Archive: Slylock Fox

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Slylock Fox, 1/13/20

As everyone knows, my favorite kind of Slylock Fox is not the kind where he uses (useless) FACTS and (dubious) LOGIC to DESTROY CRIME or whatever, but rather the ones where we get a glimpse of what the strange, terrifying moment of Transition must’ve been like, when the animals suddenly became sapient and human civilization was wiped away in a wave of chaos. Clearly, humanity lost: the only humans we ever see in the world of the strip are Slick Smitty and Count Weirdly, who live on the fringes of the new animal society built on our ruins. But in those first (or last, depending on your point of view) few chaotic days and weeks, things must’ve gotten pretty crazy, and I absolutely believe that some desperate humans eventually resorted to just ramming their cars into the newly aware but still confused animals that were wandering through the cities, still not entirely sure what they were looking at or dealing with. This scene must have been towards the end of the carnage, as the giraffe is being tended in what looks like a human-built hospital; if the H. sapiens behind the wheel survived the crash, they were presumably thrown into a cage at an abandoned veterinary clinic by a jeering hippo or something.

Mary Worth, 1/13/20

Guys! Did you know that January is Thyroid Awareness Month? Are you more aware of disorders that affect the thyroid, such as Hashimoto’s, thanks to the syndicated comic strip Mary Worth? Looks like the PR firm repping the American Association of Clinical Endocrinologists finally got tired of banging its head against a wall with Rex Morgan, M.D., and sent this year’s press release over to the Mary Worth team instead.

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Mark Trail, 1/6/20

Hey, Mark, I just want to point out that you’re on an expedition through the Nepalese foothills of the Himalayas, something that most people would consider the trip of a lifetime, and not only are all your expenses being taken care of but you’re earning your salary by being there. And all you have to do in return is write an article about it; if you actually do find a yeti, it will be the story of the century, of course, and if you don’t, well, there are all sorts of angles you can take about your weird trip with an obsessive, larger-than-life personality that will both entertain readers and allow you to work out any feelings you have about Dr. Camel. My point is, maybe you don’t have to act like such a giant pissy baby at all times? Just a thought.

Slylock Fox, 1/6/20

I really feel sorry for the kids in this strip, not just because they have arrived with big, eager smiles at Career Day to learn about some potential job possibilities only to be fed a bunch of patented Slylock useless-fun-fact bullshit, but also in a larger sense because the Animal Kingdom that they inhabit seems to have an entirely pedantry-based economy, and their post-graduation career prospects are extremely gloomy, as the entire society is probably already overdue for a collapse.

Pluggers, 1/6/20

These are this plugger’s last words because he had a massive coronary later that afternoon. “Famous” is probably a strong word, but when his wife and their friend finally connected and heard about the last phone call he took, they had a good chuckle about it, anyway.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 11/17/19

I definitely could see a bunch of ways that a dog could break a tooth while robbing a bank (though to be frank almost all of them involve him biting someone), but I think there might be more to it here. Dirty Dog is, for those of you who don’t want to flip your screen upside down, in disguise as an anteater, a toothless species that would have no reason to go to the dentist. You’d think that “in disguise” would mean that he just has a fursuit on, but that bandage far down his “snout” indicates a genuine injury where there shouldn’t be one. Presumably he’s spent most of the day undergoing the horrific surgery necessary to transform his appearance from one species to another. It’s honestly a wonder that the toothache is his only problem.

Curtis, 11/17/19

Ha ha, oops, Curtis accidentally texted Michelle referring to her “yellow teeth,” making her angry! He had intended to refer to her “stellar teeth,” and how the food he was going to buy her would give her a chance to “show [them] off,” just a totally normal and non-creepy thing that any girl would be excited to read in a text from a boy. “Girl, I want everyone to know how well you can chew, don’t hide your light — specifically, the light glinting off your teeth — under a bushel!” That’s some extremely effective flirting that will get you far with the ladies.