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Am I going to keep complaining about how cold it is in every comment of the week intro? I will, until it stops being so cold outside. Ugh, you guys, I’m old, I should retire to Florida or something.

ANYWAY, warm your bones with this week’s top comment:

“Here you see the genesis of Alan Parker’s next novel: Paradise Leased, in which Satan sells out to foreign investors.” –Droopy Says

And the runners up! Very funny!

“Say, did we ever meet Lisa’s parents, or was she a total Rescue Wife? Funky Winkerbean turned into Mutts so gradually I never even noticed!” –Uncle Lumpy

“I have a feeling that this sassy little wedding is just going to underscore how dull Tommie’s wedding is going to be. ‘Do you, generic British man, take this red-headed bowl of oatmeal, to have and hold, but largely ignore, for as long as you both shall live?’ ‘I concur.'” –pugfuggly

Snuffy’s gleeful gaze upward is the real poke in God’s eye. ‘Who was it created Satan, O Lord, and created me without a conscience?'” –Robot Quasar

“Standing at 9’7″ and clad in his flowing blue ceremonial robe, the looming presence of Intergalactic Love Marshall Kramdar bore witness to the marriage ceremony of human designated units Elroy and Susan. He will be the first to admit that he does not understand this planet.” –Chareth Cutestory

“I, Elroy Arens, take you, the incorruptible corpse of a Catholic saint, as my wedded wife.” –sporknpork

“Mark’s not giving that pelican a fish. That’s clearly a soggy condom full of cocaine. Is Mark a drug smuggler? My god … autistic nature doofus was the perfect cover. He wasn’t protecting the wildlife, he was protecting … his turf.” –bunivasal

“Jessica Canupp, eh? Sorry, Ms. Canupp. I didn’t immediately realize you were female. I apologize for calling you ‘buddy’ earlier as if you were a male intimate. No disrespect intended. I’ll avert my eyes now if you want to do any … uh, feminine things. *cough*” –Joe Blevins

“I love how they draw the moon in Heathcliff, surrounded as it is by a cloud of darkness in an otherwise bright sky. Is the Oculus of Supreme Night the most important character in Heathcliff?” –Mabel

“Why … why is the flounder looking at me? I’ve scrolled down to the comments and yet his gaze still pierces my soul, silently judging. Silently waiting.” –Chyron HR

“Given the pointing ‘THIN ICE’ sign in panel one (‘thin ice, right this way!’), I’m thinking today’s Momma is less about Francis murdering his friend and more about the locals’ addiction to insane risk. Or, sure, murder.” –Compson

“Say what you will about the Amazing Spider-Man, but at least he’s got a sense of fair play. Utilizing superhuman danger-sense and agility is just cheap unless you loudly announce your slick moves in real time.” –Doctor Handsome

“I have no idea what Jeffy might have seen in that telescope that would make him hate clouds — clouds, for chrissake! But that’s the point, isn’t it? This trip is transitioning from The Family Circus to Jeffy! and getting more and more indecipherable, in a race against Heathcliff for the lucrative stoner comic strip audience. Anyway, ‘I sure wish God had never invented clouds’ is the new all-purpose phrase — kind of like ‘Christ, what an asshole!’ But less aggressive, for the stoner audience. Try it anywhere, in any strip.” –Dr. Mabuse

“Funky’s Credo: ‘What doesn’t kill me is a waste of my time.'” –Spunde

“I don’t think Crock is actually going for innuendo here. I think that they both believe that women, in general, have detailed databases, or at least Excel spreadsheets, about their sexual partners, past, present, and anticipated. But Billie Jean isn’t that kind of girl. She just notches her bedpost and moves on.’ –Lily Sincere

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And, just as an advertising program note, I’ve started using BuySellAds as a platform for you to buy ads directly on my site on a CPM basis. To find out more, you can go to my BuySellAds page or just click here.