The Comics Curmudgeon

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ALL HAIL MARGO

Apartment 3-G, 5/31/09

Last week saw possibly the most momentous event that can ever happen in Apartment 3-G — a proposal of marriage! Yet the strip was almost entirely absent from this site, because it was Gary proposing to Tommie and … ZZZZZZ … oh, I’m sorry, that sentence was so boring I couldn’t even finish typing it without dozing off. And yet with just two hilarious sentences — “You can’t get married and move to Denver! You don’t even ski!” — Margo makes me glad that I read the strip this week, just so I could appreciate the set-up. Yes, Margo makes the Tommie-Gary storyline sort of worthwhile. SHE HAS SUPER POWERS.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/31/09

“Ha ha! Seriously, though, thanks for the history lesson and all, but do you mind leaving me alone so I can finish jerking off to this comic book in peace? I promise to put it back on the rack when I’m done.”

This entry was posted on Sunday, May 31, 2009 at 12:19 pm and is filed under Apartment 3-G, Funky Winkerbean.

187 responses to “ALL HAIL MARGO”

Rainbird
May 31st, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

And what would Margo have said if Tommie was going to Hawaii, that she can’t surf? What is her skill for being in New York then, that she can avoid homeless people?
Berry
May 31st, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

I gotta admit, I don’t read Funky usually. But that’s gotta be one of the most random, left-field-out-of-nowhere comic strips I’ve seen in a while.
jvwalt
May 31st, 2009 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

Considering that Margo expects Tommie to clean and cook, her honest response to the news would have been, “You can’t get married! You’re MY bitch!”
mollificent
May 31st, 2009 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

MW: As Gandalf said to Frodo in “Fellowship” (the film): “Gollum was meant to find the ring, which means that you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.” Yeah, encouraging my ass, Gandalf…tell me that when I’m not sitting in a dark, cold underground killing-field, after having been chased out of my home and stabbed by dark soul-sucked beings, and flailed around in the air by a giant tentacled thing. Oh, they have a cave-troll? Brilliant.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, Mary Worth is full of shit.

Phantom: Oh, LMAO!! Yeah, polygamy. Suggesting that to the intendeds is a great way to get kicked in the nadgers. Twice.

My Cage: As usual, adding my voice to the general “BRAVO/BRAVA!”
Steven
May 31st, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

Poor Margo…. Where will she be able to purchase her next slave? Will Tommy be replaced by some new innocent from Yugoslavia or the Philippines?

Of course the advantage to that is you get exotic dining without having to leave the apartment.
Joshua Zelinsky
May 31st, 2009 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

The Wonder Woman thing (if true) isn’t that surprising. Wonder Woman originally had all sorts of weird bondage overtones. There’s a whole gallery at Superdickery devoted to this: http://superdickery.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&layout=blog&id=34&Itemid=51
Red Greenback
May 31st, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

ALL HAIL MARGO: WTF??? “Waiting dinner”?!?
Rex Morgan, M.D. ’s not wearing socks! Tune in tomorrow as Rex rolls up his sport coat sleeves Miami Vice-style!
Clint
May 31st, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Little known fact: Galileo and Copernicus were not banned for their heliocentric theory but were, in fact, banned for lesbian content, just like Wonder Woman.
Carly
May 31st, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

Reminds me of when my parents say “you’re from New Mexico and don’t even like green chili?!” I DON’T HAVE TO FULFILL EVERY STEREOTYPE, OKAY? And I was, actually, born in Colorado. So there. I don’t ski, either.
Calico
May 31st, 2009 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Québec! You don’t even like Poutine and Sugar Pie!”
t3knomanser
May 31st, 2009 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

You know that A3G is exciting! LOOK AT ALL THE MOTION LINES. Margo is so enraged that someone is moving in on her property that she’s literally shaking with anger.

This plot thread will be resolved when Gary has an unfortunate “accident”, and Tommie realizes that she was never meant to love or be loved, simply owned.
pccmdoc
May 31st, 2009 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

Poor Margo, so conceited by her New York lifestyle that she fails to realize that you can now travel to Denver by several modes of transportation, including horse drawn covered wagon, horseless carriage (known in some parts as an automobile) or even by jet airplane…lack of skiing ability no longer precludes Denver travel.
Sunny Paris
May 31st, 2009 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

I amusing myself thinking of international remakes of A3G– you know, like they do with sitcoms… But I’m having a hard time coming up with equally pithy city stereotypes.

“You’re moving to Bath?! But you don’t even read Jane Austen!”

“You’re moving to Amsterdam?! But you were an utter failure at prostitution!”

“You’re moving to Cannes!? But you don’t even know how to work a camera with an extreme zoom lens!”

“You’re moving to Munich!? But you don’t even drink beer!”

“You’re moving to Kyoto?! But you work for an oil company!”

“You’re moving to Edmonton?! But you’re not a cow!”
Red Greenback
May 31st, 2009 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

You can’t move to Herb and Jamaal! You don’t even do that thing everyone’s talking about!!
Dragon of Life
May 31st, 2009 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Why has A3G suddenly become a children’s reading primer? “Roses. Who sent the roses?” “Gary sent the roses.” “Gary is your friend?” “He wants to marry me.” “Gary wants to marry you?” “Gary will marry me, and we will move to Denver.” “YOU STUPID WHORE!” “M-Margo! This is a kid’s boo–” “YOU CAN’T EVEN SKI! I’ll rend your flesh!” “You’ll rend my flesh?” “I *rent* your flesh! This is red. This color is red.”
Carbunicle
May 31st, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

re: “waiting dinner” I have heard that expression used in the wild. I think it can be found among the previous generation’s cocktail set’s parents.

re: “the church” FFS, just say “Catholic.” Batiuk’s demographic of shut-ins, nursing homes, Illuminati and hospices is very likely to understand the contraction but there are probably a few heretics who might not appreciate being tarred with the same brush. Also, the joke is a real clinker.
Marion Delgado
May 31st, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

I don’t think Poutine is still the president of Canada.
Mooncattie
May 31st, 2009 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

A3G – Three consecutive head bobbles + two hand waves = the most action in an A3G strip since what’s-his-name got shot. Oh what am I staying, way more action that that!

PV – This is great fun and all. There must be a Blue Tunic Tailor in Camelot whose business is going gangbusters!

H&L – Panel One seems to be the least-likely request to ever be uttered anywhere, anytime, but it’s more than redeemed by Panel Three’s unprecedented Hi & Lois Hate Rock. Now if only the FC kids could come up with these kind of lyrics…

RMMD – Guido seems to be morphing into a FOOB character by the end, and it’s not a pretty sight!

MW – Adding a PUSH and SPLASH would really cheer me up. Also, I see Adrian prefers Vanilla.

PSB – I love it!
Carbunicle
May 31st, 2009 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

… and did Margo stand there by the roses the entire time? I think the ‘later’ box belongs to a different draft of the script.
Rizbon
May 31st, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

What? That’s crazy! You can’t really live in New York!! You’re not attractive or interesting!
Rebecca
May 31st, 2009 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Memphis! You don’t even barbecue!”
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
May 31st, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

BTW: The guy who came up with Wonder Woman was a successful bigamist who also gave us the Lie Detector machine.
Stripey Butt: Rex King needs some pointers from Charles Moulton; Heh, the more you know … but as this is a bland retelling of a Ruritanian romance somehow relocated in ‘Fantasy Africa’ — let see the Rex and his brides do away with the foppish aristos and make their countries into true Socialist Paradises …
MC: The Saturday strip sang, now let’s see Norm punch out their Mary Worth equivalent …
A3G: So who think Gary is all trussed up nekkid in Margo’s room for even suggesting Tommie leaving New York?
I have no clever name to put here
May 31st, 2009 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

“Phrohibitorum”? That’s almost plausible as a medieval mistake, but… really, “phrohibitorum”? Is the “prohibit” in “prohibitorum” too hard to suss out?
Pinky
May 31st, 2009 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

Holy crap! Is that supposed to be some kind of toupee on the comic book dealer’s head? It appears to be a piece of roadkill stapled to his head. It couldn’t look more fake if it had a chinstrap. Well actually, there’s a guy in my office who has a worse one…
Baka Gaijin
May 31st, 2009 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

In my latest yesterpost, I mentioned

Apartment 3-G, last panel: While wildly waving hands, Margo says, “You can’t get married and move to Denver! I can’t bathroom!!”

and a few other gems.
Joshua
May 31st, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

Margo Magee… will you marry me?
Mac
May 31st, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

I’m sure Gary will move off to Denver without Tommie, where no doubt he will be surrounded by ski bunnies. However, I maintain that the strip would be vastly improved if Tommie did leave and Lu Ann never came back. All Margo, all the time.
Rebecca
May 31st, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Boston! You don’t drink coffee!”
Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 31st, 2009 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

A3G: I’m tempted to make a snarky remark about Margo’s provincialism, but I’m pretty sure she outranks me, dom-wise.
Carbunicle
May 31st, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

First off: thanks for reading these comics so I don’t have to. Second: damn you for reading Funky Winkerbean and making me look at it. I’m not going to fault the art – his Play-Do shapes actually read pretty well in their context. But! In a medium with such tight space constraints if you have to have such lengthy exposition, tighten it up. The “old latin blah blah blah” as opposed to the “new latin blah blah blah”? We’ll trust you to just say ‘Galileo and ‘Newton’ and leave out the prolix titles, “Pretty heady stuff” is completely unneeded seeing as he just rattled off all that Latin (and why did he translate the titles into English but not the name of the organization) and, and, and! Aaagh, I’ve been sucked into a complete rewrite of this sour, gormless crap.
Baka Gaijin
May 31st, 2009 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

#5 Steven: Margo will get her new slave from China, silly! Why do you think she’s going? She also can’t wait to be on the saying end of, “More zippers, mule!”
Crankenstank
May 31st, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

Tommie’s hair needs to graduate from 1972 before she’s ready to marry.
John C Fremont
May 31st, 2009 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Florida! You don’t even look like Esther Rolle!”
Lawyerbob
May 31st, 2009 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

Anyone can play:

“You can’t get married and move to Paris! You have no taste!”

“You can’t get married and move to Vermont! You don’t even like tofu!”

“You can’t get married and move to Asbury Park! You don’t even like to get drunk and look at the ocean!”

“You can’t get married and move to Iowa! You’re not even gay!”
Ktrout
May 31st, 2009 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

Naturally Gary’s proposal to Tommie happens offstage and is revealed in a drawn-out sequence of bland exposition. Perish the thought that anything remotely “interesting” or even “readable” in that woman’s life ever be shown!
Ukulele Ike
May 31st, 2009 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

Hohh no. Tommie is NOT flying into Denver. Not into that weird, Satanic airport. A Conestoga wagon would be a better choice.

http://www.anomalies-unlimited.com/Denver_Airport.html
g0m
May 31st, 2009 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

I just finished reading through the archives, and i have to say you definitely have a new reader.
Red Greenback
May 31st, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

A3G, Obscure Reference Dep’t: You can’t move to Española! You don’t even know how to hit the switches!!
Calico
May 31st, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

#17 – All hail Rick Mercer.
: )
Calico
May 31st, 2009 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

And, of course, Margo too!
Poteet
May 31st, 2009 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

A3G — I read this strip as a kid and then, after years of not reading it, found CC and started again. During those lost decades, did A3G ever really focus on NYC as the location? Would it have made any real difference if Margo, Tommie, and Whatzername were living in Baltimore or Cleveland?

I realize current A3G storylines include art galleries, but art galleries can be found pretty much everywhere now, even (gasp) Des Moines. So can airports, purveyors of fashionable clothing (not that A3G characters ever wear it anyway), drug addicts, fancy restaurants, hospitals, etc.

In other words, why the hell not move to Denver, Tommie? What difference would it make?
Funky Al
May 31st, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

“You can’t get married and move to Denver! You don’t even ski!” Is prob’ly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Denver is not a ski spot. It is the capital of a state which happens to have a lot of ski spots. I live in Denver and I’ve never been skiing once.
Poteet
May 31st, 2009 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

# 34 Lawyerbob — Thanks for pointing out that the Iowa version doesn’t have to include pigs or corn anymore:-).
Mrs Threeway Taint
May 31st, 2009 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

Why so much Margo-bashing? I agree with Josh that is the best finishing move since The Undertaker retired (the first time). Love it!

–A skiing Denver native
yellojkt
May 31st, 2009 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Baltimore! You don’t even have crabs!”
Uncle Lumpy
May 31st, 2009 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

You could title pretty much every post “ALL HAIL MARGO” and I would rise early every day in eager anticipation of reading it.

‘Cause I fear what would happen if I didn’t.
Naked Bunny with a Whip
May 31st, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

@Poteet #43: How about gay pigs doing private things with corn?

Can I please stop thinking like this? Ick.
commodorejohn
May 31st, 2009 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

A3G – Careful, Margo. You’re coming perilously close to making it appear that you care about your roommates, here.

AS – To paraphrase Tom Servo, “never put a good comedy in the middle of your crappy one.”

Crankshaft – Um, gee, yeah, this really would have been topical back when the government was actually handing out stimulus checks, oh, last year.

DT – And for “Crimestoppers Textbook,” read “Gambling Advice.”

FC – …is this some kind of code for something dirty?

FW – Dammit, Clint @8 beat me to the joke.

MT – You mean Prickly City…lied to me!?

MW – “And by that I mean that I have personally engineered all the events of human history, from the beginning of time.”

MC – Preach it, Norm. Preach it.

NAOQV – See, I don’t really agree with Sungenis’s politics much, but at least he’s not a total shill for one party like Wiley Miller or (the author of the Duck That Shall Not Be Named.)

Phantom – I actually got a good, solid laugh out of The Phantom today.

PV – So. Very. Awesome.

RMMD – Jack Elrod has affected me to such an extent that I actually saw the plaque on the door as a speech balloon emanating from Guido’s hand.

SFx – It hadn’t worked. No matter how far he marked them down, he couldn’t sell a single balloon. He needed money, but he’d been hawking them on the street corner all day without a single sale. And if that wasn’t enough, some bastard kid had come along and started to cut them loose, and he couldn’t even make himself care. One by one the brightly-colored bits of rubber sailed off into the blue as he stood there, not reacting, not even moving save for the rise and fall of his chest. The passersby thought him dead to the world, but he could still hear them. He could hear the nearby cop mutter to himself. “It ain’t right, a man like that bein’ so broken. God, what you got in in for this poor sonuvabitch for? It ain’t right.”

SM – So, what, there wasn’t another police station within “hours later” range? Idiot deserves to have his truck ripped open.

Edison Lee – is apparently insane. “Convert a textbook into an internal-combustion engine?” WTF!?
Black Drazon
May 31st, 2009 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

Is this the same comic book store guy from before the jump? The guy whose store was ruined because he was carrying famous hentai? “Hey, did you know Wonder Woman was once banned as indecent? Mm-hm, full of bondage and whipping, that one is. So will you buy it? Please? Oh please buy it! You shifty-looking men who come in to buy my smut are the only thing that keep me afloat nowadays! Is there… anything I could do to persuade you? Anything… at all?” Now you see, that’s how you write a recession comic.
Damp Monkey
May 31st, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Chicago! You don’t even like deep dish pizza!”
commodorejohn
May 31st, 2009 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

#49 Black Drazon – Famous hentai? In Funky Winkerbean? Really?
Gold-Digging Nanny
May 31st, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

Spider-Man: Nedroid totally beat the Next Box to the punch.
Poteet
May 31st, 2009 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

MT — Stating that coyotes are “protected by law” is a little odd. The relevant laws are state and local, and coyote hunting happens almost everywhere. In Virginia, for example, there’s an open season on coyotes on private land. As for coyote attacks on humans, they are increasing, but are still very uncommon. Dogs cause far more human injuries and deaths.

And coyotes do provide some benefits to people and ecosystems. I’m not saying coyotes cause no problems, but this depiction is one-sided.
scamps
May 31st, 2009 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

The conversation between Tommie and Margo sounds like something out of a language lesson.

“Roses? Who sent the roses?”
“Gary brought me the roses.”
“Where is Gary?”
“Gary is at the discotheque.”
“Is Lu Ann at the discotheque?”
“No, Lu Ann is at the pool.”
Red Greenback
May 31st, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

You can’t move to Montana! You don’t even use dental floss!!
Div
May 31st, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

Sorry, but being a Denverite, I have to say this:

There are NO SKI RESORTS IN DENVER. They’re up in the mountains. Apparently Margo didn’t watch any of the DNC coverage, or she would have noticed that the reporters didn’t have to schuss their way to ~~Invesco~~ Mile High for Obama’s speech.
Islamorada Girl
May 31st, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

53. Poteet: fun factoid MT left out! There are coyotes in every state in the union! While everyone else was moving west, they’ve been moving east. I saw one about a month ago on the very shore of Chesapeake Bay.

I am so full of Margoness today, I think I will go out and kill a coyote using just a mascara wand and my iPod.
Digger
May 31st, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

“You can’t get married and move to Denver! Lesbian marriages are illegal in Colorado!”
“But Gary’s a man.”
“……………you’re kidding, right?”
John C Fremont
May 31st, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Nebraska! You’re not even bland enough to – uh. Well. Okay. Nevermind. Enjoy Nebraska!”
teddytoad
May 31st, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Ugh, it’s The Da Vinci Code with even more smirking. Must your readers miserable too, Funky Winkerbean?
teddytoad
May 31st, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

*must your readers be miserable too
Alan's Addiction
May 31st, 2009 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

Of course Margo’s horrified; she doesn’t want anyone to find out her secret weakness (love). Of course, in this case, her fears are entirely unjustified as Tommie isn’t capable of feeling anything more passionate than mild ennui or confusion. The only life-form more boring than Tommie, Gary, merely proposed to her in hopes that she’s of the same species. Of course, if Tommie foolishly accepts and makes Margo feel like her back is against a wall, Margo will strike out and destroy the impending Tommie-Garry union in a torrent of blinding hatred and meddling that would shame Mary Worth.
Thank you, Funky, for giving me another piece of useless trivia that, not only do I want or need, but seems somewhat specious. If we really want to link Wonder Woman to something cool, we could say that she shares a direct literary lineage to the Lascaux Cave paintings, since they’re both abstract images used to tell a story/make magic/control beasts. I am thankful, however, that this strip didn’t show us yet another agonizing chapter in the sordid tale of “Les has a threesome with his ghost-y wife and a living woman.”
Mooncattie
May 31st, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

A3G – “You can’t move to Toronto! Well, on second thought, you can!”

Oops, #59 John C. Fremont…Great minds….!!
Lolsworth
May 31st, 2009 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

I have that issue of Wonder Woman. It’s not that sexy. (Gail Simone is a good writer, okay?)
True Fable
May 31st, 2009 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Greater Metropolitan Roopville! You don’t have goats!”
Carbunicle
May 31st, 2009 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

Must stop thinking about FW! Any glaziers able to comment on the unmatched muntin pattern in the comics store sashes? Seems weird to me but not infeasible.
Winky's Spleen
May 31st, 2009 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

Rebecca #28 – Hey, that one works for Seattle, too.
Abner Cadaver
May 31st, 2009 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

When confronted, Tommie’s collar will flare up defensively to make her appear larger to any predators or roommates.
Will
May 31st, 2009 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

16 -Carbunicle- That’s probably intentional. In my experience, the sort of people who, apropos of nothing whatever, go banging on about the Index and Galileo are usually perfectly happy to smear all religious belief, not just Catholicism.
And, frankly, this makes me think better of the Inquisition.
samcarter
May 31st, 2009 at 3:49 pm [Reply]

When I read 3-G this morning, while knocking back my first iced coffee of the day, my first thought was, “Oh, this is SO going to be a post on the Curmudgeon.” My second thought was, “All hall Margo.” Because, seriously.

I think the real reasons Margo doesn’t want Tommie to move to Denver:

a) It means Margo might actually have to prepare her own food;
b) Margo will have to “bathroom” all by herself;
c) Margo finally bought a coat that matches Tommie’s hair perfectly, and now who will she coordinate with when she needs a girl-date for the opera?
samcarter
May 31st, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

That should read “All hail Margo”, above. I need to type slower and/or use the preview function.
Rizbon
May 31st, 2009 at 3:53 pm [Reply]

Actually, I don’t at all blame Margo for being horrified. She’s already lost Lu Ann, and while Lu Ann didn’t clean or cook dinner, presumably she paid 1/3 of the rent. This being an unrealistic comic strip, they didn’t get a subletter to take over her room (unless I missed that). Margo likely managed to pressure Tommie into taking over the lion’s share of Lu Ann’s rent and utils, but still, even given the unreality of Apt. 3-G’s NYC, Margo can’t conceivably pay for a 3-bedroom all by herself. And the world having moved on without these ladies, she won’t find another affordable Manhattan share with two celibate women with 1950s sensibilities. She’ll have to move to Brooklyn and room with hipsters. Forget waiting dinner; she’ll be lucky if she has bedroom walls.
NoVan
May 31st, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

Sorry, but you folks from Denver are missing the joke. Do you really think we East Coast city slickers visualize Coloradans as frostbitten mountain rangers huddling for warmth in your ski lodges? I don’t speak for Margo, but I think that’s the point, and I, at least, find it funny.

Also, can someone explain today’s Slylock Fox to me? How does an artfully misrepresented banana indicate art theft?
Steve S
May 31st, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

There’s a phrase for when authors have their characters spout completely unnatural chunks of exposition in dialogue form. It’s either “info dump” or “Tom Batiuk sucks.”
bats :[
May 31st, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

I love the fact that Rex is being cagey, (apparently, or maybe accidentally) planning to lure Guido into exposing himself as a human trafficker. Go, Rex, go!
(It’ll be way cooler if you change into a Speedo first, Rex, because there’s probably going to be a high-speed chase on the Lido deck…)
Steve S
May 31st, 2009 at 4:07 pm [Reply]

Also, why did the old guy’s mom throw out his books on Galileo and Copernicus? Was she also considering burning him at the stake as a heretic? Funky Winkerbean hasn’t time jumped that many times, has it?
Uncle Lumpy
May 31st, 2009 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

#75 bats :[ –

Rex is a fixture on the Libido Deck.
Sunny Paris
May 31st, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

“You can’t go to Westview. You don’t even have cancer!”
Nomstrosity
May 31st, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

I kind of love that in nearly every panel of A3G, Tommie is desperately leaning toward Margo – “look at me! look at me! things are happening! to ME!” – and Margo is whipping around from facing another direction. It’s like even when Tommie is sharing the most dramatic news Tommie has EVER had, Margo is physically unable to keep her attention trained on her for more than a few seconds.
bats :[
May 31st, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

GAH! Just saw 9CL…cripes, the Big Herp in PV is more attractive, tongue and all.

What I think Brooke fails to realize is that a lot of “sexual attractiveness” (is that a word?) really depends on being drawn to the person expressing it in the first place. Juliet’s husband might get his boxers in a bolus from this display. The rest of us? Not so much.
Donald the Anarchist
May 31st, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

A3G Margo’s first response to the roses is pleasure. “Ah, a tribute to me! Then the suspicion hits. “These roses don’t have the proper stench of self-abasement! And if they aren’t for me, there’s something terribly wrong here..” Plus, in what universe is that hair color red?

FW That’s right, practice those come-ons! Someday, a gil will walk into your shop, eager to hear long-winded factoids with zero-relevance and you’ll be ready!
Nomstrosity
May 31st, 2009 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Santa Royale! You don’t know how to meddle!”
yellojkt
May 31st, 2009 at 4:19 pm [Reply]

The creator of Wonder Woman was also a bondage fetishist. No word on Galileo or Copernicus, but I bet there are pages of the Codex nobody but Bill Gates has seen.
DJTennessee
May 31st, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

I want to get very inappropriate with Margo’s third-nipple-pendant.
Roto13
May 31st, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

I don’t know if I’m the 50th person to call attention to this, but I love that Margo asks about the roses and doesn’t get an answer until “later that evening.” I like to imagine Tommie in the kitchen, wide-eyed, completely focused on whatever the hell she’s doing in there.

“Must cook dinner. Must cook. Faster! Faster! Must cook faster to avoid the beatings! Oh, the beatings! Faster! Better! Just the way she likes it!”

Then a few hours later, as soon as she’s finished and able to think for her self for a few seconds, she realizes she was asked a question by none other than Mistress Margo herself, panics, and just blurts out the answer in a panic, hoping it’s not too late. “GARY BROUGHT ME THE ROSES!” But of course, it is. Gary’s proposal is the least of her worries now.
Cranky
May 31st, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

The last panel of A3G is the best thing I’ve maybe ever seen in comics. Instead of the puzzlement one would expect to be on Tommie’s face – you know, as in “what kind of batshit crazy are you selling here, Margo?” – she has the look of someone considering a reasonable proposal.

“By God, Margo’s right. I, in fact, do not ski! I’ll just have to learn why that means I can’t live in urban Denver, Colorado, but this can all be figured out later. Meanwhile, I’d better first say no to Gary, then, before Margo yells more, bathroom.”
Winky's Spleen
May 31st, 2009 at 4:36 pm [Reply]

bats [: #80 – Yeah, another of McEldowney’s talents is making “sexy” faces look downright grotesque. Sure, there must be massive money in being his shrink, but is it worth it?
Rebecca
May 31st, 2009 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Coruscant! You’re a Corellian!”
Talking Squirrel
May 31st, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

5 Steven: “Will Tommy be replaced by some new innocent from Yugoslavia or the Philippines? Of course the advantage to that is you get exotic dining without having to leave the apartment.”

Or, for that matter, the bedroom.

It’s hilarious to watch Margo forced to do her fancy head-spinning moves as Tommie keeps circling, circling to keep Margo from being able to draw a bead on her. Sitck and move, Tommie, stick and move, attagirl.

And I love the roses — “roses” being the symbolic currency favored in Craigslist virtual love shacks nationwide.
Ace
May 31st, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

I’m just too hung up on that “Later that evening” box.

It’s so ludicrously out of place that it’s like Bolle took some extra special time out of his very busy schedule to remind me that, whether or not it seems that way, A3G verse’s concept of time does indeed progress towards a later date.
zerowolf
May 31st, 2009 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

Luann: Zombies and freaky little Elvis clones.
Rusty
May 31st, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to New Jersey, you don’t have a bitching Camaro.”
Uncle Lumpy
May 31st, 2009 at 5:24 pm [Reply]

Margo kept her coat on all afternoon, then hung it up as soon as Tommie appeared: “Ah, meat! Is it warm in here?”
Storm of Loyalty
May 31st, 2009 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

All future CC posts featuring Apartment 3-G should be titled ‘ALL HAIL MARGO’. Maybe then its authors will take the hint and make Margo the Supreme Galactic Overlord we all know she was destined to be.
Old School Allie Cat
May 31st, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

So Adrian likes vanilla, huh? Big shock. What’s in the cats is in the kittens.
John C Fremont
May 31st, 2009 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

#82 Nomstrosity – True about the meddling, but Tommie has had her soul crushed by years of living with Margo, so technically she’s qualified to hang out with Jeff at those damned pool parties.
commodorejohn
May 31st, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

#95 Old School Allie Cat – But is it in the stewpot kittens?
Islamorada Girl
May 31st, 2009 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

PV: Godzilla goes Midieval. When the big lizard finds it’s egg and wades back into the ocean with a baby Zilla in a about a month, you’ll know I told you so.

Also, note the big lizard looks suspiciously like our own feared and revered Emperor Chennux, who has been suspicously silent of late. Discuss and speculate.

Extra Credit: Compare Margo to Godzilla. Who do you think would win a fair fight? Why?
Winky's Spleen
May 31st, 2009 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

But how do you define a “fair” fight where Margo is involved?
NoahSnark
May 31st, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

With such a wealth of information at their fingertips, it is a wonder how the stereotype of comic store owners as dateless nerds that never get laid got started. Seriously, what woman doesn’t swoon when you talk about church censorship and amazons in skimpy costumes?
Poteet
May 31st, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

# 80 bats:[ — Thank you for explaining today’s 9CL, because I didn’t understand it. Now I know why I didn’t understand it. Yeesh. “Not so much” is right.

ReFoob (spoiler) Monday — In which we learn that Elly is utterly gobsmacked by the concept of flirting of any kind whatsoever.

RMMD — So Willy is now such a “wonderful boy” that June and Rex plan to keep him.

I demand the recipe for those drinks.
Poteet
May 31st, 2009 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

# 97 commodorejohn — That link should come with a warning.
Steve L
May 31st, 2009 at 6:06 pm [Reply]

Margo – “You can’t leave me!!! Who will service me?!?!?”
Brick Bradford
May 31st, 2009 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

#75 Rex is trying to trick Guido into exposing himself?

MW I’m getting tired of all this smug, sanctimonious crap from Mary and Jeff, especially since they were as taken in as Adrian. The last panel, however, redefined nausea for me.
Jackuul
May 31st, 2009 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

Is it me, or is the last panel of 3G looking like Tommie is about to say “F–k you, bitch! I’ve lived with your bullshit too long, I cook your food, I clean your room, I even listen to you talk about yourself all the goddamn time! I done! I’m not about to stay here anymore, you emotionless assassinating whore!” Following that Tommie ruthlessly beats the hell out of Margo, and leaves a dazed and confused woman to think about her life retrospectively. Following this, Gary dies skiing.
Jackuul
May 31st, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

This is what I mean
Joe Blevins
May 31st, 2009 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

Margo: “Who sent the roses?”
(LATER THAT EVENING…)
Tommie: “Gary brought me the roses.”

See, this is the kind of timing problem that derailed Margo and Tommie’s vaudeville act. “Who’s on First?” would’ve taken them eight or nine hours.
The Spectre
May 31st, 2009 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

# 19 Carbunicle: The “later that evening…” in Apartment 3-G is for the benefit of those who don’t get the two throwaway panels at the top.

re: Funky Winkerbeam … why would the same “prohibitorium” ban Wonder Woman and Copernicus’ theories? I mean, what does Wonder Woman have to do with “heavenly spheres” or “two worlds”? Hmm… I’ve got a vague feeling there’s some connection but I’m not sure what it is… maybe I should brush up my Freud.
Parmalat Loire
May 31st, 2009 at 7:07 pm [Reply]

So… Zits brings up the possibility that when your mom wants to tell you something important, it could be that she’s a stripper vigilante in an inbred marriage on the run from hitmen and that she’s going to get a sex change. To be fair, though, anything would sound lame in comparison to Jeremy’s imaginings, but it’d be harder to be lamer than salsa brands.

Although the incest possibility sure would’ve explained Jeremy.
Jackuul
May 31st, 2009 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

Oh, and as for today’s Blondie, I got up the gumption to ad lib some things. If I could edit my comments I would have slapped this onto 106.
squeepy
May 31st, 2009 at 7:17 pm [Reply]

“You can’t move to Escanaba! You don’t even own a toque!” Ja, you betcha.
doug rogers
May 31st, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

Luann is gone… Tommie is going… You think they’re clearing the decks for a more modern set of bachelor girls to occupy 3G?
Uncle Lumpy
May 31st, 2009 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

#111 squeepy –

Yeah, but I got a bitchin’ Camaro with toque to spare!
Joe Btfsplk
May 31st, 2009 at 7:58 pm [Reply]

“You can’t get married and move to Minneapolis! You don’t even – You don’t – don’t… uh… hmm…”
Deena in OR
May 31st, 2009 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

“You can’t get married and move to Minneapolis! You don’t even own a purple guitar!” (Lame, but the best I could do.)
Winky's Spleen
May 31st, 2009 at 8:35 pm [Reply]

Or, “You can’t get married and move to Minneapolis. You have to dump your finace, then move there and get a job at a TV station with a gruff but lovable boss and an air-headed news anchor.” No less lame, but that’s one of my favorite associations with the place.
Sunny Paris
May 31st, 2009 at 8:36 pm [Reply]

You can’t move to Minneapolis. You don’t even listen to Public Radio!

And along those lines:

“You can’t move to Minneapolis. You don’t even eat powdermilk biscuits.

Or would those be Saint Paul?

also:
You don’t ice fish!
You require two senators!
You don’t even like the mall!
Sunny Paris
May 31st, 2009 at 8:37 pm [Reply]

Winky’s Spleen. Nice!
Steve L
May 31st, 2009 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

You can’t get married and move to Minneapolis! Who knows what Gary might do in the men’s bathroom at the airport?!?
K. Ivan Ruppert
May 31st, 2009 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

I like how Margo’s starting to say “I hope you didn’t keep dinner waiting”. For most people that means “I hope you ate without me”. For Margo it means “If you didn’t anticipate my being late without warning and let my dinner get cold, I’m going to smack you like a dog.
Mibbitmaker
May 31st, 2009 at 9:33 pm [Reply]

How ’bout: You can’t move to Minneapolis — they hate spunk!

Oh, that’s a MTM/Lou Grant line; getcher minds outta the gutter!
Mibbitmaker
May 31st, 2009 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

How about other comic strips for Tommie’s destination….

You can’t move to:

…Funky Winkerbean, your life isn’t a lengthily fatal, depressing nightmare!

…Mary Worth; the meddling there’s worse than MINE! You’ll never last!

…Herb & Jamaal; you’re too specific!

…9 Chickweed Lane; you’re not creepily horny enough!

…Crankshaft; you don’t do grumpy, badly-contrived malapropisms!

…Crock; you’re too well-drawn!

…Judge Parker; you’re not well-drawn enough!

…Non Sequitur; you don’t do contrived allegories on a topically ideological agenda!

…Mark Trail; if you think our “something, something, and…” is annoying, their “WHAT something, something” will kill you!

…FOOB; because……. aw, just trust me on this, Tommie!
LITTLE A. WITH THE CRYSTAL BALL WHO HAS NEVER WON THE LOTTERY
May 31st, 2009 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

You can’t get married and move to The Bronx! You don’t have a tattoo or a mustache!
Deena in OR
May 31st, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

“You can’t get married and move to Portland! You don’t own any flannel or fleece!”
Stu
May 31st, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

What exactly is Margo saying in the first panel?
Old School Allie Cat
May 31st, 2009 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

#112 – Doug – I think that would be mindblowingly awesome. But only if they bring Margo back.

Originally, I wondered if they were going to me it:

Apartment 3G – The Summer of Sublet!

A girl can dream.
sugarpie
May 31st, 2009 at 11:03 pm [Reply]

“Hey Tommie! Here at Pluggers we’re waiting for you with open paws. If you can leave all those high falutin’ city ways behind, that is.”

“Hey you! The flea-bitten trailer trash! Back off! She’d be perfect here at Luann, and would fit right in with all of us cockteasing dim-bulbs. My brother’s friend ~~the talented Mr.~~ TJ cant wait to give you some ~~creeps~~ crepes.”
Rana
May 31st, 2009 at 11:09 pm [Reply]

Deena in OR – that made me laugh! (I miss Portland something fierce, and the fact that my preferred wardrobe fits in there is part of it.)
JC
May 31st, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

So, Wonder Woman joined the list of books that people could read so long as they did so with the proper spiritual and intellectual guidance?

Is Batiuk trying to get some of Dan Brown’s publicity by playing up historically inaccurate sterotypes?

Example: One book on the Index was _Madame Bovary_, which uber Catholic Flannery O’Connor had no fear of identifying publicly as her favorite novel. And O’Connor also was an advocate of censorship by the Church, saying that she found it perfeclty acceptable for the Church to identify what it felt was safe or unsafe literature, so long as authors did not begin engaging in self-censorship.
Madame Incognita
May 31st, 2009 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

If one saw only the last panel of that A3G, you would think the strip was totally different. Between Tommie’s expression (which is actually intelligent) and Margo’s shouting, you’d think that Tommie was the confident, intelligent, dignified and driven career woman who’s just been proposed to by a Denver millionaire, and Margo’s the totally insane and screwy best friend who can’t function without her. Fun hijinks ensue, and in the end the plot is turned into a typical 1960’s romantic comedy.

In fact, that might hold up with the entire strip. However, once one saw any other A3G strip, you would realize that this could not be further from the truth.
dyslexic dog
May 31st, 2009 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

#55 Red — You’re not even a mental toss flycoon.
Deena in OR
May 31st, 2009 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

Rana-Keep Portland Weird!
Gold-Digging Nanny
June 1st, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

“You can’t move to Idaho! Your stance isn’t wide enough!”
Gold-Digging Nanny
June 1st, 2009 at 12:33 am [Reply]

(I guess that could be Minnesota, too. But he was our senator.)
bats :[
June 1st, 2009 at 12:35 am [Reply]

Monday, Monday!

MT: when was the last time you saw at least three dozen black metal 55-gallon drums strewn around carelessly and DIDN’T think they might be dangerous, Mark? The Eisenhower administration?

MW: oh. god. no.

RMMD: Rex’s web of intrigue…the tension is palpable…June is skeptical…to be continued!
Gold-Digging Nanny
June 1st, 2009 at 12:37 am [Reply]

133-134 me — It was that or something about potatoes. And even Tommie is more interesting than potato jokes.
Gold-Digging Nanny
June 1st, 2009 at 12:40 am [Reply]

“You can’t move to Utah! You don’t have magic underwear!”
Angry Kem
June 1st, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

Oh, thank goodness that hideous monstrosity of a Mary Worth storyline has finally dragged its way to a tortured close. Out with you, idiotic Adrian, the Doctor Without a Brain. Out with you, ridiculous blond police-officer-shaped deus ex machina. Out with you, Mary and Jeff, and yes, you too, Bum Boat. Out with you all! May you be tortured forever in a howling abyss of pain.
Red Greenback
June 1st, 2009 at 12:44 am [Reply]

You can’t move to Clearwater! Xenu and I command you!!
bats :[
June 1st, 2009 at 1:14 am [Reply]

Indicative of nothing, other than I’m really tired and there’s a donut calling my name:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3584561040/sizes/o/
Winky's Spleen
June 1st, 2009 at 1:15 am [Reply]

“You can’t move to LA! You don’t have one of those stupid little Laker flags on your car!
Baka Gaijin
June 1st, 2009 at 1:25 am [Reply]

#140 bats :[ : The creepiness level spiked with the mention of “mayo.” I’m hoping Dagwood plans to use the mayo on a hilariously overlarge sandwich in Hi’s kitchen. Yup, that’s why he wants mayo. Yeah.
Poteet
June 1st, 2009 at 1:29 am [Reply]

6/1

FW — This proposal makes me want to eat at Montoni’s more than ever before. Oh yeah.

9CL — He’s actually, really going ahead with this. *jaw drops*

A3G — It’s June, so it’s time for my monthly shout to Lu Ann. Hallooooo, Lu Ann! Hope you’re doing okay out there in South Dakota! Hope to see you again someday! Alive! With all your brain functions intact! Such as they are! Bodily functions too! Regards to whatever family members and friends are currently part of your exciting South Dakota adventure. Such as it is!
Poteet
June 1st, 2009 at 1:48 am [Reply]

6/1 RMMD — Oh Alastor, god of family feuds, I beg of you on bended knee to prevent the hideous child Willy from becoming a permanent part of the Morgan family. Oh Ate, goddess of foolish acts, I pray that if Rex and June do decide to adopt Willy, his mother and/or father will show up unexpectedly and bear him away forevermore. I throw chocolate upon your altars as I ask to be spared from permanent Willyness. Amen.
Dub Not Dubya
June 1st, 2009 at 1:56 am [Reply]

You can’t get married and move to Providence! You’re not even a prostitute!

Meanwhile, I was dying to know what book Mary was reading in Monday’s MW, so I went to the Times-Union comics site, where you can zoom in. It looks like maybe it says Love Success or possibly Teva Sucrose. I kind of like the last one better.
Dub Not Dubya
June 1st, 2009 at 1:57 am [Reply]

Oh wait, can’t believe I didn’t think of this one:

You can’t get married and move to Providence! Rhode Island is the only state in New England without gay marriage!
Mibbitmaker
June 1st, 2009 at 2:26 am [Reply]

New:

9CL: MeanGod and his stooge are setting up an ad for NARAL.

BC: And this is either an ad for vegan/vegetarian propaganda, or a school lunch satire. I hope the 2nd.

GT: That is either:
a) a bunch of giant floating boobies
b) overstuffed copyright symbols
c) a sea of satellite dishes…

DT: An extra artist hasn’t changed the needless, excess ultra-close-ups one bit. The last panel begs for a vastly better image than Dick getting all up in our faces (that’s what she said). Pity.

GT (continued):
d) Unfinished Charlie Brown portraits
e) Giant Charlie Brown heads looking away
f) A squadron of flying saucers flying sideways…

HotC: Yeah, right; kids always describe what they want in counterproductively harsh terms the parent would use to criticize the effort while saying “no” for sure.

MW: Good news: old story finally over. Bad news: Mary gets to help someone new. And Worse news: Someone actually wants Mary to help them.

Popeye: Popeye is suddenly Adrian Corey Stupid.

S-M: …but no fun for me.
OKStan
June 1st, 2009 at 2:26 am [Reply]

You can’t move to Oklahoma! You’re…oh, thanks John C Fremont and Mooncattie! Great minds, indeed!

Plan B: You can’t move to West Virginia. You still have all your teeth.

Plan C: You STILL can’t move to West Virginia. You don’t have a crippling meth addiction.

PS: I’ve lived in OK and WV, so I can get away with it!
Dr. Weird
June 1st, 2009 at 3:00 am [Reply]

126 Old School Allie Cat

Margo could be the new Professor, watching over the new girls’ lives and loves, dispensing advice like an acid-soaked bullwhip. Or perhaps WITH an acid-soaked bullwhip.
Sheila Sternwell
June 1st, 2009 at 3:55 am [Reply]

I have so much love for the Sunday A3G strip. Margo is obviously attracted to the roses because they are pretty and fragrant, but her face is wary: Margo is Margo, after all, and cannot completely trust that which is beautiful and pure.
Mr. O'Malley
June 1st, 2009 at 4:40 am [Reply]

57. Islamorada Girl. There are coyotes in Hawaii? I’ve read about the coyotes that ride the subway in NYC, so I know they’re smart, but how did they cross the Pacific?

Let’s see …
You can’t get married and move to Buffalo, you don’t know how to bowl!
You can’t get married and move to Banff, you don’t know how to speak Japanese!
You can’t get married and move to Orcas Island (see 146), you don’t know how to talk sexual politics with Margo St. James!

Right, comics …

BC: Let us domesticate this creature, entomb our dead in artificial mounds on the steppes, bury dogs by the west door of our subterranean houses and speak a language with a large number of noun terminations!

FB: That’s what I like about this strip. Fred’s owner is happily zoning out to the BBC phone-in gardening radio show. Wouldn’t the US be better for having a phone-in gardening radio show?

MW: Delilah? Lawrence? Who TF are these people? I guess I should be thankful that Adrian and Scott are wandering forever in an ice-cream-toting park and we are on to another exciting story. I’ve tried to figure out the book that Mary is reading. I make it “Love Poems” by Ovid. Probably Mary was a close acquaintance of Ovid back in the day, so she was probably reminiscing about some meddling with Augustus Caesar.

Pluggers: In this chimera-less cartoon, there seems to be quite an influence from the cartoons of Ronald Searle, however cats should normally not be given milk.

SlyFo: Why has Slylock embraced a life of crime?
Charterstoned
June 1st, 2009 at 6:47 am [Reply]

122 – Mibbitmaker – I think we should further explore the benefits of Tommie moving to Lost Forest. They don’t have any redheads in LoFo, so Tommie would add color to the overwhelming flesh tones. As a nurse, Tommie could help Doc with his work (as in “I’m a nurse and I know dead when I see it.”) It’s just possible that she and Cherry could become friends and that Tommie could give Cherry some tips on cooking flapjacks, fortune cookies, and chicken wingettes. Or, if they can’t be friends, Tommie could at least add a new “love” wrinkle (we haven’t seen much of Kelly Welly lately), and stir up the plot. Plus, Lu Ann, Margo, the Professor, and maybe even Ruby would come to visit. It could work!
gleeb
June 1st, 2009 at 7:02 am [Reply]

You can’t move to Baltimore! You don’t even use heroin!

Lio: “Let’s make a coil pot!”

A&J: If I have to go to your website because you’re unable adequately to tell your story of class hatred in the comic strip, you fail.

arloandjanis.com: And there’s nothing there to elucidate the story!

Brenda: Yeah, it’s not like Pug could have had personal reasons for not coming home; only Brenda picks up handsome foreigners she just met.

Archie: Wetherbee will later be arrested for child labor. The case will be thrown out when his lawyer points out that Archie and Jughead are well over 80 years old.

’shaft: The Old Demon Tobacco! Seriously, this is Edge City level stuff, Batiuk.

Doonesbury: OK, I waited an extra day, just to make sure. What was all that crap last week? Feh. Nice gag today, though.

‘bean: Cory is ready to be made a full member of the cult. Tell Creepy Les to kidnap another human sacrifice. Well, it’s more interesting than what’s actually happening.

Slylock: M le Comte is again hassled by The Man. Well, The Fox actually, but you know what I mean.

Spidey: I assume he’s come to town looking for a resupply of pomade.
Talking Squirrel
June 1st, 2009 at 7:05 am [Reply]

MW Sunday: Foreshadowing galore. Mary and Jeff will develop fulminant hepatitis, rapidly progressing to liver failure, from the night soil-contaminated shrimp-farm shrimp in the Bum Boat’s scampi.

The final “Adrian and Scott” Soft-Serv panel really requires no further interpretation. It stands (or not) on its own.

MW Monday: We peek over the transom at Mary enjoying a phone meddlegasm.

9 Cockroach Lane: How appropriate that Thorax’s gluteus is uttering the line “By all means, cushion it.” Take it from the authoritative source.

151 Mr. O’Malley: Methinks Islamorada Girl is speaking of the Chesapeake Bay; I’m currently in MD and we do, indeed, have coyote now — not all that many, but getting established and have been seen in the burbs. Being a Hawaii boy I can confirm there are no coyote there. Some pretty scraggly-ass dogs, though. Not fat enough for adobo, so we leave ‘em run.
Little Guy
June 1st, 2009 at 7:14 am [Reply]

A3g/AHM: “You can’t go to Baltimore! You don’t even know the first female prime minister!”

9CL: No, Brooke. We weren’t saying “Kafka”. We were getting phlegm out of our throats.

yJP: Principal Glasses ponders, “If only I had some sort of power to implement on young students about bullying, that there would be zero tolerance, and if only if there was some law enforcement about adults intimidating students…” Naw, just cut yourself out of the fracas, and let the students beat the snot of out the Cheerleader Moms. Circle of life and all that.
John C Fremont
June 1st, 2009 at 7:39 am [Reply]

Googling “Mary Worth Delilah” led me to a posting on Ces Marciuliano’s blog with a video of “Hey There, Delilah: The Stalker Version,” which I got to see right before my computer decided it didn’t want to work anymore. I’d offer a link, but now that I’m at work, Deep Nines Technologies refuses to let me access it. “Worth” searching for, though.
colonial
June 1st, 2009 at 7:46 am [Reply]

FW: Unseen third panel…

Yeah, I know my business is going down you know what’s creek, but we’ll just not pay Cory to labor for us. The kid’s a moron — what does he know about child labor laws?

MW: Mary talks to radio host Delilah, requests “meddling music”
mordock999
June 1st, 2009 at 8:00 am [Reply]

Today’s Luann 06/01/09

“The ‘TEAM’??? Honey, I TOOK ONE for ‘TEAM’ when I went out with the Elvis Weasel, so HE could Bankroll YOUR D.C. TRIP because YOU spend so MUCH time with YOUR pet causes, that YOU can’t get a normal PAYING afterschool JOB to PAY for YOUR own FRIGGIN’ Trips! Cya AFTER the Movie ‘UP’, Sweetie!” — Luann

___________________________

DEATH to TJ!
Hogenmogen
June 1st, 2009 at 8:04 am [Reply]

You CAN’T go to South Dakota, you don’t own a neckerchief!

Oh, I suppose you could buy or borrow one. See ya.
kalki
June 1st, 2009 at 8:07 am [Reply]

Blondie: Like father, like son…apparently, they both use and discard their spank socks rather frivolously.

Crank: OMG It’s the end of the world. An average child, with average grades who is upstairs practicing her smoking vagina trick. Hey, the poor girl needs something to spice up her stripper routine for her post grad career. Don’t judge, mom and dad.

DTM: Is Alice actually blushing? Is that because Dennis busted her for finishing off the dog’s leftovers in the past and is shoving his knowledge right into her face?

CircusJerk: Uh, apparently in your case, Billy: Mission Accomplished!

FW: I applaud the idea, Funky, but does your nosediving business really need to hire a punkass thief who will probably end up on YouTube videos for hawking loogies on your pizzas before they get served?
(as opposed to the ones the customers hawk after they get served)

Hi/Lois: Who’s bringing the lube and toys?

Luann: ha ha spot the lesbian come-on in the last panel ha ha

S-M: Why is Wolvie smiling like that while he is zipping up his pants in the last panel?
Hogenmogen
June 1st, 2009 at 8:16 am [Reply]

Delilah? Lawrence? Stand back for an onslaught of numbing MaryWorthian exposition for the rest of the week.

Wait, they’re asking for help? It’s too easy…

…It’s a trap, Mary! Pull back! Pull back before it’s too late!
KarMann
June 1st, 2009 at 8:17 am [Reply]

Crankshaft: Well, I guess we know who’s getting cancer next, now.
Charterstoned
June 1st, 2009 at 8:28 am [Reply]

MT – “You were right, Doc. We may have a problem. I found a boatoad of empty kegs–somebody is trying to MUSCLE in on our operation! By the way, HOW does today’s batch from our still look?”
Hogenmogen
June 1st, 2009 at 8:28 am [Reply]

C’shaft: It’s not Mindy. It’s Ed’s ol’ buddy Fidel come to reminisce of sepia toned times gone by, knock back some rum shots and light up a few fat stogies. “…Oh, and by the way can you sponsor dos or tres budding baseball stars on thier immigration, por favor? Muchas gracias, Eduardo.”

You can’t move to Spiderman, Tommie, you never watch TV!

Oh, Spiderman lives in NYC, where we already are? But in an alternate reality, right?
sugarpie
June 1st, 2009 at 8:28 am [Reply]

Luanne Does Luann actually have her feet jammed up under Bernice’s ass? Why yes, I think she does. Yay! This is going to be a good week after all.
Charterstoned
June 1st, 2009 at 8:30 am [Reply]

MW – Mary’s dentures are slipping in panel two.
Little Guy
June 1st, 2009 at 8:35 am [Reply]

162: That’s a Floater.

yPV: This is the reason why Sunday Funnies exist. Also, the plot moves faster in two panels per week than 9CL, OldFOOB, and Spidey combined.
druidbros
June 1st, 2009 at 8:38 am [Reply]

MW – meddlin powers ACTIVATE !!!
druidbros
June 1st, 2009 at 8:44 am [Reply]

A3G – (This is too good to pass up)

‘You cant move to Japan, you dont know how to eat sushi !’
‘You cant move to Australia, you dont know how to go down under !’
“You cant move to Brazil, you dont know how to wax !’
The Spectacular Spider-Brick
June 1st, 2009 at 8:44 am [Reply]

Archie: Add “Mr. Weatherbee’s disturbingly realistically shaped neck fat roll” to the ever-growing list of comics-page sights I wish I could unsee.

BB: Oh, they’re playing a game, all right. Its name can’t be printed in a family paper, though.

C’Shaft: Aw, back off, you two. She’s just trying to get cancer, like all the cool kids.

(WT)DT: A guy with a gaudy theme costume and a similarly goofy theme name has just killed a man in front of you, and you’re leaving him alive? Who are you and what have you done with the real Dick Tracy?!?

EC: Now that it’s my first springtime in my new house, I was thinking of putting in a garden. Something tells me that after two weeks of reading this coming plotline, I will want nothing to do with the idea. Kind of like what Mark Trail has done for going outdoors, or 9 Chickweed Lane and sex.

FC: Oh, Billy, whatever you do will be useless.

thorps. I think they’re boobs. Giant, floating, spectral boobs. Molly Kinsella is being haunted by the ghosts of Marilyn Monroe and Anna Nicole Smith.

MW: Mary perks up at the prospect of being able to meddle again.

Mutts: I can’t believe! . . . . . . . . . this is a published strip!

SH: Nobody knows why a song is a hit or a miss. I’m not surprised, though, that songs about your close friends in the I.T. department would trend toward the “miss” end of the range.

S-M: Yeah! He totally tore that guy’s clothing! And changed the color of his blazer! Woo! That’s the Wolverine we know and love, True Believers! Stay tuned for the next pulse-pounding chapter, when Wolvie pops his claws to key a car!
Rusty
June 1st, 2009 at 8:54 am [Reply]

MW: Mary should never be portrayed holding a cell phone. She would obviously have a big-ass rotary (or maybe a “Princess” rotary) on the land line by the couch.

9CL: I can only hope that the god character is revealed as an escaped mental patient.
Amateur
June 1st, 2009 at 8:56 am [Reply]

MW: To paraphrase MST3K, “Aaaah! This strip just violently jerks you into the next storyline!”
Powers
June 1st, 2009 at 9:09 am [Reply]

Am I the only one who sees that Crazy Harry is actually *buying* the comic? He’s not reading it surreptitiously, has no need to put it back, and has no need to tell the clerk, whom he approached specifically to purchase the book, to leave him alone.
mojo
June 1st, 2009 at 9:16 am [Reply]

Mary Worth continues her AWESOME mad naming skills of ancillary characters by introducing a NEW situation—rather ham-fisted, but what the hey, we can’t all be smoove like Mark Trail—involving someone named “Delilah”! A name I haven’t heard used since the Gershwins wrote:

Delilah was a floozy
She never gave a damn
Delilah wasn’t choosy
‘Til she fell for a swell buckaroo whose name was Sam.

At least Delilah’s spouse/significant other/landlord—the one who’s “not good”—is named Larry. Oh, sorry, “Lawrence”. If he was named something like “Obadiah” I’d say, hey, pal, THAT’s your trouble right THERE…

I’ve become so madly in love with this goofy strip it’s not even funny. Pray for me.
Charterstoned
June 1st, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

MW – Are we supposed to know who this Delilah person is?
Jumper
June 1st, 2009 at 10:08 am [Reply]

I say! Aren’t those Mortimer Sackler roses? Why yes they are. How sweet they smell! I’m drifting… Anyway, this is a clue about Tommie’s beau.
Calico
June 1st, 2009 at 10:15 am [Reply]

Delilah? As in Samson and…?
I really like the title of Mary’s book in hand-
“Love Express.” Classic.
Time for her to cuckold Jeff again and then rush to help Lawrence, who is presumably another meth head, or he simply doesn’t like seafood.
Artist formerly known as Ben
June 1st, 2009 at 10:16 am [Reply]

6/1

MT: “A problem, you say? Then maybe someone should step up and take care of those witnesses. Wait, what were we talking about again?”

MW: Mary senses an opportunity to get proactive. Or smells blood, for short.

M-Dawg: “But before I go shopping, I hope some big strong dog doesn’t take advantage of me. I SAID I hope some big strong dog doesn’t take advantage of me.”

BB: Of course when Sarge catches Beetle, both will be playing a game of Hide the (phallic metaphor of your choice.)

H&L: An Affair to Remember? They must be planning something after the movie. I’m guessing halting confessions of past adulter, tears, screaming, and Hi sleeping on the couch.

FC: It’s not “can I” it’s “may I.” The question of whether Billy can do something useless is long since settled.

GA: The rather engaging Gertie-Bird storyline seems to have sputtered to a depressing conclusion. Made more depressing by the fact that we’re spending time with Slim again.

PBS: Killed me, even though I basically saw the joke coming.

Crock: What can I say? That’s vile.

SFx: Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Sly a detective? So shouldn’t he be out solving crimes, instead of, you know, committing them? I guess industrial sabotage probably does pay better.

S-M: In the second panel, a mugger steps to Wolverine. In the third panel, said mugger is in a trash can and his pants are shredded. I’ve never been in prison, but I think I can fill in the blanks.

C-Shaft: Oh no! Not smoking! Doesn’t Mindy know she increases her chance of getting canc–Oh, right. Might as well puff away, then.
commodorejohn
June 1st, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

AS – Potentially funny, but drowned in verbage. Well, that’s still better than average for The Argyle Sweater.

Crankshaft – Hell, why not? She’s going to get cancer anyway.

DT – And by “take over,” Dick is of course referring to the job of beating the perp to death.

FB – is apparently a subtle yet daring critique of the growing U.K. panopticon. Edgy stuff.

FW – Ha ha, Cory’s little remaining free time is going to be co-opted for wage slavery to his father! Ha ha ha!

GT – Molly Kinsella is running late because she’s being chased by ghost lights. Which is still more normal than some of the everyday events in Milford.

JP – Is it just me, or does putting columns on a house with unpainted maple siding seem a bit…out of place? It kind of reminds me of Hoot’n Holler’s library.

Luann – I think Delta exists to make Luann seem tolerable. Why can’t the strip focus on Bernice?

MT – “You were right, Doc. I think we have a problem! The police might be on to your meth lab!”

MW – So Mary Worth is friends with a woman who sold out her own husband to his worst enemies after symbolically emasculating him? Sounds about right.

Pluggers – once again draws attention to its bizarre mingling of normal and anthropomorphic animals.

Popeye – is obsessive-compulsive and needs a therapist.

RMMD – Uh-oh, the Riddler’s been vandalizing the staterooms again.

SM – So the real threat here is that Wolverine is going to demonstrate just how much better of a superhero he is than Spider-Man?
Will
June 1st, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

PBS: Mmmm. Incapacitating.

Luann: Delta used to be an interesting character, but now all she does is turn up every couple of months and inflict her sense of social justice on the strip. It is irritating. On the other hand, it spares us from seeing the dumpy little Elvis guy, so that’s a plus.
Sequitur
June 1st, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

bats:[ – I’ve been thinking about your “Baroo?.” I’m thinking it could be used for answering the phone such as this!
Dan
June 1st, 2009 at 11:13 am [Reply]

How does Margo manage to whirl around in surprise three times in three panels? Is she turning away between each panel, just so she can dramatically spin to face Tommie anew after every line?
tb4000
June 1st, 2009 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

I love Margo’s elitist “those lame flyover states” mindset. She is the best character in this strip, I swears.
Anson Pants
June 1st, 2009 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

You can’t get married and move to TDIET. You don’t have a name like Barfo or Loppie. Oh yeah!
bats :[
June 1st, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

181. sequitur: love the Baroo?! It works on so many levels…
You’ll probably never look at another comic character on the phone without that itching at the back of your brain.
KarMann
June 1st, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

@commodorejohn:

MW: Who do you think told Delilah to cut Samson’s hair in the first place, anyway?
temujin
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

yeah, so margo’s denver/skiing exhortation *needs* to be on a t-shirt.

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ALL HAIL MARGO

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