Haha, whoops, I completely neglected to do a comment of the week last week, didn’t I? In my defense there was, uh, Thanksgiving weekend and such. ANYWAY. I’m fixing that today! Ladies and gentlemen, your comment … of the week!
“In the first panel, a cackling octogenarian Pee Wee Herman squeezes some white goo into a bowl while Tobey gives herself a breast exam. After that, who needs a second panel?” –AhClem
And the hilarious runners up!
“‘I’m worried about MJ. I keep giving her the finger, and she doesn’t even notice,’ thinks Peter, the man who forgot how hands work.” –made of wince
“Having visited Iceland with its 300,000 inhabitants, I can totally understand how the Phantom family, especially the tall purple dude with the trenchcoat, will be able to move about while remaining quite unnoticed. Yes.” –Poteet
“Deserve to be in the finals? What, are you insinuating that we’re here just because of luck, or some kind of deal with Satan where I traded my immortal soul for just one shot at glory with this terrible team? Because that is ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous.” –pugfuggly
“Pius XI wrote some encyclicals that pointed out the evils of greed, capitalism and international finance. Gil will rally his troops by explaining that they’re not going to up against the power of the Almighty, they’re going to war against Communism.” –Hogenmogen
“A basic artistic question has been haunting Judge Parker’s readership: how would Manley portray a Hollywood star world-famous for her good looks in a strip where lawyers, secretaries, ‘translators,’ bookish high school students, vineyard owners in Napa County, and the domestic staff at Spencer Farms are all as stunningly gorgeous as the constraints of a daily comic strip panel allows? Well, the answer delivers on Judge Parker’s core strength of deadpan social satire. From her ludicrous name to the blank oblivion behind her glasses to the fact that she has a bra-less figure that by high-fashion mannequins would consider unrealistic, Godiva Danube is the paragon of empty, mass-media materialism.” –Master Softheart
“Dennis the Menace raises questions about time and space. Did Alice have time to wash her hands? Where is ‘there’ that isn’t here? Is there a safe concealed behind the vaguely erotic broccoli painting? If so, how does it fit into the thin wall?” –Downpuppy
“A ‘classic’? Does that mean this has run before? ‘Hello, Mr Pluggers Guy? Yeah, this is Bill Beck. My wife is still bugging me about the gutters. Can you rerun that cartoon for me? Thanks, appreciate it.'” –aphthakid
“‘That swamp really smells bad! I can’t wait to replace it with the clear, dry, mineral scent of a mining operation.’ ‘We get it, Mitchum — you’re named after a deodorant.'” –BigTed
“So he just leaves through his own apartment window? Well, I guess that’s how he keeps his secret identity. Man on the street: ‘Wow, Spider-Man sure visits that dipshit Parker a lot.'” –Mikey
“Hey, if you’ve got a squirrelly guy like Mitchum around the office — masturbates behind word bubbles, walks around with a cup and pot of coffee, calls sums of money ‘large’ — you’ll want to assure him to calm the fuck down at the end of every sentence you speak.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“Crankshaft takes place in the relative past to Funky Winkerbean, right? So it’s safe to assume that in the main Funkyverse strip, this movie theater does not exist and has fallen into oblivion. This pleases me.” –Justin
“I’m legitimately amazed that Ed hasn’t responded to Mustache Man’s continual self-pity/loathing with something along the lines of ‘People aren’t tired of seeing movies on the big screen. They’re just tired of you.’ This isn’t the Crankshaft we know and lov… we know.” –Shran
“Mary Worth likes to watch people fuck. Now we know.” –cheech wizard
“Loweezy wears a hat over a shawl. Let that sink in for a moment. Loweezy wears a hat over a shawl.” –Pozzo
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