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No beating around the bush today! Right to the COTW!

“I am just plain icked out by the direction Luann has been taking over the last couple of weeks. It appears to be morphing into what essentially amounts to the softest-core porn ever. It’s like porn for children in the fifties.” –Violet

And the runners up! Another very strong week this week…

“I also notice [that Mary] did NOT say, ‘As I live and breathe.’ This is because Mary Worth is a ghoul who neither lives nor breathes. I assume this comes as a shock to no one.” –Donald The Anarchist

“Oh, how I wish I’d waited until morning to view this post! Now I have to contend with ‘Wonder Mary’ all night long. And I was hoping to masturbate tonight, damn it!” –cheech wizard

“Maria appears not to be eating but rather to be pulling, with a dinner fork, an alien parasite from her esophageal tract. I’m surely mistaken, because that would be exciting, and this is Spider-Man.” –Beatrice

“Someone earned a salary this week by reading Herb and Jamaal before publication and then inserting the words ‘to sleep’ into the first panel to ensure nothing indecent could be construed out of it. That person probably got a loan to buy a $500,000 house. The risk on that loan was repackaged into credit default swaps multiple times and sold to multiple different financial institutions. In case you are wondering, that is how I will explain the current economic crisis to anyone who asks from now on.” –DaveyK

“I dunno, I think it’s kind of surreally adorable. I like to think that between panels one and two she unhinged her jaw and swallowed that whole.” –commodorejohn, on Maria’s eating style

“Wow. I wonder if tomorrow’s installment will include Herb thinking, ‘Sitting on the toilet is the best place for crapping.'” –Dr. Pants

“I love Maria’s black lip gloss. Since it doesn’t seem to smear when you slather it with drawn butter, it’s perfect for the girl on the go.” –bitter law student

“Mark is going to see right through Sue’s intentions, just like we see through her terrible dye job. Honestly, Sue, did you forget you had eyebrows?” –Lithros

“It’s the psychic taint left by the hundreds of homicides that detective has investigated that is attracting Margo to him. Residual pain is like cologne to her.” –willieO

“WHY DON’T YOU TELL US AGAIN, MUCH MORE EMPHATICALLY, EXACTLY WHAT THE SITUATION IS AND HOW MARY WILL BE MEDDLING IN IT?” –Angry Kem

“I find myself seriously appreciating Matt’s hat — not so much because of the style, but because it allows me to distinguish him from all of the other characters in the strip, including the women.” –Honeypot

“Otto may be able to drink his water from a straw, but he probably still has to get up to go pee, while a more canny dog would have a deep chamber pot handy.” –docweasel

“Also, when was the last time any sentient being uttered the words ‘How about a hot date?’ My guess: approximately never.” –Skullturf Q. Beavispants

“I interpreted the head bobbing of Jeffy’s dad to be the onset of Parkinson’s. I’ll bet he’s wishing he used some of his own litter for their stem cells right about now.” –Bribaby

“Mr. Dithers is setting himself about one hunger attack away from meeting his end as part of an enormous sandwich.” –Djagir

“Elsewhere, Stan Lee kicks off another riveting week of Spider-Man non-action with a delightful bit of onomatopoeia. SLUDDDD: The sound made by a pompous cheap-suited Hitler lookalike being thrown across a restaurant floor by an unimposing fifth-tier villain dressed like a 1970s movie producer. Add it to your dictionaries, kids!” –Muddtallica

“Only in MW does ‘tout’ get used properly, instead of as some substitute for another word, much like the ‘flout/flaunt’ problem. This is because Mary and Jeff are sophisticated androids programmed with excellent grammar. Which would also explain their ‘romance’.” –CanuckDownSouth

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