Sexy, hairy beast
Judge Parker, 5/20/06
Yeah, you’re a great guy, Randy. A great, hairy guy. Did you think that loosening your tie, unbuttoning that top button, and unleashing that thatch of chest hair would keep April from running off to the CIA? That she’d think, “Damn, why should sign I up for an exciting world of espionage and intrigue when I could be running my fingers through that sexy, sexy torso rug?”
Sadly, Randy, you’ve miscalculated. Now button up, please, in the name of all that’s good and decent.
Mark Trail, 5/20/06
Is the Lost Forest located in some county were all zoning decisions incomprehensibly take the form of a jury trial? Is the courtroom full of redheaded clones in grey suits? Does everybody forget that Tony is Evil Baldy’s grandson, not son? Why do I care about the answers to these questions? Why? Why? Why?
May 20th, 2006 at 11:31 am
This week, Ink Pen has been examining the career of receptionist and dispatcher Bixby the Rat, who was a popular animated child star before his descent into alcoholism. The earlier strips showing him as a cross between Ignatz and a Mickey Mouse clone are amusing. When puberty hit, he turned out to be a rat, not a mouse, however…
http://www.ucomics.com/inkpen/2006/05/19/
May 20th, 2006 at 11:38 am
I don’t know about the other ladies out there, but nothin’ turns me on like a startlingly hirsute man-chest.
Is it just me?
Anyone??
May 20th, 2006 at 11:51 am
No, for me it’s hairy knuckles, and knobby, hairy toes. YUM
May 20th, 2006 at 11:59 am
No, the grandson is only mildy distraught and has a lowgrade fever. What Mr. Hill is so lathered about is that his son, who he thought died and left him with the melancholy little meddler, is actually only seriously ill, possibly hidden in some remote place. Remember, you never saw the body!
So he wants a recess to hand the depressing, photo-obsessed brat back to the mother, who was probably hiding out with the father in Montana, shirking parental responsibility. It won’t work! The kid will expose your nefarious road-exploding ways, and the parents will escape in the ensuing mayhem, which in a Mark Trail world will involve 45 weeks of the sheriff’s car heading toward the home, with speech bubbles emerging from nearby fauna saying insighful things like “He blew up the road.” “But why?” And we’ll all have to relive the most telegraphed plot lines in the history of prose six more times.
May 20th, 2006 at 12:02 pm
Randy bears an odd resemblance to Nick Lachey in that first panel…
May 20th, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Josh, the answer to your last question “why do I care? Why? Why? Why?” is, of course, so we don’t have to.
It is good that Sarah is now presenting some symptoms. I’m pulling for meningitis; that lump on her neck (which doesn’t narrow things down by much) could suggest bubonic plague, which would rule.
I suddenly have this desire to transplant some hair.
May 20th, 2006 at 12:11 pm
RMMD–Lump on neck. . .Sore legs. I’m thinkin’ mumps. Swollen neck and testicles are the classic symptoms.
May 20th, 2006 at 2:58 pm
This is unrelated to the strips posted above, but I have to say something about Mary Worth. We spent a week watching the fight between poor Kelly and her chubby chaser husband. Now we’ve spent a week watching Kelly tell Mary about it, including direct quotes from the previous strips. What’s up for next week? The husband sees Kelly with Mary and then tells someone everything that Kelly told Mary? When will it end?!
May 20th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Yikes. Sarah’s really got a surprise coming, then.
May 20th, 2006 at 7:28 pm
Lockhorns – Umm, does this strike others as an incredibly stupid joke? So assuming we get a whole number for the square root, Loretta must be 49 or 64 based on her picture. So she tells people she’s either 7 or 8 years old? Yeah, okay.
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20060520&name=Lockhorns
May 20th, 2006 at 7:40 pm
I could be wrong, but I think it can’t be mumps. There’s no story value in mumps, and this littel mystery has been brewing for a couple of weeks. Though it might explain her very wide face, she has had that wide face much longer than she’s had a fever.
May 20th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
BB – Besides it being stupid that a doctor would advise a patient to not eat lunch or dinner to lose weight, the doctor is as fat as Sarge! How can he give that advice if he won’t take it himself?
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20060520&name=Beetle_Bailey
May 20th, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Well, I plugged in my crystal ball and tried to tune it in on RMMD. We’re all scratching our heads, just where is this odd stroy arc going? Let’s examine the few facts on hand:
– Doctor McCheesey is a pediatrician.
– Doctor McCheesey has a secret from his past.
– Doctor McCheesey has been blackmailed by a man who studied as an intern with him.
– Widdle Sarah is sick.
– Widdle Sarah’s illness is a mystery to her father the doctor and her the physician’s assistant.
– Widdle Sarah’s illness is not responding to ice cream or a full regiment of antibiotics.
The Berfel-matic Wetware mulled over these clues with the help of some hard liquor and came up with this supposition: Doctor McCheesey is not a doctor!
He made a major mistake as an intern and then either failed his boards or was washed out of the program. He moved to Only City and set himself up as a doctor with phoney papers.
Making matters worse, Widdle Sarah’s illness is some sort of a 1-in-a-million thing that only Dr. McCheesey knows how to cure/operate on. What decision will Rex and June make? Will they trust the phoney doctor to save Widdle Sarah?
May 20th, 2006 at 8:51 pm
What I want to know is what the Hayley Mills Daddy Warbucks was doing in “Mark Trail.” Or was it Lex Luthor?
And when I saw the title of this blog entry, I thought the Beast from the X-men was making a guest appearance in the “Spider-Man” strip. (Since X-3 hits movie theaters next week). That would have been the most excitement that strip has seen in years.
May 20th, 2006 at 9:27 pm
# 3 “No, for me it’s hairy knuckles, and knobby, hairy toes”
I knew someone was talking about me,,,my hairy ears were burning.
May 20th, 2006 at 10:46 pm
What’s wrong with a road built for private gain? If Ayn Rand were alive, she’d slap his face.
May 21st, 2006 at 1:45 am
I have a question…it’s bothered me for years…how come when a man or woman has black hair in the comics, the hair is shaded with blue?
May 21st, 2006 at 1:56 am
Re: #16 (Benicillin)
I have a question…it’s bothered me for years…how come when a man or woman has black hair in the comics, the hair is shaded with blue?
I’ve wondered this, too. Veronica Lodge, my favorite Archie character, always has blue in her hair. I even googled it, but no luck. The only thing I can figure is that blue streaks are supposed to represent highlights.
May 21st, 2006 at 1:58 am
April, too, has struggled with hirsuteness. Earlier this year, didn’t it look like she had really hairy palms while she was using chopsticks during lunch with Randy?
May 21st, 2006 at 2:49 am
Daymn…..in Sunday’s RMMD:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20060521&name=Rex_Morgan
…That coffee that she spilled on herself was so hot that it turned her entire head bright red!
May 21st, 2006 at 7:36 am
FT spoiler alert:
Morse code tap dance translates to:
Someday I will rule you all.
May 21st, 2006 at 7:38 am
Sunday FT spoiler alert!!
Morse code tap dance translates to:
Someday I will rule you all
May 21st, 2006 at 7:41 am
13: Doctor McCheesey is a pedophile. His former intern knew. He’s given widdle Sarah an STD.
Possibly he lured her in with ice cream.
May 21st, 2006 at 7:45 am
The Beetle Bailey moment in which Zero is told to bend over while the doctor pulls on his latex glove may be the least appealing panel in the funnies this… okay, let’s not set our sights high… this week?
Next Sunday Jeffy Keane will do his own take on that situation, with one of those “What kids think it means” strips. Dolly will try to figure out what a 30 cm flexible fiber optic sigmoidoscopy is like.
May 21st, 2006 at 9:52 am
What comic is FT? I looked up Fast Track, but that’s not it.
May 21st, 2006 at 9:54 am
Oh. Duh. Nevermind. I haven’t had my coffee yet this morning.
May 21st, 2006 at 10:10 am
In today’s Mary Worth, Kelly goes for the Down syndrome look in panel one….then she converts into WASPy Cruella DeVille.
AND LOOK!
Someone stop that biker! Improper conduct in Charterstone! No backwards hats; it is too trendy!
May 21st, 2006 at 10:53 am
Someone’s been reading the Reader’s Digest Textbook of Pediatrics…and Widdle Sarah done got juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.
May 21st, 2006 at 11:58 am
Nah, Sarahs got a lymphoma in her neck with metastases in her leg bones,,,I think they stole that from “Brians Song” except Brian had testicular cancer.
May 21st, 2006 at 12:40 pm
MW: “Tell me more details about your disagreement, Kelly” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
May 21st, 2006 at 12:45 pm
9CL – Another one for the Edda-lusters. I don’t care how good a dame looks, eventually you have to talk to them and that rules Edda right out.
A3G – I love starting off my week with some smackdown from Margo!
DT – Oh brother. B.O.’s lottery winnings are going to get switched with the ‘nuclear football’. Talk about madcap hijinks…
GA – As much as I like Gertie, Unlce Walt should have gone to the Giant Lube Rack in the Sky a long time ago. Skeezix too. This strip used to kill people off and that made it great. They’re too kind hearted now. By the way, what state automatically renews a driver’s license for an 84? No road test or anything? Come to think of it Maine might. You have to fail your driving test to be licensed in Maine.
GF – Why hasn’t anyone killed Bucky yet? Oh yeah, that would mean the end of the strip…
MT – Ginormous turtle alert.
MW – Yet more recaps! Wow, two weeks spent rehashing one argument. In the final panel Mary does ‘meddle in’ with a ’solution’. Whether it works or not is another question. Her erect index finger put me in mind of Blackadder’s running “I have a cunning plan” gag.
PBS – When is Pastis going to get around to paying Conley back? I’ve been purposely reading this strip, one I usually skip over, in order not to miss him slamming Get Fuzzy and Conley. Get with the program already.
RMMD – Well, Harry’s dead. Nice spit take from Chesty too. Sarah’s really sick with a swollen knee that will require more than a full ‘regiment’ of antibiotics. Anyone want to start a dead pool on her? Or do any medical boffins want to update the diagnosis? Mumps? Rheumatoid arthritis? Early chilhood syphilis?
SF – Uh Ted… pickles have been sold in plastic bags for decades now. I see them in delis, convienence stores, and quickie marts all the time. They even have ziplock seals so you can save the part you don’t eat along with the juice. Of course if you weren’t such a fag you’d be able to open the jar, you whipped closet case freak.
May 21st, 2006 at 5:02 pm
I don’t think the fever would be expected with the juvenile rheumatoid arthritis.
May 21st, 2006 at 8:59 pm
It’s Sunday night, the subway series is on & no one cares but; “Doonesbury” was superb & “Brewester Rockit” hilarious..!!
May 21st, 2006 at 9:05 pm
Coming soon to the Mark Trail courtroom:
“So that’s what you think, is it? Because if that is what you think, then I have something to tell you. Something which may shock and discredit you. And that something is this: I’M NOT WEARING A TIE AT ALL!”
May 21st, 2006 at 10:25 pm
Actually, fever is one of the first symptoms of Juvenile RA.
May 21st, 2006 at 10:51 pm
Hey 420:
You’re soooo close to a haiku:
Sunday FT spoiler!!
Morse code tap dance translates to:
Soon I rule you all
May 21st, 2006 at 11:01 pm
34: Nice Simpsons reference. I wonder if Baldy’s roommate in jail will be Phillips.
To throw in another great cartoon courtroom ref, I wonder if Baldy will pull out the Chewbaca defence.
May 22nd, 2006 at 12:21 am
Today’s FC is just stupid. The Keanes could be charged with reckless endangerment. Don’t they know a child should never be swung like that? tsk, tsk.
May 22nd, 2006 at 1:24 am
5/22:
A3G: Tommie already knows the answer; she’s pointing at her own speech balloon for emphasis.
FOOB: Uh, John, I think April got a whole different lesson from this. Different than “do something stupid, you pay”. Different, even, from “April, your dad’s going ‘middle age crazy’ here” No, she learned some loopy lesson, instead… something about cowboys…..
FW: In an equal time response to FOOB’s male stereotyping from last week, this feature will present: Female Stereotyping!
Spiderman: Jeez, a poor jealous chauvinist spider can’t catch a break, can he?
Foxtrot: After getting her yearbook signed by John Glynn, Paige will try to get signatures from fellow classmates Neal Armstrang, Buzz Oldran, and Sally Ryde as well.
May 22nd, 2006 at 1:28 am
re: black hair, blue highlights:
I’ve read that it was probably the most visually appealing way to show the darker highlights that black hair can have back when most comics had a limited coloring pallette/budget, and just stayed that way.
May 22nd, 2006 at 2:24 am
Re: hirsuteness–me, I prefer men who are more feminine-looking, and with as little bodyhair as possible. I basically like men and women to be equally hairy/hairless. But I realize I’m in the minority here.
Re: blue on black hair–that is, in fact, the most efficient way to render highlights. Also, most black hair has either a bluish or a red-brown tone to it (asian hair and black hair is more likely to be bluish black than white hair, which is almost always brownish). You can only really see this tone in very strong direct light, and usually only if you’ve had art training and so are attentive to color variations. Blue-black hair is basically the blackest type of hair (brownish-black hair is really just very dark brown), so it’s often used to represent hair that’s especially bright black.
May 22nd, 2006 at 6:10 am
Going by the wide-angle view of today’s Mary Worth, I’d hazard a guess that Kelly really hasn’t refused _all_ that many meals… And I like the headphonewearing dude in panel II, he looks all set to bust a move.
May 22nd, 2006 at 7:45 am
Thanks for translating the Fox Trot Morse Code…I was curious, but not enough to look it up for myself.
As to the blue-black hair, I have a friend who is Chinese and her hair really does look blue in sunlight. Pretty cool, actually.
May 22nd, 2006 at 8:18 am
A3G – 5.22.2006 – Why does the perfesser look completely different every time he appears in this strip? What he been doing – going through a round of Chemo?
May 22nd, 2006 at 8:18 am
SF: I’m usually a Ted defender. I usually think the critique of Ted is blown out of proportion and pretty mean. Sunday, Ted is having a little snit because a jar of pickles seems to have bested him (is he having cravings?) and he is on the edge of tears, seeks out his wife for a shoulder to cry on, and hugs a pillow. Hugs a pillow! What a little friggin’ girly-man!
And – Can’t you just smash the jar and put the pickles in your own ziplock bag, genius?
MT: In panel 2 (above) isn’t that Tony talking to Mr. Hill, or just an exact replica?
May 22nd, 2006 at 8:25 am
DT: How many times is BO going to crash into the President’s motorcade?
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:35 am
MW: “Food is often a symbol of love, Kelly. When you refused Lou’s tube steak, his beef baton, his meat musket, his bacon rod, his salami grande, his flesh hoagie, his purple porkchop — he felt that, in a sense, you were refusing what he has to offer you!”
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:57 am
A3G: Well, so much for Tommie’s storyline. For those of you who missed it, she visited her little friends, they’re not quite so happy in their “happily ever after” WASP fantasy, and…well, that’s it really. Makes for some riveting reading.
Pibgorn: At last, some soft-core porn for those of us who prefer to study the male body. Woo hoo!
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:58 am
MT: Woah, Tony looks pale and isn’t hungry! Rush him to the hospital, where he can get pharmaceutical grade Rocky Road!
May 22nd, 2006 at 9:59 am
Gosh, I knew I was “naughty”, but hadn’t realized the auto-fill-in-you-name form thought so as well!
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:00 am
Is Cathy so hated that she’s not even discussed anymore? I’m still reading and I’m wondering how her having a baby is even an option. I’m 44 years old and I remember reading about her swimsuit angst when I was in high school and her career angst when I was starting my career. I would guess she is at least 5 to 10 years older than I am and my kids are in high school. I think she’s missed the boat for birthing a baby and the adoption wait list in China is getting longer and longer.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:12 am
Cathy’s mother should be nursing home material at best, and her father should be dead. Actually, they should all be dead, but this is an imperfect world.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:18 am
#51 – Liz: No one mentions Cathy because as lame as it is with Mama Guisewife pushing the baby issue on Cathy, the most obvious outcome of the issue will be intolerably long and excruciating Cathy-and-Irving-try-to-get-pregnant, Cathy-and-Irving-get-pregnant and Cathy-and-Irving-have-an-insufferably-drawn-baby-which-will-now-monopolize-the-strip story lines as the comic goes from crap to sh!t.
For the love of all things humorous, please Lord, do not bless their unholy union of sloth, gluttony and selfishness with offspring.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:24 am
MT: Why is the guy in panel #2 (above – 5/20) who looks as if he is whispering in Mr. Hill’s ear using an exclamation point? Is Mr. Hell hard of hearing? Did the road explosion cause some latent deafness? That would be strange, since he wasn’t there.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:24 am
It’s too painful to read Cathy in order to mock it. It’s just not worth it. If I had to read her endless lists day after day after day, my head would explode.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:34 am
Curtis, FBoFW, Gasoline Alley: GA has been at the DMV for a few weeks, Curtis had some mention of the DMV, when Curtis’ dad was wearing a bandage on his nose. Maybe Skeezix went postal and broke the nose of an innocent bystander or something. I hope he just came home in order to get his gun and go back. Foob Patterson Sr. is headed that way, as his speeding tix are going to impact his license status. As the three plotlines converge, watch for the melee.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:41 am
#17, 18, 40, 41:
The blue-on-black thing affected Spider-Man. In the earliest comics, then intention was that the costume was red-and-black, with blue used for highlights. The perception was, though, that it was read and blue, with black shadows, and it stuck.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:46 am
Sorry for typos. I need to use the “see it before…” feature properly.
May 22nd, 2006 at 10:52 am
Ferd Berfel (#31)
And others interested in the Pearls Before Swine/Get Fuzzy crossover.
You may want to read:
http://www.courant.com/features/lifestyle/hc-cartoon.artmay22,0,4347654.story?coll=hc-headlines-life
In particular note Pastis’ designs to crash the world of Mary Worth….
May 22nd, 2006 at 11:11 am
For those who may be wondering, the ponderously-set-up joke in today’s (5/22) GF is, in fact, a pun. As a pun lover, I’m inclined to say, “Eh.”
May 22nd, 2006 at 6:36 pm
Donut thanks for the info..# 59
May 23rd, 2006 at 12:45 am
#56: I started noticing that. Still, though……. WHAT ABOUT THE MALL??
(Maybe there’s a DMV at the Ginormous Mall. Blondie Anniversary party, my ass!)
May 23rd, 2006 at 9:43 am
420: Thanks! Like others, I wanted to know, but was too lazy to want to take the time to translate.
Craig: Ha! (Haiku)
Non-Shannon: re: chest hair friskiness … I’m reminded how Laverne and Shirley would go all into heat whenever they would run their hands under Carmine’s shirt.
May 23rd, 2006 at 8:13 pm
Re #38 FC:
I thought it was unintentionally hilarious, since Billy’s pointing with what looks to be a broken arm. Maybe she’d hurled him against the wall and was winding up for the next kid on her hit-list.
June 28th, 2007 at 11:36 pm
Randy looks like a softer-jawed Harrison Ford in this strip.