Archive: Funky Winkerbean

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Dick Tracy, 6/19/17

It’s not a secret that I have come to miss the days when Dick Locher helmed Dick Tracy, not least for its violent batshit insanity (the many gruesome deaths of the villains are all nicely outlined here by Uncle Lumpy) set against an art style that seemed to verge into German Expressionism. The subsequent strips since the change in personnel, though in theory featuring better art and more coherent plotting, lack the verve of the Locher era. I feel like things have been getting slightly nuttier lately, and today’s panel is as glorious as it is inexplicable. Is Blackjack robbing Paragon Bank, in a crime unrelated to B.O. Plenty’s problem with the institution’s out-of-control mortgage department? Or is Blackjack secretly running the bank, with his army of masked thugs forcing innocents like our mustachio’d bank exec here to illegally foreclose on houses? How do said thugs get their masks to drape just so? Why is B.O. Plenty wearing sleeve garters like a dealer on a riverboat casino? Is the musical notation floating over our characters’ heads part of the bank’s decor, or is it meant to represent the muzak system playing blissfully away while this scene of high danger goes down? I’m looking forward to getting none of these questions properly answered this week!

Funky Winkerbean, 6/19/17

Oh, hey, so it turns out that the thing Jessica was worried Darin would accidentally discover was that … her mom helped her plan a visit for him and Pete to the Flash Museum in Central City! Now, I don’t know all the ins and outs of the world of comics books, but I’m pretty sure that most places that have “museum” in their name well let anybody in to see their exhibits who’s willing to pay the admission fee, so I’m not sure why everyone is acting like this is a huge deal? Maybe because this museum is dedicated to the Flash, an actual superhero that people have heard of, and not Mister Sponge and Starbuck Jones, which are made up and phony-baloney.

Spider-Man, 6/19/17

Don’t worry, Spidey! Despite this being’s designation as an “armadilloid,” he appears to only superficially resemble any representative superorder Xenarthra, the clade that includes armadillos and and anteaters; in particular, the creature lacks the specialized dentition that makes anteaters unique, instead displaying what a scientist might call “a bunch of big teethy slabs.” Nice try using some taxonomy knowledge to get out of having to do superhero stuff! On the other hand, you yourself are not a spider at all, just a super strong dude in a spandex suit, so maybe he can eat you, I dunno. I for one am willing to find out!

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Marvin, 6/13/17

Usually when we discuss Marvin here, it’s to talk about the main theme of the strip, which is that the title character is a baby who not only poops and pees in his pants, as all babies do, but revels in it, enjoying the way his foul stench disgusts his parents. There’s another theme, though, and that’s how Marvin’s parents need to care not only for their grotesque infant, but also Jenny’s parents, who lost all their retirement savings in bad investments and moved in with Marvin’s family in defeat. Then last year we learned that Jeff’s dad, who he thought had died when he was a child, actually just walked out on the family and Jeff’s mom told her son he was dead, because it was easier! And now he’s decided to come back into his son’s life, entirely for grifting purposes. What I’m saying is that beneath the surface of this light-hearted strip about endless shit-filled diapers, there’s an aspiring Funky Winkerbean trying to get out.

Funky Winkerbean, 6/13/17

Speaking of Funky Winkerbean, don’t think this is the kind of hilarious accidental eavesdropping oh-no-my-beloved-is-cheating-on-me misunderstanding-half-a-conversation you’d see in mindless sitcoms like Three’s Company. No, this is the kind of tragic accidental eavesdropping oh-no-my-beloved-is-cheating-on-me misunderstanding-half-a-conversation you’d see in Shakespeare, which usually end in a murder-suicide.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/13/17

Look, I know coming out to an acquaintance can be difficult. But see, you don’t have to invite them to a high school musical your girlfriend stars in just so you can casually mention that your girlfriend will be appearing in it! You could have said she was the lead when you first invited them to see the show, for instance. That would’ve gotten it out of the way early and then they wouldn’t even have had to come! Or when you first got wind that there was some romantic jealousy, you could’ve just said “I have a girlfriend and you’re gross!” Lotta options that don’t involve several uncomfortable hours watching high school musical theater that somebody else’s girlfriend is starring in, is what I’m saying.

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Funky Winkerbean, 6/8/17

I’m no “weed-ologist” but I’m given to understand that if you’re looking for a drug that will give you energy and help you focus when you’re tired, marijuana is not ideal for the task? Quite the opposite, in fact!

Spider-Man, 6/8/17

I for one would be extremely glad to see the Tyrannus storyline dropped entirely and instead we pivot to Mole-Man becoming a beloved oddball character actor à la Wallace Shawn.

Pluggers, 6/8/17

Pluggers can’t put away the booze like they used to, and they can’t chew that well either.