You wouldn’t like her when she’s angry
Mary Worth, 6/30/05
All bets and Comics Curmudgeon conventions are off as long as Rita’s drunken rage persists, folks. Forget the rest of the comics. There’s just all of you, and me, and Rita, and this poor, terrified waiter. And why shouldn’t he be terrified? Rita’s just sort of waving her arms around drunkenly, but she’s managed to manifest some sort of telekenetic surge of power that’s blasting out of her collarbone and right into the tray. This energy, no doubt a living expression of sheer pettiness, seems to have enveloped our server in a glowing nimbus of mysterious luminescence, and transformed what was a harmless highball into a liquid creature that’s reaching hungrily for his face. More than anything else, it looks to me like the origin story for some kind of booze-oriented superhero. “Brett thought that he was working an ordinary dinner shift. He couldn’t imagine that by the end of that fateful evening, a brush with a toxically alcoholic patron would transform him into … The Cocktail!”
Also, is it just me, or does our hapless waiter look like a character from Pathetic Geek Stories? The wide eyes, the open mouth with all the teeth … hmm.
Of course, even though I can’t take my eyes away from Mary Worth, this little gem didn’t get past me:
This panel is now my new official heading for the bill-paying section of my sidebar menu. Comedy, thy name is old people in Gil Thorp.
June 30th, 2005 at 11:54 am
RE: 9CL. Maybe Drusilla is lurking in the shadows and the extra arm is hers. Notice the look on Seth’s face. She certainly is not above trying to “convert†a guy built like that
A3G – Lu Ann looks really thrilled about the prospect of seeing Scott in his Jockey shorts.
MT – Yeah, Lynn’s quite adventurous. That’s why we have a trapeze in our bedroom.
Phantom – Obviously Babi’s friend is the God of Roo-Roo.
June 30th, 2005 at 11:56 am
Leaving the sample of the Batman-villain-lair camera angle in Gil Thorp for another post, allow me to share what I hope will be the new Rita Theme Song (or “Signature Tune” for all you Anglophiles).
(Ahem!)
(Rita says…)
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy!
I got scotch in my tummy,
And I feel like a-drinkin’ you:
Scotch, you’re such a sweet thing,
Good enough to drink thing
And that’s just a-what I’m gonna do.
Ooh love, to hold ya,
Ooh love, to drink ya,
Ooh scotch, I love it so.
Ooh scotch, you’re sweeter,
Sweeter than sugar.
Ooh scotch, I won’t let you go.
Rummy, Rummy, Rummy!
Rita has rum in her tummy,
And as silly as it may seem;
The liquor that she’s given
is what keeps her livin’
And the rum is like
Peaches and cream.
Kind-a like sugar,
Kind-a like spices,
Kind-a like, like what you do.
Kind-a sounds funny.
But rum, honey
Rum. Rita loves you.
(Rita says)
Yummy, Yummy, Yummy!
I got booze in my tummy,
That your bar can satisfy;
Scotch, you’re such a sweet thing,
Good enough to drink thing
And sweet thing, that ain’t no lie.
I love to hold ya,
Oh love, to drink ya,
Ooh booze, I love it so.
Ooh booze, you’re sweeter,
Sweeter than sugar.
Ooh booze, I won’t let you go.
June 30th, 2005 at 12:03 pm
Ahhh, another fan of PGS! Back when her strips ran in The Onion she’d have a new one every week or whatever. But nowadays she barely churns them out!
June 30th, 2005 at 12:07 pm
The waiter is definitely a PGS refugee … good catch. He was probably thinking how cool he was with his gray Sans-A-Belts and the shirt open at the collar (”you mean I don’t have to button the top button?”) when he suffered this latest abject humiliation.
June 30th, 2005 at 12:15 pm
I heard the Roo-roo joke differently. I heard it as the guy is given a choice of roo-roo or death. he choses death then the tribal chief says “Death it is, death by roo-roo!!”
June 30th, 2005 at 12:28 pm
Has ANYONE sat around the living room listening to the radio, in the last 50+ years? Is the entire town of Milford caught in a chronosynclastic infindibulum?
Death to Gil Thorp!
June 30th, 2005 at 12:49 pm
I especially like how Dr. Jeff is limply clinging to the dinner napkin while he chokes back his tears. The question is, is he crying because Rita’s anger scares him so, or because Rita has apparently gotten into his ‘Just for Men’ charcoal-colored hair dye?
Plus, I have a question: has Rita ever said WHY she left her hometown? Beyond the fact that she said she had ‘changed’ and that she ‘wouldn’t go back’? Methinks she pulled a similar tantrum with a former employer back then (substituting the glass with a butcher knife), forcing her and Fay to go on the run to avoid the cops.
Well, either that or she drank the small town dry.
June 30th, 2005 at 12:52 pm
I’ve grew up reading Gil Thorp… no wait, it’s more accurate to say that I grew up with a grudging acknowledgment of Gil Thorp’s exisitence in my local newspaper (it ran partly because Thorp creator Jack Berrill lived in my town. BTW, does anyone else in this audience recall Teenwise the Owl that was part of the Thorp Sunday strip many years ago? Anyone? Bueller?).
Anyway, for those of you concerned about the pacing of Mary Worth, consider that the Thorp strip writers can drag out a single inning of a ball game for up to two weeks! What drama!
These days I read it just to get a look at the absolutely horrible art, especially the hair styles. It’s become something of a morbid curiosity. I know it’s bad for me and I’ll regret it, but I just can’t help myself.
And Von Haney? I, too, like that new fellow’s style.
…I’m just saying.
June 30th, 2005 at 12:55 pm
I can’t wait until Pa and Ma M*lf*rd catch Orson Welles broadcast of War of the Worlds. Run to high ground, geezers!
Polka death to Gil Thorp.
June 30th, 2005 at 12:59 pm
Correct me if I am wrong, but this drunken rage of Rita was the result of just one scotch, right? For someone with a drinking problem, she sure has a low tolerance.
June 30th, 2005 at 1:02 pm
Von Haney? WTF kind of name is Von Haney? “Von?” For the love of God, Montressor! Yes, I’d rather be walled-up in the wine cellar than be stuck in M*lf*rd for longer than it takes to read the damn strip. Polkas? What century is this strip set in?
June 30th, 2005 at 1:07 pm
Three day Mary Worth forecast: Friday, sudden showers of #$$$~@!@ followed by thundersorms of broken crockery and an outraged maitre d’. Saturday, ugly scenes, accompanied by two panels of dragging Rirzilla out of there. Sunday: a recap balloon, then Ritzilla’s repentant hangover.Afternoon should include an irate Jeff. Monday’s forecast inclues emotional scenes and platitudes up in the high 80’s.
June 30th, 2005 at 1:14 pm
That was my first laugh-old-loud Mary Worth ever! And Josh, you helped me appreciate it even more. Ahhh, the Drunken Public Spectacle hath commenced. (Lor sits back and puts her feet up, awaiting delightful horrors to come)
di, I think she’s had at least two so far – she was asking the waiter for “another refill” in yesterday’s strip. Still seems to have a low tolerance, though.
So who is this “everyone else” who has denied Rita the sweet, sweet liquor she craves? Inquiring minds wonder how Fay handled her mother’s drinking – or didn’t handle it, rather.
June 30th, 2005 at 1:15 pm
Is “Ma” M*lf*rd the identical twin of Mrs. Kent, Superman’s foster mother?
June 30th, 2005 at 1:29 pm
Actually, I think Ma M*lf*rd looks more like Aunt May from Spiderman. Maybe all folksy, down home, old lady, supporting characters in comics look alike. (Of course, Stan Lee never did explain a folksy, down home, old lady living in N.Y. But it was one of the few inconsistencies when he was actually writing).
June 30th, 2005 at 1:32 pm
Fluffytufts, my theory is that the name “Von Haney” is a tribute to the great Philadelphia Phillie Von Hayes. If true, that means the creators of Gil Thorp would have to have been up on current events at least as recently as, oh, 1989 … even if young Von Haney appears to be anchoring the Big Broadcast of 1938.
June 30th, 2005 at 1:35 pm
Fluffytufts (post#11) — Honesty compels me to reveal that there are, in fact, radio stations right here in a top-25 media market (Pittsburgh) that run polka programs on the weekend.
Granted, they’re all low-power AM stations out in the farthest reaches of the burbs, but you can indeed cruise the AM dial on the weekends here and hear polka music. None of them, however, play hip-hop during the week — in most cases, they’re oldies or gospel stations.
And WoodrowFan, you and I heard the same slightly altered version of the roo-roo joke — although when I heard it (as part of the BBC comedy “League of Gentlemen”), the phrase in question was “mau-mau.”
June 30th, 2005 at 1:41 pm
Stuck on the Yale waiting list will Von Haney hold out for his dream university, or succumb to the easy payday of joining Marty Moon in his lifelong quest to discredit high school athletics directors (nice self actualization there Martin).
Marty does needs a new apprentice now that he’s apparently disposed of Paul Strange at the bottom of a river or something.
And yeah, mocking BC is like shooting fish in a barrel but nothing makes my July long-weekend like CHRISTMAS HUMOUR. Replace “gift” with “past his prime cartoonist” and giving with “spewing this derivative tripe” and THEN we’re cooking with gas.
June 30th, 2005 at 1:42 pm
Once ritazilla has a little something to eat, she will be better. She is just suffering from low blood sugar.
Really.
I said REALLY you *)(&&% jerks.
June 30th, 2005 at 1:54 pm
Sorry for the outburst. You are not *&*^%& jerks.
Sorry Sorry Sorry.
I need to go back on my medication. That is if the jerk Dr. Morgan will accept my HEALTH INSURANCE!
June 30th, 2005 at 1:56 pm
TeenWise! Now THERE’s a blast from the past. The only strip I remember in detail is one where some “popular” girl had a birthday and invited the entire universe, including some forgettable schmo who had a crush on her — he blew his entire savings buying her an expensive locket, but the present she went all googoo over was a cheap teddybear from the football star. And then the owl swooped down and said tsk tsk, you dumb schmo.
There were intermittent tips on grooming, too. (Iron your clothes, don’t “hand press” them!)
niccom, WAS it part of Gil Thorpe? I don’t think my paper even carried Gil Thorpe way back then. And the TeenWise I remember was a multi-panel job.
June 30th, 2005 at 2:04 pm
Thats a waiter?!? I thought it was the resurected Christ about to ascend to heaven.
June 30th, 2005 at 2:09 pm
It was Christ the waiter. He was delivering water that he was going to turn into scotch.
June 30th, 2005 at 2:27 pm
Earlier today a couple of Cardinals mentioned that the viscous liquid about to attach itself to Waiter-boy’s face looks as though it has blue Curacao in it.
Perhaps, just perhaps, folks, Ritzilla ordered the official College of Comics Cardinals Cocktail. For those of you who missed it before, or saw it and failed to compliment me on my mixological genius, I herewith repeat the recipe:
1 Part Blue Curacao
2 Parts Bombay Sapphire Gin
4 Parts Sweet & Sour Mix
Shake, then pour (over ice if desired)
Garnish with a sprig of mint.
I call it the Electric Blue Bustier(tm)!
(yet another sign that the ‘toonists have sat up and taken notice of Josh’s little enterprise here!)
June 30th, 2005 at 2:31 pm
A … a … a COUPLE?!!
A COUPLE!? COUPLE?!!!!?!!
A couple is TWO, right?!
::runs back to the archives to see if anyone besides Irina and I-Girl mentioned Blue curacao::
Does this mean I’m an official honorary Junior Cardinal?! I mean, I’ve been wearing my Cardinal beanie and decoder ring for weeks, now, but only thought it was a crush …
Heck, I’d settle for lay minister.
June 30th, 2005 at 2:34 pm
In an upcoming Apt3G, we are going to see Margo drenched in scotch when she gets hit by a flying drink sent airborne by some drunk neverwasbeen. (it is a small world in the comics)
Hopefully, this episode will not botch her expose of the Gainesburger™ empire.
June 30th, 2005 at 3:07 pm
Smitty – Never been to Pitsburgh, but if they’re playin’ hot polka weekends, I’m there! Can I bring my dad’s collection of Lawrence Welk albums? He’s smoooooth on that accordion, baby.
June 30th, 2005 at 3:09 pm
No, sorry, this is the college of Cardinals. Owls are down the hall.
Force beam from her clavicle? I thought maybe she was flinging her beads around like Bea Lilly.
June 30th, 2005 at 3:09 pm
Electric Blue Bustiers for EVERYONE!
This certainly is some turn of events in Mary Worth World. I mean, even the Meth dealer didn’t behave like this.
Meanwhile, being an Edda-luster along with everyone else and enjoying all the T&A “art” strips, I just don’t get today’s Chickweed Lane. Who’s arms are those???
June 30th, 2005 at 3:10 pm
I assumed the drink that is attacking the waiter’s face was the refill that Rita ordered. She was just probably mad that it took a whole day to get her ?@#?%!ing drink.
June 30th, 2005 at 3:18 pm
In. Re. to today’s 9CWL, could it be a rather long, ahem, “shortarm”?
I mean the guy is human after all, and he IS sweatin with the Edda. . .
June 30th, 2005 at 3:27 pm
Hey, no one has given props to Josh yet for a spew-worthy entry. The Cocktail!™ Love it! Where would we be without our Pope?
Of course, it helps when you have such primo material to work with. The besotted remora that is Rita is certainly the most entertaining thing on the comics page these days. I wonder if Mary and Jeff will be taking her to a holiday barbecue this weekend. “Where’s the #$%$^% keg?!?”
June 30th, 2005 at 3:52 pm
Mary Worth has gone from dull to exciting. I will have the same coverage (but in diff words) as Joshreads.com. This is a hilarious story line! Chek out my blog!
June 30th, 2005 at 5:02 pm
Off topic questions… you guys are so resourceful! Can anyone steer me to Winnie Winkle strips from the 70s? That’s when her Bonnaz fashions were stolen by Top Flight (I think…). I distinctly recall her sobbing on a park bench, “MY ponchetta design, stolen by Top Flight,” or some such. Basically a ponchetta was some sort of triangular poncho which draped full-length over its wearer. Any leads? My mom threw out all my Winnie strips years ago.
June 30th, 2005 at 5:46 pm
I love the old guy in the chair – he looks completely boneless. No muscle tone whatsoever; his wife probably Super Glued him.
June 30th, 2005 at 6:09 pm
Nom and Zipper – This isn’t the first time McEldowney’s drawn a profusion of limbs on Edda and whomever Edda’s dancing with. Way back before Seth, there was one daily panel where the guy holding her had four arms. I’m not 100% sure why McEldowney does this – perhaps to illustrate the dancers’ versatility. Or maybe he just really like’s weirding us out. At any rate, I think I could stand an Edda with more than one leg, since that would likely mean an extra, um, merkin-perch. Ahem.
June 30th, 2005 at 6:14 pm
Interesting and odd–I just turned on A&E, and City Confidential is on–an episode called M-I-L-F-O-R-D:
M!lford: Death and Taxes. Airs on Thursday, June 30 at 6:00pm ET M!lford, Utah is a tough town where possession is nine-tenths of the law and a gun makes up the rest. That’s why handyman Tony Hamilton didn’t take too kindly to the county seizing the Mormon ranch where he lived for back taxes. And to make matters worse, all of the residents, who practiced polygamy, were evicted. Hamilton stayed, confronted the law, and ended up being charged with the attempted murder of a sheriff’s deputy.
Was this covered in (Death To)Gol Thorp at all?
June 30th, 2005 at 6:15 pm
Hee. I misspelled Gil.
June 30th, 2005 at 6:26 pm
That would have merited a mention in the Gil Thorp universe only if one of the evictees had been a second baseman, or maybe a French horn player.
June 30th, 2005 at 6:27 pm
Oh, I forgot.
Death to Gil Thorp!
June 30th, 2005 at 6:35 pm
Irina, you’ve been a Card forever! Grab your orange watch cap and shake your pom pom proudly.
Most ladies of a certain age don’t wear buns. They get fluffy wash and wear cuts so they can golf, go out to lunch with the other ladies and garden when they’re not doing some kind of volunteer work that involves heavy lifting, like Habitat for Humanity. I want to be a geezer like them when I grow up, not like Aunt May with her dependent Depends personality disorder. And you can believe they can hold their scotch.Death to Gil Thorp and his tired old stereotypes!
On the other hand, while on assignment doing a piece on the Rock and Holl Hall of Fame in Cleveland,
I made a side trip to the Polka Hall of Fame in that same town. It was much cooler and po mo than the R&RHofF. And had better t-shirts.
June 30th, 2005 at 6:39 pm
What are The Cocktail’s super powers? I’m not sure I want to think about his costume. Does it feature garnish, like citrus slices and marachino cherries? Does it feature a little paper parasol? It’s got to be the color of Bombay Sapphire.
June 30th, 2005 at 6:44 pm
Hello, I’m The Cocktail, and I’ll be your superwaiter tonight. Our specials are on the board.
Can I start you off with a …
June 30th, 2005 at 6:47 pm
He shot the sher-riff, but he didn’t shoot no Dep-u-ty!!
Bwow bow wowow
June 30th, 2005 at 6:53 pm
Oh, and I guess there is no Death in Gil Thorpe.
Look at that old man, he he’s so old and wrinkled that, like an Egyptian Pharoah, his insides have long since turned to dust and the only thing keeping the sand in the bag is the fact that he is reclining on the couch!
If the elderly of Mi*ford can stay alive long past the onset of organic decomposition, then there is little hope for the natural death of the series itself!
June 30th, 2005 at 7:05 pm
Maybe M*lford exists in a warp in the space-time continuum. People don’t age; polka and southside rapdogs co-exist seamlessly; bad hair from any era is always in style. The trade-off is that facial features are so indistinct that you can’t tell from moment to moment whom you’re looking at.
Death to Gil Thorp anyway.
June 30th, 2005 at 7:26 pm
Jimmy, my god, I remember the ponchetta plot! Some low-life rival designer stole Winnie’s design, and she found out in time not to have duplicate shows… rather, with great presence of mind, she CUT UP all her ponchettas and went to the show with a patchwork theme… and it was a wow and the ponchettas bombed. I wasn’t sure whether that meant she was really smart or really stupid.
June 30th, 2005 at 7:59 pm
An observation and a question.
First, the observation: “Curmudgeon” is hard to spell.
Then, the question: Have you ever seen Tom the Dancing Bug’s brilliant “Super Fun Pax Comix” spoofs of the comic page? Here’s the most recent one:
http://www.ucomics.com/tomthedancingbug/2005/05/28/
But he puts one out every couple of months. (It’s a weekly strip.)
I found Tom the Dancing Bug from Salon.com’s comic page. I used to read Salon.com before it started blaming every ill in society on George W. Bush specifically. (Sample headline: “tonsillitis numbers increasing, the new sickness in Bush’s America?”) Thankfully, Tom the Dancing Bug is available on that non-Salon site now.
June 30th, 2005 at 8:07 pm
Tom the Dancing Bug is brilliant! You can find it on the WashPost comics site. It changes once a week.
Let’s do the Roo Roo Polka!
June 30th, 2005 at 8:10 pm
Is Marty Moon setting Von Haney up for a little radio roo roo?
Death!
June 30th, 2005 at 8:39 pm
Sheila!! You spooned up a boatload of memories when you reminded me of Winnie’s sartorial tatters… ! I thought at the time how desperate she must have been. But she prevailed! PS I always had a crush on her brother, Perry. Go figure.
June 30th, 2005 at 9:25 pm
Perry? Perry? Don’t you HATE his wife?
(Guess the movie – obviously a scotch-lover’s fave), much like Ritzilla (on second thought, she probably never had TIME to watch a movie, what with her busy schedule and all; i.e., 3 pm date with Jack D., 4 pm date with Johnny W., 5 pm date with Bud., etc.)
June 30th, 2005 at 9:33 pm
8 p.m. date with Meddlin and Jeff, purse equipped with boxing gloves and those teeth-guard things that boxers wear.
Rita: NO #@*&@# WHITE WAITER IS GONNA BRING ME DOWN, *^#(^ IT!
Mary and Jeff: Oh, my. (thought balloon with ! and ?)
June 30th, 2005 at 9:47 pm
#42 from Islamorada Girl: Way spew-worthy! and yes, props to our Pope Josh the First re: The Cocktail
Picturing a monster so vile, so vicious, who, when confronted with water, triples in size to the power of 10, cause let’s face it, watered-down cocktails suck.
June 30th, 2005 at 9:56 pm
and Mooncity #2, great! I read that at work today and got interrupted, late on kudos. Had that song in my head all day!
June 30th, 2005 at 9:58 pm
well since the Cards seem to be in a secret meeting right now, guess I will attend my secret meeting as well (oops, slip of tongue), back in a bit….
June 30th, 2005 at 10:42 pm
Josh is right: that waiter’s transformational experience looks a lot like Barry Allen’s lightning accident which turned him into The Flash. I first read about Flash’s origin as a preteen, and for years afterward, during thunderstorms I would stand near shelves of chemicals (or the nearest equivalent: Dad’s shelves of old paint in the garage) and wait for lightning to strike, hoping to get so lucky. That waiter even looks like a young Barry Allen.
Kudos to the MW writers for recognizing that women can be “mean drunks” as easily as men. If a male character were acting like that, we’d want a Mark Trail type to punch his lights out. But Rita? The more outrageous she acts the better.
June 30th, 2005 at 11:07 pm
I’m surprised that you damn drunks haven’t noticed…or spoke openly of…the fact that Sally Forth has lost it. I mean…even though Sally has been self centered for ages, why TF is she getting on this “women are dissed” thing insofar as softball is concerned? Screw Sally! She’s a bitch. And she needs a scotch….PRONTO!
June 30th, 2005 at 11:13 pm
No bites on the “hate Perry’s wife?” It’s the movie “Arthur”. Dudley Moore. not sure when it was produced. True, it co-stars Liza Minelli, which is prob. why most have not seen it. (But even SHE is bearable in this one. Bonus major character: Sir John Gielguld (sp?) )
But trust me! Is worth a watch. You won’t regret it. I’ve only seen it about 7 times (to put it in perspective: have seen “Gone with the Wind” about 10 times)
And I don’t even have TIME to watch movies.
June 30th, 2005 at 11:19 pm
Hey Beasley, who you calling dam drunks? We Cardinals don’t drink during the week
*&^#%
June 30th, 2005 at 11:23 pm
and don’t dis Sally Forth, you ^&$#@( jerk
You know that Ces is a loyal listener!
(just kiddin’ ya know I love ya Beasley)
June 30th, 2005 at 11:27 pm
oops listener
Damn you might be right, some of us do drink during the week, but only on TGIF Eve
June 30th, 2005 at 11:39 pm
for some reason, that word looked misspelled, but such is the (bastard) english. No wonder people have trouble learning our “English.”
And why so irate re: the softball thing? You got a problem with women’s rights?
You gotta know that we women cow-tow to you men ev. day (or so you think, pretty much) to get our way.
June 30th, 2005 at 11:42 pm
Where is everyone tonight? Guess snoozing.
June 30th, 2005 at 11:44 pm
Here’s a more readable version of your bills pic: http://punkrockpenguin.net/blog/oldfolksarelame.gif
July 1st, 2005 at 12:18 am
Oh, oh, the new comics are out!! Mary looks absolutely livid in panel 1, but her and Jeff look bizarrely happy to be cleaning off the waiter in panel 2 (he’d better watch they don’t leave Rita and invite him back for a little roo-roo). Rita, meanwhile, looks like an embarassed little kid. And check out Tad Bifferson in the background. You can bet he’s the president of the country club: “Mmmm, Mrs. Worth, I’m afraid you’re going to have to leave. We cannot tolerate such outbursts at this establishment.” All in all, though, certainly not the conclusion I was anticipating.
Goofy sayings alert in A3G. Anyone have any more relationship advice? How about: “Falling in love with the Roto-router (sp?) man is as easy as falling in love with the Orkin man.”
Rather ironic that PBS did a FC spoof this week, considering Pastis is in danger of becoming just as lame.
(Darn this was hard to type tonight. That’s what happens when you drink on a Thursday night. More Iron City, mule!)
July 1st, 2005 at 12:42 am
Oh man, Adam-12, I grew up in Ohio near the river, about sixty miles west of Pittsburgh. Everybody in town worked in the coal mines or the steel mills, and drank Iron City. It was not exactly the king of beers, but I don’t think anybody was drinking it for taste. Is it still around?
July 1st, 2005 at 12:56 am
Duh! All this time I figured that Boyd was the last name of El Jefe in this latest arc of Mark Trail because the name of his company is Boyd Enterprises, even though it seemed strange for loyal lapdog Scott to address his superior by just the guy’s surname. Today we learn that, in fact, it’s the fellow’s first name that is Boyd, his full name being Boyd Carnes. That being the case, now it seems odd that the guy would call his company after his first name. It’s like Ted Turner naming his media empire Ted Broadcasting, if you catch my drift. (JoeCo, Bob Inc., FredEx)
July 1st, 2005 at 1:16 am
That’s not water – or scotch or blue curacao – on waiter Barry Allen’s face. The way it hangs there and on his shirt and the tray in panel one it looks like some kind of blue goop. And in panel two, when Mary tidies up the unwitting target of Ritzilla’s wrath (”Oh, you poor dear!”), it seems to be coming off in little clumps. Rage, thy name is Rita.
Next month in The Cocktail: “Shaken and Stirred!!!”
July 1st, 2005 at 1:34 am
Since Rita has the good graces to look mortified in the 7/1 MW, does this mean she’s hit rock bottom and will finally accept that she has a drinking problem?
The expression on Mary’s face seems to indicate that she’s not going to put up with any more of Rita’s boozin’!
July 1st, 2005 at 1:35 am
Ugh, PizzaBagel. You make it sound like Rita’s psychokinetic force was able to coagulate the scotch. It’s more likely the kitchen staff decided to add some Jello® mix to the drink in an attempt to slow her down, or at least impel her toward the restroom.
July 1st, 2005 at 2:31 am
Those who speculated that the waiter was actually Christ were right. Look how easily he forgave Rita.
July 1st, 2005 at 4:30 am
What the heck’s up with 9CL this week? They seem totally out of sequence. After yesterday’s multi-arm weirdness, we now see Edda on a date, when she was totally ga-ga over Amos last week. Are these strips that McEldowney keeps in reserve for when he goes on vacation or something?
July 1st, 2005 at 4:45 am
RBF: “Perry’s wife… ” “Arthur…” I’m missing some sort of connection… ? (Well, it’s 5:45 AM in Florida– who can think clearly? The only reason I’m up is to get some bike riding in before the daily monsoons set in).
July 1st, 2005 at 5:15 am
FredEx.
Heeheeheehee.
July 1st, 2005 at 6:24 am
Coming this fall on the WB…Tom Collins is THE MIXER!
July 1st, 2005 at 7:04 am
Meanwhile, over in FBOW, how dare roadside Becky do a solo performance? Shouldn’t she be dressed in sackcloth and ashes in penance for not being as perfect as April?
And what happened to the Kelpfroths?
July 1st, 2005 at 7:19 am
In today’s A3G, we see Tommy dispensing inane advice disguised as something her mom said, and LuAnn replying with an even more idiotic saying.
I think LuAnn is actually brilliant, and being sarcastic.
She’s also dressing better – love the shorts ‘n teeshirt!
July 1st, 2005 at 7:49 am
Dang, PizzaBagel (#68) beat me to the MT “Boyd Enterprises” commentary. I would add that I think Apple would’ve been more successful had it been named Steve Enterprises, and Microsoft would be better off if Gates had called it Bill Corp.
July 1st, 2005 at 8:19 am
RE: The CockTail
I’m not sure what his powers would be, but he sounds like a superhero that Seth could really get behind. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
July 1st, 2005 at 8:29 am
Since when does Henry Winkler do guest appearances in Gil Thorp? And shouldn’t he say, “Heyyyyyyyy. I like that new fellow’s style!”
July 1st, 2005 at 8:56 am
Jordon (comment #67) — Yes, Iron City (and it’s parent, Pittsburgh Brewing) are still around, but perhaps not for long. They’ve missed a bunch of back payments to their pension fund, and are in arrears on some city sewage bills. The vultures are circling…
Surprising, too, since their introduction last summer of an aluminum bottle was a big hit. It is a pretty cool product, even if it’s still just Iron City inside.
Adam-12 — nice to see I’m not the only yinzer on here.
July 1st, 2005 at 9:00 am
Once again, the wave of consolidation within the food bank industry leads to tragedy, this time in Gil Thorp. Poor Marty Moon — and he just had his leisure suit cleaned and pressed, as witnessed in panel one…
July 1st, 2005 at 9:16 am
Smitty: Please note that Marty put on his leisure suit to go into the station on a Saturday … he’s clearly changed clothes after being dumped “an hour ago.” Maybe his girlfriend with the freakishly oversized egg-shaped head is really leaving because the closeted Marty is dressing up for the polka-playing teen rather than for her.
Despite my fond memories of following the exploits of the gang at M*lford in my youth, I’m afraid I must join the chorus:
Death to Gil Thorp.
July 1st, 2005 at 9:25 am
Sharkbait (#71): perhaps it was a Caribbean Blue Jello Shot.
July 1st, 2005 at 9:41 am
Don’t worry, Islamorada Girl. Just wait until Becky opens her mouth and starts singing. The words like *^*%$ and $#^#@ will be sprikled through her roadside song. It will be enough to make ritazilla blush. She is bound to make a spectacle of herself.
Then it will be Saint April to rescue the Graduation.
Don’t forget the Pattersons are Perfect Paragons of Piety. They need to have broad villans like Becky, the disappearing Kelpfroths, Kortney, Thérèse, etc etc etc to show their glow.
July 1st, 2005 at 10:31 am
Several years ago when MW had an email address of tellmary@aol.com on the last panel I suggested a storyline to the authors, soon after they removed the email address from the panel.
It went somthing like this. I think that Mary Worth is a dominatrix, leather, whip, the whole bit. Dr. Jeff is her slave. She assimilated Toby into the dominatrix lifestyle too and Ian is her toy. Wilber is a male dominant, and has taken Tommy’s mommy as his slave.
Next week we will see Rita wearing a french maid uniform and a dog collar dusting Mary’s nicknacs and scrubbing her toilet with a toothbrush.
July 1st, 2005 at 10:50 am
Ha! I sent a note to tellmary@aol.com back in the day… I suggested ever so gently that a COLLEGE PROFESSOR — in CALIFORNIA! — was hardly likely to be shocked down to his toes at the idea of two undergraduates of, gasp! OPPOSITE SEXES cohabiting. (Remember that plot? They wound up married with twins, with that scary old bat what’s-her-name providing houseroom.) Is Professor Cameron from Mars or something? I mean c’mon, he obviously married one of his own students, you’d think ol’ Toby would clue him in to the mores prevailing among twenty-somethings today…
I didn’t get a reply. I think reality frightens these people.
July 1st, 2005 at 11:03 am
I must say that this Mary Worth is a bit of a letdown. I, too, was hoping for more Rage from Rita. But, there are some things worth noting. First, in panel two, is the cameo by Doctor McCoy, who observes Rita’s remorse from the background.
Second, check out the waiter in Panel 1, looking all shocked as Rita offers up her lame apology. Then in Panel 2 (as Doctor McCoy looks on with a slightly disturbed expression), he’s all smiling and striking a superhero pose. Hmmm… wonder why he’s so happy now… could it have anything to do with being wiped down by Mary and Jeff? What a perv! Or, maybe, he doesn’t really mind being sloshed with scotch because he too is a lush. Or maybe he’s really hitting on Rita?
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
And over in Gil Thorp, we have yet ANOTHER Star Trek cameo, this time by the evil Mirror Universe Mister Spock, and von Haney the Red Shirt. But ol’ Marty Moon is one wacky cat, and I love his beatnik stoner line today:
“I remember it like it was an hour ago – which it was!”
And RBF, thanks for the kudos on #2. (Sniff!) I thought I was all alone, my song parody was as dead as Fay and her weird stick puppets (or Rita’s future). That’s what I get for going with the 1910 Fruitgum Company!
July 1st, 2005 at 11:07 am
Nom! Yes, how could I forget that the saintly Pattersons need their one- dimensional foils? Perhaps it’s because I can no longer get my memory meds from above the border.
25 points all around if Shannon makes an appearance in this one.
July 1st, 2005 at 11:17 am
Hey, what’s that on Marty Moon’s head? Hot buttered yak wool? Marty, she didn’t dump you for a new job. She dumped you because she hates your cheap rug. It looks like a merkin!
Why, why, why am I now reading this strip? It’s like pulling off a bandaid!
Death, oh, death to Gil Thorp!
July 1st, 2005 at 11:28 am
Looks to me that Meddlin Mary and the good Dr. are waxing the waiter. I think that Mary’s expression changes from annoyed to happy when she sees her possiblity from a FFM threesome to a MFM threesome (or dare she dream a MFMF foursome) jumps a hundred fold.
She can’t wait to get out on the links.
I was talking about golf, you sickos. All you people only think about is @@#$#@ and !@$#$#@.
Shame on you.
July 1st, 2005 at 11:31 am
I surrender, I can’t take it anymore. I deleted GT from my Favorites this morning.
July 1st, 2005 at 11:33 am
RBF,
“Bathing is a lonely business… except… for… fish.”
“Excuse me, sir. Did you just say, ‘except for fish’?”
“Yes. Fish all bathe together.”
July 1st, 2005 at 11:51 am
Smitty, what’s a yinzer? Is that some of that street lingo these kids today are spouting?
July 1st, 2005 at 11:55 am
I thought today’s “Pearls” osama finale was hilarious. It was a rare “laugh out loud” moment reading the comics page.
Your commentary today was hilarious, Josh… but spread the love around… there’s more to the comics world than Mary Worth, Gil Thorp, and Mark Trail.
I’m surprised you didn’t write anything about the whacked-out “Beetle Bailey” that ran today. Man they’ve been doing some weird stuff lately.
July 1st, 2005 at 11:57 am
You DELETED Gil Thorp from your favorites?!?!?!?
That is like, um, Death to Gil Thorp.
July 1st, 2005 at 12:02 pm
A yinzer is a native Pittsburgher. So called because they use the word “y’uns” (pronounced “yinz”) as the plural form of “you”.
July 1st, 2005 at 12:02 pm
Bill Keane lives near Pheonix AZ and had this to say about the PBS parody.
http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/index.php?sty=43936
July 1st, 2005 at 12:03 pm
Oh, let me amend that: it’s a native Pittsburgher WITH A STRONG PITTSBURGH ACCENT. (Some people learn to kick it :-)
July 1st, 2005 at 12:15 pm
Really, we all know what’s about to happen in FBOFW:
Roadside’s ‘composition’ she takes credit for will actually be April and what’s-his-name from the band. Madcap hijinks will ensue, but it won’t matter because Becky will spend her summer lap-dancing for some grade-11s.
July 1st, 2005 at 12:36 pm
Why is Mary Worth wearing the flag of the former nation of South Vietnam?? Maybe thats what triggered Ritas rage.
July 1st, 2005 at 12:48 pm
Wishful Thinking Dept. (Part 1):
Mary will grab Rita by the ear and lecture her charge:
“You listen to me, young lady, and you listen good! When you’re my dinner guest you’d better behave yourself. And as long as you’re living under my roof, you’ll do as I say. Do you understand, missy? Now I want you to say you’re sorry.”
Rita (chastened): “I’m sah-wee.”
Wishful Thinking Dept. (Part 2):
April Patterson will suffer a wardrobe malfunction at her “grad,” in which it’s revealed that, in fact, she could not hold up a strapless dress, and that the only reason she looked so “spectacular” was because she was sporting the fake boobies that she tried on May 29.
WTF Dept.:
“Family Circus,” is the world’s most widely syndicated comic panel!!! So says the story in the link provided by Jocko in comment #99.
July 1st, 2005 at 1:04 pm
I grew up in Aliquippa, which as Smitty, Jimmy and presumably Sheila know, was a hard core steel town just outside of The ‘Burgh. Believe me, yinz is the least of the speech impediments that that you can hear in any bar in western PA. One of my friends in college (who was from the Bronx, so had his own issues to deal with) claimed we were all anti-Semitic. His reasoning: whenever we were asked “Jeet yet†(Did you eat yet) we always answered “No Jew†(No, did you?). I made sure I de-Pittsurghed my speech as quickly as possible. However, I could still go for a cold Iron (not that IC Lite crap that they sell these days) and I am pained to hear that the brew of my youth may soon be a thing of the past.
July 1st, 2005 at 1:20 pm
Isn’t Tony Dorsett from Aliquippa?
July 1st, 2005 at 1:31 pm
Yes, he is. He palyed high school ball at Hopewell, which regularly beat the snot out of my high school. Then we changed conferences and got to play Central Catholic – just when they got a guy named Marino at quaterback.
July 1st, 2005 at 1:39 pm
Oops! Looking back at the post, it is not Jimmy who declared his Pittsburgh roots, it was Adam-12. Sorry guys.
July 1st, 2005 at 2:17 pm
Sheila pretty much nailed the definition of “yinzer.” Native Pittsburghers use “y’ouns” or “y’uns” in the same manner that southerners use “y’all.”
And gnome, I think Ditka is also from Aliquippa. It’s as blue-collar a town as you’re likely to see. Think the opening scenes from “The Deer Hunter,” and you’ve got it.
July 1st, 2005 at 2:28 pm
Wow, I didn’t realize one mention of “Ahrn City” would garner this much discussion–or that anyone would even know what I was talking about.
Smitty, Sheila, Wren Wah: everybody meet tonight at Primanti’s in the Strip (I’ll wear an electric blue blazer)! And while Iron City may lack in taste, does anyone really drink beer for the taste? (Besides, if you want taste there’s always Yuengling.)
For those of you unlucky enough not to have been born into the greater Pittsburgh area, maybe this will help: http://www.pittsburghese.com/
Go Stillers!
July 1st, 2005 at 2:32 pm
I spent over 20 years near (not really in) Pittsburgh and never heard of a “yinzer” or the pronunciation “yinz.” It’s more like “yunz.” Sometimes “you-uns.” It is also used in the singular.
July 1st, 2005 at 3:06 pm
Grumpy, “yunz†is practically uptown. “Yinz†is the real down on the street pronunciation.
Adam, can’t make it for the impromptu enclave, since I now live in Florida. But I’ll join you in spirit. There is actually a Primanti’s in Ft. Lauderdale and the sandwiches (or should I say samitches) are right on the button. One of the brothers got tired of the cold and moved down here. Believe it or not, it’s known for its pizza, which is not bad, but I’ve had to introduce everyone to the sandwiches. Alas, no Iron City.
July 1st, 2005 at 3:08 pm
Jocko, loved the article. My favorite line: “The idea [of Osama bin Laden as a house guest in Family Circus] is absurd because bin Laden is way too old to be an exchange student.” No, really?
July 1st, 2005 at 4:24 pm
Not that I’m being nebby or anything, but there are awful lotta people from the ‘Burgh here who are into the comics n’at!!!
July 2nd, 2005 at 12:23 pm
#66, re “Pastis is in danger of being just as lame” — I agree that he’s running on fumes lately. But to become just as lame, he would have to write in — NOT ironically — a recurring character who is dead, and regularly calls other dead people over to witness the ky00te thing his dead grandchild/ren just did.
Regarding Osama being too old to be an exchange student, as claimed by Bil Keane: Has the man never heard of “nontraditional” students, the general term for the ones who are over 21 upon beginning their college degrees? I LOVE having nontraditional students in my classes. They show up to every class, on time at that; they have actually read the material and can hold an intelligent discussion on it; and when I assign homework… they don’t whine about it, they just DO it. Come to think of it, maybe if Jeff Cory chucked his practice and went back to school instead, Mary would stop being interested in him for his money, and he could duck the worst of the escalating Hurricane Ritzilla.
July 3rd, 2005 at 4:02 am
Rita is not only good to go, but also smokin’ hot. Jeff should wake up and realize he will never get into Mary’s fetid nether region and make a move on the gal with a little anger that needs some fervent attention.
July 3rd, 2005 at 9:42 pm
Wren Wah… yeah, I’m a Brooklyn boy ! We say “yooze” and “yizz.”
February 10th, 2008 at 6:03 am
I’d prefer reading in my native language, because my knowledge of your languange is no so well. But it was interesting! Look for some my links: