Metapost: TIRA COTW!
It’s the first Friday of the month, and you know what that means: the Internet Read Aloud returns to the Clubhouse in Los Angeles! The last few shows have been really magical and hilarious and I think this one’s gonna be great too.
This month’s topics include #teens, Craigslist (remember Craigslist????), emails, and more. Here’s the Facebook event, if you are interested!
And now! Your comment … of the week!
“Leave it to a doctor to take Dawn to the only snout-to-tail restaurant in town, the better to instruct her on the intricacies of porcine anatomy. And leave it to Dawn to find the one square-shaped item on the menu, which she seductively lifts while holding a fork in her hand like a baby.” –BigTed
And your hilarious runners up!
“I suppose that this could turn out to be a story about the difficult and dangerous fight against addiction, but that seems a little too complex and interesting for this strip. I’m thinking that it’s just as likely that the Morgans wake up tomorrow to find that Margie has absconded with a bunch of their appliances, and the central conflict of the next few weeks revolves around picking out a new TV.” –pugfuggly
“But Ned, I insist you use a condom. Not this one though, it has fork holes.” –Chelsea
“Why did you never think you’d hear yourself say that, Spider-Man? Did you not want me to get married? Why would you even care? Wait, are you Peter Parker? Are you Peter fucking Parker? Oh my god, why didn’t I think of that sooner? I spend a considerable amount of time with both of you, neither of you ever shuts up, and your voices are the exact same!” –Joe Blevins
“I can’t help but think of the people in these other apartments/hotel rooms. ‘Is there someone in the hallway, dear?’ ‘Let me check. Oh, it’s only some weirdo in a superhero costume talking to another creepy dude about marrying an old woman.’ ‘So, what’s for dinner?’” –Joe Momma
“It tells us all we need to know that Slylock is unwilling to allow Max to use any of his air even though Max is clearly attempting to make the common diver’s ‘let’s share air’ gesture. Meanwhile the sea creatures look on in shock and frustration, deeply aware that they’ll never be able to get that bathyscaphe open. That tasty, tender mouse flesh will rot away before their very eyes, always out of reach.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid
“Sheriff Don Stober, Union Army officer re-enactor and regular winner of the Lawman of the Year Award, grimly inspects the sight on his rifle — though he’s already confident that his weapon is in good working order. Without even checking, he knows the comfortable presence of the fully loaded pair of antique six-shooters, and feels their comfortable weight as they lie hidden in the leather holster now buckled snugly under the voluminous folds of his uniform coat. Then he suddenly winces when he feels the bite of his trusty tomahawk; the blade presses into his back, painfully, but he is reassured knowing that the axe rests securely in his waistband, ready for action. He’s well armed, he knows, but instinctively, he feels something is still missing, and senses he is yet unprepared for what is in front of him. He absently strokes the full length of his sideburn, frowning as he reviews the situation for the umpteenth time. ‘If only I had a decent umbrella,’ he worries.” –Charterstoned
“Tomorrow’s Slylock Fox: During a poorly managed dive with substandard equipment and insufficient air supplies, Max developed severe barotrauma brought about by the sudden release of high-pressure air into a hermetically sealed tank. How will Slylock avoid getting charged with gross negligence?” –Schroduck
“I’m starting a betting pool on when Leroy pukes all over himself. I’ve got just outside the door.” –Lawyerbob
“Yes, parson, I’ve been tempted. Tempted to steal Yakov Smirnoff’s schtick!” –Peanut Gallery
“Mommy said I could be a Wonder Woman even if I don’t wear the costume, and so I said ‘Yeah, but what about the three grand product placement fee?’ She wised up pretty quick, I tell you.” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
“Wonder Woman came out two months ago, so this is dangerously close to being topical for a legacy comic strip. At least it’s still not in danger of being funny.” –Slick Whitman
“Alice is giving Henry the side-eye for not telling her that this dinner is black-tie.” –Dan Wade, on Twitter
“As Dad would say, ‘Help! I’m in the early stages of Alzheimer’s! Please stop standing around and making stupid jokes about me!’” –The Mighty Untrained FOOZLE
“If they’re actually sealing Crankshaft in a giant tent and gassing him until he’s free of roaches, I’m all for it.” –Steve S
“‘Yeah. Johnny.’ ‘Yeah. He’s at a tough age to market. Most people want to buy babies, raise them as their own, or older kids, because the organs are better developed and can survive harvesting. A kid like that, maybe we can get ten bucks a pound for the meat? Is it worth it, Doc?’” –Voshkod
“So help me God this had better end with Tyrannus officiating the Melvin/May (or Mayvin, as the shippers say) wedding.” –Janna, on Twitter
“Rocky, what do you think Sarge will do to us when he sees we spilled that top secret invisibility formula on the building?” –Charles Nelson, really
“According to a 2016 FBI report, gang-related activity in the US military is increasing and poses a threat to law enforcement officials. This is disturbing from both a national security perspective AND from a ‘Walker Inc. accidentally did a timely gag about modern military life‘ perspective.” –Her Father, John Darling
“OK, who had ‘Mark explodes a bush‘ square in the What’s Mark Trail Gonna Explode Next Pool?” –Baka Gaijin
“PETA is going to be really angry about Mark Trail’s low-budget Thelma and Louise reboot.” –Dread
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