I’m beginning to suspect that a spider actually can’t do that much
Peter Parker’s crack about “real news” sparked an epiphany in my fevered brain. You know what would be awesome? Since clearly crime-fighting has gone out the window in this strip, Spidey should use his wall-crawling powers to become the world’s greatest paparazzo. He could kiss the Daily Bugle goodbye and make the big bucks sending photos of Paris Hilton, Tara Reid, Lindsay Lohan, and other typical celebutants to Us and InStyle and the like. Maybe he would journey to Namibia to see Brad and Angelina’s new baby, or tussle with Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson. “This Parker always gets the best pictures!” his glamorous new non-Hitler-lookalike editors would say (“though they’re always at such odd angles,” they would add). Peter would be earning as much as his wife, and then we’d have a whole story arc about the morality of his new way of earning a living. “They chose a career in the public eye … they’re asking for it!” Peter would say. “But Peter … I’ve chosen that life too!” Mary Jane would retort. Eventually, he’d be assigned to take pictures of his own wife, and they he’d have some hard choices to make.
You know what wouldn’t be awesome? Eight more weeks of Peter sitting in front of the TV and bitching. But I suspect that’s what we’re gonna get.