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Na na na na, na na na na, he-ey-ey, good bye

Mary Worth, 7/22/05

Two Taiwanese-made machine-crafted porcelain swans: $4.

One bottle of Mr. Boston scotch-style liquor beverage product, extra large: $9.

Watching your unwanted guest, wearing her ratty old housedress and carrying a suitcase containing one ill-folded lime-green blouse, stumble drunkenly out of the house in the middle of the night and then falling facedown into a ditch: priceless.

I’m heading out of town for the weekend, everybody: new comics Monday evening.

106 responses to “Na na na na, na na na na, he-ey-ey, good bye”

  1. WoodrowFan
    July 22nd, 2005 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    First! Can’t she just fill the tub with warm water and slash her wrists with a piece of a broken swan….

  2. Jimmy
    July 22nd, 2005 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    I love the way everyone in the Charterstone world appears to be double-jointed: arms, shoulders, necks, wrists… everything contorts itself into odd positions. I tried walking around sideways one day while looking ahead and almost stepped in front of a bus.

  3. Lee
    July 22nd, 2005 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    I have to wonder, if all she wanted was to get her out of the house, why did Mary go to all the trouble of setting up the swans for Rita to break them while in a drunken stupor? She couldn’t guarantee that once Rita sobered up, she’d be guilty enough to leave – wouldn’t it have been easier just to take her to the ditch herself and eliminate the long waiting period?

    Mary just can’t do things the simple way, can she?

  4. Islamorada Girl
    July 22nd, 2005 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Byzantine, thy name is Mary!

    All hail the Queen of Drama!

  5. Anderkoo
    July 22nd, 2005 at 9:30 am [Reply]

    We haven’t heard much from you on the subject of Curtis recently, and this week’s chapter just screams for some post-feminist deconstruction. His visage in the last panel is downright “I’ll whoop yo’ ass bi@tch” frightening. Makes you wonder if Michelle is the one with her head on straight and Chutney’s crush on Curtis is an early manifestation of learned helplessness…

  6. rich24
    July 22nd, 2005 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    Wait, Rita, don’t forget your #*$@#% bottle of scotch! (Assuming there’s anything left – and that Mary still hasn’t wised up and poured it down the crapper.) 

  7. Lor
    July 22nd, 2005 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Jimmy, I smell COTW! Your mortal peril was worth it, for it made me laugh.

  8. Sassy_Rocks
    July 22nd, 2005 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    Rita should walk out in her nighty and seduce Wilbur “Sugar Daddy” Weston, as Toby’s evil sister did. He’s not much to look at but he’s a longterm meal ticket, extremely gullible and desperate for some lovin’. Now if she can just get along with Dawn…

  9. J.Donald
    July 22nd, 2005 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    Frankly, the obvious source of all Rita’s frustration stems from those Neil-Young-esque sideburns she’s donning in the final frame.

  10. camel
    July 22nd, 2005 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    hey! What’s up in FBofW? “This doesn’t add up”?? You mean, a wife having a career and a fella staying home with the baby?

    Ok, so, I am reading that as really sexist on Elizabeth’s part … is there something going on that I’ve missed? Why would Elizabeth thing something didn’t add up? Had the wife been telling her how much she loved staying home with the baby or something?

  11. luluchappel
    July 22nd, 2005 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    Camel–Yes, I too was thinking how odd that was; it seems that at their baby shower someone was talking about how career-oriented Therese was & that Anthony was the one who really wanted the bambino. What doesn’t add up here is why Liz thinks the situation doesn’t add up.

  12. Red Parrot
    July 22nd, 2005 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    I think that Liz’s thoughts are about the fact that Therese doesn’t WANT to be home, even when she’s not working. It’s fine for a wife to work, but she should enjoy coming home at the end of the night, and I get the impression that Therese does not.

    Well, that’s what we’re supposed to think anyway, based on this strip.

    As for Curtis, I’ve always KNOWN that he would grow up to be an abusive wife-beater (we’ve seen this kind of situation many times before) but this strip really goes MUCH further towards confirming that theory. The extreme close-up really drives it home, doesn’t it?

  13. Tycho Anomaly
    July 22nd, 2005 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    Time is flowing backwards: in the second panel Rita realizes she has to leave, but in the first panel, she’s already packing. Clearly an homage to the movie “Memento” (referenced in the thought baloon). Still unexplained: the turd on her head in panel one.

  14. livii
    July 22nd, 2005 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    I was just going to write about FBOFW – hoping you tackle it next week. I think that car-trip conversation is paying off – looks like Liz is being set up to step into the breach, here.

  15. Anderkoo
    July 22nd, 2005 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    I wonder if Liz is thinking that Therese’s cheating on Mr. Man-Womb while she’s out “taking classes.”

  16. PizzaBagel
    July 22nd, 2005 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    It’s that ol’ Patterson mental intuition kickin’ in, plus their penchant for sticking their collective nose into other people’s business – for better or for worse. (Say, maybe they can sniff out the woeful Ritzilla and offer her a place to stay – and she smash their swans, so to speak.) But I’ll bet you dollars to donuts that as soon as this story gets all revved up it will end up without a resolution like all the rest of ‘em.

  17. Reswob
    July 22nd, 2005 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Where FBOFW is going more obvious thant then ending of a Disney movie; Liz was always destined to be with Anthony (he’s the nice stable one and not some hunk in the middle of the wilderness dream guy). Not that there’s anything wrong with hooking up with a nice stable guy, since I am much more like Anthony and not like what’s-his-name-helicopter-pilot. Therese is definitely cheating on the guy and he seems as clueless and trusting as any sap. So when he finds out, he’ll be crushed, they’ll be a long story line about how he comes to trust Liz and how Liz realizes that Anthony is the right one and how she should live in civilization and marry Anthony. I mean, what are the odds that Anthony would move to the Eskimo village?

    As for Curtis, I’m hoping this story line is a prelude to getting rid of Michelle. I think that joke has been beaten to death and she really annoys me.

    One can hope can’t one?

    On a side note, being from NYC area, my suspicions would be aroused a lot faster than ole Anthony’s seem to be…

  18. Sheila
    July 22nd, 2005 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    I thought Liz’s thought was sexist too… but then I thought, Anthony sure is underlining his wife’s dereliction of “duty”, isn’t he! “She’s totally into her career…she’d rather be at work than take care of a little one” — a guy who talks that way about his wife and her job is fishing for sympathy (and dissing his wife). So maybe Liz is just catching on that Anthony’s a big old passive-aggressive jerk.

  19. Sheila
    July 22nd, 2005 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    As for Curtis, he’s had “stalker” written all over him for years. What part of “no” doesn’t he understand? Michelle should have him arrested.

  20. CT
    July 22nd, 2005 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    Man, where is my Gil Thrope fashion critique? I’m going through withdrawal. Here’s some advice though: never trust a basketball coach who wears a cowboy hat and bolo tie.

  21. luluchappel
    July 22nd, 2005 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Re #16: Maybe Ritzilla should move in above the Klepforths; I bet they’d LOVE to bang a broom on their ceiling in response to Rita’s midnight drunken staggerings & swan-breakings.

  22. Lee
    July 22nd, 2005 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    “Time is flowing backwards: in the second panel Rita realizes she has to leave, but in the first panel, she’s already packing. Clearly an homage to the movie “Memento” (referenced in the thought baloon).”

    Does that mean that we’re going to find out that Rita really killed her daughter?

  23. timbo
    July 22nd, 2005 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Jeez…daisies on every pillow, framed daisy-like yellow flowers on the wall. If Mary put me in that guest room, I’d break down in tears and split too. I think I’d actually wear the lime green blouse though, that just says “travelling clothes” to me. Jaunty but never precocious.

  24. Occam's Gillette
    July 22nd, 2005 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #23–Those are non-skid bathtub decal daisies that Meddlin’ Mary has applied to Rita’s pillow. Help keeps drunks from slipping off the bed and then filing a lawsuit, don’t you know?

  25. Speed Racer X
    July 22nd, 2005 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    Oh yeah, that Curtis today is SUPER creepy!! Jeez he’s what, 11 or 12 years old? Psy-cho with a capital Psy!

  26. camel
    July 22nd, 2005 at 6:35 pm [Reply]

    Thank you so much, luluchappel / red parrot / livii and everyone else – I felt I was missing some big obvious plot line or something! Whew.

  27. Mibbitmaker
    July 22nd, 2005 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Missing the point on this: *Teresa* is the male chauvinist pig here – metaphorically. It’s not anti-working woman; she’s the same as the working man who classically neglects the wife and kids.

    Curtis: I think he’s been collecting OJ Simpson bubble gum cards too long. To be fair, though, Chutney’s shown psychotic/potential violence tendancies in recent times. It’s a ‘love’ triangle with no good guys. Honestly,I hope Curtis’s bed totally snubs him now. More silent treatment, mule!

    MW: Meddlin’ Mary should say, as Rita leaves, “Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out!”

  28. TS
    July 23rd, 2005 at 12:31 am [Reply]

    Maybe it’s just me, but In today’s FBOFW, is Anthony directly eyeballing Liz’s boobs in that last pannel? I think on a sub-con level, LJ wants us to know He still is lusting for her, and maybe a little fling will happen between those two, because of course Anthony’s wife will be cheating on him. . .

  29. Firegoat
    July 23rd, 2005 at 6:07 am [Reply]

    Well as long as Anthony’s wife cheats first, that makes it alright for the saintly Patterson girl to be a marriage-wrecking whore. Geez, you are so judgmental.

  30. Chris
    July 23rd, 2005 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    You know, Josh really needs to start covering Level Path at comics.com. It certainly deserves a WTF for today (Saturday).

  31. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    July 23rd, 2005 at 8:35 am [Reply]

    I dunno about all this psycho-torment in Mary Worth and FBOFW. It all gives me a headache or makes me terribly sad.

    But one thing is clear: that doctor on the phone in Mark Trail is a malpractice case in the making. Maybe they’ll need to put him out of his misery while they’re out fishing, before he passes the disease on to Andy.

    Apt. 3G: Prurient action, finally. But it won’t go very far or for very long. Scott, you know the hot chicks never really go for the nice guys, no matter how rich they are. Start a good substance abuse program, and they’ll flock to you.

  32. FleaBailey
    July 23rd, 2005 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Help! I downloaded and installed the new Norton Internet Security package last night, and now I can’t get Mary Worth (and other, less “Worthy,” comics) from the Washington Post anymore. I seem to remember this happening with the last NIS package I got, and there was some way to customize the security under Tools in the toolbar to fix it, but I can’t figure out how! I’m dying to see if Rita has made it out the door and been hit by a truck yet. Can anyone who’s more computer-savvy than me help?

  33. Fence Post Frank
    July 23rd, 2005 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    On the Seattle Post-Intelligencer Comic Site, they talk about this problem. Go look at

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/norton2005help.asp

    You may be able to adjust their directions for the Washington Post Comic Site.

  34. RBF
    July 23rd, 2005 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    I can’t believe Dennis the Menace plagarized Family Circus today.

    Lawsuit No. 2 in the making.

    Chet, I whole-heartedly agree re: Malpractice Suit for the doc who gives the “all clear” to Mark Trail’s buddy based on testing just one raccoon. Jeez! Apparently RMMD and June aren’t the only moronic “med pro’s” in the Comics.

    I can’t wait for the old guy to start foaming at the mouth in the middle of the fishing trip. First he’ll pass the rabies onto Andy, and the would-be murderers won’t stand a chance.

    Mark, of course, will walk on water to the nearest oyster bar or whatever.

  35. Ford Dent
    July 23rd, 2005 at 2:25 pm [Reply]

    Anybody catch Anthony’s adulterous thought bubble in today’s (Saturday) FBofW?

    Oh yeah, he’s gonna move in on Liz and she’s gonna WRECK THE MARRIAGE.

    Seriously, why the hell would she keep going back to Anthony if not to shake her busoms at him and say “YOU COULD HAVE HAD ALL THIS ANTHONY, YOU COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL!”

  36. Sophie
    July 23rd, 2005 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Today’s (Saturday) FBoFW was actually kind of sad. Anthony is obviously hating life at this moment. His so called loving wife (That woman has had his balls in a death grip since she met him)is out being teacher’s pet, making him the hapless house husband. Then here comes Liz perkily beating him over the head with the fact that she’s ADVENTUROUS, FREE SPIRITED,and NOT MARRIED TO HIM. I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a special episode next week where Liz pledges undying love to Anthony at his bedside after he makes a spirited attempt to saw through his wrists with the butcher knife he received as a wedding gift.

  37. Shan
    July 23rd, 2005 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: I wondered about Liz’s “This doesn’t add up” comment yesterday, too — her friends told her at New Years what they heard about Therese not wanting to stay home with the baby. But I think the earlier comment is right about wondering how Therese could be away from the family so long. Maybe Anthony and Therese are already separated and haven’t gone public with it yet? If the strip continues, I think Liz will go back north another year while Anthony gets divorced, then they’ll get together.

  38. FleaBailey
    July 23rd, 2005 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

    Re #33–

    Fence Post Frank, you are my hero! Fence Post Frank, you are a god!

    Fence Post Frank, you are my hero! Oh Fence Post Frank, you are…MY god!!!

    That did it, friend. Worked for the Post just fine. Kinda disappointing to get to Mary Worth and find out that, just as with RMMD, time…is..sloooooowing…dooooooowwwwwwnnn and Rita is still packing.

  39. Lor
    July 24th, 2005 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    I don’t get the point of the rabies thing in Mark Trail. If the racoon was rabid the trip would be cancelled and so would this plotline, so the racoon had to be OK which it was, but then it was just a waste of time and who cares, UNLESS … later SOMEONE ELSE is going to get bitten and then we’re supposed to immediately think rabies, adding much joy and suspense to an otherwise boring fishing trip.

    So that’s my prediction: a foam-inducing bite for Lady Macbeth as she claws her way upward to that country-club cocktail hour she so desperately craves.

    Meanwhile, today we learn you shouldn’t always RUN TO HIGH GROUND. Now I’m confused.

  40. Fence Post Frank
    July 24th, 2005 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    Fence Post Frank, you are my hero! Oh Fence Post Frank, you are…MY god!!! That did it, friend. Worked for the Post just fine. Kinda disappointing to get to Mary Worth and Rita is still packing.

    You’re welcome. Ah sucks, I don’t know about GOD. I am just a simple hard working fence man, trying to make a living.

    As far as Rita, as of today, she’s gone. But, you can bet that Mare will spend the next month of our time, driving around looking for Rita. She has more meddling to do.

  41. fluffytufts
    July 24th, 2005 at 8:40 am [Reply]

    Is it just me, or are posts falling off over at the forums? Maybe it’s been a slow comics week or something. Is everyone on vacation?

  42. Francois Mitterand
    July 24th, 2005 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    In all seriousness, and I admit that I’m just a lurker, I think the bulletin boards fragment what was a larger community flow of discussion.

  43. Occam's Gillette
    July 24th, 2005 at 2:54 pm [Reply]

    #42: Francois Mitterand–by the way, welcome back from being dead!

    I think you’re right about the bulletin boards making it harder to maintain a community flow of discussion. So many places to click on, so little time!

    I don’t know if anyone else is having this problem but when I click on the bulletin boards, every time I change boards or change pages on a board, I have to fool around with the scrolling so I can see the page; the page always pops up in such a way that the portion I want to read (the comments) are over on the far right, mostly out of view.

    The ideas seemed to flow freer when everyone was on the same page, so to speak.

  44. SatchelFan
    July 24th, 2005 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    OK, I hate to do the “me, too!” thing, but…. I miss the days when everything was posted right here. (I never posted much, but I always read everything.)

  45. Gilmore Guy
    July 24th, 2005 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    How can you think about the number of posts at a time like this?? THE SWANS!!!

  46. Adam G
    July 24th, 2005 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    Oh god, not Mr. Boston. I didn’t think that existed outside of the Rochester area.

    Even bad soap opera characters don’t deserve Mr. Boston.

  47. Lisa
    July 25th, 2005 at 12:53 am [Reply]

    Yep, the anvils, they are a-dropping over at FBOFW, or “Mt Foob” in Josh-speak, which is how I plan to refer to it from now on. I sure hope, however, that before Elizabeth gets shackled to Mr Nice Guy, that she goes roadside and gets some sweet lovin’ from the MIA helicopter pilot. And also, that Anthony shaves off that mustache.

  48. Firegoat
    July 25th, 2005 at 7:17 am [Reply]

    May I interrupt your reading pleasure to direct your attention to Monday morning’s “Judge Parker.” Please note the 2nd panel where Sam says “I’ll make like a Phantom” …. now does that mean we can expect him in purple long johns and a mask soon? He IS in the tropics…. will he make friends with the “little people?”
    Or does that mean he’s gonna have rough angry purple sex? Possibly with a wolf, or a white horse?

  49. Monkeys Uncle
    July 25th, 2005 at 8:23 am [Reply]

    I’m sorry I was not around saturday to comment on this real time…
    In saturdays A-3G we get our first installment of erotic, super steamy, biege on biege sex. I cant belive this one slipped by the censors. Scott and Luann’s oddly colored mouthparts slippin and sliding all over each other were enough to make want to ‘drop the swans’ if you know what I mean.
    Next week, Scotts other big secret: A rare form of genital herpes that causes biege sores to erupt on his presumably biege genitalia.

  50. Firegoat
    July 25th, 2005 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    BEIGE…. dammit.

  51. luluchappel
    July 25th, 2005 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    Sooo…maybe the kids can go ‘roadside’ & the grownups can ‘drop the swans’?

  52. david
    July 25th, 2005 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -gasp- funky winkerbean -wheeze- second panel

  53. Anderkoo
    July 25th, 2005 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    @ 41 / 42 – as a n00b to this community I actually find the comment threads harder to navigate, but that’s because of my silly belief that comments should stay on topic, which clearly they don’t here. well, I’m not here to play housewrecker like poor Liz so have at it however everyone’d like…

  54. rich24
    July 25th, 2005 at 10:43 am [Reply]

    Part of the reason Liz said “It doesn’t add up” is that her creator feels the need to put a LAME PUN in the last panel of every strip, whether or not it’s a phrase a normal person would use in that situation (Therese is a bookkkeeper, dig?). Now, I’d still be pretty surprised if Liz ends up with Anthony, though it does seem to be heading that way. I read in an interview that Lynn’s hubby is a pilot, and I think one of their kids is doing that far north Eskimo thing, so it seemed like that was kind of the blueprint for Lizzie’s future life – not back to the clammy embrace of Antony and his James Joyce moustache.

  55. Sheila
    July 25th, 2005 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    If Liz dumps Warren for ANTHONY she’s a dope. Anthony’s just been looking more and more beaten down and moth-eaten since high school… even if he dumps the Nazi wife, he ain’t gonna bounce back and be Mr. Fun anytime soon. Who wants a charity project for a husband? Puh-leeze, Liz, just this once, don’t be all saintly….

  56. hjsquirrel
    July 25th, 2005 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Doesn’t Francoise mean “from France”? Has Therese been on any business trips lately?

  57. luluchappel
    July 25th, 2005 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, Funky Winkerbean–why, almost every day that strip is So Freakin’ Funny I nearly pee my pants laughing.

  58. fluffytufts
    July 25th, 2005 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Funky Winkerbean used to be one of my favorites, but ever since they all graduated from high school and came down with a permanent case of Deathly Serious, I’ve sort of let it go. Now I have no idea WTF is happening: why are they in, what – Tikrit? How’d that happen?

  59. yellojkt
    July 25th, 2005 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    Me too fluffy. I just look back in fond memory of all those hilarious band candy fundraiser gags and wonder what went wrong. Those would actually be funny now that I am a Band Parent(r). I have at least a 10 year gap in my FW history and don’t know when it was retooled.

    At one time Batuik had an alternate strip that was about a news station anchorman with seriously blow-dried hair. Will Ferrell probably owes royalties.

    Not that retooling a strip is always bad. Pre-change 9CL looks like a bad Luann rip-off. I think we all agree Edda is much better drawn now. And if you don’t agree, the Eddalusters(tm) don’t care.

  60. rich24
    July 25th, 2005 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Chris #30: “Level Path” is one weird comic. It takes itself pretty seriously. I can’t find the joke in this one either. Did you know it’s a “Christian comic”? Maybe that explains it.

  61. Monkeys Uncle
    July 25th, 2005 at 2:45 pm [Reply]

    Beige? Is that even a word?

    Okay sorry? I was beaten by a nun once for messing up the I before E rule and have never got it right since. Sister Katherine is that you? Just so you know sister, I have 20/20 vision and my palms are hairless so your not right about everything.

    Beige, Beige, Beige!

  62. Dennis Jimenez
    July 25th, 2005 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    The nuns beat the using “your” for “you’re” out of me….

  63. Firegoat
    July 25th, 2005 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    I bet you shave those palms…..
    Bless you anyway.

  64. gnome de blog
    July 25th, 2005 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Re 58 & 59:
    Funky’s cousin Wally Winkerbean and his bride Becky are in Afghanistan. Wally returned there to participate in a land-mine mapping project. He had served in the Afghan war and been captured by a warlord. A little girl from the village aided his escape and his return was fueled by post-traumatic stress syndrom and his desire to aid the innocent victims of war.

    I had about a 20-year hiatus on Funky Winkerbean, but for some odd reason I started reading it again. It reminds me of a small-town high school reunion.

    There was that alternative newscaster strip you talked about. At some point, Batiuk killed off the anchorman and exported a couple of characters back to Funky’s strip. One of the characters was Westview H.S. babe Cindy Summers, who married Funky then divorced him when he became an alcoholic and she landed a big-time TV news job in New York City. Funky is now married to Cindy’s high school cheerleader pal Holly Budd.

    The best part of the re-invented strip is that class nerd Les Moore now teaches at Westview, and his best buddy is football coach Bull Bushka, who, back in the day had the approximate relationship to Les that Moe has to Calvin.

    I know way too much about this stuff. I always considered Funky about a B, maybe B- strip. Now it’s about a C+. That still makes it better than most of the stuff out there.

  65. Other_Sally
    July 25th, 2005 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

    Rita’s gone, and Mary shows her concern by attending a pool party, where she merrily tells people how her houseguest has “vanished! Isn’t that neat? What a fun mystery!”

  66. TwoClubs
    July 25th, 2005 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Heh heh. Tuesday’s strip will feature Mary in panel 1, continuing her query…

    “She’s vanished! Say, Toby–have you ever had to hide a body?”

  67. Woodrowfan
    July 25th, 2005 at 5:49 pm [Reply]

    I found some old FBOFW strips from about 1981. Damn, it was actually FUNNY then. Not ROTFLMAO funny, but more like a smile and a chuckle funny. I wonder when Lynn went all soap-opera preachy?

  68. Adouble
    July 25th, 2005 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    This is more a topic for the forum, but I got tired of waiting for my forum registration to finish. Anyone see that earlier this month, Mallard Fillmore shot back at Jon Stewart for the Daily Show book making fun of that crappy comic?
    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/mallard.asp?date=20050705
    It’s worth reading the whole week just to watch the caricature of Jon look more and more like some racist propaganda.

  69. Zorba the Geek
    July 25th, 2005 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    FleaBailey, I’m glad you can now get MW and other blocked strips, thanks to Frank’s tip. Here’s another tip: almost all of Symantec’s programs blow big chunks. Never buy them any more, there are better products out there.

  70. Anderkoo
    July 25th, 2005 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @68 — I had a little riff on that strip on my blog here… the thing about that honker he put on Jon is that Jon doesn’t actually have a nose like that, and normally Tinsley is a pretty good caricaturist.

  71. Occam's Gillette
    July 25th, 2005 at 9:18 pm [Reply]

    When did http://www.kingfeatures.com start severely limiting access to their archives unless you paid their $15 yearly rate? I went there to look at an old “Bizarro” and found they post only the prior month’s first week’s worth of comics for we non-members. Sheesh!

  72. The Disembodied Voice
    July 25th, 2005 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    Completely agree with everything said on FBOFW. It’s looking obvious that Anthony and Therese are going to break off, because Therese not only doesn’t share Anthony’s family dreams but is also an evil bitch as we’ve frequently seen. Elizabeth is going to go back to the Territories to teach, come back, and marry Anthony and then we’ll have a slew of strips with her adjusting to being an instant stepmother to little Francoise. Bleh.
    But man, I was rooting for that pilot.

  73. el st ruby
    July 25th, 2005 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    wow. mallard filmore.
    this is still forum-y, but oh, well-
    honestly, anyone who was dumb enough to buy the parody strip in america probably thought the nude photos of the supreme court justices were real as well, and as such should not be allowed near a computer to e-mail in the first place.

  74. Lor
    July 26th, 2005 at 12:59 am [Reply]

    Hey Monkeys Uncle, you were halfway there on the “i before e” rule – you just forgot the second half of it:

    I before E, except after C
    Or when sounded as “ay” as in “neighbor” and “weigh.”

    And “beige.” ;)

    How do I remember these things? I was an English major, dammit. I coulda BEEN SOMEBODY. But no.

    Back to the cheap gin, or expensive vodka if I can find it, for me ‘n’ Rita … you got it, she’s hiding out at my place. I’m way too much of a softie. Plus all my swans are strong, unbreakable Genuine Lucite. (saw that on a string of beads once – “Genuine Lucite” – I wonder how you can tell if it’s Fake Lucite? Excuse me, Faux Lucite.)

    I’ve got to
    Ramble on….

  75. Sheila
    July 26th, 2005 at 5:22 am [Reply]

    I can top that, Lor: “Hand-crafted of fine polymer material.” That one stopped me in my tracks. In other words it’s PLASTIC, right??? (Albeit HAND-CRAFTED plastic, whee!)

  76. spelling champ
    July 26th, 2005 at 6:53 am [Reply]

    >>I before E, except after C
    Or when sounded as “ay” as in “neighbor” and “weigh.”

    And “beige.” ;)<<

    …and other WEIRD exceptions :^/

  77. spelling champ
    July 26th, 2005 at 6:55 am [Reply]

    hey #76 was supposed to say:

    and other WEIRD exceptions…

  78. Rifleman
    July 26th, 2005 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    74 & 75, I had a tee shirt that was “70% cotton, 20% rayon and 10% other materials”. What kind of horrible, 3rd world, slave labor camp doesn’t even know what it’s working with?

    More other materials mule!

  79. blanqui
    July 26th, 2005 at 7:59 am [Reply]

    Need to interrupt for a sec….. but, AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH – regarding today’s Apt 3-G, ALDEA means town in Spanish!

  80. RBF
    July 26th, 2005 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    Their legal department prob. told them to be sure to avoid using any real names of towns.

    Sounds to me like the principal is fishin’ for a huge donation from Mr. Big Bux.

    And re: the “i before e” rule from #74 and #77, there are a LOT of exceptions. How about science (and derivatives of same)? And conscience? I once started a list of exceptions but have misplaced it.

  81. dimestore lipstick
    July 26th, 2005 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    RBF…
    I was taught (by my great-aunt/english teacher) that the whole rule was limited to the I and E being in the same syllable.

    Reign, deign, feign, beige, neigh-bor, weigh, re-ceipt, re-ceive, de-ceive, grieve, be-lieve, etc. all fall within the rule, and the IE or EI falls within one syllable. Sci-ence has a syllable break between the letters in question.

    But now you have me curious, and I want to try and prove you right.

  82. Sourbelly
    July 26th, 2005 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    Lor, you’ve given me the courage to come out and admit that I too was an English major.

    I thought that confession would make me feel better, but it really didn’t.

  83. Coral
    July 26th, 2005 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    A9G: Wait, isn’t there a lot of garment work in the Dominican Republic? Maybe they should send Margo down to investigate…

  84. Nom du Jour
    July 26th, 2005 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    More Polyester, Mule!

  85. johnwhorfin
    July 26th, 2005 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Lor and Sourbelly, I, too, was an English major, having graduated from Michigan many years ago now. I remember meeting with my counselor, who was an English professor when I declared my major. Her first question was, “Have you thought this through?” Still, I couldn’t handle all the math necessary to get through the sciences, and I was at one time a darned good writer, so where else to turn but to the English Department?

  86. Lor
    July 26th, 2005 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, johnwhorfin and Sourbelly, for helping me face my shame in the company of friends! “Hi, I’m Lor…” (chorus of “Hi Lor”) “…and I’m a recovering English major”

  87. RBF
    July 26th, 2005 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, dimestore lipstick for the ‘one-syllable’ explanation, which I had never heard. Makes a lot of sense.

    It’s easy to see why people have such a tough time learning our language, and why so many people have a VERY tough time spelling it.

  88. RBF
    July 26th, 2005 at 2:42 pm [Reply]

    And talking hand alert in today’s Mark Trail. Seems Mark’s rabid old buddy is a real slave driver, bitching about Joan Crawford bringing along a portable radio. Sheesh! She’d better hide her curling iron and laptop, quick-like.

  89. Jocko
    July 26th, 2005 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

  90. Nom du Jour
    July 26th, 2005 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    New comics Monday evening?

    I think that Josh has traveled far a foot and has crossed the International Date Line. C’mon Josh, even with the forums, a nation turns its weary eyes to you.

    woo woo woo

  91. The Burg
    July 26th, 2005 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    English majors! We do seem to gravitate towards this site. Now — where’s my stuff? After drinkatwork.com got some static about being penned by “Fucking Retarded English Majors,” there was some loose talk about slapping that catchy phrase on to some Cafe Press items. Josh? Ces? I’d buy something!

    More F.R.E.M. camisoles and coffee mugs, mule!

  92. Sourbelly
    July 26th, 2005 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Thanks for the link Jocko. Makes me proud to be a FREM.

  93. fluffytufts
    July 26th, 2005 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    Holy friloles – I was an English major also. Well no wonder the College of Curmudgeons is so freakin’ witty – it has more than its normal share of desperately under-employed former waiters!

    The “i before e” thing has always bothered me, but not as much as “it’s vs. its.” Hate that one!

  94. Zorba the Geek
    July 26th, 2005 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    Just think of the apostrophe in “it’s” as replacing “i,” fluffy, as in “it is.” The other one is the possessive. (Actually, this probably doesn’t make it any easier. Alas, I have no easy mnemonic. No English major I, but I am a former teacher.)

  95. TwoClubs
    July 26th, 2005 at 7:29 pm [Reply]

    How about “bEIng?”

    Obvious exception? I dunno…

  96. Random Aussie
    July 26th, 2005 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    “I think that Josh has traveled far a foot and has crossed the International Date Line. C’mon Josh, even with the forums, a nation turns its weary eyes to you.”

    Ummm yeah but if he’d crossed the international date line you’d actually get the post one day earlier. (ie Monday whereever Josh is would be Sunday US time). Hate to tell you guys what the rest of the world already knows but the US is basically a day behind everyone else… haha :)… Except when it comes to comics and then I suspect we in Australia are a few weeks behind (except FBoW – which is kinda scary – I get to be freaked out by Anthony’s moustache and words like foob 7 hours ahead of the US West Coast)

  97. Lor
    July 27th, 2005 at 1:12 am [Reply]

    Brilliant link, Jocko! I’m sharing that with my sis, also a Recovering English Major, but one who had the sense to dual in Biology and then go on for an MBA…

    Jealous much? No, not me. Numbers not Lor’s thing. [grunt] [Lor continues drawing on her cave wall with burned stick]

    Fluffytufts, The Burg – woo-hoo, there are more of us out there! But I have to say, waiting tables was one job I’ve never (yet) taken on. I was fired from bartending once though. But that’s another story, for another day…

  98. Dingo
    July 27th, 2005 at 8:12 am [Reply]

    FBOFW:

    Who is this Howard? I don’t remember seeing him in the strip before. And why would Lynn introduce a new character if not for some terrible ABC AfterSchool Special moment where our gay landscaping company owner must decide between keeping his female employee who’s a childhood friend or the male bigot?

    I’m afraid that Howard will attempt to rape Liz in the office of the landscapers, be caught in the moment by Anthony who then kills him by stabbing him in the back with one of his sharpened accountant’s pencils, at which time Anthony will then confess his love to Liz and steal away with her to the north country (my apologies to the English majors for run-on sentences).

  99. Irina
    July 27th, 2005 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    Yeah, Dingo … I also figured on something along those lines, particularly when you figure that Howard has that notable FBOFW malformed head/face = bad guy quality to it. (we’ll forgive for a moment both Anthony and Gordon, who slowly morphed into the gargoyles they currently are).

    And that I *minored* in english just supports the ongoing contention that I’m merely a Junior Kardinal, and I continue to wear my beanie with pride!

    Then again, I majored in journalism, which arguably makes me an even greater grammar stickler.

  100. Dingo
    July 27th, 2005 at 9:26 am [Reply]

    Folks, right now I’m under deadline to write an 18-page paper on intertextuality and This is Spinal Tap (ah, the joys of graduate school at 41) but I’ll try to put the audio of A Prairie Home Companion’s skit on English majors working in fast-food restaurants (“For whom is the milkshake?”) on my site.

  101. PizzaBagel
    July 27th, 2005 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    This is Spinal Tap?!!!

    These comments go to 101!

  102. Lor
    July 27th, 2005 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    Grammar sicko, Irina?

  103. Orkidz
    August 4th, 2005 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

    Are they trying to kill Wally Winkerbean again? Today they had an ominious strip where Wally is standing right next to a landmine and he’s getting ready to step on it to take a picture.

  104. YoDoc
    August 10th, 2005 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    I think the situation between Liz and Howard could go either way. As of today’s strip (8/10/05) Howard has Liz alone in the shop and has her “cornered” but right open for a swift knee to the groin! My guess is that this is what will happen, followed by Howard reacting with rage, picking up a gardening implement, and attempting to do harm to Liz, who will then be saved by Laurence returning for some forgotten item. Howard is hauled away by the police, and Liz must now decide whether or not to press a charge of attempted rape — the assault charge will be obvious. I doubt that Howard would successfully rape Liz, but who knows. Ms. Lynn tends to make heroes rather than victims out of her main characters.

  105. nonni
    August 11th, 2005 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW Who is saving Liz? Looks like Anthony’s shirt– would be an interesting twist if it were Teresa.

  106. Bravewolf
    August 12th, 2005 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    And Liz just has to be saved by Anthony… why couldn’t she have the capability to save herself?

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