Folks! It’s the last Friday of the month, and around here on the last Friday of the month we announce my comedy show, which happens on the first Friday of the month, every month! And it’s happening next Friday! Wanna learn about Ansel Elgort, Tik Tok, and tweens? Then be there!
And like every Friday — first, last, whatever — today we present to you this week’s comment of the week!
“C’mon, Josh, the teen is hanging at the elementary school because he’s selling drugs, and Thel is smiling because she’s about to get a dime bag, which she definitely needs to make it through the day without murdering one of her four melon-headed children, probably this especially dumb one here blathering on about math.” –Thelonious_Nick
The runners up are also hilarious!
“Buck’s head looks like if Easter Island had accountants.” –pugfuggly
“‘Have you ever eaten food that had nasty after effects?’ ‘Yeah, earlier today. That’s why I had to ditch my clothes.’” –nescio
“I don’t think I called my own father ‘dad’ or ‘pop’ that many times in the 46 years we shared the earth together, total. We just kind of assumed it was the reason we were hanging out together.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women
“I can’t fault her question. It’s actually a great segue into making up an excuse to leave.” –pachoo
“This is why I never check email or forums in my house’s black void of nothingness room. Always seems to be just bad news.” –jroggs
“In fairness, the HR team at NotChicago Police recognize ‘faked own death‘ as a legitimate reason for missing an extended period of work, right alongside ‘abducted by Moon aliens,’ ‘deep undercover as an over-the-top ethnic stereotype,’ and, of course, ‘maternity leave.’” –Dmsilev
“The problem with drawing your children as terrifying melon-headed freaks and your adults with relatively normal proportions is you have no idea how to draw adolescents. Do you use your adult body type but slightly shorter, or do you stretch out the stumpy bodies of the hideous child things to create the monstrosity seen here?” –Rosstifer
“This is obviously a kid Billy’s age standing on another kid’s shoulders. The ‘numbers and letters’ are in a math story problem intended to discover whether this finally makes them tall enough to ride a rollercoaster.” –BigTed
“It must be Take Your Wife and Child to Work and Then Mostly Ignore Them Day again. Has it really been a year?” –Joe Blevins
“Yes! Because roller coasters go through tunnels (but only one time, like Hugo)? Wait this is a sex metaphor, right?” –Foodar
“Mr. Wilson is plotting to convert every atom of Dennis’s body into pure energy. Who’s the menace now?” –Peanut Gallery
“There are a lot of ways Dennis could have rubbed his youthful vigor and energy in Wilson’s nose but breakdancing across the lawn has a certain cruel panache. ‘Your elderly joints could never do this, old man. Death will take you soon.’” –Escape Zeppelin
“I wish you the best with your long-distance love, dear. Here, have some carpet samples! I know you’re not capable of feeding yourself!” –Mysterious Shirtless Lawyer
“One has a Ph.D. in anthropology, the other lives with his father-in-law and owns one set of clothes.” –Rusty
“So … you think Gil Thorp‘s third panel was written to spark slash fiction about the coaches? Because that’s how you get slash fiction about the coaches.” –Voshkod
“My favorite horrifying detail about Beetle Bailey is that fake mom is a grown-up Little Orphan Annie! Daddy Warbucks is a big-time defense contractor of course, but I’m a little surprised that his long-term play there was to turn her into a military Weeble.” –matt w
“Which Prescott Award did the guy win? The Gerald W. Prescott Award to recognize scholarly works on phycology? The Albert B. Prescott Pharmacy Leadership Award? The Samuel Cate Prescott Award for research in food science and technology? Because all of those sound pretty impressive, actually.” –JJ48
“Les at the next table, muttering, ‘Advertising does not sell books, dead spouses sell books. Only one thing matters in this industry, and that is cancer. A-B-C. A: always, B: be, C: cancer-adjacent. Always be cancer-adjacent. Do I have your attention?’” –Dan
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