Archive: Funky Winkerbean

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/25/20

OK, so, just to make sure we have the sequence clear, these ICE dudes arrested Adeela (who, just to emphasize, is in the United States legally) due to a bureaucratic fuckup (one that didn’t make a ton of narrative sense, but still), fast-tracked her for near-immediate deportation, resisted any attempt by her lawyer to make them re-examine the dodgy evidence that led them to their decision, and released her not because they realized they were wrong or because they reassessed their obviously broken internal processes, but because of political intervention at the highest levels. But anyway, they’re returning the Montoni’s bag, so they’re good now! No hard feelings, right? [Backslapping and laughter all around]

Daddy Daze, 10/25/20

Wow, the Daddy Daze daddy’s goth friend sure is getting extra goth today, isn’t he, moaning about how parenting makes time stretch on infinitely, such that we’re all either rapidly aging or cursed with eternal life or maybe both. Anyway, it absolutely makes sense that the Daddy Daze daddy has chosen to sit several seats away from him.

Blondie, 10/25/20

Not to brag or anything, but if I wanted to spend an evening out with a pal and possibly get home long after my wife went to sleep, I would just tell her that’s what I had planned, and if that made her uncomfortable in some way, we’d have an open and honest discussion about it. Maybe that’s weird, maybe the rest of you are all promising your spouses you’ll be home by 1 am and coming home at 3 am and getting in trouble for it, I dunno, but you know what’s a hell of a lot weirder? Dagwood thinking that only wearing his undershirt makes him quieter, somehow.

Baby Blues, 10/25/20

It’s also never occurred to me to casually ask my wife “Hey, babe, you ever fuck Spider-Man?” so maybe I just need to admit that everyone’s marriage is unique and none of us have any real idea what anybody else is doing.

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The Phantom, 10/24/20

Next week: NEW ADVENTURE!!!! Hopefully its climax will be as exciting as this one: The Phantom dozing off while his wife natters on about the romantic destiny of her teen son and their daughter’s friend.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/24/20

Good news! Adeela was about to have her life destroyed by a terrible combination of bureaucratic incompetence and institutional cruelty, but then one of the formerly most powerful people in the world was convinced to make a phone call and it solved all her problems! Everyone who’s more than one degree of separation from a current or former political leader can go fuck themselves, though.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/24/20

I am not a parent, but I know enough parents to sometimes get a glimpse of why the Family Circus has historically been beloved among parents, and I truly admire today’s panel, which features Daddy having been pushed to a place in his life where he’s attempting to earnestly reason with a pre-verbal toddler.

Mary Worth, 10/24/20

[cackling evilly] YES … YES! … IT’S A THREE’S COMPANY-STYLE MISUNDERSTANDING … BUT WITH CRACK AND/OR METH!

Mark Trail, 10/24/20

Mark’s new assignment is sending him to Happy Trail Farms, and based on the last two panels here, my guess is that he escaped from there years ago after being grown there in a vat.

Crock, 10/24/20

Like, a significant portion of the time the jokes in Crock are pretty difficult to parse, and normally I’d complain, but today? When the joke is about how beloved character “Maggot” got horny at the movies? I appreciate this protective layer of obfuscation.

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Funky Winkerbean, 9/18/20

Wow, if the Funkyverse gang thinks that Bill Clinton has the influence to convince the current U.S. government to think twice about deporting someone, I have some extremely bad news for them. Not only is this not going to work, but Montoni’s is probably going to displace Comet Ping Pong at the center of fevered #pizzagate conspiracy theorizing on various unsettling Facebook groups.

Marvin, 9/18/20

Normally I complain about Marvin doing poop jokes, but today’s Marvin is about how these two fish are stuck in this bowl together and one of them wants to be friends and the other one very much does not. It’s depressing and I hate it! At least the poop jokes don’t make me actively sad!

Family Circus, 9/18/20

What’s your favorite image in today’s Family Circus? I’m a fan of Daddy’s football fantasy, a key part of which is the pile of crockery on the table next to him. He’s enjoying a beer now, but we can tell he’s already had some coffee and at least two meals and he’s still not getting out of that chair. My second favorite is the scene of Daddy keeping his kids entertained by reading what appears to be a menu.