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Dennis the Menace, 5/31/26

I know that “Dennis isn’t being menacing at all in this one” is one of my (hopefully) beloved running bits, but I’m really not sure how they’re gonna top today’s installment, in which Henry is clearly starting to panic and Dennis with childlike innocence calms him down and offers a practical solution that quickly solves their problem. Dennis The Very Helpful Child would not be a very popular comic strip if marketed in that way but here we are!

Mary Worth, 5/31/26

Aw, isn’t that sweet! Mary is like a second mother to both Tommy and Dawn, which means they can’t hook up, that would be incest, please do not allow them to hook up. Anyway, “self-abuse” is usually a euphemism for masturbation, right? He’s running to make up for years of jerking off? I don’t think this is something I would tell to my newly discovered spiritual sister or a girl I was trying to hook up with. I think that would be bad either way.

Blondie, 5/31/26

Contemporary masculinity is constricting in really odd and unfortunate ways. Like, I think for most of the last 50 years or so we would’ve accepted a guy who likes to loudly sing old Dean Martin songs in the bathtub as being well within the boundaries of manhood, but apparently now we need to establish that Dagwood is using an extremely masc shampoo during this whole process. It doesn’t smell good, like shampoo a woman would use! Its odor is truly unpleasant. That’s how you know it’s for men!

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Blondie, 5/24/26

Blondie over its multidecade run has chronicled America’s increasing suburbanization and corresponding car dependence. Back in the ’50s, Dagwood took public transit to work; in 2026, he carpools with three other people, which honestly probably puts him in the bottom 10% in terms of CO₂ production for his neighborhood cohort. I would’ve made that guess even before seeing today’s strip, in which he wanders around his all-residential subdivision and we learn that his cohort is so sedentary that it’s spending the weekend walking slowly, not walking at all, and unable to maintain consciousness despite drinking a big cup of coffee in the middle of the day.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/24/26

At first I thought this guy in the blue smock had sexually harassed a serving woman and been murdered for it. But now that I look at it more closely, he’s just getting stomped on by a hot shield maiden and looks overjoyed about it, which probably indicates that this was his plan all along.

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Blondie, 5/22/26

The sad thing here is that Alexander and Cookie can’t actually hear what Dagwood is jamming out to. Sure, we readers are privy to the truly gross stuff he’s streaming, but they’re just assuming, and even though they’re right they shouldn’t jump to such a harsh conclusion. “Wow, Daddy’s really working his earbuds” seems particularly disrespectful for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on.

Intelligent Life, 5/22/26

Gwen’s expression in the final panel here … is that a sex thing? Is “Pokemon Go” a euphemism for sex, among the dork-ass nerds of Intelligent Life? I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all!