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Hey, everybody! I’m not going to be able to post again until Monday evening, so I figured that, since the comments of last week have lasted nearly two weeks, I’d give you some COTW action to enjoy a bit early. First, our first COTW of the new year:

“Why the hell aren’t glowing telepathic otters the most publicized aspect of Kwanzaa? Its presence in Curtis has single-handedly legitimized this holiday in my mind.” –Joe

And many other funnies as well:

“Mary Worth wouldn’t last long in the third world but it would be fun watching her suffer.” –MossMoses

“Having ‘Kick Butt’ on a sweater vest would serve as a useful reminder for the school bullies, who would be on this kid like Ohhhh on Yeah.” –Steve S

“I’d respect that giant golden otter more if it didn’t look so much like a Hello Kitty … or maybe the Pink Panther? Either way, dubious street cred.” –Sheilagh

“Mary Worth is like diarrhea. It’s relentless, and, and…and…uh…okay, so the analogy sort of peters out after that. But I really just wanted to say how it’s like diarrhea, so I’m happy.” –Baby D’oh

“Also, today’s For Better or For Worse fills me with thoughts of self-mutilation. But Elly would be right there telling me how to do it better.” –Kate

“Nice to see Les relaxing in the teacher’s lounge with Rush Limbaugh and John Holmes. This school must have a pretty lax policy on drugs.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“The Unbearable Magnetism of Liz: The child-bearing hips are the key that unlocks this mystery. With Canada’s low population and growing percentage of doddering stroke-afflicted geezers and flabby boomers, something drastic must be done! Immigration is not enough! Canada’s government has instituted a secret program to populate the Great White North via Elizabeth Patterson’s vagina. To maintain genetic diversity a platoon of racially heterogeneous males has been enlisted to assist.” –Pelagius

“We get it! We are a confusing species! We do things that beavers don’t understand! Well, I do, anyway.” –Justin

“April, the main concern for young women with your drooping, sagalicious cleavage is to lift them up like impoverished Congo peasants through Christian evangelism. This can be accomplished through a device known commonly as a brassiere or ‘bra.’ They sell them in stores these days.” –Dingo

And let’s not forget the advertisers who help make it all possible:

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