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Sunday quickies

Panel from Slylock Fox, 2/23/14

Rachel Rabbit’s attempt to “make it rain” for Slylock has failed, as the chaste fox refuses to remove so much as a single glove, and haughtily returns her offering instead.

Momma, 2/23/14

Momma has decided to stop pretending her younger son isn’t a moron for purposes of motivation or kindness or anything else, really.

180 responses to “Sunday quickies”

  1. C. Sandy Cyst
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:34 am [Reply]

    Mustard-gas yellow and all, that is the least unpleasant-to-look at “Momma” I’ve ever seen.

  2. Digger
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    “Here, Mr. Fox, take my money! Just please don’t eat me or my child! Oh, no, he’s throwing it back. We’re doomed!”

  3. Liam
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:38 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox-Slylock will stuff the fifty in his pocket and run away.

    Spiderman-”And look they’ve left the keys inside the tank and fully loaded with ammunition.”

    A3G-”It was heaven compared to the hell that is living with you.”

    Crankshaft-It’s a shame that the barber isn’t holding a straight razor.

    Gasoline Alley-”If God wants full custody his lawyers will have to talk to my lawyers.”

    Gasoline Alley-”Now everyone come up here for your poisoned communion wafers and we can start living the good life with God today.”

    FW-”At the moment I’m in the middle of an intense fire fight over here in… We have the enemy pinned down while some of our troops are circling around to take the enemy from behind. I’m sorry I can’t tell you when I’ll be coming home because that’s classified.”

    FW-”At the moment I’m in the middle of an intense fire fight over here in…”

    JP-Everything and everyone loves the main characters in this comic except for jealous no talented book critics.

    MT-”The Chinese government plans on dumping all it’s toxic waste and garbage into this cave system.”

    MW-”Hopefully this Tommy person rejects this Jesus Christ fellow and starts to follow me.”

    MW-”I’ve made brown loaf with green things and white lumps.”

    MW-I’m pretty disappointed with Tommy so far. He’s not deaf. He’s not blind and I’m pretty sure he can’t play pinball.

    RMMD-Buck’s got a job too and with the things are going he might get a substantial raise in his minimum wage.

    Sally Forth-”That was oddly unsatisfying.” I’m sure Sally has said those words regarding Ted before.

    Zits-Quick, Sara, take off your clothes so Jeremy will notice you more.

  4. anty a
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    JP: I can’t believe that, “Look, he’s in love with you…that’s the mating posture,” complete with tarantula in what apparently is “the mating posture” in A HAND didn’t get any Josh love today.

  5. Droopy Says
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    Momma: If the grocery bill doesn’t add up, isn’t that the fault of the cashier, or the cash register?

  6. The Divine O’F
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Today’s Judge Parker might be one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen in the comics. Ever.

  7. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#y164):

    Edge City: It’s a slippery slope for Len and his friend. They’ll probably try to outdo one another by taking pictures of their dinner in the bathroom AFTER it passes through their digestive systems.

    Heh heh. Slippery slope, indeed!

  8. pugfuggly
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:12 am [Reply]

    SFx Seeing as the ice on that ravine can support a skating bear, maybe just walk across and give it to her? Seriously, am I missing something here?

    Momma PAINT MY LIVINGROOM THE COLOR OF URINE, PLEASE!

  9. Mumblix Grumph
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Momma: What’s not adding up are Francis’ eyebrows, eyelashes, or what ever the hell those things on his face are supposed to be.

  10. Chyron HR
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    “No, Momma, the cash register printed the receipt out. Do we need to put you in a home?”

  11. Kevin On Earth
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Cop 1: “We gotta do something!”
    Cop 2: glances down at “WWMWD” bracelet“No…let’s give them a chance to work this out..”

    MW: Tommie’s first thought: “Wilbur’s angling to my mom…does that leave Mary with any expectation? How much could it hurt to dive through the window?”

    MT: A glance inside the cold empty heart of Mark Trail. Some chambers have their own climate system…that’s the place in his heart for family.

  12. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Ziggy: I get more of a creepy vibe from Sunday’s Ziggy. Like…

    “I’m Tony Perkins for Motel Bates, and I’ll leave the shower on for you.”

  13. revenge4Aldo
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    JP: “Look he’s in love with you, that’s the mating posture.” is actually a stray word balloon from today’s Mary Worth.

  14. White Rabbit
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:34 am [Reply]

    JP: April’s dad don’t need no fancy Rolexes, long as he has his good ol’ Big Ben alarm clock to carry around!

  15. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane: More evidence for the theory that this strip is an elaborate ruse meant to induce suicide attempts among its readers.

  16. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MT – “Everybody have fun tonight…”

    JP – Last panel Dad is, um, Radar O’Reilly? Les Nessman? Radar O’Reilly as Truman Capote?

    Whoever he is, his out-of-nowhere priest collar or Wolowitzian dicky or whatever really wants to meet Randy and his parents. Nice prop clock, btw.

  17. Hibbleton
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo says “Maybe”? I don’t like this kinder, gentler Margo. Next thing you know she’ll be allowing Lu Ann to reduce the capital buffer on her risk-weighted assets (i.e. go braless).

  18. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    New case starting at Scary Go Round. Just saying…

  19. Johnnycakes
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    SFx: He does flash her a little wrist. Gratis!

  20. Her Father, John Darling
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:47 am [Reply]

  21. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Apt 3-G: “I hope you have a plan…because I’m really not supposed to put this blade back in its scabbard unless it’s tasted blood.”

  22. Rusty
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    @C. Sandy Cyst (#1): It looks like someone else is inking it, and the letters are now done with a font instead of handwritten. Maybe it’s a rerun from the 1960′s, back when Lazarus could still draw a fluid line.

    SFox: If the answer is wrapping the bill around the mouse and throwing him at the rabbit, I would like to see that depicted in tomorrow’s strip.

  23. Rusty
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#18): Now I want to know what happens with Tim’s marriage.

  24. Aggie Mack
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:55 am [Reply]

    @Her Father, John Darling (#20): My favorite quote from the article: “I like that I disrupt Staci’s life.” Spoken like the loving husband that he is!

  25. TheDiva
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    SFx: What’s Rachel Rabbit doing waving a $50 around in the breeze, anyway? Especially when she has a nice purse to put it in? I think Slylock should pocket the bill in order to teach her to be more careful with her cash.

  26. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    @Rusty (#23): Bobbins should continue on Fridays, according to John Allison.

  27. sully
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    This week’s ‘Adam @ Home’ re-cap:
    On Monday, the guy who serves coffee at Adam’s favorite coffee shop wants Adam to go into business with him, opening a new shop. Adam goes home and thinks about it for a few days, making awful puns, and basically killing time, until the end of the week, when he inevitably declines the offer, thereby ending the story line like a dead cod on the beach. All in all, just like every other week in ‘Adam @ Home’, where nothing ever happens, nothing ever changes, and nothing is ever even remotely humorous or interesting.

  28. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Katzenjammer Kids: “Der Mama can’t gafe me orders. I’ll mop der floor with her!”

  29. Meddle Head
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:10 am [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: We know it is a dream vacation as Lois is playing tennis in her nightgown.

  30. Master Softheart
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:14 am [Reply]

    JP: “Look, he’s in love with you… that’s a mating posture!”

    Um, did I just read that? April and Abbot have just displaced the characters in Momma as having the most horrifying Freudian relationship on the comics page. I, um, honestly didn’t think that Woody Wilson had it in him.

    And hey, it looks as though Wilson has decided that he doesn’t want the wife of the strip’s title character to be seen as a murderous psychopath, so the solution is to make her father a much worse murderous psychopath to provide context! It’s all right, comics readers of America: April didn’t cold-bloodedly murder two people on the cruise ship and dump their bodies into the sea in a paranoid conviction that anyone who might be following her probably deserves summary execution! Instead, it was her father who ordered those people murdered because they were trying to follow April to determine his location, so it’s all cool. See, no matter how many people April slaughters in the service of her country, she’s a charming and innocent naif by comparison with her supervillain father!

    This strip has turned real dark real fast, but by way of silver lining Wilson seems to have decided to try his hand at wildlife information like the Sunday Mark Trail; Jack Elrod has never been bold enough to show us to show spider sex. Until now, the entire comics page has been content to leave that to Stan Lee.

  31. TheDiva
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    9CL: The town was named after John Greenleaf Whittier, a poet, abolitionist, and politician among other things. Seems to me Amos/McEldowney would pride himself on knowing more about this obscure American writer than the average beefwit. (Then again, maybe Amos realizes Edda will bang him just to get him to shut the fuck up.)

    C’shaft: Figures Crankshaft would tout the advantages of being a misanthropic shut-in.

    FW: It’s funny because their relationship with their son is only slightly less bitter and resentful than it was before.

    ….Aaaand at this point Comics Kingdom decided not to cooperate. More later, maybe.

  32. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    Luann: And if the crayons give him heartburn, he can always eat chalk.

  33. Everything Is Better with Monkeys
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#18): second this!! SGR (Bad Machinery) is my “if I could only read one comic” comic. With Sheldon a close second. It does not speak well for the syndicates, does it?

  34. Everything Is Better with Monkeys
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Oh, Pluggers. What would you do without old-timey meteorologists who were much less accurate than their current brethren? Not airplane food, because planes are just those things that fly over Plugger states. TV dinners, maybe?

  35. John C Fremont
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#31): Good to know that I’m not the only one experiencing technical difficulties with Comics Kingdom. Well, not “good” exactly, but at least I know it’s not my computer. Or me. I expect more order from a kingdom. That reminds me of something Brooke McEldowney said today…

  36. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    @Majicou (#Y168): I understand that, but no, per Uncle Lumpy’s experience, Comic Sans occupies a special pedestal of loathing in many hearts, eliciting instant condemnation, regardless of context.

    From cutting letters out of magazines in ransom note style, constantly swapping balls on the IBM Selectric, using letters off several different dry transfer sheets, to luxuriating in everything including bubble font on the early Macs, it’s fascinating how wide the difference is from person to person in how much the presentation font affects comfort in reading text. It doesn’t correlate with reading ability. There must be a human parameter similar to a sense of pitch that determines whether poor kerning or Comic Sans can unhinge them.

  37. Shrug
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#y137):

    “That brings up the question, what ever happened to the spider that bit Peter Parker?”

    Canonically (AMAZING FANTASY #15) it died within seconds of biting him. But I haven’t been following Marvel much for the last thirty years, and for all I know this may have been retroconned six ways to Sunday since then, with a whole new ULTIMATE SPIDER-SPIDER series in which the spider survived, acquired the proportionate peopleness of a Peter Parker, and now serves as superhero to the Spider-American community of New York and environs.

  38. TimP
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#36): Yeah, it is interesting isn’t it? I generally only take a passing interest in fonts – as in, I like to read the little paragraphs that sometimes are put at the end of a book that gives a short story about the font used – except in a professional context where I do have to do things such as make sure that the font used is consistent throughout a document. I’ll never figure out how it was decided, for example, that all content has to be in Arial but all section headers have to be in Calibri. My job (or at least that aspect of my job) is just to make sure that they are.

  39. tb4000
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    FW: There’s a reason for that, Funky…there’s a reason for that.

  40. Myrtle
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Cranky: Earl Pickles is making a guest appearance in Crankshaft today.

  41. Chyron HR
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    @Shrug (#37): Actually, the spider developed a taste for blondes and is now going to NTR Randy Parker on his honeymoon.

  42. Midtown
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    MW: Considering Mary’s seriously jaundiced appearance in one of the throwaway panels, I would really worry about eating anything she has prepared. Oops, too late – the others have caught it from just the smell!

  43. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#41): As a result of being bitten on the nads, Randy Parker becomes the “Bodacious Ballzac”!

  44. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @anty a (#4): I think Josh is keeping it clean for Sunday. He didn’t touch the setup in Slylock’s “which panel is different,” either.

    @Rusty (#22): That would even make sense of the idea that the cashier had added up the total. Once upon a time I saw a mechanical calculator for grocery shopping, a relic of an earlier age. It had three buttons on top: dollars, dimes, pennies, and when you added something to your card that cost, say, $2.34, you clicked those buttons twice, three times and four times respectively. I’m not sure if it was supposed to be for budgeting as you went along, so you would stop shipping before you had more than you could afford, or to check against the total on the cash register.

    @TheDiva (#25): She just received it as ‘payment for services’ and hadn’t had time to put it away.

  45. the REAL Mark Trail
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Now THAT’S one BIG HOLE!

  46. Inkwell
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Slylock, you egomaniac, that was for the shirtless stud behind you.

  47. SKJAM!
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    @Shrug, there was a miniseries a few years back that revealed one of the class bullies had seen Peter Parker getting bitten, and where the spider fell. He picked up the spider, intending to use it to tease Parker later. Spider-Man shows up, the bully puts two and two together, comes up with pi and eats the now-desiccated spider.

    He gains really icky powers that took him years to learn how to control, which is why we haven’t heard from him before then.

  48. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:52 am [Reply]

    BB: Beetle and Sarge add roleplaying to their relationship.

    Foxtrot: Don’t fail to notice the hose. Jason could definitely give Dennis some lessons in menacing.

    MT: Two questions here. One) The swirling white in the uppermost regions of the depicted cave: is that supposed to be cloud? It looks like rock to me, so I feel cheated out of my promised cave clouds. Two) Is the cave named “Er Wang Dong” or is the “er” a hesitation sound intended by the cartoonist to point out awareness of, and slight embarrassment at, the cave’s name consisting solely of two synonyms for penis?

    Basically, it’s a fine picture of a cave, but it delivers neither giant basalt and limestone wangs nor clouds, so it’s not going on the refrigerator.

    MW: I want every panel of Mary Worth forever to show everyone with rictus grins, thought ballooning their innermost feelings.

    Phantom: I know Sundays are a separate continuity, but I had a moment of “wait, he’s telling this story to his kids? I thought it was that reporter.” I’m still holding out for Kit convincing her to become the bride of his eldest son,

  49. BigTed
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:53 am [Reply]

    Perhaps Francis’ IQ problems stem from the fact that his childhood home apparently has no kitchen, and he was forced to eat food that had been left to spoil in the warm living room all day.

  50. Cthulhu, Nu?
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Momma: “I’ve seen you’re I.Q., and it’s the second-smallest thing about you.” #sorry #notsorry

    Momma 2:Note she doesn’t say she’s seen his I.Q. scores. Momma possesses to ability to peer into his very psyche, just as he has always feared.

  51. Cthulhu, Nu?
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Dang it! “your I.Q.” not “you’re I.Q.” – obviously I have no business talking about anybody else’s intelligence!

  52. Liam
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy-Ziggy though won’t leave the light on for you.

    FC-”And to get onto the Road to Heaven just drive into some oncoming traffic.”

    FC-”Grandma says it’s a wasted day if you haven’t laughed.” “Yeah we’ll Grandma is manic depressive.”

    FC-”Grandma says if you want to leave footprints in the sands of time you should wear work boots but don’t wear work boots on the dance stage.”

  53. lorne
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Momma has also decided to stop pretending to be funny as well:

    Francis: I did something stupid!

    Momma: You ARE stupid!

  54. Liam
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    Momma-”Francis, how many times have I told you to shoplift half the stuff.”

    Momma-After being stuck in the Seventies for decades Momma finally sees how much food costs nowadays.

  55. Liam
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers-”And to think we sacrificed that virgin for nothing.”

  56. walt d
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: “Oh my, how to return the money? Say, there’s the Phantom. I know that he can safely cross this chasm and return the money to poor Mrs. Rabbit! Ha ha ha! Okay, how can I return this money?”

    Slylock: I never read the answers to this stuff. I suppose you give it to the skater, or in this odd world, the bird, or, hell, you could just step down onto the ice and go across yourself. If you can reach down to the skater you can presumably get down. Or, in this Hobbesian world, you can yell at Mrs. Rabbit to cross the ice herself and you’ll hand it down to her.

    Momma: Peanuts: Charlie Brown going off to play baseball. Sally: “Why do you bother? You’re gonna lose. You always lose. I’m your sister, I know you.” Charlie Brown: “Family values.” Schulz and whoever does Momma borrowing from a long line of Jewish comedians: “This is my son, the doctor; this is my son, the lawyer; and this, this is my son, the loser.”

  57. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Say what you will about Max Mouse, but I gotta respect a guy who’s utterly impervious to winter chill and fashion sense.

  58. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    9CL: This, presumably, is how Brooke gets sex in his own life. He seizes a conversational topic and refuses to shut up about it until given sexual pleasure.

  59. Red Greenback
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#48): I’m no geologist Nostradamus, but I can totally see your MT comment floating on Friday.

  60. Elk Meadow
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    @Her Father, John Darling (#20):

    I missed the Cathy strip joke when it ran. It’s really significant, because he gets the other cartoonist’s permission first, and when he asked years earlier to include her character in the strip, she said no. Looks like this time, she agreed!

  61. Elk Meadow
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: I imagined Doris being Liz Patterson, and Bucky being Anthony. Much better.

  62. Elk Meadow
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, forgot to check with Preview, and got all bold instead….

  63. walt d
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    BC: I read it three times, and I am less impressed than many of the GC commenters seem to be. The one line not making the remotest sense didn’t help.

    The Barn: That is one big ass sheep, especially since he’s drawn to be cute and cuddly. A little license by the card company?

    Shoe: The Senator appears to have some time ago passed the point where a bar would be required to cut him off.

  64. walt d
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    9CL: My response at first glance was “Damn, those twits again?” However, at the risk of condemnation here, I thought Amos’ little monologue was pretty funny, and Edda’s contribution was both funny and sexy. Having grumbled a few times recently about bathroom humor being greatly favored over sexual humor in the comics, I approve of today’s 9CL. Whatever else one may say about Brooke, in the time I’ve been reading, I don’t think he’s drawn anyone sitting on a toilet.

  65. debussy fields
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    FC– Now inserted in every package of syrup of ipecac: “If our product fails to induce vomiting, read enclosed Family Circus comic strip.”

  66. yaoi huntress earth
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    9CWL: It just proves how sad Edda and Amos’ relationship is. I’m sure if they weren’t childhood friends, Edda probably wouldn’t want anything to do with him or he’d be friendzoned at best.

  67. Joe Blevins
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    SLYLOCK: I think the cartoonist may be slyly attempting to introduce a new feature, “Find 6 Things Wrong with this Scenario.” Okay, I’ll give ‘er a whirl. (1) Obvious presence of skater in background undermines entire premise. (2) Purse dangling from forearm further undermines premise. (3) Streetlamp faces in direction where it will do no good whatsoever. (4) Paper currency seems to say “SOS” on it, which is unsettling. (5) Title character has developed condescending attitude towards helpless, clueless citizenry he must serve. (6) Sidekick character appears to be on precipice of inappropriate relations with snowman, may be quietly humming “You Can Leave Your Hat On” by Tom Jones.

    MOMMA: If each of those pairs of dots/squiggles represents Francis’s eyes, then he’s currently displaying the entire range of acceptable reactions to one of his mother’s lacerating zingers: anguished wincing, total boredom, and blank indifference.

  68. remmy
    February 23rd, 2014 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @walt d (#64):
    No but he has drawn two people fucking on a stage.

  69. Rocky Stoneaxe
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Zippy – The lead cartoonist on Fletcher and Tanya uses the slogan (stolen borrowed from Smucker’s):

    “With a name like Conrad Nervig, it has to be good!”

    Today’s dialogue is cut-and-pasted from old (REALLY old) magazine ads…

  70. walt d
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois: Be sure to click “buy a print”.

    RMMD: Great page. Color, drawing, drama. Click “buy a print” here also.

    RMMD: Chekov’s briefcase. Good foreshadowing. I wondered what the hell he was doing with one back in the park. I even checked then to see that it was in each park strip. Now it’s keeping his ass alive.

    RMMD: Things don’t look good for our heroine, running her mouth like that while the cops listen. Especially if that is an actual knife rather than a plastic letter opener.

  71. Albert
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Momma – Hahahahaha, it’s funny because Momma is an emotionally abusive old harridan!

    9CL – Hahahahaha, it’s funny because they’re pretentious and horny!

    Melonheads – Hahahahaha, it’s funny because it just makes you wanna barf and barf and barf until there’s nothing left inside!

  72. Bill Peschel
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    @Everything Is Better with Monkeys (#33): Bad Machinery, Max Overacts, Order of the Stick, Girl Genius, XKCD, Dumbing of Age, Olgaf (when it’s not NSFW), Dork Tower, Manly Guys Doing Manly Things, Something Positive, Girls With Slingshots.

    If I had money, I’d print a Sunday supplement with these comic strips and distribute them, just for the sheer fun of imaging an alternative universe where I’d look forward to the Sunday comics.

    (Oh, and to really piss cartoonists off, I’d add Dilbert, Get Fuzzy, Pearls, and a few others, because they earned it.)

  73. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @remmy (#68): Given the sentences He has drawn two people fucking on a ________, “toilet” is the only word I can say with certainty does not accurately fill the blank. I believe “Piano”, “chain link fence”, and “cow” all do.

  74. KreatureFeatures
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:20 pm [Reply]

    It seems strange that in today’s extra panels, Mary Worth throws in a little wisdom from basketball guru John Wooden. Is Mary jumping on the March Madness bandwagon early? Is she trying to rally her compadres for a little game of two-on-two on the Santa Royale half-court after dinner? John Wooden once said something else that Mary and all her dinner companions should think long and hard about: “Never mistake activity for achievement.”

  75. Ratiocinator
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: Yeah, sure, a naturally occurring gust of wind that just happened to blow the money into your hand just so. Whatever you say, Fox. I’m sure that the wind-manipulation machine confiscated from Count Weirdly (which went missing from the evidence locker recently) played absolutely no part in this. And it’s also very convenient that the only possible way for you to return the money would result in it getting all wet and soggy and falling-apart, so you’ll just hang onto it for now and get it back to Rachel soon. Sometime. Cross your heart. Right?

    Garfield: Well, I guess nobody can call this strip dull and repetitive any more now that they’ve gruesomely killed off one of its main characters.

    JP: Finally, at long last, my pleas to Woody Wilson for hot girl-on-tarantula action have been answered! Thank you so much, Mr. Wilson!

    RMMD: There’s a story I once heard about somebody whose wife was abusing him that this strip reminded me of. Experience had taught him that the cops wouldn’t believe what he said, so he called the cops to the house (I forget how he got them to come) and right before they arrived he said something to his wife that he knew, again from experience, would piss her off enough to get violent. That’s exactly what happened, with her flipping her shit and attacking him, and that’s the scene the cops walked in on. But he still had to get himself hurt one more time in order to prove that yes, somebody was indeed inflicting harm on him. Otherwise nothing would have been done.

    Not that I think Buck actually planned for things to work out like this. He was just being suicidally stupid.

    At least Chekhov’s Knife is actually being used. I was a little worried that Wilson just put the letter opener in Doris’ hand so we’d all go “Oh shit, she’s got a knife!” but then she’d just put it down so we’d all go “Wow, that was anticlimactic. Like what happened in his other strip that time, with Chekhov’s Chainsaw.

  76. walt d
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Liam (#3): Zits: Ten years ago in this strip that would have done it. Then just looking at her clothed butt would render him speechless. Lately he seems so absorbed in his electronics I’m not sure a real live naked girl would get his attention. Now if she sexted him. . .

  77. Little Blue Bicycle
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Slylock will jump into the abyss, faking his own death and plunging Max Mouse into misery for two years. Then he will return, disrupt Max’s attempt to ask Minnie Mouse to marry him, and reveal that everyone else knew he was alive, even the snowman and Molly at the hospital.

  78. Ratiocinator
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    @anty a (#4): Inorite?

    @pugfuggly (#8):

    SFx Seeing as the ice on that ravine can support a skating bear, maybe just walk across and give it to her? Seriously, am I missing something here?

    Slylock never learned how to skate. It’s been his secret shame for lo these many years.

    @Shrug (#37): It did die from the radiation, and for a long time that didn’t get retconned. It wasn’t until J. Michael Straczynski’s run on the book around the turn of the century that a mysterious character showed up and asked Peter a question that went kind of like this:

    “Did the radiation enable the spider to give you these powers? Or was the spider trying to give you those powers before it died?”

    Basically, the spider was magic, and radiation had nothing to do with how Peter got the powers he did. Given what everybody learned about the things radiation could and couldn’t do in the forty years or so between stories, that’s still more believable than getting your powers from a radioactive spider.

    But I think that theory was finally disproven in the canon by a different writer and the explanation went back to “It was an ordinary spider before it was irradiated and its radioactivity is why Peter Parker can do these things. That’s what we’re sticking with, we don’t care if it flies in the face of all scientific knowledge, case closed.”

    @Inkwell (#46): You mean the snowman?

    @SKJAM! (#47): Ew, I hadn’t heard about THAT.

  79. Ukulele Ike
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    JP: Most master spies/international terrorists know enough to take the damn cigar band off their cheroot before they light up. It is so embarrassing when the heroes laugh at you.

    MT: Today’s strip makes me all warm and Jules Verne-y on the one hand, and all spooked out and Floyd Collins-y on the other.

    MW Atta girl, Mary! None of that newfangled post-1972 Californian cuisine minceur crap for you! Nothin’ local or ethnic or fresh or sustainably-raised! Keep cooking and entertaining like it’s 1947!

  80. The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan
    February 23rd, 2014 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    @Bill Peschel (#72): @Everything Is Better with Monkeys (#33): SGR/Bad Machinery is for me what Sinfest used to be back in 2008: a jaw-dropping exercise in “How the hell does he keep that up, day after day?” It’s so good, but more important, so consistently good.

  81. Baka Gaijin
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: Ha ha! Mark Trail is spelunking in the earth’s rectum. For Mark’s sake, let’s hope earth’s mother didn’t serve pinto beans last night for dinner.

  82. Ratiocinator
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    @SKJAM! (#47): I just looked it up. It figures that Garth Ennis, a.k.a. “the guy whose work I cannot read if I want to keep food down and get any sleep at night”, wrote that story. (That’s actually one of the least disturbing things Ennis has written, I believe.)

  83. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @anty a (#4):
    I’ve had dogs hump my legs, but never had a tarantula hump my hand.

  84. I speak Jive
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    FC – Gray-haired Grandma always comes across to me as a smug, superior prig. I really dislike the strips that feature any of the grandparents, including the dead one.

    Rex Morgan – I think someone else mentioned this, but why didn’t Rex warn Buck not to go home, let alone tell Doris that he had called the police? What next – are the police going to break down the door with guns blazing and take out Doris? Is Rex going to arrive with smelling salts and save the day?

  85. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and here’s a parrot shagging a reporter.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T1vfsHYiKY

  86. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#84):
    Too bad April is in Mexico, they could do a Wilson strip crossover and have her blow Doris’ head clean off.

  87. Joe Momma
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Slylock: Who the hell builds a snowman mere feet from the edge of an icy precipice? Is it to attract curious children who will then inevitably slip down the slight incline and over the edge to a frigid death blow?

  88. Chris
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Wait, wait, does everyone else actually add up their receipts by hand at the store? Do you do it in line while people plot your death behind you?

  89. Joe Momma
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Momma: To further the point, in the next panel (unrecorderd here) Francis asks: “what’s that supposed to mean? Momma breaks the fourth wall and looks at us and sighs.

  90. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    @debussy fields (#65):
    I think Grandma may already have a tickler, dumbass. Barbara Walters isn’t alone, you know.

  91. Baka Gaijin
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#57): You must love Henry.

    @Elk Meadow (#62): Aggressive spell check or Jackelroditis, your choice.

    @debussy fields (#65): COTW-worthy!

    @Little Blue Bicycle (#77): Another early COTW contender.

  92. Dartpaw86
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Pluggers still use old fashioned corn brooms to clean snow off of their cars. I think this is going from casual pluggeryness to outright self-parody of Plugger society.

  93. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#90):
    Oh, and by dumbass, I mean the melon-spawn, definitely not you.

    MW – Roast beef, with a sheen of jaundice yellow
    Wasn’t Speedy into the Bible a while back? Or is he going to cook again?

    (I’ve got to say – I’m on season 5 of Breaking Bad now and it is just brilliant, but it has also depressed me.
    Most of you know I’m a huge Sopranos fan and that was dark, but it also had several “humor noir” moments that evened out the cruelty and sadness – for example, Junior’s kookiness, Little Carmine’s (et al) malapropisms, Gigi croaking on the can while looking at porn, Father Phil’s food fetish replacing sexual desire, and Chrissy and Paulie’s doofus moves – but this BB series is dark with a capital D. The fact that all the heartbreak comes from an addictive chemical compound made of household chemicals is just downright creepy.

  94. Baka Gaijin
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    @I speak Jive (#84) on Family Circus: Does the old gray-haired old biddy remind you of someone else? [cough]MaryWorth[cough].

    @Joe Momma (#87): When Thelma Keene gets that thousand yard stare on her face, she’s wistfully imagining your scenario.

  95. Lenoxus
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Momma: Did anyone else have trouble reading it because the shape of the first word balloon imples that Momma’s second line comes after Francis’s first?

    Also, does the joke somehow involve the notion that Francis would personally have to add the prices together to produce the receipt? Why would he?

    As for his eyes in the last panel, I think the first panel suggests that the arches are his eyelids. They just looko wrong with the “pupils” detached like that.

  96. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#78): I thought they’d switched to genetically modified: GMO is the new radioactive.

  97. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @Shrug (#37): *soft sobs*

  98. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#85): That’s hilarious. A wide cut above what I expected. (But I clicked on it anyway).

  99. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    Candorville: Darrin Bell beats Guy Gilchrist (Nancy) to the punch when he pays tribute to the late Morrie Turner (Wee Pals).

  100. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    @Naked Bunny with a Whip (#57): It makes me feel cold just to look at him.

  101. Jenny Creed
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    I think Momma was trying to make a joke about Francis personally calculating the digits of his IQ and it’s a small number because he dislikes counting big figures, but yeah, it sure sounds like she’s saying “I know you’re a dumbass because of your low intelligence” which is, wow, mean.

  102. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @The Rt. Venerable Pasdordan (#15): Bwahaha! You interrupted my search for a razor blade.

  103. Helen Clark
    February 23rd, 2014 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    Cripes, that is the most goddamned grim-looking dinner “party” I’ve ever seen. Oh, gee, let’s all sit here alone with our thoughts! That’ll be fun!

    What this party needs is a little ((hic)) enhancement. If nothing else, I’d need some help choking down that goddamned sea cucumber or whatever that is on the table.

    You know, that long-haired guy looks like he’d have something to liven up the party. Why doesn’t someone ((hic)) ask him?

  104. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Yay, Helen Clark is here!

  105. Congo Bill Bailey
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Arlo and Janis: Janis, your cat is loopy enough without any help from your husband.

  106. Poteet
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    PV: Val thinks to himself: “At least if we survive this, I’ll never have to go to the goddamn Misty Isles again.”

  107. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    @Helen Clark (#103):
    Hey Helen! Do you know Doris from RM?

  108. Percival Dunwoody
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    BC: I think this is intended as Christian rebuttal to Keats’s Ode to a Grecian Urn (“Beauty is truth, truth beauty, that is all / Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know”). Um, yeah. “Let my sleeve adorn my age” isn’t quite in the same league as Keats, some would say.

  109. Uncle Lumpy
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#75):

    JP: Finally, at long last, my pleas to Woody Wilson for hot girl-on-tarantula action have been answered! Thank you so much, Mr. Wilson!

    At climax, April rips the tarantula’s head off with her teeth, swallows it, and screams. The Parkers put it in their screenplay, and Randy has never loved her more than right this minute.

  110. Oregonian
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    SF – Rachel Rabbit’s daughter, Bitsy Bunny, is watching that $50 bill float over the ravine and thinking to herself “This kind of crap doesn’t happen with Bitcoin.”

  111. Baka Gaijin
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#110): Yet another early COTW contender.

  112. Dawn Weston's Evil Twin
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: YUCK! April gets spider spooge on her hand! I would seriously flick that thing back into the frickin’ jungle!

    Mary Worth: I love the frenzied thought-ballooning in the last panel! Everyone’s so full of hope, and we all know that those hopes will be thwarted! My dad Wilbur’s thoughts: “I may have a chance with Iris again” (ewww!) totally conflict with Iris’s thoughts: “It’s great to be back among friends.” Dad, she just isn’t that into you. Certainly not as much as you’re into sandwiches.

    Love and kisses xxx ooo

  113. Horace Broon
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

    ASM: I like that Stan is actually showing us that, while Peter Parker hides from Jonah there are crimes going unstopped. Not that Spidey could actually stop them, but it’s be nice if he tried.

    Crank: Why, it’s Crankshaft’s barber and some guy I don’t think I’ve ever seen before! Batuik finally realises the best way to improve the strip: not have any of the main characters in it.

    DT: How is a lack of footwear a sign of driving ability? “Nobody would walk around barefoot, so she must drive everywhere!”

    FW: “That’s more than he talked to us when he lived here.” mutters Funky. Is the look of crushing disappointment on his face that he and Corey never communicated when they had the chance, or is it that these information-free calls from a warzone keep interrupting his evening, and it was better when he could forget he even had a son? Why, it’s both at the same time, of course!

    JP: “Come on, it’s cocktail hour. It’s time for Randy and his parents to learn your dad is the sort of lovable eccentric who cuts the legs off an alarm clock so he can pretend it’s a really big pocket watch! And also has a network of agents watching them, all the time!”

    Phantom: Kit is apparently concerned that his mother might not know she’s the Phantom’s wife without being reminded.

    Pluggers: Pluggers once had it explained to them that weather patterns and economic trends are both chaotic systems which can only ever be predicted to a certain degree because small inital changes can result in large differences later, but they weren’t really listening.

    Zits: When did Sara get there? Certainly at some point after the first panel. Anyway, having sat through some kind of smartphone quiz at my local cinema yesterday, my sympathy is completely with Connie here.

  114. Peanut Gallery
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#y137):

    what ever happened to the spider that bit Peter Parker?

    Garfield squished it with a rolled-up newspaper. And Spider-Man had better avoid Garfield if he doesn’t want to meet the same fate. (Spider-Man has the proportional squishability of a spider!)

  115. Peanut Gallery
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    MW – Mary’s trying to make Tommy feel at home by serving him “The Loaf”.

  116. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Momma (#87):
    That sounds about right, but it should be happening in Crankshaft or Family Circus.

    Meanwhile, today’s CS has an odd Sweeney Todd vibe going on, or that’s just Batiuk being Batiuk. Anyone can die, anywhere, anytime, in Westview, from slipping on a stray grape on the supermarket floor, to getting a bad turkey for TGiving, to car accidents and flamethrowers and tainted coffee.

  117. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#116):
    Oh, and how could I ever forget the big C.
    (We actually have a grocery here called “Super C” – it is a pretty depressing space in and of itself)

  118. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#115):
    All of Mary’s meals come out like that.
    Call me crazy, but there are a few NL recipes that don’t sound all that bad, or at least what goes into it before it comes out like a chalkboard eraser or petrified dog food.
    I think all students who attend the Law College in VT are asked to sample this stuff.

  119. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    @Oregonian (#110):
    And I’ll bet Reeky Rat is thick like the thief he is with Silk Road.

  120. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#113): When you’re not sure of your ability at something you have to make sure you’re wearing the right shoes, your lucky pants, a shirt that won’t come untucked but won’t bunch up either, and sunglasses endorsed by experts at the activity. But when you decide to drive an airplane in lingerie and high heels, or an “Amazing Show Car” in a hippie dress and bare feet, you demonstrate to others a certain confidence in your ability to perform the activity. Or you’re just nuts.

  121. Will
    February 23rd, 2014 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    WUMO: I think this is the first time I’ve seen something crapping in the Sunday Comics (if you don’t count Marvin, anyhow.) I’m very sure it’s the first time the crap has been shown.

  122. Uncle Lumpy
    February 23rd, 2014 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#120):

    … you demonstrate to others a certain confidence in your ability to perform the activity. Or you’re just nuts.

    It’s Dick Tracy: (b)

  123. Calico
    February 23rd, 2014 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

  124. bats :[
    February 23rd, 2014 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#48): re MT: er, you beat me to it (all your speculation match mine…high five!).

    @BigTed (#49): I’m banking on Francis eating paintchips as a child…bright, yellow ones, just like potato chips, all full of yummy lead.

    @I speak Jive (#84): re RMMD: Oh, you are such a tease!

  125. Marthra
    February 23rd, 2014 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Wow, Nancy. Way to ruin breakfast. How about serving up some Joylous-Os: the leading source of fiber resentment.

  126. Alison
    February 23rd, 2014 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @sully (#27):
    Coffee guy (I forget his name) may not know it, but he is darn lucky Adam turned him down. Talk about dodging a bullet. Can you imagine trying to go into business with Adam? Literally every time someone tries to discuss something serious with him, he just starts making stupid puns and going completely off-topic.

    “Adam, I’m afraid our sales are down this week. We should discuss the business.”
    “Sails? Well, hoist and raise them, then!”
    “Adam, I mean our sales, you know, numbers…”
    “Numbers? Too bad. Arr, matey, I always did want to be a pirate.”

    Coffee guy would be better off going into business with pretty much anyone else in the world.

  127. Alison
    February 23rd, 2014 at 5:12 pm [Reply]

    “Mary Worth”: “Maybe this time will be different…because I’m different!” Nyah, I think it will be exactly the same, Tommy. You’ll spend the evening sitting around eating random blobs while Mary brags, like always.

    “Heart of the city”: This strip has a real problem with using pop culture references that are going to be wildly out of date within a few years. I thought it might have been a one-off when Heart was obsessed with Justin Bieber a while back, but I see she’s now into One Direction. This strip should stick to stories about Dean’s cat Spock.

  128. Marthra
    February 23rd, 2014 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Marthra (#125):JOYLOUS? That’s unpossible!

  129. Ratiocinator
    February 23rd, 2014 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#96): Hmm, speaking of genetics, I’m thinking of another possibly decent alternate explanation. In the X-Men books there have been a number of characters who were mutants, but “latent” ones. I.e., while most mutants get their powers with the onset of puberty, some mutants have needed something specific to happen to them in order to kind of jump-start their powers.

    Let’s say that Peter was one of those, hypothetically, and the bite from the irradiated spider activated the powers he already had.

    (And with that, I will cease my comic book nerdery for now…)

  130. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    @Ratiocinator (#129): That’s pretty good! Current science postulates such an explanation for some diseases. I’m happy to count Spider-Manism as another latent genetic condition triggered by an external factor. Perhaps without the spider bite it only manifests as an urge to spend a lot of time on the couch watching TV.

    Hey! I’m Spider-Woman!

  131. Shrug
    February 23rd, 2014 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    @Horace Broon (#113):

    “Phantom: Kit is apparently concerned that his mother might not know she’s the Phantom’s wife without being reminded.”

    There IS some ambiguity, since Ghost Who Tells Bedtime Stories probably has four or five previous wives stuffed and mounted somewhere in the treasure cave (right between the secret formula for Coca Cola and the Lost Chord).

  132. Shrug
    February 23rd, 2014 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    I always thought it was pretty convenient that the radioactive spider bite “just happened” to pass along usefull spider-related traits to Peter, like proportional strength of a spider or proportional agility or (alleged) spider-sense. In an alternate universe, none of those were transmitted, but alt-Peter did develop a sexual interest in other spiders and an overwhelming desire to eat flies.

  133. Majicou
    February 23rd, 2014 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Thatababy: If someone had told me earlier: “Today you’ll see Admiral Ackbar, a Twi’lek, and a Quarren in a newspaper comic strip that isn’t FoxTrot,” I wouldn’t have believed it.

    Luann: Thanks for contributing more anti-chemical hysteria, Evans & Evans. We do’t have enough of that.

    Pluggers wonder aloud to nobody why we can put a man on the moon but can’t perfectly predict the future.

    // And I believe that is a light dusting in the Midwest.

    @Aviatrix (#130): Last I saw Spider-Woman, she used her pheromone powers to make the Hulk make her a sandwich. Kinda wrecked the kitchen, but it proved her point.

  134. bats :[
    February 23rd, 2014 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

  135. Mr O’Malley
    February 23rd, 2014 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    A related concept to the radioactive spider is the Wold Newton family, originated by Philip José Farmer. This postulates that many literary characters of near-superhuman strength or intelligence were descended from a group of people struck by fragments of a radioactive meteorite in 1795. That would include people like Tarzan, Doc Savage, Sherlock Holmes, Allan Quatermain, A.J. Raffles, Professor Challenger and so on.

    I suppose the use of radioactivity is based on the concept that while radioactivity produces random genetic mutations, some small percentage of these would be advantageous. This principle is used to develop new plant varieties. And of course it was a common concept in 1950s movies featuring giant insects and various other atomic phenomena.

  136. Anonymous
    February 23rd, 2014 at 6:40 pm [Reply]

    JP: The phrase “that’s the mating posture” appears in the Washington Post online but not in the dead tree edition.
    MW: Wilbur is hoping to get back together with Iris? He quit his job because they might get back together? Not too stalkerish.

  137. Jessy S.
    February 23rd, 2014 at 6:49 pm [Reply]

    @The Divine O’F (#6): Wrong!

    It would have to be today’s Snuffy Smith. He basically Yaks through a court session and stretches it out for the entire day. At one point the Judge and Sheriff are seen eating sandwiches.

  138. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Majicou (#133): Guilty admission: I didn’t even know there was a Spider-Woman. But I’m sort of happy she likes sandwiches.

  139. Liam
    February 23rd, 2014 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    Hi and Lois-Hi, you can’t go back to sleep. You’ve got to stay awake or else you’ll die.

    Beetle Bailey-”Maybe tomorrow I’ll get to beat Sarge into a coma.”

  140. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#136): That’s hilarious. Newspaper readers are so prudish that they can’t even discuss the mating behaviour of arachnids.

  141. Jeff
    February 23rd, 2014 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    At first I thought the money shown in Slylock Fox was an SOS. [$O$]

  142. TheDiva
    February 23rd, 2014 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#116): Turning Sweeney Todd loose on the Crankshaft cast would improve the strip immensely. Lena can take on the Mrs. Lovett role as revenge for all those cracks about her baking.

    MW: Speaking of horrifying chefs, here’s a stumper for you: is that gray lump on Mary’s table a) the roast beef, b) the mashed potatoes, or c) a mayonnaise souffle especially for Wilbur?

    Also, Iris’ last name is Beedie? Why was I not informed earlier?

  143. Aviatrix
    February 23rd, 2014 at 7:28 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#142): I came by to tell you, but you mistook me for Mary Worth and you hid, thinking I was bringing you a casserole or a dinner invitation.

  144. Uncle Lumpy
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#136):

    JP: The phrase “that’s the mating posture” appears in the Washington Post online but not in the dead tree edition.

    That’s because print media have given up on reproduction. From now on, there will be only one copy, and you’ll have to be in Washington to read it. Take that, Internet!

  145. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    SFx: How will Slylock return the money? “Any day now,” he chuckles, tucking it into his coat pocket as he walks away.

  146. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    C-Shaft: An old fart plays ill-advised headgames with his barber, seemingly oblivious to the prospect of getting his scalp slashed. Somehow this isn’t Crankshaft himself.

    MT: Mark Trail tells of the Ed Wang Dong Cave, thus milking the Chinese language for all the nervous titters it’s worth.

    MW: The final thought balloon, belonging to the reader, reads, “That looks like no roast beef I’ve ever tasted, or would want to.”

    S-M: Yes, I’m sure the National Guard has tanks that can be accessed and operated by a hoodlum who’s thought once or twice about going back for his GED.

    Broom Hilda: Obviously this isn’t the Antonio Banderas Zorro, or else he’d just stand there smirking when she shredded his boxers.

    Phantom: You know, I don’t think a woman who’s done hard time in Boomsby needs condescending praise from her kids.

    DtM: “I just wanted to thank you and Mr. Mitchell again for giving Dennis that BB gun.”

    GA: Those of you who said Gasoline Alley would be the first to do a rapping minister gag, collect your prize. Some may have made the lazy assumption it would be Herb & Jamaal. My own money was on Parson Tuttle from Snuffy Smith.

    JP: Turn up somewhere, wash up somewhere. What’s the difference?

    9CL: I wonder how Richard Nixon(‘s ghost) feels about his hometown being used for reverse psychology Burber foreplay.

  147. Peanut Gallery
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

  148. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:30 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#142):

    Also, Iris’ last name is Beedie? Why was I not informed earlier?

    Related to the football coach/wounded war veteran from Doonesbury? Ha! She wishes!

  149. Peanut Gallery
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:31 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#134): “Lily Loaf again?”

  150. Dr. Pill
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Mr O’Malley (#135): There’s also one of George R.R. Martin’s other projects, Wild Cards, where an alien virus released upon the world in 1947 created superheroes (Aces) and superlosers (Jokers) through mutations to DNA. The series stills continues today, with mutations now manifesting themselves generally (but not always) when the victim hits puberty.

    It was an attempt to bring a dose a reality (if such a thing is possible) to the superhero genre. Not just scientifically, but psychologically (i.e., if you were given a superpower, would you automatically use it to fight crime?).

  151. Baka Gaijin
    February 23rd, 2014 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    @Will (#121): You obviously haven’t been reading Mary Worth for long. Look on today’s dinner table: a fossilized Marmaduke turd as the main course.

    @Peanut Gallery (#147): Oh ha ha HA! Love it!

    For everyone wondering about the Deux ex Tank-ina in Spiderman: tanks have ignition switches, not keys. They are usually secured like a mountain bike from Sears: with a chain and lock, either on the steering “wheel” or through the entry hatch. Those ne’er do wells may be former military/reservists and have had training to operate the tank. They may be former military/reservists because they’re ne’er do wells.

  152. Droopy Says
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:36 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#151): And there was an incident in 1995 where a deranged reservist stole an M60 from a National Guard armory in San Diego (I referenced it yesterthread.) He didn’t need to shoot off a lock (is that really possible? I think Schlage had an ad where they showed one of their locks surviving a large-caliber bullet hit), and he didn’t enter a deserted armory. He entered an open area on a Friday evening; the area was open because some personnel were working late. The first two tanks refused to start. The third worked and had a full gas tank, but it didn’t have any ammunition. Of course fifty-odd tons of tank, doing thirty MPH, can be destructive all by itself. He was stopped when he drove into a ditch.

    This being Spiderdick, it’s certain that Iron Jonah will take hits both from the .50 machine gun on the turret and from the main gun, and emerge unscathed.

  153. Amos Snarkadder
    February 23rd, 2014 at 9:58 pm [Reply]

    Luann Umm… I really don’t get it.

    CS Huh. No Crankshaft. Then why don’t I have an empty feeling?

    MW Reviews of dinner at Mary Worth’s:
    “Oh, sounds good!”
    “Smells delicious!”
    “Looks like crap!”

    Grandma’s Quotes If Grandma Keane is so damned clever, then why hasn’t Mary Worth ever quoted her? Huh? Huh?

  154. Amos Snarkadder
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

    MW You’ll notice that there is no cutlery on Mary’s table. I’ve never thought of roast beef and mashed potatoes as “finger food,” but I guess when one of your dinner guests is an ex-prison convict, it’s best not to provide him a knife. Or a fork. Or even a spoon. And Wilbur doesn’t usually need any.

  155. Mr. O’Malley
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:22 pm [Reply]

    @Amos Snarkadder (#154): Right. Wilbur will make himself a mashed potato sandwich. And possibly a roast beef sandwich.

  156. SGT. STONED
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: Tommy has indeed changed. All that time spent in the prison shower…he’s gonna make Wilbur his bitch.

    RMMD: Doris, we’ve seen Buck’s waistline. You’re gonna need a bigger knife.

    MT: (with apologies to Zippy the Pinhead) spelology spelology spelology

  157. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:37 pm [Reply]

    @Congo Bill Bailey (#99): I think the Candorville Soul Corner is a nice touch.

  158. Amos Snarkadder
    February 23rd, 2014 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#155): But, please, no… not a Mary-Iris sandwich.

  159. Jason1981
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    SFx: A fifty dollar bill? With that big circle in the middle, it looks more like a zero dollar bill to me. I don’t blame Slylock for wanting to hit her with a snowball.That’ll teach her to waste his time like that.

    FC: “Grandma also says knowledge is power.”

    “Forget tickling..she must be burned at the stake.”

    Blondie: “Looking good, honey! Not as good as my titts or my legs ,though – because you’re a wierd-looking antenna-haired freak – but still..”

  160. Odie Odo
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#148):

    Or perhaps Iris is related to the eponymous character from Beedie Bailey.

  161. tallyHO
    February 23rd, 2014 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Poor Maxwell Mouse!
    Will he ever realize that the always-thinking Slylock Fox considered something insidious while holding that 50 dollar bill?

    Will he ever understand why Slylock shot him that look while rubbing his chin and twirling the currency in his other paw-hand?

    Did he realize that Slylock briefly considered owning up to why he dresses like a dapper, conservative pimp?

    Would he be comfortable that Slylock thought about pimping out his best friend, for such a small amount?

  162. Hank G.
    February 24th, 2014 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    Apt. 3-G: Lu Ann is a genius? You can’t parody that (of course, compared to someone who thinks it’s a good idea to transport a baby deer several hundred miles and then keep it in a NYC apartment, I guess she is a genius).

  163. Huckleberry Fink
    February 24th, 2014 at 12:15 am [Reply]

    Pluggers… keep it zipped and in their pants.

  164. Droopy Says
    February 24th, 2014 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Spiderman: How convenient that the masonry didn’t harm the tank’s main gun or that gun-shaped thing atop the turret. Plus, this being downtown Manhattan where a daring mid-day bank robbery has just been perpetrated, there are absolutely no police or other bystanders to witness this break-out, much less follow the two criminals as they break into the armory.

    Family Circus: In a unique display of intelligence, PJ stares at the milk carton and wishes he could see Dolly’s picture there.

    Fucky Wankerbean: Fat Failure Funky wants to get in shape so he can be a pallbearer at his son’s funeral. You can’t get much shallower than that.

    Mark Trail: And the turtle thinks “Not only do I look terrific, but I’m faster than this story!”

    Mark Trail: Tomorrow, we discover that what looks like the Elrod ball is actually one of Gamera’s eggs. Soon the egg will hatch and a new Gamera will return Pelican Island to her people!

    Phantom: “The minor treasure room! Where refreshments are served! Guran mixes a drink strong enough to make everyone forget this misadventure!”

    Pluggers: The rest of us do that before we leave the house.

  165. Huckleberry Fink
    February 24th, 2014 at 12:25 am [Reply]

    Piranha Club: Shipping oranges (or “orange juice”) to Florida would be like shipping potatoes to Idaho.

  166. Snarky Parker
    February 24th, 2014 at 12:30 am [Reply]

    @Huckleberry Fink (#165): Or carrying coal(s) to Newcastle.

  167. Baka Gaijin
    February 24th, 2014 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    @Snarky Parker (#166): Damn! I brought coals to Liverpool. No wonder no one knew what I was talking about.

  168. demoncat4
    February 24th, 2014 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    mw lets see what tonight brings mainly not only you all loving my cooking but tommy now accepting me as his ruler and god

  169. Poteet
    February 24th, 2014 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    MW: Everyone looks angry and unhappy except Mary, who is eagerly and happily absorbing the ambient human misery that she uses to increase her powers. If we could see her face better, we’d see that her pupils are glowing red.

  170. Droopy Says
    February 24th, 2014 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    9 Chinless Lane: “We have to take this seriously.” So Brooke has a sense of humor after all. Doesn’t he?

  171. Aviatrix
    February 24th, 2014 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    @Snarky Parker (#166): Or samovars to Samarkand.

  172. Cass
    February 24th, 2014 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Considering that “ravine” looks like it’s half-a-foot deep and could be crossed in two steps I assumed the answer would be ‘The water is frozen so Slylock could simply walk across without fear of plunging to his watery doom.’

  173. Elk Meadow
    February 24th, 2014 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    Monday’s MW: A discovery—Wilbur:Funky Winkerbean, Iris:Holly, Tommy:Corey.

    Look at that last panel. Wilbur’s going to send Tommy away for his own good.

  174. Poteet
    February 24th, 2014 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    9CL: I didn’t realize the second world war was so coy.

  175. Gladly, the cross-eyed bear
    February 24th, 2014 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    MW: Tommy is thinking – “Look at that fat fuck giving me the evil eye! That porker would squeal like a pig for sure in prison, where I was, being an ex-con and all! Once I connect with my guy and get right, I think I’ll pay that mayonnaise-smelling piece of crap a little visit!”

  176. Crankshafts funky smelling corpse
    February 24th, 2014 at 6:27 am [Reply]

    Monday’s Luann: Way to go, make not going to a prom look even more pathetic.

    Crankshaft: Yay! Heart attack!

  177. LP2004
    February 24th, 2014 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    RMMD: That’s the spirit, Doris! Go out in a blaze of glory! (Blaze of glory, hail of gunfire, po-tay-to, po-tah-to).

  178. Lael
    February 24th, 2014 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    @SF Meanwhile, Max is readying his snowman lover for a day at the ol’ office while he wanders around with an uptight fox, day dreaming about the return of his frigid love and said frigid love’s wooden hand chair.

  179. Little Guy
    February 24th, 2014 at 8:22 am [Reply]

    yPV: Hentai, in the Days of King Arthur.

    ASM: Tank kept locked up by a door which can be blasted open? Par for the course.

    yCandorville: Nice tribute.

    Curtis: You think…. maybe…..

    Naw. That would mean someone would live on Funky, and a Burber would be wrong, and admit it to a male.

  180. Morgan Wick
    February 27th, 2014 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    Momma has finally decided to just stop trying and become a webcomic, complete with Comic Sans dialog balloons.

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