Metapost: Radio dazed comments of the week
Your COTWs momentarily, but some items first! In self-aggrandizing news, the radio dealie I did for “The Story,” talking about the wild dot-com roller coaster of the turn of the millennium, is now available on the Internets! You will have to listen to or skip over half an hour on medical marijuana to get to the me bits.
In actual comics-related things: if you like comics, and you like classic authors, perhaps you will like this article on McSweeny’s, depicting comics as narrated by famous authors? You may also be intrigued by this interview with Jeff “Jeffy” Keane, in which he comes across as extremely interesting and intelligent and not at all Jeffy-like! Thanks to faithful readers James and Chris, respectively, for the tips.
And now … your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!
“Why is the bear so pissed off? Probably the same reason the owl is the judge. Bears are angry murderers, owls are wise hooters. And in Slylock’s forest, chicks are either old or hot, and green evil-looking people are always evil. Honestly, it’s the easy-to-follow stereotyping in Slylock that I enjoy the most, and I really hope kids can take that from the comic and apply it in their day-to-day lives.” –MolyBendum
And the funny runners up!
“That leering smirk should never be on someone under the age of … well, okay, so there’s no age when I’d want to see that smirk, but the younger the worse.” –Krud
“Someone should tell Wally that it’s pretty damn hard to drink yourself to death with beer. Unless he’s merely planning to drown himself in his own urine.” –cheech wizard
“There’s a Luann musical and it’s not ironic. Welcome to Hell, ladies and gentlemen, you’ve been here the whole time!” –carbunicle
“I’m holding out for an Apartment 3-G musical featuring the rock ballad ‘What Would Margo Do?’, the country-fried ‘Lonely Lu Ann’, and a spoken-word dirge titled ‘My Name is Tommie.’” –Ed Dravecky
“Ha! He will swirl about and erode his way in! By the standards of this strip, erosion is a pretty brisk process.” –Uncle Lumpy, on how the Sandman’s powers will aid in bank robbery
“I think she’s bad. Margo bad. And really, isn’t it all too easy to imagine Margo commissioning a naked statue of herself as an angel. It’s probably why she got into the gallery business in the first place. I mean, she clearly doesn’t care about art, normally. I bet she also has a bunch of paintings of herself as the Blessed Virgin Mary. I bet they both do.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol
“Has anyone else noticed that Bobbie seems to be looking at the back of the prints? ‘So, the girl’s name is KODAK, you say?’” –willethompson
“Yes, I need to go in and check on him Adrian. Make sure his hunky, hunky thigh is alright. Open his gown and check for numbness by running my hands up … Oh, Mary, are you still here?” –AMC
“The high school drama club probably aren’t very good, judging by the scratch marks left on the wall by earlier audience members frenetically trying to climb out through the windows.” –ArtisticPlatypus
“Meanwhile, the dialogue in Crock reads like what you’d get if you yelled ‘Legs’ at two of the world’s worst improv comics.” –Steve S
“‘Who says corporate crime in America doesn’t pay?’ Nobody. Nobody ever said that.” –rachel
“It must be a pretty grim universe in which ‘great legs’ are defined as ‘has obviously visible legs.’” –Alan’s Addiction
“Mr. Wilson’s expression makes me think that Dennis has ‘forgive’ mixed up with a verb that means ‘urinated in your coffee cup.’” –Patrick
“When one wears sweatpants and slippers as part of a three-piece suit, you’re damn right they’re having some mental problems.” –Steve L
“What the hell is on Dolly’s head? Is 1943 on top of her head?” –Steve®
“Oh look. String beans and potatoes … in Dark Age Norway … Looks like Hagar decided to raid the fridge somewhere between pillaging Baldo’s house and returning to his time machine. And look! He brought Ziggy’s nose home and gave it to his daughter’s boyfriend! What a guy!” –Black Drazon
“Hey, so why are all five of the witnesses to this ‘crime’ adults? Slylock should be shifting his focus from the Count’s alleged theft of milk and graham crackers to why all of these creepy grownups are hanging around a nursery school.” –Judas Peckerwood
“‘A turtle is the only reptile with a shell. What do other reptiles have that a turtle lacks?’ Friends.” –Disingenuous Penguin
“‘Can you list the order in which the animals testified?’ Not really, since it’s one of the notable things about animals that they can’t talk. On the other hand, check out the look on Slylock’s face as he realizes what an amateur operation he’s been running. ‘I got a bear to testify? A bear? And a rabbit? Jesus Christ, I’ve wasted my life!’” –TruthOfAngels
“Sassy is understandably straining at the leash to back herself into the gator’s mouth rather than face the hugs and kisses from the hideously malformed Rusty that surely await her upon a safe return to camp.” –Chipper
“Were it any other comic, I might be inclined to criticize Dick Tracy for today’s labored and tedious exposition, but I find the action of the strip so consistently inscrutable I could actually use a little more elucidation. I think every panel should feature not only stilted, explanatory dialogue but also at least three narration boxes and possibly a map.” –Violet
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Poteet
November 16th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Congratulation, MolyBendum! And ditto to you other funny floaters, particularly Violet, who is again logging frequent-rider miles.
Poteet
November 16th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
And yo, Steve S., up there on the float! Remember when I said snarks like that one are the reason I don’t ride the float more often? But that’s okay — just throw me a little chocolate and we’re good.
Lou Shumaker
November 16th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
The biggest mystery puzzling me is the sidebar ad for ModCloth featuring the cute girl in the black dress, on tippy toes, in an attitude impossible to achieve in real life, apparently trying to blow out a light bulb. It’s as if we’re watching a brunette LuAnn drawn as a Baretto girl dropped into a Gil Thorp strip.
Ed Dravecky
November 17th, 2009 at 12:11 am
Congrats to MolyBendum! It’s an honor to ride the float with you.
Canaduck
November 17th, 2009 at 12:18 am
Haha, some particularly hilarious ones this week. Great job, guys!
carbunicle
November 17th, 2009 at 1:05 am
I am squealing like a school girl with delight!
Andy L
November 17th, 2009 at 1:16 am
I enjoy the fact that Koppy Kat is always described as “The Felonious Feline”. I guess Cassandra Cat just isn’t big-time enough to earn that nick-name?
Incidentally, I can’t believe that Bob Weber drew a mermaid with fish anatomy all the way up to her armpits. A mammalian chest is an important part of a mermaid. Obviously.
Poteet
November 17th, 2009 at 1:22 am
11/17
MT — I’m not saying it was a bad idea to extract all of Rusty’s teeth. I’m just saying it didn’t help.
MW — I’m guessing that Del has two pieces of news. First, that she’s pregnant, and second, that she’s acquired an interesting superpower that enables her to instantly change the color of her clothes like a fabric chameleon.
bats :[
November 17th, 2009 at 2:06 am
MW: It’s Del! omg omg omg! Please get Charley involved in some way — some weird DNA test which shows Del was impregnated just by setting foot in Charley’s bachelor pad! Get one of those CSI lights!
Sparky AKA Able Bodied Seaman Craggy Fjord
November 17th, 2009 at 2:08 am
Josh? No wonder you look familiar. It’s a small world. Anyone digging Prince Valiant?
Mr. O'Malley
November 17th, 2009 at 3:00 am
A-3G: Why does a cafeteria have menus and a waitress who takes orders? Wouldn’t that make it a restaurant?
MT: The gator is backing away, and I would too if I saw something like that second panel coming toward me.
MW: “Hi, Mary! It’s Del. I have some news to share with you! I’ve invented a new fabric that automatically changes color to clash with whatever piece of furniture you’re sitting on!”
So now Pluggers are under 50 too? Or they didn’t graduate from high school until they were in their thirties?
True Fable
November 17th, 2009 at 5:19 am
Congratulations to MolyBendum and all the float riders!
Apartment of Doom Well, there goes that big eighty-five cent tip she was counting on.
Children of the Circle Billy’s already got the paunchy belly going on. He plans to skip the “rock hard abs of a fit athlete” part of growing up and cut right to the easy stuff.
Canadian Zombie Elly Patterson is a stupid woman. Behold Typhoid Elly!
Sam Driver, Alleged Chick Magnet Come on, Sam! What are you waiting for? Usually all you have to do is make a few random statements and the Guest Hottie is eating out of your cold hands! You’ve done all the proper prerequisites: you’ve carefully displayed your emotionless, chiseled features to their best advantage, uttered a smartassed comment or two, and even went that extra mile of flexing your muslces! What the hell is wrong with the woman? Is she made of actual human reaction?
Fist O Justice Theater A new picture of Rusty! And it isn’t terror-inducing; well, not very. And Mark is using a contraction! OH MY GOD WHAT A TOPSY-TURVEY DAY!!
bourbon babe, unbuckled
November 17th, 2009 at 5:23 am
Congratulations, MolyBendum and all the other funny floaters!
Ed Dravecky
November 17th, 2009 at 5:24 am
Oh no. In all the weeks that Scott was left hanging, waiting for an answer from Adrian, he met Del and proposed to her instead. I am now bracing myself for the awesome 17 weeks of plot and meddling to come.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
November 17th, 2009 at 5:38 am
MT: Please let Toothless, Bichromatic Rusty, Contracting Mark, and Wannabe Hero Bob Jackson all comically slam into each other in a moment of wildly inappropriate slapstick! Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease! (Then, in my insomnia-inspired fantasy, both the gator and Sassy can stare open-mouthed for a moment and then collapse into helpless shared laughter at the utter incompetence they’ve just witnessed, sauntering off together, chuckling; moments later, the gator will turn, look fondly at Sassy, and consume her in one bite.)
JP: I’ve had my share of martinis, but I’m not sure I’ve ever approached the last bit at the bottom of the glass in quite that way; I’m sort of expecting a reptilian tongue to dart out for the rest (and yes, I imagine that thought is appealing to some of the Widow D’Vito’s fans out there).
MW: I don’t think that Del’s shirt magically changed color; no, I believe that Del is such
a prodigyan idiot that she’s been letting Mary’s phone ring for the last 45 minutes as Mary and Jeff made their way home, and decided to change into somethingmore comfortableeven uglier as she waited.bourbon babe, unbuckled
November 17th, 2009 at 5:56 am
MW: Oh, I’m sorry; I was being rude: Welcome back, Del! It’s good to see you!
Mr. O'Malley
November 17th, 2009 at 6:04 am
15. bourbon babe, unbuckled. That MW concept inspires two memories of my college roommate, the phone phreak.
(We’ll set aside the visit from the FBI for another time.)
When he knew I was walking home, he called the apartment and let the phone ring until I got home, then laughed at me for running to answer the phone as soon as I unlocked the door. (This was before answering machines were legal.)
When someone else pulled the same trick on a neighboring apartment in the middle of the night, he opened up the phone junction box and shorted out the terminals with a screwdriver.
Ed Power, Cage Writer
November 17th, 2009 at 6:40 am
Hey all,
OK, we broke down and put up a twitter acount for ‘My Cage’. Yeah, i know, but we’re trying everything to get the word out.
If you follow twitter, the account is: http://twitter.com/MyCageComic
(We put it up the other week, but something went wrong with the background, so we didn’t announce it until today)
And don’t forget the merchandise :
http://www.cafepress.com/mycagecomic
Thanks. That ends this plug. We now return you to the snark. :)
-Ed
mycagecomic@yahoo.com
mojo
November 17th, 2009 at 7:12 am
MW: Delilah’s back! Delilah’s back!
Step OFF, Adrian! My girl Del here’s gonna show you all what stoopit REALLY is!
mordock999
November 17th, 2009 at 7:17 am
Today’s Luann 11/17/09
So, TJ, you ‘think’ its a GREAT idea to invite the Nancy Unit and Toni over for Thanksgiving dinner, eh?
Well DON’T STOP there, asshat. WHY not ALSO invite members of ACORN, various TEAPARTY factions, Escape Convicts, Detroit Lions fans (all five of ‘em) and Mexican Drug Lords to Thanksgiving Dinner, too?
It oughta be “BIG’” fun. I shall ENJOY watching your demise…,
_____________________
You KNOW what goes here!!!
Little Guy
November 17th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Congrats to the CoTW and the Floaters. Indeed, a tough nut to crack.
20: Mordock wins the thread.
9CL: “Someone sweet and pure….” Of course they had the fight back in them. They were denied.
Big Nate: Chester Week continues.
PBS: Art Bell week continues.
BB: I lol’d.
MT: I love :]bats-ready panels.
willethompson
November 17th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Josh, I’ve always found that your bits go well with medical marijuana. ; p
#3 Lou: If snarking on the ads merits a COTW, you’re on the float next week.
Sequitur
November 17th, 2009 at 10:41 am
*** CLOWN ALERT! CLEATS! CLOWN ALERT***”
ALL THOSE SCARED OF CLOWNS DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK!
And a congrats to MolyBendum and the rest of the court on the float!
Peripheral Visionary
November 17th, 2009 at 10:42 am
9CL: What the soldiers wanted to fight for was “someone sweet and pure . . . and built.” What they got, of course, was a cantankerous biddy with oversized glasses, but, well, war is hell, boys.
A3G: ” . . . the first time he’s brought a date!” She’s got that line down, and Dr. P always slips an extra five-spot into the tip every time she uses it.
JP: ” . . doeshn’t mean he ishn’t . . . umm . . . lying or shomething . . . oh hi, you’re handshome, what’sh your name? hey handshome, can you get me another martini?”
Pluggers: Pluggers were clinically obese in high school, too!
RMMD: An older man with bad hair and a mustache and his inexplicably beautiful young companion going after a thuggish rogue in painfully slow so-called action sequences . . . I have finally figured this plotline out, it’s a tribute to Charles Bronson.
Sequitur
November 17th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Pluggers never get rid of anything. Hey, you never know when that empty pen will start working again.
I kind of chuckled at Luann today.
Yeah, Ted Forth. Take a lesson on how to be masculine from your daugher Hillary.
Muffaroo
November 17th, 2009 at 10:52 am
AD – In the words of Medium Large, “Are we even pretending to be cavemen any more?”
Dick – This particular brush with death seems to have shaken Detective Tracy’s world like no other. His tie is loosened a half inch, and for him, that’s going commando — avert your eyes, kids!
Mark – (Continued) “THE ALLIGATOR IS GETTING HER! THE ALLIGATOR HAS GOT HER! THE ALLIGATOR IS BURPING OUT HER COLLAR!” I know, I know. Dreeeeeam.
Marvin – Actually, kid, it smells like the back side of a yak because it catches your upward wafting stink and holds it near your nose. Welcome to everybody else’s hell.
6 – “Through no fault of my own, sir, I was drawn very small and with the left hand.” –National Lampoon cartoon, 1970s
Snuffy – Doc’s havin’ problems wif th’ store-boughten autoclave again.
Muffaroo
November 17th, 2009 at 10:52 am
clahey @88 – 44 people in the US with my name. I’ll bet most of them are fakes, and it’s just their nickname. Bastards.
COTW – Nothing like always being behind on your mudging. It allows you to read a comment and think, that one should be on the float, then click to the next page and find out that it is. A damn funny week, gang.
Mr. O’Malley @11 – Good points, but this MW comment really has the right stuff in it. I’ll watch for its reappearance.
Mibbitmaker
November 17th, 2009 at 10:55 am
MW: Oh, hell, it’s Del — MW is on the Idiot-Go-Round…
A3G: Velma is Ruby in disguise, right?
Cleats: Not another circus! NOT ANOTHER CIRCUS!!! (sorry — Dick Tracy fatigue)
FC: I utterly feel the same way Billy does!
…Oh…. excuse me a minute……… (leaves) AAAAAAAUUUUGGHHHHHHH!!!!! ………(returns)…..
FW: Taking old-Funky Winkerbean-style jokes, having them staged in hyperdramatic ways, then following up with a “now” panel — isn’t working, Batty.
Mutts: Mooch is trying to be today’s Rusty Trail.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
November 17th, 2009 at 10:57 am
25 Sequitur, re: Ted—And, if things get really dicey, they can call in Fay.
Jacob
November 17th, 2009 at 11:02 am
I laughed heartily.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
November 17th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Non-comics question: Will any other English-teacher CC’ers be at NCTE in Philadelphia this week?
(I’ll be giving a presentation titled “Chalk Lines on my Butt: Fetish Pedagogy in the Composition Classroom.” Ha—I wish! My real title is so boring that I can’t remember it unless it’s right in front of me, and even then, my attention wanders halfway through it.)
B. Racoon
November 17th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Whoo! What a weekend! What is it, Tuesday?
The wine, the bourbon, the company! Exquisite!
However, I do not kiss and tell. But it is, oh ho ho (in my best Maurice Chevalier voice), toute une expérience!
MolyBendum
November 17th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Congrats to me and all the other floaters. This week I’ve been so busy I have barely had time to make any comments, so I guess Les is Moore. Haha, fuck Funky Winkerbean. Anyways, as an aside, I will continue to be scarce around here as I try to get back to the states over the next [X] weeks. Then I will be scarcer because I will be incoherently intoxicated for a month. Woo!
commodorejohn
November 17th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Crock – …no. Seriously, how could mess up a joke that stupidly obvious? “Was it unanimous?” “No, some of the guys wanted a [INSERT DIFFERENT KIND OF ROPE HERE] rope.” Something like that. It’s not that hard, okay?
Curtis – Say, Billingsley, I know that you have actually taken steps to show Michelle as being not a very likeable person, but when everyone in the entire universe badmouths her at the drop of a hat, it actually serves to make me feel sorry for her. Just thought you’d like to know.
DT – So…respecting the law means feeding lawbreakers to starving tigers? Finally, Dick Tracy has given me the go-ahead I’ve been longing for!
H&L – Look, wardrobe critique is really Fashion Police’s bag, and I’m about the last person to be criticizing anyone’s sartorial choices, but…you do realize that wearing a black shirt and a pink jumper makes you look like a pregnant licorice Snap, right?
JP – I’ll do anything you ask, madam.
Luann – Okay, let me get this straight. Brad is going to invite his mother, who wants nothing more than to be in complete control of every aspect of his life and never have to share it with anyone, to share a meal with the woman who has been desperately trying to bone him for years, on the holiday that, in fiction, is most commonly known for suppressed loathing and barely subtextual discord. My God, it’s going to be a friggin’ Jerry Springer episode.
MT – GAH JESUS TAKE MY EYES PLEASE
MW – “I’m going to have a baby! Now Lawrence will have to pay attention to me!”
Phantom – So now we know what it takes to get them to put on some damn pants: terrorism.
Pluggers – Plugger Pride: reaching a plateau of morbid obesity within the first twenty years of your life.
SF – Oh man. Between the inevitable catfight in Luann and meeting Ted’s parents, this is going to be the best comics Thanksgiving ever.
SM – You could try going around, maybe.
Carlo
November 17th, 2009 at 11:50 am
So, Brad’s mommy making an offhand comment to Luann a few weeks ago constitutes the need for peace between her and Toni? I’m glad Evans fleshes out these stories in the strip; it adds real depth.
Man, I’m getting entirely too involved in Jailbait Weekly…,er, I mean Luann.
Professor Fate
November 17th, 2009 at 11:51 am
FW: Les’s Problem – other than that he’s a creep – is that he hasn’t let anything go. For most of us memoires of learning to drive (if we have them) are amusing and tinged with the sense of taking another step on the way to adult hood. Les’s memories are an open wound.
MW: “Mary I just got engaged and my husband to be is in a coma. Any advice?”
My Cage: I’ve always thought this is one reason people end up being writers – they come up with the right comeback but it can be days or even weeks later.
Artist formerly known as Ben
November 17th, 2009 at 11:58 am
11/17
Good job to everyone on the float. Congratulations to MolyBendum. Knew you’d make it to the top one of these days.
JP: Need to talk with a lawyer about your dear, departed husband? Then by all means, drown yourself in martinis and wear a neckline that plunges so deep it gives your neck the bends.
Crock: The commanding officer meekly subnits to his men’s decision to lynch him, perhaps hoping for a quick and merciful escape from the world of Crock. No such luck. There’s not a tree in sight.
Momma: Haha. It’s funny because Sonia has Alzheimer’s.
Marvin: Of course if there’s one thing we all know about Marvin, it’s that he’s ultra-sensitive to bad smells.
S4th: Nope. Sorry. There’s never gonna be a beard on that face. Not unless you run out and get some spirit gum.
PBS: Meh. Bring on the crocs.
A3G: Well kiss Velma’s grits!
HtH: The penalty for desertion is obviously nil unless the desertees survive and catch up with them. Actually the Walker Browne gang could spice this strip up by doing a week where Hagar and Lucky Eddie enact gruesome revenge on the cowards who abandoned them.
H&L: “Oh, the stories this vagina could tell.” (BTW, why is Ditto reading “Poop” magazine? Did he steal it from Hi’s porn stash?)
M-Dawg: This way their meat will have some texture to it.
SSmith: Hootin’ Holler lost its only physician today when Doctor Harry Hillbilly tried to retrieve his toast with a butterknife while the toaster was still plugged in. All medical care now devolves to the county veterinarian in Boobville.
FT: I’m looking forward to the On the Fastrack series finale. Unknowingly, an intern opens a window. Exposed to fresh air for the first time in decades, all employees of Fastrack, Inc shrivel up and die.
S-M: Sandman’s unwieldy gingerbread man form only gives his compatriots partial cover, and that’s just on one side. Yet the NYPD can’t get a shot to save their lives. It’s difficult to tell which side is dumber. When Spidey gets there, it will be anybody’s guess.
Sequitur
November 17th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
How many time will we get to see today’s Rusty in a mashup?
Okay. I’ll toss a softball out there and go first.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
November 17th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
32 B. Racoon: I appreciate your gentlemanly discretion, B. (I hope that it’s safe to assume that we’re now on a first-name basis….)
33 MolyBendum: Congratulations on your impending return!
38 Sequitur: Hee! I want to hang that on my office door….
B. Racoon
November 17th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
bourbon babe, unbuckled @39. Well, I can assure you it is not “Bucky.” Although that name was whispered a couple of times.
sugarpie
November 17th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Congratulations to MolyBendum, and all the rest of the winners. The last week was a furious haze so I missed a lot of these the first time. Again.
TheDiva
November 17th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
C’shaft: No, Cranky, that’s you.
FW: Batiuk finds new ways of depressing his readers by reminding them that the strip used to be kind of funny, once upon a time.
(Actually, Summer, that’s not true: car drivers may no longer use hand signals–do they even teach those in basic driver’s ed anymore?–but some bike and motorcycle riders do. This has been another Useless Fact.)
Marvin: Wow, if that’s not the pot calling the kettle stinky…
MW: I hope the news is that she has the mumps, and not that she’s carrying a little prodigyspawn as I greatly fear.
bats :[
November 17th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
38. Sequitur: Love it!
Calvin's Cardboard Box
November 17th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Marvin – How does Marvin know what a yak smells like? I’ve not heard “smells like a wet yak” used as short-hand for bad smells since the 1970s. And it wasn’t original or funny back then.
So why does having an infant thought-bubble this ancient saying count as a punch line? Couldn’t we have some more topical japery involving the smell of children’s feces instead? Or a week or two of jokes revolving around clip art of a woman typing and the notion that pregnant people gain weight and expand in size?
Nah, that would be as funny as a crutch and as old as the hills.
Aviatrix
November 18th, 2009 at 11:38 am
@42 The Diva: I yielded to a driver manually signalling a left turn just a couple of days ago. This *was* in rural North Carolina, so maybe newfangled things like electrical turn signalling hasn’t come there yet.
The great thing about manual signals is that they can morph into a “thank you” wave just before the hand goes back inside.