Guys! Tonight, in LA, you have the amazing opportunity to come to The Internet Read Aloud, my beloved comedy show!
Why deny yourself a moment of joy in this depressing world! Here is the Facebook event!
And here is your comment of the week!
“I choose to believe the hobo isn’t licking the plate, but talking to it. ‘The steak was good, plate! Thank you for steak!’” –Cotton Candy Beard
Your runners up are also very funny!
“Marie is dead inside, which means she’s ready to go back to work for the Parker-Spencer-Drivers as God and nature intended.” –TheDiva
“African-American caricature to Native American caricature: ‘Racist you to the bottom!’” –Jenna
“In fairness, getting a famous person’s autograph minutes before doing them in is a sure way to drive up its value.” –Hergen
“Is it me or does Reeky look like he’s doing pretty well at the moment? He’s wearing a nice jumper and pink fuzzy slippers, his home looks clean, maybe even renovated, and he’s dealing with this situation calmly and reasonably because he’s done nothing wrong. Did he get a new job? Girlfriend? Inheritance? Why am I more interested in this than a one-eyed man plotting to commit flamethrower murder?” –Rosstifer
“As an experienced mercenary, is it really in your best interest to be standing face to face with the fairly unstable first time user of the loaded flamethrower you just lent him?” –OzMan
“What a twist! Well, I guess it’s not really that surprising, since ‘Gil Thorp Assistant’ and ‘Gil Thorp Criticizer’ seem to be two viable career choices in a town that has very few.” –pugfuggly
“He wants my job?! Not even I want my job!” –Ettorre
“Ah, you must be Estelle. I know what you’re thinking. But I won this cane from the King of Mercia after defeating his champion in single combat, and I keep the tie tucked in because I don’t want it to get caught in the prop of my seaplane. As for the hunch, well, I’m descended from a long line of hunchbacks, and I’m proud of it. So, we gettin’ it on or what? You’re not getting any younger.” –Voshkod
“Who needs necking when you have Earless Nightmare Child: The Animated Movie to entertain you?” –Joe Blevins
“True story: when my wife was single, one of her experiences with online dating was a guy who went into great detail about the adult circumcision that he had undergone. My point is, Estelle hasn’t even scratched the service of where these experiences are likely to take her next.” –GDBenz
“Like Chicago and New York, Santa Royale has its own unique pizza style, except Santa-Royale-style means you just pour a can of chunky tomato soup into a store-bought pie crust.” –Schroduck
“I’ll have a nice breakfast of nourishing proteins and fats, please! No good? Okay, then I’ll get a heaping bowl of pure carbs. Man, I can’t wait until the keto commenters get ahold of this comic.” –BigTed
“Licking the plate? No way. He would have wiped it off with his hat ‘for later’” –word-doctor
“The service industry can be so stressful! Ordering products in bulk and having them delivered to people’s rooms! It’s enough to make you want to kill! At least that would be something interesting.” –cheech wizard
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