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Mary Worth sells out (or at least tries to)

Mary Worth, 1/24/11

Attention, manufacturers of electronic gadgets and gizmos! Have you saturated all conventional media with ads for your iPad/Kindle/Nook/whatever? Are you wondering how to reach that lucrative 65-and-older shut-in demographic? There’s no way to get more value for your marketing dollar than to purchase product placement in Mary Worth. Oldsters everywhere will soon be using your product to read their favorite old-timey books once they see their hip comic contemporaries, like Mary Worth’s Dr. Jeff, extol the virtue of your reader on the funny pages. The conversation beginning today is guaranteed to last weeks, and all generic references to “that reading device” can be changed to your product name as soon as your check clears.

Marmaduke, 1/24/11

Don’t worry, Marmaduke’s owners! The Pied Piper led away rats to be killed and then stole children to sell them into slavery. Marmaduke isn’t doing anything like that! He’s merely enlisting a hellish menagerie of beasts into his demon army, the better to overthrow the humans and establish his awful nightmare reign here on earth.

265 responses to “Mary Worth sells out (or at least tries to)”

  1. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:19 am [Reply]

    A3G — “Gee, nobody ever called me that. Usually I’m called creepy or disturbing!”

  2. Hibbleton
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:20 am [Reply]

    That large picture window with no drapes or blinds, you’d think Hitler would be more discreet.

  3. Adfella
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:21 am [Reply]

    Looks like Dr. Jeff got one of those new three-inch thick readers.

  4. Shawn S.
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:25 am [Reply]

    Now we know where Mary gets the energy to meddle all day! Not only does she drink two cups of coffee, she dual wields them.

  5. GidgetN
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:28 am [Reply]

    A3G: “Meanwhile, in Paul’s pickup truck, Paul is driving Lu Ann to the sweatshop to use her as slave labor, because these women NEVER LEARN.”

  6. wossname
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:33 am [Reply]

    DtM – “Sure, Dennis – here’s a couple pounds of dog turds.” But more interesting than the brat’s monetary demands are Henry’s socks. Pink argyle? My, my!

    DT – Oh crap, we’re stuck again. Good thing they had all that exposition in panel 1, otherwise we would never have known what the situation was.

    MW – Holy shit, look at the faces in panel 3! Jeff has turned into a leering Charley Smith, and Mary is so demonically possessed that her head is about to pop off her neck. See how dangerous this new technology is?

    Pluggers – Somebody please send that bear-thing a “Too fancy for Hoboken, too hot for church” shirt! That’s a much better imaginary persona.

    Sly – Well, I suppose that’s a plausible theory, but why would Big Brad Wolf want Mrs. Bear’s clay pot to be shattered anyway? I’m pretty sure Reeky Rat did it, and is also the source of the snowball that’s bonking Max.

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#Y114): Oh, I’m totally in tears as soon as I start reading those accounts of animals rescued from horrible situations, and looking at the pix. And I think Best Friends Animal Sanctuary really does good work, but they’re also geniuses at marketing, and they know exactly which buttons to push to set off the check-writing reflex.

    @Rana the Pedantic Wet Blanket (#Y124): CanuckDownSouth and I did some of the same research on MIT/Communications Ethics earlier yesterday, and came to the same conclusion (with a few farfetched scenarios about how it might be possible). So if all three of us could figure this out in a few minutes of web research, which we’re not getting paid for, how come Wilson couldn’t?

    @Poteet (#Y173): Thank you. I was also going to point out that Berna is not teetering on the edge of her grave.

    Spam at Y179

  7. Terry in Maryland
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:36 am [Reply]

    MW: Mary didn’t sell out. We’re about to be treated to a week on the evils of Kindles/Nooks. Why if you buy books instantaneously, you can go deeply into debt and stay housebound staring into the evil electronic device.

    Phantom: Ok, I have to say that Stripey is making up for lost time. In and out of Gravelines in, what, three panels? How is it, though, that there are still people in the region and this prison specifically who don’t recognize the big guy in purple spandex?

  8. Doctor Handsome
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:37 am [Reply]

    That Reading Device is pretty sweet! It’s even nicer than the Electronic Literature Display Machine Herb & Jamaal bought on AuctionBasedInternetWebsite.com.

  9. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:38 am [Reply]

    Bizarro — Whinny the Pooh!

    Crock — Stew-pid is as stew-pid does!

    Gasoline Alley — Does the Wallet family tree include Rufus and Joel?

  10. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:44 am [Reply]

    MW: “See, Mary, I just downloaded the complete illustrated works of the Marquis de—I mean, Laura Ingalls Wilder from enormoushop.com!”

  11. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:48 am [Reply]

    best Lio EVAR!!!!! *does happy giggly dance*

    Bizarro: the Unfortunate Implications of this one were screamingly obvious.

    PMP: *screams and runs for the eye-sporks*

    OBH: heeee! [*]

    F-: I’ve seen worse “cave man artist” jokes.

    HotC: one for Alfred E and the other MAD fans.

    standard oversnark disclaimer.

  12. Neal R
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:59 am [Reply]

    MW – Now we have the incredible expanding chair/couch. Jeff fills it, then Mary sits cozily next to him, with room for a couple more. I see a three-some developing.

  13. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @wossname (#6): The spammer at #y179 is actually Rat from PBS. (At least we know his mudge handle now!)

  14. Amateur
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    Yesterday’s S-M (sorry, I meant to post this yesterday but forgot): So Aunt May would rather die than not marry a guy whom she’s known for a couple of hours in strip time, and whom she only met because he kidnapped her and dragged her underground.

    You know, there are times when I think Stan Lee just doesn’t get women.

  15. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    @Russ H (#y183): “And dosen’t the army have some regulation about 79 year old privates?” The US armed forces do, as a matter of fact. “up or out” is how I’ve heard it described. Other armed forces do allow for career corporals and the like, FFL was the example used.

    also, it’s Miss Buxley that really needs to worry about the 79 year old privates. . . .

  16. CanuckDownSouth
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:00 am [Reply]

    OK, this is the last time we offer this training seminar at Gravelines. How hard is it to remember that #2 at the gate shoots anyone who attacks #1?

    Luann um, you realize that’s more than 10 years? Have they become self-aware and started counting up the interminable days inflicted on the reader?

  17. Neal R
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:02 am [Reply]

    MW – Again, sorry. No, I am not. I do love the sort of transparent vertical blinds, or are they reflective, no the carpet is not gray, have to go with transparent. I also like the bird seed all over the furniture and floor.

  18. Binder's Butter Beans
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:03 am [Reply]

    When I saw the elephant at the end of the parade, I laughed out loud at Marmaduke.

    I’m expecting the Apocalypse any second now.

  19. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:07 am [Reply]

    A3G – So, what, did he promise Lu Ann there was candy in his van?

    BR – I want “It’s not science if someone doesn’t get hurt” on a T-shirt.

    BS – So I saw the top half of this strip first, and my thought was “okay, why has someone written the name of an obscure Dutch progressive jam band on their head?” Does…does this mean I’m weirder than the creator of Ballard Street? [*]

    Crankshaft – THAT DOES NOT COUNT AS A PUN. GO AWAY.

    DT – How inhibiting can the chains be? We’ve already seen him walking well enough to keep pace with Tracy, and he has at least one arm free. And 40 pounds? Hell, I can lug 40 pounds, and I’m an un-exercised nerd. (Also, Dick Tracy has now well and truly beat out Max Payne for Longest God Damn Storm Ever.)

    GT – Gil Thorp has taken to snarking on its own art. God help us all.

    JP – “Oh God,” the Judge thinks, “I’m working for one of these pinko ‘activist’ types? Must…think of…Ayn Rand…”

    Luann – I think this is all a front for the Evansville (Tee Hee) Sex Police. In reality, their relationship has been a wild fuck-a-thon for the last two years, recently developing more emotional attachment. Where it’ll go from here, who can say, but one thing’s for certain: they’ll be skipping town the minute they turn 18.

    MT – The world’s dumbest undercover agent versus the world’s least subtle smuggler. This’ll be one for the books, folks.

    MW – Jeff, hell! Look at that leer, that wanton display of chest hair – that’s Charley Smith! His sexual mores change shape and proportion like that not-Kindle, baby! Also, Mary’s “turn two cups of tea into one” trick is neat and all, but she shouldn’t plan on headlining a magic show just yet.

    The Norm – Note to self: employ the phrase “tonsil hockey” in future conversations.

    OB – I love this strip.

    OBH – Yeah, well, you could do a whole hell of a lot worse than Toshiro Mifune, that’s for sure. The man radiates badassery like Teddy fucking Roosevelt.

    Phantom – And here I thought Mark Trail would be the first comic strip to depict a drive-by punching.

    Pluggers – can fuck right off.

    RMMD – Rex is rightly concerned, but not to worry – she didn’t pinky-swear. That would be serious.

    SF – Nona sums up both Hil and Ted in one fell sentence.

    SM – Spider-Man, Spider-Man/
    is a huge douchebag for no good reason/
    …/
    …/
    Look out! Here comes the…ah, screw it.

  20. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:09 am [Reply]

  21. Maggie the Cat
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:24 am [Reply]

    A3G- No, usually people just call me “dull”, “bland”, or “the piano mover”…. but never mysterious.”

    RMMD- Rex reminds Berna of her folly of agreeing to share her millions with her mentally inept brother, AGAIN.

    FW- Boy, this strip IS dark. First cancer, then POW stuff, and now they’re making kids go to Cincinnati?

  22. Nekrotzar
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:25 am [Reply]

    I think the line of creatures following Marmaduke is technically referred to as “lunch.”

  23. Dood
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:28 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#16): Gravelines, where #2 works for #1.

  24. Esther Blodgett
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:30 am [Reply]

    At first I thought Mary’s concerned “Hmmm” was due to concern that these “reading devices” might allow the citizens of Santa Royale to get information from the outside world not personally vetted and controlled by her. Then I realized she’s just thinking about the potential of a new device called the eMeddle. Vetted and controlled by her, of course.

  25. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:32 am [Reply]

    @CanuckDownSouth (#16): the Graveline Guards have obviously not read Tarquin’s Tips.

  26. Esther Blodgett
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:34 am [Reply]

    I’m interested in the hierarchy of animals in Marmaduke’s world:

    Marmaduke
    Dogs smaller than Marmaduke
    Cats
    Squirrels nearly the size of cats
    Meat (wool division)
    Meat (leather division)
    Giant endangered land mammals
    Hitler

    That actually makes sense.

  27. Dood
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:35 am [Reply]

    You see, Mary, soon there will be no need for my well-stocked collection of mundane generic gray books shelved in the bookcase located to my right.

  28. Comcis Fan
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:38 am [Reply]

    MW: And when we’re finished with my reading device, I’d like to show you my reproduction tool.

  29. McManx
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:39 am [Reply]

    MDuke — Either that is the world’s smallest cow, or Marmaduke is swelling to even more gargantuan proportions. Perhaps there is a ratio of size to consumption.

    Get Fuzzy — “Weaseleaks”. Ha, ha.

    M Worth — New Story Plot Speculations:
    1. “Reading device?” Maybe this isn’t a Kindle; Jeff has developed macular degeneration and Mary will become his “Annie Sullivan.”
    2. “Buying books… instant process”? Maybe Jeff has bought an entire medical library on his credit card and Mary has to help restore his credit rating.
    3. Someone crapped all over Mary’s throw pillow; Mary gets in conflict with Charterstone condo authority for washing out fecal material in the clubhouse washteria.

    Phantom — Guard: “Where are you headed?” You would think seeing a prison truck is being driven by a guy in mask and purple leotard would evoke more of a response like “What th’ fuck!?!?!”

  30. Ned Ryerson
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:40 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Jeff is relaxing in an oversized chair with his new “reading device”. His central position on the chair and spread legged posture indicate that he wants some alone time to figure his device out or read something on it if he’s truly figured out how to download content. Mary comes up from behind with twin cups of coffee, sees no room on the chair and in despair looks for an opening to engage the engrossed Jeff in conversation. Before you know it, Mary has wedged herself onto the chair (okay it’s a sofa now) and Jeff has scooched all the way to the edge of the chair/sofa and there’s no longer enough room for Jeff to lounge about and enjoy his “reading device”. I think this is Mary’s way of letting Jeff know that Mary will not tolerate Jeff’s giving attention to anything but her. Mary would never allow Jeff to sit and read a book in peace, so even though Jeff’s sporting this new fangled device, the rules remain unchanged. Mary sets the agenda.

  31. Comcis Fan
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:41 am [Reply]

    @Terry in Maryland (#7):

    For me, too, Jeff’s gushing over his ability to buy books instantly evoked thoughts of the Johnsons, debt and hoarding, although if you’re going to hoard books, an electronic reading device is no doubt the most efficient, clutter-free way to do it.

  32. Austria
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:42 am [Reply]

    A3G: Paulinski and a pickup truck, being mysterious about their destination after driving for an hour? This has “rape, murder, and dispose of the body in the woods” written all over it.

    reFOOB: Ha ha! It’s funny, because men are pigs.

    Jeremy’s Parents: There’s this thing called a “computer” that you can use to “charge” your “iPod” so the “battery” can “recharge.” Most homes are equipped with at least one of these “computers.” Especially if one has an “iPod,” in which case a “computer” is required in order to upload music onto the “iPod.” You can even listen to music while it’s “charging.”
    Close, but no cigar, Scott’n’Borgman. Close, but no cigar.

  33. UncleJeff
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:47 am [Reply]

    MW: Congratulations, Charley!
    You’ve moved in so swiftly on Mary that she doesn’t even notice you’re using her WiFi connection to download porn on your “notKindle”.
    I’m sure Mary will come up with a moral to the effect that either a) these electronic readers are great because you can download ‘classic” literature for free, not that modern “smut.” or b) these electronic readers are useless in a brawl because they are not heavy enough to disable or are so expensive that it makes you feel bad when you break one over the head of someone who just refuses to have the proper “adjustments” made to his/her lifestyle through the modern science some call “meddling”.

  34. terrapin
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:49 am [Reply]

    A3G: Paul (thinking)-”She thinks I’m mysterious! Imagine how she’ll feel AFTER I show her my Star Trek collection! I am SO in!”

    MT: Love the knowing smirk on Mark’s face. “Just keep talking Ascot. You’re on a one way trip to fist city and I’m your driver!”

    Lio: YES!

  35. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:51 am [Reply]

    @Dood (#27): Those aren’t just any books – they’re the many volumes of the Codex Meddlicus, the history of Mary’s deeds, of which Jeff is the official scribe. Can’t get those on your Kindle, not without a direct pact with the Devil!

  36. TheDiva
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:52 am [Reply]

    DT: Is Dr. Mordred seriously trying to appeal to Dick’s humanity? I thought this guy was supposed to be smart!

    FW: “That B. Natural bitch lied to us!”

    MW: I call shenanigans. Dr Jeff’s “reading device” is obviously one of those hand-held translators they sell in airline catalogs. He just hasn’t figured out why the only book he can get on it is the English-French Dictionary.

    SM: WHY isn’t Mole Man the hero again?

  37. Digger
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    Judging from Mary’s “Hmmm” you can tell that she has somehow sniffed out a meddling opportunity here. I don’t know what she could cook up with the instant buying of books, but if it can somehow involve a drunk woman hurling profanity, then I’m all for it.

  38. Neal R
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:53 am [Reply]

    MW – Again, again. Jeff also has one of the lighting devices next to him. It can change from black light to white light. He LOVES it.

  39. Esther Blodgett
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:58 am [Reply]

    WHERE is my lure?”

    I just wanted to see if it was as much fun to say as it is to read.

  40. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:59 am [Reply]

    “Mass media ethics” – um, isn’t that a contradictory statement by nature?

    @Esther Blodgett (#24):
    Oh lordy, that’s priceless. A Mary meddlereader, with 1,000 different meddleapps.

  41. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    @Esther Blodgett (#39):
    I’m waiting for the mashup geniuses to do one of the last panel-”I’m just attached to my lures” – with a giant hook coming out of Ben’s back. *Snort*

  42. Harold
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:01 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth: “Hmm…you haven’t noticed that I just poured a cup of coffee in your lap. Let’s see how well your reading device like having the other cup of coffee poured on it!”

  43. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:08 am [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#35):
    Hahaha!
    I’m not sure if St. Isidore would be pleased, or completely dismayed…

  44. Ellie
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:22 am [Reply]

    Mary spilled Jeff’s coffee all over the throw pillow!

  45. Patrick
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    You gotta love the artists who draw Mary Worth, who will lovingly render every slat of vertical blinds, but not realize that a Kindle is just a wee bit thinner than your average cinder block.

  46. But What Do I Know?
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    A3G — It’s only a few more minutes to my underground lair. . .

    Dennis the Obvious — Here’s a couple of lead slugs, kid.

    MT — “Attached to my lures.” Good thing he bought that story–hook, line, and sinker. . .

  47. Esther Blodgett
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:28 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#41): Coming out of his…back? That would be good, too.

  48. Patrick
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:30 am [Reply]

    I love Mary’s “Hmm…” in the second panel. You just know she’s going to find a way to disapprove of instant books, and someone will wind up having a drunken rant in a library or Barnes & Noble about it.

  49. Naked Bunny with a Whip
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    Looks like Adrian got Jeff an Apple Newton.

  50. teenchy
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:35 am [Reply]

    @Amateur (#14):You know, there are times when I think Stan Lee just doesn’t get women.

    Not just COTW, COTlastfiftyyears.

  51. Felix
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:36 am [Reply]

    On Hi & Lois:

    Last week, we were given a glimpse at the Flagston family’s disheartening food shortage. The only source of food then being mashed potatoes although served in rather generous portions. This week, the situation has grown severe and the family must begin strict rationing. Chip learns a harsh lesson when he misses dinner and has his daily allotment divided amongst the remaining family members. Hopefully this will put off the much dreaded day when they have to butcher poor Dawg.

  52. Chip Whittle
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:38 am [Reply]

    Apartment 3-G: How can a guy in Apartment 3-G be “mysterious”? Is Lu Ann grasping for any word that means “owns a pickup truck”?

    Hazel: Yes, you’d better remove the cat centerpiece. You know how those birthday party kids love their hard-boiled eggs.

    Mark Trail: If anything Ben might possibly say would deflect suspicion in Mark Trail’s mind, it would be confessing an unnaturally powerful longing for specific fishing lures. Well played, Ben!

    Ollie and Quentin: It’s so cute when strips try to change themselves to fit in the newspapers, isn’t it?

    Spider-Man: You know, even by the standards of Spider-Man stories puttering out into nothing, this Spider-Man story is puttering out into nothing. Popeye‘s little choo-choo train story is going to have a better resolution. Dick Tracy might have a better resolution if it ever gets to anything other than more rain, mule. This, this makes Wolverine and What’s-his-name knocking each other out look like Spidey was even in the story.

  53. Swordsmith
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:41 am [Reply]

    DtM: this joke only works in England. In the US, there’s no confusion between “pounds” and “dollars”.

  54. Jim North
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:48 am [Reply]

    DtM: Is this Dennis’ subtle way of suggesting the family move to England?

    JP: Oh, poor Sam. He’s all, “Conversation . . . boring! Wet bar . . . so inviting!”

    Phantom:Mawitaan! After a few local stops!” *WHACK!*Ow! Damn! That was a good one! Okay, I just need you to sign here and you can be on your way . . . ”

    S-M: “I don’t want to stop you! I just want to stall you so we can squeeze a couple more strips out of this storyline!”

    Ziggy: Oh, Ziggy. The Marx Brothers of the modern generation, you ain’t.

  55. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:49 am [Reply]

    9CL: Oh, just give up already!

    A3G: “Mostly, they just call me Dan Quayle.”

    DT: Dick? Fair man? Since when…?!

    ReFOOB: WE KNOW, Lynn, WE KNOW!!!!

  56. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:56 am [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#55):
    Re: FOOB – Sigh, yes, we all know!
    Lynn needs more than cartoon therapy – she obviously still has issues surrounding her ex-husband and her Mother.
    I think these relatively new “notes” under each comic are a form of therapy, but still…

  57. Comcis Fan
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    @Calico (#56):

    Therapy or public axe-grinding?

  58. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:57 am [Reply]

    Blondie: I really like the pleading look of terror on the blue suited office worker to Dagwood’s left in the third panel. In fact, this character’s whole arc from panel 1-3 is more moving and pathetic than anything Tom “Art!” Batuik has ever done.

    FC: Why has PJ be exiled to the far corner of the kitchen? Does it have anything to do with the 16 oz. mug of coffee Billy’s having for breakfast?

    GT: “Holy Smokes! Cortez! You have textbook form on twisting that guy’s head ’round backwards!”

    H&J: Oh, don’t look so offended, “Reverend.” We’ve already established you’re running a shady church that lost its tax exemption, so it’s hardly a surprise you’d be caught scamming free coffee as well.

  59. Seven87
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:59 am [Reply]

    Dr. Jeff is just pretending to read a book. That’s actually the GameBoy, a new device by Nintendo that allows you to play your favorite games held in your hand!

  60. AhClem
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:01 pm [Reply]

    ReFOOB Jon is a douchebag, chapter 45,789,432,016. Please get help, Lynn. Seriously.

  61. AhClem
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:02 pm [Reply]

    @Mibbitmaker (#55): @Calico (#56): Great minds, etc.

  62. Mibbitmaker
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:09 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary’s going to use it to get zillions of annoying platitudinous quotes, isn’t she?
    “We have an aph* for that.”

    ZtP: They look like….. like…..
    EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW! EW!

    RMMD: “…unfairly!”

  63. Ranger
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:10 pm [Reply]

    Hey Josh, “a hellish menagerie of beats into his demon army” sounds like Marm is enlisting jazz musicians or beat poets. Maybe beatniks?

  64. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:11 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary Worth ponders the possibilities of meddling through the Kindle. Would you prefer to call it Mendling or Kiddling? Whichever you choose, Mary will probably trademark it.

    EC: It’s always embarassing when your mother walks in while you’re surfing shiksasintheshower.net.

    GT: On the “learn something new every day” front, I had no idea that Liza Minnelli played high school basketball. Of course if history is any guide, Lini will be her next husband.

    RMMD: Dear Woody Wilson. Please stop setting Berna and Dex up for incest jokes. It’s not helping me sleep at night.

    Phantom: At this point Ghost-With-No-Trucker-Disguise is just punching people ‘cuz it’s fun. If tomorrow he jumps out of the cab, does a few flexing poses, and shouts “Number one!” I won’t be a bit surprised.

    SFx: So the suspect has an airtight alibi, but if you dig really deep, you can find a way that maybe, conceivably, he might have committed the crime, or someone else might have. If the DA doesn’t want to become a laughingstock in addition to being livestock, he won’t even file charges.

    S-M: “Okay, so it’s a weird, sort of Freudian ride. Take it or leave it.”

    Shoe: Sir, if you’re going to dress to declare yourself a Doctor Who fan, you’ll need to do a better job of rolling with the punches.

    Luann: So in the time it’s taken Knute to not ask Crystal out, Edie Burber could have recounted most of the story of her Wild Nazi Romance.

    A3G: No one’s ever called Paul “mysterious.” He’s heard “clueless”, “inbred”, and “dimmer than a dead bulb”, but not “mysterious.”

  65. bats :[
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#19): BR rocks pretty hard this morning. I’m sending that to my various and sundry science friends who don’t read the paper.

    Many, many exciting snarks about MW. I have to admit that my very first impression of Mary in Panel 2 was her strangely elongated neck and fixed stare…sort of a mix between Thulsa Doom and the giant serpent with the man’s face in The Seven Faces of Dr. Lao. Awk-ward.

  66. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth vs. the Internet, Part 4: The Kindle Swindle

  67. Maggie
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:15 pm [Reply]

    Oh sure, “the reading device” seems great now, but once the thing goes dead, where do you put in the fresh double A’s, consarn it!? The thing doesn’t have a plug sticking out of it, so should I just rub it against an electrical outlet for a few minutes?

  68. Écureuil Écumant
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:20 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary awkwardly raises her arm to allow her right breast to migrate around to her back like the eye of a mackerel. Her subsequent look of severe discomfiture, as she ponders whether her left will shortly join it and at least restore some sort of slapdash bilateral symmetry, is one for the archives.

  69. Ruth
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:25 pm [Reply]

    So someone gave Dr. Corey an old-school Kindle for Christmas? Must be used, the new ones are just as cheap and small black things. That looks like the one my boss got for Christmas 3 years ago!

  70. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:28 pm [Reply]

    @TheDiva (#36): “Oh Mr B Natural, what would you know about dignity?”
    Sorry, you just triggered some of my best Mistie memories.

  71. Captain Plaid Pants
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:29 pm [Reply]

    MW: I love how even when Mary tries to sound hip by demonstrating her basic awareness of a widely used technology, she still ends up sounding archaic and out of touch.

  72. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:30 pm [Reply]

    @terrapin (#34):

    “Just keep talking Ascot. You’re on a one way trip to fist city and I’m your driver!”

    That could be taken a couple of ways…

  73. Marvin's mom
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:32 pm [Reply]

    FBOFW: Aaaaaghhh! “I’m bringing home some tortoiseshell, a seahorse, shells, a pet baby dolphin I ripped away from its nursing mother, an endangered harp seal that I’m going to have to club in order to fit it into the overhead compartment, some walrus tusks to make into a toothbrush holder….” What’s the matter, Ellie, did the IUCN Red List kill your father? Have you vowed revenge?

  74. Marvin's mom
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:34 pm [Reply]

    #69 Ruth, some of us can only afford Kindles version 2 (not the earliest one, but still white!) off of Craigslist… sob

  75. Chip Whittle
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:38 pm [Reply]

    Compu-Toon: I’m curious just what language Compu-Toon was badly translated from today. “Not knowing her company changed carrier, Irma was eagered to send a package”? Verbs do not work that way!

    Dark Side Of The Horse: Ooh. Yeah. I like. I’m going to be dangerous in the two-story sporting goods store now.

    PC and Pixel: “This Christmas pine was genetically modified to shed completely after the first weekend in January. And since it’s after the first weekend after the first weekend after the first weekend in January you’re doing well!”

    That’s Life: “Leave it to R.B. to find a loophole. Now if only R.B. would explain what I even mean.”

  76. bats :[
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:41 pm [Reply]

    @AhClem (#60): OMG…did Lynne’s husband cheat on her?

  77. terrapin
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:45 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#72): Yeah…I know…I was kinda hoping no one would point that out.

  78. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:47 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#75): Any time I click your links for Compu-Toon, I find myself staring in befuddlement and trying to figure out what in God’s name it’s called “Compu-Toon” for. Even when it’s about computers, or about something peripherally related, it’s like the author has seen pictures of computers in his 1981 World Book Encyclopedia but never actually encountered or used one – and that just raises the question of how this whole sordid affair even came into being. Bafflement!

    PC & Pixel at least knows enough to sort of fake like it’s technologically savvy, and it’s got a thoroughly adorable cat and an interesting, pleasant art style to fall back on at the very least.

  79. Jim North
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:49 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#72): “And I’m gonna be driving stick shift!

  80. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:53 pm [Reply]

    excellent Memetic Mutation: Horror Apple.

    sleepeh fennec.

    otterly adorable bebeh.

    top priority after coming inside.

    corgsqui over 9000

  81. mollificent
    January 24th, 2011 at 12:56 pm [Reply]

    ATTENTION! EXTRA! Kate Beaton’s amazing “Hark! A Vagrant” webcomic now featuring 100% more assless chaps!

  82. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#57):
    Now that you mention it, I suppose more like the latter, really.
    (Or is it Bee-Grinding?) : D

  83. bats :[
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:01 pm [Reply]

    @Marvin’s mom (#73): at least hubby knows that beach bimbos are non-endangered, renewable resources.

  84. Jim North
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:02 pm [Reply]

    @mollificent (#81): Which means 200% more AWESOME!

    Also, at least 50% more bat-ass.

  85. tb4000
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:05 pm [Reply]

    MW: Mary is beyond appalled at this new technology. She merely assumed that the future would be one in which we’d be using anti-grav floors to dance to Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah, not this witchcraft she sees before her.

  86. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:06 pm [Reply]

  87. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

  88. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:07 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#6):

    @Poteet (#Y173): Thank you. I was also going to point out that Berna is not teetering on the edge of her grave.

    I agree that she isn’t, but her anger to the man who ripped off her parents, her bitterness that her brother can enjoy life while she’s fearfully suffering Winkerbean style is going to cut 20 or more years off of her life. And I agree that she should allot her brother’s money if she’s all that annoyed at him AND use some of her money to get a place of her own where she won’t have to know when he buys an iPad to keep up with Doctor Jeff.
    —–
    Over at Doonesbury, Trudeau is commenting on the fall-out from the Arizona shootings. I appreciate his breaking the fourth wall in the third panel. Armed legislators. If they don’t like what they’re hearing or seeing, will they whip out their “heat” and make some “action”? (paraphrased from my post at calvinsdad.)

  89. odinthor
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Dinette Set. — Why, yes—yes, as a matter of fact, it usually is, now that you mention it…

  90. nescio
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:08 pm [Reply]

    Lockhorns: maybe levitating in a chair in a blank wasteland is Leroy’s hobby.

  91. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:09 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#86):
    Oh, and this is for Lynn too, at about 1:15 and right after…too weird, hepcats!

  92. nescio
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    Shoe: the food at Roz’s diner won’t nag you, it’s too full of ennui.

  93. Écureuil Écumant
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:11 pm [Reply]

    @Chip Whittle (#75): “Not knowing her company changed carrier, Irma was eagered to send a package”? Verbs do not work that way!
    ________________________

    Maybe the mailroom clerk wouldn’t expedite Irma’s package unless she allowed him some eagerment.

    This type of usage always reminds me of how the Popeye’s TV ads put that lascivious Nawlins pronunciation on the name of their style of chicken. I can’t help but picture the boys in the backroom bonifyin’ all them chickens first thing every morning.

  94. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    @Calico (#91):
    Darn, I meant after 1:45. Ooooopppps

  95. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:13 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: Now, I don’t care how much time you’ve been in “the scene” or how many clubs you’ve gone to, when engaging in BDSM play, always, ALWAYS have a safeword prepared. I can’t stress this enough.

  96. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    reFOOB: Damn, I actually laughed out loud at today’s FOOB. I know John won’t be getting any for a month, but in my heart, I know it was pretty funny. And so did John, I bet.

  97. Zaratustra
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:16 pm [Reply]

    Is this going to lead to some six-week story about a friend of Dr. Jeff hates Kindles, but Mary Worth finds out it was just because of some traumatic event on his past where a Kindle moderately hurt him, and carefully meddles him back into the mainstream world of Kindle users? I knew it.

  98. Jim North
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:17 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#95): I’m pretty sure the doc’s safeword is actually the safephrase “I’m gonna kill you, Tracy”, but Dick just keeps ignoring it, the sadistic bastard.

  99. Not Worth It
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    DT – Yes, Dick! Do explain your current frankly-not-that-perilous situation for the benefit of… umm… the person who’s been with you all along and who is clearly in more danger than you. Don’t forget the little smirk!

  100. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:21 pm [Reply]

    JP: Oh, look, Sam—here’s another person who’s pursuing his dreams instead of filthy lucre! Grab the opening and tell him the story of how you wanted to be a jazz trumpet player! We’ll all listen with rapt attention wake up when Angel starts talking again.

    SM: Mole Man acts swiftly, effectively, and compassionately. And which one is supposed to be the superhero?

    R&R: Red is a dog fluffer? Ewwwww……

    FC: Wow—that meal of tubes ‘n’ glop would fit right in to the finest Santa Royale cuisine!

    A3G: Well, Paul, you’ve likely never encountered someone as dumb as Luann, either. She’s probably mystified by your ability to make the funny truck move forward using only that little pedal on the floor.

  101. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:24 pm [Reply]

    @wossname (#6):

    So if all three of us could figure this out in a few minutes of web research, which we’re not getting paid for, how come Wilson couldn’t?

    Because you care more?

  102. Buchholz Surfer
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:26 pm [Reply]

    Random Lines From Today’s Funnies:
    Why did you reject my friend request on Facebook? Crystal, do you know how long we’ve talked about going on a date? What’s your definition of the word eternity? What are you doing, rat? WHERE is my fishing lure? Hide? Why? Mysterious? What about ferret facts? Guess what I forgot? A little trouble in paradise, Kayla? What’s in the box? Did mom teach you this recipe? Is there anything you’d like to take home with you? How about removing these chains? Who’s a cute little puppy, wippy woo woo? Aren’t we breaking some kind of curfew?

  103. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:27 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers: Okay, before Dean photoshops this cartoon, ‘Mudges, what do YOU think should have gone on the T-Shirt in today’s strip besides “Cool and Hip”? I think “Blink 182″ should go on there, mostly because i’ve never heard their music as of this writing, but hipsters like to refer to it to look cool. And i’ll ask some comic strip folk to get us started. Okay, What Do YOU Think?
    Aunt May, Future Queen of Subterrenea “Oh, I think ‘World’s Greatest Aunt with the World’s Nicest Nephew should be on that shirt. I would buy that. I feel so weak….”
    Herb, co-owner of “Eats” ” ‘Cool and Hip’ is just fine. It’s short, non-descriptive and gets to the point. Oh, we have a special on toast and eggs today.”
    Cassandra Cat (who most certainly is NOT fat) ” Is that all you have. No, really, I mean it, is that all you have? And what’s this about my being fat??”
    What Do YOU Think?

  104. Cayuga
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:31 pm [Reply]

    “Is that the reading device that Adrian got you for Christmas?”

    I don’t know about you guys, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a Mary Worth/Herb and Jamaal crossover.

  105. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:35 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#96): “I know John won’t be getting any for a month, but in my heart, I know it was pretty funny. And so did John, I bet.” You say ‘avoiding bumping uglies with Elly Foob’ as if it’s a bad thing.

  106. Not Worth It
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:48 pm [Reply]

    @Zaratustra (#97): Don’t you think Mary’s more likely to meddle Dr. Jeff back into an appreciation of real books – ones you can feel with your fingers, and savor with your eyes, and that aren’t part of that dangerous interweb?

  107. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:51 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#105): Just imagine it with the same kind of sound effects used to depict the Patterfoobs eating.

  108. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:52 pm [Reply]

    I’m a bit pissed Lynn made John look like Arseface in that last panel. I agree that John’s a total butthead, but the allusion doesn’t hold up if you know that Arseface was actually a pretty nice guy.

  109. TheDiva
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:54 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#70): “And don’t be too sure I wasn’t in the garden with Mr. and Mrs. Adam!” “You were the snake!”

    God I love that short.

  110. Mela
    January 24th, 2011 at 1:55 pm [Reply]

    Before we get started with the daily hurting, I have a question: Does anyone know what’s up with “My Cage” and its old site? It’s shut down, so I’m hoping it might be picked up somewhere, but I don’t want to get psyched until I get more facts.

    9CL: We now return to Brooke’s continued misunderstanding that “gay = artsy guy who is not my self-insert”, already in progress.

    A3G: Hey, Lu-Ann, ever read the Cliffs Notes for “The Most Dangerous Game”?

    Baldo: In the Baldoverse, “bratty” means “not an obnoxious Lisa Simpson clone”.

    Curtis: I love that third panel. It’s like Chutney decided to totally tune out her pseudo-boyfriend’s whining and plan out her TV viewing for the evening.

    Edge: I don’t know whether to dread this “mother invades son’s privacy for fear of porn-viewing” story as a ham-fisted nonjoke or enjoy as it falls flat on its face.

    ReFOOB: “Dammit, I have assistants at home for that!”

    GA: “We pay ‘em enough, they might kill everyone here! It’ll be beautiful!”

    MW: I call bullshit on Mary embracing any technology newer than 1981; she’s obviously plotting how to have Kindles banned in Charterstone for fear that one of her captivesneighbors might read an advice book from someone sane.

    PBS/Pluggers: These two are together on my Chron page, and the thought of the grinning monstrosity in that sad attempt at a novelty tee getting Rat’s card is the only thing keeping me from crying.

    R&R: Awww… memories…

    Zits: He needs it to drown out her constant litany of complaint and self-manufactured frustration over having a son who isn’t 99.9% dependent upon her anymore somehow.

  111. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:02 pm [Reply]

    @Mela (#110): I’m trying to decide whether Lu Ann being hunted by Paulinski would be over in five minutes, or whether it would be a The Pink Panther Strikes Again situation with Lu Ann unwittingly bumbling her way into killing off all her pursuers, never the wiser.

  112. Walker of Dog
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:04 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#19): Can he swing from a thread?/
    Only if someone doesn’t poke it with a stick./
    Look out!, etc.

    Bonus link for anyone who can’t believe Spider-Man (or at least his theme song) was ever cool.

    @Mr. Goboto (#58): I don’t think the kitchen even has a corner any more. It just goes on forever. On the plus side, I guess Dad can forget about washing the dishes.

    @Écureuil Écumant (#68): Every shot of Mary must include at least one of her nuzzle-puppies. It’s in her contract.

  113. ElkMeadow
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:19 pm [Reply]

    @Buchholz Surfer (#102):

    That was funnier and more sense than the comics I read today.

  114. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:23 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#112) re: MW: Good point. It’s probably a holdover from her original contract with King Features when she was a danced burlesque.

  115. Aviatrix
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    @Amateur (#14): It’s her last chance. She’s going to die anyway, might as well die with the one man who is willing to go out of his way to do anything for her.

  116. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:26 pm [Reply]

    Der. “…when she danced burlesque.”

  117. The Modesto Kid
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    @Ranger (#63): You laugh, but look more closely at the panel: that sheep is obviously a caricature of Corso.

  118. LogopolisMike
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    MW: It’s obvious that Adrian spent all her disposable cash on her wedding because due to its thickness, I think it’s obviously she got Dr. Jeff the “reading device” I just saw at the CVS for $29.95. It’s the thought that counts. Except, obviously to Mary. (Wouldn’t it be awesome if this really was an ad for a Kindle and Mary pulled out her much sleeker, thinner Kindle that the Credit Card shopping lady bought her as a “thank you” but which really was just an excuse for her to do some sweet, sweet charging.)

    Alas, Mary Worth is not written by a committee of Comics Curmudgeon commenters.

  119. Walker of Dog
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:27 pm [Reply]

    MT: Ben feels naked without his body piercing jewelry.

    MW: Interior design note: The couch pillows don’t match. Dr. Jeff’s is striped, and Mary’s is splattered with coughed-up smoker’s lung.

    Phan: “Dude, I just wanted to hitch a ride into town! Not cool!”

    RMMD: Berna, please pick a head shape and stick with it. You’re upsetting the phrenologists.

    Plug: The Plugger forgot his matching fantasy pants, labeled “Not Packing Horrifically Mutated Hybrid Junk”.

    S-M: I don’t think Aunt May will be sorry to leave Subterranea. Ten thousand loincloths, and she couldn’t get a rise out of a single one.

    FW: THE WRITER USES A SUBTLE EXPOSITORY TECHNIQUE TO ESTABLISH TODAY’S SETTING AND SITUATION.

  120. Aviatrix
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:31 pm [Reply]

    Blondie: His usage is perfectly in keeping with the modern definition of whom:

    whom interrog. or rel. pron. 1. who, marking formal context, e.g. “Whom ate the last cookie in the break room?” (conveys a sense of formality appropriate for an office memo, raising the level of discourse above that of petty squabbling); immediately following any preposition, so the speaker can demonstrate that he is sufficiently educated to recognize a preposition e.g. “I’m looking into whom ate the last cookie.”

    There’s some kind of archaic usage too, but you don’t expect archaic language in the comics, not even Blondie is that old.

    The funniest thing about this strip is that there are people who will read it and think the joke is that Dagwood is driving Mr. Bumstead crazy by making stupid comments.

  121. True Fable
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:32 pm [Reply]

    What is it about Judge Parker that the chauffeurs like Angel and Super Cedric are the most interesting characters with the juiciest background stories? Why not just make this Sam and the Judge Travelin’ Around In Limos?

    Bring back Cedric!

  122. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:35 pm [Reply]

    @Jamus The Bartender (#96):
    A month? That’s mighty generous.

  123. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:38 pm [Reply]

    @True Fable (#121): If we could have a strip starring Cedric, Angel, and Sociology Girl travelling cross-country in a limo, I would read the hell out of it.

  124. Comcis Fan
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    FBoFW: Is John supposed to be making a joke about ogling, explaining the I’m-a-jerk ogling face, or is he really ogling? In the original FBoFW, it would have been a joke, this one, hard to say. Anyway, too bad their marriage went from FB to FW and the whole charming strip is being rehashed in that light.

    MW: Mary’s just wondering how literate people got electronic books on a device before Ted Forth got his jet pack.

  125. Amateur
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:44 pm [Reply]

    MW: I’ve been trying all day to puzzle out the meaning of Mary’s “Hmm . . .” (Hey, it beats working.) I think I’ve got it: She’s going to take the reading device to a Charterstone pool party and try to find it a spouse.

  126. Calico
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:46 pm [Reply]

    “The…read…ing…de…vice…”
    Sounds like the AJGLU3000 has finally infiltrated Mary Worth.

  127. Comcis Fan
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:48 pm [Reply]

    P.S. I so realize the original FBoFW wasn’t particularly charming as it sputtered toward Anthony and Elizabeth’s marriage and Michael’s writing triumphs at the end.

  128. Comcis Fan
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:49 pm [Reply]

    *do* realize

  129. The Spectacular Spider-Brick
    January 24th, 2011 at 2:56 pm [Reply]

    (WT)DT: The only way Dick can convince me he has a working brain cell in his skull is to laugh at Dr. “IMMA KILL YOU TRACY DIE DIE KILL DIE MAIM KILL” Mordred’s request to have his chains loosened. If he actually does take the chains off, though, nothing is proven either way: Tracy could be dumb as a sack of tubers, or he knows exactly what Mordred is up to and wants a self-defense cover story for after he shoves the prisoner’s lifeless corpse into the silo.

    EC: OK, who wants to guess which of the following describes the upcoming two weeks of Edge City plot?
    1) Colin doesn’t want anyone to know he has a girlfriend
    2) He’s looking at Internet porn
    3) He’s engaged in “sexting”
    4) An online perv is trying to convince him to meet him
    5) It will be boring
    I vote for no. 5, though the main question is, how is Colin using the computer with no keyboard?

    JP: Original narration box: SAM EXPRESSES CONTINUED AMAZEMENT THAT THIS BLACK MAN IS NOT A SIMPLE SERVANT!

    Marvin: Marvin thucks.

    MW: This new plotline is failing to kindle any interest in me. (See what I did there?)

  130. Mooch
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:00 pm [Reply]

    MW – I am loving the auto-expanding chair in today’s strip. Obviously, Mary has invested in some high tech gadgetry herself

  131. Walker of Dog
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    I’d like to see the “reading device” infomercial that hooked Adrian:
    A: Moving my eyes back and forth across a page is so exhausting. There’s got to be an easier way!
    B: What if I told you that there is a device that can read for you?
    A: You mean… a reading device? Why, you’d have to be a magician to create that!
    B: Ha Ha Ha! No, it’s true! It reads so you don’t have to!
    A: How does it work?
    B: (dramatic pause) MAGNETS!
    A: (faints)

  132. Toxic
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:01 pm [Reply]

    What’s sad is that even though they are talking about a very modern technology, they still draw it like it’s an 80′s computer; a 5 lb square of gray plastic. It’s a portable E-reader for when your want to sit on the couch and listen to your new Orchestral Maneuvers in the Dark album on your 800 dollar cd player instead of playing Oregon Trail on your Apple 2.

  133. Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:02 pm [Reply]

    @Comcis Fan (#124): Supposition: Would we, the gentle reader, have to deal with re-FOOB if Rod and Lyn stayed together?

  134. Mark B
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:05 pm [Reply]

    I’m guessing the kid in Edge City was too dumb or wasn’t quick enough to erase his browsing history. Of course, his parents aren’t savvy enough to retrieve it, so it’s all good.

  135. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:07 pm [Reply]

    @The Spectacular Spider-Brick (#129) re; Mordred: I’m wondering if this is some misguided effort on Locher’s part to come up with an 80s-era sitcom catchphrase in hopes of getting the syndicate to pick-up his spinoff strip, Tex Mordred, SMD.

  136. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:18 pm [Reply]

    @Not Worth It (#106): Don’t you think Mary’s more likely to meddle Dr. Jeff back into an appreciation of real books sex-hungry biddies – ones you can feel with your fingers, and savor with your eyes, and that aren’t part of that dangerous interweb?

    There. Fixed it for you.

  137. rriis
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:19 pm [Reply]

    Go, Mary, go! Save Dr. Jeff from the evils of new technology! It’s too late to stop those cheap and nasty paperback books, but this new electrical whatzit has got to go!

  138. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:22 pm [Reply]

    @Toxic (#132): Ah ha ha ha! I so remember all that.

  139. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:27 pm [Reply]

    Dick TracyOH MY GOSH IT IS STILL RAINING!

  140. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:33 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth: Today’s whole strip is sort of freaky. Mary doing the Funky Chicken holding coffee cups. Jeff and his bizarrely-shaped iMeddleBook 1000. Then panel 2 is “Inappropriate Facial Expressions Theatre.” Dr. Corey channeling Charley, leering suggestively at Mary for no known reason. Mary’s odd smile probably caused by the massive aneurysm rupture that’s spewing all over her throw pillow. All they need now is a clown holding a python to complete this freaky scene.

  141. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#138):

    ** Eating inadequate grass **

  142. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:34 pm [Reply]

    Rose is Rose: Early symptom of Foobism is never pretty. Stage one is hallucinogenic overreaction to household tasks. Stage two involves shaving sheets and flapping nightgowns…

  143. VochoCinco
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    @Neal R (#12): The incredible expanding couch. Hmmm. Since it’s featured at the same time as the amazing “reading device” and in a strip with frequently-changing 3D perspective, Mary’s haunting glare is obviously a clue to the new post-modern hi-tech turn the strip is about to take.

  144. Esther Blodgett
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:35 pm [Reply]

    If tomorrow’s Spider-Man begins with Spidey saying, “So let me get this straight – you’re offering me a ride on your big green tentacle?” this will officially be my favorite comic strip of all time.

  145. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    Slylock Fox: Sly old man, tell Mrs. Bear to shut the hell up and go hibernate for a few more months.

    Apartment 3-G: So is Hoboken or the church an hour from New York City?

    Baby Blues: Wanda, if money’s the problem, the dollar store down the street has a nice Chinese candy necklace for the kid at an attractive price. The special ingredient? Cadmium with a hint of lead.

    Bizarro: I did not understand this one bit. Nosiree.

    Dilbert: “Disturbingly specific” is never a phrase you want to hear.

  146. Captain Plaid Pants
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:40 pm [Reply]

    So after a 2 year hiatus of reading CC and most comics (I had to take a breather after my hate for Lynn and Batiuk started consuming me), I’m back. Could you take a sec to help out an old-time CCer (circa 2007)?

    I’m confused about Mark Trail today. Clearly Mr. Blueshirt is at least partially evil because he is sporting those lovely little lip-gerbils, but his hair confuses me. What’s the current conventional wisdom on being half-bald in the MT world? Back in the day, facial hair was reserved for demons and poachers, whilst head head was kosher. So is the partial lack of head hair seen as a modifier to his evilness? I’m thinking it increases his evil quotient from Mildly Evil (due to small amounts of facial hair) up to Chaotic Evil (small facial hair + half head head hair). Thoughts?

  147. Baka Gaijin
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:46 pm [Reply]

    Looking at Mary Worth again and remembering recent past strips, I wonder if this is no longer a comic strip but a psychological test. Who cares about those stupid ink blots. The psychiatrists will hold up a Mary Worth strip and ask what you see.

    For instance, today’s strip. Do you see an older couple enjoying each other’s company? Do you see a harridan with a side boob? Do you notice the mismatched throw pillows? Did you remark on the change in width of the seating? What do these explanations mean? Only the psychologists know.

  148. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#147): I think it’s less a Rorschach test a more of a “How many things are wrong with this picture?” test. If you find fewer than 16 items per panel, it’s lobotomy time.

  149. This Guy
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:54 pm [Reply]

    BC: I’d say it demonstrates a lack of self-respect on her part.

    Crank: Okay, I’m going to give the highest praise I’ve ever given to Batiuk: the fact that these guys’ favorite old-people restaurant is called “Dale Evans” is very slightly clever. Of course, that may have been Ayers’s idea, in which case Batiuk can continue to fuck off.

    FW: “Well, here we are at the Brad Goodman lecture!”
    “We know, Dad.”
    “I just thought I’d remind everybody. After all, we did agree to attend this self-help seminar!”
    “What an odd thing to say.”

    @Baka Gaijin (#145): RE Bizarro: Move over, Cow Tools, ’cause here comes Horse Words!

  150. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 3:58 pm [Reply]

    @VochoCinco (#143): Are you suggesting…Mary Headroom!?

    @Captain Plaid Pants (#146): As near as I can tell, head hair is irrelevant to Mark Trail morality, but note the motorcycle-helmet sideburns and mustache.

  151. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:11 pm [Reply]

    @Captain Plaid Pants (#146):
    @commodorejohn (#150):

    I think hair coverage is just an age signifier, but length matters — Doc Davis is half-bald, but it’s short so he’s noble. Various nefarious developers and corrupt Senators are half-bald, but it’s long so they’re rapacious plutocrats. Man-who-loved-ducks was completely bald, and therefore saintly (albeit a complete idiot). So Blueshirt McLure here is prematurely evil.

    Hey, welcome back Cap’n Pants!

  152. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:14 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#150):

    Are you suggesting…Mary Headroom!?

    Her advice that Jill simply wipe her bad memories suddenly m-m-m-akes sense.

  153. bats :[
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:21 pm [Reply]

    @Captain Plaid Pants (#146): I think that the odd hair combination is requiring Mark to proceed with uncommon stealth, not unlike the cunning and venomous stargazer fish (1/23).
    Either that, or Mark is dumber than the usual sack of doorknobs. And if you think Mark is discombobulated now, wait until Cherry confronts him and Kelly!

  154. Black Drazon
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    If Dr. Jeff’s expression in panel 2 isn’t meant to imply this entire conversation is innuendo, I don’t know what to make of it. On the other hand, if this entire conversation is innuendo, I don’t know what to make of it, either, but I never figured Mary Worth characters knew how to seduce one another. In a motel down the road, Adrian and Scott are relaxing after an evening of marital backgammon and Parcheesi, followed by a night in separate beds.

  155. Dennis Jimenez
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:23 pm [Reply]

    MW – Yea! Product placement comes to the funny pages! And delicious Hills Bros. coffee, too – Ja!

    Marmaduke – Huh – I thought he was supposed to have seven horns or something?

    Adios Amigos. DJ.

  156. odinthor
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:28 pm [Reply]

    MW.– Where does Dr. Jeff get those fancy shirt-matching coral-orange undershirts? And, might I make so bold as to enquire, what scene is he getting into which gave him a desire to obtain a fancy shirt-matching coral-orange undershirt???

    And yes, I feel polluted—polluted, I tells ya!—by having looked at Dr. Jeff’s cleavage.

  157. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:35 pm [Reply]

    Pluggers… are delusional!

    Last Kiss — Those are some impressive cattails, lady!

  158. Poteet
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:51 pm [Reply]

    @ElkMeadow (#88): Yeah, it’s time for Berna to decide what her relationship with her brother really is. If he’s a mentally-competent adult, he can survive in his own place with his own share of the money. And if he isn’t, she should formalize his dependent relationship (making his money a monthly stipend in his own apartment, perhaps) in such a way that it doesn’t give her ulcers.

    Incidentally, it seems to me that her brother is new to the strip. It can’t be easy for her to suddenly be saddled with a spendthrift brother at her age. I wonder what she did to piss off the creators of RMMD.

  159. Poteet
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:54 pm [Reply]

    MW — Is Doctor Jeff supposed to still be a fulltime doctor? One thing that always interests me about this strip is how much spare time everyone seems to have, except of course for Scott, who can’t even break away long enough for a Bora Bora honeymoon. I hope Moy and Giella will soon take pity on him and load him up with leisure. Otherwise, he won’t fit in at all.

  160. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2011 at 4:59 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#159):

    He’s retired but “still volunteers at the family clinic” or some such arrant nonsense. It’s like all the “architects” on daytime dramas: characters need professions that don’t keep them at the office all day.

  161. Dr. Weird
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:04 pm [Reply]

    @Cayuga (#104):

    A Mary Worth Herb and Jamaal crossover? I’m on board for that! I want to see Mary meddle Herb’s (or it it Jamaal’s?) mother in law (the one who looks like some sort of chicken, like a thin plugger), who has openly condemned her son-in-law to Hell.

    @Mela (#110):

    MyCage.com might have been snapped up by a squatter, but http://mycagecomic.com/ is working fine.

  162. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

    KAREN MOY… IN HER OWN WORDS!!!

    Mrs. Stoneaxe just forwarded me an email from her work computer. It’s in response to a query we recently sent to the writer of Mary Worth:

    “I do look at The Comics Curmudgeon as well as other sites like it from time to time. I’m not put off by the snarky comments because the fan letters I get outweigh the negative feedback. Besides, as they say… nobody kicks a dead dog.”

  163. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:05 pm [Reply]

  164. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    @Poteet (#159): I like to imagine that from time to time, Dr. Jeff wanders into the hospital in some form of doctor-y clothing, with a stethoscope around his neck and a clipboard in hand, preferably when he’s all hopped up on Potato-Ade and whatever recent medical thriller he’s read on this newfangled reading device; he then moseys into various hospital rooms, turns a few dials, reconfigures a few tubes, and scribbles a few incoherent prescriptions, and when he’s had his fill of doctorin’ for the day, wanders back out again, whistling and dreaming of that evening’s yellow mush with Mary.

  165. Poteet
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm [Reply]

    DT — I was in one of the flooded regions of Iowa during the epic floods of 1993, and yet there was still plenty of dry land. Apparently Dick’s universe has been propelled forward in time and is taking place in Waterworld, and for all we know, Morbid is a masked, demented Kevin Costner.

  166. Dr. Weird
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:11 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162):

    Thinking about the idea of Mary Worth fan letters is somehow even more terrifying than what happens when you test Rule 34. Or Rule 63. Oh, I shouldn’t have considered Rule 63, now I’m picturing it applied to Mary Worth… “Larry Worth?” The mind boggles.

  167. Poteet
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:13 pm [Reply]

    @Uncle Lumpy (#160): Thank you. In that spirit, I suppose Jeff could also be a “fashion designer.” But that thought makes me…hee hee…hee hee…*dissolves in uncontrollable giggles*

  168. Écureuil Écumant
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:22 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#120): I once had a boss who insisted on using “Irregardless!” every time she decided on a course of action that flouted all logic. And she did it in a cawing croak whose provenance I could never trace, since there are no Corvidae in Hawaii. To this day I can’t understand how I didn’t pull a Poe on her.

  169. greghousesgf
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:28 pm [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#112)
    the Ramones’ cover version is even cooler.

  170. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:31 pm [Reply]

    “…nobody kicks a dead dog.”

    Now *there’s* an aphorism I’d like to see garnishing a Sunday Mary Worth, followed by “Suck it, ‘Mudgeons. ~K. Moy.”

  171. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:42 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#166): Larry Worth and long-time “friend” Dr. Jenn “Jeffiner” Corey. *boggles*

  172. Artist formerly known as Ben
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162): I’ve actually figured for a while now that Moy has a sense of humor, even if Mary doesn’t. How much of the storylines are done tongue-in-cheek is up for debate.

  173. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:44 pm [Reply]

    noticed on a search result: “I had no idea Mary Worth pr0n existed, and I’m sorry I found it. ”

    *dies laughing*

  174. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:45 pm [Reply]

    @queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos (#171): I’m going to stop reading now before my mind starts trying to picture Wilbur…

  175. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    upon further review, the reason for that comment above was a Dean Booth mash-up that had ‘migrated’ elsewhere. *giggles*

  176. Dood
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Mary’s “Hmm …” recalls Dr. Jeff’s enthusiastic commitment to Betamax and the casualties he suffered during the videotape format war.

  177. Sequitur
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    Just in case anyone needs help in life, we have the wit and wisdom of Popeye!

  178. Mr. Goboto
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:47 pm [Reply]

    @commodorejohn (#174): …and his “fondness” for sandwiches?

  179. carbunicle
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:51 pm [Reply]

  180. carbunicle
    January 24th, 2011 at 5:59 pm [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#147): Oh. God. I saw the throw pillows. I SAW THE PIL-LOOOOOOOWS!

  181. Greg
    January 24th, 2011 at 6:03 pm [Reply]

    @Shawn S. (#4): Double fisting straight whiskey out of coffee mugs… classy.

  182. UncleJeff
    January 24th, 2011 at 6:15 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162): That is funny…and so right. I think it would be helpful for artists and writers when CCers point out inconsistencies (like expanding & contracting couches) and I think, for the most part, the ‘Mudges are good-natured in their snarking about Mary Worth.
    I hope Ms Moy understands the love that CCers have for good comics and their “alternate universes” takes on some of them.

  183. UncleJeff
    January 24th, 2011 at 6:22 pm [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#164): Yellow mush with Mary? What? Did she come down with jaundice again?

  184. Dr. Weird
    January 24th, 2011 at 6:25 pm [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#180):

    I looked at the pillow. I didn’t see a spill. It’s a Rorschach pillow! He and Mary do share an uncompromising moral vision and neither will ever relent.

    “The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout ‘Meddle us!’…

    …and I’ll look down, and whisper ‘no.”

  185. Aviatrix
    January 24th, 2011 at 6:33 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162): I want it out there, that when I say Mary Worth bears little relation to reality or that I’m disappointed we had Chekov’s wastebasket and not Chekov’s hairdryer near the bathtub, it is because I enjoy doing so. I love that Moy is simultaneously writing a sanctimonious happy ending soap for sheltered white people and a super hip ironic commentary with kinky happy-endings. I’m not even sure whether I’d prefer to discover that the gay street dancing and the arc-end innuendo were a shout-out to people like us, or all in our minds.

    Almost no one here is calling for newspapers to drop the strip, so while written fan mail may provide a balance against us relative to some fulcrum, I wouldn’t say that ours were negative comments. Long May She Meddle!

  186. AndyL
    January 24th, 2011 at 6:36 pm [Reply]

    Over the next four weeks we’ll get a story about some previously unseen unwed woman in Charterstone who can’t find true love because of the eyestrain she gets reading eBooks from an iPad’s backlit LCD screen. Don’t worry, though. Mary Worth will be able to meddle her into buying a bookreader featuring an eye-soothing ePaper display, and she will fall in love with a salesman at the online bookstore.

  187. Aviatrix
    January 24th, 2011 at 6:53 pm [Reply]

    @AndyL (#186): I’d like to see Mary take on a shell-shocked war veteran. We have drugs and guns (shootout at SantaRoyMart) and global economic inequities (volunteering in Vietnam) so a war isn’t out of the question. Leo has Alex, Wally has Buddy, and now Lt. Brokenman has Mary. Which duo will make the most successful reintroduction to civilian life? By which I mean form a heterosexual pair bond and head to Northern Santa Royale.

  188. commodorejohn
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Mr. Goboto (#178): GLRK.

    @carbunicle (#179): Mmm. Love the not-Ferd’nand.

  189. Johnny Knuckles
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:01 pm [Reply]

    @Hibbleton (#2): Marmalude: Especially with a severed hand in the candy bowl.

  190. Joe Blevins
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:14 pm [Reply]

    Today, zombified Ziggy enjoys a good larf at the expense of a beloved TV personality.

  191. Uncle Lumpy
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:27 pm [Reply]

    @Joe Blevins (#190):

    Larry King is “beloved”? Man, if the bar is set that low, I’m makin’ my pitch for sainthood.

  192. Mary, Quite Contrary
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:41 pm [Reply]

    Notice Mary’s look of concern when Jeff mentions how easy it is to “instantly” download e-books. She has valid reasons to be worried. Perhaps Jeff will drain his PayPal account by wildly purchasing from the “reading device store.” Maybe he will become addicted to his device and start to neglect their contented relationship. Or, just maybe, he’ll show that newspapers are no longer relevant and that nobody gives a rats ass about Mary Worth.

  193. Alison
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:46 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth shall now be targeted for death by Tom Batiuk, Lynn Johnston, and all the other dinosaurs who openly rage at Kindle, and all modern publishing in general, in their strips starring big-time celebrity authors like Les Moore and Michael Patterson. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m on Team Worth.

  194. This Guy
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    Ziggy: The “diagnostic computer”? Did Ziggy show up at an auto repair shop for medical treatment? Why did the mechanics have an old-timey doctor costume on hand? You can consider these rhetorical questions, because if the guys down at the repair shop are into weird cosplay, I don’t really want to know about it.

  195. odinthor
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:48 pm [Reply]

    And when one thinks of Mary, one thinks “good times!”

  196. demoncat
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    mary smile is saying nice that you figured out how to keep up with the latest technology the young people these days are talking about hope the book is a romance novel. Marmaduke has decided to start his take over of the world by making his own owners his first test of his new army .

  197. Norma de Plume
    January 24th, 2011 at 7:57 pm [Reply]

    @ Not Worth It (#106): I predict that this storyline will introduce a local bookshop that is in danger of closing down and Mary will meddle it back into the red while telling Dr. Jeff that experiencing new technology isn’t bad, but he needs to support the old standbys too. Dr. Jeff will agree (of course). But secretly, he will be filled with shame. We will never see the “reading device” again.

    Also, Dr. Jeff’s leer seems more appropriate for a Viagra product placement than a Kindle.

  198. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:27 pm [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#179): That is the sexiest thing I have ever seen in my life.

  199. Jamus The Bartender
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:29 pm [Reply]

    @Dr. Weird (#184): If this doesn’t make COTW i’m gonna be very disappointed.

  200. True Fable
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:38 pm [Reply]

    “Hmm,” Mary thought, “Soon Jeff will be able to see that I don’t make up wise sayings when I meddle, I simply plagerize the hell out of Barlett’s Quotes. Death will come to him tonight. Now hmmm… what shall I serve at the funeral other than salmon squares..?”

  201. Charlie the Bursted Carbunkle
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:41 pm [Reply]

    Lio: Dropped from my bookmarks today, sadly. It’s not that I defend Michael Vick, but in the comments at GoComics Mark Tatulli demonstrates a willful ignorance of Vick’s current situation (Vick has to perform public service and surrender most of his salary per court order). Instead of being genuinely infuriated by Vick’s crimes, Tatulli seems to merely see Vick as an easy celebrity target that can’t fight back (or won’t notice)…and possibly an outlet for some long-term jealousy of jocks.

    Suggest harm befall a few of the public figures whose crimes far outweigh Vick’s and I might be impressed, Mark. But that would take balls I doubt you have.

  202. Violet
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:43 pm [Reply]

    Some degree of anti-climax was inevitable, I suppose, after the thrill-ride of profanity-laced delight that was Jill Black, but I would have expressed skepticism if told the next storyline would make Toby’s Identity Theft seem positively zippy by comparison. However, We Watch Mary Watch Jeff Read An Electronic Book looks to be a pretty serious contender.

  203. Saluki
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:48 pm [Reply]

    Dick Tracy: We interrupt today’s insanity to bring you the following exposition. We now return you to the regularly scheduled mayhem.

  204. wossname
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:49 pm [Reply]

    @Artist formerly known as Ben (#172): I wondered the same thing (how much Moy was being ironic) until the day Mary made Dr. Mike lie on his psychiatric couch and then debated Freudian vs. Jungian with him. At that moment, I knew that Moy was fully in on the joke.

  205. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    3G – “This is it, Luann. Look. Look now!”
    “What?”
    “Look at the odometer! The last four digits are all 7s! Isn’t that keen?”

    Dick – I think Locher retired already and left Brozman to play it by ear. Unfortunately, he has an ear infection.

    What a day I had.

  206. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:54 pm [Reply]

    Fred – “It is wet! (I am bathing!)”
    I reach.

    Herb – “Reverend, what’s your definition of the word ‘damned’? ‘Cause that’s what I’ll be if I let you have one more free refill.”

  207. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:56 pm [Reply]

    It hasn’t been a bad day, just busy as a one-armed paperhanger kind of day.

    Slylock – Apparently Big Brad Wolf was fibbing when he said he didn’t have a pot to pee in.

    Zippy – Take off, you knobs.

  208. [Old Man] Muffaroo
    January 24th, 2011 at 8:57 pm [Reply]

    I was animating all morning, doing other stuff all afternoon and evening. Start late and it takes forever to read all the comments!

    @This Guy (#y138): Yes, I usually prefer tonal music that seems to have a center and all that. On the other hand, Nancarrow’s player piano studies knock me out. They go directly to my spine.

    @Russ H (#y146): Joke’s on you! Ketcham’s signature does not appear anywhere in the Dennis strip these days. What you’re seeing is “Hamilton,” I believe, who is the daily artist these days. (Well, okay, it fooled me a time or two as well.)

    @carbunicle (#179): Nice! There’s the laff riot panto strip “Fred’ric,” and “Li’l Sidney,” and a one-line office or army strip whose name starts with “Fun-” in between. Best of all, she’s naked! Presumably.

  209. bats :[
    January 24th, 2011 at 9:24 pm [Reply]

    @odinthor (#195): I hadn’t considered that the reading device so lovingly cradled in Jeff’s hands could be used for a photograph…nice inspiration!

  210. Walker of Dog
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:00 pm [Reply]

    @greghousesgf (#169): Awesome! I hadn’t heard that before.
    Cool Spider-Man, we hardly knew ye.

  211. zerowolf
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:12 pm [Reply]

    FC: No, Dolly, beige slop served next to brown and serve oblong objects is standard comic strip fair.

  212. Government Cheese
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:26 pm [Reply]

    MW: Dr Jeff’s expression in the second panel is quite pervy. “Hehehe Mary I can download the plot for any ‘Tales of Ribaldry, instantly!’” Mary is of course aroused by her Jon Lovitz “Hmmm!”

  213. bourbon babe, unbuckled
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:36 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth’s reading-device download list:
    Cliches and Platitudes for All Occasions
    A Little Friendly Advice
    Best Advice for Preaching
    Fatal Advice
    You’re a Horrible Person, But I Like You
    Grandma’s Sex Handbook

  214. Anonymous
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:45 pm [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#179): That’s the way I always picture Bourbon Babe, mollificent, and Aviatrix as they read the comics. Écureuil Écumant, too, although that is neither here nor there.

  215. Ukulele Ike
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:46 pm [Reply]

    That was me. Not proud of it, but it was me.

  216. FOOBed again
    January 24th, 2011 at 10:53 pm [Reply]

    @Aviatrix (#185): @Aviatrix (#185):

    Almost no one here is calling for newspapers to drop the strip, so while written fan mail may provide a balance against us relative to some fulcrum, I wouldn’t say that ours were negative comments. Long May She Meddle!

    So true! In fact, I’d be willing to bet that if someone were to post here that their paper was dropping the strip and gave us an email to write to, there would be quite a few Curmudgeons writing asking them to keep it.

  217. zerowolf
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:00 pm [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162): She should be grateful for sites like CC. Before I discovered CC by accident (googling to find an obscure bit of Mark Trail trivia) I never read Mary Worth, A3G, or any of the other “soap strips.” In fact us mudgies may be Moy’s most loyal readers. Salmon Squares all around.

  218. chistery
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:05 pm [Reply]

    MWorth So Dr. Jeff is like those guys who take their transistor radios to the ball game to hear the play by play, even though they’re watching the damned thing in person? He’s downloading the latest edition of “Trannie Grannies” despite the fact that the real thing is flouncing around the living room, waving coffee mugs like a fan dancer at Studio 54 back in the day. Yeah, work those mugs Mary!

  219. Hasty Penguin
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:13 pm [Reply]

    Mary Worth is an incredible woman. In the time it takes a normal person to bring two cups of coffee over and sit down on a couch, she also brought over a pillow to rest against, as well as an additional table and lamp.

  220. heynoni
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:18 pm [Reply]

    MW is not endorsing reading devices. The “hmm” is a precursor to yet another morality story warning of the evils of internet-based technology. Easy-to-carry, you say? Buying books is an instant process, you say? Sloth is one of the seven deadly sins! You love it, you say? That sounds like you’re coveting this contraption! And let’s not forget: Eye cancer!!!

  221. VochoCinco
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:20 pm [Reply]

    @Hasty Penguin (#219): Maybe Mary Worth has a secret Ikea fetish!

  222. bats :[
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:25 pm [Reply]

  223. Frasier Crane
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:35 pm [Reply]

    Dr. Jeff hacked the hell out of that Nook Color, but it will come back to bite him. I predict a three-month storyline about his newfound Angry Birds addiction.

  224. This Guy
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:36 pm [Reply]

    @[Old Man] Muffaroo (#208): RE Nancarrow: That’s some wild stuff. I have the same reaction to George Crumb’s Black Angels. I once contributed a recording of that piece to a Halloween display in our dorm hallway.

  225. Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender
    January 24th, 2011 at 11:43 pm [Reply]

    Coming soon from Hewlett Packard, the HP Reading Device™, powered by computer algorithms from the Microsoft Corporation™, with all features stolen from more imaginative companies. They had to call it the Reading Device because nobody could come up with anything better.

  226. Government Cheese
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:05 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#222): The very cheek! Ooohh..! Oh, tonight’s tale is particularly naughty! Lusty, baudy, deliciously risque! I am ravished to say, bordering on an indecent, saucy, randy, suggestively off-color tale of rrrrribaldry! Isn’t it?

  227. Poteet
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:18 am [Reply]

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#164): That’s a very entertaining thought, right up to the moment when I imagine myself being a patient in one of those hospital rooms. Aiiiieee!

  228. Maggie the Cat
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:27 am [Reply]

    @zerowolf (#217):

    True that. I never appreciated the soaps or read them regularly except to mock and disregard them as silly comics for old people, until I found others (CC) who mocked with more gusto than I. Now I’ve been drawn into the trap of actually giving a rat’s ass about what happens in Santa Royale, Rex’s clinic, and the swinging bachelorette pad a.k.a. Apt 3-G.

  229. Poteet
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:47 am [Reply]

    @Rocky Stoneaxe (#162): Thank you. I’m glad to learn that MW gets fan letters. It makes the universe seem safer to me, somehow.

  230. Baka Gaijin
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:51 am [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#180): ” Oh. God. I saw the throw pillows. I SAW THE PIL-LOOOOOOOWS!” Uh oh. You know what Freud would say about that, now don’t you?

    @True Fable (#200): “Now hmmm… what shall I serve at the funeral other than salmon squares..?” Flat ginger ale. We can’t have those bubbles inciting excitement in people, now can we?

    @bourbon babe, unbuckled (#213): “Grandma’s Sex Handbook” EEE! EEE! EEE!

    @chistery (#218): COTW-worthy!

    @Chet McCord, Wildlife Defender (#225): COTW-worthy!

  231. Aviatrix
    January 25th, 2011 at 12:58 am [Reply]

    @Baka Gaijin (#230): I missed the pillows altogether. All I saw was the old-time Star Trek PADD morph into an iPad between panels.

  232. Rocky Stoneaxe
    January 25th, 2011 at 1:00 am [Reply]

    Monday leftovers:

    Today’s Dogg — This is the exact same pose Darby Conley uses for Satchel in Get Fuzzy! (But since there isn’t a single gonad between them, no one can accuse Guy Gilchrist’s “dogg” of penis envy!)

    Ferd’nand — Another mas mess-terpiece for the art gallery owned by Margo Magee! (We finally discover the primary source of the paintings in Margo’s gallery… and her seeming inability to sell any of them!)

  233. Komerade X
    January 25th, 2011 at 1:09 am [Reply]

    Sethie: “I’ve been trying to tell you for 7 weeks that you’re gay!”
    Uncle O’Edda: “I like blueberry Pop Tarts.”
    Sethie: “No, damn it. Let’s go through this again…”

  234. Aviatrix
    January 25th, 2011 at 1:27 am [Reply]

    @bats :[ (#222): I thought you’d done something to the eyes in that mashup, but then I looked back at the original to see the cushions and they’re really like that. He has to be showing her porn on that thing.

  235. Jamus The Bartender
    January 25th, 2011 at 2:11 am [Reply]

    Luann Enjoy that first taste of emotionally driven angry sex, kids. That first time is always special.

  236. Terryfic
    January 25th, 2011 at 2:57 am [Reply]

    @Hasty Penguin (#219): Am I the only one who sees that a wall has also been dropped behind the couch?

  237. Mibbitmaker
    January 25th, 2011 at 3:04 am [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#179): Tom Servo: “Say…!”

  238. SDL No More!
    January 25th, 2011 at 3:14 am [Reply]

    Hey check it out: Luann‘s sporadic diminutive bazillionaire suitor Elwood has a cameo in the 01/25 Jumble! Apparently the bazillions come from illegal toxic waste dumping. Or burying mob snitches. Either way that’s gonna be some good corn!

  239. mollificent
    January 25th, 2011 at 4:17 am [Reply]

    @Anonymous (but really Uke Ike) (#214): I’m naked as little as possible this time of year, let alone reading the comics first thing in the morning. Come back in July. (Stupid Seattle.) But thanks for the compliment. (I think.) ;)

  240. Marion Delgado
    January 25th, 2011 at 4:29 am [Reply]

    Kaitlyn should really do something on that imaginary persona Pluggers. It’s probably the biggest WTF in Plugger history.

  241. Marion Delgado
    January 25th, 2011 at 4:42 am [Reply]

    A3G: It’s called a man-root, Luann! A “love-muscle!” Let’s huff some CO and do it Albert Pinkham Ryder-style!

  242. mollificent
    January 25th, 2011 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    @Marion Delgado (#241): I haven’t even read A3G yet and your comment made me laugh out loud. :)

  243. This Guy
    January 25th, 2011 at 4:54 am [Reply]

    1/25
    9CL: Surely Seth’s new tactic of never deigning to explain himself to artless beefwits will prove once and for all that he’s not arrogant!

    Bizarro: Michael Stipe?

    Curtis: Another lift from Calvin & Hobbes. Just replace “Your suspension is over” with “You’re not an owl” and it’s pretty much the same. And Mrs. Curtis’s aside glance in the last panel dares the reader to argue.

    DT: If this works, everyone in the Tracyverse may as well commit suicide, seeing as their sole protector has the critical thinking skills of a concussed pillbug.

    FW: Look, sour-faced kid, you knew what you were signing up for. Being in the band ain’t for pussies.

    Marvin: I can only hope that this assault on the very concept of humor will at least teach others that just writing or saying the word “WikiLeaks” does not make you funny.

    RwO: I’ll field it this time: “Give me the keys, you fucking cocksucker.”

    R==R: “Look, shut the fuck up, both of you. I’m an omnipotent deity and it is impossible even for me to care less about your stupid fucking socks.”

    Speed Bump: If you convince yourself that that myth is true, can it actually become true for you? Who knows, you might be able to shut down the part of your brain that doesn’t blindly accept little factoids like that.

  244. plain bellied sneetch
    January 25th, 2011 at 5:27 am [Reply]

    Why is there gun shot residue on that throw pillow? Mary Worth would never do something as gauche as use a pillow as an improvised silencer, then put it back on the couch unwashed!

  245. AJiowa
    January 25th, 2011 at 6:42 am [Reply]

    Mary Worth–It appears to be a magic reader. In panel two, Dr. Jeff appears to have been transformed into a much younger version of himself!

  246. Bill Thompson
    January 25th, 2011 at 6:57 am [Reply]

    @Walker of Dog (#112): re: the Spiderman cartoon theme. “Action is his reward?” Who screwed up the aversion-therapy experiment and turned action into his punishment?

  247. gleeb
    January 25th, 2011 at 7:51 am [Reply]

    ‘bean: So, I guess we’ve heard the last of Wally and his magic slave dog. Through a combination of performing menial tasks and wishful thinking, Wally will never ever have any problems again. Either that of the need to write more damn band strips has overwhelmed Batiuk. It’s the band crap that reminds me why I didn’t read this back when it was “funny”.

    Pardon my Planet: Do hens have such pronounced combs?

    Pluggers: …only own the one pair of stockings, a habit from the War Years, no doubt.

  248. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2011 at 8:13 am [Reply]

    FW: Only in the Funkiverse does it make any sense to holler “GOOD MORNING!” through a bullhorn at kids who are six feet away. Band kids who have, at that very moment, suffered irreversible damage to a broad spectrum of their hair cells.

    And kid, the sun’s already come up — slinking meekly into the turgid sky behind a choking miasma of toxic, gritty, roiling smog that stifles its feeble umber rays. So, you gonna curse the darkness or light that Molotov cocktail?

  249. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2011 at 8:18 am [Reply]

    @247 gleeb said:

    Pardon my Planet: Do hens have such pronounced combs?

    It was quite the thing in certain circles during the disco years, and one would have expected the look to have resurfaced as “retro” by now, but for some reason this hasn’t occurred.

  250. Lisa
    January 25th, 2011 at 8:20 am [Reply]

    Apt 3G : it looks like Paul is plannining on “having an old friend for dinner” *does best Anothy Hopkins impression*
    Mary Worth: Really. Instead of a pool party we get a multi-day E-reader ad? Will Mary go to the mall to comparison shop? She will eventually settle on the Nook, after being snubbed by the Apple store, and remembering how dangerous the Internet is.

  251. yellojkt
    January 25th, 2011 at 8:25 am [Reply]

    Pluggers still wear hose with skirts.

  252. Tim
    January 25th, 2011 at 8:31 am [Reply]

    I saw that model of reading device in the store the other day. It was on the back of a Lucky Charms box. Simply cut on the dotted line and insert your favorite paperback.

  253. Écureuil Écumant
    January 25th, 2011 at 8:33 am [Reply]

    @Lisa (#250): You know, I can see Mary as more than just an E-lit consumer, but as an entrepreneur. Something like the perpetrator of a downloadable monthly cross-stitch magazine with patterns for things like platitudinous samplers and aprons, or stuffed meddle-dolls with deer-in-the-headlights button eyes. And ads for her side business purveying dessicated New Mexico desert ratshit to stuff ‘em with, and autographed corkscrews to meddle ‘em with.

  254. True Fable
    January 25th, 2011 at 8:55 am [Reply]

    Army of One Okay, I thought re: today’s AoO either Beetle Bailey has reached new heights of craziness that are completely oxygen-depleted, or I need to get a lot more sleep. At first glance I thought SHE was pinning on the medals and I wondered, “since when do generals wear white? Butwait, are those little curlicues on their chests Mort Walker-style hair, or wounds from the pinning?” Then I realized the general was nowhere around and this was the awful aftermath. DAMN I hate when the Walkers mess with my head. It’s like a goddamn Dick Tracy – Gil Thorp mashup.

  255. True Fable
    January 25th, 2011 at 9:05 am [Reply]

    For the record, I thoroughly enjoyed Pardon my Planet today.

  256. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 25th, 2011 at 9:39 am [Reply]

    A&J: guest written by Jumble Jeff.

    CdS: Alice, we have plenty here that you are welcome to.

    IP: Doomsday Device by IKEA, Secret Doom Chalet by Aku. [*]

    NAoQV: cameo win. *applaz*

    GF: ninja ferret haz skillz.

    Luann: unseen panel 4, the “slam into the locker” kiss. Unseen panel 5, locker banging that makes last week’s Zits look like a church social.

    MG&G: heh.

    Mutts: o goddess. oldest joke in the book. /facepalm.

    PMP: y’know, if this was AS, I’d be savaging it as a likely Far Side ripoff.

    Pluggers: failing at both product placement[*] and fan service.

    6Cx: HAH! it’s funny, cuz a woman wrote this, amirite?

    Tank: going Dolphin fishing, by the looks of it.

  257. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 25th, 2011 at 9:46 am [Reply]

    I see Jamus has already beaten me to the “angry hallsex” thought in Luann.

    c’mon Knute, pound her so hard into that locker that the two of you show up in Archie, smoking a post-coital smile as the detritus and plush toys spills out of Jugheads locker.

  258. CanuckDownSouth
    January 25th, 2011 at 9:57 am [Reply]

    Today’s general irritants: You don’t ask students whether they want to schedule makeups, you ask them which time they can come do it, tetanus shots last 10 years, so this can’t keep on happening every time, why is it *always* a jury-rigged rolled-up sleeve for the band director? and Tracy will be Just That Stupid, won’t he?

  259. wossname
    January 25th, 2011 at 10:15 am [Reply]

    A3G – “Don’t worry, Lu Ann, I own this meth lab.”

    Beetle – Boy, that’s a lean, mean fighting machine they’ve got at Camp Swampy.

    DT – the current arc recapped:
    Weeks 1- 3: Chief explains that Dick must transport Mordred because the FBI wants him to and it can only be done by Dick, all alone.
    Weeks 4 – 6: Entire cast discusses the fact that it’s raining a lot.
    Weeks 7 – 11: Dick stands around, then drives around with Mordred, encountering various obstacles.
    Weeks 12 – 13: Dick drives into a flooded road where the water turns out to be 30 feet deep.
    Weeks 14 – 17: Mordred: “I’ll kill you.” Dick: “No you won’t.”
    Weeks 18 – ?? They enter the granary. Mordred: “Take my chains off.” Dick: “No.” Mordred: “aww, PLEEEEZE?”

  260. queek, source of Cuteness, Kawaii Commandos
    January 25th, 2011 at 10:23 am [Reply]

    your moment of Colbert. (grawlexes)

    funny anime joke. (mildly naughty.)

    for the Didactic Duo.

    cosplay crossover (NOT for Baka Gaijin!!!)

    in honor of PBS.

    SQWEEE!!!

    Here’s how to make FW better.

    special delivery for bb,u.

    bonus corgsqui for those, like me, trapped in coldgreydeathweather.

  261. Calico
    January 25th, 2011 at 11:27 am [Reply]

    @carbunicle (#179):
    Oh my God, is that January Jones?

  262. Robert Synnott
    January 25th, 2011 at 6:01 pm [Reply]

    No, no, you misunderstand. It’s blackmail. Pay up, Amazon, or Mary will start talking about how much she loves the Kindle and One Click Purchases and the Elastic Compute Cloud and so on, and then no-one will want them, tainted as they are by association with The Meddler.

  263. Robert Synnott
    January 25th, 2011 at 6:04 pm [Reply]

    Oh, or maybe it’s a colour Nook, and the next six months are going to be about Android rooting and installing custom ROMs! That would be amazing.

  264. Read em and laf
    January 26th, 2011 at 12:50 am [Reply]

    MW “HMM…” is never a sign of approval.
    Where’s the other cup of coffee? Panel one shows her delivering two like a waitress, and by panel two, one disappeared. Did the dear doctor send it back to the kitchen?
    Or did she dump it in his lap and he was too engrossed to notice?

  265. Hibbleton
    January 26th, 2011 at 8:41 am [Reply]

    @Read em and laf (#264):
    You’ll notice one cup is empty. That’s the one they throw in the fireplace. Wine glasses are expensive.

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