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Metapost: Later night COTW

No beating around the bush today! Right to the COTW!

“I am just plain icked out by the direction Luann has been taking over the last couple of weeks. It appears to be morphing into what essentially amounts to the softest-core porn ever. It’s like porn for children in the fifties.” –Violet

And the runners up! Another very strong week this week…

“I also notice [that Mary] did NOT say, ‘As I live and breathe.’ This is because Mary Worth is a ghoul who neither lives nor breathes. I assume this comes as a shock to no one.” –Donald The Anarchist

“Oh, how I wish I’d waited until morning to view this post! Now I have to contend with ‘Wonder Mary’ all night long. And I was hoping to masturbate tonight, damn it!” –cheech wizard

“Maria appears not to be eating but rather to be pulling, with a dinner fork, an alien parasite from her esophageal tract. I’m surely mistaken, because that would be exciting, and this is Spider-Man.” –Beatrice

“Someone earned a salary this week by reading Herb and Jamaal before publication and then inserting the words ‘to sleep’ into the first panel to ensure nothing indecent could be construed out of it. That person probably got a loan to buy a $500,000 house. The risk on that loan was repackaged into credit default swaps multiple times and sold to multiple different financial institutions. In case you are wondering, that is how I will explain the current economic crisis to anyone who asks from now on.” –DaveyK

“I dunno, I think it’s kind of surreally adorable. I like to think that between panels one and two she unhinged her jaw and swallowed that whole.” –commodorejohn, on Maria’s eating style

Wow. I wonder if tomorrow’s installment will include Herb thinking, ‘Sitting on the toilet is the best place for crapping.’” –Dr. Pants

“I love Maria’s black lip gloss. Since it doesn’t seem to smear when you slather it with drawn butter, it’s perfect for the girl on the go.” –bitter law student

“Mark is going to see right through Sue’s intentions, just like we see through her terrible dye job. Honestly, Sue, did you forget you had eyebrows?” –Lithros

“It’s the psychic taint left by the hundreds of homicides that detective has investigated that is attracting Margo to him. Residual pain is like cologne to her.” –willieO


“I find myself seriously appreciating Matt’s hat — not so much because of the style, but because it allows me to distinguish him from all of the other characters in the strip, including the women.” –Honeypot

“Otto may be able to drink his water from a straw, but he probably still has to get up to go pee, while a more canny dog would have a deep chamber pot handy.” –docweasel

“Also, when was the last time any sentient being uttered the words ‘How about a hot date?’ My guess: approximately never.” –Skullturf Q. Beavispants

“I interpreted the head bobbing of Jeffy’s dad to be the onset of Parkinson’s. I’ll bet he’s wishing he used some of his own litter for their stem cells right about now.” –Bribaby

“Mr. Dithers is setting himself about one hunger attack away from meeting his end as part of an enormous sandwich.” –Djagir

“Elsewhere, Stan Lee kicks off another riveting week of Spider-Man non-action with a delightful bit of onomatopoeia. SLUDDDD: The sound made by a pompous cheap-suited Hitler lookalike being thrown across a restaurant floor by an unimposing fifth-tier villain dressed like a 1970s movie producer. Add it to your dictionaries, kids!” –Muddtallica

“Only in MW does ‘tout’ get used properly, instead of as some substitute for another word, much like the ‘flout/flaunt’ problem. This is because Mary and Jeff are sophisticated androids programmed with excellent grammar. Which would also explain their ‘romance’.” –CanuckDownSouth

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86 responses to “Metapost: Later night COTW”

  1. bees on pie
    October 21st, 2008 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    Next on Luann: a remake of The Sinister Urge!

  2. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 21st, 2008 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Thank you for including me among the runners-up, and congrats to Violet and all the others!

  3. commodorejohn
    October 21st, 2008 at 1:52 am [Reply]

    Man, even managing a runner-up among such worthy contenders is an honor.

  4. Niall
    October 21st, 2008 at 2:07 am [Reply]

    Y18 bees on pie: heehee, okay, that was funny. :) I don’t think it’s a blind spot, I think they tried a few spots.

    Y20. Deena: I do believe they tried more… and it didn’t give good results.

    Y24. Lisa: yes, my mom. She is 70, but the anathesist (whom we saw and talked to when we visited, by good timing) seemed assured it wouldn’t be a problem. Yet it did little to alleviate pain or even numb much of anything, so they switched to different pills, inlcuding artificial morphine – at least it leaves her less groggy and able to talk and do things. But the pain’s still there, and it’s acute… Thanks for the good thoughts.

  5. Deena in OR
    October 21st, 2008 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    Niall-ask about a Fentanyl patch. Just a thought.

  6. Niall
    October 21st, 2008 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    Oh, and congratulations to Violet! Excellent snark. And floaters! This is like Canadian Floaters Week or something. :) Throw maple candy!

  7. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    October 21st, 2008 at 2:20 am [Reply]

    Luann: World to Brad – If Toni had any intention of letting you see what is inside that sports bra, you would have seen it by now. It’s been, what, five years that she’s been teasing you? And there is no alcohol in your little cartoon universe to change that dynamic. Nor is there any sex. At least not for you. The closest you will ever get is watching The Brawny Guy shag your dream girl while you watch from the dressing room. Maybe he will throw you a super-absorbent paper towel to clean up with when you are done.

  8. Mibbitmaker
    October 21st, 2008 at 3:07 am [Reply]

    It all began innocently enough on…
    What day is it again?…:

    FC: Jeffy is Fonzie’s least favorite.

    S-M: We all know what’s good for JJJ…J…J — Hey, Maria! Don’t ditch Jameson, whatever you do!

    Mutts: ….Garfield?

    Garfield: …..Mutts?

    BBailey: None.

    Shoe: At that very moment, the loon dropped his piggy bank, which shattered (shi-doo-bee) into a million pieces. Now there’s a metaphor for the fiscal crisis!

    Dilbert: Well, hurry up and get working on a logo! Mrs. Butterworth’s face is waiting!

    WoI: They’ve had a river of liver and an ocean of fish!

  9. Mr. O'Malley
    October 21st, 2008 at 4:35 am [Reply]

    Anyone under the age of 50 must be dumbfounded by the last two Peanuts strips. There are so many concepts that have totally disappeared from modern culture.

    Start with the joke of Charlie Brown failing to master the use of a pen that you dip in a bottle of ink. In fact I don’t even remember people using this kind of pen, but when I was in school the older classrooms had desks that had a place for an inkwell, so at least I was aware of the concept.

    Later in my life I developed some interest in calligraphy, so I acquired some metal nibbed pens, and I can see why children found them hard to use. It used to be a proud mark of approaching adulthood when you were allowed to use a pen rather than a pencil.

    Hence the ongoing joke about Charlie Brown having a “pencil pal” rather than a “pen pal”.

    It used to be that children were encouraged to improve international relations by selecting a “pen pal” in another country and maintaining a mail correspondence that would broaden the outlook of the coming generation. Children’s magazines and organizations would publish lists of children wanting pen pals.

    Mrs. O’Malley as a child had a pen pal in Israel and it inspired her to teach herself Hebrew. She also learned to play “Exodus” on the piano.

    In these days of e-mail and text messaging, it seems very quaint that people would think it worthwhile to “improve international relations” and “broaden outlooks”.

    I can remember when fountain pens were considered the height of sophistication and ballpoints were thought to be very philistine and lower class. My boss still thinks that, but he’s from Europe. He has a pendulum clock and a big slide rule in his office too.

    Nowadays I don’t think most people would even recognize a fountain pen if you used it to squirt ink in their face. They’d probably say: “Oh wow, is that a robotic squid?”

    Up until well into the 1990s we had a very nice chain of stationery stores in this area that sold bottles of ink, Osmiroid pens and the like. Unfortunately it was the victim of a leveraged buyout, so common in those days, and when its parent company went bankrupt it went out of business, even though it had been doing well on its own. I pass the hulk of one of those stores on my way to work every day, still with no new tenant after more than a decade.

    I understand that the Osmiroid pen, if available at all, comes from China these days.

    Now instead of stationery stores we have OfficeMax and the like. I suppose that calligraphy supplies can be ordered on-line, so our biggest loss is jokes like those Peanuts strips and of course the following, where the spelling is the best part of the humor:

    Customer: Pardon me, miss, do you keep stationery?
    Shopgirl: Well … sometimes I wiggle a little!

  10. True Fable
    October 21st, 2008 at 5:16 am [Reply]

    Congrats to Violet and all the float riders this week! Good stuff.

    Early morning snark:

    9CL It’s about damn time, Amos.
    C’haft Is it too much to ask that Cranky McFussfest elbows his way to the front of the line and ends up wearing four or five slugs from the robber’s pistol? Huh? Pretty please?
    Canadian Zombie And by day AFTER tomorrow, she’ll be running back home to Mommy and become a proper little Stepford wife. Eww.
    GA Today I read FW and kind of shrugged. Then I read Gasoline Alley and reflected that Funky Cancerbean was downright witty compared to it. I mean holy crap; even the Family Circus – well no, they’re about even, really.
    H&J Why is Herb’s MIL wearing a high-collared Victorian-era blouse with tight jeans? Is she supposed to be rockin’ the hip granny look? And what the hell is going on with her frontal artillery; did Eduardo Barreto play guest artist on the final panel? Granny’s got SweaterPuppies?? What the Fuck is going on?!?!
    JP Speaking of SweaterPuppies, back at SweaterPuppy Central, they’re talking about ‘professional’, something neither Sam nor Hot Detective know much about.
    Luann Brad’s insecurity is reaching bee-grinding proportions.
    MT Aww, Mark; don’t be so coy. You know why she’s back, nearly every woman you come across, wants to come across for you. I swear, I’m going to do a little research and see whether Sam Driver or Mark Trail has more honeys after him at any given time.
    Marvin That’s just WRONG.
    MW Wow, Jeff’s Grecian Formula really kicked in! And what’s this – Mary’s going to let him go back to Vietnam without her? Oh yeah – Mary’s going to go fool around with her old boyfriend in NY. Gotta love an open relationship!
    Momma Why is the girl sitting in the floor hugging a very ugly popover?
    RMMW At last! How I’ve waited for this very moment! All together now – “HE’S GRINDING BEES, Sarah! That’s what Daddy’s best at!”
    S-M This just in: JJJ is dating a Vulcan.
    Zits I read the last panel as her saying “I thought you were siding” and I laughed! Then I re-read it and realized my version was better anyway.

  11. Saluki
    October 21st, 2008 at 5:48 am [Reply]

    It appears that Judge Parker‘s Sam Driver and the lady detective have found the dead guy’s stash of sun glasses while snooping around his house.

    Who would have thought that besides book publishing the dead guy also peddled unisex sunglasses on street corners.

  12. docweasel
    October 21st, 2008 at 6:23 am [Reply]

    wow, cool!
    especially since you had to wade through a post as long as your arm and cut out and save that nugget of comedy gold!

    Never before has a comment been more poorly designed so as not to be considered for COTW (or runnerups) and yet the essence was astutely cozened out and elegantly displayed for all to enjoy.

    Hat’s off to Mr. Josh, and thanks!

  13. Amateur
    October 21st, 2008 at 7:20 am [Reply]

    Looks like Donald was right about Mary Worth being a ghoul — she’s talking today about visiting her old haunts. Good call, Donald!

  14. Mordock999
    October 21st, 2008 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 10/21/08

    Ya know, the ONLY BAD thing about not having Dirk
    around anymore, is that he DIDN’T hang around LONG
    enough in the first place to REALLY POUND some sense into Brad’s COCONUT shaped head!


    DEATH to TJ!

  15. Randall
    October 21st, 2008 at 7:43 am [Reply]

    I’m waiting for Luann to offer to measure Gunther. heh, heh, heh

  16. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 21st, 2008 at 7:53 am [Reply]

    I’m fastidious enough to be a little concerned about Luann spilling her glass of soda in panel 3, but I suppose it’ll just end up mixed into the big puddle of Brad’s insecurity that’s already sloshing around the linoleum.

    Marvin: It’s funny ‘cuz there’s foul shit smeared all over the place and his dad has to clean it up. I hope this is a week-long story arc and not just a one-off gag, because there is a lot of potential here.

  17. TheCasey
    October 21st, 2008 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    MW – Vietnam! I’m… I’m so happy.

    Peanuts -I’m in my early 30′s, and I had a pen pal in Africa (or maybe Asia, not really sure) when I was younger. I only wrote one letter, becuase there wasn’t really anything to talk about. I felt, even at 7 or 8, embarrased to talk about my life because I figured I’d either be condescending or taking things for granted. Just kind of awkward.

    JP – You know, you never see both Sam & Leather Pantsed Detective Lady wearing the shades at the same time. Maybe it’s some kind of improv where whoever has the shades has to make up the next line.

    Luann – Isn’t Brad really the only one who’s obsessed with Dirk?

    Congrats to Violet & the runners-up! And Vietnam! Yay Vietnam!

  18. yellojkt
    October 21st, 2008 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    Congrats Violet.
    If Gunther didn’t get into sewing in order to cop a feel on his dress models, he sure needs a better reason to own all those pins and needles.

  19. Brick Bradford
    October 21st, 2008 at 8:16 am [Reply]

    9CL I liked Amos better when he just hiccuped. Jeez.

    MT “I wonder why Pamela is coming back?” Because the plot won’t move forward, otherwise. How many years have you been doing this, Mark?

    MW More or less human sounding conversation returns to Mary’s dinner table.

    A3G Is the Buddha in the chosen Llama greeting the Buddha in what’s his name, or is the poor kid praying not to die in the mountains as whosits gets them more and more lost?

  20. Muddtallica
    October 21st, 2008 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Two runners-up spots in a row! :D :D Thankies so much, Josh, that’s a massive compliment coming from you. Congrats to the other COTWers, too; gave me a great laugh this morning. :)

    Crankshaft: I’m with True Fable on this; surely Crankshaft has to end up getting shot here? At this point, I honestly can’t think of any other ending to this story arc that would be either logical or acceptable, but maybe that’s because I hate Crankshaft.
    Dennis the Menace: Realising that her son’s unending insipidness is leaving a dangerous menace vacuum in this ostensibly menace-oriented strip, Mrs. Mitchell has taken matters into her own hands by running a red light and killing a man.
    Luann: So am I the only one who initially interpreted “Mr Hardbody showed up” as some kind of euphemism? As in “Mr Hardbody showed up while I was in church today, which was embarassing” or “I was helping her with her golf swing when Mr Hardbody showed up”? It would even make sense within the context of the panel: after all, in the Luann-iverse, nothing kills a romantic moment more effectively than the idea of actual sex ever taking place.
    Marvin: This has to be the single most grotesquely appalling Marvin ever. I know that the same thought occurs to me every single day, but no, this has to be it. Surely?
    Pluggers: You’re a plugger if you believe all your friends to be thieving opportunists who will steal anything that isn’t explicitly labeled, because that’s what you would do.

  21. AmazingThor
    October 21st, 2008 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    FC: Microwave pizza? Her husband slaves away at work all day and the best Mrs. Homemaker can muster is microwave pizza? There’s going to be trouble in the Keane Kompound when Daddy gets home.

    FW: “Right now I’ve got more character than anyone I know.” If by “character” you mean “colon polyps”

    JP: You can’t tie “a gun” with the crime? Then what did he use to fire the bullet, a crossbow?

  22. Art Vandelay
    October 21st, 2008 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Ha-ha-ha, bitter old Crankshaft is so selfish and mean that he’s yelling at a woman who has a gun pointed in her face to hurry up. That’s very funny, and certainly a situation that everyone can identify with. Who hasn’t screamed angrily at a bank teller to hurry the hell up as she was being robbed at gunpoint? It’s just one of those common, everyday situations that has happened to all of us at some point, so it’s funny to see Crankshaft’s take on it.

  23. Weaselboy
    October 21st, 2008 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    FW: Dad, you look like you could use a hug and a smirk.

  24. Claude
    October 21st, 2008 at 8:58 am [Reply]

    Am I missing something? Doesn’t FW have a storyline that just kind of dropped after Saturday?

  25. Weaselboy
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    #24, Claude: Don’t think of FW in terms of a storyline. Think of it in terms of an overarching theme. The theme here being soul-crushing depression.

  26. Hogenmogen
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:15 am [Reply]

    Mark: I wonder why Sue Butler is coming back?
    Sue: I just paid off the back taxes on your property and I now own it. Get going, you goddamn hillbillies, and TAKE YOUR STINKING RACOON WITH YA.

    No, it will probably be to express some kind of remorse for irreversibly destroying an entire forest or another opportunity to attempt to use her sexpot city ways to corrupt the country-boy, hunky-yet-wooden Mark Trail.

    Anyways, this is the second Mallard in a week that didn’t make me puke. Not exactly a high bar to jump, but yet Mallard fails more often than it passes.

    Perspective in the Lockhorns? What, no bleak, monochromatic background to represent the seething hatred and bitter agony of having to suffer one another’s presence? Yet, despite all the detail, it only serves to illustrate that Loretta seems to have grown eight inches overnight, no doubt from the trichonella poisoning that is making her swell like a gas balloon. Leroy, outfitted by concentration camp survivors, considers the scene of his steadily inflating wife decked out in a pink Judo outfit with a black belt, threatening him with being beaten with a newspaper or a cereal box. Although physical pain is temporary, it is a respite from the morbid hell of his life. He yearns for the special prize inside the cereal box to be a concrete block. “Yes, Loretta, the cereal, and put some weight into it.”

    Bank robber in broad daylight? Sir Crank will save the day. But really, what the hell is going on with stamping interest into a passbook? That was archaic when I got my first bank account in 1978.

    I haven’t read Dick Tracy in a week. It’s good to know that I haven’t missed one thing.

    Ha ha! Cathy and Irving are too stupid to know that this guy isn’t making any sense! Ha ha! Watch baldy throw a string of technical sounding jargon together in place of factual information! Ha ha!

    To Cathy’s credit, Guisewite actually does get things more or less correct when talking about fashion or electronics. This is nonsense in something that resembles vague finance and economic lingo. The result is that there is a punchline that vaguely resembles a joke.

    He’s grinding something!
    Yes, he’s tightening the wench!
    Rex Morgan: Slammin’ granny in the fanny.

    I think little Sawah has trichonella poisoning, too, the way her face puffed out like that – it just ain’t natur’l, I tells ya.

  27. Moss_Moses
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    You’ve gotta love JP. Not only do the “detectives” wear tight leather pants but even the safety glasses are styling. At least with the former artist you could readily identify evil by such indicators as mirrored sunglasses, toothpicks and beads of forehead sweat. Now the evildoer is a bikini clad exotic dancer with no overt evil traits.

    Mary’s heading East and Jeff is heading Far East. Who’s left in Charterstone to pry into peoples’ personal lives? The moronic Toby is now the acting MIC (Meddler in Chief).

    What the heck is Sue Butler driving? Is that a Volkswagen Thing or a vehicle from another planet?

  28. Hibbleton
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:29 am [Reply]

    Herb&Jamaal: Eula may be the homeliest women ever to appear in a comic strip -but with surprisingly perky breasts!

  29. Angry Kem
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    Congratulations, Violet and the floaters…and hurrah for the Canadian Float! There must be something in our water this week.

    I hate Marvin. I hate it unconditionally. I have medievalised it again, but I have not stopped hating it.


    M: Hi, Jeff!

    J: Hi, Mary!

    M: I am going to exposition exposition exposition!

    J: That’s nice! I am also thinking I might exposition exposition exposition!

    M: Exposition?

    J: Exposition exposition!

    M: Exposition expos–okay, that’s done it; they’re all asleep. Let’s have hot bunny sex behind the potted plant.

    J: Exposition!

    BT: I have no real problem with the Very Special Storyline, but what’s with making the abusive husband into Mr. Glarey-Glare? It may surprise you to know this, Random Cartoonist, but abusive spouses often present charming, friendly faces to the world in general. They do not necessarily go around sneering and explaining to near strangers that their wives are stupid and need to be treated like children. I mean…heavy-handed much?

    S-M: I thought storylines about ultra-possessive divorcees had gone out of fashion about fifty years ago. Oh, wait…this is a newspaper comic strip. Never mind.

  30. Angry Kem
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    #29 me: That should be BF (Between Friends), not BT (Between Trends? Actually, that’s a better title).

  31. Hogenmogen
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    Luann: Brad is pissed off that he oogled and ahhgahed his appointment time away being as debonaire as a 3 year old with none of the 3 year old cuteness. He’s not cute like Molly the Bear. He’s cute like Sneaky the Racoon is cute, which is to say not at all. Here comes yet another opportunity to finally break out from the pathetic “friend” status and upgrade to the “date” level. And what does he do? “Uh… hubba hubba… uh… umm.. duh…”

    It reminds me of a time when I went to some radio station event at a haircut place. The attraction was that the women who cut the hair were dressed in lingerie – sort of a Hooters for Hair. The ladies were all good looking, but one was easily the stand-out. Maybe it was just me, but I thought this beautific vision in lace looked my way more often than mere chance warranted. Anyway, I won some silly contest at this event about “stuffing a condom” – with turkey stuffing (the event was right before Thanksgiving). So I’m in line for the haircut, and this flaming hot lingerie clad goddess comes by and says “So I hear you can really stuff a condom.” My smooth, witty response?

    “Ah….. (one minute pause) …. yeah?”

    But enough of my real life misadventures. Brad is irate because, “Mr. Hardbody”, who probably actually takes the time to work out and keep fit shows up for his pre-scheduled appointment on time. The nerve of that guy! No wonder why Brad is so pissed off. At least when I’m a dork, I don’t blame some random passer by.

  32. Hogenmogen
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    Ha ha! It’s funny because it mentions a web site!

    But it would be even funnier if they were walking by a BIG DOG.

    I thought that Marvin was now a toddler. Last month he was. Are we doing some kind of a reverse time jump just to get a few more poop jokes in before the long goodbye? They should just call it “Marvin: A boy who knows his shit” and be done with it.

    The ALGU 3000 ripped off a joke from Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982). Oh, wait, it mentions “cell phone”, therefore it is hilarious!

  33. Hogenmogen
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Gil: So normally all the commentary on GT is about how the characters are awkward or identical in appearance or the story lines flicker so fast I think I’m sitting with my hold housemate who thought that the TV remote was like a Gattling gun and we would watch 45 programs at any given time. But here today we have a coherent story line, the players are clearly identified by their numbers – but I don’t get the last panel. It doesn’t make sense. “New Thayer is pinned deep” suggests that New Thayer has the ball. “Fumble” means that they don’t have the ball, it’s on the ground. The picture should either be New Thayer with the ball or New Thayer fumbling. So why do we see a Milford lineman tackling his own quarterback?

  34. Hogenmogen
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Ha ha! Family Circus is recyclling a joke that was weak back in the 70s! Ha ha! Cool! No, it’s quite warm! Ha ha! Next up – recycling old 80s jokes!

    That pizza is bad.
    It’s not that bad.
    No, bad is good!!
    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…. I don’t get it.

  35. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    Next on Family Circus: “This vacuum cleaner really sucks!”

  36. Skullturf Q. Beavispants
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:13 am [Reply]

    Today’s Marvin made me never want to have children. Actually, if that entire comic strip is secretly a propaganda effort to get humans to stop reproducing, I think it’s doing its job quite nicely.

    Also, don’t take this the wrong way, but the possessive husband in Between Friends looks like Josh. I guess since the real Josh has a goatee, his evil counterpart is missing the goatee (in a reversal of the “Star Trek” rule).

  37. CanuckDownSouth
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    my … my snark … my snark was up to snuff! *sniff*

    and here I thought my purpose in life was to make the rest of you look good by comparison :-) and to occasionally completely renovate the Foobocalypse (with an update this morning)

    Oh, and I haven’t had time to see much of the funnies, but I am very, very happy that Crankshaft is an ongoing story. To whom do we pray for a final Sunday strip involving a hail of bullets?

  38. Hogenmogen
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    Pluggers don’t trust one another worth a damn or
    Desperate for sex, Pluggers like to deface library books with their phone numbers.

    Marmaduke: Still big. Still dog.

    Heathcliff tortures small animals that other cats would be eating.

    I was about to comment on the lady of Heath’s house wearing high heels and a lace skirt, like some kinky dress-up with the Mister of the household. However, then I noticed that her arms barely reached her waist and her legs were so long and skinny that they could easily buckle under her frumpy torso like two plastic straws. Getting her kink interrupted by the silent sadist Heathcliff is probably doing her a favor, actually.

  39. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Mr. O’Malley
    How well I remember reading these strips as a kid! And just not getting them. I had stacks of old Peanuts books that I loved, but the whole Charlie Brown/pen problem was completely mysterious. I had used a dip pen in art class, but it seemed like an art tool, not like something you’d use to write a letter.

    Even my parents, who grew up in the 40′s, never mentioned using dip-pens. (though, you know, maybe they did use them. My father always had a fondness for felt-tipped pens, so to me that always seemed like the more sophisticated option over a ball-point pen.) My uncle, who’s Swiss, did tell me a story about why he hates cats: as a child, he’d be doing his homework, and the cat would swat at the pen, which would splatter ink everywhere, and he’d have to start over.

    I had to have someone explain these strips to me as a child, and how with a fine-point pen, if you hit an imperfection in the paper, the tip catches and sprays paint.

    I have a set of pens now so that I can be a serious artist. I don’t use them, which makes me feel quietly inferior.

  40. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    In other news: congrats to everyone on the CoTW boat!

  41. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:46 am [Reply]

    Er… by “I have a set of pens” I mean dip pens. Otherwise my sentence makes less sense. I do use other pens.

  42. Poteet
    October 21st, 2008 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    A keyboard-destroying lineup this week! Congratulatons to Violet and all you other float-ridin’ perps!

  43. Niall
    October 21st, 2008 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    5. Deena: after taking a few checks on the fentanyl patch, I’ll have to pass – it seems to be counterindicated in my mother’s case (personal opinion, not medical), plus there was already a recall of the patch in Canada this year because it was releasing too much at once, leading to overdose. But thanks for the tip.

    29. AngryKem: right now your Japes are a ray of sunshine to which I look forward every day. I take all the smiles I can get. Thank you.

    33. Hogenmogen: actually, in panel 3 of GT, “tackling” is not the impression I get about what those two are doing, considering the positioning.

    38. Hogenmogen: I’ll never be that desperate, thankfully. …I hope.

    On dip pens: I grew up reading European french comic magazines, and they had numerous references to grade school children having to use dip pens or fountain pens to write, with the standard highjinks. So the Peanuts strips were not weird.

    And dip pens (crowquill) for inking are… tempermental, yes.

  44. Poteet
    October 21st, 2008 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    MT — Holy moly, Mark The Fundamantal Force (thank you, commodorejohn) has finally mastered the concepts of land ownership and zoning! What’s next, mastering the concept of sexual attraction?

    9CL — No, Amos, you shouldn’t hide in a cornfield in Iowa. The corn harvest is running late this year and the night combines would terrify you. Also it’s bow season. A lot of antlerless licenses have been sold and you might be mistaken for a doe.

    But boiling your head sounds like a great idea if it would stop those endless hiccups.

  45. Saluki
    October 21st, 2008 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    #31 Hogenmogen: I was in a band once called Hooters for Hair!

  46. ar_d
    October 21st, 2008 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    6. Niall -

    Maple candy? I almost forgot about that delicious substance. I grew up in Buffalo, and sometimes Canadian goodies would trickle down to us. Mmm….Timbits and peameal bacon.

    Congratulations, Northern neighbors!

  47. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 21st, 2008 at 11:59 am [Reply]


    It is a good morning for reading COTWs. Yes it is.

    MT: How long now until he sees the Sue Butler–>Butler Construction link? Six months perhaps?

    Marvin: Hell is other people. Specifically Hell is Marvin and his diapers, which he will never, ever stop soiling.

    S4th: Nice one. I wonder if Sally would have accepted the Fonzie-esque “Mrs F.”

    GT: Who fumbled, you ask? No one knows! Only Marty Moon can tell the players apart, and he’s sleeping one off.

    FB: Fred still has some issues with getting fixed.

    BH: Frankly, he doesn’t look any more or less freakish than before.

    9CL: Maybe Edda will be the first woman since Pat Nixon to be won over by that body language. “Ladies and gentlemen of the press, you won’t have Amos van Hoesen to kick around any more.”

    6C: Adam and Eve didn’t know they were naked, but Eve was already freaking about her thighs? That is depressing.

    FC: I’m kind of wishing that today’s was in a “Mafia Circus” style. “Jeffy, you’re my brother, and I love you like… a brother. But I swear, if you ever disrespect our mama’s cooking again I will rip the heart out of your chest.”

    H&J: Herb’s DIY neurosurgery kit has hit a few snags.

    Momma: Mary Lou could have some fun by patting her belly and saying, “Yeah, about that.”

    Luann: Never have I been gladder for Luann’s enforced soft-PG approach to adult relationships. Because I know that if they ever showed Brad and Toni having sex, it would culminate in two voices crying out “Dirk!” in unison.

    A3G: Is Eric trying to get into Lodi’s saffron robes? “Yes, I’ve brought other Tibetan mystics here, but they meant nothing to me. I didn’t have with them what we have.”

  48. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #17 TheCasey,

    I had a Spanish-language pen pal in the Dominican Republic when I was in high school. I also wound up writing to her only once, because I lost her address. Also I’m not sure my sense of humor translated.

  49. Artist formerly known as Ben
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: One unpublished author to another, I should feel for Les. But in his case, it’s not character that’s being built up. It’s the muscles you use while hanging on the cross.

    GA: I first heard that “tooth hurty” joke as an ethnic swipe at Chinese people. This being “Gasoline Alley” I’m surprised it wasn’t preserved in that form.

  50. Art Vandelay
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Darby Conley wins the Inaction Standoff with Guisewhite!

    After only about 50 days, Shoppy Cathy finally left the shoe store, before anyone from Get Fuzzy left the apartment.

    At least Shoppy is still whining about money and material goods for the 700th day in a row, so there is still one level of never-changing stasis in that comic.

  51. Art Vandelay
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Next round of the Inaction Standoff: which will happen first: Bill Griffith will go one day without talking about boring, repetitive Dingburg, or Spider-Man the Super Hero will do something slightly heroic?

    Stay tuned, because this contest could take years to decide.

  52. commodorejohn
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    #39 Li’l Bunnë FooFoo – Interesting. I’ve known what fountain pens are for a long time, but I had no idea of the coming-of-age connotations.

    9CL – Oh, great. More drama.

    A3G – Yeah, if I were depending on someone with poor enough self-preservation instincts to be in love with Margo, I’d be pleading to my deity, too.

    AS – Smurfs are actually significantly larger than that. Do your damn homework next time, Hillburn.

    Crankshaft – If we get a whole week of Crankshaft angrily haranguing the teller and robber, I think I just might forgive Batiuk for that “ha ha, the old lady doesn’t know what’s good for her!” storyline. Might.

    FC – I know the joke here is supposed to be that it’s not “cool” because it’s hot, but I first read it as “dude, she didn’t even make it, what do you mean it’s cool,” which I like much better. Jeff Keane putting down his dead mother? Comedy gold.

    FW – Says the man who leers at his own daughter.

    GA – Yes, he is, Clovia. Why don’t you have him comitted again?

    HTH – I’m finding this historically improbable, but then A. this is Hagar The Horrible, where history is trod upon with vigor, and B. I’ll leave the medieval European history discussions to Angry Kem.

    JP – Wait, wait, wait, what happened with the sunglasses? That’s a continuity error of “Manos” proportions.


    MT – Oh, this is going to be wonderful.

    MW – “Sounds like he’s got quite the collection of ‘lady friends,’ actually. It’s that Cory charisma, y’know.” P.S. insert joke about Mary’s “old haunts” here.

    Popeye – The ripples are a genuinely nice touch.

    RMMD – Sarah, you lovable little rascal, did you seriously just make the kind of joke that we make about this strip in the strip? You’re awesome.

    Edison Lee – Oh, sure, like Republicans are the only ones to use that tactic? *cough*bullshit*cough*

  53. Lettuce
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    OF COURSE Rex is “Grinding Something.”

    Why not just cut all pretext on this strip and make it Gay Double Entendre Theater perminantly?

    Obviously that’s why Sarah’s face is so puffy — she’s obviously been sobbing since she read the script, and saw that her line tomorrow is: “The wind’s too strong! It’s blowing daddy’s mast!”

  54. Lettuce
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Chosen Lama? It’s not often you get to travel with a Tibetan Jew.

  55. Lettuce
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Oh no! The sunglasses virus has gone airborne! It’s like the movie/book “Blindness” — one minute you’re just walking along and then all of a sudden you’re liney wide-frames just appear on your face.

    Let’s hope it doesn’t mutate to include a Groucho nose and mustache.

  56. Baka Gaijin
    October 21st, 2008 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    #10: True Fable:

    H&J Why is Herb’s MIL wearing a high-collared Victorian-era blouse with tight jeans? Is she supposed to be rockin’ the hip granny look? And what the hell is going on with her frontal artillery; did Eduardo Barreto play guest artist on the final panel? Granny’s got SweaterPuppies?? What the Fuck is going on?!?!

    Wait, what? That’s NOT Jamaal in drag? Jamaal, I mean Gramma needs to get acquainted with products of the Gillette Corporation, STAT. While you’re at it, maybe pick out a kicky tranny name like Dame Edna LaBoobs instead of quoting Microsoft’s licensing agreement.

  57. Baka Gaijin
    October 21st, 2008 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Open props to Ces: Medium Large does “Momma.” Wow.

    While I’m at it, Lio has another collection: Silent but Deadly. I was anything but silent reading it.

    By the way, is this the active thread or is it the other one?

  58. AhClem
    October 21st, 2008 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    MW – The comments about Mary visiting her old haunts is very appropriate, given the Gothic eye makeup she’s sporting today.

    Or are those twin shiners? Maybe Jeff finally got fed up with her non-stop platitudes and hit her in the face with a shovel.

  59. Marthas Rolling Pin
    October 21st, 2008 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in an obscure corner of the comicsverse, Mr. Ed Power, creator of “My Cage” gets a shoutout from the small but quirky town of Barkeater Lake.

  60. Zaq
    October 21st, 2008 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    MW: I should save the best for last, but this is probably the most glorious strip in the paper today. Just look at Mary in panel 1. Look at her. She’s clearly undead. Personally I’m thinking wight, though she could be a ghast (which is not a misspelling of “ghost.” No, really. They’re different!) or even a vampire… which would make sense as Jeff clearly appears to be her thrall. Well, I mean, more so than usual. Add in the dialogue about “old haunts” and it becomes more clear than ever. Wait, you don’t suppose Mary is a lich, do you? That would explain a lot… well, okay, no it wouldn’t, but it’s still fun to think about.

    Zombie: Huh, the strip’s dumb, but not overly hateful or glurgy. Weird. Still not funny by any stretch, of course, but at least it’s not “Elly the martyr vs. RodJohn the dickhead.” Also, I’m rather charmed by the fact that spellcheck accepts “dickhead” as a word (though interestingly it does not accept “spellcheck.”)

    H&L: Yes, because those damned municipal employees are the ones responsible for the rest of us being in such dire financial straits… what the hell is this, Mallard Fillmore? (Oh yes, I went there.)

    A3G: “Wait, I’m a chosen Lama? Crap, better adopt a random prayerful position.”

    MT: Is this the first time Mark himself has taken the role of Unnecessarily Large Foreground Object while 90% of the dialogue takes place in the background? Probably not, but it’s still a rarity. Though I suppose I shouldn’t be more surprised at Mark playing this role than at any other non-human playing this role.

    HtH: Hagar believes that he can speak with animals, and that these animals will remind him of important upcoming events.

    RMMD: Speaking of grinding, Sarah looks like she’s throwing an allergic reaction to a bee sting in panel 3 there. Aren’t you a medical professional, June? I know that ice packs are supposed to help swelling, but that’s ice packs, not icy glares of soul-destroying sexiness.

    Popeye: I wonder exactly what process goes into determining how many miscellaneous punctuation marks (mostly question marks and bangs, but I bet if we looked hard enough we could find others) any given Popeye character emits as a result of any given circumstance. I like to imagine there are dice involved.

    FW: “Rejection builds character, and character builds tumors. That’s what writing means, right?”

    S-M: Clocksucker, stop threatening Maria like that or she’ll just unhinge her jaw and eat you. She kept threatening to do that when you were married… that’s WHY you got divorced, remember? Every time you asked her for a favor she was all “Hmm, you look a little lobsterlike” and licked her lips, which always resulted in you saying “No, I’m not The Lobster, I’m The Clocksucker” and she responded “But it wasn’t a clock… it was a CLOCK LOBSTER!” and then she chased you around Benny Hill style while the B-52s played in the background. Every single day.

    Marvin: I have nothing new to say, but add my voice to the chorus of approbation and disgust.

    Phantom: Apparently hazing the new guy isn’t frowned upon in the JUNGLE PATROL.

    Luann: Does Evans actually think this is funny or engaging instead of just aggravating? I can’t even tell anymore.

    Curtis: An entire strip without inappropriate quotes! You get a gold star, Billingsley. Keep it up! No, really. Please.

    DtM: Not wearing a seat belt is… almost menacing? No, no it’s not. Dammit.

    GT: Euclidean sports action? I’m disappointed. I still don’t understand what’s going on, because I don’t understand football, but I liked it better when neither I nor the artist knew what was going on. I feel like he’s betrayed me, or at least like he’s been leading me on.

  61. commodorejohn
    October 21st, 2008 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    #60 Zaq – “(Oh yes, I went there.)

    Go there all you like, my friend. Even us conservatives around here don’t feel like defending Mallard Fillmore.

  62. Old School Allie Cat
    October 21st, 2008 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    S4th Today’s strip made me laugh – Faye reminds me of myself when I was that age – at least, she says things that I definitely thought.

    Glib Thorp – Maybe I’m missing the whole point, but to me, this strip is much more interesting when they’re not playing sports.

    FW – So, we get it already – your wife died, the only trim you get is at the barber, to your creepy beard, and your novels suck. Your daughter is a sporty, solo-car-dating teen who has her shit together more than you ever will. Moving on.

    MW – Dr. Jeffy Cory, did you not learn anything last time? If you stray too far from Mary, you’ll get sick, have creepy nightmares, and if you don’t get on a wider spectrum of antibiotics, you’ll die! It’s kind of like syphillis. Only, without the sex first.

  63. bats :[
    October 21st, 2008 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Observations from hither and yon:

    Congrats to the floaters! Dang, that Violet is something! Is this your second time as Queen of the Papier Mache? Many more are likely, I just know it!
    Throw poutine, guys — you’ve earned it!

    37. CDS: I like the idea that Candace and Rudy just went ahead and got married. The horror! The horror! Of not making a Big Stinkin’ Deal of it!

    As to 9CL, what the hell is Amos’ problem? I’m not defending Edda, but the sudden evolution of a spine doesn’t necessarily coincide with throwing a hissy fit.

    Oh, and in my “You Know You’ve Been Hanging Around CC Too Much” file:
    While I have had a couple of dreams where I find myself story-boarding the plot (a la mashing up Rex ‘n’ Mary and the rest), which the thought itself is amusing, last night I had a dream about Josh. A lot of my friends and associates were gathered in a large ballroom or other festive congregating place, waiting for a Famous Person to show up. It was Josh himself! I thought that was very cool, only I spent the rest of the (very long) dream explaining to everyone there who Josh is and why he’s famous.
    I don’t think this knocks Josh. I think it means that my friends are Philistines…

  64. CanuckDownSouth
    October 21st, 2008 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    H&L but… but… Municipal sanitation does not work that way!

    Unless Hi contracts out to a private company, he will get a form letter informing him of a new municipal tax rate / monthly utilities fee, or the required “pay per play” bags’ price will go up (some cities in North America use that system).

    Is anybody else a little disturbed by A3G‘s panel 2 composition? It looks like the young lama is praying to the Courageous White Rescuer. I suppose he could be offering a prayer of thanks to deity(ies) [not even sure if that's appropriate for Tibetan Buddhism] that anyone would come help, or for safe passage. Or it could just be the result of the government having confined him to prevent his learning the details of his religion, I suppose.

  65. gh
    October 21st, 2008 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Yaaaawwwwn. *scratch* *scratch* Long night. Not quite awake yet. Let’s see . . .


    So . . .if you want to get a charge card at K-Mart, you have to run it past the security guard? Help me out here.

    *Dennis the Mildly Annoying


    WHAT THE . . .

    I’m not sure. From this angle it kind of looks like a silhouette of Colombia and Panama. Help me out here.


    What you can’t see in the third panel is that, not only did Sam take her sunglasses, but he’s also wearing her pants. There was some confusion at first when he said he wanted to get into them, but Ms. Detective saw Sam in non-action with Dixie and soon realized he meant it literally. They’re still quibbling over the necklace.


    Waaait a minute. Did someone bring this up already? Probably. But if Sneaky gets kidnapped [in MT?? What are the odds?] and he’s apparently stapled to Andy’s back . . . and he’s supposed to try and drown a dog . . . but Andy is his friend . . . didn’t I see this in Gladiator? Help me out here.

    You know what. Never mind. I’m going back to bed.

  66. One-eyed Wolfdog
    October 21st, 2008 at 3:08 pm [Reply]

    It really does intrigue me that TRAZE-R has apparently been programmed with a notion of evil. Never mind that any unproblematic definition of this has vexed and eluded the world’s greatest philosophers since the dawn of time; Diet, that great intellect, has managed to distill it down and encapsulate it, for some reason, in a piece of hardware that can’t navigate a curb by itself and can’t, for that matter, handle the concept of ‘vowels’ with even the modest degree of success we expect from, for example, LOLcats.

    I like to think the next few weeks will not involve a banal confrontation with (the adorably phallic) Magnum Force, but rather a series of crushing assaults on classical problems: “GD EXST N ALL-PWRFL? HOW CN EVL BE ON MV IN SCH A UNIVRS? PRDOX, TRCY!” and so forth.

    As long as we’re in my own personal fantasy world, meanwhile, Magnum Force will be redeployed to smash a hole through Marvin’s head, roll over the corpse a few times, and incinerate the nasty pulp for good measure. (You know the drill.)

  67. He\'s dead, Jim. Dead I tell ya.
    October 21st, 2008 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    The Argyle Sweater fried a Smurf. Yummm!

  68. ladadog
    October 21st, 2008 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Congratulations to all the Float Riders, and many thanks for all the prize-winning snark..

    MT: Hey, Sue Butler is driving the car I got for Christmas one year. In the fifties. It was blue, and a convertible, and to make it run, all I had to do was pedal. My brother got a tractor with pedals. But, I had the smart, blue convertible. I wondered where it went.
    Thanks, Jack Elrod for the road trip down memory lane.
    But I really don’t think Sue could have pedalled that thing through the vast, drained swampland…even in her zeal to meet up with that hunka hunka fizzling love.

  69. Niall
    October 21st, 2008 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    DT: After weeks (or is it months already?) of Braces detailing again (and again and again and…) his plan to use Magnum Force and unveiling him to his not-very-cooperative goons at an undisclosed farm barn, suddenly, without so much as a “by-the-way-we’re-leaving”, they’re at the Hated Corporation’s HQ and smashing walls?? Is it legal in the DT universe to move so quickly? Wait, yes it is, but only in weird spurts – quickly followed by blood. Spurting, that is.

  70. Perky Bird
    October 21st, 2008 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Of course we all know Sneaky will soon be coon-napped and forced to participate in the evil raccoon-on-dog fight. It follows the little-known rule of “Chekhov’s Raccoon”: If one introduces a raccoon in Act One, the raccoon must become imperiled in the following act.

  71. Sequitur
    October 21st, 2008 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

  72. SF_Reader
    October 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – Who you calling winch!?! Let’s see him tighten his sails for you, Miss June!

  73. Bryan
    October 21st, 2008 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

    63, bats – “last night I had a dream about Josh. ”

    At least it wasn’t the dream where you’re swimming with Josh and a pod of dolphins. That’s weird one.

  74. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    October 21st, 2008 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    #52 commodorejohn –
    I knew about fountain pens… they were the fancy expensive pens adults never let children touch. Perhaps fountain pens are prone to the same problems as dip pens, though, being fancier, they probably work better. In any event, by the time I tried a fountain pen I was in high school and had the fine motor skills required to use one gracefully.

    The thing about this series of Peanuts jokes is it should be playing on a shared experience, but it’s isn’t (any longer). As I child, I lost baseball games, didn’t get valentines, etc, so those jokes reminded me of my own experiences. But neither I nor anyone I knew had any problem learning to write with a pen. In fact I’d argue that “pen” didn’t even mean the same thing by the time I was a child — when I imagined a pen, I thought of a ballpoint or a felt-tip, the sorts of pens that don’t smudge easily. To my childish mind, a dip pen was about the same as a quill. And as for fountain pens, I just imagined they worked the same as any regular ballpoint.

    I just went back and looked at the Peanuts cartoon. There’s an ink bottle right there next to him. I don’t think I ever noticed that; it just didn’t register.

    Perhaps an equivalent for kids these days (with their hair and their clothes) would be jokes about teenagers monopolizing the phone, or not having a phone in their bedroom (my teenage experience). You don’t have you own phone? You can’t just carry your phone anyplace you want to talk? What are you talking about?

  75. PeteMoss
    October 21st, 2008 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    I just want to be the first to congratulate all of the COTW winners and…what?…Well, one of the first 75 to say, “Nice job!”

  76. Violet
    October 21st, 2008 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Thanks so much Josh and my fellow commenters for your heartwarming congratulations and your consistently hilarious observations. But most of all I would like to express my tearful gratitude to Greg Evans, without whose unprecedented repulsiveness I could not have achieved this honor.

  77. PeteMoss
    October 21st, 2008 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    Crock – Desert sage, a little swamp thyme, and a pinch of tundra rosemary really bring out the flavor of your rotisserie fruit bat.
    What exactly are the ingredients to the pharmaceutical-cocktail the Crock cartoonist digests?

  78. PeteMoss
    October 21st, 2008 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    I am not at all comfortable with Mark Trail using a laptop. A portable smith corona, sure, but a laptop? However, I am impressed with old Pop, out there in his cabin in the swamp, providing our erudite Trail with internet access – apparently via a router! This ain’t the Unabomber’s cabin, that’s for sure. He’s got free WiFi!

  79. JupiterPluvius
    October 21st, 2008 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    Matt’s hat looks like Matt Drudge’s hat. Is there some kind of official Matt-hat that all Matts are issued with?

  80. LA Steve
    October 21st, 2008 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

    So, Mary is going back to her old haunts back east, eh? Maybe to the very street corners where, as Apple Mary, she sold apples eighty years ago, the last time Wall Street laid an egg like the present one. And, by the way, she was pretty old even then. She must be about 150 by now. Watch out, Lestat.

  81. Steam Engenius
    October 22nd, 2008 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Really Jeffy? Daddy doesn’t just hate you because you’re the unholy spawn of Mommy’s one-night tryst with a drunken, hobo Irishman. He also hates you because you’re painfully stupid.

  82. slinkimalinki
    October 22nd, 2008 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    i wish i had a psychic taint. then i’d be able to talk out of my ass with a degree of certainty.

  83. iggyks
    October 22nd, 2008 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

    FW – Uh-oh, Summer found Les’s secret album of mastectomy porn!

  84. Anonymous
    October 23rd, 2008 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Re: 10/23 PBS –

    Pastis draws “Cathy” better than Gueisewhite does.

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