Hello, everybody! I have returned from my Northwesterly sojourn and am as ever extremely grateful for Uncle Lumpy’s incomparable guest-hosting duties. And I am of course also extremely grateful to everyone who gave money in last week’s fundraiser! You will all be getting individual thank-yous this week, obviously, but for now I give a blanket thanks.
Uncle Lumpy was also kind enough to keep a list of the most amusing comments you made this week! Here is the top comment, chosen from his curated list using the top-secret COTW algorithm:
“This whole makeover story is what Sex and the City would have been if it was written by heterosexual men.” –Gabacho
And the runners up! Also funny!
Mary Worth: “If I could invent a way to stab comic characters through the Internet I’d be rich!” — Dan
Pibgorn: “This is a little like a ‘choose your own adventure’ book written by someone high on mescaline who spent too much time reading Ann Rice books and staring at 1970s van art.” — Hank
“Re-running a Pluggers without any notification is about as Pluggers as it gets.” –Dood
Dennis the Menace: “Margaret: ‘Maybe someday we’ll share the same last name, Dennis.’ Dennis: ‘Yeah, and then you’ll write Gone with the Wind!” –[Old Man] Muffaroo
Spider-Man: “HAHA! I am going to take control of Tony Stark to blow up a plane! No! Nevermind that! My real plan is to show the city my power! I mean, make the city terrified of Stark! Actually, my plan is to disgrace and then destroy Stark. Because… because… for… uh… for vengeance of course! That’s the ticket! Yeah, I’ll get revenge by making him kill Spider-Man! That’s my plan! Has been all along! Yes, my plan! My perfect plan to… to… to destroy Stark Industries! Yes that’s my plan! My perfect plan to destroy Stark industries… as a means of killing Spider-Man because… because… he’s the ultimate victim! For my revenge! Which is to make Spider-Man afraid of Iron Man! Yes, yes! My plan is coming together — my perfect, unchanging plan to disgrace Spider Man! Soon! Soon! Soon my plan, which has been and always will be to turn Tony Stark into a murderer, will be accomplished! MWAHAHAHAHA!” –Le Pompadour de Lynch
Funky Winkerbean: “Patrons be forewarned: No one will be seated during the spinechilling ‘walking through the door and looking at his watch’ scene!” –Pop Goes the Weasel
“The thought of a bus full of elementary-school children crying out in cornpone terror (‘Please, Gawd, naw! Don’t let me kick th’ buckit!’) is just too much for me to handle. But then — I’ve just remembered — that bus can’t have passengers, because there’s no way little children actually go to school in Gasoline Alley. Phew.” –Mollie
Luann: “Hi Tiffany, can we use you as bait?” –zerowolf
Brenda Starr: “Yes, it’s quite the chic thing for Bubba Haskins to stop by and get a mess of crickets or redworms to take to the river and fish, and while he’s gone his girlfriend Amber Faye Handful will stretch out under the tanning lamps until she’s the exact shade of her Lane hope chest she got at graduation back a while. Ain’t nothin’ like an all-purpose gas station/shit-n-git…” –True Fable
Pluggers: “The only explanation for a graveyard that crowded is that pluggers purchase vertical burial plots as a space/cost saving move. But no that can’t be right, most pluggers are just as wide as they are tall so that wouldn’t save any space at all.” –Thomas B.
Curtis: “If SuperCaptainCoolman can rip through 50 feet of solid rock like it is tissue paper, what in the world happens when he wipes his ass?” –Thomas B.
Apartment 3-G: “Love how Doris just blows her off. Luann’s problem is new hair covering the same old brain.” –Roman Fingers
“God is flooding the Earth to cleanse it of Fred Basset.” –commodorejohn
Mark Trail: “Judging by the length of the lens and the size of the front element, Mark seems to have recently purchased a 2600mm f/32 telephoto lens, probably from a sketchy Korean eBay account. If he sets up 50,000 watts of lighting he may be able to get a decent exposure, I hope it doesn’t blow his cover. Alternately, that may be a smaller lens with two feet of extension tubes to give it 10x macro magnification, for getting a real close look at the pores on whatever chin he’s going to have to punch.” –B
Again, HUGE thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:
- “I am a genius of unspeakable evil, and I want to be your class president”: Family Guy meets Election in this novel from the Emmy-award winning producer of the Daily Show. “If War and Peace had a baby with The Breakfast Club and then left the baby to be raised by wolves, this book would be the result. I loved it.” –Jon Stewart
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