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Metapost: Fall 2009 Fundraiser — What would Margo do?

Click the banner above to contribute any amount — and receive your “What Would Margo Do?” bracelet with our thanks! Full details here.

OK OK OK! Twice a year while subbing for Josh, I try to raise a little extra cash to say “Thanks!” for the fine entertainment, and to help with the operation of the site. Two things are new this time around. First, your generous contributions will help pay for the site’s extensive design upgrade, now underway. Second — and for the first time ever — every contributor, of any amount, will receive a gift in grateful gratitude for your generosity: this fashionable and unique bracelet, inscribed “What would Margo do?” Behold:

Lovingly crafted by the willowy jeweler-maidens of exotic Nan An Town, GaoYao City, each bracelet is medical-grade silicone, recessed and filled with the inscription “What Would Margo Do?”, and lightly embossed with “” on the inside. And yes, it glows in the dark.

What will you do, inspired by the message and spirit of Margo? The possibilities are endless, terrifying, and of course often illegal:

  • Wear it ’round the house, and watch your roommates scramble to do your bidding!
  • Wrap it ’round your Fist of Justice, to emboss hairy evildoers with a message they’ll never forget!
  • Wear it to bed, to baffle and intimidate your partner!
  • Touch it whenever you feel lonely or insecure — then rip a hole in the universe, and make it your bitch!

Just click the banner at the top of the page, then follow the instructions to contribute by credit card or PayPal. Write me at if you prefer to contribute by check or money order. Sorry, just one bracelet per contributor: full details here, along with an index to the 40 or so banners in rotation at the top of the page.

Finally, in honor of the Margo-themed fundraiser, this week features “Margo Moments” — Josh’s personal stash of Margocentric panels (Sanitized® — for your protection!), stretching back to the dim, misty origins of The Comics Curmudgeon. Think of it as Apartment 3-G without all the boring Tommie and LuAnn bits! Here goes:

Margo Moments – a Fall Fundraiser special, part 1

Apartment 3-G (panels) — 12/29/2004, 2/21, 6/21, 8/21, 11/13, 12/17/2005, 01/17, 2/20, 3/4/2006

Ahhh, that’s our gal.

– Uncle Lumpy

135 responses to “Metapost: Fall 2009 Fundraiser — What would Margo do?

  1. Poteet
    September 21st, 2009 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    And the Cult of Margo continues to grow.

  2. Baka Gaijin
    September 21st, 2009 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy, yester-yesterthread: AAAAAH! AAAAAHHHH!!! EVILSCARYCLOWN!!!! I stopped reading the site for almost 2 weeks in hopes of not seeing a Dick Tracy ugly scary Depresso the Clown and this is what I see. Damn. Great CsOTW by the way. Damned threadjump.

  3. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Mar-GO! Mar-GO! Mar-GO!

    *pants catching his breath, interrupted by the crack of a whip* YEEEE!!


  4. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    Catching up…

    Sunday Thread YYY#116. Amateur, on the Mary Worth Pool: Great idea! (1) Wednesday (I had to revise after today), (2) mortally wounded from a single bullet not bleeding anywhere, (3) ten, and (4) lobotomisedly yearns for him beyond the grave.

    YYY172. buckyswife: ugh! My best thoughts to your mother. I don’t know why some x-ray technicians are asking people to do things or get in positions that are only achievable by people in full health and mobility – except that we’re in a freaking hospital because we did something bad to a bone. Why can’t plates be on fully-mobile holders, as can the x-ray reader? Hasn’t technology advanced enough to have the imager move about the mostly-immobile patient? Doctor: “You must move as little as possible the bone that hurts.” X-ray tech: “Please contortion yourself along this cold hard surface so I can get the best exposure on the immobile plate, please.”

    At least you got to dance Friday, so the weekend wasn’t a total loss.

    Monday Thread YY4. True Fable: Remember the clown in colour? Ten times worse! (If I’m scarred, everyone gets to be scared by the memories!)

    YY25. buckyswife: *lots of hugs*

    COTW thread – hey, it’s this one! well, it was when I typed it… – Y7. AeroSquid: *much chuckling* And the rock would be the one to split Defective Scott’s head open.

    Y28. Dingo: yeah, I should be punished for the GT snark. …can I choose who does the spanking?

    Y36. mollificent: okay, that comment makes me go see Lio right now. … …wow, yeah, if this isn’t somehow Efrafan, I’ll … wait, that thought involved bondage gear. Maybe I should stop here.

    Y49. bats :] : If I say anything, I’ll just regret it…

  5. Sister Sestina
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    9CL: So this is the Mary of whom Edda is jealous? Well yeah…we ARE talking about Amos’ preferences. A slight but not insignificant portion of the species nerdus americanus actually goes for the Maries of this world over the Eddas, though research has not yet determined whether this is because their instincts are pre-programmed to recognize their chances of nailing Eddas as so small as to not warrant the effort of being attracted to them.

    Come to think of it, gauging from photos I’ve seen of my husbands’ past girlfriends and ex-wife (don’t huff, I LIKE knowing about exes and am not jealous, I’m the one pulling his lever and that’s the vote that counts) he comes from that subspecies. I vividly remember coming across one and saying “my god, you DO have a type — and I AM it!”

  6. Sister Sestina
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    Normally I don’t repost to correct typing errors, but that is husband’s, not husbands’. Yeesh.

  7. mvg
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    Niall (3): “pants catching his breath”

    See, this is why you need to punctuate. That phrase above took me straight into Beetle Bailey territory that I did NOT care to explore.

    FW: I haven’t caught up on all the weekend snarking, so I’ll just ask: Did anyone point out that after all of Tom Bathos’ bloviating about “art,” he never actually indicated the resolution of the meeting? Is “W;t” being produced or canceled? And wouldn’t it be the principal’s final call in any case, not the drama advisor’s?

  8. commodorejohn
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    #5 Sister Sestina – Well, I’m not going to start reading the strip again for her, but I’d hit that. (And preferences aside, at the very least she doesn’t look like a total Edda bitch.)

  9. mvg
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    FW: I take it back. I really don’t care. On to the cheerleaders’ pies.

  10. Mibbitmaker
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    Hey! Tommie’s horning in on the Margo moments! No fair!

    Ironically, that’s the kind of thing Margo would do.

    Given the bracelet, double irony!

  11. hogenmogen
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:29 pm [Reply]

    Now that’s menacing! Tomorrow’s punchline: “The other kid will have a promising career as a soprano choir boy – and the squirrels in his neighborhood have two more nuts for their winter stash.”

  12. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    4 Niall: Thanks—hugs gratefully accepted.

    11 hogenmogen: You’re right that this is the most menacing Dennis has been in a while (“Ya shoulda seen the other guy….”), but how satisfying it would have been to have seen Dennis getting the crap beaten out of him!

  13. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Until I have more students come in for office hours, I think I’m just going to sit here and refresh this site over and over, mesmerized by the parade of “$$ for Josh” banner ads….

  14. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:34 pm [Reply]

    Anyone who doesn’t donate gets a long, painful spanking.

    Anyone who does donate gets two.

  15. hogenmogen
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    Ack! Maybe Cathy is actually topical! (another sign of the apocalypse) Men are actually happier than women.

    MW: I suppose this strip is trying to emulate the amazing response it got from the Aldo story line, by killing off Detective Scott Hewlett. The difference is that no one likes Scott.

  16. hogenmogen
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

  17. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    14 Naked Bunny: Oooh—I’m writing my check right now.

  18. Uncle Lumpy
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    #13 buckyswife –

    FYI, there’s also an index with links to the images at the bottom of this page so you can make sure you didn’t miss any.

  19. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Oh yeah, I refreshed a lot to get many banners – the Lumpy Banners are my favourite part of the fundraising. And “suppourt” is a close top fave. :)

    5/6. Sister Sestina: best proof that an apostrophe placement is vitally important. :)

    7. mvg: I honestly thought the comma had registered when I pressed it… sorry(?) for the mental image…

    *reads 13 then 14 and wisely shuts his mouth, while kicking his brain*

  20. hogenmogen
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:53 pm [Reply]

    Damn coloring monkeys! No bananna for you!

  21. hogenmogen
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    No pie the cheerleader? Ok, ok, we’ll just go with the old “pay–per-view diet Coke bikini pics” like we did last year.

  22. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    September 21st, 2009 at 2:58 pm [Reply]

    Josh reads the comics so the colorists don’t have to!

  23. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy: after perusing the various ones (I’m not clicking on the clown YOU CAN’T MAKE ME CLICK ON THE CLOWN) I have to say that Gabriella and Alice Mitchell are things of beauty. ..and i am trying not to make horiidly amusing noises after seeing Mark Trail’s. oh sweet lord. And Narration Box is truly inspired. ..also, thank you for classic Sly-Cass, the booth is great, and I’ll always remember my comment on it which made mollificent expel liquids violently. :) :)

  24. bats :[
    September 21st, 2009 at 3:04 pm [Reply]

    Just wondering…if you throw an unconscious/knocked out/ Mark Trail-type person into water, wouldn’t that revive him? I don’t know…just wondering.

    Me? I have no doubt that the Marines have already been called.

    (You’ll have to size up…sorry.)

  25. Baka Gaijin
    September 21st, 2009 at 3:19 pm [Reply]


    How much to get rid of the evilscaryCLOWN Niall at #23 mentioned? I’m shaking in my boots every time I refresh this page in fear that the aforementioned atrocious, bad, baneful, base, beastly, calamitous, damnable, depraved, execrable, flagitious, foul, heinous, hideous, iniquitous, injurious, loathsome visage may appear. Mention a number…I know the link.

  26. Uncle Lumpy
    September 21st, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    #25 Baka Gaijin –

    I will whack the clown for a very reasonable amount. Make me an offer at

  27. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    24. bats :[ : a thing of beauty.

    25. baka gaijin: I’ll help, as soon as I get home.

  28. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    24 bats :[ —”Raccoon Patrol” should be on the fall TV schedule.

    What I’m wondering is, if you throw an unconscious Mark Trail into water, will he float? I mean, wood floats, right, ergo…. Then Rusty and Sassy could hop on his back and float out of the swamp to safety. Or better yet, they could be like Huck Finn, taking their trailraft throughout the swamp, encountering colorful characters and having adventures. (It’s a sign of my mental fatigue that this scenario makes me disproportionately happy.)

  29. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    24: bats:[ : BWAHAHAHAHAH ! *sniff* =D

  30. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    25 baka gaijin & 27 Niall: Wait, you’re afraid of a little clown and not that horrific, glow-eyed, open-mouthed freak named Rusty? I’d do just about anything to keep that hideous apparition out of my sleeping brain. (Must refresh screen—make It go away!)

  31. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:00 pm [Reply]

    30. buckyswife: I haven’t put Mark Trail back in my Chron list since The Episode, despite having relented on that and increased the zaniness (and despite other strips on my list being just about as bad but not being culled). So I haven’t really been exposed daily to Rusty the Stomach-Turning Boy, except when Josh or Uncle Lumpy decide to highlight his appearance. So I can usually put him out of my mental eye easily enough. The clown, on the other hand, has been appearing way too much on my daily list.

    (I’m fatigued as well, but I’m debating a high-quality course of sushi/sashimi tonight, to make up for the horridly crappy fake chain “maki” I couldn’t even finish at lunch – never again – then a near-scalding bubble bath, reading a Shlock Mercenary compilation given to me as a birthday gift. May I suggest a similar course of action?)

  32. Baka Gaijin
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    #26 Uncle Lumpy: I’m a man of action. I already made my contribution. It’d better be enough, that’s all I gotta say.

    #27 Niall: I think I got us covered on Cast Down the Clown. Maybe go after that thing buckyswife mentioned in #30.

    #30 buckyswife: After I saw that Jester the Woebegone is lurking, I stopped reading the header ads.

  33. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:02 pm [Reply]

    That should be: “despite it having relented…” – the strip, not me, doing the relenting.

    (Oh, and good chocolate as dessert as I bought more this weekend. The ones in my name link are probably best shared with someone… if I had someone to share them with, um, properly.)

  34. Sequitur
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:04 pm [Reply]

    Damn clown.

  35. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    33 Niall–Your name link isn’t working, actually—which is probably a good thing, because I think you gave it an NSFW warning, and I clicked on it just as one of my students walked in to see me; that’s the danger of sitting with my back to the door, I guess.

    And your #31 description made me wish it was sufficiently cool enough now to use the hot tub; I could just steam Repulsive Rusty right out of my mind!

  36. Perky Bird
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    What if Mark Trail and Rusty were to encounter a group of feral clowns out in the forest? Would Mark punch off their rainbow wigs and red rubber noses? Or would they kidnap Rusty, thinking the little freak was one of their own?

  37. Sequitur
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    36. Perky Bird
    If that happened the clowns would all escape in a very small swamp buggy.

    Damn clowns.

  38. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    35. buckyswife: *facepalms* You know, one day I’ll remember that joshreads and chipszone are incompatible for some bizarre reason. Yeah it’s NSFW much, though you have to look at the details. But if your student is over the age of, say, 14, it should still be reasonably okay. (Too warm for hot tub? I wouldn’t care, I’d be right in there…)

    36. PerkyBird: I prefer the second solution. That way we don’t have to hear about either of them. Unless Elrodball decides to do a Sunday strip about them… *shivers* …nuke ‘em from orbit, it’s the only way.

  39. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    I didn’t actually carry out a chi-square test, but I’m pretty sure the random selection mechanism for the banners is biased.

    Also: Anyone who wants to see Niall’s kama sutra chocolate mold can use this link, which is more likely to work. Niall: your image hosting site doesn’t like Josh’s site as a referer.

  40. Renee J
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    Oooo, glowing Margo bracelett. Actually, you had my donation at personal email from Josh.

  41. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    36 Perky Bird: Hmmm… You raise a number of interesting points. First, is face paint morally equivalent to facial hair? What about facial prostheses? And how quickly would Rusty revert to feral status? I mean, he’s pretty close already, right? Finally, would the clowns worship Rusty as a child deity, prime horror among horrors, or abuse him as a despicable half-creature, not fully human and yet not fully clown, either?

  42. Baka Gaijin
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

    #36 Perky Bird: AAAAAAHHHH AAAAAAAAHH AAAAAAAHHH!!!! What the F$#K is THAT????? You’re driving me to “Dr.” Papagoras, that’s your plan, right? Freak out as his facial hair changes color throughout the intake interview. Who won’t score high on the DSM-IV Axes? I see right straight through your plan as clearly as I can see the wall on the other side of LuAnn when I look through her ear.

  43. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    38 Niall: Well, it’s too bad you live 1000 miles or so away—no fun in the hot tub alone, and my dog staring at me with a worried look on her face doesn’t count! =-)

  44. Uncle Lumpy
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    OK! Terrifying clown image replaced with this in the banner rotation and index.

    Thank you, faithful reader Baka Gaijin!

  45. MolyBendum
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    Heehee, feral clowns. I’d like to see that episode of Mark Trail Theater. Clowns skulking through the forest in a pack, greasy whiteface streaked, horribly misapplied mouthpaint splashed on like blood. They splat you with a mouldy, rotten cream pie crawling with ants and maggots. Their seltzer is their own fermented urine. Man, some feral clowns could really fuck you up.

  46. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    So along with “Raccoon Patrol,” “Feral Clown Theater” could be added to the TV schedule, perhaps as a midnight-movie kind of thing.

  47. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    43. buckyswife: *blinks, blushes, and stays silent*

    44. Uncle Lumpy: THANK YOU!

    45. MolyBendum: okay, THAT made my stomach churn.

  48. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:26 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and we could all make baka gaijin and Niall and others with clown phobias do our bidding by threatening to tie them up and force them to actually watch “Feral Clown Theater”! Heh heh—Thus begins my plan for world domination!

  49. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    Crap, kept forgetting to change my name link. Thank you one-eyed wolfdog!

  50. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    You do that, buckyswife, and I won’t tell you where the chocolate stash is…

  51. Perky Bird
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    # 41 buckyswife,

    Well, we’ve already seen Mark punch of a wig and fake beard (the whole fake-death-to-get-insurance-money arc). But punching off makeup–wow, that would be something special, indeed!

    # 42 Baka,

    Sorry for the image! But no need to bother the good Doctor. Just have a glass of Potatoade–that’ll cure what ails ya!

  52. Baka Gaijin
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    #48 buckyswife: Eeek! [runs away like a little girl, arms flailing overhead].

  53. Baka Gaijin
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    #48 buckyswife: I forgot. Like the wily sea cucumber, I, too, disgorge my digestive system when threatened. Put me in front of that clownly abomination and see if you don’t end up wearing my duodenum.

  54. One-eyed Wolfdog
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:34 pm [Reply]

    I have a, uh, terrible phobia of long-haired herding dogs in case anyone wants to threaten me with something. Terrible, I tell you.

  55. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    53 Baka Gaijin: “Wily sea cucumber” is a phrase that one doesn’t see every day.

    Hey–a tech guy is here to give me a new computer! I bet it will help me be much funnier and get back on the float!

  56. commodorejohn
    September 21st, 2009 at 4:45 pm [Reply]

    #39 One-Eyed Wolfdog – Hmm, that center panel of the triptych is…quite a stunt.

  57. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    56. commodorejohn: isn’t it just? I take it it’s done lying down, though. Otherwise, some cervical issues could result… among other things.

  58. Sequitur
    September 21st, 2009 at 5:26 pm [Reply]

    The feral clowns…they’re from the RODEO!

    Damn clowns.

  59. queek
    September 21st, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    56: and a cunning stunt, at that.

  60. Lorem Ipsum
    September 21st, 2009 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    #53-Baka Gaijin-
    I read that as willy sea cucumber and thought you were being redundant. Or just proud!

  61. Lorem Ipsum
    September 21st, 2009 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

    #49-Niall-chocolate erotica…melts in your mouth, in your hand…

  62. Generallylurking
    September 21st, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    Rarely comment, but this MW plotline is bugging me.
    Detective Scott is a detective, right? In fact he seems to be on some type of fraud squad. So what’s he doing joining the SWAT team for a drug raid.
    I’m not sure but that doesn’t seem to be the way police departments operate. Armed raids of this type require specific training, don’t they?
    And who is watching the rest of Santa Royale while the entire department is raiding a remote warehouse?
    I’m actually wondering.
    And, yes, I do have a life.

  63. Fashion Police
    September 21st, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    While we concede that Miss Magee is the only person in Apartment 3-G who ever indulges in even the smallest display of style, we would be far more impressed if her red mini-skirted suit actually fit her. And the belt makes her look like she’s on safari through Times Square. At two o’clock in the morning.

  64. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    I’m back… What did I miss? Mm-hmm, willy sea cucumber…. uh-huh, melty chocolate erotica in mouth, on hands……

    So, basically, business as usual for CC!

  65. Islamorada Girl
    September 21st, 2009 at 6:45 pm [Reply]

    OMG! I know someone who looks like that clown, that horrible, horrible clown!

  66. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:00 pm [Reply]

    The REAL Raccoon Patrol:

  67. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    62. Generallylurking: this is sadly endemic of all “popular” entertainment, written by people who usually have not had any contact with police, but have gleaned all their knowledge of how police operate from… other shows/comics/movies/etc about police. Might as well ask how the people in Crime Scene Investigation suddenly start doing the detectives’ work…. though Mary Worth might answer that question: they’re off with the SWAT squad. Maybe the squad is nothing but detectives. So where are the swat people off doing? Writing parking tickets?

  68. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    63. Fashion Police: Are you saying that Times Square at 2am isn’t a jungle?

  69. Écureuil Écumant
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    Hey now wait a sec! Declowned without so much as a reader survey! We need an evil clown or two around, just to remind us what virtuous folk we be by comparison.

    So, for the scary-clown-deprived among us…

  70. Uncle Lumpy
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    #69 E.E. –

    Original scary clown banner still exists — it’s just censored in the rotation and index.

  71. B. Racoon
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    #66 AeroSquid – Maybe.

  72. bats :[
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    28. buckyswife: I’d be so much better off if people didn’t feed me straight lines. Or ideas.

    Hope it makes you day a little brighter. Or stranger. Or something.

  73. Bryan
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    I’ve been wondering how I can fix my yellow teeth cheaply at home using dodgy and untested products and now those prayers have been answered. Thanks, Uncle Lumpy for making us laugh about love, again.

  74. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

  75. bats :[
    September 21st, 2009 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    70. Uncle Lumpy: isn’t this known as extortion (because “blackmail” is such an ugly word)?

  76. Perky Bird
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    GAAAAH! Oh, dear God! Blinking evil red-eyed Rusty just appeared on the banner! I think the feral clowns must have got to him! That will surely haunt my dreams tonight. Thanks a lot, Uncle Lumpy.

  77. Écureuil Écumant
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    MT: And, thinking back to that nostalgic evening when Mark first proposed going fishing … it strikes me that they have yet to catch a single fish on this trip. (You’ll recall that for dinner — gee, it seems like two weeks ago — Mark was “roasting a stick”, in AeroSquid’s words.) If it wasn’t for his buddy Gorton, Mark’d be eating a steady diet of muskrat pancakes.

    In fact I have a hard time thinking of even one time Mark’s caught any type of wildlife except that which was already domesticated and pre-wounded. He is the only Boy Scout to receive a demerit badge in Woodcraft. He’d have a hard time catching a rat in the Bum Boat dumpster.

    Although if memory serves, right about the time they were fixin’ to chain sneaky to a log, Mark did catch a small woodie.

  78. Uncle Lumpy
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    #75 bats :[ –

    Hee — Dorothy Sayers fan? (Lord Peter Wimsey: “There’s a word for that — and it’s not a very pretty one!“)

    Well, I think it’s extortion if I threaten to post the clown picture unless you contribute. It’s blackmail if I threaten to reveal you as a clown unless you contribute.

    Neither act is beneath me, of course.

  79. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:12 pm [Reply]

    72 bats :[ and 74 AeroSquid: Okay, I’m going to be laughing all through dinner over both of those—so, so excellent. (And bats:[ , at first I read your line as “the ‘boy’ Rusty”—which works, too.)

    This is just more evidence that the world would be a better place if they’d just put us in charge.

    Speaking of which, One-Eyed Wolfdog (54), I know a ruse when I see one. Please don’t try to subvert my plans; it will go much better for you if you just submit to the new order. After all, we’ll be using a Trailian justice system!

  80. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:15 pm [Reply]

    79. buckyswife: I’m still laughing @ #24 !

  81. bats :[
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s interesting that while our programs are on different channels (well, heck, where else would “Raccoon Patrol” be but FOX? Maybe Rusty’s show should be on the more family-friendly ABCDisney, but NBC is #4 for a reason), we’re on the same day.
    And I’m still watching “The Big Bang Theory”…

  82. B. Racoon
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:18 pm [Reply]

    74 – AeroSquid – Okay. But drop the F[ooh la la]ing clowns!

  83. bats :[
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:20 pm [Reply]

    Does Craig Ferguson have a raccoon puppet? He should.

  84. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:23 pm [Reply]

    81. bats:[ I’m waiting for a very special episode of ‘That Boy Rusty !’ where Mark teaches him about sex. He gets flustered, looks to Cherry for encouragment, recieves a shrug, looks to Andy, Andy starts licking himself with a self-satisfied snort, then Mark gives up and take’s him to the Lost Whorehouse.

  85. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    84 AeroSquid: When I got to the Andy licking himself part, I thought Rusty’s lesson was going to take a particularly, um, “self-centered” turn.

    Although I’d also imagine that “diversity” (of species, that is) would be the draw at the Lost Whorehouse.

  86. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 8:45 pm [Reply]

    85. buckyswife:

    “No, Rusty ! You can’t take pictures OR bring Sassy to the Lost ummm..Funhouse. Here take this.”

    “A balloon ! Thanks, Mark.”

    “Yeah…whatever. That was mine in High School. I’m passing it on to you.”

    “Why ?”

    “Because these ladies may have….ummm…stinkbugs or something.”

    “Will there be clowns there ?”

    “Mayyyyyyybbbbbbbeeeee ?”

  87. B. Racoon
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:00 pm [Reply]

    #83 bats :[ – yes.

  88. sugarpie
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    The world has been too much with me lately, and I’m just now catching up to the COTWs and then, and then, Boom! An even newer post, one dangling Margo swag in front of my bloated, overextended face! Not fair Uncle Lumpy, not fair!

    That aside, Congratulations to Violet, Uncle Ritzy F, cj, neographite, Steve S and everyone of the COTW runners up! A brief list, but choice!

  89. sugarpie
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:32 pm [Reply]

    buckyswife Ugh! Not much is worse than lurking around the ER with someone in pain. Flourescent lights and endless waiting, waiting, waiting… Sorry to hear about your mom.

  90. Kallista
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    66 Aeroskwid: The Real Raccoon Patrol missing photo caption: “Left to Right: Dave Barry, Daniel Day-Lewis, Chastity Bono, and David Duchovny.”

  91. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:41 pm [Reply]

    90. Kallista: Thank God the interweb did’nt exist when I was in pennyloafers. =D

  92. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

    oops……91: ME. When I was in THEIR pennyloafers,

    Jeez. I do ramble on.

  93. buckyswife
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:44 pm [Reply]

    89 sugarpie: Thanks. Believe me, the CC niceness and foolishness have been tonic for my soul.

  94. Kallista
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    74 ArrowSquid: Only one weee error of omission.

    Re: when we were in pennyloafers–I wore a pair of shoes on the first day of 8th grade that I can only describe in hindsight as “Plymouth Rock meets Finger-Hut.” Ghastly. The other girls teased me, but there were no cell phones to capture the moment.

  95. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    One of my favorite lines in my own book….because I laugh at my own jokes…..makes absolutely no sense when taken alone and without context is:

    “Arming blimps with a highly advanced particle acceleration weapon is like paying for your grandmother’s breast implants. Both seemed like good ideas at the time, until they explode.”

    That’s what it feels like when I don’t hit the preview button. Not my breasts exploding…you know what I mean.

  96. Mibbitmaker
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    An old lady’s breasts exploding? Now there’s an image scarier than some clown!

  97. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    96. Mibbitmaker: Even scarier if you have’nt finished paying for them !

  98. mollificent
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:04 pm [Reply]

    Y52 Dingo: My apologies. I didn’t mean to presume. ;)

    #5 Sister Sestina: I hereby nominate “I’m the one pulling his lever and that’s the vote that counts” for best non-comics related comment EVER. :D

    Niall’s Name Link: Um…wow.

    Re: evilscaryclowns, I’ve been rereading Stephen King’s “It” this week for about the zillionth time. Luckily I’ve now read it enough that I’m getting immune to some of the scariest bits (I first read it about, oh, no it can’t really be twenty years ago…it just can’t! yikes…) But damn, that clown is still scary.

    Agh! I had just finished typing that and, reading further, saw Aerosquid’s mashup @74. Tim Curry and Stephen King…*shudder*…a truly terrifying combo.

  99. Mibbitmaker
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    If the Raccoon Patrol decided to endorse a product like, say, Potato-ade or Meddlin’ Mary’s Salmon Squares — would that be selling out?

    Tik-Tik: “Are you saying we’ve been exploited by the Potato-ade people?”

    Tok-Tok: “That’s what I believe happened.”

  100. B. Racoon
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:17 pm [Reply]

    #99 – Mibbitmaker – NO POTATO-ADE!

    Now Stinkbugs…

  101. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    And now….a venerable member of the comics page tells you why you should donate to CC:

  102. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:25 pm [Reply]

    99. Mibbitmaker: Okay. See, now ? It’s stuff like this that forces bats :[ or me to fire up Photoshop ! =D

  103. queek
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    99: Tock: “Killing Time! It’s bad enough wasting time without killing it.”

    (one of Niall’s chocolates to whomever gets the reference first.)

  104. Doug Puthoff
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    Who cares about Margo. I want a “What Would Larry Do?” bracelet!

  105. commodorejohn
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    Okay, here’s a question. How many people who use my goComics viewer script still get to it via my name link? I’m considering changing my name link to my new actual personal page, but I don’t want to throw anybody into chaos…

  106. commodorejohn
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:42 pm [Reply]

    #103 queek – You’re awesome. That book pretty much defined the second half of my childhood (the first half? The Hobbit.)

  107. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

  108. bats :[
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:01 pm [Reply]

    107. AeroSquid: I thought it was “Twin Screws: Keep Clear”. At least that’s what my anthropology professor told me (he waited until he was out of the Navy to get tattoos; most of his buddies were *decorated* before they left).

    And he had the most rockin’ tats for an old anthro prof: a jaguar glyph (he did faunal remains work in Central America) and a cave-painting style mammoth (he did mammoth remains work in Florida). I love and admire him to bits.

  109. mollificent
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    Uncle Lumpy…those banners are freaking hilarious. Although the red flashy Rusty eyes are a little soul-scarring, I gotta say.

    #103 queek: Phantom Tollbooth! Best Book EVAH!! (Damn, cj beat me to it. No sexy chocolate for me! *pout*)

  110. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    108. bats ;[ Got mine about two years before I retired from the Navy. My g/f at the time needed moral support as she got her ‘tramp stamp’. Ow. Now I have this on my back:

  111. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:11 pm [Reply]

    109. mollificent: come over to this side of the continent, and I’ll personally give you that chocolate piece. :)

  112. Mr. O'Malley
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:15 pm [Reply]

    p=4247, 58. Larry Fine. “A shame there isn’t some kind of Cash for Clunkers program for tired comic strips.” The Knight Life just did a week-long riff on this topic, about 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately the archive seems to be only available for a week.

  113. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    111. Niall. For some odd reason I felt compelled to click on your name……I was rewarded with ancient lesbian chocolate pleasures ! =p

  114. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    it wa slike the of chocolate….*sigh*

  115. commodorejohn
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    #109 mollificent – Here, you can have it; much as I appreciate the craftsmanship, I try to keep my food and my erotic art wholly separate…

  116. mollificent
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    #115: Well, that’s no fun. ;)

  117. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:29 pm [Reply]

    115. commodorejohn: but.. it’s not food. it’s chocolate! It’s a SuperFood, a Multi-Food, an EverythingHelper. And it is… most definitely.. fun.

  118. mollificent
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:38 pm [Reply]

    Kind of but not really OT: Last year I was in a shop in Portland that sells perfume oils and general yummy stuff. They had a bottle of chocolate-raspberry, um, edible massage oil that smelled SO good I almost bought it on general principle.

    As in, “If you buy it, they will come.”


    What do we say I shut up now?

    (Poor Impulse Control Girl strikes again!)

  119. Niall
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    118. mollificent: thank you for a much-needed deep-throated laugh!

    *waggles eyebrows*

  120. Mr. O'Malley
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Since we seem to be temporarily off the topic of comics, I’ll pass along the following joke (from one of my favourite columnists, James Clarke), which caused me to chortle aloud despite the fact that I am suffering from a wretched cold.

    A reader tells me a fellow whose daughter was about to be married decided to give her a diamond ring that had been in the family for generations.

    The stone had never been appraised, so the father asked a gemmologist friend if she would take a look at it. She agreed, but said that, instead of a fee she would accept lunch at one of Sandton’s finer restaurants.

    A few days later the two sat sipping a glass of Chablis. He passed her the little box containing the ring. She opened it and took out her jeweller’s magnifying glass. After examining the diamond she handed it back.

    “Wow!” said a diner who had been watching from the next table. “These Joburg women are hard, hey?”

  121. AeroSquid
    September 21st, 2009 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    FC: “Jeffy, tend to grandma as I eat this bag of beef jerky and corn starch. She thinks she’s talking to Fatty Arbuckle again.”

  122. MolyBendum
    September 22nd, 2009 at 12:13 am [Reply]

    9/22 Mark – How predictable. I hope Bob is waylaid by feral clowns on his way to get Mark.

  123. mollificent
    September 22nd, 2009 at 12:28 am [Reply]

    #120 Mr. O’M: Heh heh! Must’ve thought she was Marilyn Monroe or something. :)

  124. Poteet
    September 22nd, 2009 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    9/22 MT — Not to detract from the terrifying suspense or anything, but how long would it actually take gators to find Mark lying there on dry land, and how likely is it that they’d immediately devour him? As an effective murder method, this reminds me of one of the Croc schemes in PBS.

  125. True Fable
    September 22nd, 2009 at 1:01 am [Reply]

    Apartment of Doom Bitch, bitch, bitch. Ruby, you’re a piker next to the mighty Margo.

    Sam Driver, Chick Magnet Va-va-voom; why didn’t legal secretaries dress like that when I worked at a law firm?!

    Fist O Justice Theater Oh, a double agent, as it were. I can’t help but be reminded of the Beverly Hillbillies, and Jethro Clampett’s desire to be a Double Aught Spy. And h’yere’s ol’ Bob, a double aught spy right fer real!

  126. Poteet
    September 22nd, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    DT — Here we go again. How many more times must we be disappointed by incompetent villains who fail to deliver? Quit shooting off your mouth, you witless clown, and fire the bleeping gun!

  127. sugarpie
    September 22nd, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]


  128. Baka Gaijin
    September 22nd, 2009 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    #69 Écureuil Écumant: Vote? VOTE?? Where do you think you are? This is America. Money talks, bullshit walks. If you want the clown back, you can always contribute more than I did to remove it. [said tongue firmly in cheek]

  129. Farley's Revenge
    September 22nd, 2009 at 1:57 am [Reply]

    Poteet@YYT: If there were a handsome young Cliff, flinging would occur, although the flinging would be more of an “on” nature than “off”.

    Congrats to all the fine CotW’ers! Enjoy your time on the float!

  130. Farley's Revenge
    September 22nd, 2009 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    MW: Holy crap! Action is occurring! Big action! Det. Boyfriend better have his last will and temperament filed with his lawyer because his time in Santa Royale is numbered.

    Mary’s gonna be pissed that she was not informed that action was to occur and she was busy baking salmon squares and swigging potato-ade when the action went down.

    Hm…Speaking of Mary, I wonder if the old girl is still caught in the gravitational pull of Adrian’s ring? She could be known as Planet Meddle.

  131. KarMann
    September 22nd, 2009 at 2:48 am [Reply]

    @One-eyed Wolfdog #54: I have a, uh, terrible phobia of long-haired herding dogs in case anyone wants to threaten me with something. Terrible, I tell you.

    OK, then, let’s sic Farley on you!

    9/22 Agnes: I know she’s short and all, but that really doesn’t look like her feet under that blanket!

  132. Edgy DC
    September 22nd, 2009 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    Wouldn’t it be something if Margo was kidnapped and forced to slave labor in the sweatshop where they fabricated “What Would Margo Do?” bracelets?

  133. Emily K [RiffChick]
    September 22nd, 2009 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    Hey Uncle Lumpy, I donated $1 – I’m very impoverished right now – and I dunno if it qualifies me for a bracelet but if it does, my PayPal mailing address listed is incorrect and old. Plz contact me if you need my address. Thx, Emily K [Riff chick]

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