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Sad romance

Blondie, 2/14/10

I was going to pull out the throwaway panels here for another entry in my long “Ha ha, it looks like they are gay, out of context” file, but after having read the comic itself, it seems that the whole strip is driven by Herb’s unspoken desire for his neighbor. Note that Herb longingly describes the sort of Valentine’s gift that he himself would like to receive; if in the process he undermines Dagwood’s relationship with his wife, well, so much the better.

Crankshaft, 2/14/10

Ha ha! It’s funny because she no longer loves him enough to put up with his mopey bullshit!

178 responses to “Sad romance”

  1. White Rabbit
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

    You’ll all be glad to hear that Snuffy Smith is available with the goodness of the movie format! The first movie was “Private Snuffy Smith”, but the second has one of the greatest titles of any movie ever: “Hillbilly Blitzkrieg”!

  2. Patrick
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

    So do women often carry bouquets they received for Valentine’s Day from door to door? Is this some ancient fertility custom that Blondie is hoping to revive?

  3. DeepFriedTwinkies
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:55 pm [Reply]

    Oh my goodness. I don’t even get the bad joke in Crankshaft this time. This means I am entirely too peppy and joyful to comprehend the funereal dirge or I’m just full of Valentine’s candy. (If it’s the candy, I swear to heaven I’m going to eat it every single day just so I don’t contract comiccancer or panelpolyps)

  4. WendellX
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    It’s funny because, as a representative of the cold, dark, cruel world, it is her duty to humiliate her husband, but as a denizen of the Crankshaft universe, she can not muster the enthusiasm to give him a proper wedgie.

  5. Josh
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    @White Rabbit (#1): A while back I found an embeddable version of the first film and put it up on the site:

    If anyone could find a similar link to “Hillbilly Blitzkrieg” I’d be eternally grateful, though I’m assuming the film itself couldn’t possibly live up to the title.


  6. Jake Morgendorffer
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    At least the wife in Crankshaft makes some vague effort at affection by placing the back of her hand on her husband’s lower back… or is she silently offering up her wrist for him to slit? In the Funkyverse, you never can tell!

  7. Uncle Lumpy
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:58 pm [Reply]

    So Pam is pulling Jeff’s pajama-bottoms up to “keep (him) here and save (him) from the cold, dark, cruel world”? Or just giving him the world’s most half-assed wedgie?

  8. Uncle Lumpy
    February 14th, 2010 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @WendellX (#4):

    Gah! The battle is to the swift!

  9. seismic-2
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:02 pm [Reply]

    The “gay” theme of those first two throw-away panels is reinforced not just by Herb’s hands-on-hips-leaning-backwards posture as he awaits Dagwood but then by his gesture of supplication in panel 4 and especially by the eagerness he shows in rushing up to grab Dagwood’s butt in panel 6.

  10. Dragon of Life
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:07 pm [Reply]

    The best part of the throwaway panels of Blondie: Dagwood staring blankly into space as he wonders what the hell he just bought. This changes the entire strip from “Herb’s hidden feelings” to “Herb frantically tries to undo the florist’s brainwashing by smashing through Dagwood’s wall of cognitive dissonance.”

  11. The Ridger
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    I think Tootsie – is that her name? Herb’s wife? – is just stunned that Herb bought her something other than pizza and tickets to a hockey game. Either that or Blondie’s been lording Dagwood’s superb flower-choosing abilities over her for years and this is the first time she’s had anything to show.

  12. Batman Beatles
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:08 pm [Reply]

    Peanuts – I used to wonder how Charlie Brown didn’t become suicidal.

  13. Helen Clark
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:09 pm [Reply]

    You people think you’re so clever, don’t you, with your jokes and your observations. What’s this nonsense about what I’m drinking? Tabasco sauce? What kind of cretin drinks Tabasco sauce? I’ll have you know that I only have the finest spirits in my house, and I just have a small (hic) cocktail in the afternoon.

    And I don’t look like anybody except my dear, sainted father. Martin’s shenanigans destroyed him, you know—the shame of it all.

    Now, I want you to stop bothering me. First it was that foolish girl with her nosy questions about my idiot brother, and now you people won’t leave me alone. Listen, I could buy and sell the whole lot of you. Let me (hic) just find my checkbook ((crash))… goddamit…..

    Get the hell out of here. My castana group will be here any minute, and I need to (hic) set up the bar.

  14. odinthor
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:10 pm [Reply]


    She said Kurt showed up on their doorstep years ago! He must have known Martin was his father!

    This is where you’re wrong, Dawn. For instance, many folks show up on my doorstep who are manifestly not my children and who show no signs of laboring under the conviction that I am their father. The fact of the matter is that, if the visitor looks at all prosperous, I attempt to convince him or her that I am his or her father, sorely in need of funding for booze important medications.

  15. WendellX
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:11 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#8):
    Not the first time I have beat you by a hair. The first time was by a different name, though, and I can’t find it in the archives.

  16. Joe Blevins
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: Herb Woodley looks like he’d stand a definite chance of winning a limbo contest. (last panel) Blondie is just mad because Dagwood bought her pizza from a sporting goods store. Come to think of it, do sporting goods stores actually sell tickets to sporting events…?

    Crankshaft: I don’t like either of these people, and yet curiously their misery brings me no joy. Damn you, Batiuk! You’ve denied me even the pleasure of schadenfreude.

  17. WendellX
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:21 pm [Reply]

  18. Peanut Gallery
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:23 pm [Reply]

    FC – Ooh, Billy’s reading Magazine; I love Magazine! This month’s issue features interviews with the stars of Television Show, and a behind-the-scenes look at the making of Movie 2: The Sequel. Plus, a shocking exposé on the use of recycled art in that long-running favorite, Comic Strip.

  19. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    Apologies because this is totally unrelated to comics, but I’m just so excited: I have liberated my hot tub! Steamy, soaky, muscle-relaxing wonderfulness, here I come!

  20. mr 12 oz can
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    mary worth – i think helen clark is joe giella in drag he wants to stop drinking but hes so close to a dirt nap anyway and still getting paid so why bother . ive read so many interviews with artist talking about the role there editor plays in there work its obvious the mary worth editor never eveb looks at what is sent maybe giella should show dawns tittys at least with purple pasties and sees if they print it .

  21. Youse Da Force
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#7):

    I’m pretty sure she’s supposed be pulling up the blanket to stop him from whining about the cold. But it looks like the lines on the Jeff’ pajamas were drawn after someone had forgotten the point of the joke, and they put the wrong pattern on the blanket. So the white stripe on the blanket became Jeff’s back.

  22. Tiako
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:32 pm [Reply]

    I’m pretty sure that Blondie’s writers are subtly commenting on their strip. “It’s the same old thing you’ve been doing for decades!…Don’t you think it’s time you thought of something fun and original for a change?”

  23. Uncle Lumpy
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#16):

    . . . and yet curiously their misery brings me no joy.

    The people in Crankshaft have suffered so long they’re bored by it.

  24. Uncle Lumpy
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:37 pm [Reply]

    @Youse Da Force (#21):

    A clunky, ham-handed setup back-written from a lame sight-gag incompetently drafted — yep, it’s Sunday in Crankshaft.

  25. Stroker Ace
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:39 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – DagWOOD BUMstead/ HERB WOODley…so obvious now. Comicdom’s gay stoner couple.

  26. Batman Beatles
    February 14th, 2010 at 6:47 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#18):

    Hee! Like the Mystery Science Theater movie with the diner called “Eat” and the Bar called “Bar”.

  27. ironflange
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#7):

    Perhaps Pam’s pulling it up to hide the ugly patch of melanoma on his ass; she can’t stomach the look of it. He’s unaware of it, just like he’s unaware of the million dollar insurance policy she just took out on him.

    The Funkyverse has been a little short of cancer lately.

  28. Carrie ForthWorth
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Cranky: Why is Pam and Jeff’s alarm going off at 6:30 on a) Sunday, and b) Valentine’s Day?

    A3G: If that’s not the back of Gabriella’s head in the corner store I’m a dutchman.

    MW: Where’s Kurt (or Wilbur, for that matter) while Dawn is doing her Nancy Drew routine? Hopefully Kurt isn’t upstairs listening on the extension. Bloodshed could ensue. That’s bad, right? Right?

  29. Lawyerbob
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:20 pm [Reply]

    The joke works if you think of “I need somebody to keep me here and save me from the cold, dark, cruel world” as code for “Let’s have sex!”

  30. Amateur
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    @Helen Clark (#13): HELEN!! You came back!! Hurray!!! Never leave us again!

  31. ElkMeadow
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:22 pm [Reply]

    MW- Gee, now that she knows that Kurt isn’t Wilbur’s son, they can get married!!
    And then they can pry the Clarksville fortune from Helen’s cold, dead hands.

  32. Helen Clark
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#31): I’m not going anywhere, smart guy. You want me dead? I’ll show you (hic) dead! Where’s my shotgun? ((crash)) goddamit…..

  33. Uncle Lumpy
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:33 pm [Reply]

    @Helen Clark (#32):

    Helen, you’re not really mean . . . just lonely! And I know just the guy for you: elder-friendly, loves his intoxicants, got his own crib . . . .

  34. rd
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    And with that slicked-back hair, mustache, and tight jeans, Herb’s definitely got the look. Don’t ask, don’t tell — Oh, behave!

  35. Rana
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    It looks to me like she’s sleepily keeping him in bed by hooking a finger into his waistband – a very low-key and ineffective approach compared to the fantasy he’s imagining. It’s sort of sweet, sort of sarcastic, and sort of depressing – just what you’d expect of a Crankshaft Valentine’s Day strip.

  36. Rusty
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:43 pm [Reply]

    Crank: Least enthusiastic attempt at a handjob ever.

    Really though, what is the joke here? She no longer can summon the energy to insist he spoon for 7 minutes of drowse button time? When anything is a potential strip punchline, nothing is.

  37. White Rabbit
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:47 pm [Reply]

    As it happens, I myself have a copy of “Hillbilly Blitzkrieg” which I can make available to you. Drop me an email and we can discuss the details of getting a 1.28 GB file through the global intertubes.

  38. tb4000
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:49 pm [Reply]

    Batiuk decreed long ago that any happy feelings remotely expressed by his characters are met with a swift literal, not metaphorical, guillotine to the neck. I would think that is the only logical reason as to why these things go on in the two strips.

  39. Carly
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    Alternate commentary for Crankshaft: Ha ha! It’s funny because she’s dead! Of cancer!

  40. Donkey Hotey
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#19): Enjoy your soak, but watch out for raccoons (or Racoons).

  41. Rusty
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    “Hillbilly Blitzkrieg” is no “Surf Nazis Must Die.”

  42. seismic-2
    February 14th, 2010 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    “I need somebody to keep me here and save me from the cold, dark, cruel world. Barring that, I need somebody to get me up and going by snapping the elastic waistband in my pajamas.”

  43. Muffaroo
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    Lio – I’d pay more than a dollar for a map like that.

    Dick – Actually, this whole sequence was ghosted by Stephen Pastis, and he’s working his way up to a punch line that will take six strips and a Sunday to complete, and he’ll have to start telegraphing it four days ahead of time. Those with weak hearts may prefer to tune out now.

    Monty – Very expressive pizza in the last panel.

    Mary – Dawn’s weakening. If she doesn’t snap out of it, she’ll end up giving Kurt a pity-family.

    Id – I see what commodorejohn meant about this strip. They’re going to lose the South for using a family newspaper strip to imply mythcegenation.

  44. White Rabbit
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:05 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#18): I’ve actually been to a café in Greenwood, Mississippi that was named “Café”. Everyone called it that, too.

  45. Muffaroo
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    @Donruss (#yy277): The Peanuts Sunday page I never drew shows Lucy walking around as Charlie Brown watches furtively. In the throwaway panel, there’s a large impact that sends Woodstock into the air. Then we see Charlie Brown, with no facial expression whatever, having laboriously set Lucy up holding a football, go back, take a running start, and kick the football. It goes a few yards. Still expressionless, he watches as Lucy’s inert form, no longer supported by the football, slumps to the ground. Finally he turns out to us and says, “Somehow, it wasn’t as much fun as I thought it was going to be.”

    Josh [re Crankshaft] – She obviously cares enough. Observe: she has lifted one (1) finger. Not even the Long One. It’s just possible she cares too much!

  46. Muffaroo
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:08 pm [Reply]

    @Peanut Gallery (#18): Ha ha! I love reading comment, especially when it features Joke! (all kidding aside: well done)

    @Batman Beatles (#26): “Put it on a plate, Son. You’ll enjoy it so much more.”
    “Couldn’t enjoy it any more, Mom. Mmm, mmm.”

    @Lawyerbob (#29): But that’s not how snark works. We crack on stuff, even if that means willfully misunderstanding things we all know anyway, like what an old French phone looks like. I just looked at a whole book on snark at the book store a couple of days ago, and that was one of the seven rules.

  47. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#43): “They’re going to lose the South for using a family newspaper strip to imply mythcegenation.”


  48. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:17 pm [Reply]

    @Donkey Hotey (#40): Wonderful soak, but no Racoons or raccoons. I’ve not seen any paw prints since the snowstorms started, so I hope they’re okay. B. Racoon, maybe you can ease my mind?

  49. Black Drazon
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:19 pm [Reply]

    Given how similar they look between panels, I can only assume that Crankshaft’s son-in-law is flashing back to yesterday when he was forced out of bed at 6am to buy a digital clock like the rest of us.

  50. Phred22
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:34 pm [Reply]

    Beetle Bailey: This is a new garbage can. I haven’t seen one that looked like that in years. No wonder Beetle is so excited.

  51. Aviatrix
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:40 pm [Reply]

    @Zla’od (Y24): e) Martin Clark is not really dead, and Kurt is not his son, merely a drifter with a passing resemblance. In order to escape from his drunken sister, Clark hid the bulk of his assets offshore, then faked his death, willing what his family thought was his fortune to Kurt, who agreed to play the role of long-lost son and pretend that the inheritance was substantial in return for the amount he did receive. That way the family and thus the authorities would not look into the missing money and discover the ruse.

    Naturally Abby was terminated, so that she could not spoil the game by revealing that she had never been pregnant, but then Martin Clark became paranoid. What if all those years ago, Abby went back to that geek Wilbur and he knew her not to be pregnant during the time that she was supposedly carrying Kurt? He offered Kurt a little more money to do one last job for him.

  52. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 14th, 2010 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#51): Wow—that’s SO much better than anything we’ll ever actually see in this strip!

  53. Ben Aldred
    February 14th, 2010 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Helen Clark is the Morpheus in the comic Matrix that is Mary Worth. Drink from the Green bottle, stay in Charterstone, quiet and happy under the control of supreme programmer Mary. Drink from the Red bottle, you see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

  54. Sister Sestina
    February 14th, 2010 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

    Lord help, I think I actually understand and feel with the Crankshaft. Me and my husband have this dopey game where he yells “Earthquake” and I little-girl shriek and cling to him. But if I’m in penultimate-panel sleepy state, he’s lucky to get one second of hand spasm.

  55. PepperjackCandy
    February 14th, 2010 at 9:19 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#16): Come to think of it, do sporting goods stores actually sell tickets to sporting events…?

    IIRC, our local Sportmart was also the closest TicketMaster outlet during the eighties . . . .

  56. Helen Clark
    February 14th, 2010 at 9:20 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#33): You may be on to some there! But I don’t like (hic) baldies.

    Say, you have a full head of hair, don’t you? I have a fresh bottle of Seagram’s and (hic) Matlock on the videotape. Martin’s not the only one who used to get around!

    I’ll even take the telephone receiver out of its cradle so that busybody girl can’t bother us.

  57. Helen Clark
    February 14th, 2010 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

    @Helen Clark (#56): On to something….. goddamit…..

  58. seismic-2
    February 14th, 2010 at 9:43 pm [Reply]

    Actually, the role of Helen Clark is being played by Julius Caesar. That’s why she keeps trying to remember the declension for hic, haec, hoc.

  59. Lawyerbob
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @Muffaroo (#46): Crap. I thought that I was doing snark. Too much information?

  60. One-eyed Wolfdog
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:09 pm [Reply]

    This could go down in history as Crankshaft’s “Cow Tools” moment, if historians didn’t all become uniformly staunch revisionists when it comes to the existence of Crankshaft.

  61. Poteet
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:14 pm [Reply]

    Monday Spoilers

    LUANN — In which we see a first attempt to show a rehearsal of WEST SIDE STORY that uses only the LUANN characters we already know and dislike. Choreographing this production should be a snap, so to speak, with only two or three members in each gang. At most.

    ReFoob — In which we see an unlikely exchange between mother and son with one of them sporting unlikely hair.

  62. Chip Whittle
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:23 pm [Reply]

    Nein Chickweed Lane: Not reading the Sunday strips anymore, dropping the dailies as soon as I get the energy to rebuild my Houston Chronicle page. I just wanted to note that Casablanca is on Turner Classic Movies right this minute, and Brooke McEldowney is a beefwit.

  63. KT
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:32 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Hi & Lois suggests an obvious bit of animated gimmickry:

  64. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    and there will be great celebrations in the Great White North, eh?

    congrats to Canada for their first gold as a host. Lets see how the hockey teams do!

  65. KT
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    Also, in today’s Hägar the Horrible, why is Hägar referring to the bowl of chocolate pudding that Helga has dumped on his head “mashed potatoes”? At least I hope that’s chocolate pudding and not, say, mashed potatoes made from potatoes that have gone all rotten and moldy black.

  66. greybob
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    No one can be saved from the cold, dark, cruel world of the Funkyverse. No one.

  67. Nekrotzar
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:57 pm [Reply]

    @KT (#65): My thought about Hagar was: amazingly, thanks to the work of the colorists, Hagar has managed to convince the papers to run a strip in which the main character wears a bowl of feces on his head.

  68. Poteet
    February 14th, 2010 at 10:59 pm [Reply]

    9CL — Goodness, a strip in which a Burber woman lustfully forces herself on a man. How original and unexpected.

  69. Donruss
    February 14th, 2010 at 11:22 pm [Reply]

    This was originally posted in the Friday slot but since we have the update and these are for the Sunday funnies, reenjoy!

    The Keane Cult-The Glorious Leader, shocked to find out that today is Valentines Day and knowing he will be expected to breed with his main brood mare has left on the pretense of finding a gift for said brood mare. Hoping his prayers (to himself, naturally, for he IS God) go answered and upon his return finding that Thel (Baby Mama #1) has pulled a Jonestown at the Kompound and he can start his cult anew in a more remote location.

    Spiderman-Spidey is so worthless these days, his own wife didn’t even pack his suit. Maybe Sabretooth will find it by the pheromones and be waiting for Petey with wilted Valentine flowers when Spidey and MJ (the rival for Sabretooth’s affections) return.

    DtM-HAHA!!!-Nelson from the Simpsons

    Peanuts-Lucy is a douche!!! When Charlie Brown grows up and gets that job at the Post Office and then kills 8 people in a rampage, you know who to blame.

    Garfield-Giggity Giggity!!!

    ReFoob-Of course Elly (Lynn) suffers yet again. There seems to be a pattern here.

    Doonesbury-Has Warren Beatty and his harem been relevant since he got married some 20-25 years ago or did Trudeau did out an old strip? Its 2010, not 1980 Garry!

    Wink of the Funk-Les is having flashbacks again! Another Lisa flashback cannot be too far behind. Seriously Batiuk, get some help!!!

    Beetle Bailey-And “It’ll take some study” means “You outrank me so I can’t tell you to lay off the booze so early in the day. Seriously dude, cut back to a 12 pack before Noon!”

    Blondie-I dont think Dagwood surprised Blondie with the pizza and hockey tickets. Everyone knows that pizza would not make to the house and he will go to the game with that douche Herb who bogarted his flowers. Off panel I think he bought some more flowers and shoved them up Blondie’s ass. Hence her telling Tootsie that shes not going to believe what Dag “surprised” her with. Just a regular part of their annual love fest, I mean S&M sessions!

    Baby Blues-”I’ll think of you every time I smack you upside your thick head with it.”

    Zits-All teenage males are clueless and Pierce is making a derogatory hand sign in Panel 5.

    Mary, Bringer of Meddle (MIA)-Mary’s protege, having found Kurt’s secret is putting on her best “I’m Sorry” face while deep inside is filled with glee that Wilbur is hers and hers alone. Life is incomplete unless she can serve Wilbur fist sandwiches and dress like a grape for him. Wilbur only gets hard when he sees food so she projects it. She never has sex with him and is in pure orgasmic bliss when she sees Wilbur excited and knowing he will never have a crack at her honeypot.

    Cranky-The misery in the Batiuk universe continues. In other words, a normal day.

    StripeyButt-Prison mattresses are enough protection against cannonfire and flying debris, sure enough!

    Rex Morgan MD-”I’ll fix you something to eat” means Brook is going to go shave. Once done with Toots, Toots will wake tied up as an offering to June.

    Sally Forth-How the HELL did they ever have a kid!?! Ted makes my brain hurt.

    Assoline Alley-So Walt found Skeezix 89 years ago today, is Walt in the Guiness Book of Records for being the oldest human ever yet? Dude has to be at least 110!

  70. Donruss
    February 14th, 2010 at 11:27 pm [Reply]

    One thing about Zits that I forgot to mention. Why are they in school on a Sunday?

  71. ElkMeadow
    February 14th, 2010 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

    @PepperjackCandy (#55):

    Our Pacific northwest sporting goods chain, G.I.Joes, was a Ticketmaster outlet. The chain changed its name to Joes, and went under last year, due to the recession. An east coast chain, named “Dick’s” has moved into it’s space. I don’t know if it sells tickets, but it’s over-priced, limited in its selection, and lacks the local fashion lines, services, and knowledge of the region’s sporting activities. In other words, it’s a poser store.

  72. ElkMeadow
    February 14th, 2010 at 11:34 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#64): Congratulations to Canada!

    Man, I remember when they hosted the Olympics in the ’60′s. I’d wished that someone not-Canadian would have tripped, so that Canada could have gotten a gold. Now FINALLY!! Whoo hoo!

  73. ElkMeadow
    February 14th, 2010 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    Oops. “…its space”…. Possessive, not a contraction. If anything, posting here has sharpened my spelling and grammar phobias.

  74. BigTed
    February 14th, 2010 at 11:46 pm [Reply]

    Today’s strip provides all the proof we need that Herb has finally gone completely off his rocker.
    The evidence:
    1. He “can’t believe” Dagwood is buying flowers, despite the fact that they agreed to meet right outside the florist’s shop.
    2. He seems to think the 40ish Blondie and Dagwood have been together “for decades.”
    3. He leads Dagwood to a sporting-goods store, apparently thinking that’s where you buy hockey tickets and pizza.
    4. He tricks Dagwood out of a cheap pot of flowers he could easily have purchased himself, just to see if he can make his friend’s marriage fall apart.
    5. He has a compulsion to wear exactly the same clothes that Dagwood does, only in different colors. (Let’s just hope he never finds out where the “suits with one enormous button” store is.)

  75. ElkMeadow
    February 14th, 2010 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

    What if Blondie turns out to be a closet hockey fan? And has always wished for a pizza that she didn’t make?

  76. Aviatrix
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:02 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#72): Aww, thanks. The moguls podium line-up tonight is so movie-of-the-week I don’t think I would have been able to finish watching it were it fiction.

    bronze medalist: failed to qualify for the US Olympic team, then was called the weekend before the games to fill in for someone who was sick.
    silver medalist: left Canada to compete for Australia, won the gold last year
    gold medalist: won the first ever gold for his Canada on home soil, while inspired by his handicapped brother.

    There has to be a puppy in here somewhere.

  77. NoahSnark
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    You can always trust Crankshaft to deliver an uplifting tale of true romance on Valentine’s Day.

  78. Muffaroo
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#59): No, on reflection, I think you’re right. At the time, I saw it differently — that is, I saw your snarxplanation as (in the immortal words of the Caped Crusader) “the Only! Possible! Solution!”, and thus not true snark… and also I’d just seen that book and was trying to work it into the conversation.

    Please excuse my pedantry. Better yet, look at the red flash from this ordinary fountain pen. Look directly into the pen, please…

    @Donruss (#70): Why are they in school on a Sunday?
    Through the sheer magic of comics, my friend! It’s the same miracle that lets Mark Trail appear before us in the 21st century, and lets Momma seem to be on Earth.

  79. KT
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:12 am [Reply]

    And here’s today’s Hi & Lois for lovers of classical education (and ancient Greek culture):

  80. Ed Dravecky
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    Judge Parker: Conversation? Sure, if you think the only four-letter synonym for “intercourse” is “talk”.

  81. KarMann
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:03 am [Reply]

    @KT (#79): Thanks for the translation (if that’s your own work). For a few moments there, I thought I was going to need to ask about “storgi” or “storge”, though I got the gist (at least) of the rest of them.

  82. Sister Sestina
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#71): In my area, Dick’s Sporting Goods took over the chain of Chick’s Sporting Goods. Never been in either one, didn’t stop me from making puerile jokes.

  83. dreadedcandiru2
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:25 am [Reply]

    Canadian Zombie: We have to look at Lawrence be the parent today; it’s sort of sad that a little boy has to swallow his dignity and absolve his errant mother’s folly and sin but it happens a lot in Foobland. Time and again, a parent acts like a child and the child must be the one to give way.

  84. True Fable
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:26 am [Reply]

    Monday snark

    Fist O Justice Theater GASP at the terror of the senator’s heart attack in the wilds! THRILL to the adventure of Mark Trail performing open heart surgery with a Boy Scout knife and rasp! REEL with giddy glee as Mark adds to the landfill!

    Sam Driver’s Pretty People Posse! “Smile? What is that, some kind of newfangled form of self-congratulatory smirkage?”

  85. Rana
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:34 am [Reply]

    Oh, man, I think I finally “got” Crankshaft.

    In the first few panels, they’re both young and she’s wearing a little frilly nightie. In the last two, she’s wearing a flannel nightgown and they’re both older.

    Old people don’t like sex any more! Ha! Ha! What a knee-slapper of a joke!

  86. Christian
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    eh Crankshaft is pretty accurate. they’re saying what we avoid saying out of politeness…

  87. Captain Thunder
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:36 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: My initial assumption was that she was dead, but then I remembered that I wasn’t reading Funky Winkerbean, but Crankshaft, where boundless cruelty comes from other people, rather than from the universe itself.

  88. True Fable
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    So if Kurt’s already been rejected by his own blood relatives, then by all calculations ( a+b=c) he won’t mind being rejected by people who aren’t even related to him! Even though in Mary Worth’s world everyone appears to be related to each other anyway, that’s how they roll in Big Charterstone. Those folks are stone cold … er, stone. And cold.

  89. Poteet
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:45 am [Reply]


    FW — I didn’t realize that high school athletic triumphs follow one forever and ever. I learn a lot here.

    MW — Dawn is so horrified that her hair disarranged itself, thereby proving that she’s no more appealing when that happens. She buys her undies at For The Love Of God, Victoria, Keep It A Secret.

    S-M — Sabretooth, learn from the ancient wisdom of your namesake. When a sabertooth tiger was hunting a giant sloth, for example, it actually hunted the goddamn giant sloth. It did not run around foaming at the fangs and ranting loudly about how it needed to find a dire wolf to tell it where the giant sloth was.

  90. True Fable
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:53 am [Reply]

    Kit Walker, Cole Porter Ranger! “My heart belongs to Diana, Di-di-di, Di-di-di, DIIIII-ana!”

    Faily Wrongthinkerbean “Then again, if you fail miserably as I have ever expectation for you to do, it will just be another day in Westview and you likely won’t notice anyhow.”

    Scenes from Suburban Hell Hey, Obama didn’t ask you to live in Suburban Hell, Thirsty. You did that all on your own. You also became a lazy boozing oaf all by yourself; way to set the standard, pal!

  91. Poteet
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:54 am [Reply]


    A3G — WOW, that is some amazing makeup. Bobbie looks about forty years younger than she did last week.

    FC — I see that Jeffy is gradually taking over the important job of asking annoying half-baked questions with heavy-lidded eyes. Maybe Billy is tired of getting punched.

    PHANTOM — And your children, Kit. Remember them? You have two, and they may not have been scarred for life at having been pushed aside after their mother’s death. Yet.

  92. Boobooruboo
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:59 am [Reply]

    It’s Crankshaft, fer Christ’s Sake! She’s probably dead and the hand hit her husband because of a post-mortem spasm.

  93. KarMann
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:26 am [Reply]

    2/15 BC: Dayum, this comic sure is moving on since Johnny passed away! I certainly would never have imagined such a thing in BC while he was still running the show.

  94. Mibbitmaker
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:28 am [Reply]

    The 15th:

    Zits: Tsk, what an asshole!

    Dilbert: The PHB goes from being Susan (Seinfeld) to Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm).

    GA: Just like Milton Berl.

    R=R: It’s been a while since Rose’s biker chick alter ego has been a hateful douchebag…

    FW: They’ll fail.

    Curtis: Has Chutney been talking to Danae Pyle?

    S-M: The increasingly absurd last panel of each daily strip is getting more and more like Dick Locher’s Dick Tracy.

  95. dyslexic dog
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:29 am [Reply]


    Well, at least Lynn has the good sense to steal from the best, at 4 minutes in.

  96. seismic-2
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    Zits: I think Jeremy’s “Tsk!” is directed at his parents’ technique for copulation, at least while standing. Instead of making the beast with two backs, they make the beast with two heads.

  97. Just some guy
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:47 am [Reply]

    In Crankshaft, I initially thought she didn’t do anything at all. Which makes sense.
    But why is she sticking her finger down his ass crack???

  98. True Fable
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    Marmadick The Hitlers have been warned. Next time it will be someone’s head in the bed. Hopefully, a stranger’s.

  99. Farley's Revenge
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:56 am [Reply]

    MW: Wait…What? Did I miss the part where Dawn got proof that Kurt was genetically related to Mrs. Drunky Snarlpants? Or is she leaping over the tall building of logic, straight into the basement of WTF?

    RMMD: Oh, please let Toots stay, Brook! I wanna see June auto-combust with anger, burning everyone and everything in a two mile radius! That would be so sweet! Then Cue could return and the strip could become the Tales From Cue’s Crib!

    Note to self: Check to make sure you’re not posting on the wrong thread, Farley. Yeesh.

  100. Farley's Revenge
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:05 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#48):

    I noticed a burly raccoon trundling along our back porch late last night. A B. Raccoon siting? If so, I hope he enjoyed the stroll. It was a nice, clear night here.

  101. Baka Gaijin
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:13 am [Reply]

    @DeepFriedTwinkies (#3): Mr. Twinkies, you definitely do not want panelpolyps. If you think a colonscopy is an embarassing violation of personal space, you do not want to a paneloscopy.

  102. Baka Gaijin
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:33 am [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Instead of going after the witch who has a tankless water heater, how about investigate exactly what’s in that “carrot” that has the baby whacked out of its gourd. I’ll be Cue is involved somehow.

    Sally Forth: Cabin fever? Check out Faye’s “Ted Forth” hands. I’m guessing obsession, but not by Calvin Klein.

    Apartment 3-G: “I’ll go shopping. That always cheers me up.” Oh no, Bobbie’s turning into Cathy. I predict an “AAACK!” by the week’s end.

    Cathy: Speaking of which, “seeing Cathy’s face in a magnifying mirror” is integral to the plot to Steve King’s next bestseller.

    Rose is Rose: Amen, girl!

  103. True Fable
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:46 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#102):

    It’s a pretty good bet to credit Cue for most of the shenanigans in the comics panels these days. His is a force to be reckoned with.

  104. KarMann
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:50 am [Reply]

    2/15 post-Valentine’s comedown:
    Agnes: I can never remember whether the not-Agnes character is a boy or a girl, and the artwork doesn’t clear it up at all. And suddenly, today, it seems terribly, horribly relevant.
    BB DADT: Sarge really loves Beetle’s peaches.
    DT: In keeping with the punning names of this strip, I guess the ambassador’s major domo or whatever indicates that they’ll all be tuckered out from the fighting, or he’s going to be tucking somebody into bed.
    Dilbert: With or without honey?
    Groovy Blinkerlegume: If, by “the word ‘champion’”, you mean any of “your creepy father,” “your mom’s creepy boyfriend,” “your creepy former basketball coach,” or “cancer,” then yes. Yes, he/it will follow you wherever you go. Especially the cancer.
    GA: Much like BigTed #74 above about Sunday Blondie, I’m having a hard time imagining why she’d have a hard time believing Skeezix forgetting something at home.
    JP: Rather sad to note the new artwork today. *sniff*
    Luann: “Only a plumber, sir.”
    MT: “Well, that depends, Mr. Trail. Do you demand that your planes be Euclidean?”

  105. KarMann
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:58 am [Reply]

    Mutts: Hey, if you think you tigers have it rough in terms of your population, what about the dragons?
    PBS: Ah, beer mug. The gift that keeps on giving!
    Phantom: I wouldn’t be so sure it’s your heart she’s got her eyes on, Stripey-Butt.
    Pluggers: He left out all the other grades they never went to, but I think the point gets across nonetheless.
    RMMD: Looks like the Morgans buy their soda (at least the cheap stuff for unwanted houseguests) at the same place Wally bought his Beer-brand beer.
    Tank: Probably too soon.
    WoId continues the mythcegenation from yesterday. (Thanks, Muffaroo (#43)!) Unspeakable filth ensues!

  106. Lucky
    February 15th, 2010 at 6:16 am [Reply]

    9 Chickweed Lane – Who still believes that Granny is a virgin? …anyone?

    Close to Home – Discworld did it.

    Heart of the City – Ah, bukkake, is there anything it doesn’t improve?

    Wizard of Id – Ah, bestiality, is there anything it doesn’t improve?

  107. lostsyn
    February 15th, 2010 at 6:41 am [Reply]

    Wizard of Id: The Pluggers origin story

  108. Baka Gaijin
    February 15th, 2010 at 7:32 am [Reply]

    @Rana (#85):

    In the last two, she’s wearing a flannel nightgown and they’re both older.

    Old people don’t like sex any more! Ha! Ha! What a knee-slapper of a joke!

    And if he plied her with wine so he could watch Sportcenter in peace, they’d be Pluggers.

  109. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2010 at 8:59 am [Reply]

    SM: Instead of bringing his Spidey costume, Peter brought his Charlie Smith stripey-shirt costume. Given that one of Charlie’s superpowers is watching videos, this could work out well for Peter.

    MW: Dawn is so horrified that she must flee the very chair she was sitting in when the horrible woman spoke so horribly to her.

    Tank: I know that comics are written in advance, but did the editors have to let this go through?

    JP: I miss Barreto already……

    MT: “Mark paddles with all his strength”: Doesn’t Mark do everything with all his strength? “Mark punches him with all his strength.” “Mark throws the barrel through the window with all his strength.” “Mark eats his pancakes with all his strength.” “Mark lifts the car off Rusty with—” Okay, I stand corrected.

  110. Hibbleton
    February 15th, 2010 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    Crankshaft: Yes, what woman doesn’t dream of being a man’s cosmic last resort.

  111. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2010 at 10:36 am [Reply]

    Frazz: the puns, they burn!

    Lio: cute!

    SpeedBump, starring Charlie.

    OTH: Acme win.

    Doonesbury: ahh, Jimmy, the strips designated woobie. Love the art in Panel #1.

    GF: now appearing on

    SFx: cuz witches melt in water, DUH!

    Zits: Richandamy, you’re doing it rong.

  112. Hank
    February 15th, 2010 at 11:02 am [Reply]

    RE: Slylock Fox. You know, when you start bringing actual witches with magic brooms into a strip any puzzle that is supposedly based on real world physics is automatically doomed to failure.

    RE: Zits. A “tsk”? If I saw someone turn her head around like Linda Blair in ‘the Exorcist’ a “tsk” is the least likely sound I’d be making. More likely it’d be screams of terror and frantic recitations of “the power of Christ compels you”

  113. Charlie
    February 15th, 2010 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    John Heebink, the fill-in artist for Eduardo Barreto, is no Eduardo Barreto.

    To sign the strip “Barreto”, is a bit of a joke. Just sign your name to it.

    Here is to speedy recovery to health for Eduardo and a hopeful return to JP.

    If not, I hope Brendan Burford at King Features can find someone just as good, going to be hard, though.

  114. TheDiva
    February 15th, 2010 at 11:33 am [Reply]

    C’shaft: Unless your character’s name is Fozzie, pointing out that he’s not funny doesn’t make him funnier.

    DT: Oh, that’s the ambassador’s hair. For a moment I thought Tucker was sporting an Iroquois-style topknot.

    FW: “Eventually your youth will fade, you will become dissatisfied with life and you will cling desperately to that word ‘champion’ in order to escape from your squandered adult life…”

    Luann: Gunther immediately tries sabotaging the production under the guise of “innovative” costume design.

    MW: The shock of talking to Helen (hic!) Clark has stunned Dawn back into adolescence!

    Pluggers: “First grade? You kids, with your education! Why, at your age I was working at the mill sixteen hours a day, five cents an hour!”

  115. Dingo, the Essence of Purity and Virtue Incarnate™
    February 15th, 2010 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    Could it be? Yes, it could!
    Wyatt Sims in the neighborhood!
    Isn’t it grand?
    I just don’t know why he’s here
    But, I fear
    Destruction at hand.
    Leggy blondes
    Give Toots lunch.
    Wyatt Sims, he gonna punch.
    Restless people come to Rex
    June, they vex!
    “Family” be damned.

    Around the corner
    Judge Parker will deliver
    The sweater puppies shiver

    Dawn makes calls
    Across the land
    Learns Kurt Evans ain’t that grand.
    Wilbur Weston reminisce!
    Abby bliss!
    Sex with a hat.
    Sex with a hat.
    Sex with a ha-a-a-a-at!

  116. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 15th, 2010 at 11:44 am [Reply]


    WofI: It looks like the Wizard may have increased bestiality in the kingdom by, oh, a whole percentage point.

    RMMD: You know what would be the best plot twist ever? A whole bunch of people owe Toots money, but he’s too wimpy to collect. Just as a way to make some of her own back, June becomes his enforcer. “Yes you did, Wyatt! You tried to fuck him! Don’t you know Toots don’t like to be fucked by anyone except my trashy niece?’ Here’s hoping.

    Baldo: Oh, papi! You’ll get to go over Niagara Falls one of these days.

    GT: In the last panel, it looks like the ball fell out of Cassie’s shorts. That’s been embarassing when it happened to me, and I’m a guy.

    H&L: A day without Thirsty’s rapier-like political wit? I think we’ll survive.

    PBS: Three cheers for cartoon physics.

    Luann: Okay, let’s put it to a vote. Who would be the most interesting couple. Luann and Quill.? Luann and Gunther? Tiffany and Quill? Or, Knute and his foam rubber shark hat? I think you know where I stand on this one.

    Phantom: His heart will always belong to Diana. Of course, his wang is still a free agent, as he’ll probably decide in ten minutes.

    SFx: A baby that age will wake up a dozen times a night anyway. And it looks pretty chipper right now. So let’s not scapegoat the witch for your new parent hassles, because that never ends well.

    DtM: Mr. Wilson probably isn’t in the mood, since it looks like he just vomited all over the drapes.

  117. Zaratustra
    February 15th, 2010 at 11:45 am [Reply]

    The moral of Crankshaft: Being dark and gloomy when you’re young makes you look cute, but when you’re 50 it just makes you look like you’re in Funky Winkerbean.

  118. Mordock999
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    Today’s Luann – 02/15/10 -

    Oh , GOOD Grief.

    Well, the GOOD news here, Folks is that Knutes only a Two-Dimenisonal Comic Strip Character.

    THAT means we don’t won’t EVER have to worry about him reproducing.

    Or MORE Importantly, VOTING….,


    DEATH to TJ!!!

  119. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:07 pm [Reply]

    #105 KarMann,
    I can only imagine the sinking feeling Tank cartoonist Jeff Millar got in his stomach on Friday, knowing he had already sent it in.

  120. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

  121. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando (#120): Yay! I believe that first photo pretty much captures me in my 8:30 class today…..

  122. Artist formerly known as Ben
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:44 pm [Reply]

    #120 queek,
    Hm. I wonder if attaching castanets to their tails would help.

  123. UncleJeff
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    JP: Hey, CCers. Let’s cut the new artist a little slack. But if Neddy comes back looking like Kate Moss after a week of coffee enemas then all bets are off.
    FW: I actually had a basketball coach say something like this to my team before a big game. And ya know what? It did feel pretty damn good.
    I couldn’t pull up Tank McNamara today. Was it like the National Lampoon’s Elvis cover coming out on the day of EP’s death?

  124. commodorejohn
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:52 pm [Reply]

    A3G – Oh please let her run into Margo while she’s out shopping.

    AD – Stoner humor in B.C.? Wow, it really has changed.

    Blondie – Psst, squid don’t have necks to begin with. Also, they’re actually fascinating and beautiful, in an alien sort of way. Weren’t there better animals to use as comparison re: ugliness?

    Curtis – Do these kids ever write reports about anything besides black history?

    DT – When things start to go sour, Dick naturally starts looking for someone to bludgeon to death.

    GT – Wow, Cassie possesses the ability to shoot basketballs from her knee? That’s at least as super as Spider-Man.

    H&L – …? Since when was Hi & Lois overtly political?

    JP – Whoa! Artist whiplash! All joking aside, this is an interesting take on the strip; I think Baretto Sr.’s work suited it better, but then, his run on Judge Parker didn’t start out nearly as amazing as it ended, so I’m definitely willing to give the new kid a chance. I will say one thing for him right off the bat: I like seeing more than two characters in a shot once in a while.

    MT – “No, some damn fool legislator just banned them.”

    MW – You know what I love about Mary Worth? The ridiculous histrionics. And man oh man does today’s strip ever deliver.

    NS – Taking stubborn opposition to “new” trends at least fifteen years old as the basis for your moral superiority? Who would have guessed – the Non Sequitur characters are Pluggers!

    Ghost-Who-Gets-Propositioned – How many women in this strip don’t wind up trying to get a piece of stripy ass?

    Pluggers – Pluggers have never had formal education. This makes them superior to everybody else, apparently.

    PC – Okay, I’ve really had quite enough of this shit about the decade beginning on 1. It doesn’t, and I don’t care what anybody says. Decades are simply a division of time that’s convenient for us to represent in base 10. We don’t group any other decimal measurement this way, so I’m damn well not going to use a different system for the year.

    Popeye -
    “Shut yer mouth, Pappy!”
    “I is just talkin’ about Shaft!”
    “Then I kin digs it!”

    SF – Who gets to be Hillaire Belloc?

    SFx – What, is Slylock their landlord?

    SM – Psst, Sabretooth, you do know that there’s a whole school full of people with whom Wolverine is more closely associated just upstate? I’m not even a huge comics nerd and I know that.

    Edison Lee – Tell, don’t show!

    WoI – Wow. Day two of the giant Wizard Of Id orgy. I’m really not sure what to think about this, but I guess “horrified” would be a good place to start.

  125. Anonymous
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#71): Dick’s Sporting Goods is the bane of my existence. It is impossible to find a salesperson, their selection is crap, and when you actually find someone with a pulse, they are invariably clueless. They didn’t know what a Crazy Creek was! Even after I described it! (Legless camping chair, folds flat, held together with buckles.) Useless.

  126. B. Racoon
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#48): Well, for I reasons I cannot disclose, all Racoons have been evacuated from the D.C. area. Something is in the air and I must not talk about it. However, regular raccoons, for the most part, are still around just fewer in number.
    And yet Gasoline Alley continues -sigh-.

  127. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2010 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    @UncleJeff (#123): Tank is about extreme bobsledding, resulting in serious injury. (I agree that he’s probably wishing some editor had pulled it.) Try here:

    @commodorejohn (#124):

    Do these kids ever write reports about anything besides black history?

    If it’s February, it must be Black History Reports. (Just like, if it’s January, it must be Kwanzaa Kraziness, and if it’s September, it must be The Annual Back to School Strip.)

  128. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:00 pm [Reply]

    @B. Racoon (#126): Smart racoons. But then again, “smartness” is exactly what I expect from racoons.

  129. Donkey Hotey
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    2/15 FOOB (color version): Was Lawrence’s father black? Why have I never noticed this before? Oh, I know: because Elly, like the Angel of Death, sucks the life and personality out of everyone and everything around her.

  130. B. Racoon
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#128): I must add that there is no immediate danger to the human population. Continue enjoying your adult beverages. -Grin-.

  131. Flipper
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    @Charlie (#113): Regarding the “Barreto” signature, King Features said that Eduardo’s son Diego filled in for a week before they found someone else.

  132. wossname
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    MT – I have tried and tried to make sense of the perspective in panel 1, and all I can conclude is that Elrod has just discovered M. C. Escher. It could sort of work if we didn’t have the tree line at the bottom, or if what I’m interpeting as trees are actually seaweed. It almost works if we’re looking down from above, but that would mean the ducks are flying upside down. It totally works if the canoe is airborne.

    MW – I’m so afraid that TheDiva (YY265) is right about where this is going – that Dawn is going to feel sorry for Kurt, and decide to let Wilbur have his illusions that maybe he made a baby, and his stupid bonding at the old fishing hole. The “Nonetheless…” offers a glimmer of hope, but not much.

  133. Sid Vicious
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    Zits: But all the cool kids’ parents are either getting divorces or their parents can’t stand to be around each other!!! What kind of example are these parents setting by actually hugging! Blech! Sometimes, the teen ‘angst’ in this strip is about as fresh as the knock-knock joke…oops, more sarcasm…

    Blondie: Hmmmm, what would be a better last name? Hoggenflatt or Bumstead? Discuss amongst yourselves…

    Baby Blues: Baby got back.

    Marvin: He’s an addict, damnit! He will soon be offering hand jobs for Keebler behind the day care center…

    Luann: Knute is supposed to be the comic relief who holds the space until Greg comes up with a new way to make us think that his storyline is going to move any of the characters beyond their static existences. Well, if things stay the same in Luann, the only jump the shark moment will be Knute’s headwear…

    Hi and Lois: Lay off the topical humor, PLEASE! The Walkers tried to hard to look like their ‘ripped off the front pages’ and instead look like they ripped off their readers with a lame excuse for mentioning Obama to look ‘current.’

    Pickles: Jimmy Durante and W.C. Fields had a child? Thanks silly putty for giving us this gruesome thought!

    Hagar the Horrible: Captain Obvious agrees with Lucky Eddie, who is usually dim-witted except when sacrificing bravado for survival.

    Cathy: She’s married now, right? Why is she still so worried about her looks?

    Middletons: Old people orgy in 3…2…1… Maybe it’s best that her son went off on a prolonged ski trip. Just make sure that the old folks have their Life Alert batteries warmed up for their bone-breaking game of Castor Oil twister…

    Andy Capp: Mothers-in-law are beasts. HA! HA! HA!

  134. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#132): Or perhaps, in MW, Dawn will confront Kurt, and he’ll admit that he’s just sad, and lonely, and needs a family—and has no intention of scamming anyone!—and Dawn and Wilbur will agree that Kurt can become quasi family, so Kurt and Wilbur can maintain their special fish-based connection, and everyone will pat themselves on the back and live happily ever after.

    And all this will be accomplished without any MaryMeddle whatsoever.

    It kind of makes me nervous; is Mary sequestered somewhere, along with Judge Parker and other sidelined titular characters? And is she growing restless and angry, eager to burst forth once again upon an unwary populace? What rough hag, its hour come round at least, slouches toward Charterstone to be borne?

  135. UncleJeff
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    HtH: The final words of Union General John Sedgewick (recorded by Harpers Weekly): “From that distance, that fellow couldn’t hit an elephant.”
    Sedgewick was then knocked off his horse by a sniper.

  136. TheDiva
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

  137. commodorejohn
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#136): I second this. They have more chemistry than the entire rest of the cast put together. Well, except maybe Bernice.

  138. Muffaroo
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    Gil – Finally! In panel 3 we learn the answer to that burning question, “What would a teenage-girl version of the Three Stooges look like?”

    Hi – I wasn’t sure if Thirsty was on the wagon or off these days, but apparently he’s big into tea.

    Marmaduke – How long before Marmaduke starts sitting on the roof of his doghouse, typing a novel?

    Snuffy – I’m guessing that we’re supposed to believe that the place isn’t usually crawling with livestock.

    Spidey – Starting today, “Spider-Man: the Spectacular Peter Parker!”

  139. ElkMeadow
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#103):

    Hurray for Cue! So it looks like he’s out of jail and back to work!

  140. Muffaroo
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    @Sister Sestina (#82): Good god, they do write themselves, don’t they?

    @TheDiva (#114): You just try telling these young people that.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#134): …slouches toward Charterstone to be borne? Ha! Well phrased.

  141. Lawyerbob
    February 15th, 2010 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#125): On the plus side, my 15-year-old daughter can’t pass a “Dick’s Sporting Goods” sign without laughing hysterically, so they have that going for them.

  142. Anonymous
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    SM: I do believe that some poor schmoe in New York dressed like Spiderman for a party is about to be ripped to shreds.

  143. Lawyerbob
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#59): Not a problem. But if I somehow stumbled on the real punch line, then it’s really creepy and depressing. Ew.

  144. ElkMeadow
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    @Anonymous (#125):

    I feel your frustration.

    Joe’s had a huge selection of sports shoes and a wide variety of boots and socks. My daughters and I wear women’s sizes 11 & 12; it was the only place in town. The selection of Columbia, Nike, and “Life is Good” was great. You could rent canoes and inflatable rafts. Unfortunately, (so the story goes) even though it has a sterling credit rating, the banks shut it out in the beginning of the recession, and now we’ve got this limp-wristed over-priced crap. Dick’s couldn’t/wouldn’t even hire back the former Joe’s employees.

  145. Matt Algren
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

    I see we’ve reached the part of the Mary Worth storyline where we find out why the girl was wrong, even if she was right. You tell ‘em, Mary Worth!

  146. ElkMeadow
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    @Lawyerbob (#141):

    Canned Spotted Dick is for sale at Fred Meyer, in the foreign food (British) aisle. I can’t take my husband by it without both of us cracking up.

    We used to have a clothing chain in the Pac. NW: The Gay Blade.

  147. Amateur
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    Curtis: I’ve wasted several valuable minutes out of my day trying to figure out how “it wouldn’t be the country’s health care he’d have to rescue” constitutes a punchline. It wouldn’t be the country’s health care because he’d need his own health care after being beaten up by Mrs. Obama, but his own health care would need rescuing first because . . . presidents don’t have good health care plans in Billingsley’s world, I guess . . . and this is supposed to be (a) funny and (b) a good tribute to Presidents’ Day because . . . because . . . oh, forget it.

  148. Jumper
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

    That was 10,000 Bps. Not happening on IE. Hmm.

  149. bats :[
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:20 pm [Reply]

    Good lord, soooooo much to catch up on. I’m probably going to stick with reading Josh’s comments and the serial plotlines (heart attacks! drunken old women (hellloooooo, Agnes!)! something or other in JP and RMMD), but I did see the bad news about Eduardo Barreto, and wish him a complete recovery.

  150. Jumper
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:22 pm [Reply]

    Sorry. A lost post. The site was acting very strange. Uploading many Bps. Which was what the post was about. Not doing it now.

  151. Mibbitmaker
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    Cranky: A bad joke, then an old joke about the bad joke — by a couple of old jokes
    (I know — my bad joke!)

    OBH: Detorie finally was able to catch up with the whole Leno-Conan business. Excellent! But, please, keep Ruthie’s talk show going — we already lost Helen (hic) Clark as it is this week.

    Unless the running joke continues with the new girl as “host”, which would be cool, too.

  152. Ed Dravecky
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:36 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#151): How odd! The GoComics site has a rerun from 2008 in place of the new strip on display at the Mighty Chron.

  153. seismic-2
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#134): Alternatively, since Wilbur wants Kurt to be his son, and since Dawn feels so terrible that Kurt was rejected by his actual father’s family, she will decide that it will be the best thing all around if she marries him. Charterstone pool party wedding reception, hooray!!!!

  154. Tlachtga
    February 15th, 2010 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

    H&L: An angry, alcoholic suburbanite who looks like my stepbrother, bitching about Obama? It’s just like my last Christmas dinner!

  155. bats :[
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    TAPIRS! Tapirs in Mark Trail! Ohmygoshgolly!
    It could only be better if next Sunday’s MT features Malaysian tapirs!

  156. B. Racoon
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#155): I do believe that tapirs are from South America and have been known to travel into Central America. I believe there is an Asian variety as well. There are no known tapirs in North America outside a zoo. I must contact Andy and find out where Mark Trail has gone. And the real reason why! Bats :[, you are very observent.
    Of course, if Mark is outside the United States, punching a United States Senator is probably quite legal and may be encouraged.

  157. Gabby
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#124): Perhaps Herbie is related to Admiral Ackbar? Not that this in any way makes it funny.

  158. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commando
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:24 pm [Reply]

  159. Écureuil Écumant
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    9CL: “Necking with an autopsy”? Where’s my scalpel, I feel a sternum-to-pubis incision coming on! Brooke’s dictionary must’ve gotten wedged in his boesy, or else he’s been studying something called Writing. “Necking with a cadaver” would make just a whole lot more sense.

    MT: Mark must really have a big motor if he can make canoes fly.

    A3G: “I’ll go shopping. That always cheers me up.” Boy, the curse of short-term memory loss. Going shopping and seeing “that woman” was what just sent Bobbie into her psychotic fugue. Unless, as seems apparent in the last panel, she really means going shopping in her purse. She seems pretty cheery already, thinking about what she’ll find in there.

    Luann “Let’s block out the opening number.” I’m way ahead of ya there, sport. I’m working on blocking out the whole strip.

  160. Batman Beatles
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Luann – “Candy gram”

  161. AtomicDog
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

    Safe Havens – In what universe is roll called in a college level course?

  162. SandyH
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#146): When we lived in a small Texas town in the 70′s, there was a grocery store named Dick’s, known for its old-fashioned service and fresh meat counter. They had wonderful steaks that they cut to order.

    When my parents were visiting one weekend, we decided to grill steaks and my husband told my dad ” I love Dick’s meat”. The look on my dad’s face was priceless, but not nearly as priceless as the one on my husband’s when he realized how that sounded!

  163. Rob
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

    @Flipper (#131):

    Yes, Diego Barreto drew the Judge Parker strip LAST WEEK.

    This week and TBA it is John Heebink.

  164. Ed Dravecky
    February 15th, 2010 at 3:57 pm [Reply]

    @Rob (#163): You are correct.

  165. Cyranetta
    February 15th, 2010 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    MW: Even Dawn’s histrionics won’t prevent me from noticing that that’s a pretty stupid chair for a computer desk task chair.

  166. Buck Ripsnort
    February 15th, 2010 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

    Luann: The scariest thing about that shark-hat is that this throwaway gag is the funniest Luann’s been in weeks.

  167. Amateur
    February 15th, 2010 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    #154 — I’ll trade you. You can go to my next family reunion and get screamed at if you dare to suggest that the Obamas (and the Clintons and the Kennedys) are not demigods, but mere humans.

  168. Farley's Revenge
    February 15th, 2010 at 4:32 pm [Reply]

  169. Doug Wykstra
    February 15th, 2010 at 4:33 pm [Reply]

    I think the joke in Crankshaft is that she’s checking for diaper rash as a nonverbal comment on the infantile nature of her husband’s whining. Then again, given their age, he might just have diaper rash.

  170. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    February 15th, 2010 at 4:38 pm [Reply]

    @AtomicDog (#161): Mine: I teach a required freshman comp course, and to combat freshman flakiness, I require them to be there.

  171. Farley's Revenge
    February 15th, 2010 at 4:39 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’m still not clear on how it has come to be that if Kurt isn’t Wilbur’s son, he MUST be the other guy’s son. Is the assumption being made that Abby shtupped ONLY those two losers? If so, I have to point out that if Abby went horizontal with Wilbur, she would probably be doped up enough to go horizontal with any guy. Kurt could be the biological son of any of the male population of the college.

    Of course, if there’s a chance we could see more of Helen *hic* Clark, I’m willing to go with the idea that not only is Kurt the other guy’s kid, but so is Dawn, Wilbur, Charley, and even Mary!

  172. ChrisV82
    February 15th, 2010 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    It looks like she’s about to drop a finger in the crack of his ass. That’s an alarming way to wake up.

  173. dale
    February 15th, 2010 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @AtomicDog (#161):
    I took a graduate level math course in 1970-71 where the guy took attendance. It wasn’t clear why he did it, but he told a story of how that saved some student from a murder charge because he (the student) had an alibi.
    A coworker told me he had the same class, professor and story 20 years earlier.

  174. Tlachtga
    February 15th, 2010 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

    @Amateur (#167): I wouldn’t do that to anyone; I may not like his politics, but it’s the alcoholism that’s the problem.

  175. Miss Othmar
    February 15th, 2010 at 9:21 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#146): In Southern California (where I used to live) there is a furniture store that specializes in seating for the areas of your home where you consume your meals. It’s called… wait for it…. “Dining and Stools”.

  176. Rana
    February 16th, 2010 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    @AtomicDog (#161):

    Alas, I teach at a state college, and I need to track attendance there, too. It’s something to do with how financial aid is handled.

  177. Charles
    February 16th, 2010 at 1:29 am [Reply]

    The world is a pretty cruel place when you and your wife have maintained the same hairstyles for thirty years.

  178. AtomicDog
    February 16th, 2010 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    I guess things are different now. When I went to college, the attitude was “you’ve already paid for it; it’s your own business whether or not you show up.”

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