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Metapost: Comments of the week!

Here are your comments of the week, once again! A few people have pointed out to me, quite rightly, that it makes sense to put the #1 comment of the week in these posts, since they are archived for all time. So, this week’s winner:

“OK, Mary. In a perfect world, every impoverished nation would have postcards for sale on every corner and comprehensive cell phone coverage. Of course, in a perfect world, you would constantly be covered in fire ants.” –Splinky

And the almost-as-hilarious runners up:

“Ted Forth just keeps getting mildly cooler all the time. On the scale of dull preppy white guys he’s already moved from Dan Quayle to Tom Scavo. Next stop: Greg Kinnear.” –rich

“Shoot me now if I have to see Mary Worth in low cut magenta slacks. Just take the gun and point it at my head.” –Marc

“Mary is lucky to have friends like Ian and Toby Cameron. Otherwise she would be the worst person in the entire world.” –The Ray

“It bothers me a LOT that Funky Winkerbean is neither funky nor winkerbean.” –Christopher

“I say the time has come to replace Nietzche Family Circus with Margo Nietzche. She understands the will to power, the transvaluation of values, the death of morality, the philosophy of the superman, and what wine to order.” –Marion Delgado

“Christ, 4Evah’s Halloween experience makes ‘Monster Mash’ sound like Lou Reed on a three-day heroin binge.” –Facebones

“That’s the first time I have ever seen Cathy and feminism mentioned in the same sentence. Every Cathy strip lowers the glass ceiling a fraction of an inch.” –Bitter Scribe

“TWO biddies? Oh man … we are in for something big and biddilicous.” –Evey

“Binge drinking + French maid outfit = most uplifting Funky Winkerbean storyline ever!” –Zikar

“I wonder what Mr. Wilson’s job was before he ‘retired’ (read: was fired for criminal misconduct). He strikes me as the mailman type, because he always delivers the laffs.” –Joe

“Grandpa Walt [in Gasoline Alley] will never die. Why, you may ask? Cause senile dementia is COMEDY GOLD baby.” –ChefMike

“I own a handful of classic jazz records. While I don’t consider myself an expert in these matters, I’m almost positive Dizzy Gillespie’s horn never, ever made a noise like ‘bweeaappaabaapaa twaarboorp.’ On the other hand, Dizzy Gillespie didn’t suck total ass. Thanks for letting me share.” –dramashoes

“I’m into statuesque, homoerotic superheroes as much as the next guy, but what muscles are those even supposed to be on the Phantom’s back?” –bup

“Maybe Mark Trail is heading in the direction of a Pluggers origin story? ‘And that’s how Andy Dog met Molly Bear, and their unholy coupling somehow spawned a kangaroo, a chicken, and a folksy, down-home breed of class rage.’” –Sara B.

Also! It’s that time of week where I thank our sponsors, without whom I’d have to spend more time doing actual stupid work.

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92 responses to “Metapost: Comments of the week!”

  1. Doug Puthoff
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    More RMMD–Why do I get the feeling that, despite his 80s New Wave hairdo, Nikki is going to enter middle age wearing sweaters, having his minister on speed dial and saying “Hey diddley–iddley.” Yes, teenagers if you want to children to grow up to be squares, nihilism is the way to go. The behavior of the Jimmy Carter years led to Ronald Reagan. And the behavior of the Bill Clinton years led to Dubya. Action and reation, gang.

  2. yellojkt
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:33 pm [Reply]

    Shut-out again. I’ll have to be twice as pithy this week.

  3. Lynny_M
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

    Sunday’s A3G – Just so you know:

    “Rudbeckia Hirta” can be rearranged to spell, “A RABID HICK, TRUE”

    And lots of other things. I found this on the internet.

  4. Doug Puthoff
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:43 pm [Reply]

    Nuts to the physics of superheroes! What I want to know is why Jason Fox’s eyes are both on the same side of the head.

  5. Marc
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:44 pm [Reply]

    Yes! A runner up!!!

    Tommy Tweaker…..please blow your perfectly shaped “stuff” rings through the vents in Charterstone. I love the look on Mary’s face….and the orange lightening bolts eminating from the smoke detectors.

  6. Doug Puthoff
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    Sara B. Yeah, maybe Jesus Christ in the Pluggerverse is really Mark Trail You may be onto something.

  7. Doug Puthoff
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:49 pm [Reply]

    I think the person who stole the Dennis the Menace statue was Riley from “The Boondocks.” He wanted to show the world who the real badass was.

  8. Poteet
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:52 pm [Reply]

    #3 — Wait a minute, you mean A3G is occasionally dealing with botany? As in scientific names? Arrrgh, I feel myself being swept toward this strip like a toy sailboat toward a big sewage outflow. No, I don’t want to start reading it, I really don’t want to start reading it, noooooooooooo,,,,

  9. Harry Paratestes
    October 29th, 2006 at 10:58 pm [Reply]

    Actually, Josh, the very funny ads are pretty funny. It’s nice to see ads that aren’t some f-ing monkey that wants to be punched, or whatever.

  10. Len
    October 29th, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    Harry Paratestes describes Uncle Phil’s chin in FOOB, doesn’t it?

  11. Poteet
    October 29th, 2006 at 11:16 pm [Reply]

    And congratulations to Splinky the winner and all the very snarky runners up!

  12. Heckler123
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:03 am [Reply]

    Yet again, I have failed to make either COTW or the short list. If I submit enough comments, will I at least qualify for a lifetime achievement award? I relaize such things are really just scraps thrown to pathetic losers, but I can live with that.

  13. Heckler123
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:04 am [Reply]

    I also “realize” them. The tears must have blurred my vision.

  14. Marion Delgado
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    Hey, Spiderman haters! A Josh advertiser is IMPORTANT today!

    I have been a fan for a while of Superhero Physics on youtube

    If you hate Spidey, Death of Gwen Stacey is a must-see. The Green Goblin taunts Spidey that HE “foolishly snagged her with his rubbery webbing and SNAPPED HIS FIANCE’S NECK LIKE A ROTTEN TWIG!!!” – and it’s true!

  15. Marion Delgado
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:09 am [Reply]

    btw re winner – God, no kidding. i think that’s any sane human’s response.

  16. J.P. Patches
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    RMMD: Weeks later in our world, it’s the next morning in Morganland and June finally makes it to the DMV office. Hilarity ensues.

  17. Dingo
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:34 am [Reply]

    Damn. Left out even from the knockabouts.

    So, here’s what’s pissing me off about Raju. Instead of having an obvious line such as that he helped the wrestling team at his university in India, Raju instead mentions that he helped the Indian Olympic team. Yes, yes, yes. There are only 800 million Indians. Such a small third-world country that the friggin’ OLYMPIC TEAM needed Raju’s help. And then he stays in a barn in the States. This is nothing but pure American condescension toward other cultures. Surely, someone who worked with the OLYMPIC TEAM for India is so impoverished that he’ll come to America based on a post-pubescent hag-in-training’s letters. I think that boat wrestling Bobby is in for a bad surprise when he gets Raju back home and out of that pineapple shirt. Not every copper-skinned man with a schnoz the size of Albuquerque is sporting kielbasa-land “down there.”

  18. mumbles
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:56 am [Reply]

    FOOB: Between the “hose-o-phonium”, the costumes right out of the “Silver Platters” episode of the Brady Bunch, and Eva’s Tina Turner/”John 3:16″-guy fright wig, I think it suffices to say that the only person who’s going to emerge from this story line with dignity intact is Shannon.

  19. Dub Not Dubya
    October 30th, 2006 at 1:33 am [Reply]

    Wow. Monday’s Rex Morgan:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/style/comics/king.htm?name=Rex_Morgan&date=20061030

    Looks like we finally found out what happened to Magenta from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. She got a job at the DMV!

  20. Poteet
    October 30th, 2006 at 1:42 am [Reply]

    #19 — Hmmm, interesting theory, Dub. I thought she was the airline clerk from PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES.

  21. leo
    October 30th, 2006 at 2:00 am [Reply]

    I’ve been calling metaposts “meatposts,” because they’re entirely produced by meat, with no paper related by-products

  22. Marion Delgado
    October 30th, 2006 at 2:41 am [Reply]

    as the person who broke the Daddy Foob molested the girls scandal, I am sure now everyone will be eager for me to share new FBFW secrets. This one’s a keeper:

    The next secret weapon for Foobistank will be the Farleyphone. Built out of the bones of Faithful Farley by April, Gerald, Uncle Phil and a slowly recovering Grampa Jim. Maletted with dogbone-shaped paddles and with an inlaid Farley image in the frame.

    Farley protected April in life, and he can do no less in death. The frame will be made from Farley’s Tree, which Daddy Foob is going to cut down soon, as it’s gotten big enough to really block the southern exposure.

  23. Marion Delgado
    October 30th, 2006 at 2:43 am [Reply]

    #16, June feels our pain. For her, too, that hour wait lasted about 2 1/2 months. She should find Lily and ‘take up golfing.’

  24. Dingo
    October 30th, 2006 at 5:15 am [Reply]

    I have come to the conclusion that, although Canada has legalized same-sex marriage, every single gay man in the country with an ounce of fashion sense has left to take up residancy in Cancun. How else could 4Evah and Eva make it to the stage for their number with the enema horn without at least one aging effete gentleman shrieking in horror and invoking the name of Bob Mackie? Those outfits look like something Good Will through out back. Using tongs.

    Hey, Apwil. When Shannon tells you to break a leg, is it with irony or does she really mean it? After all, every band needs a tambourine. Couldn’t you have let her in?

  25. Dingo
    October 30th, 2006 at 5:17 am [Reply]

    Damn. Should’ve proofread. “through” should be “threw.”

    Call it… a.. Shannon moment.

  26. smacky
    October 30th, 2006 at 7:40 am [Reply]

    Two teen girls in matching French maid costumes. One of them drunk and belligerent. The other stated the day before that she hates that blonde bitch. Fry guy is about to have about 12 fantasies come true at one once as the girls catfight over him. Funky Winkerbean, I forgive you for the most depressing trip to the Grand Canyon ever. I forgive you!

  27. Doug Puthoff
    October 30th, 2006 at 7:46 am [Reply]

    10-30: RMMD: All right, I was wrong. Hillbillies aren’t the only group you can still make fun of. You can make fun of government workers, too.

  28. Dave
    October 30th, 2006 at 7:52 am [Reply]

    Uhm uhm.

    Today’s Watch Your Head.

    Shout-out!

  29. Len
    October 30th, 2006 at 8:19 am [Reply]

    #19 —

    Nurse June Morgan!
    It’s all over!
    Your mission is a failure
    Your lifestyle’s too extreme.

    Submit re-registration
    And wait here two more hours.
    You are now our prisoner.
    Your husband is a Queen.

  30. benro
    October 30th, 2006 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    #28 – The author of that strip, Cory Thomas, has posted here before. From the looks of today’s strip, it seems like he’s bucking to be the successor to Boondock’s, only with high quality artwork and believable characters. I would guess that his shout-out is a test to see if anyone here is reading it.
    Cory, if you are reading this, don’t get the impression that because “Watch your Head” isn’t being discussed here that people are not reading it. We tend to focus on the awful comics here..

  31. yellojkt
    October 30th, 2006 at 8:32 am [Reply]

    Good catch Dave! More information about Watch Your Head can me found on the internet. WYH is now in the dead trees edition of the Washington Post in the Boondocks slot.

  32. mattt
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:00 am [Reply]

    TDIET- We can finally figure out what decade Scaduto is living and drawing in! We’ve just got to pin down when that dress was the latest style! Any fashion experts out there?

    BC – “First buffoon with Spike Jones.” Spike Jones. BC and gang aren’t prehistoric or post-apoctalyptic at all. They’re clearly just a bunch of folks who have taken the simple living/back to the land idea to its logical extreme.

  33. Josh (not THE Josh)
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:01 am [Reply]

    Josh–

    Can you please – PLEASE – cause a t-shirt to happen that says, “The Hose-o-phonium is here”? It was the first time I’ve laughed out loud at Foobie Foobie Foob instead of staring at the paper shocked and aghast, and I would like to be able to commemorate that moment with clothing.

    Sincerely,
    Josh #2

  34. mattt
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:04 am [Reply]

    That is, post-apocalyptic. Man, and I proofread that thing, like, three times.

  35. Joe
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:08 am [Reply]

    Sweet I made runner-up two times in a row. Does Josh read all the comments?

  36. Justafoob
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    Man, 4nevah and eva are going to slay the Beckster.

    They have the hose-o-phonium and the noble ‘tard ssssssaaayyyy …. sssssayingggggg. ….. ttttttoooooo …… break … a leggggggg.

    Man, they are going to be on the cover of the Rolling Stone before we know it.

  37. anne
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:43 am [Reply]

    OMG you guys I think I see Phantom‘s package today. People have been talking about his ass, but today, his package! This is a dream come true.

  38. Just Plain Bob
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    dramashoes – though I missed the Dizzy Gillespie comment you’re right on Diz, but if you listen very closely to Miles Davis “Sketches of Spain” with your head under water you’ll hear that. Just an aside.

  39. anne
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    Oh, crap! I’m a Plugger today. Save me from myself! I’ll never forget to set the “vehicle radio clock” again! Wait, do pluggers even have clocks in their cars? When was that invented?

  40. anne
    October 30th, 2006 at 9:50 am [Reply]

    And one more:

    Spider-Man made me throw up a little in my mouth this morning.

  41. Islamorada Girl
    October 30th, 2006 at 10:11 am [Reply]

    Hooray for Card Cory! His strip, “Watch Your Head” has been picked up by the Washington Post!

  42. Tom
    October 30th, 2006 at 10:33 am [Reply]

    Hi, long time reader, first time commenter….

    I know the daily FBOFW is bad enough, but Sunday’s comic was just….. just… just……EWWWWWWW….. Have I missed all the comments about it? Because really, it needs commenting, besides just… just…. just….. EWWWWWW

  43. Library Cat
    October 30th, 2006 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    DTGT:

    “It sounds weird” Gee, like that ever stopped anyone in Gil Thorp. Maybe they prefer just looking weird.
    http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2006/10/30&name=Gil_Thorp

  44. Erika
    October 30th, 2006 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    36- you made me spit my coffee! My husband (who finds me new interest in A3G and MW hilarious) thought I was choking I laughed so hard!

  45. andreavis
    October 30th, 2006 at 11:11 am [Reply]

    #32– Matt, I’m no fashion expert, but I did survive the ’80′s and I’m pegging that TDIET dress firmly in 1988. Lululua is going to wear it to a Tiffany concert. Oh Yeah!

  46. lesles
    October 30th, 2006 at 11:14 am [Reply]

    i’m beginning to think that raju may be just a little bit full of shit. that he’s perhaps been a little disingenuous re his history, and it’s all sort of built up and gotten out of his control, and now he’s being forced to just pull stuff out of his arse as he goes. 80s bobby with his piercing intellect and relentless questioning might not wrestle raju’s boat, but is certainly threatening to rock it. poor little guy’s been looking pretty nervous to me in those recent close-ups.

    any month now (curmudgeon time), mum of raju’s going to show up from the next village over from wherever the hell this strip happens, looking for her wayward mousecatcher.

  47. jules
    October 30th, 2006 at 11:19 am [Reply]

    10-30′s TDIET: This wasn’t “thanx” to anyone! Did we just get a secret sneak peek into the real life of Al Scaduto?

    On t’other hand, I always suspected he was a total jerk.

  48. Christopher
    October 30th, 2006 at 11:46 am [Reply]

    26: what kills me is that they’re fighting over a dolt who thought it was clever to come to the party dressed as a box of french fries.

    Also, I don’t understand the black girl’s hair. Is that a real style? I thought only Sailor Moon did her hair like that.

    Another thing that bothers me is that the unhappy spider-man guy looks exactly like Ringo Starr.

    In the middle of 2006.

    Hell, that’s who he should’ve gone to the party as!

  49. Christopher
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

    Oh man, I just read sunday’s Funky Winkerbean, and I’m just blown away.

    Okay, ignoring the fact that creepy nerd wants to be paid from the little girl’s candy haul (Dude, ask for five bucks and buy your own damn candy! Or take a bag and get some yourself! Sheesh.), he’s dressed up as the fucking Sentry.

    I don’t exactly have my finger on the pulse of America, but am I wrong in thinking you’d have to be a really big Marvel Zombie to even know who the hell the Sentry is?

    If Tom Batiuk throws in somebody dressed as the High Evolutionary or Batroc the Leaper I’ll love him forever.

  50. benro
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    #26 – Don’t praise this story line yet. The blonde could still die from alcohol poisoning..

  51. bootsybooks
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:37 pm [Reply]

    Comix Field Trip! Alert!

    Ubndercover Mark Trail MollySearch: Okay, I went to Snake and Jake’s* in my licorice shirt.

    No bears. No talking ducks, no giant squirrels, no anemone wielding crabs. Good thing the drinks are cheap, cuz you only drink free if you’re naked. I’m not making that up. If you are naked in Snake and Jake’s you drink free.

    The weird part is that it only counts if you enter naked. If you strip at the bar it doesn’t count. It happens more around Mardi Gras but it is a year round policy.

    *Snake and Jake’s Christmas Club Lounge in New Orleans, LA.

  52. Internet Find
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

    Is that Margo with her hair down? Hey, not half bad, especially in that last panel!

  53. anne
    October 30th, 2006 at 12:57 pm [Reply]

    48. Christopher — what’s wrong with dressing up as a box of french fries? Maybe he was going for Frylock.

  54. hogenmogen
    October 30th, 2006 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Spiderman gets stupider by the day. MJ lost her wig because she was swarmed by fans. How did they recognize her with the wig on in the first place? The Parkers are once again settling down for some spandex clad action in the hotel room. That seems to happen just as one adventure ends and another begins. Don’t tell me the Doc Ock “adventure” is over. First, it hasn’t taken more than a month to set up. A true Spidey adventure takes at least three to set up and one to utterly fail to deliver on whatever lame promises have been given. Two, Doc Ock is still at large. What kind of superhero adventure ends with the bad guy getting away with the loot and living happily ever after?

    Margo is aping Luann’s hair. Margo, darling, you don’t need to be someone else in order to win the man of your dreams. Just be yourself. You’ll come around and find me soon enough, honey.

  55. hogenmogen
    October 30th, 2006 at 1:18 pm [Reply]

    Garfield continues on in its thinly veiled homoerotic inter-species dating sub-theme in a way that only Garfield is capable of.

  56. hogenmogen
    October 30th, 2006 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

    #39 – Anne – The way I view this comic is that the Plugger’s clock is only right half the year because electronic clocks have a tendency to get messed up when the alien mother ship engages its tractor beam and pulls the plugger into the cargo bay for some deep probing, as this plugger driver is obviously experiencing. Apparently, pluggers get abducted often enough to make Chief Plugger believe that it merits a mention to define the plugger lifestyle.

  57. Justafoob
    October 30th, 2006 at 1:50 pm [Reply]

    The kicker with tomorrow’s FBOFW will NOT, I repeat NOT be “Mummy” Uncle Phil’s muppety funny take on the hose-o-phonium but Gwampa’s realistic zombie guitar riffs.

    And he will steal the show doing “Puttin’ on the Ritz” ala Peter Boyle in “Young Frankenstein”

    The Beckster will run from the wings in tears knowing that her career is over and she will be roadside by morning.

  58. smacky
    October 30th, 2006 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

    # 50: Yeah, I was thinking about it later and decided that since this is Funky Winkerbean, she’ll either have her stomach pumped or die in a car crash. It will have to be one of those two, because they already have a one-armed woman due to a car wreck.

    Or maybe Spider-Ringo will commit date rape on an unconscious French maid. Has teen rape been explored in this strip yet?

  59. JB2
    October 30th, 2006 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

    Foob:

    Just a few questions. Why would the ghost be playing the hose-phonium? Why would anyone be playing the hose-phonium? Why not just have the ghost play a trumpet? What does the hose-phonium have to do with Halloween? What is it about the hose-phonium that makes it “fun” or a “secret weapon” or even vaguely amusing? Why is 4-Evah wearing hula skirts and bare feet at a Halloween party? Why does a middle-school Halloween concert need to be staffed by people wearing “staff” t-shirts? Why is one of the staff people developmentally disabled? Weren’t any Hell’s Angels available?

  60. King Folderol
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    RMMD – I don’t know what Rexland is like, but in every state I’ve lived in, you have to fill out the form before you get in the incredibly long line to get a new driver’s license. Any sympathy I might have had for June has been eroded by her stupidity.

    FW – Check out the look in panel #2 on Jess’s rival French maid’s face! She’s clearly got some beef with Jess that has nothing to do with nerd boy here.

    FOOB – In black and white, you simply can’t tell what they’re wearing. And why some of the girls are wearing skirts and others pants is beyond me.

  61. Leslee
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:17 pm [Reply]

    New thong-line for the merch dept: “More Hose-O-phonium”

    Make it optional which side shows the funnel, and which side shows the moutpiece, okay?

  62. Zikar
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Ok, I know that mentioning FC around here is tatamount to asking for a beating…but I love today’s facial expressions. I don’t what Big Bad Billy (with his menacing scowl) has done with that whisk broom before, but considering Jeffy’s and PJ’s faces, it couldn’t have been good.

    I’m still holding out in saying that FW is quickly becoming one of the coolest storylines ever. Just because it fufills my twisted drunk teen-french maid-lesbo fantasy has nothing to do with it…*cough*…I do seriously love that trashed face in panel two though. Someone’s getting whupped!

    JP: The land where no one gets laid. Ever.
    Crap, even Raju up to his neck in elephantshit (thought I’d give a swing a cultural sensitivity. It seems to be the thing now.) can’t get any. At least Sophie made it out of the car before Mohawk man lost it…

  63. Zikar
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    Sign of Tommy’s impending arrival: When I posted just now, and glanced to the top of the page…I could have sworn it said “Buy meth” not merch.

    Tommy RULES!

    (Please don’t stage an intervention for me…)

  64. Dingo
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:26 pm [Reply]

    What’s great about today’s Foob is that Shannon is drawn to not only be developmentally challenged, but somewhere approaching two feet tall. What does a junior high school pageant need with a person in a STAFF t-shirt who’s only two feet tall?

    Come back, Farley! Come back!

  65. J.P. Patches
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:28 pm [Reply]

    42: “I know the daily FBOFW is bad enough, but Sunday’s comic was just….. just… just……EWWWWWWW….. Have I missed all the comments about it? Because really, it needs commenting, besides just… just…. just….. EWWWWWW”

    I think everyone else here is still in the denial phase about that strip. Soon, they’ll move on to the grieving and anger phases, and then they will be ready for professional counseling. It truly is too horrible for comment.

  66. Dingo
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:31 pm [Reply]

    In a perfect world, Mary Worth and Apt. 3G would have a crossover with meth-addict Tommy and good ol’ Tommie meeting on an internet chat site and beginning a prisoner-desperate woman liaison. This way, when that awkwardly drawn conjugal visit finally happens, they could scream out the name and both honor their partner and wallow in their self-centeredness simultaneously.

    Tommie Thompson always struck me as the type of woman who could only get sexual satisfaction from an inmate, a paperboy, or a rolled-up issue of Cosmo.

  67. andreavis
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:39 pm [Reply]

    RMMD: in panel #2, it’s nice to see that even Kevin Smith has to wait in line at the D.M.V. like the rest of us losers. Snootch to the nootch!

  68. ChefMike
    October 30th, 2006 at 3:41 pm [Reply]

    I made it to the runners up list, all right!
    seriously though, when I was younger I used to like the “real time” strips like GA and even the FOOBs. it was kind of neat watching the characters get older and go through all the difficulties of aging. It reaches a breaking point though. I’m wondering just how old is Walt Wallet anyway? All his “friends” passed away (or were written out of the strip) years ago, and yet he continues to live on. Heck even his wife was allowed to die without much complaint, so why keep Walt? Any normal human managing to remain alive at Walt’s apparent age would be bedridden at best, probably praying daily for the sweet release of death (as I’m sure Grandpa Jim is doing over @ FOOB central right now.) I’d like to see this week end with Gertie putting Walt to bed, spouting some old southern folk saying about the circle of life and smothering the old coot with a pillow, but I’d hate to be branded as cruel and inhumane. So I’ll just sit back and watch the hilarious consequences as “Uncle Walt” forgets his entire family, and continues to live to a ripe old age of 150.

  69. hogenmogen
    October 30th, 2006 at 4:13 pm [Reply]

    Ella is a sham and a fraud. She’s telling Iris what she wants to hear and probably charging her for it. Wilbur will probably sign up next. He’s an easy mark waiting to happen.

  70. MotoMike
    October 30th, 2006 at 4:15 pm [Reply]

    Re: (42, 65): FBOFW: Yeah, I saw that final panel and had the same “EWWW” reaction, and, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t “EWWW” easily. Or “Yow”, or anything – I had to think that it was just a different sensibility or … something, but it was kind of “whoa! whoa! – we really don’t want to know about injuries to your man-bosoms, we really really don’t – please, let’s just look away.” And I should have known, because the use of coconut bras worn by men is exactly two levels down in the humor/taste measure from anybody wearing a monkey or gorilla suit (which is still slightly more tasteful than a real live monkey, which is about as low as one can go). (Except for flatulence humor. )

  71. MotoMike
    October 30th, 2006 at 4:18 pm [Reply]

    Zikar (62) “I do seriously love that trashed face in panel two though.” – I noticed that as well – you know, up to this point what’s-her-name has come off as troubled, slutty, and, yes, a bit free with the drink refills, but in that panel we get a preview of her twenty years from now – petulant, puffy-faced, and unable to think beyond the past and next ten seconds. Run, Darin! Run! Two words: cab fare.

  72. Christopher
    October 30th, 2006 at 4:44 pm [Reply]

    I’m so offended by Darin’s aparent belief that the convergence of French Fries and French Maids was clever that I want him to end up with an overbearing alchoholic wife.

    This is almost entirely motivated by jealousy, but really, it was a stupid, stupid idea for a costume.

  73. kylegirl
    October 30th, 2006 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

    Why isn’t anyone talking about Margo? Check out the third panel — she appears to be veering into crazed Joan Crawford territory, there.

  74. Indiebass
    October 30th, 2006 at 5:03 pm [Reply]

    Today’s FW: I have to say, I am all about this story line. I only wish there was a way for the impending “catfight to end all catfights” to be shown a) in super slow motion, b) with maximum hairpull, and c) with O Fortuna by Orff playing the whole time. I realise, however, in a static two dimensional comic strip, that this is most likely not possible.

  75. Heckler123
    October 30th, 2006 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    #35, Joe – I like to think that Josh doesn’t read all the comments. That’s the last remaining thread of trumped-up rationalization I have left to explain why I’m never even on the list of also-rans, let alone COTW.

    Humor me here, Josh. Don’t shatter my fragile reality.

  76. Harry Paratestes
    October 30th, 2006 at 5:53 pm [Reply]

    MW: Summed up thus: shills n’ pompadours.

  77. Joe D.
    October 30th, 2006 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

    “Hose-o-phonium” is what they call that thing? I’ll admit that I don’t know much about Canada, but in Iowa it’s called a “beer bong” and is usually frowned upon by the adults chaperoning the junior high parties. This is a school-sponsored event, isn’t it? I sure hope so because I can’t wait to see how this plays out, especially if I’m correct in assuming that beating kids within an inch or their lives with a wooden paddle is the gold standard when it comes to punishments doled out by Canadian principals.

  78. Mibbitmaker
    October 30th, 2006 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    At least two catfights in comicsdom are looming, in FW and A3G. Only we probably won’t see that; wonderful decency or friendship or non-violent sollutions will overtake them. “Take that, you reader perverts!”, the comics creators will say. Stupid, stupid comics creators!

    Lockhorns: He got a second opinion at Moe’s Tavern? Don’t listen to that Homer Simpson, you fool!

    FOOB: Last panel: “… But we’re gonna be fun !” Next, unseen panel: “…for those Curmudgeonites to ridicule. God, we’re losers!”

    MF: Yeah. Taxes will be paid to meet needs if that liberal (costume) has its way. Oo-oo. scary. That duck’d be infuriating if he weren’t so damn boring.

    PC: I hope that Al Franken wig will resemble his hair in the old SNL days. Back when he used to be a satirist. With funny hair.

  79. Poteet
    October 30th, 2006 at 6:26 pm [Reply]

    #74 — Indiebass, thanks for the link. I seldom read FW, but this one took me back to a wonderful small-town Christmas parade that featured something like six different Christmas Queens riding on various floats and waving, but the best part was when the giant box of french fries walked by with the giant hamburger and it was obvious that the reason they were holding hands was because they couldn’t see where they were going, which is why the box of french fries tripped over an orange traffic cone but was heroically held upright by the hamburger.

    Um, sorry, got carried away. Probably you had to be there.

  80. JB2
    October 30th, 2006 at 6:29 pm [Reply]

    Foob:

    More questions – Didn’t Phil come down from Montreal to see about his catatonic dad, aka Gwamps? Why is he spending all his time with 4-Evah and Eva? Iris probably needs help changing Gwamps’s diapers and wiping his backside, but Phil would rather be playing the hose-phonium for middle-schoolers?

  81. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 30th, 2006 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    #75 The path to COTW is supplication. Complement Josh on his taste in clothes, loafers, and spouse. Purchase CC swag, including shirts and underwear, caps and mugs, and delicious soups and broths. Sacrifice to Josh. Include a virgin every so often. Rub his belly. Scratch him behind the ears. Stuff like that.

  82. Zikar
    October 30th, 2006 at 7:38 pm [Reply]

    I have to say, that I’m slightly disappointed by how Elle ended up being drawn. I would have envisioned a “psychic” huckster looking a little more like a worn out Miss Cleo. Maybe that’s just me….I don’t care, though, as long as Tommy comes back! A little bit of “green” and “stuff”, and you’ll have your own lab! Believe in your dreams, never let those naysayers take control! Tommy learned his lessons from Load Stalker well.
    I still don’t know what gender Tommy is supposed to be, but I hope he ends up with WTM. That would make me happy.

  83. Heckler123
    October 30th, 2006 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

    #81 – Wow, it’s been a long time since I had to speak Sycophant. It’ll probably take me a little while to become fluent in it again.

    But I’m sure Josh can help me. He’s so wise and powerful.

  84. Harry Paratestes
    October 30th, 2006 at 7:51 pm [Reply]

    #81 and 83
    Beware of what you seek. Such tactics might win you an alternate reality COTW, with the C abbreviating Cornhole, Cud, Chewbacca, or a whole host of things. ;-)

  85. RoboMax
    October 30th, 2006 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth Merch idea:

    “My Very Own Meth Lab!” (Ages 3-6)

    Seriously, I’d be 3.

  86. Weasel Boy
    October 30th, 2006 at 8:07 pm [Reply]

    TDIET, 10/30: Is Scaduto going to change the name of the strip to “People are mean, hateful assholes”? Cuz that would be more accurate. Oh yeah.

  87. Heckler123
    October 30th, 2006 at 8:14 pm [Reply]

    #84 – Maybe SmartPeopleOnIce is just trying to lead me down the wrong path so that I will never earn COTW. I notice the clever use of the word “complement” instead of “compliment” in #81′s suggestions.

    But I will still strive to add the honor of COTW to my many achievements. That Nobel prize in chemistry pales by comparison. There is a money prize involved with COTW, right? And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll just climb back on the melon truck and ride back to Oz.

  88. Splinky
    October 30th, 2006 at 8:28 pm [Reply]

    Woohoo! COTW! Finally! Something meaningful I can put on my resume!

    Although I can’t stop laughing at “neither Funky nor Winkerbean…”

  89. Poteet
    October 30th, 2006 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

    #88 — Splinky, I’d agree with your vision of the perfect world were it not for feeling sorry for the Mary-assigned fire ants. I can’t imagine she’d taste very good.

    #75 — Heckler123, sympathies. I recommend relaxing. My runner-up was just an offhand late-nighter. One day it WILL happen for you. Tell yourself you’ll wait at least a year before getting seriously concerned. And ignore the trench-coated creeps who pull on your sleeve in dark alleys and whisper their offers to be snarky under your byline. You’re better than that.

  90. SmartPeopleOnIce
    October 31st, 2006 at 8:50 am [Reply]

    #87 Reading any kind of deep meaning into my spelling mistakes is porbably asking for troble.

    (I think it’s actually a side-effect of too many years of relying on spellcheck. Microsoft Word is like the mugwamp jism of proofreading.).

  91. Sara B.
    October 31st, 2006 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Oh man, thank you Josh! I am so honored! I love this new feature; I can’t read every single comment every day, but I like reading your favorites. Especially when I make one of them!

  92. Craig Shergold
    November 4th, 2006 at 5:23 am [Reply]

    90: More information on Mugwump jism can be found in the Interzone.

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