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Is this the first ever COTW post written on a moving bus somewhere on the New Jersey Turnpike, thanks to Bolt Bus’s free Wi-Fi? POSSIBLY! Anyway, enjoy your somewhat truncated (all pre-weekend getaway, sorry) comments of the week! First, your #1 comment:

“At least Lonnie died doing what he loved: nothing.” –Rhekarid

And your runners up! Also hilarious!

“I think I see the Keane parents’ plan here. They fill the pool with water every day, but each day they inch it closer to the wild expanse that is the backyard. With luck the children might someday become lost on the way back. Dolly seems to have caught on, but poor Jeffy will go on drinking his ‘water’ until it’s far too late. At night, the wolves will come.” –TheTJ

“Phantom: What sort of totalitarian police state doesn’t have standing orders to shoot through a human shield? Not any sort of totalitarian police state I’d care to infiltrate, that’s for sure.” –Greenman Lefey

“The look of pure loathing on Dolly’s face adds an extra level of pathos. ‘Insult the taste of MY urine, will you?'” –Rootboy

“It appears Dr. Mike is jumping right into his plan to dispose of his father’s body — namely, eating it by the fistful.” –Reedzilla

“Take a look at Hubby’s itty-witty hand. She probably has no reason to fear any attempt at violence, except him possibly using his huge head as a club.” –Poteet

“Of course Jamarr is ditching practice, because he fears a quarterback who is nothing but a disembodied head held up by the massive hands of some unseen fiend. Gil should be wondering about the other boys, who seem more than enthusiastic about joining in the unspeakable rituals of this coven masquerading as a ‘huddle.'” –Lawyerbob

“Coachy McFacialhair may appear emotionally stable as he disdainfully intones that Jamarr has a cold (or so he says), but look closer. His grin is frozen in a Jokeresque rictus and his eyes are practically popping out of his head. That toy telephone is going to shatter into a million pieces when he crushes it in his giant meatpaw.” –LaurenM

“Do not let that bear fool you. It is not ‘half-tamed,’ it’s just biding its time. RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN.” –Smokehouse

“I’m not up on the cost of elaborate chain link fences and a Noah’s Ark-worth of wild animals so you could host a big game hunt for your voting buddies, but wouldn’t it be cheaper to just write a news release announcing your plans to run for governor, and maybe having some signs printed and buying some air time on the Lost Forest Network?” –Dood

“If Frank eventually ends up hunting Mark Trail for sport, he can count on my vote!” –Digger

“So young Jamarr will be found out, and sat out for the first two games of the season due to his ‘cold,’ and the team will get properly stomped on and then fall just short of making the playdowns because of their star player’s laziness? Well, these are all good life lessons, I guess, something to think about five years from now when he’s making $10 million a year with the Jets.” –Mooncattie

As ever, big thanks go out to everyone who put some cash in my tip jar! And, while there are no advertisers to thank this week, there have been some exciting updates to our advertising offerings, so please check those out!