It’s not paranoia if they really are out to get you
Apartment 3-G, 10/4/05
And yet if I walked into a police station and started shouting “THE GIRLS IN APARTMENT 3-G ARE STALKING ME, I SWEAR TO GOD” — as I would be well within my rights to do — they’d put me away. There ain’t no justice in this world, I tell you what.
Better not encourage Professor Beardopopolous, Lu Ann, as he apparently has an entire bookshelf full of enormous, folio-sized, 1930s-era ALBUMs — and since he has the arm strength to pull one off the shelf one-handed, you know he shows them off a lot. Will you still think it’s beautiful three hours from now? (“And this is what the backyard looked like in 1951, when my mother tried to plant some bougainvillea. That didn’t really work out so well…”) You may not have to pay to honeymoon there, but nothing’s free.