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Greetings, all! As is traditional on the first Friday of every month, I must urge you to come to my live show, The Internet Read Aloud, in Los Angeles! It has a great lineup and will be extremely funny! Here is the Facebook event!

Also, as is traditional on every Friday, I must urge you to enjoy the comment of the week!

“Once, when someone moved back to Westview, it was a result of them failing miserably in their work or love life, not their success! I remember when this strip stood for something!” –Ettore

The runners up: also to be enjoyed!

“‘Wilbur, any time you need to talk, I’m available.’ ‘Uh … what was I just doing?’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, beloved idol of a million other women

“After a whole week of this scene, the only thing that makes it bearable is imagining Wilbur as a furry, wearing an enormous lemming costume.” –seismic-2

“You both have careers. Seriously, you can afford a fucking end table.” –nescio

“Daisy looks alarmed in that last panel. ‘Uh-oh, the jig is up!’ she seems to be thinking. ‘They’ve reached meta-awareness of their comedic-dramatic character arcs, and now my planet is going to have to re-stock its human zoo!’” –BigTed

“Maybe it’s just my coastal elitism, but I have an easier time suspending my disbelief for a lasagna-loving anthropomorphic cat or a dog that longs to fight in a war 100 years ago than I do for believing that there is anyone listening to high school sports on the radio to report Marty Moon for two FCC violations.” –Dread

“Why does he need a haircut? You know they say your hair and toenails keep growing after you die. Quit scaring the boy! Also there’s a chance his problem is some form of untreatable cancer, but quit scaring him! And even though it seems like he’s young and relatively healthy with a full life ahead of him you never know when the icy hand of death is going to reach out and grab you. As T.S. Eliot said, ‘And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker.’ But quit scaring the boy with all your talk about his great-great grandfather who, now that I’ve done the math, must have died tragically young.” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“In the context of architecture ‘looming spectre’ is usually used metaphorically but in today’s Mary Worth the silent streets are haunted by the pale ghost of Florence’s Duomo. I don’t know what kind of unfinished business causes major tourist attractions to rise from the dead but knowing Mary Worth it’s boring.” –Escape Zeppelin

“Meanwhile, Wilbur has dinner while staring at a glossy print of his favorite shampoo ad. Why didn’t that shower lady ever respond to his letters?” –pugfuggly

“Don’t be so smug, Pirate Teen. Sure, YouTube may be more open to swearing than small-town radio, but it’s surely only a matter of time before the TEEN YOUTUBERS APOLOGISE FOR RACIST SUICIDE-FOREST TASER PRANK headlines arrive.” –Schroduck

“After some serious soul-searching about what, exactly, it is about himself that could be such a turn-off to women, Wilbur decides it might be that moldy smell emanating from his body and clothes. He’s noticed it himself, sometimes, and suddenly he remembers something that could solve the problem. Also, he smiles, hanging that scented ‘Fresh ‘n’ Frisky’ dehumidifier disk inside his pants might help enhance his junk.” –Charterstoned

Ah! There it is. Dawn’s mini-Roomba. It still has the tail she glued on it when she mistook it for a tailless mouse. Ah, that reminds just how stupid Dawn is. Welp, get to it, little vacuum. Those crumbs aren’t getting out my chest hair on their own.” –Voshkod

“Ah, yes, Dawn’s favorite Object. We both love Object.” –Noel

“My take is that Wilbur is holding it upside down and it’s not something that hangs, but is a hanger itself — a big suction cup with a hook on it. Dawn and Wilbur suction it to one of their large ocean-view windows, put on handcuffs and hang by the handcuff chain totally naked for all to see. If that isn’t the definition of a mood-helper I don’t know what is.” –The Mighty Captain E

“It’s not fair, Mom! Look, I’m even casting a distinct and dark shadow from an angle that wouldn’t be possible for multiple reasons if you were a normal human being like me. How come I have to die in a few measly decades and you get to be a timeless being of pure light?” –jroggs

“[sips coffee, leans forward and folds arms thoughtfully] You know, my grandma said I don’t have a worry in the world. Should I? Welcome to Jeffy’s Musings, a weekly feature here on–[audience immediately riots]” –Dan

“Everyone in Milford is obsessed with sports. Gil is pretty much a dick to all of his students, and Marty is the only one who calls him out on it. My theory is Marty is super popular at this bar because the patrons are either Gil’s ex-players or parents of players who all have an axe to grind with the Thorps, who it should be noted have no friends in town outside of Gil’s subordinate. No wonder Gil doesn’t want to meet there.” –Drew Funk

“Every time I see Mopey Pete, my mind is flooded with questions: Demetri Martin? Walter Matthau? Mike Dukakis? All of them, somehow?” –Joe Blevins

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