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Hi and Lois, 4/2/15

“Dad pretends to be OK with little kid threatening to run away” is an old humor trope, but the bolding on months really adds a subtle edge to this one, in my opinion. “Ha ha, yeah, cute hobo bindle, glad to see I raised a kid who appreciates the classics, and by the way I don’t want to see you again until fucking July at the earliest, OK? Seriously, why am I even looking at you now? The railyard’s a couple miles away, you could be there before dark if you hurry. Don’t wanna spend too much time around railyards after dark, that’s my last tip for you.”

Mary Worth, 4/2/15

“Josh,” you’re probably wondering, “when will you stop putting up episodes from this Mary Worth cop-romance flashback every day just to marvel at their hilarious squareness?” Oh, I don’t know, maybe around the time they stop being hilariously square, something which I earnestly pray will never happen. Guys, what’s more terrifying than karate? Probably synchronized karate, am I right? Two flying karate kicks, coming at you a perfect tandem forged by professional camaraderie, true love, and years of training in a bald sensei’s dojo. Not really sure why they even need the guns in panel two, to be honest.

Beetle Bailey, 4/2/15

True story: based on General Halftrack’s gobsmacked expression in panel two, I assumed Private Blips was about to double-check his temperature using a rectal thermometer and wanted a little privacy for the procedure. In fact, the joke is that General Halftrack’s temperature is high because he’s horny for Miss Buxley! I’m terrible, but I’m pretty sure that’s worse.