Hey kids! It’s the comment of the week!
“Of course, now ‘above the fold‘ just means for an hour or so it will be placed high enough on the website’s main page that it’s visible without scrolling, before getting unceremoniously wedged between two external Outbrain links to ‘native content’ about organic diet pills. Enjoy your career in journalism, kids!” –Schroduck
And it’s also the runners up! They’re funny!
“Jokes about runaway inflation are not the gold standard of comedy, but there is no need to devalue them! There must be a reason why they are in circulation!” –Ettore
“Thank you, Dawn, for both translating and questioning the quote box.” –Pozzo
“Well, at least it’s a very nice drawing of an optometrist’s office.” –Noel
“‘I’m throwing out stuff today!’ says a manic Lois is a nearly empty house. ‘Soon we will achieve the cleanliness singularity! COMPLETE AND TOTAL TIDYNESS IS WITHIN OUR GRASP!’” –pugfuggly
“Hadley V. Baxendale really knows her way around jort law.” –Ned Ryerson
“It’s a ‘few days’ trek‘ back to JJ’s car. So I was right when I said these idiots supposedly were carrying enough water for at least a week of hiking in the desert terrain and heat despite the fact that NO THEY ABSOLUTELY WERE NOT THEY SHOULD BE DEAD.” –jroggs
“We all react to traumatic upbringings in different ways. Jeffy, whose every request has been rejected as a matter of course since he was born, predictably snaps, inflicting his withholding father with third-degree burns. But it’s PJ’s glassy-eyed stare — the one that reflects a lifetime of neglect and a grim fascination with his older brother’s complete lack of composure — that is truly chilling. He’s content to just observe for now, biding his time, learning from his siblings’ mistakes. When the time comes to finally act, he will have purged himself of all emotion, and his wrath will be terrible, indeed.” –Doctor Moreau
“Dawn: ‘Yay, something good is finally happening to me!’ Mary: ‘Yes, but you know it’s going to end soon, right?’ Dawn: ‘This is why everybody hates you.’” –BigTed
“A month ago, in a dusty and forgotten thrift shop, an ancient old man with malarial skin sold Loretta a book of forbidden knitting patterns, the legendary and shunned Unaussprechlichen Knitting, banned by Popes and Etsy alike. Loretta’s fingers caressed the strangely warm cover of the book, so soft, before she opened it and her eyes were filled with wonder, her brain filled with knots. Now she sits, day after day after day, knitting a long yellow … something. She can’t stop. Her fingertips are bleeding, her hands and arms ache, but she can’t stop. Some day she will finish her great project, a scarf fit for a king, a shroud fit for a pharaoh, but for now, tell me — have you seen the yellow stitch?” –Voshkod
“Vitamin Flintheart always calls Dick Tracy ‘Richard.’ Could he be that unseen villain who is calling Sam Driver ‘Samuel?’ Because being at the center of a drug distribution network in just one strip simply isn’t enough for a man of his obvious virility.” –seismic-2
“‘Well, actuallying’ your armed kidnappers? Sam is admirably true to himself.” –matt w
“How does Mary keep opening these fortune cookies without anyone noticing?” –JJ48
“‘Wealth still treating you right, I see‘ is the elevator pitch for Judge Parker.” –Brutus Jay
“‘Seriously, Mary? Like if I’m getting a tooth drilled, I should sit there saying to myself, I am ENJOYING this! I am ENJOYING this!?’ ‘You didn’t let me finish, dear. My point is, I hear a lot of crazy shit.’” –Peanut Gallery
“‘I’m not sure people understand how problematic Norton is. I know — I’ll put him in blackface!’ –the Judge Parker colorist exercising some creative control, apparently.” –VinegarMike
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