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Party beach massacre

Blondie, 9/25/05

In my first non-metapost as a married man, I don’t really feel a need to point out the insufferable lameness that is the Blondie wacky anniversary adventure, or the problems with this strip’s surf instructor’s technique (which, according to Mrs. Curmudgeon, who’s been known to “hang ten” now and again herself, are many and egregious), or even discuss Blondie’s lovingly detailed breasts. No, today I want to draw your attention to Dagwood in the first panel on the second line, and specifically to his torso. At first glance it appears that he’s wearing what one would expect for a surfing lesson, which is to say no shirt at all. But the absence of nipples, combined with the baffling rippling concentric circles around his neck, lead me to believe that he is in fact wearing a flesh-colored turtleneck. Let’s hope that he hasn’t actually fashioned a shirt of real human skin in some kind of twisted, ritualistic attempt to gain spiritual power, conquer the big “momma” wave, and awe everyone with his surfing prowess. Because not only would that be wrong (yes, I take the tough, unpopular stands against making garments out of human flesh), but it clearly hasn’t worked, which is always embarrassing outcome to an unspeakable act of totemistic horror.

59 responses to “Party beach massacre”

  1. Monkey
    September 25th, 2005 at 8:58 pm [Reply]

    First time first!

    Not only is the human turtleneck disturbing.. so is his “SHWIING!” posture.

  2. Frank Drackman
    September 25th, 2005 at 9:13 pm [Reply]

    Nah..thats his real skin..you can see the indentation on his back inbetween his lats..

  3. Adam-12
    September 25th, 2005 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Frank’s right; after all, he is 100+ years old. You’re lucky the rest of him isn’t all wrinkled. As for the nipples—or lack there of—well, I can’t really explain that. That’s creepy.

    I also can’t explain the top two panels. I mean, if I was sleeping in bed with Blondie, I don’t really think I’d be hugging my pillow. I also can’t say that I’d be doing much “sleeping” but after 75 years I’m sure some of the magic works it way out of [i]any[/i] marriage. [Except for Josh and Amber, that is...as I type---and you read---they're probably doing it like dirty, oversexed bunnies!]

  4. brian
    September 25th, 2005 at 9:37 pm [Reply]

    I has reading the comics this morning and I mentioned to my wife that I missed your comments. And now you are back! Glad to have you back and congrats on the wedding. Hope you both had a great time.

  5. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    September 25th, 2005 at 9:39 pm [Reply]

    No shirt, no nipples, no big deal. He’s a guy, c’mon. And since he’s at least 95 years old now, I guess he’s developed multiple chins. What’s more intriguing is how he can just lie there while Blondie is.. well, just lying there.

    But if you wish to pursue this further, perhaps Mr. Smithers ripped them off in one of their tussles.

  6. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    September 25th, 2005 at 9:40 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and I’ll just betcha that hotel furniture is exactly like the Bumstead’s home bedroom set.

  7. Monkey
    September 25th, 2005 at 10:34 pm [Reply]

    I guess I will also be first to change subject; Would somebody help me by commenting on todays Mark Trail? I’m confused, and a bit horrified.

    In the last panel.. why is he running away? Is it because of the bear? And if so.. why keep up the coffee/caffeine ramble? Am I missing something in this comic? Is this par for the course, and I just haven’t caught on?

  8. Library Cat
    September 25th, 2005 at 10:54 pm [Reply]

    Welcome back Josh and Amber, hope you had a great time in Greece!

    re #7 (God, its good to be back in the single digits.) I was also confused by Mark Trail this morning as I was enjoying my morning coffee. I don’t pay much attention to him on Sundays because normally it is just about some disaster brought about by Mother Nature or an animal mating season or what have you, all beautifully illustrated with giant animals. But today…he seems to be venturing into Rex Morgan MD’s forte. What’s with all the caffeine facts, especially since there doesn’t seem to be much connection between them, if this was an essay he’d get a D- with an accusation of plagarizing from the World Book Encyclopedia. He is running from the bear in the last panel who was attracted by the sweet, sweet smell of java. Do bears drink coffee normally? Nature boy shouldn’t be skewing biology just to improve the plot.

  9. ikkt!
    September 25th, 2005 at 11:02 pm [Reply]

    #7 – I think he got tired of exchanging non-witty dialogue about our favorite drug with the talking tree and squirrel, or maybe he was offended that the rabbit and deer didn’t join in. The bear just provided a handy excuse. The final facts about coffee are just floating there sourceless…

    #8, it’s rather like all the bears who have learned about dumps as a food source and have changed their habits accordingly. The campers are good about hanging their food and using bear lockers these days, but they can’t wean themselves from the caffeine addiction. The bears take what they can get, and get addicted themselves. Next they’ll be moving closer to town for not only the dumps but also the overroasted scent of Starbucks.

  10. palepink
    September 26th, 2005 at 12:35 am [Reply]

    me, I think the fat lady tourist in the pink skirt-suit is cool. She looks like me from the back!

  11. Adjuster
    September 26th, 2005 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail’s got more to worry about than rabies. The fact that the radio emitted static with no batteries means they’re camping on a huge lump of Deadly Uranium! RTHG!

  12. tommy
    September 26th, 2005 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    did anyone see CURTIS today? seriously, i know wacky shit happens in comics, but how does anyone make an online purchase of a broken down mule with flies surrounding it?

  13. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2005 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    Back to the Blondie strip:

    “Here comes a Momma!” “Momma”?? I thought Blondie’s crossover stunt was over, and here comes a Mel Lazarus character!

    Speaking of crossovers: the Ikodidit.com Graphic Tees ad here looks like a Cathy Guisewite version of a MT strip, complete with an old, lame, others-have-done-it-better joke. Or maybe the beaver’s showing us what it is, given the poor drawing.

  14. tommy
    September 26th, 2005 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    it’s so divorced from reality and the setup to the “punchline” is utter nonsense. granted, the picture was funny, but a one-off panel, like luann today (equally unfunny), would suffice.

  15. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2005 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s FBOFW: The rest of Elly’s dialogue from the last panel should read: “…on my car insurance by switching to Geico!”

  16. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2005 at 2:18 am [Reply]

    9/26:

    FBOFW: Ewww, looks like Lynn one-upped her mystery roadkill with more gruesome animal humor. God, I really miss the good taste of putting pet bunnies in the freezer and maybe eating them in the older FBOFW.

    A3G: Yikes! Not only is subject-matter-ADD sufferer Luann getting REALLY dizzy today, she’s taken the whole strip with her. Makes me miss the coherent panel-by-panel of Gil Thorp!

    FW: This gal is mocking her (no pun intended – though it is a good pun, yes indeedy!) handicap pretty good there. She’s hankerin’ to write for Arrested Development (Buster-wise), ain’t she? Makes me miss the- …..oh, nevermind!

    Spiderman:

    Crow: “There’s an anomaly in these yellow panels, too.”
    Joel: “At least in the colorized ones”
    Tom Servo: “Damn you, Ted Turner!”

    (2nd panel)

    Tom Servo: “…it was a RADIOACTIVE candy bar!”

    (3rd panel)

    Crow: “I think the doctor’s lookin’ for alittle spider luv!”
    Joel: “This evil guy really makes me miss the subtle humanity of Dr. (Clayton) Forrester!”

  17. Adam-12
    September 26th, 2005 at 5:34 am [Reply]

    FBoFW: I can’t help but think that “FBORFW” is a very appropriate address for Lynn Johnson’s website. “Fborfw!” is the sound I make every time I read the strip.

    A3G: Luann seems to be taking continuity lessons from Gil Thorp. Can today’s strip be any more incoherent?

    Gasoline Alley: Who is the old woman, why is she hanging onto the edge of the building, why do those two central casting gangsters want to shoot her, and why the @#$% do I care?

    Rex Morgan, MD: “Is that what I think it is next to his spine? Why it’s, it’s…priceless native artifacts! No wonder Abbey kept staring at him!”

    BARK! BARK! BARK!

    Mary Worth: *sniff, sniff* G’bye, Rita, we hardly knew ye!

    [Dr. Jeff says: "Don't let the door hit ya in the @$$!"]

  18. audient
    September 26th, 2005 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    I saw the circles around Dag’s neck and thought of this website — and voila, its here! I thought it was creepy too.

    As for the nipples — it was going to be peculiar either way. Dag with nips would have been disturbing as well.

  19. Sheila
    September 26th, 2005 at 8:01 am [Reply]

    Belated RMMD comment: I can’t believe that Rex and June — supposedly HEALERS, f’gawdsake! — think it’s hilarious that someone got beaten with a two-by-four. Separate close-ups of their light-hearted laughter. Bah.

    As for MW, if Rita had known that ONE GRIEF-COUNSELING SESSION would cure her addiction and put her in tiptop shape to move out and take on a new job, would she have done it months ago? But then, of course, she wouldn’t have been able to bond with good ol’ Mary. Insert platitude or bromide here.

    Oh yeah, and welcome back, Josh! How long did it take you to read all that dreck? I’m proud to have hung onto fourth or fifth place in the top twenty, even while not posting anything the last day before your return…

  20. Nom du Jour
    September 26th, 2005 at 8:24 am [Reply]

    Dagwood is wearing an ill-fitting skin colored wetsuit. Wrinkly in the neck and covers up his nips.

    Case Closed.

  21. Hubris
    September 26th, 2005 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    I’m more troubled by the binary racialism of Dagwood’s world. The affluent tourists are not just “flesh” colored; rather, they are devoid of color, a case of the Aryan ideal of “purity” taken to a bizarre extremity.

    Moreover, the surfing-instructor underling’s ethnicity and low standing in the racial caste system was clearly marked by coloring him in.

    Either that, or he just has a tan.

  22. Sourbelly
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    “In the absence of nipples, I’m employing a flesh-colored turtleneck.”

  23. Maughta
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    FW: Oh, yeah, amputee humor. Gosh, can the comics GET any funnier?

    Re: the Blondie comic above…for some reason known only to the comics editor at my paper, they published the Blondie strip without the second panel (…late for your surfing lesson). I figured some part of the joke got lost (I don’t know about you, but 8am wake-up calls don’t usually tickle me) so I looked it up (have I nothing better to do?!?). Imagine my surprise to see that there really wasn’t a joke even with the missing panel. Oh, the subtle joys of Blondie! I was hoping for a “gosh, Dagwood, we’d better have a quickie so we won’t be late.” Yeah, that’ll happen. Of course, if it did my paper would excise it.

  24. rich
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:23 am [Reply]

    Sunday’s Mark Trail – The sponsor must be pissed, they left the tagline out of the last panel – “This has been a message from the National Coffee Council”. I’ll bet bears do like coffee; my crazy cat Max loves to lick the inside of coffee cup lids. It’s like catnip to him.

    Josh, please add some perspective to Monday’s A3G. I’ve read it three times and it gets less clear each time. It’s like one of those puzzles where you have to rearrange the word balloons to turn it into a coherent conversation.

  25. Dennis Jimenez
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    Got to admit the 9.26.2005 A3G is even more disconnected than normal – total non sequitur – wait – there’s already a comic non sequitur – now I’m more confused than ever….

  26. Woodie
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Dagwood would want to wear some kind of surf shirt. Many surfboards for newbies are covered with very slightly raised bumps to provide traction. Lying chest-down on the board as you prepare to catch a wave, there’s a lot of friction. Dagwood would get some very uncomfortable irritation if he wasn’t wearing a shirt. Saying that, my first reaction was to think he was wearing a skin-colored turtleneck shirt and look for the neck and arm-lines.

  27. rich
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    I see Dagwood’s navel; I don’t see sleeve openings at his wrists. I think he’s shirtless and following that odd comic strip convention of zero-nipple tolerance. Which, actually, is probably fine with most of us. As for the neck ripples, well, Dagwood’s just freaky looking.

    “Holy Cowabunga”???

  28. Nom du Jour
    September 26th, 2005 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    I see Paris
    I see France
    I see Dagwood’s. . .

    *unghhhhh hurlll*

    SPLUTT BLUBB!

  29. Muffin
    September 26th, 2005 at 11:13 am [Reply]

    it’s so good to see you back, and in fighting form, no less

  30. Anne Nonymous
    September 26th, 2005 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    Hey, Pope-boy, congrats to you and Mrs. Pope and all that (yadda, yadda). You’re back- now get cracking on more comix commentary and choosing a new Comment of the Week. Honeymoon over, back to work.

  31. Anne Nonymous
    September 26th, 2005 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Quick response there, your Popeness. And kudos to joeyjoejoe for being chosen COTW! Way to go, joe!

  32. rich
    September 26th, 2005 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    We were recently discussing why Beetle Bailey is studiously avoiding mention of the war. Well, we know why, but anyhow -

    Someone created 3 Beetle parodies in May ’05. I don’t know how to make a link here, but you can find them if you google:

    “Beetle Ghraib” “Keld Bach”

    and

    “Beetle Ghraib” “Hammer of Truth”.

    Mildly amusing.

  33. Nom du Jour
    September 26th, 2005 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    “We were recently discussing why Beetle Bailey is studiously avoiding mention of the war.”

    What war is that?

  34. Beasley
    September 26th, 2005 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

  35. rich
    September 26th, 2005 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    The third Beetle Ghraib is only at “Hammer of Truth”.

  36. Woodie
    September 26th, 2005 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Wow, that site where the Beetle Graib cartoon is taught me a lot! For example, there was a jewish conspiracy involved with 9/11! I also learned that American and British covert agents are the ones setting off car bombs in Iraq! Plus the recent hurricanes may be part of a weather war- but started by whom?

  37. Mary Brandt
    September 26th, 2005 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Forget the skin turtleneck, check out the owl neck on the surf instructor in line 3, panel 1. 180 degree rotation all the way, baby.

    Er, half the way.

    -MB

  38. drm
    September 26th, 2005 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    now i’m reading gil thorp and mary worth every day. and the only reason i’m not reading a3g is because i haven’t found it online yet, though i’m dying to see bobbing heads on a daily basis. but i am not, i repeat NOT reading rex morgan and mark trail! i refuse! i won’t be sucked in! although, whoever posted that was right. that doctor from everwood has mark trail written all over him.

  39. Nom du Jour
    September 26th, 2005 at 2:37 pm [Reply]

    Stay here long enough, and you will be sucked into every comic mentioned. It is a downward spiral of acceptance. At the bottom rung is Brenda Starr, waiting to give you a big kiss.

  40. Islamorada Girl
    September 26th, 2005 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Hey! I like Brenda and so does Lor!
    It’s a girl thing.

    More comics, Pope Boy!

  41. Ron
    September 26th, 2005 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    All last week, Blondie was in a two-piece suit. Her body is the equivalent of Moonbeam McSwine’s, just cleaner. Moonbeam and I spent many hours together under the covers during my adolescence. Al Capp may have been a perv, but he could draw bods.

  42. sasha
    September 26th, 2005 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    #36: The hurricanes were seeded by the Yakuza.

    No, really, I read it on the internet.
    It. Must. Be. True.

  43. CHA5NCE
    September 26th, 2005 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Wow. Rex Morgan and Mary Worth wrapping up storylines around the same time. What a strange feeling of non-accomplishment I have.

  44. Irina
    September 26th, 2005 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    #19 My thoughts exactly, sheila. Why are these two doctors laughing about the beating of a handcuffed, defenseless man, no matter how despicable?

    Meanwhile, isn’t it fascinating how seamlessly RMMD completely puts one plot to bed before starting another? (Sarcasm alert … RMMD is as seamless as Frankenstein’s monster).

    #38 Both RMMD and MT are available free online at http://www.washingtonpost.com (sorry!)

    Finally, regarding Blondie.

    What struck me the most about this strip, was how normal Dag looked when put up next to his fellow students. Fat lady, gwampaw, and big-nosed scrawny Bill Gates. Take away that septuple chin they gave him, and Dagwood looks pretty buff and cute.

    … and I will give $100 cash to anyone who can give me an example of a native Hawaiian surfing instructor who, in all seriousness during a lesson, would say “Holy Cowabunga!” Without being instructed to, or knowing about this bet.

  45. laska
    September 26th, 2005 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    drm- not only will you be reading RMMD and MT, you’ll be reading The Phantom, Spiderman, and Judge Parker by the end of the month. I had sworn I would never read the serial strips, now I’m a hopeless addict. When my husband married me “for better or for worse”, he didn’t realize what it meant.

  46. Monkey
    September 26th, 2005 at 5:29 pm [Reply]

    Today’s A3G makes me wish it were a real, tangible object that could feel pain, simply so I could slap it repeatedly, in the hopes that it will start making sense.

  47. JohnnyC
    September 26th, 2005 at 6:17 pm [Reply]

    Has Dagwood always looked like a chimp?

  48. Islamorada Girl
    September 26th, 2005 at 7:15 pm [Reply]

    drm—But you’ll really start to feel like a comics junkie when you start reading Gil Thorp daily.
    Lying in the gutter covered with day- old funnies, smelling of soy ink, craving your daily M-lf-rd fix, you’ll look up at the stars above Skid Row and go “WTF?”

    He’s been the ruin of many a poor reader
    And God, I know, I’m one.

  49. AhClem
    September 26th, 2005 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    Dag’s not wearing a shirt – his nipples are behind his ears.

    C’mon, he’s 95 years old, looks about 30. That’s a lot of facelifts.

  50. blueeyes
    September 26th, 2005 at 8:25 pm [Reply]

    Y’know the one big button that Dagwood wears on his shirt at work? It ain’t a button. His nipples just fused together into one big nipple, which he wears on the outside of his shirt. Which he wouldn’t wear while surfing, naturally.

  51. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    September 26th, 2005 at 9:06 pm [Reply]

    Drm,

    Just bookmark this:

    http://www.chron.com/content/chronicle/comics/archive/showComics.mpl

    First one’s free.

  52. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2005 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    #36 & 42: I’m glad I’m not the only one online (outside of right-wing circles) to see how loopy the left-wing conspiracy theories are these days. The right-wingers invented the nutty gay marriage scenarios just to keep up!

    To stay on topic…

    #46: I think we already have next week’s COTW! However, all we’d get if we could slap a tangible A3G would be an extended head bobble.

  53. Mibbitmaker
    September 26th, 2005 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Rex (Morgan, MD) and June should relive the shooting of Lee Harvey Oswald for a few belly laughs. Hypocratic oath, their ass!

  54. Dave
    October 1st, 2005 at 11:32 am [Reply]

    Did anyone notice the enormously busty girl in the pink sweater at Alexander’s party? It looked like she might be even bigger than Blondie. Is this possible?, I thought. Someone bigger than Blondie? and just a girl? But based on the way Blondie looked a couple of days later, when she answered the door for the bellman, it became clear that any time she felt like it, Blondie could show that high school girl what the phrase “well endowed” really means.

  55. SteveS
    November 5th, 2005 at 9:10 am [Reply]

    That six month self-congratulatory crap about the “anniversary” of Blondie was almost as cruel a torture as being locked in a small room wallpapered on all sides with Cathy cartoons. And speaking of Cathy, it was every bit as tedious as when we heard about Cathy’s wedding preparations every day for an eternity or two.

    In spite of all the hoopla, and and the gang-back-slapping that spilled over into many of the other comic strips, I still say, “Who cares?” It’s not as if Blondie is any kind of great ground breaking strip, and it’s not as if it’s all that funny. There are, oh, maybe about 3 or 4 jokes in that strip that are repeated and recycled every day — Dag eats a lot. Dag sleeps a lot. Dag is always late for the carpool. Blondie gets some whacky customers. There isn’t much more than that, folks. So what are we supposed to be celebrating?

    The creator of this strip died in the 1960′s. The strip should have been buried with him. Instead, the son, perhaps because creative talent skips a generation, took over for pops. It’s been a monument to comic strip mediocrity since.

    I hated it when other strips dropped whatever they were doing to pay homage. That’s one readon I love strips like “Pearls Before Swine.” The cartoonist seems unwilling to join the Lame Comic Strip Creator’s Good Ol’ Boys Club.

    75 years of Blondie. Whoop dee doo! Now retire it.

    Out.

  56. Ron
    November 16th, 2005 at 12:41 am [Reply]

    #41. It was nice seeing Blondie in a two piece, but it seems her breasts are smaller when she dresses like that. Take a look at how huge and beatiful they look recently when she is drawn wearing a pink sweater. It’s obvious that sweater is struggling to contain over 50 inches of mindboggling femininity.

  57. Jack
    November 28th, 2005 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Do I get the impression that someone thinks that Dagwood and Blondie have made night movies showing her……… uh…… endowment?

  58. Larry
    December 28th, 2005 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    For those of you waxing nostalgic about Moonbeam McSwine, see http://www.comics.com/comics/lilabner/. They’re reprinting a series of daily strips from sometime about 50 years ago. A number of the recent strips have been showing off Daisy Mae’s enormous rack. But the past couple of days, Moonbeam appeared and showed why she is in a category all by herself.

  59. Dave
    July 20th, 2006 at 11:19 pm [Reply]

    Blondie seems to be pretty competitive and territorial. There was a strip a few weeks ago where she walked into the kitchen with a friend who had a bustline almost as big as hers. In the second frame her friend says hello to Dagwood, and her chest has expanded a few inches making larger than Blondie’s. Silly girl, challenging the queen –In the final frame, as they walk out of the kitchen, Blondie’s tits have risen to the challenge and have become absolutely gigantic, making her friend’s 46′s look puny by comparison.

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