Hello all. I thought you would be interested in knowing that in just a few short hours, my lovely wife and I will be taking a trip for our anniversary (our tenth! can you believe it?). We’ll be driving a few short hours up the coast to Santa Barbara, which, as you may or may not know, is the setting for Mary Worth, thinly disguised as “Santa Royale.” Will our vacation be ruined by meddling? Will I need to fend off the sexual advances of suddenly single Toby? Should we stop by the university and follow the loud sobbing noises to Ian’s office? Should we avoid the crime-ridden boardwalk?
Anyway, it’s only a few days and comics will post here on schedule because I’m dedicated like that. How could I not be, considering how great you are? Here, this week’s top comment demonstrates the amazingness of my readership:
“I’d like to see a new comic focused on those two security guards in Rex Morgan. Bob Cut and Taco Boy are: Exposition Cops!” –Voshkod
The runners up are also extremely funny!
“Do you ever get the feeling at the start of school that we’re all just passing through? Because I sure don’t! I’ve been here forever, through at least four major shifts in hairstyle trends, and I’m starting to doubt whether even the sweet embrace of death will free me from this horrible prison.” –ratnerstar
“Whenever an ancillary character like the brunette security guard is so clearly drawn from life, I have to wonder: is the artist trying to work in some friend or relative, or did King Features Syndicate have a contest I didn’t know about? Maybe it’s a reward for long-time King employees. ‘As you know, Gladys, we’ve had to end our 401(k) matching program due to dwindling revenues, so instead we’re letting you be the one who says I gave him his security badge last week! in the Sunday Rex Morgan. Congrats!'” –Joe Blevins
“Meanwhile, we get to see the result of Charterstone’s new ‘Park anywhere you want!’ policy.” –seismic-2
“You’ll be like the Kardashians — but with IQ points. Look, they’re good at publicity, but they can’t stat up a character for shit. You need to dump Strength and Charisma and go all in on Intelligence, and think ahead: do you see yourself as more Conjuration or Illusion focused? How important would you say an extra first-level feat is for you?” –Carter
“It would be weird if political campaigning during work hours was what finally got Crankshaft fired. Kind of like how they nabbed Al Capone for tax evasion.” –TheDiva
“Ah, Mississippi Ken: Daisy Duke hair, Boss Hogg car.” –pugfuggly
“Milton’s not the man he used to be, but he can still get it up if he thinks he’s banging his secretary. And I need a legitimate heir if I’m going to prevail in this proxy battle over the long term. Senility does have its advantages. Guard the door, will you, Jordan?” –cheech wizard
“Nice portrait of Toby with Ian photo-bombing his own wife.” –Rusty
“Hagar may look comically inept, but his martial prowess is such that in between panels he’s switched his sword from his right hand to his left, discarding his shield in the process, AND still swung with enough force to produce that clonking effect. Also he, uh, has a sword stuck in his groin? These guys were TOUGH.” –Adam C
“Yeah, I’m getting pretty sick of being a skydiving instructor, actually. I only had one customer this week, and it was a mute cat. It paid me in dead birds. It’s almost as if I have no reason to exist. Yeah, that’s why I’m wearing this ‘MEH’ helmet—got that from the cat, too. SO glad you asked, Mom.” –made of wince
“[record scratch] What? Apartment 3-G turned into a lesbian humiliation porno so slowly … no, no NO! So quickly!” –Baka Gaijin
“By the way, Les, let me be the first to tell you that you died during the reunion! That’s right, Mister I-can’t-dream-of-saving-my-beloved, welcome to the afterlife! Now get into that classroom, shove your smirk up your ass, and teach those kids until they all earn a passing grade! You’re in English-teacher Hell, douchebag!” –Droopy Says
“Remember, job seekers: in today’s economy, no one wants to hear about where you see yourself in five years or what a team player you are. ‘I have lots of money in my bag, take as much as you need’ is the phrase that will set you apart from the competition — prospective employers find that ‘nice.'” –handsome Harry Backstayge, idol of a million other women
“Holy shit, Namor’s not fucking around this time! Did you see that pile of severed heads?!!” –Doctor Handsome
“I have chosen to make this announcement here, on the lido deck of the Carnival cruise ship ‘Partius Maximus’, instead of the United Nations because I could not resist the bounteous all-day buffet.” –Aphthakid
“Yeah, people will be swarming to work making clothing, a traditionally low-paying job, in a bunch of precariously piled reconditioned shipping boxes. Any mention of air-conditioning? This might be the dictionary definition of ‘sweatshop.'” –maltmash3r
“Please tell me this is all building up to some sort of Comics Sweeps Week Crossover Event. On Monday, Mary Worth (now unemployed in her own strip) leads the charge of seniors seeking jobs at Neddy’s factory. Sally Forth is brought in as VP of Human Resources, at a salary that allows Ted to buy real light sabers. (Hillary’s boyfriend John is ultimately revealed to be the secret son of Abbey and a gangly stable hand, and thus the one true SpencerDriver heir.) With her garment industry experience, Margo is hired as floor manager; shipping containers randomly disappear, only to be replaced by church spires and Hoboken smokestacks. Meanwhile, in Ohio, cancer.” –boojum
Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! And let’s give thanks to our advertisers:
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