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“Rusty is developing faster than Mark and Cherry realize. That is not the dewlap of a child, is what I’m saying.” –AhClem

Your hilarious runners up: also here!

“One detail Slylock will not include in his report was his inability to keep pace with a tree.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“The tree’s inevitable groans of ‘kill me’ will also fail to keep it well camouflaged.” –tb4000

“Blondie had sent the children to her mother’s house. She had fled, leaving behind the obligatory sacrifice for the unfillable void of which Dagwood was but the incarnation. She had taken every precaution, but once again, her post-Super Bowl plans would involve hiding the gruesome remains of a human being.” –Dread

“I guess the best thing to be said about that Pajama Diaries strip is that it wasn’t three separate Pluggers strips.” –Anonymous

“Newspapers get their ‘police blotters’ from the official records of the local police department. This means that any story in the paper is at least several hours behind the department’s record. The police department’s record is, of course, normally available to its employees. I can only assume that Dick is required to wait until the stories are in the newspaper in the vain hope of the city’s liability attorneys that this will give the suspects enough time to turn themselves in before the next inevitable police brutality lawsuit.” –Where’s Rocky?

“Tip for working at home: You wouldn’t develop ‘house bladder‘ if you didn’t keep sipping from that glass of ‘house vodka.’” –BigTed

“Why should he be invading my dreams?! There is no oil there!” –Ettore

“By which I mean, I will collect the copay in advance, so keep $75 in your wallet at all times.” –Foodar

“Making a wine reduction seems like an awfully complicated step for a couple who decide to outfit their enormous kitchen with a mere 2-burner stove. Maybe she’s drinking straight from the bottle because they don’t actually own any glasses?” –Dmsilev

“This strip has hit peak Funkyverse. It has everything; truly terrible wordplay that would absolutely not be appropriate even if it did make sense, the fucking smirk, and the looming spectre of death.” –Rosstifer

“Everyone knows puberty only happens if you talk about it.” –FeralCanadian

“Some other guys on the team did it! They abducted the other team’s mascot, thought it would throw them off their game during the playdowns. But we … but they didn’t know how little air there is in a car trunk. I … they remember … opening the trunk and realizing … oh god … what we … what they’d done. They … weighted it down with bricks and threw it in the quarry. It took forever for the body to sink, it was just bobbing in the moonlight like an accusing ghost. One of us … them … I had to go down and poke it with a stick until it sank. It was such a clear night, and the moon was so bright, I could see it all the way to the bottom … and I’m not sure … we weren’t sure … I mean they weren’t sure … it was dead even then. Oh, you said induct. Yeah, that’s great. Just don’t let there be any mascots at the ceremony.” –Voshkod

“Ah! Denial quickly followed by blaming someone else. Is that truly the Scapegoats’ way?” –tallyHO

“That is totally unbelievable. A real ham radio guy would just sit there and talk about ham radio.” –Mumblix_Grumph

“Toby is going to talk with Ian and find out how stupid the whole incident was, and then somehow think even less of Ian than she does now.” –JJ48

“Jannie, this is no time to stop doing what you do best. I want you to tear into Michael with every bit of savageness you can muster. ‘Girlfriend?! Ha! What kind of pathetic, no-self-esteem bimbo would agree to be seen with you?! By the way, you shouldn’t play pocket pool! I hear the referee’s a prick!’ And then walk away, all cool and dignified.” –Joe Blevins

“It appears that Jannie has stumbled across the casting tryouts for the spring campus production of Rebel Without A College Diploma.” –Just John

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