The Comics Curmudgeon

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Metapost: Comments of the week, comments of the week, COMMENTS OF THE WEEK!

Hey, everybody! I’m not going to be able to post again until Monday evening, so I figured that, since the comments of last week have lasted nearly two weeks, I’d give you some COTW action to enjoy a bit early. First, our first COTW of the new year:

“Why the hell aren’t glowing telepathic otters the most publicized aspect of Kwanzaa? Its presence in Curtis has single-handedly legitimized this holiday in my mind.” –Joe

And many other funnies as well:

“Mary Worth wouldn’t last long in the third world but it would be fun watching her suffer.” –MossMoses

“Having ‘Kick Butt’ on a sweater vest would serve as a useful reminder for the school bullies, who would be on this kid like Ohhhh on Yeah.” –Steve S

“I’d respect that giant golden otter more if it didn’t look so much like a Hello Kitty … or maybe the Pink Panther? Either way, dubious street cred.” –Sheilagh

“Mary Worth is like diarrhea. It’s relentless, and, and…and…uh…okay, so the analogy sort of peters out after that. But I really just wanted to say how it’s like diarrhea, so I’m happy.” –Baby D’oh

“Also, today’s For Better or For Worse fills me with thoughts of self-mutilation. But Elly would be right there telling me how to do it better.” –Kate

“Nice to see Les relaxing in the teacher’s lounge with Rush Limbaugh and John Holmes. This school must have a pretty lax policy on drugs.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“The Unbearable Magnetism of Liz: The child-bearing hips are the key that unlocks this mystery. With Canada’s low population and growing percentage of doddering stroke-afflicted geezers and flabby boomers, something drastic must be done! Immigration is not enough! Canada’s government has instituted a secret program to populate the Great White North via Elizabeth Patterson’s vagina. To maintain genetic diversity a platoon of racially heterogeneous males has been enlisted to assist.” –Pelagius

“We get it! We are a confusing species! We do things that beavers don’t understand! Well, I do, anyway.” –Justin

“April, the main concern for young women with your drooping, sagalicious cleavage is to lift them up like impoverished Congo peasants through Christian evangelism. This can be accomplished through a device known commonly as a brassiere or ‘bra.’ They sell them in stores these days.” –Dingo

And let’s not forget the advertisers who help make it all possible:

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This entry was posted on Sunday, January 7, 2007 at 12:17 am and is filed under metaposts.

279 responses to “Metapost: Comments of the week, comments of the week, COMMENTS OF THE WEEK!”

True Fable
January 7th, 2007 at 12:28 am [Reply]

Congratulations on a well-deserved COTW, Joe! Kwanzaa made the selections from which to choose particularly juicy.

And Kate’s was so spot-on true! Elle Patterson Must Die.

And take Cathy with her.
rich
January 7th, 2007 at 1:16 am [Reply]

Congrats to all the honorees — Dingo and Pelagius especially amused me.

So — it’s good to know that Josh finally made it through all 1,285 posts that were left over the holidays! (Josh — aka Mudgewig — you did read all the 1,285 posts, didn’t you? It seems as if the latest comments of the week are all of pretty recent vintage…)

One highlight from that thread for me were the comics cocktail recipes that people came up with. I wouldn’t mind seeing them collected up in a future post, along with some of Josh’s contributions.
DaveyK
January 7th, 2007 at 1:29 am [Reply]

Mary Worth is going to Vietnam! Mary Worth is going to Vietnam! Mary Worth is going to Vietnam! I have never been so excited in my life!

I will never be so disappointed as when her condo association friends spend 3 solid weeks of my life trying to talk her out of it…and succeed.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 7th, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

A3-G Judging by the stuff on the wall, LuAnn has been asked to illustrate a new edition of Day of the Triffids.
Marc
January 7th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

congrats everyone who made it.

I’d love to see Mary in Vietnam!

*Mary approaches child with water bucket*

“Well maybe if you made something of yourself, you wouldn’t be living here on the street (as noted by the faded canary yellow building, exposes brick, and random fuschia boxes)! I will not give you money to buy drugs!”

*child stares at her*

“Fine! Have an American penny! Go buy yourself a tootsie roll!”
loudfan
January 7th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

Don’t bring me down, DaveyK! Before reading CC, I went to the Houston Chronicle to read tomorrow’s Mary Worth, and I was bounding around the apartment chanting “Mary’s going to ‘Nam!” She must go… she simply MUST!
bobbaloo
January 7th, 2007 at 1:35 am [Reply]

Mary going to Vietnam to find Jeff? Slogging thru rice paddies, with her Vietnamese/English dictionary? there is only one thing that could make this better: please please please let the heavily bandaged man on the plane behind her be Aldo–we never did see a body.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 7th, 2007 at 1:45 am [Reply]

Casseroles and nuoc mam! Mary IS going to Vietnam.

This could be very entertaining.
Tabby Lavalamp
January 7th, 2007 at 2:32 am [Reply]

Mary Worth in Vietnam? The horror…
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 7th, 2007 at 2:51 am [Reply]

Let me take this historic opportunity to be the very first person to point out that “Nguyen” is an anagram of “gun yen”.
Edward
January 7th, 2007 at 3:01 am [Reply]

Mary in Vietnam! Will she rescue some POWs while she’s there? What would you give to see Mary shirtless, with two bandoliers covering her freshly oiled and still heaving bosom, firing an explosive arrow at the evildoers who’ve kidnapped Dr Plot Device? Can we also have…say, two weeks of strips about Mary discovering the delicacy called Pho? Because Pho is really, really good.

(Also, Mary, try the sticky rice with roasted coconut. Best breakfast ever.)
Uncle Lumpy
January 7th, 2007 at 3:09 am [Reply]

#11 Edward -

So, Edward, when they bring the Pho, the bowl of hot, delicious noodles comes with a big platter of vegetable goodies. And there are is a basket with many sauces sitting on the table. There may also be spices and herbs involved, but of this I am not sure.

I am sure of this: I love noodles of all persuasions, but feel like an idiot sitting down in a Pho restaurant! Can you help?
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 7th, 2007 at 4:05 am [Reply]

#12. Not too hard. Rip off some of the basil leaves and throw them in with plenty of bean sprouts (they get kind of cooked in the hot broth) and squeeze the lime over the top. I tend to go easy on the sliced chiles myself. I usually need to replenish the sprouts and basil about half way down the bowl.

If it’s a good pho place the broth is pretty good on its own, but I like a little bit of chile oil mixed in. That’s the red stuff with the little tiny spoon–for good reason. The red stuff in the big squeeze bottle I like in other dishes, but not in pho. Some people like hoisun sauce but I don’t think it adds much.

Take your chopsticks in the right hand and the spoon in the left hand and set to work. Slurping noisily is totally acceptable.

The key to the whole thing is starting with a good broth. A tasteless salty broth is never going to get better no matter how much stuff you put in it. Vietnamese are very picky about pho–ask them for recommendations to find the best places. (Correct pronunciation is (approximately) FUH.)

Pho ga is also good–that’s the same kind of thing but made with chicken. There are also many dishes with noodles but no broth, with tasty stuff on top. One of my favorites is beef rolls stuffed with green onion.

Personally I avoid tripe and anything made out of blood. There are limits to multiculturalism. But that still leaves plenty of good stuff.

My wife and I work late nights twice a week, but luckily there is a great pho place in walking distance (one sign to look for–is there a grandmother working in the kitchen?), so it has kept us going for a good while now.
Uncle Lumpy
January 7th, 2007 at 4:24 am [Reply]

Thank you! I’ve noticed that Pho places (at least here in CA) are often open really late – and there’s nothing like a steaming bowl of noodles at the end of a long day. That’s why the ramen stands near train stations in Japan are open well after the trains stop running.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 7th, 2007 at 4:46 am [Reply]

#14. Your mention of ramen prompts me to note that Momofuku Ando, inventor of Instant Ramen, patron saint of college students everywhere, has died at the age of 96.

We have a real Japanese ramen place nearby–very tiny with long lines–complete sensory overload if you ever get in! I haven’t tried Japanese train station ramen yet, but who knows what the future holds?
Edward
January 7th, 2007 at 5:09 am [Reply]

Funnily enough, I was just in Japan a few weeks ago. And the noodles were amazing. Frankly, the noodles from the vending machine in the hotel were amazing.

Here’s a tip though…if you go to a traditional noodle restaurant, you’ll be brought the hot water he noodles were cooked in at the end. You mix that with the soy, ginger and wasabi you dipped the noodles in, and drink it like tea. So PLEASE don’t be like me, and put WAY, WAY too much wasabi in, as you will look silly. Trust me.

Also, there is no wrong way to eat Pho. In Vietnam, you get a bowl of it cooked as the vendor wishes it to be. Peppers, etc. come as they believe correct. So the bowl of Pho you get is essentially ready to eat. DON’T try and impress the chefs by adding peppers. This I also know from experience.
KenM
January 7th, 2007 at 6:13 am [Reply]

For really good noodles, it’s hard to beat N China (where I’m living). The 24-hour lamian (pulled noodles, the Chinese equivalent of ramen, except that they actually pull the dough into noodles after you order, and it’s something to watch) joint down the block knows me pretty well by now.
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
January 7th, 2007 at 7:36 am [Reply]

NEW YORK DAILY NEWS trimmed down the comics section from four pages to three, dropping CATHY, but keepings GIRLS AND SPORTS. It’s been a few days, but no one seems to have complained.

AT THE RUEBANS, they roasted Cathy’s creator. There was a number of photos somewhere on Daryl Cagle’s web pages, but no transcriptions of the roast. (Damn!)

http://cagle.msnbc.com/news/blog/

It’s worth checking out, since the magazine HOGAN’S ALLEY is running an interview with the current DENNIS THE MENACE artist/writer…
commodorejohn
January 7th, 2007 at 8:43 am [Reply]

The man who created instant ramen is dead? Rest in peace, Mr. Ando, you will be missed…
yellojkt
January 7th, 2007 at 9:27 am [Reply]

Mr O’Malley and the rest of you are making me very hungry. Pho is a great soup as a meal and the make it yourself aspect of adding herbs and spices in any proportion you want is just one of its great features.

In Vietnam, pho can be eaten for any meal and is very popular for breakfast. A spicier variation on pho is bun bo hue.

The sad part about our comments is that we will learn less than 10% of this about Vietnamese food or culture from the actual Mary Worth strip and what is mentioned will be 100% wrong.
MyGoodName
January 7th, 2007 at 9:31 am [Reply]

re MT: more information on polar bears can be found in the Smithsonian.
Joe
January 7th, 2007 at 10:16 am [Reply]

Wow, comment of the week. Finally, my ignorance toward holidays I don’t personally observe is celebrated, instead of condemned as “ignorance.”
Genetic_Mishap
January 7th, 2007 at 10:27 am [Reply]

Has anybody read today’s Hi & Lois? If it isn’t a pun on “blowjob”, then I don’t get it. Heck, I don’t get it as it is, but I’m amused just due to the fact that the punchline references “blowjob”. Unless “snowjob” is a perfectly normal word I’ve never heard before, which I REFUSE to BELIEVE.

Also, Dagwood’s boss is 5 months late for Talk Like A Pirate Day.
Pinback65
January 7th, 2007 at 10:28 am [Reply]

If Mary’s proposed trip to Vietnam does nothing more than inspire continued discussion of Asian cooking, I will be very happy.
Red Greenback
January 7th, 2007 at 10:48 am [Reply]

Dr. Mel is looking quite foobish today.
Kate
January 7th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

COTW runner-up! yaaaaaaaaay me! Of course, it was on the back of a FOOB, so that kind of soaks the award in gelid squick.
jules
January 7th, 2007 at 11:21 am [Reply]

Congratulations to all the COTWers! I’m so upset about not making the short list, I’m gonna go pay for my 50-cent newspaper with a $20 bill. Ooooo-h-h-h yea-h-h-h!
Ribinin
January 7th, 2007 at 11:38 am [Reply]

#23 – A snowjob is when a person sells a complete load of BS with a straight face. It usually includes the meaning that the guy knows he doesn’t know what he is talking about, but does it with confidence such confidence and wealth of detail that the listener believes him.
Edward
January 7th, 2007 at 11:47 am [Reply]

I’m kicking myself now for not saying “more information about Pho can be found in Southeast Asia”. Damn me for not having catchphrases on the brain.
BoShek
January 7th, 2007 at 11:55 am [Reply]

Two things. First, upon loading the Houston Chron page last night in the wee hours and reading Mary Worth, all my dreams came true. This will be the first story arc out of Charterstone since Mary was… on a boat or something. (Unless, of course, you count Aldo’s funeral.) Second, today’s Born Loser makes little sense and would be pretty dull even if it did. The fact that my local paper gives it a whole HALF the back page of Comics makes the effect of its mind-numbingness even worse. I believe that Born Loser may never have been mentioned by Josh and I have two theories about that, too.
1)It’s just too easy to make fun of
2)Anything associated with Born Loser becomes bland and unfunny and by mentioning it here, I have just laid an evil curse on this website,

If 2, I am so sorry.
Doug Puthoff
January 7th, 2007 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

1/7–MW: First we send fight on war on Vietnamese turf for ten yearrs, then we send them Rambo to that come. Last fall Dubya went, and now Mary Worth is going. HAVEN’T THESE PEOPLE SUFFERED ENOUGH?!

Blondie–Geez, I thought the staff had given Dithers the Johnny Kidd and the Pirates Greatest Hits CD.

RMMD–Now I know whom Elvis really looks like: The Creeper from “Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?”

Fox Trot–If this is the kind of human we’re going to get from a Sunday-only strip, Amend should’ve put the strip out of its misery all together.

Arlo and Janis–Somebody, please put this strip out of its misery! Please!

Jump Start–Rob Armstrong, I believe has somehow wound up with the spirit of Bob Thaves of “Frank and Ernest.” .

You Can with Beakman and Jax–Reed Richards, you’ve beaten Doctor Doom countless times, you stopped Galactus from using the Earth as an after-dinner mint. But you can’t tell how many squares are in a picture. Some super-genius you are–oh, the question was from “REID” Richards–never mind.

FOOB–Right now I’m read “The Brothers Karamazov.” I’ve stopped reading “FOOB” because if I tried to remember all the characters in both Dostovesky’s novel and in Johnston’s strip, my mind would explode.
Doug Puthoff
January 7th, 2007 at 12:19 pm [Reply]

#31–The last word of the second sentence in “MW” should be “country” not “come.” Serves me right for listening to “Hey Ya!.”
Artist Formerly Known as Ben
January 7th, 2007 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

Today’s FBOFW: Wow, Dee Patterson winds up feeding her rugrat dogcatcher. That is pretty effed up. I think it might just be the coolest thing Lynn Johnston has ever done.
Genetic_Mishap
January 7th, 2007 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

28 – No. My heart is set on a sexually suggestive punchline getting past the editors. I cannot- WILL NOT- believe what you just said. It’s like snatching away a Christmas present from my hands.
Marc
January 7th, 2007 at 1:03 pm [Reply]

Foob – Okay, April has feelings for her baby cousin. Feed him mashed up “Pupsy Yummies” and then say “Fine..let’s go all the way. Sigh.
Summerhouse
January 7th, 2007 at 1:58 pm [Reply]

Congratulations Joe on your well-deserved win! I enjoyed your comment from the moment it hit the page. You know, if Scientology had glowing telepathic otters instead of their Xenu space alien, Tom Cruise wouldn’t look like such a doofus. I mean, he’d still be a short, closeted, manic gay guy, but his religion would be cool.
mumbles
January 7th, 2007 at 2:24 pm [Reply]

Here’s hoping that the Charterstone Travel Agency books Mary in the Hanoi Hilton.

Come to think of it, even the most ruthless, John-McCain era torturers would have nothing on Mary. Her meddling and critcism would have them running to the tiger cages for relief.
Dingo
January 7th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

I’ll say it now though you’ve all probably thought it:

Mary Worth in Vietnam will be as glorious at Barbara Bush at the Astrodome, giving succor to victims of Hurricane Katrina.
commodorejohn
January 7th, 2007 at 2:40 pm [Reply]

33 – Not really. My brothers and I each had our turn sneaking into the cat food all the time when we were little. It’s actually not half bad, just somewhat dry.
Kate
January 7th, 2007 at 2:43 pm [Reply]

#38, Dingo — you said “succor.” Huh huh. Huh huh huh huh huh.
Summerhouse
January 7th, 2007 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

MibbitMaker I had hoped that perhaps the “bad-drawn football” verse of your song parody might make COTW, much as I do like Joe’s comment. I wish you would post your song again, here, in this thread, for two reasons. 1. So I can sing it again without having to hunt for it first and 2. To benefit those who ~~have their priorities all wrong~~ don’t read every post and probably missed it. Please?

Also, everyone please note: now that I’ve learned how to do the “strike through” thing, I will probably do it ~~constantly, until Josh threatens to ban me~~ on occasion for humorous effect. Thank you.
AppleGirl
January 7th, 2007 at 2:52 pm [Reply]

Great COTW, Joe! I was equally awed by the telepathic otter of Kwanzaa.

Greetings from sunny, beautiful California! A grueling week of packing, dealing with long-distance movers, shipping my car out west, and cleaning the old house in Washington DC has made me woefully behind in reading all the comics, but made it EASY for me to stick to my No-FOOB new years’ resolution!

I start my new job tomorrow. I’ll be catching up with you all this week, looking forward to reading everyone’s snarky CC comments!
Vince M.
January 7th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Opus: I was considering coining the PG-rated term ‘Mother I’d Love to Dance With’ but that comes out as MILDW.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
January 7th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

FOOB: Nice, April, great nurturing skills. Put Krazy Kanadien K-9 Kibbles on the breakfast tray of a trusting, dependent toddler. There’s a little Mommie Dearest in all of us, I guess.

Somehow, I doubt that the food manufacturing standards for animal feed are as wholesome as those for humans. I wonder if more information on what constitutes animal by-products can be found on the internet?
Uncle Lumpy
January 7th, 2007 at 4:30 pm [Reply]

#15 Mr. O’Malley -

In honor of Ando-sama, lunch today will be Aunt Lumpy’s Enhanced Top Ramen:

1 package Top Ramen (toss the MSG+salt pack)
2 cups water
2 Tbsp. frozen veal stock
4 oz. pork tenderloin slices, pounded thin and pan-fried (Ohhh, yeahhhh. . . )
1 handful chopped scallions
1 sheet toasted sushinori (Oooooh, mommy!), cut in strips

Cook noodles in boiling water and stock, add precooked pork and heat, stir in scallions and nori; serve. Salt to taste. Slurp boisterously.

Itadakimasu, Ando-sama! Domou arigatou gozaimashita!

Dessert will, of course, be Nut Logs – can’t seem to get rid of the damn things. . . .
Islamorada Girl
January 7th, 2007 at 4:58 pm [Reply]

April gets 25 points for feeding her obnoxious, spoiled nephew cat kibble.
Come on, it’s like you never tried it when you were a little kid.
NotThatGuy
January 7th, 2007 at 5:33 pm [Reply]

Dog kibble, right? They’re omnivores. And Perfect Pattersons, so we know they’re feeding food-grade Organic Lamb ‘n’ Rice. Be thankful April didn’t give the kid a Snausage.

(And Josh, what is this taking off for ten days then taking the following weekend off? How will you ever hold a job or keep up with the hard work of marriage if you keep blowing off your ‘blog like this???)

(And Aldo’s still dead, and I’m bitter about that too.)
Spotted HÃ˜rse
January 7th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

#46 Islamadora Girl: Apologies for the buzz kill… these are, after all, fictional characters! Who wouldn’t want to feed the little bastard kibble, or worse, for that matter? As to the eating of kibble in my rugrat years, I can’t recall being tempted to try it, but then, I was a food fussy; I probably wouldn’t even have enjoyed Organic Lamb â€˜nâ€™ Rice.

Having said that, the nice thing about participating in a comics forum is that you can have your cake and bitch about it too. I’m calling Lynn out for April’s sly, passive aggressive, dysfunctional behavior with a dependent toddler.

If you hear a “qwink,” it’s the sound of me dropping the subject. Next time I comment on the Pattersons, it’ll probably be something really foul, graphic and NSFW.
doughy lawyer Roy
January 7th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

Don’t knock doggie kibble, with a little buttermilk, it’s delicious. A fine breakfast for a Patterson! Sticks to your butt.
Mike P
January 7th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

I pretty much choked on popcorn when I saw Mary Worth declare she was going to Viet Nam last night on the Houston Chonicle page, and re-reading it in today’s paper made me giggle like a school girl. I hope her compatriots join her in her quest to rescue Doctor Jeff, so we can have some Charterstone-style meddling in Viet Nam.

Also, somebody probably brought this up already, but does anyone think it’s rather odd that both Luann from Apartment 3-G and Mary Worth had dreams of someone drowning? I hope this is some sort of epidemic and all the soap strips will feature dreams of loved ones in watery peril.
AhClem
January 7th, 2007 at 6:41 pm [Reply]

The Minneapolis Star-Tribune is replacing (or, in their words, “taking a break from”) “9 Chickweed Lane.” The replacement is “Brilliant Mind of Edison Lee.” As annoying as 9CL could be sometimes, with the occasional filler art and the ravings of Thorax, I did find it intriguing, and much better than BC, BB, H&L, Buckles, and many of the other ink droppings in their comics page.

I’m not at all familiar with BMEL. Should I be afraid? All things considered, the Strib has a pretty good lineup, but with the recent sale of the paper to a financial investment group, there is a lot of concern that editorial content could suffer, and ‘m sure the comics page is not immune from the inevitable slashing and burning.
Djiril
January 7th, 2007 at 6:55 pm [Reply]

Hi!
I just finished reading the archives and I love this blog!

Have you ever read “Annie” or “Brenda Starr?” These are both weird and long-running adventure comics that you might want to check out if you haven’t already.

http://www.gocomics.com/annie/

http://www.gocomics.com/brendastarr/
Summerhouse
January 7th, 2007 at 7:03 pm [Reply]

Attention Lyricists/Poets – I guess maybe it’s because of that lame “King and I” joke from Funky Whynotshootyourself, but I’ve got “Hello, Young Lovers” stuck in my head. And I think it would make a very nice love song for Theodore and Castoria. OH! OH,OH,OH!!! What about “Somewhere”?? There’s a place for us, a trap-less place for us… I don’t know what “Somewhere” is from, though. Anyway, it’s clear that Rich and Old Fogyette and Poteet and myself and countless others probably too traumatized to even post need an uplifting Theodore and Castoria ballad to get us through the dark days ahead. I know uplifting is not normally what we do here, but this is Theodore and Castoria. We would do it ourselves if we could, but we can’t. Help us, oh Great Ones. You know who you are.
Uncle Lumpy
January 7th, 2007 at 7:12 pm [Reply]

West Side Story – Bernstein and Sondheim:

There’s a place for us,
Somewhere a place for us.
Peace and quiet and open air
Wait for us
Somewhere.

There’s a time for us,
Some day a time for us,
Time together with time spare,
Time to learn, time to care,
Some day!

Somewhere.
We’ll find a new way of living,
We’ll find a way of forgiving
Somewhere . . .

There’s a place for us,
A time and place for us.
Hold my hand and we’re halfway there.
Hold my hand and I’ll take you there
Somehow,
Some day,
Somewhere!

I’d love to help, but this song makes me think of Sarah Brightman, and then I have to go read Funky Winkerbean to cheer myself up.

Speaking of which – snow day tomorrow! Gonna be great for you, Les – I just know it!
Mibbitmaker
January 7th, 2007 at 7:24 pm [Reply]

#41: Josh doesn’t generally post the longer song/poem pieces (except for the occasional times Uncle Lumpy tops even himself).

For now, at least, just go here: http://joshreads.com/?p=891#comment-139224

where I posted it. (Too lazy to retype or use instructions on cut-and-pasting I got years ago)
Mibbitmaker
January 7th, 2007 at 7:35 pm [Reply]

Today:

FW: Notice they both made snow angels of themselves. Can this mean… not only does Cancergal die, but Les, too?! A tragedy two-fer! Cancer killes her, pneumonia kills him.

FOOB: When saintly Foobs go bad! And who else but April to feed a helpless baby the gross food the pooch eats? Baby doesn’t understand April’s hostility.

MW: Exactly like LBJ and Nixon; exactly unlike Dubya, Bill Clinton, Dan Quayle, etc., etc. If captured, even John McCain wouldn’t care.
Mibbitmaker
January 7th, 2007 at 7:45 pm [Reply]

Next on “Mark Trail”:

Panel one. Caption: ‘Lucky is confused by the humans’ hostility.’ (Far away shot)

Panel two: Caption: ‘Lucky is confused by his dire situation, separated from the love of his life.’ (close-up)

Panel three: Caption: ‘Lucky is confused by the IRS’s tax forms’ (Still-realistic-looking beaver poring over tax form)
—————————-
Tuesday: Lucky reads Gil Thorp!
mokey
January 7th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

Attention FOOB love-to-haters:

has anyone seen this??

http://aprilsrealblog.blogspot.com/

If this has been mentioned on CC before, please forgive me.
Old Fogeyette
January 7th, 2007 at 8:04 pm [Reply]

Thanks, Uncle Lumpy.

A STREAM FOR US

Thereâ€™s a stream for us,
A special stream for us.
Peace and quiet, no humans there
Wait for us
Somewhere.

Thereâ€™s a dam to build,
And a lodge to be filled,
With beaver babies and a deadly snare
In case Mark or Dick comes there.
Some day!

Somewhere.
Weâ€™ll find a way to avoid them,
Or else we will simply destroy them
Somehow . . .

Thereâ€™s a stream for us,
A special stream for us.
I don’t understand why Mark doesn’t care
(But) hold my paw and Iâ€™ll take you there
Somehow,
Some day,
Somewhere!
AwfulArt
January 7th, 2007 at 8:26 pm [Reply]

Giants & Jets both lost today.. That sucks.. There is a one panel strip called “Flight Deck” that also sucks.. Think “Cathy” & “Agnes” shrunk into one panel..
Yesterday the small town of Ho-Ho-Kus was the punch line of “FD”.. This is the second time it’s been used in less then a year as a punch line.. Knock it off losers…The town located in No. Jersey with the Indian names deserves better.. The Jets & Giants deserved better..
Ho-Ho-Kus is best known for it’s famous celebrity The Jolly Green Giant….
Ho ho ho….
Bill Peschel
January 7th, 2007 at 9:03 pm [Reply]

Mokey,

I hadn’t seen that yet. That’s one weird mama-jama site.

I mean, a blog based on April’s strange enough, but there’s some posts from a “Michael Patterson” and “Officer Paul Wright” as well.

It’s like online cosplay, but more bizarre than Japanese hentai, and that’s saying something.
Anonymous
January 7th, 2007 at 9:26 pm [Reply]

#60: Ho-Ho-Kus is going to have to compete with Blue Earth, Minnesota over that celebrity.
Summerhouse
January 7th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

#62 – My comment is awaiting moderation? I have no idea what that means. I meant my compliment to you, Old Fogyette.
MossMoses
January 7th, 2007 at 9:47 pm [Reply]

17. KenM: Yes, la mian is good and so is daoxiao mian, which is similar but the blocks of noodle are cut with a knife.That was my favorite in mainland China. In Taiwan the niurou mian beef noodles is the best. I was well known myself at a noodle restaurant there because I always called it “gourou mian” and the laoban would say, here comes that crazy American ordering dog meat noodles again. Maybe you can explain to other curmudgeonites what a “pidouhui” is. I really hope Mary Worth is unable to find Doc Jeff and as punishment has to do a self criticism struggle sesh in VietNam and gets sent to the impoverished countryside for a few years of laogai reeducation.

btw: What part of China do you live in?
Steve S
January 7th, 2007 at 10:01 pm [Reply]

#57: You have a hypothetical Mark Trail strip that doesn’t feature a single grotesquely oversized duck or squirrel in the foreground? Shame!
Heckler123
January 7th, 2007 at 10:07 pm [Reply]

MW – Ooh, Mary is going to one of the smarmier parts of the Orient! I can only hope that Ella accompanies her, and that it turns into a geriatric version of “Brokedown Palace.”

I see Mary in the Claire Danes role, although Ella is no substitute for Kate Beckinsale. Can Doctor Jeff possibly use Mary as his mule? (Make of that what you will.)
Dingo
January 7th, 2007 at 10:27 pm [Reply]

with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein

Curmudgeonistas, whoever you are,
I hope your troubles are few.
Cancer girl’s dying with Liz on the wing
Oh, what a spicy stew!

Be brave, curmudgeons, and follow your star,
Be brave and faithful and true,
Rail on at Johnston for FOOB’s Sheilaugh tale
Burn down a house (or two).

I know how it feels when the ducks are above,
Watching your moves as they glance
Flying o’er LoFO ubiquiduckly
Looking at beavers askance.

Don’t cry curmudgeons, whatever you do,
Don’t cry for Anth’ny, the drone;
Paul soon is history and Warren? Gevalt!
Liz may as well be alone.
Johnston knows romance like George Bush fights wars
Liz may as well be aaaaaaaa-looooooone.

———
Thank you, thank you. Please, try the veal, and don’t forget to tip your waitress!
Dingo
January 7th, 2007 at 10:31 pm [Reply]

If we all do meet at some time in the future, I believe we should record a CD of the songs from here.

Songs in the Key of Curmudgeon

Oh, and Josh, if I were to be so lucky as to make COTW with my comment or even a runner-up, please make sense of it by changing the first ‘at’ to ‘as.’ Damn me for not proofreading in Indianapolis this morning.

Mary Worth in Vietnam will be as glorious as Barbara Bush at the Astrodome, giving succor to victims of Hurricane Katrina.
AwfulArt
January 7th, 2007 at 10:39 pm [Reply]

# 62 Are you the Jolly Green Mah-Ko-Ta??
Ho-Ho-Ho…
TB Tabby
January 7th, 2007 at 10:51 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth will be the worst thing America has done to Vietnam since the My Lai Massacre.
Dingo
January 7th, 2007 at 11:14 pm [Reply]

Tsk tsk, TB Tabby. The worst thing America did to Vietnam was allowing a certain person to spend time in the Texas Air National Guard *. If he had been sent overseas, Vietnam today might be a democracy, America might still be regarded in high esteem throughout the world, Children of Men might actually play as fantasy instead of things to come, and Dr. Jeff Cory â€” and Oprah â€” might have spent their time helping impoverished inner-city citizens of the United States instead of gallivanting around the globe like Madonna or Angelina Jolie getting their next fix with the OCOTW (orphan child of the week).

Mary Worth is Christ with a Vagina (Hey, cool name for a band!). She will expunge our sins before the Vietnamese. And… get some doctor booty, too!

* – Josh, please don’t cockpit me! I didn’t name the person! It could be Hal Salperstein or Jeff Norman or Piedmont Woodhollow!
James Schend
January 7th, 2007 at 11:23 pm [Reply]

Isn’t your advertiser “PixelGirlShop” and not “PixieGirlShop?” Tell you what, get me that cool NES controller print and I won’t tell anybody about your screw up.
Suicide_Blonde
January 7th, 2007 at 11:30 pm [Reply]

The real question with Mary Worth’s plans to go to ‘Nam is, how closely will her adventures mirror Apocalypse Now? Perhaps the rest of the Charterstone crew can tag along, and join Mary in her cruise upriver to find Kurtz, i mean, Dr. Jeff? Personally I’d give my next paycheck to see Mary and Toby re-enact the “tiger” scene.

Poll: Which strip’s plotting is more hamfisted: FOOB’s sudden appearance of Warren, to spirit Liz back to Mtigwhatever a day early (surely that won’t have any unforseen consequences)? Or Mary Worth’s possibly prophetic dreams?
Randy S
January 7th, 2007 at 11:31 pm [Reply]

23: “Snowjob” IS is a perfectly normal word youâ€™ve never heard before.

I’ve even heard the term used on the Brady Bunch.
Marc
January 8th, 2007 at 12:12 am [Reply]

..and these weeks winner of the Miss. Phony-Bologna award is….Mrs. Toby Cameron! She wishes to achieve world peace, yet helps her blue-haired neighbor create rifts in relationships. Congrats!
Artist Formerly Known as Ben
January 8th, 2007 at 12:16 am [Reply]

I stand corrected on exactly who was feeding the baby doggy-treats. Still, it made my Sunday.
Mibbitmaker
January 8th, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

#64:

There are ubiquiducks flying by in the foreground of the far away shot in panel 1.

And whaddaya mean “hypothetical”?
mon-ma-tron
January 8th, 2007 at 12:42 am [Reply]

From the Husband:
“When Mary Worth comes back from Vietnam, I want Professor Chinbeard to ask her ‘So, were you in the shit?’ And then Mary, dragging on a cigarette wearily replies, ‘Yeah… I was in the shit.’”
also:
“She’s really an unappealing person. Why do I keep reading this?”
Mibbitmaker
January 8th, 2007 at 1:06 am [Reply]

1/8:

FOOB: Down, Warren, down, boy! Jeez, Lynn has Warren, Paul, and Blanthony falling all over themselves over a woman (chronologically a woman, anyway) who is more deserving of Eric or Howard… or Blanthony.

FW: “But I’m losing it!” Losing what? A leg? A kidney? A lung? A spine (like Mr. Lupner*)? A nose? A rib? Tonsils? A head?

S-M: Spidey the famewhore-wannabe again. Jameson being a paranoid prick. Only missing a moronic villian to make it a trifecta. Or an infecta.

BBailey: “Hey! What’re you bringing that cake into the latrine for, Sergeant??”

(DT)GT: “And I care because?” describes the whole series for me.

A3G: Margo eventually discovers that it’s the Brady Bunch kids doing their “fake ghost” routine again.
———————————————–

*I know, he was born without it. It was only a matter of time.
MonkeyHawk
January 8th, 2007 at 1:15 am [Reply]

Mtigwaki! Mtigwaki! That Indian town!
Mtigwaki! Mtigwaki! The ‘copter sets down.
Betcher FOOBish bottom you’ll lose your love in Mtigwaki,
The town where Trooper Paul’s always goin’ down.

Ontario, that scenario, I just want to say,
They’ll do things they don’t do like Lawrence Poirier!
You’ve gotta see Mister Wright do the squaw,
Think of the stuff little Jess Mukwa saw!
In Mtigawki, that toddlin’ town!

(Sigh. Sinatra died too soon.)
Mibbitmaker
January 8th, 2007 at 1:17 am [Reply]

Curtis:

Panel 1: I’m a practicing carnivore, but this is just stone-cold revenge.
Panel 2: “Otalabu” is African for “3″. And Fred MacMurray could not be reached for comment.
Panel 3: Another story? NOOOOOOOOOOOO! “The end”? Great way to run a comic strip; ending a story on Monday!
Bobdog
January 8th, 2007 at 1:30 am [Reply]

Slylock – Uh … what a crappy potion. Unfortuantely, Slylock failed to notice that the witch’s refigerator is not operating at full capacity and is therefore not that cold, as evidenced by the still writhing worms at the bottom. Therefore Slylock will indeed be losing his memory.
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 1:32 am [Reply]

Wonderful job on “A Stream for Us”, Old Fogeyette!

and Dingo, I will probably hear complaints from neighbors about my singing your lyrics aloud at this hour, but it was worth it. Bravo!

And certainly not to dismiss Joe or any of the contenders for COTW, but I was really hoping Mibbit would be honored for “Comics Gather”, especially the “he coach drawn-bad football” and “one and one and one: 3G” lines.

Way cool, man.
KenM
January 8th, 2007 at 1:36 am [Reply]

I hate to be completely off topic but . . .

Am I insane, or is the 1/8 Kudzu a hastily rewritten Viagra joke?
Uncle Lumpy
January 8th, 2007 at 1:39 am [Reply]

#79 MonkeyHawk – Ooh, ooh! I’m gonna put on In the Wee Small Hours right now!

In other news, Ted Forth blows an opportunity. Frank wouldn’t have let that one go, Ted.
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 1:40 am [Reply]

Put the caption for today’s Dennis the Menace with today’s Family Circus, and you actually have a funny FC.

It’s the only way I get a laugh out of any of the single panel comics.
Mibbitmaker
January 8th, 2007 at 1:41 am [Reply]

RMMD: “Hurry, Elvis is looking for me!”
“No, hon’, Elvis died in 1977. Don’t believe the ’sightings’!”
“No, I mea-” (qliq)

MT: Oh, come on! At least let that bear be Molly, fer crine out loud. And after she ballances that Jack Elround, there, on her nose, they can buddy up, cornball style. Or not understand each others’ (lack of) hostility all day.

9CL: Hurray for Dr. Burber! Good thing she had the obvious sense not to let the med student sail through; that’s how Frank Burnses get started.
Bobdog
January 8th, 2007 at 1:42 am [Reply]

FC – The Bil Keane anorexia watch continues.
Spotted HÃ˜rse
January 8th, 2007 at 2:21 am [Reply]

#49 doughy lawyer Roy:

Donâ€™t knock doggie kibble, with a little buttermilk, itâ€™s delicious. A fine breakfast for a Patterson! Sticks to your butt

Goddamn! “A fine breakfast for a Patterson!” made me laugh out loud, and “Sticks to your butt” was the icing on the cake, as it were. What a mental image… well done!

I think “as it were” means, “Look, a joke!”
Mibbitmaker
January 8th, 2007 at 2:23 am [Reply]

Another brief song parody just worked itself out:

She is a big one
furry brown
Trail just carts her
All around the town

Molly Bear!
Molly Bear!
She really cares,
That Molly Bear!

She always gets nabbed,
Just you wait and see

“I don’t understand everyone’s hostility!”

I’m just greatful the last line scans (with a slight shift in emphasis, I think); that sparked the idea. The first section I figured out last.
AppleGirl
January 8th, 2007 at 3:10 am [Reply]

Sunday’s MW, First Panel – Isn’t that Watts Towers right by Mary’s condo?
AppleGirl
January 8th, 2007 at 3:11 am [Reply]

MW – Charterstone. Shit. I’m still only in Charterstone.
Jym
January 8th, 2007 at 3:13 am [Reply]

P> To maintain genetic diversity a platoon of racially heterogeneous males has been enlisted to assist.

Can she get a platoon at a bargoon?

D> … the main concern for young women with your drooping, sagalicious cleavage is to lift them up …

She wouldn’t want to be “hangin’ high.”
Harry Parateses
January 8th, 2007 at 5:41 am [Reply]

Toeby is so incredible, wanting to achieve world peace. At my age it’s all I can do to achieve whirled peas.
Josh (not THE Josh)
January 8th, 2007 at 7:49 am [Reply]

Foob: Since when are eagles birds of romance? I guess I don’t understand girls after all.
Sheilagh
January 8th, 2007 at 8:12 am [Reply]

Curtis: Forgive me if I’m being pedantic, but — what kind of illiterate schmuck thinks the past tense of “slay” is “slayed”? If you can’t conjugate the damn verb, don’t use an inflected form. SHEESH.
andreavis
January 8th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

#78 in re. FW– I think one-armed gal is actually trying to “Lose Yourself”, because with that hoodie she looks like Eminem.

Actually, I think her comment about losing it may be in reference to her kids– the two at the table were neither Iraqi nor newborn. Maybe she was running so late for the lunch date with the blonde she misplaced them.
Michael
January 8th, 2007 at 8:32 am [Reply]

9CL: Wow! Juliette encounters another cretin in the academy! It must be difficult for her to be the only person in all of New England (save daughter and daughter’s permed dildo) with any moral compass. Almost as difficult as it is for Brooke to find all that straw.

Good art, moderately literate references, and all else an aching void. 9CL: 2 parts fanservice, 3 parts narcissism.
jules
January 8th, 2007 at 8:45 am [Reply]

MT: Ah, Castoria has nothing to worry about…it’s the return of Molly!

FW: Becky really is starting to lose it if she crammed a 2-week-old baby into a highchair and gave him Cheerios, as it appears she did. Also, I declare shenanigans: if L’il Wally was born via the natural method, there’s no way his head is so round and pretty after two weeks. Babies born via the natural method are all pointy-headed, and their sweet little heads change shape on an hourly basis for three weeks or so. He does not have a pretty round baby head yet! Unless he was born by c-section, and thank you God we weren’t subjected to Becky’s entire birthing process.

MW: How does Toeby intend to achieve world peace when she only leaves Charterstone for funerals?
Islamorada Girl
January 8th, 2007 at 8:47 am [Reply]

Here’s a thought: Lizardbreath discovers Paul and Warren have gone brokeback.

Why are all these men interested in this wet dishrag of a woman?
athena
January 8th, 2007 at 8:53 am [Reply]

FW: Didn’t One-Armed Gal just give birth, like, a month ago? And already her kid (I’m assuming that the little baldy is hers) is sitting in a high chair, displaying perfect neck control, let alone balance? Has Batiuk ever seen a human infant?
Dennis Jimenez
January 8th, 2007 at 9:03 am [Reply]

MW – Where were you during Tet when we could have used you – that would have sent the horde running.

Luann – Maybe if she went all literary – How to give a hummer like a HS cheerleader – by Sheridan St. Louis.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 9:05 am [Reply]

Today’s Slylock Fox clearly marks the end for the poor old anthropomorphic detective that “just happens” to be around shortly after a crime. The witch will put the potion in the freezer, the potion will expand, causing the bottle to break. She takes the chunk of frozen potion and thaws it in the refrigerator. Or, realizing that her potion can no longer be used, she simply shoots the damn fox because he was dumb enough to allow himself to be trapped in a tiny cage. Where’s his yellow mouse friend to come to the rescue? Already dead, I hope. Maybe the witch said “freezer” but really meant “refrigerator”, in which case, Slylock is also screwed.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 9:11 am [Reply]

Mary Worth couldn’t handle the poverty and general skeevishness that accompanies the neighborhood around the local women’s shelter. Now she’s on a mission to find one white doctor in a country of millions with no specific city reference or the ability to speak the local language. Not to worry, since Mary needs a passport and there are no direct flights from San Royale International to Hannoi, which means we’ll all be dead of natural causes before she sets foot anywhere near Vietnamese soil.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 9:17 am [Reply]

Mibbitmaker –

I had to bow out Friday before “Comics Gather” popped up, but what a way to start off the week! That was hilarious.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 9:22 am [Reply]

For those that care, and I sure wish I didn’t, Malice Fillmore is now on day #8 of celebrating the new year with foamy beverage in one hand and confetti on his bill. Give it up, Mal, even the debauchery of Spring Break is limited to one week.

Is this all a lead-up to Tinsley’s public renunciation of alcohol? Or, is he too afraid he’ll go back for more in the lead time between drawing such a strip and it being printed?
Calico
January 8th, 2007 at 9:23 am [Reply]

#77 – Mary pulling on a viet nam cig..what a sweet visual. With a straw hat of course…or Robert Duvall’s Union chapeau.
Now it’s time for Saint Mary’s Pho casserole!
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 9:26 am [Reply]

Saturday’s Marmaduke: He’s a big dog! Haw haw!
Today’s Marmaduke: Still a big dog! Haw haw haw!
lesles
January 8th, 2007 at 9:36 am [Reply]

i’m so excited by this mary worth going to vietnam scenario. how on earth are they going to manage to get mary all the way to south-east asia, tramp about finding dr. jeff, and get back again without drawing a non-anglo person?! this is going to be awsome.
Magnolia
January 8th, 2007 at 9:41 am [Reply]

STOP IT, WARREN.

STOP IT THIS INSTANT.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
January 8th, 2007 at 9:54 am [Reply]

Hi folks. Anyone who’s ever marvelled at TDIET slang will be amused by this, I hope.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

#59 Old Fogeyette

You got your groove on, girl!
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 10:02 am [Reply]

Baldo wants to age…. Are Cantu & Castellanos threatening to start down the Lynn Johnston path of FOOBian idiocy?!
Poteet
January 8th, 2007 at 10:11 am [Reply]

FOOB — I have had to disappear for a couple of days and probably have a few hundred comments to read, but I feel utterly compelled to point out, and sorry if it has been pointed out already, that eagles don’t live on mice. Yes, Lynn, I realize you were looking for something that humans don’t usually eat in order to make your “joke”, so you couldn’t use fish or seal or deer (bald eagle) or rabbits or gamebirds (golden eagle). But you could have used groundhog, for example. Of course maybe you were trying to use Warren’s ignorance of eagles as one more reason he’s not worthy of a Patterson, except Lizardbreath doesn’t seem to know eagles either. And actually of course I don’t think eagle knowledge is at all a measure of human worthiness, except that I hate Warren and Elizabeth so this bad joke is one more reason. Also I notice that Warren seems to look uglier now than when he first appeared on the bus as Prince Charming of the Helicopters long ago. So the fact that he seems to be uglifying will presumably be one more reason for Liz to reject him for Granthony, except that Granthony is even uglier. And ordinarily I don’t really care about looks, either. This strip has turned me into a petty, sniping, carping, muttering, small-minded seethingly-hostile person.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 10:15 am [Reply]

#113 Poteet

Jeez, you’d better not stay away so long next time. Lots of pent up rage there. And to take it out on such nice people as the Pattersons. I’m sure when you calm down you’ll apologize.

(ducks as chair flies past head)
Allie Cat
January 8th, 2007 at 10:32 am [Reply]

#113 – Eagle eating habits aside, the whole “Return of Warren” plot really bugs me. I mean, what’s so special about Liz that she has people crawling out of the woodwork to catch up with her? What’s next – Eric comes around to tell her what a jerk he was and how sorry he is to have hurt her? I’m just so excited about the prospect of Elizabeth busting in on Paul and Susan that I can’t stand it!

FW – #100 I too thought that it was interesting that a baby born at Christmas was sitting up in a highchair, and that he was as big as he was – that’s kinda a huge 3 week old baby. And where is the little girl they adopted from Pakistan (or Iraq?). Negligence, pure and simple. Call me a sucker, but I did like yesterday’s snow angels strip.
vanya
January 8th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

OK, I’ve figured it out. The helicopter is going to down, Liz and Warren are going to be stranded in the tundra. This explains why Lynn made such a big deal about Liz leaving a day early and not telling anyone – no one will know she’s missing for at least a day which will throw off the search parties.

But Granthony will have some kind of telepathic vision, hop on a snowmobile and drive the 1,900 miles across northern Ontario to rescue her, fighting off crazed elk, bears, and Mark Trail on the way. By the time he gets to the remote spot where Liz is shivering in a makeshift lean-to, Liz will be near death. Liz of couse had to eat Warren because they were running out of food, but all she has left when Granthony arrives are his skanky feet. But Granthony swoops in and saves her from hypothermia with his own body heat by swaddling Liz naked under a blanket of his own body hair. Of course absolutely nothing untoward takes place.

And Paul, because he was a schmuck and didn’t find her first, has to bow out. So Granthony and a slightly bloated Liz live happily ever after.
Justafoob
January 8th, 2007 at 10:35 am [Reply]

There are huge parts of FBOFW that take place “off camera” so to speak.

A lot of things happen there that are implied but never really stated.

Like the fact that Liz can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.

That fact has been implied but never really stated so that the Foobs can stay on the funny pages and not wind up in Hustler.

Liz can do things that would make Linda Lovelace blush.
Kate
January 8th, 2007 at 10:39 am [Reply]

I was going to offer a cup of tea to Poteet, and follow it up with some almond biscotti and maybe place my hand on her forehead, and then vanya had to mention Anthony’s body hair and I instantly went comatose, so thanks for that.
commodorejohn
January 8th, 2007 at 10:47 am [Reply]

FOOB – If “sure, if you like eating mice and laying eggs” can’t be turned, with a little creativity, into the BEST PICKUP LINE EVER, then there is no justice.
Uncle Lumpy
January 8th, 2007 at 10:54 am [Reply]

“Yeah, babe – I’m all about the mice ‘n’ eggs – did I mention I’m a docent?”
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

I don’t understand your seething hostility, Poteet. After all, it is FOOB you’re talking about – I figured after all this time, you’d have calluses on the part of your brain that deals with Lynn Johnson’s Wacky Made-Up Nature for the Sake of the Almighty Pattersons.

Do what I did when I went so long without the Curmudgeon Fix: I watched Cowboy Bebop’s “Ballad of Fallen Angels” episode until I was braced with enough of what is good and right in artwork, to deal with Johnson’s strip crapolapalooza. Yes, it’s cheating to use anime as a vaccine but dammit, you don’t deal with a plague like Foobville without intensive countermeasures.
HBGlord
January 8th, 2007 at 11:08 am [Reply]

#96 — Maybe Billingsley is folding a surreptitious shout-out to his favorite ’70s British glam-rock band into his Kwazy Kwanzaa (thanks, Krusty) tale. If that variation is good enough for Noddy Holder, it’s good enough for me.

#114 — The only time i ever saw an American bald eagle in the wild was in Canada. (Okay, true as that statement may be, it was an admittedly weak tie-in to your post, Poteet. I just wanted to give my own little shout-out to you — i guess the flame still burns a bit from our brief, Christmas-cheer-fomented rendezvous over the holidays.)
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 11:09 am [Reply]

JP: “As Abbey and Neddy fly toward France, there’s a crisis in Paris!” Muslim youth riot! 400 cars burned! The butler has the flu!

Probably one of those 24 hour things, so he’ll be out through the spring.
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 11:13 am [Reply]

OMG! Wait… that dark-haired person in Funky Winkerbean’s third panel is supposed to be a woman?!?!

Damn, that is the FUGLIEST drawn woman I have ever seen in my life.
Mibbitmaker
January 8th, 2007 at 11:14 am [Reply]

Maybe Lynn got confused about Eagle eating habbits, having remembered footage shown on “Letterman” of an owl (!) devouring Ignatz repeatedly. Liz not really ‘getting’ eagles may be based on Lynn herself.

Liz making every man in North America fall on love with her fully is a mystery for the ages. She’s nothing special, is immature and confused like a beaver. She can’t commit to anything long, except slumming it at the Patterson Cathedral (home). I just don’t get it. I mean, just look at her! See, noth…ing….to………L-look…………….her eyes… her hair……that face……. those… lips…..

wow. I… I think I’m in love…….wow…..

(Now, that’s just in a thought balloon, y’understand…)
Justin
January 8th, 2007 at 11:15 am [Reply]

Piggybacking shamelessly on my triumphant runner-up COTW award, I’d like to point out that today’s Mark Trail features beavers AND bears.

This has the potential to be a week of pure confusion.

Although…can animals confuse one another? Or will the beavers look at the bear and know EXACTLY what its intentions are?

I’m just gonna sit back and enjoy this one!
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 11:17 am [Reply]

# 117 – Vanya: Granthony couldn’t run into Mark Trail on his crazed snowmobile adventure. As everyone knows, Lost Forest is located in Arkansas. Unless he gets hopelessly lost…. Now that would be fun!
HBGlord
January 8th, 2007 at 11:19 am [Reply]

#125 — I presume you’ve never eyeballed Gil Thorp.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 11:20 am [Reply]

Dear Readers:

For those of you who couldn’t find Gil Thorp in Sports, please note is has been moved to the Business section.

Thank you.
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 11:26 am [Reply]

#129 – Why, HB, I’m surprised at you. Those little darlings from Omnicron Persei VIII are quite attractive, and play some darn good roundball for people comprised entirely of angles.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

I love the Lockhorns reference on this week’s Tom the Dancing Bug. It’s down at the bottom under “Marital Mirth”.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

Sorry, I screwed it up:

Tom the Dancing Bug:

http://www.uclick.com/client/wpc/td/
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 11:34 am [Reply]

Can Charterstone residents survive without Mary’s famous tuna casserole while she’s off on a far east excursion? Ella Byrd has proven she can dish out the advice, but can she also dish out a suitable tuna slurry?!
HBGlord
January 8th, 2007 at 11:35 am [Reply]

#131 — I get your point, True: At least the FW ugly woman is identifiably of our species.
Josh
January 8th, 2007 at 11:39 am [Reply]

#71 — Yikes, James, you’re right! I fixed. Thanks for pointing it out.

Josh
MossMoses
January 8th, 2007 at 11:46 am [Reply]

Lost Forest is in Wyoming or at least based on Wyoming scenery according to Jackel Rod.
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

MossMoses: You don’t know what you’re talking about! I will assert to my own bitter end that LF is in Arkansas.
rich
January 8th, 2007 at 11:48 am [Reply]

125: Ohhh…so that guy in the hat is actually the one-armed woman? I thought it was the nerdy student who looks like Gilligan! Or possibly his dad. (I wasn’t thrown off at all by the giant ponytail. Half the men in FW’s time-warped universe wear ponytails…all part of the general theme of masochism and purgatory, I suppose.)

MW: I have this sick feeling that the Mary Worth artists will take the easy way out when she lands in Viet Nam and simply recycle the artwork from her visit to the women’s shelter.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 11:53 am [Reply]

#126 – Mibbit – I don’t think she’s too bad to look at – sometimes when she’s drawn all tarted-up I’d put her on a level above that blonde in BC and sort of on the level of Betty in Archie.

However, looks can only take you so far when you are advancing in age. In High School they count for a whole lot. By the time you’re in your mid/late 20’s, you’d better have a personality to back you up. Like Luann Powers in A3G, you can be hot and have people angling to get into your pants every time you run a few errands. But look at Luann’s lackluster love life. When you take away the looks, you get the idea that she’s really just a twit.

So Liz Patterson is a dull, soulless shell of a person. I find it unrealistic that three guys simultaneously want to tie the knot with her. However, they may subscribe to the Lockhorn strategy, in which you achieve immortality because “til death do you part” certainly FEELS like an eternity.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 11:59 am [Reply]

#13 Hogen Mogen

Excellent dissection. I, too, have looked twice at Liz (and shuddered). On a good day, with the right light. And the cross to Luann makes sense — I mean, in today’s strip, how can anyone (as the delicious Margo points out) be so stupid to think a ghost left her a letter? Dumb blond, indeed. About the second date, just after metionns that dog is God spelled backwards, I’d excuse myself, jump into a taxi annd never look back.. And she’d still be sitting there when they closed up.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 12:00 pm [Reply]

No! No! No! I hit the wrong button! I hate typos!

Josh, you really have to get spell check.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 12:03 pm [Reply]

that’s “she mentions” And it’s #139 Hogen Mogen. And only one period. Crap.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 12:06 pm [Reply]

Okay, someone explain to me how large a Canadian helicopter is. Lizard has to ride up front with Warren because of his “passenger.” A passenger that we cannot see and it seems that Liz has not met. We’re not talking about one of Trump’s residences on the Miami coast; it’s a freakin’ helicopter!

“My passenger wanted to get some work done.”

I’m thinking that the ‘passenger’ is either Blanthony, Grampa Chinnuts or an escaping Howard “Bundt Cake” Erk. Oh, how cool if it was Howard! Liz and Paul standing on a haystack covered with corndolls and Howard lighting the stack on fire with a torch while screaming at Liz… wait. That’s Oklahoma. The ‘passenger’ has to be Blanthony. He could only be Anthony. Why? The three muses:

Liz shall be Paris. Warren, Anthony, and Paul will stand in for Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite. They will confront her on the tundra of Mtigwaki instead of Mount Ida. Whomever Liz chooses, she will incur the wrath of the other two. If she doesn’t choose Anthony, her father will no longer get great service at the auto dealership. If she doesn’t choose Paul, she can expect to be pulled over and giving a skirt inspection by every Canadian police officer from now until her late seventies. If she doesn’t choose Warren, Miss Lizzie will have to find a new Hoke to drive her ’round Ontario.

Oh, Liz, now is the time to move to Manhattan and take an apartment in that building run by the three tenants of Apartment 3Gee! It’s a modern-day Castle Anthrax, from what I hear.

Take some advice from your sister, April, Liz. Duct-taping a broom to the washer and throwing a couple of pairs of tennis shoes in on a lengthy spin cycle will be much more satisfying than anything you’ll get from Warren, Paul, or Anthony.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

Foob used that same Wright/right pun. True, it was in a different way. But was this character’s name just a set up for the convenient gag? Oh yes it was.

On October 18, 2005, Lovie gave Melvile Kelpfroth an eviction notice. So, like what was he still doing there in December of 2006? Is continuity too much to ask?
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 12:13 pm [Reply]

Damn it all. I can’t seem to get my href’s going Wright/right.
Sept 21, 2005 Foob:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2005/9/21&name=For_Better_Or_Worse
October 18, 2005 Foob:
http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2005/10/18&name=For_Better_Or_Worse
lesles
January 8th, 2007 at 12:18 pm [Reply]

#121 true fable – cowboy bebop is legit anytime for any reason, as it cures and fixes pretty much anything. almost as good as a good cup of tea. in fact, it’s apparently used a lot in regional medical centres in cambodia and vietnam, and we use it here to tame dingoes (though that’s not always 100% successful, ’cause they’re tricky beasts).
MossMoses
January 8th, 2007 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

136. Axel, your obstinance reminds me of a stubborn friend who insists Lost Forest is in Georgia and like you says he’ll go to his grave with that assumption. I Hope it doesn’t count against you guys on judgement day because Lost Forest is in Wyoming. We can only go by what Elrod says, which is that Lost Forest is based on Wyoming scenery. By the way, what is the highest snowcapped peak in the Ozarks?
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 12:24 pm [Reply]

Axel, Moss, what part of LOST Forest aren’t you getting?
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 12:27 pm [Reply]

At 2,753 feet, Mt. Magazine is the tallest point in Arkansas. While Elrod has “based” the LF scenery on Wyoming, the actual location is Arkansas. (Georgia? What moron claims that?!)
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

Hogen Mogen: Stay out of this!
Calico
January 8th, 2007 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

#138 – I really didn’t know it was Rita who broke Mary’s swan – I thioght it was Ella, just recently.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 12:33 pm [Reply]

Lost Forest and Mark Trail (the strip, not the character) showcase animals and plants that do not exist in the same location. But since LoFo is sometimes described as a National Park, and yet in a previous story line, an evildoer was pressuring Doc Davis to sell part of Lost Forest so the evildoer could build a road to a casino (not legal in Wyoming or Arkansas). Trail’s job is to write nature articles, and yet the one assignment that he was handed in the past year did not get completed in lieu of chasing down that errant bear.
MossMoses
January 8th, 2007 at 12:36 pm [Reply]

If Lost Forest were truly in Arkansas, Mark Trail would not have taken a lengthy flight (from Lost Forest International Airport in Wyoming) to investigate the Ivory billed woodpecker sighting in Arkansas. My friend insists Lost Forest is in Georgia, since Elrod lives there.
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 12:40 pm [Reply]

MossMoses: I recall seeing a picture of you being whacked by one of your friends. You’d think that would put some sense into you!
MonkeyHawk
January 8th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

Lost Forest is obviously halfway between Wyoming and Arkansas, in western Kansas near the mountains that loom over Dodge City in all those “Gunsmoke” episodes.
MossMoses
January 8th, 2007 at 12:42 pm [Reply]

HogenMogen: Lost Forest isn’t a national forest. It is a wildlife preserve privately owned by Doctor Davis. As for legal interpretations, what the Sam Hill are you talking about? As long as you have Trail connections (and love your “son”), you can get away with blatant acts of terr’ism in that “legal system”. Mark Trail regularly commits such crimes as aggravated assault, mail tampering and trespassing with total impunity himself. Do you think Sheriff Rawhide is gonna throw him in the klinker? It’s all he can do to eat donuts and pass the buck.

If a humongous foreground ivory billed ubiquipecker shows up in Lost Forest, I’ll believe it’s in Arkansas but based on the background scenery and flora and fauna, as well as Jack Elrod’s claim, I’m sticking with Wyoming myself.
MossMoses
January 8th, 2007 at 12:43 pm [Reply]

154. Axel, the coco conking didn’t work. In fact, I don’t really understand your hostility towards me, either.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

Out of pure masochism, I dove into the Foobian Archives. This little gem http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2005/5/7&name=For_Better_Or_Worse is likely to give you a groan or two, if not an outright toss of the cookies.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 12:51 pm [Reply]

Moss, Axel

Cockpit! Cockpit! Beavers at 50 paces!
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

http://www.kingfeatures.com/features/comics/mtrail/charactMaina.htm

This description of Mark Trail (the strip) describes LoFo as both a National Park (see Cherry Davis Trail) and as a Gaming Preserve (implying that hunting is ok, but Mark Trail – the character – will lay down his own life before allowing a single animal to die of any cause other than “natural”).
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 12:54 pm [Reply]

I’ve got a lucky beaver in my pocket!
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

It’s true, the originator of Mark Trail is from Marietta Georgia. but since Marietta is now home of Discretionary Funds Spending Mall for Aimless Teenagers, he wouldn’t recognize it as the woodlands he used to know.

And Pogo is no doubt sitting with a gun to the entrance of the Okeefenokee Swamp with a sign that reads, “We have met the enemy, and even he admitted THIS AIN’T LOST FOREST!”

Guess we’ll never find it. *thick silence while irony sets in*

#146 Thank you, Lesles! The goodness that is Bebop cures all, it is true.
Kate
January 8th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

#158, Hogen Mogen, it’s just giving me a 404. Waaah.
scuppers
January 8th, 2007 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

Anybody besides me kinda curious as to why the MW action has shifted from Cambodia to Viet Nam? What does this accomplish, story-wise? What difference does it make which southeastern asian country Mary has to visit to rescue Dr. Jeff? She can rescue him just as easily in Cambodia, or Laos, or Thailand. Yet she’s going to Viet Nam. I was talking this over with ManBehindTheCurtain, and he thinks Dr. Jeff might have a 40 year old love child in Viet Nam. Makes sense, huh? I like it.
Uncle Lumpy
January 8th, 2007 at 12:59 pm [Reply]

Arkansas, obviously! – the quality of the local thugeoisie gives it away. Arkansas thugs are stupid; Wyoming thugs are insane.
Axel Fusco
January 8th, 2007 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

# 164 scuppers: Good call! I, too, love the possible twist you and ManBehindTheCurtain have suggested. However, I think he’s really slinked off to Ontario to chase the true love of his life — Lizardbreath.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 1:04 pm [Reply]

#164 scuppers

Perfect! Mary can teach her how to cook real food, like a good noodle casserole. None of this stuff you have to slurp out of a bowl. On the other hand, that’s sorta what her last casserole looked like.
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

#160 Hogenmogen, just checked out the link.

Mark Trail fights “gangsters, thugs and goons”? Maybe it IS in Georgia, after all. Plenty of plaid flannel and Skol cans available to help them blend in with the scenery.

My question is, when is Mark Trail going to go after the deep woods meth lab dealers? Wowie gee willikers, Haralson County will go national at last!
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

Actually, there is rationale for MT to take place in Wyoming, now that I think of it. There is a place in southern Idaho, that is part of a National Park, the majority of which exists in Wyoming. A national park is federal property, and for the sake of districting, is counted as existing in the state that the majority of the park occupies. However, when selecting a jury for a crime committed on federal property, the jury must be taken from the STATE where the crime took place. The part of the national park that exists in Idaho has no residents, and therefore can not pull a jury and therefore can not try a suspect accused of committing a crime. Mark Trail can then use his Fists O’ Justice with impunity, and would also explain why the police man with Arnold Horseshack hair stopped accompanying Mark Trail when he was searching for Molly – he would have gone across state borders and out of his territory. In addition, although Arkansas and Wyoming do not have casinos, there is the Coeur d’ Alene Casino in Idaho.

I’m not saying one way or another, but there is the evidence that points to Wyoming being the LoFo locale.
el jefe
January 8th, 2007 at 1:10 pm [Reply]

Is it just me, or should the strip Agnes just change its name to “BabyDykes In Training” right now?
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 1:15 pm [Reply]

#170 – El Jeffe – good call. http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/1/8&name=Agnes
Agnes herself is a barely recognizable human being, let alone a girl. But I read the strip for over a year before I realized that her friend was also female (instead of a boy with a pony tail). All told, it’s one of those weak strips not particularly annoying enough to warrant comment and not good enough to rave.
Cornwhacker
January 8th, 2007 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

he thinks Dr. Jeff might have a 40 year old love child in Viet Nam. Makes sense, huh? I like it.

Aha! I like it too. Any long-time MW readers know if it’s ever been mentioned that Jeff’s a ‘Nam vet? I can see the story going that way; if not a love child, then he’s tracking down someone from his past.

Meanwhile, he’s apparently drowning. Let’s hope Farley, the Vietnamese pot bellied pig gallantly saves him from the briny and he’s receiving intensive Cowboy Bebop treatment by the time Mary arrives with her special tuna pho casserole.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

el jefe, though I could concur with you on certain occasions about the strip Agnes, there is no character as of yet in the comic who would grow up to be a lesbian superhero named Hamhocks or looks like Johnny Cash with breasts. These are not lesbians; they’re poor white trash. The difference? Lesbians end up dating women who look like the male deputy in Mark Trail; PWT dates Jake ‘n’ Snake and accuses each of being the father of her baby on Maury.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

#163 – Kate – sorry, the link works ok for me. It’s the 5/7/05 strip that has Mike & Dee contemplating buying the Patterson estate one day. Strangely, Dee seems to think its a pretty good idea. I can tell you what my wife would think of buying the house that I grew up in, and it would involve a lot of #’s, a few *’s and an assortment of @’s, &’s, and %()^’s thrown in for good measure. Now that fate has determined that they are again living under the roof of the Patterson clan home base, I’m betting that this may just be one of those homey outcomes that Lynn Johnston is angling.
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 8th, 2007 at 1:22 pm [Reply]

With apologies to Sir McCartney :

Yesterday
Humans came and took my girl away
Just like they were the fricken’ TVA
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly,
Snapped a gleaming Acme beaver trap
Now my Castor’s never coming back
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why she
Had to go, I don’t know
Mark didn’t say.
We dammed something wrong
Now I long for yesterday

Yesterday,
Love was such an easy game to play,
Now I’m drawn confused in every way
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 1:23 pm [Reply]

Liz : Granthony ::

a) duck : water
b) solar system : Pluto
c) milk : toast
d) ass : moustache
e) Morticia : Gomez (Bizarro world version)

One reason they took the analogies section off the SAT.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

SmartPeopleOnIce… (breathily) you made me wet.
AhClem
January 8th, 2007 at 1:25 pm [Reply]

You’re all wrong. Lost Forest is a special habitat created by aliens on their home planet of Zrgbdf. They have captured and anal-probed two humans, and cloned them to populate the area (which is why everybody looks the same). However, the overseers have become so bored wirth the slow pace of the action that they’ve had to create ginormous squirrels, smiling bears and randy beavers to keep from falling asleep. Even Mark’s Right Hook o’ Justice fails to capture their interest.

Eventually they are just going to shrug their shouldery appendages, pull the plug and cast the whole lot into the celestial dumpster.
comicsn00b
January 8th, 2007 at 1:30 pm [Reply]

Jeff: I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you an assassin?
Mary Worth: I’m an advice-giver.
Jeff: You’re neither. You’re an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 1:32 pm [Reply]

Update on #169 – The National Park I referenced is Yellowstone, and it sticks into Montana (no casinos), not Idaho.

But if you’re ever going to join the Sopranos, and you have to whack someone, do it in the Montana portion of Yellowstone.
Dennis Jimenez
January 8th, 2007 at 1:34 pm [Reply]

Re:179 – The horrors….
MossMoses
January 8th, 2007 at 1:40 pm [Reply]

180. Good theory, Hogenmogen. I actually lived in Couer d’Alene, Idaho and Riverton, Wyoming for a couple of months and never saw Mark Trail in either place.
andreavis
January 8th, 2007 at 1:43 pm [Reply]

#170 el jefe, I think you’re right on the money. Maybe that’s why Agnes looks so much like Peppermint Pattie’s life-partner Marcie? I totally hate this strip– It’s almost the only one in my paper that I actually skip. Not just read and forget immediately (B.C., that would be you) but flat out ignore. Maybe someday the grandma will drive their trailer over a cliff and free up some space for a good strip.
DickBlick
January 8th, 2007 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

The bear is sniffing Jack Elrod’s ball(s).
cinephile
January 8th, 2007 at 1:53 pm [Reply]

Look in FOOB’s eyes, what do you see?
The Cult of Creepy Granthony.
He shows no anger, he has no dreams
Just the Cult of Creepy Granthony.
Like young John Bolton (without the glee)
He’s the Cult of Creepy Granthony.

Googly eyes, porn ’stashe sighs
When Granthony speaks, Baby Jesus cries
No appeal that one could see,
But only Lynn can set Liz free.

(guitar solo, guitar solo, guitar solo)

We gave Lynn fortune!
We gave Lynn fame!
We gave her power in her syndicate’s name!
But she writes ‘people’ no one should be!
Ohhh!
In the cult of, in the cult of, in the cult of
CREEPY GRANTHONY!

(”Ask not, what Canada can do for you…”)
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 1:57 pm [Reply]

Yesterday
Humans came and took my girl away
Just like they were the frickenâ€™ TVA
Oh, I believe in yesterday

That made me laugh out loud. Thankfully I learned not to drink and peruse CC at the same time.

*bangs fist on desk* I nominate it for next week’s COTW!
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 1:59 pm [Reply]

#175 SPOI

What a hoot! But â€œdrawn confused in every wayâ€: perhaps. Never underestimate the powers of Elrod to cloud beavers’ minds. I imagine he has plenty of sketches of confused beavers still lying around.
lesles
January 8th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

# 175 spoi, that’s … i … that just … is
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 2:08 pm [Reply]

Alas, True Fable #186, Josh doesn’t choose our lyrics for COTW material. Y’just have to do it ‘cuz you love it no matter what. Kinda like Deeana Patterson having sex with her husband.
Trotzenbonnie
January 8th, 2007 at 2:11 pm [Reply]

Provoked by today’s Family Circus…..

Blue shirt, blue shoes
Sitting on the sofa with a kid or two
Short pants, blue socks
What ever happend to our daddy’s cock?
Thel, go running just as fast as you can
Bil is a woman dressing like a man.

Ankles thin, bodice dip
Hairdo like Carol Brady’s flip
Smooth face, graceful chin
Is it a her? Is it a him?
Thel, go running just as fast as you can
Bil is a woman dressing like a man.

No boobs. Not yet.
Big rack like Thel’s is what he’ll get.
Wearing out his Lady Schick
Using it to lose his dick.
Thel, go running just as fast as you can.
Bil is woman dressing like a man.
Concerned Citizen
January 8th, 2007 at 2:12 pm [Reply]

The best part of the Mekong Meddler storyline is the joyous anticipation of the depiction of the Vietnamese. Probably like a bunch of diminuitive Fu Manchus in MW artland.

Speaking of things oriental. One thing I could not develop a taste for was pickled jellyfish. It’s like munching on a plastic bag.
jules
January 8th, 2007 at 2:14 pm [Reply]

#179 Comicsn00b, I’m gonna have to see this hat.
Marion Delgado
January 8th, 2007 at 2:17 pm [Reply]

Dingo is right – hence, I will reprise my Gil Thorp “Stormy Hicks” Torch Song duo.

SCENE: THE BUCKET. LIGHTS LOWER.
[Liz stands up and, while piano music mysteriously begins to play behind her, belts out an old standard]
LIZ:
   Don't ask why    It's the Bucket do or die    Stormy Hicks    Since you an' Sean are pricks    Keep lyin' all the time    Life is bare    Gloom and misery everywhere    Stormy Hicks    Just can't get out of the "sticks"    But I'm "peppy" all the time    All the time    I'm so damn "peppy" all the time
BILL:
   Damn, she's such a BABE!
STORMY:
   Fuck, Bill, you goddamn gaywad, quit SAYING that!
BILL:
   WHAT?
STORMY:
   (ticking off on his fingers): A. she's your sister and    B. why do you think I won't take a shower over at yours and    Liz's place anymore? Look, it's okay that Pearce is a hoBO,    and it's okay that you're a h..
FRIEND:
   SHHHHH!
LIZ:
   When he went varsity    The blues walked in and met me    If he goes all-pro    Then Marty Moon will get me    All I do is pray    The Lord above will let me    Score with Stormy once more    Can't go on    Everything I had is gone    Stormy Hicks    Is that how you get your kicks?    Keep lying all the time    Keep lying all the time
STORMY:
   HEY!
FRIEND:
   SHHHHH!
[Fade Out]
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

#189 Dingo – when you put it in terms I can readily understand it becomes crystal clear. Only I would have said, “You have to do it no matter what, kinda like Deanna Patterson having sex with her husband.”

You were kinder than I am.
Marion Delgado
January 8th, 2007 at 2:21 pm [Reply]

{A preview of next week’s Gil Thorpe}
SCENE: THE BUCKET. FOCUS ON TABLE

BILL:
   Okay, Stormy, you got me. Maybe I DO    like guys. Maybe I DO make inappropriate remarks    about my sister to cover up ...
FRIEND:
   SHHHH!
BILL:
[continuing anyway]
   But didn't you hear what your dad told you    about my mom??? Dude, she's YOUR HALF-sister!    At least I'M not ...
FRIEND:
   SHHHH!
LIZ:
   I walk around    Heavy-hearted and sad    My mama's lover    Was my lover's dad    DNA came in    Burnin' every hope I had    His chitter chattering,    bleating, whining nattering    Driving me mad
STORMY:
   HEY!

BILL:
   What you gonna do to me, Stormy,    cut the other one off?
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
January 8th, 2007 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

#185 Cinephile — As someone who graduated from high school in 1991, I must commend you for the Living Colour reference.

(And yes, the band spelled their name with a “U”, despite being from New York. Maybe they knew all along that the true purpose of their songs would be to make fun of Canadian comic strips.)

Actually, Living Colour are apparently releasing an album of new material in 2007.
BewaretheCreeper
January 8th, 2007 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth in Vietnam? Shouldn’t she have gone there along the Cambodian Border during Christmas so she could have it seared into her brain.
Bitter Scribe
January 8th, 2007 at 2:28 pm [Reply]

Another year, another Curtis Kwanzaa story that makes no sense and goes nowhere.

I keep expecting that this is the year the Kwanzaa story will have a point. But no. Kwanzaa is the football, Billingsley is Lucy and I’m Charlie Brown.
Islamorada Girl
January 8th, 2007 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

Georgia, Arkansas, what does it matter? Either way, it explains why in Lost Forest, everyone’s family tree grows straight up.
Len
January 8th, 2007 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

#51 — Do ya think the switch to Edison Lee’s Brilliant Mind is because Edison has Family values, while Chickweed has Seth and Mark, who are “not the marrying kind”?

Minneapolis Star prefers “Brilliant Mind
of Edison Lee,” while in “9 Chickweed Lane”
Seth and Mark are just not the Marrying Kind.
Up the Family! Other lifestyles? INSANE!
SmartPeopleOnIce
January 8th, 2007 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

177, 186, 187, 188 – Thanks folks! You are too kind.

In other news…

#100 (Athena) (Iâ€™m assuming that the little baldy is hers)

Oh. Now I see. That’s the baby. For a minute I thought Batiuk wanted to add a whole “suffering angle” to FW so he decided to have Cancer Girl channel Rachel Weintraub (Ha! Take that semi-obscure literature reference making type persons!).

And last but not least:

Uggers …and his cardiologist’s home phone number on his medic alert bracelet. Crikey, does Brookins require a picture with your submission, or does his just assume every Plugger ™ has some sort of eating disorder? Good thing that T-shirt has a heart on it – it’ll help the paramedics know where to put the paddles.
Saxman
January 8th, 2007 at 3:03 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth

Wouldn’t be kewl if after all her friends trying to talk her out of it, she still insists on going to Vietnam. And she and her old bitty carry-on luggage end up on the jetway, the door to the jet opens, and the flight attendent unceremoniously pushes her through. She falls 25 feet into a rice paddy, looks up, and sees a monolithic concrete bunker labeled in Jack Kirby style, “Charterstone Project.”

It turns out she she is back in 1970 North Vietnam, training to join a Cong sleeper cell in reston Virginia. But the late night anti-accent treatments had too many side effects for her, so now it is back to the village where her makeup will be removed and she will resume her job as a chicken vendor.

Yeah, that would be sooo neat.

No, OK, so how about Elizabeth is about to land and the copter door opens, but instead of the far north, there is a parking lot by a monolithic bunker labeled “FOOB Seductress Project”…
Len
January 8th, 2007 at 3:06 pm [Reply]

#80 — I was going to point out that the three brothers, having overcome their personal flaws and made use of their magickal gifts, should consider developing social skills and making their beloved father a grandfather. Or are all three of them “not the marrying kind”?

But Billingsly tied off that unfinished strand.

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComick.mpl?date=20070108&name=Curtis
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

Looks like the jukebox is about full up today, but, well, sheâ€™s back in fighting form, my one, true muse, after her mushy-gushy holidays and I for one am loving it. Hit it!

Iâ€™ve got storm clouds
On a sunny day.
It may be fine outside,
Inside, thereâ€™s hell to pay.

Well, I guess youâ€™ll say
What can make me feel this way?
Margo (Margo, Margo)
Talkinâ€™ â€˜bout Mar-go
Margo!

Sheâ€™s got soooo much venom
Puts a rattlesnake to shame.
When sheâ€™s â€œfinger quotinâ€™â€
Best pray itâ€™s not your name.

Well, I guess youâ€™ll say
What can make me feel this way?
Margo (Margo, Margo)
Talkinâ€™ â€˜bout Mar-go
Margo!

Dah dah dah dahdahdah
Hey hey HEY!
dah dah dahdahdah
hey hey hey

Life would be so sunny
If she were not around.
But now sheâ€™s hooked on Eric,
Sheâ€™s never leaving town.

Well, I guess youâ€™ll say
What can make me feel this way?
Margo (Margo, Margo)
Talkinâ€™ â€˜bout Mar-go
Margo!

Talkinâ€™ â€˜bout Margo
Iâ€™ve got storm clouds on a sunny day
With Margo

Cross her once, sheâ€™ll make you pay
Margo.
Talkinâ€™ bout, talking â€˜bout
Margo

(fade)
LittleGuy
January 8th, 2007 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

176: Gomez: “That’s French!” (w/sticky-tongue-outie)
kostia
January 8th, 2007 at 3:20 pm [Reply]

Having just seen “Children of Men” last night, Pelagius’s comment gave me chills. If FBOFW were revamped to take place in London in 2027 and be all scary and have most of the characters in cages and being shot at, that would be awesome.
Saxman
January 8th, 2007 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

So the Chron announced today that they have dropped Momma and replaced it by “Deisel Sweeties.”

http://www.chron.com/apps/comics/showComic.mpl?date=2007/1/8&name=Deisel_Sweeties

I couldn’t make that name up in a zillion years.

OK, I have to admit I read Momma maybe once every two years or so. And I don’t think Josh even reads it for me so I don’t have to.

But is D.S. another spin down the slippery slope or what? I mean we all suspect that Garfield is “assembled” by some mutant form of ezdraw. And Mark Trail is probably composed with an Xacto knife,and an indexed binder full of every strip published in the last 50 years.

But clearly Deisel Sweeties is computer drawn start to finish. A human artist couldn’t draw those pixels for more than a month or two without going blind. I’s like to belie that since they clearly don’t have to pay an artist, they can lavish their money on finding the funniest gag writer available. But in my heart of hearts, I can see some Chronicle beancounter saying, “get me the cheapest science fiction strip you can find that will get us some young readers won’t insult anyone over 30!” (worked for Brewster Rocket, didn’t it?)
Gabe
January 8th, 2007 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

207: Josh apparently reads Momma, as it shows up here occasionally.
Josh
January 8th, 2007 at 3:42 pm [Reply]

Saxman-

Diesel Sweeties is actually one of the most popular Webcomics out there. It has a huge Internet fan base and its move to newspapers is very much a Big Deal in the world of Internet comics and comics in general.

While its art is defintely computer drawn rather than done with ink on paper, it is very much the idiosyncratic product of one person, R. Stevens. In many ways it is the opposite of the watered down, committee-driven machine mentality of Garfield. It can however be so obscure that instead it gets into head-scratching Zippy the Pinhead territory, but I urge you to give it a chance.

Josh
Josh
January 8th, 2007 at 3:44 pm [Reply]

Also, Momma blows. I’m glad it’s still on the Chron Website so I can continue to mock it, but I would welcome its replacement in valuable newspaper space with Diesel Sweeties, or a set of tire ads.

Josh
tekende
January 8th, 2007 at 3:45 pm [Reply]

1/8/07 RMMD: We need an “Elvis is looking for me” T-shirt. NOW.
Saxman
January 8th, 2007 at 3:51 pm [Reply]

210

OK, this just demonstrates why reading this blog is so valuable. I mean, I *ought* to like a comic where the punch-line is “Irrational flesh-ling. Why must I love you?”

I really really ought to. Obscure, yeah, that’s the ticket. I just need to practice.

Maybe it is like reading “Gone with the Wind” if you don’t know that there are no cars or cell phones and Yankees are bad guys. Maybe it is like watching Star Trek and not knowing that everyone is in a space ship.

But I stand by my comments regarding Brewster Rocket (which as I recall was the replacement for Chickweed).
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
January 8th, 2007 at 3:55 pm [Reply]

I saw an episode of Mark Trail with the injured beaver. You know, it looks like it was really a groundhog, as beavers tend to be slimmer…and they certainly don’t have joints that flexable that can substitute for hands…oh well, 99% of people don’t know these things and the other 99% of that group doesn’t care anyway.

No one’s complained to the NYC Daily news yet about dropping CATHY. Maybe that’s a sign that everyone is getting fed up.

I hope I got the typos out of this note.
Saxman
January 8th, 2007 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

So I just *had* to hit the archives and see previous CC comments on Momma.

Actually, I then remembers that Josh’s comment…

“When someone mashes together an e-mail address and a URL like this, you sort of get the impression that theyâ€™ve never actually seen a computer, but have had one described to them.”

…was one of my favs and in fact one of the few I have forwarded around to co-workers (getting a few more members I think).

In fact, when you think about it, replacing url-challenged Momma with a web hero is probably some kind of poetic justice.

(The “prime ministers gone wild” bit was pretty good too. I’d watch that show!)
Gabe
January 8th, 2007 at 3:59 pm [Reply]

Even when I was a kid and completely obsessed with all newspaper strips (sans non-Brenda Starr soaps), I found Momma particularly unlikeable.

And I read Tumbleweeds.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 4:03 pm [Reply]

with apologies to Tony Hatch (writer) and Petula Clark (singer)

When you’re alone and life is making you lonely
Thank your stars you’re not – Tommie
When you’ve got worries, all the noise and the hurry
Sigh so plaintively – Tommie
Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Boys and girls don’t look at you they only like what’s pretty
What can you do?

The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So be MARGO!, things’ll be great when you’re
MARGO! – no finer place, for sure
MARGO! – everything’s waiting for you

Don’t hang around and let your problems surround you
There’s adult arcades – Tommie
Maybe you know some little places to go to
With men’s trenchcoats and shades – Tommie
Just listen to the rhythm of a gentle bossa nova
Uncircumcised large penises o’er your mouth they’ll hove’
Drippin’ sweetly

The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go MARGO!, where all the lights are bright
MARGO! – waiting for you tonight
MARGO! – you’re gonna be all right now

—— instrumental break ——

And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you
Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to
Guide them along

If you find it is sublime
Then don’t let fingers wag
Luann may not be for which the name
Parents would have dragged
You to the aisle.

So maybe I’ll see you there
We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares
So go MARGO!, things’ll be great when you’re
LUANN! – don’t wait a minute more
TOMMIE! – everything’s waiting for you

MARGO!, MARGO!, MARGO!, MARGO!…
Robert Whitaker Sirignano
January 8th, 2007 at 4:09 pm [Reply]

Way the by, the dog food gag has been used in FBOW before in different forms, and it has been used in other strips. The one joke I know that has never been used about dog and cat food is that it is cheap enough and clean enough that they ought to package it up as “Senior Vittles”. ‘Cause some of them do.

My own cousins used to sit in front of the TV with their hyperactive poodle and eat its biscuits. I never saw themselves deal with eating the canned stuff, but I didn’t inquire too much.
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

#216 Dingo

I doff my cap!
Hogen Mogen
January 8th, 2007 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

#213 – RWS – Was that a typo when you said that 99% don’t know and the other 99% don’t care? I was never very good at statistics either.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 4:29 pm [Reply]

Hogen Mogen, we live in 2007 in a different America. Where Mark Twain once commented on “lies, damned lies, and statistics,” today we have “truthiness.”

Children of Men is more prescient than I thought.
Randy
January 8th, 2007 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

Folks, we may never know where Lost Forest is (a friend of mine theorized that it’s somewhere in Latin America. The dialogue is so stilted because it’s in Spanish, translated by a high school kid). On the other hand, the Mark Trail Wilderness Area is in Georgia. See 16 U.S.C. sec. 460ggg (a)(2).
bootsybooks
January 8th, 2007 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

If Mary’s bedroom color scheme is any indication of her preferred mode of travel, my guess is she’s going to be riding My Pretty Pony to Vietnam.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 4:55 pm [Reply]

Oh, I know that quote has been attributed to Disraeli and others and not just to Twain. However, I would like to believe that it was Twain just as I would like to believe that it will be Deeana Patterson who machetes the entire clan during some Canadian holiday, Toeby Cameron who emerges victorious as the Biddy of Charterstone, and that Trout Farmer dies of a heart attack with his throbbing manhood up Mark Trail’s ass. *

* substitute ‘golf pro’ and ‘Gadge Cubic’ wheree’er you prefer
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 4:56 pm [Reply]

Please, oh pretty please, allow #222 bootsybooks to be the new COTW!
gh
January 8th, 2007 at 4:57 pm [Reply]

Dingo –

You want dueling Margos? I’ll give you dueling Margos.

Margo
In a total rage
In a winter’s rain
Alone

nah *crumple*

They say the big headlights are firm
On Margo.
They say there’s always bobbles ’round her head

*crumple*

Screw it. I ‘m going home.
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
January 8th, 2007 at 5:00 pm [Reply]

LOL @ #215 Gabe — I was going to respond to the mention of Momma by saying the only strip I dislike more than Momma and Crock is Tumbleweeds.

Though I will grudgingly admit that at least Tumbleweeds is drawn in a unique and interesting style. Crock and Momma look like they were hurriedly scrawled during breakfast so the artist could get to the golf course before it opens.

Also, Tumbleweeds loses points for being around since 1965 or whenever the hell it was. It’s been claimed on this site that B.C. and Garfield at least used to be good (although Margo help us, Garfield seems to have possibly improved lately), but was Tumbleweeds ever fresh or appealing? Or am I just guilty of not giving it a chance?
MossMoses
January 8th, 2007 at 5:25 pm [Reply]

221. Randy, the Mark Trail Wilderness is indeed in Georgia. It is named after Mark Trail but he does not live there.

Mark Trail, Cherry Davis-Trail, Doctor Davis, Rusty, Andy, Sassy, Lucky (the goose) and Tabby live in Lost Forest, Wyoming. Mark Trail and Cherry have travelled to Georgia before to bust pot farmers but they don’t actually live there.
AhClem
January 8th, 2007 at 5:35 pm [Reply]

#226 –
I liked Tumbleweeds in the 1970s and early 1980s. The drawings looked like they were all done from clip-art of the various characters, but I thought the writing was pretty good. There were a number of recurring themes that got old after a while (Hildegard trying to marry Tumbleweeds, Limpid Lizard’s stupidity, Lotsa luck’s arrogance, etc.), but it was still a pretty good strip. I still have two scrapbooks with a couple years’ worth of TW pasted in them. (Obsessive? Me? No way!)

Haven’t seen it since 1982 or so — didn’t know it even still existed. Is it still being drawn by Tom Ryan?
Uncle Lumpy
January 8th, 2007 at 5:41 pm [Reply]

#221, #227 -

Lies, Randy, lies. Lost Forest is in Arkansas, as surely as Brigadoon is in Scotland.
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 5:52 pm [Reply]

#229 – Uncle Lumpy, I hear a parody song just begging to be composed!
Uncle Lumpy
January 8th, 2007 at 5:56 pm [Reply]

Aye, Fable, but ‘at be only th’ fawg, playin’ her tricks upon yr ears, she be.
Saxman
January 8th, 2007 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

Mark Trail

The canon Lost Forest probably couldn’t be in Geogria (based on the seasons, northern animals like moose, and occasional Northern Lights sitings).

When I was growing up, I’m pretty sure I was told it was in Minnesota. This seems likely although Wisconsin is equally possible. However when I google it, all I get is “mythical” so it is possible that it’s location was never established.

To put my memories in perspective, at the time my favorite comics were Rip Kirby and Steve Roper and Gilligan’s Island was yet but a dream.
Kate
January 8th, 2007 at 6:24 pm [Reply]

Hate Liz Patterson.
Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.
Bite me, Lynn Johnston.

I feel sad for
beavers. They don’t know why we’re
hostile. Nor do bears.

But I still hate Liz.
And if she doesn’t know that,
I can snap her neck.
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 6:30 pm [Reply]

Uncle Lumpy, I’m impressed. The best Scottish I can manage is only two things:

“I canna get nae power up, Cap’n!” (+5)

and

“Your mother’s a whore, Trebek!” (+10)

Points accorded to those who get those references!
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 6:31 pm [Reply]

Haiku!!

Kate, will you marry me? or at least… let me nibble on you?
Mumbles
January 8th, 2007 at 6:34 pm [Reply]

#213 – you’re right, no strip has boldly taken on that issue (as the show “Good Times” did in the 70s in a show that scarred me forever.)

However if I were to bet, I’d put my money on Crankshaft to tackle it (or are there any older people in FW? It’d be a lighter diversion from its usual plot lines.)
TB Tabby
January 8th, 2007 at 6:46 pm [Reply]

Personally, I think Lost Forest is in the Savage Land. Next week Mark will team up with Ka-Zar to stop Sauron’a army of giant ducks ridden by redneck poachers.
jules
January 8th, 2007 at 6:56 pm [Reply]

#211 I second that emotion – I want an “Elvis is looking for me” T-shirt!

Kate, may I join you in a haiku?

Wally Winkerbean
Junior aged freakishly fast.
What’s his mom feed him?

Doctor Jeff Cory
May need help in Vietnam.
Worth to the rescue!
Kate
January 8th, 2007 at 7:02 pm [Reply]

jules, sure, you can join me in a haiku — but they’re so small, there might not be room for both of us! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

True Fable, the concept of a woman concealing venomous hostility so she can get the drop on another woman and crush her foobish third vertebra … entices you?
jules
January 8th, 2007 at 7:04 pm [Reply]

Kate made a funny!
I can surely get behind
jokes about haiku!

This is fun. :)
bo
January 8th, 2007 at 7:06 pm [Reply]

fw: I think the black haired girl is cancer girl with a wig on. The babies either belong to someone who’s not a major character, or the mailmans wife (I think that’s who the blonde is)
Hap Hapless
January 8th, 2007 at 7:10 pm [Reply]

234, I get both references. The one with more points was said by the same guy who said “He pulls a knife, you pull a gun ; he puts one of yours in the hospital, you put one of his in the morgue. THATS the Chicago way!!”

And, don’t forget, if it’s not Scottish it’s crap!
Summerhouse
January 8th, 2007 at 7:13 pm [Reply]

#59 Old Fogeyette – A lovely ballad! I posted about it last night, but then my next post after that was deemed spam, and suddenly…I was disappeared. (Like’s going to happen to Mary when she gets to ‘Nam.)
Kate
January 8th, 2007 at 7:25 pm [Reply]

Jules wins; I lose. Damn.
Yet our elegant master,
haiku, rules us both.
Gabe
January 8th, 2007 at 7:26 pm [Reply]

Indeed. I grew up on Garfield, and at least then found it hysterical. I had a few BC paperbacks that seemed to be from the 60s given the references that were very good. Tumbleweeds seemed to amuse me for a while. Momma I always thought was just mean.

And I had paperbacks for ALL of them. I dunno where they came from, but I had paperbacks for every damn strip ever.
cyberpersephone
January 8th, 2007 at 7:34 pm [Reply]

Zits 1/8
Check out MamaZit’s rack! Someone clued Jim Borgman into what breasts look like.
Mibbitmaker
January 8th, 2007 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

Every man loves Liz
Obsessively, stalkerly
I don’t get it! Why?
——————————–

Death, despair, cancer!
Cruelty, anxiety! Sad.
Funky Winkerbean
——————————-

Molly. Theodore.
Can’t understand hostility
Mankind sucks, don’t it?
——————————-

Sarge is horny now!
9 Chickweed Lane? Pibgorn? No,
Chocolate cake pin-up!
katya
January 8th, 2007 at 7:42 pm [Reply]

I can only imagine that Mary’s visit to Vietnam will be like her visit to Rita’s battered women’s facility. She’ll be in Mary-imagined danger at every moment.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

for Kate

Liz? Warren? Copter!
Oh, dark gods crash that vehicle
Mangled limbs cheer me!
Uncle Lumpy
January 8th, 2007 at 7:44 pm [Reply]

#242 -

“Cause come the wet-ass hour, Hap Hapless is EVERYBODY’S DADDY!”
NEW-ME
January 8th, 2007 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

The Vietnamese Government made an official announcement today, All POW’s and MIA’s will be released on ONE condition, that Mary Worth be confined to Charterstone for the rest of her miserable, meddlin, life. However, President Bush refused to allow her back into the country, stating “We will not back away from this commitment.”
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 7:50 pm [Reply]

Wouldn’t it be great to hear Bush say Mary Worth’s name the way that the villain always did in Scooby Doo?

“That darned meddlin’ Mary”
Citric
January 8th, 2007 at 7:52 pm [Reply]

If FOOBs storyline ends with the helicopter crashing because Warren is going for a grope, I might almost applaud.

And just so you know, here in Canada men don’t actually go wild for chicks with all the personality and good looks of a plank.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 7:53 pm [Reply]

Citric, isn’t it solely because of Elizabeth Patterson that Canada allows gay marriage?
Summerhouse
January 8th, 2007 at 7:54 pm [Reply]

FW – A 3 week old baby is a limp-necked, screaming, sucking ball of shit and snot. It does not sit up in a high chair. It wants to be held in one arm while you feed it with …with….hmm, this is a problem. This is what PISSES me off – Batiuk wants to be all gloom and doom and reality and real-life stress, but instead of showing how a woman with one arm and no prosthetic of any kind would take care of a newborn (and a toddler and herself), he makes the newborn 4 months old. And sends them to meet Donna at Montoni’s? Oh, yeah, because when you can barely function, you and your one arm want to get the newborn and the toddler bathed and dressed and put them in the car seats and drive to the pizza place. And maybe play some pinball while you’re there! OK, that was mean. But this strip just makes me so mad.
Kate
January 8th, 2007 at 7:59 pm [Reply]

Oh, dark gods crash that vehicle

Statement? or prayer? Either way, I bite my lower lip, hold my fist up with forefinger and pinky extended, and nod my head.

255 Summerhouse: Batiuk wants to be all gloom and doom and reality and real-life stress, but instead of showing how a woman with one arm and no prosthetic of any kind would take care of a newborn (and a toddler and herself), he makes the newborn 4 months old. And sends them to meet Donna at Montoniâ€™s? Oh, yeah, because when you can barely function, you and your one arm want to get the newborn and the toddler bathed and dressed and put them in the car seats and drive to the pizza place. Yes yes YES. That’s IT. That’s EXACTLY IT. YES.
Dingo
January 8th, 2007 at 8:16 pm [Reply]

Look, I’m too dense to do it justice but I would love for one or two of you to reimagine Molly Bloom’s Soliloquy as said by Liz Patterson.

YES!
Citric
January 8th, 2007 at 8:39 pm [Reply]

254 – Liz Patterson only influenced gay marriage in so much as the idea of most women being like her makes going gay a very tempting option.
Red Greenback
January 8th, 2007 at 8:42 pm [Reply]

234- â€œYour motherâ€™s a whore, Trebek!â€ is Welsh.
Red Greenback
January 8th, 2007 at 8:44 pm [Reply]

234-Whoops, jumped the gun. Connery is Scottish, by Jiminy!
Red Greenback
January 8th, 2007 at 8:52 pm [Reply]

Re: all your wonderful song parodies. Somewhere Alan Sherman is smiling! Somewhere else “Weird Al” Yankovic is balled up in a fetal position sucking his thumb.
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 8th, 2007 at 9:01 pm [Reply]

Tinsley aversion is moving into the mainstream.

As usual, the pioneers don’t get any credit.
AhClem
January 8th, 2007 at 9:10 pm [Reply]

Foobish wide-ass Liz
Plops into the chopper seat.
Engines groan from strain.

Mike’s house all in flames.
Mike runs back for ream of dreck.
Mike dies? Sadly, no.

Young starfish-haired lad,
Now knows what the word ‘MILF’ means.
June has taught him well.

Mary goes to ‘Nam
Starring in a feature film:
“Full Meddle Jacket.”
AwfulArt
January 8th, 2007 at 9:23 pm [Reply]

Kabibble Kabaret By Hershfield

Dear Mr. Kabibble,

Does Love Come To Everyone?
___________

Somebody’s Got My Share
Binky Betsy
January 8th, 2007 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

#255: Do women who lose an arm automatically lose the breast on that side? Does amputation affect the mammary gland? I don’t know; I’m just asking.
Harry Paratestes
January 8th, 2007 at 9:29 pm [Reply]

RMMD: I like June’s tits. But don’t think that means anything, though. All it means is that I like June’s tits.
Red Greenback
January 8th, 2007 at 9:34 pm [Reply]

Speaking of LoFo locales, isn’t there a just a little slice’o Lost Forest in all of us? More Elrodesia news:What’s with Mark’s friend and fellow outdoorsman, Johnny Malotte… Art Land (Jack Nicholson) would even say “Whoa!’ seeing that mug.
jules
January 8th, 2007 at 9:38 pm [Reply]

AhClem: I don’t know which made me laugh harder, “Mike runs back for ream of dreck” or “Full Meddle Jacket.” Huzzah!

Who knew comics could
inspire such beauty? Okay,
Rusty Trail doesn’t…
Mr. Oâ€™Malley
January 8th, 2007 at 9:42 pm [Reply]

264. â€œFull Meddle Jacket.â€

I nominate this for COTW.
True Fable
January 8th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

#240 Kate – True Fable, the concept of a woman concealing venomous hostility so she can get the drop on another woman and crush her foobish third vertebra â€¦ entices you? Uh, nooo….. just women who create haikus. *backs away slowly* Hostility was the last thing on my mind, actually. *ducks behind Molly the Bear* That’ll teach me to flirt.

#256 Summerhouse – valid points all. I wonder if Bautik and Lynn Johnson are related, they are both missing that common sense gene.

#264 AhClem – Full Meddle Jacket, what a riot!
Red Greenback
January 8th, 2007 at 10:16 pm [Reply]

What are we gonna do now?
Taking off his skullturf, they said, is this man Scadute?
‘Cause they’re waiting for the next post
They put up a suggestion saying that we’re from Butte!
When waiting for the next post
We will teach our twisted speech
To the young believers
We will train our kick butt boys?
To be young believers

The judge said ook-ook-ook-but I say double that gadzook
I’m not waiting for the next post
No boxers with polka-dots…
Can be waiting for the next post…

Man!! I suck at this!!!
Skullturf Q. Beavispants
January 8th, 2007 at 10:48 pm [Reply]

My modest contribution to the haiku collection:

The Wizard of Id’s
Not so bad given that it’s
By Parker and Hart.
macb
January 8th, 2007 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

With apologies to Iggy Pop (performer/writer) and David Bowie (cowriter)

Here comes Paulie and Warren again
With the chopper and hugs and the sex machine
She’s gonna do another cock tease
Hey girl where’d ya get that motion?
I’ve been hurting since I’ve bought the comic
About the girl called Liz
About the girl called Liz
well, that’s like FOOBnotizing Pattersons

Well, I’m just a FOOBish guy
Of course, she’s had it in my eye before
I’ve got a lust for LIz
‘Cause of a lust for Liz

She’s worth a milion in coyness
With her boy-torture
Drive her parents’ car
Wear a bikini
Top’s slipped off
All on a Sunday paper
She’s worth a million in coyness
Yeah, she back to sleepin’ in her ‘rents’ house
While we beat our brains
While we beat our brains
With Warren’s chopper and hugs
With Warren’s chopper and hugs

Well I’m just a FOOBish guy
Of course she’s had it in my eye before
Well I’ve got a lust for Liz (lust for Liz)
‘Cause of a lust for LIz (lust for Liz, oooo)
I’ve got a lust for Liz (oooo)
Got a lust for Liz (oooo)
Oh a lust for LIz (oooo)
Oh a lust for Liz (oooo)
A lust for Liz (oooo)
I got a lust for LIz (oooo)
Got a lust for Liz

Well I’m just a FOOBish guy
Of course she’s had it in my eye before
With the chopper and hugs
And the sex machine
She’s gonna do another cock tease
Hey girl where’d ya get that motion?
Your flesh crawls once you buy the comic
About something called love
Love love love
Well, that’s like FOOBnotizing Pattersons

Well, I’m just a FOOBish guy
Of course she’s had it in my eye before
And I’ve a lust for Liz (lust for Liz)
‘Cause I’ve a lust for Liz (lust for Liz)
Got a lust for Liz
Yeah, a lust for Liz
I got a lust for Liz…
willowbarcelona
January 8th, 2007 at 11:53 pm [Reply]

I just got in and found this in my email:
http://www.editorandpublisher.com/eandp/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003528715

I’m going to be sick.

Michael and his vomitous novel are going to last into eternity and win the Pulitzer Prize Lynn missed out on.

I apologize if I’m repeating news that probably was posted earlier, but I’m not sorry for wailing and gnashing my teeth publicly over how miserable this news makes me. I want my pain to be noticed. Thank you.
Poteet
January 8th, 2007 at 11:59 pm [Reply]

Whew, I’m finally caught up with this thread, so naturally it’s dying. Never get behind on this blog, is my advice. The Pope must have eyeballs of steel. Just in case anyone returns here, CONGRATULATIONS to the snarky COTW winners!

# 115 — gh, thanks, and I’m back to what passes for normal. That was the first time I posted without catching up on comments first. Never again. The comments are a mental vaccination for the strips, especially Foob.

# 119 — Aw, Kate, how nice of you. And congrats on making the List of Exaltation!

# 122 — Thanks, True Fable, and you are right about vaccine.

# 123 — HBGlord, I will never forget our special Christmas moments. And I’ve almost forgiven Swee’Pea.
Richard Onley
January 9th, 2007 at 12:36 am [Reply]

#275: ” ‘I don’t want anyone dancing with maracas on my grave,’ Johnston said with a laugh.”

Let’s not go getting any ideas, people.
Kate
January 9th, 2007 at 1:31 am [Reply]

#271, True Fable — I’m so sorry. I have worked with ill-washed computer programmers all day, every day, for ten years, and clearly I no longer understand human interaction. Let’s see. I remember flirting; when you do it, it’s important to be friendly but ambiguous. Okay. True Fable, I’m glad to see you offer a variety of options. How’s that? … Kind of like communicating with a Funky Winkerbean character, hunh? Damn.
Barking Spider Brewery
January 10th, 2007 at 4:20 pm [Reply]

Mary Worth is going to be really disappointed to discover that, in his note, Dr Jeff misspelled “Thailand”.

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