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The Fab Five’s most difficult assignment yet

Mary Worth, 6/6/06

Girlfriend, the first thing we’re going to have to do is wax those forearms.

69 responses to “The Fab Five’s most difficult assignment yet”

  1. Goober
    June 6th, 2006 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Thanks to Mary, they both felt bad about their appearance for the rest of their lives, as they desended into exercise, tummy tucks and liposuction, exhausting their retirement funds in pathetic attempts to avoid looking old. And they never had sex again.

  2. AK_Teacher
    June 6th, 2006 at 3:56 pm [Reply]

    Perhaps some Botox to reduce that trench going across his forehead!!

  3. Ferd Berfel
    June 6th, 2006 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Has Mary Worth every even shown a gay person before? I think if the Fab Five even appeared in the background at Santa Royale there would be a rupture in the space-time continuim or something.

    RMMD can handle this and handle it well, but Mary Worth?

    Hey! I said ‘handle’… ah-uh-uh-uh-uh ah-uh-uh-uh

  4. Dennis Jimenez
    June 6th, 2006 at 4:06 pm [Reply]

    You mean Meddlin’ Mary isn’t Dr. Jeff’s beard?

  5. Holy Prepuce
    June 6th, 2006 at 4:08 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of waxing, Check THIS out.

  6. bob dobbs
    June 6th, 2006 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    The pink & orange color scheme of that room needs a makeover.

  7. kutsuwamushi
    June 6th, 2006 at 4:24 pm [Reply]

    “Change can be scary” – the line sets up us for something deep (or at least important) like a divorce, entering a cult, starting a revolution ….

    But no, we’re talkin’ about makeovers. Scary, scary makeovers.

  8. Marc
    June 6th, 2006 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    Someone should make a comic about the Fab 5 going to Charterstone on assignment. All of those electric blue slacks would make them all cringe in disgust. But because this is Mary Worth, all of the men will have “Mann Hitler” as opposed to “Frau Hitler” looks.

  9. seamus
    June 6th, 2006 at 6:13 pm [Reply]

    A makeover. Yes. For a hetero guy who’s not some “metro” closet case, a makeover would be like a rusty spike in the eye.

  10. SuperDickery
    June 6th, 2006 at 6:59 pm [Reply]

    I have sucessfully found a fuscia turtleneck sweater for 25 cents at the official Mary Worth thriftstore… or something. I call it that because if all of my outfits came from there, I could just move to charterstone and have that be that.

  11. Goober
    June 6th, 2006 at 7:11 pm [Reply]

    If you look closely at the third panel you can actually see Lou’s spirit finally breaking for good. Soon he’ll be power walking with Kelly, listening to Kenny G and Celine Dion, a mere shell of the man who used to cover Kelly with grape jelly, whipped cream, and Crisco and feed various things into various openings with Metallica blaring.

  12. Goober
    June 6th, 2006 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    Second panel.

  13. Mike P
    June 6th, 2006 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

    Lou looks as if he’s looking out to the readers of Mary Worth for help out of this mess, while looking his most melancholic in order to try and garner some sympathy for his sad plight.

  14. Islamorada Girl
    June 6th, 2006 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    For starters, Lou could buy a better rug. What is that thing on his head, hot buttered yak wool?

  15. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    June 6th, 2006 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

    Lou’s hair is either graying in some pattern not seen before in nature (although it does look like the image of a sand crane or brontosaurus is embossed on the right side in panel 1) or he’s using enough petroleum-based grooming products to singlehandedly drive gas prices up a nickel across the board. His head looks like a record album, fer cryin’ out loud.

  16. Tommie’s Dream ”Date”
    June 6th, 2006 at 9:45 pm [Reply]

    I like how her grip on his arm emphasizes its two-dimensionality. He looks like a paper doll.

  17. deeeeeeeeelightful
    June 6th, 2006 at 10:40 pm [Reply]

    perhaps his lady will leave him for powerwalking buddy and advice totaler margot. Soon they will be taiboing to the tune of Lou’s sobs. Thats right lou, its true; margot is more man then you’ll ever be, and now, the only thing she’s “finger quotin’” is your wife. BURN!

  18. Marc
    June 6th, 2006 at 10:56 pm [Reply]


    Nice analogy. But..thinking about Margo McGhee and Kelly Stirling getting it on leaves undesirable images in my head.

  19. treadwell
    June 6th, 2006 at 11:18 pm [Reply]


    See, it ISN’T just about her own self-improvement. His not being an “exercise person” IS something she wants to change.

    The poor guy was finally coming around to not meddling with her new interest and learning to live and let live, but that wasn’t enough for her. She drops the other shoe, proving she can’t walk her talk. Give an inch, power-walk a mile.

  20. moe99
    June 7th, 2006 at 12:37 am [Reply]

    Barrelling over to RMMD, my prediction is that child Morgan is allergic to dogs, which has triggered her JRA which means Rex and June will have to get rid of that troublesome mutt for once and for all.

  21. Woodstock
    June 7th, 2006 at 1:10 am [Reply]

    More Ice Cream, Mule!

    I’m still holding out for RMMD Lyme’s.

    If I were Lou in Wary Mirth, I would probably invite Mary to lunch and go off a cliff somewhere. I would be dead, but the meddlin’ menace goes with me!

  22. Anonymous
    June 7th, 2006 at 1:13 am [Reply]

    Ralston Rabbit has a new gig, as Captain Victorious’s sidekick.

    It’s also obvious that Ralston was writing the continuity for Mary Worth, in the scene where Mrs. Hand chats up her romantic interest on the dock. Selkies, indeed! Rabbits who play Dungeons and Dragons, more likely.

  23. Len
    June 7th, 2006 at 1:18 am [Reply]

    (#22 was Len)

    From the costume, it’s apparent that Captain V. had the name SIR Hopsalot in mind!

    Which brings fond memories of Crusader Rabbit.

  24. jonnya
    June 7th, 2006 at 5:56 am [Reply]

    6-7-06 – You see, we got through the ballyhoo just fine. 6-6-06 indeed. Call me a purist but the correct number de la beast is 6-6-6, not 6-6-06. Maybe if we were all alive 2000 years ago we could have mustered up some legitimate calendar based fears. Or maybe a young Johnny Hart would have helped us laugh away our anxieties with his newish strip, depicting man, woman, ants and aardvarks from a slightly earlier era. Ease up on the proselytizing for now Johnny, lest you become lion feed and the continuum of comic strip history becomes forever muddled.

    A3g- A little redundant in the vocabulary department Luanne. “Rude” and “obnoxious” are hardly the 1-2 punch that would trump users and poseurs. Of course it has no impact on us because by now none of us can get past the distinctly “Margoless” finger quotes in panel two. Luanne I say that you are the poseur for glomming on to Margo’s “trademark” while she patiently awaits dinner off camera. At least Tommie has the originality to forgo the quotes completely and introduce italics into our little game- and selectively at that, only italicizing user and not poseur leaves me craving for more!

    BC- Last week weed, and now smug computer savvy jokes. What’s next, a Myspace page and baggy pants for Johnny?

    BB- Whoa. That office building is tiny. We know from this strip alone that at least three people are supposed to fit in there. Must be some sort of military issue Tartus type structure. BTW is anybody else getting tired of Mort & Greg & Associate’s heavy overuse of the same halftone pattern on this strip?

    Blondie- Whoa. Daggy accidentally elbows Blondie in the chest and winds up bouncing onto the floor. Resiliency, thy name is cleavage. Don’t worry Blondie; Dagwood isn’t ever going to leave you not this Wednesday, not next Wednesday, not ever.

    Curtis- Give it up. Cut it out. Panel one: look at her. She’s hating you. I for one don’t even need a movie audition with a major studio to pass on a “rap concert in the alley behind the Chinese restaurant”, but if I did have a major audition, I would hope that my friends and loved ones would understand If I didn’t want to blow it off so I could hang out behind the Chinese restaurant with them. Curtis, get a clue, muster up some pride and walk away like a man and go abuse Chutney for a while.
    BTW- I love the almost postmodern generalissimos of their conversation. Rap concert- that’s all the info we need, don’t tell us who’s performing. Major Studio- such as? Chinese restaurant- pick any one of them, no need for specifics.

    DTM- This strip has slowly (40 years) morphed into Family Circus. Kindly remove the word “Menace” from the title of future installments. But I love Joey’s pink half shirt. They should pull a Snuffy Smith/Barney Google switcharoo and retire the Mitchell kid altogether and let Joey star for a while. I love that kid.

    Drabble- Does that guy have a double sided pushmepullyou profile? It doesn’t help that his word balloon in panel four is coming from the back (other front?) of his head.

    FC- A little pocket pool for pappa as Billy or Nanny looks smugly and straightly and hatefully into the package that spawned a circus. Seriously, what’s the joke here? And these are mighty evil looking goats for the day after the number of the beast and all. Ohhh. Chills.

    FOOB- I don’t know. Sometimes I just want to give up. What’s the joke here? It’s dead people who go around haunting folks, not old people. Everyone knows that. Ever seen Casper? If Mike is 30, then Elly being near 55 is not such a mind blower. To think that Liz is up north missing out on all of this again, it’s a tragedy and her life is falling apart because of it. Tappa tappa.

    FT- didn’t they used to portray Macs outright? This ifruit parallel is a minor annoyance. And btw Jason, try seeing an Apple store “genius” without having made a prior appointment and you’ll see what happens. Take that nerd! Awwww, I’m sorry, I love that kid!

    FW- Gilligan and Fred Astaire seem a little old to be High School juniors.

    GA- what’s up with that jaw grip she’s got on him in the last panel? And her black eye in panel two? Ouch. I know this is a serial so I’ll forgo my inclination to ask “what’s the joke?”. Instead I’ll ask “what’s the point?”.

    GT- That guy in the last panel is looking right at me. If my name were Brent Raptor I’d be freaking out right about now. I’m as esoteric and surreal as the next person, but sometimes I just want to break down and ask what the hell this strip is about, but I never will. I’m tough, I can take anything the GT team can print at me. Bring it on!

    Hagar- The “Joke” only works if the reveal in panel two makes us aware that he’s the village executioner. But we can tell from his hood in panel one that he’s the executioner. The “joke” loses its effectiveness by a quotient of at least 70% this way. You see what I’m saying?

    Mallard- Yet another Mallard Doonesbury juxtaposition. Both strips use fake outrageous reader email responses to yesterday’s strips. Doonesbury’s is used for a minor bellylaugh where as Mallards only serves to swipe at the fake indignant reader. Aren’t there enough real indignant readers you can be responding to Mr. T? So many comments on these boards are fairly indignant to you and your duck, leave your fake indignant readers alone and take on a real one. How nice it must be to be able to write all the dialog and platitudes for all your detractors. What a wonderful world. BTW- why are they emailing each other when they are sitting right next to each other?

    MT- We can’t get enough of these. That is one generous, altruistic, and forgiving adolescent duck. Taking notes Mallard?

    MW- Wrap it up already. Man do I miss Wilbur. Look to Wilbur for strength Lou. There’s a fat man who was totally un phased by his outer appearance. Comb over? Puffy Jacket? Wilbur made all that look good. Ask Wendy if you don’t believe me. Nice color cop out in the fridge interior. Kind of Sci-Fi. I hope that’s lowfat milk she’s reaching for.

    Peanuts- I love this older stuff. Today’s is interesting because I remember one of the many dynamics of the strip was Linus’s constant rebuking of Sally. I guess back in ’59
    Baby Sally hadn’t grated on him yet. It must have been her eye patch in later years that turned him off to her. Or maybe it was when she wanted to move back south to be with her family.

    Pluggers- Scoop! Sister Diane from 9CL is a Plugger!

    RMMD- Listen man, I’m no homo hater and I hate to pile on and make fun, but come on man! If you take out the letters “ J.R.A.” from today’s strip and substitute the words “budding homosexuality” Rex and Troy are clearly having another Brokeback moment. Middle panel water bottle close up doesn’t do much to dissuade the subtext at all.

    SF- Uh, is Ted forth also Dennis the Menace’s Grandfather? Is it time for us to comment on those uniform blouses Ted and the girls have been sporting? Joey would fit in perfectly on Ted’s team. Joey Forth. I like it.

    SS- Three people drawn. Two exposed tongues. Special bonus for today because in panel two her tongue is actually wagging.

  25. Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy
    June 7th, 2006 at 7:38 am [Reply]

    Unrelated to anything else: Does anyone know if (now is having technical difficulties or are they doing away with free daily comics? There’s no new content there since Monday. I glanced at their blog but didn’t notice any mention of a change in policy ala King (Features…haw haw!)

  26. Bigfoot
    June 7th, 2006 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Holy crap, Jonnya. Did you start writing that comment at 3am to get all of that out this early in the morning?

    I have to concur though on the weirdness of the Stirlings fridge interior in MW. No wonder Lou is so proud of the food he makes…it started out as an avant-garde household sculpture.

  27. Maughta
    June 7th, 2006 at 7:49 am [Reply]

    I didn’t get yesterday’s comics ’til today, so I’m sorry if this is a little late, but can someone tell me what that is in the basket in Jump Start? It looks like a skeletal human arm. What a nice gift to give your step-daughter.

  28. Abbey the Wonderdog
    June 7th, 2006 at 8:21 am [Reply]

    Hmmmmm, I wonder if widdle sawah has a lactose allergy or nut allergy.


    Better give her another 1/2 gallon of rocky road before she heads in for tests.


  29. Hogenmogen
    June 7th, 2006 at 8:47 am [Reply]

    Mallard & Prickly: Strange how Prickly seems to have gone liberal lately, taking an anti-Iraq-war stance, and then jibing the badly-drawn chick for her simultaneous lack of faith and support for faith-based organizations. Also strange how Mallard takes everything that is wrong with the current crop of Republicans in office and tries to accuse the opposition of the same. How very Bush-like. “Shooting the messenger”? How many years of warnings from scientists about global warming wound up being accused of “bad science”? How many liberals who opposed invading Iraq were denounced as “traitors”, or at least “un-patriotic”?

    Well, I just see some strange left-wing/right-wing stuff going on in those two strips (instead of the ordinary left/right-wing wrangling).

    I’d like to see Mallard vs. Lucky Ducky for a final death-match.

    I was going to comment on the odd Plugger/9CL connection, but #24 Jonnya beat me to it.

    JP: The kid only has the internet? I bet all she can find are these uninteresting articles on licorice.

    Garfield: When will Davis learn that a plaid jacket and a giant polka dot bowtie on a date is no longer funny? Is he trying to make Jon look like more of a loser than we already do (not possible)? If not for the clownish outfit, we might actually feel sorry for him (also not possible)? Or maybe we would be perplexed as to why his date would not be entertained by french fries up his ears and a spoon on his nose (possible, as some women may be into that – who knows)?

    RMMD: Rex has been strangely silent. His head has been at odd angles relative to his shoulders, and looks a little small in panel 1 today and panel 1 from 6/3/06. It’s either small, or his shoulders are so broad and manly that it merely appears small in comparison to his macho physique, gained from years of avoiding the golf course. Panel 3 today shows Rex covering his mouth as if he’s about to laugh. Or, is he about to pick his nose, but missed? Or, could it be that he’s thinking back – “Med school… med school… June, did I ever attend med school?”

    Mary Worthless: Lou, no one wants to see you sweating it out in public, wearing bicycle shorts and stuff. However, if merely walking puts you in such a state where you perspire uncontrollably (as if you can “controllably” perspire), then maybe you should get a pass on being such an eyesore that you lower property values for miles around.

  30. dlauthor
    June 7th, 2006 at 9:03 am [Reply]

    Mother Goose and Grimm: Sooo … the guy third from the left is only realizing the team’s name now? Broken joke setup = no payoff. On the other hand, the mascot is a little bit wonderful.

    Doonesbury: Heh. But MIT hackers are a little more clueful than that.

    Spidey: Why fight crime when you can break into a movie studio to stalk your wife? Am I right?

    Pluggers: Hold on. In a comic devoted to codifying what it means to be salt-of-the-earth-jus’-folks-real-Amurkans, you’re saying such people think for themselves? I think my irony detector just exploded.

    Mallard: Fun With Straw Men, volume 632. And it’s in no way unusual for this strip to accuse others of its own moral failings. This is a stock technique for Tinsley, as it is for just about every right-wing blowhard in the media (viz. Coulter, Limbaugh, Hannity, O’Reilly). It takes the teeth out of your opponent’s arguments if you call the kettle black before he can point out you’re a pot.

    Foob: Is Lynn setting up Elly’s impending death? Since the strip’s ending “soon,” and she’s nominally its focus, it would make a grim kind of sense. And no, Elly, you don’t look 55. You look 60.

    Non Sequitur: While Stantis wanders leftward, Wiley takes a drunken lunge to the right. In this delicious visual simile, what does the fishing pole stand for, exactly? The fish are clearly left-wing and right-wing America, and the fisherman is an eeeeevildoer, revealed by the fact he’s carrying a fishing pole. So what’s the pole? Being brown? Islam?

    Prickly: Girl-scribble’s head in panel two just weirds me out. She’s turning into Pac-Man.

    Red and Rover: Why the hell does this strip even exist? How did it get syndicated? Oh, wait — it’s by the same guy who does Adam@Home. I never noticed that before. But it’s been years since he’s had an original idea, so spreading himself across two strips seems ill-advised.

    Arlo & Janis: Yay. Any strip that advocates the tormenting of cats for the sake of humor is all right by me.

  31. BassoGap
    June 7th, 2006 at 9:13 am [Reply]

    RMMD – I’m tellin’ ya….Widdle Sawah is allergic to the giant bugs in her bed. Either that, or Rex’s use of his daughter for secret testing of the new Claritin is about to be exposed.

    MW – “What’s more important, Kelly?” “Getting you and your heart into shape, so you can start taking these little blue pills, Lou.”

    MT – What kind of world lets criminals who happen to be filthy rich just pay off the damages and go on with their lives, with no legal repurcussions? Oh…yeah…this one, right. Nevermind.

    SF – “You girls all throw like…um…girls!” “But…this is how Coach Ted showed us!”

    Foob – Elly’s going to be joining Kelly for her powerwalks, now that she’s realized she looks like Mrs. Doubtfire. New hairstyle, lose most of the junk in her trunk…hey, it’ll make John happy, right? Or will he ignore her and just play with his trains and his teenage boyfriends?

    A&J – Janis wants a treadmill…there’s definitely a theme of comics women thinking about getting into better shape. But Janis goes for walks all the time, and why would she need a treadmill just as the weather’s getting warmer?

    (DT)GT – Brent’s about to get some serious pointers from the respected coach of a rival school. If he listens, he’ll step up, becoming one of the better players in the league, take over the playoffs, and get a lot of attention from those scouts in the stands. Which is the whole point, what with getting Jolene (please don’t take my man) Raptor to take a trip to Phoenix, right?

    Sherman’s Lagoon – Something tells me the Mrs. wouldn’t be too fond of a trip to Indy in late May, either…try Monaco, Sherman.

    GF – Mmmm…chewy carpet fuzz.

    Monty – A doc who keeps just one little pill bottle and a can of air freshener in his exam room cabinet? The joke would have worked better if he weren’t holding his nose in Panel 2, giving away the halitosis punchline.

    Luann – Will Tiffany end up working for Luann? Who gives a crap? Dammit…get back to Hot Mom giving love advice to Brad.

  32. Islamorada Girl
    June 7th, 2006 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    #29–MW: Speaking of lowering property values at Chatterstone, it seems Lou and Kelly live right above the Meddlin’ One. . .

    I can see MW doing a Kelpfroth and pounding on her ceiling with a broom every time Lou plays his old Lawrence Welk records too loud.

  33. tefflan
    June 7th, 2006 at 9:31 am [Reply]

    Lou, he be da doughy-doughy man, das fo sho…

    He jog troo da hood at night, he lose dat weight…

    He go to Bosley, have hair transplant from dog’s back leg, he not only get hair back, every time he go past fire hydrant dat dog hair pull wrinkle out of forehead, dat’s fo sho…

  34. Dennis Jimenez
    June 7th, 2006 at 9:44 am [Reply]


    FC – I like the expression on the goat on the right. It’s as if he’s saying, “OK, Bill you stupid F#$%, how are you going to answer this one.

    BTW, I’m waiting for the Fab Five to dress Lou in a speedo and cover him in Wesson oil so he can cavort with a giant phallus on a float at the Cornerstone gay pride parade.

  35. kostia
    June 7th, 2006 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    Foob: Elly needs to shut the hell up and DEAL. She turns 55 in two months, according to the character website.

    The real-time aging has always been my favorite thing about this strip, but I didn’t see this coming. Mike is the same age as my little brother. But our mother? Eight years older than Elly, with So. Much. Less. Whine.

  36. JudeMorrigan
    June 7th, 2006 at 10:01 am [Reply]

    #24 – Nope, that’s Juliette who’s outing herself as a Plugger. Which may be far more disturbing, really.

  37. Justafoob
    June 7th, 2006 at 10:21 am [Reply]

    I don’t think that Officer Dooright will be able to transfer down to the Big Smoke.

    They are going to need all those capable officers up north to fight Osama.

  38. Mibbitmaker
    June 7th, 2006 at 10:24 am [Reply]


    (DT)GT: They must be living in a weird alternative universe (duh) where some of the characters are in a comic strip and *know* it, while others (like Rapdog) are reading it. Either that, or everyone reading GT is Brent Raptor somehow.

    A3G: Gee, those quoted and italicized words could be used to describe Margo!

    FOOB: This is more a comment on yesterday’s strip: A writer? Uh-oh, FBOFW isn’t going to end like “Roseanne” is it? Well, FBOFW went downhill much sooner than that TV show did, so…

    Baby Blues: The kid should’ve given her mom a permission card to be a smug, condescending authority figure.

    Nancy: Wait until Sluggo mimes injecting himself with steroids. Although, with a name like Sluggo, he does seem destined to be a baseball player.

  39. Moss_Moses
    June 7th, 2006 at 10:44 am [Reply]

    There’s a saying in Charterstone – the episode ain’t over till the old hag meddles. This episode has been on life support every since Mary Worth’s last nosy advice led to Kelly’s epiphany that Lou is self conscious about his weight. What follows is pure and unadulterated fluff that has taken on a horrific life of its own. I’m hoping this episode will die a merciful death by the end of this week but now it looks like there are still a few more ounces of sticky treacle to milk from this inane episode…

  40. Lyman Returns
    June 7th, 2006 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    FBOFW-Elly sure isn’t helping herself look or seem young, what with that bun hairdo, the dowdy clothes, the obsession with cleaning her house, the organizing of her personal finances while on vacation.

    FW-FINALLY we find out what Ms. Blondie McBellyShirt wrote on the back of that photo. All that setup for THIS? I can see the “Guy stops hanging around with his best friend to be with the ‘in’ crowd, then realizes what a jerk he’s being and goes back to his best friend” story coming a mile away. Wow, this ghost writer is really keeping up the same mediocre standard of this strip, isn’t he?

    Crankshaft-Ho ho ho heee…once again, Crankshaft’s neighbors don’t want him to grill…haw haw haw. I think this, Crankshaft backing over mailboxes, and Dagwood running into his mailman should be in a contest for Most Lame Reoccuring Gag in a Comic Strip.

  41. Mibbitmaker
    June 7th, 2006 at 10:50 am [Reply]

    Stantis (at least in PC) seems to be suffering from an odd but more common plight these days called Ideology Whiplash. It’s an ailment where an ideologue sees a flaw in his or her doctrinaire viewpoint, then suddenly becomes a member of the opposite extreme. Fellow editorial cartoonist Steve Benson suffers from it. Arianna Huffington was an early victim. Dennis Miller has the affliction, though he always was right wing on the death penalty and a Clinton-basher, and remains liberal on social issues. Dennis is the only case where there was a definate cause of his affliction (9-11).

    Wm. F. Buckley and George Will are still in the early stages, with the former further along. Possible cause being that they both suffer from “intellectualus elitus”, a rare condition among right wingers, who usually suffer from “dumbassus reactionari”. Bruce Tinsley suffers from the latter plight, which, in his case, causes him to behave like a claustrophobic water foul.

    No word yet on whether Stantis’ ailment is responsible for his scribbly appearance.

    The cure is a dose of moderation medicine. For those concerned that it might cause fuzzy vision, an independent dose is advised.

  42. DRiLl
    June 7th, 2006 at 11:00 am [Reply]

    The conspiracy theory that only a handful of writers really create all strips is proven again.

    Two strips with the same unfunny visual punchline:

    1) Grand Avenue: the little girl whose name I couldn’t possibly remember puts her brown bag from lunch on her head to hide her shame at lousy food

    2) Rubes: lousy as usual- the woman on a date asks for a doggie bag and puts it on her dates head. Ha Ha not.

    Paper sacks in two strips. Hidden identities. Avoiding being seen. Opus Dei, perhaps?

  43. tefflan
    June 7th, 2006 at 11:54 am [Reply]

    *Tickety tap tap tap tappety* “Yes, we were disappointed when little Margie was run over by the car” *tap tick tick tappety tap* “But it ended up okay when we went to summer camp” *tap tap tappety tick tick* “We know we have to grow up and smell the coffee” *tick tap tappety tap tap tick tappa tappa tappety tap…* “Wait a minute, my eyes are starting to look normal” *tappety tap tap ticka ticka tap* “There, I just though of another tragedy” * tick tick ticka tick* “Now I look burned out and worried again” *tappety tap tap

  44. tefflan
    June 7th, 2006 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    By the way, who are the “Fab Five?” Is it a quintet of people who sell some sort of laundry detergent?

  45. Moss_Moses
    June 7th, 2006 at 12:04 pm [Reply]

    Fab Five is a quintet of men who sell some sort of fashion sense, not that there is anything wrong with that.

  46. Moss_Moses
    June 7th, 2006 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

    Speaking of the laundry detergent – Oh Fab, I’m glad there’s lemon freshened borax in you.

    Here’s a few more ditties for FQM to snark about:

    “Everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it”


    “Lemon fresh JOY cleans clear down to the shine, and that’s a nice reflection on you”

    “cascade’s sheeting action fights drops that spot , leaves dishes virtually spotless”

  47. theGrowler
    June 7th, 2006 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    Jeezis, what’s with all the monstrous epic-posts? Jonnya, I logged on for a few quick, smarmy wisecracks, not a dissertation.

  48. yellojkt
    June 7th, 2006 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

    Jonnya is obviously unfamilar with the Discussion Forums (link in the sidebar) where you can make as many comments on as many topics as you want. Put on an electric blue beanie and come on over. We don’t bite. Well, most of us don’t.

  49. jonnya
    June 7th, 2006 at 1:19 pm [Reply]

    26- yea, insomnia strikes and comic skewering becomes one of the AM obsessions.

    47&48- Geez, what a bunch of Pluggers. Just kidding. I’m truly sorry folks, i’ll never do it again. I thought this was the place to nitpick on the dalies. I’ve seen long strip by strip daily commentaries here before, so i thought it was cool. Admittedly mine was somwehat lengthy, but I thought I was weavin’ gold in a curmudgeonly fashion for my fellow comics lovers/haters. Get Sister Diane to slap me on the knuckles. Oh, and have a nice day.

  50. Ferd Berfel
    June 7th, 2006 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

    #44/tefflan – The ‘Fab Five’ are the ‘experts’ on the cable show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. They had their Warholian 15 minutes almost two years ago and are now mostly referred to via punchlines and cultural references.

    The show itself was cringe worthy on a grand scale much like the initial ‘auditions’ on American Idol. Some unsuspecting heterosexual schlub whose wife, girlfriend, mother, and/or sisters thought him to be poorly dressed, messy, slovenly, un-hip, and/or out of touch was roped into a makeover at the hands of five homosexual males. Each of the wigglers had his own area of speciality, food & drink, personal grooming, clothes, etc.

    In the space of an hour, they’d over groom the schlub with various ‘face scrubs’ (what ever happened to soap?), give him a new haircut from a stylist (because they stand up to piss, straight men go to barbers), teach him how to cook some artfully twee entre (blackened bass l’orange with crusted peppercorns and baby carrots), throw out his No Fat Chicks shirt (replacing it with a 100% poplin spots pullover with a high thread count and the logo I Brake For Brie), and perform other random acts of cultural genocide that transformed him from a plugger into a metrosexual.

    The show’s ‘highpoint’ came when the transformed schlub performed for the bitch who signed him for the makeover by entertaining her in his apartment. The Fab Five would watch this via hidden cameras and make comments that would leave Margo Magee blushing.

  51. Library Cat
    June 7th, 2006 at 1:29 pm [Reply]

    What is with all the emphasis on exercising OUTDOORS? If someone could just come up with a place to exercise indoors, that would be great. And then perhaps invent a machine where you could walk or even run in the privacy of your own home. Then you’d be into some money, I tell ya.

    Now Doc thinks he’s Tony’s father, no wonder the kid is so screwed up.

  52. Donut
    June 7th, 2006 at 2:50 pm [Reply]

    Yes, gocomics, aka ucomics, aka uclick aka United Media has indeed been having some “technical difficulties.”

    Those of us who actually pay to get them comics in e-mail received Monday’s comics on Tuesday (again).

    Here’s what their official tech support had to say about the 6/6/06 mix-up:

    We apologize for the inconvenience.
    It was indeed the work of the Beast. We have beaten him back into his hole
    and are working on resending the correct strips back out ASAP.

    We hope you enjoy ‘Demon-Free’ for the rest of the year.

    Of course, the same thing happened again today. These folks have never been particularly computer savvy, so perhaps they forgot to update their system clock and are forever trapped on 6/6/06–The Day of the Devil! bwahahaha!

  53. Occam
    June 7th, 2006 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

    #25 Badly_Computer_Animated_Boy:

    Another possibility for not seeing new comics on the free comic feature has to do with caching. I was having a problem with the old strips showing up, not the new ones. Tech support said to hold down the left shift key and click on “Refresh” to update the comics.

    I also wasn’t seeing any new “For Better or For Worse” comics or “Calvin and Hobbes” for several days now but as of today, things seem fine.

    There’s a blog you can click on at (upper right hand corner of main page) which will explain what the changes are and why, problems and solutions, etc.

  54. King Folderol
    June 7th, 2006 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    Blondie – As lousy as Blondie is, you’d think the illustrators could at least have the low-level skills to put in some cool motion effects or pain symbols near Dagwood’s ass. From where I’m sitting, it looks like Dagwood has learned how to teleport and is in the early stages of molecular decomposition and re-composition. You go, Dag! I also don’t understand why the illustrators went to all the trouble of putting that odd “T” on the lamp but the clock looks like it’s unplugged. No wonder Dag’s always late for work.

    FBOFW – What is a “Flower Car”?

    RMMD – The way Troy keeps brandishing/fondling that water bottle, he’s starting to remind me of Frank Booth in “Blue Velvet”.

    JP – You’d better wrap up your little schpiel with Sophie quickly Sam…that coat’s due back on the set of Reefer Madness.

    Phantom – I like the attempt to explain this all together confusing storyline in two panels. I’m going to need a 20 or 30 slide PowerPoint presentation with maps, flowcharts and timelines to keep up here.

  55. Len
    June 7th, 2006 at 3:21 pm [Reply]

    Last week, Garfield kissed Jon, and revealed he was a gay cat.

    Today, Satchel admits to munching carpet. He’s a lesbian, dawg!

  56. Dennis Jimenez
    June 7th, 2006 at 3:23 pm [Reply]

    I like to munch a rug myself – dang, I’m a lesbian, too!

  57. Len
    June 7th, 2006 at 4:01 pm [Reply]

    Today’s episode of “Slylock Faerie” –

    Help move the plot along, boys and girls! Use your Photoshop ™ to give Nicola Bottom a donkey’s head. Then Uncle Oberon can make Titania fall in love with her. Such ridiculous behaviour will make Titania change her mind about giving the Indian changeling to Obbie, for his own naughty and nefarious purposes. Lullabyes, piano playing, and a strip show, with a chorus of Chippendales dancers dressed in cotton candy?

    (There’s no new strip for June 7th, yet. Puck — or Brooke? — is snoozin’ on the job?)

  58. brendan
    June 7th, 2006 at 4:05 pm [Reply]

    Is there any reason why “Garfield” and “Fox Trot” require Macromedia Flash to view? It’s not like the strips are animated or anything…

  59. BassoGap
    June 7th, 2006 at 4:10 pm [Reply]

    Jonnya (#49) — Ooh, can I get Sister Aramus/Diane to slap my knuckles, too? Will she be wearing the slinky dress from the last couple days in May?

    Oops…was that my outloud voice?

  60. Hank Kimble
    June 7th, 2006 at 4:17 pm [Reply]

    June: Rex, I took Sarah to the hospital.

    Rex: The hospital?. . .What is it?

    June: A place where Doctors and Nurses help people get better. Have you ever worked in one? And what are you a Doctor of?

  61. Zorba the Geek
    June 7th, 2006 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    #40:“Crankshaft-Ho ho ho heee…once again, Crankshaft’s neighbors don’t want him to grill…haw haw haw. I think this, Crankshaft backing over mailboxes, and Dagwood running into his mailman should be in a contest for Most Lame Reoccuring Gag in a Comic Strip.”

    Lyman, how about Cathy whining about bathing suits (while sweat springs from her body and she yells AACK!!), Curtis pestering Michelle for a date (actually, it’s more like stalking), and Garfield’s John being such a loser that he can never go on a successful date? I think they deserve mention in your list, as well.

  62. Treadwell
    June 7th, 2006 at 4:43 pm [Reply]

    58: The reruns of Calvin and Hobbes have switched to Flash, too. I think it’s to make it more difficult to copy/paste/save/link to the strip itself (which I have done).


    MW: and the pushiness continues. And Mary’s nowhere in sight!

    MF: Don’t shoot the messenger? Like Limbaugh did to the media for reporting Abu Ghraib?

    FBOFW: “Don’t tell me I look 55.” The way you’re drawn, you look a lot older than that.

    tikka tap tap tappity

  63. Hogenmogen
    June 7th, 2006 at 5:18 pm [Reply]

    #30 Dlauthor: The two fish in Non-Sequitur are both on the same side, as evidenced by the fact that they’re on the fisherman’s left, so they must represent that big-government, big-brother liberal stuff. On the other hand, relative to the fish, they are on the right hand (fin) side of the dock, so they must represent the intrusive neo-nazi right wing (fin). If you get confused, you can find more information about fish on the internet.

    #31 – Basso, we don’t need hot momma giving advice to Brad if we can see Tiffany, er… Sheraton St. Louis taking orders from Luann. “You’re in charge of serving the fruit, Sheraton. Hey – what the HELL are you doing to that banana??”

    #35 – Kostia, so St. Elly got the senior citizen discount illegally?

  64. Marc
    June 7th, 2006 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

    Forget what I had been saying….the end of this MW storyarc is nowhere near done…..nor their gloomy gray fridge’s contents.

  65. gnome de blog
    June 7th, 2006 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

    Maybe some lunatic fridge-robber will break in and poor out-of-shape Lou will fail to subdue the culprit. He’ll feel soemasculated that he’ll fitness himself into a heart attack and poor Kelly will wander the docks alone in bitter remorse and in search of the love she once knew.

  66. CHA5NCE
    June 7th, 2006 at 6:51 pm [Reply]

    If the Morgans get rid of their dog, who will feed, protect, and nurture their chronically ignored child? Must little Sarah choose between arthritis and total neglect?

  67. Marc
    June 7th, 2006 at 7:23 pm [Reply]

    Brendan – It may not be FoxTrot and could be ads that are on the page which require Flash.

    Remedy: Download Firefox…install adblock and gfilertupdate.

  68. Vince M.
    June 7th, 2006 at 9:04 pm [Reply]

    46: Jeez, that’s a lot of detergent ads to retain. What kind of weirdo…
    Kids seem to keep on getting dirty, you seem to take it all in stride, you’ve got a lot of dirt with children, you get a lot of clean with Tide…
    …what? I sudenly went blank for a moment. Where was I?

  69. Holy Prepuce
    May 28th, 2007 at 9:48 pm [Reply]

    Link update for comment #5: the post is now archived here.

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