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Mary Worth, 7/28/09

Oh, for … are you telling me that Delilah isn’t even going to be allowed to enjoy some revenge flirting, never mind revenge sex, before having her nose rubbed in the festering singularity of human degradation that’s at Charley’s core, obscured by his smooth moves and his chest hair and his stripey shirt? Delilah is clearly not used to seeing the female form in anything less than a jumpsuit (she turns the lights off when she showers, obviously) and has been brought to the brink of vomiting by whatever piece of specialized artwork Charley has hanging in his foyer. This masterpiece is kind of hard to see, but let’s zoom in for a closer look:

My God, it appears to be a female human wearing a one-piece bathing suit! Do you expect us to believe that depraved monsters walk among us who actually collect “that sort of thing”? What do we pay taxes for if not to ensure that these sex-demons are rounded up, chemically castrated, and interned behind barbed wire in pervert camps out in Montana somewhere? Won’t somebody think of the children?

Oh yeah, the children! Charley can hang up repulsive cheesecake shots (and, worse, decadent modern art like the painting in panel two) because his love pad is a no-kids zone, which obviously makes him an inhuman devil-thing! Remember, kids are for “other people” — specifically, people who don’t live in an all-adult condo community like Charterstone, where children are specifically forbidden in rules laid down by the board. Hmm, you know, there’s another character in this strip who was married but apparently lives a childfree lifestyle … doesn’t seem the worse for it … older lady … doesn’t have her character assassinated … can’t quite place her …

Wait, I’m s sorry, I was letting my mind drift from the core message of this strip, which that Charley is a child-hating sex criminal with terrible taste in art, and that Delilah will soon enough be running away from his wall-mounted centerfolds and back to her lonely, empty apartment, where at least her virginal eyes are shielded from such horror. Let’s take another look at that painting so we can condemn it further, shall we?

You know, now that I’m looking at it again, it seems that the lampshade is almost the exact same flesh tone as the model in Charley’s awful picture. Maybe that’s what’s got Delilah so worked up — it’s part of Charley’s “ladies I have skinned” collection. “Kids are for other people, Delilah! Sure, there are kid specialists, but there just isn’t enough raw material in your average child to make a nice lamp or even a book binding. Frankly, I don’t have the patience to capture enough to meet my needs!”

Gil Thorp, 7/28/09

Hey, Gil Thorp, you know how excited I was when I realized you’d be bringing back beloved characters from the past? Well, I’d appreciate it if they weren’t from before December of 2004, when I started reading this strip. Fortunately, faithful reader dannymo has the story, which, in a nutshell, is that Marty DeJong led Milford’s baseball team to the last championship anyone can remember, but ruined his arm in the process, leading him angry and brooding and hungry for fiery revenge against Coach Thorp. I predict Gil will somehow get him to coach the hobo little league, completely displacing Ted Pearse, who will respond by burning Gil’s house to the ground.

Marmaduke, 7/28/09

I’m a little concerned about precisely what vaguely spherical head-sized object Mrs. Hitler has in that sack; I worry that it is, in fact, a severed human head, and this is part of some plan of hers to teach her unruly dog a modicum of manners. “Look, he’s got to understand that human heads are not toys! It’s the only way he’ll learn!”


  1. buckyswife
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Sorry–thread-jumped, so I’m reposting:
    A3G: “And I have not looked back. Say, can you tell me if Eric is behind me?”

    SM: Run, Wolverine—flee the city as fast as you can, before you, too, are sucked into the great vortex of mediocrity that’s already claimed Spiderman! You’re already showing symptoms: vague self-pity and the inability to react when a villain explains that he’s going to attack.

    MT: Why is Joey any good to them wounded?

    I do appreciate the use of classic symbolism here: The rabbit, of course, represents the dark, seamy underbunny of the city.

    DtM: This looks oddly like an A3G street scene: the blocky, nondescript buildings; the all-white passersby. The question is, how would Joey and Dennis get to Dharamsala?

    MW: I can’t quite figure out the “art” here. First, it looks as though porn chick is wearing a bathing suit. And she sort of looks like she’s in a classic pin-up pose. Is Delilah really that shocked by an 80s Vargas poster?

  2. Niall
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Tuesday Toons:

    Archie: Hunh, panel 2 almost looks like Archie has made up his mind already about who he’s going to choose, and is now drinking in the sight of the one he’s going to lose before he does lose her. It would be poignant… except of course that it’s just the AJGLU3000′s way of conveying its own sadness at the horrid jokes it is forced to unleash. Traces of remorse? Did the army of Cammies the other day break its creators’ hold on it?

    Curtis: I refuse to accept there’s a family with more than one child that doesn’t have somewhere a cordless phone. They’re cheap today.

    Dickishness: I sense absolutely no emotion at all from this strip. Just grimaces and death, and rote service to feigning sympathy. Locher and Brozman did their job well.

    F Minus: this is probably not very funny at all to a number of people…

    FC: Yup, vacation time. But it still looks like “find a place to dump the bodies”.

    Garfield: Panel 2 hurts the eyes and the brain. But, to its credit, it’s not entirely devoid of emotion like usual.

    Thorp: Okay, fine, but will you re-introduce him to your readers too?

    DepressoTown: Would it kill cartoonists to realise that writing on shop windows look reversed from the inside? And that it’s not going to kill readers to see it that way? (Also: that’s not a problem, that’s way past that stage. But understating life’s angst into ennui is pretty much the norm here.)

    Marm: Look at his stare. Look at her body. Even when they’re not trying, they’re still succeeding at the subtext. Hitler just sighs, resigned he’ll never know that joy again; when the Big Dog claims something, no one else can have it.

    Mary Worth: Oh my freaking god. Is this entire week going to be this much WIN? Panel 1: ghost-written by whoever does Herb & Jamaal – but the poses are fully Giella. Panel 2: Del is expressiong in third-person view her own scarring of her child’s mind. And considering the rest of the “art” on display, the far wall’s piece is most likely titled “Sperm Composition #5″.

    My Cage: “Help me help you to help me” is so bang-on, it’s scary; people like this do exist. Good job! And Norm, we’re all with you. …hey, will their common hatred of Sycophant Guy bring Norm and Ashley together, working on a common plot to oust him, and finally acknowledging their attraction? Ooooo, this would be so much win…

    PBS: I… as a non-coffee-liker, I thank you, Pastis.

    Sally Forth: It’s a joke, but… it’s still a valid point. Well-done!

  3. Niall
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    …wait, that’s a lampshade in Panel 1 of MW?? I thought it was part of the painting, some weird 3D/2D collage, with some sort of leg that went down to the ground, attached to a round thing glued to the canvas and… well, let’s say that it at least warranted a weird, even slightly shocking reaction to such modern type of art. But it’s a lampshade hiding part of a Swimsuit Illustrated cover poster? Sheesh.

  4. Niall
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    (also: shakes fist good-humouredly at buskyswife. Mere seconds away! :))

  5. BeverlyHG
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    Wow, Willem Dafoe must really be hurting for work if he’s resorted to making a cameo in today’s Mary Worth.

  6. anty a
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    MW: When I saw this strip, the fact that the lampshade is the exact same color as the skin of the woman in the “art” so visually confused me that I didn’t know what I was looking at. I thought maybe the side of the shade was her upper thigh in some kind of 3D art effect, but that didn’t make visual sense, either, so what I did instead was I focused on how Charley’s face, over time, seemes to be becoming increasingly demonic to the point that he’s looking not entirely human. Could THAT be why Del’s recoiling in such exaggerated horror?

  7. Dingo
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    So, Charley collects Jeff Koons. It could be worse. He could have a condo filled with Twombly.

  8. dreadedcandiru2
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:47 am [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie: Today’s strip was a harrowing look inside the mind of a woman with an unhealthy obsession with food. Remembering that Elly has to be the victim no matter what tells me that tomorrow, she’ll unhinge her jaws and start yelling because someone ate the doughnut she’s angsting over.

  9. buckyswife
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    I think that piece of sex-art has on more clothes than Delilah did the other day.

    y14 Poteet: Apparently, I’m in the depths of depravity: Not only am I childless by choice, but I have more than one piece of nekkid art on my walls (one of which is a photo). I’m going to hell for sure, but I can take comfort in the fact that the model of purity, Delilah Prodigy-not-Prodigal thankyouverymuch, won’t be there.

    y23 bats :[ —Brilliant (as usual).

    3 Niall: I’m with you. I thought that the horrific sexuality of the painting came from the contortions of the bodies therein, and that was some kind of foot sticking out from the painting. I’m not sure it’s any better that it’s a lamp.

  10. Death to the FOOBS!
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Yeah, ditto to Niall…I really thought the whole thing was part of the “art,” cubist-on-LSD perspective. God knows what the rest of the picture shows.
    And dig his expression, kind of Willem Dafoe meets Charles Manson. Now THAT’s some disturbing art!

  11. survivor
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    3 – I thought it was a misshaped leg, myself. I thought the girl was coming out of the picture a la the little girl in ‘The Ring’.

    It’s a good think the 3-toed sandal clad foot was preventing the leg from leaving the picture. I naturally assumed that the rest of the painting was an awful orgy scene depicting characters in the Old Testament with horrible, mutated features.

  12. doug rogers
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:53 am [Reply]

    So who is Mrs Marmaduke talking to? The Big Dog or the husband? Precisely which one of the two is afraid of the vacuum cleaner?

  13. Alley
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    Holy crap, how awesome is Charley?!? He’s totally sleazy and insane. All he needs now is a *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*.

    I also thought that was some kind of terribly designed, 3-D sculpture sticking out of the poster. More specifically, I thought it was some kind of terribly designed, 3-D, BONDAGE sculpture (I mean, look at the arms in that scarring picture). I’m one of those evil childfree people, so I’d know, seeing as how my entire living room is plastered with the types of images that would scar children forever. That’s what we childfree people do: surround ourselves with things that are inappropriate for children and cackle gleefully that there aren’t any little bastards around to see it.

  14. Patrick
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    “It’s from a collector who specializes in that sort of thing,” says Charley, meaning one of two things:

    That painting of a fully-clothed woman has been stolen by Charley from a collector, or…

    Charley’s art is actually made of women who are “collected” by someone who specializes in “that sort of thing,” and by “that sort of thing,” he means, “putting them in an industrial press until they are rendered two-dimensional.”

  15. Uncle Lumpy
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Who wouldn’t be afraid of Hitler’s vacuum cleaner — “A screaming comes across the floor.”

  16. Jumper
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    Marty immediately reminded me of Joe Lon Mackey of Harry Crews’s A Feast of Snakes

  17. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:05 am [Reply]

    Marmadick: Yeah, hiding it behind the ol’ trope, the nemesis of cartoon dogs everywhere – the vacuum. And, to underscore Mrs. Hitler’s brilliance, she explains what she is doing in front of Marmaduke. Good thinking!

  18. Mary
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    I was so confused when I read MW today. After a couple of weeks of repeating the same basic conversation over and over again, the strip jumps from Delilah in the hallway on Monday to Delilah already in his apartment looking at “his art” on Tuesday.
    No transition…so abrupt! So un-MW-like!

  19. JH Pants
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    Niall, anty a, buckyswife, et al – I, too, thought the lampshade was part of the art and spent some time this morning trying to figure out what it was that would warrant Delilah’s reaction. (The model’s leg? The back of a bald head?) I guess the artist used up so much energy depicting Charley, the Deparaved and Delilah, the Horrified that he couldn’t be bothered with a stupid lamp.

  20. JH Pants
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Sorry – Charley, the Depraved.

  21. TheDiva
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Damn, killed the thread! Reposting:

    C’shaft: Well, if I can’t enjoy watching Crankshaft being taken down by a geographically inappropriate snake, I suppose seeing an annoying rat dog suffer the same fate is an acceptable substitute.

    FW: Oh, dear. Long ago when this storyline began and we were all wondering why Wally had been MIA for an extraordinarily long period of time, I contemplated the possibility of Wally having amnesia. “No way,” I told myself, “Even Batiuk wouldn’t stoop to such a laughable, hackneyed soap opera cliche as that.” I really, really should have known better.

    MW: Because only obviously evil single men who don’t want children would even think of having porn around their house. Good people have missionary sex while closing their eyes and thinking of Charterstone.

    I love this storyline. It’s like watching a train wreck in brilliant Day-Glo colors.

  22. Snowshoecat
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    Perversions abound in this week’s edition of the comics. From the unspeakable horror of Charley’s hair– er, artwork, to Luann’s desire to “grow” her bustline to portray a sexy superheroine. Don’t even get me started on Godiva’s attraction to Sultan –who likes women.

  23. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    Today is an awesome day in the comics. Charlie’s fiendish grinning as he forces Del to confront the carnal nature of human life, Coach Kaz PI chucking Marty DeJong into the La-Z-Boy like an old magazine, two panels of BC extolling the virtues of summer, only to abruptly and inexplicably turn Crankshaft on us. Oh, and Crank is about to become an escaped anaconda’s chew toy. The accountant-God of 9CL is exposed as a phony and will surely suffer the wrath of the great, hulking, naked Dick Cheney for his heresy.

    Dali: Come, Eric, we are close to freedom!
    Eric: No… can’t… you must go on… without me!
    Dali: …ok.
    Eric: Wait, aren’t you going to … disagree?
    Dali: See you next reincarnation, bro.

    Curtis: Old enough to be dating, young enough to play with toy boats in the tub.

    Dick: I like the way that Dick still hangs on to the iconic wrist-watch-tv-radio, even though he owns a cell phone that is probably less expensive, easier to work and comes in an assortment of color schemes.

    reFoob: Ellie keeps donuts in the refrigerator? Ha ha! Other than that, it’s just a strip about someone who wants to eat, but then reconsiders.

  24. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:20 am [Reply]

    I have art in my office that’s racier than that, albeit lighter on the flesh tones. The way the moral measuring stick is calibrated in the US, you can get away with damn near anything as long as there’s no nipple exposed. But Del’s panel 2 reaction is such a spot-on perfect depiction of the collective American response to The Unspeakable Catastrophe of Areolae that I have a hard time believing it’s not an outright parody.

  25. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    No, Charliemania isn’t exactly the instant smash hit that Aldomania was, but this week, his stock has doubled or tripled. He needs to branch out into his own soap strip, where he’s perpetually offending new lady friends with his perverse and loutish behavior, then someone will explain to him some moral lesson that he should learn from the experience – or not. He’s that good.

  26. Greenbrastic
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    MW: Oh my god, this storyline is awesome. Charley is the ultimate villain concocted from the addled nightmares and insufficient imaginations of senile, Reader’s Digest-subscribing church ladies. A leering, sneering, lech who doesn’t have kids or plan to raise them and who spends his days ogling “art” (probably funded by our tax money) that depicts – horrors – a woman exposing some leg! Oh when will Mary Worth swoop in and save the children from this monster?

  27. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    Monty: Traslated last panel: “Besides, in my native tongue, I only speak Klingon.”

    But then why does he say that in Pig Latin?

  28. Niall
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:26 am [Reply]

    Those Sikoryak comics: Isn’t it Mary Worth lying assassinated by an axe-wielding Batman? Bonus. :) But seeing Mary say “Unsex me”? Sorry, lady, been done a lonnnnng time ago. (Okay, written before reading the yesterthread, so obviously Uncle Lumpy was going to go there first.) And “Mac” reminds me of Rex Morgan… he has the electric blue blazer done correctly at least. Action Camus was a hoot!

    Y2. Muffaroo: I don’t know what’s worse: your description of the link you provided, coupled with the URL, giving me a distinct visual image of what it might be… or the fact that I only hesitated five seconds before clicking it. (Then snickering at the result.)

    Y8. bats :[ : as if you weren’t already a Mudgeon of High Esteem before. Do you arrange tours? :)

    …I’ve just now figured out how to photoshop today’s Mary Worth, but must wait until I’m home. It’ll count into “I can make fun of our own kind better than anyone else” type of humour. :)

    And bats :[‘s turn at today’s strip is different than my idea. Good. :) (Well, the CHinbeard in panel is is not good. not good at all. you are a twisted, twisted person.) And no, Mark Hammill has not aged well at all; it’s one reason he’s looked for voice acting work, where he might have found his true calling. There are still some who won’t believe that Luke Skywalker, goodiest of goody-two-shoes, was voicing one of the best Jokers around.

    Ah, I wasn’t the only one who thought the “3D thigh” angle! Always good to not know I’m crazy. Or to know I’m not alone in craziness. :) Good and funny company all around! Honestly, it’s only looking at the second close-up by Josh above that it struck me; not the first close-up.

  29. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    #27 – He says “Besides my native tongue, I only speak Klingon”. He’s pretending Pig Latin is his native tongue. This is pretty stupid.

  30. Calico
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:27 am [Reply]

    If Delilah is shocked and freaked out by an old Farrah Fawcett poster, then she has some serious problems.

    What I’m hoping for, though, is that she’s actually looking at a blown-up nude photo of Mary Worth coming out of the shower, taken with one of Charley’s secret fiber-op cameras.

  31. Comrade Dread
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    I think it’s pretty clear that Delilah is horrified less that Charlie is apparently morphing into an Incubus before her eyes than she is at discovering she’s the star of a Chick track.

  32. Calico
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:31 am [Reply]

    #10 – I read once in The Village Voice that a female reviewer went to one of Dafoe’s plays where he got all naked and stuff, and she said he is SERIOUSLY endowed.

    Dingo, are you listening? : )

  33. Dragon of Life
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    Secret twist revealed tomorrow: Del has no idea what he means.

    Extended dialogue for today’s encounter: “I never have kids over! If you know what I mean! They’re for other people! If you know what I mean! I hate them! If you know what I mean! I bathe in their blood! If you know what I mean! Hail Satan and his child-scarring art! If you know what I mean!”

  34. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    MW: I also thought that lamp shade was part of the “artwork” — artwork?

    I think it’s a framed centerfold from Delilah’s hoochy-coochy days. She received $250 for posing in a crotchless bathing suit, in Amsterdam, on her senior trip to Europe — she needed the money to pay for her plane fare back to the USA.

    She was photographed using the name Hatsta Trotte.

  35. teddytoad
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    I have to say, I’m on the edge of my seat with this nuanced Mary Worth love triangle, but I’m so torn! On the one hand, Charley has the nostrils and centrally parted hair of a third-rate Spider-man villain, and collects child-scarring porn; on the other hand, Lawrence is a world-renowned philosophy professor! Who should Delilah (named after that treacherous, man-eating woman of sin)choose? I wish the writers wouldn’t be so coy about who I should root for.

  36. Little Guy
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    MW: Mashup Request #2!

  37. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    I’m glad that Josh blew that up and explained that it was a flesh colored lampshade in front. I couldn’t quite figure out if it was some deformed body part that protruded from the painting in some kind of bizarre multi-media fetishistic re-rendering of the La De Smaa Barn Komme Til Meg.

    I’d like to zoom in on the non-sexual painting in panel 2. Maybe the last chickie he had in his apartment hurled on the carpet. Being a keen artistic eye, and a collector who is in to that kind of a thing, he cut out a square of that carpet and hung it on the wall.

  38. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:54 am [Reply]

    A3G – Because you have to keep your vows, even when it means leaving your friend and benefactor to die in the snow. I’m actually starting to hope Margo does throttle him. Well, okay, I always did, but I now feel she would be justified in doing so.

    Crankshaft – Hee hee.

    DT – “I’m going down there, Tess! Her neck might not be completely broken! Gotta put her out of her misery! It’s the only humane thing to do!”

    FC – Billy, the only thing that really matters is that it’s somewhere where nobody will ever find out what happened to you.

    FW – Ha ha!


    GT – Headed toward the woodpile..with a baseball and a gas can? Does the baseball somehow fit into the “burn the woodpile” plan, or is it just his “calling card?”

    JP – …I can’t even mock this any more, it’s too brilliantly self-aware.

    Love Is… – a first step towards improve the basic human decency of the comics page.

    Luann – Yes, Greg, we know. Yes, you said “bust line.” No, it’s not actually particularily funny in and of itself. Now stop doing the Beavis & Butthead laugh.

    MW – That’s it. I’m setting up a shrine to Moy & Giella. Also, I suspect that, but for a typical King Features colorist screw-up, that painting in panel two would be Andres Serrano’s “Blood and Semen III.” Seems like it would fit.

    Popeye – How many months are we going to stretch this premise out to?

    RMMD – I like this guy already.

    SM – Spider-Man has the talkiest superhero battles in all of ever. The final showdown in Watchmen didn’t have this much dialogue.

  39. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:02 am [Reply]

  40. Perky Bird
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    I’m waiting for Charley to show Delilah his “Love-nasium” and ask her to feel the bedspread–it’s real velour!

  41. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    Del thinks it’s only art if it’s well hung.

  42. Shoshi
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    Josh, when Charley said, “They’re for other people,” I don’t think he meant that KIDS are for other people. I think he meant that his obscene artwork was for people other than kids. “You know what I mean?” He’s showing he’s not such a scumbag that he would show that kind of stuff to kids.

  43. JH Pants
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:12 am [Reply]

    I love that Dick Tracy randomly barks orders into his groovy Casio calculator watch. He knows, like we all do, that in his world no one ever needs an ambulance – they need a hearse.

  44. buckyswife
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:15 am [Reply]

    35 teddytoad: THAT’S who Charley reminds me of! Aunt May!

    Imagine Delilah’s reaction to the average Judge Parker strip:

    “Dear Editor: I demand that you remove that filthy Judge Parker strip immediately before any children are scarred for life! With its women! And their, their breasts! Thrusting out at inviting angles! Unspeakable filth! At least the men are respectable and refuse to be involved in the sordid hijinks. Except for that Randy fellow—I’m a little worried about him….

    Well, I have to run. I’m having marital problems, and so I’m going to visit an old boyfriend. He looks at me in the funniest ways, with his eyebrows all wiggly! It will be great to catch up on old times!

    Anyway, I’m a prodigy and I know what I’m talking about. Remove Judge Parker and replace it with something wholesome for the children, maybe that nice Keane family, or that cute little Dennis, or perhaps Beetle Bailey*—his antics with Sarge are so amusing!

    Love, Delilah”

    *Beetle Bailey Motto: “Beatings? Yes!; Beating Off? Never!”

  45. Canaduck
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    OHHHHHHHHHhh…it’s a lampshade!!

    It wasn’t until reading what Josh said AND several comments that I figured out that I wasn’t looking at some kind of weird, cubist leg mutant with a sandal and toes that were facing the wrong direction.

  46. Bryan
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:21 am [Reply]

    2, Niall: hey, will their common hatred of Sycophant Guy bring Norm and Ashley together, working on a common plot to oust him, and finally acknowledging their attraction? Ooooo, this would be so much win…

    I’d like to see Norm and Ashley come together while chopping up this bird guy’s corpse and feeding the parts into a chipper-shredder.
    Ashley: Hey we’re good at this!
    Norm: I don’t know whether to be happy or disgusted.
    Ashley: Why not both? (fade out)

    Then they become a professional hit-creature duo whacking people for the mob. Until one day, Norm gets the assignment he never wanted: She witnessed a crime and now Norm and Ashley have to whack Bridget!
    Norm: But I loved her! …once…
    Ashley: Don’t get neutered on me now, Norm! This is business!

  47. Hank
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    RE: Crankshat. Memo to Tom Batuik: killing the dog BEFORE Lynne Johnston reruns the ‘death of Farley’ strips doesn’t make it original, no matter how many time-jumps you and she put your respective characters through.

  48. AlphabetFish
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    I saw goatse when I was about 15 and I wasn’t scarred forever! (Please do not google that if you don’t know what it is.) I hate Delilah–she heads over there, very teasingly, and yet at the first inkling of sex she is HORRIFIED.

    Scarred for life, Delilah? Really? What happened to YOU that you’re such a hypocritical “I’ll go to the house of a sleazy man I’ve been flirting with and expect nothing to happen” prude?

  49. gnome de blog
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    So Charley decorates his love-pad with tasteless quasi-pornographic paintings? He must have broken up those two marriages by seducing the husbands.

  50. Forrest
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    With every passing panel, Charley’s transformation into The Green Goblin gets ever closer to completion.

  51. Chip Whittle
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    What I’m trying to tell you, Margo, he peeked back, here’s your pillar of salt. Now you know what’s the difference between you and me? I moved on.

    Mark Trail doesn’t know how assassins work. Though to be fair, the assassin, who’s currently dressed in International Distress Signal orange, carrying a blunderbuss, waving flares, flagging down passing cars to set them on fire, breaking into Lost Forest Television to tell everyone not to investigate what he’s doing, stealing Rusty’s camera, punching out cops to stuff five-hundred-dollar bills in their hands so they’ll look the other way, and asking Dick Tracy to explain One-Eyed Jack’s casino scam again, doesn’t know how assassins work either.

    Marvin is funny because everyone in it is a miserable, shrewish, bitter misanthrope, but it’s still happier than Crankshaft.

    Popeye is shrinking because he ate a tomato which was evil. This is not how I understood Manicheanism.

    Love Is … double-crossing Mark Trail’s gamblers’ competent older brothers, apparently.

  52. Professor Fate
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    FW: So are they going to wack Wally with a big cartoon hammer?

    “Amneisa?- no I have Ambrosia! On and on! Make a wish baby!”‘

    I mean what next – the only cliche left is the arrival in town of Lisa’s long lost twin sister who pretends she’s Lisa to get Les’s well something that Les has that someone would want.
    One the positive side it would make Les miserable which isn’t a bad thing.

  53. Aviatrix
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Like a Star Trek fan trying to resolve contradictory statements about the Enterprise warp drive, I feel compelled to find a reality in which what we know about this painting makes sense:

    1. It is so shocking that it would scar a child
    2. It depicts a partly clothed woman
    3. It is part of a specialized genre
    4. Charlie shows it off, almost boastfully

    The reference specifically to children invites the idea this is a twisted Madonna and the subject is depicted breaking the neck of a child as it suckles at her breast. I could concoct something that symbolically connected that to the spirit of Charterstone, but I can’t make it funny.

    So um, Foob: why keep doughnuts in the refrigerator? Who does that?

  54. Joe Blevins
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    MW: Is Charley some sort of shape-shifter? He seems to be morphing into Gollum from Lord of the Rings or possibly Arch Hall, Jr.. Actually, though, this comic expresses a view which is surprisingly — and depressingly — common in our society: if it’s not appropriate for children, it’s not appropriate for anyone.

    GT: Looooove the way Kaz roughly administers the ultimate punishment in panel 1: THE COMFY CHAIR!!

  55. Edgy DC
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    Nazi lampshade humour. Boo.

  56. Steve
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:47 am [Reply]

    If Charley mentions that he got a great deal on his “obscene” art because it was funded by a government grant, then we know that Mary Worth is making inroads into the Pluggers demographic.

    Seriously, though, the combination of realistic blonde nude and exaggerated face makes it look like something by current NYC contemporary art scene star John Currin (example here). Admittedly his paintings sell for the high 6 figures and no respectable dealer would ever sell a painting by a trendy artist to someone who lives in a dump like Charterstone, so I guess my attempts to link the Chelsea gallery scene and Mary Worth are likely to be in vain.

  57. Calico
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    #53 – Oh, Elly, we know already that Tim Horton hates you.

    FC – It always freaks me out when Jeff and Bil Keane channel Flannery O’Connor.

  58. Black Drazon
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    You said it, #31 Comrade Dread. I was about to make a joke comparing Mary Worth to the worst of internet fanfics but I think you hit it dead on the nose with a railgun. If Charley introduces us to his “*gasp* husband” or his level 12 elven mage, I’m outta here before the “For God so loved the world…” hits the quote box in the Sunday throwaway panels.

  59. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    MW is so brilliantly over-the-top! KEEP IT COMING, FOLKS! The art so unspeakably vile that Delilah jumps back upon seeing it, her hair flailing; Charley’s hardened sneer (which I think must be the very same sneer that appears as the first sign of degradation in The Portrait of Dorian Gray). I will be very disappointed if tomorrow finds Delilah back at Mary’s house, eating brown lumps and weeping. We’ve got a week ahead of us! Let’s stay in the fun house!

    And I really enjoy trying to imagine the part of that picture we can’t see. Peek-a-boo bust? Piercings? Some guy poking her in the ear?

    Oh, and Charley totally looks like Arcade (thanks for the name help, Holy Boxcar).

  60. mvg
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    52: “Les Miserable,” the Winky Funkerbean musical!

    GT: You mean Kaz rode up behind him on his bicycle … “through the woods”?
    a) This kid is stone deaf.
    b) Kaz must be an awesome tree-slalomer.
    c) Mark Trail isn’t gonna like finding all those narrow tire-tracks & is gonna come a-punchin’ after Kaz.

    MW: Wait till Del sees the Sunday sales flier from Kmart w/its lingerie shots. “Oh, won’t someone think of the children!” Good lord, she’s Helen Lovejoy w/black hair.

    Cshaft: Can we dare hope that Cranky, in a fit of bitter remorse & senility, sucks the poison out of Li’l Yapper, swallows some & THAT’s what lands him semicomatose in the wheelchair at the bad nursing home that was investigated on “60 Minutes”?

    FW: Amnesia? Effin’ AMNESIA??!

  61. thehollis
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    I think Gil has named his backhanded bitch-slap “Marty Dejong” and is reintroducing Mimi to it.

    The character about to get his Gil-beatdown really has no name…there’s less guilt involved when the body you bury is nameless.

  62. TheDiva
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    45 Canaduck: You’re not alone; at first I thought Charley’s pride and joy was some sort of bizarre 3-D wall art and that Delilah was worried children would be scarred by the unnatural angle the thigh was sticking out.

  63. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Mark: “He’s no good to them dead.”
    Sue: “So why didn’t they kill you? Wouldn’t that have solved the whole problem?”
    Mark: “I… uh… ” *punch!*

  64. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    Charlie obviously owns his very own meth lab!

  65. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    human heads are not toys!

    The Urban Dictionary would disagree.

  66. MagicEyes
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: I found something that starts with “B”–banana hammock! I can’t believe they left that off the list.

  67. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    #53 – Aviatrix: Re: reFoob: Who keeps donuts in their refrigerator? Maybe people like Coach Kaz, who tucks his Hawiian shirt in to his pants. That kind of person. Out-of-refrigerator donuts are for other people, if you know what I mean.

  68. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:17 pm [Reply]

    I thought about Mrs. Hitler explaining where she was hiding things. I thought and thought. Now it becomes apparent. It is all an excuse to present her ass to her two prospective lovers. She loves it – dare I say – doggy style?

  69. Comrade Dread
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    “MW: Wait till Del sees the Sunday sales flier from Kmart w/its lingerie shots. “Oh, won’t someone think of the children!” Good lord, she’s Helen Lovejoy w/black hair.”

    It would all be worth it if tomorrow’s comic showed her head exploding Scanners-style when she finds a copy of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue on Charlie’s coffee table, followed by three panels of Mary lecturing us on the objectification of women.

  70. Amateur
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    MW: Oh, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought the painting had a leg dangling out of the frame!

  71. bats :[
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    28. Niall re MW re Mark Hamill (sheesh, I couldn’t even spell his name right; I’m so ashamed): I’ve seen him speak with the Joker’s voice, and I still can’t really believe it’s him.
    All right, though! Another CCer Photoshopping! I love it, and can’t wait to see what you’re thinking.
    (And, yes, we do give tours. The nickel would be waived for you and other CCers…)

    36. Little Guy: what kind of MW mashup do you want? If it’s for today in Charley de Sade’s World o’ Porn, this is my entry:

    39. HogenMogen: unspeakable filth.

  72. Chyron HR
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane – Brooke draws what he knows (for once).

    Apartment 3-G – “Eric told me, never look back! Yet when his footfalls became so quiet on the blanket of snow, I turned for but a moment, and he was taken back to the underworld.”

    Edge City – I’m pretty sure nobody wanted Len’s “love tummy” in their paper, King Features Syndicate.

    Gasoline Alley – “And that’s why we call fish and chips with malt vinegar a ‘Jonah at Nineveh’!”

    Luann – Ah, booth babes. Proof that you actually can sell a product by insulting your customers.

    Mary Worth – A lady in a bathing suit?! I hope nobody finds out I’ve got an Evangelion calendar in my office or I’ll have to register for the sex offender list.

    You know, Rose is Rose turned into the Tard Blog so gradually, I didn’t even notice.

    Spiderman – Doc Ock begins forming a new Sinister Six by recruiting one of the most nefarious villains on the books–THE SHOCKER!

  73. Some Guy
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    Add me to the people who thought Charley’s “art” was some weirdly deformed 3D thing.

    In fact, what I immediately associated it with was Pheobe’s “art” in Friends, which comprised life-sized dismembered ragdolls in frames. So yeah, I could see how that might scar someone forever.

    But it’s a girl in a swimsuit? Seriously? Get a grip, woman!

  74. Rob
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

    I’m actually embarrassed that a comic got to me but man did Marvin tick me off today, So her parents can move in and stay as long as they want but he is sleeping on the coach because he invited his mom over for a visit.

  75. T. Chicana
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    As awesome as it is to speculate what that painting is, I don’t think this has the makings of another Aldomania. Charley, I knew Aldo Kelrast. I was friends with Aldo Kelrast. And you, sir, are no Aldo Kelrast!!

  76. Old School Allie Cat
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    MW – I’ve seen a lot of shocking art in my life, but unless the woman in the photo is shooting boiling oil out of her hoo-hoo, I doubt anyone would be actually scarred. Maybe if the frame had a really sharp edge and you bumped into it.

    Funky – What, you haven’t seen GNN in the last 10 years? It’s the number #6 rated Cable News Network. Have you been living in a cave or something? Oh, you have? Gee, sorry – my bad.

    Shaftgate, Day 8 – I think we can safely assume that Crankshaft died and is in his own version of hell. Where the garden never gets completely weeded and there are snakes and yappy dogs. He’ll soon find that mailboxes there are indestructible, grills light with the first match, and on your ice cream route, there are no cute girls to stalk. Also, there is no baseball in Crankshaft’s Hell, only Lacrosse, and nothing to eat but Lena’s brownies.

  77. rodent
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    It apparently doesn’t concern Gil Thorp that what he and his henchman are doing amounts to kidnapping and assault.

  78. BigTed
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    I can see why a simple girl like Delilah would be stunned by Charley’s choice of “modern” art, given its hyperrealistic rendering of the female form. On the plus side, though, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen a Roy Lichtenstein actually depicted in a comic strip.

  79. Niall
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    71 bats :[ : Woohoo! If I’m ever in your neck of the woods, I’ll let you know. :)

    Meanwhile, I had to go home to pick up some maps with very important handwritten info to plan my trip tomorrow, so I had a chance to make my mashup.

    Charley could have been a much worse kind of pervert… (Not exactly 100% SFW, but not really showing anything. Note: I’m in the fandom, so I can make fun of it – and within the fandom, those who proudly display these prints in their main room are considered sleazy and skeevy, and often behave exactly like Charley. And thank goodness there’s only a tiny number of them.)

  80. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    #75 T. Chicana – I dunno. It’s too early to start labeling it “Aldomania II,” I think, but I wouldn’t rule out the possibility. After all, this storyline has, so far, demonstrated a commitment to going completely over the top by Mary Worth standards, from the (comparatively) racy nature of the subject matter to the suddenly wildly-exaggerated art; who knows but that Charley may in fact meet his gruesome fate by the end of the storyline? We can always hope.

    #76 Old School Allie Cat – I’m wondering if, behind that lampshade and off the panel border, the painting doesn’t turn into some sort of nightmarish melding of H.R. Giger and Japanese tentacle porn. I mean, the only other time anybody ever got this worked up in Mary Worth was because of a minor financial inconvenience, so it’s got to be pretty serious, right?

  81. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    #79 Niall – I can make an educated guess, but the link is actually not working.

  82. buckyswife
    July 28th, 2009 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    79 Niall–After all that build-up, a non-working link! That’s like saying you have a great piece of gossip and then being unwilling to dish. Put your so-called “work” aside; your real work is getting that link up.

  83. Jack Bishop
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    I’m wondering not so much about Charley’s wacky art — or even the color of his lampshade — as what’s going on with the nearer part of the lamp. If Mary Worth were computer-rendered in 3D, I’d peg that as a clipping issue and the nearest bit of the lamp having zero z-value (although, in that case, why is the bulb not visible?). Is this evidence that “Giella” is actually the code name for an experimental ink-art ray-tracing program?

    OTOH, if Mary Worth were produced via computer rendering of a 3D scene, one would think a room could have consistent geometry between panels.

  84. Jimbo
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    To #5 Beverly–

    Dagnabbit! I was going to make a snide comment about Willem Dafoe appearing in Mary Worth today. And I would have beaten you to it had I not slept in until 11:00 Mountain time.

  85. Foolkiller
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    How bad can DeJong’s arm be? He broke a window from a distance that Gil couldn’t see him after he threw it! He should sell his story to Disney for ‘The Rookie 2″.

  86. One-eyed Wolfdog
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    If you want to see Niall’s link from #79, copy the location ( from his link and paste it into your URL bar – the host doesn’t like Josh as a referer.

  87. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    I think everyone’s missing the mark here. Delilah’s reaction is from being exposed unexpectedly to someone with a smile on her face who actually seems to have been captured in a moment of unburdened, carefree bliss. After all this is Charterstone.

  88. Hogenmogen
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

    F minus is like a poor man’s Delilah & Lawrence.

  89. blacksheepboy
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:37 pm [Reply]

    Yes, Charley, think of the children – we don’t want another Sylvia Plath, do we?

  90. Dan
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    So, Toni from Luann is the model for Charley’s whatever-it-is, eh what?

  91. Charterstoned
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:39 pm [Reply]

    76 – Old School Allie Cat – Your comment about today’s installment of Mary Worth has my vote for COTW!

    I think it would be fun if we could all participate in a “finish the horrifying picture” exercise. My vote: it’s a timer-set photo of another Charterstone resident taken when Charley invited her back to his man cave after the last Attitude Adjustment Pool Party. The picture captures the image of the blond, who has smeared herself all over with leftover salmon squares, as she offers herself to Charley as a plate.

  92. Will
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:41 pm [Reply]

    In defense of Delilah, we can’t see the whole picture. How do we know that the rest of the picture doesn’t contain smut that would make Dingo blush?

  93. seismic-2
    July 28th, 2009 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

    MW: In light of the almost Gil Thorpian non-Euclidean renderings of perspective in this week’s panels, surely “W-Whoa! That’s… art of a kind… I suppose…” must be Moy & Giella’s own attempt to get special Meta-Comment of the Week honors, isn’t it? Personally, I had been wondering about the (again, almost Gil Thorpian) renderings of Charley’s strange hand gestures, but now it is clear – he is morphing into Lon Chaney in London after Midnight. Delilah’s own strange behind-the-back hand gesture of yesterday is thus also clear: she was hiding a small pair of scissors. Next week, when Charley lunges in for a grope, Delilah will prove true to her Biblical heritage in emasculating him, by trimming his eyebrows. Then Del will flee back to Lawrence, who will stay on the road in his always-busy philosophy enterprise, and cosmic order will again be restored by returning their marriage to its proper situation in which the husband and wife stay miles apart from each other and don’t get involved with, well, you know.

    GT: Gil and Mimi have a well-stocked woodpile in the middle of the summer? Since everyone is running around in shorts (and Hawaiian shirts), the wood can’t be for the fireplace, so it must be the stock that they maintain for burning people at the stake. Marty DeJong, you are toast!!!

  94. mvg
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:01 pm [Reply]

    93: Scissors — that’s it! Delilah wasn’t crossing her fingers ysterday. She was attempting to prepare for what she anticipated would be a rousing, restorative match of rock-paper-scissors w/Charley, not making a Kentucky-jelly sandwich w/him at all. Of course! THAT’s why her marriage w/Lawrence is on the rocks: She was such a prodigy that administrators advanced her thru school right past the grade where she might have learned how the eff human sexual intercourse works. What w/his high-powered, globetrotting philosophy career constantly sending him jetting to the world’s capitals — & her skipping out whenever he returns home (she’s probably traumatized by seeing his “thing” on the honeymoon — Lawrence hasn’t yet tumbled to the fact that his wife has the sexual awareness of a 6-year-old. Hence, the child she fears will be scarred is herself. Oh, Charley, couldn’t you man up & be a ‘rock’ for her?

  95. Baka Gaijin
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:33 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Now do you see why I want to name this storyline? Just about the time it looks like it’s going to climax, it just throbs larger and larger. I’ll bet Mary invites Charlie to get “stoned” at the Charterstone pool. Laughter ensues when he shows up with a massive skull-shaped glass bong to see Mary and the gang clutching their favorites stones. And I don’t mean Mick Jagger!

  96. zamros
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    Herb & Jamaal is treading on dangerous waters, today. My first impression of the strip lead to a gay joke, just like every H&J. But then I noticed something: Laurel and Hardy is an awfully contemporary reference.

  97. Baka Gaijin
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    #13 Alley: I’m going to get some child-inappropriate art just so I can “cackle gleefully!”

  98. ScienceGiant
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Yeah, but what if the Delilah’s reaction was to the lamp — like the leg lamp from “A Christmas Story?”

  99. Spunde
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:41 pm [Reply]

    The “Curtis and his father, deep down, really do hate each other” storyline is the ugliest thing I’ve seen in a comic. And that includes Mark Trail kissing.

  100. Digger
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    MW: Good, heavens, Charley has pictures of semi-naked women! No wonder he gets Mary’s granny-panties in such a twist. Charley is turning out to be quite an amazing comic-strip villain. Compared to him, Ted Confey was nothing but….well, a Spider-man villain.

  101. bats :[
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Just reordering my mashup thoughts, since it seems Delilah wasn’t quite the hellcat we were all hoping for:
    (sorry, you’ll have to “size up”).

    I’m wondering if one of the bits and pieces of fallout is Mary and Co. getting Charley evicted from Charterstone since he’s such a menace to society…

  102. Shlomo
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    The movements and reactions in Mary Worth lately have been looking a lot like Archie Comics. Maybe the whole Archie choosing Veronica over Betty story, inspired this riveting Mary Worth plotline.

  103. Eldaglass
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    MW: My immediate reaction was almost the same as Delilah’s (minus bursting into flames). Of course, I thought the lamp was part of the “artwork,” and that it was some life-sized sculpture of a woman melded with some kind of flesh-colored machine and engaged in unspeakable/impossible acts just off-panel…
    Apparently, Delilah’s shock is more simple. Charley buys images of women whose features are not prone to slipping, melting, or sending out radiation. In the MW universe, this is akin to the horror first triggered by Cubist depictions of the human form. People just shouldn’t look like that!

  104. bats :[
    July 28th, 2009 at 2:59 pm [Reply]

    79. Niall: nicely done! I think it’s a wee bit on the tame side, but I know enough about the genre and like some of the work that’s it’s not shocking (or scarring) to me. I will admit that a lot of people are stunned by it (I think the one CSI episode at a con generated lots of interest of the “ewww!” kind), so I’m sure that Delilah, who still has stuffed animals on her bed, is solidly in that camp.
    More mashups, mule! (Well, after you get home…)

  105. commodorejohn
    July 28th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    #101 bats :[ – I’m not thinking “eviction” so much as “shallow, unmarked grave.”

  106. Chromium
    July 28th, 2009 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    I hope for Delilah’s sake she doesn’t turn to her left and see Charley’s framed semen.

  107. nona
    July 28th, 2009 at 3:43 pm [Reply]

    At first I didn’t read the shadow portion of the lamp and also couldn’t figure out what I was looking at. I concluded that it was a large, phallic sculpture positioned in front of the painting. Now, please show us the rest of the painting!

  108. queek
    July 28th, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    106: Charley has a framed Sagendorf?

  109. Amateur
    July 28th, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    #99 — Yeah, that is getting pretty nasty.

  110. Violet
    July 28th, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    After this kind of trauma Delilah’s going to have to spend at least a week in Mary’s chamber of puppies befriending kittens and winsome little girls with watering cans.

  111. Niall
    July 28th, 2009 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    45. Canaduck: You know, it just occured to me, I hope that Moy – or more specifically Giella – aren’t actually saying by today’s strip that they’re trying to lampshade the whole set of conventions we’re looking at… (Link to tvtropes removed for your sanity and productivity)

    46. Bryan: That… would be… actually, that’d be something Norm might do. In his super-secret sketchbook. The one that have the special sketches of Ashley already. He keeps blocking up the memory of ever doing them. As for your dialogue: Priceless!

    79. me: AUGH! That’ll teach me to not check the links before going back to work. Sorry everyone. I’ll try to find out the problem once I’m home, so not for another hour.

  112. Jay
    July 28th, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    @Marmaduke -
    I was wondering who she was talking about – Marm or her husband?

    It seems to me that a male (like myself) would rarely ever touch a cleaning device, let alone look behind it. It seems fairly useful to be able to hide things from your husband behind the vacuum cleaner, mop, in the laundry machine, etc.

  113. boojum
    July 28th, 2009 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    bats:[ @ 101:

    Sorry, you’ll have to “size up.”

    ** sigh ** If I had a nickel…..

  114. Ktrout
    July 28th, 2009 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    To me, Charley (sic) really looks like great Puerto-Rican actor Raul Julia in the second panel. His exposing Delilah to softer-than-softcore may simply be a conscious reversal of Julia’s famous 1980 performance of Petruchio opposite Meryl Streep in “The Taming of the Shrew.” Rather than taking an uncouth, free-spirited woman and coercing her into meek Elizabethan subservience through sleep deprivation, however, Charley wishes to put a contemporary spin on his favourite actor’s role by taking a woman who is completely under the thumb of Reichskommissar Worth and, through concerted effort involving crudely painted breasts, turn her into an uncouth, free-spirited libertine.

  115. DeGroot of All Evil
    July 28th, 2009 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m pretty sure that Charlie has a REALDOLL tied up in Japanese rope bondage. I guess that would creep me out. Then again, in Luann there’s a troll forcing a teenage girl into Cosplay.

  116. Charterstoned
    July 28th, 2009 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    MW – That picture is probably just from a lingerie ad that Charley clipped out of the Sunday inserts.

  117. Echo
    July 28th, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    I don’t have any actual physical pictures of 40s pin-ups like Charley there. I do have quite a few on my computer though, in my Sims game. My father has a neat Edwardian pseudo-pinup advertisement over his fireplace, which his girlfriend helped him pick out. In those days, naked chicks riding bikes was a common advertising theme. When I was a child, my parents took me to art museums where I saw more painted and photographed naked chicks — and even, occasionally, naked dudes! I guess they were training me to be a pervert, for which I am thankful.

    I dearly hope that Charley will respond to Delilah’s literally insane reaction to his pretty, demure cheesecake by kicking her out of his apartment, preferably using steel-toed boots.

  118. Cheese-n-Pear
    July 28th, 2009 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

    MW: Wow. What can I say that hasn’t already been said about this?

    I’m immediately reminded of a time visiting the Pompidou Center in Paris, watching a French family introduce their young son to some Dadaist painting that included fairly erotic images. The young boy’s only comment was that it looked very silly.

    And this, I think, is why the French are known for being so much more sophisticated about sex than the rest of us. At the age of six, this kid knew something that I hadn’t figured out until well into my twenties – that sex basically looks really silly.

    Anyway, as to what the “artwork” could possibly be, I’m guessing that Charlie just tears out centerfolds from old copies of Screw magazine and pastes them on his wall. Nothing else could justify Delilah’s horror and Charlie’s obnoxious leer.

  119. Dee
    July 28th, 2009 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    MW: It took me the longest time to figure out that the lampshade was not, in fact, some 3D portion of the painting. I would be a lot more shocked by that painting if it had an oddly-shaped leg jutting out of it. As it is, I have to wonder about Delilah’s childhood if she thinks children would be scarred for life if they saw a woman in a swimsuit. Either Delilah never went to the pool or beach as a child, or she did and it somehow resulted in a phobia of women’s swimsuits. Or, third possibility, Delilah has only been exposed to those “bathing costumes” women used to wear in the early 1900s.

  120. AhClem
    July 28th, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    MW – The picture on Charley’s wall is a blow-up of an A3G panel from last year, showing Luanne working in her art studio. Delilah recoils in horror after seeing Luanne’s abysmal flower paintings.

  121. Echo
    July 28th, 2009 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    Actually, as others have noted, I’m starting to really think the MW writers lampshading themselves. They know people only read their strip ironically, and we all know about Just in case there’s anyone on the internet who doesn’t know what it means, I will quote:

    “Lampshade Hanging is the writers’ trick of dealing with any element of the story that threatens the audience’s Willing Suspension Of Disbelief—whether a very implausible plot development, or a particularly egregious use of a trope—by calling attention to it… and then moving on.”

    No direct link because tvtropes will ruin your life.

  122. pyano
    July 28th, 2009 at 6:43 pm [Reply]

    Since I can’t judge the age of the female, and due to Del’s horrified line “What if children see it? They’d be scarred forever!” Charley is a fan of Trevor Brown and has one of his more “overt” paintings on his wall. Since Del’s “style” makes her look about 15, this whole plot just made a lot more sense.

  123. Meatbag
    July 28th, 2009 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    MD: That’s actually a bag of cat poop.

  124. Joe Blevins
    July 28th, 2009 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

    MW: This is all a dreadful misunderstanding. When Charley said he had a collection of photos by Richard Kern, Delilah thought he said “a collection of photos of Richard Karn.” Huge difference.

  125. AirForbes
    July 28th, 2009 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m going to guess that just off panel in the painting, is Sultan, the horse who really likes women.

  126. Packherd
    July 28th, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    Charley is a much more interesting villain. Could we import him into Spider-Man? Wait, on second thought, that is a bad idea; Charley would kick his ass.

  127. boojum
    July 28th, 2009 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been sitting here trying to imagine “smut that would make Dingo blush.” I don’t think I’ve succeeded.

  128. fishmorgjp
    July 28th, 2009 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    “What if children see it? They’d be scarred forever!” Yes, if any children so much at glance at the horrifying, Lovecraftian images, their innocent faces will spontaneously warp, twist and scarify until they look like little Freddy Krugers, condemned forever to a life of irredeemable evil!!

  129. Phred22
    July 28th, 2009 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    MW: Shame on you, Charley. Delilah obviously came to look at your etchings, not your paintings.

  130. Black Drazon
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    #128 fishmorgjp If Charley’s paintings cause madness in children, the Internet must be the the true form of The King in Yellow.

  131. Torpess
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:13 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth – Me, I thought it was going to be that statue of Britney Spears giving birth. Now THAT would scar young and old alike.

    However, I am honestly not sure if I would be terrified or fascinated by the person who would have Birth of Sean Preston as a coffee table.

  132. Comrade Denny
    July 28th, 2009 at 10:21 pm [Reply]

    A3G: I know the Lama’s story is supposed to make Eric seem selfless and noble but (a) those are not traits Margo recognizes, let alone admires, and (b) Lamas, as Bodhisattvas, are enlightened beings who could enter Nirvana but have chosen to keep reincarnating until all beings are saved* (which is going to lead to one hell of a traffic jam at the end of existence since there’s literally going to be an infinite number of Bodhisattvas saying, “You first! No, you first!” and smiling wisely), yet this Lama seems to have a different ethos – at least when it comes to getting his ass out of China.

    * The Zen Buddhists found a work around by declaring all beings already enlightened and calling it a day.

    GA: Speaking of getting saved, this pseudo-preacher is making me want to puke. Also, he’s leaving out the part of the story where, after God spares the people of Nineveh, Jonah pitches a fit and bitches about how there’s no point in being good if God’s gonna forgive ya at the last minute anyway.

    MT: I love how Mark is delivering the shocking news of Joey’s near assassination to his sister slouched over with his hands in his pockets like some sort of beatnik. In fact, he’s looking rather Kerouac-esque today.

    Ghost-Who-Clotheslines-Chumps-in-the-Dark: With Dick Tracy‘s continued descent into abstract, expressionistic off-panel violence, props today go to the Phantom for delivery my USDA recommended dose of lethal, graphic violence by smashing some scrunt’s trachea with his forearm.

    SlyFox: Hey, kids! Animals LOVE oil slicks!

  133. Jackuul
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    Charles has a mean “I will rape you!” face.

  134. Sheila Sternwell
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Oh, it’s a LAMPSHADE. I had no idea. I thought it was a badly-proportioned leg behind her in a provocative pose, and the little fiddly thing keeping the shade on was a toe or something.

  135. Numbat
    July 28th, 2009 at 11:58 pm [Reply]

    MW – I was going to suggest that perhaps Delilah just hadn’t seen a woman with a penis before but I think I should revise that.

    I think Delilah just hasn’t seen a penis before.

  136. the angry black woman
    July 29th, 2009 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    yeah, I am kind of pissed that we don’t even get to see Delilah almost fall into Charley’s bed before discovering his OMG horrors! bathing suit ladies on the wall!

    Also: crazy angles continue. Is the artist practicing for something? Maybe readying himself to design a funhouse?

    I am… astonished by the number and intensity of Delilah’s shock halos.

    That is all.

  137. mojitobaby
    July 29th, 2009 at 12:16 am [Reply]

    So either prodigy Delilah used to teach under the name of Deborah Maybach or was one of her pupils. This is clearly post-traumatic stress disorder stemming from her previous confrontation with “art”. She’s someone who obviously washes her body parts in alphabetical order while wearing rubber gloves and using a dishmop, so it can’t be anything else

    Since Delilah exclaimed “w-whoa!”, it’s quite clear to me this equine reference is Moy & Giella’s coy way of insinuating that blonde lipsticked hussy must be “riding” something. Apparently it’s not Sultan, either.

  138. Charles
    July 29th, 2009 at 1:23 am [Reply]

    I just had the weirdest dream. I was back in high school and one of the resident jackasses was giving me a hard time, so I sicced Mary Worth on him. I have no idea what I ate, but perhaps I should avoid it in the future.

  139. Portia
    July 29th, 2009 at 2:34 am [Reply]

    I still can’t get it out of my mind that that’s a sex doll, with the leg coming towards us. Is Ryan Gosling going to play Charley in the Mary Worth movie? Someone, please, say “yes.”

    July 29th, 2009 at 6:32 am [Reply]

    MT: the second panel could have been lifted out of any of several dozen Tales from the Crypt or other EC comic horror tales — if Delilah was saying GASP! as she stared at a dismembered corpse, or something.

    Yes, I know I am dating myself again. But I am young at heart.

  141. I am Jack's username
    July 29th, 2009 at 7:01 am [Reply]

    Charlie’s art looks 3D, almost as if he killed and stuffed a woman and mounted her on the wall, the ‘collector who specialises in that sort of thing’ being a taxidermist of humans. “Don’t worry Delilah, this is my last girlfriend, she never used to like my artworks either, but she soon learned. So you will, at least when the ol’ Stockholm kicks in.”

  142. druidbros
    July 29th, 2009 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    MW – the last few days the storyline has creeped along like an old lady driving to her bridge club but then today it jumps ahead so far I am surprised we didnt all get readers whiplash. You just knew some horrible characteristic would emerge from Charley which would cause a reaction from Delilah but this is too funny. I seem to recall she had on a midriff baring blouse the other day wonder if Charley has a picture of that on his wall too.

  143. T Grum
    July 29th, 2009 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    Delilah is horrified because Charlie’s art is actually his well used “Real Doll,” straddling an open windowsill. Of course she’s concerned about the childern. Though they may not be any in Charlie’s apartment, the window is obviously in view of the courtyard below.

  144. If the World Really Was My Oyster
    July 29th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    So, as I was reading Mary Worth this morning my husband looks over my shoulder and says (about Charley) “that guy looks like The Joker.”

    I said, “Oh, that character (Delilah) seems to want to cheat on her husband, but the guy she wants to do it with apparently has some sort of porn in his house and now she’s doesn’t seem so sure.”

    My husband (who honestly pays little to no attention to MW) says, “Sex at Charterstone?”

    More than a little surprised that he has feigned any interest whatsoever or, for that matter, even knows the name of the apartment complex in the first place, I answer “Yeah, but Mary’ll find a way to stop it.”

    Leaving the room he matter-of-factly replies, “Yeah, didn’t the last guy who tried that end up at the bottom of a cliff?”

  145. Bill Cokas
    July 29th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or does Charley bear a disturbing resemblance to early 90s Washington, D.C.-area cable access sensation TV John?

    Warning: you will not be able to stop watching.

  146. Barbara P
    July 29th, 2009 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    You introduced me to Mary Worth, and I could hate you for that. But you also save me from Mary Worth, so I’m grateful.

    I would have never known that the picture wasn’t a severely deformed woman stepping out the painting if I hadn’t come here. Now that I realize it’s a lampshade made of flesh, I can sleep better.

  147. gzuckier
    July 29th, 2009 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    i believe he’s hung the artwork from future Judge Parker strips featuring Sultan and Charley demonstrating just what kind of a “thing” he has for women.

  148. Katie
    July 29th, 2009 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    I can’t wait for Delilah to see the error of her ways and go back to Lawrence because he neither drinks alcohol nor looks at pictures of women in swimsuits.

  149. Tristram Draper
    July 29th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    The only explanation for Marmaduke’s owners having vacuum cleaner repellent is that Marmaduke’s presence invites dark spirits that posses household objects.

  150. LanceThruster
    July 29th, 2009 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    Charley’s “artwork” looks like it might be a Real Doll sitting on a Sybian.

  151. Some Guy Here
    July 30th, 2009 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    I was going to post a link to an anime figure collection to make some sort of comparison to the Charleydome, but standards and human decency prevent me from doing such. Regardless, I’m beginning to think Charley may be less a ladies’ man and more a lonely nerd living in his parent’s basement-cum-bachelor’s pad.

  152. WazmoNariz
    July 30th, 2009 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    BB: Why is it sexual harrassment for Killer to give Miss Buxley an eye patch? Isn’t she leading him on with that “I know what comes in a small box” remark?

  153. Shmork
    July 30th, 2009 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

    I very, very, very much want a shirt that says KIDS ARE FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

  154. Replica Omega Watches
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    “What if children see it? They’d be scarred forever!” Yes, if any children so much at glance at the horrifying, Lovecraftian images, their innocent faces will spontaneously warp, twist and scarify until they look like little Freddy Krugers, condemned forever to a life of irredeemable evil!!

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