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Margo Magee: Genesis

Apartment 3-G, 2/26/09

While this week’s Apartment 3-G has been mostly a nonstop stream of exposition, it has me almost embarrassingly excited. A few years back, a faithful reader who had been following the Apartment 3-G girls much longer than I had filled me in on Margo’s origin story: her mother Gabriella was a young immigrant maid who got knocked up during an affair with her rich boss, and gave the baby up to said boss and his horrified wife to raise as their own; when Margo found out (as an adult), she cut off contact with her father and his wife and started building a relationship with Gabriella (who may or may not have been the family maid growing up — I hope we find out). I love this story because its details — the icy mother who harbored a grudge against little Margo nobody could explain; the father who insisted on bending others to his plans but exercised no control over his own appetites; the girl raised in wealth who now must navigate a world without it — explains so much about Margo’s personality, and I’m glad to see it actually confirmed in in-strip dialogue. Even more exciting is the prospect of Margo’s father actually appearing in the strip. No doubt he’ll look exactly like Eric, which in other contexts would be FULL OF SYMBOLISM but in Apartment 3-G will just indicate that he is male and not related to Lu Ann.

Luann, 2/26/09

Things it’s fun to imagine TJ doing while masturbating: shouting “Whoa! Luann’s nailin’ it! 98%!!”

Things it’s disturbing to imagine TJ doing while masturbating: shouting “Whoa! Luann’s nailin’ it! 98%!!” while making that horrifying face.

Oh, and hey, remember how I said that I am egocentric enough to mention your comic if you mention me by name in it? Well, check out the installment from a few days ago from Rabbits Against Magic!

Rabbits Against Magic, 2/24/09

Sorry that I’m, uh, a little late.

151 responses to “Margo Magee: Genesis

  1. Natalie
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    By the way, Josh, a huge sarcastic “Thank You” is in order. I started reading your blog a few months ago, and now I ENJOY 3G WITH ABSOLUTELY NO IRONY.

  2. Josh
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, well, welcome to my world, Natalie.


  3. Sunny Paris
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:32 pm [Reply]

    Josh, I hope you have some feline in you, because at this rate you are going to use up all of your nine lives. How many comics have killed you so far? I’ve only been reading for a few months, and I know of at least two…

  4. Uncle Lumpy
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    The comics are slow to anger, but implacable in their vengeance. Now face their wrath!

  5. Niall
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    98% on medium? Or had he already changed to Easy? In any case, I want to know her max combo. That is where the points are. That and knowing how to proprely tick and squeeze. (Now use those terms in masturbatory fodder, I dare you.)

    Also, the whole week was a setup for the name finally dropped as a horrid pun.

  6. markytom
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    DT: ” . . . she never saw me.” Dick replies with 1) “I feel partly responsible.” or 2) “ha ha, good one.”

  7. Malethoth K
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    The one thing I will say in Luann‘s favor is that recently, they seem to have been fairly accurate about how adults deal with Guitar Hero or Rock Band, in the sense that they overestimate how well their skills with actual guitar carry over. And they got the difficulty levels correct. And I think the instruments are drawn more or less to scale, and I think that he even got the Guitar Hero: World Tour kit fairly accurate. Of course, it’s not very funny, and of course South Park did it a bit better. Still, it’s nice to see a representation of video games (and Guitar Hero/Rock Band specifically, even) that’s actually fairly true to how things could go down in real life.

    Herb & Jamaal has embraced feminism, apparently. Its foray into Edison Lee‘s territory (unbearably snide, slightly nonsensical social commentary) will presumably go punished. Also, that girl (whom I’d pegged at fifteen or so) is doing second-grade-level math problems. That are pretty poorly-worded, actually–a more typical phrasing might be “how much does she make in a month?” (Then she’d also have to do some multiplication to get the answer, not just divide by two.)

    Edison Lee, meanwhile, is so condescending that I am barely able to avoid vomiting in disgust.

  8. Uncle Lumpy
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    “And where would you be now — the daughter of a housemaid?

    Well, uh, exactly where is she now? Barely in control of a ragtag party planning outfit, part-time incompetent gallery manager, full-time gold-digger, and hysterical emotional bully to her roommates? Yeah, thank God she grew up with all those advantages!

  9. seismic-2
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    If Margo had been raised as the daughter of a housemaid, maybe she wouldn’t need Tommie to clean the damn apartment for her.

  10. Carly
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

    Too bad the comic makes no damn sense, though. We all know you’re great, but what is this artist suggesting? You’re clearly superior to his/her comic characters and thus are showing good taste by not showing up? I’m confused. The facial expressions and gestures are baffling, too. The white rabbit appears to be…what…plugging its ears in the third panel? Throwing its hands in the air? Cleaning out earwax?

  11. DownwithOPP
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    Maybe I don’t like comics as much as some of the folks on this site, but I don’t really want to imagine TJ doing anything while I’m masturbating.

  12. Comrade Denny
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Re: Luann … great send up, Josh. Keep shreddin’ it, dude.

    JP: “So, April, you know five languages, right? How’d you like to come upstairs and have a look at my latest translations of Sappho?”

    MW: After seeing the motion-lines around Ted’s head, it’s clear that Adrian is abusing Ted, digging her razor sharp nails into his cheek and chin. Look at how he painfully screams “ADRIAN!” what she “caresses” him, and note the patronizing way she says, “Oh, it’s all right…” as if to say, “It’s all right, Ted. I’m a doctor and those wounds are only superficial. Besides, the police would laugh you right out of the station. Now are you sure you want to elope? Don’t you really want a nice, big expensive wedding, with me, your personal goddess whom your worship, at the center of it all? Yeah – I thought you’d see it my way.”

    RxMD: Is it just me, or is Sarah looking more like Number 25 with each passing day? This certainly would explain her precociousness …

    Ziggy: Something tells me that Verizon took one look at Ziggy’s consumer profile and just new they could sell the guy on the dollar per letter plan. Even so, I don’t see how they can make a profit off the friendless sad-sack.

  13. Occipital Lobe
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    Funky Cancerbean – appears to have metastasized into Mark Trail. I’m afraid the outlook is terminal …

    Curtis – I don’t know where to begin with this one. Curtis’ parents are mad at him, and yet because he’s out and about, he no longer appears to be grounded …? And as for Gunk’s question “Why didn’t you just tell them the truth?” (even though Gunk was standing right next to Curtis in the messy kitchen yesterday), I have a question for Gunk: Why didn’t YOU tell the folks the truth about YOUR PSYCHOTIC PET, YOU PARASITIC WEED???

    (whew … I feel better now.)

  14. Occipital Lobe
    February 26th, 2009 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Why, oh why did I type “Mark Trail”? I clearly meant “metastasized into Gil Thorp.” (Actually, I just like to type the word “metastasized”. Metastasized, metastasized, metastasized …)

  15. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]


    Things it’s disturbing to imagine TJ doing while masturbating

    I’m going to go ahead and say anything and everything!

    RAM: So Josh, you don’t happen to go by the alias of “Godot”, do you?

  16. jambo
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

    I thought they were playing Guitar Hero. Why is there a drum set? Wouldn’t that be Rock Band?

  17. Amateur
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Josh — you’re dead? Wow, this site just took a very freaky turn . . .

  18. Poteet
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

    Luann — I suppose I shouldn’t hate TJ as much as I do, because his constant rictus is cosmic punishment enough. My mouth muscles would hurt a lot if I tried to maintain that huge frozen grin, and the cold breezes constantly blowing against my molars would also be painful.

  19. Dragon of Life
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Hey Luann — Zits called, it wants its schtick back. Return to your boatloads of unresolved sexual ten… sion… um.

    Zits, can we talk time-share, maybe?

  20. glishara
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    So, I was all ready to argue with your A3G comment and say, “Hey, Gary doesn’t look just like Eric!” Then I realized that you’d specified male.

  21. Poteet
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    I hope Margo’s father will show up in a red neckerchief.

  22. Carly
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    jambo @ 16- if I’m not mistaken, Guitar Hero World Tour has the full band. Wasn’t that the game that had the lolarious athlete endorsement where they were all playing in matching underthings?

  23. Captain Insano
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    I believe that in the final frame of today’s Luann, Dad is talking about video games, not playing guitar.

    I also believe that he’s talking about sexual intercourse.

  24. Sequitur
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    I NEVER want to imagine TJ masturbating.

    So Josh, how’s the dead thing going?

    bats :[ – can you do anything with that rabbit strip?

  25. Teasipper Academy
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    Re 16 + 22: The double cymbal set-up on the drums means that it IS Guitar Hero World Tour, or at least the drum set from Guitar Hero World Tour. And if my experience is anything to go by, dad won’t have to worry about Guitar mockery soon, as the guitars will all break after about a month’s use.

  26. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I just hope they don’t retcon Margo’s origin with this arc, and we find out she’s no longer the sole survivor of the doomed planet Krypton.

  27. Calico
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    Well, Shit, Margo Magee, Turn it on Again, dammit!
    I have faith in you.

  28. Patrick
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    I prefer to think of “The Daughter of a Housemaid” as Gabriella’s new go-to name for Margo.

    When she calls, she’ll ask Tommie, “Is The Daughter of a Housemaid in?”

    She’ll address letters, “Daughter of a Housemaid McGee, Apt. 3G.”

    When she’s feeling generous, she’ll shorten it to, “Mule.”

  29. AeroSquid
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    I dunno Josh. Sounds like a death threat veiled in comic stylings.

  30. Poteet
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    RIP, Josh. On the bright side, you’ll never have to read MARVIN again.

  31. Matmaduke
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Is that rabbit comic supposed to be a “Waiting for Godot” type thing? If so, then that rabbit thing obviously worships you as some sort of God figure in his imaginative world. Ergo, you are a rabbit.

  32. Niall
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:53 pm [Reply]

    7. Maletoth K: I agree, the visual representation and the actual actions, especially of actual musicians, playing Guitar Hero/Rock Band guitars is accurate. The words used, however, are the usual far-removed-from-human-vocalisations we’ve expected from Luann. And TJ’s rictus is only at home in hell.

    16. jambo: Actually, the guitars are for Guitar Hero: World Tour, which has a full band set (mic, bass and drums).

    22. carly: I haven’t followed much of GH:WT as I haven’t bought it, but if that’s true, it’d be one more reason for me not to buy it. (Main reason: not worth it on PS2.)

    Looking more at the dad’s reply (I didn’t go beyond the pun on my first read), I have this to say: You were a musician? Rest comfortably, they’re NOT playing real music, you’re still better. Also, learn to use the controller starting at easy, give yourself a couple of hours, and in a month’s time, you may well surpass the kids since you have already trained fingers to HOPO and slide up and down. The skills are there, they just need to be adjusted in how to use them.

  33. Best of Fates
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    So it only took thirty seconds staring at the last panel of Luanne before I turned “my old rocker” into a sexual commentary…make of that what you will.

  34. Sequitur
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    Josh is Protector of the rabbits. Avenger of the Fudd.

  35. Gyro Captain
    February 26th, 2009 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

    Just remember, unless in the grip of soul-crushing depression, TJ is always grinning. I’m pretty sure he grins while asleep. Obviously, the fact that he’s grinning with his eyes closed means it’s impossible to tell if he’s wanking, but this also applies to awake, asleep, full of murderous rage, or anything. He’s like that Far Side cartoon with the Irish Setter, only a hell of a lot creepier. Is he an elder god of sinister grins, whose visage makes men mad to gaze on the contours of?
    Which would, of course, explain why the thought of him wanking is terrifying.

  36. Daveh
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:02 pm [Reply]

    Poteet: With Josh poking fun at Family Circus for so long, surely he will go to hell. Hell, where Marvin is shown constantly for the torment of the lost souls (along with Family Circus and Pluggers)

  37. Eric
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    Is this “Re-Introduce Every Single Minor Character Week” in Get Fuzzy?

  38. lesles
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    A3G: i don’t know. that whole family set up is close enough to stuff from heroes to give me hope that we’ll still find out margo is some kind of experiment that escaped control.

    Luann: last year, during uni orientation week, our stall was directly opposite the games club stall. i spent two days forced to endure guitar hero played continually, at full volume, by people with no concept of personal space, musical taste, dignity, or the most rudimentary of social conventions.

    that is to say, i developed a passionate hatred of guitar hero, and i am well happy seeing it subjected to the degredation of being forced to play a major part in a Luann storyline. i feel somewhat avenged.

  39. Chyron HR
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane – Listen up, Edda, I’m putting that ring on your finger. I’d prefer if it was still attached to your hand, but that’s your call.

    Luann – Listen up, you young punks, I’ll have you know us old-timers completely and utterly “pine” the Jukebox Hero game. I can score 110% on Starship Trooper!

    Popeye – Lisken up, you ugly real Swee’pea! I seen C-beams gliterink in the dark near th’ Tanhoiserk Gate!

    Judge Parker – Listen up, April, the way to Randy’s heart is through his mother. Face first.

    Edison Lee – Listen up, Handblock, if you know people who are too sick to eat, you might want to look closer to home for the cause.

    Gasoline Alley – Listen up, Slim. I know you need extra work, but the position of “Monopoly Man” is already filled.

    Gil Thorp – Listen up, rich boy. What part of “Steve’s milkshakes bring the boys to the bucket” did you not understand?

    Pluggers – Listen up, Morgan Boutilier (age 12), shouldn’t you be submitting pictures of manga death robots to Slylock Fox? Or Tokyopop?

  40. Violet
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    It seems to me that when an affianced party says of their upcoming wedding, “I’m only going to do this once,” it’s generally intended as a loving affirmation of commitment, but somehow Adrian Corey makes it sound like a parental threat. I would half expect her to follow it up with “Do you want me to turn this restaurant around?” but I don’t really believe Mary Worth would ever permit the dialogue to correspond so closely with the artwork.

  41. ignatz
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    Lil Abner reruns: At this point, Fearless Fosdick looks more like Dick Tracy than Dick Tracy. Somebody make Dick Locher stop.

  42. Winky's Spleen
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

    Eric #37 – The LA Times says this week’s Get Fuzzy is reruns, and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen these before (although veterans of this site will know many cartoonists are ardent recyclers). In any case, they are a lot of one-note characters who get old fast. And why didn’t Rob seem to find it odd that his apartment was overrun with strange cats???

  43. Bootsy
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you are one sick mofo! Let me state it clearly: I don’t want to imagine TJ while I’m masturbating! Under any circumstances. Got it?

    Now, put on some pants, leave the house, go for a walk. Something.

  44. Charlene
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    TJ would think about Luann while masturbating? Please.

  45. Lettuce
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:40 pm [Reply]

    FC: What’s worse? That Billy is being ordered to clean up after his Dirty Sanchez, or that he looks so sad about it? Because I want to whichever is worse to have happened.

    Phantom: Three things I’m wondering: a) Why is the Captain wearing a tightly-fitted chef’s coat? b) why is Indiana Jones wearing those little ping-pong sunglasses they give you when you go in tanning beds? c)Why is Captain Chef so confused by Indiana Sunburn’s offer of money? Does she not understand what money is? I suppose in this time of recession, any offer of payment is met with incredulity, but we’re talking about a storyline involving Crocco Island so anything is possible.

    Pluggers: If today’s Pluggers was written by a 12-year-old, does that create some kind of Plugger Paradox? Because to be a Pluggers are old, and use their crippling poverty as a smug better-than-thou cudgel with which to beat those uppity liberal Philadelphia Lawyer types what with their fancy suits and washamachines. Also, since many pro-environmental groups are actively pushing folks to air-dry laundry, does that make Pluggers complicit in uppity liberal groupthink? I expect the balance to be righted soon, with a comic in which an elderly Plugger is suffering hypothermia in his own home, looking at a calendar, with the tagline: “Pluggers can’t wait for global warming.” Ironically, the Plugger will be a bear.

    Spiderman: Aunt May’s increasingly broad jaw, squinty eyes and what appears to be a stringy 90′s grunge-era soul patch make her look like the singer in Guitar Hero. Dressed as a passed out old woman. Which is AWESOME!!!!

  46. Idols of Mud
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I hope Mr. DeGroot fetches his guitar from the attic and shames his children with a demonstration of playing a real instrument. Or uses it to bludgeon the botox out of TJ.

  47. Lettuce
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail: “Hi Mark. This is Patty. You know my deer, who was shot. Bucky. Right. Well, get this: his antlers? Stuck to another deer. I KNOW! They’re just stuck together! And they’re also doing each other’s tarot cards. Gay right? Anyway, I’m wondering if you’ve got any good ideas for separating them without getting gored. Uh huh… uh huh… I’ll check. The three of cups. Yeah, it’s on top. Okay I’ll tell him. (to Bucky) Mark says you’re going to fall in love! (to Mark) Bucky’s excited. I can tell. Also, his wound is infected.

    Meanwhile: Patty! I finished my meeting early! Hey… where are my tarot cards!!!

  48. trey le parc
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    FW: Just when you thought a strip couldn’t get lamer…well, that’s all I got.

    Luann: Just when you thought a strip couldn’t get lamer…hey, here’s TJ again!

    JP: Just when you thought a strip couldn’t get any lamer…wait, I love this strip.

    RMMD: Who cares?

  49. LightningDuke
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    Cathy – I wonder what sort of carnage Irving’s idea of getting all the pictures printed will wreak upon the poor photo staff that will be exposed to the image of Cathy’s naked body. Oh, what a wonderful thought, to think about all that billowing, pale, doughy flesh in what must be multiple pictures, since Cathy would be undoubtedly posing awkwardly for herself, trying to make herself less elephantesque in the mirror. Suicide, self-induced blinding mutilations, coronaries, incurable criminal insanity… oh what a pretty picture indeed to come from that memory stick.

    Crock – So Grossie’s husband is a plugger?

    Dilbert – AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’d laugh more if my company wasn’t undergoing layoffs right now! Timing over taste is always appreciated, no?

  50. Alan's Addiction
    February 26th, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Wait – Margo was a forsaken child? That really does explain so very much about her; the rage, the ego, the selfishness, the rage, the sadism, the cynisism, the sense of self-entitlement, the rage…
    On a completely unrelated note, it’s worth wondering if Margo’s mother realized the monstrosity she’d unleashed upon the Earth and her abandoning Margo was an attempt to put some distance between herself and her offspring.

  51. Niall
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    38. lesles: on behalf of other video gamers, I feel your pain – the smaller percentage who are extremely exciteable and overly enthusiastic tend to not be fun to be around, because they don’t realise the damage they cause to their own cause.

    And I bet you had to endure One and Through the Fire And Flame every third song.

    46. Idols of mud: both. At the same time. Please.

  52. Niall
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    Oh, for an actually funny take on “adults don’t know how to speak to teenagers”, it’s some adults have no concept of talking to teenagers. Though he means well. It’s panel 2 that really makes it. :)

  53. Little Guy
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:12 pm [Reply]

    The role of Josh is now being played by Terry O’Quinn.

    Brooke MceEdowney is now being played by Matthew Fox.

    Tom Batiuk by Michael Emerson.

    Ed Power as Josh Holloway.

    Alan Dale as Lynn Johnston.

    And bats:[ by Elizabeth Mitchell.

  54. Cranky
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    “Daughter of a housemaid? Well, at least I wouldn’t have had to share a small New York apartment with two roommates for the last 48 years.”

    Wow. In looking that up I realized: A-3G-50th. Coming May 2010. “You’ll believe a bitch can fly.”

  55. Dr. Robotnik
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    Margo Magee: Genesis

    So if Margo’s mother left first, does that make her Peter Gabriel? If so then Margo’s father is… Steve Hackett! The mind boggles.

    But wait, if there were only three of them to begin with then that makes her mother Phil Collins and her father… No that doesn’t make sense. Unless, Tommie is really Chester Thompson!

    Yes, it’s all coming together now.

    Good thing Josh didn’t call it:
    Margo Magee: Rush

    Because then it would be really confusing. Not to mention Canadian. *shudder*

  56. Uncle Lumpy
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    Free Bird!

  57. gnome de blog
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    As somebody said on the Gibson guitar blog:

    Guitar Hero = guy magnet
    Guitar = chick magnet

  58. Stroker Ace
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    FC ~ Criminy, I’m going to hell via Joshreads: “Yes, Billy. Wash your hands AND your face after playing in Thel’s urn.”

  59. markytom
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    MW: Maybe the restaurant scene is all just a Mary Worth dream. The background won’t stay still. The window with the green curtain keeps moving around and changing sizes. Sometimes there’s people sitting behind the Worth table, then they disappear. Sometimes the green curtains disappear. Jeff and Ted changed places for some reason earlier on. When Mary wakes up a la Dallas we’ll all be disappointed.

  60. seismic-2
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    9CL: In Belgium, do the marriage vows include the phrase “forsaking all other ambitions, do promise to become accompanist for as long as we both shall tour”? Just checking.

    Luann: I used to think that TJ’s Mr. Sardonicus grin was just lockjaw, but in light of how dreary the plot in this strip is, I’ve decided that it’s rigor mortis. Can’t he cover it up? I think he would make a great Masky McDeath.

    Crank: The comic strip that really blows.

    GA: I assume that by now, someone somewhere has taken panel 2 and used it to generate a Slim Skinner hip-hop video. If so, please post it somewhere else.

    MW: “You don’t know the half of it! Ted wanted to elope!” These globe-trotting Nation’s Geography writers – who else would find a honeymoon destination like Noextradition, Brazil? But I want a proper wedding, so I got a refund on that one-way ticket he had bought for me.

    I really agree with all the folks who are posting that Adrian needs to do something about her hair. The length is OK, but she really needs to put some curl to get that Brideshead Revisited Julia Flyte – Rex Mottram thing done right.

  61. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    Y226 – Lettuce — I wrote pretty much the same thing to The Red Tape Chronicles on … , but yours was much funnier and snark worthy. Thank you.

  62. Pakash
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:48 pm [Reply]

    #39 Chyron HR: “Listen up, Edda, I’m putting that ring on your finger. I’d prefer if it was still attached to your hand, but that’s your call.”

    As Tom Lehrer sang:

    I hold your hand in mine, dear,
    I press it to my lips.
    I take a healthy bite
    From your dainty fingertips.

    My joy would be complete, dear,
    If you were only here,
    But still I keep your hand
    As a precious souvenir.

    The night you died I cut it off.
    I really don’t know why.
    For now each time I kiss it
    I get bloodstains on my tie.

    I’m sorry now I killed you,
    For our love was something fine,
    And till they come to get me
    I shall hold your hand in mine.

  63. Malethoth K
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    16 jambo – Until recently, you’d be correct. However, Guitar Hero: World Tour includes a drumkit controller, and the comic has actually drawn one that looks closer to the Guitar Hero one than the Rock Band set.

  64. tb4000
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    TJ seems like he’d be one of those angry masturbators. You know, just sexually frustrated.

  65. Dingo
    February 26th, 2009 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    tb4000: angry masturbation, happy masturbation, suicidal masturbation, contemplative masturbation, Mary Worth in a deck chair wearing capri pants masturbation… it’s still all masturbation and the best six minutes of my day!

  66. Esther Blodgett
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    #64 tb4000: How can one angrily masturbate? That’s like sadly eating chocolate chip cookies. Or objectively watching Fox News. Or intelligently reading Pluggers.

  67. Esther Blodgett
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    #65 Dingo: Oooh, I like yours, too!

  68. Esther Blodgett
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

    Er, your comment. I like your comment, too.

  69. lesles
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

    #59 markytom – except that’s all pretty par for the course in santa royale’s eateries. dinner scenes in Mary Worth always remind me of bad acid trips – the really bland, interminable, strungout ones that make you want to stick a fork in yourself to try and change the experience. the tab’s not strong enough to give you something freakily interesting to try and deal with, but too strong to let you just mellow yourself out of it.

    #38 Niall – i know. why couldn’t they be well behaved gamers like my brother and just stay in their appartments with their dedicated rigs playing genteel mmog splatterfests? actually, they really just gave me a concrete excuse to dislike guitar hero, which i’d previously only been able to do on a purely curmudgeonly basis. it’s entirely too exuberant and lacking in trusty strategy or joystick elements for me. i am likewise suspicious of dance games and all things wii.

  70. lesles
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    oops. Niall at #51, i mean

  71. lesles
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    all you people talking about this “masturbation”, i’m a bit confused. do you actually mean #*@$*%? or have i totally got hold of the wrong end of the stick?

  72. ladadog
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    Oh, Adrian, you are an idiot. At first I felt sorry for you, what with your involvement with a gigolo and all. Now, I find your brainlessness criminal. How did you ever get into medical school? Someone should warn your patients that you are dumber than a box of hair. And, speaking of hair, I thought Prince Valient had dibs on that particular style.

  73. Donald The Anarchist
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    #26 Krypton? I always figured it was Charn, the same world as the White Witch in The Chronicles of Narnia. It explains why Aslan never shows his face in our world – he’s afraid of Margo.

    Luann If he’s masturbating, there must be a hole in that fake guitar… possibly designed for the purpose?

    RAM So Josh, are you usually late when you’re scheduled to pick up an eightball? ‘Cause most dealers don’t like it when you’re late.

  74. PeteMoss
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    lesles @ 71

    My momma told me not to #*@$*% or I would go blind and my face would freeze up just like TJ’s. But the only real side effect involves having to shave the palms of my hands daily.

  75. papa zita
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Luann: Here’s the old curmudgeon coming out in me – what the hell use is Guitar Hero when you can actually get a real guitar? I realize that you’re missing the excitement of playing a freaking video game (sarcasm intended), but apart from that, why wouldn’t you want to learn? Is it just too hard when you’re young to pick up an instrument and learn it? For crying out loud, I picked up three different instruments and music theory as well. It didn’t interfere with my life at all. In fact, I’m practically the only part-time musician I know who can read/write music. Nowadays, it’s bad enough to have putative musicians using Reason to mask all their screwups, but stuff like Guitar Hero just doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s like having a gymnastics video game where you never have to leave the couch to stick the landing.

  76. Malethoth K
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    75 – Because believe it or not, it’s actually much harder and more expensive to pick up a guitar and amp and learn to use them than it is to play Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero for one person runs about 90 bucks, less used, and it takes maybe a couple weeks to get good at it. The real guitar is orders of magnitude harder, as lots of actual guitar players point out. But that’s really the point.

    Plus, in Guitar Hero, you’re guaranteed to be a virtual rock star, whereas in reality the odds of you ever achieving even a one-hit wonder are ludicrously slim.

  77. Poteet
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I can well believe that Edda is going to hurt Amos. Just watching her for the past few months has been extremely painful for some of us.

  78. PeteMoss
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    I’m holding out for the Guitar Hero – Spinal Tap Edition!

    Sex Farm Woman!
    Pokin’ yo hay!

    sorry, can’t make a little or whatever its called.

  79. Hank Kimble
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Now I know who TJ reminds me of. . .Hee Bee and Gee Bee of “Milton the Monster!”

  80. Poteet
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    So that’s what Guitar Hero is. Once again CC has provided unexpected information.

  81. PeteMoss
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    I play guitar and bass guitar and I tried playing Guitar Hero and perform part-time, like papa zita at 75. For me, there really was no relationship between the game and playing an instrument. Guitar Hero just seems like a highly-evolved, rock n’ roll version of the old electronic game Simon where you follow the blinking lights. Predictably, I did about as well as Mr. Degroot, even at the easy setting. All that being said, I can definitely see the attraction to the game and I don’t really mean to put it down. Best of all, it didn’t make me motion-sick like so many video games do, especially the first-person interactive types.

    Still, I agree with those who’ve pointed out GH has lost a hell of a lot of cool-points by being championed by characters in Luann, especially Brad and TJ!

  82. PeteMoss
    February 26th, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    me @ 81
    really should preview!!
    I play guitar and bass guitar and perform part-time. I tried playing Guitar Hero…

  83. Jamus The Bartender
    February 26th, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Okay. Well. It’s my own fault, really. Usually I snark on the daily strips and THEN read everyone else’s in order to form my own opinions of the work. But not today. And, as a result of this, I now have visions of TJ. On stage. Jerking off with a penis-shaped guitar. Thanks, everyone, very much.
    Dammit to hell !!
    Okay, let’s see what we can do here..
    9CL: Okay. Is there a reason Edda couldn’t STAY a dancer and be married to Amos? Oh, wait, yeah, she might become “enciente” , as the Spanish say. They’re called condoms, Amos, AND, it’s called a vasectomy. Please, please, look into both.
    Archie: Okay, now, see, this is much better. Archie and Betty are gonna do some painting, and Betty’s not wearing any pants. THAT is very cool.
    FOOB: Ew. Yeah, I guess John really was a miserable bastard. Not only does he pass on the diaper chores, but he bounces the mess on his knee for Elly to take care of. I know everyone here despises Elly, but I gotta tell ya, she deserves better than that.
    Judge Parker: NOW we’re talking. THIS IS WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT. Randy’s hot mom and April Bower make out in the hot tub while Randy and his dad have beers in the basement for the next week and a half.

  84. Signal 30
    February 26th, 2009 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    A cell phone apppearing in Mark Trail seems horribly out of place.

    Now if Patty was talking on a big chunky black Western Electric rotary dial with about a mile of black cord stretched out behind her to the house, I’d understand.

  85. Catu
    February 26th, 2009 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Hank, doesn’t TJ remind you of Michael Jackson in the 80s, right after he had his rhinoplasty? His skin colour has even been said to change from strip to strip.

  86. Charlie
    February 26th, 2009 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    I know this was mentioned out there yesterday, but the Portland Oregonian is taking a comic survey poll as they are trying cut at least 10 comics. They are asking for votes on readers three favorites and three least favorites. Maybe if you like Judge Parker and don’t like FOOB…vote. Thanks.

  87. NoVan
    February 26th, 2009 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile, in the backwaters of the comics world…

    Close to Home: Please excuse my vendetta, but I stared at this crap for 45 seconds before figuring out the joke. I wish Baretto would guest-draw this strip for a week or two. (And just look at that teacher’s thumb…)

    Baldo: Holy Christ, that horse must be pudding by now.

    Piranha Club: You idiot! First you wander into Lost Forest, then you lock horns with an animal that’s not even a moose?

    And furthermore, I don’t care what anyone else says, I like Sally Forth.

  88. Joe Blevins
    February 26th, 2009 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    LUANNE: You’d think having actual fingers would give Dad an advantage over Luanne. But no…

    Boy, though, the young folks sure can beat the old fogies when it comes to them there video games, I tell you what. I believe this observation has only been made roughly 100,000 times before in sitcoms, comic strips, and those “observational humor” newspaper columns. The Simpsons actually did this about two decades ago, only it was Homer and Bart playing a video boxing game, and I’m not sure the joke was even brand-new then

    A3G: Eric may want to take a good look at panel 1 before he walks down the aisle. That’s the future, buddy — waking up next to the spawn of Jerri Blank and Casey Kasem.

  89. teddytoad
    February 26th, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    Wow, so Luann broke the Herb and Jamal rule and actually called Guitar Hero by its trademarked name. I guess they should be worried about an infringement suit coming along, or would be, if anybody besides us read Luann.

  90. papa zita
    February 26th, 2009 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    @76: So there’s no point in actually making music? I never had delusions of being a “rock star” even when I was young. I just wanted to make music. As far as being orders of magnitude harder, aren’t most things worth doing at least a little difficult at first?

  91. Gabacho
    February 26th, 2009 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – You know, we all mock Mary Worth, but can you imagine what it would actually be like to be Mary Worth?

    Reimagining her through RD Laing perspective, as the only sane person responding to an insane world, she starts to make sense. Look at what surrounds her:

    All the ancillary characters are played by the same actors. Seriously, can anyone here tell the difference between Ted and Gary Dent? Dawn and Adrian? Vera and the skater chick?

    The main characters are truly awful human beings like Ian and Toby Cameron, dull and dumber, or Dr. Jeff, a pale imitation of a man unable to withstand a mild tropical infection.

    What Mary is doing is not meddling but trying desperately to bring some order to a world wherein people say things like “fellow fans of our fair city” or “curses upon you, Von.”

    And of course she is failing but I ask you, could any of us dumped in Santa Royale, fare any better?

    Rex Morgan MD – I’m really digging the elderly novelist lady and not just because I am starting to look like her.

  92. Niall
    February 26th, 2009 at 9:14 pm [Reply]

    75. papa zita: They’re not guitar games, or guitar-simulation games. They’re rhythm games, playing music and pressing a controller shaped like a guitar. It’s just meant to be fun while listening to music, with a participative effort. To its credit, it’s usually entirely non-violent and with the full-band setups, quite collaborative instead of competitive.

    Also, the actual capacity to play an instrument is still possessed by a minority of people, from what I believe. You need a sense of rhythm, and that’s just not developed at all in our society anymore. If a game like this can get more people to realise the fun of basic rhythm, maybe they can decide to pick up any kind of instrument. And yeah, guitar sales are up since the game came out. But actually playing something complex like a guitar is not for every brain chemistry out there…

    To be clear: I definitely do wish more people would try out instruments! It was mandatory to learn music in my grade school and my first high school. I think it made a difference in the students. It’s tougher to start as an adult. And yeah, even just for fun, without wanting to be super-good or popular or trying to attract chicks – just for the fun of playing. And nothing, nothing beats the thrill of playing in a group for fun.

    78. PeteMoss: Considering previous GH games have had Tenacious D and StrongBad (TROGDOR!!) in it, I’m actually surprised Spinal Tap didn’t make an appearance.

    81. PeteMoss: yup, GH is a game, and like all games, has its own way to use a controller. It’s really just a giant joystick with bizarrely-placed buttons. :) Not like a guitar at all. I’ve played acoustic guitar since high school, and I took to it rather easily, but I was used to the concept of rhythm games (and the Japanese version of this game) for years. The only relationship for me is that to get the game to recognise an input, you have to first squeeze a button on the “string” then activate the lever like a “strum”. That’s about it. The rest is arbitrarily decided by programmers.


    My Cage: Sorry, but those two characters are not exempt. Jeff the shark followed Max’ advice and got kicked out and divorced, so he can’t talk; and Norm, you’ve really been straining your relationship with your cluelessness towards Bridget recently, so get more supportive of her job search, or risk losing it all. (We were promised a breakup, and so far these two look to be it. Unless Norm really wakes up…)

  93. Frank Parsnip
    February 26th, 2009 at 9:25 pm [Reply]

    All this cutting of comic strips from newpapers as an “austerity measure” is wrongheaded. The comics are closely followed by the sports section as the two most popular sections of nearly all papers. Now back to the fun…

    Luann: The point is adequately made that kids have better reaction times and hand-eye coordination in a game that has little or nothing to do with actual music ability. I’m left wondering what songs these characters “rock out” to, like does TJ get teary eyed whenever he gets a chance to play “Purple Rain”?

  94. Charlie
    February 26th, 2009 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    Oops…the comic survey in Portland, OR is Vote for the Judge. Ah…Judge, the comic strip.

  95. Poteet
    February 26th, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    # 90 papa zita — Of course it’s worth making music. Yay music!

    And for a few of us, the difficulty scale probably works the other way. It’s been years since I played flute, but I bet I’d still be better on flute than on Guitar Hero, if my few attempts at playing other electronic games are any indication.

  96. Jordan
    February 26th, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    To be great at Guitar Hero, you have to master hammer-ons and pull-offs.

    Dang, now EVERYTHING sounds dirty.

  97. Uncle Lumpy
    February 26th, 2009 at 10:29 pm [Reply]

    O Poteet — Flute Hero!

  98. Retromancy
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    I’m predicting Margo’s dad looks exactly like Eric but with a moustache – now if only there was some way to get Mark Trail into the mix.

  99. Dingo
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Retromancy, Mark Trail does not “mix.” He’s the nougat cluster in the middle of the Chex party.

  100. markytom
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:17 pm [Reply]

    Did the AJGLU-3000 write today’s Crankshaft?

  101. Lisa
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

    I think he will look exactly like Margo, but with a moustache… what, you say she looks like her mother, Gabrielle? Well, Margo must get her narcissism from somewhere, right?

  102. mollificent
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Yesterthread Deena 152: Sorry for my late response…I didn’t get to read CC this morning. Thank you so much for asking…I’m okay. Still freaked. Haven’t talked to him yet (got a “sorry sorry sorry” sobbing voicemail, which did NOT make me feel better). I want to find a neutral location to have the “we’re done here” conversation, which does not promise to be easy. *sigh*

    I actually composed some snark this morning while speed-reading the comics (overslept), and then totally forgot to post them (didn’t really have time anyway). Yeesh.

    A3G: Josh, your snark today is inspired. Love it!!!

    FW: Yeah, Summer! Kick her ass! (Uh oh…did I just enjoy FW unironically? Is my membership going to be revoked?)

    Luann: Is it me, or is the phrase “Luann’s nailin’ it!” something I never ever want to hear from TJ’s lips again?

    MW: “I’m ONLY GOING TO DO THIS ONCE!” Hahahahahahaha! Oh, Adrian,you kill me.

    PBS: Win. SUCH win.

  103. papa zita
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:42 pm [Reply]

    92: Niall, I agree about teaching music to kids in school – it was done in my day, and while kids often have a pretty bad sense of rhythm, it can be developed, and it’s a fine way to torture your parents during performance night. Besides, it hardly seems to matter – a local group that I was acquainted with and who had a song featured on a network television show some years back were so rhythmically sloppy it seemed their drummer and bass player were never even introduced to each other. A friend of mine who’s otherwise an excellent guitarist can’t even follow a click track while recording. If they can make money playing music, I don’t see the bar being that high.

  104. Poteet
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:47 pm [Reply]

    # 97 Uncle Lumpy — Gee, thanks! I just checked and there really is a Flute Hero game. Apparently it has four levels — easy, medium, hard, and insane. I’d better stick to the real thing.

  105. AhClem
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:50 pm [Reply]

    I’m more into bluegrass and old-timey music these days. When are they coming out with Mandolin Hero?

  106. dougrogers
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    @91 Gabacho….. I think you figured it out. Mary Worth is done with an ensemble cast, like a Bergman film. This is why the same faces show up again and again, It’s the same actors, like Max von Sydow showing up again and again, or Liv Ulmann… That explains the cheesy moustaches… the different hair colours…and 3G… that’s why they need the hats and scarves and different wigs for the guys. It truely i sthe same guy over and over and over again. As for Mark Trail, they have a limited costume cupboard, so the villains are played by different actors, but they have only one moustache from costumes.

  107. Mel
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:57 pm [Reply]

    I was thinking along the lines of Tambourine Hero myself…or maybe Triangle Hero (Ed Grimley Edition).

  108. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Divison
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth, Dark Lord of Time As I’ve said before, Mary Worth is actually seconds away from physical death but she cheats death by inducing a state of soul crushing, time stretching boredom. What could be more boring than dinner discussing the marriage plans of the cast off love child of Prince Valiant and the Greasy Grifter? Even Masky McDeath gives up waiting and looks for someone else’s soul to take.

  109. Patrick, Interlibrary Loan Divison
    February 26th, 2009 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    Or maybe they could come out with Baroque Harpsichord Hero?

  110. bats :[
    February 27th, 2009 at 12:21 am [Reply]

    107. Mel: dang it, you sharked Triangle Hero (but I’d forgotten about Ed Grimley, I must say).

  111. Poteet
    February 27th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    Hurdy-Gurdy Hero?

  112. True Fable
    February 27th, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

    Sticks Hero.

  113. True Fable
    February 27th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    I got a fevah. And the fevah wants more Cowbell Hero!

  114. Deena in OR
    February 27th, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    More cowbell, mule! ::slinks into the naughty corner::

  115. Nekrotzar
    February 27th, 2009 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Doesn’t the word ‘Frühlinger’ actually mean something like ‘one who is early’? That makes ‘the late fruhlinger’ rather Joycean.

  116. Nekrotzar
    February 27th, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    Don’t miss The Onion’s article on Sousaphone Hero.

  117. mollificent
    February 27th, 2009 at 1:22 am [Reply]

    109 Patrick: I am SO down with that!

  118. Peter Hillock
    February 27th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    Frühling (Fruehling) is German for spring (the season, not the Wile E. Coyote prop).

  119. Josh
    February 27th, 2009 at 1:50 am [Reply]

    Nekrotzar #115/Peter #118 — I lived in Berlin briefly a few years ago, and decided while I was there to take an intensive German class, what with not speaking it at all, and so I went down to the local sprachschule to sign up for classes. It was mid-April or so, and the first really nice day of spring that year. The guy who processed my paperwork was like some parody of a dour, frowning German — until he saw my name and broke out into a huge, goofy grin. “Yes, look outside! Your name is Fruhlinger … und it is Fruhling, ya? Get it? Fruhlingerer … Fruhling …” This was the famous German sense of humor I had heard so much about.


  120. Poteet
    February 27th, 2009 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    A3G — Per Gabriella’s comment, I don’t usually think of myself as particularly mercenary. But if Baby Margo behaved anything like Adult Margo, about $1,000 would have been enough to persuade me to let her go. And I would have thrown in the bassinet, crib, and a few boxes of wipes.

  121. commodorejohn
    February 27th, 2009 at 2:02 am [Reply]

    I’m still holding out for Mellotron Hero.

  122. Poteet
    February 27th, 2009 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    2/27 DT — It seems to me that a disproportionate number of the perps who die gruesome deaths in this strip are female. But at least Dick manages to find helpful lessons in their hideous demises.

  123. kanomi
    February 27th, 2009 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    Family Circus: No Jeffy, and it’s not much of a comic strip either.

  124. Crampton Hodnet
    February 27th, 2009 at 2:31 am [Reply]

    GT 2/27 So did anyone else, on glancing at the poster in the background of panel 1, initially think it said cheesy poopt and then have to take a closer look, and then start wondering about the the levitating hotdog in panel three, and then realize you were spending way too much time thinking about Gil Thorp?

  125. Mibbitmaker
    February 27th, 2009 at 2:45 am [Reply]


    A3G: Alittle late, to say the least, but finally someone is disciplining Margo parentally.

    DtM: “Well… he didn’t used to be, if you know what I mean.” Then, Mrs. Mitchell did the index finger across the throat move. She was trying to convince people that her son was a menace. Few were buying it.

    DT: The post-mortem — and I do mean “mortem”… you know…dead.

    FT: (looks to reader) “… present company excepted, Josh!”

    JP: What happens next will be shown late night on Cinemax.

    MT: You know what else can be dangerous, you two? Abusive husbands! (really, it’s like running into a brick wall with these people!)

    MW: The most important question to be asked about this wedding discussion in the restaurant at this point is: What the hell is Chuck Schumer doing in Santa Royale???

    MC: Joe Biden says more appropriate things!

    Ghost-Who-Walks-Out-Of-Uniform: We’ve got at least two CIA people in the comics right now (DT’s Adult Swim Col. Flagg, and ex-operative SexyBarretoWoman in JP), and yet Walker, here, is the only one actually acting like one, and he’s not one.

    Ziggy: Old Street and News Avenue.

    ZtP: “It’s All One Big Joke”… Couldn’t have said it better myself — oh, wait, yes I could… by adding “Unfunny”.

  126. True Fable
    February 27th, 2009 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    (WT)DT I’ll say it: Dick Tracy is a DICK! Man, this bozo has all the sympathy of napalm.
    WTF GT I’ll have some Cheezy Poofts, please!
    JP rules! I have this notion, totally unfounded I’m sure, but I think that the final panel is a shout-out to the ‘Mudgeons of the world.
    Luann I see, we’re back to the “TJ needs a family so he’s leeching onto the DeGroots” storyline.
    MT They jumped back pretty far, pretty fast. And I see he left Bucky with the largest set of antlers… and now Ken will see them and do his “Not TRAIL!” again. That’s right. You’re going to deal with a zombie buck and a clueless fuck, Ken.
    MW IS THERE?!? Oh please, surely Jeff doesn’t suspect Adrian is pregnant! It’s GOT to be the Merry Widow thing.
    Kit Walker, Bangalla Ranger Bow-chicka-bow-wow, k-chonk k-chonk; oh don’t look at me like that! If this isn’t the perfect setup for a porn flick then I don’t know what is.

  127. Wangdoodle
    February 27th, 2009 at 2:55 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Protip: LET GO OF THE BUTTON, STUPID.

    DT: Is the fire hot enough to cook this hamfisted moral? Mmmm, roast hamfist.

    FC: Okay, here’s a story: The Adventures Of The Annoying Little Bastard And The Magical Garbage Disposal.

    FW: Eat your heart out, 21 Jump Street!!

    Luann: Awww, no one wants to adopt The Joker.

    MT: Don’t bother with tranquilizer darts or highfalutin’ stuff like that! Just rely on your mutant teleporting abilities!

    Sally 4th: “No, no…I’m just mental.”

  128. Mr. O'Malley
    February 27th, 2009 at 3:28 am [Reply]

    Has no one yet mentioned Accordion Hero?

    The punchline should be revised to “Pluggers remember who Uri Geller was”.

    Phantom: I suppose a totally automated ship isn’t any less believable than the Croccos. But why is the captain dressed like a Cossack?

    OBH: I’m starting to like the old people more than the kids.

    MT: Mark only has a moose-size antler saw.

    Luann: These people are mighty smug considering that they’re not actually doing anything. At least Hilary and Faye have real instruments.

    MW: I knew this dialogue reminded me of something. It’s the famous English As She Is Spoke, a book by an enterprising Portuguese gentleman who set out to compose a guide to the English language, armed with a Portuguese book on how to speak French and a French-English dictionary.

    Some of the sentences in the book would fit seamlessly into this dinner conversation:

    “This meat ist not too over do. Dry this wine.”
    “This girl have a beauty edge. She do not that to talk and to cackle.”
    “It must never to laugh of the unhappies.”
    “I am confused all yours civilities.”
    “One’s find modest the young men rarely.”

    I still think the computer-generated dialogue idea has potential. Maybe the people who did this could put one together for us.

    Here’s what that produced to start with:

    Pool parties, swans, casseroles
    Why God, Why?
    Swans, biddies, Mary Worth
    Why God, Why?

    What have I done to deserve this fuchsia horror?
    Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Mary Worth
    Like a Aldo Kelrast character, I’m wordy and alone
    Why God, Why?

    Platitudes, pool parties, vertical doughnuts
    Why God, Why?
    Mary Worth, vertical doughnuts, casseroles
    Why God, Why?

    What have I done to deserve this fuchsia disaster that is my life?
    Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Mary Worth
    Like a Aldo Kelrast character, I’m wordy and alone
    Why God, Why?

    What have I done to deserve this fuchsia misery?
    Surrounded on all sides with the Hell of Mary Worth
    Like a Aldo Kelrast character, I’m wordy and alone
    Why God, Why?

  129. Nurse with a penis
    February 27th, 2009 at 3:31 am [Reply]

    ¿accordian hero?

  130. Frank Parsnip
    February 27th, 2009 at 4:22 am [Reply]

    I wish Ted Confey was a bit less active on Facebook: “Ted is having dinner with a bunch of suckers” “Ted is now engaged” “Ted is taking out his checkbook”… and so on.

  131. Dynamite XI
    February 27th, 2009 at 4:26 am [Reply]

    Theremin Hero. The only video game where you don’t actually touch the controller.

  132. Frank Parsnip
    February 27th, 2009 at 4:49 am [Reply]

    118/119: The first exposure I’d had to it was in translating Matthias Claudius’ poem “Der Fruehling; Am Ersten Maimorgen”. It’s one happy poem, dating from a time when Germans were known more for sniffing flowers.

  133. Aviatrix
    February 27th, 2009 at 4:52 am [Reply]

    I don’t believe either rabbit believes Josh is dead. The bench-sitting rabbit finds that he is tardy, and, having a penchant for rhyme coupled with an incomplete grasp of idiom, reports on this by calling him “late, great.”

    Why is the rabbit waiting for Josh? He needed someone to wait for to make the joke work. Josh Frülinger is this cartoonist’s go-to funny name, and it guarantees him a mention on the blog. Done and done.

    Or Josh is moonlighting writing gags for the semi-literate rabbit.

  134. Mr. O'Malley
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:01 am [Reply]

    U2′s Spider-Man Musical Gets Title, Premiere Date
    “Vertigo” be damned: Bono and Spidey are headed to Broadway.

    It’s official: Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, the much-speculated and much-delayed musical directed by Julie Taymor (The Lion King) with music and lyrics by Bono and the Edge of U2, will open Feb. 18, 2010 on Broadway. Preview performances will begin Jan. 16, 2010.

    (Sorry, this site seems to be excessively slow.)

  135. Charlene
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:02 am [Reply]

    #78, Sp?n?al Tap. It doesn’t quite centre itself over the n on preview, but it’s close.

  136. Charlene
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:03 am [Reply]

    And on non-preview it turns into a question-marked mess. Sorry bout that.

  137. lesles
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:07 am [Reply]

    #131 Dynamite XI – i was just coming down here to say that when i read your comment on the way through! spooky [cue theramin].

    #122 Poteet – yes, but in these situations the main message i seem to get radiating from dick, thudding remorselessly out of the psychic sub-woofer of his geometric visage, is that women are inherently troublesome and dangerous and it’s dangerous to be a woman. sure, the strips never been a clarion of feminism, but the portrayal and roles of women are worse now than during its heyday.

  138. Alfred E. Neuman
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:15 am [Reply]

    JP— Katherine, much to her delight, will soon find out that April is a very cunning linguist.

    And it’s back to the corner for me.

  139. Frank Parsnip
    February 27th, 2009 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    A3G: Margo would do anything to save the life of the man she loves except for that “anything” part.

    MW: In panel 1, he looks like Ed Norton, but in panel 2 it’s definitely Dr. Drew Corey who is about to get married to his own sister. Oh, these damn T-3 terminators can be so sneaky when they’re after money. That dead wife? Liquid metal spike … after which he celebrated the insurance payoff by drinking a magnum of carbonated mercury.

    Sex Organ, M.D.: Staying in the cabin the whole time and wearing lots of bright pink is usually enough to keep the germs away.

    MT: A hint from the pros — before using a saw to separate a couple of large horned animals who have been fighting, one of which is suffering from a gunshot wound to the head, it is always best to tranquilize the animals with a large stone first. If either of the animals is “too tranquilized”, the stone can be used to tenderize the meat.

    Marvin: Marvin can’t lay down prone comfortably at his advanced toddlerized age? His ass rash must have spread forward… but let’s just say it’s a huge relief he’s wearing some sort of pants again.

  140. DrPill
    February 27th, 2009 at 6:00 am [Reply]

    I’m a lurker, been slowly building up steam over some egregious comic baloney, but the current Crankshaft line blows the gasket. The man’s supposed to be cranky and mean, but this is pure stupidity. The creators are showing no respect for their character at all. A pox on ‘em.

  141. LP2004
    February 27th, 2009 at 8:51 am [Reply]

    Continuing on with the musical video-game tangent: I’m holding out for ‘Classical Hero – The Mahler Symphony Edition’. You gather around the TV – which had better have a very wide screen – with about 300 of your closest friends…

  142. Muffaroo
    February 27th, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Idols of Mud @46 – I expect DeGroot Senior’s guitar would turn out to be a half-size acoustic, and he’ll be able to sweat “Minuet in G” and “Greensleeves” out of it, and perhaps strum while he sings “I gave my love a cherry…”, which might at least give TJ a reason to do a Bluto (SMASH! SMASH! “…sorry.”)

    Niall @92 – MC: If Bridget suddenly went for Jeff, would that mean she’d jumped the shark? Inquiring minds, etc.

    Poteet @104 – Guitar Hero. Flute Hero. Pffft. — [also] Oh, hi there Mr. O’Malley.

    DrPill @140 – Is your nym a “Little Nemo” reference? Excellent, if so! Welcome to the campfire.

  143. Idols of Mud
    February 27th, 2009 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#143): Coincidentally, I’m teaching myself Greensleeves on the guitar right now. It’s hard! But at least you don’t press buttons to get the effect.

  144. Muffaroo
    February 27th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    Idols of Mud @143 – You can’t go wrong with that! Any filksinger will tell you that everything scans to “Greensleeves,” and they’re only off by about 20%.

  145. Crankenstank
    February 27th, 2009 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Josh, you are my favorite applause whore!! (In the good way.)

  146. Breane
    February 27th, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    Why is TJ playing Guitar Hero in what appears to be a sweater vest and a bolo tie? In fact, why id he doing anything in a sweater vest and bolo tie?

  147. Max
    February 27th, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Dammit, Apartment 3-G rickrolled me!

    No amount of money could make me give you up, no amount of money could make me let you down, no amount of money could make me run around and desert you…

  148. Neftali Rivera
    February 28th, 2009 at 2:52 am [Reply]

    I wonder if I will be desperate enough to mention your name in my comic in order to get my comic mentioned here… (thinking hard…)

  149. LanceThruster
    February 28th, 2009 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    Umm…am I supposed to shout, “Whoa! Luann’s nailin’ it! 98%!!” while I’m masturbating imagining what TJ is doing or am I supposed to imagine TJ shouting it (which he did so technically I’m remembering that he shouted it)?

    And why should I imagine what TJ is doing anyway to do that since there are so many other LUANN characters that fit the bill including Luann’s MILF mom.

    I am so confused.

  150. Carbunicle
    March 1st, 2009 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Popeye – Lisken up, you ugly real Swee’pea! I seen C-beams gliterink in the dark near th’ Tanhoiserk Gate!

    Funny stuff. Thanks!

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