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You make the call!

Drabble, 4/20/06

  1. That thing in Mamma Drabble’s hand is supposed to be a branch! Get it? B…ranch … they misheard it … you see …

  2. Incomprehensibility, derangement, madness.

151 responses to “You make the call!”

  1. Aardvarkm
    April 20th, 2006 at 12:35 pm [Reply]

    It’s a wrench.

  2. Ryan
    April 20th, 2006 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    There’s something odd about the facial expressions in this one. It’s like she’s purposely asked for some sort of branch/wrench without letting Norman (I don’t know this, I looked it up) know so she could set up a wacky joke to amuse her idiot son.

  3. nice personality
    April 20th, 2006 at 12:46 pm [Reply]

    “All I asked for was a salad… with tuna and a fork!”

  4. Jocko
    April 20th, 2006 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    #3 You can tune a guitar with a fork but you can’t tuna a fish with a fork.

  5. Backswitch
    April 20th, 2006 at 12:50 pm [Reply]

    MT: “…drop the memory chip off at the camera shop…” I guess Jack deserves kudos for his quantum leap out of the ’50s with his recognition of the digital camera, but memory chip in this context is just comical in a “flying machine” or “ray gun” kind of way. Nice try Jack.

  6. Mortimer
    April 20th, 2006 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

    Yeah, that ain’t no branch, that’s a WRENCH. Not a terribly well drawn version of either, but it is a wrench. I swear.

  7. gump worsley
    April 20th, 2006 at 12:55 pm [Reply]

    The newest nemesis in Rex Morgan may look sleazy, but he does have style — he brings his own champagne/martini glass to whatever cheap motel he stays at.

    And just to be sure we know he’s not drinking water, the illustrators helpfully provide us with little bubbles over the glass.

  8. ISBN
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

    Not to ignore the post o’ the day, but… I am swamped with work so decided I had to catch up with the last two weeks of RMMD. Why is it that Troy doesn’t need to open his mouth to speak, and everyone else does?

  9. RBF
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Cause it’s hard to draw a douchebag talking out of the side of his mouth?

    OK kids, let’s start a pool re: WHY is Troy being blackmailed by DB No. 2? I’m in for he maimed/killed a kid or kids back in med. school while hung over and they blamed it on someone else. Hence his guilt-ridden obsession to open the clinic.

  10. Hello?
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:14 pm [Reply]

    Um, you mean “WRENCH”??

  11. RBF
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    And congrats on COTW, ISBN!!!

  12. Mister Nobody
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

    While I’m only mildly surprised you couldn’t tell that was supposed to be a wrench, I am SHOCKED that you didn’t find some dark, secret, hidden anti-semitic message in this cartoon.

    For once.

  13. J Shiggity
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:42 pm [Reply]

    #12 Oh please its obviously anti-semitic. The cartoon shows people with large noses eating salads at a drive-thru during the weeklong prohibition on leavened bread following Passover. I’m surprised they didn’t ask for a salad with matzoh!

  14. Adam
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:44 pm [Reply]

    Hmm.. I’m taking my comics critique from someone who can’t tell a branch from a wrench? Yowtch!

  15. Psycho
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:46 pm [Reply]

    She was good enough to buy a salad for herself, but got nothing for Norman. I guess he will be talking to the birds again tonight. Just before he goes to choke his chicken.

  16. Burger Queen
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:47 pm [Reply]

    Check out the hand on the drivethrough guy — apparently Stephen Pastis is moonlighting in the food service industry.

  17. Burger Queen
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    BTW, I thought it was a branch, too.

  18. mere cog in the machine
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:49 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps its a branding iron – that would sort of make sense, although still be completely unfunny. My second guess is a swastika.

  19. Dave Matthews (no relation)
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    OBVIOUSLY a wrench, Josh. Oh well, even you can have off-days. Not that Drabble DOESN’T suck, of course.

  20. Anonymus Chicken
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    What confuses ME about this comic is how the old woman doesn’t think anyone could possibly screw up the order “salad with ranch”. My, what a high opinion of disgruntled underpaid restaurant employees she has!

    You know, if they were going for a stupid, highly infeasible sight gag, then instead of a tuning fork or whatever it is they gave her, they should have given her a tiny model of an actual Texas ranch. Now THAT would have been comedy! …but then, I suppose that would have required actual effort and skill on the part of the artist, now wouldn’t it?

  21. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Frankly, who’s more screwed up, the drive-thru workers who hand out wrenches with salads or the old broad who orders salad from a drive-thru hardware store?

  22. Sassy_Rocks
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:56 pm [Reply]

    It’s a tuning fork or a ring nut spanner not a wrench.

  23. RBF
    April 20th, 2006 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

    That’s what I thought it was at first too, branding iron, used on a ranch, ya know…. still stoooooopid and poorly drawn.
    And I’ve had drive-thru’s mess up my order of just a diet coke.

  24. Weaselboy
    April 20th, 2006 at 2:05 pm [Reply]

    It would have looked more like a wrench if Fagan had bothered to draw the other end of it – then the strip would have been less unfunny.

  25. Canaduck
    April 20th, 2006 at 2:10 pm [Reply]

    I think it’s supposed to be a wrench, but I’m guessing the artist has never seen one before. Way to not look things up. Ugh.

  26. Ron
    April 20th, 2006 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Another element of Bad Artwork: it looks like she’s actually standing up behind the steering wheel and turning her ENTIRE BODY to face the guy, not just twisting in her seat.

  27. Goober
    April 20th, 2006 at 2:30 pm [Reply]

    9CL: Time for a meteor strike, or something to put these two out of their misery.

    Baldo: I guess they got the memo that the Mexican flag is less than optimal PR. Plus, “And that HBO movie about the student walkout has nothing, nada, to to with our walkout, even though it’s called ‘Walkout.’”

    MW: Mary’s pretending she doesn’t want to “jump to conclusions” and that she’s just “curious” as if the hideous old cow isn’t going to destroy yet another marriage.

    And the absolute hilarity of pasting one character over another continues unabated in GF.

  28. MLH
    April 20th, 2006 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    #6 is right; that’s a wrench, as opposed to a branch, the difference in Drabbleworld being subtle at most.

    “Drabble” has always been poorly drawn, but this is a new low. We’re not just talking more poorly drawn than “Dilbert” here; this is worse than “Momma” or even, God help us, “Cathy”.

    I suppose we should be thankful that no one besides Josh actually reads “Drabble”, and he does so only for reasons of scholarship.

  29. tree
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:12 pm [Reply]

    c’mon, people. It’s so obviously supposed to look like a wrench that J could assume we knew that, and skip straight to his b-ranch joke, which implies not only the bad pun but also that the drawing is so poor that it might as well be a branch. I’ve only been visiting this site a few days, but I’ve learned already to give him a [i]little[/i] credit.

    Meanwhile, the local daily is a couple of weeks into a trial run of prickly city, and I’m just getting up to speed on the premise. so, apparently, the “liberal” position, based on the coyote-shaped squiggle’s recent actions, is to hire illegals and own elitist techware. I might grant the latter (I’d kinda like to own a Mac and an ipod, tho I could care less about the trendy cell phone), but I’m pretty sure most of the money-grubbing, illegal-alien-hiring corporations are run by “conservatives.” Maybe that’s just my bleeding-heart naivete.

  30. Mister Nobody
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:13 pm [Reply]

    Note to #22:
    A “wing nut spanner” IS a wrench.

  31. Melissa
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    I guess I’m the third person who thought branding iron when I saw drabble this morning. It still made no sense and is definately not funny. But it’s kind of like one of those psych tests where they can tell what kind of mental illness you have or don’t have buy what you see in the picture.

    So for those of us who saw a branding iron what is our diagnosis. And what’s the diagnosis for the branch or wrench people?

  32. Joe from Iowa
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:25 pm [Reply]

    Maybe the joke was “with lance”.
    Looks more like a lance than a branch.

  33. Ape Lad
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    It’s a robot femur. I swear.

  34. Frank Drackman
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:29 pm [Reply]

    Oh that reminds me of a one panel cartoon from National Lampoon or Penthouse back in the 80′s,,these rednecks had got their Pickup stuck and sent the dumbone to fetch a “Winch”..of course he brought back a “Wench” complete in midevel attire.

  35. treedweller
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    #31: branding iron people see s&m undercurrents and were probably abused by their parents.

    branch people are tree-hugging lib’rals who were forced byt heir parents to “fetch a switch” when the time came for their punishments/abuse.

    wrench people are sutheners, whose accent makes the two words sound the same. Maybe because I am a wrench person, I can’t think of any funny abuse jokes for this one.

  36. Austin
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:30 pm [Reply]

    Note to #33:
    A “robot femur” IS a wrench. ;)

  37. tsimer
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

    I too thought it was a branding iron…you know, they use branding irons on a ranch…but a wrench makes much more sense.

  38. Sassy_Rocks
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:52 pm [Reply]

    Flash memory in compact flash, secure digital or whatever format is in Tony’s camera technically IS a memory chip. His is probably SmartMedia since his camera looks like it may be the first digital camera ever produced. People last called RAM memory chips back in the days of 30 pin 1 mb pc RAM and flash ram has never been called “memory chip” in my experience, even though it may be technically correct. Come to think of it, little kids don’t wear kerchiefs and say yes ‘ir in the modern real world either… Suspend rational logic all ye who enter the time space warp of LoFo.

  39. Howland Owl
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

    This is off on a tangent, but Funky Winkerbean is a regular laff riot these days. We have two concurrent plots — first, the woman with breast cancer, who never expresses any strong emotions about her condition, but just sits around looking really depressed; and now, the young pregnant woman writing to her husband/partner, who’s in combat in Iraq (I’m assuming).

    WHY does she go on and on in her emails to him telling him how worried she is that he will die and leave her alone with the baby? I understand why she feels that way, but is that what he needs to hear? It’s not like he ran off to Cancun with another woman or something and left her alone — it’s kind of beyond his control. Those emails are really going to raise his morale. Now he’s probably going to die in battle and realize her worst fears, you can see it coming.

    This artist seems to think that if you imagine the worst possible things happening and draw them, it elevates your comic strip to high art. And we’ve got not one, but TWO worst-case scenarios at the same time! It’s horribly fascinating, like watching a fatal car wreck scene.

  40. mooselet
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    It makes sense for it to be ‘branch’, as it rhymes with ranch. However, it is the suckiest drawn branch ever, and it clearly a wrench. But ‘wrench’ and ranch don’t rhyme. Drabble blows Twinkies

  41. treedweller
    April 20th, 2006 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    wait, I got it, wrench people tend to abuse their own wrench. Or have I revealed too much . . .?

  42. Hank Kimble
    April 20th, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Duh! Thanks for clearing it up. I thought they messed the order up by putting in a defective fork.

  43. kingchimp
    April 20th, 2006 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    You know, for someone who got handed a wrench with her salad, Mama Drabble sure does seem pretty pleased — as if she purposely picked this incompetent fast food emporium because she knew they’d bungle her order and give her a potentially mortal weapon.

    Whatever the reason, I suspect if there were a fifth panel, it would feature Mama Drabble using the wrench to brain poor Norman.

  44. PJ
    April 20th, 2006 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    A salad and a tuning fork. I get that all the time.

  45. detrater
    April 20th, 2006 at 5:19 pm [Reply]

    Wrench dummy!!! not branch. That being a wrench means the comic makes some sense.

  46. leathermessiah
    April 20th, 2006 at 5:38 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: You may think the gayness has stopped, but you’re much mistaken. Obviously Troy and this Harry fellow had a torrid affair in years past, unknown to the scornful world, and it ended messily. I mean, really. “I told you never to [look me up] again! And I meant it!” The heartbroken, wounded expression on Troy’s face when he tells Lily “You don’t want to know” in Tuesday’s strip is a dead givaway.

    Phantom: MY GOD! She’s BLUE! Blue, people! I know we’ve seen our fair share of hideous electric blue trousers and any number of colorist blunders, but HELOISE IS BLUE. Full on Mystique blue, complete with creepy hairstyle and glowy eyes. BLUE.

    Spiderman: You know, Peter, no matter how many times you say “Justice Guy” in an heroic and concerned tone, it’s still a f***ing stupid name (though not quite as stupid as “Heloise”). Also, what is it with you and losing your clothing? Do you ever have problems getting to work with all your clothes intact? Where are your pants RIGHT NOW?

  47. shamazon
    April 20th, 2006 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    Uh, under normal circumstances I wouldn’t be admitting this…but hey, after reading all about Mrs. Drabble’s fork/wrench/branch/tuning fork, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

    I thought it was a little hay rake. Never really ocurred to me that it might be something else, except for possibly a robot femur. No rhyme, but does work with ranch.

  48. Kaliflower
    April 20th, 2006 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    Whether it be a branch or a wrench this comic is still infuriatingly unfunny. The more I think about it, the more angry I get.

  49. Dave
    April 20th, 2006 at 6:50 pm [Reply]

    It’s a wrench, but you’ve got to picture (well, not picture, but maybe “sound”) the heavy Southern accent that the drive-thru person must have and then it all makes perfect sense, and is maybe even a little funny. “Wrench” and “ranch” are homophones. (No Rex Morgan jokes, please.)

  50. Marc
    April 20th, 2006 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

    I feel so behind.


    So Mary and Toby are having a gossip-y conversation ( I think that’s the only type of conversation allowed at Charterstone, by the way.)

    So today we see a window sill that has changed colors and a light fixture that increases in size everyday. The light fixture may be symbolism for Kelly. Hah!

  51. loudfan
    April 20th, 2006 at 7:05 pm [Reply]

    The incompetent drive-thru is a recurring feature in Drabble. A couple weeks ago, the dad ordered a veggie burger so that he would get what he REALLY wanted (a double cheeseburger). In retrospect I guess that was pretty funny in comparison to this strip.

  52. Fred P.
    April 20th, 2006 at 7:09 pm [Reply]

    B.C. doesn’t make much sense (yeah, I know, news flash, right?) So Cousin Scruggy wins a scholarship to med school by acing the finals in “Scribbling 101″. “Scribbling 702″ I could see, but aren’t 100- level courses for the incoming freshmen? They’re awarding med school scholarships now to people who haven’t even made it through undergrad? Was his scribbling so masterful that the scholarship committee concluded that the remainder of his pre-med courses was just a mere formality to be whizzed through before he got down to the real meat-and-bones of bad penmanship in med school? Maybe Rex Morgan, MD, thought old Scruggy looks pretty fetching in that loin-cloth and has some pull with the boys (sorry!) on the committee?

    Anyway, aren’t doctors, what with all their misguided scientificalogical hoo-hah, kind of antithetical to the whole B.C. worldview?

  53. AwfulArt
    April 20th, 2006 at 7:16 pm [Reply]

    “Brewster Rockit” : Space Guy, please please shoot Pam….We love Mr. Roboto Head…

  54. Lulu
    April 20th, 2006 at 7:18 pm [Reply]

    treedweller: Woah. Drabble as Rorschach. I like it.

  55. roydrink
    April 20th, 2006 at 7:40 pm [Reply]

    leathermessiah said:

    Phantom: MY GOD! She’s BLUE! Blue, people! I know we’ve seen our fair share of hideous electric blue trousers and any number of colorist blunders, but HELOISE IS BLUE. Full on Mystique blue, complete with creepy hairstyle and glowy eyes. BLUE.

    … Hmmm… She is blue… maybe that’s how you become the Phantom, your skin turns blue. We’ve been thinking he’s been wearing lycra or something for years, but it’s actually skin, and he just paints his face on.

    WHOA! I can’t wait until Heloise becomes Phantom (see April 5 & 6) This would be a better strip (pun) than Liberty Meadows or Pibgorn.

  56. noexes
    April 20th, 2006 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

    It might be some kind of branch, wrench hybrid. Lets say you are walking through the forest and you, um, need to hit someone over the head. So you go to a tree and pick off a wrench/branch and beat up the guy, for whatever reason you have to you violent freak.

  57. Tommy from Michigan
    April 20th, 2006 at 8:03 pm [Reply]

    I knew right away it was 1] a wrench and 2] not funny
    Super artwork though…my teen thought it was a cattle prod?!

  58. Ubiq
    April 20th, 2006 at 8:21 pm [Reply]

    Huh, is it just me or is the angle she’s parked at in the second panel suggest that the rear end of the car is:

    A) scraping the side of the building?
    B) actually in the building?

    Little wonder they accidentally gave her a tuning fork, she’s damn close to running over thw person working the window.

    Of course, that’s probably just a perspective mistake by the author. I mean, the driver even loses her eyes in the middle panels.

  59. mumbles
    April 20th, 2006 at 9:12 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: I love how quickly Gordo went from the “I owe everything to you” reverential tone, to the sleazy car salesman, in a matter of seconds. Can’t wait until he uses the “whip” sound effect if Dr. John expresses reluctance.

    [Howland Owl: you forgot the strip where the soldier kills the Iraqi family's dog. Good times, good times.]

  60. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    April 20th, 2006 at 9:53 pm [Reply]

    Since we’re exercising restraint on our antisemiticism, I probably shouldn’t find it funny that the Jewish guy didn’t recognize a wrench when he saw one. So I don’t. Nothin’ to laugh about here, folks, just keep moving.

  61. left of the pyle
    April 20th, 2006 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    I’m glad there were some non-Texans reading this thing, because I was in ranch mode and thought it must have been a small branding iron or a poorly drawn cattle prod. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to guess wrench.

    When I read here that it was a wrench, I first doubted my manliness. “You can’t tell that’s a wrench?” I thought. “What kind of man are you?”

    Then I remembered “Oh yeah, my two guesses were far cooler and manlier than reality.”

  62. Mibbitmaker
    April 20th, 2006 at 11:07 pm [Reply]

    Sigmund Freud: Sometimes a wrench is just a wrench.

  63. treedweller
    April 20th, 2006 at 11:08 pm [Reply]

    Lulu: I still haven’t figured out what the hay rake interpretation is. please write your own joke about farm-related abuse here.

  64. mumbles
    April 20th, 2006 at 11:39 pm [Reply]

    FOOB: Ah, the return of Anthony, the middle-aged-looking poster child for those leading lives in quiet desperation. He’s one to talk about being tempted by a nice little machine, indeed.

  65. left of the pyle
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:15 am [Reply]

    Mumbles: That’s Gordon… Anthony has the landscaping biz and the mustache.

  66. Liam Dillon
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:30 am [Reply]

    I guess I’m the only one that saw this and thought she was holding a wishbone? As in Wishbone dressing? Hmm….

  67. lilybdcsa
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:35 am [Reply]

    #65 No….Lawrence has the landscaping business. Anthony is an accountant working for Gordon.

  68. Goober
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:38 am [Reply]

    9CL & GF: Please let this be the end. For the love of God.

    FW: Not only are we killing the Iraqis’ dogs, we’re killing their teddy bears.

    MW: “Isn’t power walking much more fun than having sex, Kelly?”

    MT: See, Mark isn’t too stupid to figure things out!

    RM,MD: Vincent Price guest stars as Harry.

    Prickly City: Terrible drawing ruins a so-so joke.

  69. left of the pyle
    April 21st, 2006 at 2:19 am [Reply]

    MEA CULPA!!!

    Mumbles please tell me where you read your FOOB… I’d like to read it earlier but it doesn’t update until 1:30 Central on Wash Post and FBOFW website.

  70. Happenstance
    April 21st, 2006 at 2:32 am [Reply]

    Drabble: My God, that sucks so hard…I can’t…breathe…no…air


  71. Happenstance
    April 21st, 2006 at 2:36 am [Reply]

    *reads comments*

    A wrench? Come on. So badly drawn it could be anything. At first glance, I thought it was Dennis The Menace’s slingshot without the elastic.

    I mean, my God, just drawing the full length of the handle might’ve helped us determine what she’s holding. But noooooooo, we can’t do that, we gots us some drinkin’ to do…

  72. yellojkt
    April 21st, 2006 at 7:06 am [Reply]

    Sally Forth: Kidz Bop is evil. Faye now has my permission to use Hilary as a sacrifice in a dark goth ritual killing.

  73. RBF
    April 21st, 2006 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    #60, Chet, LOL! Quite monitor-spewing!! (sorry Josh)

  74. Hali-butt
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Uh, has anyone pointed out to Josh yet that it’s a wrench, not a branch?

  75. Hali-butt
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Uh, has anyone pointed out to Josh yet that it’s a wrench, not a branch?

  76. Dwayne F. Schneider
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:43 am [Reply]

    A3G Friday Just where did Tommie put that chilled thermometer?

    Woooo hoooooo. I haven’t had a thrill like that since the troops hit the streets on V-E day.

  77. Widdle Jeffy
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:46 am [Reply]

    Today we see Jeffy commenting on Grandmama’s x-men like power to make him grow just by looking at him.

    Billy’s off screen reply was “Yeah, Uncle Fred can do that to me, but it is only part of me and he does it with his breath. He calls it puffing the magic dragon.”

  78. AirForbes
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Only about 60 times.

  79. Justafoob
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:48 am [Reply]

    It is Anthony at the coffee bar, wondering just how to get his skinny decaf local grande lite cappachino.

    Or as we used to say in the old days, a cup of water.

  80. Bitter Scribe
    April 21st, 2006 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    If that’s a wrench, it fits a nut or bolt head that’s at least twice as long as it is wide. Maybe they make ‘em that way in Drabble World, but I’ve never come across one that shape.

  81. Pelagius
    April 21st, 2006 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    Prickly City: At first I assumed the girl was asphyxiating on her own vomit. Stantis really needs to take a shot of Jack and get those shakes down before he starts inking.

    BC: Is that guy running a porn theater or what? Peter flix?

  82. Anonymous
    April 21st, 2006 at 9:53 am [Reply]


    Wow. just…. wow.

  83. Jeff
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    I’m impressed by the popularity of this blog when something as lame as today’s Drabble can generate this many comments!

  84. BigJoe
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:18 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Does anyone else think it looks like Vincent Price is going for a power walk on top of his bed in panel 2 today? Strange drawing shot from above that didn’t quite work out. Maybe he should join that chick from MW on her workouts.

  85. Sassy_Rocks
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    “I’m impressed by the popularity of this blog when something as lame as today’s Drabble can generate this many comments!

    …even yesterday’s lame Drabble!

  86. Sassy_Rocks
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:22 am [Reply]

    “I’m impressed by the popularity of this blog when something as lame as today’s Drabble can generate this many comments!

    …even yesterday’s lame Drabble!

  87. Len
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:37 am [Reply]

    Friday’s Pibgorn:

    I’m not sure this adaptation is working for me. Today’s shot of an Empire State-like building makes it clear that the scene takes place in something like Noo Yawk City. But there’s no sign whatsoever of nature or vegetation. The Wood of the Bard becomes a theater called “the Wood.” Pibgorn/Puck is flying off in her car; where will she find the magickal herb? In a supermarket?

    And I don’t like the evil thuggish looks of Oberon. It’s like they crossed Nathan Detroit with the Satanic neighbor from Rosemary’s Baby. I went and re-read Midsummer Night’s Dream. There are scenes that I wonder how they’ll adapt to this 1940s version. Hope Nikki Bottom swings both ways…

  88. Irina
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    Following up on someone’s note yesterday about how an eight year old kid living in LA would have any notion who the Lone Ranger is, even from reruns.

    I’m even more stunned that he actually knew that it was Hi-Yo Silver … most people born after 1960 think it was Hi Ho silver.

  89. Smokin Grassroots
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    FOOB: on the cofffee menu, below cappucino and latte, “excremeo” is listed. Is this some kind of fancy coffee I’ve never heard of, or is it a way to trick folks into drinking coffee with excrement in it?

  90. juggernaut
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:55 am [Reply]

    Everyone stop and reflect. Look at how much time and energy has been wasted working yourselves up into a lather over Drabble. DRABBLE, fer chrissake!! All of you, get off of your computers and go use your powers for good. Get along, now. Go.

  91. jujubee6
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    I used to read Drabble. When I found myself groaning every day and asking “Why do I read this stupid strip?” I stopped. This salad/ranch/branch/wrench thing is an excellent example (my vote goes with wrench). How did it ever make it to syndication? (Josh, it’s excellent fodder for your column!)

    After you recommended Frazz, Pearls Before Swine, and 9 Chickweed Lane – I started following them. The first two are great – and PBS is completely insanely dementedly funny.

    But what’s going on with Chickweed? I came in in the middle of this whole thing and I’m clueless. Why is she pretending to be her own niece, besides the fact that …..they were falling in love or something once? Was she a nun in training?

  92. BigJoe
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    juggernaut is right! WWJGD? (What Would Justice Guy Do?)

    He wouldn’t just sit here wasting time arguing trivia. He’d be sitting in his hotel room watching tv.

  93. stephanie
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    it’s definitely a wrench

  94. Brian Schlosser
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    “They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru, okay? They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru! They know you’re gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked! They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back, they don’t care. So who gets fucked? Ol’ June Drabble! Okay, sure! I don’t give a fuck! I’m not eating this wrench, okay?”

  95. JudeMorrigan
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:09 am [Reply]

    #91 – Not a nun in training. A full-fledged nun.

  96. Johan
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:10 am [Reply]


  97. Johan
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:10 am [Reply]

    It’s a wrench.

  98. Johan
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    …How in the world did I double post?

  99. Johan
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    …How in the world did I double post?

  100. Sheila
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:37 am [Reply]

    Never ever drink cappuccino in a place that can’t spell it. (Two c’s, Lynn!)

  101. gina
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    it doesn’t matter whether it’s a branch or a wrench. the point is it’s badly drawn.

  102. gina
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:43 am [Reply]

    it doesn’t matter whether it’s a branch or a wrench. the point is it’s badly drawn.

  103. Phineas Windbag
    April 21st, 2006 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    Well said!, Brian #94, June Drabble offering pithy guidance to the youth of today.

    Not that Norman has the requisite intellect to appreciate wisdom of her sage counsel. .

    June Drabble (as channeled through Brian Schlosser) a “Mary Worth” for a troubled and confused time offering up clarity and insight for the ages.

    Thank-you Brian S.!

  104. treedweller
    April 21st, 2006 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

    #100: connoisseurs of fine coffee drinks should probably not be getting any of their drinks from gas stations, anyway.

    The bigger question is, how does adding a dizzying array of self-service coffee to a self-service gas station make things go quicker? Or did I just get hit over the head so hard with that joke that it stunned me out of realizing it?

    I can just see the steam line coming off the heads of the drivers in line, as they wait for the guy in front to make his choice, pay and then finally return to get his $%&@# car out of the way . . .

  105. Fred P.
    April 21st, 2006 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    92- Good one, Big Joe.
    For a dedicated crime-fighter, Peter Parker seems to have a rather cavalier attitude about returning the Justice Guy stuff (which, as Spidey fans know, he STOLE) to its rightful owner. And as for Rod Raymond, I’ve never liked movie stars with overtly phallic names. Except for maybe Peter O’Toole. And why is Justice Kid slapping his own ass?

  106. MLH
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    # 90 Juggernaut is right – our work here is done.

  107. rich
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    39: Well put!

    “WHY does she go on and on in her emails to him telling him how worried she is that he will die and leave her alone with the baby?”

    “This artist seems to think that if you imagine the worst possible things happening and draw them, it elevates your comic strip to high art. And we’ve got not one, but TWO worst-case scenarios at the same time!”

    I’d been meaning to comment on that horrible letter and this horrible strip, but you said it better than I would’ve.

    59: Ah, the whip crack sound – hilarious, Mumbles!

  108. rich
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    39: Well put!

    “WHY does she go on and on in her emails to him telling him how worried she is that he will die and leave her alone with the baby?”

    “This artist seems to think that if you imagine the worst possible things happening and draw them, it elevates your comic strip to high art. And we’ve got not one, but TWO worst-case scenarios at the same time!”

    I’d been meaning to comment on that horrible letter and this horrible strip, but you said it better than I would’ve.

    59: Ah, the whip crack sound – hilarious, Mumbles!

  109. Maestro
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Wow. I guess newspaper comics *are* dead.

  110. Jess A.
    April 21st, 2006 at 1:33 pm [Reply]

    Re: #104

    treedweller asked: The bigger question is, how does adding a dizzying array of self-service coffee to a self-service gas station make things go quicker? Or did I just get hit over the head so hard with that joke that it stunned me out of realizing it?

    Definitely the latter. I “got” the “joke” but in true FBoW style, the “joke” isn’t that funny. More like a wry observation of these baffling times we live in… or something.

    In other news – I’d been away from reading FW for a while, but it’s drawn me back in with the sick fascination of the dual-character death-watch. It’s getting pretty dire & unfunny over there… and yet, I can’t look away.

  111. MotoMike
    April 21st, 2006 at 2:00 pm [Reply]

    Re: Self-service coffee bar:
    I think there may be several meanings possible here. (I was puzzled by the dialog too). I think the original point of the “joke” may have been that the coffee bar may have been intended to speed things up by not having the customers wait for a person to make their coffee for them. Isn’t that person called a “brassiere”? (I know it’s not, just wanted to see how obnoxious that line would look in print. Supply your own double-entendre). But the sheer volume of choices actually has the opposite effect! Oh, the irony of it all!
    But wait! – there’s more. The phrase “speed things up a little” may be a referral to coffee’s possible laxative effect, which, however much of a tangent it may be from the sizzling plot line, could be what Lynn had in mind, for those of us preoccupied with that sort of,um, “plot movement”.
    Finally (at last!) the idea could be that no car dealer really wants to “speed things up a little”; that is, Dr. Foob is more than welcome to spend as much time as he wants in GordonLand thinkin’ about that Crevasse, poring over brochures, watching all the new cars being claimed by their teary-eyed owners – and NOT gettin’ any freakin’ lectures from Elly along the lines of (in the words of an old Doonesbury):”Oh, Rufus! Wouldn’t a Gremlin have been more practical?” Face it, if it didn’t look a little dicey, the car dealership would have an opium den in the basement to keep (aptly named, by the way) Johns on the premises.

    So the entire week has been built around a middle-aged dentist test driving a car. … a-a-and the problem with Get Fuzzy is?
    Meanwhile, I think that Mark Trail should be renamed “Memento Trail – the forest ranger with no memory whatsoever”. He needs to tattoo on himself:”Bad guys want to create problem with road to casino”, take a Polaroid (no doubt of Joey) and write on it “Don’t trust this guy”. Like – what does he need to figure it out? A bunch of signs on the way into town:
    “Wonder who’s using”
    “Joey’s gramp’s pals?”
    “You got it right!”
    “Burma Shave”

  112. mere cog in the machine
    April 21st, 2006 at 2:16 pm [Reply]

    If John and Anthony want to drink together they should go to a bar, like men. Then they can get sloppy drunk and tearfully commiserate about being railroaded into marrying bossy selfrighteous, fat-assed shrews. After yet a few more Anthony can drunkenly confide to Mr. P. that Elizabeth is the only girl he has ever wanted. John, his last vestige of self-restraint disintegrated by 11 Mooseheads and 6 shots of Jaegermeister will brokenly concur, “me too, Anthony old pal, me too…”

  113. Austin
    April 21st, 2006 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

    Did anyone else find today’s Mallard Filmore downright creepy? Is it any wonder how this guy’s son turned out to be a pederast? Or is that the son?

  114. Jim C.
    April 21st, 2006 at 2:57 pm [Reply]

    In a rare move, today’s Dinette Set actually makes someone *else* the butt of the joke. Normally, it would be Burl or Verl (or Dale, Joy, Jerry, Ma, etc.) not using the baggie. (I’ll admit, as a dog owner in a neighborhood full of them, I could almost relate to this panel… but not with Connie.)

    I don’t quite get the “shotgun” comment, though. Does he mean to shoot the dog, or scare the dog? Am I overthinking?

    In today’s Gil, is Marty Moon narrating the caption of panel two? If so, did he actually say “SS Ted Pearse” or “short stop Ted Pearse”? It’s a cheap dig, but since I noticed it…

  115. Goober
    April 21st, 2006 at 3:14 pm [Reply]

    114: There’s no such thing as a cheap dig at GT. I think SS is pronounced like it’s spelled, a hiss. Also, Beavis makes another appearance in panel 3.

  116. steinbeck421
    April 21st, 2006 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Since Slylock Fox was recently invoked by the Poobah, I see no reason why I can’t point out today’s JUMBLE (“That Scrmabled Word Game” …No seriously, that’s how it’s labeled). Does anyone else think the “BALL PLAYER” ‘s girlfriend is a little under dressed? Even for a baseball field.”

    Of course, this question ignores her isosceles nose jutting from directly between her adoring eyes…

  117. edgeways
    April 21st, 2006 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    you guys are all wrong, it’s a taser

  118. edgeways
    April 21st, 2006 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    you guys are all wrong, it’s a taser

  119. Library Cat
    April 21st, 2006 at 4:12 pm [Reply]

    What is with all the freaking double posts? Well, maybe I will find out for myself soon enough.

    Did you go to Burger King last night too? You know, I’m sorry but if “Have it Your Way” is your advertising slogan, then perhaps, it should be my way. Not any damn way Burger King pleases to serve it. Sorry, completely un-comics related.

    #111 “So the entire week has been built around a middle-aged dentist test driving a car. … a-a-and the problem with Get Fuzzy is?”

    Spew-tastic MotoMike. Keep ‘em coming, I’m in a bad mood, the Burger King done me wrong.

    When the KC Star purged Funky Winkerbean, Marvin and some comic I forgot, they moved Garfield into Marvin’s old spot on the page.
    Coincidence? I think not!

  120. BigJoe
    April 21st, 2006 at 4:27 pm [Reply]

    #114 – Jim C., I believe the intent was that the shotgun was to scare the dog so badly he’d automatically “do his business” as a result. That’s how I took it.

  121. AwfulArt
    April 21st, 2006 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

    Hey… Way to go “Rat & “Bucky”…..

  122. AwfulArt
    April 21st, 2006 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

    Hey… Way to go “Rat & “Bucky”…..

  123. Sassy_Rocks
    April 21st, 2006 at 4:49 pm [Reply]

    Today is Department of Redundancy Department day today.

  124. Ugly Kidd
    April 21st, 2006 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    I’m appalled by the alphanumeric sponsorship in “Drabble.” Needless to say, the prominently displayed letter “Y” (clearly not a wrench or branch) makes no sense in the strip, but it’s just the latest product placement, as Mrs. Drabble’s been adorning herself for years with “6″ and “8.” Mrs. Drabble, you whore.

  125. grendell
    April 21st, 2006 at 5:30 pm [Reply]

    I can’t understand why everybody likes Faye that much, she’s a lame pose(u)r. On the other hand, I’ve always felt an air of selfirony with the Forths, as if Sally knows exactly “Ah, appropriate time to do my trademark smug look now!”. And Sally even knows that Faye’s a little wannabe.

  126. RBF-at-home
    April 21st, 2006 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

    The only reason this post got so many comments was: No. 60, check it out.

    Enuf said.

    Love ya Josh. And Josh would be the first one to admit he doesn’t know a wrench from a wing-span nut (?) neither do I.

    And Josh would have no way of knowing that some of us Southerners pronounce “wrench” and “ranch” the same way.
    (Cause he never accepts any of my invites!)

  127. AwfulArt
    April 21st, 2006 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

    Anyone know who the picture is in panel 1 & 2 in “Soup To Nutz”??? Will not double post again. Repete, will not double post again…

  128. mentarman
    April 21st, 2006 at 7:36 pm [Reply]

    #111, MotoMike: Remember, Mark Trail’s tattoo must specify “gambling casino” so he doesn’t get confused.

  129. The Rhino
    April 21st, 2006 at 7:37 pm [Reply]

    Looks like one of the frogs from the “Spot the Frog” strip.

  130. cjcasa
    April 21st, 2006 at 7:56 pm [Reply]

    re: #50 – Don’t feel bad. Remember, even Rex Morgan M.D. feels behind now and then. (whenever possible)

  131. dimestore lipstick
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

    Brian Schlosser

    That was the first thing I thought of when I saw this strip.

    There’s a soundfile of Pesci’s rant here:

  132. Ferd Berfel
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    9CL – I still think Durley would recognise her if she was a 9 year old boy.

    A3G – Sound’s like Margo? The senile old biddy looks like Margo too, complete with head bobble and hand gestures. Nice rapid sit-up in panel 2 also. That rectal thermometer must have been ice cold.

    FBOW – Anthony the Lost Beau appears as Saint Lynn, the Patron Saint of Patronizing, continues to gather up loose ends in the Foobverse. Just what she’ll do with those loose ends is anyone’s guess. By the way, is it just me or does Anthony remind anyone else of Howard Sprague?

    GF – I’m enjoying this GF/PBS ‘crossover’. Conley may be claiming he’s mailing it in, but pasting his stuff over PBS must take some effort. I’ve enjoyed how the GF figures are snipped from earlier GF strips, check out Satchel in panel 2, and how the ‘pasted’ figures don’t cover up all of the PBS figures. Showing the PBS artist with his pinky extended and standing near an Ashlee Simpson poster was delightfully cruel too.

    (DT)GT – Has anyone ever heard any high school sporting event on the radio anywhere? Anyone? Bueller?

    MW – Just when I thought Kelly Stirling had finally settled on dark brown over butter blonde for a hair color, she goes and dyes it bunrt orange. Don’t they issue memos to the lemurs that color this strip?

    Phantom – Please lion pack, eat the little girl and the Bandars too.

    RMMD – Bald Vincent Price cameo in panel 3. How bad can Not So Harry be? After all, the man packs his own champagne glass so he can sip in style at the Only City Budget Lodge. I think the blackmail involves the records of Dr. McCheesey’s NAMBLA membership fees. It just goes to show you should never pay with a check.

    SF – So, Ralph is re-hired setting the stage for months and months of nasty office ‘politiking’ between the Bitch Queen and Ralph, the one man in the Sally-verse who doesn’t knuckle under. What do we get instead? A week or so of Ted My Wedding Tackle Is In My Wife’s Purse Forth’s ‘job’ search (Here’s a hint, Ted. Brokeback: The Musical. You can be the fluffer.) followed by another week of the Bitch Heir’s social problems. Wowee. Head’s up Hilary. With the mother you have, you’re lucky anyone wants to hang out with you. By the way, do we ever see both of Hilary’s mutant pigtails at once? Or are they like Popeye’s eyes?

  133. ES
    April 21st, 2006 at 8:59 pm [Reply]

    Holy crap, did anyone read “Rose is Rose” today (4/21)? That is, hands down, the WORST comic I’ve ever seen! Game over.

  134. lilybdcsa
    April 21st, 2006 at 9:11 pm [Reply]

    The artwork in Rose is Rose has always freaked me out. What ARE those things jutting out from the side of her face. They’re like aliens trying to pretend to be human, but the instruction manual was written by someone on acid.

  135. Marc
    April 21st, 2006 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    MW: Looks like Kelly and Lou had a shopping spree at Kmart! Where else can you find a cabinet door with only one recessed panel, and poo brown knee-high book shelves to hold your charcoal colored books? Martha Stewart should hold her head in shame! And let’s not forget the TV which has black smudges on the sides and a non-simulated wood base?

  136. Ubiq
    April 21st, 2006 at 9:55 pm [Reply]

    (DT)GT – Has anyone ever heard any high school sporting event on the radio anywhere? Anyone? Bueller?

    I’m presuming that you mean besides basketball and football, in which case, rarely.

    If you are including basketball and football, then I have to ask: where in the hell are you from?

  137. RichM
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:06 pm [Reply]

    It’s a wench, all right. Don’t know what she’s holding, though.

    Rose’s glasses skeeve me out too, kind of like the way the ones in Dinette Set do.

  138. Marc
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:47 pm [Reply]

    But atleast the glasses are connected. WTF is up with the glasses in Funky and Crankshaft?!

  139. Jim C.
    April 21st, 2006 at 10:56 pm [Reply]

    Actually, my high school’s football games were “broadcast” for a few years after I graduated. The quotes are because it was a radio feed that was broadcast on the public access channel. It was about as professional as Marty Moon, too. IIRC, they did it so people could listen to distant away games.

    (Where was this? It was in Iowa. They also used to broadcast the state basketball tournaments on the radio.)

  140. Ferd Berfel
    April 22nd, 2006 at 12:08 am [Reply]

    #136/Ubiq – Where the hell am I from? The US. How about you?

    The only high school sporting events I’ve ever seen broadcast are state hocky and football championships. They were on TV even in the 70s, not every division was shown, and most were tape delayed. The various public access channels cable systems provide may now show more games in between Star Trek fan club meetings, but there’s nothing like what we see in (DT)GT.

    C’mon, weekday highschool baseball? Live on the radio? With a reporter whose sole ‘beat’ is sports coverage of a single high school?

  141. Thomas
    April 22nd, 2006 at 12:27 am [Reply]

  142. left of the pyle
    April 22nd, 2006 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    #67… Holy crap, how did I get it that wrong? (Actually, I know what I did… I confused the storyline where Liz is working for Lawrence but gets rescued from her near-rape experience by Anthony.)

    Mumbles if you’re reading this, I really want to know where you get your foob so early.

  143. left of the pyle
    April 22nd, 2006 at 12:32 am [Reply]

    #67… Holy crap, how did I get it that wrong? (Actually, I know what I did… I confused the storyline where Liz is working for Lawrence but gets rescued from her near-rape experience by Anthony.)

    Mumbles if you’re reading this, I really want to know where you get your foob so early.

  144. Happenstance
    April 22nd, 2006 at 2:23 am [Reply]

    Luann: Oh, great. Luann invites Brad to bring Toni to her big production. GEE I WONDER IF DIRK WILL SHOW UP. SERIOUSLY. I WOULD BE SO SHOCKED. (…Oh, and Mom? Shut the **** up, you stuck-up mule turd.)

    Get Fuzzy: Dangs, the Darbster’s really making himself look bad in these strips. Today he leaves Penny Arcade in his dust and sails straight into Scott Kurtz territory. (He’ll have to resort to bigotry to attain Bruce Tinsley-grade, full-blown scumbag status, though.)

    Sherman’s Lagoon: “When you’re ready for real interaction, let me know.”

    Holy crap, is every cartoon character named “Fillmore” a perverted freak? (Mallard wants to “date” his female coworkers. Funny, I thought the conservatives were trying to equate homosexuality with bestiality…)

  145. Hank Kimble
    April 22nd, 2006 at 7:24 am [Reply]

    4/22: Slylock fox was very hard today. Not Slylock Fox, the 6 differences.

  146. Sheila
    April 22nd, 2006 at 8:54 am [Reply]

    Fond though I am of Bizarro, I don’t think anyone should make remarks about other people’s lack of education while noticeably dangling a participle.

    Also I am so TIRED of that incomprehensible device in The Born Loser — WHY does the damn dog wear a little saddle-blanket thing with his name on it? WHY? Do his owners routinely forget his name? Does he not have any fur on his back? WHAT??? It’s annoying.

  147. Sheila
    April 22nd, 2006 at 8:56 am [Reply]

    Fred P., #105, you’re clearly too young to have played cowboys. One slaps one’s own ass while “galloping” to simulate the slapping of one’s horse’s ass to make it go faster. It’s quite a common gesture in the circs.

  148. King Folderol
    April 22nd, 2006 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    #39 – Two things I noticed about FW.

    #1 – The King Features web site has given up on Funky Winkerbean, particularly if you go to the characters web page. It still talks about Wally being in high school, Becky being his H.S. girlfriend, and there’s some African-American character named Monroe (a.k.a the wacky next door neighbor played expertly by Jim J. Bullock in the train-wreck-of-a-show “Too Close for Comfort”) who I swear I’ve never seen before in the history of the comic. Additionally, they mention Fred Fairgood, the Principal of Westview, saying “he is married to Ann and is Darin’s father. Ann and Darin are mentioned nowhere else on this page!!!

    Secondly, the “unofficial Funky Winkerbean fan website” says that One thing to note: Mr. Batiuk’s schedule does not allow him to access the Internet. The best way to contact him is through King Features Syndicate.

    Did I miss something? What is so hard about the Internet that one’s schedule is too busy? Broadband = instant access = a chimp in a beat off contest can figure it out. C’mon Tom Batiuk! Get with the program!

  149. Hot Jazz
    December 13th, 2007 at 7:21 pm [Reply]

    It’s all very well saying “OBVIOUSLY A WRENCH” but that doesn’t make any damn sense, whereas Josh’s idea makes a minute particle of it.

  150. highway
    June 18th, 2008 at 10:04 am [Reply]

    thanks for the clarification on the branch, ranch thing, i never would have gotten it in a million years. “she asked for ranch dressing and they gave her a tuning fork? wtf?”

  151. Liz
    January 20th, 2010 at 4:25 pm [Reply]

    Hey, here’s a comment for a ~4 year old post!
    I got that it was a wrench, after staring at it for a good 2 minutes. And it didn’t become funnier. Now, maybe a spoon. Because that has actually happened to me. It made me want to poke my eyes out.. but all I had was freakin’ spoon.

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