Archive: Funky Winkerbean

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Funky Winkerbean, 5/23/17

Crazy Harry is one of those characters who Funky Winkerbean has never really figured out what to do with, post-time jump. His nickname is a callback to his amusing eccentricities during the wacky teen version of the strip, but now mostly is a sad reminder of his pervasive anxiety and depression. Anyway, you may think this is a strip about a man so out of touch with reality that he doesn’t recognize what ordinary household products like shampoo look like, and it is of course about that, but it’s also keeping with the strip’s canon about one of Crazy Harry’s business ideas/hobbies: digitizing VHS tapes. So maybe it’s Crazy Harry’s wife who’s confused here? Anyway, the point is, somebody couldn’t resist the “what if a person thought ‘head cleaner’ was another word for shampoo” joke, even though they literally stopped making VCRs last year.

Gil Thorp, 5/23/17

“I’d say it was news — in another time and another place. Specifically, in a time and place where domestic abuse allegations have long-term consequences for elite athletes. That time and place certainly isn’t here and now, ha ha!”

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Mary Worth, 5/12/17

So in addition to being a shitty husband, Derek is a terrible boss as well! “Hey, Sandy, Denise, thanks for holding down the fort here at the office while I took a three-week vacation to ‘reconnect’ with the wife or whatever. You do not want to hear about how that went, ha ha! Anyway, I saw this extremely generic teal hat in a fenced-off vacation compound in Haiti and thought of you guys. Uh, I only bought one, so, I guess you can share it?”

Meanwhile, Katie is exploring the Mystery Of The Propped-Open Bathroom Door! THEORIES: Either it’s a trap laid by her romantic rival, Entertainer Esmé, who’s lying in wait in there with a knife, or the plumbing’s backed up and the toilets smell very, very bad.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/12/17

As you all know, I normally choose to think as little as possible about the decade-wide Funkyverse chrono-disconnect between Crankshaft and Funky Winkerbean, but I have to admit that I’m intrigued by Becky’s passing reference to “tear[ing] down the old bus garage” mere days in real time (and ten years in Funkyverse time) after the Crankshaft gang ruminated over the possibility that they’d be replaced by robots. I certainly hope they did get replaced by robots, and that moreover Crankshaft’s pension was docked so the school district could afford to buy the lubricant the robots need to function at peak efficiency.

Hi and Lois, 5/12/17

Peter Parker? No nipples. Dagwood Bumstead and Mark Trail? No nipples. Congratulations to Chip Flagston, the daily comics’ first benipplèd man!

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Funky Winkerbean, 5/3/17

Boy, talk about exploring innovative revenue sources: comic strips are adopting commercial sponsorships with a vengeance. Never mind Mary Worth‘s Royal Caribbean International®-themed cruise story or even Spider-Man’s nonstop shilling for Guardians of the Galaxy 2 — opens Friday! — from The Walt Disney Company subsidiary Marvel Entertainment LLC. In just the past week we’ve seen Pickles plugging the Licki cat brush from PDX Pet Design — catch them at CatConLA 2017, sponsored by Rachel Ray Nutrish® super premium food for cats — and Gasoline Alley‘s shameless emotional manipulation in support of the Physician’s Assistant History Society and the American Association of Physician Assistants‘ convention AAPA 2017 in Las Vegas — the ultimate PA event, at MGM Resorts International‘s elegant Mandalay Bay South convention facility.

Here, retired Westview band leader Harry L. Dinkle, worldwide face of DINKLES brand marching shoes, accepts an award for selling band candy from van Houten chocolates (which, for the record, neither runs a factory in Belgium, nor, you know, sells chocolates).

I don’t know whether Dinkle’s award is coming from the “van Houten” that’s a Singapore-based Hershey subsidiary or the one that’s a China-based foodservice supplier, but please nobody tell their flack that Harry is strictly a Toblerone® guy, OK? He can’t fit anything but triangles into that mouth.

Mark Trail, 5/3/17

If you want to become a global branding behemouth like Harry L. Dinkle, you have to start small, but this is just sad, OK? I hope PR’s Restaurant and Truck Stop sprang for the full breakfast and not just complementary refills on the coffee.

Sally Forth, 5/3/17

Credit Sally for accommodating the tender feelings of Walt Disney World® Parks and Destinations and Universal Studios Parks and Resorts. But a more aggressive cross-licensing and affiliation strategy could help her out of her copyright jam. Maybe swap for a 10-year option to build Sally Forth: the 3-D Experience, The Whimsical World of Sally Forth, or Ted’s Flying Car Ride?

Remember, Sally: it’s not selling out when they already own you!


–Uncle Lumpy, brought to you by Palmolive — “you’re soaking in it!”