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Metapost: Mr. Curmudgeon goes to Washington

Now and again, some of my readers have suggested that I spend some energy critiquing politically themed comics, either those on the funny pages like Mallard Fillmore or the Boondocks, or the actual political cartoons on the editorial pages. While my personal politics are not a secret (I called for a Red State-Blue State divorce after the 2004 election, and once implied that Dick Cheney likes to eat puppies), you’ll notice that I haven’t done commentary on Doonesbury and its ilk in quite a while. Generally speaking I see this blog as one where all of us, no matter what our political persuasions, can cruelly mock Herb and Jamaal.

But if you really want to see me get political, now you can, albeit not on this site. I’ve been recruited as guest-blogger by Wonkette, which, for those of you unfamiliar with it, essentially does to American government and politics what I do to Rex Morgan, M.D., (i.e., mock it and imply that it’s gay). I’ll be doing weekly installments of a feature called “Cartoon Violence.” This week I assess the good, the bad, and the ugly of cartoons from the editorial pages, but I’ve got some semi-coherent ideas for the future that may involve comics pages strips as well, assuming I’m not cancelled over there.

And for those of you who just wandered over here for the first time from Wonkette, I urge you to stick around for a while. Check out the archives, where can see all my entries on the comic of your choice.

Speaking of politics and this blog, this is as good a time as any to give a shout out to the libertarian types over at Reason magazine’s Hit and Run blog, who managed to find something like three different thin excuses to link to me last week, the best of which was an illumination of the issues surrounding eminent domain law using the current Mark Trail storyline as a jumping-off point.

And, apropos of nothing except that I think it needs to be brought to the attention of those who don’t read the comments on this site: you must, must, must check out The Outbursts of Everett True. This turn-of-the-(last)-century gem is something like They’ll Do It Every Time, in that it chronicles life’s petty ironies; but instead of whining about said ironies, the title character hands out savage beatings. For instance, have you ever tried to get a prescription filled, only to be given a generic drug instead of the one the doctor ordered? Why not assault the pharmacist with an umbrella? Everett also takes on cops, organized religion, perverts, cruelty to animals, and President Roosevelt’s spelling reform. A must read! Thanks to King Dogmeat and James Schend for the head’s up.

81 responses to “Metapost: Mr. Curmudgeon goes to Washington”

  1. gnome de blog
    March 3rd, 2006 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

    Woo-hoo! Josh goes big time! What’s next, your Popeness? Oprah or Letterman?

  2. yellojkt
    March 3rd, 2006 at 2:03 pm [Reply]

    I was just at Wonkette and was about to come over here accusing you of moonlighting on us, but you beat me to the punch. Extremely funny stuff. And the bit about Dubai being part of the Pirates Coast. Who says a liberal arts degree is useless? Everybody? Never mind.

  3. David
    March 3rd, 2006 at 2:39 pm [Reply]

    That Everett True is one mean mother-

    I’ll shut my mouth.

  4. RBF
    March 3rd, 2006 at 3:15 pm [Reply]

    Way to go Josh!!!!
    er, sorry, Mister Curmudgeon!

  5. dalton
    March 3rd, 2006 at 3:36 pm [Reply]

    Ok, ok, I have to know – what does the Gawker Media blogging platform look like from the back end? Is it totally awesome? God, I am such a dork.

    Nice job on the NLHN feed, by the way. Very well integrated into the rest of the site.

  6. Beasley
    March 3rd, 2006 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    You should have gotten this gig BEFORE you were maried!

    /nudge,nudge, wink, wink

  7. randomdude
    March 3rd, 2006 at 4:31 pm [Reply]

    Wow.
    This Everett True is greatness.

  8. Gee
    March 3rd, 2006 at 4:40 pm [Reply]

    Everett True! The one about tariffs perfectly sums up any American history course I’ve ever taken.

  9. Woodrowfan
    March 3rd, 2006 at 4:48 pm [Reply]

    Nicely done. I haven’t read Wonkette since the original one left, but I’ll have to start again, at least once a week…..

  10. ISBN
    March 3rd, 2006 at 4:50 pm [Reply]

    Congrats, O Most Curmudgeonly One! What a coup! You can assure them that wonkette will now have a built-in following:)

    Um… that cartoon is a bit scary. First of all, for saying someone that looks at a woman’s ANKLE is a perv, and second…just because those beatings look so savage!

    …is it wrong if I’m not appalled by the one where he ties a guy to a pole for three hours for leaving his horse out?

  11. mooselet
    March 3rd, 2006 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    Well done Your Popeness. Just don’t forget us little people on your rise to the top, ok?

    Oh, and I so didn’t need to know about your college, er, experience. ;)

  12. Holmes!
    March 3rd, 2006 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    Hey, Josh and co.

    Yeah, that Everett True is a real phenom. It’s so great that a comic can be so completely of its time in terms of representation and cultural specifics–you’d never look at one of these strips and misidentify the temporal setting–and yet be so completely timeless in its ethos and astute capture of the human condition. How this strip has remained so widely unknown is a mystery.

    It warms the cockles of my li’l heart to know that folks are so turned on by Mr. True’s outbursts.

    I really dig this blog, yo. Though our focus at BP is obviously on another epoch, we’re big fans of contemporary comics, as well. As an aside, my sub to MyComicsPage just expired, and I’m interested in what folks use for their daily comic fix. I loved having the strips delivered to my inbox, but I suppose that if I had to, I could visit a site. What do y’all use? Chron? MyComicsPage? uComics? Getting back to this blog, but in the vein of my love for push content, I only wish that you would whitelist Bloglines so that I could dig the images in your feed!

    So, thanks from Barnacle Press and Mr. True for the shout out.

    Holmes!
    http://www.barnaclepress.com

  13. James Schend
    March 3rd, 2006 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    Woot, I win the Internets.

  14. James Schend
    March 3rd, 2006 at 5:57 pm [Reply]

    Now pimp Pokey the Penguin.

    http://yellow5.com/pokey

  15. Sassy_Rocks
    March 3rd, 2006 at 6:20 pm [Reply]

    You go, Josh! Would you care to trade your job for a soul numbing, life sucking IT job?

  16. King Dogmeat
    March 3rd, 2006 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Thanks, Comics Curmudgeon, for getting the word out on Everett true. The time is ripe for a revival. God, what a great comic.

    In unrelated news, atheists rioted in Denmark today after a blank piece of paper was found in a cartoonist’s desk.

  17. eliz. s.
    March 3rd, 2006 at 6:52 pm [Reply]

    Holmes – I use the Houston Chronicle’s free comics page. Josh turned me onto them. Good stuff.

    And Josh – congratulations! Does this mean I have to go back to reading Wonkette? =) I gave up on it when the -ette left.

  18. Islamorada Girl
    March 3rd, 2006 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    Wonkette! How cool is that? Josh is on his way to the cover of People Magazine. . .

  19. DrBear
    March 3rd, 2006 at 6:58 pm [Reply]

    The heck with teh Gawker backend…how about Ana Marie Cox’s backend?
    (yeah, I know she’s gone now, but still…)

  20. Anne Nonymous
    March 3rd, 2006 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    So, your Popeness, to quote your own comment on Wonkette: “Or that if you let one of your frat brothers give you a drunken blow job once your junior year of college, all of the sudden you’re ‘gay’.”
    Do tell- is this from personal experience? The reason you waited to join Wonkette until Ana Marie Cox left and two men took over? The reason you have this fascination with Rex Morgan‘s supposed gayness? Been watching Brokeback Mountain a few too many times (not that there’s anything wrong with that)? Should Amber worry? ‘Fess up, now. (Just kidding, Your Exalted Holiness- I’m sure you’re quite the stud.)

  21. leathermessiah
    March 3rd, 2006 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    OH GOD. JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT REX MORGAN COULDN’T MAKE ANY MORE THINLY VEILED HOMOSEXUAL REFERENCES. JUNE AND SARAH ARE GOING TO WATCH.

    Also…

    AAAAAAAAAARGH! CONSARNIT, MARY WORTH! SHUT UP! I AM SICKENED BY YOUR CLUMSY METAPHORS AND TIRED PLATITUDES! SUCKENED!

    *breathe, breathe* The comics can incite such rage…

  22. Zorba the Geek
    March 3rd, 2006 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

    leathermessiah: “suckened’? Is that a word? I hesitate to speculate on the meaning.

  23. Marc
    March 3rd, 2006 at 9:07 pm [Reply]

    I must say that Jane and Mr. Blue Hair are seriously starting to bore me. This is the worst dialogue in the history of the comics…..oh wait! The three week long national geographic: Mtiwgakilalakooloofooberville was the worst.

    My mistake.

  24. Sheila
    March 3rd, 2006 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    “You simian-headed biped!” How cool is that???

  25. Mibbitmaker
    March 3rd, 2006 at 10:50 pm [Reply]

    I dunno, that Mr. True (as arrogantly so sure of himself in name and attitude as “Obviousman”) comes off as a bit of a vigilante. In one cartoon he’s assaulting a police officer, in the “pervert” one he’s alittle too much like Pat Robertson – and, as noted above, over an ankle showing?? He should at least save his rage for construction workers who verbally harass women walking by.

    I have to admit, though, I liked the horse one. Essentially, it was a true eye-for-an-eye justice instead of a vulgar beating.

    Still, though, is it wrong for me to want a “Mrs. True” to wail on Margo when she spends strips at a time thoughtlessly sabotaging her roommate’s new relationship?

    BTW, isn’t she (Magee) something, doing all sorts of dammage just to realize that after it’s too late? Methinks she protests herself too little, too often. You can get whiplash from her discovering the err of her ways just to go back and restart the same furshlugginer cycle.

  26. Marc
    March 4th, 2006 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    Just jump off the dock already Jane! He’s too good to be true! (Wait, no he’s not. But you know that saying “if it’s too good to be true than don’t do it.”)

    Jump off of the dock already. Apparently he can lose 20 years of stress marks in one panel.

  27. Fred P.
    March 4th, 2006 at 1:31 am [Reply]

    Mark Trail shows once again why it is the finest comic ever! Sure, Rex Morgan may endulge in a little ambi-sexual banter from time to time, but that’s just minor league dilettantism compared to the hotbed of vice that is the World of Lost Forest! Why, just today we have Mr. Evil Developer tempting Mr. Pre-vert the Commissioner with the forbidden garden of delights that is the hot prepubescent flesh of young Tony. “I will generously show my appreciation to you – if you know what I mean!” Sam says. The glum but stoically resigned expression on poor Tony’s face shows that he, for one, knows all too well exactly what it is Sam Hill means.

    Corrupting both public officials and the youth of America in one fell swoop? All in a day’s work for Sam Hill, Master Evildoer!

  28. Ubiq
    March 4th, 2006 at 5:11 am [Reply]

    You know what would be awesome?

    An encounter between Everett True and Mallard Fillmore. Let’s see how Mr. True likes the duck’s smug, holier-than-thou attitude. If nothing else, he’d kick Mallard’s ass for being an anthromorphic duck.

    Come to think of it, quite a few comics could be improved by an Everett True rampage.

    Sally Forth? Ted Forth gets his ass kicked for being a wuss. “By THUNDER, I’ll beat some confidence into you, you poofy haired mountebank!”

    LuAnn? True kicks Dirk’s ass for being a stalker and Brad’s ass just because he can.

    FBoFW? Everett just wanders off after Ellie starts in about the Qwertyuiop tribe again.

    Nothing, but nothing could not be improved by the addition of Everett True beating the hell out of stupid people.

  29. Ianscot
    March 4th, 2006 at 6:24 am [Reply]

    27: Not only is the evil casino owner greasing palms with the boyflesh of his “nephew” — he also seems to be involved in some sort of cloning scheme. Panel 1 today clearly includes two bald physiognomies toasting each other across the table.

  30. plankface
    March 4th, 2006 at 8:49 am [Reply]

    Everett True is my new hero. I’m going to plaster my cubicle walls with copies of the strip in an attempt to ward off the stupid.

  31. luke
    March 4th, 2006 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    The outbursts of everett true is the greatest thing i’ve seen in my life… thanks mr. curmudgeon

  32. gradioc
    March 4th, 2006 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    I haven’t checked it out yet, but a little Josh on Wonkette has to help the content. The new guys are starting to get a rhythm, but there truly is no substitute for the seriously warped and much missed Ana Marie.

  33. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    March 4th, 2006 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    Everett True would be very proud of his great grandson, The Kingpin, for being a take-no-sh** self-made man who runs things HIS WAY! Or he’d beat the living daylights out of him for being a thug who preys on the weak. Or both.

  34. leathermessiah
    March 4th, 2006 at 5:16 pm [Reply]

    That’s it. It’s settled. Rex Morgan cannot possibly be get any more gay. “Woah… That felt good!” Yeah. Oh Lord.

    And Everett True is the wonderful. I forgot about him! Thanks for reminding me.

  35. Fred P.
    March 4th, 2006 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    34- I don’t know about old Rex Morgan there. I mean, I know he has the girls watching him swingin’ his club and all, but Troy hasn’t even shown up yet! So that throws a monkey wrench into the whole “golf-as-metaphor-for-hot-gay-sex-action” scenario, appealing as that scenario may be.

    As for Rex? Well, definitely there’s something going on with him that would offend those who so constituted as to be easily offended, but obviously it’s far more complex than just him simply being some garden variety swish like Ted Forth.

    Granted, granted, the man is queer as a football bat, that goes without saying, but there are deeper levels here. For one thing, the manly thatch of forearm hair apparently has spread to his forehead -alarmingly!. For another, the resounding “BONG!” in the center panel makes me suspect that what “whoa… that felt good!” really means is that our good doctor is conducting independent research on certain substances that the FDA currently holds have no medicinal value.

    I mean, EVERY comic reader knows that if you hit a tin sign with a golf-ball, the resulting noise is “BINK!”

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Oh, and I concur that Ev. True is perhaps about the best cartoon character ever! He really puts the “punch” in “punchline”! If only we could somehow arrange for him to meet Jon from Garfield…..

  36. Fred P.
    March 4th, 2006 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    34- I don’t know about old Rex Morgan there. I mean, I know he has the girls watching him swingin’ his club and all, but Troy hasn’t even shown up yet! So that throws a monkey wrench into the whole “golf-as-metaphor-for-hot-gay-sex-action” scenario, appealing as that scenario may be.

    As for Rex? Well, definitely there’s something going on with him that would offend those who so constituted as to be easily offended, but obviously it’s far more complex than just him simply being some garden variety swish like Ted Forth.

    Granted, granted, the man is queer as a football bat, that goes without saying, but there are deeper levels here. For one thing, the manly thatch of forearm hair apparently has spread to his forehead -alarmingly!. For another, the resounding “BONG!” in the center panel makes me suspect that what “whoa… that felt good!” really means is that our good doctor is conducting independent research on certain substances that the FDA currently holds have no medicinal value.

    I mean, EVERY comic reader knows that if you hit a tin sign with a golf-ball, the resulting noise is “BINK!”

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Oh, and I concur that Ev. True is perhaps about the best cartoon character ever! He really puts the “punch” in “punchline”! If only we could somehow arrange for him to meet Jon from Garfield…..

  37. Fred P.
    March 4th, 2006 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    godDAM I hate double-posts

  38. Marc
    March 4th, 2006 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    Caleb is Jane Hand’s Beau.

  39. lilybdcsa
    March 4th, 2006 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Everett True only seems wonderful if you don’t have to live near or been on the receiving end of the real thing — someone who uses the excuse “I don’t put up with any crap” as an excuse to vent anger and abuse on everyone. Taking a stand is fine, but beating the crap out of someone is unacceptable and not funny.

  40. randomdude
    March 4th, 2006 at 8:02 pm [Reply]

    lilybdcsa…
    It is wonderful because of its absurdity.
    The idea of some 1910′s (?) guy kicking the ass of anyone he doesn’t like (including cops?!) is just hilarious.
    The greatness is that it doesn’t waste time with any sort of plot. There are just 2 panels – True discovers a problem, True kicks ass. The End.
    Anyone who would take such a comic strip seriously needs a shrink though. Of course such a strip couldn’t be published today because some person would get “inspired” by it and do something dumb.

  41. AwfulArt
    March 4th, 2006 at 8:10 pm [Reply]

    It’s Saturday. Lighten up. Check out “Candorville”…

  42. Schteve
    March 4th, 2006 at 8:11 pm [Reply]

    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20060304&name=Mary_Worth

    Holy shit! Look at the size of that seagull about to perch on the buoy!!!

  43. Marc
    March 4th, 2006 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Scteve, I think he’s about to maul Jane. But then again its hard to see perspective in a Mary Worth strip.

  44. Ferd Berfel
    March 4th, 2006 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    Schteve – Must be a Mary WorthMark Trail crossover.

    #39 – Beating the crap out of someone is unacceptable and therefore not funny? It’s a comic strip, for Christ’s sake!

    Listen, I’m sorry someone either frightened you or slapped you around in real life, but dismissing Everett True because real people in real life get really beaten is just plain absurd. What’s next? We should outlaw The Three Stooges, censor Bugs Bunny, sink Popeye, and ban Krazy Kat because Ignatz conks people on the head with bricks?

    Have a nice cup of tea, take a deep breath, and save your outrage for something that is actually real.

  45. Hank Kimbel
    March 4th, 2006 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Couldn’t stand to see all these posts without one Gil Thorp reference. Gil Thorp

  46. lilybdcsa
    March 4th, 2006 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    I never thought the 3 Stooges were funny either. Must be a guy thing.

  47. Sharkbait
    March 5th, 2006 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    That seagull in Mary Worth knows an android when he sees one, and is about to perch on his shoulder. It appears “Old Yellow Eyes” donned blue contact lenses to research how average human females would react to empty platitudes, and poor sampling techniques led him to Jane. Listen to the seagull, Data. Or at least to the wind whistling through Jane’s ear canals.

    Nice job on your Wonkette feature, Josh. It was well worth the return trip to that site, and I hope the increased exposure leads to more gigs for you.

  48. Concerned Citizen
    March 5th, 2006 at 12:22 am [Reply]

    I can’t explain why anyone thinks the Three Stooges are funny. Some humor defies distinction.

    When I was a kid I saw them in an arena. Even though they were a mere pinpoint of light, it was the best day of my young life.

    They’re just funny.

  49. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    March 5th, 2006 at 12:46 am [Reply]

    Five characters I’d like to introduce to Everett True:

    Jon Arbuckle
    Ziggy
    Fred Bassett’s owner
    Irving
    Mike Patterson

    That’s just for starters.

  50. mumbles
    March 5th, 2006 at 1:08 am [Reply]

    Oy. Jane Hand reminds me of those women who go on a first date and tell the poor bastard about every bad relationship they’ve ever been in, their sexual hangups, their plans to freeze their eggs until Mr. Right comes along, etc. Check, please.

  51. rich
    March 5th, 2006 at 1:55 am [Reply]

    Two good points that I liked regarding Everett True -Randomdude (#40) on why it works, with its comic timing and absurdity, and Mibbitmaker (#25) on the Obviousman connection. Yes, it’s the same concept but Everett True is infinitely more entertaining. Perhaps due to the general smugness that often pervades Non-Sequitor.

    Everett True’s violence is so over-the-top and extreme that it’s hard to take seriously. The verbal outbursts are even funnier than the physical abuse he hands out. I disagree with Berfel (44), though; it’s okay at times to get outraged over make-believe violence – much of it deserves outrage. Particularly, violence that’s stupidly nihilistic or artlessly handled. And then there’s the way Garfield keeps gleefully murdering those anthropomorphic spiders — that’s a whole category in itself!

    The art in Everett True is particularly pleasing — it reminds me a lot of Tony Millionaire, the “Maakies” guy.

  52. rich
    March 5th, 2006 at 2:09 am [Reply]

    In Saturday’s strip Tom Batiuk gets to display some serious urban attitude. Which is something we longtime Funky Winkerbean readers have been clamoring for. Note how he pulls out all the artistic stops in that one drawing – the raised eyebrow, sarcastic smirk, hand on the hip, waggin’ finger…Wanda Sykes got nothin’ on that gal!

  53. Lisa
    March 5th, 2006 at 2:22 am [Reply]

    Sorry, tend to agree with lilybdcsa on this one. It’s not so much the violence shown, it’s the scary attitude behind it. Political correctness can get pretty extreme sometimes, making it hard to just come right out and call a spade a spade, and I agree that sometimes it’s all too much. But it’s to the good so far. We can look at Everett True and be glad for how far we’ve come in a hundred years.

    But then, I never thought the Three Stooges were funny either, so maybe I’m just missing the fundamental laffs here…

  54. Ferd Berfel
    March 5th, 2006 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    Mumbles – I take it you’ve been on one of those dates? A few years ago, after I casually mentioned taking my nephews to a minor league baseball game, one dinner date proceded to tell me all about the boyfriend who ruined her credit rating because he liked baseball too. Check please!

    She and Jane Hand would get along nicely.

  55. rich
    March 5th, 2006 at 3:23 am [Reply]

    Part of Everett True’s charm may be that it’s such an old strip. It would probably be less funny if it were a modern-day comic (it would be Pearls Before Swine!).

    I like the 3 Stooges — I’m not a hardcore fan, but I find them funny. It’s all very exaggerated, and the anticipation is a big part of the humor – you see them walk into a room where there’s a dentist’s drill or a meat grinder and you think “Oh no…

    I read Everett True as being the embodiment of the fantasies most of us feel when we see someone being a jerk – you think “wouldn’t it be nice if they tripped and fell on their ass, or a giant hand came out of the sky and slapped ‘em?” I don’t think the author is saying the world would be a better place if we actually did the things shown in the strip.

    If Everett True was only imagining these responses in a thought balloon, rather than actually enacting them, would it be less offensive? It sort of would, though either way it would still be fictional!

  56. Ferd Berfel
    March 5th, 2006 at 3:32 am [Reply]

    Lisa – I guess we have come rather far in the last hundred years. I mean a century ago no one would have ever mistook a two-panel strip in the funny pages for a serious social statement. They’d have just thought is was a comic strip and not subjected it to the proper and rigid analysis it requires.

    It’s a good thing we’re so much more sophisticated, huh? We can wring the fun out of anything without even breaking a sweat. It’s almost a reflex these days.

    I’m reminded of that famous Freud quote concerning dreams; Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Sometimes a comic strip is just comic strip too.

  57. Frank Drackman
    March 5th, 2006 at 8:53 am [Reply]

    I had my own Everett True moment last yr, and it ended up costing me my job…A particulary incompetent medical intern was attempting to do a spinal tap without using sterile gloves or scrubbing the puncture site with antiseptic solution..at the end of the procedure she asked me why I was upset. I screamed..”Because you just tried to kill this patient..be merciful…shoot him with a gun…or smother him with his pillow…don’t inject your personal bacterial flora into his spinal fluid!!! I
    found a better job, and Miss “latex allergic so I can’t use sterile gloves” is still in the program, but it was worth it..

  58. Chance
    March 5th, 2006 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    Excellent work over at Wonkette, Josh! I was amused and informed. I was amusoformed.

  59. Fred P.
    March 5th, 2006 at 2:51 pm [Reply]

    The March 4 Spiderman strip shows that the real seat of Spidey superpowerosity resides not in Peter Parker (who’s really a bit of a doofus, if you ask me) but in the Spidey Suit itself. Watch how the suit all by itself just leaps out of hands of sour-faced pantywaist guy there! Look at the grim determination in the Spidey Eyes! It appears the Spidey Eye material is opaque- so you must draw the conclusion that when the Spidey Suit is out bustin’ the chops of badguys everywhere, ol’ Pete is just blindly going along for the ride.

    And boy genius here only just now figures out he’s not cut out to be a Superhero? What, with a scrawny-ass physique like that? Loser! Surely it occurred to him at some point that he’s got, maybe, oh… NOTHING WHATSOEVER going on in the superpower department? Is he invisible? Can he like, levitate or some shit? Can he turn himself into a hedgehog a la Mark Trail? No! No! Shit! I knew *I* wasn’t ever gonna be a superhero by the time I was fifteen! What, didn’t this loser dude have a high school career counselor mashing his dreams and aspirations into the dirt with a dose of cold hard reality? Fork! Arrrg! *%$&@! !!

    Although he does look as though maybe he’s kind of constipated or something.

  60. Zorba the Geek
    March 5th, 2006 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

    #57- Frank, didn’t “Miss latex allergic” know that they make non-latex gloves? Was the patient completely out for the spinal tap? Man, if any medical professional approached me to do an invasive procedure without gloves or an antiseptic wipe, I’d scream. (It’s for her own protection, too.) I once told a nurse who was drawing my blood, and not wearing eye protection or gloves, “Look, I know I don’t have AIDS or hepatitis C, but you don’t. Wear gloves and eye protection from now on.”

  61. Marc
    March 5th, 2006 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    I’m kind of confused, who’s Everett True?

    And am I the only who sees young Donald Trump going out with Luann in a3g? And matching raincoats? Joan Rivers would tear them to shreads at the Oscars.

  62. Mysterio
    March 5th, 2006 at 9:08 pm [Reply]

    I want to see Everett True join Dagwood’s carpool. After oe or two True beatdowns, Dagwood will learn to be a little more on time.

  63. Marc
    March 5th, 2006 at 9:35 pm [Reply]

    Okay, I fully understand who Everett True is…and wow, he’s just like Sarge.

  64. Mibbitmaker
    March 6th, 2006 at 3:30 am [Reply]

    3/6:

    FC: “You can come along as an apprentice”? Jeffy’s answer should be, “What, and get into a fight with Donald Trump AND Martha Stewart?? No, thanks!”

    Mutts: Be kind to animals? Sure. Read a week’s worth of preachy strips? Not so sure.

    Spiderman: Way to pile on there, Stan (or whoever)!

    A3G: My conscience is getting alot clearer on having Everett True’s sister wail on Margo.

    (DT)GT: Jeez, is M*lf*rd playing Ronald Reagan High or something?

  65. grendell
    March 6th, 2006 at 7:44 am [Reply]

    QUIZ:
    spot the mistake in the second panel of today’s mary worth!

    http://cst.rbma.com/content/Mary_Worth?date=20060306

  66. grendell
    March 6th, 2006 at 7:48 am [Reply]

  67. yellojkt
    March 6th, 2006 at 7:58 am [Reply]

    This Mary Worth plot line is so slow that time is actually going backwards. The sun is rising in the west.

  68. Ferd Berfel
    March 6th, 2006 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    RMMD – Good grief! Did Rex really say; I can’t believe how hard I was whacking those balls last night.?!? Wilson & Nolan must be lurking here.

    (DT)GT – I see Milford is playing the Fightin’ Jerks of Wholly Insensitive High. This strip’s social commentary is about as subtle as FBOW’s.

    MT – Everyone repeat after me… gambling casinogambling casino… I keep remembering that Simpson’s meme ‘dental plan’. Oh, and eminent domain should be legal in Mark’s state seeing as it’s part of the US Constitution.

    MW – This guy Jane Hand is with just has to be a serial killer. No one could have sat through her whine-fest and then still asked her ofr dinner. He figures he’s found someone no one would mind seeing dead. Just the perfect source of skin for his ‘girl suit’.

    9CL – Father Durly continues to be grilled about his relationship with the ex-Sister Aramus. I suppose we should be thankful both Durly and Aramus are sexual attracted to adults.

  69. mk
    March 6th, 2006 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    I wonder what Everett True would have done about the eminent domain abuse in Mark Trail. Between, Mark and Everett there would be an unprecedented amount of ass-whupping on the comics page. Just imagine it, the two most violent comics characters ever tag-teaming for justice.
    Seriously, I think Trail would have punched the guy who left the horse in the cold. Everett actually resorts to TORTURE. Awesome.

  70. rich
    March 6th, 2006 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Too much information, Rex. I expected Mrs. Rex to say “You know I don’t mind the extracurricular activities, but please, spare me the details.”

    9CL: I thought that nun was Thorax in another of his various guises.

  71. grendell
    March 6th, 2006 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    67:

    almost. it does have to do with the sun.
    and the clouds.

    actually its pretty awesome. very surreal.

  72. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    March 6th, 2006 at 12:12 pm [Reply]

    Can someone explain this nun-priest thing in 9CL?

    I’ve only known about 9CL for a few months, and feel like there must be some background needed to understand the last few strips.

  73. Sassy_Rocks
    March 6th, 2006 at 12:26 pm [Reply]

    Yes, that is a surreally glaring mistake. Among the many errors in panel 2 of today’s Mary Worth the one requiring the greatest suspension of common sense is how the clouds don’t obscure the sun. It looks like the sun is in the foreground and the clouds are obscured behind it. It appears bassackwards, astronomically. The boat left the dock between panels and “Cal” the salty platitude spewing Joey clone has switched sides in relation to Jane. That could happen but when the clouds start hiding behind the sun that must mean the appocalypse is upon us. What is he staring at when he agrees “it” is beautiful? It kind of looks like he’s glancing down at her rack. Maybe Jane just flashed her cleavage for him…

  74. Library Cat
    March 6th, 2006 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    Okay, now someone explain Rex and June’s arm placement in the last panel.

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/fun/rexmorgan.asp

    Thanks

  75. Sassy_Rocks
    March 6th, 2006 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    Isn’t there some shiva-like hindu deity, Junedhati, the patron saint of gay doctors’ wives, with mulitiple arms?

  76. rich
    March 6th, 2006 at 12:58 pm [Reply]

    71: You thought Mary Worth took place on Earth?

  77. MotoMike
    March 6th, 2006 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    Mark Trail – eminent domain issues: It may be that Mark has teamed up with the novelist Scott Turow (author of Presumed Innocent) with the possible outcome being a long sequence set in a courtroom (populated with animals) with numbingly subtle dialog going over the Constitutional underpinnings of eminent domain, the related and relevant precedents, a little courtoom drama as the fox (attorney for the defense) suddenly attacks a jury member (a small chipmunk) and leaves a bloody little half-corpse on the floor. We get voir dire – we get rodents in wigs – we get lots of “I Object!” and, most of all, we get lots of middle panels where the most abstruse legalisms appear to come out of the mouths of a wide variety of woodland creatures.

  78. Mordy
    March 6th, 2006 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

    Josh,

    Will you link us to Wonkette whenever you update over there? I’d go and check weekly for your column, but there are too many words in the other articles.

  79. Schteve
    March 6th, 2006 at 5:15 pm [Reply]

    “I can’t believe how hard I was whacking those balls last night.”

    This is clearly a homage to June Cleaver’s immortal “Ward, you were a little hard on the beaver last night”.

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