other uses.

  328. A Smirch Unheeded, Deacon
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#326): If I were a crazy person, I would release a healthy polar bear on the Antarctic coast, along with a film crew to record the subsequent penguin carnage.

    It is good for a young woman to cherish her dreams! Dum spiro spero!

  329. Der Kömmëntätör, Herr Schnärkïnätör
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:12 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#242):

    You’re my kind of gal!

    // And so’s my wife!

  330. Majicou
    January 30th, 2013 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded, Deacon (#328): Former Vice President Agnew’s stupid pet songbird?

  331. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    January 31st, 2013 at 12:23 am [Reply]

    @A Smirch Unheeded, Deacon (#328): Strom Thumond’s slogan!

    MW: Good Lord! They’ve skipped to an almost finished cake! How can they expect us to follow the story if they’re going to speed through it at such a breakneck pace?

  332. Aviatrix
    January 31st, 2013 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    @Gladly, the cross-eyed bear (#331): The syndicate must have got the strips shuffled. Surely they didn’t want us to miss watching the cake bake and then the separate layers cool while Mary and John make the icing then pace nervously back and forth, while cheering spectators barely contain their enthusiasm.

    We’ve also missed the strip where they decided to deviate from their practiced two-layer plan and make instead a three layer cake with a pink waterfall thing down one side.

  333. Aviatrix
    January 31st, 2013 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Phantom: Desk guy’s options …
    * “Never have I been so wrong!”
    * “I said? Oh, that must have been my brother.”
    * “Shows what I know. You’re lucky you’re a vigilante and have no head office.”
    * “Let me get you the file on that.” [leaves room to 'get it'. flees]
    OR
    * Gives full confession with no further prompting.

  334. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 31st, 2013 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#61): Even though I am well and truly a slave to the Google, “Quick! To the World Book!” is a catchphrase I could get behind.

  335. Aviatrix
    January 31st, 2013 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    MT: I’m disappointed that the reverse-colour mallard doesn’t want to go in the boat and has no opinion on Mark’s intentions there.

  336. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 31st, 2013 at 1:37 am [Reply]

    @Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol (#186): Asking is pretty important, yes. The advice columnist Captain Awkward has a hilarious word – Firthing (from Colin Firth, playing Mr. Darcy) – to describe the sort of hopeful yearning people do instead of using their words to express their interest. Needless to say, Firthing rarely works, and can even make you seem creepy if you’re too obvious about it.

    Regarding Nice Guys: The problem with Nice Guys (who are different from guys who are nice) is that they act like women are a prize to reward them for behaving like a decent human being. No, dudes, that’s the default… and women aren’t prizes. They are people, and one of the rules of people is that not all of them will like you, and there’s nothing to say that they must, no matter how “nicely” you act. (And behaving decently only in order to get in a woman’s pants, and not because it’s the right thing to do, is not nice at all.)

  337. Droopy Says
    January 31st, 2013 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    Spiderdick: That’s car key, Parker. And considering you’re in the desert in winter, that’s a remarkably green bit of land next to that remarkably tranquil roadside stream. Ready for some more hitchhikin’ fun along that deserted road?

    Flunky: Stroke Man just made a relevant and morbidly funny joke. In Cancerville, that’s a sign of the Apocalypse.

    Family Circus: That isn’t an extra button, Jeffy, it’s your missing nostril. Put it back on your snout, then finish dressingbefore Jimmy Dean spots you.

    Mock Travail: The Trail-Bassy relationship has taken a distinct chill, when you consider how Trail’s telephoto lens has shrunk down to a mere wide-angle piece. And why would Bassy turn down a chance to go boating with Trail? It’s the perfect chance to feed the fishes, and it’s not like he’ll bring Rusty or Andy with him.

    Phantom: And guess what, Walker–they’ve just proven that the phantom lion is real after all! Next step, use the same cage to prove that the Ghost-Who-Walks is no ghost. Yet.

    Pluggers: Mr. Deckard? We’ve got a couple of skin jobs for you to retire.

  338. Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket
    January 31st, 2013 at 1:43 am [Reply]

    @pugfuggly (#16): That’s a really good point about the roommates. Where are Luan and Tommy?

    (I didn’t think to wonder about this earlier, because I’ve been too distracted by the way that Greg somehow managed to change from his blue pajamas to a shirt, sweater, and pants in between axe swings. Also, didn’t he put Margo to bed in her clothes? If so, why is she now in her nightgown?)

  339. Aviatrix
    January 31st, 2013 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#338):
    “Hey where are you going?”
    “To save her roommates! Three women live in that apartment.”

  340. Baka Gaijin
    January 31st, 2013 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#203): I would so love Penny to sing this to Sheldon next time he’s sick. Hilarity ensues.

    @Mikey (#231): Ha ha ewwww.

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#258): “Fretful porpentine.” All this time I heard Nostradamus was the psychic one, not Shakespeare. How else would he know to write about that guy in Star Wars, Episode 1?

    @MWDG (#262): Were that on the Spice Channel I might watch.

    @Droopy Says (#337) on Family Circus: Oh that is a clever one!

  341. Baka Gaijin
    January 31st, 2013 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    Thursday’s Strips

    That Diane Wilkins is a stone cold bitch. Not only does her hubby admit he’s wrong, he gets special bunting created for the big “I’m Sorry” party. Does that matter? No, she’s all “Where’s the bling-bling.” Bitch.

    Way to go Team Dill-Worth. A pink on pink wedding cake worthy of some BBW sitting on in a fetish video.

    For a minute there I thought Thatababy turned into Marvin, After Dark.

  342. Baka Gaijin
    January 31st, 2013 at 6:30 am [Reply]

    And, that, Mr. Vegas-to-SF Driver is why you don’t use a plastic toy gun to rob people. What a dumbass.

    If I didn’t mention it before, Diane “Curtis” Wilkins is a gold-digging beeoytch.

    Team Dill-Worth, I hope you put anti-Honey Boo Boo Mama mines around that cake. Just like a malapropism to a Keene Kid, she’ll be uncontrollably drawn to that mountain of gooshy empty carbs.

    On second thought, maybe the mines are for that kid washing in Slylock Fox. He’s baked beyond belief

  343. Da Coconino Kid
    January 31st, 2013 at 6:45 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#271):

    because being allowed to pour my own milk on my cereal was a big deal for me, and having to do it without the handle meant I had to put up with adults pouring it for longer. And they did it wrong.

    I can imagine pouring too much, or too little, but how did they pour it *wrong*?

  344. Da Coconino Kid
    January 31st, 2013 at 6:50 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#317):

    Just a bit of levity to loosen up the congregation …

    Hmmm, maybe I was onto something the other day — what *is* all unseemly levity?

  345. gleeb
    January 31st, 2013 at 6:56 am [Reply]

    3-G: EMTs in New York are mostly emotionally fragile people with abandonment issues, so this happens a lot.

    ‘shaft: Ed comes predictably running at the call of his Hell-goddess, destruction. And it’s funny, I guess.

    ‘bean: Oh, good. Fred (remember Fred? The story arc’s about Fred) has turned into Mumbles. If Hope had not died, I would hope that a killing by yet another nattily-dressed member of the Rize family would follow.

    Thorp: 15 points or 19? Were the artist and writer even at the same game?

    RM, MD: Besides, she’s as tired of looking up Rex’s nose as anyone.

  346. Da Coconino Kid
    January 31st, 2013 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    … except it’s “this jocularity is most unseemly”

    // if one is make obscure allusions, it helps if they actually resemble the original … sigh

  347. Peanut Gallery
    January 31st, 2013 at 7:28 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#324): Let’s get Slylock Fox to settle this!

    The answer will involve some little detail on the measuring cup, that you weren’t quite sure wasn’t just a stray smudge of ink. Or maybe to do with the biology of anthropomorphized cartoon animals.

  348. Baka Gaijin
    January 31st, 2013 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    @Da Coconino Kid (#343): I’d imagine they’d pour it onto the wrong side of the bowl. Aviatrix maybe wants it poured on the edge of the bowl away from her. Others may pour it on the side nearest her, causing her consternation that the milk may goosh over the edge and onto her favorite Hello Kitty nightie. Either that or they pour it into the saucer.

  349. Little Guy
    January 31st, 2013 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Curtis: Way to go, Diane. You spent money from God-knows-where on a couch that Greg didn’t ask for, had a Barry-sized tantrum when he was upset, and forced him to spend even more money from God-knows-where on gifts and jewelry to soothe your fragile ego.

    I’m calling that he sold the chair to pay for all that jewelry, which will bring the circle of life around again and Diane will shack up with Barry. Again.

  350. Baka Gaijin
    January 31st, 2013 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#349): To summarize your excellent rant, Diane’s a stone-cold bitch.

  351. Hogenmogen
    January 31st, 2013 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#242): When you first meet someone, everyone puts on some kind of an “act”. The bad actors are those that choose to act as someone very different from themselves, the decent ones act similar to their everyday selves.

    Think of it as a job interview. When I interview, I act like someone fervently eager to futz with paperwork and perform boring, repetitious tasks. I don’t say that I drop in to check the Curmudgeon thread. How well I spin that and how much it is believed determine if I land the position or not.

    I come from a different world than you on the relationship/sex difficulty level. I can keep a relationship easily, it’s getting to the first date that was the problem. If having sex was the easy part, my tales from college wouldn’t constantly end with “She shot me down, so I got drunk and passed out someplace.”

  352. Hogenmogen
    January 31st, 2013 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    @Nehemiah Scudder (#308): Hilarious. The guy who can build a holodeck doesn’t know that penguins and polar bears live at opposite poles.

  353. Calico
    January 31st, 2013 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    The Gift of the Magi this ain’t.

  354. Dave Dahl
    January 31st, 2013 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Chicago Tribune 86′d the Helen Keller Argyle Sweater and subbed in a 2009 Argyle making fun of Clay Aiken.

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