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Metapost: Singin’ teens of the week

Your comments of the week shortly, but first I must point out a very important update on Luann: The Musical! When last we checked in, it was still at the staged reading point in its evolution, but sometime in the last 21 months it has been unleashed upon hapless high school drama departments everywhere! If you want to hear the songs and see photos from actual productions of this thing, by all means check out the site. Thanks to faithful reader Jake Morgendorffer for the tip!

And now, that promised comment of the week!

“I never would have guess that Gil Thorp having a prison scene in which a prisoner yells out, ‘Drill him Daley’ would be less obscene than Zits mocking Love Is and yet there it is.” –Rob

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Adrian, I’ve met someone else. Her name is Sister Morphine. She turns my nightmares into dreams, and I love her. Now can you call that Doctor What’s-His-Name, the one without a face? I’m having trouble peeing.” –Morten Jonsson

“So Jamaal is an ex basketball player. Who knew? Someone should tell Bentley that basketball players are usually tall because they have long legs and torsos, not long heads.” –Saluki

“Once again, we beg to disagree. Miss Thompson has plenty of dignity. More dignity in fact, than is good for her. What she doesn’t have is fun. Spontaneity. Imagination. Creativity. If Miss Thompson were any more dignified she would be eighty years old.” –Fashion Police

Dignity is akin to virginity: once you’ve lost it, you can’t get it back. Remember this, Tommie, and well. At least you’ve still got the one.” –Dingo

She is her father’s daughter after all. In the sense that she’s committed herself romantically to what essentially amounts to a corpse.” –Violet

“‘Without regret’? Excuse me, but isn’t this the same Adrian who can’t stop talking about/obsessing over her last boyfriend, the con artist, even as she sits vigil at the potential deathbed of her current boyfriend? And then, of course, there’s the whole ‘Can I think about this proposal a little longer, as you go off to risk your life? I’ll tell you afterward’ scheme, which didn’t work out so great. Regret is Adrian’s primary emotion. And with good reason.” –Mollie

“I want to have a dog that perpetually has this facial expression. I could call him ‘ennui.’” –DamienBixlan

“‘And it’s also lunchtime at a certain minimum-security prison!’ is something I’m now going to blurt whenever it’s lunchtime. Or any other time, for that matter, ’cause somewhere in the world, it’s lunchtime in prison, certainly.” –Kibo

“I wouldn’t want to be the janitor at ‘McGooey’s’.” –troy macgregor

“I assume that through their use of monochrome and extreme angles, the artists for Gil Thorp are trying to tap into the same feel as 1940s noir films. Unfortunately for them, Jimmy Stewart never had a hand protruding from somewhere near his waist, nor did Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorre high-five douchily after misleading Humphrey Bogart.” –Deathbysalmon

“You can tell that the prison in Gil Thorp is minimum security because it has a well-polished black onyx floor. Fancy!” –Patrick

That looks far less like a high-five and more like highschool kid number 2 looking on as someone feverishly prays, perhaps for anatomy that makes sense.” –It’s time to pay the price

“So that high five in Gil Thorp isn’t douchy so much as it is just terribly pathetic. I mean, is there anything more sad than getting a high five for lying after not going to a volleyball game? When I was in high school you got high fives for lying after not getting laid.” –GG

“Whew, Adrian survived the first trial of their relationship: 10 hours of unconsciousness. Will her love now withstand the bedpan?” –Ichi

“God, Tommie is devastating hot in panel two there. There’s a cynical, androgynous beauty there that I Dressed in the Dark is sure to snuff out rather than embrace. All she needs to become my ideal woman is to start smoking, get into chicks (again?) and develop a personality.” –notapipe

“Does anyone else find it hilarious for someone to say ‘Hey! Watch out!’ during a prison riot? Is there really a guy in prison who worries about the safety protocols of these moments?” –the coatrack

“‘I was just showing her where the bathroom is.’ Apparently Toni got sick the first time she saw Brad naked. Can’t say I blame her.” –cheech wizard

“I’m confused. Is Crankshaft rattling off a list of location-specific weather phenomena, or the colloquial titles of perverse sex acts? He may well be ready for the Saskatchewan Snowjob, but you can’t ever truly prepare yourself for a Winnipeg Windjammer.” –Caroline

“Adrian goes down the path of any engaged woman. ‘This line seems LOOKATMYRING fine.’” –Dragon of Life

“‘Where there is great love, there are always miracles.’ Aldo Kelrast believed in that quote at one time, but fat lot of good it did him.” –Red Greenback

“Just frozen dinners and beer. Surely this strip is taking a hard look at the need for nutritional awareness among returning POWs who have been cuckolded by comic-book-hawkers.” –gleeb

Alcoholism! Of all the sadness in FW, I think I love it best.” –Sallie Melcher

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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147 responses to “Metapost: Singin’ teens of the week”

  1. bad wolf
    November 9th, 2009 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    “With female leads and a large cast, the show is ideal for school and community theaters”! At least ones not showing Wit to impressionable youngsters and their angry, bored parents, eh FW?

  2. dasein
    November 9th, 2009 at 11:28 pm [Reply]

    There should be a law against that Luann musical.

  3. Jamus the Bartender
    November 9th, 2009 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, I don’t wanna discourage the kids from doin’ theatre…I mean, it kept me off the streets….but, i’d maybe stay away from this one. The “Weenie World” set was enough to put me off…

  4. Farley's Revenge
    November 9th, 2009 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    Kudos to Rob and the assembled float riders for their fine snark!

  5. Alley
    November 9th, 2009 at 11:45 pm [Reply]

    Huh. The theater department in my middle school did a Luann musical back in . . . ’92, I think?

  6. NoVan
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:01 am [Reply]

    So, the Luann musical has reached high school. If previous teen-romance musicals such as Grease are any indicator, the next logical step for Scenes In A Teen’s Life is community theater, featuring 45-year-old men in cutoff jeans.

  7. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    Congratulations on your win, Rob, and congrats also to your funny colleagues on the float!

    Fashion Police’s pronouncement re Tommie made me guffaw. But I gotta say that my grandma had more fun than Tommie even toward the end of her life, and she was 101 when she died.

  8. dyslexic dog
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:06 am [Reply]

    All: You will be no doubt pleased to know that a review exists for the “refreshing and powerful” performance of Luann: The Musical! at Palomar College. Not sure if this is one of the several spelling errors, but take note that “The character Brad, played by Sean Hannify, did an awesome job as Luann’s brother.”

  9. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:11 am [Reply]

    I’m willing to put up with some odd songs in musicals if I like the musicals otherwise. But I would have to draw the line at “Ode To The Mall.”

  10. Niall
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    Woohoo, much funny stuff! Congratulations to Rob and all the floaters!

  11. mollificent
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:24 am [Reply]

    AUGH! I tried to listen to a few clips from the Luann musical, and my ears started to bleed. And given my extremely high tolerance for cheesy musicals (I even like Andrew Lloyd Webber, fer chrissakes), that’s NOT a good sign.

  12. Gadge Cubic, Mole Preener
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:40 am [Reply]

    “If you want to hear the songs and see photos from actual productions of” the Luann musical….? How about “If you want to thrust a ten-foot rusty spike up your bunghole…”? “If you want to crawl through a mile of goat vomit, eating it up the whole way…”? If you want to slowly gnaw your own eyes out…”?

  13. Andy L
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    Forget Luann! I want a ‘Slylock Fox’ musical. That’s be the best thing ever. I imagine Max Mouse sounding like Theodore, of The Chipmunks, and Slylock Fox inexplicably having a British accent.

    Of course, Only one out of every six performances would feature the title characters.

  14. Muffaroo
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:43 am [Reply]

    I remember Brad’s song from the Luann musical:

    “I won’t grow up! (I won’t grow up!)
    I won’t get staid! (I won’t get staid!)
    I’ll never leave my roommate! (I’ll never leave my roommate!)
    And I’ll never get laid! (I’ll never get laid!)”

  15. Andy L
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:45 am [Reply]

    Uh, that should be “That’d be the best….” Not “That’s”.

  16. commodorejohn
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    Goodness! I started playing around with my music software again, and my previous efforts in the realm of comic-themed prog-rock seem to be developing into an album. I’ve got a handful of pieces, plus re-recorded/remastered versions of the first two; I just need to do one for Judge Parker and get the album art together and I’m all set. Huh!

  17. maughta
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:07 am [Reply]

    Mollie…

    Sassy…

    I feel like starting a charity for confused critters on Mark Trail!

  18. bats :[
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:19 am [Reply]

    Wow! There’s a really good reason that if a high school or community theater can’t stage a real musical (R&H, Lerner and Lowe, Webber, Sondheim — you get the idea), it should stick to non-musical plays…and it’s name is Luann: Scenes in a Teen’s Life.
    Damn, this reeks. It’s like watching Waiting for Guffman, only that made wicked fun of crap like this…

  19. Nekrotzar
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:28 am [Reply]

    My inevitable response to the title ‘Ode to the Mall’ was of course BLORK!

  20. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    11/10

    FW — Cheap beer and bleak depression. Looks like a fun night ahead

    MW — “I’ll feel your leg for you, Scott. Anytime.”

    PHANTOM — “And we won’t be able to wear our diapers every day? Waaaah!”

  21. It\'s time to pay the price
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    yay

  22. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:40 am [Reply]

    It seems to me that Mudges could come up with some wonderful song titles for musicals based on comic strips. Not me, though, not tonight. I know there is great potential in the musical FUNKY WINKERBEAN, but that title “Ode To The Mall”…arrrgh…has sapped my will to live.

  23. True Fable
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:45 am [Reply]

    Sam Driver, Inexplicable Chick Magnet! Sam’s about to get hoisted by his own fucktard.

    Mary Bringer of Meddle “I don’t know, Dad. He didn’t say anything about his hands.” *facepalm*

    Rex Morgan, MIA Another week of Boring Guys Talking Into Phones.

    Fist O Justice Theater Lots of shouty words today!

    Apartment of Doom I bet if the women in this strip would just look whomever they are speaking to directly in the eye, they wouldn’t untwist their heads every other panel.

  24. bats :[
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:54 am [Reply]

    Not a whole lot to say about the first Tuesday toons, other than the forest is definitely a place of mystery, filled with many, many questions.

  25. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:05 am [Reply]

    11/10 9CL — Look out, Nebraska — I feel a truly major hurl coming on.

  26. Carrie
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:12 am [Reply]

    A Luann musical? Pah. Wake me up when they make a Spider-Man musical with Elton John as Doc Ock and Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.

  27. carbunicle
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:13 am [Reply]

    There’s a Luann musical and it’s not ironic. Welcome to Hell, ladies and gentlemen, you’ve been here the whole time!

  28. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:14 am [Reply]

    11/10

    Pluggers — Awright! A truly gross Pluggers idea from Rolly Church of Crete, Nebraska.

    ReFoob — Kid, if you had any idea how jaw-droppingly awful your future novels would be, you’d be more tactful about Mom’s stuff.

  29. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:24 am [Reply]

    9 CHICKWEED LANE, THE MUSICAL offers good song title possibilities. With just a little tweaking of songs from other musicals, we get…

    Me, Glorious Me
    I Am Pretty
    I’m In Love With My Wonderful Self
    I Enjoy Being A God
    Someone’s Coming

    etc. etc.

  30. Jacob
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:40 am [Reply]

    Excellent comments, all.

  31. Kibo
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:54 am [Reply]

    And it’s also lunchtime at a certain minimum-security prison!

  32. mollificent
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:35 am [Reply]

    29 Poteet: Using your idea, I’ve come up with a name for the Tom Batiuk musical: “Defying Levity”.

    Stephen Schwartz, I’m so, so sorry. *slinks away in shame* Chatty’s going to kill me. ;)

  33. Ed Dravecky
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:56 am [Reply]

    I’m holding out for an Apartment 3-G musical featuring the rock ballad “What Would Margo Do?”, the country-fried “Lonely Lu Ann”, and a spoken-word dirge titled “My Name is Tommie.”

  34. Jake Morgendorffer
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:03 am [Reply]

    @carbunicle: I’m not sure if you’re being facetious, but a broadway musical version of Spiderman, entitled, I kid you not, “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark,” really is under production, and it’s being directed by no less than Julie Taymor, who’s already insanely over-budget. Of course, the musical will be based on the film, not the comic strip. If it were the version we’re familiar with here, I think a more apt title might be “Spiderman: Turn On the TV.”

  35. Jake Morgendorffer
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:07 am [Reply]

    Pardon me, I meant that comment for @Carrie… altho @carbuncle’s observation pretty much sums up my emotional state upon discovering the existence of this musical…

  36. True Fable
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:12 am [Reply]

    There’s got to be a song titled “Ruby, Don’t Take Your Bows to Town.”

  37. Sister Sestina
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    There’s to be a production of the musical “It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Superman” in Dallas next summer. We are actually planning our vacation around seeing it (and we live in Orange County, California). Suffice it to say my husband is musical-mad, and the madness trebles if it’s comic-based. But even he, I don’t think, could say a word in favor of Luann : The Musical.

  38. True Fable
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:21 am [Reply]

    #37 Sister Sestina – I could: “Closed”.

  39. Ed Dravecky
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:37 am [Reply]

    11/10 Gasoline Alley: So Walt has fallen into an open grave, as several folks here predicted two weeks ago. Only Dick Tracy is moving slower than this strip but there’s very little hope that Walt or Gertie will be shot by a clown or eaten by a tiger to make up for the glacial pacing.

  40. Marion Delgado
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:58 am [Reply]

    Zomg. Based on the “songs,” Scenes from a Teen’s Life is literally bad enough to have been done by the characters in Luann. Is this the thin line between genius and Plan 9 from Outer Space?

    I know as a high schooler I would have preferred a musical about Les CancerCancer losing Lisa CancerCancer to cancer after a bout with cancer.

  41. Sheila Sternwell
    November 10th, 2009 at 6:09 am [Reply]

    Congrats everybooty!

    #34 Jake: I never really thought you were a fan of musicals. BTW, your pesto is oxidizing.

    FW: I read ahead for the entire week. More than that I will not say.

    MW: So. Anyone bother to call Scott’s family?

    Juggless Parker: I regret not paying attention to the strip unless breasts are on display, because neither Monday’s nor Tuesday’s strip made a fuck of sense to me.

  42. KarMann
    November 10th, 2009 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    And it’s also float-time at a certain minimum-security blog! Congrats, Rob and the rest of the floaters!

    Meh, I guess I’ll do a repost for once.
    MW: Yes, Dr. Jeff, that’s what “numbness in his right leg” usually means. And no, that doesn’t mean Scott needs you to feel his right leg for him, though I see you’re getting your hand ready for that.

    @crazyjerseygirl Y#94: I think it should probably be called the “You just might be a Plugger if…” quiz.
    @Sheila Sternwell #41: Re. JP: Don’t worry about it, I have been following, for some masochistic reason, and you’re not missing much of anything. Just sit back and enjoy the pretty Barreto drawings as they come along.

  43. Anonymous
    November 10th, 2009 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    Hey,

    I just noticed something catching up on some yesterthreads:

    I wrote:

    “Ed Power, Cage Writer says:

    November 9th, 2009 at 2:04 am
    Emily K @ 115,

    “OH NOES people got offended including the MC writer— ‘k.”

    I’m not offended. Not sure where you got that from. Everyone is welcome to their opinion and I’m not offended by any of them.”

    Then I guess Nial misread that and wrote:

    ” I can see where Emily K would have “gotten that from”, sadly. On many art archives and innumerable webcomics (bad and good), the badly-adapted manga tropes (rip-offs mentioned) done without rhyme or reason but just seeing “X is popular, so let’s put X in our strip” can really make one worn thin to the whole genre.”

    Then Emily K writes:

    “Niall gets what I was trying to say – it pretty much sums it up best.”

    But I never asked where she got her opinion from. I asked where it looked like I was offended. Just curious since I’ve never been offended by anything anyone says here.

    Let me know.

  44. Mibbitmaker
    November 10th, 2009 at 6:48 am [Reply]

    11/10:

    9CL: Oh, please!

    Luann: Luann knows how to speak “ego”.

    MC: I always (facetiously) saw “End Construction” signs as weird protest signs.

    PBS: Pastis: “9/11? WHAT 9/11??”

    MW: Mary: “I have no idea what they’re saying, but I love hearing those two talk ‘doctor’!”

  45. ChattyGenes
    November 10th, 2009 at 6:49 am [Reply]

    #33 Mollificient. Don’t worry–Chatty won’t kill you. Her big mouth has got her into a big mess which came to light today, and she’s feeling terrible and guilty, and has quite enough to deal with right now.

    Long before you joined us, my moniker was CrabbyGenes. I’m thinking maybe I should go back to that now…except that I really hate that name.

  46. ChattyGenes
    November 10th, 2009 at 7:45 am [Reply]

    Me @45…..And that would be #32, Mollificient.

  47. Little Guy
    November 10th, 2009 at 8:11 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the CotW and the Floaters!

    FC: “He’s mad because I kicked him in the nutsack.”

    JP: Mobsters can Google?

    BTW, worth the wait? I’ll hold judgement, even though it’s Baretto.

  48. Écureuil Écumant
    November 10th, 2009 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    @34 Jake Morgendorffer says: “…a broadway musical version of Spiderman, entitled, I kid you not, ‘Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark,’ really is under production”

    Something got lost in translation. It was supposed to be “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Snark”, featuring Spidey’s most dangerous foe, The Josher.

  49. Lucky
    November 10th, 2009 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft – likes dirty women.

    That is all.

  50. Mordock999
    November 10th, 2009 at 8:37 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 11/10/09

    Tiffany – “And just WHY should I entertain wound Soldiers?”

    Luann – “Because Elwood told me that he felt BAD that he denied You the last Zeye Gig, and he wanted to make it up to You by offering to PAY for 50 Grand if You entertained the Troops!”

    Tiffany – “50 GRAND!?! Then what the HELL are we waiting for?? Lets ROLL!!!”

    Delta – (“Psst! Luann! Thats a LIE!!!”)

    Luann – (Yes, ISN’T it? Now HUSH-UP ‘Little Miz Sanctimonious’ and SHOW some Cleavage! This is FOR the Troops, remember?)

    ______________________
    “In war there are NO Unwounded Soldiers” – Jose Narosky

  51. AhClem
    November 10th, 2009 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    MW – The leg discussion reminds me of the classic Peter Cook / Dudley Moore skit about a one-legged actor applying for a role as Tarzan:

    Peter: Now, Mr. Spigott, I couldn’t help noticing almost at once that you are a one-legged person.
    Dudley: You noticed that?
    Peter: I noticed that, Mr. Spigott. When you have been in the business as long as I have you come to notice these things almost instinctively. Now, Mr. Spigott, you, a one-legged man, are applying for the role of Tarzan — a role which, traditionally, involves the use of a two-legged actor.
    Dudley: Correct.
    Peter: And yet you, a unidexter, are applying for the role.
    Dudley: Right.
    Peter: A role for which two legs would seem to be the minimum requirement.
    Dudley: Very true.
    Peter: Well, Mr. Spigott, need I point out to you where your deficiency lies as regards landing the role?
    Dudley: Yes, I think you ought to.
    Peter: Need I say with overmuch emphasis that it is in the leg division that you are deficient.
    Dudley: The leg division?
    Peter: Yes, the leg division, Mr. Spigott. You are deficient in it — to the tune of one.

  52. Niall
    November 10th, 2009 at 8:52 am [Reply]

    Tuessssday

    BC makes no sense no matter how I try to parse it, from “girlfriend” to “Accordeaon” to “wing”. I don’t think it’s because I just woke up.

    Curtis is actually humorous (not funny because too wordy) – that’s the kind of french malapropism a child could make.. if an inner-city kind knew any french at all. So, fail again.

    Dick Tracy won’t shoot the tiger because a circus civilian told him not to?? Wow. This is la-la-land.

    Garfield is funny twice in a row. It features adventures out-of-the-house twice in a row. Coincidence? We think not.

    Judge Parker: Oooh, Baretto, you do love us. And Wilson too, when she snarks Sam so efficiently we don’t have much to say. That’s okay, we’ll just… stare.

    Big Dog now has four heads instead of three, and the most impossible thing someone in that situation would say is printed at the bottom. Without an explanation mark to boot. Can someone un-trnaslate that to the comic swear signs which is likely the original script?

    Mary Worth: …rich snark goldmine today! Oh, I’ll leave this one to the experts.

    My Cage: I have to admit, I hadn’t heard the first one. I mentally slapped my forehead. But you know what really sells this strip? Jeff’s grin in panel 3. If this were Beetle, Zero would say this and mean it, which would be excruciating.

    One Big Happy shows how simple it is to 1) defeat comic strip tropes and 2) make the reader smile. Excellent job.

    PBS: now I want to slap Pastis. Hard.

  53. Vince M
    November 10th, 2009 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Luann the Musical: I know it’s not going to be in there, but I would love to see a number called “DIRK!”

  54. MolyBendum
    November 10th, 2009 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3G Well I guess the PI isn’t such an idiot after all, he has an assistant and everything! An assistant who, I’m gonna guess, can “cleverly” stuff “camera phones” in her vagina and spit them out like ping pong balls. Makes as much sense as Bobbie’s fluctuation between transsexual hag and 30-something, Mary Worth pink-wearing, gal-about-town.

    Baldo My Papi Sergio complained about being diabetic once, too. Only once. I starved him to death, just like Tia Carmen.

    Ballard Street I’ve decided Amerongen drinks bottle of absinthe and pounds his head into a wall for 10 minutes, then writes and draws the first thing that pops into his head. I freakin love it.

    Cathy Cathy on a webcam wearing her inside outside boots and nothing else. That’s kicky! Err, no wait…that’s icky!

    Family Circle Wait…wait….Doesn’t “fat headed pig fucker” rhyme with “Jeffy”?

    Gil Thorp Geez, a mother can’t even be sure her son will be safe in prison. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO PEOPLE?

    Jumble Jeff hears “pretty passerby” and thinks “trashy drunk whore”. Nicely done.

    Mary Worth ”Experiencing a minor pain in the neck”, eh, Adrian? Haha.

    Pluggers Oh rapturosity, it’s Rolly Church of Crete!

  55. Niall
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:11 am [Reply]

    16. commodorejohn: your Mary Worthy mp3 is not found… I hadn’t heard the A3G one before, quite nice! Is all the feedback noise with a faint heartbeat and ominous chords representing Margo? …oh GOD I learnly hurt laughing at the laughs at the end.. I KNOW where they’re from… that was brilliant!!

    28. Poteet: I did not look at the Plugger’s originator, it was enough to just glance at the image and go ew. So THAT is the origin of the “Rolly Church of Crete” injoke on here… I honestly would never have guessed.

    43. Ed Power (I’m guessing): I think Emily K read your original reply to her post, which was a straightforward question, with the eye and mind of, well, herself if she were to say those words, which would be with a lot of sarcasm. It’s not too surprising on this blog, which has a lot of sarcasm on it, frankly. :) And few people would say those words straight – but I’m one of them, so I understand both sides, again… I think by now the points have been made quite thoroughly. :)

  56. Whippersnapper
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:14 am [Reply]

    FW: So now Batiuk can’t even be bothered to come up with new horrors with which to afflict his characters? Pssst, Batiuk: If you want to retain your title of King of Funny Pages Misery, you’re going to have to step it up. Didn’t you see Ed Power’s foray into your territory a couple weeks back? He’s totally gunning to dethrone you and take the title!

  57. One-eyed Wolfdog
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Talk about mudflaps, Crankshaft’s got ‘em.

  58. Ed Power, Cage writer
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    Naill @ 55,

    RE: “43. Ed Power (I’m guessing):”

    Yeah, that was me. I didn’t notice my info wasn’t there.

    “I think Emily K read your original reply to her post, which was a straightforward question…with a lot of sarcasm. ”

    Yeah. I guess so. I didn’t read it as that. I just had no idea what about half the phrases she used were. But like I said, I can’t really be offended by people’s opinions of the strip, so go nuts. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s fun.

  59. sugarpie
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Congratulations to Rob and the rest of the riders this week! If you dont have any chocolate to throw, warm generic beer is almost as good.

  60. ladadog
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:41 am [Reply]

    FW: If I were possessed of a rapier sharp wit, I would eviscerate Tom Batiuk for his heavy-handed and obvious attempts to manipulate readers. Whatever semblence of insight he might have once possessed is long gone. Now he goes for cheap sentimentality using a sledge hammer.
    Since I don’t possess a rapier sharp wit, and actually recognize that fact, I will not try to eviscerate him verbally. Instead, I will never read his pathetic excuse for a comic strip again.

    Oh, and congratulations to all the COTW winners, Huzzah!

  61. Les of the Jungle Patrol
    November 10th, 2009 at 9:45 am [Reply]

    Zits: The dad has a pillow to support his cervix? He should really consider a hysterectomy if it’s causing him that much trouble. Plus, then he wouldn’t need to go get pap smears.

  62. Muffaroo
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    9CL – Amos really gets hot when she pulls that gargoyle face.

    Dick – “Quick, Mr. Pops! Start doing your act, and we’ll come in and get you when he’s sound asleep.”

    Smirky Schadenfreude – Lifestopper’s Textbook: Don’t forget to stuff wet towels under the doors, so the gas can do its work. If you’ve updated your will, you might want to destroy all copies, so your heirs can have years of bitter fighting and resentment to look forward to.

    Mary“He has trouble feeling his right leg?” “Yes, it’s definitely the right leg. The one I was sitting on.”

    My Cage – My sister used to call those protest signs, back in the 70s.

    spam jarred @57 – Not a hidden joke. Just another processed lunch meat in the form of a boring comment.

  63. Calvin's Cardboard Box
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    9CL – OH, PLEASE is right. “This micro-dress and the tights? Just something I threw on. I’m a professional dancer, after all, it isn’t as if I am aware of my legs or the effect they have on men – tee hee!!”

  64. Écureuil Écumant
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:29 am [Reply]

    Luann, The Musical: After listening to those song snippets, something caught my eye on the left side of the screen. “Genre: Modern Rock”. A certain icon of rock is spinning in his grave, although he’d surely appreciate the self-referential dada of “I’m A Moron”.

    9CL: “Thank you for that.” “For what?”
    For concealing from us the horrors of jaw necrosis.

    “I’m only thirteen, sickly and thin
    Spent all of my life tryin’ to grow me a chin…”

  65. Esther Blodgett
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    MW: Jeff seems to be just a little too interested in the state of feeling in Scott’s leg. Next: “And..and his naughty bits? How did he say they were feeling?”

    JP: Ye gods! If that’s what a widow looks like, it’s time for someone to take out my Beloved Spouse!

    DT: The clown falls for a week, and we don’t even get to see him bounce? Boo!

    MT: Put down your pens, everyone. This is the best strip ever created by any cartoonist in any genre, ever. The medium has reached completion. Thank you and good night.

  66. UncleJeff
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    commodorejohn: I’m no musician but how ’bout a couple of ideas for your “Judge Parker” song.
    1) something about “pretty people posse”.
    2) something about the comic artist called “I Like Boobies”.

    ed@38: You don’t need Tommie doing a monologue, just have an actress singing in monotone. That’s how I’ve always thought how Tommie should sound.

  67. Niall
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    58 Ed Power: I thought I had explained – all those terms refer to things embedded in furry fandom and anime fandom, specifically those who have been exposed to the internet art archives of each and the numerous webcomics started by unimaginative fans in each which only beg, borrow and steal bits from popular webcomics (or full on comics/manga) without an ounce of knowledge of how to use them. I believe you had no interest in any of those things, so you were never exposed to them, so that’s why none of her terms meant anything to you. My advice is to remain ignorant of what they mean. :)

  68. AMC
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    reFOOB – Yes, that’s why this comic still exists. The poor, trapped, doomed characters have to like it, no matter how bad it is.

  69. Comcis Fan
    November 10th, 2009 at 10:57 am [Reply]

    Congrats to the winners!

    I may be spending too much time with the comics, because it occurs to me that the grandpas in Pickles and One Big Happy look like brothers, and the Pickles grandma looks like Gen. Halftrack’s wife’s sister, and I wonder if there’s ever a family celebration — maybe little Nelson’ Christening? — that would bring together all the mishopocha, Gen. and Mrs. Halftrack, the Pickles grandparents and the One big Happy grandparents, at once.

    FC: Nothin’ rhymes with Jeffy, and maybe someone hit his pee-pee, too?

    FW: I get it. He was a hostage for years. Now he’s a hostage in his own mental prison, and in his spare, depressing apartment reminiscent of his Iraqi POW surroundings. What’s even more insulting about this Wally non-story line is that Wally never has a voice in it. We’re watching Wally, not hearing his thoughts. Oh, I see, it’s subtle, like 18 cans of beer and a “frozen dinner.”

  70. AMC
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:04 am [Reply]

    FW – Thank goodness. Wally’s not an alcoholic, he just likes to have a couple of beers while he watches one-armed band director porn in the middle of the afternoon.

    And who among us would cast the first stone there?

  71. Little A and his Verkokte Magic Ball
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    LUANN: My l’il ol’ Verkokte Bronx Crystal Ball is humming again and it is telling me:

    The girls are going to find Bernice’s brother in the hospital, and they didn’t know he was in there;

    There are women troops in the hospital, too — and this didn’t occur to them! (Or to me or my crystal ball, until five minutes ago. although somebody may have mentioned this here and I didn’t notice.)

    Also, Tiffany is going to dress up real trampy-looking. Or trampier-looking.

    Also, I have said this before, and even discussed this with my therapist, who wants to prescribe meds for me: I think Bernice is HOT! She’s just a little repressed.

    Garfield: And if anybody thinks how ludicrous it is to imagine Brad and his girlfriend getting it opn, try to imagine Jon and HIS girlfriend! (whose name I can’t recall) Almost as impossible as Curtis and Michelle getting it on! Or Popeye and Olive! Or Dagwood and Blondie! Or Dick Tracy or anybody! Or Masrk Trail and Cherry Blossom or whatever her name is!

    Or is Ben already out of the service? I seem to recall something about this. These discount crytal balls are totally unreliable.

  72. Comcis Fan
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:05 am [Reply]

    #70 AMC: One-armed band director porn. Funny. :)

  73. Uncle Ritzy Fritz
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:18 am [Reply]

    42 – Actually Dr. Jeff is holding his right hand like that because Mary promised to give him back his testicles. In 1983.

  74. Professor Fate
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    70: Re Fw just what I was thinking – maybe not the one armed band director stuff.

    With a vague calyso feel:

    “I’m going to watch porn all day
    I don’t care what the neighbors say
    and the world can just go away
    I’m going to watch porn all day”

  75. The Waz
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:23 am [Reply]

    66 UncleJeff – For JP, in a pinch, MST3Ks Tubular Boobular Joy might work. Lyrics

  76. Niall
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:26 am [Reply]

    The Ottawa Citizen (in Ontario,, Canada) has done decided once again to take a risk and feature a new comic strip from a local artist on its pages – non-syndicated, non-professional, but local. That’s gutsy from the editor, I have to say, especially these days.

    So far the first two weekday strips aren’t hot-hot, with the expected wealth of background details which will likely disappear in a month, and the similarity in character designs which make the two main soldiers impossible to tell apart – they haven’t even been given names yet. Granted, ancient Greek soldiers are usually depicted as very much carbon copies of each other, but still. But hey, he’s starting, so a little bit of leeway is definitely granted.

    Amusingly, today’s strip can be mudgeoned in the grand tradition of the rest of the stuff here – with a crude sexual misinterpretation. :) Yesterday’s punchline was simply that two soldiers squabbling about where to stand weren’t “men”, so it was not an auspicious start.

    I can’t remember the normal layout, so I can’t tell what was bumped off the page, but no, it wasn’t foob…

    This is not nearly the first time the Citizen has published non-syndicated strips, from locals or other Canadians. This article recounts many of them (under the heading “An Expanding Scene”), the one most fondly recalled being “Furthree High” by a high-schooler who was able to pay his way to University doing this local strip in only one newspaper. Those were the days. (Oh god, there’s an image of Zero Gravity, which only ran once a week – and that was still too much.)

    My favourite Furtree High strip whcih I kept for ages but seem to have misplaced: one lady student is working at her desk, seen from the back. Behind her, for three panels, one of the guy students with an air of concentration shuffles back and forth, with appropriate sound effect. Panel 4, he sticks his finger at her with a big ZAP! Panel 5, she glares at him with her fur all floofed up, looking like a big furball, while he runs away, thinking: “Captain Carpet Shock strikes again!” Funny, and also taking into account the animal nature of the cast. :)

  77. KarMann
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    @Niall #52: Re B.C.: Try parsing the second panel as “Do you know the song, ‘My Girlfriend Left Me For A Guy Just Like You’?”

    It still doesn’t make it funny, though.

  78. (sic transit) buckyswife
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Congrats on the excellent CsOTW!

    FC: Please tell me I’m not the only person who immediately began running through the alphabet, trying to find rhymes for “Jeffy,” just to prove that smug little prick Billy wrong.

    MT:…. reaches new heights lows (yeah) heights of insanity today: spontaneous, awkward, senseless (as in, makes no fucking sense) violence; flagrant and excessive use of boldface; and an impotent, dejected, broken Bob Jackson, weeping quietly into his hands because, in keeping with his whole stupid, futile life, he was unable to save that little canine canned tamale, Sassy. In short, it rocks.

    DtM: “Theatrics” aren’t menacing, Dennis; ask any theater geek.

    MW: Numbness? Mary is intrigued. It could be some minor nerve damage, of course, but with any luck, there’s some degree of paralysis. Adrian and Scott will both be devastated but will try to forge bravely ahead in their new life together. But they won’t be able to do so without some….help. Some platitudes, perhaps. And some furrowed-brow concern. A few gentle pats on the shoulder. And maybe, oh, just maybe, a story from her past…. Mary feels that familiar tingle, originating from a secret place deep inside her. Oh, yes, this could be very satisfying indeed.

  79. MolyBendum
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    Niall @ 76 – “But…I just want to spear people” is great given the entire homerotic subtext. Freakin Hilarious. I hope it’s intentional, it might stay funny.

  80. James D.
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    DT: Don’t do anything! We need to see if tigers think clown meat tastes funny

    Garfield: Are we nearing the apocalpyse? Two consecutive funny Garfields??

    MW: Unseen panel has Mary asking if Adrian is the minor pain in the neck she mentioned earlier.

  81. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    11/10

    A fine bunch of comments this week. Well done, gang.

    BC: Curls’ comebacks are slipping, but that’s not what bothers me. Girlfriend? What girlfriend? There are two women in the known universe, and they both seem like they could be real big Tracy Chapman fans.

    FW: For those of you interested in going on a depressing low quality bender with depressing low quality beer, Wally Winkerbean shows how it’s done. Thanks Tom, I don’t know what we’d do without you.

    DT: Whatever Dick’s response would have been, the Steroid Queen cuts it off. When was the last time he did… anything? It’s disconcerting to see all this carnage and bloodshed and know that he’s not causing any of it.

    S-M: “Phil, you really need to start reading the company newsletter.”

    9CL: When Zip-a-Tones attack! (And really? Edda is unaware of her putative beauty? For real?)

    Cathy: The Cathy Hillman webcam? I’m sure it will be a roaring success.

    FB: Leave the lasagna alone, Fred. It’s Garfield’s thing, and he’s funnier than you. Yes. Garfield. Is funnier. Than you. Deal with it.

    H&J: Yolanda is apparently comfortable taking a bath in front of Jamaal now. Have we missed some steps in their previously non-starter relationship? If so, I can only give thanks.

    Phantom: Brace yourself, Mawitaan! There’s a couple of creepy naked white kids coming your way!

    JP: Well how classy can you get? The late Mr. DiVito commissioned a platinum of his favorite lapdancer stripping off a pair of angel wings, then planted it at the gate of his palatial home. I believe when Donald Trump saw it he was heard to say, “A little gaudy, don’t you think?”

  82. MolyBendum
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:44 am [Reply]

    Homoerotic. Whatever.

    STB @ 78 – I went “Beffy…Ceffy…Deffy…what the fuck am I doing?” So yeah.

  83. bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    Okay, enough dithering.

    I was down to this and “Demented Harlot of Snark.” But while it would be great–and an honor–to be christened by Dingo (and yes, I imagine that in a different context and gender configuration, “christened by Dingo” takes on a quite different meaning), I think I need a name that’s not linked to someone else—one that’s just mine and also signifies starting over on my own. (Have I over-thought this? Probably, but then again, I over-think things for a living!)

    Thanks for all the suggestions and support, everyone!

    (And, wow, this feels as momentous as taking off my wedding ring…)

  84. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    #76 Niall,
    I kind of hope Attica works out, maybe getting syndicated later. There hasn’t been a good historical funny strip in a while. Maybe a couple that used to be good, but if you can remember when Hagar was a source of fresh humor, you’ve lived a long and rich life. Of course the title makes me think of Al Pacino raising the rabble in Dog Day Afternoon. Wonder if that’s intentional.

  85. dreadedcandiru2
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Veteran’s Day FW Alert: In tomorrow’s strip, Wally gets a phone call from a Captain Meadows that reminds him that he blew off the therapy session he was supposed to attend that day so he could sit in his room and get wasted. That’s right; Wally isn’t being swept under the carpet after all. He’s dong the same stupid, vain and silly thing Lisa did when she willed herself to die because chemo would be too much of a bother which means that anything he does is on him; it doesn’t matter at all if Batiuk thinks that therapy-is-useless-you-hear-USELESS, there’s such a thing as personal responsibility and Wally is ducking his because he wants to feel sorry for himself.

  86. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    #83,
    Fond goodbye to buckyswife. Sweet hello to bourbon babe.

  87. Red Greenback
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    FC: Hydroencephy?

  88. LUJBEM FEJF
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:05 pm [Reply]

    #54 MolyBendum- /t??me?to?, t??m??to?/ /p??te?to?, p??t??to?/

  89. LUJBEM FEJF
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    #88 That didn’t turn out the way it suppose to read. Let’s call the whole thing off.

  90. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

    # 83 bourbon babe, unbuckled — Congratulations! And by golly, I think I suggested part of your new name, or at least I was one of the ones who suggested it. I’m kind of thrilled.

  91. Lorem Ipsum
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    FC: bad breffy?

  92. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    # 83 bourbon babe, unbuckled — But of course that part of your new name is not linked to me, and I promise never again to think it is:-).

  93. queek
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    helLOOOOOOOOO Nurse bourbon babe!! :-)

  94. Sequitur
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

    53. Vince M
    DIRK! I think it should be to the tune of “Kids” from Bye Bye Birdie.
    I’d write it but I’m too busy with work right now (sigh).
    Yet I do have time to look at y’all’s comments ( I sneek it in between tasks. Hee, hee, hee)

  95. bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    92 Poteet: No problem! It’s a combo plate of a few different suggestions that I liked!

  96. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:31 pm [Reply]

    #52 Niall

    PBS: now I want to slap Pastis. Hard.

    Certainly not one of his better days.

  97. commodorejohn
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    #55 Niall – Just for you, here’s the new remastered version of “Mary Worth Told Me To.” (And if you’re talking about the middle section, that’s actually Tommie; it was the closest thing I could come up with to pure, musical bland.)

    A3G – I wonder what Bobbie thought private detectives did?

    Curtis – Oh goody. I was desperately in need of a fix of “pitting one extreme of diet against another” humor. I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.

    DT – Coach Kaz!?

    FC – they’re looking at me make them stop make them stop

    FW – Why is he closing the curtains? Does he do his masturbating while drunk? Does he fill the emptiness in his life by prancing around the apartment naked except for camouflage body paint? I’m actually more curious about this than the alcohol.

    HOTC – Dean…you do know what they do to abductees, right?

    JP – So in order for nudity to be acceptable in the comics, it has to be a statue of a not-entirely-human figure. Huh. That’s okay, it’s still breathtaking.

    Love Is… – probably in need of committal to an asylum.

    Luann – Whee! It’s a festival of guilt, sleaze, and shame!

    MT – YOU CAN TELL IT’S SERIOUS BECAUSE THEY’RE BREAKING OUT THE GIANT BOLD FONT!

    MW – I have to hand it to Giella today; you can tell exactly what Jeff and Mary are thinking just by looking at their expressions. Jeff is in shock: “Oh God! You don’t know the things he could do with that leg! Just like his father!” Mary, naturally, is wondering to herself exactly how to play this for maximum drama. Does she “console” Adrian with homilies about how “a whole man in spirit may be only a partial man in body?” Or does she sneak into Scott’s room and crank the painkillers up to “overdose?”

    OBH – Aww, that’s sweet.

    RMMD – So Cue is not only not playing to his Designated Villain role, he’s actively pointing out how he’s not being an asshole? I love this guy.

  98. Carlo
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Does “Luann the Musical” deal with the jail bait theme of the comic strip?

  99. Red Greenback
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Whee! I’m floating this week! The check’s in the mail Thanks Josh!

  100. Sequitur
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

    98. Carlo
    Only if you want it to.

    “Jail Bait” could be done to Tom Lehrer’s “New Math”
    Jail bait, jail bait.
    It’s so simple only a child can do it!

  101. El Diablo Sombrero
    November 10th, 2009 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Well, I’m glad to see that I wasn’t the only one to think that Wally was settling in to a light afternoon of liquor and porn. Which any good soldier knows is the *best* way to spend a day.

    Also, on a more serious note, Remembrance Day in the service strongly centers around toasting comrades lost and left behind. My regimental drink is Drambuie and I’ll be hoisting a couple tomorrow to their memory. I will actually be honestly angry and offended if Wally having a drink on Remembrance Day is portrayed as sad or pathetic.

  102. odinthor
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    Love Is . . . meets Hints from Heloise — And carefully folded toilet seat covers make splendid paper moons when you want to get romantic on the cheap!

    DT. — Dick, do I have to tell you everything? Don’t you remember your study materials in cop class? You chase the tiger until he turns to butter.

    H&J. — Now, much as I like broccoli . . . . mmmm, tender broccoli in a nice smooth béarnaise sauce . . . mmm . . . er, where were we? oh, yes: much as I like broccoli, carrying its odor away on one’s body from a broccoli-filled bath is a patent crime against humanity (and against broccoli) and is in one of the secret codicils appended to the Geneva Convention documents. I suggest roquette or fresh cilantro.

    MW.
    Dr. Jeff: He has trouble feeling his right leg? That’s ridiculous! He had no trouble feeling my right leg!

    Phantom.

    Phantom: Especially since Child Protective Services keeps bugging me here about you guys!*
    ___
    *in the Bandar tongue.

  103. Nekrotzar
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    It’s past noon here on the east coast, and I’m really hungry (I got to the gym this morning) so I’m going to head downstairs to the cafeteria and get myself something to eat. And it’s also lunchtime at a certain minimum-security prison!

    Hey, Kibo, it works!

  104. TheDiva
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    Cathy: Great, Cathy’s going to start a foot fetish site.

    C’shaft: I think what really happened is that the moms complained about the naked chicks on Cranky’s mudflaps, and this is his way of getting even.

    FW: This will probably go one of two ways: 1) the entire week will consist of Wally alone, drinking and otherwise feeling sorry for himself, or 2) he’ll be treated to a “see we really do care about you” Veteren’s Day celebration thrown by Becky and friends. One is sanctimonious “look how bad our returning servicemen have it” preaching, the other is trite and sappy. Either one is accompanied by the sound of Batiuk patting himself on the back for “writing” yet another “relevant and meaningful” storyline.

    Luann: Since the “candy is evil” Halloween storyline featured a reference to booksfortreats.org, can the good people at jailbaitforveterans.com get a similar shout out?

  105. Fashion Police
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    What grieving widow doesn’t lounge around the house in a spandex minidress and stilettos? We are pleased that Mr. Barreto recognized that Miss Dixie Julep was far too staid in her bikini top, sarong and kitten heels.

    #7, Poteet:
    We too have elderly relatives who know how to enjoy life. However, imagine Miss Thompson at eighty, grim and stiff-collared, losing at Bingo because the game moves too fast for her (don’t get us wrong: we adore stiff collars, but Miss Thompson needs to flash a bit of clavicle now and then).

  106. Artist formerly known as Ben
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    Heart of the City: Dean envies people who have been abducted by aliens. He hasn’t heard about the anal probes. I hope.

  107. kkarenb
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    MW – And Scott has a major pain in the ass standing next to him.

    FW – Wally has an apartment? Wouldn’t he be more miserable if he was homeless and lived on the streets? Batiuk is slipping.

    78 Formerly Sic Transit, 82 Molybendum – I started going through the alphabet, too. Then I remembered the Simpsons episode about Bart’s birth. Homer wanted to name him Bart but was concerned that it might rhyme with something which could cause him grief. “A-art, Cart, Dart – no problem!” I laughed at the Simpsons, unlike my reaction to FC.

  108. Lou Shumaker
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    Let’s see, was it in “Love, Actually” that we hear Bill Nighy suggest to his best bud “Let’s get pissed and watch porn”? That’s what I think when I see Wally.

    And no mention of GT’s “I, um, wasn’t exactly attacked”? What the heck went on there?

  109. Calico
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    MW – Numbness in the right leg may be Scott’s code for “Honey, I’m afraid I’ll never be able to get it up again.”
    Weep long and (ahem) hard, Adrian.

  110. Calico
    November 10th, 2009 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    #101 – I, for one, will be pinning my little Poppy to my jacket to wear tomorrow.
    US – Veteran’s Day
    Canada – Remeberance Day
    France – Armistice Day

    (Breaks into song, all 3 National Anthems)

  111. Calico
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    #68 – Whereas, I’d like to say to Mike Fatterpoob-
    STICK A FORK IN YOURSELF, ASSHOLE

  112. Sarah
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:09 pm [Reply]

    This is not related to the topic at hand, but I needed to share. In an interview with Mediaite this morning, John Hodgman revealed that he gets his comics exclusively from our own beloved Curmudgeon: http://www.mediaite.com/columnists/john-hodgman-5qq-plus-video/

  113. Vince M
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    DT: Don’t worry, Mr. Pops! All you’ve gotta do is whistle famous Beethoven’s famous ninth Symphony!

  114. mere cog in the machine
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    66 UncleJeff: When you opined how Tommie might sound in a musical I was immediately reminded of The Girl Under the Radiator from ‘Eraserhead’. Personally I think a hybrid of A3G and that masterful David Lynch film would make a fascinating stage show, in some strange, inexplicable way. Oh, allright, I’ll take my stupid meds.

  115. Stij
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    @112: As if we needed more proof that John Hodgman is awesome.

  116. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 2:55 pm [Reply]

    # 7 Fashion Police — Now I can entertain myself trying to envision which elderly woman in fiction the dignified elderly Tommie would most resemble. So far, she’s more boring than any candidates I’ve thought of. That’s an achievement of sorts, I suppose.

    # 32 mollificent — I think Chatty will love it. I did.

    9CL — I know a few lovely young women who seem unaware of how lovely they are. They are also intelligent, generous, engaging, and deeply interested in the world around them. Edda, you don’t compare.

  117. Poteet
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    DT — Apparently shooting the tiger is off the table, a small favor for which I’m grateful. I hate it when tigers get shot (thanks a lot, Brenda Starr).

  118. Chip Whittle
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    To bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife) — congratulations on the new name, and good luck in life with it.

    Pity poor Dick Tracy: he’s been waiting so long for and fantasizing so hard about the gore and maiming and death that now that it’s finally kind of near-ish, sort of, that he can’t rouse himself enough to react to it in any way. Much the same thing happened his wedding night, when only four were slain.

    Ah, Funky Winkerbean: really, what would be the classiest possible week to show Wally drinking himself to a lonely, dark, pitiful death than that of Veterans’ Day? And admire his choice of Beer brand beer: the great taste of despair, in a can, without a pop-top so you have to open it with an old churchkey, which you lost, so you try breaking it open with a rusty screwdriver, and it goes awry, cutting your hand and giving you a resistant strain of tetanus, forcing you to have an arm amputated.

    Mary Worth: “He has trouble feeling his right leg? Why, that’s great! The right leg is the tastier! If he can’t feel it we can all dig right in, Scott included, and enjoy his succulent thighs!”

  119. Baka Gaijin
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: The clown BOUNCED? NOOO! One good SPLAT or QLUNK then big kitty chowdown. When will this storyline be over?

  120. queek
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:11 pm [Reply]

    119: thus proving that Mr. Pops is a bumble.

    On the subject of the shifting visage of said tiger. My guess is that it has some Displacer Beast in its background, and instead of shifting location, it merely changes shape and color.

  121. gh
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    Rolly Church of Crete! To the Snarkmobile!

  122. Rusty
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:16 pm [Reply]

    I’m not buying today’s Medium Large, no one in FW dies that quickly!

  123. Niall
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    77. KarMann: Oh, now I parse the BC joke… it’s exactly like the other one I mentioned on “lateral thinking”, where the bracket is not where it’s projected to be. The third panel’s complete bizarreness of an accordeon threw me completely off, though, as did the very mention of a girlfriend.

    79. MolyBendum: Oh, that Sunday isn’t too bad, but here’s today’s strip dialogue:
    - Panel 1, the instructor: “In battle we will assemble into ranks…”
    - Panel 2, two soldiers looking at each other, voice of instructor: “Some of you will stab at the front… others will push from the rear!”
    - Panel 3, both soldiers together while looking at each other: “I sure hope we end up in the” then each says independetanly “front!” and “rear!”
    - Panel 4, each looking forward, thinking the same thought balloon: “Great. I’m stuck with the weirdo.”

    The joke is a little feeble and easy, therefore the homoerotic subtext (especially with an old Grecian army context!!) is way, way too easy to slap on…

    83. bourbon babe, unbuckled: Bravo! Beautiful! Now that the wedding ring is off, what else will be unbuckled? ..no, wait, I shouldn’t say such things…

    84. Artist formerly known as Ben: I also hope Attica succeeds somewhat – it is off to a better start than some of the other local strips published before. It’ll take a few days to find its wings, I figure. How historically accurate will it remain is a good question, considering it’s done by an ex-ambassador’s youngest son.

    97. commodorejohn: hee! LuAnn, then Tommie and the Ominous Hummmm Chords at the end definitely are Margo.

  124. commodorejohn
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    #123 Niall – Indeedy ;)

  125. The Enemy
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:37 pm [Reply]

    MW: Shouldn’t there be a doctor or something immediately after a shooting victim comes out of his coma?

  126. bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:38 pm [Reply]

    123 Niall: That’s where the bourbon comes in…. ;-)

  127. UncleJeff
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    125 The Enemy: But but but but…Adrian IS a doctor! Or at least the daughter of a doctor. A neutered man, but still a doctor. And I SAW Adrian doing doctorly things! Or neglecting her patients or filling out a form or something.

  128. Niall
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    124. commodorejohn: to which of my replies, exactly, are you saying “indeedy”?..

    126. bourbon babe, unbuckled: pshaw, with a good person (or is it ‘the right person’?), bourbon is not needed… (From my one experience with something similar, enough of it – meaning not a lot – would make me unable to unbuckle anything due to a rapid drop in DEX stats.)

  129. Gal Friday
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:47 pm [Reply]

    COTW: congrats! But Josh, it should be “I would never have guessed . . .”

    (sorry, that bugs me)

  130. Esther Blodgett
    November 10th, 2009 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    #127 UncleJeff: She was diddling with a drip. Also, she checked an IV.

  131. commodorejohn
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    #128 Niall – About the song.

  132. Sequitur
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:37 pm [Reply]

    bourbon babe, unbuckled
    Not bad. It’s a bit more ruff and tuff sounding then “merlot (murlow) maiden”

  133. mere cog in the machine
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:42 pm [Reply]

    130: Diddling with a drip? That’s what my ex-wife invariably replies when asked how she spent her early adulthood.

  134. Little Guy
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    118: Drinky McVetBeano: Ah, for the good old days, when Snoopy went over to Joe and Willie (of Bill Maudlin fame) to quaff a few (root) beers on Veteran’s Day.

  135. Katie
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    The Luann Musical is offensive to me both as a CC reader and as a musical theatre fan.

  136. bourbon babe, unbuckled (nee buckyswife)
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    132 Sequitur: Ruffness and tuffness aside, the word “maiden” stopped being appropriate years ago.

  137. Sequitur
    November 10th, 2009 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    136 burbon babe, unbuckled: Ah, but one can dream.

  138. teenchy
    November 10th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    11/10: The truth comes out: Marmaduke is Cerberus.

  139. Niall
    November 10th, 2009 at 5:21 pm [Reply]

    138. teenchy: No, the Marm as Cerberus happened a few weeks or months ago when he had 3 heads. Today he has 4 – he just had to try and show off on old Cerb.

  140. teenchy
    November 10th, 2009 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    Naill, that’s what I get for not being a regular. Sheesh.<:-*

  141. Steve the Pocket
    November 10th, 2009 at 6:27 pm [Reply]

    @#76 Niall: Wait, “Furthree High”? Animal cast? That sounds suspiciously similar to a webcomic I recently heard of called “Furthia High.” No relation I assume?

    Also I remember seeing a similar “End construction” gag in Crankshaft ages ago (but really, don’t worry about it; observational humor in general rarely produces jokes nobody’s ever done before). The weirdest part is that the words are on two separate rows. So there would have been plenty of room to fit an “of” in there… was the government just too cheap to buy the extra paint? And if they were, couldn’t they have also saved some metal by putting it all on one row?

  142. fluffy
    November 10th, 2009 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    “These are scenes of life, full of joy and full of strife” – that pretty much sums up the caliber of the Luann: The Musical writing.

  143. bats :[
    November 10th, 2009 at 7:31 pm [Reply]

    142. fluffy: kind of makes you glad that nothing rhymes with “Jeffy,” doesn’t it?

  144. troy macgregor
    November 10th, 2009 at 11:41 pm [Reply]

    Oh my god! I’m so proud to be one of the runners up!

  145. Ed Dravecky
    November 11th, 2009 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    My local radio station’s “morning zoo” used a variation on that gag back in late October ’88 (just before the US elections) in the intro one morning: “And now, a man who thinks the ‘End Construction’ signs are a campaign promise…”

  146. Rob
    November 11th, 2009 at 5:01 pm [Reply]

    Wow, too busy to check comics curmudgeon (i know very serious offense) and find out that I’m late to my own parade. I think I’m a little too proud of this, but whatever its going on the resume.

  147. you tube
    April 5th, 2010 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

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