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Metapost: The Weblog Awards get ugly

So, throughout this whole Weblog Awards business, I’ve tried to take the high road, refusing to even acknowledge my competitors for the coveted Best Humor Blog award. I’m modeling my campaign on the greatest of American presidents, Warren G. Harding, who felt that traveling the country seeking votes was beneath his dignity, and instead just had voters shipped in to Ohio to watch him bloviate from his front porch (except I refuse to go out on my porch because it’s cold). However, as all campaigns will, this one has turned ugly, and now I’m going to have to dirty my hands a bit. It seems that one of my opponents, the so-called Bloggess, is spreading scurrilous rumors about me — namely, that I eat kittens and plan to celebrate my inevitable victory with a kitten feast. She’s even made a badge for those who won’t vote for her, and taken her dastardly lies to the Twitter, where I can’t fight back because I can’t even begin to understand the Twitter or how it works, but here’s a picture of those Twitter lies:

Anyway, I would like to state right now, for the record, that I would never, ever eat a kitten. I love all cats, as my own pampered kitty can attest. Instead, once my opposition has been crushed and the award that is rightfully mine has been handed to me, I will celebrate by eating babies.

Seriously, though, you should totally read her blog because it’s very hilarious! And please do not start a blog fight with her commentors! We can all be friends (as long as I win). And I’m not just saying that because she also writes for the Houston Chronicle and could maybe somehow cut me off from my custom comics page. Or because, according to the Twitter, she has naked pictures of me, somehow. And when you’re done enjoying her blog, come back and vote for me, which you can do every 24 hours. Because babies is delicious.

In other Weblog Awards news, Medium Large is, against all odds, within reach of third place in the Best Comic Strip category! Vote for Ces to get a bronze medal! It will help with his self-esteem!

IMPORTANT AD NEWS PLEASE READ THIS: In non-self-congratulatory news, I am about to restore the ads that I removed a couple of days ago. Please e-mail me if anything sketchy happens when you visit this site after this point (i.e. after 8:45 pm eastern time on 1/7) — pop-ups, weird redirects, etc. Thanks. UPDATE: Ads taken back down. Blech.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 7, 2009 at 09:45 pm and is filed under metaposts. |

168 responses to “Metapost: The Weblog Awards get ugly”

dyslexic dog
January 7th, 2009 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

not cats…catsup.
Angry Kem
January 7th, 2009 at 9:59 pm [Reply]

Catsup to put on the babies.
danzig
January 7th, 2009 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

WOW! I’ve never gotten this close to first before.

Keep Lurking.
bartcow
January 7th, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

The RSS feed on my homepage now shows a bunch of garbage news junk that I’m afraid to even move my mouse over.

Other than that, I have to say that whatever your predilection, cats can be truly tasty if prepared properly.
Ukulele Ike
January 7th, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

Josh, if you’re not finishing those kitties, can I have ‘em? Pass the hot sauce.

PS: I voted for you, but that Blogess chick sure is a cutie. Love the hair rollers.
bats :[
January 7th, 2009 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

Wow, talk about sour grapes! I guess the take-home message is that if you can’t stand the heat, stay away from the roasting pan with the kittens in it…
Poteet
January 7th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

What a cute kitty Hoagie is! Awwww…. *melts into undignified puddle of cat-adoring goo*
nyswen21
January 7th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

Long time reader and fan here who heckled his fiance today because you were so far ahead of her heroine the Bloggess. Said fiance went ahead and emailed The Bloggess our IM chat, where I simply restated my position that the Curmudgeon was funnier than the Bloggess, whose blog I also read and find hilarious. Just not as much. Cause it isn’t. Or something. Nevertheless, Bloggess wrote back and attacked ME as well. The sad part about her attack is she’s in like 20th place on the list- not even close to you. If she was in second or even 10th I could see it. But this . . . egad. Now please post something funny about Zits or Get Fuzzy in the near future cause I heckled your opponent indirectly for you.
Johnny Cat
January 7th, 2009 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

My similar looking cat does that, too! I’ve only ever seen dogs do it, previously.
Angry Kem
January 7th, 2009 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

Because I should really be writing a lecture, I have instead been reading the comments on the Bloggess’s blog. Alas! The commenters therein have decided that Josh (and not, as I have proven again and again, Marmaduke) is the Antichrist. They attack him as “not funny” and claim that he “sucks.” They insist that he must be “cheating.” They even challenge his status as a “hot blogger.”* One of them states that making fun of the funnies is too easy because they’re, like, funnies.

My friends…I am experiencing a sensation of gentle sorrow. Our colleagues over in Bloggessville are impugning not only Josh but the ‘mudgeon community as a whole. We have been characterised as mindless tools who are voting for Josh because he has brainwashed us. I! Weep! For! Humanity!

And I need some cheese to sprinkle on my roast kitten, damn it…

*These quotation marks contain actual quotations. They are not random. They have not been influenced by Herb and Jamaal. Thank you.
Josh
January 7th, 2009 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

#8 — Oh, it is all in fun! I am not offended. It’s all about rallying your vote-minions.

Plus, you can vote for more than one person. Spread the love around! Or, if you think I’m twice as funny, vote for me twice and her once, or something.

And please do not start a blog fight with her commentors! That is not my intention.

Josh
Uncle Lumpy
January 7th, 2009 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

Josh –

You are funny. You aren’t cheating. You don’t suck!

I can haz drumstix?
Erik
January 7th, 2009 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

My dearest apologies to Ces, but I’ve voted for xkcd like 40 times now, just because it’s such an amazing comic that it definitely deserves recognition.

I’ve voted for Medium-Large like, 3 times though. That could count for something.
yellojkt
January 7th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

I can’t believe the rumors about Josh eating cats. They are way too boney. Except maybe for Garfield and he tastes like lasagna that has been left too long on the counter.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 7th, 2009 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

#5 Ukulele Ike,
I’m with you. Those hair curlers got my mojo risin’.

Kudos, Josh.
Angry Kem
January 7th, 2009 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

#11 Josh: Just to be clear: my post (#10) was not advocating a flame war. I was attempting my own bizarre form of humour. I actually think the Bloggess’s kitten-eating post is very funny. I wish her minions/henchmen/etc. didn’t feel obliged to attack you, but that’s really only to be expected. Besides, they’re being relatively mild about it. I still remember what happened when Terry Pratchett wrote a (quite funny and very slightly sarcastic) letter objecting to an interviewer’s characterisation of J. K. Rowling as The Only Original Fantasy Writer In The Whole World. Perhaps one of the more sane fan reactions would have read as follows: “OMG I H8 THIS PRATSHIT GUY WTF IS HIS PROBLM NOBODY READS HIS STUFF I HOPE HE DIES!!1!”

I suggest that fans of Josh and fans of the Bloggess join forces and gang up on…

I dunno…

…porcupine hunters?

I think that would be quite fun.
Will la Puerta
January 7th, 2009 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

I had no intention to vote for anyone in this. No intention whatsoever. . . until I saw this post, that is.

I heartily support baby eating! Of course only when I don’t need any as ammunition for my Baby Rail Gun.
Brent
January 7th, 2009 at 11:24 pm [Reply]

It doesn’t surprise me that xkcd is doing so well… even if it wasn’t already good enough to deserve to win, it does have a strong following of exactly the sort of people you want to attract for stuffing web ballots.

What surprises me is that Dilbert is doing so poorly. Sure, it’s an oldie in a list of fresher strips… but I’d expect more out of Dogbert’s Ruling Class than this. They must not have actually mobilized.
februarymakeup
January 7th, 2009 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

Not just Ohio, mind, but MARION, Ohio. the very worst place to be ever in human history that isn’t actually life-threatening.

No, really.
Baka Gaijin
January 7th, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

Josh: If you can’t finish your baby in one sitting (damn childhood obesity epidemic), Tupperware’s “Radiance” Toddler Keeper will keep him fresh for days. Remember to burp after storage!
Baka Gaijin
January 7th, 2009 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

Thursday’s Comic

Lio: Send that spider to FOOB, stat!
Muffaroo
January 7th, 2009 at 11:37 pm [Reply]

Reposted due to popular demand by the voices in my head since the thread snapped shut 4.2 seconds later:

9CL – “Love is… a Suzy Moppet doll dressed up as Sheena, Queen of the Jungle.”

Blondie – Holy Mutt and Jeff! Blondie’s laughing, because she knows his mustache would look like his pubes.

Crock – Oh, that Lucky Eddie! Always saying something inappropriate and anachronistic in the middle of… oh. My mistake.

DtMenace – Here we come to a plot idea from a comic I was writing in 1980: “Olympic Figure Hockey,” where style counts as much as goals.

DTracy – Zippy the Fashionista seems to be stomping a tiny replica of Tokyo in the background of that first panel.

GFuzzy – Now that’s what I’m talking about! Satchel writes “haiku” as good as 2/3 of what’s on the internet (where, incidentally, information can be found on what real haiku is and isn’t).

MFmore – Ah. Perhaps he means tax dollars like the ones that subsidize Gasohol with corn from Bob Dole’s home state. That would merit the name, eh wot?

MTrail – “What is wrong, Patty?” “Oh, Cherry! I am worried that Ham and Beans will spoil Angelfood’s engagement to Dr. Fishstick!”

NSeq – Now this is funny. Maybe not ‘Medium Large’ funny, but still funny. (ps: Vote!)

Pluggers like to borrow old Dagwood jokes sometimes.
Dingo
January 7th, 2009 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

I’ll vote for you if you promise not to reveal the naked photos. Like Mary Worth, I have standards to uphold.
Angry Kem
January 7th, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

#23 Dingo: Mary Worth has standards? I thought she devoured the flesh of newborns beneath the sickle moon.
Rusty
January 7th, 2009 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

I have yet to vote for anyone, but after being confused and dismayed by the comments on that badge page, I will now ensure that Josh rolls her ass.
Baka Gaijin
January 7th, 2009 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

#23 Dingo: Someone has naked pictures of Mary Worth? AAAAAAaaaaahhHHHHHhh! I’m hysterically blind again!
Rusty
January 7th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

Plus, her blogger profile promises talk of blow jobs, but a cursory reading of the first few entries reveals no such thing. How can I vote for that?
texas buddha
January 7th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

There is a sign on the outside wall of a store near my work that advertises Gato Burgers.
Vince M
January 8th, 2009 at 12:05 am [Reply]

26: There was a link a while back, with four words sure to make a man’s blood freeze: ‘Mary Worth Tijuana Bible’. While that sinks in let me add: ‘Featuring Ian’.
NotThatGuy
January 8th, 2009 at 12:08 am [Reply]

Josh, I voted for you yesterday, but I just cannot condone anyone who eats kittens. Just sayin’.
Dingo
January 8th, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

This puts the phrase “Josh Fruhlinger, Pussy Eater” into an entirely new perspective. You should have used that on Jeopardy.
Stroker Ace
January 8th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

Alex Trebek voted Josh.
sugarpie
January 8th, 2009 at 12:38 am [Reply]

Since that hair dryer-brandishing, curler and fuzzy slipper-wearing, Josh’s nekkid picture-harboring hausfrau writes for the Houston Chronicle, please ask her wtf happened in today’s Chronicle comics section.

Dont think for a minute this has nothing to do with the voting. It does and she knows it. And please dont accept any of her “Oh goodness, I’m just the help…” foolishness. Those great big doe eyes may fool Mark Trail but they wont fool you! Will they Josh? Umm…hello. Josh. Anyone?

(Please see Seven Year Snooze #145 and #154),
Angry Kem
January 8th, 2009 at 12:40 am [Reply]

Hey…maybe the Bloggess’s accusation of Josh will get its own Wikipedia article. After all, it’s happened before.

(That was quite a fun election.)
rodent
January 8th, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

When you’re done with the cat food, how do you feel about some Pringles and Coffee?
NoVan
January 8th, 2009 at 1:37 am [Reply]

Hoagie looks distressingly like my late cat. Wah! :(
Poteet
January 8th, 2009 at 1:41 am [Reply]

1/7 MT — I’m guessing that Patty has pubic lice.
Poteet
January 8th, 2009 at 1:49 am [Reply]

# 37 — Sorry, that should have been the 1/8 MT. Dangit.
Muffaroo
January 8th, 2009 at 1:52 am [Reply]

Poteet, does that mean that on Sunday, Mark will be giving his “Wide World O’ Animals” from the microscopic domain? “Yes, readers, these creatures look as big as cattle, but bear in mind that these curly trees are really pubes, and that huge curve over my head is just part of the bottom of the Elrod ball.”
Garrett
January 8th, 2009 at 2:01 am [Reply]

I always hope to see my father’s strip Nancy here, mainly because I don’t read it – never really have in 13 years.

Noticing some Nancy comments here not too long ago – like a lot of Nancy comments – I read the most recent strips, which are very odd. Nancy has apparently become unstuck in time, and time traveled from the 50s to the 80s before winding up in the 20s, pointing out what an anachronism the whole strip is.

….

More nancy pls ok thanks
mollificent
January 8th, 2009 at 2:14 am [Reply]

Josh, if you don’t give Dingo’s #31 comment COTW, I’m going to storm the Bastille. ;)

P.S. I just read somewhere (well, ok, I looked CC up on Wikipedia…it’s a rainy night in, OK?) that you actually get an email EVERY TIME someone posts a comment. I am now thoroughly ashamed of all my Rachael Ray blathering several threads ago. I really will try to keep somewhat on topic from now on, at least as far as I’m capable. :)
Poteet
January 8th, 2009 at 2:15 am [Reply]

# 39 Muffaroo — Bwahaha! Oh, how I hope!

ReFoob — Gee, I never knew that people who “settle down” and have kids are never allowed to do yoga again. I bet that rule applies to Tai Chi also. One more reason it’s good I stuck with cats.
Poteet
January 8th, 2009 at 2:18 am [Reply]

# 41 mollificent — YOU’RE ashamed? Why? You weren’t the one who posted fifty comments on the Christmas metapost. Argh, I’m going to bed.
maryc
January 8th, 2009 at 2:18 am [Reply]

1/8 MT FINALLY! A story line about beastiality!
Mr. O'Malley
January 8th, 2009 at 2:24 am [Reply]

A few years ago I went to the library and stopped at the library bookstore. I browsed through a book that was a diary of a young British officer in the Peninsular War (early 19th c.). I had some business to attend to inside, and when I came back to the store afterwards to buy the book, someone else had bought it in the meantime.

One of the stories I remember went like this. The British army had very bad supply problems and the soldiers were starving half the time. In the midst of this the officer noticed one of the soldiers cooking a chicken over a campfire. He went over to investigate and was invited to partake. As he was gratefully digging in, he asked the soldier “Where on earth did you manage to find a chicken?”

The soldier replied “You remember that old cat that was always hanging around the barracks?”

At that the officer suddenly lost his appetite, and as he beat a retreat the soldier yelled after him “You young whippersnapper! When you’ve been in the army as long as I have, you’ll take what you can get and be thankful for it!”
True Fable
January 8th, 2009 at 2:45 am [Reply]

JP Okay, she’s going to kiss him goodbye at the airport just as Abbey is getting off the plane. Drama at 11:00; apathy at 11:05.
Luann The Trip to Fantasyland continues, because there’s just no way they’re going to find accommodations in D.C. right now. Maybe they’ll commute from Baltimore. Josh, charge ‘em 4-star rates to crash on your couch, man.
MT “Oh Cherry! *sob!* I’m in love with my pet ‘possum!” Little did she realize Mr. Owl was listening in; he would have plenty to tell the Tootsie Pop kid now.
Marmadick Fargo!
MC Just wanted to tell Ed and Melissa that I’m really enjoying this storyline.
Phantom crossover w/ RMMW: “..and how do we kill it?”
RMMW Now there’s the June we know and lust.
S4th Gee, this must be serious. Sally hasn’t smirked for days.
IFHZ Squick.
Mars
January 8th, 2009 at 2:46 am [Reply]

http://www.gocomics.com/libertymeadows
Aw man, I laughed so hard when I noticed Snuffy Smith was in there. Go see, quick!

#40 Garrett: By “your father’s strip Nancy,” do you mean your dad was Ernie Bushmiller, or one of the many people who’ve been hired to ape Ernie Bushmiller?

And isn’t Nancy currently made by TWO people?
Mr. O'Malley
January 8th, 2009 at 3:15 am [Reply]

Mars says: And isn’t Nancy currently made by TWO people?

One for Aunt Fritzi and one for the other characters?
Uncle Lumpy
January 8th, 2009 at 3:58 am [Reply]

. . . isn’t Nancy currently made by TWO people?

Admirable grace toward the entities that excrete today’s Nancy. Dear entities: I followed Ernie Bushmiller. I loved Ernie Bushmiller. And you, entities, are no Ernie Bushmiller.
Mibbitmaker
January 8th, 2009 at 4:01 am [Reply]

Thoisday:

A3G: Let me guess: Margo is jealous of Eric’s immaculate kitchen now? So much for bachelor cliches, huh, Magee?

BC: Well, he was cooking it for Josh….

DT: That CIA/Adult Swim guy meant this when he talked repeatedly about Noll blowing stuff up. I don’t think he’s a “menace to society”, though — he’s more like a menace to his own house!

ReFOOB: When Ellie’s mad, she levitates her coffee cup! Haven’t we seen this before?

GF: Bucky wants to be Mark Trail’s cat.

GT, last panel: Some really short player is saying, in her tiny, peepy voice, “Hey! Can I have the ball now? Can I? Hey! Please, I can’t reach it…”

JP: “… and I can also still see her face being shredded by my bullets, and all that blood, and….. Are you getting as turned on as I am, Sam….?”

Luann: “…all having giant orgasms just thinking about Obama.”

6C: One of her great-grandchildren doesn’t happen to be named Eric Mills, does he?

Zits: Jeremy’s mom, translated: “Guilt! Guilt! Guilt, guilt, guilt! Guilt guilt guilt….”
Jumper
January 8th, 2009 at 5:28 am [Reply]

I too, don’t understand the Twitter. I know it’s got something to do with a lot of Twits, but other than that, I’m just a newbie.
True Fable
January 8th, 2009 at 6:28 am [Reply]

I would not mind anyone eating cat if they absolutely had to; just don’t eat any goats!
Talking Squirrel
January 8th, 2009 at 6:42 am [Reply]

Dullard Fillmore: Boy, that football player is so bulky … and such a flit. Daydreaming again, Tinsley?
gleeb
January 8th, 2009 at 7:37 am [Reply]

Join Curt Goudy and Josh Fruhlinger as they stalk cats in the alleys of Baltimore, on the next American Sportsman.

Curtis: See? Dad asks for quiet, but Curtis doesn’t give up the goods. The magic stump weeps.

Spidey: “Show off my crotch time”, that is.

Zippy: It’s ART, dammit! It doesn’t have to be any good!
John C Fremont
January 8th, 2009 at 7:44 am [Reply]

Well, if you’re gonna go around eatin’ babies, I hope they’re free range babies.

GT – Okay, the first two panels make sense (well, as much sense as can be found in Milford) but I just can’t get that last panel to fit. I’d better take another look. Nope, it just doesn’t make any sense.

Pluggers – Bad Snooky! Bad!

Phantom – That loin cloth really doesn’t cover much, does it?
Shoshi
January 8th, 2009 at 8:04 am [Reply]

I love that you call it THE Twitter. Lends credence to your claim of cluelessness.

Reminds me of my great-aunt whose daughter was some kind of booking agent for “The Deep Purples” (as she referred to the band, anyway).
Little Guy
January 8th, 2009 at 8:21 am [Reply]

Please no blog war. It will only end up with a massive reboot of the Internet, a resurrected FOOB, no Lio, and no My Cage. OTOH, Al Scaduto would be alive and well.
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
January 8th, 2009 at 9:08 am [Reply]

FC: That’s not “snow,” Billy. The computer isn’t even on. Bil just zipped up and went to the kitchen to get some Clorox wipes.

JP: Sad thing is, to Det. Holly, this is pillow talk. Poor thing has no idea why she only dates other cops.

S-M: “Look! Look! Look at my crotch!
Look! Look! Look at my crotch!
Look at my crotch! Look at my crotch!
Looooook… at my crotch! Yaaaay!”
Chyron HR
January 8th, 2009 at 9:17 am [Reply]

Apt 3G – Why, Eric Mills died years ago! BUT WHO WAS ~~PHONE~~ RESCUE LAMA?

9 Chickweed Lane – Ah, back in the days when Brooke’s comic strip fantasies just involved middle-aged women jumping out of the bushes and grabbing him. What an innocent time.

Herb & Jamaal – Find five things wrong with this comic! 1) The awning over the door says “Soul Poop”. 2) In the last panel, Slick’s name tag says “Suck”. 3) There is a sign on the front of the restaurant with the symbol of the demon god Baphomet on it. 4) Herb has been given a last name. 5) The syndicate has replaced the Langston Hughes poem with dialogue from ‘The Born Loser’.

Funkerboo – “The music of the world is so beautiful, and it is forever denied to me because I was a band teacher. Anyway, have fun, Baiken!”

Heathcliff – Looks more like Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers to me. Note to self: Try pizza with Pepperidge Farm Goldfish crackers as topping.

Edishit Lee – Oh, quel surprise! His supposed “brilliance” only extends to jamming some tinkertoys together and saying, “Hurrr itz da machine that balances da bujit but it don work cuz Republicans are poop.” Exposure to any actual technology results in the same Luddite reaction you’d get from the creator of “Crock”.
Jenny, the bloggess
January 8th, 2009 at 9:23 am [Reply]

First of all, I *do* love you and think you are hilarious. In fact, I voted for you today since I quit yesterday.

But your hilarity doesn’t make the cat eating any less true. Also I can’t believe I’m the first one to point out that YOU NAMED YOUR CAT AFTER A SANDWICH. That’s like naming your pig “Mister Bacon”. And even in the video your cat is so traumatized by seeing you eat all his friend it’s TRYING TO EAT ITSELF. It’s disturbing.

Also? Most of my readers say that I’m not funny either and a great number call me a bitch in those comments so please know, loyal Curmugeon readers, that they, like me, are yelly but harmless. And none of us have ever eaten a cat. Except maybe the Canadians have. I don’t know much about Canada.
Amateur
January 8th, 2009 at 9:30 am [Reply]

#58 — Always good to hear from a fellow MST3K fan! ;-)

MW: Yeesh. Is anyone else starting to get the impression from this conversation that Greg actually died from Lynn knocking him down and skating over him, cheered on by her father?
Little Guy
January 8th, 2009 at 9:30 am [Reply]

9CL: Because rape is FUNNY!

CanThisBeOverAlreadyVille: Either she kissed him or punched him. In either case, the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming fleet on trucks.

This Saturday’s Zits: Oh look! Dad also forgot Mom’s birthday. Ba da dum! Punchline.
Angry Kem
January 8th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

#60 Jenny: We do not eat cats in Canada. We do, however, dine regularly on pigeons. There’s a lot of eating on a pigeon. I like my pigeons covered in coyote sauce and sprinkled with dried moose. Sometimes, I eat politicians for dessert, but only on special days.
Arkades
January 8th, 2009 at 9:36 am [Reply]

Instead, once my opposition has been crushed and the award that is rightfully mine has been handed to me, I will celebrate by eating babies.

You’ll start with the babies from Marvin, won’t you, please?
Brick Bradford
January 8th, 2009 at 9:46 am [Reply]

9CL So we’re getting some guy’s fantasies of what women’s sexual impowerment fantasies might be? As long as the leopard print undies keep coming I have no problem with that.

Archie–Remember this moment, Dilton, when you’re getting ready to outsource Archie and Jughead’s jobs.

RMMD “And make it a double!”

MT Is this the same generic blond female character who just turned the spigot back on for the wetlands or another generic blond character? I get confused when everybody looks alike.
AMSTERDANG
January 8th, 2009 at 10:04 am [Reply]

MT: There is no polite way to say this, folks. What we have here is a simple case of one or more gerbils up the butt.
Josh
January 8th, 2009 at 10:15 am [Reply]

#41/43 Mollificient and Poteet — Wow, this site’s Wikipedia entry says I get emailed every comment? That article needs an (Update Needed) template! Ha ha, a little Wikipedia editor humor there. It is true that I *used* to get every comment emailed to me, but I turned that off a bit more than a year ago because there was a temporary problem with the site’s internal mail server, and after said problem was fixed I realized how much it improved my life to *not* get every comment mailed to me. Now I just visit the site to read the comments several times a day, when I have breaks, just like everybody else.

And Hi Jenny! Ha ha, I will never turn Hoagie into a sandwich! She will live a long live and die of natural causes, like her cousins Meatball and Cat Stew.

Josh
Tweeks_Coffee
January 8th, 2009 at 10:21 am [Reply]

‘Shaft: Crap, I actually snickered a little today. Though to be fair it was mostly because of the expression on the cat’s face.
Crock: A car? How far did he have to travel to get hit by a car?
DT: Well, this plot ended quicker than usual.
FC: As in static? Or…what? What the hell is Billy looking at? I don’t even want to think about why Poppa Keane looks so distressed.
H&J: I don’t know what “Slick” just “repaired” and I don’t want to know.
MT: I’m a little disappointed that Generic-Blond-Lady-Possibly-Sue is here for animal advice (possibly sexual in nature) instead of lesbian sex with Cherry. I’m also going to point out that for such a nature guy, Mark sure did clear a lot of forest to make that timber compound that he lives in.
Momma: Not one, but two, silent penultimate panels. Lazarus is really reaching these days.
John C Fremont
January 8th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

# 60 – Hi, Jenny! If I ever buy a pet pig, I shall name him Mr. Bacon. Well, his full name would be Sir Francis Bacon, of course, because naming him after the salty meat product would just be wrong. Still, a great name.

On the other hand, my cat Mitchell is named after a Joe Don Baker character. I can’t imagine even wanting to eat something associated in any way with Joe Don Baker. Now that would be wrong! Nope, I sticking with free range babies.
John C Fremont
January 8th, 2009 at 10:30 am [Reply]

‘m
These Strange Worlds
January 8th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

Josh’s cat

I just started my blog one week ago.

You mean I can add videos of my cats to it?

Thats going to make my resolution of posting every day for the first month a whole lot easier.

Maybe my next year they’ll have a category for self indulgent would-be science fiction authors looking for agents.

In the mean time, I’m trying to come up with a teeny tiny button so I can bid on a Project Wonderful ad here.
UncleJeff
January 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

Can we be sure that Bloggess (aka Jenny) is not really Norm Coleman in internet disguise?

Also apropo of little: yesterday’s meeting of the past, present and future presidents reminded me of one of my favorite political anecdotes:
Presidents Ford, Reagan, Carter and Nixon were walking across the White House lawn and Bob Dole, watching the procession, exclaimed: “There they go. See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil….and Evil.”
Idols of Mud
January 8th, 2009 at 10:47 am [Reply]

Meh. The “eating cute animals” meme of attack is so 2002.
Esther Blodgett
January 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

Ah, crap, Beetle is back.
sugarpie
January 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am [Reply]

Dude, like, that blogess chick is totally into you. It’s time to close the deal.
Anonymous
January 8th, 2009 at 11:08 am [Reply]

I say if it is Garfield or Bucky Katt or Heathcliff, pass the mustard and fire up the grill.
kristin/kwr221
January 8th, 2009 at 11:24 am [Reply]

“Hoagie”? Like the sub sandwich?

:::gasp::: how *could you?!
kristin/kwr221
January 8th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Lol at Sugarpie.
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
January 8th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

Sally Forth: Wow. This storyline won’t happen this way because it’s a comic strip, but I’ve had occasion to observe couples whose marriages ended exactly this way. Festering anger fed by wildly wrong perceptions of what is really happening. The couple talks to everyone but each other until the whole thing ends up in divorce court. If the one with the misperceptions ever figures out they were wrong, it’s usually way too late because the damage is done.

However, since this is Sally Forth, Sally and Ted will not come to this, but it’s amazing just the same their marriage is in this much trouble. As one of my co-workers is fond of saying, “good work, team!” for having some actual conflict and drama.

Judge Parker: Maybe Sam’s real problem is that he just needs a good laxative. He always looks as though he’s suffering from very painful constipation. He’d be more interested in sex if he could only just take one huge cathartic dump.

Zits: I wish I had stuck to my non reading of this strip. The teen hate that comes off this piece of misery is almost Batiuk worthy. All it needs Mrs. Duncan to get cancer while Jeremy continues his clueless and selfish ways.
Lorem Ipsum
January 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

Love is…taking the safe deposit key with him.
Edgy DC
January 8th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

Is she actually even close to that attractive. My word, but good judgment is leaving my body.
papa zita
January 8th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

MW: For those who have noticed Lynn’s carpet doesn’t match her drapes, well, neither does Frank’s. Did they get father-daughter dyejobs? That relationship is so unhealthily close…Is this going to end up something like Chinatown, where Mary repeatedly slaps Frank and he says, “My daughter, my wife, my daughter, my wife”?

9CL: She wants to breed with you to get a chin in the family line, you dope. Notice that even in her fantasy, she’s stalking you. Production of little Burber eggs is going to shut down soon, so damn the Down’s syndrome, full speed ahead!

A3G: In the first panel, Margo’s starting to get it. In the second, she starts to get part II. He ain’t coming back, hon. He’s got a lifetime supply of Tibetan monks for his sex tour of Asia.

Rex Morgan, Croaker: Daddy’s part of the waitstaff now, Sarah. You can just yell “Hey boy!” next time you want something, he’ll come staggering over.
rhymes with puck
January 8th, 2009 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

JP: Right, they had no choice with Dixie. After all, it is common police procedure that when a stripper lunges at a group of cops with a knife that they must put at least eight bullets into her.

MW: “I didn’t want Greg to die, but you have to admit it’s been really good for your skating career!”

FW: Harry Dinke is the Pete Townsend of band directors.

Spider-Man: You know, I’ve never really noticed this before, but Spider-Man really likes to show off his junk while he web swings around.
rhymes with puck
January 8th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

#68 – I think you need to consult the dictionary to refresh yourself on the meaning of the word ‘penultimate’.
highway
January 8th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

babies taste like veal. it’s quite delicious.
A
January 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

You are absolutely right to encourage people to vote for “Medium Large” for best web comic, because it is deserving. You underestimate, however, just how difficult it is to help with Ces’ self-esteem
sldawgs
January 8th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

Zits: Aw, there is nothing better then seeing a teen fantasize about suckling his mother.
Amateur
January 8th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

Candorville: At first glance I seriously thought she’d thrown her bra at him. Dude needs to learn to draw sunglasses.
kalki
January 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

9CL: See? Juliette used to have sex back in the day when cartoonists were still interested in adult sexual activity rather than teenagers.

Archie: What? That Hollywood has a whole new market to exploit for movie ideas because they have run out of original stories? I’m still waiting for the idea from “Idiocracy” to become truth as they do a tv series or movie called “Ass”.

Beetle: Didn’t Beetle desert the army a few days ago? I wanted him shot by a firing squad this week.

Blondie: Why is Daisy sniffing Blondie’s ass? On a side note…was there a joke hidden somewhere in the strip today? I think I missed it.

Crank: The first panel reminds me of Balok from the “Corbomite Maneuver” of the Star Trek original series.

DTM: Yes, mom…please explain to Dennis what a Cleveland Steamer is.

CircusJerk: Do you see how that “static” forms the shape of a circle, Billy? Have you ever seen “The Ring”, Billy boy?

FW: “But why, Mr. Dinkle? Wasn’t Beethoven deaf and he still composed symphonies? Why do you hate deaf people so much, Mr. Dinkle?”

GA: I think T-Bone is referring to his intestinal parasites with his last line.

Luann: I swear…no good will come of this…
Carlo
January 8th, 2009 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

I think Bucky Katt is on the money today. Who wouldn’t love to read about punching a poet?
mollificent
January 8th, 2009 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

Um…umm….ok, you’re going to FORCE me to come clean, now, aren’t you?

The bit about the email wasn’t actually in the article. It was in an interview that it linked to (with a Molly, so of course I had to read it. Told you, it was a rainy night in and Jon Stewart wasn’t on yet. ;)). And yes, it was from ages ago.

*hangs head in shame*

See? That’s what I get for opening my big mouth. :P Sorry for the confusion…

(RETREAT!! RETREAT!!)
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 8th, 2009 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

1/8

S-M: Swinging over heavily-armed cops at a bank held hostage and yelling “It’s showtime!”? Sounds like a great idea to me.

RMMD: Rex isn’t moving so he apparently missed the whole young stowaway boy thing. That’s good for all concerned, probably.

GA: “Enough chit-chat. We’ve got stray pets to skin and chop.”

A3G: Eric is single, thin, and neat. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

FC: If Billy touches the keyboard, he’ll come face to face with his dad’s Winternet porn stash. Oh yeah, Inuit babes with seals!

FB: …on the other hand, is to dull and toothless to inspier bestiality jokes.

SFx: “A big Ex-Lax sandwich. Oh, does that last part matter to you?”

H&J: Herb, baffled by lengthy generic terms? I guess that guy really is slick.
El Santo
January 8th, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

You know, if Sarah Vowell has informed me correctly, for the longest time all presidents did was stay at home to campaign — only meeting with reporters at the front porch. Yet you single out Warren G. Harding.

Admit it, Josh: you just wanted a good reason to use the word “bloviate.” (Which for some reason is not endorsed by the browser spell-checker, those commie bastards.)
mollificent
January 8th, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Actual snark (who’d ‘a thunk it?):

Pluggers: Well, while I’m on the Walk of Shame, I’ll admit this too: I found today’s Plugger’s hilarious. Go ahead, mock me. :)

RMMD: Uh…has he not been at the table this WHOLE TIME? Probably lost in a fantasy about helping Guido, er, grease the skillets. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

BC: More inexplicable funny. What’s gotten into me?

Zits: *shudder*. For once, Jeremy’s response is utterly correct. Get a sense of the appropriate, woman! (i’m interpreting his response as an “ew” rather than as a “huh huh heh huh heh, she said ’suckle’”. Could be wrong though.)
mollificent
January 8th, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

Ack! Today’s “Pluggers”. I previewed an’ all. Dammit.
Esther Blodgett
January 8th, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

Cathy: Made me laugh, as it riffs on my two great loves of TiVo and cute little storage boxes.

Archie: Aaaah! The rest of the class behind Archie and Jughead seems to be morphing into some kind of hideous lichen beast, complete with gaping maw. It’s obviously an inattentive chemistry student’s experimental fertilizer gone horribly wrong.

GF: Bucky’s vacant stare + talk of punching = score! If today’s strip were only set somewhere outside the apartment, it would approach perfection.

JP: Nothing builds sexual tension like discussing the details of a gratuitously violent police shooting. Although Sam looks suspiciously close to thinking about considering becoming sexually aroused, so maybe Det. Luscious is on the right track.

Finally…this is amateurish in the extreme, but I couldn’t help wondering when comparing Panel 3 of A3G and Panel 2 of RMMD…a little eye pencil, some highlights, and voila! It’s the flesh-colored lips and to-die-for cheekbones that got me thinking.
odinthor
January 8th, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

#89. Kalki. –

9CL: See? Juliette used to have sex back in the day when cartoonists were still interested in adult sexual activity rather than teenagers.

Hello? Hello, is this the Rhetorical Device Police Department? Yes? OK, I’ve got a tip for you. I just read somewhere that cartoonists have given up adult sexual activity and are now onto teenagers. That’s right. Yes, that’s what it says, “teenagers.” OK, well, the site where I saw it is mostly about eating cats and babies, but sometimes they talk about other stuff, like getting chained to logs, and feeding cheese to tree stumps. What? Well, same to you, buddy! See if I buy a goddam ticket to the Policeman’s Ball this year! [slams down receiver.]
highway
January 8th, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

wow, the bloggess is actually very very funny. i might have to read her instead of you. not that you’re not funny, it’s just that i’m a whore and i have no loyalties.
Muddtallica
January 8th, 2009 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

Aww, dang, so we’re not having a blog war? And to thunk I went and bought a rifle especially…it had a bayonet and everything. :(

Still, how can I be complaining when the wonderful Bob Weber and Slylock Fox has seen fit to hook us true believers up with more sexy, sexy Bonnie action; that’s twice in five days, no less! :D Today, the New Hotness is rocking a slightly more conservative look than her pulse-accelerating short skirt from Sunday, but is still looking mighty fine in her classy red dress as she tricks Boo Boo into eating what I assume is an unidentified poison. I particularly like the red, wing-like ribbons she’s sporting at the back; they add to her angelic mystique, and only partially resemble a mutant fish tail. All in all, it’s a good day for red-blooded Bonnie lovers everywhere; I for one will be sleeping that bit more soundly tonight. :)

(I think she could do with changing the flower in her hat though – it’s cute and all, but I think that one is dead.)
sugarpie
January 8th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Highway- I went over to the dark side for a peek too (I feel like one of those spies in The Stand) and I have to admit she’s ~~pretty~~ funny. However, her minions aren’t that clever though, hell, some of them aren’t even that literate.

Wait! Nothing but love, man.
tb4000
January 8th, 2009 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

Sally Forth: Since when does Ted and Sally ever not act like best friends? They tell each other everything, and act as sarcastic as can be…I’m sure if Ted honestly is innocent, he would have no problem telling Sally what the deal is. But apparently, he may not be so innocent.
highway
January 8th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

sugarpie — bloggess’s substandard minions are probably just losers from that crappy shakespeare’s sister blog who have wandered off the reservation in search of approval from a blog that talks about skirts and small penises a lot, and don’t get the comedic overtones.

sorry. love, love, i seem to have forgotten as well.
Bryan
January 8th, 2009 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

Zits: Jeremy forgot his mother’s birthday, didn’t apologize, and sent her a lame text message. That qualifies as dickish behavior in my book. If his mother is giving him a guilt trip, that’s because he should be feeling guilty.
If Jeremy had made even the slightest effort to make amends, (like, maybe saying “I’m sorry”) I could understand his mother’s behavior being over the top, but he didn’t.
Master Softheart
January 8th, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

DtM: Full points to the Merchant of Dennis today – strong implications of menace and much funnier than the usual watered down Family Circus punchlines.

Phantom: Mori tribesmen and Deep Ones – if only the narration box would show up and make snarky comments, this would be the greatest Scooby Doo episode ever!

FW: But let’s face it, you’re all going to suffer horribly in this bleak march to the grave that we call a comic strip, most likely in a dark, obviously ironic way that will amuse the dark entity that has created all of us. Heck, just look at stumpy the would-have-been Julliard musician and my own Beethoven storyline. If you have the misfortune to actually have any strips focus on your pathetic lives, you’ll probably accidentally break an eardrum while trying to use earplugs to save yourself from my fate – most likely while suffering an awkward sexual encounter that will emotionally scar you for life or being humiliated by your peers for expressing individuality or something similarly dark. So what I’m saying is, just live dangerously, we all end up dancing with Masky McDeath in the end, anyway.
Shoshi
January 8th, 2009 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

103 Bryan – But why does his mother care about whether a creeptard like Jeremy remembers her birthday? Is she that hard-up for attention?
Calico
January 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

Josh – funny kitty! How many own you?

Hey Poteet and all-been busy so have not followed up with our kitty rescue story until now.

I will try to truncate the chain of events.

Sunday my partner Louise received a call from her daughter-daughter and her boyfriend and kids, plus another car of family members, were traveling North on Route 40 in Quebec. They were going to have brunch at a beautiful old once-private house named Montmorency. (More info on Montmorency can, y’know…)

Louise comes downstairs after call and says to me “You have to come with me right now-they saw a cat on the highway on their way on 40.”

We drive say 15-20 miles looking for cat, reported by daughter to be on a median wall. This wall is like a never-ending Jersey Barrier with a chian link fence in the middle. Not pretty at all. Across from a large grocery named Loblaw’s, we spot cat on median.

We turn left and into back lot of store, climb over filthy filthy snow, pass over fence, and we’re at the side of the highway that has no shoulders/breakdown lanes in either direction.

Louise finds a window of opportunity, bolts to median, and picks up cat. Meanwhile, people are honking at us. I am still in dirty snow, my legs shaking like crazy from the stress and a bit of “Choc nerveux.”

She finds another op to cross back to me-we get kitty to car and I start crying like crazy. Cat is full of grit and motor oil. Girlfriend and kitten are alive. Amazing and a bit surreal.

He received basic shots and neutering as well Monday-had some other health issues as well but is doing fine considering his experience. However, he has to have surgery today again as the last 4-5 inches of his tail were either frostbitten or run over by a car. He should be home in 1-2 days. Good character, wants to be held all the time.
Calico
January 8th, 2009 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

Extra note – I voted for Josh and Ces today. Yay!
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
January 8th, 2009 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

Calico @ 106: Awww, what a sweet story! People like you and Louise restore my faith in humanity. Whatcha gonna name him? Median? Jersey? Mad Max the Road Warrior? Stumpy (for the tail)? Just keep him away from Josh, who would probably call him Dinner.
Artist formerly known as Ben
January 8th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

#94 mollificent

Jeremy’s “You lost me at ’suckle’” gave me the biggest laugh in the comics today. His mother certainly has a point, but… No, just no.
UncleJeff
January 8th, 2009 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Annie: The CC rarely looks at “Annie” but it’s actually been an action-packed week. “Oliver Warbucks” (actually a look-alike while Ollie is being held captive in Siberia) has been killed and his vice-president/killer is panicking.
Other fun stuff from the TMS site:
Dick Tracy: Still on the perfume story line. Looks like the wives are going to cut the crazy professor in on a cut. Jeez, he invented the Dick line of perfumes.
Love Is: really, really creepy. If there was a second panel, it probably would have Little Naked Girl with a shovel, digging up the grave.
Uncle Lumpy
January 8th, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

“Suckle” is a great name for a cat!
gh
January 8th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

And Honey Suckle a great name for a Bond Girl.
Spunky N. Tadpole
January 8th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

JP: *sigh* – I think the only way this storyline is going to end satisfactorily – for Det. Heidi, anyway – is for her to go all Blue Velvet on Sam before they get to the airport: i.e.: pull over into a deserted lot, pull a gun on him, cuff him in the back seat and force fellatio on him at knifepoint (using the late Dixie’s knife for an extra frisson).

Of course, this will mean that Sam would be flying home with a stunned look of uncomprehending bewilderment on his face: buit then, he’ll be doing that anyway: might well have some, err.. “interesting” memories of Arizona to take home…
odinthor
January 8th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

110. UncleJeff. —

Love Is: really, really creepy. If there was a second panel, it probably would have Little Naked Girl with a shovel, digging up the grave.

If then we can have a third panel with Little Naked Girl actually in the grave pulling the dirt down on herself, I say “Have at it!”
These Strange Worlds
January 8th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

Calico

That story is so kewl. Are you talking the place at Montmorency Falls?

I was lucky enough to visit there a couple months ago. Had lunch in the Manoir Montmorency, I wanted to putter around the rocks and trails all day but the guide drug us off to a sugar shack (Alas, this was a 12 day Holland America cruise from Montreal to Fort Lauderdale so it was pretty much “eastern Canada in 15 minute snippets). At least we got to revisit some of my favorite places in Nova Scotia.

I’m already ready to go back.

Anyway, bravo on the cat rescue. I am a sucker for strays in trouble and probably have ten or so down here in Texas that come around for food. Also four that are lucky enough to live inside (albeit in my garage office, not “the big house.”)

I’m always frustrated when I’m traveling and see a stray in trouble. You shoulda seen me leaving little piles of cat food for the strays in La Paz when I was down there on a mission trip a few years back. (I ended up leaving plenty for the human residents too uv cors).
These Strange Worlds
January 8th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

Hmm, rereading my post, it sounds like I was leaving little piles of food around for the La Pazians. In fact, I was leaving little piles of Bolivianos. Or in some cases, dollars. Or in other cases, my leather jacket.
Dr. Weird
January 8th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Edison Lee There is such an invention already… we call it the Mac OS.
Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Lending Division
January 8th, 2009 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

101: I think it’s because Ted is not used to being on the receiving end of Sally’s wrath. He is probably stunned she assumed the worst about him instead of trusting him. So much for best friends.
odinthor
January 8th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

NYerCC. –

“A simple statement of ‘Objection, your honor’ will do next time, counselor.”
Calico
January 8th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

#108, 111, 115 – Merci.

Little cat-man is in surgery as we speak.

Thanks for your nice words. I know there are many animal lovers who post here and I am so happy for your kindness toward these lovely little innocent creatures.
gh
January 8th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

NYCC –

“Messiest divorce I’ve ever seen.”
kalki
January 8th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

I too glanced at this bloggess website. Meh.

She strikes me as one of those women I once dated in the past who never, ever….ever…shut up. At some point during the date, she would suddenly say “So, why aren’t you saying anything?”… which would have interrupted my silent mental replay of various “Kung Fu” episodes… and my wussy reply would be the point-scoring “I was just listening, because I like to listen” instead of my internalized scream “BECAUSE YOU NEVER SHUT UP!”
Calico
January 8th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

#115 – Yes, that would be Manoir Montmorency, right near the falls and bridge. They have the craziest, most beautiful brunch in the universe. Dag Bumstead would not know where to begin!
It’s a great area, except for the damn highways.
kingklash
January 8th, 2009 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

Meow.
bats :[
January 8th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

106. Louise and Calico are my heroes. I <3 you both. So does the slightly-shorter, somewhat-altered guy.
Calico
January 8th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

Oh yeh, and new kitty’s name is Felix, not really because of the cartoon cat, but because Autoroute 40 is also named “Autoroute Felix Leclerc.”
These Strange Worlds
January 8th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

122

BTDT

“But I’ve spent enough time talking about myself. Why don’t you talk about me for awhile?”
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
January 8th, 2009 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

I resent the implication that I have somehow been “brainwashed” by my most holy and sacred master Josh Fruhlinger. These kinds of lies only fuel attacks on kittens worldwide.

I wonder if we the minions of Josh could be directed toward a non-internet project? Save the red squirrel! If each one of us goes out and throttles a grey squirrel — nasty invasive Europeans that they are, no offense to my European friends — we could change the ecology of the US! And then we can secretly sterilize mute swans, so the trumpeter swan can make a comeback, making our well-groomed city parks much noisier.

I only have, like, 4 minions of my own. I’d pledge their service to Josh but I bet they are already here.
These Strange Worlds
January 8th, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

126 Quebec

Thanks! If/when I make it back, I’ll be sure to try again. As I recall, we just had time for coffee or tea and some cookies, then it was off to the Isle d’Orleans.

Fortunately after the official guided tour, we had time to take a nice horse drawn carriage ride through Quebec City. This guide would have much rather been skating, but he had a zillion interesting stories and plenty of advice.
gh
January 8th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

#128 Li’l Bunnë FooFoo –

Remember: we’re not just minions, we’re Curminions. There’s a qualitative difference.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
January 8th, 2009 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

gh -

Curminions: the pinnacle of sarcasm, but still not sarcastic enough to throttle a swan.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
January 8th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

re: me@128
Apparently I got my squirrel facts backwards. Let it be know that Li’l Bunnë FooFoo does insufficient fact-checking before posting comments!

But I know the swan thing is right, because Poteet said that, or something kinda close to that, recently or maybe it was a while ago. Again, I didn’t check. Also I can’t remember if she advocates throttling swans. I will wait for her to check in.
gh
January 8th, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

#131 Li’l Bunnë FooFoo –

I’d also point out that there is obviously a quantitative difference, but that would just be mean.

You take the swans; I’ll take the squirrels. Divide and conquer.
TheNewGuy
January 8th, 2009 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

I’d like to point out that Josh may or may not eat kittens, but the Bloggess Declawed hers – and that, my friends, is just cruel to the cats. I’ll admit I found many of her entries hilarious, but the declawing thing bugs the hell outta me….
Little Guy
January 8th, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

Sorry, but those kittens were already dead.

I just went through a catalog of “The Women of Judge Parker”, and…

Never mind. I’ve said too much…..
Bootsy
January 8th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

Ll’l Bunne Foo Foo, I believe everyone here who commented on swan encounters advocated stangling them.

And there were a lot of comments.

Calico, you and Louise get my vote (I don’t know for what but it’ll be good). I’m more of a dog person myself, but I don’t like to see any lil animals suffer, so Bravo.

Except Marvin.
Little Guy
January 8th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

@wirble We have Pope Josh in all his glory; why spoil that with nekkidness?
Perky Bird
January 8th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

# 131 Lil Bunne FooFoo–
We Curminions may not be sarcastic enough to throttle a swan, but I’m darn sure we’re sarcastic enough to break a crystal swan. Especially if it belongs to Mary Worth.
PeteMoss
January 8th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

I wonder which most of us would choose – being spayed/neutered or being devoured and digested by a hot blogger with a thing for Margo Magee? Can’t I just be de-clawed instead?

Bloggess may be funny and may be the most attractive woman on the intertubes sporting extra-big curlers, but can she really get into the mind of a Ziggy or a Loweezy Smith?
Gabacho
January 8th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

#60 Jenny The Bloggess – No kitten for you!

Our leader Josh loves us and we love our leader Josh.

Sally Forth – Jesus, Sally. First you get your no life office wife all worked up about your potential plans to have sex with Ted and a possible baby. Then you dump the plan and dash her vicarious hopes.

Now Alice is salivating over the prospect of your divorce so she can have someone to feel equal to and you know you won’t divorce him.

Poor Alice does not deserve this abuse, I tell you.

You are a very cruel woman, Sally. And not a “funny cruel woman” like your mom Laura or your daughter in law Faye or your husband Ted or Jenny the Bloggess but Mary Worth cruel! Oh, yes, I did say that.

Mary Worth – Speaking of Mary Worth, shouldn’t there be just a little perceptible plot action by now. I think 6 weeks is the legal limit in Lake Flacid for saying the same thing over and over again.

Apt 3G – Margo should focus. She’s looking for “dope”, not oregano.
Bootsy
January 8th, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

# 138, Perky Bird – good one!
Violet
January 8th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

Man, that Frank Griffin sure doesn’t give a lot, does he? The absolute farthest he is willing to go is “I didn’t want Greg to die.” Don’t be ridiculous, Lynn. I didn’t necessarily, specifically wish for your only friend to die horribly per se. I would have been perfectly content to see him, say, imprisoned or shot into space.
Perky Bird
January 8th, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

Margo: “I’ve never seen an immaculate kitchen before. After all, that airhead Luanne regularly forgets to put her food in a pot or pan before using the stove.”
shermy glamrocker
January 8th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

Obama in Spider-man:
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D95J4H900&show_article=1
kalki
January 8th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

144. shermy glamrocker:

Obama in Spider-man:
http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D95J4H900&show_article=1

He’s probably a leftover Skrull from the recent unpleasantness.

Either way, I hope Venom gets his mitts on Obama.
Tom the Pirate
January 8th, 2009 at 5:17 pm [Reply]

Ick. The father in Family Tree is far too turned on by that hug. At least his expression suggests that at some level he knows it is wrong.
Brick Bradford
January 8th, 2009 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

Luann–What’s wrong with this strip? A teenage girl WANTS HER PARENTS TO COME ALONG ON THE FIELD TRIP!!!!!!!!!! I don’t think so.
UncleJeff
January 8th, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

146 Tom: Yeah, I agree. Signe is still trying to figure out what she’s doing with the strip. This week is “teen gets her boobs, dad gets a boner.”
At least she quit the environmental scolding.
Tom the Pirate
January 8th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

I love this new notion that boobs arrive abruptly, like a 12-inch snowfall that covers the ground in 30 seconds. I always believed it to be a more gradual process.
Calvin's Cardboard Box
January 8th, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

Reading ’s story really warmed my heart.
gnome de blog
January 8th, 2009 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

Okay, so I came late to the party. Curmudgeons are much funnier than minions, or even henchchicks. Bloggess is funny. Josh is funnier. Bloggess is angry-funny. Angry is not always so funny, except for Angry Kem, whose angry is always funny. Angry Kem is funnier than Bloggess, so maybe we should vote for her, too. Who cares whether she’s on the list?

I am not a kitty person, unless they live in the barn and catch their own dinner. I used to have a dog named Fifi who was a kitty person. She ate three or four a year, without ever leaving the back yard. I think if I were a kitty I’d rather be eaten by Fifi than have my toenails pulled out by the roots.
nil zed
January 8th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

131, 132_ Li’l Bunne with umlaut:

wait, where you are, the red squirrels are taking over from the greys?

where I am, (UK) the greys are out competing the reds.

there is much to do and hunting/trapping the greys is encouraged. If the reverse is going on where you are…

why don’t we all leave it alone and let them switch continents?
Zaq
January 8th, 2009 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

Sigh, I miss my kitty. (Poor guy had to be put to sleep about two months ago after being with us for 12 years.) I’m at my parents’ house right now, and I keep forgetting he’s not actually around anymore. All this talk of cats and kittens reminds me of that. Mope mope sigh.

So speaking of Funky Winkerbean, was there a joke today? There’s not quite enough misery for an actual Batiuk-style PSA, but there’s not even an attempt at a joke, either. Feh.

Today marks one week of being Zits-free and loving it.

Mary Worth is, of course, the best action on the comics page right now. DRAMA DRAMA SOB GASP DRAMA. All cunningly engineered by Mary, gleefully watching from afar and absorbing the emotions of rage and despair. I do have to applaud Moy for making Frank such a cartoonishly horrible person that we cheer for Mary and her meddling, life-wrecking ways. That’s art, man.

I really hope that the perfume in Dick Tracy consists of, basically, rocket fuel, and ignites when it comes in contact with bullets, so Dick can have people explode when he shoots them. I think that would make him a fan of the scheme, don’t you?

In A3G, Margo, subsisting entirely off of human blood and the flesh of the innocent, is unfamiliar with the concept that food spoils and that it is best to empty the kitchen before you leave for an extended overseas trip. This is reasonable, given our subject.

In Judge Parker, nothing at all would make me happier than to have Sunday’s strip be Dixie, a little battered and worse for the wear, performing at her club, singing a specific song. I’d wager most of you know how it goes. “I’m not even angry… I’m being so sincere right now… even though you broke my heart and killed me…” Yes, I know that Dixie isn’t primarily a singer, but I think that the situation calls for it.

Anyone else feeling like we’re just plain not going to get to see June in a bikini before this cruise is over?
dale
January 8th, 2009 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

Luann

There are only 30 in her senior class? That might explain why Tiffany is the only cheerleader and they don’t actually have any athletic teams or need any supporters.

B.C.

The connection is tenuous at best, but -
There is a Monty Python sketch where a woman (probably Terry Jones) says to a young couple arriving at her boarding house, “You’ll excuse me for not shaking hands, but I was just putting lard on the cat’s boil.”
Lorem Ipsum
January 8th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

@151-Gnome De Blog
When I read your comment, I swear it was in a teenage girls voice, reciting her life story in one breath. Thank goodness you used commas and periods. Whew! I dare anyone else who is still reading this thread to try it. It just could be me.
NotThatGuy
January 8th, 2009 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

The Bloggess declaws her kittens? That’s a vote returned to Josh right there.
Poteet
January 8th, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

# 91 mollificent — There, there. Don’t worry about it (not that you’ll see this anyway — I see this is now a necropost.) You have caused the truth to come forth, and I always did wonder how our Pope handled all that comment-reading.

If I dared, I would enquire into the Supreme Holy Mystery of just how the COTW and float-riders get picked. Does he flag fifty comments and then choose the best two out of five? Does he go through comments only once and just pick the ones that make him laugh so hard that water comes out of his nose? Never mind. It’s much better to leave the sacred veils unparted.
Pland
January 8th, 2009 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

I don’t get it….a blog about mary worth and snuffy?!? And it’s supposed to be funny?!? And people care enough to read and even comment?!? I still don’t get it.
sugarpie
January 9th, 2009 at 12:10 am [Reply]

#157 Poteet-Necropost!!! Too much!!! Did you coin that term? Thats the Cat’s Ass!

#158 Pland- Well it has to be about something, doesn’t it? Why not Snuffy and MW? Tell the Blogess hi for me when you report back to her. Punk.
sugarpie
January 9th, 2009 at 12:12 am [Reply]

…bloggess… for fuck’s sake. Jeezus, kids today.
Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
January 9th, 2009 at 12:34 am [Reply]

nil zed@152
No, not exactly. I had it backwards. The nefarious and greedy American squirrel is nudging out the European red squirrel over on your side of the pond.

What I was confusing it with is that I’d read somewhere that the eastern gray squirrel (the same one causing so much trouble in the UK) was introduced to Chicago (where I am), possibly to make the University of Chicago campus look more Ivy League, and has been taking over from the local squirrels, which Wikipedia tells me are called fox squirrels. (The are orangish gray. Not too distinctive.) We also have black squirrels, which are apparently a variant of gray. They dominate in certain neighborhoods.

I dunno. It’s all confusing now.

I will say the gray squirrels in my yard are VAST and ROUND. The are like little furry piglets running along the fence.
Muffaroo
January 9th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

odinthor @119 – I entered “That’s it. No more ‘Casual Furniture Friday.’” after considering recycling my 70s punchline, “The jury is directed to disregard that outburst.” because it made more sense in my cartoon, with the line of bullet holes in the witness stand.

Pland @158 – Well, I guess it’s not funny, then. Best just get along with your life now.
Jim Treacher
January 9th, 2009 at 10:53 am [Reply]

Congrats in advance! At this point I’m hoping for a distant third.
Jenny, The Bloggess
January 9th, 2009 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

Holy shit, dude. I got like thousands of visits from your blog yesterday. Like, more than I usually get myself in a whole day. I was going to accuse you of cheating but clearly you are a huge force to be reckoned with. I’m sorry I ever questioned you. You are awesome and I regret ever doubting whether you are deserving of your great kitten victory feast because clearly you totally are.

PS. You are the best sport ever. Thank you.
Marion Delgado
January 9th, 2009 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

Meant to post to this thread:

The Tiffany box for Margo is so a bomb.

And the note will just say “Farewell, my lovely!”

On a more sober note:

CLEATS: Despite their previous Eurified and relatively upscale rep, soccer kids are borderline retarded.
Carly
January 10th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

Wow, someone’s jealous.

Also, I like how your cat (who is adorable, by the way) keeps stopping every few seconds to act innocent, as though she is going to get the drop on her tail by acting like she’s no longer interested.
Dumb Bastid
January 11th, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

I love kittens. Let’s exchange recipes…
dale
January 11th, 2009 at 5:46 pm [Reply]

For every 2 kittens you eat, you can make a pair of booties for the human baby that was spared.

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