Archive: Blondie

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Gil Thorp, 7/1/22

I guess we’re finally finding out why Gregg’s dad was so keen to hide his literary crimes: not because he feared the wrath and contempt of normies, who as Gil noted definitely do not care, but because he knew eventually his family’s fleeting fame would attract the attention of his erstwhile compatriots in the literary fraternity, who would deal with him in the way of their tribe, which is to say live, on-camera evisceration. “Do what you have to do!” he snarls. “I swore an oath, and the soil has hungered for my blood long enough!”

Blondie, 7/1/22

Man, this guys looks exactly like a dude that a legacy comic artist in 2004 would have had working behind the counter at their thinly veiled Best Buy analogue. You know, like a nerd, but the aggressive, vaguely cool kind. It’s real sad that retail trends have shifted and he’s been forced to find work at the novelty mug store, but he seems to have a good attitude about it.

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Beetle Bailey, 6/25/22

What really makes this strip for me is how mad General Halftrack looks. Sure, he’s off golfing while his soldiers are enduring physical training to prepare them for combat, but at least he’s not enjoying himself!

Blondie, 6/25/22

I’m reaching an age when you start getting self-reflective, start asking yourself questions about what have you done with your one wild and precious life, and what do you plan on doing with it in the future. It turns out I’ve spent a surprising amount of time contemplating the Bumsteads’ bathroom situation. I’m not using that phrase as a euphemism — this isn’t Marvin, after all — but rather wondering about the actual, physical bathrooms in their palatial suburban home. You know, how many bathrooms they have, what floors they’re on, that sort of thing. Then, of course, there’s the question of why Dagwood only takes baths, never showers, which I guess may be getting more intimate than architectural. In that sense, today may be a big day for him. Is he finally going to try out this “shower” business everyone raves about? Or is he just going to have Herb hose him down every day for the next decade until he’s sure he wants to make the big shift? Anyway, I wish I could tell you that I will no longer be putting my energy into these sort of ruminations, but we all know that would be a lie.

Mary Worth, 6/25/22

A decade ago, Dawn got dumped by a previously unseen boyfriend named “Dave” and went into a hilarious weeks-long emotional tailspin, spending hours on the couch numbly watching Game of Thrones and mubling to herself in an attempt to ease the pain. It’s nice to see that in the indeterminate amount of in-universe time since, she’s really changed her whole attitude about relationships in a healthy way: now she only dates real drips, so that when they inevitably dump her, instead of getting depressed she just gets furious.

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Dustin, 6/18/22

“What I’m trying to say, kid, is that when you get old, your body goes to shit. But also, you stop feeling inconvenient emotions. So it honestly it’s a mixed bag.”

Blondie, 6/18/22

This strip thinks the real tragedy is that these kids are so obsessed with their phones that they’ll never know the true joy of playing together in the park. But to me, the tragedy is that Elmo thought Dagwood was his friend, but apparently the feeling isn’t mutual.