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I always cry at endings

Funky Winkerbean, 6/26/09

“You see, Kayla, eventually, like everything I touch, you will die, in pain. The question is, will you have made enough of an emotional impression on me to leave me wistful and emotionally bruised for the next decade? Will your brave but ultimately doomed fight against mortality bring a wistful, noble tear to my eye, and to the eyes of millions of readers across the country? Will you have finally broken through Summer’s shell of reserve, leaving her shattered at the knowledge that she might have had the mother figure in her life that she’s always needed? In short, we need time to build up that kind of emotional baggage, and frankly I don’t think we’re going to get there by enjoying ourselves, with sex.”

Family Circus, 6/26/09

It’s kind of true: since Billy isn’t allowed to wander outside the compound walls or to watch the devil’s “television” box, his only guide to appropriate behavior is the Old Testament, which, for all of its merits, has relatively little information on children’s leisure activities.

Baldo, 6/26/09

Tia Carmen and Baldo have a shared interest in very specific kinds of fetish pornography, a bond that draws them closer but that they very rarely acknowledge.

166 responses to “I always cry at endings”

  1. Cranky
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Really wanted to snark that Baldo when I read it this morning, but couldn’t think of anything. Josh’s Lesson #1 of snark: when in doubt, reference obscure fetish porn.

  2. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    FC: Act your age? “Don’t play ball in the house” would be appropriate but “Act your age?” It’s quite normal for a boy of around 8 to want to play football. This whole strip sucks.

  3. Gal Friday
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: He’s looking for “it”–that thing Grandma is doing because she’s old enough.

  4. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    Here’swhat Baldo was trying to find.”

  5. Comrade Denny
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    FC: “[T]he Old Testament, which, for all of its merits, has relatively little information on children’s leisure activities.” Well, they sometimes mock bald-headed prophets who then summon she-bears to tear them apart. C’mon, Billy! Mock a prophet!

    Momma: With a kremlin colonel in hand, Francis delivers yet another devastating 1-line critique of Capitalism. Indeed, nothing has been more destructive to marriage and the family (and community) than the forces of Capital. And all delivered with total nonchalance from a lazy summer day hammock. A regular Zaitsev of slack.

    Peanuts: No snark. I just love how subtly Schulz portrays Lucy’s ASPD. Linus’ tormet is as fascinating to her as watching bugs. Indeed, to her, Linus – and everyone else – is an insect.

    Phantom: “Watch your trim”!? Looks like Jungle Patrol needs some more sex harassment training.

  6. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    “Oh yeah, mom? I guess you think hiding stilts in your slacks is appropriate behavior for your age?”

  7. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    FC — I’m pretty sure that in the Old Testament there is going to be a need for ceremonial cleansing for knocking over a plastic plant. I’m also pretty sure that the punishment for being a round-headed idiot is death by stoning.

  8. Calico
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    “Endings have to be earned.”

    In that case, Les, I am going to avoid your creepy currency and depression honor point systems like the plague.

  9. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Comrade Denny — Does every newspaper get the same Peanuts rerun? I had just assumed that every paper that runs them did their own thing. Are we talking about the strip where, when Linus gets his blanket back, Lucy is counting bugs?

  10. Bridgette
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    I’m in Kansas City. They are “cleaning up” our comic section. http://www.kansascity.com/851/story/1266665.html

    They are asking us to vote for five comics to get rid of out of ten — Some of your “favorites” are on the chopping block. How am I going to keep up with Mark Trail’s “Fist of fury” if they take them away or see how the old FBFW compares with the new one.

  11. Dragon of Life
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    “Endings have to be earned,” Les says, distracting her with pithy faux-wisdom as he leans in to rip her earring off with his teeth and swallow it. I’m… not really certain I entirely understand FW any more.

  12. Bryan
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    Cleats: I confess that the amount of shit I give about Cleats is so small that our best scientists can’t measure it, but are they taking a dig at our beloved Joshie-poo here?
    Dennis the Menace: Oh God, as if my life weren’t augering into a Nebraska cornfield enough as it is, I have to see Dennis in his tightie whities too? Frankly, I’m starting to see the benefits of the “replace humanity with giant cockroaches” plan.
    Edge City: I don’t want to start a whole pro/con antidepressant flame fest around here, but antidepressants for your cat? When my cat gets depressed, she pushes the dogs around for awhile and feels much better.
    Fast Track: “Kiddo, I tampered in God’s domain and created unholy abominations for my senior project. You don’t impress me.”
    Gasoline Alley: Jesus, that second panel demonstrates why Josh doesn’t get turned on by crude line drawings! That last time I saw something like that it was attached to the Millennium Falcon’s hull in that asteroid.
    Mark trail: Isn’t there some kind of federal agency who should be handling this? Like, say, an environmental protection agency? Or does Mark Trail take place in the dystopic alternate history of Watchmen where Nixon ruled for 40 years and it’s a total Crapsack World?
    Rex Morgan, MD: Awww…no really, all snarking aside, awwww.
    Spiderman: I loved that song in Damn Yankees when Bebe Neuwirth sang it.

  13. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

    “…and to be honest, my ‘earning potential’ isn’t what it once was, if you see what I’m saying, but I understand there are some amazing treatments available these days.”

  14. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    7 Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    I think you’re right. Hmm, sounds just right for Mama’s Francis.

    I think different newpapers get different “Classic” Peanuts. Ours has the story line where Peppermint Patty and Marcy escape from camp.

  15. Jacob Singer
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    “Endings have to be earned. Or paid for in advance, if you want the Happy Ending.”

  16. Binder's Butter Beans
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    FC: I bet Thel’s sorry now that she’s never let the little boogers watch the Brady Bunch. How else are they supposed to learn that “Mom always says don’t play ball in the house”?!

  17. jayjaybear
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    Funky Cancerbean – Another useful question is, “Will Cayla’s ghost hook up with Lisa’s ghost for some serious dead lesbian sex for Les’s benefit?”

  18. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    4 — The jar of Nothing must be next to the Round Tuit (http://www.myrtlewoodgallery.com/get_a_round_tuit.htm)

  19. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

    “You know, Delilah… when you and Lawrence got together, everyone here rejoiced. Because nothing warms the cockles of our bitter old hearts like seeing young, smart, pretty things plummet from their arrogant heights into the same ineluctable quagmire of disappointment and self-loathing that trapped every single one of us so many years ago. Do you smell burning? Check your wings, little Icarus.

    And, dear, you left some casserole on your plate. If you still have any idea what’s good for you, you will finish that.”

  20. teddytoad
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Josh, if you’re going to make a Belle & Sebastian reference in commenting on Funky Winkerbean, why not keep things simple and use the song’s title: “Get Me Away from Here, I’m Dying.”

  21. Donald the Anarchist
    June 26th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    FW Oh, Les. How did you ever get sex? Are we 100% sure he has? Does he maybe only think he’s had sex, and Lisa actually got someone else to provide the necessary input? Addams Family Values: “For all you know, we’re having sex right now.”

    FC That doesn’t excuse the bodies, Billy.

    Baldo Boy, Princess Leia really let herself go!

  22. Old School Allie Cat
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Doonesbury – I’ve kind of been enjoying this week’s story because Mr. Cat is a former news videographer, and we had a lot of friends worried about the impending doom of HD. I also usually think Roland Hedley is a prick, but I like how he played the discrimination card.

    gilthorp – Shep, we blacklisted your grandpappy for Activities Un-American – we can blacklist you, too.

  23. Ralph
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    No, Josh, you’ve got it all wrong. Les is just saying that if Cayla wants a happy ending to this get together, she’ll have to give him one first.

  24. Doug Wykstra
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:08 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Family Circus magnifies Billy’s growing sense of existential ennui, as he begins to question the unseen social forces that shape behavior: If our notions of how an eight-year-old “should” act are nothing more than a combination of traditional inherited behavior types and social conditioning from his immediate environment, then whence comes the moral authority of society to impose these values on Billy? Who can really say what the proper way to act is for someone his age? Billy will have a long time to ponder these questions as he spends the next two weeks hunched over in the dark of the Keane house’s rat-infested crawlspace.

  25. Razmytaz
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    Josh, not so. The Good Book has several instructional pieces about appropriate juvenile activities. For example,. don’t laugh at the old man’s equipment when drunk (Noah’s kids, sure they were already married, but they were young sprats, barely over a hundred at the time), or make cracks about an old coot’s baldness (a heaven sent she-bear will make mincemeat of you and 41 of your friends, see 2 Kings re Elisha).

    See, the basic lesson: Don’t have fun. Prefect for the Keane Kompound.

  26. Mr. O'Malley
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    12. Bryan. I think the cat problem in EC could be better described as over-aggression.

    Cats’ behavior is usually determined by what is going on around them, which is something the strip didn’t look into. Vets do prescribe Prozac for cats when appropriate for the situation. Imagine a cat whose owners were going through a nasty splitup with lots of loud arguments.

    Happy cats in happy homes like ours and yours don’t need antidepressants.

    EC as usual takes something potentially interesting and instructive and trivializes it—”Ooh, Prozac for cats, what will they think of next!”

  27. Razmytaz
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:27 pm [Reply]

    Damn… I missed Comrade Denny… I apologize….

  28. UncleJeff
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    FW: I know that all Creepy Les wants is a “happy ending” but this being FW, I got a feeling all he’s going to get is a trip to the ER at the Winkerville General Hospital.

    Old School Alllie Cat 22 re: Doonesbury. It might be a little too much “inside baseball” for the general audience but I saw my first HD newscast on a really good HD large screen set a few days ago. One of our local distinguished local anchors looked like a football that had been left out in the rain a little too long and another looked like someone had sprayed talc on her skin with a Wagner painting tool.

  29. Bootsy
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: All exclamation marks! All the time! Not enough Phantom though.

  30. ThaGeeGee
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:34 pm [Reply]

    I think the “hero” of Funky Winkerbean here is not withholding sex, but demanding it before he grants the poor lady with the sweet, merciful release of death. She has a chronic, painful illness, which she has just begged him to end with a kind release from life’s embrace. He, however, told her that she must earn this by putting out, probably with some kind of emotionally and spiritually revolting, profoundly degrading acts. As seen in the last panel, she has given in to the revolting man’s demands. Now we can only hope he gives her death with dignity, and that his sick compulsions do not eclipse the horror of her current situation with their profound awfulness.

  31. Chibigodzilla
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

    While Cayla is giving Les his happy ending she’ll find a strange lump on his testicle; then Les and Funky can have race to see who dies of cancer first.

  32. It's time to pay the price
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:36 pm [Reply]

    Let’s be frank mom, how many women your age wear fucking bell bottoms? I love the suicide girls colour scheme though. No, really.

  33. The Ghost of Jarrod
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:48 pm [Reply]

    @ Sequitur — “FC: Act your age? “Don’t play ball in the house” would be appropriate but “Act your age?” It’s quite normal for a boy of around 8 to want to play football. This whole strip sucks.”

    To be fair, I believe that Billy is approximately 93 years old now. Thel probably just wants to make sure he doesn’t break a hip like Dead Grandpa did.

  34. Dan
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    Funny, I always cry at rendings.

  35. dimestore lipstick
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Chastity, purity, selflessness and devotion? This couple IS the same two who turned their backs on their solemn vows to serve God, right? And since Monty is supposed to be God, I think Thorax might be taking the wrong tack…

  36. Poteet
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:50 pm [Reply]

    Whatever Cayla is being paid for this gig, it’s not enough.

  37. Alison
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    “Cayla” is a weird name for somebody over the age of 10. I hate when writers take trendy baby names and give them to adult characters.

  38. Poteet
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    9CL — I can’t remember which Mudge speculated that Brooke got laid for the very first time a few weeks ago. But whoever you are, I’m now completely convinced.

  39. Mr. O'Malley
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    22. Old School Alllie Cat. 28. UncleJeff. This is a point not unlike that of about 100 years ago when actors began to realize that the heavy greasepaint stage makeup of the day looked ludicrous in filmed closeups. These Doonesbury strips may one day exemplify this historical period.

    And if you think it’s a problem for news, just imagine what it’s doing to the porn industry.

  40. Poteet
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    # 37 Alison — We still have Nevaeh and Logan to look forward to.

  41. Poteet
    June 26th, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    # 39 Mr. O’Malley — Your last line gave me the hiccups.

  42. BigTed
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Oh, evil Billy! You knocked over a houseplant, thereby spilling a little bit of dirt on the floor! Worse, you did it by playing! Don’t you know that boys your age should be toiling in an athletic-shoe sweatshop by now? Well, don’t worry, you’ll find out all about it soon enough.

  43. Master Softheart
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Good comic, or best comic ever?

  44. gardener in pittsburgh
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: I know I speak from the female view, but…..I think Delilah is a tool and is the real problem in the marriage….just based on her stupid dialog.

  45. Uncle Balustrade
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    I’m going to give up even looking at FW from now on. I think I’ll reread Mark Twain’s “The Mysterious Stranger” instead. Bums me out me a lot less.

  46. Rana
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @gardner I very much agree – this whole passive-aggressive “I’ll end my marriage rather than actually ask my husband what he thinks about the situation” thing is massively annoying. Delilah, who do you think you are to be making decisions about another person’s life without their input? Mary Worth?

    Re: FW – I was struck by how Les simply mentions “endings” and says nothing about whether they will be happy or not. It’s like he imagines that people will go on and on in a vale of torment forever unless they earn the right to an “ending” eventually. I mean, damn. That’s so creepy and depressing!

    (Either that or Batiuk can’t bring himself to write the word “happy” in conjunction with FW, ever.)

  47. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    I think the cat problem in EC could be described as, “Like every other character in this wretched feature, the cat is fucking mental and any kind god would end its torment sooner rather than later.” (The kindness in this act would be not least to us, the readers.)

  48. anty a
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

    FW: Whoa. So yesterday he lets her know that he’s moody (while chat bleu hovers in the background, proving that “moody” kinda means “delusional and hallucinatory”), she puts her hand on his knee and offers to cheer him up in a sort of generic fashion, and today he warns her that “endings have to be earned.”

    What does that even mean? If a guy said that to me right after telling me he’s moody, I would wonder if I’d just walked into some loner’s crazy idea of a B&D scene and I’d be inching my way right offa that porch lest he get all disciplinarian on me. Which, for a pale pauchy stick figure of a guy who is probably as strong as a light breeze, would be pretty funny in a scary kind of way.

  49. Violet
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    Billy’s comment is actually a complete non-sequitur and what looks like Mama Keane’s expression of pique is in fact deep consternation that the brain damage is even worse than she’d previously supposed.

  50. Comrade Denny
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    #9 Al:

    Yeah. Lucy basically pulled a massive head-fake on Linus to bring him to the point of nervous breakdown just for kicks by stealing (or something) his blanket with the same cool indifference she has when counting bugs.

  51. Marthas Rolling Pin
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    FW: My reading on this is that Les, being Les, can’t accept a gracious offer of…something consoling, given out of kindness, affection, love, pity, whatever. In his dark world, it is necessary to earn all grace; and, Les being Les, no amount of earning will ever be sufficient.

  52. MjOz
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    I just assumed Les was building up to a murder-suicide thing.

  53. Mr. O'Malley
    June 26th, 2009 at 6:57 pm [Reply]

    More on HD. Standard TV resolution is 640 x 480 pixels. HDTV (1080p) is 1920 x 1080.

    Fine grain 35mm film is approximately equivalent (comparing analog to digital) to 5300 x 4000.

    What people tend to forget is the resolution of the film or image sensor doesn’t matter if the resolution of the lenses or projection equipment isn’t as good. In the case of most consumer digital cameras, the lens is probably more the limiting factor than the sensor, since good lenses are expensive.

    The best that’s been done on a large scale is classic Hollywood, since they went with top of the line equipment all the way.

    So given the fact that you can go to a movie theatre and watch a nice clean print of North by Northwest, and the closeups of Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint don’t look like two asteroids colliding, solutions to these problems must exist.

    On the other hand, Psycho (109 m), shot in 39 days, was considered amazingly fast film-making, but that’s equivalent to less than 3 minutes of final product per day.

  54. Anonymous
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

    The last two days of Doonesbury have provided a goodly amount of amusement, tweeting “about to get fired” yesterday, and today with Hedley so smoothly getting out of his predicament by suggesting a lawsuit. Who else remembers when his headset caught fire? One of the national political conventions, back when you needed a giant headset to cover things on the floor.

  55. Dr. Weird
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    And 54 was me, should anyone care. Looks like something ate my cookies.

  56. Beatrice
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    Master: Two hands clap and there is a sound. What is the sound of one hand?

    Student: Fetish porn?

    Master: Kaaaaa!

  57. Violet
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:32 pm [Reply]

    I have no doubt the pickings are slim indeed in whatever blighted community it is in which Funky Winkerbean takes place, but what exactly does it take to scare this Cayla character off? I can think of dozens, perhaps hundreds of points in their relatively short acquaintanceship at which I would have run screaming into the night, never again to be seen in those god-forsaken environs. In a way I admire her fortitude, but what the hell, Cayla? It’s not so much that she could do better as that she could not possibly do worse.

  58. Vince M
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    12: re. MT – Well, hang on there, the EPA was created under the Nixon administration…give The Nix some credit. I just figure the strip takes place in like the Truman years.

  59. Joe Blevins
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

    FW: “Let’s not skip ahead too fast.” Batiuk has some stones to include this line in Funky Winkerbean, a strip known for “time jumps” which leave its characters horribly aged and embittered.

    FC: Mom’s got a point, though. Billy must be in his mid-fifties by now. If he wants to learn how to act his age, all he needs to do is look at the Funky Winkerbean right above him.

    (Incidentally, if you haven’t done so already, check out the delightful Wikipedia entry on The Family Circus. Dig those even-more-freakish early character designs! Dad looks like a generic Hanna-Barbera-ish working-class lug. Thel has a witchy-looking nose and a va-va-voom figure. The kids number only three, and Jeffy hasn’t started dressing like a choreographer yet.)

  60. Talking Squirrel
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    Punky Wrinklebean: Of course we can’t have sex. Why, it’s not even nighttime yet!

  61. Vince M
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    JP: Honk honk, why, it’s Wobbles the goose!

  62. Digger
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    FC: I think what Billy’s really saying is “if you were any kind of parent, you would have taught me how to behave a long time ago.” You tell her, B!

    FW: I still can’t figure out why Cayla spends time with Les. The only explanation I can think of is that she hates to be in a good mood.

  63. gardener in pittsburgh
    June 26th, 2009 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Thats right! #46 Rana!!!! Delilah IS a protege! She is a Mary Worth protege. That is why she is already so annoying.

    It is interesting that “old” Mary Worth thinks “new Mary Worth is full of it.

  64. Mdgoldrush1984
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Funky Winkerbean…when you’re not maiming or killing characters, you’re giving them dialogue more suited to a stripper enticing someone to the Champagne Room.

  65. Alan's Addiction
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

    There is something deeply upsetting and altogether creepy about the look that Cayla gives Les in the last panel of today’s strip. I’m guessing that Batuik was trying to draw an expression that communicated “lovingly supportive and patient, yet appealingly seductive at the same time,” but it came out more like, “calmly, but hungrily appraising the subject’s weight gain before harvest.”
    Billy is raising a very intriguing philosophical question, if we account for the fact that he’s been a small child for over thirty years (or however long Family Circus has been running). Should a grown man trapped in the body of a ten-year-old behave like an adult, or a child? As the decades wear on, and Billy develops adult ambitions and desires but is completely unable to act upon them because he’s trapped in an ageless body, will he be driven insane?
    I can only assume that somehow, Tia Carmen remembered whatever it is that Baldo was looking for, making this strip the visual approximation of the much funnier Groucho Marx line, “I forgot what I was going to say. If you remember, please tell me.” It’s also deeply disturbing to see an old woman developing psychic powers.

  66. SDMike
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:09 pm [Reply]

    So Carla, want to go earn that ending?

  67. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    I get that Big Ace is a real tough talker, but I don’t think a single apostrophe after your WHADDA entitles you to drop the YA entirely. Also, I feel a bit adrift without an up-to-date valuation of the stakes, which seem to be highly volatile. I would not be surprised to find they’re a quarter of a billion dollars tomorrow. And with that kind of money you should be able to afford a proper deck of card that has the pips in the right places.

  68. Vince M
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    I’ll have to dig up that 1984-era National Lampoon strip Mimi Pond did on her dream date with Michael Jackson. My favorite exchange was at their meeting:
    MJ: I just love Hello Kitty, don’t you?
    MP: Uhh…sure, Michael.

    Afraid I’m dwelling, almost Winkerbeanically, over celebrities and acquaintances dying – I’m only 54 but I feel like I’m in one of those Agatha Christie stories where folks around me are dropping off one by one. So long, Sky Saxon, may you snarl loudly in the choir invisible.

  69. commodorejohn
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    #57 Violet – I’m starting to wonder if Cayla isn’t actually some sort of supernatural entity that feeds on negative emotions. She’s latched onto Les because he is basically a walking perpetual negativity feedback loop. This would explain why she hasn’t either gotten the hell out or tried to shake some sense into the whiny little bastard.

    #59 Joe Blevins – Interestingly, the siblings Circus in the early strips bear a suspicious resemblance to Charles Schulz’s early drawings of the Peanuts kids. But, of course, not nearly as erudite or entertaining.

  70. Talking Squirrel
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    38 Poteet: “9CL — I can’t remember which Mudge speculated that Brooke got laid for the very first time a few weeks ago. But whoever you are, I’m now completely convinced.”

    And it must have been unprotected — which explains the genesis of the giant-cockroach apocalypse rather nicely.

  71. sugarpie
    June 26th, 2009 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    FW Today’s strip bugs the fuck out of me. Its making me grind my teeth and clench my butt. I looked at it last night and this morning and again just now. It still makes absolutlely no sense, and I think I’ve said that like three times in less than 24 hours. (which I guess is the very definition of obsessive and neurotic.)

    Is there any chance of getting Rat from PBS to have a brief, Louiseville slugger-type chat with Batiuk? No other strip is as hateful, depressing and passive-aggressive as Funky Winkerbean. Partially, I’m pissed at myself for taking it so seriously and letting this imp of Satan wind me up.

    Sorry. I’ll shut up now.

  72. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    FW – What many of you may not realize is that in the second panel you have a fine view of Les’ handiwork at topiary. The bush in the middle is suppose to be a cancerous lump.

  73. anaceofkidneys
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    The only thing I can think of that Baldo is looking for, but is too embarrassed to ask about, but is still OK to allude to in a syndicated strip, is a condom – but when why is he looking for it in the kitchen?!

  74. sugarpie
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    72, Sequiter Not only cancerous but moving, like Birnham Wood, towards Cayla.

  75. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    73 anaceofkidneys
    A kitchen condom. Would that be a pair of latex gloves?

  76. Mr. O'Malley
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    68. Vince M. This morning’s Friday Flashback show was very eclectic, paying tribute to Sky Saxon, Michael Jackson (I’d forgotten how good the Jackson Five were in their prime), Ed McMahon with some Tonight Show clips, plus celebrating the anniversary of the release of Hard Day’s Night and the first CSN album.

    I’d tell you how to listen to it online, but thanks to our fine people in Washington, that’s no longer possible. It’s broadcast-only until they figure out how to force all non-corporate radio stations off the air.

  77. troy macgregor
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    Baldo: Is it just me or is that cabinet Baldo is peering into really crooked? I know it’s sometimes difficult to draw in that angle but seriously it looks like the kitchen is falling over.

    Apartment 3G: I’m still not convinced they’re in India. From the drab underwhelming blue hotel room to mingling in the yawn-inducing orange-colored cafe filled with Ken doll automatons, there’s nothing vaguely ethnic going on. It’s like one of those awful B-movies that couldn’t afford to shoot at other locations. “We’re definitely in India. We can’t show you but you’ll have to take our word for it”.

  78. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:17 pm [Reply]

    74 sugarpie
    If it’s like Birnam Wood (from Macbeth?) then we must figure out who or what is hiding in the bush. My vote goes to… well, it’s split… between Bucky Cat and Rat.

  79. sugarpie
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    78 Sequiter Please, Please, pretty please be Rat, for the win!

    (No ‘H’. My spelling skills suck. Another reason the cute, smart, geeky girls shunned me.)

  80. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 9:46 pm [Reply]

    79 sugarpie For, my dear, it shall be rhat!

  81. Vince M
    June 26th, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    77: Baldo – oh, that’s the cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

  82. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 10:11 pm [Reply]

    79 sugarpie
    Okay. Now you’ve inspired me to do this.

  83. Poteet
    June 26th, 2009 at 10:20 pm [Reply]

    # 70 Talking Squirrel — A brilliant deduction. Please allow me to offer you some Bushytail Treat.

  84. Charterstoned
    June 26th, 2009 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    MW – I’ve suddenly realized that “Mary Worth” is really just a moebius strip. If you keep following the current plotline, eventually you will end up where you started, at a Charterstone Attitude Adjustment Pool Party, eating salmon squares, drinking milk from sippy cups, and discussing the hapless half of a has-been couple. Gaaaaagh!!!

  85. sugarpie
    June 26th, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Sequiter 82 Brilliant! Thanks! I feel lots more better about the outcome, now that I know you and Raht (and a Croc) are on the move. Les would have a chirpier outlook on his life in the F’winkerverse if he did a bit of Curmudgeoning.

  86. Sequitur
    June 26th, 2009 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

    85 sugarpie
    Yeah, Rath and Croc will take care of Les and rescue Cayla or die trying. Arg! This is Winkerworld! They could actually die trying!

  87. Muffaroo
    June 26th, 2009 at 11:40 pm [Reply]

    Smirky Schadenfreude – Les might just be referring to the menu at Friendly’s, where you can get a free “Happy Ending” (2-scoop) sundae with the order of an appropriate entree or special meal.

    Vince M @61 – Ah, I miss ol’ Michael O’Donoghue.

  88. Niall
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    Sigh, the downside of being so busy organising my own birthday party (now officially today!) is that I miss on all the snark. I hope to catch up! Stay funny, people. We need it more than ever.

  89. bats :[
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:07 am [Reply]

    79. sugarpie: just take a deep breath, let it out slowly, think calm, serene thoughts, and let others take care of your problems for you…
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3663755151/sizes/o/

  90. Sequitur
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:14 am [Reply]

    89 bats :[
    Nice one. Trouble is, if Bucky had a gun he would probably shoot himself in the foot.

  91. NoahSnark
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    You could argue there is a sexual subtext to today’s Funky Winkerbean – but in a Tom Batiuk universe there is no such thing as a happy ending. Ever.

  92. sugarpie
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:36 am [Reply]

    bats :[ Seriously, if you ever make me laugh like that again your gonna get me evicted! Many thanks to you and Sequiter for getting me out of the FW death spiral.

  93. sugarpie
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:38 am [Reply]

    92 Sequiter = Sequitur (but of course you knew that!)

  94. bats :[
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    91. Sequitur: it’s a risk I’m willing to take (I already had him wrestling with a rifle in the MT Bucky (the deer, not the cat) storyline…I think it just needs to be a rifle or shotgun, something longer than Bucky’s length so he can’t hurt himself.).

    Some Saturday observations:

    A3G: I guess Margo and her dad really are in India; suddenly everything’s a sultry, saffron-yellow color. Exotic!

    FC: Jeffy once more lapses into his typical malapropisms. Oh. Yay.

    FW: “I have to go and strangle my daughter now.”
    “Why? Were you actually planning on doing something?”

    JP: my bet on the oncome: Sophie bows out of the cheerleading auditions graciously, since it has been made clear that the farmers and the cowboys cheerleaders and the bookworms should be friends. She never actually auditions, realizing at the last moment that she has all the coordination of Agnes Dunsmore on a bender.

    MT: mmmm, grubs…it’s what’s for dinner!

    RMMD: and it’s been a while, but really…how could I forget June? And her bikini? And her freakish offspring?
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/9545446@N07/3664587790/

  95. Poteet
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    6/27 –

    Crankshaft — For cryin’ out loud, doesn’t this woman have a life?

    Phantom — Something about S-Butt’s posture seems to have suddenly given him a bosom of Edwardian proportions. Hoooahh!

    RMMD — Ignoring growing nausea to focus on the good news — Willy may end up with two functional parents who can take him away forever. Soon. Please, please, please.

    Spider-Man — I can’t imagine a more exciting plot than several weeks of battling over whose is harder.

    JP — Sophie’s Choice??? Someone deserves to be smacked for this.

    MT — It’s the very very rare blue-backed thrush! Thanks, color monkeys, that’s a lifer for me.

    BF — Maeve, you have all the emotional intelligence of a carrion beetle with a severe head injury.

    MW — I’m speechless, and I’m grateful to all the Mudges who won’t be.

  96. bats :[
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:42 am [Reply]

    Hap hap happy birthday to youuuuuuuu, Niall! Many happy returns of the day, many, many more, and so much chocolate that you’ll get tired of it!
    Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….

  97. sugarpie
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Niall But of course…Happy Birthday! I hope it RAINS chocolate in your province!

  98. Deena in OR
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:56 am [Reply]

  99. Poteet
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    # 88 Niall — Happy Birthday! May your party be so much fun that you remember it forever.

    The birthday party I’ll remember forever was so much fun for so many people that it almost got me kicked out of a dormitory in Strasbourg. I shall wish that your party is just as much fun without any repercussions:-).

    The chocolate in Strasbourg was pretty dang good.

  100. sugarpie
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    Poteet When were you in Strasbourg? And. of course, where?

  101. Poteet
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    6/27 DT — Has become so utterly stupid and pointless that it doesn’t even get snarked anymore, understandably. Today’s strip is no exception, but it does contain the worst depiction of an allegedly-human hand holding a cell phone that I’ve ever seen.

  102. sugarpie
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    Poteet, 101 ‘Cause Im hoping it was Schiller College.

  103. Poteet
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    # 100 sugarpie — Let’s just say it was in the Seventies, and I was allegedly a student at the University of Strasbourg. I did learn a lot, but usually not what was on the syllabus. I am grateful to beautiful Strasbourg for putting up with me for half a year.

  104. Poteet
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:20 am [Reply]

    # 102 sugarpie — So you were in Strasbourg also — neat! I hope you had a wonderful time, and odds are extremely high that your French was better than mine.

  105. Deena in OR
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    Sooo….”Zippy”…I got the joke, but did anyone else have trouble seeing the pattern on the Zip-A-Tone?

  106. sugarpie
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    Poteet I spent half a year in Robertsau (Eastern outskirts of Strasbourg), and had my way with not only the chocolate, but the Kronenbourg. Hmmph. Small world. Unfortunately, my French is/was limited to train stations,patisseries, and Fringals.

  107. sugarpie
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    106 Fringals, in Place Kleber. Ooof.

  108. AMC
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth of the 26th of June:

    Mary – “We saw something between the two of you that we rarely see. Perfect love.”

    Delilah – “I once felt it too. But it turns out that the reality’s different from the fairy tale!”

    “I mean, the first few times he asked me to put ice in the bathtub and lie in it before sex, and then stay very still in bed, it was . . . different. But then, about the tenth time, it kind of got weird. Especially when he demanded I wear emballming fluid as ‘perfume’.”

    “Then, that one time, I woke up in the ice bath missing a kidney. That didn’t make me feel like a princess. And the scar itched. Mom never told me about that part of marriage….”

    Mark Trail of the 27th – “Why don’t you join us for dinner? We’re having regurgitated worms. My favorite. Then we’re going to sit in a tree and shit little white Jack Elrod balls onto car windows. Please say you’ll come.”

  109. Dangerous Danny Dumbutt
    June 27th, 2009 at 4:39 am [Reply]

    Waaaay up there in the comments, a question was raised about the different daily versions of “Peanuts.” As a former denizen of the newspaper office, I know that we used to be offered two different downloadable versions from United Media, based on the size we wanted to run. One was the longer, narrower version and the other had the more “normal” comic dimensions of the strip’s later years.

  110. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 27th, 2009 at 5:21 am [Reply]

    Marmaduke: Twist ending – “Pet Stuff” turns out to be a taxidermist. Yay!

  111. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2009 at 5:32 am [Reply]

    Saturday’s Strips:

    Mary Worth: If Delilah’s gift to Mary is a foot long purple dildo, I’ll tattoo Mary’s face to my butt cheek.

    Pluggers: A bear catching a fish? What’s so looser-y Pluggery about that?

  112. One-eyed Wolfdog
    June 27th, 2009 at 5:35 am [Reply]

    Interesting setup. I’d like to see Momma do a whole week of strips based on Mötley Crüe lyrics. Not as much as I’d like to see a band of Norwegian black metallers ritually eviscerate the cast, but I’ll take what I can get.

    (Francis also seems to be saying that he’d be amenable to trying horses, just it’s hard to find an attractive one. Good for him!)

  113. Mooncattie (In the Alps!)
    June 27th, 2009 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    Happy Birthday Niall! Salmon Squares for everybody!

    Now what does Mark Trail wear when he goes out to dinner? And what will the Williams Kids mix in with his pine nuts?

  114. I am Jack's username
    June 27th, 2009 at 7:00 am [Reply]

    FW: “Endings have to be earned. These bunions won’t scrape themselves off, so back to work, you! And what have I told you about sitting on the furniture like real people?!”

  115. Niall
    June 27th, 2009 at 7:21 am [Reply]

    111. Baka gaijin: Oh, my thoughts were pretty much in the same direction. I had a good laugh!

    And thanks for the good wishes! I hope it doesn’t rain, actually, though they call for it. Chocolate WILL be almost raining throughout the party, I went to Montreal to stock up last night. :)

    And really, could I ask for more than Ashley in My Cage for my birthday? No, not I could not. *glee*

  116. KarMann
    June 27th, 2009 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    27th:
    BB: Just, huh? What’s this on about?
    Bizarro: What would he do? It’d probably involve waterboarding or a small-gauge shotgun. Perhaps a little bit of both.
    Cranky: Rather confusing, since there is such a thing as a shower in a dorm. Threw me off for a bit. And there wasn’t exactly a big payoff once I figured out was was meant.
    EC: I must admit, I rather like the pharm-ad ending of this kitty-Prozac bit. But I still hope it is the ending. I guess I might have to earn it, though, somehow. And speaking of which…
    FW: Les needs to demonstrate the circle of life to his daughter, now. Especially the part where it ends. Geometry was never his strong suit.
    GT: And guess which phrase Rubin learned next after “sexting”?
    H&J: Domestic violence is teh funneh!
    JP: I totally missed that “Sophie’s Choice” pun until it was pointed out above. I’m not sure whether I should thank you or curse you, Poteet.
    Big Dog: Apparently, Anderson got the “I Can Has Cheezburger” and “I Has A Hot Dog” sites mixed up.
    MW: Ooo, I can’t wait to find out! What color will it be?
    NS: While I’m generally fond of this strip, I find the last panel exceptionally funny today. Except he really should have said “Lahs”.
    RMMD: I’ll be expecting to see the FBI send Mulder and Scully over to look into this smuggling situation any time, now.
    Id: Dick Tracy could learn a thing or two from the Wizard.

  117. gleeb
    June 27th, 2009 at 9:54 am [Reply]

    A&J: Crap, you mean I could have skipped the last 2 weeks and just read this recap?

    Brenda: Yes, having been in India for 6 months more than you really made it Pug’s place, Brenda.

    Beetle: So, if they ever do away with “don’t ask, don’t tell,” what will Beetle Bailey do for subtext?

  118. fancycwabs
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:09 am [Reply]

    I never thought I’d see the day when a Funky Winkerbean character argued AGAINST skipping ahead.

  119. buckyswife
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:12 am [Reply]

    A3G: Given the color scheme, I don’t think the Magees are in India; I think they’re in Mary Worth’s living room.

    JP: I caught the “Sophie’s Choice” pun—but wondered if any of the-kids-these-days would ever have thought of that.

    MT: Witness the power of suggestion: Now I’m picturing Mark and Ms. CEO’s brother (Joey Tribiani) at dinner tomorrow, mouths gaping, as Ms. CEO drops grubs into them.

    MW: If “Mary Worth” were a horror film, the second panel would be the perfect, suspenseful prelude to an outburst of gore and shrieking. (Wait—what do I mean, “if”? So where’s my gore and shrieking, Moy&Giella?)

  120. Amateur
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Happy birthday, Niall!

    MW: Dare we hope the gift is a poisoned apple? Oh no, wait — the witch is supposed to give that to Snow White, not the other way around. Darn.

  121. John C Fremont
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Now Baldo knows where Tia Carmen hides the good scissors.

    I know Tom the Dancing Bug doesn’t generate a lot of discussion, but this week’s strip has a nifty Lockhorns parody. Made me laugh to beat the band, as Sam Elliott once said.

    #105 Deena in OR – The Zip-A-Tone pattern comes out okay if you view it at the SeattlePI’ssite. At the PI, Zippy is always much larger than a comics ought to be. In fact, it’s just plain big!

  122. dreadedcandiru2
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Sunday FOOB Advisory: Lizzie noisily refuses to sleep in her new bed, preferring the safety of her crib and toys. Twenty five years later, she refuses freedom and fulfillment, preferring another comfortable prison: life married to the whining drone her parents picked out for her. The difference: Elly approves of and understands her chaining herself to Awfulny.

  123. UncleJeff
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    john c fremont 121: You were right about Zippy. Here with the Pioneer-Press, they have that comic squashed down along the fold of the paper so you can’t see those details and the words run together. It’s really spoiled that strip for me.

    Check out Bizarro today. I wonder how many complaint calls will be screamed at the poor weekend newspaper staffers? (but, then again, Dick Cheney is “old news”)

  124. Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    9CL – We’re back to watching people watch other people “get it on, in the Biblical sense.” Brooke, is there something you’d like to tell us? Other than that?

    (footnote: quoted phrase is from PJ O’Rourke — the funny one from fifteen or so years ago)

    Crock – This verges on being humorous, provided you remove the last word.

    FCircus – “If to one temptation we’re tempted to fall,
    There’s just ninety-one temptations up on the wall…”

    HtHorrible – It’s funny because he has those horns on his head. Hey, you know what would be funny? If the “head” of beer had horns, too! Like the kid and the dog and the duck. Oh, I don’t mean “ha ha” funny, I mean “Hagar funny.”

    JParker – That one character existed solely to hold up a placard with a mild play on “Sophie’s Choice,” and she didn’t manage to get it into the shot. No spinoff for her.

    Mduke – If only there was a simpler, pithier, less convoluted way to say “hamburger-with-cheese.” Can we spare somebody from Research to see if we can reduce that by a word or two? Also, I’m getting hungry, so I’m off to McDonald’s for one of their cooked meat with dairy and vegetable products on bread things.

    Ghost-who-breeps – I see that Tight-’n’-stripey still has that gas problem.

    Niall – Happy Birthday! Many happy returns of the day! What town are you in, anyway?

  125. Dingo
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:45 am [Reply]

    Hey, all. Sorry I haven’t been posting lately but work has been busy and Mary Worth is just too easy with the lesbian subterfuge. I have a question and, instead of answering here, you can send an answer to my email address — dingogotmybaby@comcast.net. Have any of you ever been to Lac Seul in Ontario? I’m planning a fishing trip with my father.

  126. buckyswife
    June 27th, 2009 at 10:56 am [Reply]

    121 John C Fremont: I’m a Tom the Dancing Bug fan, too—and loved the WW II “ensemble” parody also.

    Today’s Richard’s Poor Almanac (Richard Thompson’s—of Cul de Sac—Saturday strip for the WashPost) has a spot-on Mark Trail moment. It’s hard to get online, though, I think.

    Oh, and have a happy, chocolate-y day, Niall!

  127. TheDiva
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    FW: Little does Cayla realize Les is not speaking in jest.

    Luann: And the shopping mall is any better? “Here’s a store…and here’s another store!”

    MW: If this “gift” came from Fascinations, I’m quitting.

  128. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:29 am [Reply]

    # 88 Niall: [clap clap clap clap]
    Happy Happy Birthday!
    From the Chili’s Mudgeon gang!
    Happy Happy Birthday!
    We’re so glad you came!
    [clap! clap! clap! clap! clap! clap!]

  129. Mibbitmaker
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    JP: I didn’t get the “Sophie’s Choice” joke until I read these comments. Ah, just like the good old days of following “Arrested Development” on Television Without Pity.

    NS: That explains alot.

    H&J: Domestic violence is sooooo funny when a woman does it to a man. HAHAHAHAHA! Hey, comics forefather Jiggs feels your pain… at least when drawn by B. Krigstein.

    666CL: The loss of Michael Jackson is also a loss for late night TV hosts and other comedians. Although not quite the same thing, maybe these jokesters should think about Brooke McEldowner to fill the void.

    ZtP: Zippy-tone.

    The Aviation Historical Mind of Edison Lee: Boy, is HE ever lost!

    Edison Lee2: The Lost Forrest. (*ducks behind old, crashed airplane*)

    MW: It’s….. THE HEAD of ALDO KELRAST!!! (cue Psycho shower scene music)

    DT: ‘Big Trouble at Perpetual, Extreme Close-Up Theater’: Dick finds less credible ways of saying the same thing over and over. Locher finally wore him out.

    DT2: “Hoo boy, Hully Chee, eep, opp, ork, ah ah, big trouble!”

    GT: Shepp texts back: “o man, tht’s so lst yr!”

  130. buckyswife
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:39 am [Reply]

    129 Mibbitmaker: Arrested Development! (wistful sigh) Pre-Corporate Television Without Pity! (wistful sigh) Thanks for the moment of short-term nostalgia!

  131. mollificent
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Bonne Anniversaire, Niall! :) Have a great party.

    #95 Poteet re: “Sophie’s Choice”…I know, right? My mouth just kinda dropped open when I read that. If anything rates a genuine “WTF???” it’s that.

  132. Mibbitmaker
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    “Mannah, mannah, beep, bee, bedee, bee, mannah, mannah, beep, bedeep, beep, mannah, mannah, beep, bee, bedee, bee, bedee, bee, bedee, bee, bedebedebe, dee, dee, debee, beep, big trouble!” — Dick Tracy

  133. Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Mibbitmaker @129 – Interesting vibe there — for the last hour or so I’ve been doing some intensive cleaning, and the names “Maggs” and “Jiggie” kept going through my head. Perhaps it’s because of the wacky adventures of Person and Other Person that everybody’s talking about.

  134. Mibbitmaker
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    #130 (bucky’s wife): Television Without Pity pre-unable to easily go there without hair-trigger “illegal operation” crap and ultra-slow loading time on my 2000 computer dial-up! (wistful sigh)

    Really, I gotta use the library computer to see it most of the time. (le sigh)

  135. FOOBed again
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Happy Birthday, Niall!!

  136. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:21 pm [Reply]

    Crankshaft – “Dorm shower? OH GOD WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING WE NEVER DID THAT WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE!”

    FW – Of course, you know Summer’s only doing this to get back at him for his perpetual cooch-blocking. And for that, I salute her.

    GA – So exactly how much does a painting of the Ayatollah Khomeini fetch on the black market, anyway?

    GT – They make Ninja Gaiden T-shirts? *checks* Well, I’ll be damned!

    HTH – Yes, it’s the surest sign of stupidity for a Norseman to be speaking in broken English.

    JP – What the hell is this, It’s A Wonderful Life?

    Love Is… – slippery.

    Luann – Actually, he looked more like he was staring at Luann and trying to figure out whether or not she was actually a Muppet.

    MT – Aww…

    MW – Mary has a picture of the Mothman on her wall? Not really that surprising; maybe he’s an old flame of hers…

    Momma – It says a lot about Momma that I’m not really surprised at this.

    NS – This strip is so much better when it’s not about politics.

    Pluggers – This is very unsettling.

    SM – Wow. Someone in the Spider-Man comic strip using their brain. This probably ought to be printed up and framed somewhere.

  137. commodorejohn
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    P.S. Happy birthday, Niall!

  138. Just Human
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    Herb & Jamaa show that domestic violence can be funny.

  139. Eric the baker
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Happy Birthday, Niall. Many happy returns!

    I remember you were the first person to greet me into the CC gang, when I uncloaked about a year ago.

  140. Calico
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    #37 – Look at it this way-at least she isn’t named “Cancer.”

  141. Calico
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    #88-Feliz Cumpleanos Niall! (with the Tilde abovt the n, of course!)

    I hope you had a nice day.

  142. Sister Sestina
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    “I always cry at endings.”

    My mother’s funeral was yesterday.

  143. Baka Gaijin
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    #125 Dingo on Mary Worth: Oh, snap, I should have made it a two-headed 8 inch purple dildo in post 111. Next time I’ll have to think WWDD (What Would Dingo Do).

  144. buckyswife
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m not a superhero-comic fan, so I don’t know if this is a common thing, but I kinda like the literalism of Wolverine’s adamant-ium claws. In that vein, Spiderman’s neurons should have, what, futilitum running through them? Or perhaps lethargicum? Incompetentium?

  145. Calico
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    #142 – I am truly sorry. My condolences to you and your family.
    I hope she lived a full, happy, and long life.

    (((((Calico hug)))))))

  146. Just Human
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    Well that’s embarrassing. I did a search for “Herb” before making my post, but didn’t occur to me to double check “H&” as well.

  147. buckyswife
    June 27th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    #142 Sister Sestina–I’m so sorry! My sincere condolences to you all.

  148. Trekkie
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Right Doc Ock…you’re gonna kill Wolverine. The guy who’s been vaporized multiple times, but always survives? All you’re gonna do is make him mad.

  149. Vakar
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    JP: History will remember this as the Lilac Revolution.

  150. Ned Ryerson
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    I make endings the old fashioned way. I EARNNNN them.

  151. dimestore lipstick
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    re: Delilah’s gift to Mary Worth…
    letitbeswansletitbeswansohpleaseopleaseletitbelittlecrystalswans…

  152. Master Mahan
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    Les Moore doesn’t want to reveal that he cries during sex. He shouldn’t be worried, though. Everyone in the Funky Winkerbean universe cries during sex, because they have been so tortured by their realities’ many cruelties that even what should be the ultimate expression of love can bring them no joy. They weep with the soul-shattering knowledge that they will never know happiness again, and their efforts will only serve to create new life in a world where the luckiest infants are those born dead. Also, Les is impotent.

  153. Muffaroo
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Just Human @146 – Well, at least you tried. Kudos for effort.

  154. Mr. O'Malley
    June 27th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    HtH: The funny thing about this strip, aside from the fact that the careless artwork seems to be portraying Hagar pouring a tankard of beer on his chest, is that the current structure of English is based on bad Viking grammar.

    Old English and Old Norse, relatively closely related languages, both had complex and different grammatical structures. But efforts to communicate between the Norse living in the Danelaw (roughly that part of modern Britain where Andy Capp could plausibly live) and the English living further south, resulted in much of the grammar being simplified. Plus it left us with a lot of doubles like shirt/skirt.

  155. tb4000
    June 27th, 2009 at 2:13 pm [Reply]

    S4th: That is exactly how my parents were everytime we used to go to any amusement park, man.

    Funky Cancerbean: Cayla, it’s best you hear it from us here on the board….Les is the Grim Reaper. Honestly. He’s already sucked the life out of everyone else in his vicinity, you’re just his next victim, is all. it’s like Final Destination, the stench of death will haunt you until you’re silenced.

  156. Lolsworth
    June 27th, 2009 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Give Thel a break, she’s dead after all.

  157. Chyron HR
    June 27th, 2009 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy – “Oh, yeah, well, I’ve got FOUR aces on one card, beat that!”

    Dennis the Menace – “A speeding ticket, eh, Mitchell? Looks like I’m the alpha male now. Come on, ladies, we’re going upstairs.”

    On the next Edge City – “Why should I listen to some rubric that says psychologists can’t write prescriptions?”

    Funky Winkerbean – That’s not Summer flicking the light on, they’re being buzzed by a UFO. It’s been well established that aliens hate miscegenation.

    Heart of the City – Stupid Casuals. You’re supposed to watch Episodes I-III, then play The Force Unleashed on the gaming system of your choice, THEN watch IV-VI. How else will you appreciate the irony that [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER] [SPOILER]?

    Judge Parker – “Sophie is our novoice”? That may be true, but it’s not very nice. Nor is it how you spell novice.

    Pluggers – “For God’s sakes, Andy, we’re on the same bowling team!”

    Popeye – Is not allowed to use words that I don’t know.

    Spider-Man – “Yes, I will take Wolverine’s adamantium! But I won’t do it alone–I will have my buddy Thanos and my girlfriend Jean Grey to help!” “Of course you will, Mr. Octavius. Now be a good boy and take your Prozac.”

  158. Frozen
    June 27th, 2009 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    More expressions of horror in crankshaft. I’m going to start making that face whenever possible.

  159. Calico
    June 27th, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    #154 – Today’s Viking-speak actually reminded me of Jersey Mob-speak. : D

  160. Amateur
    June 27th, 2009 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    #144 — Buckyswife for COTW!

  161. Izzy
    June 27th, 2009 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    #144 – I don’t like the sound of lethargicum…

  162. KarMann
    June 27th, 2009 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and I should just add, concerning Josh’s post title, the obligatory “I always laugh at funerals!”

  163. em
    June 28th, 2009 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    hm, looks like tia carmen and baldo have bonded while sharing her “glaucoma medicine” a few times before.

  164. jayjaybear
    June 29th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    tb4000 – Don’t forget, this is the Funkyverse. There is no Grim Reaper. There is only Masky McDeath.

  165. Marion Delgado
    June 29th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Calico:

    That’s why I like Kevin Smith. When his equivalent of Pete or John had his “epiphany” that he and his girlfriend should resolve the cosmic battle between her and his inker and best friend by all having sex, she said “What? That’s crazy! I’m not your whore, I’m your girlfriend …” and dumped him on the spot. It’s amusing to see someone break out of the crazy.

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