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Tuesday quickies

Spider-Man, 1/26/10

Congratulations, Spider-Man! You have produced the most gratuitous and pointless instance of a lady taking her shirt off in the comics in the long history of that particular art form. “You’ll have to do it in Miami, where women are required by law to walk around in their bras! Remember, Miami is America’s Capital of Tits!”

Blondie, 1/26/10

“Oh, yeah, I forgot! It was easy for me to forget, seeing as the late ’80s were over 20 years ago and all.”

197 responses to “Tuesday quickies”

  1. Comcis Fan
    January 26th, 2010 at 11:42 am [Reply]

    (Moving from old thread):

    FW: In panel three, Susan looks devastated that Les has dissed her joke. Little does she know that she had him at “frieze,” that he’s actually moaning in ecstacy rather than groaning at her pun, which has made him, at this very moment, fall deeply in love. Methinks that door handle in the background will be turning at any moment, and we’ll be treated to the awkward moment when Kayla walks in to discover their blossoming nerdly passion.

    FC: Grandma (backstage, after the scene): That’s it! I can’t work with this material. “How did you find school today, Billy?” Who talks to a kid like that? And where are my damn cigarettes?

    MW: Is Dawn stewing a daddy-bunny on the stove, or is there a fire in a file cabinet?

    Luann: Gotta love Gunther, “way out of my skill set, Knute.” And only in Luann would they visually hint that the high school was producing a play called “Wet Side Story.”

    BB: Sarge realizes he may have drooled in Cookie’s kitchen.

    DtM: Again, Dennis is sweet, not menacing, something the strip seems to be recognizing for the first time in 60 years. Perhaps the title will be changed, more appropriately, to Dennis the Menaced.

    RMMD: Someday Sarah will grow into her 35-year-old face.

  2. Calico
    January 26th, 2010 at 11:50 am [Reply]

    “I’m bad, I’m bad…I’m really really…”
    Oh, what the hey-ho.
    Maybe next Alexander will come home from a jam band concert and say, “Dad, that was one SICK show!”

  3. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 26th, 2010 at 11:55 am [Reply]

    Not being one to ever see a woman showing off her lady parts, I’m flummoxed by Mary Jane’s brassiere. This doesn’t seem to be her type. I imagined something lacy with the nipples cut out. Maybe cherubs or something. Ladies, what do you call a bra like this?

  4. zenvelo
    January 26th, 2010 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    meanwhile, Hi and Lois is jumping on the Anti-Obama bandwagon by criticizing his bowling- an “issue” that came up eighteen months ago during the election campaign!

  5. zenvelo
    January 26th, 2010 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    There are no arms on the chair that Alexander is on. Why does he have his leg up in such an awkward position? Is he trying to teach Daisy how to pee like the boy dogs?

  6. Randy
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    What is Mary Jane’s bra made of? It looks like it is held together with rivets.

  7. TheDiva
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    C’shaft: It’s not the malapropism that has Pam glaring, but the knowledge that her dad is merely paying lip service to the idea of giving her a present. It’ll be a slightly dirty card bought at the last second at the 7-11 from the corner again for her this year.

    FW: Maybe they should change the name of this strip to “Hypocrisy Unlimited.”

    reFOOB: I suppose saying “This is all YOUR fault, you single man-chasing whore” would have been too much…

    Luann: I look forward to Gunther’s humiliating tone-deaf audition.

    Marvin: Marvin has a female counterpart? God help us all if they breed.

    MW: Dawn, are you familiar with the term “Electra complex”…?

  8. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    Of course! Mary Jane has riveting cleavage!

  9. Poteet
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Since we’ve leaped forward to another thread, allow me to say here that the COTW list was very impressively funny this week. I salute Ned Ryerson and the hiccups-inducing runners-up.

  10. Chip Whittle
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:08 pm [Reply]

    Meanwhile in Apartment 3-G Tommie makes up elaborate tales of piano-playing experience in the hope of attracting any sort of human contact not involving being ordered by a memo pad to “BATHROOM!”.

    Dick Tracy: the band is Kid Vicious and the Ringtones? I must have been up too late last night. I could actually see that working, bringing the ‘number of things in Dick Tracy that I could actually see working’ for this millennium up to 1.

    Edge City: Len didn’t tell Abby about the cigars because he knows since smoking can cause lung cancer, “tree-killer” Abby’s liable to decide it’s better to kill him now than wait for the potential horrible death in his future.

  11. BowToTheBard
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Huh. All the blood rushing to my crotch is making it harder to focus on the suck. Well played, Stan Lee.

  12. skullcrusherjones
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    Blondie is about to shove that spoon up a ‘bad’ place.

  13. Randy
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    MT: Mark’s “no problem” response to “you’ll have to do most of the paddling” is more accurately rendered as “Hot damn! Bend over, Senator!”

  14. Poteet
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#8): Per yesterthread, sounds like your coworker, with that combination of tattling and hypocrisy, is collecting some bad karma. Yuck.

  15. Batman Beatles
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:14 pm [Reply]

    9CL – Ah so that’s where Edda gets it.

  16. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Gratuitous? I beg to differ. Unlike Peter, MJ’s brassiere is actually fulfilling a purpose. If her lingerie goes toe-to-toe with Sabertooth, he may actually have something to worry about.

    Blondie: This just in: the Bumsteads are white.

    JP: “I always hoped this day wouldn’t come so soon. But you can’t keep your children away from footwear design forever.”

    9CL: You always knew there was a spike in births after WW2. Now learn the horrifying details behind the boom.

    Marvin: Dammit. No matter how many times I blink it’s still there.

    MW: “Dad, I think I should see other parents.”

    Phantom: Evidently the good captain’s memory has faded with the blonde in her hair. Gotta admit, though, the boot to Phantom’s jaw is kinda karmic at this point.

    C-Shaft: On the Crankshaft Scale of Assholishness, what does using “dimensions” instead of “sizes” rate? Somewhere around a 0.01, I’m thinking.

    Luann: I see Gunther getting Doc, maybe Lieutenant Schrank. Do they have any romantic scenes with Maria? Gun-gun may try rewriting the script.

    BB: Well, the prime suspect in the missing doughnut case is frozen to the spot, right next to Lt. Flap. As to where the DNA samples came from, I’m sure I don’t want to know.

  17. Poteet
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:22 pm [Reply]

    DT — Please let that bomb go off very, very soon.

    LUANN — Gunther and Luann as Tony and Maria. There has got to be some kind of theatrical law against this.

  18. ohyes
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:23 pm [Reply]

    So, Spiderman goes old-school Apartment 3G, as a lady takes off her labor-market-participation clothes right there on the funny pages. Lingerie was lacier, back in the day. There was a full slip over the bra, people, come on!

    Dagwood would be more up-to-date if he told Blondie she looked “phat” and “sick.”

    But be careful – the wooden spoon really smarts!

  19. Zaratustra
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    Sabertooth, or Miami? Who among us wouldn’t hesitate.

  20. Perky Bird
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

    Dennis, praying for the forgiveness of those who have wronged you is not menacing. You should be praying that an angry, vengeful God smites them with brimstone and fire, or, at the very least, a giant zit on their ass.

  21. BRWombat
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Personally, I can’t wait for the drug-related hijinks that ensue when Dagwood first hears Alexander call something “dope.”

  22. Baka Gaijin
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Call me a cab. I don’t think I can drive home tonight. I spontaneously laughed at Family Circus. It’s an ancient joke that I’ve heard a bazillion times. I knew the punchline before I finished Grammy’s speech bubble. But I laughed. I couldn’t stop it.

  23. Amateur
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: “I’se so fwaid”?? Are you KIDDING me? Has someone been giving this kid language lessons from Gone with the Wind?

  24. commodorejohn
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    A3G – “So. ‘Heart & Soul,’ then?”

    Archie – Archie is better political satire than most editorial cartoons.

    AS – Hi, Mr. Hillburn! Welcome to 1997!

    BBlue – You know, for all the mean things I’ve said about Dick Tracy, at least it’s never given us a “human” with one dual-pupiled eye and a head constructed of two perpendicular ovals.

    Curtis – Man, fuck Barry.

    DT – The Ringtones? Do they play shoddy general MIDI covers of popular tunes? Or vaguely genre-ish but utterly ambiguous five-second snippets?

    FW – This might seem like just another case of a couple Winkerverse adults banging jokes in order to stave off their barely-repressed death-wishes, but remember that Susan here has the crazy stalkery unrequited crush on Les. Doubtless this means she’s about five minutes from threatening suicide because he insulted her ability to make obscurely stupid puns. Don’t worry, Susan! Soon Cayla will finally give up on him, and then you can be the one futilely seeking his love while he mopes at you about his dead wife!

    GT – “Yeah, you’re new here, aren’t you? This is just how sports work in Milford. You know one year we had a retired mailman from Kentucky giving out vaguely sexual baseball advice?”

    JP – So Judge Parker is going to feature a French kid with a foot fetish? I kind of figured that’d be the next in the long line of horrifying suitors in Luann.

    Love Is… – going somewhere where public nudity is even less acceptable.


    MW – Every now and again, Mary Worth will go beyond its usual stiffness of pose and bring us something absolutely gut-busting. Dawn in panel two is a prime example. What is she staring at? Why is she leaning? How is she talking with her lips angrily pursed? Why is she dressed like a bottle of grape soda? There isn’t a single thing about her that isn’t hilariously baffling.

    PBS – There just aren’t enough hand grenades in the funny pages.

    Phantom – That’s it. We need a fighting game based on The Phantom.

    RMMD – I have to wonder if the point behind all these Sarah’s-eye shots of Brooke isn’t so that Nolan can practice drawing breasts from behind. It’s trickier than it sounds.

    SM – And now I remember why I read this strip.

  25. The Spectre
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    I’m just going to convince myself that Alexander is watching a film for its “so-bad-it’s-good” value and either 1) isn’t particularly good at communicating this appeal or 2) is humoring his old man.

  26. Nekrotzar
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    A long time ago, Bill Watterson decided to see what he could get away with by running a series of strips in which Calvin just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger, with no other dialog or even attempts at humor. After a few days, Watterson chickened out and wrapped things up, actually with a decent punch line (“How’s your homework coming?” “I’ve almost started.”)

    I mention this because I think that SpiderMan is doing the something similar, making each plot more and more pathetic do see how far it can go without getting cancelled. I mean, look at this progression:

    * SpiderMan defeats the bad guy by standing there while a passerby captures him

    * SpiderMan defeats the bad guy with a vacuum cleaner.

    * SpiderMan defeats the bad guy by running and hiding in his apartment

    * SpiderMan defeats the bad guy by climbing in bed, pulling the covers over his head, and silently weeping.

  27. BigTed
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:39 pm [Reply]

    So when Peter takes off his shirt he changes from a superhero to a regular guy, but whenever Mary Jane takes off her shirt she reveals some pretty amazing powers of her own.

  28. Mela
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    I wonder how many papers will be forced by reader demand to cancel Spider-Man now that it’s dared to remind those tender readers about the existence of bras.

    ReFOOB: Yes, nothing takes one’s mind off of your friend’s lunatic heart being broken by a destined-to-be horrible, wicked Quebecoise quite like sending her to a burlesque show.

    FW: And Susie’s back in the garage with the station wagon running thanks to Les rejecting her attempted joke.

    Luann: If Greg-Evans’-creepy-nice-guy-proxy winds up with the lead, is it too much to ask for someone to get ultra-realistic with the knife fight scene? He seems to be following Batiuk’s lead in sucking all of the joy out of his earlier work, but instead of constant misery & despair, Evans is using bizarrely icky pseudo-soap opera. On the whole, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I’ll take Batiuk. At least the over-the-top misery can be amusing.

    My Cage: I want “loser, not a fighter” on a T-shirt.

    Pluggers: Pluggers save their hair clippings? Or is it that they simply have no idea what financial terms actually mean?

    Zits: On second thought, I’d rather my mother be like this. She usually listed off horrible chores to be done on snow days.

  29. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Y52 Muffaroo,
    Y’know, when I saw today’s Family Circus I thought about the Bonzo “Doo-
    Dah” Dog Band, which always cheers. I didn’t expect anyone else to make the reference. Cool.

  30. Mibbitmaker
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    A3G: Ooh, gee, what’re the chances of THAT happening?!

    Blondie: His lack of robot puppets should’ve tipped you off, Dag.

    Curtis: Barry playing the victim again? Hey, works for Jay Leno.

    FW: Yeah, it was bad, but look who’s talking, Henny!

    MT: “Ducks learn early on to agree with themselves on things.” — Mark Trail Sunday (unpublished)

    RMMD: There’s alot of that going around, Brook.

    Phantom: Does everyone in this storyline keep calling people something they’re not, all the time? Yeah, DePaul & Ryan, great job with the strip, Vegas show girls!

  31. odinthor
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    Luann. — ♫ You’re no good,/You’re no good,/You’re no earthly good… ♪

    RMMD. — Ladies and gentlemen, we are proud to announce that the part of Sarah will be played today by screen legend Louise Brooks!

  32. Poteet
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    9CL: the tale of three generations of women who see sex as a combination of performance art, public display, and competitive athletic event. Except we know who really sees sex that way.

  33. Bizarro Stormy
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:48 pm [Reply]

    Tomorrow on Blondie: Alexander has a friend over and calls him “da bomb” in panel one; Dagwood is tackled by airport security in panel three.

  34. Baka Gaijin
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: Here’s how it’s gonna play out: Tommie gets her hopes up that she’ll meet a man. Ruby somehow ends up at the playhouse, resplendent in hair bows made from mylar garbage bags, and pushes Tommie into the new, “interesting” man who doesn’t wear a bandana because she’s too stupid bashful to do it herself. He’s inexplicably attracted to her like baby puke lint to a salmon-colored suit, much like every available young guy in “Luann” is to Luann. After numerous spectacular dates that occur off-panel, she predictably and boringly decides to stay in her rut (mind out of the gutter) with the girls in the apartment rather than jet off to fabulous Beverly Hills or Geneva or Paris and lead a life of glamour and excitement with a man who’s not a Twang Shriveler. Yawn. The highlight of the entire next 3 months is a catty Margo cameo.*

    Zits: Damn, Jeremy, even the cats say you sleep too much.

    Cathy: Change “apps” for “shoes” or “bathing suits” and you’d be looking in a mirror. At least he’s not spending you into the poorhouse with all those $1 apps.

    Pluggers: The barber did give you a discount on cutting your chrome dome. He added a charge to dethatch those matted ears of yours.

    Drabble: This strip should be linked to Urban Dictionary under “TMI.”

    * When I searched for a synonym for “exciting,” Seborrheic Keratosis was the first word advertised on I’m not Googling it.

  35. Josharella
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    As a resident of New Orleans, it’s nice to come back to the office on Tuesday– after phoning in hungover on Monday– to see that Mary Jane Parker is such a fan of the New Orleans Saints she already has her ticket to the Super Bowl, and is practicing her flashing skills in order to rack up large amounts of black and gold beads.

  36. JC Lisbon
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Well how can you expect Alexander to master the slang of today’s youth when he can’t even grasp the concepts of “not wearing striped pants that match his hair” or “sitting in chairs”?

  37. Carlo
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Finally, Spider-man is getting interesting! Blondie, take note.

    As far as Luann is concerned (I probably give this too much thought): In the Evans universe of characters, Luann is cute-ish, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that she and Quinn could end up together. But that Gunther’s a fuggo who’s going to end up living with his mother’s corpse months after she expires.

  38. Larry McAwful
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

    Word, Alexander. You are the funky cool medina.

  39. Larry McAwful
    January 26th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    Sorry, that’s “funky cold medina.” I be illin’, yo.

  40. ElkMeadow
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    I wish someone would find out what Evans was taking when he came up with the West Side story would be GREAT line, and have it banned.

  41. mollificent
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#17) re: Luann: You said it, sister. I’ve got a baaaaaad feeling about this. And not in a late ’80s way, either. All I can say is, if Gunther gets “Tony”, I’m dropping Luann from my lineup. I can’t bear to see one of the world’s best musicals defaced. (And having recently experienced renewed overtures from my own personal Gunther, I don’t need any reminders. Ugh.) Hell, even if Quill gets it we’re just going to see Gunth moping around sulking about it. Double ugh.

    Spiderman: It’s true! Don’t tell me our TV-watchin’ Spidey hasn’t ever seen “CSI: Miami”. (Mmm…Adam Rodriguez…*drool*)

  42. ElkMeadow
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    MW DNA! DNA! DNA! And Dawn, you have to take a test too.

    No test, Wilbur, No food for you. And Kurt says, “Oh, my! Look at the time! Gotta run!” and leaves with the passwords to all of Wilbur’s bank accounts.

  43. Carlo
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @31 Odinthor: If you’re so inclined, I like this version of the song by the Schlongs.

  44. mollificent
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    @Larry McAwful (#39): LOL! OK, I admit it…I have “Funky Cold Medina” and “Wild Thing” on my iPod. Someone put them on a mix tape for me way back in the day ;) and I found them so hilarious that I had to get them from iTunes when I transferred everything over. Go ahead, mock me. I can take it.

  45. Carlo
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    Make that Schlong, not the Schlongs.

  46. Baka Gaijin
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman, panel 3: Why does Peter look like the victim of a drive-by prostate exam?

    Luann: Gunther you putz. You’ve seen how many guys cockblocked you in the past 30 years? Have you noticed something? None has ever worn cartesian coordinates as outerwear. Not even ironically. None go out of the house with a hairstyle inspired by Nancy. Ditch the contacts, they make you look all stalkery with those creepy evilscaryclown beady eyes. Pretty much what I’m saying is, whatever your first impulse, do the opposite.

  47. Danel
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

    To be fair to Alexander, his comment might not be totally inane – he could be watching the movie for the same reason that most people read Blondie, that is, to gain enjoyment and pleasure from laughing at how awful it is.

  48. Pozzo
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    “Oh yeah, I forgot! I was so busy focusing on how torn-up jeans cost more than brand-new ones.” Once again, a legacy strip mines comedy gold!

  49. Larry McAwful
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:12 pm [Reply]

    Yo, slow your roll. Those tunes are rad, homie.

  50. Larry McAwful
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    @44 mollificent – Comment No. 49 was meant for you.

  51. Poteet
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#41): Nooooo, please don’t drop it! I was counting on you to help us get through this storyline, whatever befalls. Though the possibilities are indeed ghastly. I suppose Tiffany could end up as Anita.

  52. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

    Tommie Thompson, with only a half hour’s notice, plays the piano for Mr. BigTime Broadway Producer. He twirls the tip of his cigar in his mouth as though he were biting one of her large nipples. Upon finishing, he tells Bandana Boy that he doesn’t want to produce his musical but instead will put Tommie Thompson on stage in a one woman show! Tommie gushes. The next thing she knows, Tommie is being wined and dined among the celebrities of Manhattan, all applauding her and wishing her well. She opens to wide acclaim and is given a summer replacement series on the Dumont Network. Mr. BigTime Broadway Producer proposes and Margo and Luann serve as bridesmaids. Aunt Ruby handles the catering. As the groom is about to place the ring on her finger, Dr. Papagoras enters the chapel with a machine gun and exclaims that no man will have Tommie but him. Riot ensues as he sprays the church with gunfire. The pastor, the flower girl, and a Rubenesque aunt in a hat all die from ricocheting bullets. He takes Tommie to a secluded cabin in the backwoods of Idaho where she’s forced to fix his meals and perform oral sex upon him. One Christmas, as a gift, he gives her a child’s play piano. That spring, a group of New York anthropologists are searching for Bigfoot and hear Tommie playing. They realize that it’s her and call in the Feds. Tommie is rescued and Dr. Papagoras goes down in a hail of gunfire, cursing the world and crying for his love. Tommie returns to Manhattan and triumphantly rejoins Mr. BigTime Broadway Producer and the stage of the Shubert. Curtain closes, lights fade.

  53. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Anita? No. Anita? NO!!!

  54. Ellie
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    Did Wilbur drive all the way home with those fish on a string dangling from his fingers???

  55. Baka Gaijin
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Dingo, yesterthread’s news from work: What a wang shriveler.

  56. TheDiva
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#16): I think Gunther should be cast as the nerdy guy who runs the school dance (Gladhand?). Nothing would be more satisfactory than to stick him in an ugly 1950s suit and have him stew in the background while Quill and Luann enact the “love at first sight” scene.

  57. Batman Beatles
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Luann – Gunther will end up making the costumes.

  58. Chyron HR
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:28 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#44): I have “Funky Cold Medina” and “Wild Thing” on my iPod.

    Wait, those really are different songs? I thought MTV was just messing with my head!

  59. Black Drazon
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    I for one look forward to Spider Man standing in the washroom near the beach, stripping down to his bathing trunks only to notice as he is out of the stall washing his hands that he was wearing them over his Spider-Suit and needs to get changed fast.

  60. Sciencegiant
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman Yes. Or “Miami” could be their codeword for breast frottage…

  61. Digger
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    So if a superhero tries to defeat his enemies simply by hiding and hoping they go away, can he really still call himself a superhero? Hey, I’m good at avoiding people I don’t like, and I didn’t even get bitten by a radioactive spider.

  62. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    It just struck me that if Barry from Curtis ever reaches adulthood, he’s not going to do very well in life. Oh sure, he can manipulate his mother against Curtis. Curtis’ parents don’t really like him, so not much of an accomplishment there. But as a rule, no one’s going to be impressed by a man who runs and cries and says he’s “so afwaid.”

  63. Buck Ripsnort
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    For all the readers getting hubba-hubba over panel 2 of Spider-Man, NO! Just–just no, dammit. I can get hot for Baretto’s babes, the Phantom’s phine-ness, Blondie’s bosom– hell, after a couple drinks, even Tina in Luann. But that sketchy stick-figure of Mary Jane just makes me pine for John Romita, Jr. And his drawing, too.

  64. ElkMeadow
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    @Randy (#6): Someone did his bra homework from an old Sears cataloge, and not Victoria’s Secret.

  65. trey le parc
    January 26th, 2010 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

    SM: If the writers of this strip have discovered that men will intently study a small drawing if it contains a woman in the act of potentially exposing her breasts, I look forward to the impending arrival of Knockers, Mary Jane’s latest rival for the attention of her husband and NYC’s newest purveyor of gratuitous decolletage.

    RMMD: Having tired of rendering June’s perfect torso in all manners of demure clothing the artist slyly moves on and tackles Brooke’s can. So where is the light located that casts a perfectly round shadow on Brooke’s butt? All that kitchen is missing is a pole.

    JP: You can almost hear Sam cracking his hairy knuckles, his mind racing for a reason to strike the Gallic interloper.

  66. McManx
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:07 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman — With MJ’s impressive rack readily at hand, Peter’s spider-sense should be going off — in his pants! But then, Petie’s bewildered look in panel 3 suggests it did, prematurely.

    Mark Trail — “…and giant mutant talking woodducks are just part of the Paradise Lake ecosystem, Senator.”

    Phantom — There is something satisfying about seeing GWW getting his stripedy ass handed to him. There is something satisfyingly HOT about a female in a skin-tight captain’s uniform doing the ass-handing.

  67. AmazingThor
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:15 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Shouldn’t it have come full circle now so that Dagwood is the one explaining the use of “bad” to his son? “You see, junior, in my day we used ‘bad’ to mean good.”

  68. Calico
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#3):
    I call it big, clunky, old-fashioned, and uncomfortable.
    Sports bras are the best – no nasty metal, breaking clasps, chafing nylon lace, etc.
    BURN IT, MJ!

  69. Anonymous
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    @Josharella (#35): Dammit. Josharella, I was going to make a New orlean’s Joke, but you barely beat me to it.

    To make matters worse, I’m from Minnesota.

  70. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:18 pm [Reply]

    @Chyron HR (#58):

    Not the only ones, either. e.g. George Thoroughbad and the Massachusetts Mayhem doing “I Drink a Bone” and “Bad When Alone.”

  71. Mibbitmaker
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Jay Leno: “David Letterman is making fun of me FOR NO GOOD REASON!”

  72. Calico
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Oh, and Dingo, I echo the chorus of “Christ, what an Asshole” Re: your snively co-worker.
    I’ve been there and done that in a way, but a different situation. Long time ago.
    Nepotism rules too, eh? : P

  73. Col. Havoc
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Hmmm…new site design didn’t have my “Auto-Identity” for #69…

    Probably should comment more often.

  74. Hank
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    @zenvelo (#5): My friend, if you consider a gentle little joke about a president’s bowling ability that even Leno would consider tame to be “jumping on the anti-Obama bandwagon,” you might want to develop a little thicker skin over the next couple of years. Otherwise, by 2012, regardless of who wins that election, you’ll probably be a sobbing wreck cowering under a Shepard Fairey ‘hope’ poster. Now please let’s drop the political bitchery before we get a flame war going. If you want to talk politics head over to DailyKos or Free Republic or something.

  75. Calico
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#64):
    “Is that a real bra, or a Sears bra?” : D

  76. ohyes
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: Since Brooke didn’t use the 5 minutes to get dressed that she was given on first call, Rex and June have dressed her in one of those special black latex skirts with a bare bottom. It looks so good when the maid does the dishes in her yellow rubber gloves and black latex skirt – except that Brooke is doing it wrong. You’re not supposed to wear sweatpants too!

  77. gnome de blog
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#52): What about Bobbie Merrill? I see her following Aristotle to Idaho, where they engage in a running gun battle across the Arco desert. Ari and Tommie escape by jumping a motorcylce across the Snake River Canyon at Twin Falls and down into the wild Owyhee Range. Sooner or later, Bobbie picks up the trail again and pins them down in their lonely sheepherder’s cabin. The siege lasts for weeks. Ari chains Tommie in to a log as bait, and finally finishes off Bobbie when her hatred of Tommie flushes her out.

    Then the feds show up and etc. etc.

  78. bman
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    I’ll give the Spiderman artist credit for trying to channel MJ’s sex appeal, but that titanium granny brassiere won’t cut it.

    Also, it’s clearly a convenience for the Blondie writers to be stuck in the bad = good mentality. See, the kids today don’t really think their comic sucks… they’re being ironic.

  79. AmazingThor
    January 26th, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    S-M: It took me a second to figure out Pete’s puzzled expression in the last panel. Then I realized that by “spending more time with his lovely wife” he was refering to the TV. Now he’s trying to figure out why his television is moving to Miami. “Put your enormous breasts away, MJ, you’re blocking my view of ‘According to Jim’!”

  80. Comcis Fan
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    #57 Batman Beatles: And measuring Luann’s chest, in keeping with the hot-and-bothered-teen theme of the comic strip. He’s BTDT in the past two years.

  81. Ed Dravecky
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Great Caruso’s ghost! If there’s one strip with more potential than Spider-Man for inaction and inanity, it has to be Spider-Man: Miami.

  82. Bitter Scribe
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:09 pm [Reply]

    My psychic powers tell me that Sabretooth is headed for Miami.

    I’m always grateful when Dagwood’s son shows up in Blondie, because it reminds me of the physical difference between them. Son = two hairs sticking out of each side of head. Dagwood = four hairs.

  83. Ned Ryerson
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    JP: Julian “Jules” Edgemont, young, talented designer of ladies’ shoes? Oh yeah, this is going to be good.

    Sam’s reaction: ladies’ shoes, eh?

  84. Sans Sense
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:32 pm [Reply]


    That’s right Wilbur, don’t clean those fish. They taste a hulluva lot better with guts when you boil them. Also, nice trick with the hat. I am assuming you are using it to cover the fishes’ eyes so they don’t have to see Dawn’s hissy fit. Sheesh, no wonder Drew two-timed her! AND where did Dawn get that shirt? At the aquarium gift shop? Mary better set this straight… and soon.

  85. gnome de blog
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    So Tommie had 12 years of piano, and probably hasn’t played in 20, and she’s volunteering to sit down on no notice and thump out music she’s never seen. Especially since Tommie hasn’t exhibited a shred of confidence about anything since 1967.

  86. Numbat
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#62):

    Case in point – Spiderman

  87. Little Guy
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:39 pm [Reply]


    * “The Amazing Spiderman, sponsored by Playtex”
    * “Mary-Jane Parker, Warrior Princess”
    * “I dreamed I was in a slow-moving non-sensical plotline of a comic strip while in my Maidenform bra…”

    ..and I’m spent.

  88. Sans Sense
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#85):

    BUT when it is apparent Tommie is in over her head Margo will jump in and pound out whatever Cowfunk crap Blake is peddling.

  89. BananaSam
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    I’m the resident expert of sitting in ways that appear uncomfortable, and even I don’t know what Alexander is trying to accomplish with his leg up in the air like that. I dunno though, maybe that is the way you are supposed to sit on those weird chaise lounge-armchair-ottoman hybrids the Bumsteads insist on owning in exclusion of all other furniture.

  90. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

  91. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:48 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#77): I was hoping that after the wedding bloodbath, Tommie would go all “Kill Bill” on Ari (Bury Ari?), who would try to take her out first with his team of deadly assassins: Luann, who has mastered the ancient art of boring someone to death in record time; Ruby, lightening-quick with the hair-ribbon garrotte; and most deadly of all, Margo, whose vast arsenal of withering scorn and scathing condescension inspires terror in all who encounter her. Tommie, of course, out-bores Luann easily, and she confuses Ruby with their identical hairdos. But she’s no match for Margo, who soon reduces Tommie to limp, quivering shreds of abject self-doubt. Ari tries to “reward” Margo with a big ole dose of Greek rice-pudding love, but Margo’s reaction when she sees his timid, hopeful member instantly destroys Ari’s manhood, and he spends the rest of his life seeking pitiful conquests with pill-dependent rageaholics.

  92. Marthas Rolling Pin
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:50 pm [Reply]

    @Little Guy (#87): That didn’t take long.

  93. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    On the Mary Jane Bra Brouhaha (Brahaha?): I’m a big fan of lacy lingerie (as in, wearing it), and I think that’s what they’re going for here, but I have to agree with those who say it’s more “support garment for the full-figured, older woman” and less “sexy underthings.” Then again, if I were shopping for something pretty, I wouldn’t be looking for heavily reinforced, thick, gray cotton in the “Foundations” department of the local K-Mart.

    But all you granny-panty fans out there, just wait until tomorrow’s SM!

  94. Bryan
    January 26th, 2010 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

    Phantom: The way I’m reading this is that Captain Savarna only knew the Phantom in his civilian guise as Kit Walker. During the whole Crocco epic, did she ever see him in uniform? I can’t recall. Given that this is a superhero strip, everyone has to be dumb as a box of hammers not to see through the disguise, even our lovely, leggy captain.

    @commodorejohn (#24): Curtis – Man, fuck Barry.

    No kidding! Is there a single child character in this strip who isn’t a complete shitheel?

  95. tb4000
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Damn, between MJ’s frilly brassiere and the ass crack in Rex Morgan and A3G, the comics pages are turning into The Thorn Birds. Land a goshen.

  96. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    @Bryan (#94): without going back to check, that is what I believe is going on in Phantom as well. Stripy-butt was in civvies not spandex through that arc, if memory serves.

  97. Marthas Rolling Pin
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:16 pm [Reply]

    @Bryan (#94):
    Chutney may be a little dense, but she’s sweet, loyal and supportive of her Curtis.

  98. A Box Of Hammers
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:22 pm [Reply]

    @Bryan (#94): We boxes of hammers are getting quite tired of being singled out as a point of comparison for dumbness. I’d recommend finding another way to describe world-class stupidity, such as ‘dumber than a Mark Trail villain’. Think about it – do you really want boxes of angry hammers coming after you?

  99. ignatz
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Hank: Politics has nothing to do with the fact that it’s an incredibly lame “joke” that’s a year-and-a-half out of date.

  100. Mollificent at work
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:47 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#51): Oh, all right. We’ll get through it together. “There’s a snark for us…”

  101. UncleJeff
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Spider-Man: Miami — Can’t wait for the first attempt by Spidey to webswing along the beach by “fwipping” a palm tree!

    Pluggers: are cheap bastards.

    Luann: Why would any high school use “West Side Story” as a school musical production? It’s as anachronistic as “Showboat”. Great music but….. Too bad they’re not doing “Urinetown.” Or whatever was that thing that got the Funkytown cavemen so upset.

  102. bats :[
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    @Bryan (#94): I was thinking about this, too, and I believe you’re right. Kit was always in sunglasses, fedora, leather jacket and chinos on his previous adventure with the Good Captain (well, at least the ones not mashed by yours truly)….

  103. bats :[
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    @tb4000 (#95): and just think — it’s only Tuesday! What will the rest of the week hold?!

  104. Li’l Bunnë FooFoo
    January 26th, 2010 at 4:52 pm [Reply]

    Seriously, Spider-Man’s gone cheesecake now? Lacy bras from a strip that still doesn’t show male nipples, and which dressed Wolverine in a hoodie rather than show any body hair? Say what you will about Judge Parker, but they are equal opportunity. Well, actually the cheesecake-to-beefcake ratio there is probably 2-to-1.

    And actually I might be wrong about the nipple thing. I’d go back and check, to back up my claims, but that would involve searching through lots of back-issues of SM till I find a shirtless Peter Parker, and I’d rather spend that time jabbing myself in the eye with a pencil.

  105. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 26th, 2010 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Li’l Bunnë FooFoo (#104):

    Well, actually, the cheesecake-to-beefcake ratio there is probably 2-to-1.

    I don’t think the ratio in JP is nearly that small; try 50 to 1 (with “50″ being the vast quantities of buxom babes, and “1″ being Cedric).

    SM: I find it almost impossible to believe that anyone could be dumber than Spiderman/Peter Parker, but if Sabretooth follows him to Miami in order to find Wolverine in New York, I’ll have to stand corrected.

  106. Poteet
    January 26th, 2010 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    @Mollificent at work (#100): Thank you, thank you. If it gets bad enough, we can consider bailing out together. I’m trying to imagine the worst so I’ll be prepared.

    Tony — Gunther
    Maria — Luann
    Anita — Tiffany
    Bernardo — Elwood
    Riff — Quill
    Graziella — Delta
    Action — Knute
    Anybodys — Bernice
    Officer Krupke — Crystal

  107. Perky Bird
    January 26th, 2010 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    I’m trying to find out just how Mary Jane is removing her shirt. First she lifts it over her boobs and leaves it there. Then she messes with the collar. Maybe I do things strangely, but I just grab the hem on my sweaters and pull them right off over my head–I don’t walk around with the hem resting coyly on my bosoms while I fiddle with the neckhole. Then again, maybe my husband would prefer that I try it the “Mary Jane Way”…

  108. 150
    January 26th, 2010 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    Oh, come on. Jeremy from Zits can’t say “sucks” without it being a national issue, but Mary Jane can just whip ‘em out whenever the storyline gets dull? Are the newspaper censors old ladies or teenage boys?

  109. Mary Kay Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#101): High schools rarely do West Side Story, actually, because the music is hyper-difficult for a non-professional orchestra (hemiola hey!).

  110. Mary Kay Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 5:32 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#3): It’s an industrial-strength all-day bra. One you wear when nobody is going to see it.

  111. Baka Gaijin
    January 26th, 2010 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @150 (#108): The difference is that Jeremy is a bratty egotistical narcissistic narrowminded piggish pinhead that no one likes. Mary Jane’s a nice person and that extends to her impressive sweater puppies. We feel sorrow when they’re being held prisoner in a steel belted radial 1950′s torpedo bra. Possibly NSFW link.

  112. commodorejohn
    January 26th, 2010 at 5:54 pm [Reply]

    @150 (#108): If Mary-Jane whipped ‘em out whenever the storyline got dull, Spider-Man would make Judge Parker look positively Amish.

  113. Bryan
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:00 pm [Reply]

    @Marthas Rolling Pin (#97): Chutney may be a little dense, but she’s sweet, loyal and supportive of her Curtis.

    Good point. OK, Chutney I like. “And when Eric von Zipper likes you, you stay liked.”

    @A Box Of Hammers (#98): Think about it – do you really want boxes of angry hammers coming after you?

    I’ve seen “The Wall” and would rather not have angry hammers coming after me. My humblest apologies, not only to the hammers I have maligned, but to all tools worldwide.

    @bats :[ (#102): Kit was always in sunglasses, fedora, leather jacket and chinos on his previous adventure with the Good Captain

    OK then, I think we’re getting a grasp on the plot ahead: The Phantom and Savarna sexily spar for awhile, until he convinces her that he’s not a pirate. He agrees to sign on with her automated crew and they grow closer together, all without the Phantom revealing his true identity. As she helps him mourn his dead wife (will we get to see the Phantom weeping into Savarna’s arms?) they find themselves falling in love. At the plot-appropriate moment, he unmasks and also reveals that the dead wife is actually Diana. Somehow Diana escapes from the 70′s-era AIP Women in Prison flick and reveals herself to the Phantom and there is much angst. Oh, and there’s the diaper babies to think about, but if the Phantom doesn’t care about them, I’m not going to either.
    Questions? Comments? Concerns?
    I just realized that this is the Wally Winkerbean plot, only with much hotter characters. Diana as Wally, Savarna as Comic Book-Store Guy and the Phantom as the Mousy, One-Armed Wife.

  114. Jesse C
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s bra was clearly drawn by a man who hasn’t seen one in at least 30 years.

  115. Poteet
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:14 pm [Reply]

    S-M — I occasionally see bras like this, but mostly on women who definitely need what is known as “support.” MJ’s sweaterpuppies appear quite able to scamper about on their own, so I don’t know why she’s wearing one.

  116. Hank
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:18 pm [Reply]

    @Jesse C (#114): Stan Lee and his brother Larry Lieber (the strip’s artist) are, respectively 87 and 78 years old. That’s probably the kind of bra they are used to seeing.

  117. Sheila Sternwell
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:19 pm [Reply]

    @Jesse C (#114): Or by a man who has only seen the larger bras with heavy-duty seams that make your boobs kinda funny shaped, as preferred by matrons everywhere. If he’d just gone with a darker shade of grey, the bra could pass as metal fetish gear that MJ has to wear to work. It would add a whole new level of pathos to the strip.

  118. Poteet
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    @Mary Kay Commando (#109): Well, that should make this production even better.

  119. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

    @Jesse C (#114): So Lee and Lieber are caught up in erotic nostalgia for their youth middle years, when women kept their girls under tight control, safely confined in girders and buttresses and quadruple-hooked synthetics, and a man had to fumble and struggle and strain to release them, the way God intended? None of this modern-day “jiggling” or those kids with their “nipples”—no sirree! “Hey! You! Get those bosoms offa my lawn!”

  120. Rusty's Ghost
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    Blaze … Blaze ..

    Yeah, right, Tommie! We guys have a grapevine, too, you know. And word on the street is, “dip your wick in A3G oil and die horribly.” Good thing Luann and I never went all the way, is all I’m saying.

  121. Jamus The Bartender
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:42 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: You don’t wanna get involved?? You’re watching her kid while she stalks your brother and you don’t wanna get involved? Unbelievable…..I know it’s a rerun, but still…
    Gasoline Alley: Heh. Skeezix is gonna get his first GI cut since ’45…..she doesn’t wanna get involved?? Saint Peter on a pogo stick…
    Luann: Ew….West Side Story. Jamus The Bartender has some negative memories involving that show. First, in high school, some of the cast members got drunk and dropped beer bottles onto the cars below, and once, during his community theater days, he played one of the Sharks because his skin tone was just right. Didn’t even have to audition……Elly doesn’t want to get involved !!
    Spider Man: Damn, MJ looks hot…..DOESN’T WANT TO GET INVOLVED !!
    Mary Worth: Dawn, M to the W done TOLD you not to meddle. And when Mary Worth says not to meddle, you best not be meddlin’. R’else.
    Judge Parker: Hm. A good story arc for foot fetishists everywhere.
    Rex Morgan: Damn. Brook fine.
    FC: Yeah, saw that one coming as I was scrolling down Grandma’s huge beehive.
    DtM: “…and forgive Elly Patterson for her cluelessness, for even though her brother is a musician and given to flights of fancy, and Connie is not the sharpest pencil in the drawer, and she is watching Lawrence, help her to see that she’s in this thing UP TO HER NECK!! Amen.”

  122. Écureuil Écumant
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

    FW: Of course the kids didn’t get the joke. The Elgin marbles? WTF? Kids haven’t played marbles in, like, forty years.

    A3G: They laughed when I sat down at the piano … But when I started to play!!

    (… they started throwing green mangoes)

  123. Jamus The Bartender
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#32): So….it’s not then?

  124. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:54 pm [Reply]

    A3G — I took 12 years of piano lessons, and I can barely keep up with my 7 year old now. You can’t convince me that Tommie, unless she practices regularly, is even halfway ready to help Blaze.

  125. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#123): It is if you’re doin’ it right. . . .

  126. gnome de blog
    January 26th, 2010 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

    @Perky Bird (#107): Mddesty Blaise took her sweater off that way once. She was handcuffed at the time. While the guy was fondling her breasts she killed him.

  127. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 26th, 2010 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @gnome de blog (#126): There’s actually a simple explanation that doesn’t, unfortunately, involve handcuffs or death: If one is wearing make-up, one might gather up the sweater before pulling it away from one’s face and over one’s head so as not to get make-up on it.

    That, or Lee & Lieber just wanted to draw boobies.

  128. Lou Shumaker
    January 26th, 2010 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of Urinetown, the local high school’s playing it, and running into flak from offended residents, stores refusing to put up the poster, and fewer sales for the program book. Yep, midstate Pennsylvania’s no New York City, thas for sure.

  129. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    mmm, boobies!

  130. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 26th, 2010 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    @Lou Shumaker (#128): Narrow-Mindedness: The Musical!

    (And that’s too bad–I loved Urinetown—and is there really much that’s actually offensive, other than the pee jokes?)

  131. Écureuil Écumant
    January 26th, 2010 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    H&L: Thirsty, kegler extraordinaire, lets fly some jaundiced humor. Some guys settle for trying to golf their age. Alas, Thirsty’s ambitious goal of getting his SGOT and SGPT below his average bowling score has proven frustratingly elusive.

  132. lostsyn
    January 26th, 2010 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    Luann: This better not turn into a Susan Boyle storyline
    Spider: So without spider man shots to sell, the Parkers are resorting to selling pictures of Mary Jane on a beach in Miami? They must not know much about the internet or the laws of supply and demand.

  133. Muffaroo
    January 26th, 2010 at 7:30 pm [Reply]

    @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#y55): Speaking of Deliverance (skip ahead if I’ve told this before) I was at Circuit City with a couple of friends, looking through the CDs. I happened upon Rhino’s “Appalachian Stomp” and was contemplating its contents when Elaine came up and asked “Whatcha got?” So I told her I was looking at the contents of this disk, which included Foggy Mountain Breakdown, Ballad of Jed Clampett, Orange Blossom Special, Duelling Banjos… “That’s my brother,” she said. Beg pardon?, I said. Turns out her brother is Steve Mandel, who was one half of the musicians in this famous track — the half that didn’t get much in the way of billing. So heck, I had to buy it then.

    @mollificent (#41): Trust me, they can be doing the best show ever written, but nobody in the “Luann” cast will ever be getting a Tony.

  134. ElkMeadow
    January 26th, 2010 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

    @lostsyn (#132): If it’s a Susan Boyle storyline, it’s because Bernice got Maria and Quill.

  135. MrGuy
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:22 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Clearly, Dagwood’s son is watching Mystery Science Theater 3000. Hence, “So Bad It’s Good” and I am able to cling to the feeble hope that most comics writers aren’t hopelessly clueless about pop culture.

  136. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    I’m finally having a dinner that I can brag about here: kale-peanut-pineapple stew over brown rice. Yum…..

    Now, how to connect it to the comics…. It looks nothing like something that Dawn would get out of a can? I’m eating from the bottom of the Elrod Food Chain? There’s rice—albeit not rice pudding—yet I’m not going to have hint at sexual activity with a portly and unethical shrink?

  137. Jamus The Bartender
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

  138. Anonymous
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Blondie sucks.
    For real.
    I asked Mr. Dithers.
    Why do you think that jerk Dagwood still works for for him.

  139. Mollificent at work
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:46 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#133): Haha! You win the Internet!

  140. tb4000
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:47 pm [Reply]

    Spidey: Stan Lee is disregarding his own continuity, because it’s obvious that no incarnation of Mary Jane Watson has EVER worn a bra.

  141. gnome de blog
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:50 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#91): Bobbie Merrill has to be in the game. She has enough repressed violence in her to star in a Bruce Willis movie. She’s probably handy with automatic weapons, too.

    Ruby would be on Tommie’s side, after Ari dumped her for Bobbie. Not only that, if this Lyle fellow Ruby’s porking is Bobbie’s miscreant husband we could have a three-way shootout.

  142. Thomas
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    See, I’m focusing more on Alexander’s mysteriously levitating right leg rather than his odd use of slang terms…

  143. Jesse C
    January 26th, 2010 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    My favorite part of the Spiderman strip is the way they are just casually stripping off their clothes as they talk about their day. I guess MJ wants to get sex out of the way so she can spend the rest of the evening watching Jersey Shore.

  144. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    For True Fable: pronk!

    for bats:[ : everybody loves mash-ups, right?

    Why being a One-eyed Wolfdog can get you into trouble sometimes. (somewhat naughty link.)

    another hedgehog squeee.

  145. Gabby
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:09 pm [Reply]

    MT That’s what she said.

  146. Phred22
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    No wonder Sabretooth is so angry. Currently this strip is about two guys with superpowers, him and Spiderman, plus an attractive female, MJ. Now observe which guy MJ is calling “Tiger.” UNFAIR, UNFAIR.

  147. BFE
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    S-M: Oh yeah, Parker, you are a moron. Not only are you running away from fighting a Supervillain in this continuity (It’s not like that’s not your job or anything) but in the continuity of the regular S-M comics, you sell your marriage to the Red-head hottie with the rack to the freaking DEVIL to keep your wizened, whiny Crone of an Aunt on this Mortal Plane for a few more years.

    Aaaaah! Just when I thought I had forgotten One More Day, today’s strip just brings it all rushing back.

    Peter Parker: Pissing readers off in all possible continuities since 1962.

    Luanne: Gunther as Tony. Why would anyone find that funny? Why is Evans shoving this skeevy little twit down our throats? Does he hate his audience that much.

  148. Sequitur
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Luann: I want to see Delta as Maria and Knute as Tony. YEAH!

  149. bats :[
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    @queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando (#144): shopping at the Tattooine Toy Store again, are we?

  150. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 26th, 2010 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#149): Or the Gift Shoppe on the Island of Dr. Moreau.

  151. Rachel K
    January 26th, 2010 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

    I would say this was some sort of sinister plot on the part of Stan Lee to keep impressionable youth from ever even thinking about sex, if I believed anyone under the age of 50 read the Spider-Man strip.

    (Also, now I will never be able to type the words “Spider-Man strip” here again without a little shiver of horror. Well played, Stan.)

  152. Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses
    January 26th, 2010 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Is…is Dawn going to break up with her father? I could get into this story yet. Then when Kurt is inevitably called away by his “uneasy restlessness,” and Iris admits that she was never going to come back anyway, we’d have a few good weeks of Wilbur quietly weeping and trolling facebook for other “lost” offspring of his.

  153. seismic-2
    January 26th, 2010 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Sun, Sand, Surf, and Spiders: Do Mary Jane’s breasts shoot out their own webbing?

  154. commodorejohn
    January 26th, 2010 at 10:35 pm [Reply]

    @seismic-2 (#153): Careful, or you’ll inspire a fan artist!

  155. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando
    January 26th, 2010 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

  156. seismic-2
    January 26th, 2010 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    Ah, the musical strains in today’s strips! The Luann folks singing and dancing their way into our hearts as faux-Puerto Ricans and faux-Italians, Tommie Thompson showing a virtuosity on the invisible piano that has been sitting in the middle of the living room of A-3G for these last 5 decades, and Dawn in panel two rehearsing for the big Charterstone Follies with her dazzling rendition of “I’m a little teapot, short and stout…”

  157. heynoni
    January 26th, 2010 at 11:21 pm [Reply]

    Peter Parker’s expression says, “Miami?! Do they have cable in Miami??”

  158. moogoogaipan
    January 26th, 2010 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    tomorrow, Blondie takes off her sweater and unleashes the big guns.

  159. Rhekarid
    January 27th, 2010 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    Having just demonstrated his proportionate ability to hide under a sofa from danger, it looks like Spider Man is about to show us his proportionate ability to also hide in someone’s clothing.

  160. ElkMeadow
    January 27th, 2010 at 1:04 am [Reply]

    @Sequitur (#148): Luann: I want to see Delta as Maria and Knute as Tony. YEAH!

    That does have possibilies. However, I would be so thrilled if the Drama and Music cliques would take over the whole thing and make the strip regulars be ushers and ticket sellers, thereby paying their dues for once. Unfortunately, I suspect we will see the same two faculty members that have been in the strip since Day One, and no one else.

    Death to T.J.

    And Kurt, maybe your long lost father is bald and has piecings. If not, there’s still a vacant “crib” you might crash at until you locate your next easy mark Daddy Maybe.

  161. Buck Ripsnort
    January 27th, 2010 at 1:24 am [Reply]

    Interestingly, A Much Better Strip Than Luann (Heart of the City) shoved its characters into a school theater production a couple weeks ago, except their nerd-boy was stuck in the Lighting dept. Gunther in the props or costume dept, I could believe. Especially if Tina is Maria and Delta is Tony.

  162. Mibbitmaker
    January 27th, 2010 at 1:47 am [Reply]

    the furshlugginer 27th:

    Cranky: Because they’re the ones who need diet stuff the most — DUH, Cranky!

    MW: FINALLY!!!

    JP: Ah, the other shoe drops (so to speak).

    RMMD: And that’s when Sarah pushed Brook down the stairs.

    S4th: And that’s when Ted pushed Sally’s sister down the stairs.

    MT: Those ducks won’t shut up!

    MG&G: “…and the Masturbating Bear, and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, and…”

    Phantom: “Aw, Kit, can’t I call you ‘pirate’ just one more time….?”

  163. ElkMeadow
    January 27th, 2010 at 1:56 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#162):
    MW Whoo-woo! DNA! DNA! Test, test the DNA!

  164. Ed Dravecky
    January 27th, 2010 at 2:21 am [Reply]

    1/27 Crock: I know what it looks like Otis is doing to that talking camel, completely inappropriate for a family newspaper, but I’m far more concerned about what word “boom” hastily replaced in that nonsensical word balloon. (Clearly, I need several kinds of help.)

  165. Mibbitmaker
    January 27th, 2010 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    …..And the 27th remaining:

    DT: Verrrrry carefully.

    OBH: Grandpa also loved Fleischer era Olive Oyl.

    SFx: Sucks to to you, bees.

    Ziggy: Isn’t that how we got into the whole mess in the first place?

  166. True Fable
    January 27th, 2010 at 2:30 am [Reply]

    Today’s snark has my Bullshit Meter running full tilt.

    Sam Driver’s Pretty People Posse! Whaaat? So Neddy’s moved her boyfriend in with her and Frail Old Scold Grandmother and her Ancient Pasty Bald Lover/Personal Butler AND Cedric the Impeccable Butler? Because I KNOW you ain’t sayin’ that Neddy’s giving up that apartment that Abbey just ponied 4 million dollars for, Woody. No way. And I don’t see how old Pruney Prude is going to let her open to doors for Mr. Shoe Designer. Uh uh, there’s something odd here. I want an explanation, starting with WHY AREN’T YOU USING CEDRIC?!

    Mary Worth, Destroyer of Worlds Oh my Wilbur. When Dawn is starting to make sense by suggesting the ONE THING that should have popped immediately into your mind the minute you heard about your possible “love child”, man you just KNOW there’s a wrinkle and fold in the blueprint of the universe.

    Apartment of DAMN I have not noticed a piano in Apartment 3-G before. And yet Tommie supposedly just sat down and played so well, Blaze wants her to join the band or some damn thing? Bullshit Alert! Bullshit Alert!

    Crack Unspeakably Disturbing Image! – What is not a boom box, Mr. or possible Ms. Camel? The hump on your back or the hump on… never mind. Suddenly I don’t want to know.

    Children of the Circle That’s “what part of your figurative ASS hasn’t been kissed yet”, Jeffy.

    Canadian Zombie Interesting how Lizzie keeps regressing in age. Next week she’ll be a zygote.

    Flaky Whatthehell Because sitting at the senior’s table uninvited means you are gay? What an interesting high school. In my day we’d have just splattered them with a volley of mashed potatoes or peas launched from spoon catapults.

    WTF GT He…he is still talking about basketball, isn’t he? Or did he just go directly into the Dirty Janitor routine?


  167. Just some guy
    January 27th, 2010 at 2:38 am [Reply]

    Yo what up Dad? I just be chilling with my homeslices. Radical, dude!!

  168. Poteet
    January 27th, 2010 at 2:50 am [Reply]

    @Jesse C (#143): Many years ago I read a book written by and for women that included accounts by real women about their sexual lives, with the stated purpose of making the reader feel comfortable with her own sexual style. The stories included a woman and her boyfriend who discussed their respective days at work WHILE they were having sex. Please, Peter and MJ, don’t take multitasking that far.

  169. Aviatrix
    January 27th, 2010 at 3:00 am [Reply]

    @Nekrotzar (#26): I totally believe that. How about “Spider-Man pretends he doesn’t notice the supervillain and goes on watching TV”?

    Well done, @Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™ (#52) and gnome de blog (#77). Those plot summaries will save me a lot of reading dialogue balloons and peering at oddly lined faces trying to figure out who is who for the next three years.

    @Calico (#68):I disagree. Sports bras are good for sports (up to a small C-cup), not looks. They operate on the squish-em-flat principle and can neither be removed with one hand nor using the through the sleeve technique (seen Flashdance?) without taking off your top.

  170. Poteet
    January 27th, 2010 at 3:11 am [Reply]

    1/27 MW — Dawn, you’ve just made an intelligent suggestion. *faints*

  171. Mr. O'Malley
    January 27th, 2010 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    A-3G: Well, there we go. This strip that can spend entire weeks on rice pudding and radiators skips right over the first potentially interesting thing that’s happened since we skipped over Margo’s meeting with the Dalai Lama that made her turn Catholic. I suppose pianos are too hard to draw. That’s why the only comic strip that has one is 9CL.

    Crankshaft: We’ve heard of the Toxic Taco before, but this is the first time we’ve seen it, as far as I remember. This appears to be the food court of a shopping mall. That would imply that there are shops there too—some functioning businesses in Westview other than pizzerias and comic book stores. Quite the radical departure.

    One can only shudder imagining the horror of the tacos produced by such a singularly non-Mexican establishment. They’re probably made with ground beef and American cheese.

    ReFoob: This is a plot right out of Production Code Hollywood. Throw yourself at a man before marriage and the inevitable result will be that your child will get a concussion. Or perhaps it’s more along the lines of let Ellie look after your child and the inevitable result will be that he will get a concussion. Of course she’s not going to make them wear helmets when they ride bicycles.

    JP: Can someone explain this? I thought that Neddy was something like 17 years old and was only allowed to go to Paris because she was being chaperoned by the old aunt. That was 4 years ago, or about 3 weeks in strip time. Now she’s shacked up with a sabot-selling seducer? Have I missed something?

    Lockhorns: I don’t understand this at all. He’s punching a bottle of milk?

    I like the 1960s fridge. Should be harvest gold or avocado though.

    MW: I bet they don’t do anything as modern as DNA testing. I bet they do the old-fashioned blood test.

    SF: Ted has been spending too much time watching television if he hasn’t noticed the furniture in his house disappearing.

    Dingo (previous thread): OK, I posted my comment.

  172. Sheila Sternwell
    January 27th, 2010 at 4:24 am [Reply]

    Wilbur’s getting all upset at the one sane, reasonable thing that’s been said lo these many weeks. Someone get him a sammich, stat, before he descends into a full-on hissy fit!

    Also, I’m about to smack that sister in “Sally Forth”, and for once I’m not talking about Ted.

  173. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2010 at 5:51 am [Reply]

    MW Panel 1:
    Dawn: “Wilbur, you’ll have to forgive me, but today I can’t walk or even stand up straight.”
    Wilbur: “Why? Did something happen while Kurt and I were on our fishing trip?”
    Panel 2:
    Dawn: “Yes, I had a date with this guy I met in a bar, and he…”
    Wilbur: “Whoa! Get away from me, you mutant sex freak! That resolves any lingering question about who my biological offspring really is!”

  174. mojo
    January 27th, 2010 at 5:55 am [Reply]

    MW: Wow, way to “let it be”, Dawn! Gee, Mary Worth actually shells out some relatively decent advice for once, and you stick to it for all of … what? Maybe three contiguous panels, before the hissy-fitting starts up again? That’s gotta be some sort of Mary Worth record!

  175. Lou Shumaker
    January 27th, 2010 at 6:47 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#130): They haven’t gotten to the musical yet, it’s just the name that makes them wee-wee all over themselves.

  176. seismic-2
    January 27th, 2010 at 7:23 am [Reply]

    MT: “Hey, I have a better idea – instead of portaging around the rapids, why don’t we fly over them? Because we’re, like, you know, geese.”

  177. house.kirk
    January 27th, 2010 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    We’re glad the Jumble shows Josh in the print shop, but it must be the shop at the Daily Bugle, because the other guy is surely J. Jonah Jameson. Perhaps there’s a deeper dimension to their shared disdain of Spider-Man… is Josh really J. Joshua Jameson? And either way, can he introduce us to Mary Anne?

  178. Little Guy
    January 27th, 2010 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    yStripeyButt: Kick too high. What are you, a Chargers kicker?

    Luann: Will Masky McDeath make a cameo?

    JP: Rumble!

    RMMD: That’s no kid. That’s a lesbian midget who likes to look at your butt.

    S-M: More Gratuitous Panel 2 MJ Fan Service.

  179. TheCasey
    January 27th, 2010 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Crock – Where does Crock take place, 1983? Also, how is that even a joke in any case?

    GT – “I’ve got some hand exercises you can do, know what I mean? Wink, wink, nudge nudge.”

    JP – Thank God. Because explaining the concept of ‘sexual partners’ to Sam Driver would take the rest of the year, real time. “Wait, they what?! No, you’re kidding. Really? People do that? Are you sure?”

    Luann – Look, can we just have the Gunther-Quill-Luann-Tiffany orgy now and get it over with?

    Monty – Loofah. Thank GOD!

    OBH – “Mmm, Zasu”? Sounds like somebody’s fuckin’ a Muppet.

    Spiderman – That’s not the look you want to see on your wife’s face when you talk about accompanying her to Miami. Is MJ about to defect to Cuba?

  180. Bryan
    January 27th, 2010 at 9:27 am [Reply]

    Edge City: Well, Abbey, if you don’t want to be treated like his mother perhaps you should stop acting like his mother. Remember that Seinfeld bit about “shiksappeal?”

    Gasoline Alley: “Were you ever in the army?” “No, but I spat on soldiers during a Vietnam protest, does that count?”

    Phantom: That pretty much bones my theory. The Phantom is about as good at protecting his secret identity as Spderman.

  181. The Creepy Guy
    January 27th, 2010 at 9:32 am [Reply]

    MJ’s bust is much nicer than that in the regular continuity.

  182. Mordock999
    January 27th, 2010 at 9:40 am [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 01/27/10

    Tiffany – “Crystal! I’m going to be Maria in Westside Story!”

    Crystal – “Hey WAIT a minute! I’M going to be Maria in Westside Story!”

    Luann – “Oh NO you WITCHES DON’T!! I’M going to be Maria in Westside Story!”

    Rosa – “Sorry, ladies. But I think I should be Maria in Westside Story.”

    Luann – “And just WHO the Heck are you???”

    Rosa – “I’m Rosa. Rosa Aragones. We met on December 7 2006, remember? I was born in DC, and later moved to Mexico City. I also lived in France, Italy, the United States, as well as Mexico. I’m a wise Latina that speaks 4 languages, is VERY attractive, has a TERRIFIC singing voice and would be PERFECT for the role of Maria!”

    Luann – “Oh, I remember you, now. You had a brief role in this strip where you were warming up to Gunther and it kinda made me jealous. But you SOON disappeared from the strip NEVER to be seen again back in December of 2006. You are NO longer relevant to the VAST Luanniverse, therefore you no longer EXIST!”

    Rosa – “Hey, WAIT! You CAN’T…., [POP!!!]”

    Luann – “Oh LOOK! Rosa’s DISAPPEARED! Now, WHERE were we? Oh, yeah! I’m gonna be Maria!!!”

    Crystal – “NO, I’M gonna be Maria!”

    Tiffany – “NO, doggone it, I’M going to be Maria!!”

    Elwood – “No, You’re ALL wrong! Since I’m bankrolling this damned play, I’M gonna be Maria!”

    Luann – “Oh my dear gaw….,”


    DEATH to TJ!!!

  183. gleeb
    January 27th, 2010 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Candor: “And he woke up to find it had all been a dream”. That’s the essence of what you just wrote. It’s bad when written by a 12-year-old, and it’s worse here.

    ‘shaft: I can’t spot Mopey Pete, can you? Anyway, is “Toxic Taco” Batiuk’s way of venting a searing hatred of Mexico? I like to think so; otherwise it’s just a bad gag he keeps going back to.

    Phantom: Now Captain Savarna knows Walker* is the Phantom. Now she must die. It’s sad, really.

    *From “Ghost-who-walks*.

  184. 8th Man Fan
    January 27th, 2010 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: Banner day! For two panels, two people talking faced each other. Then, in the half-second it took Blaze to answer her question, Tommie’s all “Talk to the back, Jack” again. How rude.

    Phantom: There Kit goes, picturing Capt. Savarna with his magically blond kids again (shouldn’t at least one of them get at least one parent’s hair?). Hope Diana‘s not expecting that rescue anytime soon.

    S-M: Well, this settles @Li’l Bunnë FooFoo’s nipple question. And, after running home to change into his PJs to drive Sabretooth out of the city, Peter’s ready to make the ultimate sacrifice: Leaving the city altogether (on his wife’s dime) to drive him out of the country. Hero on, Peter, hero on…

  185. Chyron HR
    January 27th, 2010 at 9:49 am [Reply]

    Evening at the Crankprov:

    “Hey, what is the deal with fat people? Why are they always chugging down diet colas? Are you gonna look like Jane Seymour all of a sudden because you had the diet cola? What is the deal?

    “Diabetes, dumbass!”

  186. queek, Source of Cuteness, Kwaii Commando
    January 27th, 2010 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    9CL: “make a move, while we’re young!”

    There were far more laughs than usual this morning while reading the online funnies. Doonesbury, The Beandocks, Ink Pen all brought chuckles at one level or another.

    Lio: I guess Mr. Tatulli liked the flying fox links too! :-P

    C-ville: Darby? get help. srsly.

  187. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 27th, 2010 at 10:06 am [Reply]

    Mutts: And if that lasts longer than four hours, seek medical attention.

    FC: My sweet, agile, neglected tongue, son.

    Curtis: “Chutzpah”? What kid says that? I’m beginning to think that “Derrick” and “Onion’s” instincts are right on target.

    MT: Coming in this Sunday’s Mark Trail: Why water fowl make the best wilderness guides!

    Are there rapids on a lake? I suppose it doesn’t matter: Thanks to the trademark Elrodian Heavy-Handed Foreshadowing, we now have a virtual guarantee that someone’s going to be barreling down those rapids—unless Mark punches them straight into Class 2 first.

    JP: I realize that Sam and Abby don’t have the most “normal” marriage; they’re not so into all that “sex” and “communication” stuff. But their ward/daughter/teenaged chick they’re sort of responsible for has become a business partner and a “roommate,” and Abby’s just telling Sam all this now?

    SM: And another example of successful marital communication: What play producers decide to put on a show in a distant city with less than 24 hours’ notice? Or did MJ just conveniently “forget” to tell Peter that she’s going to Miama? Her look in the last panel suggests that she also “forgot” to tell him that she plans to hook up with a hot, non-tv-watching hunk o’ Latin love while she’s there, too.

  188. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 27th, 2010 at 10:08 am [Reply]

    @gleeb (#183):

    “And he woke up to find it had all been a dream”. That’s the essence of what you just wrote. It’s bad when written by a 12-year-old, and it’s worse here.

    Yes, the scourge of middle-school English teachers everywhere—and Bell is getting paid to write that.

  189. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 27th, 2010 at 10:17 am [Reply]

    MW: The utter illogic of Wilbur’s statement in the first panel makes me wonder how he could possibly be an advice columnist.
    Dear Wendy: I think my husband of 10 years is cheating on me. Should I confront him? Signed, “Suspicious”
    Dear “Suspicious”: Well, you’ve spent a lot of quality time together over those 10 years, right? And so it might be awkward if you question what your husband is doing—and because nothing is worse than feeling awkward (believe me—I know!), I advise against it.

    Dear Wendy: I have had intimate relations with a woman five times now, and now it burns when I pee. Do you think I should see a doctor and get tested? Signed, “Concerned”
    Dear “Concerned”: First of all, I’m not sure what you mean by “intimate relations.” Did you hold hands? Did you kiss her on the lips? I don’t know how that would affect your urine. But in any case, you have been around her five times, and it would seem odd if you questioned anything she did. And it’s not fun to feel odd (believe me—I know!). I advise against it.

  190. wossname
    January 27th, 2010 at 10:19 am [Reply]

    DT: “How do you get a cello through a scanner?” “With a shoe HORN!” *rim shot* I know it doesn’t make any sense, but this is DT.

    FOOB – Come on, Elly, why don’t you just say, “That’s Connie’s kid, I’m not involved.”

    GT – See? Steve Luhm is an astute student of human nature. So y’all quit calling him creepy!

    PBS – Pure win!

    A3G – I’m quite impressed with the green coat/pink scarf combo. Fashion Police, what say you?

    C’shaft – How can he tell, looking out across the food court, which people are drinking diet Coke? It all looks the same in fountain cups.

    FC – eeeeewwwww. I can tell this one is going to be the target of many, many comments, but I think I’ll leave that to others.

    MT – Why would geese have to portage? Do they take turns carrying each other?

    MW – Who would have thought Dawn would be the one to bring a shred of sanity into this plot?

  191. TheDiva
    January 27th, 2010 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: How come you only see completely out-of-touch comic strips making jokes like this?

    FW: This example of wordplay. while only marginally clever, further proves the theory that Les’ students are in fact much smarter than he is.

    reFOOB: Inappropriate self-absorption and self-pity? Apple didn’t fall too far from the tree here….

    HotC: “This? Why I can make a hat, or a brooch, or a pterodactyl…”

    Luann: Oh God, Evans is cribbing plots from High School Musical. Shoot me now.

    MW: Dare I hope the results will be revealed on daytime TV?

  192. Buck Ripsnort
    January 27th, 2010 at 11:03 am [Reply]

    Zitz: The best thing is, judging from her expression, you know she’s pronouncing it “EWWWWWWno”.

    FC: Better caption: “Damn, don’t you EVER clean out your nose?”

  193. Steve the Pocket
    January 27th, 2010 at 11:07 am [Reply]

    @Mr. O’Malley (#171): If I recall correctly, Crankshaft is set in Centerville, which is a ways away from Westview but close enough for the occasional convenient (and increasingly nonsensical, since the two don’t operate on the same timeline rules) crossover.

  194. Rusty's Ghost
    January 27th, 2010 at 10:02 pm [Reply]

    Damnit Bobbi, no! This ends NOW!


    This whole charade! I can’t pretend to be your therapist and carry on an adulterous affair. It violates the entirety of that – thing I was supposed to sign or say or something – Here!

    What’s in this, Ari?

    It’s our tickets to Los Angeles and hotel reservations!

    You mean?

    Yes, I’ve got us a spot on DR. PHIL!

    Oh, Ari!

    Oprah would have nothing to do with us, but after I come clean about what a complete fraud and utter trainwreck I am, personally and professionally, there won’t be a dry eye in the studio!

    … and in bed.



  195. nil zed
    January 28th, 2010 at 4:08 am [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#169): and Calico at #68 : I avoid sports bras because of the uniboob effect. Unless you are so small chested that you could probably do without a bra, it’s a bad look.

  196. nil zed
    January 28th, 2010 at 4:11 am [Reply]

    also, Dingo: the nipples cut out kind are strictly for fun & games, not the sort of thing you wear regularly. Well, unless you work at Hooters.

  197. AT
    January 29th, 2010 at 11:51 pm [Reply]

    Dagwood is wisely covering his backside here, because you KNOW exactly what Blondie is planning to do with that spoon.

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