Metapost: Triumphant return COTW
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Hello all! First, a huge thanks to everyone who contributed to the fall fundraiser — thank you! All who donated will be getting a personal thank you this week, but I wanted to express my gratitude to the world now. And thanks for being so nice to the hilarious Uncle Lumpy in my absence. He was kind enough to cull the best comments for this week, though I alone choose the top comment of the week:
“My name is Judge Alan Parker. You panned my book. Prepare to die.” –LP2004
And yet we all must admit that the runners up are extremely hilarious!
Gasoline Alley: “This revelation heralded a disturbing new turn in Slim’s relationship with Clovia. ‘I want your your tongue all over my face Clovia! No — more slobber! Yeah, oh, yeah, that’s it! … Now, bark!’ –Cloudbuster
Luann: “WHAAAAAT? Are you saying that Quill is both an Australian and Luann’s boyfriend?! Thanks for reminding me, I almost forgot.” –Doyle
Gil Thorp: “This will all be worth it if he’s silent because he has a really high, silly voice, and he’s tired of people making fun of him, instead of the deep, dark secret we know it’s going to be.” –bbofun
One Big Happy: “This is like the most relaxed, chill version of The Raven ever. “So this raven comes into my room/I fed him some breakfast cereal and made him sleep in a doll bed/No biggie.” –Joe Blevins
“OMG! Mary Worth is turning into a geriatric lesbian porno right before our eyes.” –Baka Gaijin
Judge Parker: “OH THANK GOD! I’ve been on the edge of my seat for weeks wondering what pre-dinner drinks these twats would order!” –pugfuggly
9 Chickweed Lane: “Wait a minute… absolutely everything in this strip except the occasional one-off involving Thorax or the cat is about the psychologically unhealthy assertion of power through sexuality. Nazism, classical piano, dance, prejudice against homosexuals, religion, the organized priesthood, the legal system, friendship, psychotic breaks with reality, secret government surveillance, veterinary medicine, furniture, language, clothing, education… everything. These aren’t even characters, they are walking, junior high school-level manifestations of Freudian mental illness with self-parodyingly pretentious vocabularies. How did I never notice this before?” –Master Softheart
“Luann has morphed into a blow up sex doll. Even as an inanimate object she has more personality than Quill.” –Everything Is Better with Monkeys
Luann: “If her lips go back to skinny after this dance, I’m calling complete bullshit. A priest told me it can’t be done, no matter what the Internet says.” –Esther Blodgett
Dick Tracy: “This is what happens when you install Apple Maps on your space coupe.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip
Rex Morgan, M.D.: “Warning — absolutely NO ONE will be seated during the stirring glop-cutting sequence!” –Shrug (no coughing or paper crumpling, either)
Mary Worth: “Mary looks bored to death today. No wonder, since the subject has moved away from ‘Mary Worth is great’ for a whole ten seconds. I expect her to interrupt any minute now: ‘Okay, Shelly, blah blah, you work with homeless people or astronauts or zoo animals or whatever it is, I get it, blah blah blah, can we talk about ME, already?'” –Alison
Family Circus: “Last time Daddy picked someone to win that person lost and Daddy owed some big guys a lot of money.” –Liam
Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.