Archive: Slylock Fox

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 7/14/19

We’ve seen some evidence in the past that one of the few jobs that humans are still allowed to have under the Glorious Animal Regime is clown. Presumably this is because the newly ascendent animals find us funny, both because of our gangly physique and because of the general comical pathos that accrues to the once mighty brought low. At any rate, is it any wonder that we steal now? Steal from the animals, literal animals, who hold us in contempt, who keep us around only to laugh at us, and who, it’s very clear from the background details in this panel, have no idea how to run a circus? This clown may be a criminal in the eyes of Slylock, but he’s a true hero to me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/14/19

Rex Morgan has traditionally been about providing medical information that folks at home could really use in their own lives, like “there’s a really specific disease that’ll make you barf up your food every time you try to eat it,” for instance. Anyway, this current storyline seems to be about how you should not let your elderly family members listen to podcasts? Honestly, I agree with this. Better safe than sorry!

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Hi and Lois, 7/1/19

Oh, man, take that, corporate fast food chains. Real America, as represented by the Flagstons, our most iconic artistic depiction of the suburban middle class, is sick of your bullshit. Burger King? More like Burger PEASANT. McDonald’s? More like McGARBAGE. Don’t even get them started on “fast casual quick service restaurants” or whatever people are expected call Chipotle and the various “Chipotle but for non-burrito foods” places. From now on, the only good kind of fast food is hot dogs sold at shockingly low prices served out of wooden carts that are grandfathered out of health department oversight. They will not come with any packaging, or any napkins.

Mary Worth, 7/1/19

FINALLY, our long national Estelle-Arther-Wilbur nightmare is over and we’re moving on to a … Dawn plot? Um. I’m not quite sure this is what we’ve been begging for, but since she makes it clear she’s not taking classes this summer, that means she’s got lots of free time that could in theory lead to wacky hijinks. Today we get a glimpse into how Dawn has matured over the years: despite the high-end education she’s getting at UC Santa Royale, which includes very personalized attention from the faculty, she’s polite enough to just smell Mary’s roses and not condescendingly explain what a metaphor is.

Slylock Fox, 7/1/19

Slylock is doing some basic math to prove that Wanda’s average speed since leaving the diner is higher than the posted speed at one specific point along her route, which, if you think about it, doesn’t add up to anything that would hold water in court, at all, but I think it’s even more important to point out that Wanda is an actual witch with the power of flight and maybe the car just flew most of the way there, you know? Speed limits only apply to the ground! What are you, in charge of sky law now, Slylock? You’re not, you hear me? You’re not in charge of sky law!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/23/19

I know we all complain about how generally dull Rex Morgan has been since Woody Wilson retired as writer, but have we considered that maybe this is all at Rex’s request? Like, you try dealing with stripper subletters and MRSA epidemics and funeral brawls and helping your nanny defraud her stepson out of his inheritance, twice. You’d probably want a few years of low-stakes medical practice too! But hopefully for our sakes things are going to pick back up with a case of poisoning, or at least maybe factitious disorder, and a patient capable of producing a pissyface worth of Rex himself.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/23/19

Ha ha, check out the answer to this “mystery”: Slylock knows that no Great White shark could survive in a cage for three days, but he and Max still swam away, because they “didn’t want to take chances.” What’s the matter, Slylock? Not willing to stake your life on your endless supply of nature facts? Do you lack the courage of your convictions? I guess Weirdly is safe in his undersea hideout, with his probably but not definitely fake shark, to plot against us!

Pluggers, 6/23/19

I guess if you had asked me “Hey Josh, you wanna see a dead plugger,” I would’ve said “Sure, absolutely,” but it turns out that stumbling across the actual depiction of a plugger corpse in the funny pages actually unnerved and upset me. Sorry, everyone! I don’t want to see the dead body of some folksy animal-human hybrid abomination given the trappings of a decent funeral! Keep this business out of the paper, in my opinion!

Funky Winkerbean, 6/23/19

I’m no Ken Burns, but I would definitely start my Butter Brinkel research into finding out how Brinkel managed to make a career out of blatantly ripping off Buster Keaton.

Panel from Dennis the Menace, 6/23/19

The actual punchline was about video games or something, but I firmly believe that the absolute funniest image the comics will have to offer for 2019 will be a furious Mr. Wilson, having just been alerted by some article in the paper to the existence of people born after 1982, barking “Martha! You ever heard of these millennials?” at his wife while she brings him the cocktail that will hopefully spur his typical three-hour afternoon nap, when she can finally get some peace and quiet.