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“What!” you’re exclaiming. “You’re going on vacation again?” Yes, I am. I’ll be back on Monday, 4/20. Until then, Uncle Lumpy is in charge, so be nice!

If you’re mad at me, just imagine I’m Coach Thorp in this hypnotic animated GIF from faithful reader One-eyed Wolfdog:

Or this hypnotic YouTube video from faithful reader Scott. (Great minds think alike!)

And now, to spare Uncle Lumpy the pain of picking out the best of the best, your comment of the abbreviated week!

“Has anyone ever actually seen a person clean while wearing an apron and a head schmatta? I’m 49 years old, have four immigrant grandparents, grew up in a blue collar world where some people I knew earned a living by cleaning, and yet I’ve never seen anyone dress up like that. This must the artist’s way of letting us know that the character is cleaning and not watching TV or masturbating.” –SF_Reader

And the runners-up! Very funny!

“If all goes well, the saga of Ted and Adrian will end with everybody in the Corey family having to apologize for thinking Ted’s a conman, but only just before Ted is horsewhipped in Charterstone’s public square for allowing his identity to be stolen. FYI, if Ted is put in the Charterstone pool and yet floats, the punishment will be far, far worse.” –Frank Parsnip

“I was gonna send something to Josh about Garfield self-plagiarizing, but I didn’t have time to scan every Garfield strip ever published.” –Chupper

“Gil will, of course, regress to being a six year old and talk in an adorable lisp. The scenes where he calls Mimi ‘mom’ should be amusingly uncomfortable.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“[The Pluggers chicken-lady] appears to be of the same zoological family as the birds in Shoe. They seem to have evolved fleshy lumps where their beaks should be. And hands, of course. It’s all a natural progression, leading ultimately to a Ziggy.” –un malpaso

“So, does Rusty go back to school soon, assuming a public school system exists near Lost Forest? Or is the realm like a reverse-Narnia, always summer but never fun?” –cj

“Sunday’s Mark Trail, in a rare instance of continuity, will feature the rare Orange-Bellied Punchy-Con. ‘Modern technology seems destined to doom this good-natured cash-flinger … but some woodsmen know to set out its favorite treat, Monstrouschild’s Cameras, to encourage this reclusive omnivore to dig a home in a sheltered habitat!’ Then the director of NOAA will inexplicably show up to give Mark an award in the last panel.” –Dragon of Life

“I’m not sure if Rusty’s death-mask grin in the last panel is supposed to indicate one of those ‘Sure, Dad!’ fake smiles (while he’s really calculating how quickly he can reach the border of the Lost Forest and be free) or if it means the muscle-contracting poison in Cherry’s cookies is starting to set in.” –Eldaglass

“Looking at the background of Mark Trail gives me a headache. ‘You shouldn’t be going too far from Lost Forst alone … but feel free to teleport between this room made of rough-hewn logs in panel 1, a featureless beige nothingness in panel 2, and outdoors in panel 3!’ Then again, Mark is himself a sort of featureless beige nothingness.” –Nomstrosity

“Uh-oh: Gil’s going to lose his ‘coachy sense’!” –Gal Friday

“Today’s Pluggers is a goddamn lie; pluggers do not send letters because pluggers are illiterate. At least, that’s the only valid explanation for why they didn’t lynch Gary Brookins years ago.” –Captain Thunder

“That’s sort of the tagline for Momma, isn’t it? ‘Momma: Eventually your soul will scab over.'” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Sometimes I think that Apartment 3-G is really an advertisement form Ikea. ‘To the left of the unimaginably boring woman, you can see our new Blue Curtains #3898 which complement any generic apartment of up-and-coming middle-classers.’ That’s our Tommie, making uninteresting objects interesting by mere comparison.” –Jeremiah

“That guy in today’s Momma apparently has a spare organ that allows him to poop a chair out of his butt when needed, and retract it when he doesn’t.” –Patrick

“Clearly the ‘organs’ to which the man is referring can only be two things: 1) He is a pipe organ salesman, or 2) He is aware of her need to devour human organs.” –Sarah

“They’ve already got stimulus money creating jobs in Judge Parker? Mark this day — it is the only time we’ll ever see anything in Judge Parker work faster than in real life.” –rhymes with puck

“Poor Ruby, seeking a cup of Margo’s urine but she isn’t home. Maybe a bottle of Tommie’s tears will do the trick.” –Dingo

“If I had a potato gun and access to a third-story window, I would shoot baseballs at Gil Thorp, too.” –survivor

“Billy’s winsomely ignorant remark was met with a slurred but fairly enthusiastic ‘you got that right, kid’ from the drunken derelict relieving himself in a nearby corner of the bus station in which his parents had abandoned him. The saddest part though, really, is that he’s not even reading Spider-Man.” –Violet

“Tommorow’s Spider-Man should have Spidey reading the comics and commenting: ‘Well it’s a good thing Billy’s parents weren’t afraid of cantaloupes!’ Although it’s probably just a pipe dream, as not only does Spidey lack the wit but I’m pretty sure he’s also illiterate.” –It’s time to pay the price

“The reason Peter Parker’s biological parents did not raise him is that there was something they wanted to watch on TV at the time.” –Nekrotzar

See you in a week or so! Don’t trash the place!