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It’s early on the west coast, OK? Anyway, here’s this week’s fantastic top comment:

“When you find an old wreck/ And you think, ‘What the heck!/ That’s a moray!'” –POB14

And here are the hilarious runners up!

“So no one else at the reunion can see the teens and the sinkhole, or there is no one else at the reunion? Cayla looks about ready to push Les in, for what it’s worth.” –Rusty

“This really glossed over Lisa learning that she’s going to die horribly and also end up with Les.” –SideshowJon

“I’m not a huge fan of Skeet Ulrich, but I would never actually want to shoot him. Maybe I’m misunderstanding the point of today’s Judge Parker.” –John C Fremont

“I feel bad for the poor schmoe who is about to lose his spot on the Olympic skeet team to Sam.” –FE

“Oh my god, cellphones really DO cause cancer!” –Mumblix Grumph

“Did he also bring back a modern computer with the correct interface software and cables? Because otherwise there’s no way to get the pictures off the thing. He’ll just have to hold the phone up to people until it finally runs out of battery, which will take about a day if he’s lucky. Then he’ll be stuck with a dead slab of glass and an unbelievable story. That’s — that’s pretty FW actually. Imagine the patronising sneers that will result as he tries to explain. The smugly raised eyebrows. Oh lord.” –Adam C

“This was it, the moment where Hi finally walked out for good. No more Lois, no more kids, the only thing he was certain of was that his new life would be sunny and warm. Someplace that smelled of ocean and salt and nobody knew his name. He briefly considered taking family photos or some of the kids’ drawings but he shook his head. Best to make a clean break, best to forget them. With a smile he grabbed a tube of sunscreen on his way out the door as he kissed his wife goodbye for the last time. Yes, thought Hi, the future was going to be bright. I’ll need to wear lots of sunscreen.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Confound it, woman! I have over my very head countless volumes of recipes. Surely at least one of them can provide a solution. I imagine there are simple dishes one can prepare in one’s microwave oven. In fact, I shall now roll my eyes upward for a quick peek… Alas! Vertigo! [CLUNK]” –made of wince

“No vacation is complete without the Appraisal of the Gifts.” –TheDiva

“Wha? Is that a cleaning glove on Abbey? Or did someone off screen give her a falconry glove and an exotic peregrine falcon worth $20,000?” –Hogenmogen

“‘I’ll keep my distance,’ Mark Trail says. Therefore, any future comic showing him any closer to that plane will just prove what a dirty damn liar he has always been.” –Brady

“I think Mark is just hallucinating a giant pink eel for the expected Freudian reasons.” –nescio

“I think there is a clear mistranslation from the old Norse epic. Instead of ‘clear,’ it was meant to be ‘arrange the heads of the fallen on pikes to honor the Allfather Odin.’ Also, ‘squeamish’ should be read as ‘makes me feel the rage and fury of my Berserking bloodline.’ Sorry for the inconvenience.” –maltmash3r

“Q: Given that Killer’s center of mass is under the rope, how much does his halo weigh? A: If there were a Panel 3, it would depict his gruesome decapitation.” –A Concerned Reader

“If last week someone had asked me, ‘Which comic strip is the most likely one next week to feature a weird rope-and-pulley sex-positioning apparatus?’, then yeah, I might have immediately started to say Pibgorn, but then I would have realized that Beetle Bailey was in actuality much more likely, based on more precedents than I can even count.” –seismic-2

“Boom box? Analog clock? A decorative lamp that probably still uses an incandescent light bulb? A box of friggin’ LPs? This is a collection of items no actual modern teenager would own, and Archie is getting rid of it to make sure his friends never realize he’s a time-traveler from 1983.” –BigTed

“My mamma was a woman who saw a man in fatigues and army boots descend from a tree on a thick hemp rope and, believing him an emissary of God, had sex with him, then never saw him again. My daddy was a man who put on a foil halo and made feathered wings to pull just such a stunt. No, I don’t know why Congress asked me here today to testify about the morning-after pill — shit, I ain’t no doctor, that’s for goddamn sure.” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women

“Ha ha, but seriously: slow it down? Aren’t you tired of migrating?” –pugfuggly

“Wow, do you really get a fancy award certificate when your house goes underwater? Sign me up!” –Legend of the Arctic

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:

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