Metapost: Comments of the week, brought to you by the “Duke”
Your COTW in a moment, but first: thanks, faithful reader tb4000, for pointing out this teaser trailer for the Marmaduke movie. Thanks a lot. God help us all!
Anyway, assuming that you still have the capacity to feel joy after watching that, here’s this week’s COTW:
“‘Loved your mother?’ Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down there slugger. There is only one person Big Daddy Wilbur loves, and that’s Big Daddy Wilbur. Second place goes to this pastrami on rye.” –Icepick Jones
And the runners up! Very funny!
“I find it hard to believe that there could ever be a case of misunderstood intentions in the Mark Trailniverse, especially when everyone is always shouting their internal monologue in all caps. I mean what else can you take from ‘I’M SURE HE’LL UNDERSTAND WHEN I TELL HIM A BOY’S LIFE IS AT STAKE’? I bet the the store owner is hard of hearing. ‘WHAT’S THAT? A BOY IS A STEAK? I’LL HAVE TO ACT FAST TO APPREHEND THIS CANNIBALISTIC FREAK!’” –It’s time to pay the price
“Okay, most of us have a tryst we regret but was Wilbur’s lady so repulsive that the very mention of the ‘relationship with her’ causes Wilbur to hold his nose in disgust? I can only imagine what she must do when she thinks about that night of face slapping, ‘whoa’-yelling passion.” –Thomas B.
“Props to Jackelrod! Finally, we have a cartoonist who is willing to acknowledge his advancing age and preclude the zombification of his strip by killing off all its characters! That is what he’s doing, right?” –wagmore barkless
“I’m hoping for a Slylock Fox/Mark Trail crossover: ‘This storeowner hit Mark with a wrench because he caught him breaking and entering in order to steal an old jack, but Mark insists he was only doing it because a boy’s life was at stake. Why does Slylock suspect Mark is telling the truth?’ Answer: Slylock noticed that Mark is less suspicious-looking than the store owner, and therefore must be innocent.” –Poor Thompson
“I can see where this Mark Trail storyline is going. Sheriff: ‘Squeal like a pig!’ Mark: ‘PIGS ARE A GENUS OF EVEN-TOED UNGULATES WITHIN THE FAMILY SUIDAE.’” –Aaron
“The Python’s greatest accomplishment was to infect himself with Ebola while playing with fruitbats alone in the jungle. As a terrorist, he’s the guy that Basque separatists tell jokes about while getting drunk and vowing that their people will one day be free of the yoke of tyranny represented by trash collection policies imposed on them by Madrid. Somewhere in Uzbekistan there are three guys in a tent arguing over post-Maoist agricultural policy who have greater ideological coherence and a more compelling revolutionary agenda.” –Master Softheart
“Beetle Bailey: It’s no longer subtext at this point, right? It’s just text. Soon it will be diagrams.” –Joe Blevins
“Shoe: Ha ha! Lawyers! They suck! Why don’t they do something productive, like drawing somebody else’s comic after he dies?” –Chyron HR
“Maybe instead of just being accidentally boring, the writers of Mary Worth are giving us a powerful depiction of how lonely, boring, and emotionally bankrupt this ‘online social networking’ really is? Wilbur can remember his swingin’ college days, but he’s now so doughy that he can’t even summon up the energy to flash back to them. He hears the news that he may have a son, but it only bestirs him to make another sandwich and plop his pasty ass back down in front of that screen again.” –Mardou Fox
“Mark Trail easily has several concussions from this fishing trip alone, which would explain his panicked numbskullery and poor station-wagon-handling skills.” –ArchieNemesis
“That first panel of Crankshaft sounds like the first line of a poem. ‘Just sit there and be quiet, or I’ll do what I said’/ A single kid giggled, and shortly was dead.” –Patrick
“Dear Greg Evans: Australians do, in fact, say ‘hello.’” –Anonymous
“I love today’s Dick Tracy, in which about 50% of the comic’s space is taken up by hair, 20% is given to random violence and bruising, and 25% is given to over-sized faces and the color black. This leaves 5% of the strip for the dialogue, which is about the most enjoyable ratio in Dick Tracy.” –Alan’s Addiction
“Wilbur looks so angry because the giant thought bubble of Abby means there’s no room left in the panel for even one sandwich.” –Perky Bird
“I love Wilbur’s serious flashback face. He’s methodically and logically going through his memories of this girl to try to figure out whether or not he got her pregnant. ‘No, not this memory. Here she’s fully clothed. Next slide, please.’” –AndyL
“Oh, sure, the Lost Patrol’s all excited now. Wait until they find out that the Victoria’s Secret models have all been drawn by the same guy who draws Crock.” –Pozzo
“Yeah, June Morgan is not uptight, she’s … wait, what’s a word that means ‘really uptight’?” –Trilobite
“Wilbur: ‘Say, what’s this in the sidebar? DADS GET $10K. Hel-l-l-o, silver lining!’” –One-eyed Wolfdog
“Actually, if I were June, the first thing I’d do once Rex fell back asleep would be to Google ‘life jackets+gay slang.’” –GG
“More worrisome, though, is that Marvin THINKS a shout that’s loud enough to knock the miserable creature into the air. I can only conclude Marvin is developing psychic powers, and you all know what that means: telekinetically controlled levitating feces.” –avatarjk137
“Bitsy is actually a bigger yellow dog. This nasty little dog came with the grandparents when they moved in. I can’t remember the name, so I’ve got that going for me.” –Artist formerly known as Ben
“Note that the smoke curling out of Mary’s pot is a bright white. I believe Mary just elected a new pope.” –gkl
“I don’t know whether it’s the corrupting influence of this blog or simply a sign that I have reached my limit of Mary Worth-induced boredom at last, but whatever the reason, I am unable to read ‘How was Scott’s physical therapy session, Adrian?’ and the dialogue that follows as anything but the lewdest sort of innuendo. I thought I’d hit on a fun new way to endure the Scott-and-Adrian love story, until I got to ‘That’s what fathers are for!’ and the nausea hit.” –Anonymous
“Does the moniker ‘Crooked Croaker’ imply that the frog will begin vocalizing or that he will die in police custody?” –McManx
“I am totally psyched to meet Ruby’s new boyfriend! Queens denizen though he may be, my repeated attempts to picture him as anything other than well-nigh indistinguishable from Colonel Sanders have met with complete failure.” –Violet
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ScienceGiant
December 21st, 2009 at 10:58 pm
I suppose the collary to this COTW is, “Only two things Big Daddy Wilbur cares about: gettin’ paid and gettin’ laid!”
Rusty
December 21st, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Congrats to all.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 21st, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Now those COTWs are a holiday gift in themselves—funny stuff! Congrats!
150
December 21st, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Wait wait wait. William H. Macy is in the Marmaduke movie? That is at once the most brilliant newspaper-comic-movie casting since Walter Matthau as Mr. Wilson, and the biggest waste of talent in the history of Hollywood.
Roto13
December 21st, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Man, Violet is going to be disappointed when Ruby’s new boyfriend turns out to look exactly like every other man in Apartment 3-G history.
Uncle Lumpy
December 21st, 2009 at 11:56 pm
@ScienceGiant (#1) –
Keeps his mind off “gettin’ weighed.”
Trilobite
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:00 am
Nah, Ruby’s beau is going to have some ridiculous fashion affectation (like Ruby’s ribbons or Blaze’s neckerchief), so that everyone who looks at the two of them together will know that they belong together. Because, of course, they will not belong anywhere else.
Colonel Sanders is a good start, I think. Although I’m personally hoping that he’ll be a hairy fat dude in a Hawaiian shirt and waaaaay too many gold chains. Or Chef Boy-ar-dee, complete with a ridiculously stereotyped Italian accent. Mostly because I want to see Margo’s reaction, of course.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:18 am
7 Trilobite: Given the name (Lyle), I’m counting on some form of cliched Western-wear: a shirt with snaps, maybe, because fringe would be too much to hope for; a cowboy hat, naturally; and, because we know that A3G hands out neckerchiefs like candy, one of those, too. If I’ve been a really good girl, maybe Santa will make sure that Lyle wears pointy-toed cowboy boots and that his belly hangs over his Wrangler jeans—and that he calls all the women “little lady.”
RJ the Janitor
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:21 am
You guys are sure writing some great stuff. I laughed until I had to pee. Good thing I was on the can at the time.
Don’t forget about the presents I explained at Y100. There’s still several left and it sure is interesting what you guys are getting.
Ms. Bourbon Babe, you can do with your gift what you want but I bet Mr. Pastis really wanted you. He could use a good writing partner but I guess Mr. Dingo will be good too. Might have some censor problems though.
I’m kind of curious about Ms. bats :[ package. It sure is a strange shape.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:32 am
9 RJ: Well, Dingo hasn’t claimed the gift yet, and I think I need to unwrap it just a little so he can, you know, breathe….
Anyway, if Dingo doesn’t show up here until tomorrow morning, well, it might be too late!
Kiesha
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:38 am
So Great Danes have a life expectancy of under 10 years…if Marmaduke is a teenager the only way this movie can make sense is if he dies at the end.
Which would be awesome.
(I mean, not really, because no one likes to see a dog die on screen, but then again, he IS Marmaduke.)
cj
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:39 am
As usual, great COTW + runners-up. Now the real question I have is, “Why did they give frikkin Marmaduke a voice? (much less Owen Wilson’s)” It totally detracts from his nature as a hellbeast. I guess Holllywood thought his glowing red eyes, rudimentary vocalizations, and his bloodbath gorgings simply weren’t horrible enough for the silver screen.
Toronto
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:42 am
@11: Ol’ Yellerduke?
DAS
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:47 am
GG … now I actually googled “life jacket gay slang” — evidently it’s slang for a condom.
Hmmm … in any case, Rex Morgan is most certainly gay. Speaking as a heterosexual happily and monogamously married to a lovely jet-haired lady of almost June-esque shape (I’ll be a gentleman and leave it at that), if my wife’s cute blond cousin was crashing at our place (not that my wife has a blond cousin, considering her heritage), certain, well, ideas might come to mind.
Funny — none of these ideas come to Rex’s mind. Well, he may be thinking of a threesome, but with Guido Thomas and that Nikky kid.
*
As to Australians: our antipodal friends tend to be a bit over-enthusiastic about the Great Vowel Shift (or as they tend to all but say “the Greet Vowel Shifed”). So I would indeed expect that they don’t say “hello” at all but rather something more along the lines of “heel-o”.
Poteet
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:54 am
An excellent list that provided good exercise for the diaphragm. I applaud all of you float-riders, especially Icepick Jones.
And I can’t access the MARMADUKE clip. Eat your hearts out.
bats :[
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:07 am
I’ve got a package? Huh!
Oh, wait. A package. I see. Should I use scissors to open it? Maybe a hammer…no, wait! A jack! From a ‘64 Rambler station wagon! I’m on it!
Aviatrix
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:11 am
I thought I was following really closely this week, but I missed at least half of those the first time. Thanks everyone for making me laugh so hard.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:18 am
I’m heading off to bed (Christmas gift tucked under my arm), and I think I’ll just check out Mary Worth before—-
Holy crapping pancakes! The only possible third panel involves Dr. Jeff’s listing the various sexual acts he’s willing to perform at Scott’s gentle, yet insistent, command.
That “I’ve just been well fucked” little smile is going to haunt me for some time…..
Poteet
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:23 am
Well, dang. My little package has half a gram of Lebanese hash with a card that says ” Very Hapy Holdays froom Dr Jeff.”
Um. Thanks. That’s very generous, Dr. Jeff, but you shouldn’t have. Judging from the12/22 MW, you need to save your money to pay for rehab.
Muffaroo
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:23 am
Sequitur @yy185 – It’s very similar, only the ones I mean took the doughnuts around in a circular floating path, and operated without hu-man attendants standing over them. I could do without the narration, though.
Howland Awl @yy186 – It is a shame. I shopped at Steele’s for years — decades, even, counting all the times I went with Mom and was granted four cents for a nickel candy bar or box (four cents being what Paul charged for nickel candy, of course). Sugarless gum was good, but my real preference was for Nibs black licorice. Both Steele’s and Beaver’s were still operating when I moved away, and I blame myself for their demise.
Nekrotzar @y12 – Darn straight! And whenever my family was out driving and would see a “Pass With Care” sign, we’d solemnly chant “Pass with care… Pass with care… Pass in the presence of the punchenjare…”
COTW – Ohhhhh, I get it now! Josh, you’re looking for comments that are funny… like, funny humorous! Wait, I can do that. Just let me do some rewriting…
True Fable
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:24 am
Today’s Notable Faces:
Jeff’s in panel two of Mary Worth
Rex’s in panel two of Rex Morgan
and Tim Robbins, second panel of Mark Trail
bats :[
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:32 am
Toosday toons:
FC: come on, guys. Jeffy isn’t that hard to draw. Can’t you spend a little time getting the sizes correct? That is, unless Jeffy is way, way way back in the corner of the room. Sheesh.
MT: I’m betting Mark’s going to call Andy. (Okay, probably not, but you know none of this crap would’ve happened — and that includes Sassy being used for Gator Snax — if Andy’d been along on the trip.)
Phantom: are we going to sit through a rehash because it’s Christmas week, and the writers figure no one is going to be reading the comics? Gee whiz.
MW: has anyone noticed that there’s never been (well, not since I’ve been reading it) any talk of Mary and Jeff getting married? I think things are becoming clearer…
Poteet
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:43 am
# 22 bats:[ — You are so right. The 12/22 FC is a travesty. I didn’t even notice eeny-weeny Jeffy because I was staring at Grandma’s deformed arm. C’mon, Keanes, you’re gonna scare the kiddies who read FC, if there are any left.
Farley's Revenge
December 22nd, 2009 at 2:20 am
#22bats:[:
Andy’s the better driver AND he carries a cell phone.
I’m fascinated by the way the sheriff’s stogie phases in and out of reality, as though it can’t maintain its energy vortex or something. Dude must be sucking the hell out of that thing…and that’s as far as I’m going to go with that line of thought. I’ll leave the rest to Dingo.
RMMD: I see June has apparently joined Starfleet Command. I also see that she’s a designated redshirt. Bye-bye, June.
I’ll admit I’ve not paid much attention to this strip but what is up with Rex’s O-face in the second panel? Does he do that often, for reasons known only to him or the artist?
MW: Good Lord. Adrian and Jeff need to get a room, not that Mary’s paying any attention. She’s busy stirring up her latest batch of meddle-jam.
Farley's Revenge
December 22nd, 2009 at 2:25 am
Congratulations to Icepick Jones and the float-riders! Snark done very well!
Hmmm…What have we here? A large box wrapped in old Foob strips with my name on it, complete with pink and teal bow. Gosh. I wonder if I should open it now or take it home and put it under our tree?
KarMann
December 22nd, 2009 at 2:30 am
12/22 DT: Oh lord, tell me that the wannabe-rocker son’s name isn’t Phil Harmonic? That’s just how it looks with the peculiar spacing & font of Dick Tracy?
Poteet
December 22nd, 2009 at 2:39 am
# 26 KarMann — I can’t tell from the phrasing whether Phil Harmonic is the name of the father or the son. But I’m sure we’ll find out, those of us who are masochistic enough to keep reading DT.
I see that 9CL isn’t available. That’s a sign that it’s time to go to bed.
Trilobite
December 22nd, 2009 at 2:53 am
Tuesday’s comics-o-rama:
Mark Trail: Let’s see, so far Mark has wrecked his car, tried to use a jack on sand, broken that jack and trapped a boy beneath the car, tried to dig the car out instead of digging the boy out from under it, ran god-only-knows how far to break into an “abandoned” store to get another jack rather than using the abundant wood and rocks nearby, gotten whapped on the forehead with a wrench by a guy standing behind him, and gotten arrested. Yeah, I’m not so sure that a simple “don’t do anything foolish” is going to cut it this time, Sheriff Redneck. I think Mark might need a little stick time.
Mary Worth: Jeff’s been hitting the eggnog extra-hard this year, I see. Well, at least if he throws up on Mary’s couch, no one will notice; I guess Santa Royale’s world-famous hideous upholstery is good for something after all!
Mr. O'Malley
December 22nd, 2009 at 3:24 am
MT: I’ve got a great idea, Mark! Why don’t you call the sheriff to rescue Rusty from under that car?
Who will Mark call? His editor in New York? The reformed alligator poacher? AAA?
MW: Are those Adrian’s hands on Jeff’s chest? Because if I put my hands up like that on my own chest, my thumbs are on the outside. But they can’t be Adrian’s hands, because she’s standing behind him. What is in the smoke that miniature Mary is producing in the background? I’m expecting the clock to start melting pretty soon.
Phantom: No wonder this story line is going to last a few months if they keep replaying it “for those who came in late”. Unless they suddenly signed up a big batch of new papers.
No Pluggers in Canada, then.
Mibbitmaker
December 22nd, 2009 at 3:32 am
12/22:
ZtP: That last line… (make up your own Madonna or Paris Hilton joke)
RMMD: June’s mad money — not to be confused with her angry money, which earns millions in interest annually.
Luann ‘90: Are the Hagers that couple who conned their way into a state dinner at the Bush White House?
Popeye: This is turning into a Rick Griffin cartoon, isn’t it?
MW: The only thing missing in that last panel is a wink to the audience (mainly us).
MT: “Just don’t do anything foolish”, the big-bellied sheriff* warns Mark. That one was for Kelly Welly.
* apologies to “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia”
A3G: (puts on a Three Dog Night record)…. “*duddle-dee-dun-dun* LIAR!…”
BC: Yeah, he dreamt he was the Obama Administration! *rimshot* (Hey, Scott Stantis, stop writing my material!)
JP: Nearly killed a paparazzo once? That’s horrible!! …..that they didn’t finish the job! *rimshot*
Cranky: Unlike those lights, hanging’s too good for him!
Some Guy Here
December 22nd, 2009 at 4:36 am
GOOD GOD WHY did they make Marmaduke talk? If Owen Wilson is that desperate for a paycheck he’d be a shoe-in for Marm’s owner.
Some Guy Here
December 22nd, 2009 at 4:37 am
…well, William H. Macy is a much better choice (it’d be who I’d pick), but Owen Wilson needs love/work too. Just not as Marmaduke’s voice. No. Just no.
Ed Dravecky
December 22nd, 2009 at 6:14 am
The younger longhair’s name is Phil Harmonic. Really, Dick Tracy? Really?
One-eyed Wolfdog
December 22nd, 2009 at 6:27 am
He’s going to change his first name to ‘Pinch’ for his rock gigs.
gleeb
December 22nd, 2009 at 7:51 am
‘bean: No parking next to other cars. This is solo car date practice.
John C Fremont
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:08 am
#9 – Crock?! But I don’t even read Crock! Hey, no fair, RJ, there’s one for Gadge Cubic and 2fs!
DT – Phil Harmonic? Oh, my sides are splitting with laughter. Oh. Nevermind. It was just my appendix.
MT – Don’t worry, Sheriff. Being foolish is Kelly Welly’s job.
MW – Gaaahhh!!
Phantom – The narration box seems to suggest that there are people out there who have not been reading this strip every day of their lives, waiting on pins and needles for the next day’s installment. Wish I were one of them.
Pluggers – You mean that was only Number 6? The next five must be comedy gold! Oh, ho, ho!
Oh, there goes my appendix again. Too late for 911. Somebody call Count Morgu.
KarMann
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:09 am
12/22 Groovy Blinkerlegume: Yeah, at first, I was wondering WTF was up with this one, since parking-lot parking was never a problem at all; it was parallel parking that was a bit tricky, and maybe you’d drive around a parking lot for driving practice, but not for the parking.
But then I realized, Lisa was probably never any good at parallel parking, so by Batiuk, neither will Summer be!
Little Guy
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:29 am
MT: “Wait…. I remember something… I don’t have facial hair, shouldn’t I have special privileges, er, needs? Desires? Rights? RIGHTS! That’s what they’re called. And they involve a phone call, or something that avoids waterboarding or a punch….? Miranda? Is that someone who give you those ‘rights’? Or is it Samantha? Or Carrie? Oh, fuck it! I have a Sharpie and I’m not afraid to draw a mustache on you, you fuck fart!
yMC: Slipping, Ed. No anthromorphing names?
MC: That’s okay. We’re more of a “Christmas Story” or “Love, Actually”. kind.
Curtis: I look forward to the Kwanzaa story about the soup kitchen and the flapper.
Spiderman: Is it worth wasting electrons just to point out that Sandman can encapsulate BigFart’s gun-holding hand and, at the least immobilize it? And that we’ve seen Dr Orpheus isn’t keen on killing a kid?
9CL: So, she’ll end WWII by playing “Got Your Mustache” with Hitler?
RMMD: “Dammit, she’s in cahoots with Jim Cramer! Quick! Check the 401k!”
Phantom: Thank you, Handy Recap Panels!
Little Guy
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:33 am
JP: “…. just for snorin’….”
Ed Dravecky
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:41 am
For some reason 9CL is still not up on the Mighty Chron but it has been posted by Yahoo for your perusal. I’m pretty sure that “got your nose!” constitutes felonious assault if both parties are over the age of 5, even in wartime Britain.
Baron Bizarre
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 am
A3G: Proves that “I’ve never been happier” can be a really sad statement…
gkl
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:36 am
Not to dis an advertisers, but of course you can light a fart on fire. That’s just second-grade science, followed by third-, fourth-, fifth-, sixth-, seventh-, and ninth-grade summer vacation.
wossname
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 am
29 Mr. O’Malley: I had the same concerns about the hands on Jeff’s chest, since clearly they can’t be his own, and Adrian would have to be reaching both her arms under his right arm, which doesn’t seem possible.
My conclusion: There’s a fourth person in the panel, on his/her knees in front of Dr. Jeff and trying to grasp his sweater lapels.
My (obvious) questions: (a) Who? (b) Why? (c) Why are Jeff, Adrian and Mary apparently oblivious?
wossname
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 am
43 me – Sorry, Fashion Police – I know sweaters don’t have lapels.
LUJBEM FEJF
December 22nd, 2009 at 9:54 am
Here’s what Pastis didn’t want you to see….. Ziggy knows best
(first try at html, sorry if doesn’t work)
queek
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:01 am
FW: *sqwick*
HotC: Heart as Lucy = d’aawwwwwwwww.
LaCuc: *giggle*
PBS: *groan*
sorry, got nuthin’ :-(
queek
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:06 am
45: +1 internet to you, sir.
Écureuil Écumant
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:08 am
MT: This morning, Mark seems to have acquired a sudden arroyo in the crotch of his pants. I know you can only hold it so long, but frankly I’m surprised at the extent of the erosion. Maybe he better cut back on the cranberry juice.
The Ghost of Jarrod
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 am
Call me foolishly optimistic, but I’m hoping that Mark plans to use his phone call to set off the cell-phone-controlled bomb that he had sealed inside Rusty’s oversized cranium.
Gabacho
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
Mary Worth – “He’s family now. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for family!” Once again, the Corey Clan reminds Mary that meddlesome as she is, she’s not family.
Merry Christmas, Mary. Hope you’re not too lonely.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
Tuesday FW: Switch the panels and put a little imagination-enhancing silent long shot of the car w/fogged winodws betwixt. Yuchhh.
Uncle Ritzy Fritz
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:20 am
or windows.
Sequitur
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:28 am
Now we see the new ploy in Ziggy. He’s going to be shown only from the waist up.
And I got my present and opened it. What the
[ohh la la]am I going to do with a wombat?wossname
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:32 am
MT – I have to admit this is actually generating something you might call suspense. Even though we all know that Rusty is not really going to drown, I’m eager to see how Jackelrod is going to pull off this feat, presumably by Christmas. I still think, as mr 12 oz can predicted a couple of days ago, that Bob is going to play a major role, thereby justifying Mark’s faith in him.
And then — and THEN — once all that is over, we still have part 3 of Dingo’s “Mark and Sheriff Bu” trilogy to look forward to. A holiday treat if ever there was one.
Sequitur
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:35 am
S4th: Hil, be glad you only see them. It could be a lot worse. Especially if you’re behind Uncle “Pull My Finger.”
BeamStalk
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 am
# ScienceGiant says: I suppose the collary to this COTW is, “Only two things Big Daddy Wilbur cares about: gettin’ paid and gettin’ laid!”
Wilbur once learned that the best exercise was sex and decided to go to a sex only work out regime. This should explain his weight.
StoutHearted
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:50 am
Today’s Mary Worth couldn’t be more suggestive than if the man’s eyebrows were animated to move up and down. “Huh? Huh? I’m talking about buttsex!”
UncleJeff
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:50 am
7 trilobite: I guess I’m hoping that Ruby’s new boyfriend is one of the “Guidos” from that new MTV “Jersey Shore” show.
If you haven’t seen it yet….it’ll probably erase any warm feelings toward humankind you have at this holiday season.
ratnerstar
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
Just stopped in to say that I thought this was an extraordinarily hilarious bunch of comments. Seriously, I literally LOL’d, and I never do that. Well done, people.
hogenmogen
December 22nd, 2009 at 10:52 am
Talking Marmaduke? And to think that I hate the silent one.
Prof Papagapolus: I’ve never been happier… oh the miracles of modern drug technology.
Dr. Jeff “Feelgood” Corey: Amen to that, brother! God, I’m sooo stoned!
Crank: In this comic, I imagine “Yule log” to mean something that Ed should have left behind in the commode.
Phil Harmonic? So what would his dad be? Alex, so in the phone book it says HarmonicA?
For all re-Foob’s foibles, I have to congratulate Lynn Johnston for actually drawing Uncle Phil with a pipe. Screw the political correctness and sugar coating of the past 30 years. People smoked back then, dammit. I read a version of Night Before Christmas with a smokeless Santa, even though the poem specifically refers to his pipe and blowing rings of smoke. So rock on, Lynn, and don’t settle for plain ol’ tobacco!
Gil Thorp: The Ghost is toast. *
*Old Milford saying
Rocky Ledge nearly killed a paparazzo? Well, it’s not like it was a collie or anything.
Phantom: For those who came in late… yesterday’s strip was a recap of previous strips.
Tomorrow: We recap today’s exciting development!
Actually, a recap would help the Mark Trail strip:
If you’re coming in late, Mark abandoned Rusty when his life was threatened. If he isn’t found guilty of B&E, he’s gonna be locked up for child endangerment!
What about Rex:
For those of you who haven’t lost interest yet, Rex’s wife’s sister’s daughter is visiting! Oh, and she doesn’t clean up after herself. Still not interested? Well, I tried.
And Gil:
For those that came in late – Jamarr is… Duncan Daley feels that… Gil is doing something about that kid… who… um, a little help here?
150
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:01 am
Oh please oh please oh please let Mark Trail make a jailbreak, I’ll mow the lawn and always do my homework and do the dishes forever.
Sequitur
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:04 am
60. hogenmogen
re: Gil Thorpe – Don’t look at me. I was depending on you to explain it.
Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:09 am
Bourbon babe, my sweet bon mot. We can share Pastis. You can delight in his gentlemanly parts attached to his front side and I, the essence of purity and virtue incarnate™, can delight in his gentlemanly parts attached to his back side. Combined, let’s make him scream like white trash at a tent revival. But separately, of course. Momma reared a shy boy in that department.
doug rogers
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 am
Cul De Sac. That’s all I have to say. Cul de Sac.
Niall
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 am
Bleah, first I’ve been super-busy, then I found that the Snark had left me – any comment I had were simply Not Funny even right after writing them down.
In fact, I haven’t read a thread in nearly a week! Most of these were new to me, and incredibly funny. Master Softheart’s was brilliant.
Pozzo’s entry about those Victoria’s Secret in the oasis, which truly baffled me when I saw it (as I at least read Josh’s main entries), now makes me think they must be the numerous contributor copies – that must have been the Grossie Centrefold issues.
NOW BRING ON THE CURTIS KWANZAA ALREADY! (After which I’ll put Curtis out of my daily read. Only for Kwanzaa now.)
Mibbitmaker
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 am
protoBurber: “Suggest it’s all about gettin’ into my dress, eh? Die, officer pig, DIE!
British Officer (in nasal tones): “Uh, you do know I can just breathe through my mouth, right?”
pB: “Dammit!”
BO: “Well, I shall hope that your progeny would not behave in a childishly entitled manner that you’ve provided here today!”
pB: “Hell, I could kill you with a stare, Limey!”
BO (Basil Fawlty-like aside): “Vain hope I had back there, shouldn’t have expected much from ‘er, I suppose.”
pB: “Oh, all my progeny will get the likes of you sexually enslaved with a glance alright, stickinnabutt!”
BO (exasperated): “Oh, dea’!”
Calico
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 am
Take him down, Mark!
Either that, or Mark is going to call AAA.
(Which he’s not a member of, so, confusion and hilarity ensue)
gkl
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 am
GT: All right! Basketboxing!
mordock999
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 am
@ Mibbitmaker #30
Ref. Luann ‘90 — “No, no the HAGER-TWINS. You know that Goofy Looking REALLY BAD Country singing duo that used to appear on that REALLY Bad ‘Hee-Haw’ Show that replaced the REALLY Great Smothers Brothers Show back in the late ’60s because the Sponsors were GUTLESS, didn’t want CONTROVERSY and wanted something SAFE and MINDLESS. Yeah, THOSE Hagers!” Said Mordock inavdvertly revealing his age….,
____________________
DEATH to TJ!!!
Niall
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 am
65. me: idiot, there is no centrefold in Victoria’s Secret catalogues. Idiot. Should have been “Crossie as only model issue”.
mordock999
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
…and gender…..,
Calico
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 am
RM – “Mad Money” – too funny.
If June had Mad $ for every time she actually got angry, she’d have $50,000 in that can by now.
Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 am
Please tell me it’s not just me. I see the look on Dr. Cory’s face in panel two and I imagine a new bottle of Cialis in his medicine cabinet and identical tubs awaiting him and Scott. Nothing he wouldn’t do for family, indeed.
I think Elrod is on to me. Today’s dialogue is just begging to be used in part three.
Today’s Zits reminds me of why I’m so glad I switched to the corporate world from teaching. I knew students like her. I gave her a D.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 am
11/22 (and a one and a one and a two and a two)
Thanks once more for the float ride. I’m in august company. Cracked up at the thought of Mary Worth electing a pope.
A3G: “Don’t worry about me, Tommie. I’ve got desperate women blowing me for prescr–I mean to say, the work is its own reward.”
OBH: Oh James. You do know you’re getting a rock, right?
S-M: “Hey boss, this might not be the best time to tell you, but you’ve got a strand of linguine stuck to your face. You should really clean up after lunch.”
DtM: Alice, warm and kindhearted as ever, is ashamed that her offspring is susceptible to germs and viruses.
Ziggy: Now Ziggy is suffering a painful blow to the head. The pants were just the first sign that Tom Wilson is starting to listen to the fans.
Crock; But Crock never goes anywhere. The organ harvesting wouldn’t be so bad, except the men know they’re just financing his online poker debts.
GT: So that’s why the Thorps’ marriage works. She’s a dick to wannabe athletes too.
RMMD: Mad money? Rex is shaken by the idea that money might feel anger.
JP: “You see, the paparazzo got all flustered and forgot the safe word.”
Weaselboy
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 am
MW, 12/22: Sounds like Scott’s marrying in to the mob.
Calico
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
#75 – All we need now is Scott, a candle, a burned needle, a card of St. Peter, and a crow symbolically waiting in the wings.
Calico
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:50 am
Blondie – at least long-armed Diner Cook didn’t put F-ing apricots in his mashed potatoes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB8dGQ77Zg0
(Scroll to 1:00 to watch the fireworks begin!)
Jonny Quest
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
Morgan: If Dr. Rex would work instead of meddling in others’ affairs poor June wouldn’t have to hoard money. $100.00 for household money for a doc’s wife is pathetic. Come on Rex, man up.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 am
MT: No, Sheriff, I imagine that there’s no harm in a little “let the boy access his constitutional rights,” now is there?
Actually, I’m planning on a big ole Christmas present from that jolly round ball, Jackelrod. Let’s see, it’s Dec. 22; tomorrow, the sheriff will finish unlocking the door. On Christmas Eve, Mark will be walking toward the desk (and maybe we’ll get a good look at Rusty and his partially submerged face). And then on Christmas morning: POW!—Mark’s fist makes glorious contact with Sheriff McStogie’s face, sending that cigar flying across the room.
And later, this being the Trailverse, Mark will simply explain why he had to assault an officer of the law and break out of jail, and everyone will smile and call each other “fellow” and shake hands, and order will be restored.
SM: I gotta agree with Big(insert noun of the day here) today. What’s Sandman supposed to do? Walk around with Spidey clenched in his fist? That would, however, lead to some amusing scenes as he attempted to brush his teeth and make pancakes with just one free hand….
HtH: Sorry, Browne: Theodore Geisel did that story first, and better.
A3G: “I’ve rediscovered the wonders of pharmaceuticals! They’re either getting me laid, or they’re making me not care whether I’m getting laid!”
Anonymous
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Hey, I’m on the float this week! And in great company, too! Christmas came early.
bourbon babe, unbuckled
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
45 LUJBEM FEJF: Hee! Excellent!
63 Dingo: Well, the holidays are all about sharing. I’m afraid the gift is a little worn out this morning, though…. not walking so well…..
64 doug rogers: Agreed.
Perky Bird
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Ooops, # 80 was me!
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
#59 ratnerstar,
Please stick around. Always room for someone with a DeLillo-inspired boardname.
Muffaroo
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Dick – Okay, Con Ducter’s real name would seem to be Phil Harmonic. So what does that make Junior? En Harmonic? Alvins?
Hägar – Stay tune for extra laffs on the 25th when Hägar learns the true meaning of Christmas while attempting to pillage a humble manger.
Mark – Sheriff: “Well, don’t do anything foolish. There’s a phone on my desk.”
Mark: (Channeling Chickenman) “Well, give me five minutes and I’ll have it behind bars!”
Mary – Optical illusion fun: If you stare directly at the clock on the wall for a while, its minute hand seems to move. If you focus instead on the plot, the hour hand seems to whirl around and around.
Professor Fate
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
9CL: would that someone whould do this to Les in Funky Winkerbean – it’s the level of childish he deserves.
FW: Speaking of which this is the first time in a while Les has been in the strip. He wasn’t missed.
MW: What the hell is Mary cooking? What takes that kind of effort? Or maybe she’s just loudly ignored the stoned gibberish spoken by her guests.
Muffaroo
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Phantom – Hold on, you’re going way too fast here! Who’s Diana? Where’s Rhodia? How does the Phantom see anything with his eyes blunked out?
Plugger – You’re a plugger if you can’t remember what that body part is in your jewel box.
R=R – Careful there, Pasquale. Ancestors on both sides of your family have drowned from staring upwards during heavy precipitation. One time it was snow.
Mr. O’Malley @29 – Who will Mark call? His sister. She loves to watch train wrecks. (Sorry, wrong joke.)
Little Guy @38 – That’s not slipping. That’s progress. For Dog’s sake, don’t blow it now.
Sequitur
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Hey, everyone. It’s December 22nd, also known as MARGO DAY! Let’s take a walk down memory lane on this date for the past five years…
Dec 22, 2004 – Margo goes home.
Dec 22, 2005 – Margo perceives pain.
Dec 22, 2006 – Margo gets a hug.
Dec 22, 2007 – Margo is negative and,
Dec 22, 2008 – Margo takes action.
queek
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Baka Gaijan has declared jihad on clowns.
The good ship thetis
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I think Mark is going to use the sheriff’s phone to call the police.
ignatz
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Maybe it’s me, but I don’t believe there a commercial you have to watch that goes with the Marmaduke trailer. The trailer IS a commercial.
A Marmaduke movie. With Owen Wilson as the voice of Marmaduke. God help us all.
ignatz
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Mark is going to knock the sheriff out, rescue Rusty and begin life as a fugitive.
Artist formerly known as Ben
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
#87 Sequitur,
I’d love to see where the exchange in the second link would lead.
Margo: If you ever need to talk, Lu Ann, well, I’m sure there are people willing to do that.
wossname
December 22nd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
79 bourbon babe and 91 ignatz: Just one problem with Mark punching out the sheriff: After he runs back to the beach (assuming he knows how to find the beach from the jail), he STILL doesn’t have anything to rescue Rusty with but the broken jack. He’ll just have to sit there and listen to “glub glub glub” as the tide comes in.
(But let the record show that this is NOT how I think this will end.)
Thomas B.
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I made the float, I made the float, I made the float, I made the float, I made the float, I made the float,I made the float, I made the float, I made the float!
Can you tell it’s my first time?
Jake Morgendorffer
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Good God. The cast list for Marmaduke the Movie looks like a hit-list for an agent preparing to cull the chaff from his client list. Although, in his defense, only William H. Macy can pull of the drooping mustache and sad-sack melting-face visage required of Marmaduke’s hell-cursed owner.
Miss Othmar
December 22nd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Trial by Joey. Heh.
Anonymous
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:36 pm
It just figures that I’d get a runner’s up the one day I decide to log in anonymously from work. Still, an honor!
Earthgirl
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Aaaand let’s try that again.
Earthgirl
December 22nd, 2009 at 8:47 pm
33 — did you expect any less?
And I wish I’d added this to the comment that made the cut, but here it is now: I get the feeling that Greg Evans gained all of his knowledge of Australian culture from listening to Slim Dusty songs, except I doubt that he even did enough research to even know who that is.
Aaron
December 23rd, 2009 at 1:23 am
Holy crap, I’m on the float! With all the actually funny people.
I am not worthy! I am not worthy!
Gold-Digging Nanny
December 23rd, 2009 at 8:06 pm
I realize I’m a few days behind on reading, but my gosh we have some great comments this week. Congratulations everyone!
zerorest
December 24th, 2009 at 1:11 am
Did anyone notice the Lio cartoon today? It appears that he had some bum buy him a bottle of booze for his fathers birthday prez. This is wrong on so many levels my head spins (unfortunate and gratuitoud use of language). Is that the message we want to be sending to our adolescent readers about Christmas? Yeah just buy the old alky some squeeze and maybe he won’t beat you as bad this Holiday Season. Ho Ho Ho hope you black out and miss Christmas Dad. Anyone else?
dale
December 24th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
zerorest -
I did, indeed, notice. I wondered whether Lio paid the guy or the guy was just giving the stuff away. Either way, it was really stupid.
Actually, I dislike Lio more than I ever let on. If I were honest about it, I would be reduced to using seriously impolite language and people would respond by dumping figurative buckets of icky-poo on my head.